#im grateful every day that you guys are still here and thriving | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

swampgallows · 4 years

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i got distracted earlier and forgot to post but im thankful for my mutuals who have helped me time and again, even if it’s in ways you may not know. i appreciate you all so much and i am so grateful for the friends i’ve made here and the small but intimate community cultivated through tumblr.

zbfc and wch, thank you for everything. @zeyan i love you with all my heart and i’m so fucking thankful i could have funny airbnb time with you and @aeiroki grimlock hunterpunter. you make me laugh every single day and i always want the best for you both (and jack!!! and PARKER!!!)

@lokaror thank you for letting me share my love of rexxar and bears with you. we’ve shared a lot of fantastic laughs together, some very fun stuff and some very deep shit too. i treasure every one of our convos together, and your playlists too!

@reglei thankful i finally got to beat you into submission at blizzcon. youre a sweetheart and a sleepyhead. thanks for listening to me ramble late into the night. i appreciate all the times youve had my back, whether it was creepy dudes or spoilers or w/e. you shoulda killed me w gorehowl when you had the chance

I LOVE @amarysue i miss you when you work long hours but i’m always so happy when we get to play games together. i hope you can leave the mcdonalds playplace soon. also i dont get to say it much but i love talking about academic stuff with you. i know i rib you about dark leafy greens but you are very educated in a lot of amazing fields and i love when you share your knowledge with me!!! i love amary!!!!

@theabsolutevoid i know youre the void but youre a golden human being of radiant light. you are so spectacular, we are all always in amazement of your passion and creativity and constant flow of ideas, and your compassion seems boundless. i am so grateful to know such a special person and spent many late nights laughing to tears with you

@perce the dynamic duo... im thankful daygo got me into ladybug so i could hear all of your amazing takes on it as they are equally as hilarious as your wow takes. i admire your resilience, though that might be weird to say, and though i know i’m an old crone youre definitely a role model for me taking command of my own life and establishing boundaries to become the person i want to be. i’m so grateful we got to spend blizzcon together again!! and thank you for getting me the long-forgotten hippogryph. its a very important memory to me.

refugees i know i dont pop in much but i still love you all dearly. im embarrassed actually because you are all functional adults and i’m not but when i get a job and reenter society i want to be able to come back and say i’m a big kid now

thrainosh squad @irenthel @wckhamm etc thank you for letting me indulge my interests without ridicule or judgment. @fitzefitcher i dunno you changed my life SORRY there is not a less fucked up way to say that. no pressure

@sithisis & crew thank you for so many incredible hots games and wonderful memories and all of your sweetness and fun times!!! sith you have inspired and supported so much of my writing and my ideas and i am in awe that you are getting so many amazing opportunities working in games journalism!!! i know theres a lot of grunt work but at the end of the day it seems like youre really doing something you genuinely love (and are good at!!) and i’m so happy for you. you work hard and you deserve it. im love skitty w a gun

@steblynkaagain your art is such an inspiration to me, and i’m amazed by your cosplay too! i’m thankful that even across language barriers we can enjoy thraina and silly modern AUs together. i am so impressed by your intelligence and achievements. your comic where you pledge yourself to Thrall’s Horde is still so important to me, and every day i think about your mechanic garrosh..... and doctor drek’thar, and doctor thrall, and SHAMAN GARROSH....... (sob)

@captainkaprozyx and @sdei ... i am so thankful for all of your artwork and your amazing gifts. i am working on getting them framed, and your zine was amazing! you are a great team and I love your collaborations. also sdei’s birthday gift is still my discord icon. we just really love a big guy huh....... cannot express how inspiring your artwork is. the detail, the colors... it brings me to tears, i am so stunned. you are both so incredibly talented!

@omnifariousness bro i dont even know where to start. many good dog times and we can strike up the late night jawin again soon i hope. shit has been scattered and i know youve been dippin back n forth on the road but i hope the shit evens out soon for you. excited for you to see tool in feb and damn dude every DAY i think about the reading you treated me to of the 40k stuff for your reel. god man i want that VA shit to work out for you bad. your diction is impeccable and you so deserve it

@darnjam i know you guys dont read this but i love you so much and every day i’m so thankful we’re all still friends. @daygloow thank you for being like the sole source and catalyst for my personal development for like the last 3 years, im so proud of you and everything youve worked so hard to achieve and i’m so glad youre getting the recognition you deserve. thank you for always picking me up (vehicular and emotional) and for watching cartoons n playin vidya with me. god whens the next GOOD rave? i need to make you proud and actually dj so i can play banana

@bluntcrusher every day i’m like god when will king tori take the throne... im so thankful that youre in a good spot finally and that youre getting the love you deserve. and plus a sweet pucci mane. my blogs a mess but im glad youre still stickin around for it haha. always happy to see youre safe and THRIVING

@swarnpert love you dude thank you for lettin me harass you w 420 snaps. bro when you sent me those sabaton snaps i was in line for the haunted mansion at disneyland during blizzcon and it was just like... my heart was so full, it meant so much to me ALSO HOLY SHIT i love your art please NEVER STOP drawing

@nelfs i love your blog and your art and your FEELINGS like I dunno how to word it in a not-weird way. i think you are a very bright person with a good heart, and i’m thankful to know someone like that, even tangentially. it is fortifying also to see someone stand up for the things they love, whether it’s just a cartoon show or something of serious concern like animal welfare. i admire your healthy relationship to yourself and your strong integrity.

@neophyte-redglare i think about bead world garrosh every fucking day of my life. cannot thank you enough. i treasure it

@redpandalori THIS IS THE MVP RIGHT HERE. i dunno when you started sending me floods of kittums but every day i look forward to it and every single one means so much to me. i wear the kandi you handcrafted for me every single day and i show it off constantly to my friends because it’s just mindblowing. you are so sweet and thoughtful and i love sendin you snaps and it’s just incredible how the internet is. thank you for sending me rain snaps and kito & harley/ears & lilith pics all the time

@hungwy i dunno WHAT you get outta my blog but i’m thankful for the reams of sweet animal pics and interesting linguistic and anthropology posts on your blog. you’re a very positive force on my dash and you seem a wonderful person irl too!

@ubersaur im so happy we’re still mutuals after all this time lmao. you were one of the first aces id ever known so we’ll always have that solidarity and i’ll always be thankful. and i have to seriously catch up on magus bride haha. thank you for all of your love and support after all this time, i hope i offer the same to you!!

@18milliondeadplebs the rare and beautiful nexus of my two sole interests... warcraft and raving. dude just thank you for existing man LMAO i hope we can go ravin together some day

@kontextmaschine what a strange long fuckin trip it’s been dude. super surreal to have raved with you and had you come all the way down for burst but i knew i’d be remiss if youd missed it. you definitely deserved a potent taste of the 90s. thank you for the usb sticks, im still waiting on a worthy recipient for the other two. the majority of your blog is practically in hieroglyphics to me but man when the posts hit... they fuckin hit. i know you dont need me to tell you, but youve got a great talent and weirdass fuckin eye. a very very particular eye. love you man. please kiss badger for me.

@ironbull thank you for suffering in wisdom tooth hell with me. i am glad you had a good time at disney world and im hoping we can both be free of all of our tooth woes soon. thank you also for your advice and support in my personal stuff too!!

@kittensceilidh thank you for your sweet messages! every one of your hugs means a lot to me!!! it is nice to feel seen when i am in dark places.

@dimedog warcraft and foggy forests... hell yeah dude

@tim-official man sometimes it really is as simple as just laughing at the same funny shit, but youve reached out to me too and i appreciate it!!!

@peanotbotter thank you for all of the laughs and the kind words! thank you for caring about me, i care about you too!! i hope we can play hots again or wow together soon!!!

wow this got long but i love a bunch of people. there are more of you that i love and are very special to me and i apologize if i didnt get to you. i hope you all had a nice holiday, if you celebrated. thank you for believing in me

#blathering

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

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posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!

#long post ////#long and incoherent lord knows. whatevs #its midnight...the no Purposeful Writing hours.......#(bat emoji)

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slugmanslime · 6 years

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I’ll Tell You What I Want! (Ch. 1)

hey guys its late im so SO tired but i sat down and wrote this bc its been on my mind all day tell me what you think im exhausted i love you all this is a fairytale AU, based loosely off of Rumpelstiltskin, so just bear that in mind

EDIT: I am reposting this because I changed a crucial point of the storyline and I think it is way better now.

Pairings: Bog King/Marianne, Dawn/Sunny Warnings: Eventual Infidelity, Violence, Possible Smut, Heartbreak, Bog is a bitter Magic Hoe Word Count: 2660 Chapter: 1 / ???

The kingdom of Hearthmark was sprawling, dotted with villages, markets, valleys and meadows as far as the eye can see. For a millenium, the Fallow family had ruled Hearthmark with a gentle and knowing hand, negotiating their way out of wars and arbitrating expansive treaties that brought harmony to the kingdom, and fruitful years of trade to the markets. Heathmark’s economy flourished, the kingdom expanded, and the people thrived under King Dagda and Queen Carmen’s rule. The citizens of Heathmark lived in harmony with each other, harvesting their plentiful crops as they kept each other company year in and year out as life was plentiful and plain and happy.

Bog hated plentiful and plain and happy.

Bog King, Bog of the Black Oak, sorcerer and heir to a legend, was one of the only denizen’s of the Dark Forest encompassed the perimeter of Hearthmark that acted as a natural border between the gentle people, the supernatural, and the burdens of warm and unrest roiling in other countries. The gloomy woods were filled with fascinating but often dangerous mythical creatures that would prefer not to be disturbed, Bog being one of them. Once upon a time, Bog’s parents were seen as useful to the kingdom, and his mother Griselda, along with him and his father, lived a comfortable life in service of the crown. But those years were long gone, as was his father, taken too soon by an illness that not even Griselda the Great could cure. Bog’s mother, a powerful witch with a secretly kind heart, was his only constant company now, something that he couldn’t help but appreciate and yet he loathed, especially at times such as this.

“Bog, deary, you realize that the winter solstice is tomorrow? You really oughta check the hens, you know how they despise the cold!” Griselda’s voice grated through his thoughts, stirring him away from the shelf of ingredients he was organizing. She herself was busy clucking around their little cottage, dusting and folding articles of light clothing away into an empty closet. She was busy preparing them for the coming winter storms, and had spent the past two weeks jarring vegetables, patching thick coats and pants, and ensuring that their chickens and goats were well prepared for the weather. Not to be left out, Bog was there to do her heavy lifting and any other menial task he could be cowed into. Heaving a great sigh, Bog gathered his coat and shrugged it on, snatching a basket from beside the doorway when a flurry of sudden knocks stopped the pair in their tracks. Bog paused and glanced over his shoulder to meet Griselda’s curious stare, before the knocking interrupted them once more, sounding increasingly urgent.

A visitor… in the Dark Forest? A visitor? Travelling through this kind of weather? These questions and more bounced around his head as he dropped the basket and opted for the enchanted staff he kept by the door for protection.

With his guard up, Bog unlatched the door, revealing the most petite, anxious, and beautiful young woman he had ever laid eyes on. Perhaps that was speaking too rashly, but then again, Bog didn't have much experience with the outside world. The young women dropped her fist to her side limply, clearly unsure of her intentions after being met with such an imposing figure. They engaged in a staring contest, challenging and questioning in the same moment. The young lady was obviously bundled against the cold but carried nothing with her but a small satchel, speaking to her confidence that she could make this trip a short one.

Removing the small cap she had donned for the trip, the visitor gazed at him with a look brimming with excitement tempered by uncertainty, causing him to quirk an unruly brow. A halo of chocolate curls framed her face in cute pixie licks, with searching hazel eyes framed in long lashes stabbing him straight through his chest with the intensity that they trained on him. The lovely stranger was dressed in finely tailored traveler’s clothes and thick boots absolutely caked with snow, speaking to her wealth and making the sorcerer even more curious about what she possibly thought to gain by making a dangerous trip out here.It was the dead of night now, and it had been snowing since dawn.

Bog swallowed thickly, forcing himself to read into a situation that he had seen one to many times. She was a lovely thing, and they were known to be skilled with magic. Why else would someone as fragile and important as herself journey to their home, unless it was with a request for their services? A scowl of disappointment colored his features and he regarded her in a manner that mirrored the chilly weather she had just traversed.

“Aye, traveller, don’ go knockin down me door now. Winter approaches swiftly. Ye must be lost, so far from the Hearth.” Tall and broad Bog leaned against his staff in the doorway, exuding contempt and trying to appear bored. His figure was lean from tending to their crops and livestock, and he towered over the petite woman shivering before him.

“Sir, please… I’m not lost, if you would tell me your name. I am Marianne Fallow… Crown Princess of Hearthmark. I come with an urgent request… please, hear me.” Having finally revealed herself, Marianne pressed her hands together against her chest breathlessly. She carried an aura with her, one of strength but innocence, as if she sought out the best in people. Her eyes were clear and bright, full of good intentions without the life experience to judge them. It nearly made Bog sick to his stomach. Before he could turn her away, his mother’s voice drifted from inside.

“Bog, who is it? Don’t just stand there, it’s cold as all get out, bring them inside!”

The already-exhausted sorcerer growled in frustration but after one last tense moment of silence, he took a step back and motion for her to enter. “Please, do come in.” Of course, while it might have been phrased nicely, the implorement was dripping with sarcasm. Marianne eyes flashed with something hot but she only warred with herself for a moment before schooling her expression into something polite and appreciative as she crept inside the cottage.

Griselda did a double take when she saw the princess and nearly tripped over herself trying to make introductions. The witch was tiny, withered with age, but that did nothing to curb her enthusiasm at having someone as pretty and tough as Marianne in her home. How hard it was to play matchmaker when her son insisted they hole themselves up out here in these god-forsaken woods! Grinning widely, she took Marianne’s hand and drew her closer to the fireplace as she drenched her in a torrent of conversation.

“Oh goodness me, deary, you must be frozen to the core a delicate little thing like you out in this cold! Come by the fire, let’s get you warmed up. Are you hungry deary, I’ve got a delicious stew on right now, it’ll be done here in just a few minutes. Where are you from, what brings you here at this time of year, oooh it must be something important, I know it! Haven’t you--”

“MAM. The lady can’t get a word in edgewise with all yer yammerin’. Let her speak, please.” Bog had taken residence against the door, his back pressed to it with slender arms crossed over his chest. The staff stood at his side like a loyal guard, ready for action at any moment. Dark ebony locks, a curious shade between tawny and black, curled upon his head like a crown of thorns while sharp blue eyes reminiscent of a clear sky in summer burned a hole through his (unwanted) guest. Marianne was bewitched for a moment, taken aback by just how young and… strong, this legendary sorcerer was. She took a deep breath to collect her thoughts, forcefully tearing her eyes away from his in an attempt to gather courage, and she spoke.

“Bog… as in Bog of the Black Oak?” Marianne had to ask without looking, lest she lose her train of thought again, and instead turned her eyes on his mother. “And his sorceress mother, Griselda the Great?”

They had very different reactions, with Bog hissing in disdain and Griselda preening under Marianne’s curiosity. Hoisting himself off of the door, Bog stalked between the two women over to the fire and crouched to add another log. Distrust drew his body taught, and it grated on his nerves to have his back to this stranger. With every word she spoke, his assumptions were proved right, and boy did that put him in a bad mood. He was so young when he left Hearthmark (relatively speaking) that he found it hard to remember what a sense of community felt like, what friendship and comradery felt like. Griselda was privy enough to her son’s attitude’s to know that he was upset, and she placed her other hand on his shoulder. Bog seemed to visibly relax, if only minutely, and Marianne watched the exchange quietly. This Bog man, he was not very similar to the stories she had heard as a child. The firelight softened the harsh edge of his cheekbones and jaw, making him look almost afraid. This couldn’t be the man so hungry for power that he was banished to the Dark Forest…

“I come to… request your services. Your feats are that of legend and I am humbled that you invited me into your home… Thank you very much for your kindness.” Marianne smiled softly, squeezing the hand that Griselda still held.

“My courage fails me, it seems. I have fallen in love with the man of my dreams, but I can’t seem to find my words when I’m around him, he is far too charming! Roland is a knight in service of my father, and is loved dearly by our subjects… myself included.” She took a moment and blushed very prettily as she looked for the proper words to convey her desire. “I would just hope that you might help me win his heart. Anything that you ask of me in return, you may have it.”

Griselda pondered Marianne’s request silently, glancing between the princess and her son, who was regarding the fire with a stony expression. The princess claimed to be in love, but it sounded more like infatuation to her. Not to mention… love potions were the reason that she and her son were here in the first place.

Bog clenched and unclenched his fists while the cogs in his brain turned. How could it be that a princess, especially one as lovely and forthcoming as her, could not win the love of someone, knight or not? Marianne was obviously kind if she would thank two strangers for keeping her warm even if they did it begrudgingly; she had to care a great deal for this knight as well if she was here, alone, in this weather. And yet, anything that they asked… in return for a love potion? A small but very bitter part of Bog’s heart thrummed at the thought, and paused to pick his words carefully before turning to the princess. The sorcerer stayed crouched, the shadows shifting on his face making him appear otherworldly and gaunt; Marianne’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of him.

“You said anything, princess, is that what ye meant?” His eyes bored into hers with almost hypnotic amounts of energy. Marianne felt a wave of unease course through her but she stood her ground, nodding when her words failed her.

“There is a potion that I can craft, somethin’ guaranteed to win this knight’s… affection. I will teach ye how to use it. When yer lover is exposed to it’s magic, it’s nigh impossible fer them to not fall in love with the first person they see.” Bog stood, the flames returning its previously hoarded light to the cottage. “However… everythin’ comes at a price, me lady.” A wicked grin lit up his features, sharpening his electric blue stare that seemed to paralyze and terrorize Marianne for a moment.

“By using this potion, the one person ye hold closest to yer heart will be stripped of their ability to find love. Oh, aye, they will love their family, their friends, but…” Bog’s smile faded, a haunted look of sadness brushing over his features. “When someone falls in love with them, they cannot requite it, no matter how much they might want to. They will be damned to a life of fleeting, meaningless romance, leaving a string of broken hearts behind them as they suffer from an emptiness they cannot name nor fight.”

His monologue made her heart squeeze and her blood run cold. Marianne was stunned that someone could request something so utterly heartless, but an image of Roland rose unbidden in her mind’s eye. Gods above, he was so perfect; his smile, his golden hair, the way that he carried himself with such pride and confidence. A perfect romance in exchange for a loveless life for the person she cared most about? How could Marianne agree to something so heinous? Selfish… that’s what this goal was. Marianne would be queen one day-- is this something that she could live with on top of the stressors of managing a kingdom.

There was only one person this could affect… She let out a shuddering sigh, dropping her head and cradling it with her hands. There was no way… Dawn was such a bubbly, gorgeous person. If it was the last thing that she did, Marianne would make sure that Dawn could find someone to spend her life with.

Bog could see her resolve faltering and aimed to encourage her previously line of thinking. Griselda was… quiet for once; he did not dwell on that fact for very long. “Marianne… ye love Roland, donch ye? Yah know that the two of ye can be so happy… if yah just say yes.” That almost made Griselda peep-- this was going too far! She knew that Bog had been hurt before but this was something truly terrible. She kept her mouth firmly shut, thinking hard about the situation. Yes… yes, she could remedy this. Love is a tricky game, but one that she knew how to play well.

Marianne steeled herself and lifted her head, standing with her back ramrod straight anf fists clenched at her side. “Let me make this clear… You will make me a love potion, one guaranteed to work on Roland. But once I use it… the one dearest to me will never find love again?” Her heart was in her throat, and speaking the words around it was painful.

“Aye, Princess, that’d be the gist. So… what say ye?” Bog stood directly before her, offering his hand for a pact.

Marianne studied him for a moment, trying to clear her mind and buy herself some time. Bog of the Black Oak was not very sociable, but had enough wits about him to keep his manners in company. He did not take kindly to strangers, but still opened his home to her. Bog was stiff and uncertain when near her, as if he was not used to being close to people, or having friendly conversations. He was very different from his mother, who was endearing and lively even in her old age. Despite having very little experience with magic, the princess had a sense of naive confidence that she could make this deal work to her advantage. She couldn’t admit to herself that she was afraid, but pressured, having come so far and being unwilling to leave empty handed.

Marianne calmly placed her gloved hand in his grip, squeezing as they shook.

Dawn, please forgive me. I promise to make this right.

“Bog of the Black Oak… we have a deal.”

#strange magic #bog king #marianne #griselda #butterfly bog #itywiw

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therecoveringcatho-holic · 4 years

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mannn.. life is just getting so much better!!! i just have to share where i'm at y'all bc ive been pretty excited about who i'm becoming bc i'm actively working on my spirit and who i am thru Christ.

first off - i'm fortunate for past, current and future *pain* bc it's brought me many blessings and will continue to bring me more.. just watch. it's just all about perspective and mines slowly but surely turning around! 💕 pain is a blessing bc without it we wouldn't know joy & we wouldn't be able to help others with similar problems!! i def struggle with my own share of health issues, a lot more at 31 than i ever wanted to have but i gotta be realistic about it: i treated my mind, body and spirit like a trash can off and on for the better part of a decade, i have trauma that i wouldn't dive into - like for real, for real - until 2 years ago or so bc i kept wanting to mask it. all that did was make it fester and then i projected it on others so what should i expect you know?? i used to complain constantly that 'life is not fair' and until very recently, i couldn't turn that around in my head and look at it positively .. like I AM ACTUALLY GLAD it's not bc if it was fair then i should have died yearssss ago.. one way or another esp if you look at it from a scientific standpoint. i may not know what my purpose is in life y'all but it's not my job to figure that out, it's my job to trust The Lord and His plan for me even if it doesn't always make sense to me. He is a God beyond my understanding and letting Him run the show makes life a lot better. we're not meant to have it easy but we weren't designed to make it so hard on ourselves or others either. He provides us the tools, it's just a matter of if we choose to use them or not. we all struggle so let's help each other out but the right thing is usually not the easy one so be proud of yourself when you make good decisions, no matter how small. the small things become big things; choices become habits -- that can be good or bad so make it a good thing 😘

one main problem i've always struggled with is consistency, esp when it comes to obeying The Lord. i am finally aware that my behavior does NOT affect Gods love for me bc He's an unconditional, loving God but my behavior dictates how much easier or harder life becomes for me.. and it's a daily thing y'all but it is for a lot of people, not just me. i just know that when i impulsively react to somebody or something, my

m o u t h is the first to go 😬😏SOOOO now im pretty good at waiting it out and if i think the same thing 2 mins later or so, you bet i'm gonna say it bc i'm blunt like that and i don't care to sugarcoat my thoughts BUT i also don't have to be hateful/disrespectful about it.. so that's been a turn around, for sure! 🙏 most people have a filter and i seem to lack one so i'm trying to develop one.. haha, it's funny but it's not at the same time.. actually it's been quite debilitating, really. my impulsivity and my mouth have burnt a lot of bridges in my life. not everybody or everything deserves a reaction and i don't need to waste my energy on things that arent my business -- and huge surprise here guys -- there is a LOT of stuff that is not my business so i take my nose out of it now 😜. i thrived off the drama and chaos for so long bc i didn't wanna look inward at myself and work on what was actually wrong -- which was me and my spirit. i am blessed for awareness and personal perspective.. it is everything.

ive been going back to AA and someone mentioned that theyve been praying for people that they have issues with, don't like or whatever the case may be and it's been helping them change their reaction/perspective towards that individual. at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they're gonna do but the way i choose to respond to it says everything about me, not them. that's why i love "The Four Agreements" book so much -- seriously life changing bc it's helped me realized that like i had so much displaced anger for so long and made it about everybody else and "what they did to me" , how "i'm not like everybody else", "why do they have a career / family / house and i don't?" WHATEVERRRR blah blah blah 😑 when at the end of the day, it had nothing to do with them. i was unhappy with myself, pissed that i got "cursed" with alcoholism and depression, sleep issues, etc. so instead of looking at it my difficulties as strengths and blessings, i had my own definition of what successful, happy people looked like or what they had and i was straight up mad and jealous of y'all. like how dare y'all have it so easy, right?! 🙄 omg hahaha how delusional is that!!! NOBODY has it easy!!! we all have something man and just because others may not see it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

"be kind.. for we are all fighting a battle others know nothing about." amen!!

my life has turned out to be nothinggggg of what i thought it was gonna be .. and i'm at a place of acceptance about it now and what a blessing it is to feel at peace more often than not. i think the real definition of serenity is when you stop wishing you had a different past and appreciate what God trusted you to go thru bc He knew Y O U could handle it 🥰

my alcoholism has about damn killed me but i'm resilient and ive been able to help others who battle my demon too; my depression has helped me understand deep sadness and how not running away or being scared of somebody bc of that can really change another persons life for the better.. one conversation can literally save somebody's life so don't underestimate what it means when someone disabled from depresssion reaches out to you bc you could be a life changer to them, i know this from experience. sleep issues suck but i've had a lot of deep, thought provoking conversations at 3a, ill tell ya that! but lately i sleep better bc i'm getting the garbage out of my soul and giving myself some grace. i'm blessed to not hold on to people who left me during my darkest hour bc they weren't meant to see me grow and to take part in my joy now.. it's all how you look at it!! i tried holding on to soooo many people for so long and now i just feel free of that negativity .. and i'm sure some people feel the same about me these last few years.. i was very toxic to some people so they were right to let me go as well. there's always two sides to everything y'all -- like be blessed for those who have let you down!! now you have room for people who are loyal and worth your damn time!! but as i just mentioned, i had to look in the mirror though and humble myself bc at one point or another, i was "that person" on more than one occasion that let somebody down and perspective on that is key to moving forward and not hurting somebody like that again. hurt people hurt people and i was the queen of that. when i get what i feel is a proper amount of time under my belt, i have so many amends to make that its quite.. sick, really. in the 5 years i've been in and out of AA, ive only been told to F off and/or burn in hell twice after trying to make an amends so that's better than i deserve lol most have been receptive of my amends but this will be the second round for some of those same people and i don't expect the same forgiveness i got the first time bc i don't deserve it. i'll also be frank with you .. some people i don't want to make amends to bc i don't feel they deserve it so clearly i still have work to do on my heart and hopefully thru the program and in time, i will feel differently but right now that's honestly how i feel.

to sum it all up, here are some things that help me:

-if you have to hide it, don't do it. -chaos always proceeds change.

-people will treat you with as much respect as you show yourself (thank you Lord for helping me with this one!!)

-validation may come from other people but that's just temporary. if you ain't happy in YOUR heart, with who YOU are.. check your morals and standards my dear! it doesn't matter if the entire world thinks you're great -- you need to KNOW & BELIEVE you are and that begins with the belief system you set for yourself!

- the saying "one foot in front of the other" goes a long way.. act blessed and you'll become blessed; no matter how stupid it sounds in your head, talk kindly to yourself until you believe it -- affirmations work, i swear!!! most importantly, show others grace so you'll eventually show yourself some 💕

i am a sinner but i am not my mistakes. my alcoholic demon is strong but God is stronger.. and thru Him, so am i. without my community from TN to NC to GA, my friends, my family of choice, my medical team and The Lord God, id be an empty shell of a person still at the bottom of a bottle at all hours of the day wanting to die every second i was breathing.. yes, it got that bad more times than i can count so THANK YOU to everyone who has given a shit about me and this crazy life i've had!!! once i realized that roughly 10% of my life is whats happened to me and came to accept that 90% of my life were problems that i created myself, was when i was able to become grateful for all the problems i DONT have & blessed that although some bridges are forever burned, there are many that are not!!! if i continue to act right, i have beautiful opportunities to improve myself and my relationships, the most important one being with God.

i know ive got some haters but i don't view them as enemies anymore bc i don't like harboring anger in my heart anymore .. it doesn't feel good and it only speaks to my own personal insecurity when i've talked poorly of somebody in the past. ive never quoted tupac in my life but there's a first time for everything 🤣 "i want you to eat, just not at my table." to the people i don't like and to those that don't like me, let's pray for each other. everybody deserves happiness and to thrive in their own way.. i'm not gonna be apart of some people's lives and BOTH of us are better because of it! God, i loveeee acceptance!!!! 🙌

above all.. do & be YOU, boo boo!

if it matters any, i think you're pretty great! 😋😙

as alwaysss, much love from knox & prayers to friends in mid tenn!! hope everyone is safe!! 🙏

xoxo

kels

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survivorgreatlakes-blog · 7 years

Text

Rites of Passage

youtube

Listen to this as you read along.

Christian - The first casualty of Flopdawa. You seemed like a nice dude, but apparently you were super crazy hellbent on strategy, and I don't know if that was just hyperbole, because I sure never saw you that way. Anyways, I told you we should try forming a majority, but you insisted we could hold off. Alas, that was wrong, and you were voted out 6-1. Oof

Matt - I never got a chance to know you so unfortunately there isn’t much that I can say.

Kyle - Never got to meet you, but im glad you played the role as first boot.

Christian - The other Bottomwa of Odawa with me. I knew it was either you or I, and for some reason, they chose you over me, which I'm grateful for lol. Sorry about the albino ratty Bulbasaur comment but I saw you changed it so that's good :x

Matt - We spoke a bit at the shore line and I was looking forward to getting to know you better when we got onto the same tribe. Unfortunately that day never came as you left this game too soon.

Kyle - Never met you either, sorry!

"I had a lot of fun in this game. I may not have made it far but, you got to admit that the first tribal was pretty iconic."

Christian - You were playing this game 90 miles an hour, and it wasn't shocking to see you run out of gas so quickly into it. You told people you were stringing me along apparently, so that was interesting to hear. Still think Luke should've just told me the real vote so he could've saved his idol for when he needed it but OH WELL!

Matt - Never had a chance to interact with you and by the way people talk about you that may have been to my advantage. I heard you were a crazy and controlling player and I think it would’ve been fun going against you.

Kyle - Never met you, but I heard you were hilarious and I loved your responses for tribal questions

Christian - We spoke like 3 times, and I'm pretty sure 2 of those times were after we realized we were slowly getting Pagong'd. I don't know why I chose to exile myself instead of waiting one more round like I should've, but hey it worked out I guess. You were a nice guy though, didn't deserve the fate of Odawa.

Matt - Aidan we never had the chance to interact in this game as Odawa was decimated but I wish you the best of luck.

Kyle - Never met you, but I heard you were nice.

“While I have no clue how I got on this season, I am so grateful I did. Coming into this season, I wanted to change all the mistakes I made in Bhutan and had set the bar high up for myself. Although I came up short, I realized so much more about myself and my capability to do things. I played the best I knew how by just being a positive force with loyalty and integrity. The only regret I have in this game is not lasting as long as I really could've! Even then, having to be blindsided so early is really a testament to how I wanted to change my game this season. I'm itching to return and set out what I really want to, but for now I am just grateful I got this experience because of all the awesome people I got to meet, so thanks! <3″

Stoner - Bhutan bros. Sorry I voted you out. Just like in Bhutan, you were a solid player and just too smart to keep around.

Christian - You taught me a very important lesson that I've held with me this entire game, which is to never reveal all of your cards. I trusted you, and if you were just a tad better at monkey pole dancing or whatever, you could be here instead of me. But alas, telling you my score at least showed me I needed to shut my mouth. Sorry about pinning literally every lie I said at Lake Redemption on you after I left :x

Matt - Your social game was so scary that I had to take you out early in this game. We had some good conversations and you are somebody I’d love to work with however when you were a part of an alliance and I wasn’t included I knew it had to be your time to go. It was a compliment to your game and how social you are as a person and I think you’ve got a good future ahead of you.

Kyle - I was so surprised you went home when I woke up lol. You had a great sense of humor! You played way too hard though and I think you were only casted because you were on Austin's season

“Honestly, I wanted to love Tumblr Survivor but I kind of learned quickly it wasn't for me. Some of y'all I loved and some of y'all are trash and you know who you are ❤ I don't regret anything in my game, except not voting for Roxy.”

Stoner - Sorry for advantaging you out. You were a pre-merge threat and i think it was a good move taking a threat like you out.

Christian - OKAY DANNY BOY, LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW YOU COULD'VE QUIT SO MUCH EARLIER, BUT YOU DIDN'T, AND AS A RESULT I WASTED MY DAY ANSWERING SIMPLE MATH QUESTIONS AND LIKE SHUCKS I DONATED 50K OF RICE BUT TURNS OUT THAT'S LIKE SHIT NOTHING IN AFRICA LAND. ANYWAYS THANKS FOR THE GOOD KARMA BUT UGHHH STILL SO MUCH MULTIPLICATION

Matt - Oh man, my buddy, my Connecticut friend, it was upsetting seeing you leave this game so early. You were a great player, a true physical and social threat, and somebody I had hoped to work with deep into this game. However, while you played the game well, your heart didn’t seem to be into it and that is a shame because I think you could have thrived had you returned from Redemption.

Kyle - Oh dan, you really were so obsessed with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend this, your boyfriend that. Well when you and your boyfriend break up in a couple of months you will regret dating him because EVERYONE noticed you constantly talking about your fucking boyfriend 24/7.

"http://prnt.sc/ehdeqx"

Stoner - We discussed teaming up but unfortunately you didn't make the merge. You know how I feel about you. Awesome person, amazing sense of humor.

Christian - Scott <333333 thank you so much for just forfeiting and I hope I made you proud for getting this far in the game like we all promised we'd try to do. Pop on that other site we have in common soon, I miss you :(

Matt - Despite being on the same tribe twice you barely spoke with me. You didn’t seem too invested into the game and it was the reason you left.

Kyle - You were inactive on wyandot and you got out because you were inactive on meskwaki.

“It was honestly so great playing with everyone in this game! My odds of improving my placement coming in were pretty much slim to none, but this season really taught me how to play my own best game, so i’m grateful for that. I’m so happy with how this season went and glad to have met some of the greatest friends I have in this community. Also shout out to Austin and Isaiah for being LIT AF hosts!”

Stoner - Big threat but we didn't talk a whole lot

Christian - Dana, Dana, Dana. I wanted to work with you SO BADLY. But I feel like you either never trusted me, or just never was able to fit me into your plans. Sucks that's the way it panned out, and you were robbed of jury. Wish you all the best in your new season and hope you kill it!

Matt - Oh man, the merge started off with such a hard vote and that really set the tone for the rest of the season. I really enjoyed talking to you when we merged together and I hope we can be friends after this game is over. I know the way you left was harsh and I apologize for that. You are a great player and I hope to watch you do well in future seasons.

Kyle - Oh dana. I actually did not want you gone but you were such an easy vote in replacement of myself. You're a really smart player, and you lied to me and sheeped Andreas which led to your downfall.

“I shouldve thrown redemption to dana T_T & Austin doesn’t think I’m robbed </3"

Stoner - I briefly explained to you what happened. We were an amazing duo for a short time. I'm honestly incredibly sorry. I genuinely 100% thought you voted me because Austin said to me "bodhi has not voted" made me think you already voted since he said nothing about you. That's the honest to god truth, I would not have voted you otherwise. You give off such a positive and humorous vibe. Amazing person and I'm glad we met.

Christian - Roxy mi amor, I did it girl. It took me FOREVER but I finally fulfilled the second of the two promises we made, and I'm just one round away from the first. I hope you're proud of me, and may we both never have to play the shitty nightmare hell that is Color Method ever again.

Matt - We were only on the same tribe for a brief while but I really enjoyed talking to you and was hoping we’d have a chance to work together in this game. You were a lot of fun to talk to and I wish we had a chance to talk more.

Kyle - Sooo funny. I'm gonna miss you a lot and I wish you returned over Christian but he's still good I guess. I wish we went on the same tribe for the 2nd swap lol.

“Coming into this game I didn't expect to make it very far and certainly did not expect to make many friends. However, my expectations changed and I had fun meeting certain people, though some maybe not.. I won't get into that now. I screwed up my own game and I did whatever I had to do to try and keep myself safe but unfortunately it wasn't enough. At least there was a time that everyone was scared of me right? There is no bad blood to those that voted me out, but I have a lot to say during FTC. I am proud of how I played and I am glad I made so many new friends!”

Stoner - You were misunderstood. You rubbed some people the wrong way. I think you were just determined to survive. People got irritated cause you didn't lay down and die. I've talked to you and know you're good people. Mad respect.

Christian - Eric we had an interesting relationship to say the least. I do fully blame you for my first boot, and in my Lake Redemption rage, promised to make your game a living hell if I returned. Needless to say, in probably some weird twist of fate, I actually ended up trusting you and trying to campaign for you to stay in that tie? Weird as fuck I know right? Anyways, sorry for driving you crazy with all the stuff I said, most of it I don't think was even true, I was just trying to have an #influence from Lake Redemption. Nice guy, just game made that difficult to see.

Matt - You were one of my first allies in this game and we had a bump here and there but in the end you proved to be a loyal person. In real life we are two very different people but in this game we were two allies and I wish I had been able to find a way to save you.

Kyle - Honestly, an icon. You talked to much which people got annoyed with, but I don't get annoyed by people being active in the game lol. We were enemies in the beginning, and in the end I voted and campaigned for you to stay over Andres, but you didn't.

“I really enjoyed my first season of tumblr survivor. I made it to merge, which I'm proud of, but still feel I went home for reasons other than my gameplay. Good luck to the rest of you.”

Stoner - I was on exile when you left so not sure what happened. I enjoyed our alliance and friendship. I think our three really clicked well and we had such bubbly personalities. Sucks it ended early.

Christian - You were really nice, but I was Mexico and you were Thailand, there was just nothing that was going to bring us together, and that's why I had to vote you out. Sorry :x

Matt - We were allies in this game but things don’t last forever, especially in this game. It was fun playing this game with you and you were hilarious in that music video we made.

Kyle - Adam, you played both sides. I don't support that gameplay. You were a huge threat because of your social connections, and you could have easily relied on staying in the middle to get you to the end. In the end, me and Andreas worked together to get you out because we were both tired of being the vote every round because of people like you. Sorry that was rude, but... you played a great game.

“This game was so amazing you guys <3. Even though i was truly robbed to the core, I'm still proud of how far i've come. I wish you 3 all the best! But at least i have a good redemption arc for another season!”

Stoner - I think I self voted this round. You're a nice Kid we just didn't click unfortunately. Sorry things didn't pan out

Christian - You legit only spoke to me like 10 minutes before the vote, and I figured that probably wasn't the best sign of us working together in the future. Figured Luke had the Super Idol, and out of the people to throw my vote at, you were the most logical.

Matt - It is crazy how wrong things can go so quickly in this game. We were allies and had each others’ backs even though we never really even voted together. Your singing in that music video was amazing and definitely was the reason we won that challenge. It was interesting to be able to talk to somebody so different than myself.

Kyle - I loved you as a person, and would have loved to contine working with you. However, it became obvious Luke had the super idol since Andreas did not, and there was a pland devised to flush the idol and send Luke's closest ally out, you. You were really hilarious though and you were just the victim of association.

“I’m normally humble but honestly I played one hell of a game this season, and I’m so proud. It wasn’t an easy season for me, but it was so much fun! Huge thanks to the hosts for an amazing season <3″

Stoner - The beast, legend, the Goliath. You were a pain in the ass to get out. I idoled you out because you scared me. You dominated RI and had to get idoled out again. Not sure if we could've got you a third time. Good luck in future TS ozzy/malcom/Joe

Christian - Oh my lord, one of the few people in this game I actually trusted. We were the Lake Redemption bros, and I wish things had worked out better for you. You didn't deserve to get idoled out again, and losing one round before coming back must've sucked. Great ranting to you throughout the game, and thanks for being a good friend and ally, even if I wasn't the best to have. :(

Matt - We were friends and enemies throughout this game, but at the end I was glad we were able to come together and work as allies. It was nice to be able to make you shook about my 100 theory and actually have somebody to talk with the show about. You were a beast in the challenges and the social game and definitely a worthy competitor.

Kyle - You were a great rival. Our friendship went back and forth, and I thought that was very exciting. I know that we had our disagreements about stuff I said, even though it was a joke and you take everything very seriously. I do think you are a nice person and deserving of making it so far in the game. You were a leader of an contingent who wanted me out for most of the game. So obviously that had to be stopped.

“I’m really glad to have been brought back to play THIS game. I’ve met so many amazing people, got to improve my placement, and say I’ve improved my game. I don’t think i expected to be told one thing and then find out at tribal council that wasn’t actually who was being voted out, but hey, thats the game I guess. My only solace is the fact that I literally had to take a nap to get out of this game. So who’s laughing now! …still you guys probably”

Stoner - I'm sorry I never connected with you. Everytime the opportunity was there, it felt awkward when we talked. I take blame and I'm sorry I didn't push things further. Though I think I was always ready to vote you simply because the lack of chemistry. Rather do that then play with your head. Sorry friend.

Christian - I really wanted to work with y'all, I really did. But even after y'all deduced that Chris and Matt knew each other, y'all still targeted me, and that really limited my options, if you had been online to vote, you most likely would've stayed in the 3-3-3 revote. Wish ya all the bests in your future games.

Kyle - You were very forgettable, it's true. We only really talked before voting rarely... even though we've been in the same group chat for 12 days or so. You could have played a better game and I wish you weren't afk during your last tribal lol.

“Coming into this game I didn't really know what to expect. I never thought I would make it as far as I did and I never thought I'd accomplish the things I did. Having 3 different idols (one of them being the super idol) and playing all 3 of them successfully definitely put a huge target on my back but I worked with what I had and I'm proud of myself. I've made some amazing friends, created deeper relationships with people I knew before and even got added to the 7th place chat (which is the most lit btw!). I can walk away from this game knowing I played one of the best games this season and that I could have won had things gone differently. Good luck y'all, you're gonna need it.”

Stoner - Massive fucking threat. I liked your straight forwardnesss but that ultimately made you a threat. You didn't beat around the Bush and took charge

Christian - I tried to warn ya bro. I told you Bodhi was going to vote for you, and that Stoner was a waste of a vote. I enjoyed getting to know you, just you seemed hellbent on getting me out, and that's not the most appealing of strategies to get someone to flip to your side, thanks for being the only one (I assume) to vote with me way back at the premerge though, really appreciate that.

Matt - Our relationship in this game has definitely been a roller coaster. I enjoyed our talks throughout the game, even when we were at odds. You were almost impossible to take out of this game and that’s a testament to how strong of a player you are.

Kyle - Luke! We were friends in the beginning but we became adversaries in the end. You got so lucky with all of your powers and idols, but those could be easily flushed with multiple split votes. You were a great schemer, but not good enough to convince people to be on your side.

"Well, in retrospect, this experience was absolutely fantastic. I loved getting to know everyone and I hope to stay in contact with many people after it's all over!!

Production: CUT!

Me: Phew, the charade is finally over. I hope that I never have to encounter some of these people again and I was truly scarred by the amount of kindness I had to pretend I had - didn't even know I had it in me to suppress my inner ugly for so long! Anyways, I loved this game, and Survivor in general, because I love simulating natural selection (not to say it was a perfect simulation....I mean, have you seen the final four?).

I hope I get the opportunity to play again because I enjoyed getting to feel superior to others, it was....(how can I phrase it).......orgasmic! =)”

Stoner - I fucking love you man lol. I'm beyond thrilled we got to meet and become allies. and better yet friends. You were such an amazing ally and I was just as blindsided as you when you got voted out. Thanks for being so loyal and just such a strong ally. You played a major role in me being here. Much love brother.

Christian - RIP. We were both victims of Bodhi's rock paranoia, and both tried to strike the other first to save each other. I had a trick up my sleeve though, which is why I stayed and you went, but I wish we both could've just stuck to our guns and not fallen for the play, but alas what can you do. Enjoyed getting to know ya, and wish we could've gone further, but that's just not the way it worked out.

Matt - Oh Crow. You are such a good social player that you had everyone pretty much convinced on wanting to keep you way longer than they should have in this game. Our personal relationship was so messy but interesting. You definitely made this game a whole lot more interesting.

Kyle - Crow. Wow. The first time I was actually shocked by a vote in this game. I was gasping for like 10 minutes. Even after tribal, I was so speechless at your blindside. You have to blame yourself however, you fell for Bodhi's trap lolol. You were definitely my closest ally outside of my final 4 alliance. You and I had such a great bond through out the game y'know. We were on every tribe together and that was cute. Thansk for being my ally... sorry you had to go.

“THE ONLY THING SEPARATING EUROPE AND ASIA IN THE WAY THAT WE THINK ABOUT CONTINENTS IS WHITE SUPREMACY AND EUROCENTRISM. I’m proud of how I played. I went in this game trying to play smarter than I've played in the past, and I was rewarded with 5th place and a wonderful experience. I'm truly grateful for my friendships with everyone else on the jury, and a few of the folks left in the game. I've had a great experience, and I'm excited to potentially return.”

Stoner - I thank you for saving my ass pre-merge. I genuinely wish we could have teamed up at merge, we just had different allies. We didn't have mutual allies/bonds and our games just did not line up. By the time it got near the end it was too late to switch up from the alliance. I applaud your game and you never fucking gave up lol. You were hard to get out and I'm glad you didn't give up. Ultimately I wasn't going to flip on the group and I hope you respect that. Much respect.

Christian - I think we had the strangest relationship I have ever seen in a game like this. We were the last of the Odawas, somehow managed to make it all the way intact, yet I don't think we ever actually intended to work with the other. We both wrote each other's name down multiple times, yet were bonded in the fact that we were Odawas. You got your way at the Final 17, so now in a nice twist of fate, I got to get my way at Final 5. Good dude and nice playing with ya.

Matt - Coming into this merge I didn’t know you and wanted you out. However, as we got deeper into the game I saw you as a strong ally and wanted I hated to see you leave. You are a great player and I’m really glad we got a chance to talk and do some crazy shit we didn’t have any business doing.

Kyle - Bodhi, we really got to talk in the final 5 1 on 1 really well. You understand this game inside and out, but I do question your game choices. You understand my game and your only downfall is that you were loyal to the wrong people at the wrong time. Congrats on your scheming and tricking 3 people into keeping you safe lolol.

#PowerWithinNumbers

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