Drained

Ok so I know you guys probably hate when I just post random shit,but this ones kinda important.I feel drained.I mean like I love the ghost gang and shit but my friends started saying shit like “they aren’t even cannon” and “they are coming back” and I dunno it’s kinda bugging me.Like I actually like these characters and I keep getting told they aren’t cannon.Also the fact that people BARELY know who they are also sorta irks me.I don’t feel normal.

I feel pale.

If you don’t know feeling pale to me Basically leaves me in a state where I feel hollow and empty,I don’t know what the fuck to do and I basically freeze.I love the ghost gang as I stated but the thing is that it doesn’t feel normal,everyone else has a favorite and they’re like “OH YEAH I KNOW THAT CHARACTER” but with my favorites people tend to respond with “who are those characters?”.It kinda sucks.

Like should I like these characters?is it dumb?should I feel this shitty about some fucking jokes?

I really don’t know and it scares me and I’m always scared of my feelings.I have to bottle them up so I don’t seem over dramatic or emotional.I just want to be ok.And this applies to the rest of the tv special squad,well besides the merry walrus.They all got the short end of the stick even if THEY ARE THE FUCKING STARS.sorry if that seemed aggressive but holy shit I hate having to bottle up all these fucking emotions.Maybe its cause it’s shark week for me.Maybe they are right,I shouldn’t like characters that aren’t as popular and are clearly not cannon.

Now to the big kuhuna of the question you most likely have after this

“Is this blog gonna be shut down then?”

No,like all of my dumb depression streaks it’ll pass,rather quickly actually.Its more like artificial sadness.

Well if any of you have played ddlc then I’m gonna say this,I relate to Sayori,ALOT

I feel like I deserve this.I don’t deserve happiness.all this heart ache is cause I’m just a bad person.No matter how much my friends tell me differently the thought never changes.”Im bad.im bad.bad.bad.bad.look what you did.you fucked up AGAIN.your worthless garbage.why do they even care?your fucking trash.you don’t deserve to be happy.she left and cheated on you for a reason.he ignores you for a reason.your not happy for a reason.your bad.bad.bad.bad.” It doesn’t fucking stop I’ll never stop I’m afraid to say.I’ll never stop believing I’m bad.im dumb I’m stupid I’m worthless I’m garbage.

Sorry I got off topic again.

So the blog isn’t shutting down,don’t worry.And I still love the ghost gang with all my damn heart,which is dumb,why do I love these fictional characters so much?its actually kinda disgusting.but I guess there’s some sorta charm to them?i Dunno but they make me happy.Its dumb I know.But I guess they have this sorta dynamic that leaves me wanting for more.Im interested.So I kinda wanted to explain these characters myself and found myself liking them a lot.I eventually decided to make them all gay.For no real reason,maybe it’s cause I myself am a lesbian,I dunno.But as I peiced together ships for these characters (Red rum and yella,Blooky And dooper) I came across greepy,who I was stumped about.I had the idea that she was dating someone online,a long distance relationship and my friend suggested Lorna and thus greena was born.I developed the two and their relationship is one I envy,I want to have a relationship like theirs.i actually used to a..fuck how long ago was it,it feels like yesterday.But I had a girl that I loved so god damn much,I couldn’t stop thinking about her,ya know?She was sweet and kind and I loved her.Then one day she gave me a message saying “I’m too young for love” and the usual “it’s not you it’s me” my heart almost instantly shattered And I cried.Eventually I looked though her twitter and found a picture of this guy and her saying they were “the perfect couple” I remembered the guy.a few days before the relationship ended I saw a picture she drew of the guy and her.it hit me like a fucking truck,she CHEATED on me.I was torn and I guess these characters are kinda the way I cope with that.

And I’m really sorry for all this venting shit,I really am but I need to get this off my chest I just feel so horrible right now.

-PeanutChan