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#im a 60 year old white father at my core i really am
okneiljos · 3 years ago
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​reasons the umbrella academy is my new favorite show (and why i have seven new children):
• they are all my actual children with whom i fell in love with instantly like i instantly adopted them the moment they were introduced bc when i saw klaus i was like “uwu i luv” and with allison i was “A WOMAN” with vanya i was “tALENT” and so on
• klaus
• the dance montage in ep 1 was literally one of the most iconic moments i have ever seen in my entire life
• bc luther literally had just accused his entire family of murdering their father and then he goes into his room to his moutain of records and is like “hmm what will possibly mend this? what can bring us closer as a family? what can make this better? what can make me feel better” and the choice of song has me in an early grave bc his solution was to start dancing his problems away and honestly same bc he then does it AGAIN later on
• number five’s badass killing of like 5 grown ass men
• the fact that he is a 60 year old man inside a 13 year old body and i, too, am a teenager with the intellect and soul of a senior citizen
• also the fact that the first thing he does when he gets back is makes himself a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich and that was what vanya made for him when he was away so he wouldn’t come back and be lost :’)
• klaus in the skirt “is that my skirt?” and the fact that klaus’ response to this is “its a little dated...but it airs out the bits” and fives comment on it im gone
• ALL OF KLAUS’ CRACKHEAD MOMENTS I LOVE MY CHILD
• i’m sorry but literally all of his comments sent me
• the run boy run scene was so cinematic holy crap like whoever did the soundtrack and editing did such a good job bc the scenes were cut together so well and the flashbacks and the music went perfectly with the scenes like ???? it was so amazing
• klaus trying to be a Good Big Bro and protec five from the fight between luther and diego and five just slaps his hand away
• the funeral scene where everyone is like “plz stop” and then klaus is like “hIT HIM!” had me gONE and this man showed up with a pink umbrella while everyone else had perfectly reasonable mourning umbrellas
• also klaus’ choice of clothing throughout the entire series will truly haunt me because he is a Disaster Gay™️ if i’ve ever seen one but he’s the best kind like the skirt, those low-rise leather pants with that top PLUS the cardigan like... sweetie
• bEN PLZ DONT GET ME STARTED
• ben could’ve left or gone ANYWHERE BUT HE STAYED WITH KLAUS PLZ IM BOUTA CRY YALL
• the scene where luther and diego are trying to get into the van, like once wasn’t enough but they did that shit AGAIN and looked at each other like -_- and finally luther has the audacity to say “i’m number one” im skdkskdk
• the fact that they fight all the time but the moment one of them are threatened they all bring the thunder and the claws come out and it’s totally on and i’m like wow uwu, like even though they are estranged they really do love each other
• the office scene with five and klaus im DONE WITH MY LIFE “what about my consent”
• during the fight scene in the house klaus is oblivious and is dancing around in a bath towel (with one in his hair as well) and that was so funny to me it got even funnier when ben poked his head in and tried to warn him like “klaus, our whole family is about to be slaughtered, klaus hello, klaus gunfire is raining down, okay whatever” and then he leaves, presumably to watch over them and the intruders and then klaus gets kidnapped but that had me
• the torture scene “there’s nothing like a little strangulation to get the blood flowing” plz klaus i can only handle so much wheezing before my lungs give out
• also “plz make him stop talking” like it was becoming torture for the torturers torturing him im—
• the ice cream truck scene which is made 100000% better bc klaus can’t/doesn’t know how to drive and yet diego is like “GO FASTER!!” and cute lil ben is like “wheeeeee” im so gone for this family man
• the scene with allison and luther in the booth had me in my feels + on the phone how you could hear the “SPACE BOY” that right there was really freaking cute
• diego with the “guns are for sissy’s, real men throw knives!” for some reason this just really stuck with me and like then i realized like that’s his entire brand in life... just knife boi. 
• the entire bowling alley scene was the funniest thing to me skskakskxi “ur two dads” “i’d rather chew off my own foot” “maybe they’re here for kenny’s birthday party”
• diego’s stutter coming back during times of stress really made me so sad and like upset and i wanted to hug him
• vanya’s feelings of sorrow and isolation made me feel so sorry for her and then this dude comes in and uses and takes advantage of her but she shouldn’t have done that to her sis bc they were both like what 7 when their father made allison do that ??
• klaus’ battle for sobriety throughout the entire series he is so strong <3
• klaus’ power up in the last ep akskdjdj yes sweetie you get yours
• ben is literally the biggest bean ever but he also socks klaus in the face bc he’s like “i need u to stop being stoopid for two seconds”
• “shut up... said with love” and the “drop dead.” gasp “low blow” i love their relationship so much it literally meant everything to me bc ben is klaus’ biggest fan and like i cry thinking about that ya kno
• how allison literally diSPATCHED RAPER FACE GUY IN VANYA’S APPARTMENT sis knew something wasn’t right
• hazel literally eating everything in sight identified with me on a spiritual level
• diego and klaus little talk and ride along bc it was just so pure like diego loves his family soooo much even tho sometimes (like luther) he says mean shit he will do whatever is necessary to protect/save them
• klaus sets the table for himself, five, luther, AND ben i’m kdksk crying im crying is what im doing ok im just gonna be in the corner and the others don’t even mention it like ?? kskaak do they not notice it or do they know
• vanya’s badass white suit and violin change at the end there like ICONIC much
• vanya flipping that car, her at the show like im shaken to my core here skakaoso
• five just like five man “i was going to ask what you were doing but then i realized i don’t care.” like he’s such a mood.
• klaus and five are my biggest moods,, the biggest crackhead and the biggest narcissist
• THE ENDING AKSKDIDJSK I NEED MORE GIVE ME MORE OF MY CHILDREN PLZ PLZPLZPzlzzpzlzl
(there is so much more i could say but i wrote this in like 20 minutes off the top of my head if you can think of anything else plz let me know, also i tried to put this in some semblance of order bc when i wrote it it wasn’t ordered at all so sorry if it’s a mess, also sorry about the grammatical errors i know there surely are that i didn’t catch - not including the ones i did on purpose)
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