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marrfixated · 8 months

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Pinned post/My info:

Last updated April 14, 2024

TL;DR: Marr, he/she/they/any, neurodivergent, Total Drama (Alenoah, Priyemma, etc), fanfiction, sideblog @priyemma

Fucking around and finding out

My name is Marr! I use He/She/They and any pronouns. I’m Omni, Bigender, and Aspec. Playing around with some labels for now, but I feel pretty comfortable with these. I’m okay with any gendered terms, so just pick the one that looks the best in the sentence lmao.

I have ADHD and anxiety (both diagnosed) along with other things, but those are the ones I’ll probably talk about on here the most. I’m mixed White and Latina (plus Native) but (probably?) white passing. I speak English and want to learn Spanish, but I’m definitely not fluent.

Right now im really into Total Drama. It’s one of my longest lasting hyperfixations so far! I also post about a few other things, like House M.D and Dungeon Meshi. (More likely reblogging those things though.)

Specifically in Total Drama I mostly post about Alenoah and Priyemma. Recently been talking about the newest Reboot season (and my complaints with it). I talk the most about World Tour and TDI 2023 because it’s been a while since I’ve watched all the seasons and those are the ones I remember the best. I plan to rewatch them all… someday. I haven’t even finished watching reboot s2 because it’s painful!

I love shipping! I can’t even list them all because there’s so many tbh. I am very much a multi shipper and I constantly am finding new things to ship! I try to not engage in ship hate ever, but sometimes I slip up lol. I post some less-than-positive content about Nemma on occasion or Juliayne… everything that could be considered ship hate is tagged as such and never tagged with the ship that is being slandered.

I can’t really draw, so if I ever post my beginner drawings please be nice lol 😭 I’m still developing a style and learning. I have many, many WIPs that I might share here and there. I do really want to be able to draw confidently and make art for the things I love!

I’ve started writing fanfiction again lately! It’s a struggle for a lot of reasons. Props to everyone who writes fics because it’s hard. It takes me hella long too! I usually get out at least one a month. My user is Marrfixated on AO3, feel free to leave comments or kudos!

I’ve written four Alenoah oneshots so far. Most recently posted Contra Entendre, so go read that! I have 3 other oneshots that are somewhat written and I’ll post someday, but I’ve shifted my focus to planning some longer fics. I currently have an Alenoah AU and a Priyemma post-canon fic in the works!

I also have tiktok @Marrfixated. Recently I’ve been posting on tumblr more than TikTok because it’s easier, but I started off there. I don’t really use anything else yet (except ao3). Don’t post on TikTok as much as I do on here atm, but I do use it. I also have a Priyemma centric sideblog on here (@priyemma), where I’ll sometimes repost content from and vice versa.

You’re on thin ice if you engage in ship discourse, constantly hate on ship I like (it makes me sad 💔), or are a dsmp fan/an enjoyer of any of Vivziepop’s works (I don’t like you).

Proshippers DNI. Zionists DNI. Vivziepop defenders DNI. Dream supporters DNI. Dsmp supporters also DNI. Do some damn research.

I might post suggestive things here sometimes, but I don’t think I ever have or will post any extremely nsfw content. I don’t plan to EVER post nsfw or suggestive related content related to td, it makes me uncomfortable as most of the characters are minors. (Any smut I would write would not be td related and kept only on my ao3 rather than shared on here.) I do curse a lot, and reclaim the f slur some times. Please don’t engage in ship discourse on my account for no reason! That’s no fun.

I usually take like 3 years to answer asks or dms or whatnot for various reasons… but I swear I don’t mean any offense! I just um forget sometimes 😇 Or I post it to drafts instead… or I get nervous 😶 and sometimes idk if you just sent it or want me to actually respond so I just guess? Ummm yeah. Also they go missing a lot. Probably have to figure that out. Oops!

I reblog a lot so right now I’m trying to tag all my original posts as #original post. Lazy posts are usually tagged with #shitpost. Random posts are usually tagged as #nonfandom post. My td fics are tagged as #my fanfiction.

That’s it!

#original post

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salti-thelatediagnosedautist · 1 year

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I’m currently reading ‘Unmasking Autism’ by @drdemonprince. My favourite quote from it so far is

“When you’re trapped under the mask, all love feels conditional.”

This one hit deeeep for me.

Even since primary school I was praised and even awarded for how ‘kind’ I was. However, I never felt as though I deserved the praise I got. It felt like my kindness didn’t come from a kind heart. Or a good nature. It came from a battle for survival. A desperate need for attention and acceptance.

In primary school I tried to make friends with my classmates but they all fizzled out over time. To make up for my difficulties connecting with others I started masking and people pleasing. I did have one friend all throughout my schooling, but they turned out to be neurodivergent too. I thought I was normal and people just didn’t like me, but looking back the other kids must’ve sensed I was ‘different’ somehow.

To try and connect I would change my personality to suit whoever I wanted to try and get along with.

In high school it got to the point where I was TERRIFIED of different friend groups in my life meeting each other. I masked really differently for different people and if they met I was so scared that I would be called out for ‘pretending’ or ‘lying’.

Masking inadvertently landed me in the ‘therapist’ role and into being the ‘leader’ of my main friendship group in high school. I was the one who organised events, who initiated hang outs and meet ups. No one ever invited me to anything.

I felt like I was being used. But the reality is, is that my mask was making me seem eager to be used. All my friends had social anxiety and so they were happy for me to take control, and I seemed eager to. I always had a mask of either joy or indifference. Nothing ever seemed to bother me. So why would anyone check in? But I felt like my friends didn’t care. I didn’t know that I had to express my needs for people to fulfill them.

I felt like if I did express my needs or ask for help, I wouldn’t be loved anymore. This made me really depressed obviously.

But then there are a couple of phrases I heard that helped me to break free from my mask.

“If you never express your needs, you never give others the chance to fulfill them.”

This quote made me realise that it wasn’t that my friends didn’t want to help me, it was that I never gave them the chance. If one of my friends had asked me for help, I would happily oblige. Helping those close to me is important to me, it’s important to me that they feel okay. I realised I never gave my friends or partners the chance to try and help me. I realised how damaging that was for me.

The second phrase was “Stop asking why people love you. They just do.”

Part of the reasoning for my masking was to try and give reasons for people to love me. Part of maintaining that mask was to try and focus on the parts that people did love. But this quote made me realise that I don’t love people for specific reasons. Maybe I became friends with them because we are similar, but as time passes I begin to appreciate them for who they are, even if they change. It made me realise how pointless masking was. Those who truly love me would (and did) continue to love me without the mask.

Disclaimer: Not all masking is bad. It can be a helpful tool, but for me I was masking to even my long term partner and my life-long best friend. But yeah, basically thank you Dr Price for summarising this experience for me so eloquently.

#sorry for the abrupt end tumblr deleted my first draft :#crying #autism #Dr Devon Price #Unmasking Autism #unmasking #masking #people pleasing #fawn response #autistic literature #oc

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t0bybloo · 1 year

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Wow ☆（ーー；）- 🐏

. . . Toby — he/it/em + neos (🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿)

neurodivergent + ADHD + BPD + OLD

(all affect how I communicate and make friends)

╰ https://en.pronouns.page/@Tobybloo

~minor (-18)~ . . . XNFJ 2w3 . . . *Host of the system*

♡Other hearted♡

📞ꜝꜝ.°•`Queer + trans 🏳️‍⚧️ `°.•

#artist

. .💌) use tone indicators /srs !

╰ https://instagram.com/t0bybloo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= ☆

・

DNI:

- BASIC DNI CRITERIA

- Under 13

- DSMP FANS/STANS/SUPPORTERS (id rather follow someone knowing the consequences than someone following me and being surprised to see it, I like to have my triggers under control)

- ANTI XENO/NEO

- PROSHIP , lolicon, shotacon etc

ANTI-THERIAN + SIMILAR TERMS

DNI KINK ( especially MIK + variants )

Sexualise nuns (their whole purpose is to stay pure and holy)

Anti-religion

Anti-irl-yan (irl-yan is to be used by people with BPD/OLD only)

Orion defenders (Kwite controversy)

Anti-self diagnosis

Scott cawthon defenders

Vivziepop supporters

Rebecca sugar supporters

miHoYo supporters (company of genshin)

Pro-life ( and shoving it in my throat)

Demo systems (you can’t try out a system)

Tulpa systems (you’re not a system so dont categorise your shit with a disorder when it’s no where near that, “coping” isn’t an exception either.

Harass kids due to being controversial instead of just educating them

Give a shit about small things than actual struggles such as current trans genocide

Have eddsworld on your profile and / or talk about it (triggers us since we have introjects)

ANIYAH MILLER SUPPORTERS DNI!!!! /srs

INFACT If you follow things considered controversial don’t even bother following me. Ask if you’re unsure

・

BYF:

I’m ACAB/1312

I believe in educated self-dx

You cannot claim to not support someone yet support them financially + socially (eg: dream)

I hate the queen and I’m more than happy of her passing

I side with Ukraine in the war

Intersex individuals should decide if their intersex label is apart of the LGBTQ community or not , don’t force them

Believe in heavily that if it doesn’t effect others then it’s valid (such as xenogenders)

I have disorders and stuff so please don’t take advantage of me, I have friends who will attack you :3 /hj

I struggle to notice what’s wrong and what’s right so please educate me , don’t argue with me

I tend to accidentally over share so just tell me if I’m over sharing :3

I’m neutral on mspec-gays/les and lesboys etc so don’t force me to debate on something that’s not that serious please :-). But feel free to follow

~~~

Tags are my interests / trying to meet new ppl :3

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thekisforkeats · 3 years

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So a European told me today “must be nice to have a culture.”

And I... kind of lost it.

Context: we’d been chatting for a while, and I’d already had to deal with a couple of moments of... white people being white. Being clueless and talking over people, not being outright racist but saying clueless shit. The first couple of times I explained what was wrong and moved on.

To try to lighten the mood, I shared a video of the Métis jig that’s been going around. It’s a really great dance, and the video has some context on it--specifically that the dance had been suppressed for a long time.

I was talking about the Métis people, and how they had created their own unique culture, which I personally find really fascinating and inspiring as a mixed indigenous/Native person. It’s a hopeful thing--even if they wound up losing a lot of that culture, and having to fight to get it back, there was a time where people could create new things without having to burn down the old.

(And I am not Métis, so if I am misrepresenting Métis culture and history here please feel free to correct me.)

But the key thing is that I mentioned being “cut off from everything.” Because I am. Because I cannot wholly embrace my European ancestry. Because I don’t know Kanien’kahe:ka or Choctaw. Because I am stuck between two worlds and sometimes it feels like a struggle to try to create anything new, any hopeful way forward.

And then they said “it must be nice to have a culture.”

This is a European. Living in Europe.

I lost it.

Any white person, and particularly any European, who thinks “I don’t have a culture”--don’t try to justify this stance. Stop and consider that you don’t feel you have a culture because your culture took over the world. Literally, Western European culture is everywhere.

And yes, I am lumping in all of Europe here, and no, I don’t care how different you all think you are, I was getting the same exact attitude from someone in France and someone in the UK. An attitude of “my specific experience is better than anyone else’s.” An attitude of “I don’t know about this so I will disparage it instead of politely asking questions.” An attitude of becoming defensive upon being called out. The same attitude I get from American white people. You’re not that different. You’re really not.

Culture is about food, and language, and art, and religion, and music.

I do not eat the food of my Native ancestors. I don’t even know what most of it was, and if I did, I couldn’t find it in a grocery store, and where I can it’s being marked up for white people to eat. (Wild rice, anyone?)

I do not know their languages, and I probably never will. There’s no Duolingo for Choctaw or Kanien’kahe:ka

If I use art or music of my ancestors I am derided and belittled or else white people come in to steal it and claim it as their own.

My ancestral religions were outlawed in the US until three years before I was born.

And before any European goes “well that’s the US, not me!” No. No. It’s you. It’s still you. The US just imported all the colonialist bullshit your ancestors put out there, and you’re still being isolationist and racist while the world is on fire.

The saddest part is, I don’t hate European culture as such. I am mixed! Many of my ancestors were from the UK or France or Austria! I love frybread, and I love soda bread, and I love strudel! I honor all of my ancestors, and the complex and difficult relationship I have with them. Some of my ancestors are the same people who did the colonizing and the genocide. I have to live with that. But many of them were good people living difficult lives, just like many of the people I know today.

I owe a great deal of my moral and ethical upbringing to my Oma, who was Austrian. She was 9 years old when the Nazis came--invited in, I will note, as she made sure we knew--and her family detested them, and she lost friends. She left as soon as she could. She taught me about her homeland, and she taught me about solidarity, and about the evils of sympathizers. She taught me about the Holocaust. She refused to let those horrible things go silent to her children and grandchildren. She did her best to teach us what she knew of my Opa’s culture, the few things he’d shared when their children were young, because she knew it was important. She was not perfect, but she tried.

White Europeans do not have to continue to be complicit in racism and colonialism and genocide. You can choose to do better.

The first thing to do? Shut up. Seriously. Stop talking. Sit down and listen. Maybe it’s hard, maybe you’ve come from an abusive background, maybe you’re neurodivergent. Maybe you’ve had to be quiet all your life already.

But I am all of those things, too, and I am a survivor of a very recent attempted genocide. Imagine how much time I have spent in my life being talked over. Being told to be quiet. To not make a scene.

Maybe you’re young, but I knew better than to say that sort of thing before I hit puberty. I had to, because to be a person of color--even a mixed one, even one with light enough skin to pass for white--is to be deeply aware of these things at all times.

Which is not to say I haven’t had my moments. I have. But dear gods am I aware of them.

And that’s the thing--the lack of awareness. The lack of consideration. The continual spouting of something clueless and hurtful and then “oh I didn’t know” as the response.

You should know. If you don’t, then go learn.

And for the love of all that is holy, if you read this in the tags and you’re some random person who didn’t already follow me, don’t come into my damn inbox looking for education, because I will kick your ass out so fast your head will spin. If you’re on the internet in 2021, there are so many resources about European colonization and white supremacy that you have no excuse not to at least try to learn things on your own.

The one lesson I will give? Stop talking. Start listening. I don’t need to hear your cutesy shit about how different France and England are from each other. You both did horrible awful fucked up things in the not-so-distant past. Stop talking about yourselves and start listening to the people affected.

#racism tw #genocide tw #indigenous stuff #ndn #fucking white people #i am not vaguing #i am going to link this somewhere the people involved can see it #but i think it's a good general message?#just #stop #listen #learn #also i need to vent #i really need to vent #this made me cry #it hurt so fucking much #and it's part of the reason so many poc never feel safe around white people #because we never know when you're going to come out with this sort of thing #long post for ts

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shai-manahan · 2 years

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News about the update!!

Okay. You’re free to scream at me for this ahaha I have good news and bad news. (oh lord this is so awkward)

Good news: Contrary to what I initially thought, after dozens and dozens of revisions, I have actually made great progress in Chapter 2. Like real progress. Nearing-the-end progress. One-section-remaining progress.

Bad news: I was so set on releasing the update (like half of the chapter) the other day, then I reread the whole thing and literally scrunched up my nose at the prologue lmao. I mean, it’s not that bad, I know, but the problem is it’s so different from the way I wrote Chapter 2.

I know I promised it would be on December 4 but this would deeply bother me if I release it this way, so I’m extending it for a few weeks. (No, it’s not gonna get further than December-- I physically can’t allow that to happen. Please forgive me for that sjkldjaskl)

Like, as you know, months have passed (don’t kill me) since the last update, and apparently, my writing style has kinda changed? It’s less of a change, I guess, rather than being more comfortable around the IF medium. Basically, at the time I delved into writing IF, I was basically a beginner lmaoo. I wrote film scripts before, even made short stories, but this was the first time I began writing something this long, and at the start I was still trying to experiment on the length of descriptions I’d use and what kind of choices to include.

So, as of the moment, I’ve been rewriting some parts to make some sections a little less rushed and to give more context on the city’s state. I don’t know how often I’d be able to update by the time January comes (it’s gonna be a little hectic from that moment) so I want to do my best for this one. (and no this is not gonna take a very long time--punch me if that happens)

Right now, this is what I need from you all. If there is any section in the demo, and I mean anything, please don’t hesitate to talk to me and point it out. I will do something about stuff that makes you uncomfortable, so please do contact me if you find any issues with it. I won’t get angry. I just need to know what concerns there are about the things I write this early in the demo, because I really don’t want to remain ignorant on matters I should be taking care of.

Also, I want to take this chance to make an apology. (something about the hate anons the previous months under the cut)

I feel like I’ve been very unprofessional these past few months, if I’ll be honest. I wasn’t exactly in the best mental state and there were some stuff I had to deal with (I’m basically a neurodivergent who may have spent too much time untreated) but that’s no excuse.

I got angry a lot of times. I got pissy and snarky at some of my posts, and I want to say sorry for that. I’m aware that people follow this blog for the game, and not for personal issues I have to deal with, and I am only learning that now. And, I don’t know. I do feel that some of the asks I got before were thoroughly aggressive that may have warranted some screaming, but I do believe I handled them the wrong way.

If I ever do that again--the whole getting angry and being all snarky again bit--do feel free to poke me. Tell me if I make a post that needed tagging for something sensitive but completely forgot to. Tell me if I make a remark that veers into arrogance/insensitivity.

I’d really really want to know when I do something inherently bad, so I could start changing that about myself.

Thank you to whoever reads this until the end. You are one patient person.

And have a nice week! (Also wishing that for myself because the last weeks have been... ugh)

#progress update #hollowed minds series #hollowed minds #hollowed minds book one #interactive fiction #wip #writing

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comedicreliefonlyworkswhenfunny · 3 years

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I am against the "Americanization" of fandoms.

What this applies to

Holding non American characters (and sometimes even fans) to an American moral standard. This includes

Refusing to take into account that, first things first, America is NOT the target audience, so certain tropes that would or would not pass in the west are different in Japan.

Like seriously, quite a few of the jokes are just not going to pass or hit, because they require background information that is not universal.

Assuming all American experience is standard. (This could mean watering down just how much pressure is placed on Japanese youth irl by saying that sort of thing is universal (while it is, to a degree, Japanese suicide rates are pretty fucking high because of how fast paced and work heavy some of their loads tend to be), and it's really annoying and rude when someone is trying to speak out about how heavy and harsh the standards are placed on them to succeed just for some American whose mom occasionally yells at them to do their homework dropping by to say "it's like that everywhere")

Demonizing (or wubbifying) a character using American morals, including and up to harassing fans over their interpretations or gatekeeping whether or not a character "should" get development (while you shouldn't do that fucking period, it's rude and annoying- this is specifically for the people who use American standards without acknowledging the cultural gap between them and, you know, the fucking target audience) ((Like seriously, saying "It's different in Japan" is not the end all be all excusing someone's actions, but sometimes the author didn't immediately think that maybe (insert vaguely universal thing) was that bad or that heavy of a topic before they put it into their media. If you don't want to see things like that? Pick a different series and stop harassing the fans))

Getting mad at or making fun of Japan's attempts to satirize their own culture. (A good example is Ace Attorney! To most of us, it's just a funny laugh can you imagine if courts were actually like that- guess what? Japan's are! (Not that America's are actually that much better, they just look good on paper))

Making America/American issues the center of your fan spaces

(Usually without sharing or bringing light to the issues that other countries are going through)

Your

Experiences

Are

Not

Univseral!

Seriously, very few things across America, even, are universal. Texas things the hundreds are nothing while Minnesota's like "oh it's only thirty degrees below zero"- so for fucks sake, stop assuming that all other countries work in ways similar to America.

It's good and important to share Ameican issues with your American followers, but guess what? America isn't the only country out there, and it's certainly not the only one going through bullshit. Don't pull shit like "why's no one reblogging this?" or "why should I care about what's happening in (X country)?"

Don't assume everyone lives in America.

Stop assuming everyone lives in America.

America is not and has never been the target audience for anime, and it's certainly not the only country outside of Japan that enjoys it.

Like I said above, sometimes Japan attempts to satirize its own culture. We can't tell what is and isn't meant as satire, because it's not our culture.

Social media activism can be tiring and maybe you don't have the energy to focus on things that are out of your control, but, if someone tells you about the shit they're going through, don't bring American politics up.

For the neurodivergent crowd out there thinking, "But why?" it's because a lot of social media, especially, is very heavily Americanized- sometimes to the point where people assume that everyone is American. Not to mention, it's disheartening. I'm sorry to say, but you're not actually relating to the conversation, you're often diverting the focus away from the topic at hand. Even if you mean well, America is heavily pedestaled and talked about frequently, and people from other countries are tired of America taking precedent over their own issues.

Don't divert non-American issues into American ones. Seriously. It's not your place. Please just support the original issue or move on.

Racist Bullshit

This especially goes for islanders and South Asian characters, as well as poc characters (because, yes, Japan DOES have black people)

Making "funny" racist headcanons. Not fucking cool.

Changing the canon interpretation of an explicit character of color in order to fit racist stereotypes.

Whitewashing or color draining characters. Different artistic skill sets can be hard, yes, but are you seriously going to look at someone and say "I don't feel like accurately portraying you or people that look like you, because it's difficult for me." If someone tries to correct you on your cultural depiction of a character and/or their life style, don't be an ass. (If possible, it would be nice for those that do the corrections to be polite as well, but it does get really frustrating).

Seriously, no offense guys, but, if you want to persue art, you're going to need to learn to depict different body types, skin colors, and/or ethnic features.

On that note, purposefully, willingly, or consistently inaccurately portraying people or characters of color (especially if someone in the fandom has "called you out" or specifically told you that what you're doing comes across as racist and you continue to do it). If you need help or suck at looking things up, there are references for you! Ask your followers if they have tutorials on poc (issue that you're having), whether it be bodily portrayal, facial proportions, or coloring and shading. Art is so much more fun when you can depict a wider variety, and guess what? Before you drew the same skinny, basic, white character over and over, you couldn't even draw that!

Attempting or claiming to DEPECT CULTURAL ACCURACY within a work or meta, while being completely fucking wrong. ESPECIALLY and specifically if someone calls you out, and you refuse to fix, correct, or change anything.

*little side note that the discussion revolving art is a very multilayered conversation, and it has quite a few technical potholes, which I'll bring up again farther into this post.

Fucking history

Stop demonizing or for absolute fucks sake wubbifying Japanese history because UwU Japan ♡0♡ or bringing up shit like "you know they sided with Nazis, right?" It's good to recognize poor past decisions, but literally it's not your country keep your nose out of it. And? A lot of decisions made by countries were not made by their general peoples. Even those that were, often involved heavy propaganda that made them think what they were doing was right.

Seriously, it's not your country, not your history. Unless you have some sort of higher education (but honestly even then a lot of those contain heavy bias), just don't butt in.

^^^ this also goes to all countries that are NOT Japan (specifically when people from non American countries talk about their history while in fandoms and someone wants to Amerisplain to them why "well, actually-"). When we said, "question your sources," we didn't mean "question the people who know better than you, while blindly accepting the (more than likely biased) education you were given in the past."

What this does NOT include:

Fanfiction

FANfiction

FanFICTION

FANFICTION.

Seriously, fanfiction is literally UNPAID WORK from RANDOM FANS- a lot of which who are or have started as kids. ((No, I'm not trying to excuse racist depictions of people just because they're free, please see above where I talk about learning to grow a skill and how it's possible tone bad and get good, on top of the fact that some inaccuracies are not just willful ignorance))

"Looking it up" doesn't work

"Looking it up" almost never works

Please, for fucks sake, you know that most all online search engines are heavily biased, right? Not to mention, not everything is universal across the entirety of Japan. You want to look up how the school system works in Hokkaido? Well it's different from the ones in Osaka!

Most fanfiction is meant to be an idealized version of the world. Homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, ableism, and racism are very prevalent and heavy topics that some fan authors would prefer to avoid. (Keep in mind, this is also used by some people in those minorities often because thinking about how relevant those kinds of things are is to them every day).

A lot of shit that happens in writing is purely because it's an ideal setting. I've seen a few arguments recently about how fan authors portray Japanese schools wrong- listen, I can't tell you how many random school systems I have pulled from my ass purely because (I need them to interact at these points, in these ways). Sometimes the only compliment I can think of is 'I like your shirt' or sometimes I need character A to realize that character B likes the same thing as they do, so I might ignore the fact that most all Japanese schools require uniforms, so that I can put my character in a shirt that will get someone else's attention.

Sometimes it's difficult to find information on different types of systems, and sometimes when you DO know those things, they directly rule out a plot point that needs to happen (like back on the topic of schools (from what I've seen/heard/read- which guess what? Despite being from multiple sources, might still be inaccurate!) Japanese schools don't have mandatory elective classes (outside of like gym and most of them usually learn English or another language- I've seen stuff about art classes? But the information across the board varies.), but, if I need my character to walk in and see someone completely in their element, I'm probably not going to try and gun for accuracy or make up a million and two reasons as to why this (non elective) person would possibly need something from (elective teacher) after school of all things.)

Some experiences ARE universal- or at least overlap American and Japanese norms! Like friends going to fast food places after school doesn't /sound Japanese/ or whatever, but it's not like a horrible inaccuracy to say that your characters ate at McDonald's because they were hungry. Especially when you consider that the Japanese idolization of American "culture" is also a thing.

Also I saw someone complaining about how, in December, a lot of (usually westerners) write Christmas fics! Well, not only are quite a few of those often gift fics, with it being the season if giving and all, but Japanese people do celebrate Christmas! Not as "the birth of Christ," but rather as a popularized holiday about gift giving (also pst: America isn't the only place that celebrates Christmas)

But, on that note, sometimes things like Holidays are "willfully ignorant" of what actually happens (I've made this point several times, but (also this does by no means excuse actual racism)), because, again: plot convenience! Hey what IF they celebrated Halloween by Trick or Treating? What if Easter was a thing and they got to watch their kids or younger siblings crawl around on the ground looking for tiny plastic eggs?

Fanfiction authors can put in hours of work for one or two thousand words- let alone ten thousand words, fifty thousand words, a hundred thousand words. And all of these are free. There is absolutely no (legal) way to make money off of their fanworks, but they spent hours, days, weeks, months- sometimes even years- writing. It is so unnecessary to EXPECT or REQUIRE them to spend even more hours looking up shit that, no offense, almost no one is going to notice. No one is going go care that all of my combini prices are accurate or that I wrote a fic with a Japanese map of a train station that I had to backwards search three times to find an English version that I could read.

Not everyone has the attention span or ability to spend hours of research before writing a single word. Neurodivergent people are literally a thing yall. Instead of producing the perfectly pretty accurate version of Japan that people want to happen, what ACTUALLY happens is that the writer reads and reads and reads and either never finds the information they need or they lose the motivation to write.

^^^ (This does NOT apply to indigenous or native peoples, like Pacific Islanders or tribes that exist in real life. Please make sure that you portray tribal minorities accurately. If you can't find the information you need (assuming that the content of the series is not specifically about a tribe), please just make one up (and for fucks sake, recognize that a lot of what you've been taught about tribal practices, such as shit like human sacrifices or godly worship, is actually just propaganda.)

Not to mention, it often puts a wall in front of readers who would then need to pull up their OWN information (that may or may not be biased) just in order to interact with the fic ((okay, this one has a little bit of arguability when it comes to things like measurements and currency, because Americans don't know what a meter is and no one else knows what a foot is- either way, one of yall is going to have to look up measurements if they want to get a better understanding of the fic)). However, a lot of Americans who do write using 'feet, Fahrenheit, dollars,' also write for their American followers or friends (which really could go both ways).

On a less easily arguable side, most fic readers aren't going to open up a new tab just to search everything that the author has written (re the whole deep topics, not everyone wants to read about those sorts of things, either). Not only are you making it more difficult on the writer, but you're also making it more difficult for the reader who's now wondering why you decided to add in Grandma's Katsudon recipe, and whether or not the details you have added are accurate.

Some series, themselves, ignore Japanese norms! Piercings, hair dye, and incorrectly wearing ones uniform are frowns upon in Japanese schools- sometimes up to inflicting punishment on those students because of it. However, some anime characters still have naturally or dyed blond hair some of them still have piercings or wear their uniforms wrong. Some series aren't set specifically in Japan, but rather in a vague based-off-real-life Japan that's just slightly different (like Haikyuu and all of its different prefectures). Sometimes they're based on real places, but real places that have gone through major changes (like the Hero Academia series with its quirks and shit).

Fandom is not a full time job. Please stop treating it like it is one. Most people in fandoms have to engage in other things like school or work that most definitely take precident over frantically Googling the cultural implications of dying your hair pink in Japan.

Art is also meant to be a creative freedom and is almost always a hobby, so there are a few cracks that tend to spark debate. Like I said, it is still a hobby, something that's meant to be fun (on this note!)

If trying new things and expanding your portfolio is genuinely making you upset, it's okay to take a break from it. You're not going to get it right on the first try and please, please to everyone out there critiquing artists' works, please take this into account before you post things.

I'm sorry to say, but, while it gets frustrating to see the same things done wrong over and over again, some people are genuinely trying. If it matters enough for you to point out, please offer solutions or resources that would possibly help the artist do better (honestly this could be said about a lot of online activism). I get that they should "want" to do better (and maybe they don't and your annoyance towards them is completely justified- again, as I said, if this becomes a repeated offense and they don't listen to or care about the people trying to help them, yeah you can be a bitch if it helps you feel better- just please don't assume that everyone is willfully ignorant of how hurtful/upsetting/annoying a certain way of portraying things is), but also WANTING to do better and ACTUALLY doing better are two different things.

Maybe they didn't realize what they were doing was inaccurate. Maybe they didn't have the right tutorials. Maybe they tried to look it up, but that failed them. Either way, to some- especially neurodivergent artists- just being told that their work is bad or racist or awful isn't going to make them want to search for better resources in order to be more accurate, it's just going to make them give up.

Also! In fic and in writing, no one is going to get it right on the first try. Especially at the stage where we creators ARE merely in fan spaces is a great time to "fuck around and find out", before we bring our willfully or accidentally racist shit into monetized media. Absolutely hold your fan creators to higher standards, but literally fan work has so little actual impact on popular media (and this goes for just about every debate about fan spaces), and constructive criticism as well as routine practice can mean worlds for representation in future media. NOT allowing for mistakes in micro spaces like fandoms is how you get genuinely harmful or just... bad... portrayals of minorities in popularized media that DOES have an impact on the greater public. OR you get a bunch of creators who are too afraid to walk out of their own little bubbles, because what if they get it wrong and everyone turns against them. It's better to just "stick with what they know" (hobbies are something that you are meant to get better at, even if that is a slow road- for all of my writers and artists out there, it does take time, but you will get it. To everyone else, please do speak up about things that are wrong, but don't make it all about what's wrong and please don't be rude. It's frustrating on both ends, so, if you can, please try not to escalate the situation more.)

Anyways, I'm tired of everyone holding fictional characters to American Puritanical standards, but I'm also tired of seeing every "stop Americanizing fandom" somehow loop into fanfiction and how all authors who don't make their fics as accurate as possible are actually just racist and perpetuating or enabling America's take over of the world or some shit.

Fan interpretation of published media is different than fan creation of mon monetized media. Americans dominating or monopolizing spaces meant for all fans (especially in a fandom that was never meant for them to begin with) is annoying and can be harmful sometimes. Americans writing out their own personal experience using random fictional characters (more often than not) isn't.

#just google it #better represent real life #if you tell a fic reader to ngl you're being pretty ableist and don't really have a good idea of how search engines work #also when people DO try to make culturally accurate fics often times at least one or two people will pop in and say 'actually that's wrong'#not to mention sometimes they might not even be right to begin with...#and okay once or twice it is what it is #but seriously if this keeps happening over and over most people are just going to stop writing or caring #fanfiction #fanfiction is literally free #fanfiction is free labor #adding layers upon layers of research and knowledge needed- on top of how difficult it can be to portray human emotion #it's not going to it's just going to make once starry eyed writers loss their ability to enjoy their work #and guess what #some ACTUALLY racist (or homophobic or transphobic or misogynistic) writer is going to swoop in not giving two fucks #and they're going to go on and get their work published because they don't care about accuracy

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simeonisalesbian · 3 years

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Neurodivergent Brothers

Celebrating being done with finals with big long headcannon post :3

I pulled a lot of this from my experiences along with those of my friend and little brother. We all sit on different spots of the autism/ADHD spectrum so I'm hoping it's pretty inclusive. Feel free to add any you want though! I love hearing yalls thoughts :3

Lucifer

he prides himself on seeming pretty neurotypical passing

he always wears those gloves to avoid any Bad Textures™

says he "doesn't stim" then proceeds to click the end of his pen and tap his figures on his desk while he works

has barely any conception of time which is part of the reason he's always working at night

gets cold easily but feels restricted from his coat so he just sits it on his shoulders

Mammon

hyperactive as all hell

he is always fidgeting and can never sit still

has several fidgets to try to help with this (Has a gold fidget cube that he's nicknamed Goldie Jr. and always has it on hand)

also has one of those weighted lap pad things for while he's in class or important meetings

memory issues as well

"I swear I put it right here! I don't know where it went!"

Leviathan

also has impulse control problems

sensory issues all around

prefers cold sensory things over warm ones which is while his room is the coldest

he also doesn't like hot drinks because of this.

has noise-canceling headphones for sensory issues too

has the biggest collection of stim toys of all sorts (his favorites are ones with buttons or the little joystick things)

flappy arms when excited!!!

ends up staying up all night cus he's hype focused on a game or anime

Satan

will happily infodump about his hyperfixations if you let him please let him

has the opposite sensory problem than Levi where he much prefers warm things and can't stand being cold.

has weighted cat plushie that can also be warmed in the microwave

His room is an organized mess that looks like a nightmare but he does know where everything is

caffeine is sleepy juice while melatonin doesn't do anything

Cats are his special interest and can tell you any fact about any breed of cat

also doesn't like the constriction of his jacket but refuses to copy Lucifer so he just keeps one arm in a sleeve.

Asmodeus

is the most neurotypical passing out of his brothers

is inattentive for things he doesn't care as much about

plays with his hair to pay attention when someone is talking to him

auditory issues and asks for things to be repeated a lot

happy wiggles

Beelzebub

chewing stim which is part of the reason he likes eating a lot

hates bright lights. they're too overwhelming

becomes nonverbal when he's super overwhelmed

tries not to fidget too much because he's afraid it will bother someone around him.

does fidget with his hands a lot (he does the thing where you tap each finger to your thumb a lot.)

has a weighted blanket

Belphegor

big texture sensory problems

will refuse to touch something if it is a Bad Texture™ and wait for someone else to take care of it

if its food that shit goes straight to Beel

has that problem where you're tired all day long that suddenly restless at night but it's still up for debate whether that's from his bad sleep schedule or not

also has a bad grip on time.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me shall we date #as promised lol #been working on it in between finals

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graces-of-luck · 3 years

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Carnival of Aros: Call for Submissions March 2021

The Carnival of Aros is a monthly blogging carnival with themes related to aromantic and aro-spec identities and experiences. More information can be found here.

Theme/Prompts

This month’s theme is on intersectionality and inclusivity within the aromantic community. You are welcome to use the prompts below, but feel free to take this in whatever direction you feel necessary.

Prompts below:

A Google Docs version is available for better readability here.

As aromantics, we can be marginalized. Thanks to the efforts of many in the aromantic community, activism has been increasing visibility and awareness of aromanticism and pushing towards community building and organization. However, we can also have other marginalized identities that intersect with our aromanticism or influence the way we experience it. “We do not live single issue lives,” as Audre Lord put it. The past year, aro(ace) organizations have released statements regarding racism and diversity, signaling an increasing awareness of tackling racial justice in aromantic spaces, but it is just the beginning. Additionally, there are other marginalized groups that need to be included when discussing diversity. An intersectional standpoint is therefore necessary for reaching collective justice and creating a community that is for all of us.

Should there be space for intersectionality and social/collective justice in aromantic organizations and communities? What are the experiences of aromantics who experience marginalization in other areas of their lives, and how can we make sure that everyone has a space in the aromantic community?

General

Do you feel that other marginalized identities are sufficiently represented/uplifted by the aromantic community and organizations? What has been your experience? What could be improved?

Do you think aromantic organizations and communities should be held accountable for being inclusive of other identities? Do you think aromantic organizations and communities have a responsibility to upholding social justice in the aromantic community? What could be done better here?

Race/Ethnicity and Culture

Aromanticism and asexuality are often seen as “White” identities, and generally BIPOC* and/or Hispanic/Latine* people do not always feel welcome in queer/LGBTQIA+ spaces. If you are BIPOC, AAPI, and/or Hispanic/Latine, do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? What are your experiences in the aromantic community? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your racial/ethnic background?

The aromantic community can also be US-centric and Westernized. For those who are outside of the US or within the US but have non-Western backgrounds, do you feel there is a space for non-Western cultures and heritages in aromantic spaces? What about for religions that are not Christianity? What are your experiences? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your culture/heritage and/or religion?

Neurodivergence, Disability, and Physical and Mental Illness

Many aromantics are also neurodivergent, disabled, and/or experience mental and physical illnesses. If you are neurodivergent and/or disabled and/or experience mental and physical illness, do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? What are your experiences? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your lived experience as a neurodivergent/disabled/”ill”** person?

Other Queer Identities

Do you identify with other non-arospec queer identities (sexual/romantic orientation and gender) in addition to aromantic? Do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? Do you feel that there is space for you to discuss and share how your other queer identities impacts your aromanticism?

General Intersectionality

How do your different identities intersect? Are there other marginalized groups or identities that intersect with your aromanticism that are not recognized? How does this influence your experience?

Allies

If you don’t experience other forms of marginalization, do you find it important to uplift voices of aromantics from other marginalized groups? How can you help to make the aromantic community more inclusive to your fellow aromantics who experience other forms of marginalization?

Notes:

*BIPOC means Black, Indigenous, and People of Color and can encompass a wide group of Indigenous, Black, and Brown folks as well as Asian (AAPI) peoples. BIPOC is not to say that all marginalized people of color share the same experiences or that they can be lumped together, however. I’ve separated Hispanic/Latine because some Hispanic/Latine people are White or White-passing, but they do not necessarily share the same privilege as White Americans or White Europeans, for example.

**I use ill with quotation marks here because illness, especially mental illness, can be socially constructed and people can have different relationships with the term- some embrace it and use the label whereas others do not.

How to Participate

Write a blog post or create content related to the theme- any platform is acceptable as long as it is public and has a link.

Then, submit the link to me through Tumblr, Discord (gracesofluck#9245), or email ([email protected]). You’re also welcome to post the link in this thread on Arocalypse.

If you don’t have a place to post your own work, you can email it to me or submit it directly to my Tumblr, and I will host it for you on my Tumblr.

If you would like me to include particular pronouns or (user)names with your submission post in the round-up, please let me know.

Deadline and Round-up

Please submit your posts by Wednesday, March 31st. I plan to release the round-up on Thursday, April 1st.

Additionally, AUREA will be taking points from this Carnival of Aros to learn more about the experiences and needs of marginalized aros as they mention in this month’s What’s Going On.

Feel free to reblog this post. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! Happy blogging!

#carnival of aros #call for submissions #aromantic #aro #aromanticism #aros of color #aro poc #disabled aros #neurodivergent aros #aro community #inclusivity #aro intersectionality #queer identities #culture #religion #marginalized aros #gracedwithluck #long post

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honeybeewhores · 1 year

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But I am a good girl

#good omens #if you’re neurodivergent please feel free to pass this on #bd/sm brat #jesus christ #dm me for my content

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weaver-z · 3 years

Note

Sometimes I feel like ppl on this website who try to use their neurodivergence to get away with toxic bullshit don't realize that "oh but it's a part of my ____" is like a pretty common abusive tactic. Absolute no reasonable person would tell you that your neurodivergence allows you to do what you please regardless of the impact. If someone irl treated them with half as much disrespect as they treat poc they would call them toxic and drop them, regardless of if they were nd or not. Your symptoms do not free you from the obligation to be a good person.

YES, exactly. Neurodivergence is natural, but that doesn’t mean you’re given a free pass to use it as an excuse for your biases and bad behavior. ^

#ask #anon #Anonymous

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pbscore · 4 years

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Howdy, folks! 🤠

So, after a long time without doing some artistic projects, I would like to finally announce that I am open for commissions!! Whooo!! 🎉 🎈🎊

I’m currently an unemployed, queer and neurodivergent, Afro Latino person, who lives in a rural area without a lot of options, looking for a full time job, preferably in my field but beggars can’t be choosers lol. In the meantime, in order to make some money to keep myself afloat, I want to start doing commission work!

For the icon commissions, I will make either a simple line work or full color drawing for the first 7 people who email me their commission requests. All icon commissions will be $5, regardless of the type of drawing I do (meaning, if you just want something simple or something detailed, it will all be the same price)!

For some examples of my work, simple line work and full color work, here are some recent pieces I’ve done:

Commission Info:

Please send what you would like me to draw for your icon to my work email: [email protected]! I will accept payments through my PayPal (I finally fixed it!!) here: paypal.me/paranormalprairie. Feel free to be as specific as you’d like with what you’d like to see in your drawing but keep in mind that I will have some limitations and that the way I draw has its own unique style, like any other artist. If something doesn’t look right or I forgot something important that you had requested, let me know (through my email, as well).

NOTE: please do not repost my art without credit. My art is very important to me and I work hard to make it, like any other artist. If you’d like to share my art, just make sure you link to either my tumblr, my Instagram (@ ghiblifriend), or my TikTok (also @ ghiblifriend). Also, do not use my art as your own. It’s ok to be inspired by people but stealing art and passing it off as your own is not ok and actually hinders you’re own growth as an artist.

What I will draw:

- Animals

- Humans (it could be yourself, your favorite celebrity, or an original character of yours)

- Fictional ships (READ MY DNI BEFORE YOU SEND IN ONE OF THESE. I have very strict rules about this particular point.)

- Plants/Nature

- Places or objects of importance to you

- Cartoon/Anime characters

- Movie/TV show/Comic book characters

- Monsters/Aliens/Mythical Creatures/Cryptids

- Furry Characters/OCs

What I will NOT draw (so, please be respectful and don’t ask me to do it):

- NSFW stuff (whether it is explicit or suggestive sexual content doesn’t matter, I’m not gonna draw it)

- No more than 2 characters in one image

- No ‘real life ships’ or anything like that (I’m lookin at y’all Kpop stans with this one 👀)

- Gore (like, actual flesh and organs being displayed)

- General gross stuff: p*dophilia (this includes any gross fictional ‘ships’), inc*st, abuse of animals or people, racist/antisemitic/homophobic/transphobic/ableist/misogynistic stuff, or anything else that I probably have in my DNI (check the pinned post at the top of my blog)

If anyone has any further questions, comments, or concerns that I have not addressed in this post, send me an email about it to the one I’ve provided above! As long as you’re respectful when addressing me, I will be more than happy to listen to what you have to say.

Alright, that’s all for now. Thank y’all for being so supportive of my art these past few months, y’all. If you love my art but can’t afford a commission right now, know that I love you dearly and don’t expect anyone to shell out money for me if they don’t have it. I would certainly still appreciate y’all reblogging this for anyone who might be interested in doing it, though!

Thank y’all very much! 🐻🌻

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cherrycola-co · 3 years

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heyo! we’re cherry cola company and we’ve moved blogs again. we are an undx’d polyfragmented, disordered system of [REDACTED #] headmates. the body is 20 years old, mexican [but white-passing], neurodivergent, and masc-identifying. we are currently attending university with a major in sociology and a minor in creative media and film, and we’d ultimately like to pursue a career in film.

catchall pronouns: he/him + they/them collective names: stitch, cherry, cherry cola

socials

simply plural ⎼ cherrycolaco

frequent fronters

⪦ bakugou ∗ 19 ∗ he/him + neos ⪦ bug ∗ 20 ∗ he/they + neos ⪦ denki ∗ 19 ∗ he/they ⪦ kirishima ∗ 18 ∗ he/they ⪦ moo ∗ 17-22 ∗ they/he ⪦ phantom ∗ 21 ∗ he/him ⪦ toms/fanta ∗ 17 ∗ ref intro

intros

the a team introjects introjectn’t subsystems

DISCLAIMER: we will not be posting intros for anyone under the age of 15 on this blog

here are some ask games if you wanna get to know us a bit better!

1 - 2 - 3

( more info below the cut; sorry, it was getting long )

⎼ our inbox is always open! feel free to shoot us a message if you wanna be friends or ask us any questions!

⎼ we’re super down to educate singlets as long as they’re respectful

⎼ we use the term “headmates” instead of “alters” because [for us, at least; this definitely does not apply to all systems] the term “alters” feels really host-centric. also though, we won’t get offended if you refer to us as “alters,” we just don’t prefer it. it’s cool with us as long as you understand that the host is an alter as well

⎼ check the tags in our textposts to find any relevant information

⎼ if we ever forget to trigger anything, please drop us an ask or a DM! additionally, if we ever post any misinformation on here, please calmly correct us. we’re only human and we mess up sometimes.

⎼ for reference we tag our triggers as “#cw (trigger)” so please block any that you see fit to

⎼ also general DNI: don’t interact with us if you’re going to be an asshole, thank you. we’ll block anyone that makes us uncomfortable so we’re not gonna worry about spelling out all the details. we’d also prefer not to interact with syscourse blogs but if you follow us and you aren’t actively trying to rope us into syscourse, you’re fine.

#system intro #cc.byf #cc.about us #osdd system #osdd-1b #osdd 1b

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

Note

could we mayhaps see chris as he just starts to get comfortable. tentatively interacting with people in the house for the first time, antoni being a nice roommate and helping him feel comfortable. jake trying to hold in his excitement that chris is properly coming out of his shell and interracting🥺👉🏻👈🏻

CW: Referenced drugging, neurodivergent character trying to “pass”, VERY vague referenced to past noncon, conditioned internal dehumanization/conditioned behaviors

Takes place directly after Chris Gets a Name

Tagging Chris’s crew: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @stxckfxck , @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout

“Hey, Chris, you’re up.”

Oh, he forgot that his name is different now, that he chose one for himself. It felt like part of the fever, he hadn’t been sure if he actually chose a new name or if he just made that up.

“Chris,” He repeats, knowing he sounds like a parrot, and his eyes trail over to the curtains over the kitchen windows, gingham curtains, old-fashioned and homey like a family on TV that he watches with Sir some evenings, curled up with him, warm beneath Sir’s blankets and feeling perfectly, truly cared for when the games are over and he’s won or he’s lost and he takes the pill and is allowed just to be quiet and still and good and not scared-

“My name... is Chris, now.”

“Yeah, and it’s a good name. Everyone, this is Chris.”

He has met all these people at the table, but they look at him as though they’ve never seen him before, and he cringes back and away from their murmured greetings.

The tall blond man, Jake - who isn’t an owner, Chris understands that now, and he’s wearing a t-shirt plaid sleep pants - is sitting at the table and the boy’s eyes go immediately to the plates of biscuits with white gravy layered over the top, the smell of frying sausage heavy in the air in the kitchen, although an open window lets in a soft breeze and the scent of lilacs from a bush at the house next door.

The boy feels his stomach flip, uncomfortably unsettled. Miss Nancy smells like lilacs and Sir likes biscuits and gravy, has them every morning once per week, the boy thinks of days in the food Sir eats. Biscuits Day, Omelette Day, Cheese Danish Day.

Is it Biscuit Day here?

The others are at the table, too - not the older woman with brown hair, the boy could hear her talking to someone up in the attic when he first left the room.

He felt like standing for the first time in days, since he’d gotten so sick and hidden in the storage room. His legs wobbled, weak and weary, underneath him as he made his way downstairs but now, leaning against the doorframe and wrapped in a big fluffy blanket that smells like some man’s cologne but not Sir’s, he feels better.

“D’you want to sit?” Jake gestures at the table. There is one chair empty, the lady’s chair, but the other seats are taken by the other ones like him.

Not like him at all.

There’s one girl with a ponytail, wearing a big sweatshirt and sweatpants, looking at him with nervous wide eyes that seem a little too big for her face. The other girl has short dark hair in a bob and barely looks at him at all. There’s a boy, too, older than he is (they’re all older than you are) who has dark hair mussed-up and shadowed, faintly feline eyes that turn up at the corners just a little, a hint of a smile on his face. He looks at the boy directly, and gives a little wave with his free hand.

The boy lifts his arm just enough to give a wave back, then drops it again, curling himself even more tightly up in the blanket.

“Do I... want to... sit?” He paces his words, careful and calm, just like training. Try to figure out the expectations and deliver on them. “Should I...” He hesitates, swallowing hard. “In your... lap, Sir?”

The dark-haired girl chokes on her food and jerks forward, coughing into one hand, while Ponytail pats her on the back, whispers something into her ear. Both of them look back up at him, briefly, and Chris can’t tell if they hate him or pity him but their eyes are shuttered closed and he cringes away, ready to run back upstairs to the bedroom and the stuffed puppy he’s been petting while he stares out the window and wonders if he’ll be allowed outside, sometimes, here.

Jake clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably. “Uh... no, man. No, you don’t... no. We’re not like that.”

“You will never be expected to do that here,” The other Box Boy says, his eyes on Chris’s, warm and inviting. “Jake is offering for you to sit in the chair.” His voice is low and deep, his words soft and slow and gentle.

They sink into Chris’s mind like the feeling of petting a rabbit’s ears, and he takes one step forward and then another.

“In the... chair?” He looks around at them all, trying to understand. “But, but, but but but I’m not allowed-” He flinches-

silence is better than stammering, darlin’

-but when he looks back up no one looks angry, just... curious, still. Maybe nervous. Are they nervous, too? Chris is nervous, he doesn’t know what any of this means or who to be, here, how to be anything but what he’s always been, the only thing he remembers how to be.

It’s been days since he had a pill and his mind feels normal again, running on all his tracks, and he notices that the sausage gravy looks heavily peppered at the same time he thinks that Jake has lots of muscles and the girls are very pretty but one has a scar over her lip and eyebrow and the other one’s hands are shaking and are they shaking because of him?

“You are allowed to sit wherever you please,” The other Box Boy says, gently. “Whenever you want to sit there. There is no allowed, here.”

Chris’s eyes skip from him to the girls, who give him small soothing smiles, and then to Jake, who has pushed the chair out a little in an obvious invitation. Jake feels safe, he feels like maybe a good kind of handler, like he will be the one to teach Chris the things he needs to know and won’t even have to hurt him to do it.

“I will... I will sit in the, the chair,” Chris says slowly, and moves into the room in a shuffle-step with the blanket still pulled tightly around himself. It’s a light blue downy fluff blanket that puffs out like the puffy vest Sir likes to wear on cold days - Southern affectation, I admit you can take the man out of the South but you’ll never get the South out of the man whispers his soft slick voice in the back of Chris’s mind - and he settles into the chair despite the bone-deep urge to slip to his knees, because he doesn’t get to use a chair unless it’s Sir’s.

“Chris,” Jake says, leaning over to squeeze his shoulder, and Chris closes his eyes at the brief warm touch that feels so good, so right. “You know I’m Jake. You’ve heard the other’s names but i’m guessing you probably forgot... this is Krista-”

Ponytail smiles at him, a little more warmly this time. Her eyes roam over his face and whatever she sees makes her smile even warmer. Chris had expected her to go cold. The other ones never like the ones like him. He doesn’t know that he’s ever met one before but it doesn’t matter, they all know that, they always tell you don’t even bother, they’ll all hate you in the end.

But Krista only smiles at him and says softly, “Hi, Chris.”

She’s so pretty, with the ponytail that swings over her neck and her wide, wide eyes. He wants almost to kiss her, but he doesn’t want to kiss her at all.

What you want is no longer relevant. What are your options now?

Be g-good, or... or be in trouble.

He can kiss her, if he needs to. He can be good.

“H-hello,” He whispers back. Jake gets up and Chris flinches at the sound the chair makes as it scrapes along the kitchen floor. He still feels a little shivery around the edges, like the fever wants to come back and is lying in wait. He’s tired and weak and it feels like one of the nights Sir plays games, except he feels like they don’t do that, here.

He’s in a shelter. This is a safe place for escaped pets, he tries to remind himself of what he was told when they brought him inside. They call him a rescue, now, not a pet.

“And I’m Leila,” The girl with short dark hair speaks next, leaning over to catch Chris’s eye. Her smile is more impish than Ponytail’s, and he could definitely kiss her, too, but there’s also a distance, there. She seems... cautious of him. Or maybe of everyone. “All our names we pick ourselves. I like yours.”

“I am Antoni,” The other Box Boy says, smiling calmly at him. “Are you hungry, Chris? Jake made us breakfast.”

Chris swallows, hard, looking around at the plates of biscuits and gravy. He can almost feel Sir’s fingers wiping a bit of gravy from the corner of his mouth. “Can, can I please...” He swallows, hard.

Calm. Quiet. Careful. Slow.

“Can I... please just have something else?”

There’s a silence, as the three other ones stare at him, and Jake is quiet by the stove. Then, with nothing but the same genial welcome in his voice, Jake says brightly, “We have Pop Tarts, would you like those? It’s just strawberry, but Leila likes them, so Nat keeps them on hand.”

“What... what’s a Pop... Pop Tart?” Chris asks, hesitantly, then winces. Is this something he should have known? Will he be in trouble?

Leila’s eyes light up. “Oh, God, you don’t remember them. Oh, Jake, give him one of mine!” She looks at Chris, right at him, and he feels the urge to cringe away and lean closer, both at once. “You have to-... you’re going to love Pop Tarts, I promise!”

“‘Love’ might be a strong word...” Antoni murmurs, and Krista shushes him with a little giggle.

Chris discovers himself smiling, a little, as Jake opens a little rectangular foil package and lays what looks like icing-covered sprinkle bread in front of him. He picks it up - it feels hard to the touch, like it’s overcooked, but all of them are watching him, now.

Sir has never fed him anything like this.

“Go ahead, man,” Jake says brightly. “Take a bite.” He drops back down into his seat, and Chris looks at him - strong and tall and muscular and nice-looking - and he thinks, I could be so good for you.

Chris picks up the thing and puts it in his mouth, takes a bite and chews. His eyes widen at a sudden burst of nearly chemical oversweet flavor, the crunch of icing and chewy bread part and then a kind of sweet filling like jam but it doesn’t taste like any jam Chris has ever had before. He chews and chews, it sticks to his tongue a little, but finally he swallows it down and stares at it, looking at the center full of a deep red something-or-other. It does look like jam...

Then he puts it back in his mouth and takes another bite.

“See, I told you he’d like Pop Tarts,” Leila says, almost smugly.

“No, you told him he would like Pop Tarts,” Antoni answers, humor lacing his voice. “And so he does.”

“You owe me, Ant.”

“We did not make a bet!”

“I’ll tell Nat to buy some more,” Jake interrupts, and Chris looks over at him and smiles around his mouthful, and Jake smiles back. Chris pulls his feet up to sit cross-legged in the chair, blanket tight around him, and starts to tap on his stomach hidden by the blanket where none of them can see to stop him.

“I, I, I I-I feel better,” He says after he swallows.

No one says anything about his words.

“I feel so much better.”

He really, really does.

#trauma recovery #trauma recovery whump #conditioned #conditioning #pet whump #memory loss #chris the strawberry blond romantic #jake the shelter guy #Antoni Sings Lullabies #Leila the Mermaid Girl #Krista Girl #recovering whumpee #oliver branch is gross #all comfort no hurt #box boy #box boy universe #box boy multiverse #tw: implied/referenced drugging

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starlit-pathways · 3 years

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rules: tag people you would like to know/catch up with❤️

thank you so much @faeinthefog for tagging me, you have such incredible taste???? (as always) also, brb adding piranesi to my already-too-long tbr list

...speaking of lists that are far too long!! *cracks knuckles* let's get down to business!!!!

last song: excluding my many varied writing playlists, then probably eclipse by moonbyul or love poem by iu, including my writing playlists then this was my last listen

last movie: the prom. didn't personally vibe with it but i know it meant a lot to some (personally, i feel like a lot of what it was trying to do has already been done better by other films—like ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga). it had very pretty colours in it?? and i definitely wouldn't pass up the chance to play emma in an actual musical, but i feel like the story itself is too much of "aaaaand THIS is how the Gay Struggle™‬ applies to the average straight person!!!" which I don't even mind in a story that's done WELL (again, see ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga, or even one of my favourite books; the seven husbands of evelyn hugo) but i don't personally feel like it was done well enough here to pass it off

currently watching: oh no. a LOT. uhhhh okay let's try counting

1) godless—a miniseries on netflix which is v. good and very beautiful; essentially a story about fatherhood, masculinity and the loss/lack of it in a historical "wild west" type setting (it's a lot more diverse than it sounds. i promise.)

2) the fresh prince of bel-air—i shouldn't have to describe this one to many people lol, but it's basically a comedy about a quick-witted, very street-smart boy who goes to live with his very wealthy and privileged family in bel-air. it's very funny, and very heartwarming but i'm only a couple episodes in so far.

3) my mister—i'm only a few episodes into this drama myself but. damn. it's a show about two very broken, wearied people whose lives are falling apart in different ways (a very principled slightly older man, and a very... alternatively principled younger woman), who find each other and help each other heal. i've seen their relationship described as "everything but romantic", though the subject of romance and the nature of their relationship is questioned in the show and sometimes by the two characters

4) taskmaster—this one's just FUN, and also quite honestly pure chaos. i'm trading favourite shows with a friend, and damn if i'm not having a blast with this one. it's basically about a group of comedians who get given a set of tasks/challenges to do, to see who does them best—it has the exact same vibe of the joke "how many comedians does it take to change a lightbulb?". if nobody watches anything else of the show, i implore them to at LEAST watch this tree wizard clip. it's a masterpiece.

5) rick and morty—probably not my favourite type of show (monster of the week's not my usual style), but still good if you're it's intended audience. trading this with another friend, and i'm very much enjoying the experience of trash-talking all of the adult characters every episode with them.

6) mr. iglesias—this one's a very new addition. am also watching it with a friend. comedy about found family in a classroom full of underprivileged kids and the one teacher who really cares about them. i like it! i love marisol a lot as a character and mr. iglesias is very wholesome

re-watching:

7) the untamed—i'm going to be watching this show in some capacity for the rest of my life. i'm on my seventh watch by now and it never diminishes in quality. it's a truly epic introspective character exploration, about a quick-minded, entirely chaotic and very free-spirited man who dies and comes back in quite literally the opening moments of the show. you get to see his descent from being the world's envy to being the world's villain. it's a wonderful fantasy series about perception, the nature of morality, of family (born, raised and chosen) and about building a better world. did i mention that the main character is—as far as chinese censorship laws would allow—very bisexual and the story very heavily features a love story between him and another man? this was the edit that got me into it (it has spoilers but without context it won't make any sense anyway)

8) healer—what a drama. this is all about the power of information—how being informed and making information available can heal a nation that was built to be corrupt. starring a character who is basically a man who is a much poorer batman (kind of like a batman for hire?) with superman's love life (the show's got one of the best and most valid love triangles i've ever seen—and that's coming from somebody who typically HATES love triangles with a burning passion) and a woman who is feisty and strong-willed but not in an overbearing way? as well as amazing action, from somebody who normally can't stand action. i love the chemistry between the two romantic leads and just. i love the three leading characters, and a great deal of the periphery ones a lot. this show is absolutely incredible, would highly recommend

9) it's okay to not be okay/psycho but it's okay—a show that says neurodivergency and found family rights!!!! it's a very healing and introspective drama, but equally very intense/gripping/interesting? the chemistry between the two leads is astounding, and i just really love the amount of empathy this show has? it's truly stunning to watch and experience. starring an absolute badass of a woman, who acts almost entirely on impulse and communicates with the world through storytelling and fairytales, alongside a very kind and nurturing man who doesn't know how to communicate when he's miserable and an autistic man, who struggles deeply with his own fight for independence (i wasn't too sure on him at first, but he grows into just as much of an equally important character as the other two and i loved his arc).

currently reading: the earthsea quartet, by ursula le guin—i'm really loving it! it's probably not one of my favourites (yet), but she has such an interesting way of building up her world, and there's such a strong sense of compassion in every word she writes.

also i've recently found and fallen in love with this fic series. it's very nsfw and modern au's aren't usually my thing for historical (or even semi-historical) fiction/fantasy, but there's just something about sex worker!wei wuxian and translator!(and also secret fashion nerd!)lan wangji both being absolute disasters and also really cute and really repressed but also being neurodivergent and disabled characters (i'm SO here for autistic!lan wangji, traumatised!wei wuxian and chronically ill!yanli all being happy) and getting therapy that really appeals to me.

currently craving: crisps. always. of the salt and vinegar variety (this specific variety especially), of course, but there's never a day that passes when i'm not craving crisps

this was really fun!!! now for the worst part of this............ tagging. OKAY. so... please know that nobody is under any obligation to do, or even acknowledge, this—and also, if i missed you, you see this and you WANT to, then consider the act of seeing/hearing this a formal invitation

@ethereal-sserendipity @lillb5678 @genericfandomusername456 @mars-aria @ikatella @juliedohbigny @multiplequestionmarks @itiredwriter @myrim-anna-rose @gaysofmyheart

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