#if you like this post be sure to see my other one too
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Simon Riley x Dog Sitter! Reader pt. 3
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Warnings: mild cursing, boredom, thas really it
A/N: Holy shit I cannot believe how much love this is getting, and it's so much fun to write!! I've decided to makes this a fully fledged fic instead of just a drabble, and I'll be posting it on ao3 too! Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist! Also sorry if formatting changes, I'm trying to have some sort of order among my writing.
Simon had never told you how long he'd be gone - which was fine, your flat was only a twenty-minute drive from his home, should you need to do laundry or get more soap. You had some freelancing logo-design work you could focus on in your downtime, and Simon had been gracious enough to leave a note on the coffee table with the wifi password. Truth be told, you imagined this would feel like a holiday: no more shitty bosses. You were your own boss, here. You could make your own schedule, as long as you made time for Riley.
You soon discovered, after moving into Ghost's house, that it was very much not a vacation. The interior of his home was so barren that it made you feel like you had been sent to an asylum. On your first day there, you managed to get a bit of freelance work done; after that, you tried watching the telly, but you couldn't drown the heavy restlessness in the back of your mind.
You decided to phone a friend.
"What's Riley like?" Leslie said through the phone, which was tucked under your ear.
"Military dog." You replied. You were lying on the floor next to Riley, stroking her fur as her head rested on your stomach. "So proper, I've never seen anything like it. You know- when I made breakfast today, I dropped some food on the linoleum- she didn't bat an eye. Girl just watched."
"That's amazing... you know Donald would have run to it like it was the first meal he'd been fed in years."
You laughed, making Riley's head bounce on your abdomen. "Mum has got to stop feeding them real food..."
"What about the client?" Leslie said, changing the subject. "Simon, was it? What's he like?"
"Honestly?" You began, scratching between Riley's ears. "A decent guy, don't get me wrong - but bland. Gruff. His apartment is, too."
"Just like ya mum always said." She snickered. "Can I see?"
You sighed. "Nah, I never checked if it was ok to bring people over. Not sure if he'd appreciate me giving you a tour. But I'll ask next time if you can visit."
"That's fair..." You heard her shuffling around on the other end of the line. "Well listen babes, I should get back to work. Got five left on my lunch break."
You groaned at the prospect of having to be alone in Simon's barren home again. "Alright... still on for this Thursday?"
"You know it! Nina's coming too."
You grimaced. "Whoop-tee-doo..."
"Oh, c'mon, I'll make sure she's civil. Love ya."
"She'd better be. Love you!"
The call ended with a click, and you let the phone slide from your shoulder with a sigh. You stared at the ceiling, running through what you could possibly do. You'd already had a shower at your flat before coming here, you'd done plenty of work...
Riley tilted her head up to look at you, sensing your frustration. You looked back down at her.
"What d'you and Simon do all day?" You asked.
She sighed and looked away.
Maybe it was time for a walk.
"Alright, Riley!" You said, pocketing your phone and sitting up. She scrambled up at the sudden movement; her eyes followed your every move as you stood, her stare expectant and excited.
"Fancy a walk?" You asked.
She whined and yapped, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.
You chuckled. "C'mon, then - before you and I both start going insane."
On your way to the closet to fetch her leash, she had nearly knocked you down to beat you there. You huffed, leaning down to grab your shoes and tug them on. She sat (im)patiently and watched, her tail slapping against the wooden floor.
"Alright, alright..." You laughed, grabbing her leash and latching it onto her harness. She obediently trotted to the front door and sat, waiting for you. You opened the door and stepped outside, confused when the leash tugged in your hand. You looked back inside and saw that Riley hadn't moved from her seat on the floor. She looked at you, ears forward and eyes eager as she waited for... something.
You looked at her, puzzled. "What's wrong, girl?"
She whined, pointing one foot up and thumping her tail against the floor.
Oh, right. Military dog.
"Okay, Riley." You said clearly, and she happily trotted out the door. You chuckled, locking the deadbolt behind you and beginning the much needed walk. She stuck right by your side, never passing you nor falling behind.
For the kind of gruff, admittedly shady man that Simon was, you noticed that he lived in a pretty nice area. If you told your mum where he lived, she'd blow a cap out of jealousy - the houses were neatly lined down the street, each one with a driveway and a small garden bed underneath the living room windows. Simon's was noticeably bare - Christ, even his grass was thinner than the other neighbors', how does one manage that?
You eyed his empty garden bed as you passed it. You wondered if he would let you plant a few things... just to liven up the drabness. A couple of Hostas, maybe some African Violets... you knew he wouldn't want too much colour, but he definitely needed something to brighten his home. Currently, it stuck out like a sore thumb against the other houses. Not to mention, it would give you something to slice through the boredom of staying here.
Eventually, the sidewalk led to the edge of a small patch of woods. A bridge stretched over the creek, which then led to a longer, winding path through the trees. You came to a halt, reading the sign next to the trail.
"Po-wee-hee-co park..." You mumbled and Riley stared at you with her tongue hanging from the side of her mouth. "Poeheko Park? You ever been here?"
She looked between you and the trail, sniffing the air. She licked her lips and whined.
"Suppose not, Simon's only ever dragged you around the block a few times, huh?"
She eyed the trail warily, but you could see her eyes brimming with eagerness and interest. You chuckled, reigning in her leash and starting over the bridge. "Time for an adventure!"
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Simon sat stoicly on the heli, eyes fixed on the wall across from him. His palms rested on his thighs, fingers splayed. He appeared calm and collected, focused on the mission that Priced had debriefed not too long ago.
Except, the mission couldn't have been further from his mind. He was thinking about you and Riley. We're you giving her enough attention? That was a dumb question; clearly you knew how much attention a dog needed. You'd done this before... but had you ever worked with a dog that had certain needs and medications? You never mentioned it during the interview, and he didn't remember to ask. What if you couldn't see the signs when Riley's pain was flaring up? What if you had forgotten that she needed pain medication?
He thought about texting you - but he quickly shut the thought down. He'd reserved texting for emergencies only, and he knew you were good at your job. There wasn't a moment of your life you hadn't spent around dogs, of course you would take perfect care of Riley.
"Honin' in, LT?" Soap's voice echoed through the coms as he took the seat opposite from Simon. He was relaxed, as if this was just another Friday for him - well, Simon supposed, it was.
"Always." Simon replied gruffly, focusing back on the mission at hand. He cleared his throat and flexed his fingers, trying to keep a cool composure.
"How's Riley doin'?" Soap asked. "Know I jus' seen 'er a few days ago, but- ye finally cave n' get someone to pet sit?"
Simon grunted. "'Course. Not gonna leave 'er alone that long, it'd be torture."
"Who'd ye get?"
"What's it to you?"
"Secret service? Ye snag one of the Royal Guards fer the job?"
"Jog on, Soap." Simon warned with a serious look, and Soap raised his hands in defense.
He couldn't tell Johnny about you. A fierce, possessive feeling in his chest told him not to. He knew Johnny had a thing for young, pretty things like you, and he refused to let you fall victim to his desires. In fact, he hated the thought of it.
But- who was he? Why was he being so protective over someone he barely knew? You were an adult, perfectly capable of making your own decisions. Why should Simon cockblock you and Johnny? So what if he wanted to shag you?
Mentally, he shook his head. No. Never. He'd lock you in his house if it meant keeping Jonny away from you. Even if Simon wasn't anything more than your client, he wasn't going to allow Johnny to get close to you. It would be too weird. You're his, after all.
...
Fuck.
He sighed and adjusted his position in his seat. You and Johnny didn't even know each other, for Christ's sake. He was overthinking all of this. You'd probably never even meet his team, why would you need to? You only ever have reason to spend time in his house, not on base. You just watch Riley, make breakfast in his kitchen, sleep on his couch, maybe his bed, if you're with the dog... using his bathroom, his shower...
He scowled at himself. Maybe hiring you was a huge mistake. You were too distracting.
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Taglist: @my-queen-rhaenyra-targaryen @jisungswiftie @sweet-tooth4you @kennyis-aloser @hyyyxr @lahniu @dory-98 @naradae @cum-tea-and-towels @boystepper @definitelynotaclown @your-wifes-boyfriend @ghostslittlegf @bossva @poppingaround @yannvi @katzykat @mileyraes @chocolate-noodles @jupiternighties @sadlonelybagel @rorysbrainrot @identity2212 @pricescontroversiallyyoungerwife @reevesdriver @kingshitonly @ghost4love @lilyofhoon @xxkay15xx @cosmic-nuisance4 @danielle143
#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost#simon ghost riley#cod fanfiction#cod mw3#cod mw2#call of duty#cod#cod x reader
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charles leclerc x reader ~ instagram au
prompt: the great looking driver we all know and love creates controversy with his new and surprisingly young girlfriend
warnings: age gap
january 5 2024
yourusername shared a story
yourbestfriend liked your story
user liked your story
charles_leclerc started following you
charles_leclerc liked your story
user liked your story
user liked your story
wagsf1
liked by user, user and others
wagsf1 !charles leclerc has been spotted with an unknown girl outside of a club in monaco!
after this picture was taken he allegedly drove off in his new ferrari with the girl
comments
user she does look like his type that’s for sure
user YALL I FOUND HER SHE LITERALLY JUST TURNED 18 LAST NIGHT
user im sorry WHAT
user mr leclerc going younger and younger i see
user didn’t he like break up with his girlfriend like 3 weeks ago?😭
user our fav walking red flag🥰
user oh to be her…
and 457 more
february 2 2024
yourusername
liked by yourbestfriend, charles_leclerc and others
yourusername 💦☀️🌊🤍
comments
yourbestfriend 😍
user @charles_leclerc mr hitting on fresh 18s that you?🥰
user that’s deff charles’ yacht
user my guess is she’s going after his money to pay off those student loans
yourusername how did you know🤭
and 54 more
f1gossip
liked by user, user and others
f1gossip charles leclerc with his supposed new and very young girlfriend😉 let us know your view on this couple!
comments
user still think she’s after the money
user why you all hating we don’t know anything about her yet💀
user fr like calm down😭
user she can’t be mature enough for him she’s just a kid
user he wouldn’t be with her if she wasn’t
user i saw her instagram she doesn’t look like the bitch yall make her out to be just saying
and 374 more
april 2 2024
yourusername added a story
charles_leclerc liked your story
charles_leclerc replied to your story:
je t'aime, magnifique❤️ (i love you, gorgeous)
april 25 2024
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc and others
yourusername joy of missing out 🤍 enjoy the little moments you share with only yourself
comments
charles_leclerc 🤍
user it’s over he commented a heart on her post they’re offcial😔
user am i the only one who LOVES her vibe?😍
user deff not! she seems like a very nice and humble person to me i don’t know why she was getting so much hate
user “she’s just 18 blah blah blah” it’s not your relationship leave her alone
yourusername i love you
user the age gap is kinda wild tho
user hair care routine??
may 3 2024
charles_leclerc added a story
user liked your story
user liked your story
yourusername replied to your story: ❤️
yourusername replied to your story: ❤️
yourusername replied to your story: ❤️
yourusername replied to your story: ❤️❤️❤️
yourusername added a story
may 19 2024
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc and others
yourusername haters be hating because they don’t wake up next to charles leclerc like i do
comments
user WERE YOU SILENT OR SILENCED DEAR HATERS
charles_leclerc wouldn’t want it any other way🤭
user THE CAPTION SHUT UP I LOVE HER
user do you see his smile? and yall still think she can’t make him happy cause she’s ‘too young’💀
user Something About You - Eyedress, Dent May ~ 0:44
user the amount of things i’d do to wake up next to either of them is concerning
user every book girlie dreaming about their age gap trope
and 487 others
charles_leclerc
liked by yourusername, scuderiaferrari and others
charles_leclerc she’s gotta pay off those student loans somehow, am i right?
(last pic is me proudly taking all of the pics above)
comments
user charles simping for yn is so real omg
user love how they’re making fun of the gold digger rumours😭
user charles.jpg when?
user i just know it would be full of yn pls
scuderiaferrari after the loans are payed off we suggest buying her a ferrari of her own 👀
user the unseriousness of their hard launch captions are highlights of my day
user she’s living our dream fr
user can’t decide if i wanna be him or her
and 1,592 others
#Spotify#charles leclerc#f1#ferrari#scuderia ferrari#formula 1#formula one#charles leclerc x reader#x reader#cl16 x reader#cl16#cl16 x you#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x female reader#fem reader#reader insert
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omg would love if you could do famous!reader x paige hcs!!!
paige bueckers x famous!reader hcs
‧₊♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧₊˚ෆ paige with a famous gf,,
— you met paige on social media
- she’s literally your biggest fan
- you posted a video with the caption: ‘when she’s blonde and tall and plays basketball’ and it went VIRALLL (everyone tagged her)
— she ending up reaching out to you and the rest is history
— before you started dating she would always repost your videos or pictures whenever you posted
— you kind of dabble in everything (singing, acting, modeling, etc.) and she really respects that about you
- she calls it your ‘hustle’
— you were honestly a fan of hers too, all her tiktoks and edits would be on your feed
— no one even asks who her celeb crush is anymore cause she always says you (lowkey always has)
— you both hard launch each other
— paige loves your music (i’m imagining r&b but you do you boo) and will play it for everyone in any place at any time
- at church?? doesn’t matter: “have you heard my girlfriend’s new song?”
— you took her to her first ever premiere as your plus one
- had way too much fun together during the interviews
— you have to media train her because one time she leaked your new song on kk’s live
— everyone she knows will ask for her to get them an autograph
— her mom is a massive fan and kinda freaks out when she meets you (paige is embarrassed but you think it’s sweet)
— has watched every single film/show you’re in and saves every magazine cover you’re on
— defo gets a little jealous if you have to kiss someone else on screen
- you have to tell her beforehand so she can mentally prepare
— sometimes she’ll get insecure if the media ships you with someone else, but they rarely do it cause everyone knows the two of you are locked in
— she’s absorbed all your fans into her cult
— sometimes she’ll troll everyone and make up the craziest lie/rumor and watch everyone post about it
- “guys we got married last may”
— at first your demanding schedule was a bit of a problem cause you hardly ever saw each other
- you prioritize her more now, but there’s still sometimes where you’ll have to go months without being in-person together (you both have mental breakdowns)
— she always listens when you tell her celeb drama (she’s so into it)
- you make her promise she won’t tell anyone
— you’ve definitely made some songs about her
- they always make her cry cause they’re so beautiful and sweet
— paparazzi anytime the two of you go out (they do catch some cute candid pics though)
— she’ll be at EVERY award show to cheer you on, no doubt
— you get her free tickets to concerts cause of connections
— saves every edit she sees of you (movie scenes, media moments, concerts, you name it)
— sometimes you ask her for inspiration (she’s your muse fr)
— when you see each other again for the first time in awhile… be prepared. she’s bombarding you with kisses, smothering you with hugs, and never lets you leave her bed
— will cry if you ever have to do a sex scene (she prays it never happens)
— she makes sure EVERYONE knows you’re dating.
- she’ll wear shirts with your face on them
— will post the craziest off-guard and bts pictures of you and the fans go craazzzyy
— “so.. how does your next movie end? is it like-“
- “i’m not telling you so don’t even try.”
₊˚ෆ.ೃ࿐༉‧₊˚.𐙚⋆⭒˚｡⋆
i feel like maybe i ate this down????!
i had so many ideas for this request you guys
hope you enjoyed!! 😋
#paige buckets#paige bueckers#uconn wbb#paige bueckers smut#paige bueckers x reader#uconn huskies#uconn women’s basketball
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Not A Verstappen: Away We Go {1}
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!driver!reader x Lando Norris
Summary: Autumn has been introduced to the world but there’s something more special for a first appearance: Monaco GP
Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, angst, fluff
WC: 3.7k
F1 Masterlist
NAV: Sibling Rivalry || One || Two || Three
NAV: Gridlocked || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine
NAV: A New World || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine || Ten
NAV: Lights Out || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || 6.5 || Seven || SMAU || Eight || Nine
NAV: Away We Go || One || Two
The white noise in the nursery threatened to put you to sleep too but there were still dozens of messages to get through. There had been a constant stream of well wishes to your inbox since the announcement to the world but one had been left on read for three days now and a little rage built each time you reread it.
It didn’t take long for new ‘exclusive’ information to pop up in the gossip pages, along with the photo you had taken and sent to Jos. It wasn’t a surprise at all, but it still hurt to read what he had said. Trusted sources close to Y/N say she is being monitored for Post Natal Depression and Psychosis, as it is no secret she has had trouble with mental health in the past.
“You are lucky, my love,” you whispered to your daughter who slept soundly in your arms. “Your fathers love you so much.”
You carefully stood up from the rocking chair beside her cot but the moment you started to lower her to the mattress she began to stir.
“Already a little arm princess, aren’t you?” you chuckled, settling back into the chair to start rocking again.
You didn’t mind getting these rare moments alone with her, even if you were exhausted from waking up to breastfeed her all through the night. As soon as Charles and Lando finished their Zoom Meetings with their teams they would be stealing her away for their own snuggles. It was safe to say everyone was smitten with her. And that wasn’t an exaggeration. The front door barely closed before another visitor came, and Max had taken up permanent residence on the couch when he wasn’t needed elsewhere.
“Is she sleeping?” P whispered loudly as she stuck her head in the door.
“She is, but you can come in.”
Max trailed in after her having let himself in the apartment with his spare key. Your mother was out grocery shopping again so she could do more baking for the visitors of the day. You had told her she didn’t need to but she was enjoying the company and feeding a small army.
“Have you eaten?” Max asked as he knelt down beside P who gently stroked the blanket Autumn was swaddled in.
“You’re as bad as my mother.”
“I’m just checking. Kel said everyone comes to see the baby but no one asks how the mum is doing. I want to make sure my sister is okay too.”
“Now you’ve done it,” you croaked as you started to cry. “I’m over these damn hormones. I was fine until you arrived.”
Max laughed and rocked side to side. “You’ll get over it. Should we go to the living room or do you like sitting in the dark?”
You accepted his hand and let him pull you to your feet since he had long ago mastered the art of carrying a baby one-handed. “You’re going to have your hands full when Vicki drops.”
“I have two arms. Unless you're planning on having another one right away?”
“Max, I love you, but I will punch you if you ask that again. I am still having to sit on ice pads because no one warned me about the goddamn haemorrhoids-”
“Okay, okay, fuck, stop!” he begged with a disgusted look on his screwed up face.
Satisfied he wouldn’t make the same mistake again, you went to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water and a juice box for Penelope.
“So Toto still hasn’t confirmed anyone for Lewis’ seat next year,” you said, passing him one bottle before taking a seat with P.
“You’ve been talking to him?”
“And others,” you admitted. A few more of the Team Principals had sent their congratulations and the ones with empty seats for 2025 expressed an interest, asking what your plans were. “As soon as my six week check up gets signed off Kristian is going to become my worst nightmare again.”
“Do your boyfriends know that’s your plan?”
You shrugged. It had been spoken about before Autumn was born but they all thought having her in your arms would change your mind about returning to racing. None of the other parents on the grid gave up their careers to grow their families, and while there were still empty seats in the teams you were going to shoot your shot until every last one was taken.
“Never let them know your next move,” you joked before sobering up and sighing. “Working mums are normal in every other business. Plus, I’m only talking about sim racing this year and if I can impress someone with the data then we can go from there.”
Max nodded along as his eyes traced over Autumn’s features, finding Charles’ dimples when her lips pursed with a soft whimper in her sleep. Penelope had finished her drink and turned all her attention to your daughter, giggling whenever Autumn sucked on her own lip.
“Can I have a baby sister?” she asked Max with bright, hopeful eyes.
“Maybe one day, P. You would make a great big sister.” She grinned at the compliment and snuggled closer until she was half on Max’s lap and holding Autumn too.
Monaco GP
“Ma fifille, tellement belle,” Charles gushed as Lando stepped out of the nursery with Autumn in his arms. She smelt sweet from the baby oil that hydrated her skin and fresh since Lando had changed her diaper before finding the prettiest dress in her closet for her first paddock entrance.
“I’m surprised he didn’t try to sneak her into McLaren gear,” you commented as you packed the baby bag with extra supplies for the day. Gone were the days of arriving at the paddock with just your phone, now there were a million things to remember since no one wanted to try to return home with the insane traffic that came with the road closures for the Monaco race.
“I hid them all,” Charles confessed with a sly smile before stealing a kiss from Lando’s pouting lips. “If she can’t wear Ferrari then she definitely isn’t wearing McLaren, mon cher.”
“One day when you are at Maranello…” Lando warned with a wink.
“You can finish this squabble later, we have a whole camera crew waiting outside.” The tone wasn’t quite as light as you hoped and it drew the attention of both of them straight to you. The joking smiles fell and Lando lay Autumn in her stroller and clipped in the buckles with a frown. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m fine.”
“You only gave birth four weeks ago, love, it’s okay if you’re not ready to go to the track yet.”
“We wouldn’t be upset if you watched from here,” Charles added.
“It’s Monaco and I am fine, just a little nervous.” Your blasé shrug didn’t fool either of them.
“Of what?”
Charles took over rocking the stroller back and forth so Lando could pull you into his arms. The warmth and security of his embrace was always enough to spill whatever was on your mind.
“The crowd, the cameras, your fans - take your pick.” You looked down at your clothes. They weren’t the designer dresses the other women would wear to the paddock but the maternity jeans and breastfeeding friendly shirt were tidy enough. You couldn’t help noticing the pouch where your belly sagged like a deflated balloon.
“Hey,” Lando murmured, catching your chin with his finger and guiding your head back up to face him. “Do we need to remind you how beautiful we think you are? I don’t mind being late. Charles?”
“I am more than happy to take a penalty.”
You chuckled at the enthusiasm but shook your head. “I would love nothing more than to drag you both back to the bedroom but save it for the six week sign off, you horny devils.”
“We can still show you how sexy we find you without fucking you,” Lando whispered in your ear and Charles’ eyes darkened at the little catch in your breathing.
“Don’t tempt me, but there’s still the problem of the camera crew outside and you’d be on your own explaining to them why we were late.”
“Mon amour, that is the man who asked Stroll if he could wank after breaking his wrists. Would you really trust him with that task?”
“I mean…I would find it funny. Zak might blow a gasket though,” you admitted with a grin. Feeling a bit more at ease after a laugh, you stepped out of Lando’s arms and took a steadying breath. “I’m going to grab a hoodie and we can go.”
Neither commented as you hid your body in an oversized Quadrant hoodie despite the summer heat but you barely made it halfway down the street before you asked Charles if you could push the stroller. There were too many people and too many screams for autographs that your heart started to beat erratically and your breath burned in your lungs.
“Are you okay?” Charles asked, ignoring the people beyond the security team that surrounded your group.
“Let her push, Charles,” Lando urged as he saw a sight he was familiar with in the mirror. It was rare for him in recent years now that he had you and Charles but he could remember the feeling of being out of control and the panic that came with it.
You grabbed the handlebar of the stroller and held on with a death grip in case someone broke through the security guards and knocked into it. Your knuckles changed colour from how tight you handled it and your legs pumped faster with the urge to get to the track and inside the walls of a team hospitality.
From the corner of your eye a shadow slipped through the bodies and your elbow flew out as your mind went straight to the worst case scenario. Was it an overzealous fan wanting a picture or a fanatic wanting to hurt your family?
“Ow, zusje, what the fuck?” Max asked as he rubbed at his ribs.
“Jesus Christ, Max, what are you doing? Don’t jump out at me like that.”
“She’s a little on edge right now,” Charles said quietly, acutely aware of all the cameras pointed their way.
“I can see that. Is it the crowd? Do you want me to call in reinforcements?”
Charles shook his head and walked quicker to catch back up to you. “We would probably be there by the time anyone came.”
Lactic acid burned your calves and reminded you just how hard you were going to have to work to get back to your pre-baby fitness but it felt good too. It brought you back to yourself in a way you had forgotten since becoming a mother and the endorphins from the exercise began to relax your body and mind.
Your pace began to slow and Lando smiled proudly like you had won a world championship. “Now can I hold your hand, love?”
You shifted your hold to the centre of the handlebar so you could still navigate the stroller and placed your hand in his. “Thank you,” you murmured as he kissed your knuckles.
“I would tell you not to worry but I don’t think it will make a difference,” he replied between waving to his fans.
“Aren’t you worried? There’s so many things that could go wrong.”
Lando stopped and turned with a serious look on his face that was only softened by the untamed curl that fell over his brow. “Of course I’m worried too, babe, this is our family and Autumn is the most precious part of it. But, I have to trust that we have done enough to protect her and you and Charles,” he said with a wave towards the security guards. “Do you remember how nervous you were before your first race? You could barely keep your food down and Pierre thought you were actually going to pass out during the Anthem.”
You rolled your eyes but a small smile leaked through. “Don’t remind me.”
“I would have caught you.”
“You were six inches shorter than me.”
Lando stood straighter and looked down at you. “That’s beside the point, I’ve more than made up for it now.”
“Yes, you have,” you said with a wink. “Much more than six inches.”
Charles interrupted the appreciative gaze you dragged over your boyfriend’s body. “Will you two please behave?”
A devilish smirk grew on Lando’s face. “Never, but I will go and sign some autographs before I get in more trouble.”
“Is it me or is he even more cocky?”
“Winning does that to a guy.”
Charles scoffed and curled an arm around your waist. “I will have to remind him what second place feels like, it’s my turn to win Monaco.”
Max laughed, reminding you that he was still there as you approached the paddock gates. “Half the grid thinks the same thing.”
“Well they have a chance with you starting P2,” you teased your brother before grinning at Charles who took pole position. “Take that chequered flag.”
You scanned your ID and the pass for Autumn too as everyone else did and clustered together on the other side again.
“Where are you going to be watching from?” Max asked as you approached his hospitality first.
“Homeboys box, but Toto wants a word so I’ll take bub there first.”
Max looked like he wanted to say something but his name was called out from his team waiting by the dark blue entrance. Instead he stepped forward and kissed your cheek before kissing Autumn’s and tickling her toes. “Tot zeins, mooi meisje.”
“She’s going to speak Dutch before me at this rate,” you complained as he walked away, still not knowing what he said to her.
“Learn quicker then.”
You threw him the middle finger that made him laugh before he disappeared and then it was your turn to say goodbye. Mercedes was the next garage followed by Ferrari then McLaren.
“We will see you before the race,” you promised as you unbuckled Autumn from her stroller and held her to your chest. The garages were tight enough as it was without trying to fit the pram inside too. “Say bye-bye daddy,” you said with a wave of Autumn’s little hand as she woke from her nap. “Love you.”
Charles and Lando both kissed her cheeks and said their goodbye before you received your own chaste kiss on the lips. “Call us if you need anything, I will keep my phone with me,” Charles promised before stepping away.
“Same, and these guys are going with you too,” Lando said with a nod to the security shadowing your sides. Your entourage joined you in Mercedes but thankfully took a wider perimeter since there was a fairly strict policy in who could enter the garages. Toto didn’t seem to mind the additions since you came bearing a pretty great gift.
“You are a beautiful time waster,” he said sweetly as he cradled Autumn to his chest. “I have work to do, little lady, yes, I do, but I’m not ready to hand you over, no, I am not.”
“I get the feeling that Jack will be getting a sibling soon enough,” you said to Lewis who swung back and forth on his chair with his headphones half on his head.
“I don’t think it’s Toto that needs convincing,” he said with a laugh. “It’s not his career that goes on hold, you know that.”
“I never would have said it before, but she’s worth it,” you admitted. “Still not sold on doing it again though, got one more championship to win.”
“I know that feeling,” he said wistfully. “Charles had better bring her to Maranello too.”
“I don’t think much work would get done if she was there,” you pointed out. “And like you said, you have a championship to win.”
Autumn suddenly decided that she was starving and started to cry as she nuzzled into Toto’s shirt and you laughed as you got up to retrieve her. “Sorry, bub, there’s no milk in those titties,” you teased as you picked her up. “Is there somewhere I can feed her?”
Toto looked around and shrugged. “Wherever you’re comfortable. There’s rooms down the hall if you want.”
“I’ve learned it’s not about my own comfort.”
“If anyone’s got a problem they are free to leave,” he said loud enough for everyone to hear and return to their work.
You took your seat again beside Lewis and unzipped the discrete opening on your shirt before unclipping the small window on your bra.
“Come on, man, she’s just trying to feed her baby. Get those cameras out of here,” Lewis said as he blocked the lens and started to herd the Netflix crew back out of the garage.
It had taken a week of trial and error before mastering the art of latching but now you had a routine and Autumn quickly fell back to sleep despite trying to keep her awake. Lando had joked he would sleep better if that was his routine too, at least you thought he was joking.
“Can you hold her please?”
Lewis didn’t need to be asked, he had been patiently waiting his turn since you walked in the garage. He even knew to draw soothing circles and pat her back to bring up her wind. “There’s those famous Uncle skills you bragged about.”
“Told you, I’m just down the road if you guys want a babysitter for date night.”
“I might take you up on that in a few weeks.” You looked over to Toto who was speaking to Bono and jutted your chin his way. “Has he mentioned anything about who’s in line for your seat?”
“Nothing set in stone, just lots of talk - or at least that’s what he told me.”
“Fair enough, you’re the enemy now,” you teased.
“Netflix is going to love this season. Did you see Nando re-signed?”
“Mhmm, I sent him a pot plant and instructions to wipe the floor with Lance. I think he’s taken it on board.” Fernando already had nearly four times as many points in the driver championship so far and you expected that to increase after the race.
“There’s rumours Lance is going to WEC next year, maybe there'll be another seat opening.”
“Fuck that,” you scoffed. “If I get a seat it’s going to be with a team that has some sense of loyalty. I’m sick of being dropped like a hot potato the second anything goes wrong. I’m desperate, but not that desperate.”
Lewis was about to be called for the driver parade and you realised just how quickly time had passed. “I should let you finish your rituals, we still have a few stops to make before the race.”
He handed Autumn back and gave you a hug. “Don’t lose that glow stressing about getting a seat, mama, enjoy your time with this little beauty. Che sarà, sarà.”
“Practising Italian already, huh?” you teased as you buckled Autumn into the stroller where she promptly fell asleep after the movement disturbed her. “I will keep your wise words in mind.”
The paddock was quieter as you made your way down the line of garages. Most guests would already be in the viewing spaces above the pit lane to watch the drivers parade so there weren’t many people for security to part.
“Ma’am,” the head guard called as he stood in front of an imposing suited figure. “He wants a word.”
You nodded your head and he moved to let the man through. “I’m kind of running late, Lawrence.”
“I just want to say congratulations,” your old boss said as he looked into the stroller and removed his sunglasses. “She’s very cute, you must be proud.”
“You could have sent a text message.”
Lawrence sighed at the frosty tone. “In hindsight things may have been handled a little callously but you should understand it was for your own good. This isn’t an office job that can be worked while pregnant, it would have been irresponsible as an employer.”
“I understand that, it was the fact you fired me without even talking to me first - I had to find out through the tabloids - and before that the way you let your son get away with treating his team is actually despicable.”
Lawrence pulled a white handkerchief from his breast pocket and cleaned his glasses as he stared off into the distance. “You’re not wrong, but we are working on his attitude and behaviour - discreetly.”
You raised an eyebrow but he wasn’t going to share anything further, instead he took one last look at Autumn and put the aviators back on his nose. Maybe there was some weight behind the rumours.
“Hopefully we’ll see you back on the grid at some point. You were one hell of a racer.”
“Am, Mr Stroll,” you corrected as you turned the brake off the pram. “I am one hell of a racer.”
#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#formula one imagine#formula one fanfiction#formula 1 fanfic#f1 x reader
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long reaction to the update
ok. so they put out an update video! since i've been commentating for the last three days i might as well subject you all to more of my thoughts today.
main takeaway: this was a good apology video. i mean it. short and to the point, no overproduction, heartfelt and honest (and not a ukelele to be seen. thank god.) they took ownership of the situation, apologized, and restated how much they value their relationship with the fandom.
their solution is to make the watcher tv platform into kind of an iteration of patreon where content is available for early access before it is released onto youtube later. this is clearly a better option than paywalling everything for everyone. i'm not sure what the relative breakdown of costs turns out to be when you compare how much they were making on patreon after the platform took their cut VS how much it costs in overhead to run and maintain their own platform (how much it costs annually to contract via Vimeo, essentially). but i'm sure that's part of the calculation.
all things considered, that does seem like the best option out of all the alternatives. it allows them to not completely abandon any of the pans they have simmering over the fire for the time being. i don't think i ever thought they were going to just say "oops, forget about the streaming thing! let's pretend that never happened!" because at this point they've invested quite a lot of time and money into it, and i don't disagree that keeping it in some iteration may help them make up some of the funds they're lacking.
i would say, it's fine to keep the streamer. this is one of the ok outcomes, all things considered-- but if they're going to do it, they've GOT to do it smart from this point forward. listen to both the fans and the consultants intimately. both are going to have valid points, and both are going to be right. listening to too much of either side will sink this thing because each has motives and expertise that the other doesn't. if the fans say $6 is too much, listen to them-- but have conversations with business consultants about how much you realistically need to charge to make things work.
also, i'd use this whole situation as a learning experience. watcher is a young company, and it's literally inevitable that mistakes will happen. what's different is that the watcher crew haven't really been in a position before where they've been on the receiving end of the internet-angry-justice-hammer to this extent. it's one thing to watch it happen to others, but it's a position of extreme privilege (and a bit of hubris) to think "but that won't happen to me, because i'm built different." naw, man-- two things in life are inevitable: death and fuckups. the callout posts get us all in the end.
what's really important is that they use this as a wakeup call that even the most loyal fandoms will only follow you so far to the cliff's edge, and you don't want to push that. you have to strike a balance between the passion projects that you think are worthy and the stuff that maybe doesn't excite you as much anymore but the people want to see. a little fanservice keeps the lights on, as unfair as that might seem. i'm gonna make 50 markiplier choccy milk memes just so i can make one niche political joke once and a while for 6 likes. it is what it is.
i'd also use this as a chance to take a very careful look at company structure and finances. it's not fun to do and nobody likes it. trust me-- this is hard whether you're a single adult trying to pay the bills or the freaking US government (speaking from experience on both-- i have to read the president's budget for work frequently). but you all have to ask hard questions about the ratio of creative staff you take on VS staff for administrative and other business roles, as well as the costs and benefits of everything you spend money on. how many staff members are essential to location shoots? can this video be shot with 2 cameras instead of 3 and thus you don't need another cameraperson? you might even have to come to the decision that instead of pitching a new show it makes more sense to use those funds to hire your essential non-creative roles or contract firms or freelancers.
paying staff a fair wage with benefits speaks highly of what watcher wants their values to be. it's hard to find such a position in a creative role and still actually get to work on things you care about. but it would be much worse if watcher didn't make realistic decisions about finances and it lead to the death of the company and everyone losing their jobs. the whole watcher company can work, in my opinion, but not without some sacrifices. they're going to have to run it more like a business and less like a youtube-channel-turned-business in the future if they want to survive.
last thing i'll add is that while i do think this was a good apology video, i still think they hurt themselves by not putting out some sort of statement on Friday or Saturday just to say that they were formulating a response. As i've said in other posts, it's ok and in fact beneficial to not make a kneejerk reaction, but it's also very important to communicate that you SEE what's happening. you SEE what people are saying and THAT'S why you need more time to respond. saying nothing and leaving the angry public to wonder if you dropped your phone off the Hoover Dam or just don't care? that's a fumble. it's a common mistake companies make in a crisis, but that doesn't mean it doesn't erode trust fast.
this could have been handled better in many ways. we see that, and i'm glad watcher says they see that too. crucial going forward is taking all this and patching the errors that caused all this to fall apart and learning from the experience.
tbh at this point what i'm most sad about is that the watcher crew have probably been too stressed out and upset to appreciate some of the absolute bangers people have been laying down to clown on them. i think if it wasn't about them they might be touched by the collective attitude and creative spirit. /j
#watcher#watcher tv#after this post i have got to actually not spend time writing long reactions about this anymore because i too#have fires caused by my own fuckups to put out#alas
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I'm so sorry I didn't get to finish but as Dan's Teekl is a Phoenix snake and he takes after Vlad since of dressing
When something big is going on the magical world and they need King Phantom's help he decides to bring along his children this is how the Justice League finds out just like Robin is a past dumb title so is Klarion all the Justice League deal with a bunch of hyper up chaotic children who have been antiheroes let's find out
I wanted this to be just like a we are robbing thing except with Clarion all of them showing off the fact that Teekl have never been a cat would be so funny to me
Anywho I haven't been able to come up with anymore ideas for Dan is Klarion but I did come out with this one hope you find it funny sorry that I messed up on the first part of the writing
Okay... so version one got deleted, per my rant post notices... so here is version two hopes to that it will still be as good... also... i didn't remember how I ended this the first time soooooo yea... sorry again for having messed up in between...
[Link to the first part of the Ask here!]
I hope this will still be as enjoyable....
------------------
Vlad didn't regret a lot of things but he regretted having told Bruce Wayne that he had a way of summoning the Ghost King. Why you ask? Because Bruce Wayne apparently leaked that information to the Justice League.
Well originally Vlad had told Bruce only about this because he was after the deal he had wanted for years with Wayne Enterprise. That man had been able to avoid Vlad for years now, and during his years when he hadn't been a redeemed man it had infuriated him.
But he was a redeemed man now. He had reformed his entire Company and since Wayne Enterprise was contracted with the Justice League, he had felt it was appropriate to boost that his Company had valuable connections too.
He also just wanted to rub it into Brucie Waynes face that he wasn't the only one with big name Hero / other worldly connections department. Okay it might have been a bit of an ego thing left. But he was a redeemed man.
And because he was a redeemed man he had not used his ghost powers to throw Batman out of the window the hero had used to barge into his hotel room at 3 -goddamn- AM only to demand the method on how to summon the ghost king.
No sir, Vlad was a redeemed man, he was nice now, a good guy.
He only grumbled and demanded the reason, which apparently was a demonic thread to the magical world that indirectly could wipe out the entire world itself. Great, little badger will not be amused hearing about that.
Daniel would be cross with him for using the summoning stone in the middle of the night but Batman was giving him a valid reason to use it. Surely Daniel would understand right? Plus Vlad could use that as change to see the little badger again. It had been a while since he last saw him.
Well Vlad regretted agreeing with Batman with the condition that he would be the one to do the summoning. That man in a bat suit did not hesitate to drag Vlad with him then bringing him, blindfolded mind you, to a place where he then was faced with several heroes, including but not limited to the Justice league.
Just great.
At least Vlad got to inform Danial about the situation and the reason for his summon as Ghost King via summoning stone, even if that blond British man had scoffed when he saw Vlad pulling it out, about the situation and what the little badger could expect the moment he stepped out of a portal.
What Vlad did not expect were several RED portals opening and similarly dressed young adults as well as one teen stepping out of them.
"Sup old man! Mom told us you called him about some world ending problem!" Dan greeted him in his Klarion get up, perfectly styled hair and his ghost pet, a phoenix snake, Snape (yes Dan named his pet after a mage from a wizard movie series) on his shoulders. Vlad could feel the distinctive illusion magic around the pet and he was pretty sure everyone without ghost powers were not able to see through it.
"KLARION?!" One of the present heroes yelled.
And of course all of the kids had to answer in reflect turning to where the voice came from at the same time.
"Yea"
There was a brief moment of silence in which Vlad face palmed.
"Ah sorry, that was on reflex. Old habits die hard!" Ellie laughed, she had grown into a young woman and was currently wearing what looked like a black suit crossed with a 90s style witch dress.
"I am the current Klarion, lose that fucking habit already." Dan grumbled annoyed as he crossed his arms glaring at every sibling that had answered to his alias.
"I am telling mom you cussed." Ellie instead grinned instead, before she looked around for a moment before her eyes landed on Nightwing, her face instantly lighting up. "ROBIN! I mean Nightwing! I haven't seen you in ages!"
"Do I know you?" Vlad could feel sorry for the hero, but these where the phantom kids, so he wasn't in the slightest and he was still cross with he heroes for waking him up at 3AM!
"I am hurt! Don't you recognise me!" Ellie gasped and Dan unashamedly elbowed her for acting so familiar.
"Misrule." He warned her. Ellies current Anti-Hero -Chaos Agent- Alias Vlad remembered. A name she specifically chose because it sounded like Miss Rule and she knew that the word play would annoy Nabu. That girl had some serious beef with the Ancient of Order.
"Oh shush little brother! Let me reconnect with the kids I used to mess with!" She shushed Dan ruffling his hair and nearly messing up his horned hairstyle, before turning back to Nightwing. "Don't you remember my lovely Armadillos? Though I only know you were the Robin I first meet because I looked into Grandpa Clock's time mirrors..."
There was a brief moment of silence on the other side where the heroes stood and Vlad swore he could have heard a pin needle drop.
"Oh god..." One of them finally spoke up as apparently some kind of realisation sunk into the heroes. But before Ellie could add anything more the one Vlad recognised as Red Robin cut in.
"Klarion is like Robin!"
"RR what are you...?"
"The title of Klarion got passed down like Robin!"
There was another brief moment of silence before Dan, Ellie and the rest of their siblings burst out laughing.
"It took you idiots this long to see that?!" Dan called them out, laughing as he hugged Snape.
Vlad would probably feel sorry for the entirety of the heroes before him if he wasn't amused by this himself, even he had seen the differences whenever 'Klarion' got passed on.
"For your information, I was the first Klarion, so i could mess with Nabu." Ellie grinned. "I was also the one that used a bit to much eyeliner."
"I never got the the horned hairstyle right."
"I was the one with a fancy black suit."
One by one the phantom kids listed of all the differences in their versions of Klarion until they all looked towards the youngest Dan, the current Klarion.
"What?" He grumbled as his elder siblings grinned at him.
"Fucking fine. I use a suit similar to the old man's style and I like to do more than just mess with Nabitch." He muttered after enduring his siblings stares for.
"And you cuss." Ellie grinned brightly causing the rest of the siblings to to chuckle.
Vlad recognised the look in Dan's eyes and before the kids could break out into an argument or a brawl, depending how violent Dan was feeling, he coughed loudly to get noticed by everyone.
"World threatening situation." He reminded everyone. "Where is your mother? The Ghost King?"
"Oh Mom is already dealing with the situation." Dan shrugged. "We more or less came to watch and see the heroes suck and fail at 'Order' to rub it into Nabitch's face."
Vlad really wanted to scowl the kids and he was going to but then the heroes cut in again.
"Can we get back to the thing about Klarion being a title passed down like Robin? With how many different Klarions did we have to deal with over the years!?"
"Red Robin not the right time..."
"Yes the right time! So many comments from Klarion make sense now! Like the first time he went right up into my face!"
"Red Robin!"
"Oh that was still me! The first Klarion!"
#dp x dc#dpxdc#dcxdp#crossover#danny fenton#danny phantom#dick grayson#tim drake#ellie phantom#dan phantom#dc robin#Klarion is a title passed down like Robin#Ellie created the first Klarion#dc Nabu#mom danny#ghost king danny#Ellie is the first klarion#Like Dick was the first Robin#Dan is the current Klarion#Tim wants answers#he is hung up on the there were multiple Klarions fact#Vlad was sort of in the know#He is responsible for the reveal...#not really#but the kids wanted to see Danny beat up a big bad demon#Part 2
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Dreamland (ln4) - Part One
↳ A/N Big thank you to @starlightiing for taking the time to talk this out with me & mega thank you to @norrussell for being my un-official beta reader and hyping this new universe up 🤭
↳ [Very Loosely] Inspired By: 'Heat Waves' by Glass Animals
↳ Summary: As a flunking university student in dreary Bristol, Lando is sure there’s another life waiting for him elsewhere. A life that he can only dream of living with the girl with a million dollar career, verified instagram, and a stunning smile that he swears was created for him. But maybe those dreams stray no farther than his phone screen.
↳ Pairings: Fanboy Lando Norris x Famous!Author!Fem!Reader (NO use of y/n), University Student Lando x Internet Friend George x Internet Friend Alex
↳ Word Count: 6.8k
↳ Warnings: 18+, male masturbation, he humps his bed a little (whoops), dirty talk (stemming from his imagination and his inner most desires), Lando's so incredibly down bad for a girl who doesn't know he exists
In the large university classroom, Lando tapped the end of his pencil against the edge of his calculator, his thick textbook open and his notebook page resting on top of it, blank. At the head of the large lecture hall, his professor was walking through the lecture on the overhead projector, showing step by step instructions for their task that day. As an accounting student, Lando might have at least feigned a bit of interest in the lesson on revenues and expenses but his eyes were nearly glazed over, his mind lost in thought, and his page far behind his peers.
His mind only ever drifted to one thing when his interest wasn’t being immediately taken and that was you. You didn’t know it - in fact, you didn’t even know who Lando was - but he spent his daydreams letting his mind wander to various instances with you that he could only pray would be real some day. That day in particular, he was thinking about how sunny and warm it probably was in Monte Carlo for you compared to the late-winter rain that was pelting Bristol in that very same moment. The rain on the windows caused the professor’s voice to nearly be drowned out despite the fact that he spoke loudly to try and speak over it. Lando was too far past bored to bother trying to listen harder.
As his classmates worked diligently around him, Lando slouched back in his chair near the back of the classroom and glanced down at his phone that was lying face up on the table beside his textbook. As if meant to be, the screen lit up with a silent Instagram notification indicating that you had just posted.
His heart did a little leap and he glanced over casually to his professor still lecturing as he slid his phone off the table and held it in his lap to peek. Your birthdate was his passcode - two digit month and two digit date - and he tapped on Instagram from his home screen that was wallpapered with a selfie of yours (a picture he used to tell strangers whom he wouldn’t see again that you were his girlfriend…long distance of course). Your post was at the top of his feed and before his eyes even processed the image, he double tapped to like it. The little white heart appeared in the middle of the post, right over your chest, and then disappeared.
“Mr Norris.”
His head snapped up from his lap before he could graze your post with even a sliver of as much attention as you deserved, only to see his professor staring at him from the front of the lecture hall with a displeased expression and his arms crossed over his chest. A few students turned to look at Lando. He locked his phone and slid it shyly into his pocket.
“Mr Norris, I certainly don’t think your current GPA is permitting you to take the risk of slacking off on your phone in my class, now is it?”
Lando swallowed thickly as everyone was staring at him and a few of the other students chuckled to themselves at the professor’s diss.
“No. Sorry.” Lando answered softly.
“Manners and respect, Mr Norris.”
“No…s-sir.” Lando forced out, physically shifting in his chair at the discomfort it brought him to follow the strange order of his professor to call him sir as a form of respect. Of course, Lando would never outright admit why it made him uncomfortable. He certainly wouldn’t want to face the embarrassment of admitting how he secretly savoured that title for your lips only, how he fantasized of you calling him that and only you. Having to refer to his sixty-something male professor as such left a nasty taste in Lando’s mouth.
Without the distraction of his phone, Lando was stuck spending the rest of the class dooling on his notebook paper to make it seem like he was working. He might have been a twenty-year-old adult but he still found himself pulling the tip of his pencil along the lined paper to form the curve of your silhouette that had been engraved in his mind since you posted that beach picture back in the summer. His bottom lip was captured between his teeth as he distracted his mind from the post he had yet to appreciate by sketching his pencil lightly to form the curve of your breasts. He erased his messy sketch before anyone could peek over his shoulder.
The three hour class was far too excruciating even if he only had to endure half of it wondering about your post he had yet to see. It was driving him crazy in near suspense. The moment the class was dismissed, Lando rushed to put his textbook in his backpack and nearly shoved himself between the crowd of classmates taking their sweet time descending the stairs in the lecture hall towards the exit.
The university hallway was a relief of cool air and Lando hiked his backpack higher on his one shoulder as he stopped just around the corner out of the classroom door and he pulled his phone from his pocket. He ignored his dozens of missed messages and went right back to your profile and opened your new post.
At only the first glance his teeth were sinking into his bottom lip and he slouched his shoulder against the nearby wall with a deep exhale, eyes unblinking as he admired the pixels that made up the image of you on his screen. Additional images from a magazine photoshoot, you were wearing nothing but an oversized white button up shirt, the collar pulled open and unbuttoned near the top to show your collarbones, and your lips were painted in a glossy red. Naturally cut hair fell in a purposefully messy hair sprayed style around your shoulders and the direct stare you held to the camera with your very light makeup dusting your eyes had Lando’s chest clenching. He had to physically hold a hand to his heart for a moment as he swiped through the three similar images you posted, each with a near perfected lustful stare with your lips just slightly parted and your hands hiding your chest from the slightly see-through material of the white shirt.
Quiet among the bustling university hallway, Lando breathed out a soft, “Jesus.”
He turned to rest back against the wall properly and he brought both hands to his phone to bring it a little closer to his face to really stare. He licked his lips habitually and then opened the comments on the post. He liked a few from your just-as-well-known friends and ignored the ones from other fans that would just make him cringe and he started to compose his own comment.
landonorris: holy shit you’re so beautiful 🧡
When he posted his comment he scrolled back to the picture and zoomed in to take in every single part of you that he could before he was opening his messages. Lando didn’t have too many friends in university but he didn’t mind because he had a good few internet friends instead who honestly were so much better than ‘physical’ friends. They understood and accepted Lando’s little love sick crush on you and nothing felt better than that.
alex_albon: MATE DID YOU SEE
alex_albon: LANDO!!!!!
alex_albon: DUDE SHES HOT
alex_albon: COME GET YOUR GIRL
alex_albon: LANDO
alex_albon: LAN ARE YOU STILL ALIVE???
Lando could hardly hold back his grin right in the middle of the hallway as he quickly responded to his closest friend.
landonorris: MATE IM NOT OKAY
landonorris: I had to wait through my entire class until I could look properly omfg
landonorris: She’s literally so fucking stunning oh my GODJHFHFJ
landonorris: Minemineminemine 🤤
alex_albon: YES I KNOW OMG
alex_albon: YOURS
alex_albon: GO GET HER
landonorris: God I wish she wasn’t so fucking far away UGJGEBHRG this is UNFAIR 😩
alex_albon: Finish your degree and then go have BABIES 🤪
landonorris: HAHAHAH MATE omfg relax!!
alex_albon: Hey you said it first, I’m just being a supportive best friend
Lando swiped out of their dms only to return to your post and he couldn’t hide his smitten grin as he admired you. Alex wasn’t wrong because Lando often thought about a future with you; having babies with you, living in Monte Carlo with you, and following you around the world on your book tours. He was adamant that he was going to make that happen one way or another. He was going to have you fall in love with him just as he had with you.
alex_albon: Wow leave me on seen okay
landonorris: Sorry sorry sorry I was a little busy staring at a certain someone
alex_albon: Don’t drool on your phone mateeee 😉😉
Lando had met Alex online only a year prior through his online blog he kept about you. He had wracked up a good following by posting little journal entries and sketches and a few short concepts here and there and, of course, posting your pictures like it was his day job to run an update account. Alex wasn’t as much of a fan of yours as Lando was but from the moment they first messaged, they hit it off and became close through the distant connections of the internet. With Lando in Bristol and Alex in London, they weren’t too far spread but they had yet to meet and that probably wouldn’t happen for a while since neither had the money nor means to make a trip cross-country. Their daily messages certainly made up for the distance.
Lando had one more unread message in his Instagram dms and he left the thread with Alex to choose a song, slide in his AirPods, and tend to the next waiting friend as he started to walk back towards his dorm.
georgerussell63: Oh wow she always posts when you’re in class huh
georgerussell63: Blimey she looks stunning in this post too geeeeez
georgerussell63: Ugh mums calling me for supper but I’ll be back
georgerussell63: Message me when you’re free!!!
George was the farthest away from Bristol in King's Lynn right on the opposite coast of the country. Just like with Alex, George and Lando met through his blog and became close quickly too. Lando was sure there were no two more supportive friends than Alex and George and their daily reassurances that someday you were going to love him back honestly was the one thing keeping Lando going.
Lando navigated the busy university hallways with ease while he typed his excited reply to his other close internet friend, tuned out from the world by his curated playlist and wandering mind.
landonorris: Mate I KNOW I’m literally not okay pfjfjfkjng
landonorris: It's like she KNOWS I’m busy omg but how can I be mad at her
landonorris: LOOK at her
landonorris: Like plz ruin my life???? 🤤
The rain that came down hard onto the Bristol university campus didn’t phase Lando as he tucked the hood of his sweater up over his head and hurried down the pathways back to the dormitories. He clutched his phone in the front pocket of his hoodie as if the lingering memory of your image would somehow be left behind in the downpour on his walk home. Like hell he was going to let you go that easily.
The dry lobby of the residence building had him sighing in relief from the rain and he pulled off his hood as he fished his key card from his pocket. With a swipe to the interior doors, he was permitted into the elevator lobby and he smacked the call button a few times impatiently as he brought your Instagram back up on his phone. Safe from class and passing students, Lando let his thoughts drift to less of just she’s beautiful and more of I wish she wasn’t covering herself up.
When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, Lando stepped in without a look up and pressed his floor button out of complete muscle memory, all without taking his eyes off your images. He zoomed in again as he slumped against the back wall of the elevator and his lip was captured by his teeth again as your lightly manicured hands covered your breasts from the camera but the fair material of the white button up shirt had him able to see the slightest colouration of your nipple in the second image. His finger moved the zoomed in picture so he could see more of you and his eyes greedily soaked up the way the shirt hung loose around your thighs and rose up almost to your hips with how you were professionally positioned.
His thoughts were turning dirtier faster and he nearly hurried down the hallway to his room to have some privacy. Lando closed the suite door behind him and glanced into his roommates room only to find it empty before he was dropping his backpack to the floor just inside his own room. He had never been more thankful for his roommate to have later classes and despite the fact he was alone in their shared suite, Lando still closed his bedroom door behind him just in case.
His room wasn’t much different than that of any other twenty-year-old college boy with a bit of mess around the corners - clothes tossed aside and stray papers littering his desk - but on the shelf of his closet he had lined up in pristine condition, your few published novels in date release order. Lando never once called himself a reader and in fact he had always hated English in school, but when he came across a promo video on social media about your recent release, he became a little intrigued. He was more intrigued by you at first and he spent one night scrolling through your verified social media feeds before he ended up adding your debut novel to his Amazon shopping cart in a sleep deprived, curious, heart-eyed rush at 3:00 in the morning.
He would proudly admit that yours were the only books he had voluntarily read since he was a kid.
Finally back in the comfort of his own room, Lando pulled off his rain soaked hoodie and tossed it into his laundry pile in the corner of his closet and flicked on his bedside light. The rain outside caused the sky to turn dark far too quickly for mid-afternoon, but Lando couldn’t be bothered to close his blinds before he was flopping stomach first across his double bed to spend the next however long admiring your complete existence shamelessly.
He literally felt warm all over when he looked at you, his heart always squeezed so tightly in his chest until he could feel each thudding beat that he swore was only ever just for you. You drove him crazy and you didn’t even know it.
Lando blindly kicked off his muddy sneakers from his feet dangling off the end of his bed with his gaze captured all on your image. Having admired your body in the elevator, he took to your face now, making sure to give every pixel its deserved share of attention. Despite it being a magazine shoot, you only wore limited makeup so the focus was all on your red painted lips but your eyes that were lined with thin eyeliner and magnifying mascara had his attention all over you regardless. He swore you were staring at him like you knew what he wanted from you, like you knew what you were doing, and he could only stare right back.
He shifted on his bed with a small hum as the admiration of your beauty was going right to his crotch but he barely paid any mind to anything else as he focused all on your lips. Lando’s mind was whirling with so many thoughts as his gaze lingered on your glossy red lips that were parted just so and looked nothing less than fucking irresistable.
A message popped down from the top of Lando’s screen in the middle of his admiration session.
alex_albon: What r u up to?
Lando tapped it to open their messaging thread and he typed his momentary string of thoughts without second guessing, always able to word vomit into his friends’ dms without fear of being shamed for a single word.
landonorris: I want her to suck my dick
alex_albon: DAMN okay I see what you’re up to
alex_albon: Just dreaming about your wife haha
landonorris: No mate you don’t understand
landonorris: I literally want those perfect red lips around my dick
landonorris: I fucking crave it
landonorris: And I want to kiss her literally all over and worship her body and grab her tits and smack her ass and I want to make her moan my name
landonorris: And I want to cum all over her face while she’s looking up at me like in that pic giving me those fucking eyes
alex_albon: Oh my God mate 😦 pffhjffjfj you're down bad
landonorris: FUCK ME THIS ISNT FAIR
alex_albon: I know!!! She’d be fucking stupid to not want you Lan
alex_albon: You’re literally made for each other
landonorris: PLZ I want her so bad it's not funny
landonorris: She’s so fucking pretty
landonorris: I want to knock her up mate
alex_albon: Only if I can be the godfather
landonorris: Maybe we’ll have twins so you and George can share the honour lol
alex_albon: Honestly I’m down
landonorris: Literally just looking at her gets me so fucking horny it will NOT be hard to make twins first try ngl
alex_albon: LMAO 😏
landonorris: Haha okay it’s raining here and I just got back to my dorm so imma shower brb
alex_albon: Yeah okay go enjoy that 😏
landonorris: Lol stfu
landonorris: 🧡
Maybe his friends kind of knew him too well but Lando didn’t want to let on too much so he played Alex’s teasing off before closing their messages and returning to your post. He screenshotted all three images and then held himself up on his forearm with his phone in hand as his other hand slid down to unbuckle his belt. He shifted onto his side just enough to take his belt off and then pop the buttons on his black jeans before pushing them down his legs and he flailed his ankles a little to get his pants to drop to the floor with his discarded shoes. Now in only his underwear and his t-shirt, Lando rolled back onto his stomach fully with a small sigh.
He could feel himself getting a little hard by only the thoughts rushing through his mind - and by the sight of your new pictures of course - and he kept them going as he turned back to his phone. The screenshots of your post were in his camera roll and he opened them up to crop out the instagram banners and comments so it was only you taking up his screen. He smiled at the sight of you in the dim sultry lighting of the photoshoot studio you were in and the crisp warm light that lit you up like an angel.
The second image was his favourite of your post between the teasing little slip of your breast behind the fair shirt and the way your eyes were a bit wider, more innocent and sultry, and he could nearly see the line of your panties with how the shirt was slightly raised at the bottom. He imagined them to be as red as your lipstick and lacey and tiny…imagining that peeking up the bottom of the oversized shirt you wore would give him a greedy view of your soft hips cradling the red lace that barely covered anything.
Lando was nearly staring at his phone like he was staring right into your eyes right beside him, nothing but adoration spread through his eyes and the blush of growing lust staining his cheeks in pink. He barely noticed how he was grinding down slightly against his bed, his body swirling in slow precise motions, dreaming for the touch of your soft hand.
The very same hands that covered your breasts in the images you posted, resting gently against your chest to keep yourself decent - you were a modest artist after all, thank you. He just knew you’d be so soft, that you’d touch him in all the right places, tease him with the sight of your body meant just for him. He had never been with anyone before which was another thing he would have hated to admit to anyone, but he knew more than ever that he wanted to give it up to you. He wanted you to be his first for everything that he had yet to check off…he wanted you to be the first woman he ever had in his arms and ever had in his bed. He just knew you would treat him right.
That concept was only solidified by the third book of yours that he had read, engrossed in the pages, illuminated by the light beside his bed back at home, as he was privy to the filthiest, hottest, most intricately detailed sex scene he had ever read. Well, the only one he had ever read. Lando didn’t know it was even possible to publish something so risky but the knowledge that you equipped into your writing only proved his concept that you would be the best partner he could ever have.
With a swipe from the top of his screen, he put his phone on do not disturb to prevent any notifications from popping up while he was trying to have a moment alone with you. He cradled your picture on his phone in both hands as he let the lust work for him, shamelessly grinding against his bed without breaking his gaze from your body, your face, your everything. He couldn’t nearly feel the warmth of your skin right next to him and the plush feeling of one of your thighs nudged between his legs. There was nothing he craved more than the friction of your body on his and his imagination thrived at the concept of having you underneath him, just like that in the picture with your light makeup and plush red lips, wearing his shirt.
Lando just wished he could kiss you too, staining his lips with your lipstick and how you would leave a trail down his neck in your wake. He zoomed in on your picture some more and set his phone down on the sheets between his forearms, staring right into your captured eyes as he pulled his body back and forth against his bed and his hands wrapped around the edge of the mattress. He moaned breathily at the friction and rolled his hips into his sheets strongly, taking his bottom lip between his teeth slightly, dreaming it to be you he was grinding against.
The ache between his legs was growing and his cheeks only flushed more as he grew harder at the simple pleasure of the sheets against his clothed cock and the image of you beneath him. With a soft exhale, Lando propped himself up a bit with one hand flat to the mattress so he was on a bit of an angle and he glanced down his body as his hips ground in strong precise curling thrusts against the bed.
He breathed your name into his room as he looked back down at your picture, soaking in your nearly lustful gaze staring right back at him. He moaned lightly as his hips started to move faster and he was nearly humping his bed in overwhelming pleasure, fingers gripping onto the edge of the sheets.
“Fuck, okay,” Lando huffed out as he forced himself to stop quickly, groaning at the sudden halt of that sweet friction. He slid his hands underneath him and pushed himself onto his knees, sitting back on his heels, and took a second to stare down at the bulge in his underwear. It physically ached and he just wanted you to touch it for him. He wanted you to see how hard he could get for you.
The image of you standing at the side of his bed in front of him in only that white button up and nothing else had him quickly pulling off his shirt and tossing it to the floor and then shuffling out of his underwear. Left completely naked, Lando only dreamt of you staring at him, and his eyes gravitated to that picture again just to remind himself of how fucking stunning you were to him. It would be an honour to have you.
“Want you to suck my dick.” he whispered into the air as he faintly traced the head of his dick with his fingers, “Wanna feel that pretty mouth, baby.”
If you created stories, he was going to create stories. The filthiest imaginative little stories of everything he wanted to do to you, for only you to (hopefully) be privy to one day. He leaned over slightly and tugged open the drawer of his nightstand and fished around for the small clear bottle he had hidden in the back. He had no experience but he figured if he were to replicate your mouth as realistically as he could, he would need to make it as wet as possible. It wasn’t the first time he had gotten himself off to the thought of you and the small bottle of lube that he kept hidden away was of no thanks to the spiciest, hottest scenes in your romance novels. He may have been a raging virgin but he was no stranger to touch.
There had never been one time that he jerked off and didn’t think of you. It was always you. He could only imagine you crawling slowly towards him across his bed in only that white shirt and your tiny red panties as he poured a generous glob of lube into his hand before tossing the bottle haphazardly across the bed sheets. Still sitting back on his heels, Lando spread his thighs apart slightly and smeared the lube in his right hand to warm it up a bit before he was staring down at your picture in front of him and he wrapped his hand around his dick.
Lando sunk his teeth into his bottom lip with a small groan and slid his hand up the shaft of his cock slowly, savouring the soaking wet feeling from his palm. He thought of you between his legs, draped on your stomach with his shirt riding up your back so he could see the curve of your ass in those tiny lace panties and spank you as he wanted, all while you could take his dick in your warm, wet mouth. He could imagine it so well that his eyes literally fluttered as he exhaled strongly on the downstroke of his hand, dreaming about the lube being your spit instead. He wanted it so badly he was burning for it.
“Yeah, baby.” he breathed out, “Suck it.”
He moved his hand in steady strokes up and down his dick as if trying to mimic what he could only imagine your mouth would feel like. The lube smeared messily in his palm, between his fingers, and dripped down the length of his cock as he worked himself slowly but he was all too addicted to the disgusting wet squelch that it filled the room with. His breathing was heavy and his light grip he kept up pulled soft moans from his chest.
Your name fell from his lips again in a breathy whimper and he slid his hand up higher to pull little twisting strokes right around the head of his cock, his thighs physically flinching at the sensation. His head fell back with a groan and he moved his hand faster right there.
“Yeah.” he whimpered out, naturally starting to thrust up into his own touch a little, “Yes, yes, yeah, baby, fuck-”
But he slowed it down to make it last, choking out a soft cry as he dragged his hand down in long slow strokes to ease the rising pressure again and he lolled his head to the side as he peered down at your picture again resting up on his bed sheets. His breaths fell heavier and as his impatient desperation grew, he had to move to a better position.
The images in his mind followed the shift as he grabbed his phone with his left hand and could almost vividly picture you climbing on top of him as he draped himself backwards against his pillows. He craved to touch every inch of your skin for real but his imagination did him temporary justice as he pictured you unbuttoning his shirt to drape it open and give him a greedy view of your bare breasts and beautiful body. Lando bit his bottom lip again as he gave himself a few more lingering seconds of soaking up every inch of your picture in his phone before he was making a fist and lowering it down onto the tip of his dick so he could imagine what it would feel like to truly slip inside your cunt.
“Oh, God, baby.” Lando whimpered at the tight squeeze of his lubed up hand, not tearing his eyes away from your image for even a second, “Shit, you feel so good.”
But if he shut his eyes, it almost felt so real; like you were truly there in his dorm room and bouncing on his dick. The image was so vivid in his mind to the point that he could see the bounce of your breasts and the mess of your hair and the smudge of your fair makeup, your tiny lace panties simply pushed to the side. The sound of his hand on himself was easily enough replicated and he sped it up a little more with a lingering groan, his head tossed back against his pillow.
Lando’s breathy praise was spoken to no one, “Good girl. Fuck- good girl, baby, just like that.”
He took one last look at your picture on his phone before he had to drop it to reach out and grab his thigh with a strangled whimper. He knew your face better than anything so resorting to just his imagination wasn’t a difficult task and he did so gladly. Being alone, there wasn’t too much of a need to be quiet but Lando tended to anyway, only letting out the smallest little whimpers and moans between his shallow breaths as the pleasure drew through his veins.
The craving for you was so intense Lando felt almost dizzy and he fabricated you taking his whole cock deep inside you over, and over, and over, faster and faster. He choked out a little moan as his hand sped up and his head tossed back sharply against the pillows as his nails raked up his thigh in overwhelm.
“Fuuuck-”
Lando’s hand flew to his hair and he grabbed a tight handful as his hips started bucking up into his hand slightly, his moans only getting louder and he could nearly hear yours too, he swore. He just wished he could get his hands on you to grab your hips and fuck up into you or to grab your breasts and watched your face fall into pleasure. He dreamt of what your pussy felt like when you would cum around him, definitely knowing that his hand would never compare no matter how hard he tried to attempt to replicate it.
“Oh God.” he squeaked out, his voice tightening in strain as he grew closer. His jaw clenched as he raised his head up to watch his lubed up hand get faster as the tip of his aching cock leaked for orgasm, groaning through his teeth, “Yes, baby, don’t fuckin’ stop.”
Lando’s brain was flooded with your face, your body, every single one of his favourite pictures of you making up this never ending flow of stunning brilliance that he wanted to absolutely take advantage of in the best way. If you were anything like your writing, you knew how to fuck and Lando wanted all of it. Most importantly, he wanted you.
Faint sweat was forming at his hairline as he fucked up into his hand that was feverishly stroking his cock, his chest rising and falling in anticipation as he gripped the back of his hair and spread his legs a little wider. His moans were getting more pathetic, more desperate, more pleading and he couldn’t stop picturing you on top of him.
“Shit, I’m gonna cum,” he squeaked out quickly, “Lemmy cum inside you. Please, let me cum inside you.”
He fell silent for a second, only rasping out a ‘yes’ and your name, and his hand worked him right into orgasm. His mouth fell open and his head dropped back against the pillows as a little dribble of white spurted gently from his tip and fell onto his hand followed by a second. He stroked himself slower, really pulling and twisting to get more out as his hips ground up and a good shot streaked right up his faint abs.
“Yes.” he breathed through his teeth, slowing right down, and his breath froze in his chest for a second as more leaked from his tip and he could feel his cock physically pulsing in his hand. Lando bit down on his bottom lip as he moaned out of his orgasm. “Mm, fuck.”
He took a second to steady his breathing a little - and to imagine you falling onto the bed beside him and swallowing him up in pleasurable blissed out tired kisses - and then he reached over to his night stand to grab a tissue from the box. He wiped off his hand and then grabbed another to clean up the few streaks across his stomach and the tip of his dick before throwing them into the small garbage bin beside his bed. With a little pleased smile and a soft sigh, Lando rolled over to grab his underwear from the ground and pulled them on as he got off his bed.
When he glanced back over his shoulder at the wrinkled sheets, he could only see your picture still on his phone as the true shape of your body laying there watching him get up, your cheeks flushed and hair a mess and shirt left unbuttoned to expose your chest to him. And you’d smile at him so adoringly that it honestly made his heart flutter and he wished he could really see you leaking with his cum right onto his duvet.
In his underwear, Lando slipped out of his room into the silent suite that was still missing his roommate and helped himself to the bathroom sink to wash his hands. He took one last look in the mirror, brushing his hand over his once styled hair, and then returned to his room and closed the door behind him.
Lando smiled at your picture that was still on his phone screen when he returned and he sat back down on his bed and slouched back against the headboard as he closed the photos app and removed do not disturb from settings. Instagram popped up with two notifications and Lando’s guess was correct that it was his two friends waiting for him. Since he hadn’t been able to properly talk to George yet since he was eating, he opened his messages first.
georgerussell63: I’m back!
georgerussell63: She just left you a little treat for after class lmao
georgerussell63: I’m surprised I didn’t come back to spicy messages from you
georgerussell63: Who are you and what have you done with Lando?
georgerussell63: Haha
Then, a few minutes later, his friend’s casual banter shifted into the kind of messages Lando dreaded to read.
georgerussell63: Mate, wait did you see? :/
georgerussell63: Wait probably not because I know you have him blocked
georgerussell63: Do you want to know?
georgerussell63: Idk where you are but I’ll just tell you anyway
georgerussell63: It’s HIS shirt that she’s wearing :/
georgerussell63: Hello??
Lando’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment and he shifted in place at the sudden feeling of a sharp blade piercing his chest ached his heart. He rubbed his hand over his chest and then worded a simple response.
landonorris: What the fuck
He swiped out of his conversation with George and opened Alex’s to see similar messages waiting for him.
alex_albon: Oh my God mate
alex_albon: Ok warning now, you’re not going to like this
alex_albon: She reposted HIS story on hers
alex_albon: He was at the photoshoot and it’s his shirt she’s wearing in the post
alex_albon: I’m literally so angry for you
alex_albon: Lando?
alex_albon: Hope you didn’t drown
Lando didn’t know what to say other than a repeat of,
landonorris: What the fuck
It had been a few months since you had publicly announced that you were dating some random influencer guy that Lando had barely heard about. Another thing he’d never admit? That he cried four times that day over it. It was a part of you that he should have been supportive of knowing that if you were happy then he should be happy, but it honestly just made him feel like trash, like some irrelevant stupid fanboy, and completely hopeless in love. In fact, to put it truthfully, Lando loathed the sight of your boyfriend. He loathed the sound of his name. He never would dream to hate another human being but your boyfriend pushed him pretty damn close to that.
Lando just knew you could do so much better.
You could do so much better with him.
georgerussell63: I’m so sorry mate
alex_albon: I’m so sorry buddy
alex_albon: I will literally fight this man for you
Lando suddenly felt so dirty but not in the way that he had planned as the concept of having been staring at you in his shirt and jerking off to you in his shirt suddenly made him want to throw up. Cheeks pink with anger, Lando did the only thing he could honestly do in that moment: rant to his best friends in their group chat.
landonorris: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me
landonorris: Why is he literally everywhere
landonorris: Why is he all over her all the fucking time???
landonorris: Does he not have a job???
landonorris: Can I not have one nice thing??
landonorris: These were her best pictures yet and he fucking ruined them
landonorris: Why is she wearing his shirt in a photoshoot?
landonorris: WHY WAS HE EVEN THERE??
georgerussell63: This is so fucked
alex_albon: I’m literally pissed off too
alex_albon: I couldn’t even tell you what this man's job is
georgerussell63: Don’t worry Lan you’re gonna get to her some day and she’s going to fall all over you 🤍
georgerussell63: You’re literally perfect for each other she just doesn’t know you yet
alex_albon: But she will!!
georgerussell63: Hell yeah she will
alex_albon: He may be someone she’s in love with now but you’re gonna be the one she’s in love with forever
georgerussell63: Oof Albono spitting facts 🔥
landonorris: Like what does he have that’s so great
landonorris: He’s brunette??
landonorris: Oh wow nice
georgerussell63: Is now the time to mention that so are you?
landonorris: Whatever mate I’m desperate
landonorris: It fucking hurts and I hate that it hurts
georgerussell63: It’s gonna make you stronger
georgerussell63: Like Kelly Clarkson said lol
alex_albon: You’re gonna be so strong it’ll be like WWE level gains up in here 💪🏼💪🏼
georgerussell63: She’s gonna be all over those guns mate
georgerussell63: Unbelievably sexy 🥵
landonorris: Omfg guys 😂😂
alex_albon: Ripping through shirts kind of strong
georgerussell63: Absolutely demolishing weak boyfriends kind of strong
landonorris: Might go to shake his hand like a gentleman and -oops sorry didn’t mean to break your arm mate
georgerussell63: PFFFF LMFAO
alex_albon: HAHA dkm omggg
georgerussell63: 1000%
alex_albon: Plus you can race and what kind of girl doesn’t literally swoon over a guy that can race fast cars
landonorris: Bro barely
landonorris: Talking about not even getting past F4 is not the way to impress a girl
georgerussell63: Fuck F4 mate
alex_albon: What do they know about talent
georgerussell63: Yeah and you’ve got serious skill
georgerussell63: Fly to Monaco and drive circles around that woman
alex_albon: And bring us too!!
georgerussell63: That’s a given
Lando smiled lightly to himself and slid farther down on his bed as his friends eased his conscious like it was their day jobs. His heart beat for you, that was undeniable, and there was a second of any day that went by where he wasn’t thinking about how to get to you.
landonorris: Next book tour idc I’m lining up at 4am to meet her
landonorris: I bet she smells so good
alex_albon: Siiiimp
georgerussell63: Just please don’t say that to her face
PART TWO
Tag list: @brettlorenzi3
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#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x female reader#f1 x oc#f1 imagine#f1 one shot#f1 smut#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 fluff#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 x oc#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 one shot#formula 1 smut#formula 1 fanfic#f1 au#formula 1 au#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris smut#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fluff#ln4#lando norris au#2019 rookies#2019 rookies fanfic
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Wibta if I told my mom she loves a cat more than her own children.
I do feel like an asshole for this. I’m 17f and I have a younger sister 15F. My parents are married and for the most part good. When have a 12 year old cat that my mom just adores.
This part is all speculation, but when I very young like I was 5 or something my mom had an event that changed a lot. She stayed with her parents and would visits us. My grandparents would help out and no one really ever explained what happened to her but she lived there for like a year, she did move back in with us. My dad got her a cat to cope while she was away. The speculation is she had really bad post partum depression and had a break down. The reason I believe this/and this is my own theory, was when I was struggling mentally, my mom encouraged me to go to a therapist and they asked family history and she said she had struggled with depression/episodes and had tried medication but never stayed on. She just said when she was younger she had a hard time regulating emotions, and she wants me to worry about me and my own emotions. The post patrum comes from the fact that I asked my dad why did you two have kids and he admitted he wanted kids and my mom was more on the fence. I also find it weird she gets really nervous around Mother’s Day and will often try to not celebrate. (She always says she could be a better mom)
My mom is a good mom don’t get me wrong. She’s always encouraged my sister and I to try and do our hobbies. She’ll drive us where we gotta go. I know she works overtime when she wants to make sure we can do stuff for the family. It’s just sometimes, she seems more like a distant mom. She’ll listen to us, do anything asked, but idk how to put it into words.
But she really loves this cat. And I do love our cat too, but this cat and my mom are bonded. The second my mom comes home and the cat greets her and my mom picks her up and kisses her. She calls the cat her pretty princess and a hundred other nicknames. She calls me my dad and sister honey, bunny, and sunny. I know the cat actually makes my mom happy. Her eyes light up when she sees the cat. I know she looks forward to coming home to the cat. When we go on vacations she’ll miss the cat, or if she goes on a work trip she’ll always ask for pictures of the cat or ask to see the cat on FaceTime. She throws a small birthday party for the cat every year and makes a cake. For our birthdays she’ll ask what we want and sometimes she resorts to store bought desserts.
So this is where it gets bad. Our cat is now sick and probably has a year left to live. The vet told my mom she’s a good cat owner and has always done right for her, but with her age, treatment isn’t really the route because it’s not gonna prevent death, so just focus on making the cat happy and comfortable (this vet appointment was her 6 month check up.) My mom hasn’t been doing well mentally. She’s always struggled with mental health. She just seems to have a shakey mind at times if that makes sense. She very much before would hide her struggles, but we knew she’d have them. Before she would like stand still just gripping the counter with one hand. Now my mom is definetly depressed. She will come home be greeted by the cat, and go to her room and cry with the cat. She’s been just not happy.
My sister and I kinda decided to see if telling her we got good grades would cheer her up, and she’ll say good job and will sometimes offer to cook something or get something for us, but her eyes are just like very tired. (There is also an app she can use to check out grades but she never once used it and will just take our word face value) We’ve talked to my dad about this and he basically said that our mom has always loved animals (she use to work with her grandpa at a pet store he owned, but apparently her grandpa wasn’t a good person to most people in the family except her, so that was hard on her). I asked my dad what he thinks and says it’s normal for someone to be sad about this and that he’s gonna work hard or make sure we get all our needs handled. Which is nice, but I kinda wish it was my mom. I don’t feel dire need of anything, I’m just annoyed/jealous a cat can destroy my mom mentally.
My mom has gone over load for the cat. She cooks for her, makes her dinner buys the best food and mixes then. She often cries while cooking, and asks the cat if she likes the food.The cat doesn’t even know what’s happening.
I was looking at prom dresses online and asked my mom to look with me and she was just out of it. She would just say she’d like one or she’s not a fan but don’t let that discourage me. She’s just kinda lifeless. I try talking to her about it and she’ll aplogize and says she’ll get better. (It’s been like a week)
It boiled over when my mom’s sisters came over. (She’s the youngest. One sister has kids and one doesn’t) My mom tried to be happy and perky but ended up crying about the cat. Her sisters kinda said that she’s gotta be strong for her family and my mom just cried saying everything’s gonna be so much harder without the cat. I wasn’t in the room, they were in the basement, and there’s a vent where you can hear everything down there. My sister and I do easedrop to see what they say (her sisters are loud but we can never hear what my mom is saying without the vent. Normally we do it because my mom is a more different interesting person and again we don’t know our mom well. Away from us she kinda puts down the facade and actually talks). I was just angry. Her life isn’t hard. We’re middle class, if she wants to go to therepy she can afford it. We all deal with grief and loss. Yes I’m gonna be sad when our cat passes, but she is an older cat. I don’t imagine my life becoming “harder” other than my mom being depressed, but she is an adult who will heal from this.
After her sisters left and she was doing her night routine, I asked her if she loves the cat more than my sister and I. She said that’s not true and if she could do something more for my sister and I please name it. I told her that that’s the problem is that she does stuff for the cat without thinking, but for us it’s all asking us and she’s the adult she should know. She’s said she’s not a mind reader and she’s gonna rely on the information I give her to help me out where she can. I went to my room because ovbiosuly that conversation wasn’t going anywhere. I feel like my mom understands a cat more than her own daughter.
My dad came in a little while after and we talked. He assured me my mom loves me and this cat has been like an emotional support animal through the years. He mentioned my one friend who has an emotional support dog and compared them and told me that the cat has helped my mom emotionally with emotional regulation and just helps her steady herself. I asked if we were enough, or if my mom regrets having a family and she would just be happier if she just left us for the cat and lived by herself. My dad told me she loves all of us, but depression can be hard to navigate. I asked him about how he wanted us more than our mom and he just said that he was more excited, but my mom wouldn’t have had us unless she wanted us (which I don’t think is totally true.)
I went into my parents room and my mom was there with the cat. Again going to the cat for comfort. I told her I was sorry for saying she loved the cat more than us and she apologized for how her treatment towards the cat can seem that way and if I ever need anything please ask. It made me mad because she again is relying on me to know what’s wrong/ or ask, instead of her just idk taking initiative. I didn’t say that.
I get people can be mentally ill, but she’s also my mom. I do feel bad about telling my mom she loves a cat more than me, but I also don’t feel too reassured.
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Hello! Not sure if you’re taking requests but would you consider doing an addition to TSS where young!arsenal reader was starting before Beth and Viv came back and has been benched majority of the time since (Kyra core☹️). Maybe during like the west ham game was one of the subs thrown on halfway through and after the loss made a snarky comment about “being thrown on to unfuck everything” type of thing to another teammate and Viv/beth overhear and think she’s talking about them (maybe they’re already a little insecure about losing such an “easy” game, self doubt post ACL) and things are super frosty and weird at home until one of them snaps and makes a comment about how they still wouldn’t have won even if R started. Hurt/comfort angst but with a happy ending!! Not sure if any of that strikes your fancy but I had the thought and you’re so talented:) no worries if not!!!
TO JUMP THE GUN(NERS)
pairings: arsenal x teen!reader / meadema x teen!reader / kyra cooney-cross x arsenal!reader
warnings: the west-ham match. swearing. angst. awkwardness.
author’s note: OMG LOVE THIS IDEA ! like this was right up my alley I felt like 😭 thank you so much, and I hope you enjoy the story!
masterlist
February 4, 2024 - Essex, England
It had become a routine, seeing her name and number on the bench. She took a glance at Kyra, a knowing look in her eyes.
The young Arsenal homegrown wondered where it all had gotten wrong. Well, she knew the answer, but it wasn't exactly something she could say out loud to anyone.
She was transported back to the 2022/23 season, where she would warm the bench until either Vivianne or Beth were too tired or they needed to be rested for the next match.
Their injuries had changed everything.
Y/N not only became a regular starter, but became a vital part of their game. Her absence would be noticed.
She scored the goals that got them to the semifinals of the Champions League, keeping them level with 2x champions Wolfsburg.
However, Beth and Vivianne were back now. Alessia's arrival also didn't help much, the former Manchester United player having cemented herself into the starting line-up.
It also didn't help that Jonas was not a fan of rotating. Only in specific Conti Cup matches or against what he deemed 'weaker' teams in the league would he make changes to the usual starting XI.
In other words, she was back to step 1.
That's why it was hard to watch her teammates falling 2-1 behind against West Ham, with no one seeming to find an answer or any will to turn the game around. It was a painful spectacle.
In the 63rd minute, Jonas decided to throw herself, Kyra and Cloé in the match, and take out Vivianne, Victoria and Beth. It was a desperate attempt, and the three Gunners found themselves on the pitch, tasked with the challenging mission of trying to fix everything that had gone wrong so far.
Y/N and Cloé quickly created some chances but the West Ham defense or the swift reflexes of Mackenzie Arnold saw them go in vain.
The teenager could see the expressions of her teammates on the bench, visibly frustrated with how the match had unfolded since Alessia's successful header.
Vivianne couldn't hide the discontent in her eyes as she sat with a subtle shake of her head. Her partner, sitting beside her, noticed and Beth patted her thigh, offering silent support as they continued to watch their team scramble for a late equalizer.
As the final whistle blew, the disappointment within the team was high. Y/N did her usual post-match routine, and congratulated all the West Ham players on their win, while giving and receiving solace from her own teammates.
The teen found Kyra again, someone who she had found a friendship in over the months the Australian had joined the Gunners.
''You alright?'' The midfielder asked her, a dejected tone in her voice.
Y/N nodded. ''Yeah, you?''
''Not too great, but there are worse things in life.'' Kyra responded, trying to put the loss in perspective.
''True,'' the striker agreed, ''I can't believe he keeps putting us in these positions.''
Kyra nodded. ''You think he would learn after Tottenham.'' She sighed.
''Apparently, we're not good enough to start, but when he needs us to unfuck everything that happened, then he knows who we are.'' Y/N said, her frustration evident. The unfair treatment of some players during the season lingered in the air, leaving a bitter taste after the defeat.
As the youngsters continued their conversation on their way to the locker room, Vivianne and Beth, unintentionally overhearing their discussion, exchanged puzzled glances.
''Did you hear that? 'Unfuck everything'?'' Beth repeated her housemate's words to her partner.
Vivianne's brow furrowed as she processed what was said. ''Yeah,'' the Dutchwoman breathed out, ''not very nice.'' A hint of sadness lingered in her voice. It stung that their efforts were being discussed in such terms, especially by the young girl they were living with.
They didn't say much else to one another as they strolled through the corridor.
The atmosphere in the locker room was subdued, void of any banter and entertaining chats. Most of the players were already there as the couple walked in.
Beth took a glimpse at Y/N and Kyra who still seemed in a discussion with one another, although they were whispering now.
''Girls, we're a lot better than this.'' Kim broke the ice, a neutral expression on her face.
Everyone nodded at the captain, the collective disappointment from the match was visible. ''Well, it's done, we can't change anything about it. So, everyone just do a reset, try to get some sleep or distract yourselves on the bus, and I expect everyone with fresh minds and legs at training.''
The team nodded and weakly applauded Kim's small speech.
As the team began to disperse, Y/N caught Beth's eye, offering a faint smile in greeting. However, the winger's response was noticeably strained, her usually warm demeanor replaced by a subtle tension.
"Everything okay?" The younger one ventured, her concern evident.
Beth's smile faltered slightly, her gaze flickering away before returning to meet Y/N's. "Yeah, everything's fine." She replied, though her words sounded hollow even to her own ears.
The striker's brow furrowed further, a flicker of uncertainty clouding her features. "Are you sure?" She pressed gently, not used to this awkwardness from her teammate.
"I... yeah, I'm sure." She retorted, her voice tinged with irritation.
"Okay..." Y/N trailed off, unsure of how to proceed. Sensing the dismissiveness between them, she offered a hesitant smile before turning back to where she had been talking with Lia.
As her housemate walked away, Beth's expression hardened, a pang of guilt gnawing at her conscience. She knew she shouldn't act like this towards her, but her words had really struck a nerve for some reason and it was hard to pretend it didn't.
The drive home on the bus wasn't that different, though the atmosphere was more subdued due to the loss. Y/N and Kyra were seated next to each other, Katie and Caitlin sitting on the other side of them.
''You alright, Y/N?'' Caitlin asked, noticing the youngster's quietness.
Y/N looked up, glancing away from her nails to the older Australian player. She hesitated answering, not knowing if it was appropriate to say anything about her interaction with Beth.
She sat up straight and motioned for the three of them to huddle together over the small table. They got her message and did just that.
''Did anything happen on the bench or something? Cause I had this weird exchange with Meado, and it's just stuck in my head.'' She explained, her voice hushed.
They all frowned at her words. ''No, she was just frustrated about the game, but so was everyone else.'' Caitlin responded.
''What happened?'' Katie chimed in, curious to know about this exchange.
''I don't know. She was looking at me in the locker room, and I smiled at her, but she, I don't know, just looked weird at me. I asked her if she was alright, but she was kinda distant with me? She responded a little irritated so I left her alone, but it was weird.'' Y/N gave a small summary of the interaction.
"That is strange." Kyra mused, breaking the silence that had settled over their huddle.
They nodded at her words, agreeing with the young Australian.
''I didn't notice anything.'' Caitlin said with a pout, feeling sorry she couldn't help her younger teammate out. ''Me neither, kiddo.'' Katie added, a similar expression on her face.
Y/N smiled sadly, disappointed she wasn't any wiser on Beth. Katie rubbed her arm once she noticed her dejected expression. ''Hey, I wouldn't worry about it. It's a tough loss.''
The youngster nodded at the Irishwoman's words. ''Yeah, you're right.''
Katie was not right.
As soon as she got in the car with the beloved couple it was clear that something had gone down for them to act in such a sour mood. Vivianne's knuckles were white against the steering wheel, while Beth stared out of the window, her expression unreadable.
Sensing the palpable tension, Y/N shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The youngster wanted to break the silence, but the words wouldn't come out. It felt like they were stuck in her throat.
The drive home felt like forever. Every minute made the atmosphere worse. Y/N tried to catch Vivianne or Beth's eye, hoping for some sign that things would get better, but there was nothing.
Car rides after losses were never filled with much conversation, but it had never been like this.
A wave of relief went through her as the car was parked in front of their apartment complex, longing for the comfort of her room where she could hide from whatever the situation was.
Y/N couldn't even come up with a guess on what had transpired. Did they have a fight? Did she do something? Did someone else do something?
She had absolutely no clue.
However, the tension seemed to follow them into their shared home. The silence had become even more deafening with each step they took.
Beth disappeared into her room without a word, while Vivianne headed straight for the kitchen, her movements stiff and mechanical. Y/N stood in the hallway, feeling like an outsider in her own home.
Their behaviors made her feel anxious, feeling that knot inside her stomach. What had happened during the game? What had caused them to retreat into themselves like this?
Unable to handle any of it longer, Y/N tentatively approached the Dutchwoman in the kitchen. "Um, Viv?" She began, her voice small.
Vivianne glanced up, her expression guarded. "Yeah?” She replied, accent heavy.
The younger girl hesitated, unsure of how to broach the subject. "I, uh, did, uh, something happen at the game?" She stammered, her words stumbling over each other in her haste to get everything out.
The striker's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talking about?” She asked, her face neutral.
Her response only added to the youngest one's confusion. It seemed as though they were both dancing around a subject neither wanted to address.
"I-I just... noticed things were a bit off between everyone after the match," Y/N explained, her voice barely above a whisper, "and, well, the car ride home was... a bit weird, you know.”
Vivianne's expression softened slightly, though her guard remained up. ''Don't worry about it. Just… frustration from the game.''
But Y/N couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it than just frustration. She wanted to press further, but the fear of causing further conflict held her back.
Instead, she offered a hesitant nod. ''Okay, good.'' She murmured to the floor, retreating back to her room with a heavy heart.
The Arsenal homegrown player pulled her phone out of her pocket, searching up Kyra's contact. It only took a few rings for the Australian to pick up, she was probably already on her phone as she was called.
''Hey.'' Her accent momentarily bringing a smile to Y/N's face.
''Hey, you're home?''
''Yeah, just arrived. What's up?''
There was a brief pause before Y/N continued. ''Things have gotten a bit weirder since, uh, on the bus.''
''Shit. What happened?'' She asked, her voice filled with genuine worry.
''It's just... the tension at home is almost suffocating," she explained, ''it was completely silent the entire time we were driving home, and when we got home, Beth immediately went to her room. I tried to ask Viv about, but she told me it was just frustrations, but it clearly is not just that.''
There was a moment of silence as Kyra processed Y/N's words. "That doesn't sound good," she finally replied, ''you really have no idea what might have happened? Maybe they had a fight or something?''
Y/N shook her head, even though her teammate couldn't see it. "No, that's the thing. I'm completely lost." She admitted, frustration lacing her words.
''Same. I wish I knew what to say to help.'' Kyra said softly.
''It's alright, Ky. Thanks for letting me ramble.'' Y/N chuckled, appreciating the opportunity to unload her worries onto her friend.
''It's fine, honestly. It must not be fun to be in this situation,'' the Matilda replied, feeling for her friend, ''if anything else happens you can always let me know, okay? I'm gonna have some dinner now.''
Y/N smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Ky. I really appreciate it.”
''Anytime. Take care, I'll see you at training.''
''You too. Bye, bye.'' They bid each other goodbye before hanging up the phone.
Y/N prepared to leave her room again, wanting to check if Vivianne had started dinner yet or not.
Just as she stepped into the hallway, she nearly collided with Beth, who was coming out of her room with a tight-lipped expression. The sudden encounter caught them both off guard.
''Shit, sorry.'' The younger one apologized first, giving her housemate an awkward glance.
''It's alright,'' Beth brushed off, ''uh, were you on the phone just now?" She asked, her brow furrowing slightly.
Y/N nodded. ''Uh, yeah, with Kyra.''
Beth's expression shifted, a flicker of something unreadable crossing her features. "Oh, Kyra." She murmured, her voice tight.
The younger girl simply stared at the winger, not knowing what to say to her words. "Is everything okay?" Y/N ventured, her voice hesitant as she searched Beth's face for any sign of what might be bothering her.
Beth's lips pressed into a thin line, and for a moment, she seemed lost in thought. When she finally spoke, her words were tinged with a hint of irritation. ''Everything's alright.''
Y/N offered a small, uneasy smile and nodded. "Oh, okay." She said, though her words felt hollow even to her own ears.
With a nod of acknowledgment, Beth turned to walk away. As she watched Beth disappear around the corner, she wondered if it had been something she had done. However, she couldn't recall saying or doing anything that day that would have provoked this kind of demeanor from the couple.
The young striker walked into the living room, noticing Vivianne bustling about in the kitchen. But what caught Y/N's attention was the hushed whispers exchanged between the couple, Beth and Vivianne not being subtle about their gossiping.
A sense of discomfort washed over the youngster as she hesitated in the doorway, unsure whether to interrupt or retreat unnoticed. But before she could make a decision, the Dutchwoman glanced up and caught her eye, her expression inscrutable.
''Hey, dinner is almost ready. Just some leftover pasta from yesterday.'' She informed Y/N, her tone somewhat forced as she attempted to maintain a facade of normalcy.
Y/N forced a smile. ''Nice, thanks, Viv.'' She answered, trying to ignore the awkwardness that hung in the air.
She retreated to the couch, feeling as if she wasn't welcome in the small space. Something was off, and she couldn't help but feel like she was on the outside looking in.
She scrolled on her phone for a few minutes before Vivianne called her to the table as the food was ready. As they gathered around the dinner table, the atmosphere remained strained, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife.
Vivianne served up the leftover pasta, her movements brisk as she avoided making eye contact with anyone. Beth sat across from Y/N, her expression unreadable as she picked at her food.
Y/N tried to focus on her food, but the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach made it difficult to swallow.
For a few moments, the only sound was the clinking of forks against plates, the silence punctuated only by the occasional awkward cough or clearing of throat.
Finally, unable to bear the tension any longer, Y/N opened her mouth. "So, um, what did you guys think about the match?'' She asked the pair, her voice coming out more high than she had intended.
As if on cue, Vivianne and Beth glanced up from their plates at the same time.
''It was tough, but it shouldn't have been tough. We lacked a clear tactic.'' The experienced striker answered, filling up the silence.
Y/N nodded, relieved at least one of them responded to her attempt at conversation. She took a peek at Beth, who did not seem amused in the slightest to talk about the surprising defeat earlier that day.
''It was just another match of us fucking everything up, and you kids having to unfuck it all.'' Beth said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
The youngest's eyes widened slightly at the cutting remark, not expecting those words to come out of the Brit's mouth.
Vivianne shifted uncomfortably in her seat, casting a quick glance at Y/N before fixing her gaze on her partner. "Beth, that's enough.'' Her voice was stern, warning Beth that this was not the way to go about this.
But Beth ignored her girlfriend, her eyes fixed on Y/N with an intensity that made her squirm. ''No, she needs to learn to not talk about teammates that way, especially the ones that have just gotten back from serious injuries, and need time to reintegrate into the group.''
Y/N felt a flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck, she cast a desperate look at Vivianne, silently pleading for her to intervene and diffuse the situation before it escalated any further.
''Beth, I wasn't-''
''You weren't what? You weren't talking shit to Kyra about us right after the match? You weren't talking shit about us to Kyra on the phone just now?'' The oldest continued in an accusing tone.
Vivianne let out a sigh, her frustration evident as she attempted to defuse the situation. ''Beth.'' She said firmly, her gaze shifting between the two other people at the table.
''I wasn't talking shit about you guys. I would never do that.'' Y/N managed to let out, offended at the mere idea of her not appreciating the two women who'd let her move in with them a 1,5 years ago.
''Y/N, we heard you. On the pitch after the match, with Kyra.'' Beth responded bluntly.
Y/N swallowed hard, slightly ashamed of being caught. ''We were just... we were just frustrated, okay? That comment wasn't directed at any of you guys, it was more at Jonas, to be fair.''
The couple grew silent at the admission, realizing they had greatly misunderstood the two young girls' conversation. ''About Jonas?'' Vivianne repeated, her voice carrying a note of embarrassment.
The young striker nodded. ''Yeah, me and Kyra have just been a bit upset with our game time, that's all. It felt like a repeat of the Tottenham game.''
Beth and Vivianne exchanged a glance, coming to a silent understanding. ''We're sorry for jumping the gun on that one, darling. We really thought we needed to teach you some manners.'' The Brit nervously apologized with a chuckle.
''It's alright, we probably should've been a bit more discreet.'' Y/N brushed her apology off with a hand gesture.
''No, you two are in your full right to complain.'' Vivianne retorted, agreeing on the playing time matter.
The teenager waited a few moments before elaborating. ''I don't mind sitting on the bench, it's great to get rest, you know? But it almost feels like he doesn't trust me to get the game starting or something. I like to think I did great last season, so this kind of sucks.'' She opened up, not having voiced these thoughts to anyone but Kyra.
''You did amazing last season, you stepped up when we needed someone and the team will never forget that.'' Beth smiled, squeezing the youngster' s hand.
''It seems that Jonas forgot.'' Y/N muttered bitterly, looking down at her empty plate.
The couple silenced themselves at her mumbled words, not knowing what the appropriate response would be to cheer her up about the situation. They were indirectly responsible for the young girl to not get as much game time anymore, so whatever they would tell her, she would most likely not feel much better afterwards.
''Just focus on what you're doing right now. Show up to training, recover well, maximize everything in the minutes you do get. Show him that he should trust you to start, and that you deserve to have that spot in the line-up.'' Vivianne chimed in, her voice soft but resolute.
Y/N nodded at the older woman's words, though her demeanor still seemed dejected. ''Yeah, I'll continue to do that.'' It came out somewhat passive aggressive.
''I know it doesn't fix the situation, but you're my personal star girl, regardless whether you play or not.'' Beth softly smiled at her.
The teen managed to crack a small smile back, appreciating the sentiment. ''Thanks, Beth.''
''You're mine too.'' Vivianne added.
''Hey, that's my compliment for her! Find another one if you want to be cute!'' Beth scolded her partner, dramatically feigning annoyance.
The Dutchwoman frowned. ''Everyone calls her ‘star girl'! You're not original either!'' She pouted back.
Y/N couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the banter between the couple, happily accepting the momentary distraction from her frustrations.
Beth playfully rolled her eyes. ''At least I'm complimenting her!''
''Sorry that I was just giving useful advice, Bethany.'' Vivianne retorted.
''Useful.'' The Brit repeated, her voice heavily tinged with sarcasm.
Vivianne's mouth gaped, pretending to be offended. ''It was useful! That's what I would have wanted to hear at 19 year-old.'' She defended herself.
''19 year-old's want to hear praise, Viv. They want to be called star girls, not receive a lecture.'' Beth quickly replied, with a smirk.
''Y/N, it was useful, right?'' The older striker turned towards the teenager.
''Yeah, Y/N, tell Miss Miedema how useful her advice was.'' Beth chorused her words, grinning from ear-to-ear.
The youngster simply glanced between the two of them, before picking up her empty plate and standing up from her seat. ''I'm taking this as my sign to leave.''
She ignored their pleas with a satisfied grin, making her way to the kitchen to dump her plate, and walking back to her room.
The couple watched her depart, sharing a knowing look, a hint of amusement dancing in their eyes. ''She's gonna call Kyra, isn't she?'' Vivianne chuckled.
''She so is.'' Beth agreed with a laugh.
requests are always welcome!
#woso x reader#woso fanfics#arsenal wfc x reader#arsenal x reader#woso imagine#woso fic#beth mead x reader#vivianne miedema x reader#kyra cooney cross x reader#meadema
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How about doing Riize green flags 😚
you have thankfully given me a reason to post this draft instead of procrastinating 😭😭
RIIZE GREEN FLAGS/PROS based on astrology ~
reminder this is based off of MY opinions of their birth chart placements + aspects and is not exact fact unless I knew them myself and I am not a professional astrologer
Shotaro
values including people for example in a group discussion if you haven’t said your piece yet he’d ask “what do you think” to make sure you know your opinion is also valid + important
private, reserved and relatively humble, doesn’t put all attention onto himself and isn’t overly cocky, doesn’t air his business out to everyone
cherishes loyalty and sees it as an important value
very attentive and observant of others, pays attention to people’s habits and gets to know them like the back of his hand
Eunseok
emotionally grounded and leveled, understands making decisions off of feelings alone can lead to consequences or mistakes
independent and can handle being alone, isn’t clingy and overly dependent can handle his own responsibilities
practices being rational and practical, understands the subjective and objective twist to things and needing to level them
calm yet witty, isn’t overly forward but is able to assert himself with charm without being overbearing or too much to handle
Sungchan
friendly and kind, likes to make a good lasting impression with people and likes to be on good or at least neutral terms with people
extremely into self improvement and becoming an optimal version of himself (working out, self help, etc)
enjoys being useful and of purpose/service to others, likes to provide and brings things to the table
empathetic/sympathetic, somewhat tapped into his more emotional and sensitive side and is very aware of his feelings and the feelings of others
Wonbin
extremely truthful and honest or at the very least..has an extremely hard time lying and being dishonest to others 😭
has very prominent and potent creative and artistic ability, likes to create things on his own and likes his creations to be original
can settle and indulge in the more basic things in life or appreciates the mundane and comfortable, the type to appreciate a good nap or something like that
very set within his own morals or motivations and can at least stand his ground in a more opinionated sense
Seunghan
sweet and personable, despite being introverted he knows how to interact with others in a manner that can make them comfortable or at ease
affectionate, both physically and verbally, dotes on and compliments those that he cares about
finds importance in fairness, thinks that what’s given should be reciprocated or for there to be a sense of equality or 50/50
likes to make others around him feel good or important, a hype man or very supportive even
Sohee
an optimist. prefers to see and value the good in things and stay on the positive side, a more “glass is half full” personality/mindset
takes pride in his craft and nurtures it, practices and is very stubborn and constant when it comes to improvement of his talents
blunt and honest, feels that speaking the truth is the best and that speaking what’s on your mind is the best choice in most situations
enjoys trying new things and viewing things outside of his own mind/lense
Anton
mentally stimulating, likes communicating and knowing/learning different bouts of information and opinions (lowkey a yapper 😭)
ambitious yet careful, goes after what he wants with all that he’s got but won’t take a risk unless it’s calculated and he knows the possible outcomes
can/chooses to take care of himself, similar to eunseok he can handle being alone and isn’t too dependent on others
protective and caring to his loved ones, takes the matters of the people he loves seriously and is willing to defend and protect them
#sh0tanzz#riize#kpop astrology#riize fluff#riizenet#riize imagines#riize reactions#riize x reader#riize sungchan#riize shotaro#riize eunseok#riize wonbin#riize seunghan#riize sohee#riize anton#riize soft thoughts#riize soft hours#riize headcanons#riize is 7#riize shotaro x reader#sungchan x reader#eunseok x reader#wonbin x reader#seunghan x reader#riize sohee x reader#riize anton x reader#riize astrology#briize#riize x imagine#riize scenarios
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When do you think in the family au that Gojo realized he was in love?
I live for your au btw, I’m patient and respectful, you should never feel pressured to update or post!!! But also I literally check every day to see if you graced us with more 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
satoru is sitting on the love seat in the common room, pouting.
okay, sure. he’s known for his ability to talk until the sun goes down, but honestly, he’s not that bad. really, he could talk forever, about whatever he wanted, to anyone.
but he was only explaining the mechanics of infinity. for… a half an hour, maybe.
his friends suck.
what could be more interesting than him? nanami’s recipe for onigiri?
still, when you walk over to him, flopping into the space next to him—which is occupying his foot, thank you—he brightens just a little bit.
is it so bad to want attention?
“you know,” you start, while satoru tries to dig his foot from under you. “if you actually listen to people when they talk, they’re usually more inclined to listen to you.”
“oh, is that how it works?” satoru grunts. “i had no idea.”
“clearly.”
“you listen to me, even though i’ve barely ever spoken to you.”
you raise a brow at him. “do you have amnesia? you sit outside my door on the weekends for hours until i let you in. i’ve heard you singing to yourself out there.”
“that’s not a conversation.”
you nudge him, a lax smile on your face. “being interesting also helps, if you want people to listen to you.”
“hey, i’m interesting!”
“mm…” you nod your head, looking away subtly. “for sure, satoru.”
“you’re supposed to be my friend, you know? friends don’t bully each other.”
you look back at him, tilting your head. “that must be why you don’t have any.”
at that, satoru’s lip twitches a little. but it’s not because he finds you amusing, no. it’s just that… sometimes you look at him and he—
it doesn’t matter.
“did you come over here just to torment me?” he pouts, arms still crossed. but his eyes are much more active now, his face trying to be a sly thing that it isn’t.
“no, you just looked a little lonely.”
“awww,” satoru leans down so you can see his eyelashes fluttering at you. “were you worried about me?”
“i could just already hear the complaining,” you retort, rolling your eyes again.
“are you psychic, too?”
“yup,” you pop, grabbing something from behind your back. “which is why i also brought you this.”
you hand him a blueberry ramune, which just so happens to be his favorite.
satoru gasps like a child being given their favorite toy, taking it from you immediately. he opens it, and then pauses. “wait… what’d you do to this?”
you scoff. “geez, satoru. do you get poisoned often?”
“i have many enemies.”
“oh, right. i forgot. you’re well hated.”
satoru smirks, leaning almost over you. “not by you, though. you like me.”
you push him away with a finger. “you just looked pale. like, even more pale than usual.”
“that’s rude.”
“drink up,” you tell him, but only as you try to grab it from him. satoru relishes the feeling of you leaning over him. “we wouldn’t want you to go thirsty,” you say, but with a sickly sweetness.
“this is not making me feel any less threatened.”
you laugh, sitting back.
“you even got my favorite one, too.”
“that’s just a coincidence. though, you would like the worst flavor.”
“this is nearing harassment,” satoru says. “if you’re stalking me, i’m going to have to tell yaga.”
this time when you laugh, you snort, and you lean over again, but only to clutch your stomach.
satoru smiles along with you, and he feels… almost alive. more than a vessel of power, for just a moment.
and yeah, maybe it’s not just attention that satoru likes.
maybe it’s you.
#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#satoru x reader#satoru x you#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#a typical family
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GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others […]
GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best! […]
CA: its probably a trap i wwouldnt trust her
CA: she is a cunnin and treacherous sort trust me i knoww her type
GG: wait do you have a thing for her too???
GG: did she reject you or something?
Annihilate him, Jade. This would be a good time to unleash that rage you've been cultivating.
CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES
CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike
This dude's on some Methods of Rationality type shit.
I'm not sure why Eridan is on a crusade against magic. He's been insisting it was fake since his original introduction page, and it's pretty clear he has some sort of complex about it. Is there some unseen history here that we're not yet privy to?
GG: wow what are you talking about
CA: so really you should be honored to inherit my old callin
CA: both my armaments and my feud
To be fair to Eridan, he is accomplishing something useful here, even if it's by accident. Jade needs to get that rifle in her pen-pal's hands in order to fulfil the Endgame Bunny's time loop.
Recalling Eridan’s introduction reminds me that this is one of the most powerful riflekind weapons in existence. This should imply that top-tier weapons cost tens of millions of grist...
...but we just saw a weapon that costs much, much more.
Maybe the Proton Cannon has the same damage as the Crosshairs, but it also has an incredibly broken non-combat use.
GG: i have seen this before […]
GG: i am very sure its the same rifle included with johns present […]
CA: probably a cheap imitation of the original […]
GG: i did not provide the weapons!
GG: my penpal did […]
GG: we worked on it together but he supplied the bunnys weapons
GG: im pretty sure hes from the future!
CA: wwhy
GG: because he said hes my grandson
Really?
I suppose being raised by a Sburb veteran would explain why he uses terms like 'boonbuck' in casual speech - but almost nothing else makes sense when viewed through this lens.
If Pen-Pal is Jade's grandson, then he should be from decades in the future - presumably long after the game has ended. This doesn't sound like a problem, until you remember some of the references he made.
As much as it pains me to admit it, the Earth is probably gone for good - which means that any descendants of our Players will be raised somewhere else. Why would someone presumably raised in a completely different universe be so familiar with Earth's culture?
You could argue that he picked up his love of Earth movies from one of the surviving Earthlings, such as adult John - although that raises its own issues, because PP talks to John like he's never met him before. Maybe he died young, and passed his love of movies to PP posthumously - but as you can see, we're really having to stretch things to make this make sense.
Plus, there's an even bigger problem - namely, his 1920s 'accent'. None of the surviving Earthlings have it, and it's not like he just developed it spontaneously. If he was raised by Jade or her child, why does he talk like her grandfather would?
See, I'm still sure that PP is connected directly to Grandpa, and may well be the man himself - which means either PP is lying, or there's something more complicated going on here.
We don't know anything about Grandpa's life after he fled the Crocker household. If he was somehow raised by an adult, post-Sburb Jade, then he could consider her his grandmother, while still talking and acting like the Grandpa Harley we know. Plus, it would explain why he acts like he's from the past, but knows about the future. He already has a history of time travelling - maybe he's been doing it since he was a kid.
Similar to my old theory about Spades Slick, this one is a little too convoluted to be 100% true - but still I think there's something to this idea. Being raised by Jade would neatly explain where he got the bunny's weapons...
Ugh, I don't know! This Pen-Pal really is the biggest curveball this comic has thrown at me. I need to think it over some more.
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KAYLORS I JUST DECIPHERED THE PR MESSAGES FROM PRESENT 🎁 ANON AND AM NOW VERY CERTAIN THEY’RE LEGIT TOO. So we started receiving these very interesting anon messages exactly 2 months before the release of TTPD (release was 4/19)
We were told to keep our eyes peeled for a present or gift we would be receiving and well we got it
There are P's and R's repeated in the messages. "The hint is in the words." P = PETER. R = ROBIN. Those songs are a gift to us kaylors. They're separated by just one song, the Bolter (which I'm 99% sure is related to the 8th 🎃 message bc Taylor almost drowns and a bolter is a coward which was the main point of the message); and Taylor mentions CPR in So Long, London which means they're all related. Bc Cassandra = Taylor, Peter = her second kid, Robin, = her first kid. They're related bc they're a family. I think it's possible those are the actual names of her two kids
"This is not the manuscript" i.e. the manuscript (closing track) is not the gift, it's the songs right before it! Robin is the 2nd to last song, Peter the 4th to last, and Cassandra the 5th to last. "It has been hidden well, look where the above may find you." They can be found in the track titles themselves. "Plausible deniability. Think of the one we continue to revisit"--K and T have plausible deniability since everyone thinks those are JK's kids. BUT "the volcano will soon rupture, whoever is to defame" which means that one day all the truth will come spilling out regardless of the defamation that will happen. "Restful, reticent, restraint. And PUBLISH!"--perhaps a tell-all memoir??
"The predecessor was the crumb" in other words peace "I'd give you my wild, give you a child" (see this post) was just a faint hint but now she's getting really close to revealing everything which is what the volcano 🌋 represents! THE DANDELIONS IN THE ROBIN LYRIC VID. Robin is the single dandelion floret (secret) she was so worried abt sending into someone else’s yard in the 7th 🎃 message (see this post). She was afraid that sending this song out into the world could expose the truth she’s worked so hard to protect before she’s ready but she did it anyway. “Once you blow a dandelion, you never get it back. It isn’t yours anymore.” “But the story isn’t mine anymore.” 🎃 mentions how the recipient of the dandelion would also blow and spread the florets which might mean kaylors would catch on and spread the secret. The 8th message also mentions a dandelion that the enemy has and spreads but I’m not yet sure who this person is—also this person could be the “recipient” and not kaylors but I’m not sure. And I’m not sure if this means they’d like us to kinda keep this to ourselves and not use Robin as a gotcha since it’s meant to be more of a seed planted for future use (no pun intended). But it definitely seems like they aren’t ready to reveal everything just yet
"As the neighbor holds the lamp to witness her Goodbye" = "Now you're in my backyard turned into good neighbors" and "But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light"
"Reach those lanterns a little bit higher for you shall receive a metaphor so dire"--a jack-o-lantern like pumpkin anon? These metaphorical messages will help us to understand K and T's entire complicated situation?
"When I cannot see words curling like rings of smoke round me"--"breath of fresh air through smoke rings." Haven't quite figured out what this part means yet but it reminds me of blowing smoke which means to deliberately confuse or deceive (lavender haze mv)
This is as far as I've gotten w decoding the messages. This all adds a lot of context to those 🎃 messages and makes them a little more clear. There’s definitely more clues in there we have yet to decipher so pls share your thoughts
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Could you make fluffy headcanons for Lo’ak? Babie deserves some luv 🥹
YES!! I need more asks for lo’ak bc I love writing for my man😩
Warnings~ some suggestive themes, but other than that none! Just fluff<3
Dividers by ~ @cafekitsune
🎀 ~ babyboy actually adores you sm:( he’s such a little lovesick puppy it’s so cute
🎀~ like, one time you had to go away for a hunting trip, and the second you got back home he was practically glued to you. Telling you how much he missed you and how much he loved you:(
🎀~ loves when you play with his hair, or when you braid it (and ofc he does the same to u)
🎀~ ik we ALLL know it, but he’s such a “my love/ma tìyawn” , “ma” , “mama” “mamas”, typa guy and it SHOWS
🎀~ always checks up on you, like hes so in tune with you’re emotions. He can tell what’s bothering you just by your body language and breathing
🎀~ always convinces you to do dumb shit with him😭 and if you’re already naturally a reckless person you’d just add to his fire
🎀~ says “again” or “one more, mama” after kissing you (you always giggle and grant his wish ofc)
🎀~ holds and kisses you when you’ve had a bad day, having cramps or if you’re feeling a certain way:(
🎀~ always makes time for you, no matter what. He cares for you and he makes sure you know it.
🎀~ hates the people you hate, and if he catches them talking about you, you will be coming home to him with bloody hands and a bruised face.(the others looked worse tho!)
🎀~ will randomly compliment you when you’re doing something, just to see you get all giddy and excited
🎀~ hugs from behind, and amazing hand placement 😩
🎀~ “hyper bf 🫱🏽🫲🏾 hyper gf“
🎀~ loves to cuddle. Will literally pull you onto him (because he’s always taking advantage of how much more stronger he is than you) and force you to cuddle with him. And if you try to get off he’ll just lay on top of you!
“Lo’ak! Please! Get off of me! You’re too heavyy!” You shout, but he could care less. He was too busy shoving his face into the softness of your tits.
“I don’t care! You’ve been up for way too long and I need you to relax.” He demanded, pressing more of his body weight onto you.
You huff in annoyed, opening your mouth to say let out a snarky comment, but closing it the second he lifts his head up to glare at you like he knew what you were going to say. Finally making you submit to his advance, falling asleep under the comfortable weight of his body immediately.
🎀~ knows you have a tendency to overthink, so he’ll constantly be there to reassure you. And you always do the same for him.
🎀~ whenever he gets into in argument with his dad/ just has a bad day, he’ll always go straight to you. And you always know by the way his ears and tail hang all low and his his shoulders are slightly ridged, so without hesitation you take him into your arms (barley tho) and stroke his hair gently, allowing him to finally relax as he tells you briefly what happened.
🎀~ will pick you up randomly and throw you over his shoulder/ carry you bridal style. Especially if you’re talking to someone and he wants your attention ;(
🎀~ “bf that talks a lot 🫱🏽🫲🏾 gf that also talks a lot, but listens”
A/N~ here’s a lil sum before I start writing for “pandoras glow”! I kinda got a lil bored of writing this so I apologize if it’s a lil short😭 regardless tho I hope you enjoyed! Love you guys endlessly and stay safe💕
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Taglist~ @tallulah477 , @hotdsworld , @itchaboi-itchyboy , @xylianasblog , @blue-slxt , @etherial-moon-blog , @criticallybella , @professional-yapper , @plooto , @rivatar , @spooky4spaghetti
(If you’d like to be added to or removed from my general taglist, lmk by commenting on this post or dming me! And if your @ isn’t working please check your settings💕)
#༄❤︎︎𝐣𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬❤︎︎༄#༄❤︎︎𝐣𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬❤︎︎༄#❣︎ꕥ𝒋𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒔ꕥ❣︎#avatar#luvv4j4ybe11#atwow#avatar the way of water#avatar 2#loak sully#atwow loak#lo’ak headcannons#loak fluff#loak x reader#avatar lo’ak#lo’ak sully#lo’ak fluff#lo’ak avatar#lo’ak x reader#lo’ak te suli tsyeyk’itan#lo’ak x fem!reader
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I just saw a take on zosan that was awful enough I had to block the person. They labelled their post "hot takes" and it annoyed me enough that I felt like hating on it from afar in a vague way would be less destructive than writing an entire essay in this person's comments section.
If you like treating Sanji like a babygirl - just say so. Nothing wrong with that. Don't act like uke-ifying him is accurate to his canon characterization though. If you don't like Zoro as a character, just SAY THAT. Don't act like your shitty understanding of him as a character should be common sense. Their premise was that zosan would work best as a non sexual relationship - sure I'm fine with that. Sounds like an interesting premise. Why tho?
The reasons were stupid.
1. Apparently bc Zoro is too much of a neanderthal and BC he doesn't shower frequently Sanji would never touch him blah blah (Sanji smokes ten million cigarettes a day, I assure you he doesn't smell good) y'all should stop treating him like a babygirl bc bleh Zoro stinky and likes drinking and where did that whole he's Nami's gay best friend thing come from, he isn't that, he doesn't deserve it. Okay??? First of all - last I checked babygirl didn't require certain qualifications - so fuck off? I've concluded that Zoro is the only babygirl and you can foam at the mouth all you want, I'm not changing my mind. Second of all, did you forget that NAMI can drink people under the table too?? Zoro does canonically have a very friendship/sibling-like dynamic with Nami. They argue and fight, but they care about each other. If there is anyone who would make sense as a headcanon of one of Nami's close friends? Zoro would be a candidate. Usopp I would argue would be a better option, but Zoro also makes sense. Third of all, Sanji spends all day cooking (often cooking SEAFOOD) in a three piece suit and then smoking like a chimney. He may shower more frequently than Zoro but I assure you he doesn't smell like a rose garden either. You also can't be a cook if you shy away from a little elbow grease and sweat. Getting dirty for your craft is something he understands. He also has atrocious fashion sense when it comes to clothes that are not suits and he's a lil crazy in the same way all the strawhats are but he hides it well. Sanji is a ridiculous man and I like him that way. Stop it.
2. Sanji isn't some fainting flower, and it annoys me that this person was trying to paint him that way as if it's a forgone conclusion. Their argument was that he screams at bugs, and they were using it as an argument on why Sanji is apparently a babygirl who could never top anyone (why in the world does sex position even play a factor here??). They also pinpointed that Sanji wears suits and swoons at women as a reason why he's likely not gonna top anyone and is gonna remain a virgin. Admittedly I stopped reading at that point bc I made the executive decision to block the person for my own peace of mind, so I perhaps misunderstood (I barely understood the argument in the first place) but I still don't see how any of these factors have anything to do with sex position, or a sexual relationship not working with zosan. I'm all for asexual zosan. But y'all need to stop treating Sanji like some frail twink. That man is badass. He has a strong enough kick to kill a man, his leg catches on fire, he can fucking fly, he gives as good as he gets when it comes to his interactions with Zoro, he survived years and years of abuse from his family and came out a kindhearted person with principles. He is strong af. Again. STOP. IT.
3. None of those reasons for why they wouldn't have sex make sense to me because they operate under an assumption that Sanji would find Zoro gross so obvi they wouldn't have sex. The person fundamentally misunderstood that most people who like zosan aren't there bc they want smut, they're there because Zoro and Sanji are equal and opposites and they understand each other in a very fundamental way from the moment they met. Yes, their relationship is antagonistic, but in the way that Brogy and Dorry are set up in that one episode. If you understand that, then you get that when it comes to rivals, when it comes to their competition and their interactions with each other, Sanji wouldn't give a shit about avoiding getting his hands dirty. That is not the type of person he is. Zoro is his one exception in that sense. He has etiquette and acts like a refined gentleman, and then Zoro issues a challenge and Sanji is there, IMMEDIATELY ready and willing to throw down. He swoons over women, Zoro says anything and IMMEDIATELY Sanji's attention is all on Zoro. I have to wonder if this person even fucking watched the show before deciding to pass a bunch of unfounded judgements.
Alright, rant done.
#zosan#sanzo#one piece#one piece nami#one piece usopp#roronoa zoro#blackleg sanji#cat burglar nami#god usopp#zoro x sanji#sanji x zoro
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On Mental Health and Cosmic Embarrassment
I don't usually make a post in the aftermath of one of my spirals, so I bet most people see some of the vent posts I make, and assume I am just off my meds or something. I am on them but I might not be on the right ones. This is a thing that happens to me sometimes. I have psychotic episodes, where it feels like the things I am saying are completely inconsequential and I genuinely believe no one cares what I'm saying or, worst of all, that it cannot scare anyone that cares about me. I get too tired to fight my intrusive thoughts and I just ride them out. Most of my thoughts are not ones I enjoy having. I have trouble parsing what is real sometimes. For most of my life, out of a kind of primal shame and terror of being perceived or judged, I beat myself into believing that I just roleplayed as a crazy person online because I wanted attention for it, but it finally clicked for me at some point in my 20s that I was, and am, genuinely very mentally ill, maybe in ways that make me not-entirely-functional in the culture I inhabit. Also, I want attention for it.
Life is very embarrassing. I think embarrassment, shame, et al. is probably the most cosmic feeling of them all, because being embarrassed, for me anyway, leads invariably to my OCD extrapolating the embarrassment, no matter how slight, into its natural extreme, becoming a full-blown existential meltdown and often manifesting in some self-punishment. Or a lot of self-punishment. Instead of saying "everyone wants attention, it's not a big deal", my brain will overwhelm me with shame and make me vow to be quieter about the whole thing next time. Good emotions are meant to be expressed, I tell myself, and Bad ones are not. I think it's very unhealthy for people to not express their negative emotions openly. Or maybe I'm psychotic. I mean, I am psychotic. But maybe right now, too.
Ultimately this feeling peaks with the realization - again - that I'm a eukaryote. I live on a spinning ball of stardust in the aftermath of what had to have been a colossal disaster and waste of time. But it happened, and so now there's a bunch of stuff floating around, and some of that stuff started moving for reasons I don't personally understand and the implications of which scare me. And the moving stuff that moved faster got to stay moving longer. And so a chain reaction escalated, and eventually there were very large moving things whose survival adaptations had evolved in such a way that they could conceptualize and communicate complex information about the world around them, but they were also able to conceptualize themselves. This gave them a lot of grief. They wanted very badly for there to be an answer to why they were able to do that. Surely it served some purpose. But we never found one, and here we are.
I don't have a god to turn to. I have tried - earnestly, sincerely, and desperately - to reach out; I never hear back. I don't want to be an atheist, it's heartbreaking. Honestly. I want someone to be up there, or out there. Knowing there isn't, is just... cruel. It's horrifying and it wrenches my heart. Look at us, look how much we're suffering, where the fuck did you go, what the fuck is your problem? Help us!
In spite of everything, I am still not sure what I believe.
Don't you ever just cry about the world? Like, broadly? Don't you ever just have to take off your glasses and wipe the brine from them because you caught a glimpse of what people, as a species, could be capable of? And I get angry at myself, too. What am I doing about it? What even can I do? I can barely hold down a job. I am barely an adult. I am often mired in this feeling. It permeates everything. I'm living in a tragedy - not just my own, but millions and millions of others'. This is a nightmare. It's a nightmare and I'm an embarrassment, and my brain doesn't work right, and I'm living in a terrible reality that is shared by everyone, and yet somehow equally isolating and alienating to all of us. Does it have to be that way? Aren't we all lonely?
When I am spiraling I really do think that the end is near, either for me, or for everyone, or for both. To be fair, my confidence about humanity's future is not promising even when I am at my most sane. But in this kind of emotional place, the stakes are too high for me to care that what I say might come off as upsetting. It is completely overwhelming. I see my life up to this point, and I see how long I've been alive and realize I'm very Not Normal and I look and sound different than everyone around me and I'm an embarrassment. It's embarrassing to exist. It's embarrassing to be transgender, too. It's really, really embarrassing to be mentally ill and fully aware of it all the time. It's shameful. I am ashamed of how my family likely sees me. How my peers see me. I'm just a walking disaster. I feel like this bars me from leading a happy life or finding some success in art - It doesn't seem like you're allowed to be quite this much of a problem and "get away with it", does it? There's a bit of social sanitizing at work there - you are only allowed to be a certain level of messed up and if you pass that you're sort of a pariah. I don't think I've ever done anything pariah-worthy, but I can only see things from the inside of my own head, and there's a lot of unwanted noise in here.
I painted this when I lived in Oregon. I don't know how. I could not do art like this again if asked.
I'm not in a good place, generally-speaking. It could be worse - and it was for a long time- but it's still just not great. There are two reasons for this. One is that I'm very homesick. The other is that I found - and subsequently lost - my twin. But I only want to talk about the first reason right now - I grew attached to the Pacific Northwest in a way I've never really grown attached to any other place. It had a quality that exists nowhere else. It resonated with me immediately and I knew right away from the moment I first set foot there that it was my home. I grew to be a part of it, and it's the only place I felt I somewhat-belonged... I have been away from Oregon for 2 whole years as of next month. I feel like I'm a fish out of water, or a sapling in the wrong soil. I can't and won't say that the place I live currently is a bad place, but it isn't my place, and the disconnect has been maybe the nastiest shock to my system in all my life. Finding the place I loved, and living for over 12 years there, only to be wrenched away from it so suddenly, left a shock on me that I think has yet to surface in my work. I'm excited to see what form it takes when it does. Location is very important to my mental wellbeing, more than I think it is for most people. Maybe I am a plant. It's also very important for my art. I've struggled to find inspiration since I moved here. That said, I've had the very precious opportunity to just work on myself - on my transition, as well as my personal issues. I think I'm getting better, gradually, in some way. I have a job now, at least. So it's not entirely bad. I even grew sunflowers last summer.
Around this time I got banned from twitter, but I don't feel any shame about the reason why because I believe in my message. But it forced me to be a lot less active online for a long time. It also made me lose a lot of support. That's been something I've grappled with a lot these last 2 years - that people really don't like people like me, for reasons that are mostly not our fault. I will likely always be something of an outsider for being who I am now, but I was one before anyway. It's still worth it. I like the person I'm becoming. I feel like only recently did I allow myself to feel this self-love. I was too embarrassed of myself. It took a lot of patience and a lot of de-tangling my self-worth from a lot of trauma. So it's likely I would have needed to go through all of this regardless of where I was.
I still slip up. It's an uphill climb and it's slippery. I like to be transparent about these things. It's a relief - feeling like I need to hide things is my default state and it's lovely to just let go of stuff so I don't need to keep it in my head all the time. I have a lot of hangups still. I get discouraged about my art still - I fear I'll never build myself back up to where I was before, and that there will never be a time when I can really pay the bills with it. Or worse-still, that it just isn't special enough to last. That it isn't remarkable enough to survive after I'm gone. But I think a lot of people who make stuff feel that way, and it's not our fault. There's some relief in that. I'm happy to have even a few people that care about me and my work, and something I've been trying really hard to remember in recent years is to take time to appreciate them. I'm not actually alone. I have a lot of people that love me. I'm not an outsider. I'm very lucky to know the people I do, and I hold a deep regret for all the connections I've let go of because I was just too sick. Deep down I really do wish I could love everyone. I have no ill will towards anyone, not really.
I still don't know what I'm doing. I am just doing my best, I think. I'm really, really tired. I don't want to get any older. I'm scared of the passage of time. My memory is so bad, it feels like time is taken from me without me realizing. I am 33 years old. I do not have 33 years worth of memories. There are huge leaps. Gaps where suddenly I was just older and in more pain. Being adrift in time like this is horrific - one day I will blink, and the present moment may be completely forgotten. It can't go this fast. It just can't. Something has to be wrong. I don't want to die, I don't want to miss out on so much life or be unable to remember it. I don't want to find myself on my deathbed someday way sooner than I think and be unable to string together any kind of coherent thread from my memories. What is it all for? It has to mean something right? Why am I doing anything?
I think I finally understand that love is why. I don't know much more than that. Love is real, and it's the answer. If you find love, don't take it for granted, ever. No love is perfect. Take it with all its flaws. You don't have time to bargain with it. Love like you'll never love again, love like it's your last day alive, love like it will keep you alive forever, because it will. Every year closer to death you get, you will feel the regret of all the times you did not follow your heart. Life is short. I'm finding this out entirely too late. It goes by so fast, and what you have at the end are people and memories of being loved. To be loved is to live forever. It's the thing that connects us to everything else. It's the source and the answer to everything. It makes more sense the older I get. It used to sound cheesy, but I believe it with more sincerity every day.
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I kept my last promise to you - there are no new scars on my arms, or bruises on my head or face.
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