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felassan · 7 months

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Last week Mark Darrah did a Q&A video on his YouTube channel Mark Darrah on Games, called "15K Subs - Q&A". In case it's useful to anyone e.g. for accessibility reasons, here are some notes. The full video can be watched here [<- source link].

(Some of the questions answered were leftover from his previous Q&A video in this series from some time ago, during which time he had left BioWare and had not yet started his consultant work with BioWare.)

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Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, the DA:D development era at BioWare & related topics

"I'm still consulting with BioWare."

Q. Were there any plans to make Dragon Age games in other genres, like an MMO? A. "Not really. What actually happened was during Joplin development, as we were being squeezed and people were being stolen onto other projects like Mass Effect: Andromeda and Anthem, I actually put a Twitter poll up at one point, just sort've gauging the interest. There was never any people against it, it was really nothing more than that, just to see what the appetite was for something like that. But no development was ever done." Q. Are you looking forward to playing Dragon Age: Dreadwolf? A. "I mean, I'm not really completely on the outside anymore. I'm working with BioWare as a consultant. So when this question was originally asked I was on the outside. Yeah, I mean, that was a pretty interesting thing to look forward to, I know a lot more now than I did then. So my answer I guess is not really relevant anymore, but at the time, yeah, I would say so."

Q. At this point would it be better for the Dragon Age IP to be sold off and taken by another studio such as Larian? A. "I don't think, first of all that's never gonna happen. EA doesn't really sell off IPs. I think that it's in a good place, it's got support from EA and it's moving towards its end." [meaning Dragon Age: Dreadwolf is nearing the end of its development cycle and moving towards ship]

Q. What happened internally at BioWare, [someone whose name was redacted by Mark for the video] started becoming more and more bigoted, and why does he have a beef with Mark? A. "So I'm not gonna talk about who this was, but I'll just answer the question. The reason why there's a specific beef with me is because I was the one tasked with responding to some of the drama that was spinning up, once it crossed the line where EA felt something needed to be done. I did a video about why it's sometimes the right answer to be quiet and not to respond to something, in this particular case EA decided that things had gotten sufficiently out of hand and something needed to be done. I was the one who had the very legally-approved language and was the one that was, as a result, responding to that."

Q. [a question regarding Dragon Age extended universe/secondary material, like the comics and novels] A. "At BioWare, there is a business development group who is responsible for looking for this kind of thing. Usually, well I guess always, there is a requirement of feedback, some sort of feedback loop. Depending on the exact property that might be everything from 'you will do exactly what we say and you're just work for hire' up to 'you have a lot of creative control and BioWare maintains some degree of veto power'. Typically, with BioWare, they're looking for deals where the cost is being carried by the people making the product, as opposed to by BioWare. This is not the case with all companies. The advantage of the studio paying for it is that you make more money, but you carry more risk, so BioWare goes with the more conservative way, where they're not spending as much, or anything usually, but they give away more profit on the back end."

Q. How has it been working on Dragon Age again? Did you miss it? A. "I don't know that I missed it when I wasn't working on it. It was interesting to be on the outside. It's very strange being back in the, on the inside again, because my role is very different. I'm not the Executive Producer, I don't have that direct managerial role, I don't have direct, I don't really have any hard power whatsoever on the project anymore, so that's definitely different."

Q. What's the best piece of advice you would give the Dragon Age/Dragon Age: Dreadwolf team if asked? A. "I guess this question, which was from before, isn't as relevant, I've given them all that advice at this point."

"Dragon Age: Dreadwolf will be only on next gen consoles and PC, as far as I'm aware." [i.e., PS5 not PS4, Xbox Series X not XBone etc].

Q. Is this [referring to Dragon Age: Dreadwolf] a new beginning for Dragon Age? A. "Dragon Age is a weird franchise. It has had to reinvent itself every single time because of internal corporate pressures. This, like Dragon Age: Inquisition, like Dragon Age II, will be different from the games that came before it. I think that's fine. It's kind of become part of the DNA of the franchise at this point."

Q. What made you want to reach out to BioWare to consult on Dragon Age: Dreadwolf? A. "So I feel like that's been somewhat over-reported. So I have been doing consulting work since, in 2022, was when I started doing it. I was reaching out to different people. I knew where BioWare was when I first reached out to them. At the time they said 'no', and then I was like 'alright, fine' and I started working with some other people, and then things changed at BioWare and then they came and reached out to me when their situation was a bit different. So, I guess the short answer is money. The long answer was, I mean I have contacts there, I knew I could help them out, and I'm certainly interested in Dragon Age being the best game that it can be."

Q. How long is alpha to beta to release in general terms? A. "Almost unanswerable. It is incredibly dependent upon - the time from alpha to beta, well first of all there's lots of different definitions of these different phases, but the time from alpha to beta is the time of getting the content finished, and then from beta to release is more about getting your bugs fixed. Some games have thousands of bugs, some games have tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of bugs, so these times can be highly dependent upon the game and the genre. If you're making something that's a competitive game that really needs a lot of tuning, then you want a lot of time in that beta period, ideally to get the game in front of people who're gonna play it, to really dial those knobs in as best you can."

Q. Why does Frostbite struggle with animation? A. "I actually feel like it's actually doing fine with animation. I think it's a content problem, not an engine problem, when it comes to animation in Frostbite. I think what you're seeing is what is being built. Now, that being said, Frostbite now uses ANT, which is the animation system built for sports, so it is different."

"I did watch Dragon Age: Absolution. I actually really liked Absolution. I'm not sure how enjoyable it would be for a non-Dragon Age person, because I'm not a non-Dragon Age person, but as a Dragon Age person I really liked it, I thought it was well-made, I thought it did something interesting with the IP."

Q. Have you added any new gameplay mechanics that you can talk about? [unclear if question was regarding DA:D or the DA games in general] A. "Not anything that I really remember, exactly, because, you know, it's a collaborative, for a AAA game it's a collaborative exercise, at least the way that I ran the project, so I wouldn't consider that anything that was in the games that I led was introduced by me, they would have been introduced by the team, or pushed for, or advocated for by people other than me, for the most part."

"In one of my videos, I said that Dragon Age: Origins went through lots of shifts in development. Yeah, Dragon Age: Origins was multiplayer two different times before it actually ended up shipping. Also, it was originally being built on the Neverwinter Engine, it shifted engines in the middle, so it had some big shifts. The difference being that, you know, back in the early 2000s, there wasn't as much scrutiny on development, there wasn't as wide of a pipeline for rumors as there is now."

Q. Is there going to be any new external/secondary media about Dragon Age? A. "I actually don't know the answer to that, that's not a room that I am in anymore, so that would be a question to ask BioWare."

Q. Where was this filmed? [The next DRAGON AGE: Behind the scenes at BioWare] How does it hold up comparing to what was announced at The Game Awards? A. "I think this is the video, the Dragon Age video that was filmed at a park in Edmonton. I think it was Whitemud Park, if it's the video I am thinking of. How does it hold up? I mean, it doesn't show as much, it's showing a little bit of content, it holds up fine."

Q. How difficult or realistic is it to have previous protagonists in a sequel game? Like Hawke in Dragon Age: Inquisition or letters from the Warden? A. "It can, for Dragon Age, or any game that has a, or any game that has character creation, it is extra work, because you have kinda two choices. You either have to move to sort've default marketing protagonist. Well I guess you have three choices. Default marketing protagonist, or you have to put character creation right in the middle of the game flow, to allow people to create their character, or you have to have some way to move your protagonist appearance from game to game to game. Which, it would be the ideal solution, but that requires that your character creation remains relatively constantly from game to game. Which typically isn't actually the case."

Q. Why did EA cut BioWare's budget? A. "I assume that's to do with the layoffs. I do not have an answer to that question, but I put it in here anyway, so, there you go."

Q. Have you acquired new knowledge you can use for yourself consulting at BioWare? A. "It's actually been really useful, for me, so as a story-shaper, someone who develops my storytelling through the interaction with people, it's been useful for a lot of my concepts and philosophy, to bounce it off of people, and to be able to come back to things that I've thought about and even written about, even made videos about, and re-examine some of that. So absolutely, working with people has, for my kind of storytelling, has been helpful for me understanding the things I already believe."

Q. Any idea what the Dragon Age: Dreadwolf Collector's Edition will entail, or how do you decide what goes in them? A. "I have no idea, I guess they'll announce it probably when they put pre-orders up. When you're doing a Collector's Edition, when you're doing a Digital Deluxe, any of those things, it's all about perceived value. So it's all about, how much more do we want to charge for this thing? How do we get that much stuff in the box so that it's worth it? Not worth it for everyone, because otherwise, that would just be the game, but worth it for some degree of people. Typically, for physical Collector's Editions, that comes with a bunch of little things and one big thing. Dragon Age: Inquisition went a different way and it gets its value through a ton of little things like a map, little things you put on the map, and a lockpicking set, and a whole bunch of little things, but it's all about getting over that threshold of this being worth it to some percentage of your audience."

Q. Do you have hope that Dragon Age: Dreadwolf will be good? A. "Absolutely, that's why I'm working with them."

Q. Do you think it's possible for EA to recover in the eyes of BioWare fans? A. "I'm not sure that it's possible for any multi-billion dollar publicly traded company to ever have a really great public perception. I think it's something that they should care about, but I think they would be better served by focusing on strengthening the perception of the individual studios. Let EA be the evil corporate overlord and then make the perception of the studios that they own as strong as possible. That would be the way that I would go."

Q. If you could go back and change Dragon Age lore, what would you change? A. "There was some stuff in the early Dragon Age: Origins [days] which was very much trying to address some of the tropey, problematic bits of magic from D&D, so teleportation, things that. I think we went a little too hard there, and I think leaving that door a little bit more open would be better. The other thing that I think that Dragon Age has been dealing with, but is sort've a problem is, the source of magic. So in typical vanilla D&D magic kind've comes from a million different places, so it kinda doesn't matter. In some other settings, magic comes from a single place, it comes from the astral plane or it comes from this crystal that people dig up and grind up and use to do magic. In Dragon Age you kind've have it coming from a couple of different places, but too few to be everywhere, and therefore it doesn't matter, but too many for it to be one. So you end up with this weird thing of like, are undead caused by the Blight, is lyrium a source of magic? Like, there's just a few too many. And so Dragon Age has been kind've collapsing that probability space down. If I had a time machine, I'd probably just collapse that probability space down in the first place, not necessarily put it in the games, but at least know where that space collapsed." Q. Aren't the only sources of magic Blight, blood or Fade? A. "It isn't, because you've got Blight, blood, Fade - well, okay, yes - lyrium is [Titan] blood now because that was Dragon Age collapsing the probability space. That's what I mean by Dragon Age is collapsing the probability space. It didn't used to be. I don't know if that was always the plan for lyrium or not. I don't think so, I think that was - yeah, no, I think there are Titans, Titans have always been in the plan, but I don't know that lyrium was always - I could be wrong, I could be misremembering."

Q. Are games taking longer to come out now, or is it just Dragon Age and Mass Effect that this has happened to? Why? A. "No, games are taking longer. The short answer actually has a lot to do with graphical fidelity, it's just the assets take longer to make. There are more things, like you didn't have as many steps in creating a piece of art in 1998 as you do now, you didn't have even the concept of materials or shaders or any of these things, so now you have all of these additional steps along the way. It will be interesting to see if, as, some of these techniques, you know, PBM and photogrammetry and these other things become more commonplace, if some of those costs come down. It hasn't happened yet, it actually just kept going up and up and up, you just changed the work that's being done, but that might be the end-state, where maybe costs actually start to go down again. I haven't seen it yet though."

Q. Can you tell us more about Sandal or do we have to wait until Dragon Age: Dreadwolf? A. "No, Sandal is a character whose future will be decided by BioWare." Q. Can I assume that Sandal will be in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf? A. "I wouldn't make that assumption."

Q. What did you miss most about working in AAA and how does it feel being back in a different position? A. "Like I said before, it's weird, because I am, my desk, the desk, if I go into the office the desk I actually sit at is the same desk I had before, but my position is very different. I'm not doing salaries, I'm not doing people management, I'm not doing reviews, but also I don't have final say on anything, I have no hard power in my position, it's just a consulting position, so it's pretty different. I don't know that I miss anything in particular about AAA, I mean there's a power in the giant team that you just don't see in the indie space, but there's an agility that you just don't see in AAA in the indie space, so I think there's pros and cons for both sides."

Q. Any thoughts on the idea that Mass Effect and Dragon Age have become too similar? A. "I would, so I did a very sarcastic presentation back in, probably 2017. They've always been really similar. They are BioWare games with a party, they've always been incredibly similar, so I don't think it's a problem, I think that they have their own distinct characters, they stand apart from each other. In the same way that I wouldn't say that Fallout and Elder Scrolls are too similar, but they sure are both Bethesda games, so I don't think there's a problem there at all."

Q. Do you have an opinion to share on why there's been no marketing yet for Dreadwolf? A. "I assume that means 'why hasn't there been marketing yet for Dragon Age: Dreadwolf. I mean, there has, but nothing recently. The policy for much of AAA has become very much shorter, louder marketing campaigns. I think that there is a lot of power in that. I think that can be a very powerful way to go. Dragon Age obviously carries the fact that we did an announcement trailer back in 2018, but I think that's what's happening."

Q. Do you think it's possible for BioWare to split from EA? A. "No. EA doesn't let things go, so no. Could everyone leave and start their own studio? Sure, but BioWare will remain part of EA as far as I can tell. That's not how EA thinks."

Q. Should Dragon Age have more or fewer jump-scares in it? A. "I mean it doesn't have that many jump-scares, so... more!"

Q. Why did you decide to rejoin BioWare? A. "Like I said, I was consulting. I reached out to them, to look at the possibility of helping them out with some things. They said no, then some time went by and then they contacted me and said 'oh, actually yes', so, short answer is because it was what I was doing at the time. Longer answer is, I mean, definitely I am interested in Dragon Age being the best game it's capable of being."

Q. Do you feel BioWare could have done more to nurture the fanbase between releases, other than comics and novels? A. "Yeah, I do actually wish that there was an ecosystem to make little games, so, you know, you make the little, you make Final Fantasy Tactics, you make Dragon Age Tactics. You make mobile title - I mean there was the mobile game, the Dragon Age mobile game [Heroes of Dragon Age], that did really well, but yeah, I think there is an opportunity there. That is not the way that development works really at EA. It would've had to have been done by a different part of EA, and, so, yep. [shrug]"

Q. What do you feel about the comments that BioWare is becoming less writer-oriented? A. "I don't know that that is true. Definitely it went through a period of trying to focus more on different kinds of gameplay, like Anthem is definitely a game driven by its gameplay as opposed to by its story. I guess we'll see with Bowie what the actual truth is going to be, but I don't think that's what's happening."

Q. Is the next Mass Effect still in development? A. "Yep."

Q. Will Dragon Age go open-world again? A. "I don't know, I mean I guess that's always a possibility."

"I'm not going to comment on any things that have changed in BioWare's staffing, because, one, I found out at the same time as everybody else did, so I have no information, and two, I'm working with them, so I'm not going to give my opinion on that, so." "I'm not gonna comment on any layoff stuff."

Q. Would it be possible to give us the option to turn off the 'screen shake' effects after a critical or melee hit in Dragon Age games? A. "Yeah, I mean you do see that as an accessibility option in a lot of games now, so, hopefully."

Q. Mass Effect and Dragon Age have thousands of years in each of their respective lore/worlds, do you think there's a space for smaller and/or externally produced experiences that explore it more? A. "I do think there is an opportunity for that, I mean that's kind've where the comics and Dragon Age: Absolution and things like that have lived. You do have to figure out to control the IP somehow. Now you could go, like with KOTOR, where you just throw something back into the past far enough. Like go wayyy back and talk about 'where the Qunari came from' or something, but, I do think there's an opportunity there with some thinking. Now, will that happen? I don't expect so because that would require dev resources that don't really exist, or going to an external studio, which I don't think EA is gonna be particularly interested in doing."

"Yeah, I know. [the title] 'Dreadwolf' did ruin the whole vowel thing. Like, I'm also mad about that."

Q. Has there ever been discussion about adding more 'drama' to BioWare romances? I loved the conflict with Liara in Mass Effect 2 if you had romanced another character. A. "I'm sure that's a conversation that's happened somewhere. Often the characters are, each character is written by a different writer, so when they interact that can become a little bit more complicated, but yeah, there's certainly interesting things to be potentially done there."

Q. How involved are you as a Creative Lead on marketing titles? Do you have input into the creation of trailers? A. "Yes, usually there's some degree of input in trailers, but at EA they're usually done by a central group, so it's influence more than necessarily even veto. Probably the Executive Producer has veto power if necessary, but not direct creative control, they're done by a different group."

"I won't be working on [his game, High Tea on the High Seas] until my contract with BioWare is over, I expect."

"I love the modding community. We don't really support them very much, but I think there's a lot of power there for sure."

Q. Do you think BioWare should make non-linear games like Baldur's Gate 3 or stick with what they have always done before? A. "I think that there is, BioWare used to do more 'campfires in the dark', so more, like, 'I know you got here, but I don't know how', and I think that we should return to that more, at least for the side content. I think that the follower content is where BioWare's strength remains and will remain, and I think that deserves to be done in whatever way fits the storytelling that we're trying to do."

Q. Do you think the Dragon Age series should have more musical numbers in the game? A. "Yes I do."

Q. Is there any animosity between BioWare teams? A. "There has been, in the past. I don't think there is now, but there has been in the past, for sure."

Q. Do you regret allowing the player to kill certain characters? How much does that complicate future titles? A. "It makes future titles really complicated. In Dragon Age: Inquisition trying to find a Warden was like, basically they all could be dead, that's why you end up with mustache, Stroud, because literally everyone else could be dead. I don't regret it though, I think it's good to do that kind of thing when you can, it adds extra impact. You just have to live with the consequences of it."

Q. Is there room when AAA games are being developed for smaller projects to get made in the same studio? A. "It depends on the studio. Within BioWare, basically no, because the big AAA things just suck all the life out of it, but I've seen it work at some places where they have protection to keep the little things working and alive. So it's possible, but I don't think it could work at BioWare because I think they would just end up getting starved out by the bigger titles."

Q. Do you think BioWare is going to innovate, or are they trying to make something standard? A. "I mean all games contain innovation, so I'm not sure what your question is there, so yes."

Q. Was there any general reaction that BioWare had to Cyberpunk: Edgerunners? A. "Nothing that I'm aware of. I'm sure that people watched it and had thoughts, but nothing that I've heard."

Q. Do you believe marketing campaigns that are started too early, with features that don't make it into the final product are deceptive and counter-productive because they create false expectations? A. "So I do believe in shorter, louder marketing campaigns in general. There are cases where ya gotta go out and ya gotta start building expectations for your title, but when you're out there for a long time, and you're showing gameplay, you're going to show things that end up getting cut. And I don't think, so, are they counterproductive? No, I don't think they are, because most people don't remember, they just remember they were excited, the thing they saw two years ago. They don't remember that it showed something that ended up getting cut. Do they cause a little bit of internet drama? Sure. But I don't think that they're counterproductive. I think in the cases where you have to do them, where you're repairing a relationship or you need to build up a new IP or whatever, they can be useful. Are you gonna get yourself into trouble? For sure, but, still worth doing."

"Shorter marketing campaigns are super effective, but there are cases where you need a longer conversation with your potential fans."

Q. Do you see Dragon Age as a franchises headed towards a linear end, or more of a world for stories that expand in different directions? A. "I don't know that we'll ever see Dragon Age kind've branch into a bunch of different things. So, like, will there be a main title that continues to basically be the line of canon, that's, probably, yes. That's probably what will happen. It is a franchise that is much more about its world than Mass Effect, and much less about its characters, so I get your point, but I don't think we'll ever see, like, several different parallel storylines going at once."

Q. Without a remake or remaster [of previous Dragon Age games] what would you pitch to onboard people in the Dragon Age franchise? A. "I mean hopefully Dragon Age: Dreadwolf is a perfectly reasonable on-boarding point. The games are designed to be able to be consumed starting with any of them, so hopefully that remains the case."

Q. Why did you not teach anyone at BioWare the true art of Twitter teasing and trolling before you left, because your skills was legendary, and it has not been the same since? A. "So I think, I only got to be on Twitter the way I was on Twitter because I was the Executive Producer, because I was basically the one who decided what information was public. Which is why you haven't seen me do that again."

Q. Does BioWare face any recruitment problems due to its primary location in Canada? A. "Primarily in Canada isn't a huge problem, primarily in Edmonton definitely is. We still live in this weird world of hybrid development so people are getting hired from all over the place right now, but yeah, Edmonton was always a problem for recruiting."

Q. When are you planning to talk about Anthem? [in YouTube videos] A. "Yeah, so we're like two years late on this. It is going to be after I finish working with BioWare at this point, to be perfectly honest. It's gonna be a while, but we'll get there, we will definitely talk about it."

Q. There was talk about a "five game plan" for Dragon Age at some point. Was that ever a thing? If so, is it still a thing? A. "There have been lots of plans, so, sure."

Q. Will you continue your career in development after Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, or was it just a one-time return? A. "Yeah, I'm working with another studio right now as well, this is not my only contract, for sure."

Q. Will you be involved with the next Mass Effect as a consultant? A. "That's not my decision to make."

Q. What is the main thing you would change about how management works in AAA studios? A. "I think that question is unanswerable because management at AAA studios is different everywhere. BioWare uses a matrix structure, so they have departments, but they also have individual leaders. I would like to see more project-driven, like, I've talked about [his] 'hourglass' [concept] in a video before, where driven more through the product, but that being said, I'm not sure long-term how that would be for the people, so I guess, short answer is depends on the studio."

"Dragon Age has had the misfortune of always being seen as being inaccessible to the average gamer, so there's been a lot of corporate pressure for it to become more mainstream. And so it's been kinda questing for a fantasy RPG that is very accessible. Hence why, and then, you know, hence that's Dragon Age II, and then you know Dragon Age II's reception pushed Dragon Age: Inquisition to change some more. Dragon Age has never really been allowed to be constant. And I think it would actually be very good for the franchise to be allowed to be constant for a while, get some 'true sequels' [true sequels here refers to a specific thing Mark has previously discussed on his channel] under the belt. So, yes, true sequels are awesome, I wish that there were more of them and I wish that Dragon Age was one of them."

Q. Are Dragon Age and Mass Effect regarded as big IPs by EA? A. "Sometimes. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. There was a time when EA had the, I think it was called like, 'The Big 12', Mass Effect was on that list, Dragon Age was not, so, sometimes."

Q. Do you feel EA has historically had unrealistic profit expectations for the Dragon Age series? A. "I can't really get into the way that EA does its financials. I think that there are, sometimes, EA wishes everything was FIFA and obviously that's unrealistic."

Q. Will the critical success of Baldur's Gate 3 influence Dragon Age: Dreadwolf and other future projects? A. "It's a bit late to influence Dragon Age: Dreadwolf. Will it affect other future projects? I suspect so. I think it's gonna have a big impact on the RPG space, in some ways, for sure."

Q. Oh, is 'Bowie' the actual codename? Neat! A. "Yeah, Bowie is the actual codename. Did I just leak that? Well it is."

"The hardest part of a project for most people, myself included, is when you can't see the start anymore, and you can't yet see the finish, so with games with really long [development] cycles they can have a lot of trouble in the middle because you don't have the excitement of the beginning anymore and you can't see that it's finishing. So that can be hard. I think that is honestly one of the reasons why I think completion urgency has been on my mind so much, because this has always been kind of the case with BioWare with games, where you do a middle march in the dark, and so hopefully we find some solutions to that."

Q. When are you planning to talk about Anthem? A. "Yeah, so we're like two years late on this. It is going to be after I finish working with BioWare at this point, to be perfectly honest. It's gonna be a while, but we'll get there, we will definitely talk about it."

Q. Is it more accurate to think of the development cycle of Dragon Age: Dreadwolf as one game, or several? A. "Kind've something in-between. Definitely there have been moments where the game has pivoted to a large degree that it effectively has started over, but it hasn't always actually started over, and maybe that would've been better, so it's a little bit of both."

Q. BioWare office tour when? A. "I don't think that I can do that, but maybe BioWare will, you should ask them."

Q. Do you think the 'Frostbite is bad' narrative has been blown out of proportion? A. "Yes I do. I mean, yes it is not a perfect engine, no engine is. It definitely doesn't have the support levels that Unreal has, but it is a capable engine if you treat it with respect. The problem is, is that I think a lot of developers have not treated it with respect."

Q. Has BioWare ever thought about character DLC, for example the story DLC in Dragon Age: Inquisition was wonderful but much of what people enjoyed about the story DLC like Trespasser was reuniting with the companions. A. "Yeah, there actually, a bunch of stuff got discussed in earlier incarnations of Joplin and Morrison about doing, like, date packs, or very, very focused bits of DLC. I don't think that's still in the plan, but that was the plan at one point."

Q. What would you say to fans of Dragon Age that are worried about Dreadwolf right now? A. "I'd say keep paying attention, and hopefully BioWare give you confidence."

Q. Do Dragon Age: Dreadwolf leaks hurt any team morale? A. "It can, depends on the leak, it can, for sure."

[source and full video link]

Other notes from the video are collected under the cut due to length:

Q. What's something from Baldur's Gate 3 that may not be obvious to players that you've seen and said 'wow, Larian really figured something out that I wish we, BioWare, had been able to do'? A. "The big thing that Larian is doing that is missing from most other modern games is they are, Failbetter Games calls it 'campfires in the dark', which is, a lot of their plot scripting is based upon reacting to where you are in the moment as opposed to the path you use to get there. What that means is you can do almost anything, because the game doesn't really care how you did it. If you're Matt Mercer and you pile up a bunch of boxes and then teleport into a keep, and bypass the entire plot of getting in there, once you're in the keep, the keep is like, 'okay, you're here, I don't know how you did it, but whatever, we'll just go from here'. And, two things. One, it makes for incredibly robust scripting. The game is able to not fall apart as you do things that it wasn't expecting, because to some degree it's not really expecting things as much. Two, it's just letting you do much more as a result. Now you are giving up a certain degree of reactivity for that, but it's a very powerful tool that I think has been largely set aside by most other developers."

"I think there's definitely some interesting avenues to be taken with your party members having relationships with each other and interacting with each other. It gives them more life. It makes them more believable, that they're not just there waiting for you to come and talk to them and otherwise they're completely static. I think having them interact with each other definitely helps make them more believable."

"One of the, I would say, biggest mistakes of Dragon Age II is the fact that you always have to fight both final antagonists, regardless of which path you decided to do, and that's a decision coming from 'we don't want to waste our content. We want people to see this stuff we spent all this time on'. So some of it is about just being willing to commit to the concept of, there is content that people won't see. It helps, at least it helps me a little bit to remember that most people aren't gonna even finish your game, so arguably the end is a branch that most people won't see." "Honestly, to a large degree, let the creatives guide the way. If they're excited about writing it, if they're excited about scripting it, let them do it. Maybe you do a much simpler version [of the hypothetical cutscene being discussed, re: branching content and zots/resources], but you can still do it."

"I've never played a game of the Dragon Age TTRPG. How much was the Dragon Age team involved in the creation of the rules? Not at all. That was created entirely by Green Ronin. That was their system entirely and I think they've used it for other things since then. I like that it exists. I like that there is a, something that signals that Dragon Age is an RPG. Now I think I would be pushing to make a 5th edition supplement for Dragon Age, rather than a standalone RPG, but at the time, it was the right call, I'd say."

Q. As a producer, how have you mitigated decision fatigue for you or your team throughout closing a project? A. "So one of the reasons why I actually advocate so strongly for triage is that triage is a forum through which you can answer a lot of questions, especially at the end of a project, the closing parts of a project. You're not going to avoid making decisions. Finaling a project is making thousands of decisions in rapid succession, but you can take a little bit of the burden off individual team members by helping them with that decision-making, or when necessary making decisions yourself. Triage also lets you get a group of people together. Making decisions as a group, if you've worked together for a while, can be faster, can be less draining as well."

"I really believe in some degree of developing out loud. I don't know how practical Larian's style of, 'go into Early Access for three years and develop it with the community' is, for most studios, especially the publicly traded ones, but I do think some form of discourse with the community is incredibly valuable. Are we gonna see it? I hope so, but I do think that a lot of studios have developed a very secretive, private kind of stance. For good reason. It's a lot of work to keep this discourse running, to keep it from turning toxic, to keep the conversation going. I think it's worth it, but there's work there, for sure." [I think BioWare are a publicly traded company]

"I could be wrong, but I feel like we're starting to see DLC in singleplayer games be a thing of the past. It seems like it's fading away. I think we may not see very much [of this] three years from now. Will it then circle back around, come back around? I suspect it will, but that's what I'm noticing."

[on the game industry in general] "We've had a lot of layoffs this year, so definitely there's been volatility this year, but we have, as the industry has grown up, it has become more risk-averse, at least in the AAA space, it's become more expensive, things have taken longer, but you do see less, sort've pulsing - you see less AAA games shipping and then the entire studio being shut down. It does still happen, but I do think you are seeing less of it. I think it's partly just, becoming more and more a business."

"I do not think Mass Effect 3 will ever be open-sourced."

"If I was given a large budget and asked to create a 'Dragon Age Legendary Edition', I think if I was given that task, the big thing would be, I think for Dragon Age: Origins, you have only two choices. Once you start going in there, you gotta go so deep, that I would go remaster, and just pretty it up, and let all its warts be its warts. Maybe take another crack at the console controls, and like getting tactical camera on the consoles, if I could, but largely just prettying it up. Dragon Age II, I'd be really tempted to see if you could make Orsino an optional fight, otherwise, probably it's fine. Dragon Age: Inquisition, Hinterlands, actively pushing you out of the Hinterlands much more quickly, not cutting anything from it, but definitely making it more clear that there is a critical path, because the pacing is kind've off there. Reducing the amount of Influence you need to unlock things so you can get through it a little more quickly."

"Dragon Age: Origins was originally planned as one game with no sequels. That was the original plan, which is why the end of Dragon Age: Origins has weird branching epilogue structure, is because it was never intended to be a game with sequels. You're always going to, that's a lesson for the world, always assume that you're going to potentially have sequels. So, it's not that you should leave a bunch of threads, but don't make sequels incredibly difficult to have."

"Dragon Age: Inquisition basically only had eight spells because of console convenience, yeah, basically, it's designed around its console controls for sure."

Q. Was there ever a significance to the Amell [blood]line? Like the Warden and Champion being related? A. "I don't know the answer to that question. I mean, there are often things that are planned and then executed, but also things where convenient plot hooks are picked up and taken in different ways. So sometimes things are planned years in advance and sometimes they just look that way."

"As far as I can remember, Leliana's lyrium ghost was just a quantum thing. It's just because we wanted Leliana in Dragon Age: Inquisition and Leliana could be dead. I mean it kinda makes sense, because the only place that Leliana could die in Dragon Age: Origins was at the Urn, so, sure, the Urn did it."

Q. If Dragon Age: Origins ever gets a remake, would a lot more of the problematic elements be removed? A. "So that's, ultimately what it comes down to, I think if you did a Dragon Age: Origins remaster, you wouldn't, you would just put a fresh coat of paint on it and that would be what you would do. But if you start to do a remake, I think it becomes necessary to start to open up some of those conversations, and that could be a lot, which is honestly one of the things that probably is causing hesitation on doing a remaster, or a remake in that case."

Q. If a fan writes an incredibly good idea on a forum or social media, is BioWare banned from implementing their idea? A. "It depends. If it's just like, 'I put an idea out on a Twitter post', no, you're basically releasing that idea to the public by that kind of post, but we don't, but BioWare doesn't, so I guess no, I guess, short answer no, because in that case it's like, well you just gave that to everybody. If it's a bit of fan literature, nobody's reading it, it's just going in the garbage, so no, so in that case nobody knows what's in that piece of literature, so, no."

"Will Dragon Age: II and Dragon Age: Origins ever come to PS5? I don't know. I mean that would basically require a remaster of some sort."

Q. If you had free reign what's the coolest, most ridiculous thing you would put into a physical Collector's Edition of the game? A. "So, I did, on Anthem, I did push for this, and I wish we'd done it, I did push for doing, because we had the studio that made the physical versions of the Javelin suits for that one EA Play. I did push for a $55,000 Collector's Edition, where you got one of those suits. Obviously we didn't do that."

Q. Would you say it’s harder to import decisions in a series like Dragon Age or Mass Effect? I bet it’s harder when each game has a different protagonist. A. "Actually, so, Dragon Age is a little bit more self-healing because when you are playing a Mass Effect, so Mass Effect 1, 2, 3, a lot of what you care about is the interpersonal stuff. When you're moving from Dragon Age: Origins to Dragon Age II, you don't really care about any of that interpersonal stuff, because it's a different character. I mean, you care, but it doesn't, the game doesn't need to reflect it. So Mass Effect has to deal with a lot more minutiae than Dragon Age does. Dragon Age just needs to deal with the big stuff."

Q. Would the Eclipse Engine have been better for Dragon Age: Inquisition even if it had meant the scope of the game would have to be smaller? A. "No, the Eclipse Engine was about ready to die of old age."

Q. Do you remember what the major aesthetic influences on Anthem were? A. "So, this is what I remember. Cigarette butts and coffee cups, so like, the abyss. No wheels. I actually think Anthem has a pretty strong identity. It looks like something."

Q. Who's decision was it to start using Frostbite? A. "I mean, the short answer is, it was the only politically-viable answer for Dragon Age: Inquisition, so, so I guess EA."

Q. Did you feel there was a large culture change when Greg Zeschuk and Ray Muzyka left BioWare? A. "Not really, like a lot of it was basically already happening, as part, as EA basically started to impose its culture on, and also just the culture infiltrated over time. I would say that the cultural shift at BioWare happened slowly, not all at once when they left."

Q. I was really hoping for that Dragon Age tactical game. Any chance of seeing something like that in the future? A. "Probably not, I mean, it was a tweet, there wasn't anything behind that."

Q. If only there was a Mass Effect toolset. A. "Yeah, so I don't think you're gonna get, so a toolset with a game that is using Unreal like Mass Effect, that's much less likely, because you're gonna have to get a deal with Epic to do that. They might go for it, but yeah, that would be harder."

Q. I recently found out that The Last Court was made by an outside studio, and BioWare has brought in outside writers to work on Dragon Age before. Is that a common occurrence? A. "Yeah, it happens, for sure."

"Dragon Age II is pushing the Eclipse engine to the limit, it's basically the upper limits."

Q. Was there ever any discussion on showing Hawke and their companions visibly age over Dragon Age II? A. "There was, there was absolutely, that conversation did happen. We didn't really have any way to do it easily, but it was talked about."

Q. Dragon Age seems to have a much larger female fanbase than most gaming franchises, is this something EA has been cognizant of/interested in? A. "Cognizant of, yes, interested in, yes as well, though The Sims is actually even better. Understanding what to do about? No."

Q. What were your lessons learned from Mass Effect: Andromeda and why it went that bad? A. "I don't actually think it went that bad. It had a rough launch, so it kind've escaped a little early. That's probably its biggest problem. If it had released in the state that it was at within a month, it would've been a lot better received. Now it did also launch up against Zelda and Horizon, so, the number one lesson there is - when Dragon Age: Inquisition shipped and the Inquisition team was talking to the other team, one of the biggest things we said was 'don't use Inquisition as your baseline, it should be your worst-case', and a lot of the planning on Mass Effect: Andromeda was done using Dragon Age: Inquisition as the best case, so, what happened, basically its end got squeezed out of existence."

Q. What do you think about a Mass Effect: Andromeda remake? A. "Seems early, but maybe, some day. I mean it's kind've healed its perception to a large degree, kind've like Dragon Age II but for different reasons, it's not seen as as bad as it was seen at launch, so, I think there's a market there."

Q. Have there ever been discussions within BioWare of visual novels as a possible format for their franchises? A. "Yeah, it's come up, it's even been pitched. Hard for EA to do little things."

[source and full video link]

#dragon age: dreadwolf #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #long post #longpost #mass effect #mass effect: andromeda #anthem #dragon age: absolution #next mass effect

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bearhugsandshrugs · 4 months

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Thank you for an amazing 2023 <3

Hey you, yes you, thank you!

I wanted to take a short moment to recap the past half year of my life, of which I spent a large part of on here, Discord, and AO3. I'm blown away by the response to my writing, every day anew, and the kind and nice community the BG3 fandom generally is.

I prepped some stats around my fics (including top kinks) and pulled some of my favorite comments under the cut!

Bearhugsandshrugs Wrapped

Cannot believe that I wrote the equivalent of two meaty novels, but in fics. Of course the series I wrote take the majority of words, but I also did quite a lot of smut fics. The drabbles really only started like a month ago or so, so that's quite a lot already!

Kinks

(wonder if the person at Canva who made this ever dreamed about me using this for smut fics lol)

The kinks were not really surprising mostly about oral and vaginal sex, since I write a lot with F!Tav. So I tried to exclude those more "vanilla" kinks (incl anal sex and fingering) from the top kinks, and it left me with Orgasm Delay/Denial & Edging as the #1 kink I wrote (in terms of amount of times I included it in fics. Drabbles excluded). Power dynamics includeds anything like dom/sub and power play, and that's also no surprise it comes in 2nd, as I love switchy Gortash and the hatefucking / brat dynamics he can have with a Tav. Last but not least there were several tied for #3, but I wanted to shoutout Object insertions because it was remarkable to me how often I wrote about someone fucking another person with a cane or a shoe, or whatever object came to mind...

Comments

I also made a cutesy collage of some of my favorite comments. Some of them I post on my close friends IG, and I often send cute comments to my IRL friends who have no concept of what this refers to haha. And there are several of you who send really long, thoughtout comments. I DEVOUR THEM. I love them so much. I reread them several times. I think you all know who you are. I see you. I hope you know that.

But honestly I love all comments!

Most read fics

For my fics, my most read fic of the year 2023 is Til Death Do Us Part, the Tavtash saga (completed). Second is Folie à Deux, the Raph-Tav-Haarlep threesome. Both of them are just a few views apart and have been more or less tied for weeks.

From the smut oneshots the most-read fic is Amuse Bouche, a non-con orgy with Raphael, Gortash, Orin, Abdirak, Mizora, ....

Some learnings I made about AO3, comments, kudos, and so on:

Noncon fics usually get significantly less kudos but they overperform in terms of hits (see above). If you use some sort of plugin to show you like-rates etc keep that in mind. Topic/genre/characters/length impact that a lot

Series pick up a community after a certain amount of chapters / readers (also: see above in terms of indicator)

Replying to the comments has changed the dynamic under my fics a lot and I can just recommend it to everyone!

Again, I'm blown away by the reception. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Looking forward to 2024 with you all <3

–Em

#my writing #hope this is interesting lol #love you all #pinned #not really but makes it easier to find #bearhugsandshrugs wrapped

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cy-cyborg · 2 months

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Writing Disability: Let us Love like everyone else

[ID: An illustrated picture of a red rose on a pink background. To the left of the rose is white text that reads "Writing Disability: Let us Love like everyone else. /End ID]

Romance is one of the top-selling genres in the world across mediums, and pretty much every movie, TV show, book and game has at least one romance sub-plot. You don’t need to look far to find it. However, when it comes to disabled characters, a lot of creators shy away from giving us romantic plot lines or even hesitate to address the topic of disability and attraction being present in the same character at all. So, since it’s Valentine’s day, I thought now would be the perfect time to discuss it.

It can be easy to miss if you aren't paying attention, but a surprising number of stories in various mediums will pair up most if not all of their main cast of characters by the end of the plot… with the exception of the disabled characters. whether they be explicitly stated to be disabled or just coded as such, disabled characters are more frequently left out of relationships by the story's end. Sometimes, the disabled character will be completely disinterested or the subject is just never addressed, such as with Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender. Toph is implied to have had multiple relationships by the time of the sequel series, but unlike the rest of the original gang, we never see it on screen, so I personally think it doesn't count for reasons I'll get into in a moment. Alternatively, the disabled character will show interest in someone, but their affection is just not reciprocated, such as in Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame. Disney's Hunchback is a particularly noteworthy example since it's one of the only theatrical Disney movies where the main character has a clearly stated love interest, but doesn't end up with them by the end.

ID: an screenshot of the hunchback of notre dame showing Quasiemodo, a man with a hunchback and facial differences swinging and singing on at spire at the top of the notre dame cathedral. /End ID

In the latter case, where the disabled character’s love is not reciprocated, these stories will often focus on the importance of self-discovery and self-love. An important message to be sure, but the fact that these “you don’t need a partner as long as you love yourself” stories very often centre disabled characters is frustrating, to say the least (If the character isn’t disabled, they’re often deemed “undesirable" for other reasons, such as being fat, but that’s a topic for another day).

Of course, the reason the character doesn’t end up with their love interest doesn't have to be because of their disability specifically. Even if they were turned down for other reasons, it can still contribute to the stereotype that disabled people can’t find love even when they want to, just aren’t desirable as partners (a sentiment that is especially commonly directed at visibly disabled people) and contributes to the overall lack of representation of disabled relationships.

In the other case I mentioned before, where a disabled character is just not interested in romance, can look different depending on the kind of disability the character has, but in my experience, it often comes from the same place: discomfort. This isn't necessarily a conscious thought or decision on the creator’s end, mind you, but just because it's not intentional, doesn't mean it's not doing harm, even if it’s subconsciously.

A lot of the time, many creators don't even consider giving their disabled characters a love interest. the thought never even occurs to them. I can't pretend to know why for sure, but if I had to take a guess, its because the idea of disability and romance just don't go together in most people's eyes, so the thought never even crosses these creator's minds. But why? it comes back to that discomfort.

When we are talking about physical disabilities and those effecting the body but not the brain, the discomfort can come from a few places. First is the discomfort with disabled and visibly different bodies and how they work as a whole. I've spoken about this in the past, but just the idea of disability alone often makes non-disabled people deeply uncomfortable, and when it comes to visible disabilities, they are often forced to confront that, something that a lot of people are resistant to. they don't like thinking about it, and while many non-disabled creators have dealt with this discomfort enough to include us in their stories, they haven't deconstructed it enough to include us having things like romantic relationships.

This is why, despite the fact that Toph has children in The Legend of Korra, I’m still using her as an example. We see the other main character’s relationships and partners in the original show and in The Legend of Korra directly, but never hers. The most we ever hear of Toph’s love life is that Sue and Lin, her daughters, have different fathers. While the mention was good, when looking at this through the lens of “people are uncomfortable with disabled people being in relationships” you can see how the openly disabled character’s relationships only ever happening off screen and occasionally mentioned might still be an issue, even if that wasn’t the creator’s intent.

ID: A screenshot of the legend of Korra showing Toph, a middle-aged woman with black hair and metal armour, lecturing her two daughters. /End ID

this disparity becomes particularly noticeable, however, in media aimed at an older audience where romantic relationships often mean sex. When the relationship is expected to be sexual in nature, an extra layer of discomfort often appears. A lot of people just quite simply don't understand how sex works when you have a physical disability, and are extremely uncomfortable simply looking it up (there are educational resources out there on the subject, and even disability content creators who focus on educating people about sex and disability, I’m not talking about looking up porn). Often times, they just avoid it by simply not giving their disabled characters relationships of any kind to avoid having to address those questions.

There is also the fact that many people infantilise those with disabilities and associate us with children. This is more common when it comes to non-physical disabilities, such as those under the neurodivergent umbrella (which refers to any disability that primarily impacts the brain) and I'll talk about that in a moment, but it does happen with physical disabilities too, most notably with little people and disabilities that impact someone’s height or physical development. Often, for those of us with physical disabilities, the infantilization comes from people either directly associating us with children because of our appearance, or feeling as though we need to be protected like children.

When talking about disabled people in relationships, this might look like someone being hesitant to pair a disabled character up with someone without a disability because they “can’t protect themselves” if the relationship goes bad. This isn’t something I’ve seen stated directly much in media, mind you, but it is a response I’ve gotten from a surprising number of people in real life when I’ve asked why they don’t like the idea of “people like me” (meaning amputees and wheelchair users) dating. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the reason some authors and creatives avoid inter-abled relationships in their works based on how often I got that comment when I started dating; they are concerned about the power imbalance. but this mindset is based on both infantilization and the stereotype that physically disabled people are always inherently weaker. If you’re not always worried about how non-disabled characters would protect themselves in a relationship, why are you only worried it when one of the characters is disabled?

However, like I mentioned before, the disabled character being simply uninterested in romance or sex isn't unique to visibly and physically disabled people. It’s is so common with neurodivergent folks, in fact that it’s become a bunch of tropes all of their own, with the most common variant being where specifically autistic or autistic-coded characters will often be the only aromatic or asexual people in a story’s cast.

For those unfamiliar with the terms, aromatic people are those who experience little to no romantic attraction, or those who experience it differently to most, while asexual people are those who experience little to no sexual attraction (or, again, experience it differently to most). It’s a bit more complex than that, and both terms exist on a spectrum, but in order not to get too side-tracked, I’ll leave it there. I‘d highly, highly recommend Jaiden Animation’s video on the subject though if you want to learn more in a beginner-friendly way.

There’s this idea that a lot of non-disabled people get about neurodivergent folks, especially those with developmental or intellectual disabilities, that we are these sweet little innocent beans who don’t want to or simply can’t engage with “adult” things. In most cases though, this isn’t the true. For some folks, including many creators, this is once again an unconscious bias and is the result of them simply not thinking about or deconstructing their ideas around different kinds of disabilities. In these cases, the idea usually stems from the fact that there are some (keyword some) disabilities under this category that do impact someone’s ability to engage with things like sex and romantic relationships, and most people not overly familiar with the disability community just don’t know enough to understand that just because some people under this category can’t or don’t want to engage, doesn’t mean we all can’t.

Unfortunately though, when this is pointed out to a lot of people, instead of adjusting their viewpoint or seeking more information, they get severally uncomfortable about the idea, even going so far as calling someone who is dating someone with a developmental or intellectual disability as “creepy” because they, once again, associate people with these kinds of disabilities with children. Since children can’t consent, neither can we. This is, once again, infantilization, but much more directly.

While I haven’t seen the full episode (or much of the show as a whole), so I don’t really want to comment on weather it handled the subject well, I do at least appreciate that the show Glee calls this line of thinking out when one of the characters, Becky, who has down’s syndrome, begins dating someone without a disability. The parts of the episode I have seen shows several characters around Becky expressing concern, but their bias is called out by the end of the episode. What I have seen of Glee was during a particularly long stay in hospital while being given pretty strong medication so my memory of it is spotty (not to mention everything was out of order) so like I said, I can’t comment on weather or not it was good per say, but I do remember the discussion this episode sparked in my high school with students and teachers alike, and I remember it being the starting point for some important conversations with people.

As I said, there are some disabilities under the neurodivergent umbrella that might prevent a character from engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship. some. however, it's incredibly important to remember that a lot of these kinds of disabilities exist on a spectrum of support needs, and if the character in question's disability would be preventing them from doing so, they would typically be on the very severe ends of those spectrums and have very substantial support needs in other areas of life too. The vast majority of neurodivergent characters in media don't fall into this category. If you are writing someone who has these higher support needs (and please do, we need more characters like that!), be sure to do your research and double check your assumptions about their capability to engage though. Ensure it's actually reflective of their disability and isn't just based on stereotypes and misinformation. And don't forget, if you’re ever unsure, you can always check with a sensitivity reader or disability consultant.

Even in cases where a disabled character does get into a relationship, one of a few things frequently happen that I think authors might want to be mindful to avoid - or at least approach with caution.

The first is that the disabled character, despite being in a relationship, will be completely disinterested in sex (or any part of a physical relationship, such as kissing, if the content is aimed at a younger audience), often being implied or directly stated to be asexual. The first example of this that springs to mind for me is Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. While Sheldon is never confirmed as autistic within the show, he displays many autistic traits throughout both the original show (albeit in a stereotypical way that’s played mostly for laughs) and in the spin-off, Young Sheldon. When Sheldon does eventually get into a relationship though and even gets married, he is shown to be very, very reluctant and overall disinterested in sex.

ID: A screenshot from Big Bang Theory of Amy and Sheldon sitting on a couch, where Amy looks annoyed towards someone off camera, while sheldon looks at her, confused. /End ID

So what’s the problem with this? in a vacuum, nothing. Some people don’t care for sex and don’t experience sexual attraction, and it’s fine to show that - we need more ace representation! I myself am disabled (an amputee and autistic) and asexual, shouldn’t I be glad to see characters like me?

Well, the issue isn’t that this is unrealistic, but rather overplayed and often contains a lot of misinformation about both asexual people and disabled folks.

My disabilities have nothing to do with my asexuality - which remember just means someone doesn’t experience sexual attraction; it has nothing to do with weather or not someone enjoys sex. However whenever asexuality and disability are paired together in the same character, it’s almost always because of the character’s disability. As in, the person in the wheelchair is ace because they can’t feel anything down there so they stopped feeling attracted to people (which is not even close to how that works, but is a real example I’ve seen on a few occasions now) or the autistic person is just too invested in telling you about trains, science, superhero’s or whatever their special interest is, to be worried about sex.

The other issue is, like I said, there’s a lot of examples of disabled ace characters already, and considering how poorly most are handled, many disabled people and asexual people alike are just tired of seeing it. Honestly, until both disability and ace representation and understanding as a whole, improve independently, it’s a combination of identities I’d recommend avoiding in your work, at least for now.

Finally, when a disabled character does enter a relationship, sexual or not, a very common dynamic is that the character will often get very insecure and scared that the person they’re dating doesn’t actually like them, or worries that the other person is settling for them, often resulting in their partner reassuring them that they love them, "despite their disability." A recent example of this can be seen in the web series Helluva boss between the character Fizzarolli, an imp who is a quadrilateral amputee with broken horns and facial scarring, and his boyfriend Asmodeus. While Fizzarolli’s insecurities are primarily focused on living up to impossible standards for success, he shouts during a panic attack that he believes that Asmodeus will leave him if he isn't successful, stating that without it, "this is who I am" - ripping off his hat to show his broken horns and scars (something we are told that he acquired in the same accident he lost his limbs in).

ID: A screenshot of Helluva Boss showing Fizzarolli, a cartoon imp in a clown outfit, patchy makeup and broken horns, anxiously holding his jester's cap in his hands. Behind him, Asmodeus, a large blue, feathery demon in a striped suit, looks on, concerned. /End ID

My problem with scenarios like these is once again, not that it’s unrealistic, but that it shows up constantly. The intention with these kinds of scenes is often to assure the character and by extension, disabled readers or viewers, that they are in fact deserving of love. That just because they’re disabled, doesn’t mean they’ll never find anyone. Once again, it's a good message, however, because of how prevalent this exact scene is, it can actually have the opposite effect.

Let’s step back from disability for a moment: If you see dozens and dozens of people with a feature you have, saying they are insecure about that same feature in almost all of of the shows you watch, the books you read, the games you play where characters with this feature appear, even if you aren’t insecure about it yourself, seeing over and over again that others are, it’s natural that it would start to make you doubt or wonder if you should be. Doubly so if that very insecurity prompts these big, often explosive and emotional scenes.

This was the case for me as a kid, I never really cared much about my disability outside of being annoyed that people stared at me, but as I got older, and I saw more and more characters in the media I consumed saying they were certain no one could love someone like them - someone like me - I became more and more worried. The messages that were supposed to be reassurances, instead told me over and over that the people these characters ”found” were the exception, not the rule, and that most people would, in fact, care that I was disabled and not want to date me. When all my friends began dating and getting into relationships, I began to worry that I would never find “my exception to the rule” and be alone forever.

I didn’t really get over that mindset until well into my 20’s, well into my current relationship with my now fiancé, and I know I wasn’t alone in these concerns. I used to work with teenage amputees, and this was a very, very common fear across all genders and sexualities. I still see it in forums and social media groups whenever newly disabled people join, it’s one of the more common fears brought up, and while I get that scenes like these are meant to reflect this reality and help, more often than not, they’re doing the opposite.

For once, I would love to see a disabled character get into a relationship, and for there not to be any mention of “are you sure?” “How could you ever love someone like me?” “I’m worried you don’t actually find me attractive” etc. These conversations are realistic, yes, but we see them so often that I just really wish I could see more examples of stories where the validity of the disabled character’s relationship is never questioned and is never a concern. It just is.

Of course, as with most of the subjects I’ve talked about before, many of these points are less of a concern if you have multiple disabled characters. If you only have one disabled character and have their love interest reject them, it can perpetuate these stereotypes about disabled people being unable to find love, but if you have another character who is successful in that reguard? Well, it’s much less of a concern. The same goes for if one of your disabled characters is asexual or aromantic, but there’s another disabled character who isn’t, or if one disabled character is insecure about their disability in their relationship, but another isn’t.

Of course, be mindful not to go too far in the other direction either. A lot of people are pretty shocked to learn that disability fetishization is also a thing, and while you shouldn’t shy away from showing disabled characters in sexual relationships just because they’re disabled, it is something you need to be mindful of if your story contains more explicit content. As a general rule of thumb, sowing your disabled characters engaging in the same kinds of relationships, romantic and sexual (including casual hook-ups and one-night-stands) is great, so long as it a) fits the character and the story, and b) is actually inline with how you’re treating those topics with the non-disabled characters.

Personally, I don’t really feel like I’m the best person to advise on where exactly that line between just showing disabled people in sexual relationships/situations and fetishisation is, though the general advice I’ve heard is to ask yourself if the focus is on the disability, or if the person just happens to be disabled. On that same note, I’m also not really comfortable explaining details of how sex works when you’re disabled. If you want to know about either of these topics, there are a plethora of disability content creators who focus specifically on those subjects.

To sum this all up though, disabled adults are, well, adults, so don’t be afraid to treat us as such. Show us in relationships where the non-disabled partner’s affection isn’t a matter of debate or insecurity, show us being intimate and having sex (if that’s something you were doing with your non-disabled characters), let us be confident in those relationships, the same as everyone else, and most importantly, remember that a disability doesn’t automatically mean someone just won’t be interested in us, or we won’t be interested in them.

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lady-october · 4 days

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Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant

Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only)

Previous Chapters : 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 13

Content : 18+, Smut, Angst, Choking, Power dynamics, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Degradation, Praise kink, Risky locations, Dirty talk, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Romance, Drama.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

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Chapter 14:

A square doesn't fit the circle

Chapter title is lyrics from "Avalanche"

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The morning came too soon.

I swear Liam’s obnoxious alarm went off right as deep sleep had claimed me. But I wasn’t the only disappointed one. Groans could be heard all around me, as well as someone yelling “Turn that fucking thing off,” from somewhere down the aisle.

A long series of awkward interactions followed as we all tried to get ready at the same time in the small, entirely too intimate space. Being the only woman on the tour – and now apparently the object of interest for everyone except the openly gay and taken man – I tried to slip away before either accidentally flashing anyone, or potentially seeing entirely too much of everyone else while getting dressed.

From there on everything was just as chaotic as I’d expected. Me and Liam scrambled to get caffeine and something edible into the band members before we got going again, and since we’d made good time yesterday we only had about an hour left before arriving at the arena.

It was such a short amount of time, but it might as well have been an eternity after everything that transpired yesterday. The bus was too cramped, too claustrophobic when I was stuck with a man I have feelings for – who I’d cried on last night, another man I apparently had a date with tonight, and two more men that appeared to be itching to get me alone in some capacity.

The fact that I was a sweats-wearing, freshly-woken mess, with no current access to a shower, didn’t seem to deter them either. I’d seen myself in the small mirror of the bus toilet, and I was not looking my best with this little sleep. Yet when I glanced in Oli’s direction all I could see was a beautiful, flawlessly dishevelled man, positively dripping of as much sex appeal as ever.

How does he do that?

I shook my head. It was a mystery how someone could be that effortlessly hot at any given moment, and there was no use trying to decipher it.

My glance only lasted a split second, but he must have caught me looking since his text followed immediately.

“Oli: You’re stunning like that. Be careful, you’re gonna drive everyone else mad too.”

“Alice: Please, I look like a rat died in my hair.”

“Oli: Your hair’s perfect, makes you look freshly fucked. But I was mostly referring to skipping the bra.”

Heat crept up my neck as I looked down. In the awkward morning rush, I appear to have completely forgotten to put one on, causing my nipples to be extremely obvious in the thin, flimsy fabric of my shirt. It didn’t help that my breasts continuously bounced with the movement of the bus.

I shot out of my seat to head upstairs and correct my very unfortunately timed wardrobe error, but Mat instantly spoke up, stopping me from leaving.

“Didn’t wanna bother you, but if you’re up can you get me some more of those crisps, love?”

“It’s never a bother.” I said trying to come across as nice as possible, despite it absolutely being a bother right now, knowing it’s literally my job description to do whatever these men ask of me.

I’ve never felt as watched in my life as I reached into the top cabinet to retrieve the snack he’d requested, but Liam had shoved the packets back into the cabinet too haphazardly this morning, causing a number of them to fall onto the floor as I attempted to just dislodge one of the crisp packs. Instantly both Mat and Oli rushed to my aid, collecting them off of the floor, with Lee having stood up as well, but sat back down once he noticed how swiftly the others had reached me.

This was ridiculous, and had me wonder if it would be easier if Oli filled everyone in about us already.

“Thank you guys.” I said sheepishly while they were stuffing the snacks back into the cabinet, having sandwiched me between them, trapping me entirely too close to them. The tension between the two men was tangible, and more guilt was added to the already large guilt collection in my chest.

“Anytime, love.” Oli said, with Mat having spoken over him in the same beat, “No problem at all.”

They were only struggling to get the cabinet sorted for a short moment, but time seemed to slow down as they continuously brushed up against me, making me want to squeeze between them to escape. But knowing my plan would require me to press my body against both men fully, I recoiled from the idea and stayed put.

Once they were done Oli casually sat back down in his seat, appearing unbothered by the event. But Mat lingered in front of me, holding his hand out, questioning eyes meeting mine.

My gaze darted between his eyes and open palm anxiously, confusion rushing over me.

“Can I have my crisps, love?”

“Oh, yes– yes, of course.”

As soon as the awkward moment was over I rushed upstairs to essentially cover myself up, cause while I was enjoying revealing more of my body in general recently, this was not the time. Thankfully the rest of the trip lacked all focus on me, instead the lads had spent most of the time in an unusually docile state, either napping or zoning out, most likely to rest up before arriving at the arena considering how hectic the day would be.

To my surprise, while everything was a flurry of moving parts and constant stress, I was done with my tasks quicker than usual as the agency had called in an abundance of helping hands for this concert, which made sense with the time frame of today’s preparations, leaving me ample time to enjoy the arena showers and get ready for the gig and the small gathering thereafter.

Deciding on an outfit was infinitely harder than other nights. I’d put aside an unusually daring number; it was a short, black silk dress that plunged deeply between my tits, which would force me to go braless for the second time today.

But I’d selected this dress for Oli’s eyes, before tonight had turned into a sort-of, kind-of date with Mat.

I slipped the dress on, and it was as vulgar as I remembered – especially considering how I wasn’t allowed to wear any underwear – so I decided to cover up with an oversized, weathered sweater. Instantly switching my look from bombshell, to a completely casual, everyday look. The woman looking back at me in the mirror caused sadness to wash over me. It felt like a complete betrayal against my personal progress to cover up in oversized clothes again, but I knew tonight called for drastic measures. Yet the sight of myself pulled me right back to how I felt before coming on this tour. Suddenly I felt so small, so dull.

I shook myself internally, not wanting this feeling to take a hold of me. So in order to retain some of my personality progress, I paired my look with a deep, velvety, purple lipstick, so dark it looked almost black, turning my look a tad bit more grunge than casual.

I stepped out of the dressing room just in time to catch a glimpse of the band members heading towards the stage area before disappearing around a corner. The opening bands were all done, and it was almost time for the headliner of the night.

I met up with Liam backstage. The poor man looked dreadful after all the driving and working the past couple of days.

“Alright I’m all done here Alice, I’m heading back to the bus so you’re alone for the show tonight I’m afraid. The crew have things under control and I’d love to get a solid 12 hours of sleep, I’m fucking knackered.”

“No problem at all, please get some well deserved rest.”

He pulled me in for a massive bear hug, and spoke quietly next to my ear so his voice wouldn’t travel, “Good luck with the lads tonight. I heard Mat talking about you with Lee earlier. He seems quite smitten.”

My heart sank. When he pulled away his expression was full of pity.

“Thanks. I need all the luck I can get.”

I positioned myself in a dark corner next to the stage as usual, trying to not be in anyone's way. For each of their live performances I witnessed during the tour, it was becoming harder and harder to not feel emotional from the lyrics, with some lines starting to take on new meanings the closer I got to the main lyricist of the band. Obviously so much of it carried a lot of personal weight to him, causing my heart to ache as he so passionately performed on stage. He sang about trust issues, about loneliness, about hopelessness, and love. And halfway through the song ‘Doomed’ I had to hold back my tears, relating entirely too much to the song’s depiction of being an utterly broken, unsalvageable mess.

Once the show was over I decided to pitch in helping the crew with packing up the equipment and general cleanup. I knew the bands were already hanging out in one of the larger dressing rooms backstage, but I simply wasn’t ready to face them yet. Sadly, with the amount of help that was hired, it only took about an hour to prepare everything for the stage to be disassembled in the morning, leaving nothing left for me to do but join the others as the arena was suddenly eerily empty. Knowing that it would be too obvious that I was ignoring them if I didn’t stop procrastinating, I took a deep breath and stepped into the dressing room.

It wasn’t as crowded as I’d expected it to be, only about 20 people total in the windowless room filled with cheap seating, light up mirrors, and plenty of equipment trunks. It also smelled of cigarette smoke, and metal music was blaring out of some speakers in the corner.

As soon as I shut the door behind me I locked eyes with Mat across the room, causing him to instantly wave me over.

Crap.

Opposite him, sitting backwards on a fold up chair was an absolutely stunning woman, appearing so confident and sexy that I suddenly felt even smaller.

“Alice, love. Meet Courtney, she’s in Spiritbox.”

“Hi, oh, y-yes, of course, you w-were great out there.” I could feel my stutter worsening before I even opened my mouth – something I’d struggled with my whole life, and always triggered by new social situations.

Mat gestured for me to sit down next to him as I spoke; he had in fact saved a seat for me like he’d promised.

“Thank you so much, Alice. Are you Mat’s girlfriend then?”

Mat laughed a bit awkwardly, “Maybe if I play my cards right.”

Both of them laughed, and I couldn’t help it, I felt myself starting to blush.

Courtney raked her eyes over me quickly, “So what do you do Alice?”

“I work f-for the touring team.”

I could see the judgement glaze over Courtney’s eyes as soon as I said it – as if I wasn’t important enough to continue talking to. I’ve seen that look on so many people the past month I knew exactly what it meant. It was mostly managers who wore the offending expression, but occasionally some opening band members did as well.

As the conversation continued – mostly between Courtney and Mat as I was feeling particularly shy tonight – I attempted to locate Oli in the crowd. I was about to conclude that he wasn’t here when I spotted him in the mirror on the wall across from me; I hadn’t seen him because he was sitting directly behind me, just a couple of feet away, facing the opposite direction. A sense of comfort hit me at the sight of his long, brown, fluffy hair in the mirror, completely tousled from the concert. He was still in the night's stage clothes, which consisted of a bright red matching set, with trousers that were tight in all the right places, and a loose, crop cut jacket that showed off a lot of his ink work when he moved.

I took note of the fact that he hadn’t said a single word since I sat down, made obvious by the fact that I would have heard him clear as day from this distance.

After a beat Courtney excused herself, leaving just me and Mat sitting together.

“So, Alice. Tell me a little about yourself, what’s your passion in life?”

I hated this question, as I was currently completely void of passions besides being choked by one of his best friends.

“I don’t really have a lot going on at the m-moment I’m afraid.” Usually being alone with Mat got rid of my stutter due to his calming nature, but knowing Oli was listening in had me on edge. I also felt like a complete loser, not just from my pathetic answer to his question, but who was I kidding, I really didn’t fit into this world where everyone was oozing with confidence, dedication, and fame.

He gave me a thoughtful look, “That’s alright, it’s nice to not have a lot going on all the time.”

I appreciated his attempt at making me feel less awkward, but I was starting to become nauseous from how out of place I felt in this room.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” I said in a barely audible voice, looking down at my hands in my lap.

He spoke up before I had a chance to leave, “Hey– I’m sorry if I’ve pushed you too much, and I was only joking with the whole girlfriend thing... Although I have to say, you’re pretty fantastic, Alice. But I promise you, there’s no pressure here.”

I dared to meet his eyes again, they were swimming with sympathy.

He took a breath and smiled, “What if we start with something a bit easier? I was born in Maltby – small town outside Sheffield. How about you?”

Mat was sweet and caring, and deserved someone who could reciprocate all his efforts. Even though I knew that wasn’t me, we ended up making smalltalk for a while. I learned about his family, his pets, and where he liked to travel in the world and why. We talked about favourite tv shows, and movies, and before I knew it the conversation flowed effortlessly, and while there were no sparks flying, it was like catching up with an old friend.

That’s when I noticed Oli stand up and take long strides towards the exit.

“I’m so sorry, I just remembered, I need to make a quick phone call.” Was all I could think of to say before I essentially ran after him.

But Oli was fast, and when I left the dressing room he was already disappearing into the stage entrance at the very end of the corridor.

“Oli, wait!” I yelled after him, knowing the loud music from the dressing room would drown out my shout.

But he didn’t stop.

I ran down the corridor, through the black backstage curtains, swerving around packed up equipment and props until I got to the steps leading to the stage itself.

That’s when I saw him.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

Chapter notes: I'd just like to quickly apologise to all the fellow Spiritbox fans. I'm sure Courtney is lovely, I just needed someone to be a bit judgemental for the story.

#oli sykes #oli sykes smut #oli sykes fic #oli sykes fan fiction #bring me the horizon #smut #You got a taste now #The next chapter is already done and will probably be posted tomorrow #oli sykes x reader

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thelargefrye · 10 months

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LIBRARY OF ILLUSIONS : A WITCH'S SABBATH ... a mature series

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | M.LIST | NEXT CHAPTER

pairing : prince!yeosang x mercenary!witch!f!reader

genre : fantasy, berserk inspired, dark, smut, implied enemies to lovers

word count : 3.7k

warnings : language, slight thoughts of murder, killing / blood

smut warnings : unprotected sex, monster fucking, big dick!yeosang, dom / sub dynamics, knife play, anal play, shadow hands, name calling (slut)

traveling to the fantasy section, you soon find yourself throat to throat with the guardian of fantasy, the real question that you find yourself asking is do you want to kill the prince or fuck him.

you felt a surge of anger course through you as you walked through the forest. an annoyed huff came from behind you, and you had to stop yourself from turning around and snapping the neck of the person who huffed at you.

no... you couldn't snap his neck.

he was a client, paying you to escort him from his kingdom to his uncle's where he can find safety. safety away from the assassins that are out to kill him like they did the rest of his family. it’s odd how usually that at the thought of something like that would send a chill down your spine, but this time… nothing. did this character not have any sympathy for the prince?

“ugh! slow down, you’re going too fast!” the prince said and you find yourself stopping and turning to see him a few feet away from you. he was out of breath and hunched over. it was obvious he still wasn’t use to walking despite having been doing it for a while now since the start of your journey.

"we would be there already if we weren't continuously stopping," you say as you felt your annoyance level slowly rise. why this was happening you aren't too sure, maybe this was just how your character felt towards the prince.

you couldn't help but note how the prince's attitude and mannerisms are a complete one-eighty compared to the princess from the adventure section. you were honestly starting to wish you had picked another section to try an complete, or at least wish this one was more... pleasurable to complete. you can only assume your trial for the fantasy section was to protect the prince, but for how long you weren't sure.

you at least had to admit how beautiful the prince who

"are you trying to say its my fault that we aren't to my uncle's kingdom yet?" yeosang's voice is full of offense as he breaks through your thoughts.

"well, you're the only one out of the two of us that is out of breath," you spit back. two of us... something felt wrong about your party number, like there should be more than just the two of you. "it's honestly concerning how often you are getting out of breath," you add as you feel a smirk painting your lips, "tell me... are you secretly getting fucked by something? is that why you are out of breath?"

"w-what? how dare you say something like that to me! i'm a prince! the heir to a throne and you dare say such vile things to me?" you can tell he's embarrassed by your words thanks to pink hue that colors his cheeks. but then his embarrassment seems to vanish as he looks at you with a smug face that only the rich could make. "i should be asking you what you fucked to lose your humanity?" you felt something inside you start to boil. you wanted to so badly to avoid conflict with the prince, so instead you turned on your heel and started to walk away. you hoped he would just shut up and follow you, but he didn't.

"everyone knows how inhumane and beastly witches are, you've probably fucked a whole hoard of demons and monsters for your powers."

you felt your teeth grind against each other as you stopped in your tracks. then without thinking, you turned on your heel around to yeosang to see him looking at you with slightly wide eyes. like he wasn't expecting you to turn around like you did, so suddenly.

"what the hell do you know, princey," you say, anger flaring up inside of you as you started taking careful steps towards him. with every step you take forward towards yeosang, he takes shaky steps backwards. "you're just some prince who has lived a life of luxury behind his palace walls. you know nothing about the world and how it works," you spit at him in full rage.

yeosang's back hits the tree trunk, eyes still wide in shock as you step extremely close to him, your nose pressing harshly against his own. your breath fanning over his face as you're sure he's holding his own.

"i can leave you to die out here, and it wouldn't bother me a bit. there's no one here but us. so i would be a little nicer to the person who can protect you," you say as you notice how yeosang nervously wets his lips and his cheeks gain a rosy hue. "do you understand me?"

yeosang nods his head as much as he could, your close proximity restricting his movements. "words." you tell him.

"y-yes... i understand," he tells you and that's when you back away from him and continue on down the forest path.

yeosang says nothing as he follows behind you. you thought it was weird how despite how light his footsteps were, you could still here them. still here him trailing close behind you as if worried you would leave him behind.

it was all too weird. you missed ▇▇▇▇ and ▇▇▇▇ deeply and wished they were here because you knew how well they were at mediating you and yeosang. well... maybe not ▇▇▇▇ so much as he was much like you and found the prince's mannerisms rather annoying.

you hate how you couldn't remember their names. much like when you were in the adventure section, the guard and and advisor and captain where all but a blur of nothingness. but this time was different. this time you could picture ▇▇▇▇'s pink hair that would seem like it would bounce when he walks and ▇▇▇▇ with his gummy smile that was quite a rarity in itself.

you missed them both. why weren't they here? they were always with you. always. this just all felt wrong. ▇▇▇▇ and ▇▇▇▇ should be here with you, they were a part of this story as well. at least... you think they were.

you felt like your thoughts were swimming around. you couldn't tell which thoughts were actually yours and which thoughts weren't. but then... why would there by thoughts that aren't yours?

you can feel your head getting a little fuzzy from all these thoughts, but you try your best to shake it off. as much as he gets on your nerves, yeosang is still your job to protect and you can't let yourself get distracted too much.

yeosang is your priority.

"it's getting late... do you think we should stop and set up camp?" yeosang's voice breaks through your thoughts and you come to a slow halt as you turn to the prince. you look at the handsome male, admiring his features as he looks up at the setting sun.

you notice the way his nose slopes downward and his lips are just a nice amount of plush and you can't help but imagine how he would– no, stop.

then you allow your eyes to glance up at the sky to also admire it.

"sure, we can set up for the night," tell him before turning and the two of you venture forward until you find a good spot a little off the path to camp for the night. as always, you set up most of the camp while yeosang did the simple task of collecting firewood.

however, it was suppose to be a simple task until you heard his screams rip through the trees. immediately on high alert, you grabbed your board sword and ran to where you heard the prince screaming. that's when you found yeosang surrounded by grotesque looking monsters. the prince held onto the firewood like it was his only lifeline, and you couldn't but note who utterly helpless he looked. he truly was a prince in need of saving. a damsel.

without thinking you immediately started cutting down the monsters, surprising one of them and killing them with ease. the earned the other four's attention as they all turned to you, ready to kill for possibly interrupting their dinner.

the monsters started hissing at you or at least it sounded like hisses, but you knew that this was only the language those creatures spoke. but it would make no difference – they would be dead soon anyway.

"listen you shit-hissing fuckers! if anyone is gonna kill and eat that human its gonna be fucking ME!" you say as you charged towards the monsters. killing them was a lot easier than you thought, they were simply lower level monsters they only acted purely on instincts. nothing more and nothing less.

when you were done, you found yourself covered in the monsters' blood. it painting both your skin, clothing, and sword. you easily flicked off the blood that was on the large sword you held before you clipped it in place on your back.

you turn to look at yeosang who had since fallen to the forest floor, clutching the firewood protectively to himself. he truly did look helpless as he looked up at you with wide eyes. you could tell he was feeling all sorts of emotions; fear, anxiety, helplessness... arouse.

wait, what?

"did that arouse you?" you asked without thinking. your eyes void of any emotion as you looked at his too full of emotion eyes.

then his eyes turned to anger as he stood up, "w-what! how dare you ask a prince that! know your place, witch!" he says fully offended that you would ask him something like that. "and what was that about being the only one that can kill me, huh!? what kind of bullshit is that? you're suppose to protect me, not–

"and i did protect you or where you too stuck in your erotic thoughts that you missed me killing those creatures for you," you interrupted him, anger slowly starting to build up inside you. "a little thank you would be nice."

"a little... a little "thank you" its your fucking job to protect me, witch! that's all you're good for is fighting and killing. you gave up your humanity in order to kill things– people, and that's all–

you couldn't stand hearing him talk anymore and immediately jumped at him. yeosang, of course being a poor fighter and slow reactor, didn't have time to think as you're shoving him to the ground and a knife pressed to his throat.

"do you know how easy it is for me to kill and devour you. i could do it right now, and literally no one in the fucking forest would be able to stop me. they aren't here to save you. no one is here to save you, little prince. and i could be making a lot more money right now if i turned you into the dark army. i would be granted thousands and thousands more gold for fucking killing you than the amount you're offering me to protect your little helpless self," you say, teeth clenched together as you pressed the knife dangerous more close to his skin.

"p-p-please," he manages out, tears welling up in his eyes and you would have honestly thought he was scared if it wasn't for his obvious erection that was brushing up against you.

"please what, prince?" you say, trying to hold back the mocking tone, as you notice a faint, thin line of blood trailing down his neck from where your knife is pressed.

"please," he starts with a shuddered breath, "please fuck me."

"fuck you?" you say with a laugh, but it wasn't genuine. no this was anything, but that. you were laughing and mocking him. "i thought i had no humanity? why would you want a monster fucking you? unless..." you trail off with another laugh as you sit up, straddling him.

his clothed erection rubbed nicely against your clothed cunt and you couldn't help but grin as you rolled your hips. yeosang immediately let out a startled moan as his face flushed a bright red.

"unless my little prince likes when monsters fuck him. are you a monsterfucker, yeosangie?" you mock him and he opens his mouth in an attempt to argue with you, but you simply roll your hips to shut him up. "if i had known this would shut you up, i would have fucked you at the beginning of this journey. taken you right in front of everyone and after every fight. you would have liked that wouldn't you?"

yeosang can only let out a string of moans as he tries to roll his hips up to gain any sort of friction or pleasure.

"do you want me to fuck you, yeosang?" you asked as you let your knife trail over his clothed chest before stopping at where his belt was. you noted how the belt had his family crest on it... well not much of a family now since they're all dead.

"y-yes! yes, please fuck me," he says as he attempts to move his hands, but suddenly two dark shadow hands shoot up from the ground and grab his own. the shadow hands pin yeosang's own above his head, and you notice the slight surprised expression on his face.

it honestly made you want to laugh at him. at how seemingly innocent yet sinful the prince was.

"i bet this has always been your dream to be fucked by a powerful monster. did you touch yourself at night alone in your tent to the thought of me ravaging you and turning you into a hopeless mess?"

yeosang could only moan at your words as he watched you drag your knife down his shirt, easily cutting away the rich fabric and exposing his toned chest. this reveal honestly surprises you a little to see how toned and muscular he is, but you think its because he has always opted to wear stuff that was larger than him.

you feel a chill run over him and goosebumps appear on his skin as you trailed your nails down his abs. "f-feels good," he whimpers and you can't help but grin at how you touching his abs was making him feel good.

"you know... do you really deserve to be fucked by me? have you earned the right to be fucked by a powerful monster?" you say suddenly stopping and retracting your hands and knife away from him. a look of panic crossing over his face and yeosang is about ready to beg. he opens his mouth to speak but a third shadow hand appears and shoves its fingers in his mouth, gagging him and stopping him from talking.

you can see through the slightly transparent hand that yeosang is greedily sucking on the fingers, tongue wrapping around them as they start to thrust in his mouth. you notice how some drool begins to spill from his mouth, but he doesn't seem to mind.

you make quick work of his shirt, ripping it off of him with ease before letting the shredded fabric lay around the two of you. if yeosang is surprised then he doesn't show it, obviously too occupied by the fingers in his mouth. the shadow hands pinning his hand above his hand have moved from pinning his wrist to interlocking its fingers with his.

the whole sight before you if nothing less of erotic and you wonder what people would say if they saw such a prince like yeosang reduced to nothing but a fucked out mess.

you slowly slip off of him and he immediately whines around the fingers at the loss of contact with you. but his whines don't last for long as more shadow hands shoot up from the ground. two immediately go to his chest, groping him and pinching his nipples and you smile at the gargled moans that leave his stuffed lips.

the other two shadow hands were quick to move yeosang's legs, holding them up in the air and basically bending him in half. your eyes trailed along his lower half before you raised your knife gently and began along the seam of his pants. you tossed your knife carelessly beside you before you’re ripping the seam of his pants and exposing both his cock and ass to air around you both.

"who would have known you have such a large cock for such a bratty and rude prince. do you even know how to use something this big?" you tsk'ed and yeosang only moaned around the fingers as you took his rather large member into your hand. you couldn't help lean down and lick a long strip up his length before flicking your tongue at his slit.

yeosang's whole body twitches at the feeling and you can tell he's growing more and more excited by the second with how hot his body is getting. you continued to lick his cock, but never fully taking him in your mouth before you're trailing your tongue down his length, to his balls, and finally to his puckered hole.

you can't help the slight ego boost when you see him clench around nothing, and that's when you suddenly get the thought to give him something to clench around. that's when another hand appears and starts playing with the prince's ass. you notice how euphoric yeosang looks and you can't help, but want to tease and mock him until he's crying.

"i knew you were nothing but a slut wanting to be fucked," you said as you started to remove some of your clothes. your large board sword resting next to yeosang and you make quick work to remove you own pants, revealing your wet cunt to yeosang who honestly looks like he's about to fall in love.

you feel him squeeze the shadow hands and you remove the one in his mouth, he's breathless and drool is all over his chin and dripping down.

"p-please, please ride me. use me to get off," his voice is hoarse and there's a thin layer of sweat starting to cover him. you hover over him, your cunt gently grazing over his cock and you feel him attempt to thrust up before the shadow hands holding his legs open stop him.

"is that what my little prince wants?" you ask and yeosang nods his head so fast that you think he might give himself whiplash. you give him a quick peck to his cheek before the shadow hands holding his legs disappear and you, yourself, slowly lower them enough for you to straddle him. your dripping cunt hovering over his thick cock and its when you're sinking down on him does the shadow hand at his ass slowly start to enter a finger.

you feel the prince shudder and moan and twitch underneath you and you have to try and bit back a moan from how he stretches you out. yes, it was nothing like mingi's cock, but then again the adventure guardian wasn't human, while yeosang is a human.

when you fully bottom out, that's when you remember that this isn't your story. you aren't some powerful witch hired to protect a prince. just like how you weren't a princess who was trying to take her kingdom back with the help of pirates.

it's also when you realize that you haven't seen the key of the fantasy section.

"yeosang..." you trail off as you begin to ride him. the prince – guardian – whatever he was looks at you with a dazed look. "where's the key, yeosang?" you ask, trying your best to control your voice. you needed to keep sounding intimidating to him.

"key...?" he says, voice breathy as you clench around him. you feel his tip hit your sweet spot making you let out small moans. the shadow hand ruthlessly thrusting its fingers inside of his ass, stretching him out and making him a moaning mess. fuck, you needed answers from him.

"yes, yeosang, the key! the key to the fantasy section! where is it?"

"no... i don't– fuck! please don't leave me, y/n. not again. i can't... i can't lose you again and again. stay here with me, please!" he begs, tears running down his face as he realizes what's going to happen.

"i can't stay here, yeosang. i don't... fuck, i don't belong here. not when i can't remember ▇▇▇▇ and ▇▇▇▇. not when i have someone waiting for me," you tell him as you slow down your movements but still wanting that release you know is approaching.

"its not fair..." he whispers with a soft moan as you lean down to rest your forehead against his own. "i love you. its not fair how you're always ripped away from me– from us. each and every time."

you can't help but feel your heart clench at his words. why do you feel such longing for him, you don't even really know the fantasy guardian and yet...

and yet it feels like you do. like you've met him before, but not just once but a thousand times before this moment. before the library.

you make the shadow hands disappear, freeing yeosang's hands and you immediately feel him hold you close to him as he thrust up into you. tears running down his face and you do your best to kiss him away before you feel him stilling inside of you, pumping you full of his cum. this climax feels bittersweet as you rest your head in the crook of his neck.

"i'll always love you, y/n, please don't forget that," he whispers in your ear before you feel everything slowly fade to darkness.

when you wake up, you're back in the library. the keeper of keys is setting a cup down on the table in front of you. your eyes meet for a second before he's turning to leave without a word. you feel panic rush through you and you reach out to him, grabbing his wrist and stopping him.

he looks like he's about to kill you for touching him and you immediately retract your hand. "umm... did i... did i pass yeosang's trial?"

"yes, congrats; however, mingi and yeosang are often the easiest ones to pass. the other guardians are not as such and will do things to make you fail. trick you, break you, seduce you, and even try to love you. but if you want to pass you cannot let their story pull you in. understand?"

"yes. i understand," you tell him and the keeper nods before he's disappearing once more between the vast shelves of the library. you look down at your key ring to notice yeosang's key having joined mingi's. "i understand completely."

library tag list : @sanjoongie @yoonguurt @anyamaris @kpop-stories-21 @stardragongalaxy @kwanisms

network : @cultofdionysusnet

#library of illusion.#library of illusion event #cultofdionysusnet #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez blurbs #ateez smut #ateez yeosang x reader #ateez yeosang smut #ateez fantasy au

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taebearlover07 · 1 year

Text

New Daddy

The following slides might contain 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄, do not interact if uncomfortable

Pairing: Step-daddy!Kim Taehyung x Step-daughter!Fem!Reader

Genre: Rough Smut, Step dad and daughter relationship, cheating

Summary: You never had a good relationship with your mother, she hated you to her guts which became worst after your father’s death. After your father’s death, one day your mother came home with a hot man and called him your New Daddy

Warnings: Rough sex, Dom!Taehyung, Sub!reader, masturbation, use of toys, ass eating, spitting, Yn calls Taehyung daddy, rimming, etc.

___________________________________________

“Yn-ah! Come downstairs” Your mother shouted in her ‘sweet’ voice. You rolled your eyes at the command of your so-called mother, you never really had a good relationship with your mother, especially after your lovely father’s death. Your mother might have given birth to you but her behaviour towards you was never motherly. She hated you till death, maybe because she wanted a boy, not a daughter but your father loved you the most like a precious gem, but later after your father's death your mother never pretended to care about you, at first she would pretend in front of your father but now she would not pretend. After your father's death, she would stay out late at night and would come in the morning completely ruined made you wanna think how many men she fucked in a night, very wrong to think of a daughter towards her mother but your mother's action made you think like that. Now eventually you also hate her till death, “Only killing a person wouldn’t be a crime, I would have killed her by now” You whispered to yourself “Yn, baby come down quickly, someone special came to meet you” she again shouted, her fake sweetness made you wanna gag “Baby-tsk, who the fuck came now?” “I am coming mom” You boringly replied before lazily walking away from your bed, not caring about how you looked

“Yes, mom? What do you want?” You said while looking at your mom, not caring about another figure in the room “Yn-ah that’s not how you talk to your mom, sorry she had become spoiled after her father’s death” Your mother said while looking at the ‘another figure. Finally, you too looked at him and you almost had a heart attack by his handsomeness and by looking at him now you regret that why didn’t you look at your face before coming down? You awkwardly waved your hand at him which he returned with a chuckle before following your gesture and waving his hand back and for god sake, his chuckle was sooo hot, everything about this handsome stranger was so hot that you wouldn't regret throwing yourself at him. Your imaginary sex bubble was burst by your ‘mother’s’ voice “Yn, meet Taehyung your NEW DADDY” “Fuck! Why did it sound so exotic?” You thought in your mind. After a second thought, you understood and said out loud “He is my step-father!!” Your voice clearly showed anger, how could this woman replace your father’s place with another man, even though that man is hot but never, no one can take your father’s place, never. “Don’t worry Taehyung, she is just not over her father’s death” Your mother said casually making your blood boil like lava “Bitch what the fuck?! My father died years ago, not years ago!” You wanted to say that to her face to humiliate her but couldn’t, your father taught you to respect elders in any situation and you never disrespect your father’s word.

You stomped your feet before walking to your room, your mother’s voice could be heard but you could care less. You shut the door harshly making sure people downstairs knew you were angry. Laying on your stomach on your bed you thought for a moment how your life changed, how your loving father died and your bitchy mother decided to bring up a hot hunk saying he is your step-father as if you were in a fanfiction. Your series of thoughts were disturbed by a knock on your door “Can I come in Yn?” "Yes" You said well you didn't want to let him enter your room but he is hot maybe you can have him after all your bitchy mother doesn't deserve such a handsome hunk like him. He slowly opened your bedroom door and walked into your room. Your eyes met his dark brown eyes, for a second you were drowning in those chocolate brown eyes that seemed deeper than the ocean but his deep soft voice brought you back to earth "I know it's new for you to accept anyone as your father as Noone can replace the place of a father but at least I could be your friend" He said staring at you, well he was too young to be your father well you can at least make him your friend. You were about to accept his offer of him being your friend but suddenly a naughty idea struck your mind "It's all right, I can maybe accept you as my New Daddy" You said with that innocent seductive voice of yours, "Maybe I can use him for making a revenge on my bitchy mother" You thought in your mind, smirk automatically forming on your face. "Perfect, I'll also love to have you as My Babygirl" He said with a smile, "Is he giving me a green signal or is he innocent, his body doesn't show that thought" You thought but shrugged it off after all him giving in would be better for you.

———

After a month of shifting you are finally here at your step-daddy's house and his house was huge, you gotta say that your idiotic mother definitely got you a rich daddy. Your room was huge, definitely bigger than your old dusty room and this room was pretty luxurious too. Not disrespecting your original home but this home was way better than your home. "If you want any changes in your room tell me any moment ok?" He said, "No daddy, it's perfect. I love it soo much!" You squealed with joy making him chuckle at your cuteness "Such a cute baby I have'' He smiled before kissing your forehead and cheeks making you giggle more, well kisses were something you loved getting from him, it was common between you both which definitely didn't please you so-called mother but you could care less. You really like Taehyung's company a lot, well it'll be too cruel to not like him, he was everything a girl would want as in a boyfriend. He is understanding, adorable, a complete cuddle baby, hot and sexy too everything a woman would want in their boyfriend.

After a while of chit-chat and house tour, you decided to go take a bath in your new bathroom. Taking a relaxing bath in your huge bathtub, this bathtub will surely make you productive to have a bath daily. After an hour you unwillingly decide it's enough for your bath. Wrapping a towel around you, you walked into your huge closet. After 10 minutes you decided to wear nice purple-coloured lacy panties and matching booty shorts, for a shirt you decided to wear a see-through white tube top. You were about to wear your top but something caught your eye, a huge mirror that was capturing your half-naked frame. "Since when was it here?" You looked at the mirror shocked as if it was a person. After looking at the mirror for a while you decide to wear your clothes but a naughty idea comes to mind "Taehyung is downstairs watching TV alone, mom is also not home right now. It's time to start my plan" You slowly walked downstairs with your half-naked frame, your nipples completely hard after coming in contact with cold air. Walking downstairs you saw Taehyung watching a soccer match on the TV while manspreading. You slowly walked to him till you stood near the armrest of the couch, you were surprised to see Taehyung not recognizing your presence “Daddy” You said with your sweet innocent voice making him look at you. His eyes widened looking at your not-so-covered body making him gulp. “Y-Yn-ah Baby what a-are-” He shuttered before gulping again, his mouth wide like a fish, to be honest, he looked so cute like a puppy. You slowly walked as his eyes followed your figure. You sat down on his lap, facing him, your nipples in front of his eyes making him gulp again. “Y-Yn, baby what are you doing?” He asked, still not over the fact that his sexy stepdaughter sat half naked on his lap “I always sat on my daddy’s lap” You said innocently. He tried his best not to look at your chest where your nipples stood proud as if asking him to suck them. He shook off his dirty thoughts and tried to look in front but the reflection of your juicy ass in the mirror located at the side of the Tv made him gulp again “Fuck she is so tempting! Even sexy and hot” Taehyung thought, well after all he is a man and men have needs which he too had and definitely your mother did not fulfil those needs. The sight of your big breast and juicy ass made him turn on, he just wanted to fuck you hard on this couch, only if he could. Only he knew how he controlled his thoughts to fuck your ass. “You are the best daddy, daddy!” You giggle before hugging him, his face pressed between your chest. He was already semi-hard but this action made him fully hard. Only he knew how he controlled his thoughts to fuck your ass.

You could feel his hardened cock between your asscheeks making you turn on, fuck if you wanted to ride him now. You pulled out from the hug as your eyes met his, you stared at him which he returned. You took the first initiative and started to lean in which he too followed and leaned in. Finally your both lips crashed together as you opened your mouth to let his tongue in, his tongue explored your mouth as his left hand went down to grab your one asscheek. You moaned as you felt his large hand grip your ass. You slowly started to grind on his clothed cock as he too encouraged you to move, his grip on your ass still not leaving. You moaned feeling his hard grit move between your asscheeks, his cock rubbing on your pussy making you moan. Your leaking wetness patched in your panties making it stick completely to your pussy, the friction by his clothed cock and your covered cunt made you both moan from pleasure. "Fuck baby!" He shamelessly exclaimed, throwing his head back as he tightens his grip on your ass, definitely leaving a mark for later. "You're so good daddy!" You moaned loudly feeling the outline of his cock rub on your pussy lips. You both were about to lean in to join your lips again but the noise of the car engine made you both stop "Fuck! Mom is here!" You exclaimed before hurriedly peeling yourself away from him and running to your room leaving a sexually frustrated Taehyung behind. “I am home!” Said your mother as she entered the living room “Welcome back” Taehyung replied with a fake smile, mentally cursing her for coming home at the wrong time

“Taehyung, can you ask Yn if she wants to have lunch or not?” She said to Taehyung, to which he happily agreed, at least he can see you for now. He walked towards your room. He was about to knock but stopped mid-way when he heard you moan loudly. He slowly creaked the door open to see you masturbating, a vibrator deep in your hole as you thrust a thick veiny dildo in your asshole, both the toys making you moan loudly as your moan made Taehyung turn on. "Fuck! Taehyung! Daddy, you're so good!!" You moaned his name not knowing that he is hidden behind and listening to you moan his name. The sight of you fucking your ass with a dildo made him want to throw that plastic and fuck you with his cock. He was about to go away to the washroom to calm his increasing hormones but his movement accidentally made a creaking noise by the door and became alert. You looked back with those toys still in your hole. You were shocked to see Taehyung standing behind the door with an open mouth “Please don’t tell mom!” You said fearfully, scared that he’ll tell your mom because you knew how she would humiliate you. Taehyung was about to say sorry and run away from there but his naughty brain and high hormones had some different plans. “I’ll not tell your mother, only if you………… let me do this” He said before kneeling down as he faced your both holes, he pulled away that plastic dildo from your asshole “W-What are y-you doing?” You said as you watched him spread your asscheeks apart, the sight of him kneeling behind you made your wetness leak more. “You want me to not tell your mom about this? Right?” He said sensually which you nodded immediately “Then let me have a taste of your ass” He said as he rubbed his thumb on your hole “Can I?” He asked as a gentleman, well he is. You nodded your head while biting your lips “Words, I want words babygirl” He said as he fastened his pace rubbing his thumb on your ass making you moan loud “Yes daddy, please taste my ass, please eat me as much as you want” “Good Girl” He said before laying a globe of split on your asshole, lubricating it. He showered his face between ass cheeks, rubbing the pad of his tongue on your rear hole. His tongue tries to enter your rear hole as the vibrator in your pussy continues to stimulate your pussy.

He thrust the vibrator in and out of your pussy hole as his tongue does its magic on your tightest hole. You moaned loudly but buried your head in the bed to conceal your moans but he pulled your hair making you arch your neck “Don't stop, keep on moaning, I want to hear your slutty moans” He said before thrusting his tongue in your hole making your scream and flinch up but his grip on your both ass cheeks made you stay still. “Fuck!! You are so good daddy!!” You moaned as you moved your hips against his face but he pinned you down the bed and laid a harsh slap on your ass making you moan in pain “Stay still if you want to cum” “Yes daddy” You peacefully obeyed, too occupied to chase your orgasm. Feeling a knot forming in your stomach as you clenched your walls on both of your holes “Daddy, gonna cum!” “Cum baby, make a mess on your pretty bedsheets” The command in his deep voice made you release all your juices while squirting “Fuck baby! Such a good girl I have” He said, mesmerized by the sight of your shaking legs and sweaty body. You turn around as you remove the vibrator that was dripping from your juices. Laying on your back you spread your legs wide, taking this as a signal of approval Taehyung started to remove his clothes as you watched him hungrily. Pulling you to the edge of the bed he slowly rubbed the tip of his cock on your pussy hole making you whine at his teasing “Please daddy! Want your cock” He hummed before slowly thrusting his cock in your hole “Tell me if you are uncomfortable, ok?” you nodded. Slowly he started to increase his speed, thrusting inside you at an inhuman speed making you moan uncontrollably loudly. “Fuck babygirl! You are so tight! Fucking good!!” He moaned not caring if your mother found out “Daddy you are so good! You fuck me so good!” You moaned as he joined his lips with your kissing passionately

“Do you like it kitten? Do you like it when daddy fucks you like this” He asked, hitting your g-spot which made you scream out loud. He groans as you clenched your walls around him making him thrust in you harder “I'm cumming” “M-me too kitten” He grabs your bouncing breasts, pinching your nipples as it increases the pleasure making you release all your juices, soon he too came and released his juices inside you. Slowly removing himself from you as he kissed your lips. Getting under the bed after making sure you are cleaned properly. Snuggling in his bare chest as he wrapped his hand around you. Maybe in the seeking of revenge on your mother, you found your comfort place, your love.

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The End

Thank you for reading

__________________________________

#taehyung smut #taehyung scenarios #idol taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung smut #taehyung #taehyung fic #bangtan smut #bangtan x you #bts fanfic #v x you #v scenario #v x reader #bangtan #bts #v fanfics

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mossy-rot · 2 years

Text

OK i found this in my drafts I was thinking about my experiences in the creepypasta fandom and how there were like. Districts and sub districts and genres and fandom districts so

The main, popular section (the Slender mansion, if you will)- this house contained the most popular characters and was kind of the hub for those in it, widely considered to be canon to the fanon if that makes any sense. The characters on this level (approximately) are:

Slenderman

Jeff the killer

Ben drowned

Eyeless Jack

Laughing Jack

Sally

Ticci Toby

Masky and Hoodie

o These two are also from a separate district but we’ll get there

Rake

Smile dog

The sub-district to the Slender mansion includes other popular but not top-of-the-charts characters such as:

Jane the killer

Homicidal Liu

Nina the killer

The puppeteer

Bloody painter

Clockwork

Seed eater

Judge Angels

Nurse Ann

Kate the chaser

Kagekao

In between these tiers is like. A weird middle section that was popular but not as popular and the fanart came mostly from different fandoms/wasn’t really material for fanart which includes but is not limited to:

Lost silver

Sonic.exe

Tails doll

Suicidal squidward

Suicide mouse

Lavender town

Herobrine

Dead Bart

In another weird section were the generally considered non-canon but canon to the fandom, in a strange turn of events, such as:

Trenderman

Splendorman

Sex offenderman

Then off to the side is like, the rival house?? The Zalgo side?? I don’t remember much of this one, but he was like. The enemy of Slender. Honestly I don’t really know who his proxies were so all I can remember are:

Zalgo

Lazari

Ms. pencil-neck (I think)

Now off on the other side was the strictly-not-creepypasta side, which was the Marble Hornets section. Marble hornets definitely is its own horror series and a damn good one at that, but it has a lot of unfortunate overlap with the creepypasta demographic. The marble hornets section included some character overlap with:

Masky

Hoodie

The Operator

Alex

Tim

Brian

Totheark

Jay

Then off in its own specific bubble that was sometimes included but not always were these sets of kinda new and cool but not classic enough to fit in with the rest, but still got a group of fans:

Jason the toymaker

Candypop

Dollmaker

Nathan the nobody

(sometimes) Laughing Jill

And pretty much completely far away from these were the creepypastas that didn’t really get fanart for one reason or another but were well-known enough and enjoyed by the fandom- if it did get fanart it was usually very good and thoroughly appreciated by everyone. These being ones such as:

Candle Cove

The house that death forgot

Bedtime

The Russian sleep experiment

Ted the caver

Mr. Widemouth

1999

Now of all those districts combined, there were fandom districts that stuck to one component of fandom for the whole thing. Of course, there were parts that were one or more combined, but the main districts were:

The spooks

o People who enjoyed it for the horror, the multitude of stories and the atmosphere.

The thirst

o Usually being people ages 11-15, they were the ones that made the egregious sexyification of the most popular boys in the fandom and wrote the most fanfiction.

The uwu

o The cutesy section- in the same vein as the thirst but in the opposite, softer direction. Best example is Cweepypasta.

The creators

o Whether or not this is a good thing, this group was the main contender of the whole fandom. These were the ones who make the creepypastas, the OCs, and every ask blog and comic series you could think of. Most dabbled in this group at least once or twice.

The shitposters

o Exactly what it sounds like. These people made all the crack videos and MMD comps and humor comics- whether or not these were actually funny is up to you.

And finally, the groups that were/are often confused with being creepypasta but weren’t, including but not limited to:

SCP Foundation

Cryptids

Siren head/Trevor Henderson works

Marble Hornets

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sxtaep · 2 years

Text

OFF THE TABLE - KTH | six (m)

↬ synopsis: a horrific case from 1993 has resurfaced 29 years later, leaving kim taehyung & mei yuna to argue in favour of the public to keep the defendant in jail. the only problem? the pair despise each other.

pairing — taehyung x female oc

genre — fluff, smut, angst

word count — 5.9k

chapter warnings/tags — co-workers!au, dom!tae, sub!oc, denial, regret, confrontation, closure, lots of confusion, taehyung & oc are highkey acting domestic, mentions of attempted forced marriage, explicit content, teasing, cursing, making out, grinding, hickeys, oral (m receiving), spit (oops?), throat fucking, praise, encouragement (so hot!!), cum swallowing + more

a/n: i’m so sorry this took so long 😭 this month has been jam packed ❌

series masterlist | next

Now upstairs, Yuna was sitting up on her bed with Taehyung's head on her lap, the pair simply staring at each other with no words being exchanged.

She glances down at him with a soft smile, bringing her hand up to gently tug at his hair, brushing her hands through his hair every now and again. "Today was nice," she whispers, looking back up at the lights. "Even though we didn't do much, your company was greatly appreciated," she tells him, looking down at him again and fixing the strap of her dress that was falling down her shoulder.

Taehyung returned the smile, and hummed softly, "Thank you for inviting me over and not kicking me out. I could really use some quality time like this more often than having another fight with my neighbour," he chuckles lightly, turning his head to the side and nuzzling his face against her stomach.

"Just know you can come over whenever you want. You know I'll never turn you down." Her hands shift from his head to his bare back, rubbing small circles and trailing her fingertips softly across his back.

"I'm not sure about that. I can be quite a pain in the ass." He kept smiling at her, appreciating her subtle touch. In return, he left a kiss against the satin of her dress, gently running his hands up and down her hips.

"You're always a pain in the ass. You have been for the last few years, I think I'm used to it by now. Even with that in mind, I'll always be here, with open arms.. and open legs—"

"—Don't worry, you'll have my heart on a plate and my pants on the floor," he says, paying her back with a compliment of the same sort.

"Ah.." she nods, impressed by the comeback. "I've never heard anyone use that. But that was a good one, I like that."

Yuna stares down at him so she could get a better look at his smile. So genuine, it had her heart warming up.

She leaned down towards his face, ghosting her lips over his for a few seconds before finally kissing him.

Taehyung would be quite surprised at first, but he finally started to kiss her back, his hand moving to the back of her head and pushing her closer to him. It felt so good, yet so confusing to him. All this time, he thought only females could feel butterflies in their stomach, but boy was he wrong.

Yuna wasn't exactly expecting him to kiss back, but she didn't know what went through her mind going to kiss him first and she wasn't regretting it.

Maybe she was actually feeling something for him? Not hatred, something else, but she couldn't pinpoint it.

The odd feeling in his stomach and his racing heart gave him trouble with taking deep breaths between the kiss they shared, so he had to pull away to catch his breath. Avoiding Yuna's eyes completely, he lifted his head off her lap to lay on the pillow.

Noticing his reaction, you immediately regretted your actions. The last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable. "It's getting late, I'm gonna get to sleep," she mutters quietly, lying back on the mattress and pulling the duvet over her body.

"Goodnight."

Taehyung watched her turn away from him, knowing she regretted everything, and all he wanted to do was grab her face and kiss the shit out of her again, but the confusion was putting him off.

He got under the duvet and moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her body and pulling her closer to his chest. He left a small kiss on her bare shoulder, whispering softly into her ear,

"Goodnight, Y/N."

The following morning, Yuna woke up without a struggle, but she somehow managed to end up in Taehyung's arms. She turned over to face him, seeing that he was still sleeping and had the urge to kiss his nose, but refrained from doing so after last night. She carefully took his arms off her body, climbing out of bed and carrying out her usual morning routine before heading downstairs to the kitchen to get breakfast up and running for them.

Taehyung was half awake the moment she pushed him off of her, but he laid there, pretending to be asleep just to have some time to think. When he knew she was downstairs, he finally opened his eyes and sat up, running his fingers through his hair, still overthinking stuff. Many theories were being born in his mind; maybe she got bored of him, maybe she regretted inviting him over, or maybe she wanted to drug and kidnap him and deport him back to Italy for all those years of him being an ass to her.

He had no idea, so he just sat there, waiting.

Yuna made a start on breakfast, opting to make waffles. She already had the batter made, all she needed to do was pour the batter onto the waffle machine, let it cook, and then repeat it for however many waffles they wanted. She let the first waffle cook, heading to the fridge to grab a bunch of strawberries and blueberries, washing them for a minute or so before using a knife to cut them into smaller pieces.

Chopping the fruits, she heard his footsteps enter the kitchen. His steps were loud and clear, but she pretended she couldn't hear him come in, continuing to focus her attention elsewhere.

Taehyung knew she was ignoring him and it was pissing him off, yet he tried to stay calm. He walked over to her, giving her a kiss on the head.

"Good morning."

"Good morning," she mumbles, trying to sound busy but in the end sounding completely unbothered. She grabbed a bowl out from one of the cupboards and poured all the fruits into it before turning around to place it on the counter. The only issue was that when she turned around, she bumped directly into him.

"Are you mad at me or do you just really want me out of here?" He took the bowl from her and put it on the counter, keeping eye contact. Crossing his arms over his chest, he waited for her to answer him.

He knew what the issue was.

Yuna sighed. Of course she wasn't mad at him or anything, and she certainly didn't want him to leave so soon, but what happened last night spoke volumes. "No, I'm not mad at you, and I don't want you out of here either. I'm just really tired," she explains, the flat out lie sounding unconvincing as she placed her hands on his chest in a bid to get past him.

Taehyung was quick to trap her hands in his own, "So you're telling me that you just woke up and you're already tired?" He raised an eyebrow at her, definitely not buying it. He could see through her and he felt disappointed she wasn't being honest.

She lifted her eyes to meet his, a slight pout on her lips. "I'm tired 24/7, it's normal," she mumbles, placing her hands on top of his so she could un-trap herself and escape, but she failed. "I made you breakfast, and I'm sure it's not gonna taste nice when it's cold," she scolds him, looking over his shoulder to see the waffles and fruits set out for him.

"And I appreciate you making breakfast, I really do, but I won't move an inch if you don't talk to me." He let go of her hands, placing his palms on both of her cheeks, kissing her nose.

God, what was he doing? He was only confusing himself more.

Yuna inhaled sharply, taking a moment to word out her thoughts before speaking. "Was I supposed to kiss you last night? Or should that have never happened?" she asks, avoiding his eyes and instead looking down at her feet.

For a few seconds, he just stood there, looking down at her. Shaking his head, he shot her a soft smile. "So that’s what this is all about?"

"Come on, let's just eat," she groans, pushing past him and taking a seat at the counter, leaving him behind her.

A chuckle escaped his lips, as he sat down beside her. He grabbed a waffle and took a bite out of it. "You know, it is not like I didn't enjoy you kissing me, but.." he starts, clearing his throat, "One week ago, we were doing everything we could to get rid of eachother and now we're kissing and spending time together.. it's confusing me."

She knew he was right. This time last week she wouldn't have expected them to be all affectionate towards one another. The sex was supposed to be a one time thing, but it happened again. And now they were acting as if they were a couple.

"I get that. I'm just as confused you are," she says, taking a bit out of the waffle. "I know I asked you this before.. but what are we? In all honesty, I don't think I hate you anymore."

"I also don't hate you, but.. I don't want just sex. I also don't want you to have sex with me and leave me when you get bored. I might act like I don't care, but I do."

"Well then maybe we should take it up a notch?" she suggests, pushing her plate away from her and moving her chair closer to his. "I also don't want just sex. I want affection too, and you've been showing me a lot of that since you got here. Maybe we're not just coworkers anymore. Let's say we're... trying something out?"

Taehyung turned his gaze towards her with a slight smile. "Only if you want to, if you feel comfortable enough to spend more time with me."

"I'm comfortable with you, don't worry," she reassures him, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand.

He took her hand in his and left a kiss on top of it. "But I must say, if you didn't, I would be oh-so-heartbroken and probably go back to Italy and marry a girl I never knew against my will, and then I'd live unhappily for the rest of my life."

"No way! You almost got an arranged marriage? How come? You only ever hear that stuff happening in books and movies."

"My father had this one friend who had a daughter and they agreed to get us married, because they had some unresolved past drama and the guy said my father owed him and his child a 'good future." he shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal and rest his head on her shoulder, eating the fruits from the bowl.

"Woah.. so you just went rogue, and ran away from Italy?" she questions, picking up a strawberry from the bowl and popping it into her mouth. "What was the daughter like? I'm sure she wasn't that bad."

"No, she wasn't. She was actually really pretty and smart, but I had a girlfriend at the time and I wasn't planning on dumping her, but she dumped me when I told her I wanted us to run away and get eloped."

Yuna stared at him in pure shock. His story sounded way too good to be true. "You're messing with me. There's no way you almost ran away with a girl to get married," she chuckles softly, shaking her head at the man and turning back towards the counter rather than him.

"It really felt like a movie, but now I sit behind a desk for most of my day and eat waffles my ex enemy made for me," Taehyung winks, eyeing the empty plates in front of them.

"You'll be getting a whole lot more than just waffles. I like to say I have a few tricks up my sleeve when it comes to the kitchen," she boasts, piling up the plates they had used, and carrying them over to the sink.

"Ah, I can't wait for that," he licks his lips, as he goes to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and feeling her body ease against his as she turned the tap on, grabbing some dish soap to get a start on cleaning, leaving her to relax after a busy morning.

He managed to finish doing the dishes and much to his dismay, Taehyung’s phone was ringing. He didn’t bother to check who it was and so picked up the call, immediately regretting it.

It seemed that their boss was calling him back into work to assist the new starter he’d hired to replace Leia. Why someone else couldn’t do it? Turned out the new starter barely spoke any English, only being able to communicate in Italian, which Taehyung was expertly fluent in.

"Fanculo la mia vita,” he curses, ending the call with a huff and walking over to the front door to grab his coat.

“Wait, where are you going?” Yuna scrambles to get up onto her feet, following him behind him to block the man from leaving the house.

“Work. New girl needs my help since she doesn’t speak much English,” he explains, fixing the collar of his coat and slipping on his dress shoes.

Her lips formed a pout, a little bummed that he was leaving so soon, but she was adamant to have him come back.

“You can come back here after.. if you want, obviously,” Yuna shook her head, trying not to seem too desperate but Taehyung could read her like a book.

“I’ll be back before you know it, Y/N.” He blows you a kiss and ushers you away from the door, which, after much struggle, you finally decided to free the man, letting him leave the house to head off to work.

From an outsider, it probably looked like a wife bidding farewell to her husband, the breadwinner of the family.

Yikes.

Taehyung spent most of the day guiding the new starter around. She went by the name Giana, and their boss had hired her claiming she was Leia’s replacement, but he knew well the man was just going to use her for his own pleasure.

But what could he do? It seemed like Giana didn’t mind it; being paraded around by a rich old man, so who was Taehyung to talk her out of it?

When he got back to Yuna’s it was dead silent. He assumed she went out for a sec and immediately felt like it was illegal for him to be in her house alone, but after taking a couple steps upstairs, the faint sound of water running let him know that she was in the shower.

He stepped into her bedroom and pulled his sweater vest over his head, discarding it elsewhere along with the white button up he had on underneath, leaving the upper half of his body bare as he went to lie back on her bed with a sigh.

Yuna didn’t stay in the shower for too long before climbing out and wrapping a soft white towel around her body, and humming an unknown tune on her way out of the bathroom, which came to a halt since she’d jumped seeing Taehyung on her bed.

“Shit, you could’ve let me know you were here,” she says, catching her breath and passing by him to stand in front of the mirror.

Taehyung lifted his head off the pillow to get a good look at her. She was completely covered but she still looked stunning. “I’m really enjoying the view from here,” he smirks, his eyes travelling down her backside with a mischievous glint.

Yuna didn’t respond, already feeling the blood rush to her cheeks as she walked over to her closet, pulling out yet another night dress for tonight. It was difficult to tell that he was still staring at her, so when she turned around, his eyes were very much burning into her body. “Are you gonna keep staring, or…?”

She didn't need to say anything more, Taehyung already jumping out of bed and rushing to stand behind her with a grin on his face, which he tried to hide by biting down on his bottom lip.

A smile crept up on her lips as they both stood there in front of the mirror, the droplets of water from her hair landing on his chest and some being absorbed by the towel wrapped around her body. "Are you okay?" she asks breathlessly, fluttering her eyes up at him.

Taehyung raised a brow at her, his hands finding their way to her hips, as he rest his chin on her shoulder.

"Mhm, I’m all good.." he mumbles softly, staring at the reflection ahead. It was certainly pleasing to the eye.

Yuna’s eyes follow his line of sight, the intricate designs adorning his neck catching her attention. “Have I ever told you how attractive you look with your tattoos on show?”

“Let me think..” he starts, looking up at the ceiling and pretending to think before meeting your eyes again, “Nope, this is the first I’m hearing of this.” He then moved his right hand from her hips up to the expanse of her neck, gently wrapping his slender fingers around her throat, "Took you long enough, baby."

Yuna slowly closed her eyes, craning her head back against his shoulder. His grip wasn't harsh but subtle, and though it wasn't much, it was steadily driving her crazy. "I've always kept that thought to myself."

“Oh, is it?” Taehyung’s free hand was playing with the hem of her towel as he squeezed lightly around her throat. She resists the urge to groan as he leans closer to her ear, making his voice as hoarse as possible just to mess with her. "I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if you kept that thought to yourself if I hadn’t fucked you in your office that day..”

A soft sigh left her lips as she traveled her hand up to her neck, placing it on top of his. "I would've taken that thought to the grave with me.. there was no way I was gonna feed that already-inflated ego of yours."

Taehyung laughed softly laugh into her ear, setting a kiss on her lobe. "But would you look at that," he pushes her body closer to his own, feeling the perfect curve of her backside mould instantly against his front as one hand found its way under her towel. "You didn’t keep it to yourself.”

"I just figured it was about time I told you," she shrugs, as her body started to grow hot. The goosebumps on her legs started to rise and her subtle movements were causing the towel around her body to become loose, but still wrapped around her, just not as secure as before.

And just like that, the warmth from his body was gone. Taehyung pulled away from her, acting as if he didn’t just start something.

"Good job then, my ego just got a boost. Thank you." He then went back to lay down in her bed, completely ignoring her, as he hugged a pillow closer to his face.

Yuna stood there dumbfounded. She knew what he was up to, and if he was gonna play it that way, she would too.

She shook her head and got back to dressing herself, letting the towel pool at her ankles before wearing a pair of black panties and a matching bra. The dress she had pulled out from earlier was now on her body as she made her way to Taehyung to lie down next to him.

"Are you tired?"

Taehyung paid no attention to her, as he laid there on his stomach with his eyes closed and face buried into the pillow. He only hummed in response before completely turning his back to her.

Yuna turned over to face him, propping herself up with one elbow on her pillow, her head in her hand.

Another idea popped into mind as she placed her arm over his body and her hands against his bare chest as she scooted closer to him. "Tae..." she whispers against his ear, her breath fanning over the expanse of his neck.

“Yeah, baby?” He opened his eyes to look over his shoulder at her. He was a little tired, but he always had the time to mess with her.

Yuna stayed silent. She could see the slight tiredness in his eyes and decided to tuck away her needs for another day. "Nothing.. just checking if you fell asleep. Goodnight," she whispers, placing a small kiss on his cheek and lying back on the mattress, properly this time, and turning her back towards him to try and sleep off her hormones.

Taehyung couldn't help but feel a little guilty, leaving her hanging like that. He was sure the feeling of guilt would be long gone after working many years as a lawyer. Turns out he was wrong, but even the feeling inside his stomach couldn't stop him from messing with her yet again.

He let out a sigh, turning around to face her back, scooting closer. "You already gave up? Such a shame.. I guess I won this little game, then.”

Oh, how wrong he was.

"I wouldn't make that claim so quickly if I were you," she grins, pushing her back up against his front, feeling his bulge pressing against the curve of her ass.

His breath hitched in his throat and he was quick to bite on his bottom lip to contain any embarrassing sounds threatening to fall from his lips. He hid his face in the crook of her neck, leaving open mouthed kisses against her skin and humming softly.

"You clever girl.."

She chuckled softly to herself, licking her bottom lip as she shifted against him, making sure to get him riled up. "I'm a lot smarter than you think, you should know that by now.."

Taehyung would laugh at her, pulling away from her, to laying on his back and stare up at the fairly lights hanging across the ceiling. "So smart, you simply cannot be outsmarted.”

Yuna turned on her side, placing her palm flat on his chest and rubbing his skin in slow, circular motions, warming him up. "Gosh Taehyung, you're so oblivious, I'm convinced I'm smarter than you," she groans, moving her hand down to his stomach.

"Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, my love," he responds, watching her hand dance along his stomach. He placed both his palms under his head, his eyes solely focusing on her movements.

As her hand reached his pants, she snapped her eyes up at him to see if he was reacting in anyway, but much to her dismay, he was acting very normal. It made her want to give up then and there, but Yuna couldn't live with him winning their little 'game' again.

Her hand rested above his bulge, slowly palming him to get something out of him, and she felt him twitch, just for a quick second, and then she knew her actions were phasing him.

Taehyung arched his back a bit, grabbing a handful of his hair to bare the effects her actions were having on him. He was getting weaker and weaker by the second with her beside him, but he wasn’t keen on giving in.

"It's not that hard to just.. give up, you know that right, Taehyung?" Yuna whispers to him, halting her movements and fiddling with his belt to get it off. "Just say you want me just as much as I want you.." her voice is soft against his ear, licking at his earlobe.

"How about I show you instead?"

Her eyes lit up at the offer as she finally managed to get his belt off. With his hand still on top of hers she used it to unzip his pants, leaning towards his face to catch his lips in a heated kiss, full of eagerness and desperation.

Taehyung removed his hand just to move in on the back of her head and push her closer to him, deepening the kiss more than he could’ve asked for but he wasn’t complaining.

With her lips still on his, Yuna moved to climb on top of him, straddling his torso as her hands made home on his chest, keeping her stable. She pulled away from him after a few minutes, her lips red, slightly swollen and the strap of her dress already falling off her shoulder, begging to come off.

The moment Yuna pulled away, Taehyung used it as an opportunity to sit up, pulling her body closer to his by wrapping his arms over the small of her back. His lips were doing their own thing, attacking her neck and collarbone with harsh kisses and bites as he lifted the hem of her dress over her thighs, exposing the black lace she wore just for him.

“Hm, all for me, right?” he mumbles softly, brushing the tip of his nose over her clavicles.

Yuna’s quiet whimpers and the sounds of his lips against her skin were filling the silence in the room as the pair got lost in one another. Her lack of response was enough of an answer for him to rightfully take what was his.

Taehyung finally pulled away from her neck just to pepper his kisses over her cheeks and lips. His hands went to grip her hips, urging her to sit directly on his growing bulge with a quiet groan. He got so lost in her and the sounds she made from him barely touching her, he didn't even notice the butterflies in his stomach fluttering in the pit of his stomach.

As his bulge grew under her clothed heat, Yuna impulsively shifted her hips against him, trying to gain some sort of friction to assist the growing arousal between her legs, but it just wasn’t enough. Her arms snaked around his neck, hands tangling in his dark locks, lightly tugging on them each time she pressed harder against him.

Taehyung threw his head back, trying his very best to stay quiet and not give her any type of satisfaction for breaking him down so slowly. His hands went to tug on the hem of her dress, lifting it up over her head and blessing himself with the view of her matching set.

“Fuck me..” he curses, almost whimpering at the sight of her tits sitting perfectly under the lace and her panties driving him insane.

Yuna brought her hands down to grab his, placing them on her hips as she tried to show off the set. "Do you like it? I wore it for you.." she says softly, pulling away from him so he could see the full set properly.

It was perfect on her. The intricate designs and the lace threading looked so gorgeous on her body.

Taehyung licked his lips, his eyes glued to the expensive-looking set. He took a minute to himself to drink in the view before finally speaking, but in his mother tongue, knowing exactly what kind of effect it had on her.

"Lo adoro, cazzo."

Meaning he fucking loved it.

His mother tongue always sparked something inside of Yuna, and it was definitely the throbbing. She had no idea what he said but she took it as something positive. "If you keep talking to me like that, I'm gonna.." she doesn't finish her sentence, unable to describe what she would do to him, knowing it was far from appropriate.

"You're gonna..?" He raised a brow at her, his hands gripping her hips tightly, playing with elastic of her panties and holding her in place, making it all the more easier for him to subtly thrust his clothed erection up against her heat.

"Use your words, Yuna. You always have so much to say outside of the bedroom.”

The latter shook her head, tugging at her bottom lip to prevent a moan slipping out of her. "I can't.." Yuna whispers breathlessly as her panties got more soaked and it was starting to make her feel uncomfortable and irritated since she couldn't feel him properly.

"I’m sure you can. Come on, you’re a big girl aren’t you?” Taehyung buried his face in between the valley of her breasts, kissing, licking, sucking every inch of her skin he could.

Yuna hesitated for a moment, knowing he'd be able to use her words against her in the future. But, she said a lot worse to him before, and it wasn't brought up again, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to do it again.

She gazed down at him with lust-driven eyes. "When you speak Italian, it makes me more— it’s hot,” she admits shyly, turning away from him to avoid his burning gaze.

Pulling away from her chest, he looked up at her with a huge smirk. "Oh, it is?" Of course it was, Taehyung knew that from the start. He reached his hand towards her neck, carefully wrapping his fingers around her throat and forcing her to face him.

Yuna nods slowly, using her actions rather than her words knowing her voice would betray her. She swallows thickly and picks up the pace of her hips, using the very little friction she had on top of him to get herself off.

Taehyung could only watch her in awe, paying little attention to his own breathing which was becoming heavier by the second. "Absolutely stunning.." he whispers, gawking at the sheer layer of sweat coating your body and the utmost determination on your face to try and finish on top of him.

She lifted her hips off of him, hooking her finger to the waistband of his underwear, swiftly pulling the material down his thighs to finally free his aching cock. Yuna didn’t even let him adjust before she took a firm hold of his length, stroking him a a few times and rubbing the pad of her thumb over his leaking tip with a playful smile.

Opening his mouth to gasp, he threw his head back again, biting down on his bottom lip to contain himself, yet a small whimper escaped his mouth. Taehyung’s hold around her neck got tighter, urging her to give him more.

Yuna’s thumb continued to rub circles over his tip before she started pump his throbbing cock in her hand. She glanced down at him, his reactions playing off as encouragement.

"Can I..?" she trails off, silently hinting what she wanted and hoping he'd say yes.

Taehyung was kind of surprised by her request and he was quiet for a few seconds. His most dirtiest thoughts and fantasies about her were finally going to become a reality. Just the image of Yuna’s mouth wrapped around his cock as he stuffed her mouth full was a wet dream on its own.

“I’m not sure someone as high maintenance as yourself deserves my cock.”

“Why’s that?” she asks, gazing down at him, pumping him in her hand a lot slower than before as he twitched in her hold. “I've been good, haven't I?" she questions, raising a brow at the man before her.

Taehyung looked up at the ceiling, acting as if he was thinking.

He looked back at her with a smirk. "You better get to work and show me how good you’ve been then."

Yuna flashes him a smile before climbing off of him, pushing herself further down the bed so she was face first in front of him. She fluttered her eyes up at his, letting her tongue hang out slightly as she landed small kitten licks to his tip.

Taehyung would watch her do so, groaning quietly, as his hand went to play with her hair; brushing away her fly-aways to see her better.

“Should’ve had you on your knees the moment you decided to piss me off,” he mumbles, his mind wandering back to several years ago when they first met at the firm. A petty ruse was what started this ongoing feud between them.

She giggled softly before wrapping her lips around his tip, keeping him there for a few seconds, before taking him deeper into her mouth. With some struggle, Yuna somehow managed to fit him in whole, with his tip hitting the back of her throat before slowly moving her head.

Her mouth felt warm and it was doing him so good to the point where Taehyung found himself grabbing a fistful of her hair, pushing her down deeper, taking the term ‘stuffed full’ to a whole other level.

“Take it, I know you can..” he groans, watching his cock between her lips inch by inch.

Yuna hummed softly, satisfaction overcoming her as she hollowed her cheeks in a bid to take him deeper. With Taehyung’s firm grip on her head, she was able to keep her pace steady and consistent. The back of her throat was bound to be bruised by the end of the night from how harshly he was fucking into her mouth, it had her spluttering around his cock and saliva collecting in her mouth, dripping down the side of her lip.

“Shit, shit—”

Taehyung hated how easily he was loosing his control over getting his dick sucked, yet no one made him feel what he felt that moment; you driving him towards his orgasm.

He reached over to grab a pillow, setting it behind his head and leaning back against it, eyes coming to a slow shut as he basked in the pleasure. She flashed her eyes up at him, curious as to what he was doing, and it was safe to say she was proud by the reaction she was getting from him. It was almost encouraging in a sense.

Taehyung didn’t even realise it, but his hips were mindlessly thrusting up into your mouth, and it caught her by surprise, but Yuna being Yuna, she was eager to please the man.

She felt his cock twitch uncontrollably in her mouth, and the arousal between her legs became more prominent, forcing herself to squeeze her legs shut in a bid to control it.

His moans wouldn't stop and with every passing minute, his body grew hotter than ever before. He tried to hold in his orgasm for a few more minutes, which was… difficult to say the least, yet Taehyung managed, but soon he felt like he was about to pass out from all the edging and finally let go with a low groan.

His load was spilling down her throat, his warmth filling her up as he kept her there, choking and spluttering around his cock with some of it escaping down the side of her lip. He held her head in place, making sure no more was wasted as he rode out his orgasm. His body felt numb and his mind was a haze trying to come down from his orgasm.

Yuna eventually pulled off of him with a gasp, a mixture of cum and saliva connecting her lips to the tip of his cock. She hadn't swallowed yet, dropping her mouth open to show him the the mess he’d made of her and Taehyung could’ve sworn he felt himself growing hard again among his exhaustion.

But, she deserved a good fuck after that.

taglist: @satorinnie @rosedtae @jimin444 @bts-ruu @ishi091 @tan-veee @loomipee

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chloedrewitt · 5 days

Text

Book Review: "The Cruel Prince" by Holly Black

Spoiler-free

Genre: young adult, fantasy • Triggers: murder, death, suicide, graphic descriptions of corpses, bullying, child abuse • Year of Publication: 2018

Plot: ★★★

Characters: ★★

Writing Style: ★

Re-Readability: ★★★

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General Thoughts

I want to start this by saying that I really wanted to like this book. Unfortunately, I ended up hating it. The plot is incredibly interesting and the idea of the Faerie world super engaging. However, everything that I liked about this book ends exactly there. I really did like the plot and all the ideas Black had, however her writing is simply not for me. Had another author with a different style written this book I am sure I would have enjoyed it. But let's get into the review, and please, remember this is purely my subjective opinion. This book is widely popular, so it has found its audience for sure. I just wasn't part of that, and that is okay. Nevertheless, I wanted to share my thoughts.

Plot

As I said above, the plot is the book's strong suit for me. Despite the fact that, keeping faerie's hate for mortals in mind, it would have made more sense to me had Madoc killed Jude and Taryn then and there in the prologue. Why does Madoc take Jude and Taryn with him to raise them? It would only make sense to kill the children that blossomed out of a union such as their parents, without giving too much away. Is it fae customs not to? Is it some sort of personal ego problem he has? Is it empathy, despite the obvious “monster”-like personality? It is never fully explained to the extent where I could say “Ah, yes! That makes sense.” (Maybe it is explained in the sequels, I can’t say).

Another thing that made no sense to me was when the spies captured Cardan. I won't get into too many details to still keep this spoiler free, but there was this one occurrence I really had trouble finding realistic. In that scene, the spies, the ones with the actual experience and training, let Cardan go to have a drink with him. Because he is oh, so charming. Keep in mind, Cardan is the only one who can seal his brother’s reign, which would be bloody and cruel (I think the book’s title refers more to his brother than Cardan. I won't say which brother though). It seems like a completely illogical plot device to show how amazing Jude is and how she knows everything better than the others. You know, the actual spies. Even if they don’t care what happens to Faerie or its king, I find it very OOC for a spy to free one of their captives, especially to have a drink with him. They should be able to resist Cardan’s "charm".

Still, even with these inconsistencies, I thought the plot was engaging and interesting. The whole setting, a human girl growing up in the faerie lands who sort of has to navigate this world where even the food could kill her any moment, sounds very intriguing. I also loved how the faerie's around her manipulated her despite the fact she was the only one able to lie.

I do, however, want to state that this is not an enemies to lovers in my opinion. The romance is merely a sub plot anyway and did not really do it for me, but Cardan e.g. kicking dirt in Jude's food is bullying, nothing more. To me, this is a bullies to lovers if anything. Still, the main plot saved the book for me, but unfortunately it was not enough for me to continue the series.

Characters

This is where the story really begins to crumble for me. I barely liked any characters. Probably the only ones who did not annoy me where Vivienne and Cardan, but only in the second half of the book.

Let’s start with Jude, since she is the main character. It might be because I am in my 20s and she is still a child (16 or 17 I believe), but Jude annoyed me so much. The only thing that made sense about her was the fact that she wanted to prove to herself and the fae that she was worthy. Which, after living in a world that tells you you are dirt is understandable. I will get more into the writing style later, but it was so dry and emotionless that it made her sound like some robot, programmed to do only one thing: prove to the pretty fae that she’s worthy. Not to mention, it also made her sound very immature. Jude gets praised by the book community for being this super strong heroine that is super relatable and people can look up to - but I just saw none of that. Instead, I saw an insecure child trying to be included in things that are too big for her. When I mentioned this to someone they asked me if I read a lot of YA because "this is what YA heroines are like". I do, in fact, read a lot of YA and I can still say that Jude felt way younger than she was supposed to be. Comparing her to other YA heroines who are roughly the same age only strengthens this for me.

Let’s move on to Cardan. In the first half of the book, I wished someone would just punch him. When he was actually being punished later on I honestly didn’t feel bad for him. He treated Jude like shit, which, yes, I know, was the whole point but again, he did it in a very immature way. I’m thinking about the time he kicked dirt into Jude’s food or wanted her to kiss his feet. However, I later saw that this made sense for the character. He is insecure because of the way he grew up; isolated, lonely and faced with punishment. And in the second half of the book he was actually likeable as well. Cardan feels like the only character with actual depth. Where Jude had potential, Cardan had execution. However, Cardan and Jude’s immaturity made me uncomfortable as a reader sometimes. Mixed with the dry writing style, I could not help but imagine them as way younger than they were, all while they were making out and killing people or running around with a sword.

Madoc. Oh, Madoc. How I dislike this character. Nothing about him made sense to me. He is a huge hypocrite. What exactly is his motivation? Everything was justified by him being a "monster" by nature, but that just didn’t satisfy me. First of all, "monster" is a very subjective term. No one is ever truly evil, and I would have just wished that Madoc wasn’t so one-dimensional. It made reading the entire arc that involved him hard. And if he really is a monster, why was he so nice to Jude and Taryn? Maybe I missed it somewhere, but I am really not sure why he didn’t kill the twins on the spot when he saw them (it's not a spoiler, this is literally the prologue) and only took Vivienne, his actual daughter, back to Faerie. I suppose taking the twins was meant to show he actually has depth to him, but the repetitive "he’s a monster" with absolutely no evidence for that claim ruined it for me.

This is something which Black does quite often, by the way. She makes a claim about a character but then gives barely any or no evidence at all to support this claim and the reader is simply expected to believe her.

The Writing Style

So, a little background info about what I personally enjoy reading. I study English Literature, so I am faced with “pretentious” writing almost every day. It is just a personal preference, but it is what I generelly enjoy. For me, a book has to have a healthy combination of dry and lyrical writing, so it doesn't reach either purple prose or sahara territory. The Cruel Prince's writing style is very dry and straight to the point. This can work to increase tension during a dramatic scene, but using it throughout the entire book does exactly the opposite. Some people will still like that, which I can respect. However, for me it was just boring to read and, to repeat myself once more, it made Jude sound very immature. Why? I can’t say for sure. But what I know is that in writing, everything has an effect on the reader. The writing style, the scenery, hell, even the metre. The writing style in this book simply had this effect on me.

Another thing that I didn’t like was the several occasions of telling and not showing. Black mentioned three times in just a few pages that Jude and Cardan were enemies and they hate each. We got it, okay? There is no need to repeat it a million times. Perhaps she wanted to portray it as Jude telling herself they’re enemies and that she can’t pursue him, but it really did not seem that way to me and it unfortunately annoyed me.

Re-Readability

I think this a book you can definitely re-read if you liked it. It can be fun trying to look for clues within the narration that point to the big twists in the end. I personally just cannot put myself through this book again for all the reasons mentioned above.

Conclusion

I really cannot understand the hype of this book to be honest. Yes, the premise is interesting but the rest just does not do it for me and comparing it to other YA books, it felt incredibly immature to read. I am almost saddened to say that I regret spending almost ten euros on a copy of this, but what's done is done. I do, however, love the aesthetics of the book and will always stop to like a video of the wonderful cosplayers dressing up as the characters.

#the cruel prince #holly black #jude x cardan #cardan greenbriar #booktok #bookish #book reviews #book review #jude duarte #prince cardan

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quarantineroulette · 1 year

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10 Things That Somehow Didn’t Suck This Year (with a horror films sub-list).

2022 has been an unbelievably surreal and disparate year for me. On one hand, I achieved three long-running goals, visiting Barcelona, becoming a home-owner, and going on a mini-tour with my band. On the other hand, I was plagued by some of the worst periods of depression of my life and endured at least two solid months of virtually nonstop distress in which things got better for a little bit before going really hard on the mental strife.

Due to so much weirdness going on, I didn’t listen to much music this year and I feel pretty ashamed about that (if you’re a friend and you released music this year, I intend on listening to it very soon, I swear). I’m also a little put off by critical writing in general right now but I still wanted to do some sort of year-end ranking for tradition’s sake. So here’s 10...entertainments? I appreciated this year - whether TV shows, movies, or going to gigs, even though there were a lot of those I unfortunately missed as well. Also throwing in a sub-list of favorite horror films, as those are one of the few things I can focus on even when things are completely haywire elsewhere.

*Atlanta: I really don’t consider a lot of art truly *perfect* but the Atlanta series finale -- and the entire 41-episode show, really -- absolutely was. Out of anyone in my generation, Donald Glover is far and away the *~creative~* I’m most in awe of, most of all for this singular and very special show. I’ll forever be grateful for the intelligence behind Atlanta (I really can’t think of a show James and I have discussed more), it’s unpredictability and the insane level of talent that could be found in its ridiculously stellar cast and crew. I loved everything about every minute of it, but my secret favorite episode was the one where Van has an identity crisis in Paris and Alexander Skarsgard cameos as a cross between an exaggerated version of himself and Armie Hammer. Utterly surreal, totally hilarious, and unquestionably brilliant.

*“Punk Rock Loser” by Viagra Boys: I didn’t totally love Viagra Boys’ 2022 release Cave World but it still somehow became the album I listened to most this year, and “Punk Rock Loser” had no contest in terms of being my most listened to song. The band excels at songs about decidedly unsavory dudes, so “Punk Rock Loser” isn’t entirely new territory but it is catchy and weirdly groovy in its own little way. Plus, the music video is an instant classic, right down to the Adidas western shirt and completely silly synchronized dance routine.

*The Rehearsal: This one is a bit of a cheat because I just watched the whole series in like three days so it’s at the forefront of my mind. But something tells me even if I had watched it three months ago I’d still be fucking reeling from it. Like, my sense of perception has been irrevocably scrambled. I need to sit in a dark room and question every interaction I’ve ever had with another human up to this point. I related to this show more than I’d like to admit and also found myself weirdly moved by it at times. Also, massive respect to Fielder for getting HBO to pay for, well, the entire thing, but especially the replica of the Alligator Lounge (although we all know Nate’s Lizard Lounge is really where it’s at).

*Playing a show with The Veldt: We started working on new music this year so we didn’t play many shows, but we still had a fair amount of success on that front and played our first-ever gigs in the midwest (including a sold out show in Chicago). But being asked to play with criminally underrated shoegazers The Veldt was truly a high water mark (on what was unfortunately a very watery evening in Brooklyn). Had gone to see The Veldt in Philly a month prior to sharing a bill with them, and was wowed by Daniel Chavis’ stage presence and vocal delivery both times around, a pretty powerful counter to the head down aloofness that genre designation typically suggests. Totally cool and lovely guys to boot.

*Warren Ellis - Nina Simone’s Gum: See my previous post, but in short, this book is mesmerizing. What I assumed would be a fairly straightforward rock memoir instead was a loving tribute to Ellis’ idols, providing a lot of insight into collecting and the power we imbue certain objects with and why. Absolutely solidified my opinion that Ellis is one of the most beautiful souls (I mean, he started a sanctuary for wildlife with special needs for god’s sake!)

*Aldous Harding at Union Transfer: Pretty much the only new music I listened to this year was the aforementioned Viagra Boys, Fontaines DC and Aldous Harding, and I was fortunate enough to see two out of three of these artists live in 2022 (Viagra Boys, maybe next year). Aldous Harding had been at the top of my gig-going wishlist pre-pandemic, so I feel especially grateful that seeing her became a reality this year. It often feels a bit weak to say “OMG I went to see (x) and they sounded just like the album,” but in Aldous’ case, this is kind of an extraordinary compliment, seeing as she sings as about a dozen different characters on her new record, sometimes flipping back and forth over several different vocal styles in a single song. Add to this Harding’s obscure yet very purposeful stage presence and that equals me being enraptured for 90 minutes straight. Had an excellent time pre-gaming at the awesome go-go cocktail bar The Trestle Inn beforehand as well.

*Intermission: My 10 (actually 11) Favorite Horror Films of 2022

Yeah yeah yeah. Everyone has said it, it’s been a great year for horror. It’s always been my favorite genre and I’ve embraced it even harder since the pandemic for whatever reason. So, just like everyone else is doing, here are my 10 favorites that I’ve seen this year. I didn’t see everything, but I’ve seen enough to have some authority on what was good, maybe...

1) Pearl - Mia Goth’s unblinking stare over the end credits = haven’t been as frightened by a face since Laura Dern running toward the camera in INLAND EMPIRE. Deserves all its accolades and then some.

2) The Menu - The cast, the setting, the dialogue, Colin Stetson’s score: everything about this was a horrible delight from start to finish. Watching Ralph Fiennes and Anya Taylor-Joy act together was thoroughly electrifying and I will never get Fiennes lobbing the insult “you donkey” at some rich asshole out of my head.

3) Smile - I saw the trailer for this a zillion times and thought it honestly looked hilariously stupid. Zero expectations and threw me for a complete loop. Still didn’t find it that scary but it was fun as hell and the sound design was excellent. Also, I’m sorry to say I had no idea who (PA native!) Kyle Gallner was until this year but loved him in both this and Dinner in America.

4) Men / Resurrection - Resurrection walked so Men could run, I guess. Overall, I preferred the former just because I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes for the last 20 minutes and I appreciated its mash-up of folk horror / home invasion / psychological horror / cosmic horror / body horror to the max. Resurrection had Rebecca Hall giving the most insane monologue of the year and my forever crush Tim Roth being a gaslighting sleaze-hound, and those are two things I will never shrug at.

5) What Josiah Saw - If you ever longed for a southern gothic version of Fire Walk With Me, then head over to Shudder and take this fucked up baby for a ride immediately. Had a scene, totally free of violence or gore, that made me want to squirm right out of my skin. Robert Patrick FTW and was nice(?) to see Nick Stahl again too.

6) Watcher - Great Hitchcockian throwback with great performances by Maika Monroe and Burn Gorman and some beautiful shots of Bucharest. Tense enough that I was nervous going into the bathroom by myself when it was over.

7) We’re All Going to the World’s Fair - To be honest, I didn’t love this when I was watching it, but jeez did it stick with me. Months after and I still feel a great sense of discomfort whenever I think about it. Not for everyone, but will thoroughly creep you out and fill you with a sense of crushing loneliness, if you’re down for that kind of thing.

8) Something in the Dirt - Pretty much will be open to anything Moorhead and Benson do just because I find their grassroots approach to cosmic horror and world-building really inspiring. Their latest threw about a million different interests of mine into a pot so I found Something in the Dirt especially delicious. Some really low-key funny moments and I’m still trying to piece it all together but I’m so so happy these guys are out there challenging us and doing it all in such a home-spun way.

9) Barbarian - Almost didn’t add this because the hype really got to me, but, I know -- that first half was super tense and Justin Long gave his all as perhaps the douchiest character of the year.

10) Nope - Really wasn’t a fan of US but this was quite a return to form. Loved the set pieces and the unique take on alien design. The spoken word “Purple People Eater” bit was pretty ridiculous but I laughed all the same. The blood house was marvelous, though.

***

*“Turn Off Your Brain and Yell” by Suede: I often get anxious whenever a long-running band or artist I love releases something new, even when it’s a band I love as much as Suede, and was honestly not expecting much from their 9th release Autofiction, as it was being touted as more stripped down and less high concept and dramatic. The record is just fine but live the songs are phenomenal, particularly the fittingly cathartic “Turn Off Your Brain and Yell.” The Autofiction closer served as the band’s opener at their headlining show at Philadelphia’s The Met and it was like an emotional wildfire had just ignited. I’m certain every single neck hair of every person in that venue was standing on end from this song onward. Simply put, it fucking slammed. Anyway, this Suede / Manics US tour seemed like the ultimate dream to me on paper but unfortunately turned out a little bittersweet, but at least I can say for probably the only time ever that Michelle Obama possibly had a hand in preventing me from going backstage like I was supposed to (long story!).

*The Bear: Didn’t think this could possibly live up to its hype, but really what a touching, funny, intense and lovingly made show. Jeremy Allen White, he seems a little like a himbo, but was completely captivated and moved by his portrayal of the emotionally complex and overwhelmed Carmy. Loved when Richie did or said pretty much anything and the (I cringe at the term) *~needle drops~* were spectacular. Ready to drink down a second season like Xanax-laced ecto-cooler.

*Kendrick Lamar performing “Savior” at Glastonbury : I feel a bit of a faker listing this as I haven’t watched Kendrick’s Glastonbury 2022 performance in full yet (doing that over the weekend, hopefully), and I’ve only listened to Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers once. I have, however, been returning to this video over and over for months now and I love everything about it -- the lighting, minimalist stage set up -- in such stark contrast to an event as overblown as the Glastonbury festival -- the dancers, and of course the fake blood and glittery crown of thorns. Most of all, I love that the message takes precedence, as it should be but so rarely is these days. So, thank you Kendrick and all the preceding makers on this list for saying or doing something meaningful in a year that frequently felt meaningless.

#year in review #horror #atlanta #the rehearsal #warren ellis #aldous harding #suede #the bear #the veldt #viagra boys #kendrick lamar

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typemercury94 · 1 year

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The tragic fate of Dunamis15

Dunamis15 was a minor game, hidden in the shadow of the popular "science adventure series", which is known for gems like "Chaos;Head Noah" and "Steins;Gate". Meanwhile, the new franchise of the "suspense fiction adventure" series was canceled after the failed success of Disorder6. Another reason might be the bad marketing decisions for both visual novels as well. There are several nice twists within Dunamis15, but the original summary on the package contained major spoilers. However, it was later fixed for the PSP Version, which even got additional content. In my opinion, it's a big shame due to the wasted potential.

That said, back to my review of Dunamis 15:

Story:

Future Japan. A global nuclear disaster caused the world's population to decrease significantly and the decline of the birth rate wasn't any help either. In result, the japanese government built a school on an artificial island (called Dunamis Base) to raise and educate healthy children. After graduating, the students were supposed to go back to Japan and contribute for society. However, the main character (Togo Takatsuki) who was about to graduate in a half year, still had no real perspective of his future. As he meets a mysterious girl, a certain event occure to make his daily life collapse..

I tink the world view and themes of this visual novel are quite heavy. First of all, it's a "time loop/mystery" adventure which isn't an uncommon genre mix these days. However, in case of Dunamis15, the time loop gimmick took a backseat and the psychological depiction of the characters was focused instead.

I think it is important, whether the characters are attractive or not, that you can empathize with them. In this game, typical stereotypes are not exaggerated and the true nature of each character is carefully explored with a special system. You experience multiple viewpoints of the main cast, which is playable in each of the 5 chapters.

Because of that, I was able to see the true intentions of certain individuals and didn't get bored of the linear structure. Unlike other "time loop" visual novels, the plot doesn't have a lot of foreshadowing, but I was fascinated how the truth was gradually revealed from each point of view.

So..by the end of the story, I was able to develop an attachment to each character.

MAJOR SPOILER SECTION

Within the several time loops, the main cast learn about the true purpose of "Dunamis Base". In reality, the island was a big research facility for collecting "excellent genes". All the students are clones, and none of them are aware of it. In fact, the tragic of an artificial being (which is merely a copy of a real individual), came to my mind and I was even more drawn into the story. At the end of each chapter (loop), the entire clones mysteriously go out of control and kill each other. It's later reveaeld that every clone is influenced by a microchip, which is implanted in their necks and connected to the peripheral nervous system. The scientists at dunamis base want to get rid of the clones as quickly as possible, in order to extract their DNA and continue the whole process all over again. In other words: The students were never suppose to leave the island alive.

All members of the main cast can recall the Events of each time loop, but they're not the only ones. Some enemies got the same privilige, what makes the story even more exciting.

As I mentioned earlier, the psychological condition of the main characters have a major significance in the story. Two of them have a great character development, after reapting each loop.

Worth mentioning are the small romance sub-plots, even tho you're not able to influence the outcome by yourself.

As for the Worldbuilding, the existence of human clones is kept as a secret and the general public is completely unaware of it. All of the gruesome experiments, alongside the discrimination of human clones, are a serious topic within the story. Many of the experiments were responsible for the death of "real humans", which the clones were based on. However, some of them are still alive and play a major role (allie or foe) in the story.

My only complain is the rushed execution of the true ending. I mentioned earlier that the characters are trapped in a "time loop", but the reason for that is the occult. The thoughts of ghosts, who are worried about the fate of their clones, have become a mysterious force and created the loop in order to stop the experiments. The conclusion is fine because the existence of ghosts was already established previously and it also fits to the backstory of some characters. However, everything so far was explained by mere science, so it was a bit weird how the writers handled it.

SPOILER SECTION END

Gameplay(System):

Dunamis15 is a kinect novel for the most part. There are several options aviable, but they're limited to bad endings or something that doesn't heavily affect the story. For example, you can unlock hidden CGs and extra scenes.

The flow chart is relatively simple, because the main story progress is displayed as a single road in the middle. If you look at the branches, which are merging as trapezoid around the single road, it's easy to understand wethere it's a bad ending or just an Alternative scene.

Graphics:

The CGs, backgrounds and character models are gorgeous. Megumi Nagahama did a great Job and I wish we would have more visual novels with her Artwork..

Sound:

youtube

The opening and ending themes are great, but i especially enjoy the background music. All of them create a great atmosphere and some of them even remind me about chaos;head. Well..it's not a big surprise because it was recorded by 5pb, who were also responsible for the OST of the science adventure series.

One of my favorite Soundtracks is "in cold blood", which is simple but effective as hell to create a very uncomfortable atmosphere.

youtube

Another favorite would be "pain of salvation", which fits perfectly to the disturbing and violent moments of the story.

youtube

The acting of the main cast was also powerful and it really helped me to get more invested into the story. Moreover, I was surprised by some seiyuus like Sumi Shimamoto and Yui Shouji, because it's kinda rare for them to appear in a visual novel.

Conclusion:

Dunamis15 is a thought-provoking story that questions the views of life, death and ethics, with a relateable message on top of that. It's better to focus on your present life, rather than regretting past mistakes and wanting to start over. Sadly, the conclusion of the story is kinda rushed, but still a good experience nevertheless.

The first entry of the "suspense fiction adventure" series is hard to recommend, because it doesn't have any localisation and was never released on PC. If you get a legal copy of the psp Version, it's still possible to read the vn with a Translation tool (emulator)

#Youtube #Dunamis15 #5pb #mages.#Megumi Nagahama #Suspense fiction adventure #science adventure #horror #psycho thriller #review #visual novel

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gztrust · 2 years

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Overlord ii episode 1 english subbed

#Overlord ii episode 1 english subbed series

At points, this show has literally had me jumping up and down in my seat and slapping my fists together like a newborn baby. If you would like my best attempt at nitpicking the fine details I can only tell you this. I'm expecting more greatness from this anime than anything ever before, and I am sure it will deliver thoroughly and blow us away in doing so. This will go down in my books as having one of my favourite MC's. This will be the anime I recommend in the place of SAO. I was also wrong in thinking, while watching the opening scene and credits in episode 1, "This is boring" "How can a skeleton be an MC!" "Who even is the MC in this series?!" "All these characters look awful, I'll never like these!" Wrong. I started watching Overlord from episode 1 about 2 hours ago with the mindset of "Urgh another MMO/SAO/Log Horizon ripoff" Boy was I wrong. I just had to post this as this anime has completely shattered my preconseptions of it. I have more anime reviews so check them out if you want!įirst time leaving a 'review' as such, so forgive me for the unconventional approach. Rate if you found this review helpful, funny, or just like it. That's it! Thanks for reading my review! I'd recommend this anime to everyone who likes the ''virtual reality'' anime such as SAO or Log Horizon. For overall rating, I'll give this anime a 7/10. So yeah, this show is definitely not bad, but I didn't enjoy it as much. Maybe I felt like ''been there done that'' since I watched/read a lot of virtual reality anime/manga. But personally, it was not really my cup of tea. This anime is great, and it definitely has a quality storyline, characters, visuals and sound. I like most of the characters but I feel like some of them needed more (or even some) development. I'll give it a 6/10 However, I must point out that story wise, we did get some really decent characters, so I can't deny they didn't do that well. They introduced all of the guild ''NPCs'' and then they started progressing with the story without developing them much. I don't like the fact that he is really overpowered. He's not a super attractive but he looks badass. So I do like the unique aspect of the main character. Great quality, nice voice acting and great music, 8/10. I also liked the music, opening song is super catchy! I really liked the voice acting and sound in general. So for a well done animation I'll give a 8/10 I didn't notice anything unique or amazing about it, but I still think it's well done. I like the amount of detail on certain characters and the environment. Nothing spectacular or stunning, but still well done and enjoyable. So in conclusion, the story is well written and somewhat fun. One of the things I liked was the originality of the story. I'm glad that the story went in a direction that I didn't really expect. I didn't find the story interesting, and I wasn't that entertained by it (it did have some amazing moments thought) but I do see why a lot of people liked it. He tries to adapt to the world by finding out more about it.Įven thought I can't deny this story is pretty much great I must admit that I wasn't really into it as much. The story is based on a guild leader who for some reason stays inside a game after it's servers close down. Yeah I can't deny that the story is based on a ''person stuck in virtual reality'', which is basically a genre by now. I'll make sure this doesn't happen again. NOTE: Because of personal reasons I didn't use images I captured and edited while watching, but rather images I found online. So which one does this anime fit into? Is it just another ''virtual reality'' anime with been there done that predictable story? Or is it super original show with stunning visuals and amazing story? The studio MADHOUSE has some AMAZING shows, on the other hand it also has some downright HORRIBLE shows.

#Overlord ii episode 1 english subbed series

As a third review this summer, and I usually review 2 series a season, I will be reviewing Overlord!

#Overlord ii episode 1 english subbed

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xoxodiluc · 2 years

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lapis dei | zhongli ( genshin impact ) x female! reader

— part three.

series genre romance, angst, smut, fantasy mafia! au

summary in your family, being married and giving an heir to a certain man you’re married to is a must. after zhongli lost his wife guizhong — he was devastated. but there’s no time in wasting to find another woman who shall be his wife. and you were chosen.

cw in this chapter many timeskips, mentions / use of gun, mentions of killing, mild smut bc i can’t write detailed smut for now [ sub! reader, breeding ] | please read at your own risk, and please send an ask if i missed any content warnings here. not proofread.

word count 1.3k

notes + at the end FINALLY??!:!:! i experienced a very bad writer’s block with this lol i still think this chapter is shitty but enjoy! | if you want to be added in the taglist, just send me an ask / reply. thank you ☺︎

one | two | three ( you’re here ) | four

“You want to learn how to use a gun?”

You nodded, “Yes. For… self-defense?” He furrowed his eyebrows and you clenched your fists, hoping he’ll allow you to.

“No need for that.” He said, and you felt hopeless.

You know a gun is nothing against Raiden Shogun, but what if? She’s going to kill you. It’s been weeks since she threatened you, so of course, you were anticipating every day with fear what might happen to you.

“I hired you a bodyguard already, Y/N. Is… that not enough? I can hire two or more if you’re not satisfied.”

You shook your head, “No! It’s— It’s fine. I was just curious about how to use a gun, I’m sorry, sir. I’ll get goi—”

He suddenly grabbed you by your waist when you turned around and pulled you close to him, completely catching you off-guard. “Is there something bothering you?”

Fuck.

His face was dangerously close to yours…

“Nothing, sir.”

“I told you to just call me ‘Zhongli’.”

You cleared your throat, pulling your arm from his grip. “Nothing, Zhongli.”

He furrowed his eyebrows for a second and sighed, “Fine. Since I can’t always be there for you because I’m busy, and I don’t trust the other bodyguards, I’ll teach you.”

“Really?” Your eyes widened, then bowed your head, “Thank you…”

He smiled before making his way to his office. He smiled — and it scared you how you might fall for him anytime soon.

in Tenshukaku located in Inazuma…

“Hm. How obedient,” Raiden Shogun crossed her arms, looking at the shaking woman on her knees in front of her. “You were the last person in my mind who would dare to kill Morax’s superior. How did you even do that?”

“H-He trusted me, Ma’am. So every time I give him a glass of water, he would drink it without hesitation. He was very drunk that night… and I took the opportunity to spike his drink…”

“I see… Huh. If Morax knew, you’d be punished severely.” As soon as she said that, the woman frantically shook her head.

“Please! Please, don’t tell him!” She begged, tears immediately making their way down her cheeks. “I’ll do anything— I’ll do anything you want me to do, just please, don’t tell Zhongli…”

“Anything?”

“Yes!”

Raiden Shogun inhaled, hesitating. She had already set her plan. A deal with Rex Lapis wasn’t difficult. She knew he was still looking for the killer of his superior, and she had the killer wrapped around her finger. She planned to tell the killer in exchange for marrying him.

Ah, betrayal.

“All right, kill Y/N. Your ex-husband’s new wife. You have two weeks.”

“Stay calm.”

You heard Zhongli behind you as you steadied your shaking hands while holding a gun — which you’ve never held before.

“Try shooting the target.”

You nodded and exhaled slightly before pulling the trigger, and you were surprised at how close your shot was to the exact target.

And Zhongli was impressed, “You’re pretty good for someone who just used a gun for the first time…” Before you could thank him, he wrapped his arms around you and placed his hands over yours. “Ready?”

Despite getting flustered at the way his face was close to yours, you muttered ‘ready’ before you both pulled the trigger, and it hit the target.

“Do you even need me to help you?” He joked, and you couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re quite excellent in shooting targets, Y/N. Good job.”

“Thank you, Zhongli.”

After a few more practices, he invited you to have dinner with him. It’s been a few months since you both had a proper dinner together as husband and wife, so you were excited and got yourself all dolled up.

And a tiny part of you hoped he would notice and compliment you.

At the restaurant, both of you haven’t spoken a word. It was uncomfortable, so you looked around and avoided Zhongli.

“You look… different today.”

Different?

He then sees your confused expression, “I meant positively. I like that red lipstick on you, Y/N.”

Oh.

“Thank you… It’s been a while since we had dinner so I dressed up nice and wore a lipstick I use on rare occasions.”

A laugh escaped from his lips, “Well, I’ll try to have dinner with you more often.”

Minutes passed by, the both of you catching up on things and checking up on each other while eating dinner. You never expected your relationship with Zhongli would go far like this — it wasn’t your typical husband/wife relationship, but you weren’t complaining.

And after dinner, Zhongli had a little too much drink…

It was definitely a new side of him. After reaching home, he wasted no time bringing you to the bedroom and smashing his lips against yours.

“Mhh— Zhongli—”

He pulled away a bit embarrassed, his cheeks slightly flushed. “I apologize for doing that so suddenly, I should’ve asked first. Is… is this okay?”

“Yes,” You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Please, kiss me more…”

And he did, along with removing your dress. You both made out until it led to something more.

“I forgot how you felt so good.” He grunted as he thrusts into you, breathy moans escaping from you. “I’m close… fuck.”

You wrapped your arms around his torso, whispering into his ear, “Fill me up then.”

It had taken him by surprise, his pace slowing down, “Are you sure?”

“Please… I want you to cum inside me…”

The corner of Zhongli’s mouth raised, “All right, take all of my cum, and don’t you dare spill a single drop.” And as your orgasm washed over you, he fucked you harder, as if he was desperate to breed you.

And deep down, he was.

“Oh, fuck—“ One last thrust, then he came, groaning into your neck as you felt his cum deep inside you.

You both stayed like that for a while, exhausted. Zhongli knew you were still sensitive, so he slowly pulled out, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

And after cleaning you up, he collapsed on the bed, exhaling. You expected him to at least say something, but he didn’t.

Then he turned, his back facing you.

The next day, he was gone.

You were disappointed, overthinking about it. Maybe Zhongli didn’t like what happened last night?

After doing your morning routine, you went to the dining room and spotted your husband drinking tea as he read the newspaper.

“Good morning.” You greeted, flashing a smile.

But he didn’t even bother looking up at you, only nodding in acknowledgment.

You sat across him, trying to start a conversation to lighten the awkward atmosphere. “Um, you didn’t eat anything for breakfast yet? Or—”

“No.”

Maybe you should’ve stayed quiet and left him be, but you had gotten worried. Why hasn’t he eaten anything yet? There was a lot of food on the table.

You grabbed a plate of Mora Meat, “Oh, well you can try this—”

“Y/N. Can’t you see that I’m busy? Since when did I tell you that you can mind my business? Either eat on your own or leave.” The look he gave you… it was terrifying. Like he wanted to kill you.

You were starting to get scared, which you hadn’t felt in a long time since you married him. “…Why are you being like this, Zhongli? L-Last night—“ You weren’t like this. What happened?

“What about last night? Did you really think something is going on between us? May I remind you about the contract you signed - You’ll give me an heir, right? Your only purpose for me is to bear a child. Don’t expect anything more than that. You are not my real wife.”

Right. It was only an arranged marriage.

He never wanted you.

“I’m sorry, I’ll get going.” You muttered before leaving the dining room, fighting back the tears in your eyes.

You were stupid to believe that something was finally going on between you.

notes …sorry

taglist @dori-mon @angel-of-requiem @xxshinimakixx @aclairysm @celesther @pluviophilefangirl @eternallyvenus @shrynkk @diachibaby @rimsthebest2 @byundumb @youngpainterpizzalawyer @swirrley @deimmortales99 @whattaweeb @hoanganhduong

#♡.heather’s writings #♡.heather’s mafia series #genshin x reader #genshin impact #zhongli #rex lapis #zhongli x reader #genshin impact x reader #mafia genshin #genshin mafia au #mafia au #genshin mafia #mafia zhongli #genshin #genshin morax #morax

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neowinestainedress · 2 years

Text

ixora

all’s well that ends well to end up with you :

↳ part 2 | part 1 | part 3

title: ixora

pairings: jeong jaehyun x oc x suh johnny

summary: It was supposed to be just a fun night together. It was never supposed to end like this.

genre: established relationship, relationship negotiation, poly relationship, smut, fluff, angst, model!jaehyun, photographer!johnny,

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, dom / sub dynamics, threesomes, oral (m&f receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, fingering, shower sex, kind of double vaginal penetration (with fingers), minor size kink, use of sir and daddy (like once), angst, fights (lot of swearing), minor mentions of past abusive family (nothing physical, just psychological), implied homophobia (a minor character gets kicked out of the house, that’s it)

word count: 27.459k

taglist: @nz06s @thelmathinks @leighsoo | if you want to be added comment under the masterpost of the series

a/n: Sooo, here’s how it all started. Hope you’ll like it. Feedback is appreciated as always.

One year later.

The turntable was spinning in the living room, filling the house with Cigarettes After Sex’s music. The wind was blowing from window to window, keeping the house cool on that night in May.

“You should’ve been a chef, Johnny,” Jade said after praising Johnny’s food for the nth time that night.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes at her exaggerated expressions and jokingly said, “babe, it’s a shrimp, not an orgasm.”

“Close to that,” she mumbled after chewing another bite.

“Damn, getting replaced by a fish, Jay, that’s bad,” Johnny joked, grabbing the glass of wine while looking at his friend.

“That’s all your fault, I’ve been seeing you more in these last months than my mom all my life.”

“But who’s here cooking for you when you come home after a long day at work?” Johnny winked with a teasing smirk on his face.

“Yes, male wife Johnny for the win,” Jade chanted, grabbing the glass, and raising it to do a toast.

“I can be your male wife, too.”

“But you’re always out in the evening.”

“Not my fault the kids have school all day and are only free in the afternoon.”

“Do you hate having your best friend around you?” Johnny asked, faking a pout.

“I don’t mind. I’m just saying that you’re charming my girlfriend with delicious food, and if you keep going on like this, you’ll charm me, too.”

“Great, that was exactly my plan, so I can’t wait to blow your mind with the dessert.”

“Tell me that’s not an innuendo…” Jaehyun begged, looking at him with a disgusted expression.

“Who do you think I am? Using sex to lure you? No, just my amazing cooking skills.”

Jade laughed when Jaehyun breathed a sigh of relief and then asked, “you really have known each other for so long… You never slipped apart?”

Jaehyun shook his head first. “Nope, don’t ask me how, never. Some fights here and there, maybe sometimes we would talk a little bit less, but then we always found a way to go back together as if nothing ever happened.”

“Yeah, it just… flows, I guess,” Johnny added, smiling at Jaehyun who was already beaming at him.

“That’s something you should cherish, it’s rare to have a person that’s so present in your life.” She had Amita, but they’ve known each other just since high school, and yet she couldn’t imagine a life without her. She didn’t like to go back to those times, but Amita had basically been the only light she had back then. But knowing someone since you were born is a completely different thing and losing them could be so painful.

“I think we do, he’s always the first to like my photos when I post on Instagram.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes at his joke and then threw him a napkin. “And he’s always the dumbass of the duo.”

Jade snorted. “Acting as if you’re any better.”

“Ah! One for Johnny, zero for Jaehyun,” the older teased, pointing a finger at him.

“Why are you siding with him? See that I can’t trust you,” he complained, but Johnny and Jade simply high-fived each other and winked at him.

Jaehyun scoffed. “You could’ve bought some more, by the way,” he said, referring to the food.

“They are expensive, love. I have to save money to open my own studio, I can’t go around buying shellfishes for you and your lady.”

“You eat them too. If somebody hears you, they’ll think you’re like our butler.”

“And if we could afford one, we wouldn’t be in this house.”

“Nah, it’s nice. Definitely better than the first one you had together. That was hell on earth,” Johnny noted, looking around. It wasn’t much bigger than the other; had a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom, and just one bedroom, but at least everything worked. “You have a functioning elevator, that’s all you could ask for.”

“Yeah, but the landlord wants to raise the rent and if I don’t start to get bigger gigs we’re over,” Jaehyun huffed. Working as a model was a living hell. He still wasn’t on the level to get big bookings with important brands, so he had to stick with small projects, usually with starting photographers that always paid (a misery) two months later. And so, he had to go back to teaching little kids while he occasionally photographed too.

“We’ll be fine, if everything goes as planned, I should get an animation project, it will pay more than the usual commissions.”

“You sure you don’t need help?” Johnny asked.

“No, don’t worry,” Jade reassured.

“Just get ready, maybe we’ll start to be like parasites in your house when they’ll throw us out of this,” Jaehyun joked.

“Jaehyun!” Jade screamed from the living room, running to their bedroom where Jaehyun was just getting changed after a day out.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” He asked, worried she hurt herself, but when she jumped in his arms, he realized it must have been something good.

“I got the job!” She exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear.

“Oh my God, I told you they would choose you,” he said, spinning around while holding her in his arms.

“I started to lose hope when they didn’t call me yesterday,” Jade admitted when he gently put her on the ground again.

“You have to be positive babe, you can do so much, you’re amazing at your job.”

“Yeah, but this is something I never did. I was afraid they wouldn’t consider me for the lack of experience.”

“And yet you’ll be making the animation for this kid’s book.”

“What if they come out ugly? I have to create all the characters, and everything.”

“Just imagine you’re doing them for our kids, and they’ll come out amazing.”

Jade chuckled. “A little bit too soon, don’t you think so?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “I said imagine, not let’s have one right now,” he replied before trapping her lips in a kiss.

She mumbled something in the kiss, but Jaehyun didn’t pull away, instead, the kiss got more heated, until they had to part ways to breathe. “This is not a ‘let’s not make kids’ kiss, Mr. Jeong.”

He laughed, tugging her hair behind her ear. “You know how much I’d love to, but we can barely make it at the end of the month ourselves, so a kid is not what we need.”

“Agreed,” she smiled. “I’ll just make up one in my head to help me with this project.”

“Like Pinocchio.”

“He was crafted in wood and then started talking, that always crept me out a little, to be honest.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “You’re so not romantic, God.”

“No, I’m honest. If you bring a doll at home and she starts walking around, it’s horror, but if you make a doll yourself and he goes around causing troubles, it’s cute, poor wooden boy he just wants to be a real kid.”

“There’s so much more than just that, but what can I expect from someone whose favourite movie is The Grinch?”

“Leave the Grinch alone, he was a victim.”

“You have a thing for villains, that’s what it is.”

“He’s not a villain. And even if he was, it’s not my fault villains always have more valid points than heroes.”

“I hope you won’t side with the villain even in this kid’s story,” he joked.

Jade shrugged. “Unfortunately, I didn’t write the story.”

“Good, less traumatized children on earth.”

Everything was going fine between them. They couldn’t complain about anything. Jaehyun started to be more booked, and his popularity was rising. Jade’s book did well, and the income had been great, and many other projects came with that.

They always lived in the same house, but it was fine. It was only them, and their little place. Nothing was missing and nothing was going wrong.

But midnight talks are dangerous, they seem harmless and playful but between a laugh and another, they can lead to something that will turn the tables around. And that’s exactly what happened that night of June; one talk led to something that would’ve changed their relationship forever.

Jade and Jaehyun were laying in bed, they had just finished having sex and for some reason, the conversation drifted to their sexual fantasies.

“Oh, I can’t believe there is nothing that you want to try,” Jaehyun said, standing on his side to look at her.

“I don’t know, I think we already do everything that I like,” she replied with a small frown on her face.

“I bet it’s something too controversial to say and you think I’ll judge you.”

“That’s not true, I just… never really thought about something.”

“Never? Not a single wild thought running in your mind?”

“I mean, how wilder can we get?”

“We’re not that wild,” he replied, fingers tracing the skin of her arm.

“Oh, acting as if you didn’t just blow my back two minutes ago.”

“I’m not talking about doing it rough, I’m talking about kinks. Something more than just overstimulation or edging or calling me sir, you know.”

“Oh,” Jade whispered when a sudden thought crossed her mind.

“Oh?”

“Maybe I have it.”

A smile crept on his lips, curious to know more about it. “Oh great, what’s that?”

She gulped and then turned around too, to stare at him in the eyes. “I’m not sure you’d like that.”

“Oh, God, how terrible that is?”

“I just… don’t think you’re a big fan of the idea.”

“But that’s the point, we can always try it out, and then if I don’t like it, we’ll stop.”

“It’s more complicated.”

“You’re starting to scare me. Knives?”

“What? No,” she exclaimed, turning up her nose.

“Roleplay?”

“No, I don’t want to act in bed.”

Jaehyun furrowed, trying to think about what could be that terrible. “Then what it is? Somnophilia?”

“No, thanks, not a fan at all.”

“Then what’s worse than that?”

“Threesome…” she whispered.

“What?” He asked, voice coming out higher than expected, and head snapping up.

“I knew that. I knew you’d get mad if I told you.”

“No, I don’t know if I heard right.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly before repeating. “A threesome, Jae.”

“Oh,” he gasped, realizing he didn’t hear wrong.

“See, you’re mad.”

“No, but… why?”

“It’s just an experience, I… you said we could talk…” She pouted, already regretting her confession.

“Okay, let’s talk.”

“It’s not because you’re not enough. I just, I like the idea of being the centre of attention for more than one person. And for how dirty it sounds, I kind of think I’d enjoy more than one pair of hands on me.”

Jaehyun nodded slowly. “With a man or woman?”

“I don’t care, either is fine.”

“Have you…have you ever seriously fantasized about it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Pictured yourself with two people at once.”

“Mh, yeah… I mean, I remember it started when I found out erotic audios ages ago,” she started saying, trying to fight the embarrassment of telling him what got her off.

He furrowed. “Audios?”

“Yes, don’t shame me. They help me get off much more than visual porn.”

“Oh, and you heard one about a threesome, I guess?”

“Well, to be honest, it wasn’t a threesome, and I’m not going to go into details, but the whole point is that imagining being with more than just one person really turned me on. Being stimulated in every way possible at the same time, having more hands roaming on my body, more kisses, just…more.”

“And I can’t do that? I mean, if you want to try double penetration, we can buy a dildo.”

“But I don’t want a dildo, it’s not about the sex itself, it’s about… contact? Connection? I don’t know how to explain it, I… I might also have a super small size kink, okay,” she whispered the last words, feeling heat creep on her face.

“Oh, it keeps getting worse.”

“Hey! You said you weren’t going to shame me.”

“I’m not. I mean, I get it too, I like seeing you trapped under me and all that, but why am I not enough?”

“Is not you not being enough, is just wanting something more. Something different.”

“And do you, I mean, have you thought about somebody?”

“I never really thought about that, also because I don’t think I’d be able to have sex with someone I’m not comfortable with. Not a threesome at least and not when the other person is you.”

“What’s wrong with me now?”

“Nothing. But we have chemistry, we know each other, we need someone that will make us both comfortable, someone that can fit in our dynamics well.”

Jaehyun furrowed. “Wait, so you want to do that for real?”

She hesitated. Now that he brought the thought out again, she was tempted to say yes, but the look on his face said it all. She didn’t want to ruin their relationship for sex. “No, I think it’s probably just going to be awkward, also we don’t have somebody that gets us both, so no. It’ll keep being fun in fantasy.”

“Are you sure? Maybe we could try those swingers –”

“No,” she stopped immediately. “I’m not fucking with a complete stranger, I don’t like the idea of a threesome just to find some genitalia to have fun with, I’d buy sex toys for that. I like the chemistry, the idea of three people that have to work together, the tension.”

“Oh, so you really like it,” he mumbled, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. The insecurity from his past jumped back on his neck again, even if he tried to push them away.

But she shook her head and caressed his cheek before smiling fondly at him. “No, Jae, it’s just a wild thing. We don’t need a third and I don’t want to find it.”

“Wow,” Johnny cheered, walking around Jade, “look at you,” he praised eyeing her up and down.

“See,” she smiled, doing a pose to show her sparkling golden dress, “just for you.”

Johnny laughed and pulled her in to hug her and kiss her cheeks and then looked at Jaehyun.

“Wow, you look great too, man,” he complimented. “And not to praise you because I love you but you two are always the hottest couple everywhere you go.” He winked at them before wrapping his arms around their shoulders and walking toward the small bar in the middle of the gallery.

“And you’re always between us,” Jaehyun replied, rolling his eyes.

“Leave them alone, Johnny,” Amita said, shaking her head before walking over to her friends and hugging Jade who slipped out of Johnny’s hold.

“I just want everybody to know that I have the hottest friends.”

“You should be bragging about our project not them,” Amita replied, hugging Jaehyun too.

“So, can we have the privilege to see the photos with their creators, or are you going to let us wander all alone?” Jade asked, intertwining her arm with Amita’s.

“We’ll show you around, also because your boyfriend offered his face for some of these,” Amita winked back at Jaehyun as they started walking following the path.

The gallery wasn’t super big, but they had a lot of photos to show. It was a project Johnny and Amita did together, mixing photography and graphic design to play with textures, shapes, writings, and much more. It was late so there weren’t many people around and they could enjoy every single print. And now there was only the last room left: shapes and bodies.

Jade was lost admiring a black and white picture; a naked body was laying on the floor, with just a string of light lighting up the side, everything else was covered in darkness but on the lower stomach, there was laid a white calla, that drew all the attention there. It was named ‘Re-birth’.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Johnny affirmed, coming up to her side, one hand wrapping around her waist. She looked down for a second, shivering at the contact of his fingers on her skin, and then hummed, bringing her attention back to the photo.

“Why it’s called rebirth?” There was an explanation written on the side, but she wanted to hear it from him.

“Because we tend to forget that we can heal,” he replied.

“I still don’t understand. Why is the flower placed there? Why not somewhere else?”

“Because the womb is the place that carries life, but sometimes the only life we have to bring out is our own,” he explained, looking down at her. “Come here, closer,” he said, pushing her gently nearer to the print.

He raised his fingers and pointed to the string of light that lit up the body.

“You see all these scars? They probably will never heal. Fire is not gentle, at all. It’s a miracle she’s even alive. But she is alive, she’s not just a survivor, she’s alive. Now, that’s breaking professional confidentiality, but she told me that the day she lost her family in a fire she lost herself. And just a few months ago she started to see the light again.”

“So, the flower is her rebirth, she’s giving life to a new version of herself.”

“Yeah, kind of. I don’t think we can be brand new, but I believe we can heal. See, she’s barely there, and the light on her body is fading, all the attention of the photo goes to the white flower, to the new beginning. But at the same time, she’s always going to be there. You can’t run away from your past, sometimes. No matter how much you’d love to.”

Jade snickered bitterly and her tone sounded almost mad. “Oh, so you agree with the thought that scars make us who we are and we can’t ever delete them.”

“Because it’s true.”

“No, I don’t want to be my past self.”

“You’re not your past self,” he sighed, turning her around and resting his hand on her shoulder. “But you can’t delete your scars; you can’t erase the pain you felt. It will always be there. But sure, you can move on. We’re talking about flowers, right? You can choose to plant the right flowers on the ashes so they’ll grow and then you’ll be able to have an even better garden, or you can stay there, and keep your piles of ashes.”

“Or you can leave.”

Johnny raised a brow. “Can you, though?”

Jade snickered. “Of course, it’s not easy, but if you work hard, you can do that.”

Johnny nodded. “But can you really leave and be free if you’re still carrying the baggage of what hurt you with you? One thing is leaving from a place with a sting in your chest because you’re going to miss it, and another is leaving with a pain in your chest given by everything you’ve suffered there.”

“That’s not true.”

“The problem is never the place, Jade. You can run away as far as you want, but you will always take your body with you.”

“But I didn’t hurt myself.”

Johnny furrowed; he had sensed the conversation was more personal than what she wanted to let out, but couldn’t inquire now. “But others did. And if you never heal your wounds, they’ll keep bleeding, here, in Paris, in Dubai, and even on the moon.”

Jade felt tears at the corner of her eyes and had to drift her gaze from Johnny.

“What’s going on?” Jaehyun asked, reaching the two and Jade simply shook her head before excusing herself to the bathroom.

They both followed her with their gaze and then Jaehyun glared at Johnny who was still looking in her direction.

“What have you done?”

Johnny shifted his gaze to look at him. “Nothing. Is she… alright?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“No,” Johnny said. “I mean, she never told you anything about her past?”

“About her past? No, she never brings the topic up.”

Johnny hummed silently and then fixed his suit. “You should go check her up.”

Jaehyun was still confused and wanted to know what happened but instead, he walked to the bathroom. He knocked on the door waiting for an answer that arrived later.

“It’s occupied.”

“It’s me, Jade.”

“Oh,” she mumbled, “I’ll be back in a minute. Wait downstairs,” she said, hoping he would listen. A painful groan left her lips while she tried to calm herself down and don’t scratch her fingers more; they were bleeding for fuck’s sake. A painful nervous habit she had since she was a teenager, at first, she thought it was dermatitis acting up again, but it turned out it was just stress. She washed her hands and then opened her purse to grab the hand cream, she didn’t have anything else with her, and maybe that was going to help.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked.

God, why couldn’t he just listen?

“Yes, I’m almost done,” she screamed, waving her hand so the cream would absorb faster.

She rested on the sink with her palm and took deep breaths. And when she raised her head and faced the mirror, a lonely tear dripped down her cheek.

She wasn’t that person anymore, right? She had left everything in the past. She was safe now. Nothing could go wrong. Not when she worked hard to have her own house, paid with the job she studied hard to get, with a lovely boyfriend who supported her.

She had healed. Or maybe she was just good at hiding her fucked up coping mechanism and fears.

She took a deep breath and tried to fix herself, pushing all the thoughts in the back of her head. Maybe Johnny was right, but it wasn’t about her. She was different, she didn’t need professional help to get over anything. Her scars weren’t bleeding anymore even if she never took care of them. It was fine.

Everything was fine.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Johnny whispered, standing at her side. They were now out of the gallery and were waiting to eat something at a pub. Jaehyun and Amita were standing a little ahead of them in the line and were chatting with each other about something she couldn’t understand.

“You didn’t say anything wrong. I just needed to pee,” she lied, smiling at him.

Johnny narrowed his brow. “Your lipstick,” he then pointed out.

She furrowed, tilting her head in confusion. And when his thumb brushed against her lower lip, she felt her heart stop for a moment until he pulled away.

“Now’s better,” he smiled, winking at her.

She was tempted to touch the portion of skin he had just brushed but Jaehyun’s stern gaze made her snap out of the trance real soon.

“Why do you take a lot of nude photos?” She asked out of nowhere and cursed herself because how the hell was that the first question that popped in her brain now?

“They’re not that much but, to answer your question,” he stopped, his intense eyes glaring at her up and down, “I think bodies can tell so much if you know how to read them.”

She furrowed. “How?”

“I never take nude pictures of people that don’t have stories to tell me. Of bodies that don’t speak. Of skins that have no traces of having lived.”

“How can you go from being a total clown to being so philosophical?” She joked, trying to light up the tension that she was feeling rising inside of her.

“I take my job seriously. Is so easy to tell a wrong message with a photo; they don’t say anything and at the same time they have to tell everything.”

“So, you let bodies do their jobs?”

He shrugged. “Bodies don’t do anything.” She narrowed her brows, trying to follow his explanation. “Bodies are just shells; we give them importance. I don’t care about them, I care about what the owner has to tell me.”

“So, you care about words?”

“Yes, but the words that their bodies tell.”

She threw her head back and exhaled loudly, “you confuse me.”

“Funny, because you’re an open book right now.”

“A what? My body is talking to you?”

His eyes drifted on her for a second, and then he wet his lips by running his tongue on them. “Your body is louder than what you think, Jade. But I can’t listen to it.”

“What are you implying?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged before leaning forward and telling Jaehyun what he wanted to order. He then changed the topic again. “That photo hit close to home.”

She scoffed, shaking her head. “You don’t know it.”

“It spoke to your heart, not your brain. Your brain doesn’t want to listen, and I get it, we have to pretend to carry on. But our hearts hurt, and they crave our deepest needs.”

She sighed. “I asked you one single question and you turned it into this.”

“I answered you. Do you know how vital body communication is? How much we transfer to people without even noticing?”

She nodded. She knew damn well, and unlike him, she hated that. Body language was treacherous, and she always tended to overanalyse it. If Johnny was good at reading bodies, she wasn’t at all. It would only lead to her brain taking dark paths that led to her most insecure thoughts.

“Bodies are amazing when it comes to taking photos, they can be all you want them to be. And I’m not talking about editing after, I’m talking when you’re on set. What you want to show, how you want to show it. Is it a body or a violin? Are those veins or paths in the earth? Are those flaws or just signs that we’re all human?”

She gulped and then found the courage to look up and stare into his eyes. “And what’s my body saying?”

“You’re nervous,” he said. “And you’re never nervous with me, so you’re hiding something.”

“Pft, shut up,” she said, trying to hide the way she was feeling with a light chuckle.

“Something you don’t even know what you’re feeling.”

“I’m not nervous with you, you’re one of my best friends. So, it’s clear you don’t know how to get me,” she joked and then scratched her neck.

Bingo. Johnny thought, and a small smirk curled his lips.

“Give me the chance then.”

She widened her eyes, lips trembling as she grabbed the drink that Amita offered her before she and Jaehyun started walking to a table. “Do you want to have me naked in your studio?”

“I don’t need to have you naked but if you’re interesting enough I could gift you your own ‘re-birth’ photo.”

“No, thanks.”

“Jaehyun can come with you if that’s what scares you.”

Her eyes scanned him. He was serious. Too serious for her own sake. So, she gulped and then turned around, trying to shake the weird sensation she was feeling in her bones.

Whatever it was, she knew it wasn’t going to lead to anything good.

One week had passed and Jaehyun couldn’t get peace of mind.

He wanted to bring the conversation out again. Try to give her what she wanted; it was only fair for all the things she had been willing to try in bed for him. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to make the first move.

A part of him was kind of excited; it had to be funny, right? People wouldn’t have threesomes if they were a terrible experience. And also, he was pretty sure he had found the right person. Sure, he still didn’t ask but God, how do you bring it up? He couldn’t even go to his girlfriend and tell her he had changed his mind, how could he do that with somebody that wasn’t even part of the relationship?

“Jaehyun.”

“Ah,” he screamed, jumping on the spot. “You scared me.”

“You were zoning out, again,” Jade said, waving a hand in front of him.

“Sorry, sorry,” he replied, running a hand over his face and then between his hair.

“Are you okay?”

He took a deep breath and then shook his head. “No, yes, I mean no. Okay, listen, I don’t know how to tell you, but I changed my mind.”

Jade felt her heart sink in her chest as she grabbed the table to ground herself somewhere. “You want to break up?”

“What? No, God, no.”

“Oh, shit, you scared me,” she screamed angrily at him, fighting the urge to punch him.

“Johnny.”

She furrowed, tilting her head, not getting what Johnny had to do with them. “Johnny? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I want Johnny to be our third… you know for that.”

Jade widened her eyes and gulped. Was that a joke? A test to see if she was too excited at the idea? Because she was. A lot. Johnny didn’t even cross her mind when they first talked, but now that he was bringing him up… well, he was perfect.

Anyway, she tried to act as if the whole idea wasn’t already making goosebumps show up on her skin. “I thought we moved on from that.”

“I just couldn’t stop thinking about it, the other night, at the gallery.”

“Why?”

“Because you were so hot, and he is too, and he kept flirting, and a part of me wanted to slap him, but the other… the other just travelled places, and I thought that you were comfortable with him too.”

Of course, that night that shook her up and down. That night when Johnny kept teasing her without even noticing. That night when she felt like shit because she couldn’t help but take her eyes off of him.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, shrugging. “I’m fine like this.”

“But… you wanted to.”

“I don’t want you to do that just because I wanted to.”

“But it’s not. You were right, it’s about the person. I would never do that with anybody else, but Johnny, well, is Johnny.”

“Are you sure?”

Johnny was pretty much confused by whatever was going on that night. It was just another Friday night, and he was like usual at Jade and Jaehyun’s place, but something felt different. From the way the two were dressed —they never dressed up so much when he was coming over— to the flirty words that escaped their lips the whole night.

He raised a brow while staring at Jade who was laughing at something that Jaehyun had said and bit his bottom lip, trying not to let his eyes travel down her collarbones. But the pretty golden necklace that shined against her skin distracted him, and he found himself wondering if she really was as soft as she seemed to be.

Then he raised his gaze and locked it with hers, he briefly noted that Jaehyun wasn’t there anymore, and then he felt her foot graze his knees. His lips curled in a sly smirk, and his eyebrow raised as to silently ask what sick games she was playing that night.

Jade smirked back, brushing the falling strand of hair behind her ear, and took a sip from the glass. Her foot still playing with him under the table and eyes silently flirting with him.

When Jaehyun came back into the room, he snapped out of his trance and coughed.

“The food’s amazing,” he said, praising Jaehyun’s skills and shifting on the chair, confused that Jade not only was still touching him under the table but was still looking at him like that.

“Not the best thing you’ll have tonight.” Jaehyun winked, smiling at him. “If you want to, of course.”

Johnny chuckled lowly, gaze passing from one to the other. They were flirting. They were doing this with a purpose. But Johnny wasn’t one that liked to be left out of the fun.

“Oh, really? Is it something I’ve never tried before?” He asked, resting one hand on the table, and another one went underneath, grabbing Jade’s ankle, catching her by surprise. “Is it something sweet?” He looked at Jade as his hands started caressing the skin of her leg, so fucking soft just like he imagined.

“The sweetest thing you ever tasted in your life,” she answered, resting her elbows on the table to lean in closer, offering her chest with no shame now.

And Johnny’s gaze couldn’t help but fall there, but then he snickered and looked over at Jaehyun. “I don’t know, not sure I’m in the mood for something sweet.”

Jaehyun chuckled, shaking his head. “Always so fucking hard to please.”

Johnny shrugged. “Well when you offer something great, you can’t let me down. Also, I’m your guest, guests should always be pleased and pampered.”

“Then you might want something spicy?” She asked, pulling her leg away from him and getting up from the chair to reach behind him. She lowered, lips brushing against his neck. “Something hot, burning hot. Something you won’t forget.”

Johnny’s eyes locked into Jaehyun’s, to see if all of this really was okay, but when the other simply wet his lips, he couldn’t do anything but keep pushing. “I don’t think you’ll be able to do it,” he teased, turning his head around. Their lips were almost brushing, and Jade could feel her heart beat ten times faster in her chest.

She smirked, pushing away the way he made her feel weak and powerless. “Then test me,” she whispered and then tilted her head to point at Jaehyun, “test us.”

Johnny smiled when his friend reached him too and shook his head, pushing his chair back with his legs so he could look at them both. “What games are you two playing?”

“I thought you got it by now, John,” Jaehyun teased, cocking his head to the side.

“Oh, I do, I just want to make sure this won’t be something we’ll regret,” he explained, standing up and taking a step forward to reach them. “Because I can give you an unforgettable time if you let me.”

Jade smiled, looking up at him, and then her hand brushed against his. “We won’t regret it.”

He smiled, nodding, and then turned to Jaehyun. “And you, jealous boy?”

Jaehyun scoffed. “I want this too, and also, keep in mind that it’s just one night.”

Johnny hummed. “Oh, then if it’s just one night we better hurry, I don’t want to waste a one-time occasion,” he said, grabbing Jade’s hand and pushing her toward the bedroom, waiting for Jaehyun to follow.

Once they reached the room, Jaehyun closed the door behind him and walked to the bed where Johnny and Jade were standing.

“I hope you have great stamina, angel, because I don’t think we’ll be very nice to you,” Johnny said, fingers tracing her curves through the dress, already making her shiver. “I guess that’s what you want, right?” He turned around, looking at Jaehyun briefly and then going back to her.

Jade nodded and Johnny immediately cupped her face. “I haven’t even touched you yet. I don’t accept whimpers as a response before the first two orgasms.”

Jade gulped. “Yes, sir.”

Johnny chuckled, looking back at Jaehyun. “Sir? So, this is how you do?”

“Problems?” Jaehyun asked, raising a brow, and pulling his hand off of her face to replace it with his own.

“No. Other things I have to know before we start?”

“I’m down to pretty much anything, but peach is the safe word if anything makes me uncomfortable.”

“Fine, let’s see how far I can push you then,” Johnny smirked before pushing her down on the mattress.

“We can push her, Johnny.”

“Instead of fighting, can you kiss me?” Jade said, looking at the two men hovering over her at the end of the bed.

Johnny crawled on the bed and trapped her lips in a kiss that left her breathless. Her hands locked in his hair and tugged roughly, making him moan in the kiss. Johnny’s kisses were different than the ones she was used to; he was more patient, taking his time to taste her deeply.

And when they pulled away, she had no time to do anything that Jaehyun was attacking her lips. His kisses: messy, needy for more, hungry as if he was going to lose her at any moment. She pushed him closer by his neck and moaned against his lips when Johnny started trailing kisses down her neck and collarbones.

Jaehyun pulled away and let his hands travel down, pushing down the dress, exposing her chest.

“No bra?” Johnny teased, staring at her hard nipples.

“Surprise,” she chanted, beaming at him.

“Isn’t she pretty?” Jaehyun asked, cupping her left boob, and starting to play with her nipple, making her moan lowly.

“Oh, she is,” Johnny praised. “Bet she looks even better without this dress on.”

“Want to show Johnny how pretty you are?”

Jade nodded before grabbing the hem of the dress, pulling it over her head, and then falling again on the mattress, now completely displayed at their eyes.

Johnny smiled, taking her body in. He couldn’t deny he found her hot because he always did. But he knew she was off-limit, he wasn’t a dickhead like Minhyuck; he definitely wasn’t going to fuck their friendship up for a woman. But he still had eyes, and the view in front of him was even better than he expected. Her thick thighs somehow were even softer and plumper now that weren’t hidden behind her clothes, and he couldn’t help but imagine his nails digging into her skin while going down on her, making her squirm and moan.

“Speechless?” Jaehyun teased while his hands trailed down to play with her sensitive spot through the laced panties while staring at his friend who was clearly eating her out just with his eyes. “Or are you eager to see more?”

Johnny didn’t answer, but Jaehyun didn’t need an answer, he wasn’t going to let him be the one in control that night anyway. So, he tugged the panties away, ripping them, making her gasp.

“Jae!” She exclaimed, glaring at him. But the stern gaze from her boyfriend made her drop her attitude. “Sorry, sir.”

“Good girl, let’s be good in front of our guest, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Spread your legs more for us, love,” Jaehyun instructed, resting a hand on her knee. “So wet, already,” he teased as soon as she opened her legs, showing them how desperate she already was. Smooth pussy glistening with cum.

“Guess this is my dessert,” Johnny said, leaning down between her legs, pushing her knees up. “Can I have a taste?” He asked, breath fanning right over her wet cunt and eyes locked into hers, staring at her like a hunter looks at his prey.

She hummed and then remembered his words, so she replied, “yes, please, make me feel good.”

A sly smirk curled his lips before he dove down. She was expecting him to start roughly, but instead, he was taking his sweet time even now. His tongue was moving slowly up and down, almost as if he was tasting her. Then his lips wrapped around her clit and sucked, making her roll her head back and moan loudly.

A content smirk bloomed on his face, and he kept moving like this, big hands cupping her thighs and squeezing just enough to make her shiver at the touch.

Jaehyun was staring at the scene, and a strange sensation filled his body. It was weird seeing his girlfriend with another man, yet he couldn’t seem to be jealous. Not even when she seemed to enjoy this so much. It was almost nice being able to fully take in her expression of pleasure. Maybe it was just because it was Johnny, and he trusted him more than anybody else. Maybe it was because he was good and knew exactly what he was doing and even looked so fucking hot right now, head buried between her legs, devouring her as if he was worshipping her.

But he couldn’t just watch, he needed to touch her, too. So, he moved on the bed and started kissing her, trapping her sinful moans in his mouth.

“Fuck, taste so good,” Johnny praised against her folds, making her writhe under him, “even better than what I imagined.”

“Johnny, please,” she moaned, staring at him through half-lidded eyes now that Jaehyun pulled away from her face to kiss and suck her nipples, adding more to the stimulation.

“Please what, angel? I can’t understand what you want.”

She groaned and clasped her thighs around his face when he sucked with more strength on her clit, and his hands started moving on her thighs and belly up to the other boob Jaehyun wasn’t taking care of.

“More,” was the only thing she could mumble, already lost at the sensation. It was even better than what she imagined, and they barely started, but it just felt too good to have so much attention on her, so many hands on her skin, so many eyes looking at her with lust.

“Like this?” Johnny asked, pushing a finger past her entrance while staring at her.

“Yes, fuck,” she whimpered, nodding, and bucking her hips, trying to make him move in and out.

“Stop being so greedy,” Jaehyun ordered, hand pressing against her stomach, pushing her down. “You don’t want Johnny to think you’re desperate, right?”

She denied with a swift movement of her head, but her walls still clenched desperately around his finger.

Johnny slapped the outside of her thigh, making her yelp, and then said, “words.”

“No, I don’t,” she stammered, looking at them with pleading eyes.

Johnny snickered. “I thought it was going to take some more time to break you, and yet, here you are already.” He started moving his fingers and then lowered again, lips and tongue working on her making her squirm under him.

“Johnny, please,” she moaned, trying to rise her hips, but Jaehyun kept pressing her down while his mouth wrapped around her boobs, torturing her nipples, and leaving kisses and small bites on the soft flesh.

“Want to come, pretty angel?”

“Yes, please,” she pleaded.

“So soon?” He teased, stretching her pussy by adding another finger.

“Johnny, please, please, I’ve been good.”

“Can you take more? I don’t plan to make tonight end anytime soon.”

“Yes, I can take it, I promise, I’ll be good.”

Johnny looked at Jaehyun to ask him if she could take much, and when he nodded, he said, “come then, let’s see if you can really take more.” He started sucking her clit again as his three fingers moved faster inside of her, and soon after, she came, moaning and locking her fingers in Jaehyun’s hair as she pushed him even closer to her body.

After she came down from her high, she stared at the two men in front of her who were now completely naked, and gasped. She was used to Jaehyun’s body, but she had never seen Johnny completely naked before. Her eyes wandered up and down on his toned chest, arms, and legs, and her mouth watered, craving to touch every inch of his skin. Already anticipating being pressed under his body and seeing his muscles flex. And then her eyes landed there… Johnny was big. Not like she wasn’t used to Jaehyun, but Johnny was longer, and he wasn’t even lacking in girth. She gulped and looked up at him, who was smirking proudly, and seriously wondered all of a sudden if it had been a good idea.

“What’s wrong, princess? Scared you can’t take it all?”

She shook her head and supported her upper body on her elbows to look at him better. “I can. Don’t underestimate me.” But honestly, she wasn’t sure at all.

“Then prove it to me, come here and have a taste.”

Jaehyun coughed, catching their attention. “A little bit selfish tonight, don’t you think so?”

“Oh, sure, somebody’s dying for attention,” Johnny joked while his thumb caressed her cheek. “Go and take care of him. Show me how good you really are.”

She nodded and crawled to Jaehyun who was standing at the feet of the bed.

“Finally,” he said, brushing her lips with his thumb to part them open, “you know I don’t like to be left out, love.”

“I know. I’m sorry, sir.”

Jaehyun nodded with a smirk on his face before pushing two fingers in her mouth, and she immediately started sucking them, just like he wanted. “Then make it up, babe, and suck my cock.” He pulled out of her and started pumping his hard dick up and down before resting a knee on the mattress at her side and then pushing her down on him.

Her lips wrapped around his length, and she started bobbing her head up and down without breaking eye contact with him. And Jaehyun’s hand firmly took hold of her hair and guided her in the movements.

Johnny moved closer to have a better look, and for a second, her eyes drifted to his face just to go back at Jaehyun when he tapped her cheek to remind her to stay concentrated on him.

“Babe, you have to make up to me.”

She hummed around his cock and kept staring at his eyes. Her breath faltered when his hand reached her neck and gently wrapped around it, not squeezing but just staying there to caress her skin.

“I don’t know if I should ruin your pretty face,” he whispered, thumb caressing her cheek. “Or be good and let you still look like a pretty doll for him.”

She whined, not able to speak since he held her on his dick but felt a rush in her veins at the idea of Jaehyun face fucking her in front of Johnny.

“What do you say, babe?” He asked, pulling her off of him, letting her breathe again.

“Fuck my face, sir, please.”

“Oh, are you sure? You really want to show him how wild you truly are.”

“Yes, please,” she begged and then looked at Johnny who was staring at them with lust-filled eyes.

“Then let’s show him,” he said and then moved her in the same position, but this time gripping her hair harder, moving along his cock as he pleased.

“Fuck, so good,” he moaned as he thrust into her mouth, but not fast and rough like he was used to when they would do this, his strokes were slow and deep almost as if he wanted to feel it completely. “Look so fucking pretty with your lips wrapped around my cock.”

She smiled with her eyes and tried to concentrate on her breathing as she took every inch of him.

“But I wonder how you’d look sucking Johnny’s off,” he said, turning around for a second to face his friend that seemed impatient for that moment. “I think he’s dying to know.” Jaehyun pulled out of her, making her gasp for air, and then took a step back. He lifted her face and kissed her roughly, making more of a mess on her face, and then pushed her in Johnny’s direction. “Show him what you really can do,” he whispered and then walked away, she had no time to see where he was going that Johnny was already making her face his throbbing dick, suddenly reminding her again of how big he was.

She swallowed and then moved on the mattress to find a comfortable position again and all four seemed to be the best.

“Hi, angel,” Johnny cooed, fingers under her chin, caressing her lips and smearing the mix of cum and spit on her face. “Open your pretty mouth for me?”

She did as told and waited impatiently for him to come closer and push his dick into her mouth. When he reached the back of her throat, she whined a little, but Johnny’s gentle caresses on her cheek made her relax and concentrate on her breathing and the sensation of his heavy length on her tongue.

“Shush, you’re doing so well, angel,” he praised before pulling out a little and then thrusting back in.

When Jaehyun’s hands touched her ass, she jumped at the contact, suddenly being brought back down to earth. “Jumpy, baby?” He asked while his fingers gently caressed her ass and made her moan around Johnny’s length. “It’s me,” he whispered against her ear. “Just us, right? We don’t want to add anybody else,” he joked, looking up at Johnny who was still slowly moving in and out of her.

She shook her head for what she could and then cried around Johnny when Jaehyun’s fingers slipped into her pussy again.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked, pouting at her. “You promised you could take more, you don’t want to let me down, right?”

She mumbled a barely understandable ‘no’ and the two men snickered. “Good,” Jaehyun said, sitting up straight, “then prove it to us.” And with that, he entered her with his throbbing dick, making her arch her ass up.

“Always so wet for me,” he praised, wrapping his hands around her waist to push her back and forth on his length with each movement making her gag on Johnny’s dick more.

“Taking my cock so well, pretty angel. I think I might get addicted to this,” Johnny retorted, bringing the attention back to him.

Jaehyun snorted. “No, you won’t. Have fun for tonight, because it’s not going to happen again.”

“I can still dream about how her lips feel around me, right?”

“Yes, you can dream,” Jaehyun replied with a smirk on his face, starting to move faster inside of her.

Johnny pulled out of her to make her breathe and she took advantage of it to talk. “Please, can you stop it and just fuck me?”

“See, you’re making her wait when she’s been so good for us,” Johnny said before tapping against her mouth again, waiting for her to open up and take him in again.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes but ignored him and simply started moving fast. She closed her eyes while she tried to keep sucking Johnny off even if the pleasure was overwhelming, not that she was doing much since Johnny was moving in and out of her mouth as he pleased.

“Fuck, you’re so hot, your lips feel so good,” Johnny moaned as he started moving a little bit faster, afraid he was going to push her over her limit.

“She won’t break,” Jaehyun reassured him, sensing his hesitation. “She can take it. Right, baby?”

She hummed around Johnny’s cock, sending vibrations that made him shiver.

“If you say so,” Johnny said before pulling away. “Take a deep breath, angel, and keep your mouth open for me, won’t you?”

She nodded and then let her mouth hang open, jaw relaxed to let him have full access.

“Fuck,” Johnny groaned when he started speeding up and her watery eyes looked up at him.

“See, I told you,” Jaehyun said, hands roaming on her body as he kept thrusting into her hard, making her moan and whimper, lewd sounds muffled by Johnny’s dick. “She can take so much. Such a good girl for us.”

Jade rolled her eyes and whined feeling on the edge of coming again. She never imagined it would actually feel so good and now she felt overwhelmed with emotions. Jaehyun’s hands on her body, Johnny’s hand wrapped at the base of her neck, their moans, the sounds of their skins slapping together, the mess they were both making out of her. It was all too much that it made her head spin so fast that when the orgasm washed over her, she didn’t even have time to warn them, to ask them if she could and she didn’t even try to hide it.

Just when Johnny pulled away, making her breathe and cough, trying to fill her lungs of air again and she heard Jaehyun’s disapproval click of the tongue, she realized she had fucked up.

“Babe, seriously?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to. No, don’t pull away,” she whined when Jaehyun slipped out of her too and she tried to sit up, but Johnny held her right there. “Come back here, I can come again.”

“Oh, I don’t really care if you will,” Jaehyun replied, kneeling in front of her, and then he chuckled. “Look at you, a fucking mess,” he mocked, wiping the mess of spit and pre-cum off her chin. “Open up,” he ordered and then pushed some of it back into her mouth. “Swallow.” And she did, pleading eyes looking up at him. “Good girl.”

“What do we have to do with you?” He asked, standing up.

“Fuck me, please. I’ll be good this time, I promise,” she mumbled, trying to don’t sound too desperate.

“I don’t know, you said that also before and yet, look at you.”

“No, please, please,” she begged and tried to sit to reach him but Johnny’s hand on her shoulder pushed her further back down, head against the mattress.

She whined and tried to look up at them but before she could say anything Johnny spoke, “I want you to ride me.”

“W-what?”

Johnny scoffed. “What? Two orgasms only and you already don’t understand what we say to you?”

She shook her head and then mumbled, “no, I – I do, sorry.”

“Then come on, get up and ride my cock. Show me what you can do.”

She got up as soon as he moved his hand away from her shoulder and sat on the bed, waiting for him to lay on the mattress.

“What’s wrong? Scared you’ll have to use some muscles?” He teased, resting a hand on her waist as she sat on his lap.

“I can do it, I’m good at it,” she said, even if she knew that in that position wasn’t going to last long. Not after two orgasms at least.

“Then show me, I won’t repeat another time,” he ordered, squeezing her flesh to make her lift her hips and grab the base of his dick before she started to push it past her walls. She was wet and already stretched from Jaehyun, yet when he was fully in, she felt the air getting cut from her lungs.

“Thought you could take it?” Johnny teased, hand moving to cup her ass and squeeze it, making her clench around him.

“I can, just — fuck, give me a little bit of time.”

“A little bit selfish of you to ask for time when you already came twice and we didn’t come once for the whole night, don’t you think so?” Jaehyun remembered her before his hand wrapped around her waist and he started moving her up and down on Johnny’s dick.

“Fuck,” she moaned, rolling her head back. “I can do this alone,” she whined, looking back at Jaehyun.

“Then fucking do it and don’t complain,” he whispered in her ear before pulling away and sitting next to them to enjoy the show.

She glared at him briefly and started bouncing up and down with more strength, feeling herself getting stretched with every movement. Feeling him so deep inside. And his hands firmly touched her curves, while Jaehyun intensely looked at them, lazily pumping himself.

“Fuck, look at how good you are at this,” Johnny praised, wetting his lips as his eyes wandered on her body and then stilled right where they met, her pussy slapping down on him with every bounce, generating obscene sounds as their skins connected and her wetness dripped down his length to his balls. “So pretty, so soft,” he moaned, cupping her boobs, making her whine louder.

She rolled her head back and let her mouth hang open, feeling her thighs already get tired due to the fast rhythm of her movements.

“Johnny, please,” she mumbled through moans.

“What, baby? You said you could take it. Said you could fuck yourself on my cock.”

She groaned and then let her head fall over, hands resting on his shoulder for more support, without answering. She couldn’t do it. It was too much. Too good. And she felt herself getting too lost in pleasure to even set a steady rhythm.

Johnny scoffed at her and then flipped her over without a warning, making her snap her eyes open in surprise. “So selfish, you can’t even do as a little favour. Guess now I’ll have to fuck you hard and rough.” She opened her mouth to complain but Johnny didn’t give her time that he was immediately pushing her body higher from the mattress and thrusting into her hard and fast.

So, she laid there, rolling her head back, squeezing her eyes shut, nails digging into the flesh of his forearms, and letting him rail her mercilessly.

“Fuck, ’s too much,” she blabbered, feeling tears at the corner of her eyes.

“No, babe, you can take it. You will take it,” Johnny replied, letting go of her legs to trap her under his body, hands planted at the sides of her head on the mattress, their chest brushing together as they both breathed heavily.

Jade let out a cry as she felt another orgasm approach, but she knew she couldn’t slip twice on the same mistake, she couldn’t come so soon.

“Look at me, angel,” Johnny ordered, forcing her to open her eyes. “Crying? Is this really too much? Want me to stop?”

“No,” she almost screamed, wrapping her legs around his waist to keep him there. “No, please, I — I, fuck, like it.”

“Of course, you do, that’s what you wanted since the start, right?”

“Yes, yes, shit,” she slurred, feeling herself being dragged into another world by now.

“Look at you, love, you’re a fucking mess,” Jaehyun teased, hand caressing her cheek and she was remembered they weren’t alone and that of course Jaehyun wanted one round too. “Shh, pretty girl, don’t cry. You’re taking him so well. Fills you up so good, right?”

She nodded, turning her head to the side just to look at her boyfriend and kiss him. She was now a stammering mess, no chance of talking, no chance of letting them know she was close. But Jaehyun knew her, he knew her so damn well that he could read her body even if he wasn’t the one fucking her.

“Oh, poor baby, wants to come, doesn’t she?” He cooed with a mocking tone.

Jade simply nodded, pleading for the release with broken moans and whimpers and watery eyes. “Fuck, you feel so good,” Johnny moaned. “Want to feel you more but, God, your pussy’s sucking me so good, so fuck, wet.”

“Then come for her, she’s been good.”

“Where — where do you want me to come?” Johnny asked moving one hand to push her leg closer to her chest.

“In-inside please, come in me, fuck,” she begged with a string of voice. Johnny almost growled at the request and then lifted her legs up, thrusting deeper and faster sending her over the edge with an explosive orgasm as he came inside of her, filling her up to the brim, cum dripping down on the sheets and between her thighs. “Fuck — fuck, that was good,” he panted, strokes slowing down and head resting against hers. He let go of her legs and caressed her cheek. “You’ve been so good for me, so, so good.”

She smiled tiredly and then whined when he pulled out of her. She felt empty. But the sensation didn’t last long ‘cause Jaehyun was on top of her. She looked up at him with tired eyes and he smirked. “You destroyed my pretty baby. But she’ll take more.”

“No, I —”

“You will take more, right?” He stopped her, glaring at her. “I’ve been on the edge the whole night because of you. You put yourself in this situation and now you’ll take the consequences. I’m giving you time to take deep breaths, come on.”

His hands travelled on her body and then he spun her around, face down and ass up. “And now let me fuck you good,” he whispered in her ear. A mocking chuckle rolled out of his mouth when her ass arched up. “Crying that you can’t do it and you beg for more.”

“Please, I need you,” she whined. Yes, she was tired but somehow, she still wanted more. There was something so electrifying about all of that, and she didn’t want it to stop anytime soon.

“And you have me. Fuck,” he moaned when he slipped inside of her. He rolled his head back, staying still for a second, just enjoying the sensation of being wrapped so perfectly by her wet walls. And then he started driving in and out of her, strokes slow but precise, aiming for the exact spot that made her head spin around while his hands rested on her ass and waist, pushing her back into him.

“’S good,” she moaned, voice muffled by the bedsheets.

“Yeah? It’s good being fucked over and over again, isn’t it? Look at all the cum dripping out of you. Want me to fill you up some more? Stuff you full of our cum?”

“Yes, please, please, sir, please,” she mewled, the fourth orgasm of the night so fucking close now.

“Then milk my cock, baby, squeeze around me, make me come,” Jaehyun ordered, slipping a hand under her body to play with her clit. A choked cry slipped past her lips, and Johnny caressed her hair, praising her and teasing her as Jaehyun kept moving mercilessly inside of her.

“That’s right, just like that,” he encouraged, feeling himself closer and closer to reaching his high. He had been on the edge the whole night, he really couldn’t last long. “Come around my cock, fuck. Come.”

And she almost came on command, clenching around him incredibly tighter that Jaehyun stilled inside of her, bursting white spurts of cum inside her cunt, mixing up with hers and Johnny’s. “Fuck,” he moaned and then collapsed over her. “You did so well, love,” he praised against her neck, leaving a small peck on her skin before slipping out of her and collapsing on the side.

“So, I guess my job here is done,” Johnny said, stretching his back and then running a hand over his head while he sat on the bed, looking back at his friends who were laying on the mattress.

“Don’t leave, it’s late,” Jade said, grabbing his wrist to pull him back down.

“We don’t fit here, and also, I don’t want to get between you two.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “You are always between us and now it’s a problem?”

“But usually we don’t fuck.”

“Oh, come on, just stay here,” he said. “Keep her company while I go grab a wet cloth to clean her up.”

“Fine,” Johnny gave up and then laid down on the bed. “We made quite a mess,” he joked, looking down between her legs.

Jade chuckled and then snuggled closer to him. “We did. But thank you for accepting to do this. It would’ve been awkward if you weren’t into this.”

Johnny laughed. “Rejecting fucking with two hot people like you? I would be a fool for saying no.”

The thing with Johnny was supposed to be just a fun night of sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing was supposed to change after that. It was always going to be her and Jaehyun, and Johnny would still be their dearest friend.

Yet, things didn’t go as planned.

Jade didn’t quite know if she was going insane, if it was just in her mind, or if she actually felt something. But whatever it was, she knew she hated it.

Johnny never seemed to be the same after that night. Or worse, the problem was that she felt that Johnny stopped being the same for her long before that night.

It was all the evenings spent together, all the time they would go around town together, all the time that Johnny simply existed.

And now she didn’t know what to do. Not when she seemed to be the only one that had lost her mind. Not when Jaehyun was peacefully laughing with his best friend while they were playing games on the TV in their living room unaware of what his girlfriend was thinking.

She cursed inside her head. Why the hell he always had to come to their place? Why couldn’t Jaehyun stay at his for one? She wouldn’t have minded a night alone. But no, Johnny was always there, always. So much that not having him around almost felt strange.

And she hated herself for feeling whatever she was feeling. She didn’t want to give Jaehyun another heartbreak, also in the same exact way her ex did. But she didn’t know what to do. She was more than sure she still loved him, her feelings for him were never put to the test. She simply suspected she felt something also for someone else. But… was that possible? How can you love two people at once? And how can they accept it?

She shook her head, trying to push the thoughts out of her mind, and got up from the armchair to grab a glass of water.

“Are you okay?”

“What are you doing here? Weren’t you playing?” She almost screamed after hearing Johnny’s words.

“We just saw you run here; we were concerned.”

She turned around and saw that Jaehyun was there too, as worried as the other, staring at her.

She sighed and nodded, lowering her head, she pressed her fingers against her temple and put the glass back down. “I’m tired, spent the whole morning on the pc to work for a client and my eyes are burning.”

“Were we too loud?” Jaehyun asked, trying to grab her hand but she pulled away, shaking her head.

“No, it’s not your fault. I’ll just go to bed,” she said, walking around the table so she could reach the door without walking between them. They stared at her with a confused expression but didn’t ask anything. “Wake me up for dinner if I’m still sleeping,” she told Jaehyun, and then she turned around to face Johnny. “See you, Johnny.” And without waiting for an answer, she rushed to their bedroom.

She closed the door behind and rested her back against it, breathing deeply. What the hell was wrong with her? What was running in her mind?

She pushed the tears back and walked to the closet, opening it to grab one of Jaehyun’s shirt and put it on.

She had to get these foolish thoughts out of her mind. She was being a terrible person and was doing to Jaehyun exactly what she had promised she would never do.

She walked to the bed and got under the sheets, placing her head on his pillow, inhaling his scent.

It was just a stupid, purely sexual, crush. She was going to forget about Johnny soon.

“Why are you pissed?”

“I’m not, I just don’t get it. You moved into that house like two years ago, right? Why are you buying things just now?” Jade asked while they kept walking around Ikea. She had no idea why she had accepted in the first place, but she was alone at home, Jaehyun was out of town for a shooting, and had nothing better to do.

“Damn, already two years?” Johnny said, frowning while he stopped thinking for a second when he went living there.

“Yeah, old man.”

“Old man? I’m just two years older than you, sweetie,” he replied with an offended tone. She pushed him lightly, walking between the lamps, trying to think about what could’ve fit well in his living room. “You didn’t seem to mind while I was making you squirm and shake under me, though,” he whispered right above her ear, making her freeze in her spot and her heart skip a beat.

“Stop it,” she mumbled through gritted teeth. “Stop talking about that night.”

Johnny chuckled, walking past her. “This one is pretty,” he said, pointing at a golden lamp as if nothing happened.

“No,” she replied, shaking her head, going back there, “that’s horrible. Your living room is all black and white, that doesn’t fit.”

“See, I needed you,” he smirked.

Jade rolled her eyes. “You’re just testing me at this point.”

“If you loved me, you would’ve said it was cute.”

“No, if you love somebody, you’re honest with them,” she replied, checking the tag on a black lamp that fit the aesthetics of his place.

Johnny moved next to her and brushed her hair back, and then said, “so you love me.”

She widened her eyes and took a step back. “What’s wrong with you today?”

“No, what’s wrong with you,” Johnny replied before pulling out a blank paper to sign the code of the lamp she picked. “I always flirted with you, and you always jokingly flirted back,” he turned around, facing her again. “But now, one word from my mouth and you’re all flustered.”

Jade swallowed and pursued her lips together. Trying hard to look at him in the eyes and show nonchalance, she forced a laugh to slip past her mouth and then shook her head. “I just don’t want you to get strange ideas after what happened.”

“I don’t have strange ideas,” he said, intertwining their arms and dragging her around the store, entering the section of the bedrooms. “I wasn’t the one that proposed that. You, on the other end, seemed to be really into that.”

“It just was funny, you wanted me to don’t enjoy it?”

“Oh no, but I didn’t want it to change what’s between us,” he replied, and his voice was suddenly serious. No jokes, no teasing, just honesty. “Listen, I’ll be honest, I deeply care for you, okay?” Jade nodded, feeling her throat go dry, and suddenly she didn’t want to be that close to him, but couldn’t pull away. “But I also care about Jaehyun. And, as much as I don’t want to lose any of you, I especially don’t want to lose him.”

“Why would you lose him?” She asked, staring at the ground, suddenly not liking the turn this conversation was taking.

Johnny stopped suddenly and forced her to look at him. “You don’t look at me the same way you did before, and as much as I’d love to give in,” he admitted, eyes falling on her lips for a second, “I can’t hurt him just like Minhyuck and Minju did. I can’t give him the same kind of pain I pulled him out years ago.”

Jade didn’t say a thing but felt her heart fall apart in her chest. That wasn’t something she was expecting to hear today, but also, she never imagined it would hurt so bad.

“Trust me when I tell you, you have been the only light that shined on him after so much darkness, you saved him like I wanted to do, but never could. And I can’t get between this, I can’t lose him, and make him lose you, and also lose you.”

“You… you loved him?”

Johnny sighed, shaking his head. “I never said I stopped doing it.”

“Oh my,” she gasped, suddenly realizing how much more complicated the whole situation was.

“I can’t have you more than friends, but I’m happy that you two have each other. So please, let’s just keep being friends, it’s what’s best for all of us.”

She nodded, trying to push back her tears, crying in the middle of Ikea definitely wasn’t something she planned to do. “You do know I love him, right? I’m not like her.”

Johnny nodded, gently caressing her shoulder, and smiling at her. “I know, and that’s why I’m telling you not to hurt him.”

Jade tried to do what she promised Johnny, but she didn’t have much control over her emotions. By now, the more she tried to convince herself it was just a silly crush, the more her heart told her it was love. But she couldn’t wrap her head around it. How could that be possible? And most importantly, how was she going to fix that?

She knew Jaehyun wasn’t dumb. He had seen the way she had changed. He had noticed how she would always slip away every time that Johnny came over —less than usual— and she was also sure that that made him suspect even more. He had seen how many small things she started doing for him.

She felt guilty, and since she couldn’t prove how much she still cared for him with words and to herself in her mind, she tried to spoil him with other attention.

But that only made Jaehyun question more and more what was going on. She always loved doing small acts of service for him, maybe baking his favourite cake, or doing something she knew he didn’t like doing, or when she would play his favourite albums when he came back after a long day out. But now, it had all become too much. It was almost as if she was trying to silently ask for forgiveness for something she did.

Jaehyun didn’t want to overthink too much, probably he shouldn’t have, that was what his therapist would’ve told him —only if he went to therapy. But with the excuse of not having somebody that he had to pay to fix his toxic defensive mechanism, he didn’t care much about what was right or not.

He already did that once, and well, we all know what happened.

“Why is this the second time this week you prepare tiramisu for me?” He asked, leaning against the countertop, watching her dip the ladyfingers in the coffee.

“Why? Isn’t this your favourite?”

“Yeah, but you’re acting strange lately. What’s going on?”

Jade chuckled. “For preparing your favourite sweet?”

“Not only that, you’re doing so much for me.”

“Oh, sorry for taking care of you. Do you want me to stop?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “You’re doing too much lately.”

“Fine, I won’t do it anymore. I had just started anyway,” she replied bitterly, pushing the tray back and turning around to grab a cloth to clean her hands.

“See, you don’t get me and take it personally.”

“I’m not taking it personally, you’re getting mad at me because I love you, what the fuck.”

“I’m not mad at you, I didn’t raise my voice at you, or done anything of that kind,” he explained, his voice was calm and collected unlike hers, and yet, she felt targeted.

“But you are mad at me.”

Jaehyun furrowed. “How do you even know?”

“Your voice, the way you asked me that question, your body, everything.”

Jaehyun stared at her in shock. “I was just talking to you, I thought that was what you wanted in our relationship.”

“But I,” she huffed loudly, throwing the cloth on the sink, “talking is not getting mad at each other for nothing.”

“You started getting mad at me.”

She scoffed and then turned around. “Uh, sure, I did.”

“I wasn’t attacking you. I don’t know why you took it like that, but I wasn’t attacking you. I was just trying to confront you.”

“Confronting me because I do things for you?” She snapped, feeling tears at the corner of her eyes. “It’s always that, right? I’m too much. I try too hard, right? God, I never do anything right,” she groaned, and through the tears and the rush of the moment she accidentally made a plate fall to the ground and cut herself.

“Fuck,” she cursed, holding her hand.

“Don’t do that, let me see,” Jaehyun said, walking near to her, trying to get a look at her hand, but she pulled away, almost falling.

“No,” she replied sternly. “I’m fine. I don’t need help.”

Jaehyun looked at her. “You’re bleeding, Jade, please, come here.”

“I can do this myself,” she almost screamed, trying to walk out of the room avoiding the shattered porcelain.

“But you don’t have to, I’m here.”

“I always survived with no help. I can fix a little cut.”

“It’s not a little cut,” Jaehyun said, pulling her back into the kitchen.

“Leave me alone. I don’t need your help.”

“So, you can do things for me, but I can’t help you now that you’re hurt?”

“Oh, you’re right, I should let you help me so I can get mad at you for it.”

“I wasn’t mad at you. Why do you think people are mad at you when they try to talk? Why do you want communication so much but then you can’t take it?”

She looked up at him in disbelief, shaking, feeling her heart clench in her chest.

“I’m sorry,” he said, trying to hug her, but she walked past him swiftly and ran to the bathroom.

“Jade, please, can we talk? I don’t want to fight for something stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. I don’t know what to do, I just want to give you all I have, and I feel like I’m not doing enough, and yet here you are telling me I’m doing too much and, fuck,” she mumbled through tears, trying to grab the tools to remove the splinter in her palm. “I don’t know what to do, you’re the best thing that happened to me, and I don’t want to lose you, but I’m so scared, so fucking scared,” she cried, falling to the ground, giving Jaehyun space to open the door just enough to creep in.

“Hey,” he whispered, sitting down next to her. “Come here, don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, apologizing for something he didn’t even know about. And she wasn’t even sure she was going to tell him. Johnny was right, they couldn’t lose each other, and that was the best for everyone, pretend. But she had spent her whole life pretending, she wasn’t sure she could do it more.

“It’s okay, it happens. Maybe you’re a little stressed from work,” he reassured her, caressing her cheek, and that made her break down even more. He was so naïve, he trusted her so much, and yet she was feeling things for his best friend. The same story happening twice. “Let me see your hand, love. If the ceramic digs deeper, it will hurt more, and I won’t be able to pull it out.”

She showed him her hand and watched as he carefully took care of it.

“You know what my mom used to do when she had to remove splinters?” She shook her head. “She used to sing me a song, she had made it up, and she would ask me what I saw, but I used to answer seriously and she scolded me, saying that I had to travel far in my mind, picture I wasn’t there, and so I wouldn’t feel the pain.”

“And it worked?”

“It didn’t,” he laughed, “but I didn’t like to see her sad, so I would squeeze my eyes tight and purse my lips and pretend I didn’t feel the pain. And it was nice hearing her sing. I always forced her to sit down a little more, telling her that only her voice could cure the pain.” He smiled fondly after disinfecting the tweezers and looking up at her. “Was there something your mom used to do, or do you want me to sing you a song?”

She chuckled, trying to push down her throat the bitterness. “No, sing me your song, please.”

“Okay, but you have to close your eyes and travel far away from here. No cheating. When I’m done, I want to know where you went without me.”

She laughed but then closed her eyes and tried to think about a place she always wanted to go. And her mind immediately drifted to Paris; the Eiffel Tower, the Latin Quarter, the cemeteries, the bakeries, and when he pulled out the splinters, she didn’t feel much, maybe for Jaehyun it didn’t work, but for her it did. Maybe because she never had a moment like that with her mom, or maybe because she was so much in pain mentally that that was nothing, but it didn’t matter.

“Little, little, shiny stars, now come back here to your mom,” he finished singing. “Well, I’m not your mom, but that was the original line, you know, it made sense for us.”

Jade chuckled, before caressing his cheek. “I’m here, mom,” she joked.

“Great. The first time she did that, I thought it was magic, and I was terrified of being trapped there.”

“Oh, so scary.”

“Well, I always fantasized about being in the savanna surrounded by lions and other big animals, so I had all the right to be terrified.”

“Oh, you would go that far. I went for a safer option, instead.”

“Oh, really? Let me guess, Paris?”

“Wait, how did you guess?”

“You seem like the romantic type. I mean, I know you are a romantic type. It was either that or Venice, but I went for the most obvious.”

“Sorry, I’m boring, but I feel safer between baguettes than lions,” she joked.

“I was a curious kid, and I also grew attached to a little lion I had seen in a documentary. I had found out mothers in nature forget their children if they don’t keep up with them and I was emotionally devasted.”

“Yeah, so you decided to take the matter in your hand and directly save him.”

“Yes, I just wanted to bring him to my mom, she wouldn’t have left him behind. She would’ve protected him and cured him like she used to do with me, and he would’ve been happy.”

Jade smiled at him, and Jaehyun could bet there was sadness in her eyes, but as much as he wanted to ask more, he didn’t and simply smiled back at her.

“You had a great relationship with her,” she noted, shifting to sit better on the hard floor.

“I still do, I miss her like crazy,” he said, smiling sadly, “but I’m glad I didn’t leave for America with them. I wouldn’t have you.”

Her heart broke even more, but she forced a smile on her face.

“When the whole thing with Minju happened, my mom wanted me to go back with them. She insisted so much that at a point I feared she was going to drag me by my hair. But then she accepted my choice.”

“And what made you stay?”

“Johnny.”

Good. Fucking great. It just kept getting worse.

“You really care about him.”

“I do, he’s the only one that has always been by my side. I don’t know what I’d do without him,” he said, finishing the bandage around her hand and leaving a small kiss on her bandaged hand. “You should meet my parents, by the way. I’m sure they’ll love you.”

Jade felt her heart stop. “Mhh, no, don’t you think it’s too soon?”

“It’s been more than two years now; I think we’re okay. We are, right?”

“Yeah, we are,” she said, voice shaking. “But it’s a big step. I never met anyone’s parents. I don’t think I’m good at it.”

“They don’t bite. As long as you don’t hurt me, they are nice. But considering my mom didn’t kill the other two, I think she’ll go easy on anybody. Nothing worse than that can happen again,” he chuckled, getting up to put the things back at their place.

And Jade simply sat there, feeling even worse than before.

“Hey,” Jaehyun said, kneeling in front of her, lifting her chin with his fingers, “what’s wrong?”

She shook her head and shrugged. “I just, I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

Jaehyun beamed and left a small peck on her lips. “It’s okay. When you’re ready, you’ll meet them.”

She kissed him back, feeling tears menacing to drip down her face again, and then whispered, “I don’t deserve you.”

During July, Jade and Jaehyun took a week off and decided to travel around, they couldn’t go far or afford a proper holiday, but it was just enough to unwind from work and heart problems.

And it worked. Being on the road brought them back to their little Sunday trips they used to do during college, after the exams, when they could finally breathe again. They would get in the car and just drive with no destination.

And now it wasn’t much different, except for the fact they knew where they were going and mostly could at least afford a small bed and breakfast in Scotland.

But everything that’s good ends, and a week wasn’t enough to push somebody out of Jade’s mind. Or better, it had worked, but as soon as they got back to their everyday routine the weight on her chest was once again not making her breathe.

Then one afternoon, like a revelation, an article popped up while she was scrolling on the internet. She had been working on a project all day and was exhausted, so she decided to take a small break. Eating something, drinking a cold drink, and just seeing what she had been missing.

Right when she was about to lock her phone and go back to her job, an article caught her eye.

“Loving more than one person at the same time. What is polyamory?”

She hesitated for a moment, thinking it wasn’t serious, but then she clicked on it, maybe it was nothing, or maybe it was going to answer a lot of questions.

“Polyamorous people have multiple loving, intentional, and intimate relationships at the same time. Polyamory is a type of open or non-monogamous relationship that follows certain guidelines. Polyamory specifically refers to people who have multiple romantic relationships at the same time. It does not mean any type of open relationship that may include more casual sexual partners. In polyamorous relationships, each partner is aware of the other ones. Partners may also have relationships or friendships with each other.”

Jade’s eyes widened as she read through every line of that article and covered her open mouth with a hand. So, it was possible to love more than one person at the same time? And she wasn’t crazy or selfish for also loving somebody else.

She took a breath of relief as she felt her heart get lighter. It still was a terrible situation, but at least she might’ve found out something more. Now she had something to hold on to, she might’ve been poly all this time and simply didn’t know. Or was Johnny the only exception?

Deciding to dig into this once and for all, she searched more and somehow felt even more confused than before because she couldn’t give herself any answers.

“There are many ways to figure out if you’re polyamorous. Look back on your relationships. Are you able to be fulfilled by a single person, or do you frequently find yourself craving love and sex outside of your relationship? If it’s the latter, you may be polyamorous. If you feel capable of being in love with and committed to two people at once, you may be polyamorous.”

She read in another article, but the thing was that she didn’t fall for Johnny because she was missing something in her other relationship, she was happy and fulfilled with Jaehyun. And she never felt like she needed to crave love or sex outside of any of her relationships, not like she had many, but still. So why all of a sudden, she felt something for him? She was sure her feelings didn’t start that night, probably just made it worse, but surely it wasn’t just a sex thing. But why it never happened before?

The article, and many others she read, also said that it was possible to move from a monogamous relationship into a polyamorous one as long as the other partner was okay with it, and the key to success and making everybody comfortable was communication. But that didn’t bring her any joy. Jaehyun didn’t like to share, she knew it, and she couldn’t even blame him. She had no idea how he accepted the threesome, imagine a relationship where she wasn’t just his girlfriend anymore but his best friend’s also.

But, putting Jaehyun to the side for a second, and trying to at least pull herself together, she wondered if she could actually enjoy a relationship of that kind. Not only she had never imagined herself with two people, but she knew damn well how she felt about love, romance, and relationships.

It was hard for her to love somebody and try to balance between all the little fucked up toxic mechanisms she still couldn’t let go of. Not to be cliché, but she was a mess. And in the past, it was hard because she didn’t want to hurt others, so she always ended up hurting herself. And things with Jaehyun had been going oddly well, but could it still be the same even if he accepted this?

She sighed, running a hand through her hair, and sighed. “What if I fuck this up and then I found out I’m not made for this?” She asked herself under her breath.

She had found a small answer that only opened more and more questions that were running through her mind making her feel dizzy.

It was a maze with no way out, and she was going insane.

“I don’t know, she just seems strange, one minute she’s super clingy and then the next one it’s like she’s pushing me away,” Jaehyun huffed while he avoided a punch from Johnny. It was their gym day and for a while, Johnny decided to start boxing with him.

“Talk to her.”

“I can’t,” Jaehyun sighed, throwing a right and then bending to avoid the counterattack. “Every time I try to talk to her, she gets super defensive and says I’m attacking her when I’m not. The last time she had a breakdown, it was terrible.”

Johnny furrowed, and when he felt his brain starting to trail off, he called for a break. “You never fought before?”

“Well, after the stupid bickering at college, no? I mean, somehow, we’re always on the same track, and the few times that something happened, she wasn’t so defensive. I know she doesn’t like fights, she never tells me anything, but I guess they’re triggering, like a lot.”

“And she never told you why?” Johnny asked before drinking from the bottle while keeping his eyes on Jaehyun who was looking at the wall in front of him.

“No,” he sighed, shaking his head to throw his hair back. “I love her, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know her at all.”

“Just because she doesn’t tell you about her past?”

“I mean, I have to know why she’s like this or what hurt her so I can help her, right?”

“Or maybe you could just avoid doing the things you know trigger her without having a reason why.”

“But I already do. Trust me that I wasn’t attacking her, I just wanted to talk about something that’s lingering in my brain, but she thought I was attacking her. That’s why I think she’s hiding something.”

Johnny stared at him and then said, “about her past… or?”

“About everything. What if I’m unconsciously doing something that’s hurting her, but she won’t tell me because she thinks I’ll react badly? How do I make her understand that she can trust me with everything? I don’t want to jinx it, but I have hopes that this could last, so I need to know that I’m doing everything right. I can’t spend the rest of my life with her if she doesn’t tell me what’s going on inside her brain,” Jaehyun sighed. “And if it’s something serious and she doesn’t want to talk to me, she can go to a therapist, we’ll find the money somehow, I’ll do three jobs if that’s what it takes to help her.”

Johnny kept silent. He wanted to tell him that it wasn’t only that but didn’t. That was the pact, not telling him anything. But from what he heard from his friend, she was doing worse than he thought. How much into him was she? And how bad her past was?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to throw my negativity at you,” Jaehyun apologized, patting Johnny’s shoulder, and then walking back to the middle of the ring.

“Oh, no, I was just thinking. Maybe you should bring the therapist up, but in a way she won’t take it as an attack, you know.”

“I don’t know, I already brought my parents up and she freaked out.”

“You wanted her to meet your parents?” Johnny asked in disbelief. That soon?

“Why you’re making me look like I’m out of my mind? Yes, I’m serious with her and, I don’t want to scare her away, but I want my mom to meet her.”

“Are you sure?” He wanted to ask, ‘What if something goes wrong like last time?’ but avoided it for the sake of not getting punched to death.

“We’ve dated for two years, lived together for three, and now it’s the second place we have together. We have a great relationship; I don’t see what could go wrong.”

“But what if your mother makes some of her comments?”

“Like?”

“Like, when are you getting married, when are you having kids, and what if this scares her?”

“She won’t, she knows we’re young. The only reason why she wondered with my ex was because we had been together for five years and she was the one going around dreaming about our future together, right before my friend’s dick seemed better than everything we planned.”

“And are you sure she’s okay she’s not Korean?”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Is this a nice not so nice way to encourage me to don’t make her meet mine?”

“I was just saying, I know your mom but never heard her concerns coming to the people you dated, and I don’t want it to turn into a terrible dinner for her.”

“It’s not happening anyway, she doesn’t want to, and I’m okay with it. But with everything that is going on, I can’t help but wonder if she doesn’t want to not because she’s scared but because she doesn’t love me anymore.”

“What the fuck does it mean you love him?” Jaehyun screamed, standing up from the chair and making it fall to the ground with a loud sound, making Jade shake a little.

“Please, can you sit, can we talk?”

“No, fuck, I’m not talking about you telling me you’re in love with my best friend, fuck,” he retorted, staring at her with a broken, yet angry, expression. His nostrils flared in anger.

“I didn’t say that. I said that I also love him, but I still love you.”

“That’s not fucking possible, I don’t care what an article on the internet says, you can’t love two people at once, what the fuck.”

“It’s not some article, please, sit and let me explain.”

“No,” he said. “You already did. You are polyamorous and found out just now, after staying with me for two fucking years, after I explicitly asked you for just one fucking thing, and that was don’t cheat on me and don’t hurt me the way she did. And here you are, for fuck’s sake, you did the same thing she did, but with Johnny, goddamn,” he slammed his fist against the end of the table and she hugged her body to stop it from shaking so evidently.

“I didn’t.”

“You didn’t? You didn’t? You just told me! Well, thank you, at least I didn’t have to come into my room and find your legs spread open while he was fucking you but don’t think that it hurts any less. God,” he screamed, hands locked in his hair as he pulled harshly.

“I didn’t cheat.”

“I don’t care. You love him, it doesn’t change a thing. You were the one talking about a healthy relationship, no fights, no cheating, and all those bullshits, and you are the one doing this to me,” he replied, voice stern but shaking from tears that were menacing to fall. “Bullshits! You knew that all along, you can’t not know that you are whatever the fuck you said you are and then, boom, all of a sudden find out.”

“Yes, have you ever heard it? Do people talk about it? Is it normalized? The only things that I’ve seen were sexual, but this is not.”

“This was all a fucking plan to get your revenge on me, wasn’t it? I made your first year of college a living hell I had to pay somehow, right?”

“What? You think I don’t love you? You think I would give you so much of me just for a joke?”

“Give me what exactly? Give me what, Jade? You never fucking opened up with me, you never told me anything about who you were before coming here to London. You barely tell me anything about who you are right now, I wonder if you even know who the fuck you are, and probably not,” he screamed. “You don’t want to love, you just want attention. What’s wrong? Was it missing at home? They didn’t love you enough and so you decided that you had to fuck other people up?”

“Stop, please stop, and don’t get there, there’s no need to bring that up in this conversation.”

“Oh no, there’s a reason because I’ve known you for three years and I have no idea about the person in front of me. Who are you?” He yelled. “God, I got fooled again. I really thought you were different, I thought I could trust you, I fucking let you in after I tried to push you away, I let you in, Jade, I didn’t even trust my shadow, but I trusted you.”

Jade started crying. “I didn’t play you, I loved you then, and I love you now. I can’t control who I love.”

“Well, then get the fuck out of this and date people like you, I don’t want to split you, share you, or whatever, but mostly I don’t like being lied to.”

“I didn’t know, and I swear I tried to push it away for so long, I tried to convince myself it was just physical attraction, but it’s not.”

“Great, then go and live your fairytale with him, not the first time I see this happening. You’ll be happy, trust me, you’ll probably be married in a year. I’m sure he’s into you just like you’re into him.”

“Don’t get mad at him,” she mumbled, daring to look at Jaehyun in the eyes. But seeing the anger behind them made her look down immediately.

He scoffed. “Sure. I should’ve gotten mad all the times he flirted with you right in front of my face, and instead, I had been a fool telling myself it was just his playful nature.”

“It’s my fault, not his, please.”

“Why are you defending him?”

“Because he didn’t do anything, he cares about you, and I don’t want to be the reason you two lose each other. I just wanted to be honest with you because I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. But please, he just wants what’s best for you. He doesn’t care about me, you are the person he cares about.”

“Fine, let’s put him aside,” he said. “So last time that was the reason why you took it so personally when I rightfully called you out for doing so many things for me. You felt guilty.”

“I was just trying to make you feel my love, I was terrified it wasn’t enough.”

“It’s not enough, I don’t care about a fucking cake if you’re in love with somebody else.”

“But I love you,” she repeated for the nth time, trying again to look at him.

“No, you can’t, you can’t, you’re going to get tired of one of us and go back to just one, and guess who it will be? Him.”

“That’s not how it works, you’re thinking this all wrong, we can work it out together. We overcame so much we can also do this.”

“No, you’re putting this on an emotional side so you can manipulate me into this like you always do.”

“I manipulate you?”

“Yes, playing the victim, telling me half-truths, and I always have to navigate in your brain and try to guess what the hell is going on because unlike you, I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. And I try to do my best to don’t do anything that makes you feel bad even if you don’t tell me anything. But you, I told you my fears loud and clear, and you decided to hurt me right there. You knew how much it still hurt from where she stabbed my heart, and you decided to do the same thing.”

She stared at him while tears filled her eyes and her sobs got louder.

“Don’t fucking cry. You’re not the victim here, don’t cry,” he almost groaned, feeling the anger rise even more.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You had to think about it before. I’m not staying, Jade. I’m not going around making a fool of myself telling people you’re also Johnny’s girlfriend. I’m not seeing you twice a week because I have to share you like a kid with custody.”

“No, please, just listen to me for a second.”

“I already listened enough. You explained all that shit before arriving at the point, and I don’t care. If somebody believes they can be loved and love more people at the same time, well, good for them, but it’s not for me.”

“It’s just because you’re comparing it to cheating. Trust me, it’s not that bad.”

“You’ve never been in a relationship like that; who told you it’s not bad? And yes, you were drooling on my friend for all this time, and flirted with him, and fell in love with him, and I should be grateful and okay with it? Fuck no.”

“I —”

“I don’t care about what you have to say,” he said before walking to their bedroom.

“Don’t go. What are you doing?”

“Taking my shit, I’m not sleeping here tonight.”

“No, please, please, I didn’t want this to go this way,” she begged, trying to grab his hand, but he kept pushing away.

“What the hell were you expecting me to do? Throw a party? Call my parent and tell them I got fucked in the same way twice? Or call Johnny over so you can lock yourself with him in the bedroom and have your fun without me coming in your way this time.”

“You didn’t come in our way, stop saying this. I didn’t do what she did.”

“No, you did. But you’re even worse than her because she was a nineteen-year-old girl that, you know what, had all the right of being tired of a relationship that went on for five years, she could’ve avoided cheating, for sure, but we all fuck up. But you, you’re twenty-three, and you knew how much I was hurt by that, you decided to twist the knife in my wound, you decided to hurt me after I opened myself to you.”

She wanted to say it wasn’t the same but didn’t. He was sad and angry and probably even hated her. He wasn’t going to understand.

“You were completely cold-minded when you decided to shoot your shot, and you’re making me feel a type of pain I never imagined could possibly be felt. I loved you so fucking much, Jade, you have no idea how much I cared for you. I wanted this to be the one for us so bad, and you had to go and screw everything up.” He rolled his head behind, trying to push the tears away, but it was all useless. He didn’t want this to end like this. He didn’t want them to end. How could she hurt him like this? After everything they had been through? God, they grew up together so much in the last years, what they had was perfect, how it wasn’t enough for her? Why the hell he was never enough?

“That’s why you didn’t want to meet my mom, right? Well, better like this, I’ll avoid telling her what you did, not because I don’t want her to know what kind of person you are, but simply because I’d look like a fool. Not because I care about what she’ll think about you.”

“Why don’t you just try to give it a try? Maybe it won’t be that bad. It’s just Johnny.”

“That’s the fucking problem, it’s him, and I know him, and I also know how dangerous and charming he can be. When he’ll completely wipe you off of your feet, I don’t want to be there.”

“Don’t leave me alone,” she begged when he grabbed his bag and walked out of the room again.

“I thought you were a big girl, you didn’t need my help, right? You did so many things by yourself, guess you can sleep alone for one night.”

“It’s late, it’s dangerous,” she blabbered, trying to grab him by the jacket, but he pushed her away another time.

“You don’t care about me, don’t act like you do. And don’t worry, probably if something happened, it would be less painful than what I’m feeling right now.

She grabbed his wrist, but he pulled away. “Don’t touch me,” he groaned.

“Why are you treating me like that?” She cried through sobs, voice coming out shaky and messy.

“Stop playing the victim and start taking responsibility for your actions.

“I’m crying because I love you, not because I’m playing the victim, I don’t want you to throw us away because I care.”

“I’m not the one throwing us away, you did, because you have to search for more. Well, go fucking get it and leave me out of this.”

“Jaehyun,” she called, trying to stop him from going out.

“No, we’re over.”

Jade stared at the door for hours, crying and sobbing messily not caring about anything, just hoping he would come home, but he never did, just like he never answered her calls or messages, phone off and sleeping only God knows where.

She dragged her body on the couch to at least rest her legs and waited, and waited, but all the tears and screams tired her out, and she fell asleep.

When she woke up the morning after, the sun was already high in the sky. She cleared the sleep off her eyes and got up, looking for him.

“Jaehyun,” she called, entering the bedroom and finding him there. Back facing her as he kept moving around to get his things. But turning around, she noticed that the room was already half empty.

“What are you doing? Come on, you can’t be leaving for real,” she said, trying to don’t cry again.

But he didn’t answer, he was wearing a black hoodie, not caring about the hot weather, and didn’t say a single thing to her. She felt like passing out, being brought back to when she had spent her whole life going around the house asking her mother, ‘mom, what’s wrong?’ just to get no answer, silence treatment; the only thing she had grown up with.

“Jaehyun, please, talk to me.” Here it was again, begging and humiliating herself for attention, for an answer, for something, anything. That was the whole point of it anyway, making her feel stupid, and hurt her back, back at home for something she didn’t even do most of the time, and now for something she meant no harm.

When he pulled the zipper of a bag, she felt her heart ache; there was nothing else in the room.

“Where are you going? You don’t have a place to stay. You can’t live in the streets, we can barely afford this place.”

He stopped in his tracks, placing the bags next to the front door. “Number one, that’s none of your business. Number two, I do. And number three, find a new roommate.”

“But you’re not a roommate.”

“Here are the keys, I already talked with the landlord, I’ll sign the contract off directly with him, and then you’ll talk to him if you need somebody else to move in. I went to the kitchen before, grabbed the sets my mom gave to me, you still have plates to eat, though. My piano is going to Johnny, he’ll come to take it.”

“Is this all you have to say?”

He looked down on her, and she wanted to disappear; all the hate in his eyes was nothing compared to the hate she thought he felt for him when they first met.

“Yes, nothing connects us anymore. I don’t want to relate to a cheater.”

“Okay, you hate me, but can I at least know where are you going? Are you going to be okay?”

He chuckled bitterly. “Oh, look, you always care about people after you lose them, right? I’ll be okay, I won’t let somebody like you tear me down.”

And this time, when the door closed, she had no more tears left to cry, just a painfully aching heart.

Time flew for everybody but her and when September came, she still felt her ground shake under her feet. Because for Jade every single day felt like torture. She dragged her body out of the bed and forced herself to do things. She had to; the rent to pay all to herself barely made her make it at the end of the month, but she didn’t want to find a roommate or move out of there to go to a cheaper place. She had all the best memories there and were the only things left to hold on to.

She hadn’t seen anybody but Amita in two months. When Johnny passed to get his piano, she wasn’t home and told him she had left the keys under the carpet. He kept his distance too. He texted her that he didn’t hate her, but he needed to detox, and not seeing each other was the best thing they could do, he said it was because Jaehyun suspected they had done something behind his back, but she knew it was also because he was mad at her. She had promised not to tell anything and did it anyway, and as much as Jaehyun wasn’t mad at Johnny, she knew that Johnny was mad at her anyway.

And she had no news about Jaehyun. He had blocked her on every social possible. Cut her off completely, as if she never existed, and she didn’t know what to do.

Amita told her he was doing assumingly okay, at least that was what Johnny told her, but he didn’t say much. He had moved back to America, to his parents, and was working at his father’s company, that was all she knew.

And probably was better that way. No risk of running into each other in the streets. No risk of being under the same sky. Nothing. Just two complete strangers.

What do people say? Grasp all, lose all. Yeah, that was the lesson she learned.

“I know I shouldn’t bring him up, but I’ve never seen you this broken, Jadey,” Amita said, caressing her friend’s hand. “He’s not coming back, and you know it. And Johnny won’t come to you, either.”

“How are you always so sure about everything?”

Amita raised her head. “Do you want to know why?” Jade nodded.

Amita gulped and hesitated for a moment before letting the words slip out of her mouth, “They’re both seeing somebody else.”

Jade felt her heart break even more —if there was something left to break, to be honest.

“Oh, I’m so easy to forget,” she laughed sarcastically, trying to don’t cry even now.

“No, I just think it hurt all of you a lot, and they’re simply trying to go on.”

“It wouldn’t have hurt if he listened to me.”

“You know I never go against you, and I agree that he was harsh, but you knew that never on earth he was going to agree with that and react well.”

Jade shrugged, whatever. It was in the past, and the damage was done. To sleep at night with a clear conscience, now she slept with a heavy heart.

“Good for them, by the way. I hope they’re happy.”

“You can be happy, too. Maybe next time just tell your partner first?”

“I didn’t know. How many times do I have to explain it to you too?” Jade snapped, crossing her arms on her chest. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have dated him in the first place. I didn’t plan to fall for Johnny, too. I’m not such an asshole.”

“Why don’t you write him a letter?”

“Yeah, back to the middle age and sent it with a pigeon just so that he can throw it in the fire to keep him and his new partner warm this winter.”

“I’m sure he’ll read that.”

“Okay, let’s say he does, do you think he’ll write me back?”

“But at least you told him what you had to. He didn’t give you time to explain yourself with calm, so you’d give yourself the closure you need to move on.”

“Closure, move on, yeah, just to get hurt more.”

“Moving on doesn’t mean finding somebody else. Do something for yourself for once. Listen, I don’t like to go back there but you came all the way here to escape from the toxicity of your house and you’re just hurting yourself in the same way they hurt you. Allow yourself to make mistakes and allow yourself to learn from them, it’s not the end of the world. You don’t carry the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, and the sooner you’ll realize that he better it will be.”

“But that’s not the weight of the world, I just had to carry his weight and I failed.”

“Then write it down, let go of what you’re feeling. You’re alone now and you still try to hold yourself together like when you had to do it because you had to take care of your siblings and put on a smile for them. You’re still faking it as if somebody next door has surreal expectations of you. You’re still pushing yourself to the limit because you have to prove yourself to ghosts that are not here anymore and won’t reach you again.”

Jade rolled her eyes and sighed. “And writing a letter will solve things?”

“No, therapy will solve things but it’s a start, it’s better than nothing. It’s somebody to talk to when you have nobody to talk to, the good thing is the paper won’t judge you.”

“But it won’t bring him back, it won’t bring them back,” Jade broke down crying, resting her head on her arm against the table. “I had them both and just lost them at the same time. I’m so fucking stupid, I could’ve had it all. He wanted me to meet his mother and you have no idea how much he loves her and now I don’t even want to think about what he told her about me.”

“I’m sure he didn’t.”

“You didn’t see the disgust and hatred in his eyes that night, I broke him in the worst way possible. I hurt him so bad and here I am, crying because he won’t come back to me. I seriously just hope that whoever he’s with now loves him more than I ever did and won’t hurt him. He never deserved all the pain I gave him.”

“But it wasn’t your intention.”

“But I still did, the more I try not to hurt people the more I do, God, I’m horrible.”

Amita caressed her hair trying to make her calm down a little, but she let herself go to a silent cry.

“He was worried about me, he even, he even, God, he sang me the song his mother made just for him when he mended me for a stupid little cut I gave myself and you had to see how much love was in the way he treated me. Nobody ever treated me that gently, as if I was going to break in any moment, and that’s what I gave him back. And I lost it, selfishly I lost all of that love, and I don’t think I’ll ever find somebody so stupid to love somebody like me that much.”

Amita sighed, pulling her closer to her chest and letting her cry nonstop. She wanted to tell her that she wasn’t unlovable even if life made her believe that, and that she wasn’t only good at being used for people’s needs and then dropped. But didn’t say a thing, it was useless anyway. She never believed her when she told her that. And the only that was starting to make her believe she deserved all the love, the purest kind, had been Jaehyun, and now she had lost him.

“I just hope he’ll forgive me one day.”

“No, mom, I’m not coming over tomorrow,” Jaehyun sighed, swinging in his chair, fixing his glasses with a scrunch of the nose. His mom had passed by the company to drop her greetings after going out with some friends and hadn’t let him breathe since she entered his office.

“But why not?”

“I can’t. I told you, I have to go out,” he repeated for the nth time while his mother kept complaining, but the thing immediately changed after that.

“Oh,” she chanted, tilting her head to the side. “Like a date?”

“Yes, mom, like a date,” he replied, trying to suppress the annoyance in his voice and don’t roll his eyes. She was just worried for him, but sometimes it was just too much.

“And with that girl that came here the other day?”

“Yes, with that girl,” he rolled his eyes.

“Uh, uh, so it’s serious?”

“I guess,” he replied, shrugging. “I don’t know, I don’t really want to get too excited.”

“Scared she’s better than the other girl? What even was her name?”

“Mom,” he glared at her, breathing loudly.

“What? She got you running all the way here, not even Minju did that. I’m your mother, and I’m not buying that it simply didn’t work out. You were shattered when you arrived here.”

“I was shattered because it didn’t work out.”

“No, because something happened, and you don’t want to tell me.”

He huffed loudly. “You’re just paranoid, it wasn’t meant to be, that’s all. Why do you think about her? I’m here right now, aren’t you happy? And I’m seeing another person.”

She shrugged. “I guess. But why did you never make me meet her? Was it because you knew I would’ve said straight away she gave me bad vibes?”

“You can’t say that, you don’t even know her,” he mumbled, lowering his head, thinking about Jade for a second. He hated how much his mother brought her up because he just wanted to forget her, and it was working pretty fine, slowly but fine. “You would’ve loved her.”

“Oh, really?”

He nodded and then got up to guide his mom out of the door. “Yeah, but you won’t have to, so just think positive and focus on other things.”

“Like your new girlfriend being better.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, and I don’t want you to compare them, and please, can you just stop bringing her up? I don’t want to think about her.”

“You see, she hurt you.”

Jaehyun pinched the bridge of his nose. “I hurt her too. We both hurt each other, but that happens, I just need to move on.”

“Whatever, fine, I’ll just stick to rooting for you and your new flame, hoping she will be the one.” And with one last kiss on the cheek, his mom left.

Alone again in his office, he slumped on the chair and stared at the wall.

He felt like shit.

It had been two months, and nothing really changed. It wasn’t even about forgetting her, but it was about trusting other people.

His walls were so high up in the sky that he was sure nobody was going to make them fall soon. He had lost his dream job, lost his love, and lost his best friend. He kept in touch with Johnny, but they weren’t together, and Johnny wasn’t playful like before. They seemed like those friends that contact each other just because they have to, and he hated it.

Maybe he had a reason for hating her so much in college, maybe his instinct knew that she was going to lead to all of this, and yet, he decided to ignore it. Oh, how he wished they never met, everything would be different right now, everything would be better. Because not even the two years together were worth the pain.

He grabbed his phone and scrolled through the contacts, he had blocked her number too, just to avoid impulsive calls at night or other dumb shits, but not knowing how she was doing at all killed him.

He was doing it for himself, not checking the socials —he blocked her anyway— not asking Johnny or even Amita, who still occasionally commented on his photos, about her. But it was harder than expected.

He regretted all the harsh words he had said that night and the day after, how he left her so harshly and hurt her just to give her back a little bit of the pain he had felt. Because it didn’t make him feel better at all. He wasn’t sure it was still love, but he deeply cared for her, and he knew, even if she rarely said it out loud, how fragile she truly was.

He had caught her crying sometimes in silence, he had caught the small things she would do to keep herself together when she couldn’t fall apart in front of everybody, he had seen her smile drop when nobody was there for her at the graduation and she said that her parents were just really busy but had sent her the congratulations already.

He had seen how little love she had received all her life, and a part of him wondered if there was somebody out there giving her the love she craved.

Maybe her past was the reason why she wanted to be with more people at once? Maybe she needed to fill a hole in her chest with something that was missing. And as much as he still couldn’t wrap his head around it, he wished she had got what she wanted.

He knew Johnny started dating a guy he met on a set, so in the end, it didn’t work out with him either, and that kind of made him even madder. If only she lasted a little bit longer, they still could’ve been together. But if that was her true nature, somebody else was going to come between them anyway, so there was no point in dragging it any longer.

It was better this way, life was turning out fine, they were all getting what they wanted, just not in the way they expected it.

He locked his phone again and got up from the chair. He had to go to another company for a meeting and then he had to go home. Finally, a bigger house, but that felt so empty with just him inside.

“No, I’m just saying that if you wear shoes twice your size is obvious you’re going to fall at the first step,” Jaehyun laughed shaking his head at Hyuna’s affirmation.

“Nah, I think that was a nice way to call me dumb,” she joked, winking at him.

“I mean, that’s not a move I would consider smart…”

“See! You’re terrible,” she laughed before intertwining their arms together. Jaehyun was caught by surprise but didn’t pull away. It was somehow nice, just like her. “Also, in my defense, my mom called me in a rush to help her with groceries.”

“Oh yeah, the last-minute shoes of the groceries run,” he joked, staring at her.

Yeah, maybe not anytime soon, maybe not easily, but maybe she deserved a try. He simply didn’t have to jump into her without looking first, but one step at a time, she didn’t seem like a bad person.

“Can I ask you something?” They were now sitting on a bench in a square while eating ice cream.

“Sure.”

“Okay, first a confession. I had a crush on you since long ago, but I kind of gave up when your mom told me that you weren’t going to come back here, she said that not even the biggest heartbreak of your life made you run away. So, what happened?”

He chuckled; his mom was wrong because it had been the biggest heartbreak of his life that made him run away. “Is this part of the list of questions my mom told you to ask me?”

“No, I’m just curious, I promise.”

He nodded, even if he wasn’t totally convinced. “I needed to change air,” he shrugged. He surely wasn’t going to tell the truth to her because she wasn’t really part of his life and also because he didn’t want people to know what happened. “Had another pretty long relationship with someone and then when it was all over, I decided to just leave. I missed my parents, some old friends, just America.”

“It must’ve hurt.”

“No, not at all. Places can get suffocating after a while.”

“I was talking about the relationship.”

“That’s my mom on a mission.”

“No, I just want to talk, I think it’s important to get to know each other, so we can’t hurt like we did in the past.”

“It hurt just the right amount,” he smiled. Wrong. It had hurt like hell.

She chuckled. “There’s a right amount of pain?”

“Yeah, just that much that tells you that you cared for that person, and it hasn’t been just a waste of time, you know.”

She nodded. “And, do you plan on going back?”

“Why would I? I have nothing there.”

“So, I can sleep peacefully at night knowing you’ll stay here?”

Jaehyun sighed. “Listen, you wanted to be honest, and I’ll be. I like you, I mean, I can talk to you well, you’re smart, beautiful, and everything, but I can’t promise you my heart right now. I’m not sure I’m ready to let somebody in and I don’t know how much you want me to be with you, mentally, since the start.”

Hyuna chuckled, “you still love her, right?”

“No,” he replied. But in his heart, it felt like a lie. “I’m just hurt.”

“You’re contradicting yourself. Let me tell you how things are Mr ‘just the right amount’. It hurt like hell, you came here to forget her, but no matter how far you run, feelings don’t turn off that easily, and so here you are, trying to convince yourself you can move on when you know you can’t.”

Jaehyun sighed and lowered his head. As much as he didn’t want to agree, Hyuna was right. He missed her and he still loved her.

“But what can I do? I can’t go back there.”

“Is somebody stopping you? Is it so hard to make it work? And why don’t try? Look at me, I shoot my shot with you, it’s clear I’m not destined for you, but at least I tried, I won’t go to bed in ten years wondering what would’ve happened ‘if’, because I know what happened with that ‘if’. So go and get it, and remember, if you’re hurting, it can’t hurt more than it already does.”

“Don’t look at me like that, mom,” Jaehyun said while finishing to take his things and put them in the boxes.

“I’m not looking at you in any way,” the woman replied, getting up from the chair to sit on the bed and face her son. “I’m just wondering what happened.”

“You never changed your mind in your life?”

“Yeah, I did, only fools and dead men don’t change their minds, but I’d like to know why.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“I need to know you have a good reason to go back there and try to fix something that broke months ago. I just need to make sure you’re not doing it because you feel guilty.”

Jaehyun sighed and zipped the bag before moving it on the floor and sitting down next to his mom.

“You told me you feel when something is meant for you, right? And that also works for people?”

“Yes, and you feel that? Trusting your guts after what happened? I guess that it wasn’t a simple ‘it didn’t work out’, right?”

Jaehyun nodded. “No, it wasn’t, but I was blinded by anger, and I didn’t stop to think or listen to her, and I regret it.”

“It’s not just regretting. You know, when I would talk bad about her it wasn’t because I had bad feelings about her, I just wanted to see how you reacted, and I’ve never seen you get so defensive about anybody else, probably just Johnny, yeah, just him.”

Jaehyun laughed lowly, leaning his head on her shoulder.

“I don’t know what happened, and I don’t even want to know, I mean, yes, I do, but I’ll respect you,” she chuckled, making him smile too. “But it’s clear you still love her, and there’s no need to let our pride kill us when we could just be happy,” she sighed. “Our lives are already short enough, Yoonoh, they pass before you even realize and when you grow old, don’t look back and see a road full of regrets, they’ll haunt you at night, and by then you won’t be able to say sorry to a friend, I love you to a loved one, or simply fix someone that is broken, even yourself.”

“But what if they don’t feel the same anymore?”

“If you were a child, I would’ve told you that a little bird told me that everything is going to be fine, but I guess you don’t believe in that anymore, right?”

Jaehyun smiled, shaking his head.

“Then I’ll tell you I know that everything’s going to be fine.” She caressed his hair and then added, “so why are you going back there?”

“I miss them.”

“Them?” His mom asked, but not even with a lot of surprise in her voice.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Them.”

It was strange being back in London and not having a speech ready for the talk that was going to change his life around.

It was just strange being back in London. And it was even stranger standing on Johnny’s front door. Jaehyun felt like he wanted to puke. He wasn’t even sure Johnny liked her anymore, or better, if he ever liked her in the first place. And it felt so selfish to be here and ask him to try again after he knew Johnny had just broken up with his boyfriend, but he had to try. Or at least, he had to talk, the three of them together, and try to fix what was fixable.

Jaehyun looked around back at the street and then gathered the courage to knock on the door. He felt like passing out when no answer came for at least one minute but then when the door opened Johnny was standing right behind it.

“Jaehyun?” He asked confused, rubbing his eyes; he was sleeping. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in for a second?”

Johnny furrowed and then, passing a hand through his hair, moved to the side. “Your mom kicked you out?”

“No, I live on my own and I’m serious.”

“Did something happen then? You said you never wanted to come back here,” Johnny asked, stretching. He fell asleep after lunch and didn’t wake up until he heard the knock on the door, it was quite late in the afternoon now.

“No, I just need to make things up.”

“With me? For what?”

“With you and Jade.”

Johnny furrowed and stared at him. “What do I have to do with you two?”

“You know what,” Jaehyun replied.

Johnny straightened his back and exhaled deeply. Jaehyun didn’t seem mad, but he still didn’t know how to feel about all of this. He had tried to push her out of his mind, knowing he had already caused enough trouble.

“You know I was dating somebody since two weeks ago, right?”

“And did you love them?”

“You really have the nerves to ask me that, God,” Johnny scoffed, throwing his head back and running his hands on his face. “But, luckily for you, the answer is no, or else I would’ve kicked you out.”

Jaehyun chuckled and then pressed his lips together trying to find the best way possible to start this conversation. “And her? Did you love her?”

Johnny breathed deeply. “Are you serious or is this a way to break with me too?”

“I’m serious, I just want to know before driving to her house and making a fool out of me because you don’t want to be in this.”

Johnny nodded and sat on the headrest of his couch. “I do, I think. I never let my emotions for her take over, she was yours and you were hers, and never in my life, I wanted to hurt you the same way Minhyuk did. I had told her to move on from me, that having each other in the way we had was enough, but apparently, for her, it wasn’t.”

Jaehyun nodded. It was nice to know that Johnny still did his best to stay loyal to their friendship. “Have you seen her lately?”

Johnny shook his head. “I had to avoid her, just like you did. I don’t know how she’s doing, Amita doesn’t tell me much.”

“Do you think she moved on?”

“I wasn’t the one dating her, you should know her more than me.”

“But how could I know?”

“And why would I know? The only thing we can do is try to see how she’s doing and talk to her.”

“I told her terrible things the night we fought.”

“You’re never too late to take them back, I’m sure she’ll understand. But are you really sure, Jae?”

“I can’t promise I’ll be good on the first try, but I’ll still do my best. I want to give us a try.”

From the corridor of the floor of their old place, the house seemed quiet. It was nine pm, so it was way too early for her to be asleep, but they hoped that she was inside.

Jaehyun rang the bell and they silently waited for an answer.

“Yeah, who’s that?” Came muffled from the inside after a while and they hesitated for a second. Johnny pushed Jaehyun out of the frame and then said. “Me.”

“Me? Really? What the hell?” Jaehyun mouthed from the side.

“You who?” She said before tiptoeing to reach the peephole. She blinked twice, thinking she was insane but then opened the door before receiving an answer.

“Johnny? What are you doing here?” She asked, staring at him trying to fix her clothes. She was a mess. Old gym pants, an ugly hoodie, and hair pulled in the same bun for the second day straight.

“Well, we have to talk to you.”

“We? Who’s with…” she stopped when Jaehyun came to his side, and she felt like passing out. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and then opening them again. “Are you here to get your revenge?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “No, we want to talk. Like we should’ve done three months ago.”

She looked between them for a while, they weren’t supposed to be there, they should’ve left but maybe getting this over soon was the only solution. So, she moved to the side, letting them in.

The house was basically empty, more than it was when Jaehyun left, and they both wanted to ask why but didn’t. They had other things to do before.

“Have a seat,” she said, pointing at the table. “Want something to drink?”

“No, we’re fine,” Johnny answered for them.

She nodded and sat in front of them. “So, why are you here?”

“I can’t do this. I tried, I swear, I really did. I tried to push you out of my mind, but it didn’t work, and I know it hasn’t been that long, but I don’t see the point in suffering more if I know there will never be another one like you in my life. There’s no point in pushing the people I love the most out of my life just because they also love each other.”

Jade drifted her eyes from him to Johnny and then back to him. “What are you trying to say?”

“That I want to try again. I want to make this work. All of us together.”

Jade massaged her neck and looked around, not knowing how to feel.

“You’re seeing somebody else, right? I knew that,” Jaehyun said, a hint of sadness in his tone.

“No, I’m not seeing anybody, I have to… What made you change your mind?”

“You. I miss you two too much to at least don’t give it a try. I can’t promise it’ll be easy for me to fit in this new thing, but I want to try again.”

She hummed, still scratching the side of her neck and avoiding their stares. Oh, how badly she dreamed of this moment. How badly she wanted at least one of them back. And now she had them both, sitting in front of her, telling her they were willing to try to make things work. But she couldn’t. It was too late now, it was the wrong moment for them to be there. If only he never left, if only things didn’t crumble apart months ago…

“Anyway, I can’t be here.”

They looked at each other and then at her. “Why?”

“It’s you that can’t stay here, actually. I have another thing to take care of and I don’t have time for this.”

“But you have two of us, we can help you,” Johnny replied.

Jade shook her head. “No, you can’t, and I don’t want to drag you in this mess.”

“You put yourself in danger? Is somebody threatening you? Asked money to the wrong people? That’s why the house is empty, right?”

“No, Jae, no. It’s nothing of that kind, I just had to sell a lot of stuff but it’s okay. I have to do this alone, it’s not about you.”

“Jade, what’s all this noise?” When an unknown female voice resonated in the kitchen Jade’s widened her eyes while the other turned around to stare at a girl that seemed like the younger copy of Jade.

“Who are they?”

“Nobody,” Jade answered, standing up and walking to the girl. “You were sleeping, you have work tomorrow.”

“But I heard male voices, I thought it was him again.”

“No, now get back to bed, please. Also, don’t come out when you hear voices. What if it was him? You know it can be dangerous.”

“Who are you talking about?” Jaehyun asked, quirking a brow at her words.

“Nobody. Now leave, both of you.”

“No, we’re not leaving. I already left you alone once I’m not doing it twice.”

Jade shook her head feeling tears at the corner of her eyes. “It’s not the right time, really.”

“Who is she?” Johnny asked.

“I’m Diamond, her little sister,” the girl waved at him with a small smile on her face.

“Diamond, no, back to your room, now.”

“But they want to help, and we need help.”

“I don’t need help, we’ve been doing great.”

“Yeah, that’s why he’s threatening you,” she whispered, earning a glare from her sister.

“Jade, what’s going on?”

“It’s all my fault,” Diamond said, lowering her head. “My parents found out I’m lesbian and kicked me out of the house, I have nowhere else to stay. Not for now at least.”

“Diamond, they don’t have to know, they were leaving anyway.”

“No, they weren’t, I heard the conversation. They love you.”

“Love doesn’t matter, I have to take care of you, for now. Come on, let’s go to sleep,” she said, walking her to their bedroom. Once she made sure she was inside, she came back to the other two that were sitting on the couch.

“I told you to leave.”

“No, we’re not moving from here.”

“Who’s threatening you? And why?”

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. They weren’t going to leave if she didn’t tell the truth, right? So, she sat down between them and started confessing.

“I can’t look after her alone, and my job doesn’t pay enough, I mean, I would have clients, but I feel like shit, and I don’t find inspiration anymore, so I had to drop. I found a job in a coffee shop, but it doesn’t pay enough. She was supposed to start college, and I wanted to help with it, but I can’t pay for her. I can’t do what I did for me another time with her,” Jade explained, breaking down crying. “And she had found a little job, but it’s still not enough. The landlord threatened to throw me out and in the middle of desperation, I asked the wrong person. And I couldn’t pay him back in time, so the debt keeps growing because he doesn’t want to give me time. And I don’t know what do to anymore, I can’t find money, not so fast and I’m… I’m afraid he will do something to me, or worse, to her.”

“How much do you own him?” Johnny asked, resting his hand on her knees to calm her down.

“It’s only one thousand five hundred pounds but he keeps raising it.”

“Did he beat you?”

Jade gulped, crossing her arms on her chest. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does. Where?”

“Just a punch, I’m okay. I’m just worried for her.”

“We can help you with that,” Johnny reassured.

“No, I don’t want you to put your money in this.”

“We don’t want you to be in danger,” Jaehyun said.

“It’s not much, I made a fortune with weddings this summer, we’ll pay and then you’ll be able to breathe. And then we’ll see what to do with her. How’s she?”

“Are you sure? After everything I caused?”

“You didn’t cause anything, feelings are a lot, and we all were scared,” Jaehyun replied. “I shouldn’t have turned like this that night, and maybe we could’ve tried to make it work since the start.”

“But are you sure you’re okay with all of this? And also, with my sister? What if this situation just makes it more complicated for us and we’ll lose each other again?”

“I’m sure I’m not going anywhere,” Johnny smiled. “Always liked a little challenge.”

“I’m not leaving either no matter how rough this will get.”

“I wish I wasn’t so complicated. I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t leave her alone another time. I already left them in that mess when I ran away here. If I was there, probably this wouldn’t have happened.”

“You can’t blame yourself for something your parents did. You didn’t birth her, Jade. Raising them and loving them wasn’t your responsibility,” Jaehyun said, caressing her hair and pulling her close.

“I missed this,” she said, snuggling closer and reaching her hand out to hug Johnny too.

“Me too,” they said.

“But can we promise to each other we’re going to therapy as soon things get economically better?” Johnny joked.

“Yeah, I’ll be the first one to go there, have a lot of things from the past to fix. I’m sorry if I never told you anything, but it makes me really uncomfortable, and I just wanted to forget them, it also helped to not think that my siblings were still there.”

“We know, it’s okay. You can take your time if you want to tell us one day. For now, let’s focus on the present, okay?” Jaehyun reassured her, caressing her nape gently.

Jade nodded. “We don’t have a bed to stay in, she’s sleeping in our room.”

“It’s fine, we can stay closer here on the couch,” Johnny said, before wrapping his arms around them, making them giggle.

“Wait, weren’t you dating someone else?” Jade asked, all of a sudden realizing that they moved on, or well, at least tried.

“Well, guess what happened?” Jaehyun said. “Actually, I wasn’t dating her just yet, stopped everything before I could hurt someone else just to try to don’t think about you.”

“And you?”

“It didn’t work,” Johnny shrugged. “We wanted different things.”

“So, you’re both really sure about this? It isn’t just driven by pity or anything else?” She asked again. She was happy they were both there with her again, but she wanted to be sure they were in it for real. This wasn’t going to be easy and she couldn’t take another fall.

“A hundred percent sure, love. You said we should’ve tried to give this a shot, right? We’ll try. I trust us.”

“We always kind of worked as a trio, we can do it even romantically,” Johnny agreed, snuggling closer to her.

“I hope so,” Jade replied and then rested her head against Jaehyun’s shoulder while her hand intertwined with Johnny’s. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Hey! Don’t forget the lunch, I made it just for you,” Johnny screamed from his kitchen, peeking his head out to hand the girl her lunch box.

“You know that your food is going to be the thing I’ll miss the most when I’ll go to my aunt, right?” Diamond smiled, grabbing the box and leaning in to leave a peck on his cheek before rushing to the door.

“Don’t tell it to your sister,” he winked and waved her goodbye before turning around, meeting Jade’s deadly glare. “Oh, hi, angel, I made breakfast for you too.”

“I heard you, and I don’t like at all that you’re siding against me so much.”

“Oh, let her have her fun, as nice as your aunt seems to be I’m sure she won’t have two cool brothers-in-law like us to make her day better and to make fun of her sister with.”

Jade slapped his arm before pressing her head against his broad chest. “I hate you sometimes, you know.”

“Wow, romantic morning confessions,” Jaehyun said, walking into the kitchen to leave a small kiss on Jade’s forehead.

“She’s mad I’m her sister’s favourite,” Johny joked.

“Are you planning on stealing the whole family?” Jaehyun teased before walking to the countertop and then pouring coffee into his cup.

Jade glared at him, and he raised his hands. “Sorry, sorry, you know it just slips sometimes,” he apologized.

“Good,” Jade said, smiling at him.

“He’s doing better than what I had expected, though,” Johnny praised, glimpsing at him for a second before moving the pots off the fire.

“Yeah, I feared it was going to be much worse honestly,” Jade agreed before sitting on the chair.

“Thank you for the trust, I can always count on you,” Jaehyun glared at them.

They both laughed before leaning in to leave a kiss on his cheek. “It’s just that I wasn’t expecting this to flow so easily,” Jade confessed. “It’s not even all about you, I was afraid that after all that happened, something irreparably broke. And even if we didn’t fight, I was afraid of not being able to be in a relationship like this. I never had the best examples in my life, and I was afraid of falling into something just as bad and tiring.”

“But we’re here,” Johnny exclaimed, holding her hand on the table. “And we’re doing great. One month together and we’re successfully raising a child that’s not ours, paying the bills, buying groceries, and loving each other. I’d dare to say we’re almost better now than in college.”

“She’s not a child, she’s nineteen, Johnny, please,” Jaehyun complained, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but she’s not independent and she’s broken,” Johnny reminded him. It had been a month now and slowly everything was starting to find its own place. They had paid the man Jade had debts with immediately. But the place was too small for three people, especially since Jaehyun and Diamond weren’t close at all, and the three couldn’t sleep in the same bed. So, Johnny insisted they would move to his place, it was big enough to fit them all, and mostly they didn’t have to hear from that asshole of their owner that just kept rising prices for a hole. It was a risky and big first step, but it was the only solution. And spending much time together led all of them to open up, Jade was still quiet and didn’t say much, but with Diamond by her side, they had found out a bit more.

They were five, three sisters and two brothers. And their parents weren’t the best. They didn’t let out many details, and they didn’t push them out. Diamond wasn’t even expecting they would react that badly at finding out she wasn’t straight, but the thing that hurt her the most was the reason, ‘we have a reputation, we don’t want the whole neighbourhood to know we have a child like you.’

“She’s doing better, I hope she’ll react better than me,” Jade mumbled, lowering her head.

“They threw you out, too?” Jaehyun asked.

“No, but simply because they didn’t know I’m bi,” she said with a bitter laugh. “I kept it as a secret, nobody but Amita knew it, and well, the only girl I dated in high school, but she never told anyone. I left because I needed to live for myself, not for my family. Being everybody’s therapist, everybody’s punching ball, taking care of everyone, and nobody taking care of me. Being the oldest daughter in a dysfunctional family sucks.”

“So that’s why you never talk about them?”

“Yeah, even if there’s more,” she smiled sadly at him, “but I don’t want to talk about it now. It’s a beautiful day and the fridge is empty, so we have to go shopping.”

“My favourite types of dates,” Johnny rolled his eyes with a huff before standing up from the chair.

“Oh, come on, we’ll have fun. I also wanted to buy her some clothes for when she leaves.” Luckily for everyone, an aunt of theirs was willing to let her in. She had no problems with money and didn’t mind some company, and also despised their mom, so she was more than grateful to help the children she didn’t take care of. She was going to leave in a week, and hopefully find a stable place where to stay, work, and then start college next year.

“Then let’s go take a shower and then go out,” Jaehyun said, jumping off the chair and dragging Jade with him.

“Hey, don’t start without me,” Johnny screamed, putting the used dishes in the sink.

“We’re just going to shower,” Jade said, turning to Jaehyun who was looking at her with raised eyebrows and a smirk on his face. “We’re just going to shower, right?” But instead of answering, he grabbed her waist and held her on his shoulder, making her scream. “Stop it,” she laughed, reaching her hands out to ask Johnny for help but he simply laughed.

“For once that we’re together and have the house for ourselves you want to waste the opportunity?”

“I can’t wet my hair,” she complained.

“Trust me, your hair will be the last thing to be wet.”

“Jaehyun!” She screamed, slapping his back playfully.

But he just laughed and opened the bathroom door. “See, you promise a good time and he stops being an order freak.”

“The dishes can wait,” Johnny said, closing the door behind him before leaning in to kiss her.

“No,” Jade pulled away. “We’re brushing our teeth first and then maybe I’ll let you do what you want.”

Before she could even finish, they already rushed to the sink, fighting for the toothpaste and she rolled her eyes.

“You are like little children I can’t stand you,” she joked before grabbing her own toothbrush.

“And now, can we have fun?” Johnny asked, kissing her neck as soon as they were done.

“But let’s be quick, we seriously have things to do,” she said, and they hummed, “also, I’m not shaved.”

“Definitely not going to stop me,” Jaehyun said, playfully biting her neck. “And you know I don’t mind it when you’re natural.”

“Me neither,” Johnny replied, moving his hands to peel off her clothes.

Soon after they were all naked in the shower, while the water ran on their bodies —Johnny regulated the showerhead in a height that wouldn’t wet her hair and she was grateful.

“God, I missed you so much,” Johnny mumbled against her lips while his hands travelled on her body, occasionally brushing with Jaehyun’s.

“And you only had me once,” she joked, lolling her head back when Jaehyun’s hands crept between her legs.

“You’re addicting.”

“You two are acting as if one week ago you didn’t fuck in the car,” Jaehyun said, glaring at them.

“You were spying on us?”

“No, I was waiting for you to come home and when I went to the window, I saw your car there for fifteen minutes and the windows steamed up.”

Johnny laughed. “Okay, caught us,” he joked. “But it was our first date, and we couldn’t come here,” he defended, before spreading her legs more open —for what was possible since the shower wasn’t that big— and slipped one finger inside of her making her moan.

Jaehyun snorted, cupping her boob and playing with her nipple. “Bet it was your idea,” he whispered against her neck.

She hummed and then moved her hands to grab their dicks, starting to pump up and down. “Can you blame me? He looked so hot that night,” she replied, moaning both at the memory of Johnny and their hands working on her so well.

“Oh, no, just like I can’t blame him for not resisting you.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t tell us anything,” Johnny teased, moving his fingers faster inside of her, making her squirm and hold up on his arms.

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes and huffed, “I’m working on my jealousy, I’m doing this seriously.”

“Good boy,” Johnny teased, sending him a flying kiss.

“Call me a good boy again and I’ll punch you,” he warned, killing him with a gaze.

“Please stop,” Jade whined, grinding back behind him. “Just fuck me.”

“My turn,” Jaehyun exclaimed immediately, moving her hand to the side to grab himself and line up at her entrance.

Johnny simply snickered, shaking his head, and then pulled his fingers out of her. “I’ll take care of you from the outside, I guess.”

“Whatever, I don’t care, I just want to come.”

“Mh, doing so much for someone that was whining about being in a rush and had thousands of better things to do,” Johnny taunted, wrapping his lips around her nipple, and sucking, making her push up against him.

“Exactly,” she moaned, “we have things to do.”

“You,” they said together.

She glared at them. “Exactly, I’m on top of a long list, so move.”

“At your orders, love,” Jaehyun said before parting her legs more and slowly sinking inside of her.

She rolled her head back against his shoulder and grounded herself wrapping her hands around Johnny’s arm, the other was still moving on his cock, trying to also give him the pleasure he needed.

“God, missed being inside of you so fucking much,” Jaehyun groaned against her neck, holding her up with his hands around her waist.

Jade moaned, “missed feeling you.”

“You two look so pretty right now,” Johnny commented, leaning down to kiss and bite her neck. “Do you like it?” He asked, moving faster on her clit. “Being smashed between us, trapped between our bodies. Finally having both of us.”

“Yes, fuck,” she moaned, already feeling pleasure overwhelming her. Now, that wasn’t the first time of them being together that she imagined, but it was better than nothing, right? And also life had already proved that not everything that doesn’t go according to plan is bad. “Love it so much.”

Johnny snickered and then cupped her nipple with his mouth, sucking harshly, making her clench around Jaehyun. “Your nipples are so hard, fuck. They’re begging for attention,” he mumbled against her skin before starting to play with her again while his hand cupped her other boob and Jaehyun pushed her forward with every stroke. Then he pulled away, and an idea sparked in his mind. With a smirk on his face, he kneeled on the ground, trying to find balance and before she could realize it, his tongue started playing with her clit.

A choked loud moan slipped from her lips as she snapped her eyes open and looked down at Johnny that was going down on her while Jaehyun’s cock filled her up. The sight was so dirty and yet so hot she couldn’t take her eyes off of him, no matter how shameful she felt right at the moment. Jaehyun looked over her shoulder and grinned. “Like it, baby? Like having his lips right where I’m stretching you wide?” She hummed in response, biting a moan back, and feeling herself getting closer and closer. And just when she expected that Johnny couldn’t do anything else wilder, she felt a finger slip in her walls right next to Jaehyun’s dick.

“Fuck, Daddy,” she moaned,

“Daddy?” Jaehyun asked, voice choked between a laugh and the pleasure of feeling his finger press against him.

“Shut up, Sir,” Johnny replied and then started pumping along with him.

“Is it good? Or is it too much for our pretty girl?”

“Is good, fuck,” she mewled, almost standing on her tiptoes as she tried to fight between keeping the balance and the pleasure taking over her body.

“Should I add another one?” Johnny teased, pulling his face away for a second just to look at her surprised face.

“I can’t — I can’t take it,” she mumbled, but her body betrayed as her pussy clenched harder around them and more cum dripped out of her.

Johnny smirked and then pushed a second finger inside and she rolled her head back at the stretch.

“Fuck, you look so hot from here,” he whispered before lapping at her pussy again without stopping moving his fingers next to Jaehyun.

“You should fuck her too,” Jaehyun proposed, and his words almost made her stiffen at the idea. “Put your dick next to mine. I’m sure she can take it.”

“No — no,” she mumbled, shaking her head and squeezing her eyes shut.

Johnny snickered, and then added another finger, eliciting a loud gasp from her. “Don’t worry, darling, we don’t have time. I won’t do it… for now.”

She almost groaned thinking about him doing that someday and a small part of her wanted to screw everything right at the moment and take him too at the same time, in the same hole. But she was close and they had things to do, they couldn’t give in to their darkest desires.

“I’m gonna — fuck, fuck,” she breathed out with a strangled voice. “‘s too much, I can’t anymore.”

“You’re squeezing me so much, fuck,” Jaehyun moaned, feeling her walls tighten around him even more, and Johnny’s fingers surely weren’t helping him.

“Come on,” Johnny urged them both to come. “You’ve been good.”

Jade hummed and then let go, feeling her toes curl as she came uncontrollably hard around Jaehyun’s cock and Johnny’s fingers, now coated in their cum.

“Open up, angel,” Johnny ordered once she was done riding her orgasm and he pulled out, offering his fingers to her. She parted her lips and then sucked on them, cleaning them completely.

Jaehyun turned off the water and she got on her knees to take care of Johnny’s throbbing boner. Her tongue circled his tip and then sucked hard on it, making him roll his head back and intertwined his fingers in her hair.

“Babe, please, just get me over with it,” he half begged half ordered through gritted teeth.

She hummed and then took his whole length into her mouth, cheek hallowing and eyes looking up at him.

Johnny felt like he could lose his mind when her hands cupped his balls and started massaging there, as if he wasn’t already almost close…

“Fuck,” he cursed, voice low and filled with lust. “I’m gonna come,” he warned, but she didn’t push away and instead started sucking harder, and in a few seconds, Johnny was spilling his cum into her mouth, finally getting an orgasm too.

She smirked when she pulled away and then he helped her stand up.

“Never again three in a shower, that was the worst idea we ever had,” she chuckled, turning on the water again to finally get washed.

“Do you even know what she likes?” Johnny asked, following Jade around the nth store of the day. They went grocery shopping already in the morning and then decided to directly go to the mall and have lunch and buy something for Diamond. They didn’t have anything that needed to go in the fridge anyway.

“I do,” Jade huffed, eyeing a shirt and a skirt with a squared pattern. “She loves this style.”

“You really raised her to be just like you,” Jaehyun joked, taking a look at the set she grabbed.

“She spent her whole teenage years stealing my clothes.”

“And do you think she would like this jacket I found?” Jaehyun asked, showing her a long brown blazer with a belt.

“Yeah, she’ll love it, and she needs something to keep her warm.”

“She’s just moving a little norther, she’s not going to Antarctica,” Johnny reminded her. She was so apprehensive…

“I know, but I still feel guilty, okay? I don’t even want to imagine what they have been through all these years without me, and the others are still there while I’m here —”

“Hey,” Jaehyun stopped her. “They aren’t your responsibility, and you need to heal before going back to help them.”

“Going back?” Johnny asked, raising a brow.

“Not going back to live there, but if she wants to at least keep in contact she needs to be fine. She never overcame anything, hence all the guilt she still carries with her.”

“See, two months without you and he became a therapist,” Johnny joked and Jaehyun pushed him to the side. “But he’s right, though. You did all you could, now you have to think about yourself.”

“You think I’m doing the right thing sending her to our aunt?” She asked when they started walking again to find some other things to buy.

“She has more money than you and more space than our place so yes, also she’ll be able to focus on herself and what she wants for her future,” Johnny replied. “Why are you smiling like that?”

Jade shook her head and lowered her head for a second. “Nothing, it’s just that… you said our place and that made me feel things.”

Jaehyun chuckled. “Feels strange, right?”

She nodded. “I don’t know, I was really afraid of losing everything after I had already lost you and now,” the smile that curled her lips made her stop for a moment, “now I have the both of you, we live together, I don’t have that asshole asking me for money and my sister will be fine. It seems surreal, I seriously couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Johnny wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. “Now you don’t have to worry about anything anymore, you have us by your side, and trust me, we’ll never leave.”

“Just think positively, there’s just going to be happiness in front of us.”

She smiled and squeezed Jaehyun’s hands and Johnny’s waist tighter. “I’m so lucky to have you two.”

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