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#idk what it is specifically like if it's the college thing or the injury thing or the Me Suffering Mentally thing or all 3
wrecking · 2 years
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genuinely just want to lay in bed and cry all the time as of late but you know i can’t just like Do that so i need to find some form of outlet for this
edit: i did not expect the tags to be this long, sorry for that
#d#haven't felt this consistently bad in a long time#idk what it is specifically like if it's the college thing or the injury thing or the Me Suffering Mentally thing or all 3#as time has gone on since i finished high school i've always kinda struggled imagining .  any sort of future for myself at all#i feel like i'm coming to the realization that i'm not really ever going to be not codependent just because i'm so Like This#and like that's fine in my head but i know everyone else is going to hate it all the time and also hate me for it#and it just makes me so.  why can't i have been born into a family that actually listens to me or respects me#why can't i get out either.  at least without tearing this whole family apart#not like it matters much to me cuz i've always felt like a stranger but i know it'd destroy them#but also all of this ^^^ shouldn't even fucking MATTER right now because i'm struggling enough with college prep and trying to cope#esp with the 15000000 doctor's visits and health scares and everyone insisting i have to uproot every aspect of my current routine#for whatever god damn reason (some valid some not) so i'm just constantly uneasy and uncomfortable and i feel like i'm getting more unstable#it's frustrating watching my parents seem cordially concerned about my health or my college status or something#but anytime it's not what they want to hear or i disagree with them about something it's immediately back to them treating me horribly#and also the fact i can't like.  add onto this at all cuz to my parents i'm so.  clueless that if i reveal any of this-#i will spend the next 100000 years fighting for anything i say to be seen legitimately regarding anything at all.#like i can't change anything without fighting like hell but i also can't stay the same so it feels like i'm losing all my agency#and being forced into things i'm either not ready for or don't want#but i can't oppose or speak out or ask for anything else because either i'm ungrateful or too naive to be involved in the conversation#i feel like i'm being excluded from the conversation if you will about my entire life.  everything about me i find out after everyone else#god sorry i ranted in the tags tonight.  gonna just post this and delete it in a few hours :zany:
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tmntxthings · 6 months
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Hey, I hope this request motivates you a bit! I was wondering if you could do little scenarios with the Rise boys reacting to accidentally hitting their S/O while they stretched?
You know that thing that happens when you're standing too close to someone and they move or do something and end up hitting you in the face, it happened to me at college sobs 😭
Have a lovely day! <3
一∑ Accidents Happen・゜・。
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author’s note: sksksks sure sure, I wanna say this has happened to me too but I can’t recall a specific scenario which makes me think it has happened just I’ve obliterated it from my memory out of embarrassment?!?
note 2.0: so I did Raph’s first, forever ago and a bit of Leo’s then just now I did Donnie’s and Mikey’s, everyone’s is a bit different and it’s like 3am idk how to feel! BUT WE POST ANYWAYS
warnings: cursing, injuries caused by accident, attempts at humor, crack, fluff, unedited
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Raph was super excited to help you learn self-defense! It was a great skill to have. Just in case ya know! Plus it would make you feel more confident too.
“First things first! We gotta loosen up, I usually start with arm stretches.” Raph said with a toothy grin. He couldn’t stop smiling. He loved being able to hang out with you, but you had asked him personally to train you for self defense. Not any of his brothers! He was honored and didn’t want to mess up!
Raph then grabbed his left elbow and started to pull it, making the muscles there taunt. You immediately started to copy him. Asking if your form was right which had Raph moving closer and correcting you just slightly. “Just like that! Now other side!” And when Raph went through with the motion of doing his other arm, it was too late.
The smack resounded throughout the weight room and if things couldn’t be anymore horrible, because of his stature, he had quite literally smacked your face.
Stunned you held your cheek. It stung. And Raph was a ball of tears instantly. “Oh— Y/n!!!! Are you okay??? I’m so sorry!!! I didn’t mean to, I should’ve backed up!! I got too close and— Raph’s so so sorry.” He was on his knees in front of you. Telling you to smack his face in return. And you just laughed, saying that it was okay.
“Once I learn these self defense moves you won’t be able to land a hit like that again!” You joked.
Raph could only whimper. He felt horrible. He was a horrible teacher! And it took some convincing from you to get the ball rolling again. He sniffled here and there because he just couldn’t get it out of his mind. He was hard on himself for sure. Even though it was an accident he wouldn’t forgive himself!!
Leo was prone to doing weird shit randomly. Like striking a pose anywhere, anytime he saw fit. So while sure I could totally come up with a prompt for stretching like I did with Raph…but in my head…more realistically… it would be because Leo was up to his regular shenanigans again!
He had texted you not that long ago that he was planning on portal-ing over! It was a common occurrence, it made for traveling back and forth to the lair fast. If only the side effects wouldn’t hit you like that one ride at the fair, the Spaceship 9000?? The one that spins, and spins, and spins so fast that the piece of metal your buckled into moves up and down??? Right?? I’ve only went on it once so this is like a very bad descriptor but hopefully someone knows what the heck I’m talking about.
Going through a Leo portal was like that. The feeling of getting spun around so much that your stomach didn’t feel like it was in your body anymore. More like it was splattered all over the ground. Or three miles back in the direction from which you came. You wondered absentmindedly if all portals were like that. Or if that was just because of Leo?
Anyhow, it had been a while since he had sent you that message. You were used to him coming instantly after sending the message. Really not even giving you enough time to read the damn text! You sighed and got up from your bed and headed to the living room where he would be portal-ing in. But instead of going to the couch, you wanted to try and guess where the fool would land. Maybe closer to the actual door, as if he had used it to begin with?
It was while you were thinking, that a blue portal opened above head not but mere inches to the left of you. There had been no whirring or whizzing noises. No “Geronimo!!” Or “Heads up!” call outs. It was ninja silent stealth mode at which Leo came in. Eyes closed, and once he was through, only then did he holler, “And he sticks the landi—“
A loud thwack could be heard as one of his hands collided into you as he did a ridiculous windmill motion with his arms to steady himself. And it hurt like hell where he had slapped your arm. “Shiiiiiiiiiiiittttt!” The force had knocked you a little ways away too! As you held your arm where it stung and closed your eyes to not start crying, and then your mouth to not start yelling.
“Y/n???” Leo opened his eyes and shook the hand that had hit your arm. “My bad! You’re usually in your room when I come, and I just— I don’t know!” He rambled, a nervous smile on his face as he watched you close up.
Silence. Breathing. That was all that could be heard. Leo started feeling really guilty. He hadn’t been holding back his strength because he was an idiot and didn’t know you were there. “I’m really sorry..” he murmured. Not coming in close because he didn’t want to anger you further.
“It’s..cool!” You shook your arm, eyes opening and god damn it they were watery. “Oh no it’s not. Let me get you some ice. Fuck. I’m really really sorry.” Leo springs into action at the sight of your unshed tears. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose.” You tried to console him but didn’t deny the need for ice. Relief was felt when the ice pack met your skin. “Still wanna come over?” He asked timidly, wondering if he had ruined today in general too. “Duh, I’m going to be fine Leo! How about we stop for ice cream, on you and then it’s all even mkay?”
Because you knew if you didn’t say this then he would just continue to hold onto the guilt despite all your words and reassurances. “One waffle cone coming up!!” Leo cheered, his dramatics back on as he twirled a sword to make another flashy portal, you could only hope you would survive the journey.
Donnie has a stick. “Technically Y/n, it’s a bo. Bo staff. Not a stick.” Your eyes narrowed in on his weapon of choice. “Looks like a metal stick to me.” You told him plainly. He huffed. He knew that his weapon wasn’t always the one to wow people away. It wasn’t flashy like some people *cough* *cough* leo *cough*. “Okay I lied, it’s not just a bo, it’s a tech bo!” Donnie emphasized, spinning the said weapon around between his fingers before making it land on the ground vertically. Before you could question further he clicked a very inconspicuous spot on the bo, which was basically a finger-print reader that took half a millisecond to expand out and show off a variety of other weapons attached to his bo.
A saw, a drill, and the list could go on but those were the main two you recognized before it contracted back into stick form as you liked to call it. “Nice,” you nodded, giving Donnie his props where they were due, because it was pretty cool. It was like a multi-tool. You said that aloud too.
“Yeah but way better cause I made it.” Donnie amended because he couldn’t allow himself to be compared to such everyday items. He was better. Much better.
You opened your palm out, “can I try?” Insinuating you wanted a go at holding his stick. Well, his tech bo. But he made you spell it out for him. “Try what exactly?” He asked, right eyebrow raising. “Holding the stick” “It’s not a stick.” “Okay okay, can I try to hold the tech stick?” “Maybe, if you say it properly and also realize that you are most definitely going to hurt yourself with my tech bo.”
You made a face at that. “I most certainly am not!” You retorted and made a grab for the tEcH bO. It was out of your reach before you could even get close. And this game of keep away continued until you, asked with a “pretty please can I hold your almighty tech bo!?” Donnie was satisfied, clearly, with a smug look on his face as he allowed you to snatch it away from his hold. Finally.
You turned it around in your hands. Making slow circles. Donnie immediately trying to coach you on a better method, “Your feet aren’t in the right position~!” He chirped happily, as if correcting you was an absolute pleasure. He continued to badger you, despite your genuine efforts to improve. And at one point it all became too much, like he was being haughty. Holding it over your head that you weren’t catching on quickly.
“I get it Donnie! I suck!” You yelled and brought the metal bo down sharply. Right on your toes. You did have socks on. But the thin material did nothing to prevent the instant pain that had you crumpling down, bo falling out of your hand to instead cradle your injured foot.
It was embarrassing. The loud clatter of the bo hitting the ground, the rush of Donnie coming in close, kneeling to try and analyze the damage. You were so angry and so embarrassed that despite the pain, you pushed him away. Sniffling and whimpering, “Leave me alone!” You cried. And yep you were crying. Rocking back and forth now on your butt in an attempt to somehow ease the pain that was flowing from your toes, through your foot, all the way up to your ankle. Had you broken something?!?
Of course you hadn’t pushed him far, nor hard enough to knock him down. But he felt horrible. He felt like he was the reason this had all happened in the first place. Egging you on and messing with your head, truly being a bit of a jerk. “Just let me look please? It may be broken Y/n, it’s..high grade titanium…” he muttered the last bit because he was in no way trying to show that off in this moment. And the look in your eyes when you finally met his concerned stare was heartbreaking. He saw how red and puffy they were from the agitated tears, your cheeks ruddy as well. “Please?” He tried again. Coming in close hands up and out as a show of meaning no harm.
Slowly, your hand came away from your own toes, and Donnie peeled off your sock and assessed the injury. Light touches here and there and profusely apologized when you hissed in pain. “It’s not broken! Just bruised, pretty badly, I’ll go get some ice and then some wraps, just stay right there, don’t move!” And he was off moving swiftly as went in search for the items he required.
He gave you the ice, letting you decide how much pressure to put on the wound, and he stayed silent as he got out a few different wraps. As your tears dried and the sniffling ceased, you noticed how serious Donnie looked. When he came back down to kneel by your foot, he decided to checkup the entire area. “What about this, does this hurt?” He asked pressing lightly on a different part on the top of your foot. “Not really, it’s all getting kind of numb now,” the ice was doing its magic. He nodded, chewing on his lower lip. “I think I should wrap it now,” he said but made no move to start until you gave him the go ahead.
He was very careful. Taking all the time in the world to make sure the wrapping was perfect. When he finished he sighed, and looked up at you sincerely, “I’m sorry for being such an ass… you were doing really well but I just kept..” he sighed again shaking his head as it dropped. Looking back down at your wrapped foot. “Dee.. we like to get in each other’s nerves, you just did a really great job this time around,” you admitted with a slight laugh. But he only smiled weakly, still feeling so guilty. You huffed and shoved at his shoulder lightly, “hey, honestly I think it was your bo getting back at me for calling it a stick so many times!”
He couldn’t help but smile at that one. If only a little. “How about this? You grovel for the rest of the day, andddd order my favorite pizza?” He was quiet, thinking. “How about I just get the pizza?” Finally looking up and looking a bit better, “I don’t knowwww…” and the two of you were going back and forth once more, laughing it off.
Mikey, bless his heart, was having a fabulous time when it came to your yoga sessions. You had gotten into it and dragged the brothers into your new hobby. But the only brother who truly stuck with it was Mikey. Of course this should’ve been a no brainer, what with his acrobatic skills when it came to soaring into the air, from building to building.
So it wasn’t odd that the two of you were together in the gym alone at the lair. Sometimes he’d come over to your flat and the two of you would yoga in the only big room you had (the living room). But most times it was more convenient to do it in a space that was created with exercise in mind. After getting nice and warmed up, talking about each others day and updating one another on any tea it was time to get down to business.
“What’s on the roster today??” Mikey asked already bouncing lightly back and forth. Pumped to do anything when it came to hanging out with you. “Ahhh let’s see!” All the gossip had left your brain clueless to the new yoga you had learned recently so you needed to open up your phone and check your notes really quickly.
Mikey (ever the busybody) came in close, going up on his tippy toes to peer at your screen. Your elbow went out playfully, hitting him in the side plastron. He feigned injury, staggering back clutching where you had touched. “Betrayal!” He fake coughed. “And I thought Leo was the dramatic one!” You teased further.
At this both hands moved to cover his heart. “Take that back!!” He gasped though he could hardly hide his pleased smile. “And if I don’t??” You countered, forgetting about the phone as the screen turned black under inactivity. “Then I’ll make you!” Mikey’s face turned downright villainous (as much as a cutie patootie can), hands up and fingers at the ready to tickle you into submission.
Immediately you were fleeing. You were no stranger to Mikey’s tickling in fact the last time you had been caught in his clutches you were begging for mercy. You almost gave in right then and there at the memory but you couldn’t help but think that maybe this time you could get away.
Fool. What a foolish thought.
You were a yoga hobbyist. Mikey was a fucking ninja! The odds would never be in your favor, but he did let you think you had a chance. Letting you run around in their home gym, getting by with barely a fingertips distance away. You were breathless by the time he caught you which only worsened when he started tickling at your sides and neck.
He had you trapped, he was on top of you, between your legs, hands moving fast and causing you to laugh out of control. Almost as if it had a mind of its own, your leg jumped out and tried to slam into Mikey’s side to free yourself from further torture. But he had actually bent down lower making the trajectory straight for his head. It must’ve been ninja instincts because he caught your leg easily in a tight grasp.
“Mercy!” You called out breathlessly. To which he clicked his tongue, letting go of your leg to go back to tickling. That obviously hadn’t been what he wanted to hear. “Okay okay! I take it back!” You pleaded, batting away his hands quickly. To which he continued to try and get past until he moved way too fast for you, smacking your chin accidentally when he had been aiming to just tickle your neck.
Time force. As the sound resounded, with your punctuating “Ow!” Mikey froze. Hands still, pupils shaking as it replayed in his mind. He had hit you. Accidentally of course. But. He had hit you. You were still in pain, recovering from the shock and rubbing your sore chin. While he was receding into his shell, his hands moving back into himself as he apologized. “I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I don’t know what, it was just so fast, I’m sorry!!” He was blubbering, by the time you opened your eyes to see how much this had hurt him too.
“Angie! I know! Hey, we were just roughhousing! It got out of hand, it’s okay! I know you didn’t mean it. It was an accident!” And he clung to that word. “It really was an accident. An accident. I’m so sorry. What should I do? Lemme see!” His hands moved suddenly to touch your chin but it was like the sight of his own hands getting close to you made him fearful. He retracted once more, squeezing them into fists and putting them to his chest as he moved to get off of you. To give you space.
“Mikey!” You chastised, getting up and following after him. You grabbed his hands, holding them. “Hey hey, it’s okay! Look I’m not afraid of them and neither should you. It was an accident Mikey, plus I’m already feeling better.” Slowly his fists unfurled and you brought his hands up to your face, positioning them to cup your face. He looked up, with a watery smile. “I’m really sorry,” he said one more time. “I know,” you smiled down at him. “It’s okay!” You made sure to say. And he nodded, relaxing a bit as a shaky breath went through his body before his hands held onto you more securely. Rubbing his fingers back and forth soothingly.
Then he moved back, only to jump and tackle you into a crushing hug. “Yoga?” He asked while digging his head into your neck. “Yoga!” You agreed, and he held onto you like a monkey for a bit before clambering off to return to his mat. “Alright alright, position number one!”
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timegays · 10 months
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Saw au because Augh-
(Ignore the broken arm thing on the first pic that’s only supposed to be on the second.)
Skull means they die in the end
Plus post trap injuries 
Elaboration under the cut!!
I should specify that they are not carbon copies of the characters they are based off kinda just. Parodies? You’ll get it.
Mischa-Adam. Young rapper in college just trying to get big. Photographs things he thinks would be cool album covers. Was put in the bathroom trap because he "wasted his time on a fruitless dream.". Head and neck scars are from when he hit his head on the toilet in that one scene. Yea. He also had a scar from getting shot by Noel. He got out alive tho after Noel came back for him.Doesn't work for jigsaw. Goes to Saint cassian college
ocean- strahm. Detective in the saw case. Grumpy and as stressed as strahm. Just graduated college recently. (Saint cassian college. In fact all the kids went to the same college.. Has the same hole in her throat from the water cube trap. Dies the same way as strahm does.
Constance- Perez. Ocean's partner in the saw case. A bit more anxious about jigsaw but not afraid to take action. Scars from when the doll exploded in her face. Was killed by Ricky I just haven't decided what happens yet <•_•>. Noel- Lawrence. Majoring in law because his parents made him. Was put in the bathroom trap because he "always is a tool for other people and never does anything for himself" Got out after cutting off his leg. Karnak made him an apprentice and he helps Karnak not get caught since he knows the law so well.Went back to save Mischa but Mischa doesn't know he's an apprentice. Lives in the end to continue the jigsaw legacy.
Ricky- Hoffman. Shhh lemme explain. Ricky is a college student working on being a writer. He was very interested in the jigsaw killer. After being enraged by someone stealing and publishing all his work without giving him any kind of recognition he took things a bit to far. He put the person into a copycat trap. (What trap? Idk.). Of course Karnak was not please and tested Ricky the same way hoffman was tested (I’m still deciding if it’s the same or diff test). Ricky the starts working for Karnak by helping him set up blueprints, build, and write the tapes. He kills Constance and Virgil. Noel kills him in the end the same way lawrence did to hoffman. Watched over Ezra when penny disappeared. penny/Jane doe.- Amanda. Went to college for some time while watching over her little brother, Ezra. She was put into the reverse bear trap (which also connected to her neck in the au) for supposedly not appreciating her life. After a  severe head injury when getting out of the trap she lost pretty much all her memories. She doesn’t remember anything about herself including Ezra and her name. Karnak took her in and renamed her Jane. She works as an apprentice by helping with getting the victims and keeping the doll instance/setting it up. 
Karnak- the jigsaw killer himself. Was a rollercoaster builder previously. After one of his coasters went awry and crashed, killing the passengers and injuring him. He was ridden with guilt and a new sense of life. He puts people into traps to make them appreciate what life they have left and to not destroy it like he did. Feels he has control over who lives and dies. Gets killed in the end similarly to John. (Haven’t decided the specifics of all that because he doesn’t have cancer but anyways-)
Virgil- Jill. No. Karnak does not marry the rat. I just wanted to include Virgil because I thought it was funny. Was just a rat in the warehouse before Karnak found him. Karnak became attached to him and personified him after being alone for so long in the warehouse. He knows all of jigsaws secrets and everything that happens. Dies in the end to Ricky’s hands because Ricky kinda began to lose it and blamed Virgil for everything that happened to him for some reason.  Ezra- Daniel. Teen who was living with his sister before she disappeared. Doesn’t know what Karnak did to her. Ricky takes care of him now that his sister is gone. Dedicated to finding out what happened to his sister and what the big deal with the jigsaw killer is. Mischa meets him later on and helps him try to figure it all out. He eventually finds out Penny is alive but she can’t take care of him anymore and barley even remembers him. He now lives with Mischa for the time being.
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fictionalmenxyn · 1 year
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College Life, pt.2
(College student!rugby player!Ghost x college student!art student!Y/n)
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Summary: Y/n shears a dorm room/apartment with the one and only Ghost one of the top three best players in rugby. Although he’s quiet he’s quite popular and well known, you aren’t so much. You two have been very close since Ghost made the first move but does Ghost what to take things further?
Tw: contact sport (no injuries) and I don’t think there are anymore but if they are plz let me know by a message <3
Idk maybe a part three like last time depends if I can fit it. Also if f/n pops up I mean it as friends name :)
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It’s currently third lesson, you are walking with your friend, f/n. You both had the same lesson together which was history. As you both walked in and sat in your usual spots you both pulled out your folders and started to work considering you were doing your coursework. You were chatting and working as time went on; about halfway through the lesson there was a knock at the door. You didn’t bother looking since you were going to loose the sentence you had thought about and if you didn’t finish that sentence you’d forget (relatable irl). You placed the pen on the paper as you dotted a full stop to finish said sentence. Then you had heard your name be called. You looked over to see Ghost next to your teacher; you spoke “yes, miss?” She replied “Ghost needs you a minute” you looked over to him and got out of your chair and started to walk towards the two. Once you two stepped foot outside the classroom and shut the door he spoke “can I ask you a favour?” You politely asked “what is the favour?” He answered “since I know your really good at drawing and like really good at it. I told my coach about your drawings and he has asked if you could maybe draw us a new team badge?” You smiled at the fact he had told someone about you and your art as that was your best quality. You spoke “is there a specific day I need to do it by?” He responded “uhh about two weeks time?” You nodded and spoke “I can do that, I just need to know what he wants to be on the badge and what style he wants it” Ghost nodded and spoke “if you meet me at mr.James room at lunch he’ll probably write a list or something” you smiled and nodded. Surprisingly he had pulled you into a hug and spoke “thanks Y/n/n. This means so much” you spoke happily “glad to help, and thanks for the hug. Didn’t expect you to do that” you both chuckled and he spoke “well.. I’ll see you later, eh?” You nodded and watched him walk down the corridor (hallway). You went back into class and over to your f/n to continue doing your work. They had asked what he wanted so you told them and they smiled knowing if you two were together it would be a perfect match. Sometime later, the bell went and now it was fourth lesson and the lesson was maths. Walking in you saw the usual smart ones already there, which was nothing new. You sat in your seat knowing you were on your own, due to your other friend being off from illness. Grabbing your book you placed it on the table. But in the corner of your eye you saw someone sat next to you; looking to your left you saw Ghost. You spoke “so your sitting by me today?” He jokingly said “do you not want me to?” He chuckled while you spoke “yes.. well, I’m just wondering because I thought you’d sit with your friends?” He once again chuckled and spoke “well they can sit on the desk in front and next to me, if you don’t mind?” You spoke “not at all, I’m friends with most” little did you know he actually smiled under his mask. Now working, your pen had seemed to run out. You mumbled to yourself “damn it” Ghost placed a pen on your book and spoke “here have my spare one” you smiled and thanked him. Gosh your falling for him hard you thought, you also thought about how most people were intimidated by him but he never was like that to you through your eyes. Once you had finished all your work you checked to see if Ghost was done and he had just finished. You spoke “after lunch I’m going home” he looked down at you since there was a height difference. He spoke “ok” you asked “want me to make you something or get you anything from the shop?” He shook his head and replied “no thanks” you nodded and turned to face the front again. You watched and listened the boys talking about random topics and joined in on a few when they asked for your opinion or thoughts. After that the bell had rang and you grabbed your bag and followed Ghost as you both went to Mr.James room. Once you both got there Ghost knocked on the door and waited to be beckoned in. You and Ghost stood by the teachers desk as he wrote a quick list of things to be added to the badge. Then you went home…
Hope you enjoyed!
Make sure to request or message me if you want me to write anything.
Have a good day/night! 🫶
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itsaspectrumcomic · 2 months
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man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?
i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)
and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth
but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)
so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol
-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)
Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.
It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.
I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.
🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck
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disapoimeq · 7 months
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Hi stupid (???) trio hcs that make no sense
Idk their trio name lol anyways I'll probably be editing this from time 2 time
Randoms
Julius celebrates his birthday usually w others in like parties but he has a specific reserved time for when he spends it w Vince and Jesús
Jesús usually expects ppl not to hang out w him much in his birthday cuz yknow its Christmas and ppl are busy but Vince and Julius never fail to make it and they set their other plans aside 4 him!
Vincent hates celebrating his birthday and usually tries to forget abt it but Julius and Jesús don't allow him to n they make sure he spends it well and enjoys it!!
Tried to keep eachother calm in the anxiety episode but failed 💀
Julius likes writing
Jesús like crafting
Vincent likes painting DUH!!
#perfect team:)
Vincent likes going on long calls with em when he paints and Julius usually just leaves it in the background whilst he does other things,Jesús sleeps on call sometimes
Julius switches his wreath w Jesús' halo when they're bored
They rarely fight and when they do it never lasts LMFAO bros cannot stay mad at eachother
+Julius is usually forward or honest w his issues, Jesús doesn't wanna spend his time angry at any of them, and Vincent just needs a bit of time to himself and he'll feel ok with them again
Vincent prone to sickness
Jesús prone to injury
Julius too many near death experiences
Julius and Jesús like having long talks when they walk home together
Julius pours milk first 😔
Jesús does it either way
Vincent doesnt like the texture of cereal
Julius has bad allergies most the time
Vincent has asthma
Jesús gives good advice and never fails to encourage Vincent atleast a bit
Julius and Jesús like getting summer jobs so they can be co-workers
One time Jesús said a random ass joke but Vincent legit found it so funny bro still laughs about it even weeks later
Julius usually takes the blame when they get in trouble for stupid stuff
Sometimes they have to drag Vincent out the art room to have lunch with them or they just eat with him there
Jesús always puts his arm on their shoulders or clings onto them when they walk
JULIUS SOMEHOW NEVER GETS SICK so like he doesn't care if the other two are sick he still not gonna leave them alone
They don't take pics with each other much but when they do it actually looks really good/wholesome:)
Julius talks about them too much and brags about them all the time
Vincent questions most of their decisions honestly
Julius and Jesús childhood pals
They wanna be roommates in college smh
Sleepover fesitivies
Julius slept first in one sleepover n woke up to his face with scribbles and doodles 💀
Sometimes they get prank calls from Gandhi in the middle of the night and they're just like UGHHH AGAIN!?!?!
Julius sleeps first wakes up 2nd
Jesús sleeps 2nd wakes up first
Vincent never sleeps./j
Plays boardgames occasionally
Julius literally will do any dare you give him in truth or dare
Jesùs somehow always wins Uno
Vincent sucks at charades/heads up, actually just guessing games in general
Doesn't tell eachother scary stories, doesn't fuck with ghosts and minds their business 😭
Sleepovers usually occur in Julius' house but after school they usually hang out more in Vincent's
Julius is a heavy sleeper and only wakes up if the noise is really loud
Vincent kicks when he sleeps 💀
Uhh idk what else ill add later lolll 😹
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stardewsnail · 1 year
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Shane N/S/F/W Alphabet
Snail’s directory here
Shane’s master post can be found here
- NSFW alphabet requests are closed
Letters remaining: A, B, D, H, I, R, S, T, Z
A- aftercare
B - body part
C - cum
His cum is thick, and there’s no shortage of it. He also has range—beware the splash zone. When Shane orgasms he also grabs on to something—hands knotted in the sheets, dull nails digging into his partner’s back, hands pressed hard over his eyes. It’s the only time he gets a little loud. 
D - dirty secret 
E - Experience
Shane is experienced—he was an all star gridball player and I hc that he played in college too and could have gone pro if not for an injury. He’s definitely had a dry spell since moving to The Valley. 
F - favorite position
Cowgirl. Especially if his partner has breasts—he goes feral watching them jiggle and bounce right there for him to grab and play with. Will grab his partner’s hips and hold tight while he thrusts up into them. 
G - goofy
I think Shane has a good sense of humor but wouldn’t enjoy outright goofiness. Also if it’s early in the relationship he’s likely to take it as mocking him due to his own insecurity (both about not having the body he used to and because he finds it hard to believe somebody actually likes him. 
H - hair
I - intimacy 
Early in a relationship or in a hook up he really tries to hold back on the intimacy as a self defense mechanism (if he’s sober). Once he’s past that, it gets a lot more intimate. He wants to make eye contact while he fucks, he wants to cradle his partners face in his hands as he kisses them, he wants to treat his lover tenderly and then rock their world. 
J - jack off 
He jerks off with spotty regularity due to the alcohol lowering his sex drive. Isn’t really one to savor it tbh, he only pulls up something to look at sometimes.  
K - kink (anatomy specific)
He’s got a thing for panties—touching his partner through absolutely slick underwear, rubbing his cock on the fabric, sliding them to the side when he fucks them. Really wants his partner to watch him take their wet panties around his cock and jerk off but a little too embarrassed to ask.  
L - Location 
He isn’t too adventurous as far as locations go. I think the wildest he’d get is on a table or counter top. 
M - motivation 
 He finds confidence insanely attractive because he has none. It lends itself to him being more submissive in the bedroom (he follows instructions very well
N - no
Aside from all the illegal things I think feet kinda freak him out. Idk why, just a vibe. Nothing that would be dangerous or could put his health at risk either, and absolutely nothing is going in the back door. That is firmly an exit only in his mind. (If his partner wants it up the ass though, he is reporting for duty.)
O - Oral
He can give like nobody’s business. He wants to be drunk off the taste of his partner. He also prefers giving because then he himself is less visible. He’s a little insecure about his body so unless it’s a quickie where he’s getting sucked off with only his pants unbuttoned he’s going to be a little self conscious. 
P - pace
Fast and hard—this man gets so needy when he’s fucking his partner. Of course he varies as the situation demands but when he gets going it’s almost animalistic, no thoughts just thrusting. 
Q - quickie 
He likes sex and he’s not overly picky, especially when he’s been drinking. A quick hook wasn’t out of the norm before coming to The Valley. However, a quickie is a lot more fun with a partner than a stranger. 
R - risk
S - stamina 
T - toys
U - unfair 
I could see Shane being in the middle of the road. He likes making his partner cum so he’s not withholding too often. He does, however, enjoy being edged. 
V - vocal 
Mostly grunting and low moans deep from his chest. While he’s not the most vocal, he is the most turned on by a vocal partner. He’s also more than happy to provide ample praise 
W - wildcard 
He doesn’t have a gag reflex. Do with that what you will. 
X - x ray 
Shane is broad, with the kind of big forearms that come from years of helping out on Marnie’s farm. He’s stocky over all with a good bit of chub—more of a strong man build tempered by beer. His cock is thick. Girthy. Average length and uncircumcised. 
Y - yearning 
Alcoholism lowers testosterone and therefore libido, so he’s on the lower end while drinking. Once he switches to cola and actually has a partner it jumps up higher than it’s been in years and he’s honestly a little unsure of what to do with himself. 
 Z - zzz
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artific3r · 7 months
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In my wait au, all the future turtles like. Settle down and get jobs and stuff. They did their time now they wanna relax and have mundane worries.
Future guys:
Raph- becomes a middle school teacher in the undercity. Before he gets his memories back, he volunteers on weekends. And gets married and divorced. After he gets his memories back, eventually, he adopts some kids, so his weekends get busier.
Donnie- starts his own tech company, and starts making and innovating prosthetics. (Im also considering making him enter a polycule with Kendra's and Jase's parents because it would be SO funny to me but idk jury's still out on that one.)
Mikey- opens a fusion craft store/tattoo parlor. I dont totally know how this would work but he does it.
Cassandra and Leo- take over the Lou Jitsu School on Ninjutsu and start running it. Cassandra specifically works on like expansion and opening new locations while Leo is just happy to train the next generation.
April- I was going to say news reporter, but tbh? I don't think thats a dream she can go back to, after everything that happened to her. Its the dream of an April that died long before April actually died.
I think she bounces around alot of stuff for a while, and lands on studying magic and eventually opening a potion shop in the undercity.
Casey jr.- I think he sticks with the present turtles and keeps helping them be heros. I dont think he particularly knows how to slow down, but i also dont think he wants to. As he gets older, eventually he gets a job working part time with a mechanic. Their name is Car Engine and they start dating Mikey on and off again
Present guys:
Unlike the future turtles, these guys dont retire, so they are still doing heroing and as such cant really open and run their own businesses. But they do get some downtime, so this is what they do with it.
Donnie: I think he takes a bunch of online college classes and gets a degree and starts like. Doing remote work for Nasa. Why would nasa accept donnies strange and unpredictable schedule? Its simply the price they pay for his intellect
Raph: Helps out at the school with Future!Casey and Future!Leo. He also volunteers every once in a while
Mikey: becomes an influencer :(
Leo: tries to become an influencer :(
Okay but actually
Mikey: Does freelance art online, and does graffiti art. Also pursues an online degree in art
Leo: okay he actually does try to become an influencer for a bit, but after that falls through he bounces around a couple things for a while.
Starts doing college classes to become a veterinarian, drops out. Helps out at the lou jitsu school for a bit, but has to stop due to his injuries during the krang invasion. I think he ends the story still figuring himself out, which is okay. Normalize not knowing what you want! He does join an improv club though.
Also meets a particular rabbit yokai who works at run of the mill pizza and they start dating 👀 👀 👀
Cassandra: Starts doing work to help provide opportunities to former convicts and stuff. Specifically, she works with the future guys to get them jobs.
April: she becomes a news reporter. Just because it wasnt what future april wants anymore doesnt mean its not what present april wants.
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narinni · 2 months
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🎀𝐹𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝒫𝒶𝑔𝑒🎀
Hello Dear! For my very first post i would like to define exactly what I will be posting and my rules.
🎀𝒩𝓊𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝒪𝓃𝑒🎀
I will be posting drabbles, scenarios, and reactions. Writing is mainly the point of this blog, but I’m definitely open to discussing topics like culture, politics, fashion, but not that often. I also will only post in English. It seems simpler to just post in one language, but you can request things and talk to me in another language, as long as it’s one I understand(see my bio). Also, because there is a pretty big chance of me posting nsfw content, I want NO MINORS to be interacting with NSFW content.
🎀𝒩𝓊𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝒯𝓌𝑜🎀
I will write about most genres and scenarios, but here are some I can definitely do:
Genres( like blank!character x reader, or character x reader{fluff}, or character reaction to blank)
~NSFW
~Smut(limited will be explained)
~Fluff
~Angst
~Crack(maybe)
~Yandere(limits will be explained)
~Tsundere
~Basically all the deres, lol
~ooh almost forgot, I will write for any gender and specified pronouns! If you have a specific way you want yourself to be referred to(like size, features, race, ethnicity, personality), make sure to include that!
Characters/People:
~SEVENTEEN(ot13)
~Twice
~Viviz
~Monsta x(ot 7, Wonho will always be apart of monsta x to me😭)
~IVE(no smut for minor members)
~NCT
~AOT(all characters)
~Kakegurui(no smut for minor characters)
~Haikyuu(no smut for minor characters)
~Madoka Magica(no smut for minor characters)
~Howl Pendragon
~No Face
~Barbie
~Ken
~Alan
~Literally any Ryan Gosling character
~Patrick Bateman
~Leon Kennedy
~Ada Wong
~Claire Redfield
~Chris Redfield
~Jill Valentine
~Ethan Winters
~Mia Winters
~The Baker family(minus evelyn)
~Lady Dimistrescu
~Bella, Cassandra, and Daniella
~Mother(mommy) Miranda
~Carl Heisenberg
~Ryu(street fighter)
~Ken(street fighter)
~Cammy
~Chun-li
~Vega
~Luke Sullivan
~Cody Travers
~Basically any SF character that isn’t a minor(it’s way to many to list💀)
~TF2
~Red Dead Redemption
~Horror Movie characters(I’ll look them up if idk, and see)
~XQC(he’s annoying as shit but he’s a cutie)
~Hasanabi
~Jerma985
~Ludwig Ahgren
~QTCinderella
~Joel
~Vinny
~Ster
🎀𝒩𝓊𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝒯𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒🎀
Here’s some things I will NOT do:
~Rape(self explanatory)
~Nothing too freaky(peepee poopoo stuff💀, feet)
~Smutt or anything remotely sexual for a minor(character or real person)
~Su*cide(self explanatory)
~Overly descriptive gore(yes I will write about death, murder, and injury, but nothing over the top and super descriptive)
Hooray You made it to the end! I will be posting on my own accord, but feel free to request anything that’s on the list. I will try my best to get to any request, but I am a busy college student(yay psychology😒). I do apologize in advance for any bad grammar, English isn’t my first language but I think I do pretty well.
🎀𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈 𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓇🎀
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omg nonidol au hiyori dreaming of becoming a therapist/psychiatrist after his childhood encounter with nagisa, and he meets jun bc jun gets sports anime'd and dragged into a team wherein he learned the magic of goals and friendship and trains to become a professional athlete and hiyori is the team/school's designated sports nurse aid person thing bc hiyori's taken like every medical related class the school offers and n e ways what im saying is hiyojun injury meet cute
ibara is the team manager “where is nagisa” he is the star of the cheerleading team ☆
hiyori, jokingly: you should join the cheerleading team! the uniform would looks so good on you ;) nagisa: :nagisasilence: a week later, hiyori: ajpsoudfigsdjop why are you wearing that?!?!! (<- is dying) nagisa: it looks good on me
BSKDBKVN
of course it is the oblivious reciprocated mutual pining between childhood friends
hiyori (sputtering): i-it.. joek it .. it w s a cnf .. , it es d a j ok ..,, nagisa: why are you talking like that. are you broken. do you need a kiss to fix you hiyori: KISSING CANNOT FIX EVERYTHING (yes please)
hiyori screams "iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hiyori" when hes overwhelmed by gay/flustered but its like very broken and barely comprehensible and like almost always when one of his boyfs kisses him when he doesnt expect it 👀
TRUTH. REAL [1]o my god the mental image of hyper flexible nagisa in my head
[1]he does a flip and ibara spitakes, hiyori falls off the bench, and jun trips over his feet
ibara: JUN HOW DID YOU MISS THAT GOAL. IT WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. jun (pointing at nagisa doing a heel stretch): h,
[2]jun notices some people on the other team also watching nagisa and suddenly the second half is a massacre [2]hiyori also debutes as a cheerleader for this specific moment
for most games nagisa is benched because if he were out on the field cheerleading, the other team would have too many bones broken by jun
wait what sport does jun play
every single one ♡ /joke
idk i was hoping no one would ask 😭
[3]i kinda wanna say baseball
its whichever sport would be the funniest to have a cheerleading team for. for example. golf, /joke
[4]so then ibara has an excuse to keep a bunch of metal bats in the dorm
[3]👀 hed look good in a baseball uniform
BASEBALL JUN REAL
[4]really know how to make a man happy…
wait a minute what if newbie kaname joins the baseball team to get the hot cheerleader's attention but knows nothing about how to play baseball so jun has to teach him [5][7][high school musical 2 “i don’t dance” gif]
jkahfkjnakjdsnfkjndsaf
[5]my half braincell go brrrr
GDHBDDJFBFKFK THATA REALY GOOD
[6]all i can think is a little baker boy wandering into a college baseball team like 1 member away from disbandment and being lured/guilted/kidnapped into joining it 😭
jun teaching kaname how to fucking swing properly and he cant even hit the ball because hes too distracted over this attractive guy thats guiding his hands and adjusting his stance and ooohh. kaname down bad
[random tangent about prince of stride (anime)]
[6]aira being coerced into the basketball club /joke
[7]omg wait in a important or semi-important game kaname somehow manages to hit a very stratigically good home run and is so proud of himself and cheers and its the first time hes managed to hit it that far and hes going up to everyone for double high fives and when jun (confused, stunned) lifts his arms up on reflex to copy the way kaname tossed his up kaname laces their fingers for a bit and gives their hands a hearty swing and smiles so so brightly and happily and stupidly pridefully and smug and oh my god jun might be in love with this idiot too [8]yes i am making kaname enjoy swinging his and his fave ppl's clasped hands a thing
hiiro picks up the habit [8]WAIT
REAL
U THINK HE DOES THAT CUS MANAMI AND HIMERU DID THAT WITH HIM WHEN HE WAS SMOL
> :OOOO
[replying to old message of a fanart asta drew, manami is on the left, himeru is on the right, and kaname is in the middle- holding both of their hands in the air as he jumps, they all look incredibly fond]CIRCA ^^^^
MANAMI DID IT TO HIM ALL THE TIME AND THEN HE STARTED DOING IT TO HIMERU
IT HAS COME FULL CIRCLE..
he thought it was normal until niki acted all suprised 🥺
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thelypteriiis · 1 year
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i wasnt sure if i wanted to put this here bc im lazy but its been poisoning my brain for the last 24 hours so here we go @ejunkiet im tagging you bc you asked about the long essay im sorry if you didn't mean it literally
ok tldr: dump should have an empowered equivalent to the CDC to monitor and prevent disease spread in empowered humans specifically shifters. shifters should probably also practice some tick safety. how is this something we havent gotten a lecture from david or damien about???
so i posted this on tiktok and it started as a joke but i ended up taking it way to seriously lol the original question was: are shifters affected by lyme disease/ticks in their nonshifted form if they are exposed in their shifted form? psa ive been told lyme disease and ticks are generally not a huge worry in California (where dahlia is set) but we're continuing with this nonetheless. also dont get me started on the redacted medical care conversation this prompted i had with a friend on discord ill be here all day
so if a shifter is bitten by a tick while on their romps in the woods and infected with lyme how does that work? especially if they are a non wolf shifter (which im pretty sure have been confirmed?? idk) bc they have higher exposure rates to ticks (mice, voles, shrews, etc) like i know they are biologically human but when shifted they are essentially the animal they shift into right? when shifted they cant talk, dont have opposable thumbs, etc. morphologically they are the animal they shift into. so while humans cant get lyme from the infected animal if they literally are that animal would they get it? my guess is yes. mostly bc at the end of the day they are human and we know that magic can't fix everything (ex: david's parents, bright and fred, etc) im guessing something like a chronic illness cant be wiped away with magic plus magic doesn't like boost their immune system or anything.
so a possible solution would be tick collars! maybe not specifically collars since i think only ash would be down to wear one but tick prevention somehow? like a similar concept in jewelry maybe? clothing? clothing would be cool since we know (at least for the shaw pack) they can shift with their clothes on bc of the games.
this also brought up the possibility of other zoonotic and interspecies diseases. how would rabies affect mammalian shifters? could shifters contract giardia from consuming contaminated water while shifted and how would that affect their nonshifted form? what if a deer shifter (if they canonically exist) came in contact with chronic wasting disease (you might have heard this called zombie deer disease)? while we arent sure it affects humans it should certainly affect their shifted form right? could a bat shifter contract white nose syndrome? that is decimating bat populations across the us so how would it affect shifters.
if an illness affects them how are they managed? how are they monitored so there isn't an outbreak within packs/clans/etc? there's gotta be some form of a CDC type organization. one that at the very least gives out some kind of illness prevention right? pre exposure rabies vaccinations, tick collars, medical attention for those exposed to whatever they come across. if college is free in the redactedverse there's gotta be some good as medical care and prevention too right?
this also brought me down the path of how does in injury in their shifted form translate into their nonshifted form? most animals have a similar enough lay out but nothing exactly the same. wolves are not built the same as humans. our skeletons dont match up exactly neither does the musculature. its gotta be a general thing right? it cant be hyper specific to the literal place of injury. wolves have more teeth than people, right? if it was hyperspecific an a shifter injured a tooth that doesn't exist on the human body what happens? they luck out? or it is price is right rules (whatever is closest)? just like injured foot in shifted form means injured foot in nonshifted form. how does one seek medical care for that? especially if its an injury a human couldn't sustain just bc we dont move like certain animals do. this brings back the empowered cdc/dr organization
im also not an expert on any of these things. i have a broad wildlife degree so we briefly covered a ton of stuff. we didn't have an in-depth epidemiology or anatomy class so if anything is wayyyy off please lmk!! also i dont ever expect answers to these questions. it was just a fun little thought that i hyperfocused on.
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sapchats · 3 months
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Hi! I hope you’re doing well :) 
I’ve seen a lot of people saying that they want to see Dream make more commentary/documentary style videos (and I completely agree, he’d be so good at it) so if he were to do that, what topic(s) would you want to see him cover? 
Have a great day!
-🐝
i don't watch a lot of commentary things like i don't think ive even seen one i don't even know what topics they talk about 😭 ig it'd be nice if he talked about queerness in professional sports (like . how people hide it until they're finished playing yk) i can't articulate it well but yeah i think me and my nfl hyperfixation would really enjoy it ^-^ and i'd love to hear his thoughts on FSU not making the college playoffs despite their perfect undefeated season (through injuries btw) and his opinion on the deciding board and also the NCAA etc etc idk i want to hear him talk football it would save me and fix everything wrong with me
it just occurred to me that maybe everyone else is giving answers more specific to like . his career and skill set and whatever but im gonna be so real i literally have no idea what to say so Yeah. football !
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marmolita · 11 months
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15 questions
I was tagged by @ivorydice ! Thanks!
Zero-pressure tagging: @wildehacked @squidsquadlove @shoujocowboy and whoever else wants to do it!
1. Are you named after anyone?
Nope! Just a name my parents liked.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Uh...this morning lmao
3. Do you have kids?
I do indedd
4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
A moderate amount I guess? Like I don't think people would describe me as a sarcastic person but it's not like I'm never sarcastic either.
5. What sports do you/have you played?
As a kid, nothing. I took lessons in swimming and gymnastics and tennis at various times but never got past beginner level of anything. As an adult, I did a couple of sprint-distance triathlons and some 5ks but that's about it.
6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?
I honestly have no idea! I forget what people looked like after I see them unless they had some specific look about them that was memorable.
7. Eye colour?
Yes. 😂 Actually according to some chart or other my eyes are technically "gray" although they're like, dark gray on the edges, blue-green in the main part, and brown right next to the pupil.
8. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings 100%
9. Any special talents?
Depends what you mean by "special." I can play the violin and piano because all that time I spent not doing sports as a kid I spent doing music instead, does that count as special? There's probably a hundred million other people at least who can also do that.
10. Where were you born?
SoCal!
11. What are your hobbies?
Fandom obvs, as I said above violin and piano though I rarely play my violin these days (which is unfortunate because I was decently good at it but alas, repetitive stress injury). I got into jigsaw puzzles so that probably counts though I haven't done one for a while because I was busy doing knitting and trying out embroidery, but I don't know that I'd call them hobbies compared to the jigsaw puzzles. I like picking out plants for the garden but I'm a slacker and Mr. Lita does all the yard work. Not sure what else counts here -- watching TV? Reading? Going for long walks? Shopping? Cooking? I do all these things.
12. Do you have any pets?
Not at the moment. We're planning to get a dog later this year (last one passed a number of years ago).
13. How tall are you?
5'4"
14. Favorite subject in school?
In college it was Japanese 100%. In high school idk, I don't know that I had a favorite. I do enjoy learning foreign languages so maybe that's just it.
15. Dream job?
Being rich enough that I don't have to work tbh. Would someone pay me to just tool around the house doing various hobbies and take trips to places? Otherwise honestly my actual job is fine, like, I don't love it all the time and I'm not excited to go to work every day but it's perfectly acceptable for a thing I have to do to make money.
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motherscarf · 3 years
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I have been very intentional abt avoiding critical responses to awtwb, but…. I want to say smthn. I feel like a lot of the criticism I see abt awtwb revolves around the fact that simons recovery moves too quickly!! I am not attacking that opinion bc a lot of ppl in this fandom think I’m argumentative but I’m just thinking abt it and I just want to very quietly and calmly urge you to consider the following things:
1. Simon’s recovery didn’t start at the beginning of awtwb, it started at the end of Carry On. Some of you guys are reading these books with the assumption that Simon woke up one morning in awtwb and decided to get better, but all of the horrible things that happened to Simon after the mage died were all PART of his recovery. The uncomfy conversation he had w Baz at the ball, the abandoned therapy sessions, the weeks/months he spent depressed- these are all parts of HIS recovery story. The beginning of wayward son spans over weeks if not months (specifically, Baz’s & Penny’s recollection of how Simon has been acting over the last few weeks, not what’s happening live in the book itself), meaning that there are weeeeks of Simon being fucking depressed as hell. Or, in other words, Simon is at rock bottom as we enter the story of wayward son, meaning that actually, simons agreement to go to America is his first step out of the hole, his first step up from rock bottom. So all of wayward son AND all of Awtwb are about his recovery, or about him digging himself out from that hole.
2. Simon doesn’t have a broad mental illness. I think it’s important to remember that Simon isn’t necessarily recovering from mental illness - bear with me for a second- he’s recovering from mental illness that is a trauma response (whether u think he’s also suffering from other mental illnesses is another story but that’s not what this post is about). I think a lot of ppl are really familiar with the idea of just HAVING a mental illness for reason of a chemical imbalance or whatever idk, which can result in a lifetime of recovery, but mental illness that arises in response to a traumatic event is sometimes really localized. For this reason, his depression IS part of his recovery, even if it seems counterintuitive. When people JUST have depression, they need to recover from the depression itself, but when people have depression as a trauma response it’s a symptom of processing what happened to you. You have to feel the lowest of the low to be able to dig yourself back out of it. If you’re only a little depressed you won’t feel the need to do anything about it- thats why people sometimes need to be told when they need help.
3. There is no timeline on recovery. There isn’t.. a timeline on these things. I know it can seem unfair or untrue to your specific situation, but mental illness doesn’t have a clock. Sometimes something just snaps you out of it. I’m not a psychologist, but every person that I’ve known who has had a trauma response is only in that deep deep rock bottom place for a short time, and then use that time at rock bottom to propel themselves to better places. For example, I was suicidal in November of my freshman year of college, but by December my mental health was better than it ever had been in my adult life. Idk abt other people, but recovery from a depressive state for me was nothing like recovering from an injury (little bits of activity at a time,,, etc.), it was like “ok I want to get better” and so I fixed my mindset and then conditions started to improve. Does that mean I stopped recovering after the first jump back? Absolutely not. But I improved vastly over a short period of time because I needed NEEDED to get better or I wasn’t going to survive. This brings me to my last point.
4. Simon isn’t totally better. This point is the point that ppl seem to be missing a lot and it’s kind of driving me crazy bc they say it so many times guys. “He’s better he had sex” um… he… he tried to eat his bf while they dry humped. He tried to join a cult led by a man who pretended to be him. “Maybe this isn’t my life to have [him].” Does that really REALLY seem better to you? I think the most realistic part of this series is the fact that Simon didn’t get cured. He’s still really fucked up- especially as someone who had little help from a mental health professional. But, he’s not gonna be at rock bottom for the rest of his life, or his life wouldn’t be much longer.
Idk like. There are things to criticize about every book on earth but awtwb isn’t a standalone and we all need to be cognizant of that. I can see how it can feel like the series lead to this incredible recovery story and maybe it felt to you like that couldn’t be completed in 3 books, and, honestly I agree. But the thing is, it wasn’t completed in 3 books. He’s still recovering. One of the major points of the sss is that the story keeps going no matter what, and you can choose to be a part of it or you can choose to fade away. The story continues with Simon- it’s never going to be perfect, he’s not completely over the traumas of his childhood, but he chose to be part of his story again.
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weirdmageddon · 3 years
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five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago
i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me
IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.
i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.
if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that
when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.
but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.
i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.
to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example
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see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:
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even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.
the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”
but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).
and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”
even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”
these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”
dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.
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there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.
what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.
and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?
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mallowstep · 3 years
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Ok, you've tempted me enough to bite. Tell me all the good things I'm missing from TPB.
oh man oh man this list might be long. i'm not going to cover plot points unless i'm noting something specific about them, just little moments i like.
starting with into the wild...
yellowfang baits firepaw into sharing the rabbit that he catches her. which first wow cool he caught a rabbit but second i think it's hysterical because she Does Not defend him. (okay How Much she baits him is debatable but that's how the scene Feels.)
greypaw just casually announces windclan was driven out nbd
bluestar thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with sending firepaw, a young apprentice, to deal with the yellowfang shadowclan situation. i shouldn't find this half as funny as i do.
ravenpaw kills a fucking adder i've said it before and i'll say it again it's fucking insane.
sandpaw and firepaw's first interaction always makes me laugh. go Off sandstorm.
spottedleaf's whole vibe as a medicine cat is actually my fav. she's so like. aggressively just. dreamy? idk it's good i like her a lot in this book. also she smells pretty.
into fire and ice, one of my Favorite books
no one takes any heed of barkface's omen. they're just like "oh okay sure an unnecessary death whatever" and then after the fact fireheart is like "huh. guess we probably shouldn't've cut through riverclan territory. eh. the more you know."
cinderpaw is Adorable. she's my favourite part of this book and it shows.
oh! fireheart plays a trick with owl...pellets? is that what they're called? owl pellets? anyway bluestar did it to him and he does it to her and it's really sweet
everyone is always like "oh cinderpaw and brackenpaw were too young" and like no they weren't. sorry this is unrelated but they're not too young. greystripe and fireheart, however, should not have been mentors like what. we don't know Exactly when they're born but dustpaw and sandpaw are still fucking apprentices and Yet fireheart and greystripe get apprentices? you're right greystripe you don't deserve brackenpaw
princess is the one to suggest that tigerclaw might be responsible for cinderpaw's injury which never fails to amuse me
fireheart does Not know what to do with cloudkit. princess just shoves him off and it also i find it funny.
brindleface and frostfur Immediately decide cloudkit is theirs. i'm p sure one of them says "you can go now" which like. makes me cackle now.
also this is a small thing but nutmeg and jake had some really strong genes because cloudkit is like. minimum four months younger than fernkit and ashkit and they all get on fine.
everyone makes fun of fireheart and greystripe for fighting.
cloudkit catches a vole? i will never fail to bring up how cool and impressive this is consider he's like, three months old? ish?
oh and. there's something very sweet in fireheart carrying gorsekit. i always liked that moment.
into forest of secrets, a book which people tend to dislike without necessarily realizing it. but i loved it.
it takes fireheart until Now to just ask riverclan how oakheart died something i also think is funny
mistyfoot and silverstream are shown to be friends. i just. i really like that they're friends. it's nice. remember when cats had friendships, erins? do you? do you?
anyway i always forget mistyfoot's kits are introduced in this book but one of them is named primrosekit (don't think that's in the book) and i just want you to know that because i love her name
fireheart is just like. doing so much man. he feels like a college student in this book
also cloudkit! is such a little shit i love him. he also gets all the elders on his side early by bringing them prey and being a good listener so as far as they're concerned he can do no wrong
it Turns Fucking Out thunderclan is mad at fighting
ohh okay so when silverstream is kitting. tigerclaw shows up. and cinderpaw passes him a kit and tells him to get licking and he's like "the fuck???" and she's like "tigerclaw so help me" and he listens it's one of cinderpaw's Best moments because yeah she's that fucking good. i love it so much. it should be on the wiki page for forest of secrets because it's a really good moment.
brokenstar's death is a super fucking casual thing
while bluestar is freaking the fuck out over what to do the whole clan is in a constant state of "what the Fuck" and iirc everyone is like "so whitestorm's gonna be deputy, right? he's the only choice" or at least i was but nope! it's fireheart
next up, rising storm: aka the only cover i remember well.
and fwiw i really hate the reprint covers. makes me extra sad that my mom made me donate all my warriors books. like idk i miss the old art.
fireheart gets kind of mad at cinderpelt for helping the sick shadowclan warriors and it's funny bc like dude u were doing the same thing like a book ago with riverclan
cloudpaw turns his whole kittypet adventure into a fun story of bravery ya little shit
oh man i can't tell you how sad the fire scene is
the real fire scene is in tpb and no i will not take criticism on this
fireheart is basically internally panicking 100% of the time
i just. circling back to last book when goldenflower agrees to nurse the kits. it's a really sweet moment and it really sets things up because at this point you know she's tigerclaw's mate and it's just a really good way of establishing her character and i love her so much she's so wonderful god i love her
warriors really do never be telling people Anything i can't exaggerate that
okay onto a dangerous path
i realize that there are like. a tonne of moments that i just. i'm not digging through 1.8k pages of book to find all of the moments. these are just the things that stick out to me. i don't like. i don't want to tell you that you Should read tpb because if it's not your cup of tea i respect that
but i do want to say that because it's in one pov, one clan, etc, that you do get a lot more small moments of relationships. you really get to understand these characters in a way we don't anymore, imo
fireheart and cinderpelt talking about her dream like i'm sure this isn't relevant you fucking idiots
the scene where bluestar calls fireheart a traitor is Raw like man that hits Different
cloudtail really does get promoted because of his athesism
goldenflower gives fireheart an ice cold lecture about bramblekit. it's like. she says something really good about how she loves him, she's his mate, and she understand that he's not a good guy but she still isn't going to be the one to tell her kits that and while i think it's unfair to ask fireheart to do this
(she does this bc he's the deputy, not because he's bramblepaw's mentor. in fact i believe she does this before the ceremony.)
i still like. it stuck with me.
when brindleface dies cinderpelt says something about how fernpaw and ashpaw are barely more than kits and it's like? bruh? they're older than cloudtail, a warrior? anyway
wait this is discoursey sorry
ferncloud and dustpelt's age gap is like. something a lot of people take as bad. and personally like they're at most a year apart. idk i saw someone claim that dustpelt was like. not a young adult when he's first interested in fernpaw and like he very much is. idk. i don't really want to talk about this anymore i just want to point out that like. imo the fact that he's her brother's mentor (and therefore overseeing a lot of her training) and demonstrates interest in her during that time is the bad part, not the age thing. idk. anyway.
bluestar doesn't really have a "moment of clarity" when she dies. it seems like that but it's actually just that she's so close to death she's focusing on her old memories. at least that's how i always read it.
last up, the darkest hour
firestar's ceremony slaps if you read nothing else from tpb let it be this, because it's really good and also it's at the beginning of the book highly recommend
i like his descriptions of starclan
i also think there's something very sweet in cinderpelt accompanying him.
i didn't mention this before but iirc he goes with cinderpaw part of the way to the moonstone before she's confirmed as a medicine cat's apprentice and is kind of like "hey u don't have to do this" and maybe i just read that in a fic but i'm pretty sure it's canon and it's a good moment either way
the fact that they don't kill darkstripe makes 0 sense to me which is why i almost always have them kill him if i'm tinkering with the plot
also sorrelkit <3 what a cutie
uhh the scene where they rescue featherpaw and stormpaw is. something else. like clearly i think about it all the time i'm constantly writing fics about it but.
one thing that stuck with me the most is that stormpaw is 100% ready to fight stonefur. and the way it's described, it's like, stormpaw knows he can't win. stonefur understands this. and stonefur is said to be proud of him. stormpaw steps between featherpaw and stonefur and stonefur looks proud of him, and stormpaw is so ready to fight and stonefur looks like he's going to and he's so proud of stormpaw and then stonefur refuses and dies and i literally made myself cry writing this because it's such a heartbreaking moment
stonefur is proud of him
stormpaw has really consistent characterization throughout the books and i appreciate that.
stonefur is Proud of him.
uhh moving on
(stonefur is proud of him)
mistyfoot is also like. so protective of featherpaw and stormpaw. like i said she was friends with silverstream. and she insists on overseeing their training and like. idk. a lot of this plotline i love.
also like. okay stonefur is still leopardstar's deputy when all of this is going on which is the funniest part to me, that she doesn't strip him of his rank even though he's in prison.
not just funny, it says a lot about her and him.
he looks to her for confirmation, too. he forces her to give him the order. he does not back down.
and he's proud of stormpaw and for just a moment you think maybe stonefur really is going to fight them but he doesn't and you realize, his pride was not because stormpaw was going to fight even though it would kill him, but because stonefur knew he was going to die
okay i swear i really am trying to move on i just have a lot of thoughts about that scene i can't stop writing about it
bone really do b killed by a bunch of apprentices
idk there's something very funny to me in barley's "bloodclan's weakness is not believing in starclan" bit to me like. barley. wyd bro?
their real weakness is that they don't care for others, barley. you know that.
kinda sucks that leopardclan is left out of the battle stuff bc now no one remembers leopardclan it's all lionclan and tigerclan.
there's really so much i love about these books that i could go on for ages, but this is kind of like...a list of things that are both minor enough they're not included in most plot summaries but major enough that they're still interesting imo
listing all of the tiny things (the way there's a circle of ferns around the medicine den and how the nursery is described as dark, how many places there are: the reason i get geography wrong in the lake territories is because we don't have tall pines and tree cut place and what not to anchor me it's just all trees, how much personality mousefur has people are sleeping on her she should've been deputy instead of greystripe i'mma add that to the au stack already bc i want it) would be an impossible task, but i'm sure they'll show up when i write tpb stuff, because i just.
i have a lot of affection for those six books. like "affection" i don't even know how to describe how i feel about them. it's not that they're objectively better than the recent books, and by some measures they're worse.
tbc has been scratching a lot of itches for me
but anyway it's not that they're in any way objectively better, but i do think we could do with another six book arc following one character. imagine what oots could have been if we only ever had dovewing's pov. then she would have to actually do something, because the plot couldn't progress by switching pov
and the relationships between characters are just. mm.
people say fire/sand came out of nowhere and like. if you're looking for a built up and developed romance in warriors you're in the wrong place.
but also it's not. it's not great but it is there.
anyway, i could literally go on forever with things i love. the way bluestar is viewed by thunderclan is immediately obvious. how crookedstar and deadfoot aren't singled out.
the best way cloudtail's atheism manifests being as him refusing to call brightpaw lostface. like i know i'm generally in support of lostface keeping her name but that's because in the worlds i like to write i think she would, not because i think she would in tpb.
when fireheart picks mentors for...fuck i forget which litter. fern and ash, maybe? but sandstorm is rightfully pissed that he didn't give an apprentice to her
like every time i try to stop i have more to say it's. these books have been with me since i was like. eight. i have a lot of praise.
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