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#idk if theres anyone really following this account tho so like...
whumpshaped · 7 months
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are you religious? On account of all the recent bible posting. I'm not Christian myself but I have to hand it to them, the whole "eating Jesus's body and drinking his blood" is really cool
im actually not! well. idk. reading the bible and talking abt it rly makes me wanna be christian again.
tl;dr i am considering accepting jesus christ into my heart but i dont know if itll happen bc whenever i type or say anything slightly religious i cringe or make it into a joke. also sorry to any christian who finds my bible posting
i was raised catholic, went to church and bible study for 3 yrs, did my first communion, then dipped bc it was horrid. i was so so against being catholic u cannot imagine. i was against church, i was against begging some man in the sky for mercy, i was against their gay policy, i was against saying my pets had no soul- i was against absolutely everything except some bops in church
then i had my first big voluntary christian phase at 13-14 in which i drew more towards protestantism and attempted to read the bible cover to cover (i failed but theres a lot that i read.) i went to a lutheran hs for 2 yrs in seventh and eighth grade so that mightve influenced it tho i HATED monday morning worship at 7am and i cant believe its still happening even tho ppl routinely fainted and shit. bc u have to stand. the whole time
i also wanted to be a nun for a goooood while but turns out im just aroace and autistic (chastity and rigid rules sounds amazing to me huh)
so im 21 now and i started writing my angel demon story and i wanted to make heaven a cult like dystopia (and it turned into my own ranting at some points) and i wanted to give cassael actual bible-accurate problems. bible-accurate brainwashing lol it came to me because something i said abt them either on here or in rp made me remember that verse abt the yoke and stuff (my yoke is easy and my burden is light) and i was like wait i should read the bible and pick out the whumpiest worst most horrid most easy to misinterpret and turn horrible verses. so here i am.
but then i got rly rly into it. its remarkably easy to enjoy the story when im not reading the 1908 károli translation and spending all my spoons untangling the wording. and the thing is, i was always spiritual yknow. thats why i bounced so much between faiths and beliefs. ive followed the law of assumption stuff for a year or so now, i had genuine results from it- honestly everything i believed in has yielded good results for me always. whether it be christianity or paganism or loa. when i read the bible i DO feel loved even thru the incredible amount of horrid shit god does lol i felt loved at 13 and i feel loved now. so idk. im withholding judgement until i finish reading it but honestly nobody be surprised if i go back to my christian bs before the semester starts
oh thats another thing. im miserable lmao so not very hard for god to swoop in and be like hey do u wanna talk abt ur lord and saviour. me.
but im not rly gonna change in any way even if i do decide that tho, i think. my policy is already "be kind do good leave others alone". i dont think im gonna get preachy on here or anything. i mean has anyone seen much vegan posting from me? so i think im good
so . yea. sorry it turned into such a long post
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noxiatoxia · 1 year
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I WAS LITERALLY AVOIDING OTHWR MEDIA TOO SO I COULD PRESERVE MY HITTACHIN HYPERFIXATION and then my friend wanted to see a movie for their birthday,, fuck that friend in particular. how dare they make me consume outside media
my hyperfixations are usually really long. even if theres no more content of it for me to see, my headcanons and made up scenarios can keep it going FOREVER
in fact something really funny is that when i get a new hyperfixation i tend to just. completely drop the old one. i literally straight up abandoned a dsm p twitter stan account with nearly 1k followers and a bunch of close mutuals DAYS after starting danganronpa. once something grabs my mind it does Not Let Go
fortunately that didnt really happen with hitachiins to fruit brothers,, probably because there really wasn't much content for me to consume. i could rewatch the anime and it would last a few episodes, there's a fandom, but bullet train Just came out so there wasn't much of a fandom yet, and it wouldnt be on digital (or soap2day hehe) for a couple months or so.
anyway i really like that movie if you couldn't tell !!! personally i recommend it but fair warning its very gorey/bloody/violent (in that strange comedic way- think deadpool or kingsman) and made me CRY. like just sob. so the emotional damage was real but i loved it anyway
idk what it is that makes me love brother characters so much. i feel like its just so sweet to be to have siblings that are just ,, always there for each other. they grew up together, they've had each other through everything, good and bad, and they've survived at each other's side. they trust each other with their lives, even if they can't trust anyone else. its more than just a best friend thing too, because its an irreplaceable bond. its just,,, ougjfjhhjh its my favorite .
and thats probably indicative of some deep psychological issue but idc !! i just like silly brothers
how DARE your friend do that 🙄smh. war crime.
also i FEEL the dropping out of the other thing, altho mine is usually a slowish transition and i still make content for my other fixations occasionally......i p much dropped out of the AA hyperfixation but i still do love seeing fan art and reading fics it's just not my number 1 thing anymore (altho i will ALWAYS be down to talk abt it especially aa4.). i like to keep it around tho like all my other hyperfixations....just to revist every now and again. And to an extent asoryuu still has such a Grip on me. except certain hyperfixs i abandon Forever for one reason or another (not naming names but longtime followers maybe know the Big Two/derogatory im referring to)
I may put it on my to watch list (i have so many movies on there bro...) bc tho im squeamish with blood n gore on screen, i may enjoy it. I will look more into it :eyes:
And!!!!!!!!! REAL I love sibling characters..........characters in general who each other are their everything (co dependency my beloved/hj) and that's usually easier to find with siblings. I've also found?? I really just like. identical twin characters. just smth about having somebody who looks Just like you.....wadda hell. in some cases i like it when they cant Stand each other but also? when they're super close....mama mia. Close siblings man....melts into a puddle.
Hitachiins I guess struck it big with me bc 1.co-dependency 2.identical twins 3.i will not lie i Do kinda like twincest......so their funny little club act is mostly hilarious but also like......u do this For Fun ? 🤨 ALSO the ANGST potential with them.....esp bc Kaoru is such a depressed bastard.....IT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED !!
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plentifulworms · 5 years
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Lmaooo its 1 am, perfect time to make a new character right?? Anyways this is Lex and I love him
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golbrocklovely · 2 years
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yall so quick to assume that colby probably hooked up with all these girls but its kinda weird to be discussing cause i dont think thats anyones business but his and i highly doubt that anon that said their friend hooked up with colby or whatever is telling the truth i mean i could just make up a story about "how colby is in bed" plus theres no proof so idk why yall are believing that lmfao
that's the thing tho, it's just an assumption. anything i say on here, or get as an ask, isn't meant to be taken seriously. do i actually believe he really hooked up with all of these girls that he's been linked to? no of course not.
and also even if he really did hook up with all of them, i wouldn't care. he's allowed to do whatever he wants to.
i think it's weird that colby can't even admit to having hook ups or posting a girl without it being ww3 in the fandom. the man is 25 and can't even admit to having flings. that's strange.
talking about his love life is just for funsies. and i know it's none of my business at the end of the day. all of us know that. but ppl, regardless of this account, are gonna talk about him and who he might be with. and it's also not the only thing i talk about on this account.
if you don't like i post on here, you don't have to follow me. you can block me or ignore my account altogether.
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mikemoon · 3 years
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( choi yeonjun, cis man ) have you seen MICHAEL “MIKE” MOON ? i heard HE is a COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJOR at SAN VERTO COLLEGE and an EMPLOYEE at HALL OF FILM. they’re 22 years old and they’ve been living in san verto for 6 YEARS. they tend to be CARE-FREE & ADVENTUROUS, but rumor has it they can also be GRUMPY & CLUMSY. [ tally, 25, gmt+4, she/her ] @foolsstarters​
tw // mentions of depression, cheating, divorce, underage drinking and smoking
michael moon, born myungjun moon –– choi yeonjun fc
birthday: september 9, 1998 - 22 yrs old ; virgo
cis man, he/him, bisexual
born and raised in philadelphia, pennsylvania
mike grew up being an only child, and always around the company of his mother in their house. his father was always traveling back and forth from south korea to the states for work. his parents have met at work on one of his father’s trips to the states, and they fell in love. his mother being american-born, she couldn’t really leave philadelphia. she loved it there. so they decided to keep it a long distance relationship.
sometime during those fleeting meetings, she had gotten pregnant with michael. and of course, his father spoiled them both, giving them everything they wanted. he never left them to fend for themselves. when the boy was born, his father named him myungjun, and his mother decided to name him michael for his english name. the nicknames jun, mike, and sometimes junnie were often heard whenever his parents or childhood friends called him.
up until mike was five years old in 2004, he’s lived with his mother, while his father was leaving and coming back for a week or two. but that year, he’s finally moved to the states and stayed with them for longer nights. he even finally married michael’s mother. of course, he still disappeared for a few days or weeks on end for work.
but that was also the year michael’s mother found out that her husband was with another woman. michael has never seen his mother break down like that before. sadly, the young boy was peering into the room when the fight happened and witnessed everything. his mother made her partner choose between the two women, and he eventually told her that he was going to divorce his first wife for her, and appeared to have gone through with his promise. because after that incident, he’s been around more often.
by early 2015, when michael had just turned 16, his mother had gotten a teaching job in ashdown academy, which resulted in their move to san verto, california. meaning, new school and new friends for mike. meanwhile, his dad was still traveling a lot for business and coming back whenever he could.
michael has grown up as a cheerful and energetic child. his friends at any school he went to would tell you how much of a great friend he is, how trustworthy and caring he is. it was so easy for him to make friends anywhere. he was the type of friend who would smile at you and listen to you talk on and on about whatever you liked, and the type who would cheer you on with anything you want to achieve. he wanted everyone to feel included and loved.
so it wasn’t that hard for him to get along with new people once he moved to town. he was a very social person. 
he was also the type of teenager who was out there doing things he wasn’t supposed to. he missed his old friends and his old home, but he wanted to have fun with all the new kids he was befriending. that simply resulted in him going to house parties as an underaged teen to ‘have fun’. his mother didn’t approve of him coming home very late at night, clearly smelling like smoke and alcohol. 
internally he was a depressed mess. of course, no one is completely happy as they grow up. his family was a mess, even if it appeared as fine to everyone else. his family life affected him so much while growing up. mike sometimes could disappear for a few days in his room, and it was always during some of his bad spells.
what made it worse was the day he found out the truth.
it was 2017 when michael walked into his father’s office in their house, looking for him to ask him about something. and instead of finding the man, he found a stack of papers poking from underneath his father’s laptop. upon closer look, they appeared to be divorce papers. michael’s heart sunk, thinking his parents were breaking it off.
michael is a curious kid, he couldn’t help but close the door and read the papers. but what he saw wasn’t his mother’s name, it was another woman. his heart raced, as he put things back where they were and immediately left the room. michael had found out one of his father’s many secrets. he never divorced his first wife all those years ago. he lied and somehow stayed with both women without suspicion... well, until now. clearly the other woman was breaking it off for a reason. 
michael couldn’t help his curiosity. he came back to the room later that night and snapped as many pictures as he could of evidence he could find. he even found his father’s phone (which was easy to figure out the password of) and found a plethora of pictures of the man with a different family, different kids and a different partner. he airdropped the pictures to himself to avoid leaving any traces behind and quickly left again.
a quick search on facebook, and he managed to find the first wife. it was easy with the name and pictures he had. if anything, michael prided himself on being a good internet detective... or stalker. he spent everyday trying to find the rest of the family on the internet. he found the woman’s young daughter on instagram and twitter, along with her older son’s accounts as well. it felt weird. it was a constant “now what?” for michael. he’s found them. what was he going to do now? he couldn’t just message them and tell them everything. and he couldn’t break his mother’s heart by letting her know.
except he had to let her know. he could never live with the fact that he knew his father was betraying her this entire time. and so michael told her everything, and after comforting her all night when she broke down yet again, she immediately ended things and asked for a divorce. now it was just michael and his mother, all alone. and for once, having to get by on their own.
thankfully they were safe, with his mother’s amazing money management skills, and the job she got at the academy, they managed to live their regular lives despite the heavy feeling of a broken family looming around them. the two just wanted to be happy again.
michael spent the next few years trying to lead a normal life. his mental health had gotten worse after everything he’s found out. he went to college, and he continued trying to do well in school. he really wasn’t the best when it came to grades, but he was trying his best.
and truthfully, he couldn’t help but make a few spare accounts on some social medias to follow his father’s other family.
but he eventually decided to just let it go, assuming they definitely knew about his mother and himself, which would explain the first divorce. so he decided to put it in the past and move on.
his mother has moved on as well. she found herself someone who actually cares about her so much (mike’s stupid ass has done a secret background check to make sure this dude wasn’t another cheater lmaoo) and now mike isn’t an only child anymore. it’s been 2 years since his little sister yuna was born, and he loves her so much. he still isn’t used to the idea of a new fatherly figure in his life, but he’s.... getting there. 
little dumb hcs
mike majors in computer science at san verto college, with a concentration in game development and design
hes a lil gamer boy,,, u KNOW he’s that annoying dude with a gamer chair that has a sound system in it khjkh
he posted a few videos on youtube but rly just ditched the channel after like a month. he still posts whenever he feels like it tho and it’s usually just.... messy gaming videos or opinions no one asked for
his dad’s dumb ass still doesn’t know it was mike who exposed him to his mother. he thinks she found the divorce papers on her own. therefore.... mike still gets money from his dad on a monthly basis and gets to keep the car he bought him for his 18th birthday lmaooooo a win 
you probably heard me say this before but.... theres a hc that mike is allergic to eggs. simply bc the idea of him shopping in the vegan section is funny to me 
this boy has a love for frogs ? idk where the obsession came from but you bet you’re gonna see a cute lil frog sticker on everything he owns. he doodles them on everything too ? it’s a habit at this point. he also knows random little facts about them and tells them to anyone who didnt ask for them 
. embarrassing but.. this dude... omg.... a big sana stan.... he has a photocard collection.... he went to a twice concert like 5 times.... dont be surprised if you see a feel special sana photocard in his phonecase.... im embarrassed of him 
he also has a hyunjin mcdonalds hashbrown photocard framed that a friend gave to him for christmas bc.. it’s a rare card,,, and you can see it on a table by the door when you walk into his apartment 😭
mike also has a habit of buying things he doesn’t need ?? he has a plushie collection that has been growing since he was young, and now is getting bigger with the rise of squishmallows
there’s this random hc where he drunk bought a cardboard cutout of john cena ,,,, don’t ask,,, it’s currently guarding his room back at his mom’s house djfhdj
can you tell mike is my most embarrassing , most chaotic character,, 
also he moved out after graduating school and when he started to attend college,,,, gimme some roomies pls
connection ideas ??
michael’s childhood friends; could’ve gone to the same school back in philly before he moved away ?? 
friends he made when he moved to town?? mike is very social and was... kinda popular in school, i’d say. he made friends with basically anyone he found interesting
michael’s ex; they could’ve ended on a bad note, or even on a good one and ended up being friends. im really up for plotting anything.
michael’s best friend; PLEASE i love wholesome best friend plots. it doesn’t matter if they met in san verto or philly
roomies pls !!! i would love it if he could have some roommates who have to deal with his very . peculiar decorating habits 
co workers ?? customers ? regulars ? he works at hall of film ! 
like this to plot or hmu !
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bi-lesbian · 4 years
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How do you not internalize like all the criticisms or hate I guess? I see a bit more on Twitter than Tumblr, regardless it's hard not to internalize stuff about using the bi lesbian label or really any label that isnt mainstream/is mogai or something. Like, maybe they're right and I shouldn't use x label because it's stupid or doesn't make sense, Idk. Did any of that make sense?
i get what you mean! i guess for me its just kind of like... i tend to be pretty neutral on a lot of things, because i dont like to take a stance until i understand things better- so when i Do take a stance on something, its something ive put a lot of thought into, and so im pretty firm on my stance. and that mixed with my general stubborness/spitefullness when people piss me off, when people are being nothing but shitty to me instead of actually hearing me out/having a decent discussion with me, i just get more solid in place.
im just kinda not the type to get down in the dumps or something when people are being rude assholes to me... i just get Really Pissed, or just get extremely apathetic and maybe laugh it off- which is what ive especially been lately, bc im too low on energy to care to waste any of my energy on random assholes. im not sure why exactly im like this to be able to give advice to maybe help others get better at taking hate? ive just kind of always been like this.. it could just be something to do with my whole life ive had a No Shit Taking attitude and also a general, i guess pretty good ego? (which im sure i hella got from my mom) so when someones being super shitty to me i get a righteous anger in me thats like "i do not deserve this kinda shit and what youre doing is what i hate in the world." because im just.... so sick of people just being so rude to each other, especially complete strangers that they dont even understand.
and im not moved by things being "stupid" or "not making sense" arguments/feelings. because ive made a strong effort when those feelings come up for anything to go, well, why is it stupid? why is it weird? is this just a kneejerk reaction to something i havent heard before and theres not actually anything wrong with it thats causing harm? and even if something "doesnt make sense," that just means it doesnt make sense to me. theres so many things in life, and so many different kinds of experiences people have, im never gonna be able to understand every thing ever. i cant deem the validity of something making sense just based around my own specific experiences. some things make sense to me while make no sense to others, or make sense to others but make no sense to me- these dont really determine anything about the thing- whether its good, bad, somewhere in between, Anything. it Literally just means some people dont understand it, and thats not a valid reason to hate on something.
and when ive gotten hate i did think about the points made (after the fact tho, once i wasnt annoyed as much), and i have addressed them on this blog- explaining my reasonings against those things. thats only if though if theyve actually brought up a form of argument, and not just being insulting. its still shitty to be forcing your views/arguments onto people when they never asked for it, but i did let myself take some of the points i often heard and used it to explain my own side better- so im not just Ignoring anything from the other side. (and also unlike a lot of people seem to act, not agreeing on something literally does not mean you are not taking the things theyre saying into account, so i hate the "just listen to [group]" argument, especially since everyone in that group have differing opinions too. you cant just blindly follow anyones opinions or something just because theyre Of A Group) nowadays tho ive pretty much have addressed everything theyve brought up to me, so now when people bring up the Exactly Same Arguments to me on anon hate i just read it extremely uncaring like "really? this again? bruh"
this got kinda long, oops! but i hope i answered everything well!!
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yeoldontknow · 5 years
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I finally made my own tumblr and i feel pretty happy bcuz im finally letting others see my writing but i wanted to know what you did for your stories to like, “get out there?” Btw i LOVE your stories im a new fan of EXO and ur stories r amazing keep it up!!
hi there. welcome to tumblr! thats so exciting! i hope youre enjoying your time here! im going to preface everything i say by advising a few things. 
firstly that i dont consider myself an ‘out there’ blog. im exceptionally proud of the amount of followers i have, even though the number itself is different depending on perspective. to some, this number is remarkably small. to others, this number is enormous. and the amount of readership that occurs on my fics really doesnt match up the to the numbers the way you think it would. so when you say ‘out there’ just keep in mind this is really...dependent on so many factors and depends on your own personal definition of what that means. 
second, the things i list that were part of my experience may not work for you or match up to your experience. theres really no algorithm or formula anyone can give. so again, you can take all of this with a grain of salt. 
- make use of tags and tag appropriately. when youre starting from 0 (as everyone on this website does) the first and primary way you get any of your writing out to the public (beyond...posting it lmao) is tagging. only the first five tags show up in searches when youre tagging on tumblr, so keep that in mind when you consider how many networks (ill discuss those later) you want to join. keep your tags relevant to what youve written, things like ‘member smut’ or ‘member fluff’ usually draws in a crowd. when i first started hero, i was tagging with ‘chanyeol x reader’ and ‘chanyeol scenario’ and those pulled in a bunch of readers too (that was 2 years ago tho, so idk how much a scenario tag pulls in anymore) 
- post in multiple places. i have an AO3 and a tumblr. most writers cross post to ao3 and tumblr, but others also have an asian fan fics account or a wattpad account (this is usually to prevent people plagiarizing on there). but most writers i know (tbh i think all) post in at least two separate places. 
- join a network. networks are so great for getting your work out there when you dont have a lot of followers or are new and dont have a lot of readership. theres so many out there you can join - some are specific to band and others are multi-fandom and only require that you be writing for kpop. my recommendation is to join two or three, because these networks will always require you use their tag in the first five. this is because the only way they will find your work to reblog it is by searching it, so tagging for two main tags and two networks is a surefire way to get your writing to the right people.
- talk to other writers/blogs. send asks, play ask games with them, tag them in things you know they like (example, even if i dont follow you but you tag me in something related to chanyeol i will always respond). leave feedback on their work. reblog their work and tag it well - either with your keysmash reaction, your thoughts, or your feelings. whatever you give into the community will come back to you.
***HOWEVER, i will say that dont be discouraged if writers dont reply right away. sometimes tumblr eats asks, deletes messages, or doesnt let them show up until the person can get to a computer. furthermore, most writers on here have regular jobs or families, so the time theyre on tumblr is very limited. and even more than that, theres a big question of age. for me personally, if i can tell a person is quite young or under the age of 18, i am less likely to fully go back and forth in banter with them because i am considerably older than that and thats inappropriate. im just pointing this out because i dont want you sending messages and getting discouraged if someone doesnt reply. theres a lot of reasons someone might not reply, and it may have nothing to do with you or be relate to something within your control. 
- if youre a new writer, join a beta network. theres networks out there where people willingly volunteer to beta writing, and you can also apply to be a beta. this helps improve your writing, which will help draw more readers, and will also create a community/friendship around you and your beta team.
- make a masterlist, even if you only have 1 written item. masterlists help people new to your blog see what you have written, find it, and read it OR see what you want to write. example: if youre writing for exo and you have a list for the entire band, ill assume that at some point youll write for chanyeol even if you only have a link for jongdae. make a masterlist and link it in your bio for easy access.
ok so thats...bare minimum how you get your writing out and circulating and possibly generating a community for you to engage with. but its really important for me to say the following:
if you are walking into this with an expectation that you will soon receive recognition or feedback or a large amount of notes, please please restructure this. in my years on this site, i have seen so many writers come and go because they start writing solely for the notes or the feedback. thats not a sustainable goal and it will suck the pleasure out of writing really really quickly. its so easy to get discouraged if you dont think youre achieving some arbitrary number that tumblr itself messes with just by changing rules or guidelines or the way posts show up on a dash. 
instead, challenge yourself to write things that interest you or to write different things within your stories. things like ‘i want to write a fantasy’ ‘i want to write a 5 part mini series’ ‘i want to write an angsty drabble.’ when you approach writing from this perspective, it keeps you consistent and motivated with your goals. and it also, believe it or not, make your writing come from a genuine place of love rather than a place of wanting interaction. readers can tell when someone genuinely loves what they write and when someone is just checking boxes they think will bring in feedback. 
also - please know that getting your writing out there is very much a ‘rome wasnt built in a day’ kind of vibe. ive been on this website for 2 years and there have been months where my notes and follower count is barely moving, and others where i feel like i get 200 followers in a week or hundreds of notes on something id posted a year ago. you cannot predict how long it will take for people to see your work, the only thing you can predict is that it will take time. honestly, again ive been here for two years and im still a pretty small blog. theres no magic formula to this. 
i hope all this helps!
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personagf-moved · 5 years
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alphabet & soft questions ✨
I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf
i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘
honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily
Alphabet ask:
a // age: 21
b // birthplace: new jersey!
c // current time: 1:17 am
d // drink you had last: coffee
e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool
f // favorite songs: 
aint it fun - paramore
trivia love 
honey - kehlani
abbey - mitski
moonlight - ariana grande
g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 
h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 
i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man
j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess
k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)
l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 
m // middle name: padilla
n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)
o // one wish: to find true love
p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol
q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)
r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf
s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(
t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 
u // underwear colour: she be black 
v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/
w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 
x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o
y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby
z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 
Soft ask:
What’s the smell of your shampoo?
we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes
What’s your aesthetic?
the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 
What’s your favorite time of the day and why?
lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 
What do you most like about the beach?
not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!
What do you worry about constantly?
when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!
What is a song you’ve cried to before?
oh boy...
trivia love
moonchild
first love
she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack
20 something - sza
26 - paramore
the letter - kehlani
landslide - fleetwood mac
when you see my friends - mayday parade
and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart
What are some relaxing tips for your followers?
as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 
but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)
 What are some things that make you tear up?
the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy
What is your favorite from each sense?
sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh
smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn
taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning
sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise
touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair
What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?
one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should
jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am
What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?
for starters im ugly as shit so theres one
if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 
but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out
What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?
unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  
Say something to your followers:
thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!
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tittletattles · 6 years
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Tag 20 People You’d Like To Know Better Meme Thing!
i got tagged by @basementgees ty!!
Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to know more about!
Questions:
gender: genderqueer genderfluid
star sign: gemini
height: uhh 162cm i think?
time: 20:18
favorite bands: tally hall, they might be giants, mcr
favorite solo artist: idk i tbh dont pay attention to whether something is a band or not.... joe hawley is p good tho, but kimya dawson will always just hold a very special place in my heart
song stuck in my head: bahamian rap city by joe hawley
last movie I watched: some johnny english movie i think?
last tv show I watched: uhh i dont watch tv that often, i think last time was like some competition show where they had to guess songs or whatever
when did I create my blog: in 2012. the truth come out i was a 12 year old cyber criminal!!!!
what do I post: drawings and shitposts mostly, anything related to my interests that im not too embarrassed to make public on here
last thing I googled: ”dynasty meaning” im not good at words ok dont call me out like this
do I have other blogs?: yes, a sideblog where i can indulge my special interests without feeling embarrassed, i have a few others but theyre either inactive or under construction
do I get asks: sometimes, mainly ones confirming theyve read by byf (ty btw!! sorry if i dont reply ive had super low energy for a long while c’:)
why did I choose my url: ok so ive always had this weird lowkey fear of being recognized, like it just feels weird, so almost all of my accounts have different names when its not something im embarrassed about indulging in (like fanfics or angst). this was especially so when i was 12, my first account was actually an askblog for my cat oc, but then i wanted a regular blog. i didnt want to go with the one id used for my (old) youtube channel cause Fear so honestly? i just went to a ”username generator site” and got something akin to tittletattle89. i liked it and i like the digits 8 and 9 so i went with it. later i didnt like how it looked so i changed it to simply tittletattles. yee
following: 439
followers: 811
favorite colors: green? red? all
average hours of sleep: ....... probably like 6 or even 5 nowadays Oops
lucky numbers: dont have one, my fave is 64 tho. its a very pleasing number. all powers of two are pleasing. good perfect numbers. 64 has a good colorscheme. 64/64
instruments: piano, trumpet (i suck at it tho), i have a p easy time learning any instrument, and id like to learn drums sometime.
what am I wearing: oh boy, im wearing gray sweatpants over black tights, blue socks, a longsleeved orange-pinkish shirt and a blue tank on top of that. i couldnt find a lot of good clothes this morning i look like an absoloute mess and im completely fine with that
how many blankets do I sleep with?: one, although ive started using two cause our house is cold
dream job: probably animating, i doubt ill ever get into it tho since i animate by hand with 2d animation, both of which dont seem to be doing well in the industry. plus, theres like, no 2d animation studios (or at least no 2d productions ive heard of) in sweden and id prefer to stay in scandinavia. so rn im aiming for some kind of teacher and book illustrator
dream trip: im not much of a travelling person, i just like walking around see if i find some cool place (which i often do). ive always wanted to see real fireflies i guess? thats def on my bucket list
favorite food: i hate food but i mean chicken is something i can almost always eat no matter what so thats impressive
nationality: swede. full on swede everywhere u look
favorite song right now: i dont really have one tbh. greenwhich in the sky? thats the sickest touhou beat and you can meet me in the pit if you disagree
i wont tag 20 peeps but uhh @fancycatto @kingcallowaydice @sevendorkysiblings @toad-townz and anyone who uhh wants to ig!!! you dont have to btw jkdshfgkjsdf
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hurricane-bady · 4 years
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Tagged by @chaos-bundle !!! thank you!! its so sweet of you to tag me!!!
Rules: Answer some questions and tag some bloggers you want to know better
NAME: Hurricane Bady!
NICKNAMES: Bady! A while ago a lot of people called me Purple in the IZ server
GENDER: He/Him
SEXUALITY: Pansexual or Asexual??? I dont know...
HEIGHT: 5′7′’
LANGUAGES: english... I really want to learn a new language tho
NATIONALITY: american
CURRENT TIME: 6:51 PM
FAVORITE SEASON: summer because of the fairs that happen in the month and I was born in that season
FAVORITE FLOWER: dragon snappers and roses
FAVORITE SCENT: hmmm... I like freshly cut grass and rubbing alcohol (I know im not supost to smell that one lol)
FAVORITE COLOR: red and blue OR black and white. I know, a lot
FAVORITE ANIMAL: Dragons!!! If it has to be a real animal, then Kamodo Dragons
FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER: A FUCKING LOT!! cant name them all here. Buuuut. I like Benny (lego movie), Tallest Purple (invader zim), Soldier (tf2), and Bass (megaman). Theres a lot more! but it would be too long if I said them all
AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: Uhhhh. thats varied a lot? recently ive been only getting 7 hours of sleep
NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: 3 but I only use 2
DOGS OR CATS: Dogs because I was raised with them, but I love cats too!
DREAM TRIP: Uuuuhhhhh... idk go to japan? My dad goes there a lot for work. Id like to go there too
DREAM JOB: Something to do with science and/or art.
FOLLOWERS: 319?!?! I have no idea how I have that much. I geuss its from how old this account is. Had it since 2012
BLOG ESTABLISHED: looong ago, during 2012. Wow.... things were so different back then... memories....
REASON FOR MY URL: Its a long story. I got it from Flipnote Hetenia. Some kids were making fun of me because I was really bad at spelling. One of them said “Bady? like what? hurricane bady?” when I misspelled the word ‘baby’. and I decided to have that as my user name.
RANDOM FACT: I procrastinate a lot and im super shy
tagging: Anyone who wants to do this! im waaaay to shy to tag people directly.... Im afraid to bother people...
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memedokies · 7 years
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(almost) every anon ask since fall 2016
if u havent noticed i am BAD at answering asks so here’s a Big Dump of most of the asks i’ve gotten in the past few months
ps; i’ve excluded pokemon suggestions bc i plan on getting to them at some point
Hihihi!!! What brushes do you use in fire alpaca??  i dont do much in firealpaca (esp not lately lol) but when i did use it a lot i just used the fill bucket and the standard/default brush to fill in gaps n such lol! i dont really draw in it, i used flash/adobe animate for the lineart and just fill in color in firealpaca :3
when did you start animating?   uhh when i was around 11 or 12 when i started digital art i guess? i just used photoshop for the longest time then got flash when i was like 15 or so
 How did you get flash?  i got the creative cloud dealie, its technically required for my school :—-0 
 hello!! what are you majoring in in vcu?? im thinking about going there for college  im in communication arts! omg cool lmk if u come here ill tell u where to get the best bubble tea
 how many fps do you use for your wiggly animations? i work at 24 fps in flash on twos but just end up using photoshop’s 0 second frame delay/ “no delay”?
 Hey love your animations! What do you animate with?  adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) 
You mentioned a YouTube channel but I can’t seem to find a link to it? Do you post processes on there? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCovvoZxlQjFaIA7A3w_94Zw theres not much atm but i plan on posting a lot more, including process/speedpaints! 
i really like your art style gosh darn!!! everythings so fluid and stylized and nice aaa (also ur animations are goals) do u have any tips for someone still developing their artstyle????  WAH TYSM!!!!! compile art you already like and incorporate aspects from their styles into yours, BUT dont limit urself to one style! if u like something then try it out! do straight up copies (as PRACTICE, DONT CLAIM IT as your own ofc) of stuff you like to see how they work and what you’re clicking with. spending time on fundamentals is MEGA helpful so keep going back to that too! USE REFERENCES!!! draw …from ur soul…what makes u ..FEEL good
 how do you make that burn effect on your lineart? it makes it your pieces look sharper and even more interesting, it’s super cool!!  when i used to use flash for lineart and firealpaca for coloring a lot, setting the lineart layer on BURN with the coloring layer seeping a lil past the lineart would get this effect automatically 
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(like on the whiskers. u can see it gets a brighter brown(?) and the warmer yellow on the ears)
but since then i’ve been using sai+photoshop more so i just do it manually! i’ll use this funny pic of me and my cat as an example lol
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^i select the lineart/everything i want the funky color around
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^slam that INCREMENT button a couple times
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^make a new layer under the lineart
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^fill that puppo with ur preferred color! something brighter works best, or even straight up white
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that’ll give you something like this
then i open it in photoshop
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and i mess with the pink line layer’s blending mode..color burn usually does the trick but depending on the Look you’re going for, saturation, multiply and overlay have some similar effects that look cool. 
i also usually get rid of the outermost edge of pink line that’s visible around the lineart, just so it looks a little cleaner? to do that you just select around your lineart, increment/expand selection, and delete/erase in the selection of the pink line layer
uhh yeah! lmk if anyone needs clarification on this, i have some other #TIPS on makin ur art look crusty and funky so…lemme know if you’re interested :—3
What do you use to animate? And, a more specific question, how do you make transparent animated gifs? adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) i export my animation from flash as a png sequence then open it in photoshop, where the background will be transparent and save it as a gif from there nyaaa
if anyone needs more clarification lmk and i’ll make a proper walkthrough :-0
 Hello!! Ur art is rlly pretty and so inspirational and nice to look at!! 💗💗 I was wonderin’ if ya had any tips on choosing shapes for characters? Like, when you draw shapes for a certain character, it looks rlly like it fits with the character’s personality n stuff!! ( e.g: Your Love Live! drawings!! The characters look so good in your style.) I’ve always admired how u did that n was hoping for some tips maybe?? Anyways, have a good day!!💛💖💟💜💝💞💖 HOOGA!! TYSM!!! and YEA you basically guessed it, i mainly just think about the character’s personality and translate that into a shape or Pheeling… 
especially for anime characters i look at the Very Subtle differences in the character’s original design..or possibly canon implications…for example kotori has slightly different eyes (it also says on her wiki page she has soft droopy eyes!) so i make sure to incorporate that Detãile
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 anime wiki pages that have details like that is nice, for love live they have cute lil “charm points” which is really cool n helpful! listening to how a character is described in their world can give clues to what differentiates them which you can make more clear in your design
taking into account each characters context is good too, what they do/hobby/personality and how that could affect their appearance/posture/attitude
 YEAH its really fun to figure out certain characteristics and make it evident in their appearance! or. idk thats just what i do lol. hopefully this helps!
Have you ever seen the anime jojos bizarre adventure? alas i have not..i have some friends whom are into it so i’ll prob end up watching it sometime lol
sorry if this is obvious but!! are you the creator of Fork and Knife: Food Fighters?? your gif of fork is super cute btw!! yes i am!! wah tysm!!
Hey my little sister found your animation on an online art gallery and she really loved it! omg cool, thanks so much!!
Your style is so lovely!! OHG thanks!
your blog is so precious i love it a lot! your art is so cute too ^u^ waa thanks!!
Your art and animations art really cool! Keep up the good work! You are amazing!! aahg thank you!! :’333
 your art is fuckening amazing hh broe…tysm
 Oh my gee, I used to follow you on Deviant Art, and now here I am, finding you on accident. You’re still as talented as ever. =w= b hUIOpugh deviantart, my homeland..my origin.. thank you!!!
- O mg I love your art! 💕💕💕 thank you!! heart emojis!!! 💖💖💖
- your art and animations give me so much inspiration, thank you! everything about your style is so fun and it cheers me up omg this validates my top tier goal in life, im so glad!! thank you SO much!
Your style is so charming and adorable ;__; thank you!!
ur art is so gross in the best way possible this is the biggest compliment ive gotten thank u so much. i love making gross squishy awful drawings
IM SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU!!!! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR AGES!!!!!!!!! I LIVE FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! BHOLY CRAP THANK YOU!!!
 your art style is very cute ! 🌱 oohg thanks!! thanks for the little sprout emoji, i love her
GOOD ART!!!! good art good art good art EVERYWHERE I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHGG THANK YUO
how do ya draw such cutely its driving me nuts Nuts NUTS !!! I LOVE SPARKLES AND BRIGHT COLORS AND FUNNY ANIMALS..its my lifeblood..thank u.. 
You’re a really rad artist! I’m Glad there’s some cool artists that are local! Have a good time at VCU! oh wow thanks!! 
Ur shapes r so good thanks i LOVE a nice wholesome shape!
I rlly like ur art style my dude thanks!! 
hi! just wanted to let u know that you’re wonderful and i wish u well in everything u do this is making me bVERY HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
 Im love You!! IM L OVE YIOU
that meowth boy is so good. i love him as he is my son THANK YUO i too, love meowth a Lot
 I love how your art is basically lines and curves, it’s very cute oo thanks! 
i love your art style so much!! it’s so zesty? i cant think of a better word to describe but its like. zesty & refreshing & rly rly cool !!! THATS A BEAUTIFUL ADJECTIVE I LOVE IT thank u so much!!!
You seem like you would watch Osomatsu-san. I could see you drawin dem bois in you hella rad art style. osomatsu was the wildest ride of my life. tho i dont think i could physically be able to sit down and draw them seriously ever… 
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 Pls make more angry cat comics theyr so halarious plllls 👀 more are on the way!!!!!!
Have you done a meet the artist i sketched one when the meme was still poppin..is it too late lol? maybe i’ll still do it
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t4nnor · 5 years
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4/15
ive been tired all day because i only got 6 hrs sleep. early am i was taljing to aa and tbey said i was good at carrying conversations. then the bus driver was being dumb and not coming to our stop. breakfast we didnt get our booth and sat at a normal table. msg we got new seats and choose where we sit. i sat by mgx smam ausp and a1. which is great. and msg said if she needs to shell move people but she was talking specifically about us. then band we wrote list of instruments we need. math we got new seats and i was by aiy for the 3rd time which is nice. msg room and we actually were the first ones moved. not really tho they just moved the desks back. and then we wrote stuff weve been called that were nkt and I put e thot. and msg saw and was like whats that and mgx said someone whos not wholesome on the internet. then math there was a quiz test prep thing idk what it was. and also we have kadw by us. also trashketball. my leg was rubbing against aiys leg and it probably wouldve went further but all my papers fell out because my notebook is broken. so my desk was broken but i realized i can put a notebook im not using under thenleg and it would make it level. and then i was like modern problems require modern solutions. then lunch we did mc uno. and we still had like 20m left once we got done.which is surprising because we never have enough time. then morning meeting it was video about color guard but you couldnt tell what was happening. and the game thing was standing on one leg and having it up to ur knee and some girls were wearing skirts so i saw up their skirts. and we were also at the bottom so i got a good view. then mrw we had a sub which i love. mrw sucks so much lmao. and we had so much work to do like theres no way anyone couldve finished it all. literally the first notes took most of class. and gr said that mrw will probably come back and be like how come 80 percent of the class didnt even finish notes. and kadw said they was gonna flip him off and then leave the class if that happened. which i believe. i also asked g1 if they brought the sticky notes and they were like no i forgot and couldn't find them ill bring them tomorrow. so yeah. and when i got home i slept and woke up very confused. and then i did something and fell asleep again and woke up and was even more confused. and yeah. and aa made a spam and followed me and gs also has a random account from like 2 years ago. yeah.
"school is a lot more fun when you're tired."
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oldmyths · 5 years
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re-de-jected · 6 years
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Why does nobody do these anymore?  They were real fun and kinda nice :)
1. selfie
sorryy, not for tumblr
2. what would you name your future kids?
i haven’t even thought about it before tbh
3. do you miss anyone?
yeahhhh
4. what are you looking forward to?
fresh start next year!!
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?
rw :)
6. is it hard for you to get over someone?
yeah
7. what was your life like last year?
mostly fucking awful, there were a few really nice parts tho
8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?
yup
9. who did you last see in person?
my little brother
10. are you good at hiding your feelings?
too good :/
11. are you listening to music right now?
not rn
12. what is something you want right now?
company lol
13. how do you feel right now?
bit lonely
14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?
early december 2014 (my mum doesnt count)
15. personality description
not a very interesting or exciting person, sorry about that im trying to get better
16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't?
yeahhhh
17. opinion on insecurities.
necessary part of life
18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?
somewhat, mostly no
19. have you ever been to New York?
no, would love to go someday
20. what is your favourite song at the moment?
All Over You - LEISURE
21. age and birthday?
18, may 22
22. description of crush.
beyond words i think
23. fear(s)
missing out on life
24. height
probably shorter than you
25. role model
so many, like barack obama tho
26. idol(s)
whats the difference between role model and idol? obama again?
27. things i hate
people who park in the middle of the road to use the atm >:( 
28. i'll love you if...
you love me? idk anything about this stuff tbh
29. favourite film(s)
as a kid, wallace and gromit movies, also original mulan... now, some of the new marvel movies are cool but i havent watched anything for months
30. favourite tv show(s)
futurama was cool, trollied cause its stupid
31. 3 random facts
elephants are mammals, qualia is a cool word, and my phone screen is broken
32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?
50/50 i guess, thats cool
33. something you want to learn
another language... maybe japanese but dont want to be labeled a weeb lol
34. most embarrassing moment
oh fuck theres too many, looking at any and every fucking video and photo of me is usually enough
35. favourite subject
computers is fun but i enjoyed materials and design far too much
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?
a random 3 would be have a family, graduate uni, first kiss lol
37. favourite actor/actress
jennifer lawrence shes crackup
38. favourite comedian(s)
bill bailey, russel peters, michael mcintyre, romesh ranganathan etc etc
39. favourite sport(s)
swimming, laser tag, motorsports, those kinda things
40. favourite memory
so many, i like that one when we were walking under the pink flowering trees on the way back from the park that afternoon early december (2014?) tho
41. relationship status
none, idk
42. favourite book(s)
I would say harry potter but its probably time to move on :/
43. favourite song ever
sorry, i dont do that
44. age you get mistaken for
a fucking child >:( im 18 ok
45. how you found out about your idol
lol idek i think it was rileys mum
46. what my last text message says
my last txt is from vodafone, my last fb message says “jk”
47. turn ons
not sure? if they like me that sounds nice
48. turn offs
they dont exist, or i dont exist
49. where i want to be right now
i dont know tbh
50. favourite picture of your idol
dont have one, barack always looks chill in photos tho
51. starsign
gemini (yeahhh, the two-faced asshole one)
52. something i'm talented at
patience i guess
53. 5 things that make me happy
friends, new messages, food, company and hugs
54. something thats worrying me at the moment
how the fuck im gonna pay my fees
55. tumblr friends
my followers are all fake/porn accounts afaik
56. favourite food(s)
im not fussy, i like lasgne even though its really unhealthy, so many others tho
57. favourite animal(s)
giraffe, cat, guinea pigs
58. description of my best friend
we need to catch up more often
59. why i joined tumblr
seemed like a nice place, freedom of expression
60. ask me anything you want
go ahead, i dont think i have any followers other than fake/porn accounts though so does that even apply
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iamprish1-blog · 7 years
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I have always felt defeated in life, lost not knowing my ‘purpose’ or meaning in life, I think this once abandoned space can prove it all. However, since the past weekend, I think a huge part of me has changed, something I can’t put into words has happened in me. 
It was last Friday 23rd of June 2017, when i came home around 12 or 1pm and I saw she posted on instagram that her dad had passed away, i was shocked and found it hard to believe, just a day before that she was thankful for the miracle her dad almost missed death. but that day I was so sad that i cried loool....i cried because i realised a few things, 1: my crush for her was really foolish it was a meaning that is meaningless because there’s nothing i could do to comfort her or anything.. i do not know her, 2: from the text message she shared on instagram i could tell god has taken away a great man/father and its so so so unfair and she really had such a great blessing to have had a father like that! she always said that her family is estranged but she doesnt know its not at all... maybe they didnt always agree with each other but it was still a very beautiful family  3: there’s nothing i could do...and i really wished that i could exchange my life for her dad’s...because at this point in my life i dont have anything thats precious to me and i dont have anything i look forward to...besides my petty dream of buying 1 or 2 audi with cold hard cash...which got me thinking if it were anyone else would i wanna do this obviously nope i wouldnt...and this thought really scared me that why on earth would i have thoughts like this???? then i remember i think i used to say like i would exchange a few years of my life for love LOLOLOL WTF like seriously i just wanna punch myself in the face/body/anywhere i totally regret saying something like that...and im not sure if i would regret saying this...honestly i wouldnt even exchange my life for my parents’ and thats for sure but zac maybe yeaaa
actually last week i deactivated the fb account which i created just to stalk her, but somehow after the news i reactivated it cause i wanna know if she shares any stories on fb...but who knew that the next day she posted for the funeral service...and till today im still curious why she shares her fb posts for everyone to see...she shouldve at least only share the details to her fb friends cause she wouldnt want to message everyone about it...but maybe i should be grateful for that cause obviously i went for all 3 days ! at first i only i wanted to attend on monday...cause its weird for me to even be there like why on earth should i go!! but of course knowing me i have always been sooo sooo sooo so obsess with her... i just went i mean like i dont even know why i went because i wouldnt do something like this at all what more to attend your crush’s father’s funeral?????!!!!!! its so ridiculous i didnt even go to saint’s open house when i was actually invited twice.....and now i attended to someone’s dad funeral when I have NEVER MET THEM OR KNOW THEM AT ALLL?????????? oh yeaa and i actually unfollowed her on insta but then re-followed her again cause i was so afraid she would make her page private and i wouldnt know anything that fear was seriously real lol
it might sound totally ludicrous but i actually felt like there’s some sort of ‘force’ or what that made me go there...i didnt hesitate much not as much as i thought...i was only worried that she might see me and then that would annoy or anger her....however, maybe at first i gave the excuse that i can finally see her...but then it felt more like i just want to be there...i just wanted to be there i dont even know why...the first night i went i was late to appear right at the parlour, so i missed her eulogy, but i was glad cause i could give myself the excuse to come again...the first moment i saw her i felt a sense of relief i think, nothing like anything too much of emotions, but once i was there i just wanted to be there even more....just awhile after i was standing right outside the corner window i saw just waving at first i thought she was like waving at me or what lol cause she was looking at my direction, i couldnt see well cause the windows were tinted and kinda blurry...but then i thought oh she must be waving at someone from the crowd cause she doesnt even know me lol...and then i left early once people starting to queue to pay respect to her dad, i wanted to stay longer but there’re toooo many people soon the sight of her was buried in the crowd...so i left cause i saw her friend and i panicked a bit...the funny thing must be...when i arrived quite early for malaysian timing i stood in between juncture in front....i made myself looked like i was attending the one on the right and kept my head down sticking my eyeballs to my phone...then like around 830 i was like i gotta do something...so i just tried walking towards the right i wanted to see whats behind....thank god i walked till behind and found their room...there’re so many people standing outside but once i heard someone talking i just couldnt care much and stood right infront of the window...then i saw her with her sisters...and of course all the people outside must be think im so weird cause now they know im here for the same person lol i was quite embarrassed for that....but then the next day while waiting at the airport for boboy to arrive....its sooo long i was thinking sooooo much i wondered hmmm why did she only wave to the person at that time wouldnt she see them earlier already??? haizzzzz i was just tooo confused
the second night i went and i was shocked to see when i arrived that there’re no people standing outside...but this time i didnt take the back road...and when she was presenting her eulogy i stood in front of the door only cause theres where i could hear clearer from the outside, i couldnt hear everything she said tho...just she mentioned about now her definition of sadness is different and she almost almost burst out crying and after that i heard something like ‘you know.... someone to walk us down the aisle’....when she finished i asked the worker to help me give the money cause i didnt want to go inside cause i know i shouldnt even be there...but when i walked towards the window where i was standing the previous night...i think i saw her head turning towards where i was going....she must have felt confused like whats happening and of course i think by then she must be wondering who the hell is this person! and so i gave the money with my nickname zenn....cause i thought it would seriously wayyyyy toooo stupid and moronic if i used a fake name like seriously i just couldnt lol... and then when i was standing there i think she was looking at me cause her head was like at my direction but just didnt know if her eyes were on me or what....and then i did something seriously dumb i thought that for her to not see me i could just hide my face behind all the photos hanging there...but then it only laterrrr i realised that from HER PERSPECTIVE she would still see me cause ughhhh like seriously cant believe im SOOOOOO DUMBBBB!!!! ohh and then at one point when her sister walked behind to take something or what she followed behind too....so means i could have see her standing right in front of me but then i turned around cause like of course i was afraid she would like know which now i realise its all soooooo stupid cause i mean like seriously its sooooo bloody obvious i was looking at her the whole time...but then im not sure if she knew who i am.....when people were like paying respect to them i was standing on the other side of the window means i was standing behind them, and then suddenly i think i saw her friend looking at my direction cause i was like the only weirdo standing outside looking inside! but then actually i still cant be too sure cause i was standing quite a distance and i couldnt see well through the blurry window and then i got panicked more and ran away lolol....but i was glad that there’re a lot of people giving them comfort SO MANY HUGS LOL! sometimes i wish i could hug her lolololollll
on monday it was the funeral service in the morning, and i think the timing was right from the beginning cause papa was already planning not to go to site on monday, so i had no reasons not to go....and again i just felt like i gotta be there...and this time i went inside and sat at the last row which then after that i saw the guy i was sitting next to was actually her friend lol cause he hugged her...and then he was with her other friends....and then i was like damnit! damn i miss one thing....her family went to calvary church...i think i heard that since the first night but didnt bother so much....but then on the second night when a pastor was like giving his short speech....i had my head on the ground cause you know standing for so long is back breaking and tiring plus i have working so hard at the site :( but then suddenly a familiar voice had my head raised up....i looked through the blurry window and thought is that the very very very very fussy pastor????? ok so i just googled yep the pastor should be pastor richard that one i know...but im not sure if the one there was the same....however its on monday pastor steven that really made me think was i really meant to just be there? cause again most of the time my head wasnt looking straight up except when her sister was singing and damn her voice is greattttttt i dont think any chinese can sing sooooo well!!!! even betterrrr than jacklyn victor or something lol! too bad she isnt a singer....but then again too bad im not a film star when im so funny i could be the chinese gianna jun lolol HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA AHA AHAHAHA ok pls prisha! right....the pastor his voice was so so so familiar and comforting like i just heard it yesterday not like literally but like just recently, which is weird cause its been yearss since i last attended to calvary and thats before they moved, plus have i even been there more than 50 times??? lol! idk but now i really want to hear his voice again cause its like reassuring...and im not sure if i could remember voices or its just that pastors’ voice is more anointing to the ears.....and also there’s another pastor who share the story her dad made him a charger thing....its really weird cause i never expected to remember pastors faces cause theyre all like old men right all look almost the same....but then i know i will never hear pastor steven’s voice again cause i will not go to such a huge convention center it just doesnt feel like a church thats so commercialised....tho dumc hall kinda big too...but then i now realise i really prefer their voices more than the pastors in dumc lolol i think im weirder than the person who married eiffel tower lel
anyways when i was sitting down i turned behind and saw some of the pictures there, i knew i could easily walked up and take a closer look at all the pictures, but i didnt cause i know i didnt have the rights or deserve to do that, just like how i wish i could have the chance to see her dad but i couldnt, there’s no reason for me to. i wonder if anyone believes that true love can actually transcends space...no doubt i could feel the unconditional love he had in him...i mean i didnt need to listen to all the testimony to know like seriously his face showed it all ! ! ! one thing for sure i definitely felt inspire that i would like to dedicate all my faithful love to someone...i dont know who it will be or what will actually happen in my future....but i know i will wait patiently for the person to show up....it makes me wonder if she actually has TOOOO much love in her that she sorta a player tho HA HA AHAA....ok jokes i shouldnt tease people when their loved one just passed away....but i know even if i have way tooo much in me i would still only give it to one person, there will always be room for only one in my heart....maybe its also why now i just feel like shutting myself out from the world....i dont even feel like talking to shalinn i mean i wanted to at least remain some kind of acquaintance and go to their final studio presentation....but now i really cant....i dont know how to process what im feeling is too weird i need time to forget this i need time for my prayers to come true then only can i open my heart.....meanwhile i will do whatever i was planning to do slowly and hopefully the day i stopped stalking her will come soon.....truth is im kinda frustrated too...i dont get why is it that i felt like there’s some sort of i dont ‘spirit’ or whatever shit pushing me to go there....but god doesnt even bother to tell me WHAT I SHOULD DO NEXT WITH MY LIFE!! i just want the feeling whereby it just flow and its smooth and everything feels right....because i didnt have anxiety at all when i was there, just nervous cause first time going to a place where no stranger would ever go is seriously something lel! and maybe a bit of panic and trying to run away trying to hide which all didnt work didnt make sense lolol...like when after her dad casket were inside to be cremated...her friends were like walking out and coming towards my way, i panicked that i was like damnit now i gotta go for real...but then i was so nervous i missed the entrance just on my left then walked a round and then got shocked confused why the hell i came back to the same place....and seriously at that moment i thought i was gonna faint cause the weather was bloody scorching hot and i had a cap on and i didnt eat breakfast and i was confused like where the hell is the exit??????? but then i ha d the chance to stay longer like to look at her lololol like seriously damn stupid...till the end i finally leave when more people were leaving
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