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daydream-believin · 4 months

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a real stand up guy ba dum tss

summary: you get stood up by an internet man. douxie, your waiter and secret admirer, remedies that jackass’s mistake.

warnings: uh. swearing, alcohol, i’m too lazy to proof, the yooj. oh and doux doesn’t know how to handle this crush without getting slightly into stalker territory sorry. its a red flag but i think its cute. you may not think its cute.

a/n: tumblr was glitching while i tried to post this so idk how many paragraphs i accidentally erased. i mean i tried my best to make that number 0. but anyways if something is off let me know. the challenge for this one is that im not allowed to use italics. which you should know was very hard for me agshjfkgjdjh

taglist: @moppetwithamanbun @alovesongshewrote @blixeon @prismarts @fantasyiswaybetterthanreality @ukuleles-and-roses

okay quick psa i know it’s been years so if you want off the taglist just hmu. also if you were on the taglist and got taken off thats bc tumblr says you don’t exist anymore

uh this was a request. i’m not doing requests tho dont think that. looking back yeah that ask if from march 2022 and this doesn’t even match up to what you asked 😂 im so sorry @rose-writes-shit

you took a peek at your watch. 7:34 o’ clock. letting your head fall into the open palm of your propped up hand, you sighed.

coffee meets bagel boy was supposed to have met you at 7:00.

of fucking course. you let your plucky pink-haired coworker convince you to download a fucking dating app and make a profile, just for the only guy who had actually been interested enough in you to ask you on a real date to stand you up. makes sense.

it’s not like you’ve ever had luck with these kind of things. it’s not like you’ve ever had luck period. your kind might be the black cat of humans.

you’ve spent way too long eating the free bread at a mr. benoit’s of all places. it was the “classiest” establishment in the certain suburban hellscape of california you inhabited, albeit. you took in the scenery for the millionth time that night with a renewed sense of disgust. at least now you had a legitimate reason to hate this place.

your waiter slinked over, and you could tell he felt bad for you with the awkward shuffling gait to the pity grimace on his face.

“so, uh, perhaps more bread?”

you rolled your face towards him, arbitrarily throwing animosity his way with your dead eyes, just because he was there. but soon your compulsive desire to be the funniest pathetic wretch in the room won out.

“i’m considering burning this whole place down right now, actually,” you joked.

he grit his teeth, sucking in a breath, “could i perhaps convince you to do that on a night i’m not closing, instead? tomorrow is my least favorite coworker’s turn, for your consideration,”

“hmm,” you pretended to think, “i’ll take your suggestion then, it’s only kind,”

“thank you for your generosity,” he grinned, “now, are you still waiting for someone or?”

douxie had been watching you for over half an hour now. not creepily. he swears. he just got a little excited when he saw you come into the restaurant is all.

anddd maybe he might have badgered the host into giving you one of his tables. but again, he was just excited. he’s been looking for an excuse to talk to you for the past three months, after all. forgive him for jumping on the opportunity.

he maybe fancied you. just a wee bit. perhaps a rather large bit. or at least, the version of you he’s cooked up in his head from the way he sees you interact with people at house parties and the things he’s heard from zoe.

but he’s sure he’ll love you. as soon as he gets to know who you actually are. which, hopefully, is about to be sooner rather than later.

he did not anticipate this situation, however. whatever benevolent deity blessed him on this night decided to throw a jar of pickled herring in with the otherwise yummy pastry filled gift basket they left for him.

not long after you arrived at 6:56 pm, not that he marked the time you came in or anything he just happened to glance at the clock around that time, he watched you, how they say, deflate. your demeanor shifted from antsy to sad to downright annoyed.

you were dressed nicely. not fancy, not pretending like this wasn’t a benoit’s. but nice. orderly. like you wanted to make a good impression on whoever it was you were expecting to meet. so either a date, or mayhaps a job interview.

not that you didn’t look nice or orderly on other days. you just weren’t in your hex tech uniform shirt. or in the incredibly casual clothes you wore when he saw you around. you were just. clearly cleaned-up, is all.

whoever it was, it was obvious that they were not coming. doux applauded you for being patient enough to wait this long, but again, they obviously weren’t coming. which, if it was a date, was good for him, but bad for you. very bad for you.

and honestly who does this person think they are? letting you down like this? horrible. disgraceful. this person was a grade A jerk-off. they have to be dead from the neck up to leave you waiting here like this, publicly embarrassing you as you sat at a table set for two all alone at one of the busiest restaurants in town. shame on them.

he was glad you seemed to be in the joking mood, however. and about arson, too. oh, he’s always had a soft spot for arsonists.

he hoped you’ll forgive him for having to do his job. if it was up to him, he’d give you all the bread in the pantry just so you wouldn’t leave. but alas, he had to deal the killing blow.

“now, are you still waiting for someone, or?”

your eyes drifted downward to the empty wineglass in your hand as you swirled it sarcastically as if it were still full.

you sighed, “yeah, no, it’s clear he doesn’t plan on showing,” you looked back up at him ruefully, “i’ll order now. i shouldn’t have waited this long for an internet man, anyway, huh? could’ve made it less pathetic.”

“i don’t think there’s a way to make these things any ‘more’ or ‘less’ pathetic,” he began taking out his notepad, ready to write, “because i wouldn’t call it pathetic at all. getting stood up is a thing that’s done to you, not because of who you are, but because of who someone else chooses to be… unless you stole this guy’s car or something. then it’s your fault.”

you laughed. genuinely.

“no, no, it’s a first date. i haven’t known this guy long enough to steal his car yet. but thanks… that’s. a better outlook than mine. kinder,” you apologized, “… uh, can i have like, the cheapest bottle of white wine you’ve got back there? the whole thing this time.”

“i take it back. that definitely made it pathetic.”

while you shared a laugh, douxie mentally congratulated himself. you had just given him the information that a) you were single and b) you were into men. a good day to be a charming single man, then. he had a chance.

“so are you ordering any real food as well? or did you plan on just having wine and bread for dinner? have to say, i don’t think that’s wise, love.”

“well i suppose i gotta, since, i’ve, uh, eaten three baskets of complimentary bread,” you stumbled over your words for a second there, “and i’m sure it’d make the manager mad if it didn’t, right?”

“right you are. he’s uh,” douxie lowered his voice, “he’salreadybeenonmydickaboutyou so yeah, you gotta. plus i’m just— you should eat something, yeah.”

you awkwardly turned your attention to the menu as you did that thing where you hold it and pretend to look over the menu as you order like you forgot or something, “the duck confit sounds good for tonight, i think,”

douxie snorted.

“no, no, that wasn’t a joke,” you shook your head, smiling fondly, “i actually just like duck, i promise. no sarcasm. i do understand the irony though. i get it.”

he didn’t completely believe you, “well then, one order of duck confit, coming right up. be back shortly, love.”

doux grabbed the breadbasket on his way out.

when he glanced back to throw you a short and unnoticeable but longing stare, as he paused in the kitchen doorway, you were fidgeting with the flowers on the table. he should get that order in now.

when your waiter came back with food, he placed two plates down on the table. you looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head as he took the other seat as well.

“what are you—“

“i called in a favor with the owner. i’m still working but, i’ve got a bit of free time now. if you don’t mind me joining you,”

you shook your head in astonishment.

“not at all,” you smiled, still absolutely flabbergasted that this man would do something like this for you, “you’re douxie, right? zoe’s mentioned you a lot.”

“oH—,” he coughed, “oh, uh, she has?“

“yeah,”

he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, “only good things, i pray?”

“oh, sure. sure. good things,” you took a demure little sip of your glass to torture him with the pause implying the contrary.

he swallowed audibly. nervous, then. what dirt did zoe have on him. you watched as he awkwardly shoved up the sleeves of his shirt, perhaps feeling a bit warm now. it was cute.

you’d be sure to ask zoe all about him later. how could you not. this was the most interesting thing to happen all year. and it’s december.

you racked your brain for what you knew of this guy for conversation topics.

“you’re in zoe’s band, right? the lead guitarist.”

his face lit up at the mention of it, “oh, yes. you’ve seen us?”

“once or twice, i believe.”

it wasn’t really your thing, live music. you mostly hung around the back of the bar when you got dragged to shows. you liked loud, sometimes. just not often. it really depended on how your brain was feeling that day.

“well, you’ve gotta come to the next gig, then, at least. i’m sure zoe’s already invited you?” you nodded. “the venue’s holding a wee little music festival, it’s going to be nuclear,”

“ah, that’s fun,” you smiled. that sounded like hell but now that two very enthusiastic wizards have invited you, you don’t have the heart to weasel your way out of it. you’ll bring the “XTREME” ear plugs.

“but yeah, the bands great. i love that i get to play with my mates now. a team that works as well together as we do is rare, so i really appreciate them.”

“speaking of,”

doux hummed inquisitively.

“what’s going on with zoe and that new girly y’all’ve got on the drums?”

“oh,” he paused to take a sip, narrowing his eyes mischievously, “they’re boning.”

you clasped your hands together excitedly, “thank you! you’ve just won me a betting pool.”

he almost had to spit the wine back into his glass,“hhhh. how many?”

“oh, just the entirety of the hex tech arcadia staff.”

“i’m not sure she’ll be happy to hear that.”

“which is why you won’t tell her, mr. casperan,” you placed your hand over his with a cheshire cat grin.

well, he couldn’t argue with that.

dinner progressed. alas, you can’t say you lingered as long as you wanted to on conversation. you were kinda rushing things because you felt a little guilty doux was getting someone to cover for him while you had your little date. was this a date. it had to be. as mentioned, he’s going out of his way for this, and you can’t imagine he’d go through all this trouble because he wasn’t interested in you. but then again, you couldn’t believe he was interested in you either.

“do you like cryptozoology?” douxie tried his best to ask nonchalantly while he scratched the bridge of his nose to look a little less interested. he was feeling a bit energized since talking about the band. you had been paying attention to him like he’d been paying attention to you, if only in passing.

“a tad more than the average californian wizard, why?”

“well, later this weekend, i’ve got a job exterminating a goblin infestation in the next town over,”

“snelling?”

“yeah, snelling. the guy i was partnering with told me he was backing out this morning, so now i’ll be going it alone. and im sure you know how fighting goblins alone usually goes.”

“makes it easier for them to gang up on you, yes.”

“see, that’s why i’m asking if you’d be interesting in taking his place?”

“well, i’ve got the weekend off and nothing to do,” he knew that, he got the hex tech schedule from zoe every week(to know how to schedule band practice. and, if he also took a peak at your schedule, it was purely accidental. yeah.), “so, i don’t see why not.”

doux grinned, both relieved he wouldn’t be fighting goblins alone, and feeling clever that he found an excuse to spend more time with you, “perfect, i’ll text you the details? but, oh, i don’t have your number do i?”

you were about to ask why he couldn’t just tell you in person right now, but he said that soo hammy. it took .01 seconds to understand what he was doing. you snorted.

“okay, okay, here,” you held out your hand and he gladly placed his unlocked phone in your hand. you made the contact and sent yourself a text of the first emoji he had in his recents, which happened to be🫀. ah, a goth romantic. you gave him back his phone.

“perfect. thank you, love.” he tucked the phone into his chest dramatically before placing in back into his pocket.

you rolled your eyes fondly, “you know, goblin smashing isn’t exactly my idea of the perfect second date, you might have to turn up the charm.”

“oh, i’m sure i’ll make it worth your while,” he let his head fall into his palm propped up on the table, gaze going soft, “so was this a perfect first date, then?”

you laughed, “hardly. all things considered. but—“

“but?”

“but i’m glad it happened this way. i’ve had a good time, mr. casperan.”

he grinned in agreement, “me too.”

you put your hand on top of the one he left resting on the table, and he took the opportunity to take that hand and gently lay a kiss to the top of your knuckles. he lingered for a moment, eyes shut tight to take in the tenderness of the moment.

alas, he has to go back to work now.

doux pulled out your chair and helped you to your feet. you thanked him as he started stacking the dishes.

“should i—?”

“no, god no,” he chuffed, “i’m the waiter, remember? i work here.”

“oh yeah.”

that reminded you. you shuffled for your wallet, but he stopped you.

“i’m paying for dinner, love. go enjoy the rest of your evening, i’ll text you after i close.”

“you sure?” it didn’t really sit right with you, considering he probably took a pay cut by not working the whole time you were on this little “date.”

“well,” he paused, and placed the dishes back onto the table for time being, “you could leave me a tip, if you know what i mean. just a teeny thing—“

“c’mere,” you snickered as you pulled him down by the lapels to kiss him.

chaste, just a peck. but perfect and sweet all the same.

when you pulled back, you watched as douxie held his eyes closed for just a moment longer than he need to before letting that blinding all encompassing smile bloom across his face.

“well then, a very goodnight to you, y/n l/n.”

#douxie x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie casperan x reader #my writing

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theglitchos · 1 year

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tldr: gender is soup. i don't want a dick. but hypotheticals are interesting to consider?

gender and identity is fucking complex, both mentally and physically i am still v much soup regarding my gender expression (ie, my outward aesthetics such as clothes), and my brain has apparently decided to add physicallity, like, my actual body, into the soup. which, to a degree it has already done, there's a reason i have a compression/binding top. but. at charmed, there was going to be a class on gender fuckery. i don't remember if it got cancelled or if i just ended up not going to it, but it was on my small list of "maybe i'll go to that" and tbh, the major reason i was hesitating on going was i was not sure how comfortable i'd be and what reactions would happen in my brain. six years ago, i was new to the online hypnosis community, and i fell in with someone who took advantage of my naivety and curiosity. someone who i was friendly with at the time advised me of things he'd done to them that they were not ok with and they'd cut contact with him, and were a patient sounding-board as i pulled convo logs and processed that yeah, this guy was an asshole and manipulative. i cut ties with him, and afaik he's not in the hypnosis community at all anymore. (look, i'm moderately competent at using the internet, i have my ways of finding things). but anyways. he's the reason i was v hesitant about going to the gender fuckery class? like. part of pulling logs and going through shit… i found logs of where i had explicitly said i wasn't comfortable doing a thing (essentially a "hypno body swap" with another person he was playing with at the time)… and had been manipulated into doing it anyways. it was one of the key things that made me say fuck this i'm yeeting him. which, yay noobGlitch. but yeah. i've been fairly skittish and avoidant of transformative play since then. not to say i haven't dabbled in some forms of it, but nothing involving gender-specific physicality. until i read spitfire. tldr, spitfire is an incredibly queer polyam fantasy smutty romance by maya kern. one of the core characters is a dragon, who can transform his body into whatever physical form he wishes. and uh. yeah. it's good. and it was the first time i'd ever succumbed to the stereotypical trans person's experience of "transformation as a superpower/magical ability would be neat ngl" and ever since then i've become.. not comfortable. i'm not sure i'd ever be truly comfortable. but more open? to at least occasionally considering the idea of having amab physicality instead of afab. idk. on the one hand, i know i'm probably never going to get top surgery or do t or anything else to physically alter my body in that way. my body is fine, i'm used to it, it looks good and feels right most of the time. at some point i want to get a better binder, but what i have right now is fine. i don't want a dick. but that doesn't mean i'm incapable of imagining what having one might be like? sure, it's difficult since i do not have the experience. and most of the time i don't give a shit/prefer my afab body. afab is comfortable now, i'm used to it. ANYWAYS the main originator point of this ramble is i somehow got involved in a discussion about hypothetical dicks, and someone ended up asking "glitch, if i may ask, and i totally get if this is too personal to answer - if it's not a power/control thing, why the desire for specifically getting your hypothetical dick sucked" and my roundabout answer was basically "pleasure good, if it were purely toppy/control then maybe a strapon or something would be fine. but i would only get off mentally? like, there's no physical there." which they spun off into a tangent on "why sex toys that integrate with the human nervous should exist" that was v cyberpunky

-shrug-

#glitch rambles #gender is soup

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voyeuristicvixen · 9 months

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Capts Log No.43_ VoyeurMe

IM SO FUCKING PISSED I WAS LITERALLY AT THE END OF WRITING THIS AND THEN WHYTF DID I ACCIDENTALLY DELETE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING IT WAS PERFECT! DAMN SHADOW RX IM CRYING INSIDE.

UGH. Idc im so stubborn I will fucking do it fucking again it will fucking be better than the last time bitch. So what I was saying, DISCLAIMER THIS BLOG FOR MATURE AUDIENCES. If you my pops you def cant reaad this lmao. Consider this the lock on my diary. I wasnt going to tell this story, then that shit that just happened made me feel like I DEF shouldnt tell the story but I love the quote I was literally just tryna add a quote at the end and fucked it all up... whatever whatever.

From time to time I go to this place called Social Island. Its nice place for ppl watching, if you are observant like me.. I love to observe nature, the stars, people, and SL residents! The profiles, expressions, avatars, its always something new and different to see and people from all over are just right at your fingertips. You can learn about their country, customs, whats going on present moment the things the news won't tell you. Its a trip. Yea thats the internet but SL is the whole experience of it, and IYKYK! Theres also of course the occasional debauchery of trolls, loud ass music players and sexual harassers.

So one day I see HELLBOY. *swoons* Like- I can't explain how or why folks, ,but I got so hrny seeing this avatar lmao. Sexy af to me. I was just like, lemme get my tredente waaataaa cuz why am I so thirsty all of a sudden this is unnacceptable!!! But then I look at the profile..

No text. No description. No picture of their avi, just a glitched out looking Skullhead. lol. Idk I have always had a thing for beastly characters. Like the beast from beauty and the beast was one of the first fictional characters i was attracted to lmao.

So I see my RL birthday is the dudes REZ day. Cant make this shit up guyss, I was looking at something on facebook, a sl couple that had this exact situation that were like celebrating something and I was like oh shit that so cool/cute. Next day this shit happens! Okay and then peep the days, 4440. lol .... We talked for about 6 hours.

About deep shit like spirituality, past lives, the usual thing I go on about.. but this dude was skeptic, intelligent. Non-believer. I should have clocked at some point how much he didnt believe in shit but it is nice to talk to people who do not believe in what you do and are still open-minded to hear you out. So that was cool.

I hate how happy we look in that pic on the left lmao because no, this does not end well! The last thing I gotta say haha because after all this is VoyeuristicVixen I cant not ... He had a lot of forms and one of them was VENOM. *sticks tongue out* Have you ever been ate out by Venom? I- lemme just stop there lmao *sips tea* Press play & cont: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWWrEMPLQog

He visited my crib in Jamrock, he even joined mystory lol.

So on his 4444th day, all hit the fan. I decided to have the talk that you know I dont want anything serious, I am still going through healing from a divorce yadda yadda. And it was a great day to do it because 4 represents foundations... four fours is like ultimate foundational energy.

I dont wanna really date on SL or RL at all right now, If anything I want to demo what open relationship situation would be like to see if that is something for me. SL is a great place to test what you are comfortable with in a safe way. Especially with BSDM matters but thats for another blog. So anyways I am telling him about 4444 from my favorite source, and how excited I was for that day for him.. Remember the dude a skeptic.

Long story short, I gauged something that he was doing and called him out on it. When I ended up being right I joked like yea cuz im psychic which is true but i was being vibey.. lol he ends up revealing some prejudices he had against brown people calling themselves psychic. He from India, brown too. But that dont make a difference. People can still be programmed against their own. I was a fun four day fling and I do not regret a thing!

The main lesson I was tryna quote myself on in the last version of this blog lmao was that not every sign or symbol needs to be acted upon. Not everything you attract is worth your time. This world is literally made of constant synchronicities and patterns of numbers and instances. If you really look closely you will see it all.. Everything really is that deep dont get me wrong.

"you dont have to look down to gather water from the well." -FOXEY HENDRIX

i am currently obsessed with this new Alchemy viewer, it does need a few things like a better flycam system for controller and also the ability to pose like the BD "poser" tool & OMG *chefs kiss*

Ive been going EVERYWHERE, like-

Mentoring has been a trip also, its really fun to observe how people go about their first moments on the grid. Last night had someone almost give up till we talked them off the ledge XD For me it was always easy and intuitive to pick up SL was not too hard. But a lot of people just want to start experiencing and connecting and dont care for the technical stuff! It really means a lot to me to be able to make things easier for folks so they have a chance to enjoy the things we all enjoy about Secondlife.

Lmao people will literally be naked all the time but not even their fault they just get stuck trying to change. There are changing rooms, but people dont usually bother to walk to them even if we offer to take them there. I usually just direct them to where they can switch the default avatar so they find clothes quicker.

But omg, this one person kept switching into all kind of random forms that were highly disproportionate you can kinda see ... and then this female had a random bt plug just chillen there. THEY DONT SPEAK. which is the funniest part becacuse you cant tell what the hell is going on. They just start doing weird things to simulate "the act" XD im like " yes we love all expressions here on sl and there are designated places for that! " & they actually do listen to me. Sometimes my fellow mentors will freak out at trolls, and im like.. trolls? my specialty!

exhibit a. the OG trolls of SL used to grieve regions like this, falling d*ck orbs idek what to call them but i remember this day like it was yesterday, i was shopping for clothes at this cute korean place, back then there was a lot more asian creators for mesh clothes .. and suddenly the sky changed i kid you not. Also i think something about the sounds changed too like there was sirens, something that made me walk outside the building, then it was raining d*cks !!! ROFL. I miss when trolls were super original like this... ive also heard some other great griefer stories, I want to find the infamous bomb case.. apparently there was once a case that would basically make everyone in the room crash lol. But I think the servers are built against that very well now.. (not me talking about SL terr*sm) I have no inention to use these things it would just be great to meet someone who knows about those times XD I have to put these * by every word because I dont wanna get fl*ggd lmao. OKAY IM DONE TILL NEXT TIME!!

Shout out to these WelcomHub cutiess <3 Heather is always in something fly shes the dopest!

#secondlife #secondlifeblog #secondlifephotography #secondlifeblogger #secondlifefashion #ladyfoxeyhendrix #secondliferp #metaverse #blackgirlbloggers

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themelancholyhill · 1 year

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I haven’t had the courage to send you an ask for a while. Part of it is because one of my mutuals-turned-irl friend told me someone sent her an ask on anon and the blog url actually came up for a moment as she posted her answer. It was most likely a glitch but still, i’d like to be anon to you for as long as possible, i think it’s better this way. Whenever i see your reblogs on my dash i always want to send you an ask just to see how you are.

So how are you really? Tell me.

I’m not doing well…i’ve hurt someone i care very much about very deeply. I had to cut her out of my life, in a way that i know will scar her for a long time. I knew where her vulnerability was and i used it, not to hurt her intentionally, but i didn’t see another way for us to continue our friendship. She is an online friend. I’ve had quite a bit of issues with people i’ve met over the internet that i don’t know if befriending someone in this way is the best thing for me mentally. It’s weird, coz i’ve met some wonderful people (like you❤️) and my mutual/irl friend but there are also things and people i’ve experienced online that i’d rather not remember. Have you had something similar like this happen to you online?

Or is this just life and i’ve just been too sheltered and safe all this time?

V✖️

Don't worry about wanting to remain anonymous. If you feel like it's the best option then I won't pressure you to reveal your username either here or on any other platform. Not that I was going to or it means that I don't care if you show it or not, but just go with whatever suits your fancy. We've been talking for this long like this and it's a sign that it's working, so keep it up since it's your best option.

I've met wonderful people (you included, of course, and you being anonymous sets you apart delightfully) and I've met some of them which is nice and all! They're a couple of online friends whom I wish I could meet irl, but despite living in the same country, we live in different areas so it's tricky to meet and hang out. Idk, I might organise something w one of them whom I know for more than 10 years!

However, I met a guy online a month ago and we'd decided to meet irl. Here's the thing, he's nice and all but he's got this tendency of noticing every detail and he'd shown jealous behavior despite us not going out at all. We met at my uni campus cause my mom doesn't want me to exceed this parameter and he was like: "that's not fair for me, I want us to go somewhere else!"

I told him that maybe I'd get to do that some day and he left me on seen—it's been a month now!

I'm not fazed by it at all, but coming from someone my age, it just disappoints me!

Apart from that, I'm doing well. I've seen Ray on couple of occasions. He came off of the same classroom I study in. He saw me and that was it. How weird is it to see someone you care so much about become a complete stranger?! I'm slowly coping with this situation, and it's tedious!

As for your situation, I solely believe that you did it because it was the best thing to do. Sometimes, harsh decisions have got to be made. I also believe that our online space should be safe for us to just breathe, and if someone is there to suck all the air, well then, it's best to cut tights w them!

I'm super glad to hear from you, I've been reblogging stuff that are rather random, but know for sure that you cross my mind very very often!

I hope that by the time you read this you'll be feeling much much better!

#asks #V✖

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pinksnow · 2 years

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a heem heem. abridged version of the timeline take two. sobs

literally seething over tumblr not saving an entire god damn post ok here we go again. im so mad. im not gonna be as detailed in this one bc i just spent all my spoons on the first post. cries

- gen 1 addisons created with birth of the internet

- mid gens also created (spamton is this!)

- spamton has a friend group with one first gen pink addison and 2 mid gen addisons, blue and yellow

- spamton is still shit as his job dont worry that hasnt changed

- gen1 and mid gen addisons are susceptible to getting wormed. what do i mean by this. well in this au computer worms are corrupted addisons

- their code is jank so it happens

- og blue and yellow get wormed

- spamton is very upset!

- spamton befriends our current addisons because our blue looked like his blue. ogpink tells spamton this is not the way to go about it dude

- after a year or so though he recognizes blue for blue and not an ogblue replacement

- im shipping them also because i can do whatever i want. blue was canonly closest to spamton so <3

- not much interesting happens afterwards. spamton ask ogpink for dating advice i guess. whatever

- yadda yadda phone call lol

- spamton is now becoming increasingly distant towards everyone!

- blue is upset! the others are upset at spamton for making blue upset!

- when he moves to the mansion they virtually never contact eachother again

- they TRY to set up a couple dates but spamton cant get out due to always having a meeting here, and photoshoot there, deals please sign here. its neverending!

- blue is very depressed because his boyfriend has fucking ghosted him and he sees his face everywhere

- all of them are very frustrated and upset

- in 2004 ogpink gets wormed and is now iloveyou. spamton just not having a good time man

- spamton tries putting out a position for personal assistant and does his damnest to keep it from public view and hopes blue takes it up, hes doing this in hopes blue applies so they can finally be together again lol

- blue is moping in his room 24/7 he doesnt see shit he barely eats lol

- speaking of the others have their own way to cope with this

- yellow goes around breaking his billboards and other things around the city in attempts to get his attention

- orange

- pink and his relentless anger is like. im going to beat people up. this is surely the best way to deal with my frustration. he takes the freezering and beats up werewires n virovirokuns etc in alleyways. do you see where this is going

- anyways spamton is told they picked out the best candidate for the assistant job and its NOT blue its this green bitch named Novarg

- spamton absolutely hates nova for like a month straight bc its suppose to be blue with him not this sickly looking twink

- wahtver. idk. stuff happens. they probably explore eachothers bodies. lol. anyways

- once gaster cuts our man off he has a breakdown, and before i detail this breakdown, you need to listen to me ok, ok. the second worst virus in the world is SOBIG right, do yuou see where im going with this. spamton is wormed but gaster was doing some fucky shit to keep him from imploding or smth. those puppet features are the result of the worm yes im doing that. the lines on his jaw and jointed hands. youd think people would notice that only a worm would be able to spread as fast as spamton did with himself right. no bc with spamton hes unknowingly making it so people dont realize this. they look at his jointed hands and dont process that anythings wrong with it. anyways once its all cut off he breaks down bc hes losing everything which just sets the rest of the worm code OFF and hes glitching and freaking out and novas like. well ok im still going to try and calm him down. well he gets infected, and because spamtons code is so unbelievably fucked up it just glitches itself and makes nova a completely new and different worm. which is mydoom. the current worst worm. lol. see what i did isnt that funny. biggest virus derived from the code of what was at the time the biggest. anyways

- you know damn well a swatchling saw this and was like oh shit

- by this point nova has already ran off bc hes literally gone fucking insane we;re talking about the worst virus in the world here

- they get spamtons ass though! in this au hes thrown into the acid bc hes wormed and thats dangerous and bad and they need him DEAD

- i mean he lives obviously but now hes fun sized

- word gets out spamton is dead. they dont say he was wormed thatd cause mass panic with another worm already out

- its assume nova killed spamton (they dont, KNOW, its nova but im not saying mydoom every time, ok)

- well see now our addisons are VERYYY upset

- they hated spamton but they didnt want him DEAD. now blues doing even WORSE.

- yellows trashing more shit, orange is pretending the mannequin actually is spamton theyre in very deep denial

- and pink

- well

- pink is very fucking pissed! he goes out of his way to find nova.

- this is where he first uses snowgrave

- he never wanted to use it. he told himself hed never use it. but right now in a blind rage all he can think is i want this twink OBLITERATED

- half the fight is pink getting smacked around bc he needs to build up 200tp lol!

- once he has it though, oh boy! babys first snowgrave blackout! (whiteout?)

- nova only barely escapes with his life bc hes wormed. my man got fucked up

- pink snaps out of it after the fight is over thankfully but now hes set his fate in stone lol. get fucked

- actually doesnt get really bad until years later. THIS is when it starts turning into full days spent in whiteout

- sending the city into a fucking artificial winter

- its not supposed to SNOW here

- whole city blocks and streets getting wiped out

- the extreme snow from snowgrave has leaked into other attacks theres just snow everywhere

- you can only barely make out pinks outline, those who managed to sneak away seen this outline and were like

- its not a worm, they dont use magic, let alone ice magic. its not an addison, they cant attack on their own if not wormed

- obviously its a lightner, a human

- well now that rumor is spread everywhere, like even pink himself believes it

- esuiythgyuiqw3hjebfsdjkm skip to spamton in dumpster hours to our current time we skipped ahead cool cool

- whiteout pink looking for him bc they KNOW he has the thornring which would cut tp cost in half which would be Very Nice!

- spamton fights for his life and also only barely makes it out alive bc worm

- blue also happens to be out looking for pink and finds spamton

- many a crisis incoming: your ex is alive, hes small, hes half frozen to death, he speaks in glitched adverts, and he tells you that pink tried to kill him

- now thats just too much to take in today folks!

- (gestures) they take him home they have a reunion he screams when pink walks thru the door whatver

- they dont fully believe spamton until blues out one day during a particularly bad bout and sees its pink and is like. oh shit. oh my god

- deer in headlights <3

- blue is going to fucking die if he doesnt do something and this extreme stress and life of death situation causes his little funny darkner soul to be like oh ok. ok we;re doing this

- yeah addisons can make popups and little cursors but now blue is holding a whole ass cursor harpoon

- he does not know what the fuck is going on he doesnt even know how to use this he just throws them around randomly to distract pink and make a run for it

- well spamton was right

- they do NOT tell pink they dont want to imagine how hed react to what hes done

- blue has this nice little routine now of going out 5 minutes after pink does and following him and beating him up with harpoons to keep their focus on him and not the others around

- eventually word is gonna get out that blue is fighting off the lightner and walking out of it alive. this is not good

pink: i heard this about you

blue: different blue i dont know what youre talking about goodbye

- man i dont know i dont want to write more out you get the drill im doing a timeskip

- cool so idk smthhappens spamton snaps and gets that sweet sweet neo bod and nowthe addisons r fighting this mf over his broken city on suspended railways

- well the worms are all hiding down here since its abandoned, and they like. oh holy shit? spamton?

- neo spamton is basically the full potential of what he couldve been if allowed to go fully wormed when he did

- i know this is silly let me live

- iloveyou jumps onto blues cart like hey need some help

- if you see dangerous malware thats suppose to be dead you will not react well

- idk smth happens they all fall down into the broken city so that i can have a better setup for this part LOL

- while orange yellow and pink are fighting spamton trying to get him to snap out of it blue is ready to tear iloveyou to shreds

- while fighting iloveyou infects blue in a short blind rage

- uh oh lol

- instead of acting like a normal infected addison he. well his emotions are so overwhelming it just cancels out that code

- so now you got a very angry blue addison who is slightly powered up with a heart harpoon and hearts floating around him

- see first post on blog

- MAN i dont know i want to go get something to eat im wrapping this up right now

- its fine they all end up fine out of it the worms help pink control his magic and help spamton and he can go neo willingly

- they are all wacky roommates now

- the worms instinctive drive to infect code basically shut off after living together in an abandoned city for years with no one else

- they go out with the others sometimes in a large baggy hoodie

- eventually brave enough to go alone

- idk some new gen addison kid pulls down iloveyous hood bc they saw a heart and iloveyou is about to freak out but theyre all like omg dude thats so cool is that like a new accessory

- so anyways ogpink goes out normally now and those who do recognize them are stared at by everyone like dude this is just our local heart guy

- spamton that bastard has to fucking explain himself and mend THREE relationships but its fine

here you go, ogblue nova and blue and their fun sized spamton you know exactly what this is imitating goodbye i leave the rest to your imagination

#mod pink #WHEW #i never want to write ever again #i did not want to do this TWICE #god #you betterappreciate this post i swear to god #i need a DRINK. i need to GO #deltarune #thats all im tagging im not strong enough to tag the rest #no wait i lied im gonna tag #spamton #you know. so more people see. and im not lying. hes here.#SDKJGNSJKDGNSDJKG #pardon if this doesnt make sense im ((twirls finger around head)) after doing this a second time

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acircusfullofdemons · 3 years

Note

Follow up question <3 tell us about the Pastas.

- @maddgicalgirl

@maddgicalgirl So. :>

Wait b4 I get into that, idk how familiar you are with creepypasta (im assuming at least a little bit bc you asked this lol) but just to be safe: Creepypastas are internet horror stories, they're (imo) usually pretty sucky bc they're all written by 12yos, but whatever the fandom never sticks with Canon anyway. There's also the SlenderMansion AU (very popular, you've probably seen fanart of it) where the pastas all live together. Whos there depends in the person i guess? So for me its: Tim/Masky, Brian/Hoodie, Slender, Toby, Ben, Jeff, EJ, Jane, LJ, Smile Dog, Sally, and my parame Simon. Sometimes Jason & Slender's brothers are there, too.

I mostly daydream about Tim/Masky being my dad. and also Brian/Hoodie, being my other dad. They are Married <3

Tim is your typical tired dad, I guess? Him & Brian work for Slender with Toby (who've they also mentally adopted as their son/brother). Brian worries about everyone (he has anxiety) and is generally a mother hen ngl. Since I also mentioned Toby here (+ I want all the proxies together), he's a chaotic lil shithead but knows when to pull it together for serious situations. A more realistic version of the popular fanon, I guess.

If Tim is a Tired Dad then Slender is a Tired Grandpa <3 /j. He's the one that actually runs things & makes sure the pastas don't murder each other, especially Jeff & Jane. Its also hard to tell if he genuinely cares about the pastas or not - an elderitch being with no face is pretty good at hiding its true emotions, shocker ‐ but he does tolerate them living in his house, so. Probably? He secretly wants to be a dad let him have this.

Jeff.....has actually chilled out. Like. A Lot. I'm still toying with the idea of if he murdered his older brother, Liu, yet. Because if he didn't, then Liu would be a detective; but if he did, then Simon (my parame) would be able to see Liu (they're the para i mentioned that can see ghosts) & fix their relationship so Liu can move on. ANYWAY, personality-wise, he's still an ass but now its like. A Funny Asshole. Probably bc he spends to much time with LJ. He's also the primary caretaker of Smile Dog (he's a "family dog", but also Jeff's Dog, u know?).

Jane has also chilled out. In the sense that she isn't trying to murder Jeff on sight anymore. After some talking (and encouragement from Slender), they've decided to call it a truce (?) and more or less ignore each others existence unless necessary. It works surprisingly well.

Here's a post that kind of explains the gaming pastas ("Glitches" as they're called here), including Ben.

Sally is. just a lil 8yo baby we love her <3. She's also the only child living at the mansion & kind of likes it that way. She likes being the only Baby so all the attention is on her 💖

EJ is the mansions doctor! He was turned into a Demon before finishing med school, but Slender has plenty of medical books and its EJ's Special Inerest (listen....idc at this point. they all have adhd and/or autism. fight me) so he learned everything pretty quickly, which is good because its. a bunch of murders living together. What do you think happens daily.

I don't daydream about LJ that much idk why I listed him but yeah he's There he Does Things.

I'd talk about Simon but I've gone on long enough, that's like. a whole other post lmao.

#paraportal #luka answers #player: maddgicalgirl #chainsawgirlfriend #console: at the graveyard #tim #brian #jeff #ej #lj #jane #ben #sally #toby #slender #....this is also what inspired RoseWood Manor <3 and richard Irvine. who is slender. yeha.#this is also just the basics i have aus!! AUS!!! AS IN MULTIPLE WHY CAN I MEMORIZE THAT BUT NOTHING ELSE—

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viostormcaller · 4 years

Text

Thinking about it, it kinda sucks just how little new horizons has.

Like... I love the game to pieces and maybe this is just bc im in a shitty mood (which i am) but like... god this is gonna be long and ranty and I'm sorry in advance that mobile tumblr doesnt have the read more feature

For starters, holidays are all scheduled on the company's terms, meaning in 7+ years or so there will be no more in-game holidays because by then they'll probably be thinking about/getting ready to release the next installment of the series on whatever console is out at the time and they won't want to update new horizons anymore. And adding onto this, you need the internet to download the updates. What happens to the players who don't have internet?? Can they just never experience the holidays like bunny day and toy day and turkey day? That takes a HUGE part of the fun of the series out right off the bat. Sometimes making everything rely on the internet is a bad idea. Idk if anyone can like tell me if having no internet means you can't take part in the holidays, but like... god if that's true thats really sad.

They recently took out the hybrid flower and big fish islands, which makes no sense whatsoever why they would do that to a game that has so little, but ok?? It's not like that feature was hindering the gameplay any

There's a lot of furniture but Not a Lot of Furniture, you get me? They took out EVERY set except the classic set (renamed "antique") that you can buy for an insanely high price, and the log and wooden block sets that you can craft, but other that that it's all unrelated items that aren't part of any set, aside from the cute set and diner and throwback sets which as far as I can remember are the only other sets you can buy in the game. No alpine, no ranch, no minimalist, no princess or gracie, no modern or sleek, none of that. And 90% of all the buy-only furniture in the game is just the color variants. You can't even customize them! And it's hard as fuck to find the color variants you want, much less for completing a furniture set

And speaking of which, your starting villagers don't get their default house interiors. Your first three + your two starters from the tutorial days have the same generic layouts. You NEVER see what their houses are supposed to look like, and even if you give them the wallpaper and flooring they're supposed to have (if you figure that out online somewhere), their house doesn't change (I tested this with Sherb and was kinda disappointed).

And stuff is so EXPENSIVE. I know it adds a challenge but my final loan was NEVER 1 mil+ bells in New Leaf. And you can't even expand the extra first floor rooms you get. I'm literally getting less for WAY more. The biggest rooms you get are the basement and upstairs rooms. The first floor rooms aside from the main room really don't have a lot of space and with the different furniture they DO offer, I don't have a lot of room to put things in. But it's not like I can even afford it anyway -- just a freaking air conditioner was 63,000 bells. In New Leaf it was 2500. That's a MASSIVE jump. And the kitchen items are so freaking expensive, as well.

And speaking of houses, for someone who was literally in the real estate industry in the last game, tom nook adds very few house exterior options. And the even more shitty thing is that a lot of the colors straight up don't match. They couldn't even add a plain white roof.

God and the fucking DIY recipes. I know I've said this before on my other tumblr but the RNG for this game is the worst I've ever fucking seen. There is no reason why, two months into the game, I can be given a recipe for a simple DIY bench, which EVERYONE LEARNS IN THE TUTORIAL. Who the fuck am I giving it to?! No one, because literally every player knows it already, and you can't gift diy recipes to villagers! And I keep getting repeats of recipes. My villagers give me fruit DIYs all the time, it's so rare for me to get any new ones. And two days in a row I've gotten the recipe for the deer head mount thing from the same villager. New recipes should 100% take the priority before repeats. This game is slow paced, sure, but that's just frustrating. It doesn't make me excited to learn more recipes, it makes me feel like I'm never gonna learn any new ones because I'll get the same fruit DIYs for a week straight.

And speaking of which, you can't put trees, bushes, or flowers in your storage, which to me makes literally no sense. I can fit a giant ass fountain in my storage but I can't put a flower plant? Really? And speaking of storage, for a game that added 300 whole slots for mail instead of the usual 10, I will never understand why they decided to halve the amount of items a player can order a day from the nook shopping, AND make it so that it takes a whole day to get there instead of making deliveries at 9 am and 5 pm like in New Leaf.

And the fact that they made it so hard to get non native fruit and flowers and shit??? Like they at LEAST added Lief so flowers aren't as much of an issue anymore, but you actually have to travel to other people's islands just to get all the fruits?? I know you have to do the same thing in New Leaf but the reason why this is an issue for me is because you have to pay for online access, meaning most of those nook miles for planting all the fruits are locked behind a paywall unless your villagers can gift them to you. And your mom, when you first start the game, has a chance of giving you the one fruit that's on the non-native fruit mystery island, meaning you'll only get ONE new fruit and not two separate ones (for example, my sis got pears from mom but her non native fruit islands have cherries i believe. I got pears from mom and my fruit islands also have pears. Doesnt help that that's the one fruit i hate lmao). They also took OUT a bunch of fruits, like mangoes, durians, lemons, bananas, lychees, persimmons...

And the fact that your nook miles rewards are ISLAND LOCKED. That is the WORST SHIT. Not everyone has the ability to play with others, bc no internet or no money for the subscription every month. Not everyone WANTS to play with others bc maybe they get social anxiety (like me, which is why i havent asked for things that are impossible for me to get even though i want them for my island or house), or maybe they simply just don't want to. But the fact that each island has their own color variants of the same goddamn rewards that CANNOT BE CHANGED makes me so upset. I do not want nor should I have to rely on others to get the items I want because my game doesn't have my preferred color variations. And it's not like I'm far enough in the game to have anything worth trading for said items, nor do I have the bells.

And Isabelle does next to fucking nothing and I'm really irked about how they made her character in this game. Yeah she's cute, but that's ALL she is. She became more ditzy than anything else. She doesn't let you know about visitors in the town or the plaza or if a bridge or incline was built bc of a completed donation goal. Like really useful info to know would be if Flick or CJ is in town or who is selling stuff in the plaza. Flavor text is nice but if that's all you say 24/7 it loses its charm. In New Leaf she was helpful and hardworking and super focused and on top of things. Idk why they changed that aspect of her. I know her role in New Horizons isn't as big as it was in New Leaf, but still.

And then there's glitches that STILL haven't been patched (as far as I know anyway), like the game-breaking villager corruption glitch (which you'd think nintendo would have made a priority but they're too busy removing other features it seems) or the house exterior glitch.

And it's bad enough that your game saves to your fucking system a la Fantasy Life. But even WORSE, no one can have separate islands on one console. It's not enough to own two copies of New Horizons. Each player has to own one copy of the game and a whole new Switch just so they can play on their own islands. Parents can't usually afford that (aka $360 for each kid give or take) so for a game marketed towards kids, I don't know why they thought that was a smart move (well, I DO know, and that's because money, but still). And to top it all off, cloud saves are not supported normally. If you lose your game or your switch and aren't subscribed to nintendo online, well, it looks like all your progress is gone! And there's nothing you can do about it. And they directly claimed that they did this just so people can't manipulate the game because it's supposed to be played in real time. But people can still fucking time travel by setting the system's clock! They achieved nothing except to make the players frustrated!!! If you make a game you need to accept that the player is going to play how THEY want to. You shouldn't try to make everyone conform to the way YOU want them to play. That just makes you a controlling asshole and the game loses a lot of its fun.

This game was 60 bucks and they took so long to make it and we ended up with less than we got in New Leaf. The main thing they gave us was a shit ton more clothing items (which I really like). Like I said, I love this game to pieces and it's actually one of my favorite games right now. There's so much I love about it -- I certainly don't hate it or anything. But this game has SO MANY flaws, a lot of which are needless. And I think the kid in me just misses the days where you can pay for a game and get the whole game right away. No updates in tiny batches, no content locked behind paywalls, no day one patches, no reliance on internet connection and multiplayer... mainstream companies have all gone really downhill with that shit and it just disappoints me to no end. But because Nintendo is kid-oriented, I think that's where it hurts the most. It was supposed to be accessible, family friendly fun like back during the days of the Wii and the DS. But companies get so wrapped up in competing with each other and trying to make the most money that they forget about all that. I dunno. It just sucks.

If you read all this, god damn I'm surprised XD I got super ranty and I apologize. But I'm in a sad mood and I after learning about features they've taken out I just had to get all this off my chest. It's been weighing on me since the game released, especially since for months prior this game was all I could think about and I was really looking forward to it. It just let me down in a lot of ways, I guess.

#long post #rant #animal crossing new horizons #acnh #vio stormcaller

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pixelgamer07 · 3 years

Text

I’m giving myself an art challenge...

//My friends and followers can join in if they want, but its pokemon related. Does anyone remember that old Red and Green glitch that netted you 99x whatever 7th item was in your bag? Do you remember what entity was needed for that to work?

Missingno.

I don’t know if there is anyone else out there that feels the same way I do about this lost collection of bugged out 1s and 0s, but I’ve always seen Missingno in a much softer light than the various creepypastas and internet ghost stories would have you believe. I mean, if you look up the official entry for Missingno on Bulbapedia, it literally says that Missingno was once a pokemon, part of 39 that got cut when Nintendo switched the original 190 down to 150. But, do to a error in the games code it still remained, albeit a broken lost soul. I’ll spare everyone the detailed sob story and fanon background I came up with over the years and get on with the main topic of this post.

As of now, there are officially 67 Glitch Pokemon in Generation 1. Though many appear in the other generations, the vast majority of them are created via the use of cheat devices, game editing, and/or some other form of player interaction with the games coding and as such I don’t really consider them as official Glitch Pokemon. (That said, Generations 2 and 3 are still viable if you want to consider them). These 67 once had a pokemon form, so I’m going to try and create a pokemon for them to inhabit once again. I’ll try to remain as pure to whatever information I can find on them as possible, taking into consideration their stats, moves, shown types, and/or location discovered in. Again, if anyone else that fancies themselves an artist wants to join in, I’d appreciate that very much. This is not an event of any sort, nor is it a contest. This is simply just a fan of the series that happens to have bleeding heart for a bunch of corrupted lines of code from an 8 to 16 bit video game.

Also, I know that there have been leaks of beta pokemon forms from Gen. 1, 2, and 3, so if you want to try and connect a Glitch Pokemon to one of these beta pokemon, be my guest. Generally I feel like these Glitch pokemon get swept under the rug as internet ghost stories or exploitative glitches used to impress your friends. I’m not a very good artist, and I have other things taking up my time, so this going to be a slow process. But honestly, it will keep me sane while the world practically burns around me and hell, it much just help me find my place in this world. Idk, we’ll see I guess.

Oh, before I forget, here’s a link to the bulbapedia page I’ve been referring too.

https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/List_of_glitch_Pok%C3%A9mon

#out of pixels #pixelgamer07 #missingno #pokemon #glitch pokemon #art challenge #calling all art friends and followers #long post

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misterbitches · 3 years

Text

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.

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