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#idk I just really love all my friends I guess
pattypanini · 14 hours
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Lay All Your Love On Me Chapter 8- On the Edge
Jake Kiszka x Reader and Josh Kiszka x Reader
Word Count: 8.9k
TAGLIST
AN: Hi everyone! Here is the eighth chapter of Lay All Your Love On Me from me and @mar-rein12! This is a CRAZYYYY one. We will be compensating for everyone's therapy for this chapter and the next. Enjoy the eighth chapter, On the Edge.
Warnings: 18+, SMUT: Oral (M receiving), Sexting, Degradation, praise, SUBBBBB JAKE...., Dom reader, Cum play, Edging, Phone Sex
Vomit
Oh fuck. It felt like you couldn’t get out of your bed fast enough, you just barely got to the bathroom fast enough before releasing your regrets of last night into the toilet. Ughhh. You wipe your face with toilet paper, feeling a sudden wave of relief. Last night was something. Something you slightly forget, but also don’t. Ew. You walk over to the sink to rinse your mouth out with water and give them a quick brush before going back to bed.
When you wake up again, you roll over to your phone to check the time. 12:14pm. Not too bad for only having one class today. You saw a few messages on your phone but first a message from the GroupMe the musical uses to communicate.
9:47am Dr.Coleman: Hello everyone. Due to unforeseen events, practice will be canceled for today. Although, I can not force you to do anything I would highly recommend reading over your parts because we will be doing a full walk through sometime next week. I know it may seem early but we have to be prepared. See you All on Monday. Have a good weekend!
“Yessss.” You flop right back onto your bed and text Josh.
12:17pm y/n: I’m so happy we don’t have practice. What time did you wanna call tonight so I can make sure I’m free?
12:20pm Josh: Is 11 okay?
12:22pm y/n: Sounds good, my last class is done at 5 so I’ll get dinner with my friends and chill til then.
12:23pm Josh: I can’t wait, beautiful, I’ll be thinking about you 😘
You really liked this side of Josh, it gave you butterflies in your stomach. He was being so sweet to you, but you’d be met with completely different texts from his other half.
Holy shit. The texts that you received from Jake last night were far from being sweet and innocent.
1:37am Jake: Fuck y/n, you’re a dirty fucking slut. Grabbing yourself like that. Trying to lick yourself, I can do that for you baby. I’ll please you.
1:39am Jake: God you make me wanna touch myself. You bring out a different side of me. You take control of me, make me wanna do disgusting things. I bet you like that though.
1:40am Jake: I’m going to make good use of that pretty mouth tomorrow. You understand that? You're my dirty little secret, and I’m gonna get all the use out of you until this comes to an end. Just like these slutty pictures and videos you sent.
1:51am Jake: 1 Attachment: 1 Video 1:51am Jake: Fuck baby, you make me a mess. You see what you do to me, you make me cum so fucking hard. I wish your mouth was around my cock. That's what I think about, those beautiful lips of yours wrapped around my fat cock. Choking and gagging you, while I’m so deep down your throat.
1:52am Jake: I wish I could see your perfect tits as much as my fucking brother. It's not fair that he gets to see them just because he’s casted as your ‘love interest.’ If I knew it would be like that, I would have tried out.
He was really going through it last night, but what did he mean by ‘using that pretty mouth tomorrow?’
12:31pm y/n: Looks like you had a pretty late night, did you miss me?
12:33pm Jake: I did, but you seemed to have an eventful night too. I saw your private story. You looked drunk off your ass, how much did you drink?
12:35pm y/n: 2 shots of vodka, Long Island iced tea, Strawberry Daiquiri, Corona, maybe something else Idk. I kinda forgot honestly.
12:39pm Jake: What the fuck, how in the hell did you not get alcohol poisoning?!
12:41pm y/n: My body is immune I guess. I’m fucking feeling it this morning though, trust me. Now let me ask you a question. When you said ‘I’m going to make good use of that pretty mouth tomorrow,’ was that an in the moment thing or…
12:43pm Jake: Wouldn’t you like to know. Just keep your phone nearby today during class. See you later darling😘.
What the fuck does that mean. You decide to try your best to ignore it, getting ready for your day as usual. Even though you were doing the utmost to shake it from your brain, Jake was still lingering in the back of it.
You’re bored out of your mind, sitting there in your free elective, Introduction to Ethics. You completely regret taking this course, even though you heard it was an easy A. You thought about what would be happening this weekend, you were a little stressed. Hanging out with Josh and staying over at his apartment is one thing. But knowing Jake would also be there was stress inducing.
You were zoning out, only catching glimpses of the professor’s lesson. The boy next to you was very focused and interested, two things you were not. You glance over at him very unsubtly, taking a quick peek at his notes. His paper is almost completely filled up, whereas yours is still absolutely blank. His gaze catches your eye and he takes a look down at your notebook. He notices the empty page and lightly pushes his notebook over to you, allowing you to snap a quick photo.
“Thank you, I owe you one,” you send him a flirty wink.
He looks down at his paper, blush forming across his pale, freckled cheeks. “Anytime and if you need help with anything I can always be your tutor.” He pulls his notebook back and begins to scribble on it again.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” you smirk at him. You were in fact not going to be keeping that in mind because the class was easy as fuck. You just didn’t find the subject interesting enough for you to care. You didn't care about moral relativism or utilitarianism, you just wanted to get out of the class.
You feel a vibration from under your thigh where your phone was located. You reach under and grab it, checking the notifications.
4:17pm Jake: Where are you?
4:18pm y/n: In class
4:18pm Jake: No shit, what building are you in?
4:19pm y/n: I’m in Angell, room 2224
4:20pm Jake: Okay, I’m on my way.
Why is he coming to my class? You were beyond confused, but since you were on your phone you decided to do some mindless scrolling through instagram. A few minutes later, another text comes through.
4:28pm Jake: Come outside the classroom, bring your stuff.
4:29pm y/n: Why?
4:29pm Jake: Stop fucking questioning me and get your ass outside.
You gather your things and quietly slip out the door. Your professor sends a little wave and a smile as you walk out the door, you reciprocate the gesture.
As you step out of the classroom you look left to see no one, then right to see Jake sitting on the cushioned chairs outside the classroom. When he looks up from his phone he stands and darts to the right making his way down the hall. You follow behind not knowing where he is going.
“Jake, where are you going?” Your legs pick up the pace. “If you're gonna make me leave class, at least have a reason.”
He stops suddenly, turning towards you grabbing your wrist. “I said stop asking fucking questions or else.” He throws your wrist back down and restarts his mission.
“Or what, Jake? You can’t do anything out here.” You boldly snap back at him.
“You're right, I can’t.” He grabs your wrist once more and drags you quickly to a specific classroom. When he pulls you inside you can barely see a thing. There are no windows, just a cement room, with a single skylight lighting the middle of the tiny classroom. You hear the sound of the door locking as he stands in front of it.
“Get on your knees.” You hesitate, everything happening so fast. “I said get on your fucking knees y/n, or are you deaf?” His aggressiveness takes you back a bit. You shrug your backpack off, then slowly make your way onto your knees.
“I’m gonna say it once, what you did last night was slutty. Teasing me with that fucking video knowing I couldn’t do anything about it other than touch myself. So you're gonna pay me back and use your mouth the way it should be used, sucking my cock. Not trying to suck your own tits, got it?”
“Oh! So, that’s what this is?” You push him back against the door, slowly begin to unbuckle his pants. “Poor Jakey just needs his cock sucked? You’re just so desperate for a blowjob that you use my video from last night as an excuse to get one. You know I could have been sucking some other guys dick last night.” You pull his boxers down releasing his cock, slapping against his stomach. “Does that make you mad, knowing my lips could have been wrapped around some other guy's cock, not having to keep it a secret.” You press light kisses onto his throbbing tip. “So fucking horny for me baby, so I will suck you off, but tell me why you actually want me here.”
He looks down to you, completely in awe. “I needed you baby. That video you sent me last night was so fucking hot. I just need you to suck my cock, please, I’m begging.”
You teasingly lick a stripe up the underside of his dick, not making any moves to go further.
“You're gonna have to beg a lot more Jakey, you think you’re in charge here but you’re not, and I’ll tease you as long as I want until I think you’ve earned it.” Placing a few more kisses down his cock.
“Please baby, I’m so fucking desperate for you. I cum just thinking about you at night, thats how fucking bad I need this. All I’ve ever wanted was your lips wrapped around my cock. I hear people talk about it and it makes me want it even more. Making the excuse is all I could think of to get you to suck me off because I didn’t wanna beg, but I will. Please y/n, I’m so fucking horny for you I need this.” He looks down to you with begging eyes.
“Such a good boy, Jakey.” You say as you once again take his cock into your hand. You hear him whimper slightly under his breath. “Does someone like being called that? You put up this dominant front, but you're just a little bitch who wants to be told what to do. Isn’t that right?’
Another whimper escapes his lips, solidifying the fact that yes he did enjoy being called ‘a good boy’.
“Tell me what you think about baby, tell me all the things you think about alone when you're jerking off. If you stop, I'm gonna leave you to finish it yourself.” You fire at him, you feel your own wetness beginning to pool in your panties.
Jake’s POV
Fuck. You almost came just from that alone. This is everything you’ve ever wanted. Since freshman year, you had it bad for her. Hearing what she did to all those other guys made your blood boil. But now it's your turn. You were her bitch and you couldn’t give one shit.
“Please y/n I’m so desperate I’ll tell you anything.” You can’t help but be a submissive mess for her, she just has such a fucking hold on you.
“So tell me Jakey, how long have you been thinking about me when you touch yourself, and what you think about.” She takes your cock all the way into her mouth, pulling it back out, sending your head against the door. “Oh and Jake…” You look down on her. “No cumming til I say so, got it?”
“Fuck- anything for you, darling, anything,” You whine out as she bobs her head up and down, slowly, on your throbbing cock.
She looks up to you with her big doe eyes, waiting for you to start talking.
“Oh fuck, um, the first time I saw you, you were all- all I could think about.” You struggle to get any of your sentences out, as she resumes her painfully slow bobbing on your dick.
“I would look at your insta all the time. I would think about what it would be like to get with you. I would purposefully go to the dining hall when I knew you’d be there, oh fuck, just to get a good look at you.” Your breathing picked up as soon as y/n started humming around your cock, inducing an unholy moan to release from your throat. “Once it started getting around to the school that you were just sleeping around I was pissed, not at you, but at the guys you got with. I wanted- fuck- I wanted nothing more than to be one of those guys.” She picks up the pace on your cock, making you close to losing it. “And since I couldn’t be one of those guys, I thought about what it would be like.”
You shut your mouth, trying your very best to stop your moans from slipping past your lips. You’re silent for a few minutes as she continues to work on your cock, but after noticing the silence she pulls away.
“Are you scared someones gonna hear baby, isn’t this what you wanted? You wanted to let everyone know that I sucked your thick cock. That’s all you’ve ever wanted, so enjoy it baby. Savor it. Or else you're not cumming, at least not from me, you can do it yourself. Slut.” She was spurring you on, bringing you even closer to orgasm.
You watch her intently as your hands travel to the shoulders of her shirt, balling them up in the palms of your hands. She slows down and pulls her mouth off slowly, leaving a string of saliva hanging from her lips connecting her to your dick. “You want this off Jakey?” She says grabbing at her shirt. You nod frantically, your eyes fully concentrated on her. “All you have to do is ask, tell me what you want.”
“Please y/n take off your shirt, let me see your perfect tits.” She smiles back up to you. Her hands grab at the hem of her shirt, swiftly pulling it over her head, leaving her in nothing but a little baby blue mesh bra. It wasn’t covering much, because you could fully see her nipples through it. “Please baby, can I take it off. I wanna see everything. Wanna see your pretty tits” She nods, your hand trailing behind her back, clipping it off her and letting it fall to the ground.
“Such a slutty man, I like that.” She brings her hand near her mouth before spitting into it, and pumping your cock. “Now tell me what you think about Jake, you know… when you're jerking yourself off to me like a fucking whore.” She’s gonna be the death of you.
“I think about a moment just like this, you sucking my cock. Most of the times I finish in your mouth and you swallow it, but other times I- fuck- I cum on your tits.”
She smiles up at you with a malicious look on her face. “I like that idea, wanna make that happen right now.”
“Ughhh fuck baby you’re gonna make me cum.” Your hand goes to her head, pushing her mouth back down around your cock. “Please let me cum baby I’m so close.” Her head bobs up faster and faster.
She pulls back for a moment and continues jerking you off. “Cum for me Jakey, show me how much of a good boy you are. Come on, cum all over my tits Jake, fulfill that fantasy, you dirty little slut.” With a few more pumps you're on the edge and can’t take it any longer. You release all over her tits along with screaming her name.
“Fuck y/n… Holy shit baby. You’re fucking perfect.” You say as you’re panting for air.
She looks up to you while her fingers go to her tits, gathering as much cum as she can get before sucking it off her fingers, continuing her deep eye contact.
“You’re a fucking maniac. You make me wanna tell everyone about you, I want you so bad.” She begins to stand up wrapping her bra back on her.
“You wish, Jakey.” She grabs her shirt pulling it back over her head. “Hopefully that’ll hold you over, and give you something new to think about. See you soon.” She sends a wink your way as she grabs her bag and makes her way back out the door she just came from.
Wait- what the fuck just happened?
-
y/n’s POV
As you make the grueling walk back to your dorm you take a moment to reflect on your actions of today. If someone had told you a month ago that you’d just finished sucking off Jake Kiszka in an empty classroom, you’d never believe them. Especially a begging submissive one, but I guess that’s just the effect you have on people.
As you open the door you’re met by Charlotte sitting on the couch staring at you like a parent waiting for their child to come home from a late party. She sat there with her arms crossed as if she was sitting there for a while just waiting for you to walk in. She glares at you as you drop your backpack off at the door.
“Where were you?” She questions beginning to cross her legs.
“In class?” You give her a weird look. Why is she interrogating you?
“Wellllll, you are late getting home. You usually get back around 5:15ish, it's 5:47, why so late.”
“Why are you acting like the police? It just took me longer to get back today, that's all.” You begin to walk back to your room, but Charlotte follows quickly behind you.
“Well that’s what I’d normally expect, but Sierra told me you left class early today, and she wondered if you went home because you were sick. So I just wanna know where you were.” She raises an eyebrow at you.
Shit.
“Well, I wasn’t feeling good so I went to the bathroom, I threw up a little.” You’re quick to defend yourself, hoping she won’t see through your lies.
“Makes sense. I know you like giving head, but I didn’t think that meant you’d start throwing up cum, you know since it’s dried up around your mouth.” You quickly look in the mirror. There it was a little patch of dried cum right in the corner of your mouth, definitely not one of your best moments.
“And not to play investigator but I went onto snap maps and saw that Josh was on the other side of campus, so who were you with y/n? Oh wait, I actually know because I saw you and another familiar bitmoji in a random classroom. So how long have you been fucking Jake Kiszka?” Charlotte shot you a knowing look, as you sigh in defeat.
“Ugh fine. We fucked ONCE, okay? Just one time. It was nothing serious.” You shrug it off as if it was nothing. Charlotte’s eyes widen, and you feel a pang of guilt sharpen in your chest. “Plus it’s not like Josh and I were a thing. That was all after he stormed off about being friendzoned.”
“Oh my fucking God. Does Josh know?” She questions you, you could tell she felt a little hurt that you’d kept such a thing from her. You usually tell each other everything.
“Umm, not really. So, you CAN NOT tell him, understand?” You were practically begging her, you couldn’t risk Josh finding out.
“You know I can’t lie.” She says with her puppy dog eyes.
You sigh, “I know Char but you need to not say anything. Okay? Don’t be around him, avoid him.”
“Okay I’ll try, so you guys just fucked in that classroom?”
Now realizing there is more to the story and you have exposed yourself you decide to come clean.
“Well not technically…”
“But you said you only did it once… OMG. y/n. It has happened more than once. When?”
I’m going to hell.
“Umm, the night I went to apologize to Josh.” You avert your eyes to the floor, avoiding eye contact. You were embarrassed and ashamed.
“HOLY SHIT y/n.”
“I know, I know it sounds bad, but when I went over he wasn’t there. But Jake was, and he comforted me. And then he fucked me, like it was crazy.” You put your forehead in the palm of your hands,realizing everything you just said. “OMG Char! Wait, never mind its TMI.”
“NOPE share you shouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t want me to know the details.” She smirks at you with her pink lips.
“I don’t know how else to say this then just say it so, he made me squirt.”
“OMG OMG WHAT. This is actually crazy y/n. You should be telling everyone this.”
“No that's the thing, this whole thing is a secret. You weren’t supposed to know. While Josh and I aren’t dating it would kill him to know I fucked his brother, you can not tell anyone. None of my friends, none of yours, don’t even think about it okay? After this conversation it never gets brought up ever again.” You stick your pinky out to her, waiting for her to reciprocate the action.
She can tell this is stressing you, so without a fight she sticks out, sealing the pinky promise. “Just one more question and then I’ll never mention it again. I promise, pinky promise.”
You roll your eyes, “What Char.”
“What did you actually do in that classroom today, then?” She was on the edge of her seat.
“I sucked him off, it was crazy Char. You're not gonna believe this when I tell you. But he was begging, and whimpering, it was insane. He was so submissive. I never pictured him to act that way”
Her jaw opens, not being able to hide her reaction. “And I found out that he 's liked me since freshman year and that he jerks off thinking about me. He spilled so much about what he was thinking about, it was foul.”
Her mouth turns into a huge open mouth smile. “OMG, Jake Kiszka being a sub is not what I had on my spring semester bingo card. Did he call you mommy?”
“OMG nooooo. N-no, he didn't.” You were a little flustered after picturing him saying it in your mind.
“Would you let him?”
“Um, I-I don't know. Need any more details about my sex life?” You joke to her.
“I just wish my life was this interesting, I’m living vicariously through my sweet y/n.” She smirks at you and playfully shoves your shoulder. You roll your eyes at her, a chuckle passing through your lips.
“I’m just saying I haven't gotten any action in a while. Whenever you and Jake are done just pass him over my way.” Charlotte winks at you and turns to exit your room. You sigh and collapse onto your bed.
Why did things have to be so complicated? Why did you have to have feelings for the Kiszka twins? You were so confused, and quite frankly didn’t know where to go from here.
You loved the thrill you got when you were with Jake, the unpredictability and excitement was all consuming in his presence. Whereas with Josh he was so sweet and a charmer, for sure. The Sun and the Moon. The light and the dark. And with each day passing by, you didn’t know if you were more eager for the light to slowly creep in or the darkness to encompass you.
The evening was boring up until dinner. You laid in bed, did some homework and watched a few episodes of Victorious with Char out in the living room. While in the middle of an episode you and Charlotte get a text from your groupchat.
7:18pm Ari: Wanna walk the track after dinner, have a little yap sesh?
Char looks to you for an answer, not wanting to make the decision herself. You nod and reply back.
7:18pm y/n: Yes def.
You make your way back to your room and grab a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. You slipped on your Hokas and pulled your hair into a slick back ponytail. It had been a while since you ran and were looking forward to it. The musical has taken up most of your time so having time for your physical health would be nice.
Making your way to dinner, you and Char meet up with Ari and Mae, spending your time like you always do, ranting about your day and anything else on your mind. But the track was for gossip. What is said on the track stays on the track.
You take the first 30 minutes to run, pacing yourself and taking your breaks as needed. It had been a while so you were a little rough around the edges. After the first thirty you catch up to the group and join in on the convo.
“He’s actually so attractive though, like in a dilf-y way.” Char says.
“How old is he Char?” Ari asks, not knowing if she really wanted to know the answer.
“I don’t know, maybe like 50 something. He’s beekeeping age. OMG he actually keeps bees, that's so funny.” Char says giggling and twirling her hair around her finger.
“Char, have you ever heard of the term bimbo?” Mae asks sweetly.
“Um I don’t think so, what does it mean?” Char innocently questions.
“Doesn’t matter, just know you are one in the best way possible. You’re just so cute.” Mae replies.
Char smiles and keeps on walking with pep in her step. She's adorable.
“So y/n, are you gonna see Josh soon?”
“I am actually. I’m going to be calling him tonight to work on some musical stuff and tomorrow he’s taking me out somewhere.” You state.
“So a date? I thought you guys were just friends.” Char probes. You’re hoping and praying she does not bring up the things that went down between you and his twin.
“We are just friends.” You say sternly. “I’m sure it’ll be something casual, but I’m also hoping it’s somewhere nice. You know they have money to spend.”
“Maybe you’ll stay the night at his place. You’ll be able to see Josh and Jake.” She sends you a devious wink.
Are you serious Char? You shoot her a glare, telling her to knock it off. She catches your drift.
“But I’m sure you don’t wanna see Jake, I would want to though.” Char says with a smirk.
“Well you can have him Char. Maybe I’ll ask if he is looking for a cute ginger girl.” You joke around with her.
Deep down, you wanted Jake all to yourself and you couldn’t help but think he'd want the same. You know how bad he wants you, and knowing that makes you want him more. But there’s Josh. You couldn’t ruin your friendship with him, or did you want something more than just that too? It was all very confusing. But you knew at some point a decision would have to be made, but now was not the time for that.
“Omg I would be perfect for that position.” She says all giddy. Everyone rolls her eyes and laughs about her comments, she truly is a bimbo.
After walking for an hour, Mae somehow convinces everyone to hit legs. You didn’t mind though, you liked the way it made your body feel. How strong you felt after. At around 10:05 you all begin to make your way back to your dorms, saying goodnight to Ari and Mae for the night.
When you're turning the corner to go past the dining hall you run into some familiar faces, the Kiszkas. Along with them their third brother and dad. Your eyes shoot open and smile at them. You and Char slow up to say hi to everyone.
“Hi Josh.” You smile at him and then turn to Mr.Kiszka. “Hi Mr. Kiszka, I’m y/n, it’s nice to meet you.” You reach your hand out to shake his. He grips your hand in his, giving it a firm shake.
“I know exactly who you are, y/n, I noticed you during last year's play. You did very well with your role, a very underrated character.” You thank him for noticing your talent. “My son has told me a lot about you.”
Oh shit. “Um, which son?” You giggle jokingly, but you're not joking at all. You look at Josh who is giving you a strange look, while Jake has a proud look across his face.
“Well Josh, unless you also know my son Jake.” He grabs Jake by the shoulder and shakes him a little, teasingly.
“I know Jake through Josh, never really got to know him though.” You look at Jake, who is shaking his head with a giant smirk plastered on his beautiful face. You turn your attention to the youngest of brothers, who was sporting a t-shirt and short shorts. He has gorgeous long hair that framed his face perfectly, it made you jealous. “I don’t think I’ve ever met you though?”
The youngest brother reaches out his hand for a shake. “My name is Sam, I might be coming here next year.” He smiles holding your hand a little longer than the average handshake, and with a little too much eye contact. You smile at him not wanting to be rude.
“That’s awesome, are you guys all taking a look around campus now?”
“No, no.” Mr. Kiszka butts in. “He has been here enough times to know the layout, we just came to visit these two, and go out for a quick dinner and go to see an old buddy who was in a band when I went here. I don’t know if you have plans, would you like to join us?”
You look at Charlotte who has a grin on her face. “No thank you sir, I hope you all have a great time tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow Josh. Goodbye Mr. Kiszka, it was nice to meet you.” You grin at him “It was also nice to meet you Sam, hopefully I’ll see you around next semester.” You say innocently, knowing that his intentions were to not come at all to college. Do you say bye to him? If you don’t it's even weirder.
“Nice to see you Jake. I hope you all have a good night.” You give a final wave before heading back to the dorm.
“That was awkward.”
“Oh shush it Char.”
As soon as you make your way into the dorm and the door clicks shut, you turn to Char.
“Char, did the convo we had earlier mean nothing, I said that information about Jake can not get out.” You widen your eyes at her, and you can tell she feels bad about it.
“I know I’m sorry. I wasn't even trying to bring it up, it just happened. I promise I won’t bring it up again.” She says with her big green eyes staring at you. You can’t stay mad at her. She has such a forgivable face. Which is probably why she’s able to get out of a lot of trouble when she is caught doing something she's not supposed to.
Like how Freshman year she was able to convince the police officer to not breathalyze her because she had asthma and didn’t want to start having a coughing fit. Somehow he believed her. Which you still don’t see how because she was absolutely obliterated and looked a complete mess.
“I’m gonna head out for a bit, Jonathan asked me if I wanted to stay the night at his place. So if you wanna have Josh over…”
“He will not be over, have a good night. Be safe.” You smile at her as she heads right back out the door.
After Char leaves, you shower and relax for a while until you receive a text from Josh.
12:23pm Josh: Hey I know it’s a little later now, if you don’t want to call I understand.
12:24pm y/n: I’d love to still call you Josh. Do you wanna facetime or call?
12:26pm Josh: Facetime, I miss your pretty face.
Oh jeez.
As your phone begins to dial, you do a quick check to see if you look okay. Your hair was beginning to dry and slight curls were beginning to form. You click the green button at the top of the screen and are met with a white ceiling.
“Josh?”
“Hey, sorry I was just getting in some pants, not that me being pantless would bother you.” He says as he drags a towel over his wet hair.
You roll your eyes, “Yeah Josh I definitely wanna be staring at your dick all night, sounds like a blast.” You say dryly, but knew that it wouldn’t be an awful way to spend the night. “So how was your evening with your family?”
“It was alright. My dad’s friend isn’t as good as he said he was, but what else is new. My dad seemed to really like you though, and my horny brother.”
You laugh at his statement. “What is that supposed to mean Josh.”
“Well as soon as we left and my dad was out of earshot he was saying some… things about you. So if he adds you on anything, don't add him back.” You check your insta and long and behold you had a new follower, @samfkiszka.
“Don’t worry I won’t, I don’t go for polite men anyways, that's why I got with you.” You say in a snarky tone.
“I was very kind to you.” A moment of silence. “Okay I wasn’t in the beginning but I am now, plus what he was saying when you were not there was far from polite.”
“Like what Josh, It can’t be any worse than what a normal highschool senior says.”
“Well if I remember correctly, and I have a fantastic memory, it was along the lines of, ‘well I normally wouldn’t go after older women but I wouldn’t mind a little cougar action. I mean her ass was pouring out of those tight, little shorts. I wouldn’t mind hitting it from the back, you wouldn’t know of any tattoos she would have on her back would you Josh?’”
Your jaw drops, “Um, well that wasn’t what I was expecting. I’ll make sure to steer clear from him.”
“Yeah he also said ‘that's another perk of coming to Michigan, the hot chicks, like Miss. y/n over there.’ It made me jealous.”
Jealous. Hmmmm.
“Really, Josh Kiszka is getting jealous, I would have never thought you’d admit it.” You say cocking your head to the side.
“Well, I don’t think anyone would be fond of hearing their younger sibling say that type of shit. Jake is different because we're like the same person. But my younger brother, um no.” He giggles.
Him and Jake were very much, not the same person. In more aspects than one. “So why didn’t your mom come up?”
“She was busy with my sister tonight. I don’t know if I ever mentioned her. She’s the middle child of all of us. But she doesn’t go here, she goes to a smaller college up north.” ‘
“Makes sense. Maybe I’ll meet her at some point. “ You hint to him. He smiles, but then goes quiet.
“I don’t know if this is too forward, and you don’t have to answer. We have been getting closer as friends and I just wanna know you and everything but dont feel the need…”
“Josh, please just spit it out. I promise I won’t get offended. You called me a slut like every single day so it probably won’t be that bad.”
“Yeah sorry about that. I just wanted to know about your mom. Like I know your parents are divorced but like do you still see her? I couldn’t imagine not seeing my mom.”
You sit there pondering on how to respond. You don't want him to feel sorry for you like how everyone else does, but you wanted to be honest with him.
“No, we don’t talk. We haven’t talked since I was maybe… what, like 10 years old? I have kinda lost track over the years.” You prepare yourself for the pity and sappy sympathy.
“Man, that must suck. And if you don’t mind me asking, why did they divorce?” You’re taken back by his bluntness, but it's also a little refreshing.
“I mean, yeah, at first it did suck but I’m used to it now. My mom was an addict. My dad tried to get her help, but she just refused. She stopped taking care of herself, then me. It wasn’t good. My dad had to divorce her and then he took her to a facility. She was there for a while and then I heard from family that she was out but relapsed right away. So I don’t know the current situation.” It was silent for a little, which is the normal reaction to everything. “Sorry if you didn’t want to know all of that, I just felt comfortable telling you. I haven't really told anyone else other than my close friends, but telling you felt right. I'm sorry.”
“y/n stop, you should not be sorry. I’m glad you opened up to me, I feel closer to you, in a different way than I ever have.” It was cute watching him get like this. He was very empathetic, in the best way he could. You could tell that he was not the type of person to be open with his feelings, or discuss others. You see him open his mouth to say something else but decide not to.
“I don’t expect you to make a whole speech about how it was wrong and that you feel bad. I’ve heard it all my life from whoever found out, well about the divorce part, not the drug part. That's a whole different thing. But just don’t see me differently. I just wanted to share because you asked and I felt comfortable telling you.”
He nods to you, still with a concerned look on his face. “Thank you for sharing, I promise I will never tell anyone. It sounds like a lot, but you turned out to be a really good person. Your dad must have done a good job raising you.” You smile thinking about your dad.
He was a tall skinny guy, similar to the statue of Coraline's dad. He wore his rectangle framed glasses and had a really good personality despite working in the office everyday. He always told you that you are his whole world, and that no matter what happened in his life, it would always get better when he remembered you and how proud he is of his daughter. He is dating Celia, his girlfriend, who you grew fond of over the years. She acted as the mom you never had growing up later in life. When your dad found out that you were going to Michigan he was upset that he wouldn’t be able to see his ‘little girl’ everyday, but he was so proud of you for getting into an amazing school. He is your biggest supporter, and you truly wouldn’t be who you are today without him.
“He did an amazing job raising me. I miss him so much.” The conversation made you realize you haven’t called your dad in a week or two, you were definitely going to have to call him soon.
“I know I always made fun of you for your, um, sexual history and other things, but I truly always saw you as perfect. With singing, acting, your personality, everything. I’ve never met a person who was as perfect as you in any aspect.”
“Josh, that was really kind of you. Like seriously it’s nice being told I’m more than just a slut for once. Like I’m aware I’m not the most prude person, but I don’t really care that I sleep around either. Being called a slut is whatever from random people but it hurts when you would do it. Especially because I wanted you to like me.” You shyly look at your comforter and play with the fabric.
“Well knowing that now I won’t call you that anymore. I promise, other than if the moment calls for it.” You scrunch your eyebrows.
“What type of moment?”
“You knowing when we are fucking and your doing something whoreish. But I don’t actually mean that you're a slut, just an in the moment type thing.”
“I get it. It’s bold of you to say that we’ll be fucking in the future.” You give him a smirk
He tilts his head to the side, giving you a ‘are you serious’ type look.
“What?” You question louder to him.
“We’ve been horned up for each other the past couple weeks and we're finally hanging out tomorrow night. I mean I don’t wanna predict anything but…”
“Well personally I was just thinking about the amazing night we had planned. I never even considered it.” Giving him a sarcastic look and a grin looking at his perfect face. “Your eyes look really pretty right now Josh.”
His cheeks begin to turn pink. “Are you trying to butter me up or something?”
“No. What, I can't just compliment you?”
“No you can. I love when you compliment me mama, it makes me feel good.” He smiles at you. “And when you give me other types of compliments, well those make me feel really good.”
“Like what Josh?” You giggle at him, prodding for more information.
“I really love when you call me names, and talk me through everything. Just thinking about it makes me horny. I wish you were here right now. I’d make you feel so good.”
“You can make me feel good tomorrow.” You say what you were both thinking about, knowing it was inevitable for it to happen.
“Or we help each other out right now?” He says with a devious grin on his face.
“I can’t really suck you off through the phone Josh.”
“Just talk to me mama, tell me all the things you would do to me if I was there.” You watch as his grin widens, his sparkling straight teeth shining through his pouty lips.
“What are you gonna do Joshy?”
“Well I’m gonna jerk myself off, and you can touch yourself, if you want. I wanna hear your pretty moans, don’t hold back for me, yeah? I want you to talk me through it, can you do that for me mama?”
You were taken aback. You never really did this with anyone, but you were an adventurous person and would try everything at least once.
“I can do that for you Joshy. I wanna see your body though. Can you tilt it down so I can see that perfect body of yours.”
He smirks at the camera before tilting the camera down, showing his bare abs and pants.
“I know you like my body mama. I love the way you feel me up and down during practice. Gets me going so much. Wanna take you right there on stage, so everyone can see.” Josh says as he begins to palm himself through his pajama pants. “Are you home alone?”
“I am, so I can be as loud as I want. Am I gonna be able to hear you Joshy?”
“Not as much as you. Jake is home in the living room.” Throwing his head back, moaning from the friction.
“Are you gonna be quiet for me, be a good boy and moan so just I can hear you.” You say in a low tone.
“I’ll be quiet for you mama. Just loud enough for your ears to hear, they're only meant for you.”
“Pull your pants down Josh. I wanna see that beautiful cock of yours, I know it's already hard as a rock and I haven’t even said much of anything yet.” You say licking your lips slightly.
“Just because we haven’t done anything doesn’t mean I wasn't thinking about it. Although I didn’t like Sam saying it, I couldn’t help but keep myself distracted during that show.” He pulls his pants down, releasing his cock. “I wanna fuck you so hard from the back, right in front of the mirror in my room. So I can see how good you look taking my cock.”
“Fuck, Josh. C-can I touch myself? You’re in charge, baby. What do you want me to do, daddy?” You grab your tit through your shirt, supplying yourself with the smallest amount of pleasure to at least get some relief.
“Well I didn’t tell you to start grabbing your tits, are you gonna listen to me or do your own fucking thing you brat.” He says sternly, obviously taking the more dominant role and you were thoroughly enjoying it.
“I’m sorry baby, what do you want me to do, I’m your puppet.” You let go of your tit, and give him your biggest puppy dog eyes.
“Well first I want your phone propped up so I can see your whole body, then I want you stripped on the bed, nothing on. Once you're done, lean yourself against your headboard and spread your legs.”
You follow his directions, putting your phone against the blankets at the end of your bed and spreading your legs, being completely vulnerable to him.
He bites his tongue, smiling. “What a pretty pussy. Such a shame I’m going to destroy it tomorrow.”
Your mouth opens and eyebrows raise in shock.
“Better keep that mouth shut y/n, or else I’m gonna have to come over and skull fuck you.”
Your lips slowly morph into a smile, as your hand begins to slowly start sliding down your stomach.
“Did I tell you you could touch yourself yet?” You shake your head ‘no’ at him. “That’s what I fucking thought.” You remove your hand from your stomach, and give him a little pout. “Such a sad little baby, can’t even keep her pretty little hands off her wet cunt.”
He loves the power he has over you, polar opposite of the demeanor his brother had earlier today.
“Are you gonna be a good girl and listen, because if you keep doing your own thing I’ll just jerk myself off, looking at that perfect body of yours.” He begins to work on himself after spitting in his hand.
“Can I touch myself now, I promise I’ll listen to you.” You sit there leaning against the headboard. Arms by your side.
“I want you to play with your tits first, spit on your hand and massage them, and pinch your nipples nice and hard. I’ll tell you when I’ve seen enough.”
You bring your hand up to your mouth, spitting into it. You stare at Josh, fondling them softly. “I wish these were your hands Josh. Yours are so big, and soft, god I wish they were in me.” You whimper letting your head push against the headboard exposing your neck.
“Oh I’ve missed that beautiful neck of yours, it's so perfect. Such a shame it’s going to be all bruised after tomorrow.”
Your open mouth turned into a smile. “You can do whatever you want to me, I’ll never say no. Oh god Josh can I please touch my pussy, it’s aching for touch.”
He smirks before giving you an answer. “One finger, that's it. Your gonna finger fuck yourself until I say you can do anything else.”
You begin to slide your hand down your stomach again, leading all the way down to your slick entrance. As you slip your middle finger in you moan, probably a little more than you had to, but you wanted to play it up for Josh. Give him something to remember.
“You’re so fucking sexy, I love hearing your little noises. Let them all out for me mama, don’t hold back.” You watch as he begins stroking himself faster and harder. The slapping noises drifting through the screen.
“Let me see that throbbing tip Joshy, rub it for me.” You curl your finger up trying to hit your sensitive spot, letting out a very real moan.
“You’re such a dirty girl baby. You should just come over and suck my cock. I don’t care that Jake is here, he can be jealous knowing he’ll never get that from you.”
That's awkward.
“I wish I could come over too, maybe you should come here.” You wink. He stops for a moment.
“Really? Because I will, don’t test me.”
“I’m just joking, I wanna do this with you. Try something new.” You pump your fingers into yourself even quicker, trying to get yourself there.
“You’re a fucking tease, you bitch. I can’t wait to have you all to myself tomorrow. You won’t be able to tease me, unless you wanna get punished. You don’t want that to happen do you.” He says in a sultry tone.
“Like I said I’ll never say no, you can punish me if you want, I’ll enjoy it.” Continuing to finger yourself, but needed more friction.
You let the palm of your hand grind against your clit, not worrying about your finger inside of you.
“You won't be enjoying it when I do it sweetheart. You’ll be moaning in pain, I won't hold back. Who knew Miss y/n liked a little pain with her pleasure?” He says with heavy breathing. He looks at you and his demeanor changes. “Hey, did I say you can rub your clit yet. I can see you grinding against it. Do you think I’m a dumbass?”
“Yeah.” You say under your breath hoping he wouldn’t hear.
“That’s one for tomorrow, keep it up and you’ll get more strikes added.”
“Added to what.” You ask, your heart thumping with anticipation.
“You’ll see, keep questioning and it’ll be two. Now be a good girl and lick yourself off your finger, then you can start rubbing your clit.”
You pull your finger up to your mouth making sure he sees you suck hard on it.
“So she can listen to directions, that's my good girl. Now go ahead and rub that throbbing clit for me baby. I know you want it so badly.” He smirks, picking up the pace on his cock again, moaning very quietly to not disturb Jake.
It didn’t take long to feel close to your climax after all that dirty talk and fingering. You began to moan louder letting him know you were close.
“Don’t you dare cum y/n. I told you I would tell you when to cum, if you want to you have to beg baby.” His voice was shaky, you knew he wasn’t too far behind you.
“Please Joshy, I need this, I wanna cum to you. I wanna see your perfect face while I finish. And I wanna see you cum all over yourself like a little slut. Please Ja-osh just let me.” You almost slipped, but you knew he didn’t catch it. He was too busy jerking off to everything you just said.
“God you make me go crazy, cum with me baby I’m so close. Oh fuck..mmm.” With that Josh came all over his perfectly sculpted abs, making your stomach flip. With a few more circles you were done. The wave of pleasure washed over your body.
“Oh fuck Josh. God, I feel so fucking good.” You say catching your breath. You grab your phone from the end of the bed. Throwing your blanket over your body. “Are you gonna make me feel like that tomorrow?”
“Way better than that baby I promise.” He says while he gets up to clean himself off.
“Okay well I’ll see you tomorrow then, just let me know when you're gonna come get me.”
“Wait.. I was actually thinking. Could you just stay on call tonight? I haven’t been sleeping the best and ever since that night at my house I’ve been thinking about how easy it was to fall asleep. If you don’t want to I get it but…”
“Of course Josh, anything for you.” You turn off your light and crawl into bed, seeing him mimic your moves.
“Goodnight mama.”
“Goodnight Joshy.”
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@demonrat444 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jordie-gvf @jazzyfigz @slut4lando @gvfmarge @peaceloveunitygvf @jjwasneverhere @areuirish @mar-rein12 @woyayaofdreams @freyjalw @musicspeaks @jennabobenasblog @do-it-jakey-baby @dannys-dream
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spookyuu · 2 years
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Appreciation Post!!
I've seriously been wanting to make a big post appreciating some of the dca content creators that I love (especially after getting to know some of them better) so here's a bunch of compliments and thoughts on them! (Also this is in no order, ily all very much ❤)
@madame-mongoose: Monnster!!! Oh, I love Monnie. Very bullyable (this is a pro). Always so funny and making me laugh. When Monnie comes online, I know there's gonna be some fun times to be had. Easy to talk to and my clone apparently. I wouldn't have made all these new friends if it weren't for Monnie and Sy, so I'm very appreciative of her uwu. Art is very shapely, bendy, very cartoonish in a pleasing way. And very unique to Monnie! I don't think I've seen anyone else with an artstyle like Monnie's. Characters are juicy, very well thought out and full of pain. Your mom.
@suokumi: You came crashing in one day and life has never been the same. Suo is full of love and passion and awful terrible disgusting sleeping habits. But they make up for it by telling everyone else to take care of themselves because they love you sososo much. Really talented, but don't tell them that or else they'll die. Anyway yeah, Suo Art my beloved and also Suo my beloved because we're married. Can bust out 50+ sketches in an hour and is like "dont look" even though I'm frothing at the mouth and shaking them. I love you Suo mwah ❤️
@opudontdonut: La Creatura!!! Bites everyone like watermelon. very fun, very gremlin. Pops in every now and again and throws everyone into a frenzy. A biting frenzy. Good Gaslighter. Take that as you may. Draws chibis really unique in a way I cannot replicate but is so so so so cute. Art is very distinct too!!! The line work especially is very noticable? Thick black lines. Draws the boys v skrunkly too. Nightmare and therapy au my beloveds.
@ariisonfire: TALENTED!!! Very, very talented. Animates, codes, arts, does just about everything and is good at it. Very funny doodles, very dorky. I love Ari!!! Very cute (cutest giggles this side of uh. Idk just really cute giggles) and provides me with Vector content. My spouse, no matter what Lily says.
@skittlewaffle: LOVE the way Kay draws the boys. Her art in general is so sharp and intentional. Precise. Very cartoony as well, good for animation me thinks. Has good AU ideas and brainstorms really well. Literally. The fucking paragraphs kay busts out that obliterate my mind. Also very fun person to hang out with, very silly.
@pillowspace: Beautiful, wonderful person. Somehow manages to draw on her 3ds??? Like a god?? Loves rotini (eat something else I'm begging you) KEEPS FUCKING REBLOGGING MY WATERFALLS PIECE Also has similar brain thoughts as me (ooie to Angel Tango jumpscare) Has a beautiful voice, fr. Sang a song for me which melted my little heart. Makes gut-bustingly funny gifs at the speed of light. Also says??? Things that make no sense but are very funny.
@vilz: Oof, what's not good to say about Val? You know that meme that's like "You're the funniest mother fucker on this webbed site" that's Val. Val's the funniest. Their comics always make me bark laugh like an idiot. Writes very poetically, reading their stuff is like. Like being punched but with a soft caress. Val art is good for the soul, me thinks. Even their doodles on receipt paper give me all the chemicals. Hanging out with Val leaves me smiling for the rest of the day, very fun company.
@cloudyvoid: SUPER talented. Can you believe they drew and rigged their own Vtuber model? I know, impressive right? Draws the DCA skrunkly and lanky just how I like 'em. BRAINS SO HARD WITH ME ABOUT DROWSIE AND GAIA!!? Very nice wonderful person as well, fun company. And ooughhh I just love the oc brainrot with her. Could do it all day, love you mwah.
@crazedauthor: Knows all the fanfics. Well maybe not all, but knows the ones I happen to be thinking about. Pops in mid brainstorm to add something juicy that adds fuel to the fire. Human gasoline. Got obliterated by 1 (one) chip. o7
@daunsun: Another sketch machine. Gives me Eclipse content. FIABC liker, which automatically elevates her status. Tries to shoot people who make fanart, but she deserves it so idk what to tell you. And then turns around and makes fanart for other ppl. smh double standards. Love the way she draws humans. And the boys, but that goes without saying. Honestly the way daun draws the boys is sooo good it's like. I can't even describe. It's like cupcake. Long cupcake.
@cakesfunhouse: Hi __ I'm Cole looking ass. Shoots me dead with fluffy ramblings all the fucking time. Brainstorms really well, dropping good ideas like they had them shoved in their pockets ready to throw. Actually really sweet and fun to talk to. Gremlin, though so beware, they bite. Draws biblically accurate dca fluff, so what's not to love. Will pop in randomly while you're talking to someone else to add something that kills me dead. Like wheezing laughter.
@nmfergus: Nikki my beloved 💜 such a sweetheart, loves to see people happy and excited, always asking questions and seeing how everyone is doing. CHICKENS!!! Farmville. Also Corndrop. Ask Nikki about corndrop. Can you guess what he sells? It's corn. The answer is corn.
@paper-lilypie: LILY!!! omg Lily real. Art is all soft lines and easy to read expressions and kisses and snuggles and basically when I see lily art it's like drinking a cup of hot cocoa. Also the way Lily draws hands? God, what a legend. Give me your hands. Little hater. And enabler. But she's my little hater/enabler so it's okay ❤️ love me a good Lily spotting. Has good au ideas too.
@sycopomp: SYBORG!!! I wouldn't be making this post if it weren't for them and Monnster. Sy writing makes brain go brrrr. Has this way of setting stuff up that pays off later? Like little hints into things that are really fun to pick apart/notice on your own. I can always picture what's happening in Sy writing really well which sucks for me personally when they write ouchie owies. But I love them for it mwah ❤️
@sinnabee: AH Sinna!!! Magician Au makes my brain neurons activate so hard. Very sweet as well, love doing magmas with her. Also funny and caring. Don't get to hang out with much because if timezones but I am always very happy when I do get to vibe with a Sinna. Has wonderful beautiful line work and cool ocs I want to know more about.
@spaciebabie: Chaos. (I'm tempted to have that be the only thing I put here) Also makes me laugh!! drops in and says some shit that has me giggling sillystupid. Art is bubbly. Round. Rotund. Want to get to know better!!! Pizza.
Special Mentions/People I want to get to know better:
@oobbbear: Bearz. Bearz my beloved. Your art makes my heart explode. And you're so funny even without knowing you well. 👁👁 The way you draw so chibi and yet so detailed? Like the way you draw hands? Impeccable. Also H mouth. H mouth so cute. I honestly don't think I would have gotten into drawing Sun and Moon fanart if it wasn't for Bearz' aus infecting me like a disease. So everyone say thank you to Bearz for roping me into this!
@hexheathen: MY NUMBER ONE FAN ❤ My bestie who doesn't know the jesties. I love you with all my heart, and I love spending time with you and the rest of our pals. This is my appreciation post and I say you get appreciated.
@bones-of-a-rabbit: SHY BEAN. Drops some cute ass shit and skitters away. Wish I could know better! They have a lot of good ideas and honestly I see them as one of the best fluff writers for DCA content. It was in Reality Not Fine my beloved. I've said it once and I'll say it again: They really capture the word "Lovestruck" with their expressions. When people say, "They looked at them like they hung the moon and the stars," I imagine the way Rabbit draws sun and moon looking at y/n. It's honestly such a talent.
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puppyeared · 4 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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kissmefriendly · 1 year
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On a slightly more serious note, I just wanna post this before the final entry, not counting the epilogue. I’m so, so thankful for Dracula Daily. It’s been an absolute blast beginning to end, reading discourse, seeing the jokes and memes and all the art, reading theories and reactions. And getting to be apart of that! Reading this book again in this format was a hell of an experience but the fact that I didn’t do it alone, I don’t know. We’ve all gotten to experience this book in a new way in real time together. I love that. And I hope that it won’t be just a one-off event, either. And even if it is? But this? It’s been wonderful. So, thank you to everyone for collectively going nuts over a 130 year old novel. Thank you for posting and making those artworks and memes and analyses. Reminds you you’re human and not stuck and alone.
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problemcore · 3 months
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been real cloudy here, without any rain
#halfway thru this i realized i was drawing myself and not gumi and i had to take a moment and re-gumi-fy the drawing#cant help being a gumi kinnie i guess U_U#dnoodles#vocaloid#i guess? idk i dont think a lot of people will reblog this. i actually kinda hope not.#hello dear followers#yea wow i have um. not been drawing at all lately.#not even simple doodles. i couldnt even pick up a pen.#so i sat down. turned on my favorite music. and drew what i wanted.#not what i wanted to see as the result#but what i wanted to let out of my system.#i dont really care if this looks good or bad. i dont care how messy the lines are. i dont care about the colors or the background#i just wanted to have a good time drawing again. and have a good time i did :)#i have a big drawing ahead of me i need to do. that i Want to do.#im scared of it not turning out good. especially since its for a friend. especially since im being paid for it.#but. im gonna let myself enjoy it. sink into the feeling and let the pen move on its own. indulge in the joy of creation.#i missed art. i missed posting.#sometimes i think about how i was able to crank out so many drawings in high school.#not without extreme determent to my grades of course. but still. i was drawing So Much. and i utterly loved it.#i still wish i could go back to that. perhaps i will. perhaps i wont.#but i want to let that wish go away. and. i guess. start a new chapter.#reinvent my relationship with art.#its going to be bad. its going to be messy. its going to hurt your eyes. and its going to be fun.#WOW okay that was an essay. thank you for reading.#im gonna go eat something and. actually get back to drawing. hehe
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dragonsdogma2 · 23 days
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its very easy to forget that theres people in the world who are genuinely so kind, and are full of love and want to help, that generous souls who will put themselves out to be supportive really do exist......
we see so much doomer shit about scams, and hate and really just evil shit yknow. all the fucking time. it's so rare to see good stuff that helps reaffirm a sort of, belief in humanity if you will. if you get what i mean
and it's only when you experience it or see it up close that you remember like yeah. there's seriously people out there who will just help you because you need help, without wanting a thing in return. and it's just. holy fuck man. it really ain't all bad
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artemislosthunter · 2 months
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also no more outing myself directly to my friends, you will find out about pronoun and name change through the wonders of instagram stories where you talk abt yourself /hj
#I mean ... I love my friends I really do. but they're cis and ... idk sometimes you can tell#like not transphobic (obviously otherwise they wouldnt be my friends) but just ... cis#never had any doubts about their gender identity. they feel perfectly fine in this little label and never had any doubts#and that is great for them!! Genuinely!! but I also know that none of my gender feelings will make sense to them#I have tried trust me. they are supportive but also ... just confused and lost#bringing the questioning up to them feels like they expect you to have an answer or to help you discover the answer with simple quetsions#that you yourself had asked yourself a thousand times with no clear answer and they somehow expect it to work this time#I know they mean well!! I love that they're trying but also ... it usually just ends up making me feel frustrated and them slightly frustra#frustrated bcs it feels like I am being uncooperative when all they are trying to do is help#so yeah idk how to bring it up#bcs Idk what I am#I just know I don't like being refered to as a girl#I am either indifferent by it as in 'not really but also not really NOT so I guess that works fine' or 'I mentally recoiled'#which is ... not really clear#I might be vaguely ''girl shaped'' on some days#and on some days I am not#but that does not really explain what I am does it#am I male? idk I feel like maybe sometimes I am vaguely ''male shaped'' more so than girl shaped atm I think#but in the end it's always something else entirely I think. it might briefly resemble it but never for long and never entirely#yes I have been debating if 15 y/o me had it all down when they said 'biromantic-asexual genderfluid'#bcs ... yeah I've come to notice ace was actually pretty correct I am definitely somewhere on that spectrum#I am ... very unhorny and genuinely came to realize I do not find people 'hot'. I find them aesthetically nice to look at and that's it#bi ... yeah I had a few phases of doubts but by now I really can't deny that anymore#so 15 y/o me MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN RIGHT ABT IT ALL#but I am not sure yet#and until I'm sure I'll ... just not say anything bcs I know it'll just end with confusion and awkwardness
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shima-draws · 8 months
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Just got back from my friend’s wedding :’) I think it says a lot that I was the only high school friend that showed up
#TBF the others in our friend group back then live in different states now#And flying out for a wedding can be SO expensive.#But yeah idk it just meant a lot to me :’)#And my friend (the groom) was SO happy to see me. And his family was too#That made me really glad 🤧#The fact that he invited me to come at all also says a lot I think#And you know what maybe I cried on the way home in the car but that’s nobody’s business but mine!!#I’m very very happy for him. And his wife is SO sweet and so pretty#It’s just weird yk? Cause in high school I liked this guy SO much#Like I daydreamed about getting married to him some day#So seeing him marrying someone else felt very weird lol#Bittersweet mostly#Sorry this is super embarrassing LMAO but it’s not like I’m ever going to tell this to his face.#I know they’ll be very happy together and I’m so so glad he found someone that fits together with him so well#He’d better come to MY wedding tho. In the future. LOL#Shima speaks#It was a very ‘saying goodbye to your first love’ kind of thing.#Even after I confessed to him in high school (and got rejected) I never really stopped liking him#Like I just never got over it I guess. Even tho I KNEW nothing would ever come of it#Idk sometimes it’s hard to let that stuff go! It’s hard to stop liking someone after you liked them for so long and so strongly#I want to say I’m over it now but considering I was crying in my car:#Well. JFJSJMFMSMSNN#I know I don’t feel that way for him anymore like as a fact but. Idk it was weird—#Again bittersweet. I think I just needed a second to process and really let it sink in#Goodbye to my high school fantasy //waves a handkerchieff#Also MAYBE I saw them be so happy and was like. Why can’t I have that with someone. HUH#Leetle jealous. I need to find me a someone *squint emoji*#Anyway rant over wedding was good I’m just an idiot ;)
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ssreeder · 2 months
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how are we feeling about the new netflix adaptation of avatar??!!!!!!!!!!!! the zuko casting eats and swolzai is so cool to see actually translated well (although we will see how they treat the characters in this)
HEYYYYYYOOOOO!
The only thing I’m really looking forward to from the live action is being able to gossip about it with my mutuals. I don’t really have any other opinion, I mean… it looks cool! (Sokkas hair & zukos scar bother me but ehhhh what can I do?) But I’m an animation junky, I love my anime and my cartoons (bobs burgers beloved) so I don't particularly care for the “real people actors” taking over my cartoons but I’m totally chill about it honestly.
I will ABSOLUTELY be watching it and probably will form a more solid opinion after I actually watch the show.
#Omg I had to message a friend and ask who sowlozai was hahaha#I was like ummmm I don’t know this person#& they had to hold my hand and walk my old ass through it#But yeah! I guess I’m just not the kind of person who jumps to criticism#I mean don’t get me wrong I love a good gossip sesh#Don’t tempt me with a good time haha#I see a lot of effort being put into it so I want to give everyone who worked really hard to bring this show to life a chance#I can’t just tear apart all their hard work from a few photos and a couple trailers#I know it won’t be close to the original but it might be good#I heard the one piece live action was good#Idk I’m watching one piece currently so I haven’t seen the live action but ahhh luffy is so awesome haha#Again this show could be a dumpster fire but can it be worse than the first live action movie….? I think not#*points at friend who actually likes the live action movie* HAHAHA I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE#poor dads still waiting for book two hahaha#Sorry sorry I love you don’t be mad <3#Ok well COME SCREAM AT ME WHEN YOU WATCH IT AND ILL YELL BACK!!!!!!!#& yeah they had no business making ozai look that offical… damn it live action CUT IT OUT#& im sorry but iroh is the most iroh looking iroh i could have imagined and i giggle every time i see him#But i will take jabs that Netflix threw all that money at the show and still always sunny did a burn scar on cricket 10000x better than zuk#Left eye paint job (i know it’s mean but i doubt anyone would have stopped watching if they would had added a little more realism to that…)#(They didn’t have to shave his brow but put some of that effect glue shit on it and plaster that sucker down#ONE EYE BROW ZUKO!!!!!!!!!!!! )#& sokkas jet black hair with his front poof is just …. Damn it I think it’s actually stupidly canon for them to fuck up sokkas character#THIS MUCH - but again… maybe he’ll pull it off idk I JUST DONT KNOW#The girls are perfect & fuck it when azula picked up a bow#The first thing I thought was that fucking Annie song#“Anything you can do I can do better I can do anything better than you”#Zuko works tirelessly to master his weapon#Azula picks up a bow and laughs ‘silly zuzu weapons as child’s play’ *proceeds to hit a bullseye with no effort*#BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
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...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
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bleechella · 2 months
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#cant sleep bc im thinking so many thoughts#hiding in the tags#i think im finally over her?#like today and the last time we hung out i didnt Feel it anymore#and its not like i dont love her anymore i really really do but now its in a best friend way only i think?#the Feeling wasnt there which i guess its a good thing#and like yeah maybe its the depression maybe im just not feeling anything rn but also like#thats why she broke up with me and even when her depression got better she never got back to Feeling it?#and last time My depression was bad i wouldnt feel anything at all except when we hung out#so it feels different now#not necessarily a bad different just Different#but im so fucking scared of losing her#like im so scared of when she starts dating again#and yes ive been thinking of dating again im desperate for a girlfriend#but shes the one who broke up with me and shes had to deal with this before with Him and she didnt feel bad#but when we started dating He felt bad so like. i get him#and im so scared of never getting into a relationship again bc she’ll Always have a part of my heart like even if i dont Feel it anymore#she’ll always be number one for me#and im scared ill never let myself love anyone else bc i wouldnt think its fair to them bc of her#and idk.#i really dont wanna lose her she means so much to me#and im so comfortable around her in a way that im not with anyone else#idk where im going with this#sometimes i really fucking hate being aroace#and not being able to tell the difference between different feelings#:(#whatever
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thelittlepetfan · 5 days
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~ Skip ~
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Rough sketch but we need more Skip content so here she is yippee~
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im just tired of feeling like a weirdo and an outsider honestly. everything in my life and every interest i have just makes me feel so dumb and strange and like i'll never really find someone who gets me
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kaleighkarma · 5 months
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I’m crying in the club over how much I love my friends
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marshmellowtea · 1 year
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idk i guess my philosophy when it comes to damien and mark has always been like.....damien isn't a bad guy, really, i do think he has good intentions most of the time, but given the environment he's in and how much money and power he has access to, it makes sense to me that he'd occasionally stoop to underhanded or scummy methods to get what he feels like he needs or deserves. meanwhile mark is also not a bad guy—though he certainly tends to be more selfish than damien—but he's been severely hurt and has never been properly supported through all of it due to a combination of the time period he's in, the people he's around not fully understanding him, and his own self destructive tendencies. oh, and house entity also. that's very much a factor here.
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silenthillbunni · 6 months
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🖤👻🏰🩹
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