I've been crediting the way Chakotay dismisses B'Elanna's vision in “Barge of the Dead” mostly to the events of “The Fight” and how Chakotay was (understandably) afraid of the barrage of images from the depths of his mind, and how this fed into the fears he has about his grandfather's condition and his own predisposition to it. As a result, he is more diffident about helping other people assigning meaning to their visions, not trusting himself as he used to any longer. After rewatching “Mortal Coil” though I think Chakotay is, also understandably, very wary of validating anyone's mystical experiences (or lack thereof) surrounding death, because one such experience very nearly brought Neelix to suicide and Chakotay almost didn't realize it in time. The way B'Elanna's talks about her own vision can't not recall what Neelix went through, in Chakotay's mind; B'Elanna almost died, and now she feels like she needs to die again. Add to this the history B'Elanna has with self-harm and unnecessary risk-taking behavior from “Extreme Risk”, a history that Chakotay knows all too well, and his mind is made up. He cannot allow this to happen on his watch, especially not to B'Elanna, so he dismisses her recollection of the vision, he downplays it even if it comes across as him not accepting B'Elanna's culturally-informed perspective on her own experiences. In short, I think a mix of fear and guilt is what makes Chakotay unable to appreciate the difference between Neelix' nihilism and his loss of purpose and B'Elanna's longing for meaning and closure through ritual.

I don't think the Voyager writers thought this through as much as I am here, mind you. They likely just had Chakotay play the 'voice of reason' because they couldn't have Janeway doing it, or the parallelism between B'Elanna finding peace with (the memory of) her mother and B'Elanna's acceptance of Janeway's trust would have collapsed, making the episode less incisive. (We can also talk about how yet again the show paints Janeway as a mother figure, in my opinion the lowest-hanging fruit possible, but I digress.) That it sort of contradicts Chakotay's pre-established characterization and background was likely not a big consideration, which is unfortunate. However if we don't take the 'reset button' for granted, this behavior from Chakotay can be taken a sign of the way he changed throughout the show, even it's sort of negative character development. He's more afraid, and more rigid in his understanding of others than at the beginning of the journey, especially when it comes to B'Elanna. The years of survival on Voyager have taken a toll on him. I obviously still think he was wrong to dismiss B'Elanna and that the show needed to handle that conversation between them with a lot more care for both characters, but keeping “Mortal Coil” and “Extreme Risk” in mind definitely helps with lessening the sting of a scene that otherwise seems to come out of nowhere.

Why Doll perfectly exemplifies all of the strengths and flaws of Murder Drones as a series.

From the amount of posts present on my blog about the specific individual, it is rather obvious to assume that Doll Yurikova (I'm still convinced the fandom made up this surname) is my favourite character from Murder Drones and you wouldn't be wrong.

She just simply tickles my needy scratch for weird, cool complex villainess characters.

However, eventually I also realised that she more than any other character embodies everything that makes murder drones a great show and everything that detracts the show from being genuinely amazing.

Let's start off with the good, anything I say applies to the both of them:

Doll/Murder drones are generally cool, unconventionally attractive, have great potential (this point will be elaborated upon) and are very complex in both the themes that they bring to the table and the philosophical standpoints discussed.

Coolness factor is mostly subjective, but I am sure any Murder drones fan will tell you that the sci-fi/horror/mystery/romance/comedy show about sentient cannibalistic robots who fight against eldritch atrocities with Portal 2-esque music is an absolute blast conceptually and visually. In the same way the russian robo vampire who was previously a cheerleader before deciding to commit cannibalism to avenge her dead parents has swarms of fans simping for her.

Unconventionally attractive is determined by unconventional people, said people also have rewatched the show seventeen different times.

Now, regarding the great potential, although I've also elaborated the previous points, this is one that will carry over when discussing the negatives of both the character and the show, but as for positive, you can just feel that Murder Drones is so much different from anything else you have ever watched, it truly gives me haunted Ghibli vibes in the way the story plays out. It could really be amazing. As for Doll, every time I watch her in the show up to her death I just get really sad thinking about what could have been if she had a redemption arc or just a better life in general.

Murder drones has abuse as his main theme and how it circulates into destructive chains and Doll is definitely one of the more interesting examples of said theme, being part of the abused and mauled drone designation that became an abuser herself. I say one of the more interesting examples because her story is fleshed out better than someone else's, say Tessa or Alice.

And now for the negatives, we need to bring out the big elephant in the room:

The show is only 8 episodes long and they are writing the season one finale in the same way you would write a series finale since making Murder drones costs Glitch a crap ton of money when they could just lower the animation quality and allow the story more time to breathe (mind you this is also Liam Vickers fault). I just hate the 8 episodes 20 minute long formula, it has, in my opinion, destroyed modern show telling and I honestly can't bear it any longer.

Besides that, 8 episodes of 20 minutes means that Doll's arc has to be paced quickly in order to get all the other characters (particularly the main ones) and elements to shine and that unfortunately leads to the fact that both Doll and Murder drones lack the one thing that separates Doll from being a human being and Murder Drones from being an amazing show, and that thing is (drum rolls) the tissue.

To explain, they have the (exo)skeleton, the organs, the mandibles and all the things that would make a piece of fiction feel truly human, but without the connective tissue, the skin, they both end up just short of those standards and as a result I can't confidently say that they are truly evocative individuals. Tissue of course is a metaphor for quote on quote "filler" in regards to the show and "villain at rest" moments in regards to Doll and her arc. And let's talk about the ending of said arc because of its possibility of paralleling the conclusion of the show;

You can say a lot of things about Doll's death but one thing that's impossible to deny is the impact of her death in your mind, everything about its execution is just so brutal that it leaves you a lasting feeling in your body; in a similar manner, the show could end with an absolute gut punch that remains impressed in your mind for months to come.

hello, i’m back, i was just wondering what you think eren said to the others in the paths. we saw armins and mikasas but not the other scouts/warriors. you’re pretty much the only writer on tumblr that doesn’t intimidate me so i asked you 👍 (your wife needs to be tied to a tree)

Hello again behyuu xD But please! Don't fear clouds, she's just a smol smol! Go befriend her!

But this is a really interesting question; I've thought about it a few times, and more along the likes of: "what is the kind of relationship Eren shares with these people?"

(Edit; this became incredibly long 🥲)

I think there are people Eren would and wouldn't have talked to, really. In the latter category falls Levi, imo. But that takes off on another tangent entirely, so for now we'll stick to the rest.

To Reiner, I like to believe Eren would've shown him an alternate reality of what happened in Liberio, perhaps one where he doesn't transform, and instead has a long conversation with him where both of them are offered something akin to "forgiveness" by one another.

These two are parallels to each other in that mutual sense of crippling guilt that came with carrying out the destruction of each other's homelands, not out of hatred, but simply because they needed to do it, in order to achieve something bigger. Reiner, because he wanted to fix his family and become an honorary Marleyan to rid himself of the shame. Eren, because his "peaceful world" for lack of a better word, was turned upside down and trampled upon - though in the end, it was just his selfish and violent nature that set him off on this path. Reiner and Eren understand each other in a way that others don't - neither wanted to do what they did. But they did do it, and that sin will simply be too massive to contain. But Reiner lives despite not wanting to, and Eren dies despite not wanting to, and they are split into two different worlds by the end.

Tl;dr - They talk about how, in another world, where maybe there aren't titans, Eren would've continued to admire Reiner as he did before Trost. And Reiner would cry. End of story.

With Pieck, I hc that the conversation would've been short. Pieck is a very interesting character, imo, because she's literally the most grounded of all the scouts and warriors. She owes no allegiance to Marley, nor Paradis, doesn't have an ulterior motive and is basically stuck watching the doomed world from the ground. There is no solution for her - she as an Eldian will be used by Marley and killed in Paradis - she's literally the only character who understands this from the very beginning. That said, her impression of Eren is, simply put, that of an immature child running riot (incidentally, this is also what Levi probably thinks). If we take into account the fact that her first meeting with Eren was one where she tried to fool him by channelling her (fake) solidarity with Paradis and rejecting her Marleyan upbringing, what lies between these two characters is the anger of being born on different sides of the wall. Eren's actions also resulted in Pieck losing pretty much everybody she knows. As such, I believe what could've transpired between them in the paths, would've been an apology from Eren for destroying Liberio, for killing Udo and Zofia, and telling her maybe, that had these suffocating walls between them never existed, perhaps they would've been peaceful strangers, passing by on the streets now and then.

With Jean and Connie, the conversation would've been very difficult. Sasha. How do you talk about Sasha and forgiveness in the same sentence? So Eren was tortured by his fate, by having to see everything play out as he'd seen it, without any change, and Sasha's death was one of the many terrible consequences - doesn't negate the fact that it still happened only because he "chose" this path. All the people in the 104th truly have an incredibly tight bond - it is what makes it all the more painful knowing that Eren drifted away until he had to be killed by the very same group of people. I like to imagine Jean and Connie beat him up, really. Among the many female characters in SnK, Sasha was someone with an incredibly pure soul - she cared about people and food and fun - and her death was catastrophic. Eren's selfishness caused it, there's no other way to put it. There's also the dynamic between Jean and Eren - that love-hate rivalry that was so sad to see end. And so I want to believe Jean and Connie just keep pummeling him until they're all tired and they stare at the sunset, reminiscing on all the times Eren was a reckless piece of shit.

Falco and Gabi then. The former will honestly carry the guilt of ferrying Mr. Kruger's letters to and fro, during Eren's homeless era. In this respect, I like to think that Eren will tell him not to carry it, to blame it all on him, because he's the one that lied and made him do it. What can possibly be worse than willingly inflicting guilt on a child as young as he once was? Let Eren be cool for once, and offer this reassurance. How Falco deals with it as he grows up, is another story. As for Gabi - the textbook example of brainwashing, she is a splitting image of Eren in so many ways. Eren however, did not allow himself to find the acceptance that Gabi did. And so perhaps what he tells her, is that he's glad. Glad that she joined the alliance to stop him. It's enough that there's one Eren in the world.

Who's left?

Ah. Annie.

This is honestly very interesting to me because, first of all, I just know that the minute Eren opens his mouth in Paths, Annie's knee is going to dislocate his jaw. She has not one iota of sympathy for this pathetic loser causing so much trouble, making her fight when she didn't want to, but because he dragged his dearest friend (and her future husband ffs) into the chaos. He wasn't. Letting. Her. Be. In. Peace. Oh she's going to snap a few bones and put them in a blender, I know it, I know it!

But jokes aside! Annie and Eren are also, a bit similar in some respects. Both are selfish, incredibly so, it's only that their end goals are vastly different in scale. At the same time, they are also both people who care for their loved ones, even if they don't openly show it. They see themselves as monsters, but are loved by the people around them nevertheless. Annie never really had anything like a real childhood, and the concept of having friends was something unnecessary and foreign in her terrible upbringing. I really think that it was only in Paradis that she found comfort, some warmth, what food tastes like when shared with people that treated her more or less the same as anybody else, and so learned to open up (very slightly). But still having a wall around her to keep potential threats at bay and to conserve her energy, it must've felt quite special when Eren appreciated her fighting skills and even took them to heart, making an effort to learn for himself. At a time when she probably prided herself on her strength and fighting prowess alone and nothing else, that could've been incredibly validating.

She didn't hate Eren. She thought of him as a moron, but she didn't hate him. She didn't really hate anybody, the way Eren also never "truly" hated anybody. They were just forced at each other's throats by his choice. We have to remember that Eren also didn't find it easy to accept that Annie was the FT. He did really look up to her and admire her.

I like to think he understood her dedication to sticking to her mission, not as being loyal to Marley, but for a reason more personal (not sure if he could've known about her father, post gaining his future memories..?) and that, that in itself, isn't wrong. Eren's selfishness also stems from an incredibly personal desire after all.

So what would they talk about? Maybe he'd tell her she should continue to be selfish. Because her desires, unlike his own, are harmless. And also drop hints about how his, um, his best friend Armin, is very smart and also very hot and maybe she'd like to... Um... Idk? <3

Whew 🥲

Edit2: I forgot Historia. Idk, considering she'd just given birth and was probably conked out with exhaustion, it's nice to think he'd have just watched her holding her baby, sadly, whispered "You're free" and then disappeared.

is there evidence of ham being a serial adulterer?

i was reading The Founders and Finance: How Hamilton, Gallatin, and Other Immigrants Forged a New Economy by Thomas McCraw and noticed this passage:

Hamilton did indeed have a weakness for women. But despite herculean attempts by his contemporaries and similar efforts on the part of historians for more than 200 years, no reliable evidence has ever been found that he strayed from his marital vows except with Maria Reynolds.

this has been something i've been curious about for a long time- hamilton obviously had an almost year long affair with maria reynolds, but is there evidence that he was a serial adulterer? i've seen that claim casually thrown around in so many books but without real sources to back it up. we know from ham's early war letters as well as anecdotes that he was flirtatious and oftentimes the life of the party, but i don't think i can conclude flirt -> serial adulterer, nor do i think it's logical to conclude serial adulterer from the reynolds affair alone.

the only contemporary evidence i personally know of is newspaper gossip and john adams. he ranted about "superabundance of secretions" and hamilton's "fornications, his adulteries, his incests" obsessively. unless adams had great reason to say this that i'm not aware of, i'm not going to take his word for it.

i also remember watching some historian's talk where they argued (apologies, that's really vague but i can't remember who) that his really naive inability to control the affair to the point of paying blackmail money, as well as him sort of throwing up this guilty word vomit to his confronters when he really didn't have to, all indicate that he's probably not an experienced adulterer. or at least, that it would be inconsistent if he was somehow able to keep every other affair secret enough so that we don't really have evidence for it, while blowing up the reynolds affair spectacularly.

i think i'm inclined towards believing that, probably because i also don't fully buy into the angelica x hamilton theory - i'm assuming angelica is who adams is referring to when he says "incests". several historians really push it, but ehhh. i remember being shocked when a biography explicitly said "his mistress angelica church" without any proof, and just kept at it. if that level of evidence - flirty letters and obvious affection for each other - is enough to conclude an affair, then way more historians should be explicitly concluding that john laurens and hamilton had a thing as well. also the fact that eliza was very much part of their letters and such adds to my skepticism.

i have a similar issue with how aaron burr is described as a slimy serial adulterer but oftentimes with no anecdotes or sources to back it up. really, the parallels between the way that hamilton was treated by jefferson's side and the way burr was treated by hamilton (and jefferson as well lmao) are crazy. but i haven't gotten enough into burr to fully make any statement about his adultery or lack thereof.

i know that there are awesome people who've probably forgotten more about hamilton than i'll ever know, so throwing the question out there!

I think I narrowed myself down to 2 different species of owl!

While I'm not an owl therian, I am fictionkin of an owl demon. I dont think I'm solely one type of owl, but rather some hell-created owl-demon species. However, I have been wondering what species I'm based off of or inspired by. So, here's my theories!

First up is the Sooty owl:

I've known about these guys for a long time, and they're especially close to my heart because they live in my hearthome, Papua New Guinea! They strike me as a potential lead, not just because of their white faces and black bodies, but the white speckles all acorss their bodies. They remind me of the stars, which are very important to me as Stolace. I feel my true home is in the stars with Via, and if we die, we'll be reunited there. Because of that, it just feels right that I'm one of these guys.

My other lead is the African Grass Owl:

I think this one might be a bit more likely due to the fact that this species is unusually tall, and they have that speckled chest and stomach fluff. If you've seen me in a fancy outfit or with my old hat, you've probably seen the black-and-white speckled feathers on it, which looks just like this one. Also, If you look closely at the eyes, you can see the dark patches under them that resemble the same ones I have. Overall, I think this species just looks a lot more like me than the sooty owl, though I don't have that same connection to them.

At the end of the day, I'm just a hellborn (Goetian) demon with no genes from earthborn owls, so I'm not really either of them! But, I do like the idea that I'm a parallel of an earthen owl species, so this was fun to do :>

Richard Siken, Boot Theory // Frank Bidart, The War of Vaslav Nijinsky // astralcorbozo on TikTok // Mary Herbert, A Long Time in the Desert // Dan Deacon, When I Was Done Dying

Sort of a distant tangent off my post about Ashton, but I'm growing more and more suspicious of the fandom claim that there's no time for small RP moments in Campaign 3. I do think that it's been challenging to get deeper party bonding or serious conversations that aren't about the big philosophical questions they're facing, since those do take much more time; but then I think about Calamity, or Candela Obscura. I can genuinely give you at least a couple paragraphs about pretty much every relationship in the two Circles, or in the Ring of Brass. I can also point to no shortage of small moments between characters in the Mighty Nein Aeor or Vox Machina Vecna endgame episodes, which were all extremely plot-heavy and fast-paced, and D20 consistently nails character relationships in a fraction of the time.

I think it really does come down to, as Brennan Lee Mulligan always says, the character creation phase. Laying down a solid groundwork in which everyone has a detailed, rich backstory and sense of personality and relationship history (in the case of characters who knew each other prior to the start of the series) is absolutely crucial, and even in the case of characters who don't know each other before going in, a good amount of time spent in character creation ensures that it's easier for them to develop those interpersonal relationships on the fly. I know in actual play there's some degree of finding the character as you play, but there are games for which there is a very short runway, and I don't think it ever hurts to do more extensive character prep than the bare minimum. And if there are gaps, I think it also helps to go back and fill those in mid-way, away from the table - Travis clarifying Chetney's backstory being a great example that allowed the history of Chetney and Deanna to feel realized and full, despite only a few episodes.

I'll also be blunt: most of the time when people complain that there aren't moments because the plot keeps moving...they're mad about shipping. Which has always rung hollow to me. It was a common complaint in C2, that no time was taken for character relationships, despite them taking an entire half of an episode for the Beauyasha date and despite no shortage of moments for all three of the other couples (and plenty of platonic moments between friends). The issue was never a lack of time; it was that the characters they wanted to talk to each other didn't actually have the relationship in canon that the fans had dreamed up, and so, when the chips were down, they went to other people.

It takes two seconds to say something like "I hold their hand", even in the middle of plot-heavy adventuring. If someone doesn't say it, it's rarely the GM rushing them; it's the player either choosing not to do so, or not remembering to do so, and either of those is quite revealing regarding how the player feels about that relationship and where it stands in their priorities.

Just a few favourites, only a couple, I swear (Patreon)

Keep thinking how immature Aoi gets in Wrathful, I'm so delighted lol Think about it this way: one of the important lessons Iori Hida 02 has to learn in order to grow up is to be able to contextualize his actions within the possibilities the circumstances offer so he can choose what causes less harm or is more fair beyond strict adherence to clear cut rules. His extremely black and white morality signals how childish he is (and this is fine because he's 9, I find very endearing how righteous he wants to be). Yet, in Wrathful, Aoi basically regresses to that kind of inflexible mentality. Every body must obey strictly (which she reads as well behaved), everyone must know their place and not act out of it, there must be no fighting nor conflict. She holds no nuance nor compassion for anyone that doesn't follow her rules to a tee.

Aoi even struggles with paralysis caused by her moralitiy crisis, too. While Iori's about lying and thust tailored to the fact he's 9, at the core of it is struggling to reconcile how acting in a way that is fair clashes with his view of what is correct behavior, which trips Aoi up, too. She gets a similar blockage where she feels incredibly torn if what she wants to do goes against social order. Thinking about how she also felt Shuuji was being unfair, so she likely wanted to do something more than just keeping her juniors in line... And in the end, can't even commit to preserving harmony that way because of her self-doubt about her own capacities as leader and troubled convictions. It feels very pointed that in part 6, Aoi is promising to actually get involved in mediating the group fights, coming at the tails of what happened with Shuuji.

Anyway, I love how we get that peek to her internal struggles in Wrathful. Like she correctly identifies as part of the issue that she can't step out of what she considers correct (and makes a lot of sense how much she likes flippant Saki lol), yet Wrathful has her doubling down. I love the irony.

I also really enjoy how different her spin on a scrupolous work ethic is to Iori's because their different social positions (Iori being the youngest vs Aoi always being responsible for others), their age and gender. Endlessly fascinating to me.

hey lovely hi! I wanted to ask you something about writing. First of all i love love love the way you write matt and Frank! So on point and detailed and so well observed. I wanted to know how do you understand them i mean what are your ways to study a character?

I hope I'm making sense and im sorry for being a bother 😭 love you.

hi first of all i love you sm for this oh my god?? you're not a bother at all, i could talk about matt forever. writing him true to character is the highest compliment i could ask for 🥹

several thoughts come to mind — first i think of the characters as they are individually, then as they are tied to one another; once tied together through the threads of the story, there is no separating them. just as there is no separating the choices they make now from all the choices in the past that led up to this moment. where do the boundaries of the character as laid out in the source material brush up against the boundaries of the character as i understand them & what archetypal role are they fulfilling (if relevant).

also the mutability of the boundary between archetypes: i.e. matt descends into 'hell' to bring frank out, orpheus role; matt hears & carries everything, god-like role; matt accepts this as a call to action, hero; matt takes it upon himself to punish these 'evildoers', devil; matt takes these sins upon himself, christ figure; matt is wounded in his noble pursuit, martyr figure. & how do his roles change in relation to the characters he shares a scene with — fisk (god-like in seemingly limitless influence) / matt (hero/martyr).

what life is there for a hero outside of their duty in a story like this? what room is there for him to be human? that's what i want to know. so i take what we know from what we've been given:

matt is the son of a boxer -> he grows up with the inherent understanding that two things can be true at once: hands capable of love can also be capable of violence

matt, as a child, saves an old man and loses his sight -> he accepts at a very young age the concept of heroic acts & their consequences (inevitability)

matt’s father chooses to die a 'hero' rather than live as a flawed but present father -> better to be a hero, to live and die by those familiar consequences than to be a flawed but present person (2nd ex. of heroes and their consequences, inevitability)

matt’s next father figure is violent but it is through that violence he learns to navigate an overwhelming world -> violence = love

stick leaves, like his father left, like his mother left -> to love is to lose (inevitability)

matt is only human, after all, it's what's most compelling about him as a character. and the show really did let us sit in those long moments of quiet witness to matt's undeniable humanity. he is flawed, he stumbles in fights, he can’t catch his breath, his faith buckles under the weight of his grief; he doesn't understand how to be human, how to maintain relationships, how to reconcile the darkest parts of the world and of himself with his faith in humanity and belief in redemption. the world is overwhelming to him on every sensory level. every touch is a modified blow? he lives that. he looks outside of himself for light (foggy, faith). when he reaches his breaking point, he breaks rather than turn to the people he loves because of the lessons he internalized as a child. stick left because matt loved, despite everything. despite everything, his love > his rage (bc his rage is his grief & his grief is another face of his love).

even after foggy finds out matt's secret life of physical violence, he still refers to him as "my soft-hearted partner" because it's true, matt cannot help but love & recognize humanity in others. it's because of this that he feels called to balance two unsustainably contradictory lives: using his voice to fight for redemption in court; taking it into his own hands when the law fails. taking their blood onto himself, by himself.

and that is the only touch he allows himself to experience—violence. blood on his knuckles, in his mouth, in his throat. and when his body is torn open and his secrets bared through his wounds, we get another glimpse into the reality of heroes and their consequences. foggy is not treated as an audience stand-in to giddily marvel at matt's abilities and how cool they are, he's heartbroken. he’s fucking devastated. his best friend is bleeding out on his apartment floor. he doesn't want matt to die. he doesn't want matt to be daredevil, he doesn’t want matt to be a hero — because foggy, more than anyone, understands matt's humanity and mortality. and foggy, more than anyone, selfishly wants matt to be his friend first. let hell’s kitchen take care of itself. why should matt die for a community that doesn’t love him like foggy loves him? that doesn’t know him like foggy knows him? he knew matt before he became a story. their time at columbia grounds their friendship & grounds matt to a life that is as close to normal as any comicbook story. they stay up late studying, they drink a little too much, they live together and achieve a kind of domesticity that comes easy to foggy but utterly incomprehensible to everything matt knew before foggy. we see a glimpse at a life with foggy that represents a gentle kind of safety and happiness — everything matt has been denied in his life until then. everything that the momentum of the story demands matt cannot keep (as hero).

and then there's frank. composed of rigid codes and immovable beliefs, just as much as matt, but on the other side of the line matt has drawn in the sand. that line represents matt’s faith in humanity and belief in redemption. despite living the worst of it, despite bearing the brunt of it. matt can't lose frank because matt never had frank; and yet matt and frank hold an inherent understanding of one another that no one else can. two sides of the same coin: unwavering & fatal sense of duty that walks them in a winding but inevitable line toward their respective fates; acceptance of the roles life has given them in what life has taken from them. it's not that they want to die, it's just that they’ve lived so long in the depths of their own private grief that they can’t see living outside of them.

so of course foggy doesn't want to matt to be a hero because there is no story where the hero comes home unscathed, there is no story where the hero is not brought to his knees. to love matt is to accept he could lose matt. either through death or through his inevitable transformation into something foggy may not recognize.

(now matt's unwritten rules by which he lives are bleeding into other characters' lives, consequences spiraling outward & outward)

a perilous thing began with wanting to explore this idea: a story that revolves around the moment when the hero is brought to their knees (figuratively & literally) that marks the separation of who they were before and who they must become after (transformation), if there is to be an after -> internal vs external consequences; forced passivity; how does the hero come back from that & who is he if/when he comes back from that. is he recognizable? i also wanted to look at the hero & the story through someone else's eyes, someone who could be more objective than me, more objective than foggy (whose love for matt clouds his observations, as it did in light perception). and who could objectively understand matt's actions & motivations better than frank? the anti-hero and matt's foil.

so i first look at the character through the lens of the story that’s been told and then the story i want to tell, i look at him through the lens of other characters and i assemble a picture from there. i look at matt through the events of his life, through his relationship with violence & his relationship with his very mortal body. unlike other superheroes he is not invincible, he is not bulletproof, he is not capable of flying, or softening a long fall; he is not capable of throwing his adversaries across a room, he is barely capable of saving himself from his own self-destructive choices. he has a damaged & unbearably human body. everything he can do he has fought tooth and nail for. he doesn't have superpowers like telekinesis or lasers that come out of his eyes; he has loss, he has grief, he has rage. we can all relate to that. he has a voice that is capable of giving a second chance to others (in court) but he lives and dies a thousand deaths inside of the silence at his core he can't find his way out of. his inability to communicate his grief or desires in a bearable way.

perhaps he finds redemption through saving others because he doesn't believe he, himself, is otherwise worthy of redemption. if he did, he would relinquish his duty as hero, he would live a quiet & happy life of domesticity with foggy. perhaps in another world he does. he lays down his mantle, or he lives in a world where he never had to take it up. he's just matt, foggy's soft-hearted partner.

feeling so normal and hinged and sane and fine about puen grabbing talay's neck while kissing him truly a paragon of normalcy and a model of sanity that's what i am rn

"I can't handle the fanon depictions of anyone", this is so true it hurts 😭

I‘ve never been so hyperfixated on a piece of media, without being able to read anything about it. The way every character get‘s flattened like a pancake and forced into a archetype is unreal.

I have like- 5 stories I can read and don‘t really engage with with the fandom in any way.

It‘s all just:

Monkey King is depressed and MK has to mother him and kiss all his boo boo‘s.

Macaque never did anything wrong in his life, it‘s all Wukong‘s fault. He is also secretly a mom.

What is Mei? Do you mean the month? Bitch can‘t even spell right.

Red Son‘s parents are still assholes, because parents changing for the better is impossible and children can‘t have decent parental figures I guess.

-Casually bastardizes everyone into an asshole so my fav has a reason to be sad-

"What is Mei? Do you mean the month? Bitch can‘t even spell right." IS THE FUNNIEST THING. HOLY SHIT. I'M CACKLING.

"I‘ve never been so hyperfixated on a piece of media, without being able to read anything about it" is also so relatable. I've never had my fandom experience be so self-generated before. I'm just kinda stewing over here, having fun, making my own gif sets and analysis posts. Maybe I reblog some fanart from time to time.

savior 🥀🗡️

Hey Seek, hope you’re having a good Friday. Was wondering if Talking Nonsense and Parallel Lines have fallen to the bottom of your WIP list?! I’m guessing there are some fics that get prioritized over others and since these have not had regular updates, should I not get my hopes up for them?!

bestie idk if you remember this but ao3 was down for like a day and a half this week!!!!!!

@abc2411 and I have no plans on dropping either talking nonsense or parallel lines we just didn't want to post an update (which is usually wednesday) so close to it being down.

the whims are fickle this is true but we have so much of both written and are very excited to share what's to come with you all.

I genuinely do love the prison arc and find it fascinating and I wish it was easier to find content and analysis about it that didn't veer to any of the Very Not Fun extremes