saw mcr yesterday in Cardiff with my buddy @marcsalmonds and made a rat just for a bit because my mcr revival has made me insane!!!

So your parents suck?

Okay, so you’re starting from scratch, you can’t cook, you don’t know what career you’re interested in, you lack skills that your parents should have taught you, and your finances aren’t in order. Worst of all, you don’t know where to begin 👀. Well, I got a list of books for you.

( most of the books listed have visuals)

These are 10 must-have books that’ll help you maneuver through life!

1. “The Self Care prescription” by Robyn L. Gobin, Ph.D ⭐️ MUST HAVE ⭐️  (Amazon)

Self-care is important. If you don’t know where to start this book was made for you. It will clear up any confusion you may have about self-care, and how it looks. It also addresses mental health and teaches you skills on how to deal with real-life issues. The author also has a journal you can purchase alongside this book. (Amazon link)

2. “Infographic guide to Personal Finance” by Elisabeth Lariviere and Michele Cavan, CPA (Amazon)

All the financial advice you need in one book. It has a range of topics from debt to investing, buying property, and budgeting. This book is easy to understand and has lovely graphics.

3. “How to be a person” by Catherine Newman (Amazon)

All the skills you need to be a functioning human being are in this book. I recommend this book for people who didn’t have a lot of guidance growing up. “How to be a person” will fill you in on the basics. It tells you how to tip people, do laundry, send mail, and make your bed. It also has some easy recipes and a lot more. It’s a great starter book for those who genuinely don’t know where to begin!

4. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear (Amazon)

If you are looking to break a habit or start a new one this book is a bestseller and highly recommended. It can also be helpful for those who struggle with motivation, making changes, etc. Before reading this book, I had difficulty getting back on track after a break. Since reading Atomic Habits, I've been able to stay consistent with my goals and overcome moments of doubt. Once you’ve read Atomic Habits I would suggest purchasing @2pretty 12-month dream girl guide. It can help you keep track of the habits you want to master and the steps you plan on taking to accomplish your goal. It’s also a cute journal 🥰.

5. “Budgeting 101” by Michele Cavan, CPA  (Amazon)

A very detailed book explaining everything you need to know about budgeting, saving, and investing. It also has a couple of tips.

6. “Home EC for everyone” by Sharon & David Bowers (Amazon)

All the life skills you need are in this book. It covers cooking, laundry, sewing, and other domestic skills. Home EC has recipes, a list of supplies, and how-to’s on cleaning, setting tables &, etc. This book is amazing. It’s been my favorite purchase this year. It starts with the easy stuff like boiling water 😭 and cracking an egg, but it gets into other info like getting gum out of carpet, how to hem a skirt, reading laundry symbols, making beef stew, and brining meat, just to mention a few.

7. “Getting from college to career” by Lindsey Pollak (Amazon)

If you need advice on preparing for interviews, working on your resume, getting real-world experiences, and finding job opportunities. I couldn’t suggest a better book. It has other topics and is great for anyone who needs advice while they're looking for a job, but it is catered to college graduates.

8. “Adulting made easy” by Amanda Morin  (Amazon)

Budgeting, insurance, getting a job, KEEPING a job, safe social media usage, living situations, and a few other life skills are all mentioned in “adulting made easy”. I love this book and started including it in my gift package for friends and family members going to college or moving out, it’s such a great resource.

9. “The driving book” by Karen Gravelle (Amazon)

This book is geared towards new drivers, but I believe it has some great information for everyone. It tells you what to keep in your car, how to take care of it, and how to drive in different areas. Such as the freeway, the countryside, etc. 

10. “Careers the ultimate guide to planning your future” (Amazon)

This book has a range of careers, some requiring just trade school or associates, others needing a doctorate. With such a range, you’ll be sure to get an idea of what career you might be interested in. It also has a rank on the salary you’ll be making from each opportunity listed.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Now I am all for reading and gathering information but please be sure to put the tips you learn to use. 

I’ll try to make a version of this that has online readings or links. I know some people don’t like books or don’t have space for books so if I find any articles I’ll make a post 🤍

♡ xoxo Mrs.Degree ❣️

p.s just cuz you didn’t learn these skills as a kid doesn’t mean your parents suck I just picked that as a header.

Reminding Me of Me

The past several weeks have been filled with a lot of uninvited family drama involving and basically created by my brother and his wife. J and I have been unfortunately and a bit involuntarily recruited to help subdue this drama. Of course, I don't want my brother's life to be unhappy and complicated, and J and I want to help alleviate those things when and if we can, but this suffering is almost entirely self inflicted. It's been very frustrating, especially considering the solid historical pattern of my parents using me to make my brother's life easier/better, and the historical pattern of all of them overlooking and dismissing me and taking me for granted. As I told a friend privately earlier this week, since my brother has been born, I've always been called upon to serve him or ignored in his favor.

My brother was born, and when he was 3 months old (I was 11.5), my grandmother, the person I was closest to in life to that point, passed away. In addition to the obvious, practically debilitating grief, I was also forced to leave the school district I'd grown up in to attend middle school somewhere more convenient for my parents (but mostly because of my brother). I didn't get much if any emotional support for any of this, because my brother was a newborn, and he outranked me. I became my brother's surrogate mother almost immediately. My mom worked 60-80 hour weeks, and when my dad went to work (once I was out of middle/high school for the day) to his second shift job, I was left solely in charge of my brother until my mom got home from her supposedly first shift job (but she regularly worked 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and some weekends, and brought work home with her too). I sacrificed a lot of social life opportunities and even one academic opportunity in order to fulfill the responsibility of caring for my brother. I attended a local college to continue doing this. I left my first job early if my brother had an emergency or if he needed to be checked on; not my parents. When I was a new mother, after a previous traumatic pregnancy loss, my parents didn't give me much support because that's when my brother was graduating high school and starting college, and he needed them then. More than I did, they presumed. On my 40th birthday, my brother moved in with his girlfriend (now his wife). We all spent the day (and were expected to spend the day) packing boxes and moving furniture for them. No one really even acknowledged that it was my birthday. This wasn't the first year my birthday was ignored, and it also wasn't the first year I was expected to cater to my brother's girlfriend (now wife) on my birthday. The year before that, I was told to change the restaurant and the time of day we'd go out as a family because 'she doesn't want to get ready that early for brunch.' When my brother got married, my mom cried at his wedding and his reception...she barely showed any sort of emotion at all at mine. My parents gave my brother a rehearsal dinner that was nicer than his wedding; helped do all of the 'wedding' stuff; were very involved. All they did for J's and my wedding was write a couple checks (that we cut as low as possible without offending people to be easier on them).

Now, I am getting ready to go back to work outside the home part time, for the first time in 10 years, and I have a minor surgical procedure coming up in a few days. My son just started 10th grade 2 days ago, and as everyone reading here probably knows, the start of 9th grade was nearly catastrophic to his mental health. My parents and my brother and his wife are aware (at least nominally) of all of these things. But the past several weeks have been spent solely focused on my brother and his needs instead (I know, big fucking surprise).

So I've been thinking the past couple weeks that I'm having flashbacks of living back at home with my parents, where I just don't even seem to matter, and my brother gets 100% of their care, support, and attention, and I'm expected to shift 100% of mine to him too. Over the past week or so, I've even asked J and my son questions like, 'You're real, right? Our life together is real? You're my real husband/son? We have a house and a dog, right? All of this is real, right?' Because I have to remind myself that I do exist, I do matter, I have built a life where I matter and am noticed and valued; a life separate from all those old expectations and shitty feelings of being ignored and overlooked and used. And last night, J and I went on a motorcycle ride while our son was with my parents, temporarily distracting them from the depressing and anxiety inducing concentration on my brother (my mom even admitted a few days ago that this is the first time in her life she's ever felt anxiety). J took me to the small town I spent my Pre-Brother childhood in. We visited with my godfather, probably the most consistently supportive adult presence in my life who's still alive. We only talked about our family and my godfather...not my brother at all. It was nice. We didn't do our normal 'date night' routine because of my upcoming surgery; in fact the date night wasn't our idea; it was my parents', because they 'needed' time with our son to like...have some stress free enjoyment and pride in their grandchild (for a change). But it was still a great date night. J helped remind me of me. That I am a person who matters, and me mattering is unrelated to my brother and my parents, and how I can be of service to them, or what their connection to or opinion of me is, in any way.

It felt really good to be reminded of me. I was a person of value and consequence before my brother came along. And I am a person of value and consequence now, in my own built life and my own family, without him. I'm me. And I matter. And it's sad that I have to remind myself of that still. But at least I can be reminded.