#i've almost got through a bottle of anxiety meds in the 3 weeks since i started | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

carronpatrick · 7 months

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Had typed a large reply to someone and accidently closed the app so the last 30 minutes was wasted and 😭💀💀💀 why is my brain like this?! 😭😭😭

**per tags, added video, literally of me, daily, constantly, always

Wait this got even better/worse. (below cut because I have to explain just how fucking dumb I can be, lmao. It's just funny rambling, completely SFW except 4 Fbombs because it's just my favorite word ig, idk, but also idk who has the shorten post setting enabled and don't wanna clog y'alls feeds.

But enjoy the chaos of my 'ADHD despite my meds having kicked in today, forgetful because I have a BAD object permanence/constancy deficit, unorganized but organized in that disorganization at the same time, can't delete things because what if I need it in 2 years LIKE THIS VIDEO' brain.

I opened up the attachment option like this

BECAUSE I HAVE OVER 18,000 (EIGHTTEEN THOUSAND, YES) PHOTOS/VIDEOS. 💀 I literally just took the 2 days and transferred them all over to my hard drive like the week of Mom's brain surgery, I just haven't taken the days to go through and delete each I don't need on my phone anymore because, well, Mom had brain surgery and that was only a week after her arm nerve surgery and I've needed to take care of her and then we both now have some kind of respiratory infection so we've been taking medicine and sleeping for the past week and a half basically, while the weather goes from 87f one day to 28f the next night back to 78f the next day.

(The weather description is added because the yoyo weather typically causes the start of sinus infections for me, happens every single damn year at this time, and has since I was like 2 or 3, and no doctor wants to prescribe antibiotics because they don't want to risk me becoming immune to them ((?????! 😭 Once a year would not do that, especially if they alternate between amoxicillin, augmentin, azythromyacin/z-pack, clindamyacin, cefdinir, etc each year... All things I've taken over my 30 years of many, many sicknesses and all still 100% effective for my body at normal doses! I already take daily allergy/sinus nasal spray that used to be $400 a bottle when I was like 10 and is now otc and is like $12-15, I take an anxiety /allergy rx also, like? Give me the fucking antibiotics I've had an infection according to my white blood cell count for the past 3 years almost constantly.)) but yeah, yoyo weather, it's harsh on a body, lmao.)

But I'm searching, and I have my gallery generally organized. I have a reactions set that all start with 'R-' and then what emotions they convey, have video folders and all my celeb pics are by group/member/individual, I have individual friend and family folders, i have mood boards for each original song I'm going to record and release eventually and they each have their own folder til I make them into one image, etc. It took like idk, in total probably a week or 2 to do all of this. So twenty minutes pass and I CANNOT FIND this video I randomly remembered while adding tags to this post. So I'm laying here like

I've checked @anxiousgirl and @thevampywolf 's folders, I've checked each video folder, every reaction folder, I checked my personal folders cause maybe I put it there because it so accurately describes how fucking dumb I am - nothing.

So then I realized - I sent it to both Rachel and Ash like a year ago. Now, we both send a fuck ton of videos, memes, gifs, random pics, etc all the time. But I KNOW that Ash and I send more back and forth because we both get on our ADHD bullshit on Tiktok and Instagram and send mass spams randomly. So I'm going through Rachie's WhatsApp chat. And the only kind of search query I can think of is 'stupid' because that's the video basically. So I'm going through ALL 'Media, Links, and Docs'.

Y'all I thought I was bad at sending pics and vids to Ash, but Rach, I am so sorry, lmfao. Like one time in May I sent maybe 50 fucking things in one convo because I was introducing you to Monsta X a bit and. 😭🥴 I'm a visual teacher/learner, y'all, okay?!

Anyway. It's now been about an hour and a half since I started this and I finally found this dumb 6 second video that I sent her last April. Also, very succinctly sums up the whole fucking post, lmfaoooo.

It's me. 😂

#2023 #self #I swear I'm trying to be a good Care and reply to everyone cause I love all of you #But brain has the stupid #Wait I gotta add a very good video that explains me #TAG 45 MINUTES LATER - WHYYYYY did I think of that video whyyyyy #Also why haven't I deleted any of my 18k gallery files wtf me #It has now been like. And hour and a half. Just since I've woke up and laid in bed and been on Tumblr....#I think I need to go to sleep and try again tmr lmfaoooo #Aaaaaand now it's been even longer - about 2 hours - 1.5 on this fucking post 😂💀

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