One Hell of a Buttress
(Arlecchino x Reader Blurb)
A/N: Guys. I am so sorry. I don't think that Arlecchino oneshot is being posted tomorrow. 😿Trust that it will be posted this weekend. Take this as an apology (I am fr spoiling y'all Arle fans) for the pushback. This is a repost to something I submitted as an anon to @/megistusdiary so there's a chance you've already seen this. It was written a while ago so quality is not up to par.
This is the Black Butler inspired demon au! that I talked about in my poll, check it out if you want a little bit more on this concept. (Thank you guys for voting in it! :33 I'm looking forward to writing the oneshots).
Everything hurts. It burns, burns, burns, and you can't feel your limbs and your vision fades in and out. Your broken form twitches on the ground, and as your assailants approach you, ready to wrench the remaining life out of you slowly and painfully, with your final burst of energy and concentration, you let out a guttural screech, a summoning spell spewing from your raspy throat and bloodied teeth.
At first, you think nothing happens. They stalk you, unfaltering despite what you have just called for. Wearing teeth-baring grins and depraved intentions, they near your crumpled body, with their dirty, despicable hands reaching out towards you. Your half-lidded eyes shut fully, and you heave out a sigh of resignation, giving up the futile struggle of staying alive.
You hear it first before you actually see it. A sound distinct only to stilettos clicking against the ground. It jerks your attention immediately, and you twist your head slowly to face the oncoming figure. Black heels with gold adornment catch your eye, and then--
"Well, well, looks like I found the doll that called me," you hear a deep, feminine voice sibilates, voice reverberating throughout the chamber. Your gaze slowly trails up the newcomer's figure, and the white clothing, snow-white hair, and feminine features cause you to mistake her as an angel. Red-crossed pupils meet with yours. A shiver works its way up your spine but you stare in awe regardless. What kind of human was this?
One of your tormenters inquires rather rudely about the woman and storms towards her haughtily, ignorant of the fact he has just sealed his fate. There's an audible, irate click of her tongue, then a snap echoes the room. For a brief moment, your sight is filled with just red, and then your eyes widen as the aggressor bursts into a beautiful explosion of blood and guts. She walks past where once the man stood without pause, now just a puddle of blood, tutting at the blatant disrespect of the formerly alive human. Her feet stop just before you and her shadow looms over.
"A-arle...cchino?" You croak weakly as your hazy gaze sets on her. She looks so handsome, beautiful like a guardian angel, even when she's covered in red. Her lips curl up slightly and she crouches down to hook an arm behind your back and knees, lifting you bridal-style. Heat radiates from her cold-blooded being and it is so much more comforting than the icy hardness of the floor. You immediately bury your face into her shoulder while your needy hands grip onto her coat out of desperation and fear. Beneath the intense iron smell of blood, she smells of something floral, you noted with dulled surprise.
"That is me, the Knave. And what have you called me for?" She purrs from above, repositioning you in her arms so she could support you with one arm instead of both.
You give one single glance behind your shoulder towards the now cowering group of people, their behavior reminding you of feeble sheep rather than the bloodthirsty pack of wolves. You think that you'd like lamb chops after all of this.
Turning your head back, you suck in a steady breath, your voice unwavering and clear despite being muffled into her clothes. "Kill them."
"As you wish."
Even as she draws out the sweetest, most revolting of screams from the remaining alive people, you find peace in your arms. You don't watch, instead, opting to rest your head against her and try to fall asleep to your former captors' begs of mercy. A hand combing through your hair wakes you up. You admire her sharpened red nails and her black hands, so contrasting against her unblemished and perfect skin but pretty all the same. It looks nice, sifting through your hair, it feels right, it feels perfect, even if they're dipped in blood.
"Well, I suppose we can work out the contract at a later time. For now, rest, my dear," her voice is soft and it lulls you to sleep in her arms. She tucks your head underneath her chin and walks away from the bloodbath, her darling wrapped tightly close to her.
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My sincerest apologies for the radio silence from this blog recently. I know, it's very out of character for me. The thing is, I've been in a bit of a pickle over the past few months. The fiscal year for 2023 didn't end nearly as profitably as I projected, not even with the hype and celebration surrounding
THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE STANLEY PARABLE (2013)!
Server maintenance isn't free, you know, and neither are infinite holes. And with Unity changing its pricing structure on top of it, well, I really needed to put the old noggin to work finding a way to squeeze every last dime out of my fans provide new and valuable pieces of entertainment that will be worth your money. And that's why I'm thrilled to announce my partnership with the fine folks at I Am 8bit to bring you: The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe: Collector's Edition!
It's true! Yes, I know I did a fake announcement for something similar last year, but this one is for real! A physical product that you can purchase and have delivered to your home, and play on your Nintendo Switch or Playstation 5. And this package involves absolutely no changes to the game itself, which really takes a load off my back. Since I have no presence in the physical world, I have to trust that my collaborators will deliver the finest quality items. And trust them I do. Shall we take a look at all the wonderful bonuses you'll receive?
Stickers!
Just like the ones I slapped onto Stanley's bucket, now you too can slap these stickers on your own bucket. Or anything else that currently lacks stickers on it. You will not receive a bucket to stick them on. We floated that idea, but Mr. 8bit told me he'd rather not have to lug dozens of buckets down to the post office every day. You'd look like a right idiot doing that, I agree. So get your own bucket and enjoy the thrill of sticking!
Oh, and do be aware that whatever object you affix the "Property of Stanley" sticker to, does legally become Stanley's property, and he will demand you send it to him.
More surprises under the cut!
An instructional manual!
"But Narrator," I hear you saying, "didn't you just say you're not giving me a bucket? What do I need this for?" First of all, do not interrupt me when I'm giving a presentation. Second of all, this manual is for the bucket that's in the game. I've noticed many players do not seem to know how to operate the bucket, and treat it like it's a person rather than an inanimate container. With this instructional manual, I will give you a comprehensive guide as to what a bucket can do (such as: prevent water from spilling all over your trousers) and what it cannot do (such as: love you back). I have had some harrowing experiences in the field of instructional manual writing, but I think this one is some of my finest work yet.
A figurine!
Yes, our most requested piece of merchandise is finally here! The OFFICIAL Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe Stanigurine stands 5 inches tall and is made of durable PVC. And as with the virtual Figustans, that's all there is to it. There's no articulation or any type of toy action. You don't get anything but the feeling of deep satisfaction at owning this collectible. The package only comes with one, so why not buy six copies if you really want to recreate the game in your home?
But wait, that's not all!
If you are an absolute Stanley Parable fanatic, you'll want to supplement your Collector's Edition with even more plastic tat commemorating your favourite game. And you definitely want to support me as much as possible, right? So you can also buy:
The button that says the name of the person playing the game!
For just $10, you too can have a button that says your name, presuming your name is Jim. The button will only say the name Jim and will never say any other name, no matter how often you press it. I found that a lot of players really got into the immersive experience of being Jim, so I decided to keep it that way instead of programming it to say a whole lot of names. Sorry, but there are too many different names in the world. You're Jim and you'll like it.
Vinyl albums!
When you buy the Collector's Edition, you'll get a free code to download the Official Soundtrack in MP3 format. But what if you don't like MP3? What if you're a bit more old-fashioned in your audiophile taste? Well, I've got you covered! With this 2-record set, you can listen to all the office ambience on your gramophone or turntable. Why, you could even DJ a set with it! If you do, please send me your mixtape and I'll give it an honest review. My music taste is impeccable.
An instructional audio cassette!
Yes, this is just a cassette telling you how to install and run a copy machine. Listen, I took some odd voiceover jobs here and there to pay the bills. And I figured, you lot are so ravenous to hear my voice that you'd even pay good money to hear me deliver some boring instructions. At least, that's the impression I get from the more saucy side of the fandom. So that's what you get. Do I do anything funny? You'll have to buy it and find out!
Hold on, Stanley is trying to tell me something. What do you mean, nobody has a cassette player any more? Why wouldn't they? It's the perfect compact audio format! It's got two sides, which is more than you can say for a CD, and it's a lot more portable than vinyl. Well I'm not shipping out cassette players. You can take it or leave it. No refunds.
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I'M NOT FOWCKING DEAD!!!!!!!
I'm so sorry y'all. Irl business be hittin hard and I have a ton of projects and tests coming up guys.
BUT
one of the art projects I'm working on requires stickers and I just finished them and figured hopefully you guys would like them to,
The mooncakes took way too much time and you might've noticed I've kinda cheated and re-used a sticker of Chang'E and Hou Yi but shhhh..... (they don't know that)
First time I've drawn Guanyin...or Erlang...or Nuwa...OK Fine. I probably should vary who I draw.
Wukong in the opera costume! Don't get me wrong, I love the lmk fit but I wanted to put him in something a little more...regal. Something befitting the great sage equal to heaven.
(Ao Bing: Nezha is so annoying....
Nezha:
Nezha: I heard you were talking sh!t about me
Ao Bing: WHAT THE FU- *proceeds to get spine ripped out)
(Also I have to tip-toe around the fact that they are based on the Lmk designs....)
I promise I am thinking about y'all and my lmk art and hopefully by the holidays I can finally post some finished WIPs
(click photo for less sh!tty quality)
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