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#i'm so tired and sad and my brain's not working and i just miss my friends and i miss being a human :(
sexybabystevie · 2 years
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no really. someone tell me why i'm at college
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pix3lplays · 2 months
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While I can totally see the toxic side of a relationship with Aventurine, I'm so down bad and soft for him and in love with him that I want him endlessly happy so may I interest you in the healthy version of dating Aventurine...? 👀
I haven't seen anything of him past the conversation he has with Ratio in his hotel room but I HAVE had him spinning around in my head since his very first leaks so I have too many thoughts about him unfortunately.........
I feel like his main love language is physical touch. I can see him having all the love languages tbh but his main feels like physical touch. He just feels like such a physically affectionate person who'd wanna drape himself all over his partner or the other way around. But considering how shit his social life and life in general is, he most definitely hasn't had physical affection reciprocated like. Ever.
So a partner who initiates physical affection with him even prior to establishing a relationship would destroy him methinks. Thanking him for something and then you jump into his arms to hug him tightly... When's the last time he's been hugged? Especially in such an affectionate manner??? Never!!!!!! His brain would shut down, he wouldn't process that he should hug back and when he does it's too late, you've pulled back and he already misses the warmth.
A partner who holds his hand?? ESPECIALLY in public??? It's clear nobody likes him and his reputation precedes him and everybody is space racist to him, so a partner who's unafraid to show him off like he's the greatest prize they could have would also destroy him methinks. He'd definitely adore PDA, but again, single and sad lol. So if his partner is down for PDA, Aventurine is the happiest bc he gets to indulge in his partners affections 24/7 AND ALSO SHOW THEM OFF?? flex that even someone like him could be loved??? Absolutely!!! Your designated seat is always his lap and he always has an arm around your waist or your shoulders and he will always shamelessly kiss you anytime he wants and you return all of it back and make everyone within a 30k mile radius feel single as fuck.
I can imagine once he's entirely comfortable with his partner, he is SUCH a gentleman. Shoes untied? He's getting down on one knee to fix it for you, caressing your leg softly and planting a kiss near your knee before standing back up. No he doesn't care if he gets his precious white pants dirty. No he doesn't care if any camera caught that and there'll be an article with his name in bold next day. Tired?? Will carry you bridal style. Out shopping?? (and he'd definitely love taking you out on shopping sprees) will carry all your bags. Anything!!
He slowly finds himself turning into husband material even if he has not been an ideal husband type ever. He'll find himself wanting to cook a nice meal at home for the two of you, likes having you sitting on the counter looking all pretty while he works and giving him kisses as thanks every now and then, or likes surprising you with it when you come home.
Starts memorizing your orders at restaurants or cafes, will always automatically just go and order your favorites.
Begins to refer to most plans with 'we'. It just comes out naturally. "This is a difficult mission to manage, but we can find a way around it". We. Even if you're not involved in his work in the slightest. You two are intertwined entirely to him.
He never officially asks you to move in. All he knows is one night you slept over and then slowly it became a regular and his house is becoming filled with more and more of your items, starting with your toothbrush then your towels then some spare clothes and now you practically live there. And he's so happy at how natural and comfortable and not awkward it feels. Nothing forced.
Speaking of spending the night, the first time you two shared a bed was insane to him. Being held so tenderly, with so much love and care and warmth.. All things he's so unfamiliar with. He almost couldn't handle it. His favorite sleeping position is either burying his face in your back while spooning you or having his face buried in your chest. He likes your warmth, your heartbeat, your hands stroking his hair and the other wrapped around him, he doesn't care how much of a baby these positions make him look like. He's comfortable and he deserves it.
Showering together was something he wasn't keen about until one time it happened and you washed his hair and he almost cried. Gentle hands rubbing his scalp and stroking his hair and lathering the soap so calmly, he could have died right then and there. Then washing his body with equal amounts of care. He'd never been taken care of that way. He started wanting you there for every single shower, throwing excuses like "I can't reach my back I need you to wash me!" or "my hair felt softer when you did it I don't know how so you have to do it!"
His future is uncertain. But he finds himself looking at your ring finger and wondering what wedding ring cut would look the best on it. Sees you with kids and thinks it'd be nice to have that. But it's a step he's far too afraid to consider taking, with how dangerous his work is and how the rug could get pulled from under him at any second. He'd never want endanger you or a child. Those are things for an incredibly far future, but the thought of possibly dying and not ever having it saddens him.
As for his gambling, as predictable as it is... You're his lucky charm!!!!!! But also his self-control. You pull him out of it when he starts betting a little TOO much, and you switch his drink with water when he starts getting too drunk too. You manage him without suffocating or restricting him, he'd appreciate it.
If you ever visit him during work hours at the IPC, he'd be the happiest. Just an IPC secretary coming to tell him he has a visitor who claims to be his partner and he's almost flying out of his chair like "let them in let them in!!!". Poor anyone around, because you will not be spared from Aventurine's kisses. He doesn't care who's there. In fact, if Topaz or Dr. Ratio are there, it's even better. He'd like to silently rub it in. And If you made him lunch and had come to drop it off???? He may actually just ask to marry you,, being taken care of is something he loves. Something he could get used to.
His job requires things to get dirty often. He's told you the details but you still stay. He sometimes wonders if you'll eventually snap out of this daze and realize what you've gotten yourself into. See his true colors and hate him and leave him. He thinks the day he came back home covered in blood that wasn't his own would be the final straw. But it somehow wasn't. He came fully expecting you to scream, yell, get angry, get upset, break up with him and leave. But you didn't. You just gave him a sympathetic look before dragging him to the bathroom. You tended to any injury with love, took his clothes off with care. Put what can be washed in the washing machine and threw what couldn't be to the side. Got him in the shower and helped clean him up. Dried his hair afterwards and got him in bed. Told him he should rest, he must be tired. Why do you still love him?? He's no good. He took someone's life today and you're worried about whether or not he's tired??? He won't ever understand what you see in him. But he's so grateful, he'd want to keep repaying you for your love.
And his birthdays.... If you throw him a surprise party, he'll cry. For sure. Does this guy look like anybody remembers or celebrates his birthday? He probably spends them getting wasted in some bar after blowing a couple of millions on a gambling table. A cake, decorations, gifts... You'd make that day special. Like a birthday should be.
He'd feel more and more like a human with you. Not like an object that can be used and discarded when no longer useful. A person. With feelings.
He'd get jealous. Cry in your arms. Say "tell me I'm yours". Begging for reassurance.
"You don't belong to anyone. I love you" you'd answer. And he'd break.
He doesn't know what it's like to not be owned. A slave. He doesn't know what it's like to be loved. Unconditionally.
He thinks you deserve better. But he can't let anyone else have you. So he becomes better.
Sorry this is soooo incredibly long and self-indulgent but I've been so obsessed for MONTHS this is so much pent up thoughts.... I'm so Normal about him <3
Yes you may absolutely interest me in a healthy relationship with Aventurine and I think every Aventurine fan needs to read this immediately-
The part about him coming home after a ‘work related incident’ had me SCREAMING oh my gosh
Like yeah coming to terms with the fact that Aventurine hurts people would be REALLY hard but you love him enough to trust him???
He definitely strikes me as the type who literally cannot imagine receiving anything without giving so to have someone just openly show him so much kindness without expecting something in return is literally shaking his world??
And yes physical touch Aventurine is so real- I have another ask proposing touch-starved Aventurine and that. Yeah that makes sense. Him counteracting that by being So physically affectionate just makes sense to me haha. He’s very in denial that he’s touch-starved haha…
Thank you for the food, I ENJOYED IT A LOT💕💕
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flymetosnarryland · 9 months
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GTFO.
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Did anyone miss Muggle London like I did? 🙃
This series as a part of "Infraction" has grown incredibly. It helped me understand a lot about things I want to write and made me think about "Infraction" as... well, my first real baby, lol. I wrote one Snarry, "Oblivion" already, but I take that story as testing the waters. I tried to know Harry and Severus, placing them in situation close to, eh, something that happened to me in a way. It means a lot to me and I'm proud of myself that I managed to write a fic from the start to the end.
"Infraction" on the other hand... this one is going to be really FAT piece of work and I'm excited over the moon about it. First chapter and the first part of second already landed on Ao3, but when am I going to finish the next part of it? (If anyone is interested at all, because I personally don't touch unfinished pieces, knowing how it works 🤣)
Well, to be honest, I decided to not rush it. Not because I don't know what to write. The main outline of the story has 40k+ words. It appeared that planning a series of murders is not so easy 😂 especially when the politics are part of it (I mean, Merlin... that's the last thing I thought I will EVER write, lol) and on top of that I have some complicated relationships (or, I suppose, a cherry on molten chocolate cake 🤤). Which makes me shiver and scream, that much I want to jump into writing it again. But the more I am thinking about the plot and fitting everything I need into it (of course writing it down), the more I'm surprised that I am able to figure out something that seems damn complex to me and my three brain cells 😂 I want to be proud of this story. I want it to be... maybe not perfect, but as good as I can see, it can be. And I enjoy the idea of growing as hobby writer. It makes me really happy. Also it's my first serious CRIME story. I know I said before that I always wanted to write crime. I always thought though it's out of my range, you know, I'm too dumb to bring something interesting that other people could possibly like as I do. But with this story I'm trying new things (like bringing Marauders to life), I'm thinking in advance, I'm on both sides: the detective and the serial killer and... GOSH. I really think it will have sense and be worth to waste some time on reading it, lol!
Also there is Snarry AUctoberfest on the way and, you know, I decided I'll try to write something for the fest for the first time! (It's my year of many first times and I really like it!) Funny thing, it appears that my fic for the fest will be a little test to what I want to do with "Infraction." When it occured to me (don't ask how it happen, but the idea I've had in mind turned 180 degree and I couldn't help it! Had to just go for it 😂) I was stunned. But in the same way it's a great opportunity to try new things, see how it will go and how it will work before I'll jump back to my baby.
If anyone checked "Infraction", please don't be mad or sad or... disappointed or angry (?), that I'm not updating it yet. This fic is absolutely my main focus and I'm tinkering and working on it. As for everything, I need time (and probably cut some other projects while I will write it; so less drawing going to be main part of the writing process 🙃 I suppose in the last quarter of the year; except if I'll have my holiday from work!)
Ah, dang. I wrote a lot here, I suppose? Less shite than messy personal stuff, but still something I guess, I wanted to share? Even if I think it's pointless and worthless, because who cares, lol. I'm learning, trying to share, I think. I should, as I wasn't doing it at all and it suppose to help me to... leave the shell of person that other people think I am. Because I grew to be someone irl that I'm really tired of being. Of pretending to be. How stupid it all sounds it's beyond me and I still deny to admit it.
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thenighthekate · 9 months
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could you do an angst to fluff with tom based off the way i loved you by taylor swift? if your comfortable with it or have time!! <3.
The way I loved you ( t.k. )
And my heart does not beat. It is still inside my chest. My tears keep on falling and my head will not rest.
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There were many ways to love someone. Stolen kisses, morning hugs, late night dinner. The bond between two people only growing stronger with every conversation they had, but ours only seemed to crumble. With every forceful peck, strained embrace, silent meal, the bond in between us quietly disappeared.
He wasn't bad, wasn't the best, but neither was I. We had our problems and once we got out of our honeymoon phase they only seemed to worsen. With every day our arguments grew stronger, louder, the fire in our eyes glowing brighter as our voices raised. It was our new life, we loved each other, just not the same way we used to.
In all honesty I was getting so used to our new reality that when it all flipped I could only cry.
I missed our contact, even when all of it resulted in screaming and crying. Driving down the highway with music blasting just to avoid each other, toxic, but we atleast saw one another. Now it was like we didn't exist, just two separate people living together in what felt like far too small of a house.
The moon was shining that night, rays of silver breaking through the heavy rain that hit the cars windows. It was silent, no obnoxiously loud music that could cover our thoughts, only our breathing filling the empty spaces.
I was staring straight ahead and with a few stolen glances I figured that Tom was too, his brows scrunched, hands tightly gripping the wheel as he looked down the road. He was deep in thought, whatever clouding his mind making him softly shake his head. I didn't pay any attention to it until the car slowed down, drifting to the side of the street and rolling to a stop.
Silence indulged us two as I looked around for any clues, anything that would tell me if something was wrong. " Did something happen to the car-"
" We need to talk." His hands let go of the wheel slightly, his gaze still fixated in front of him. I knew what those words meant, I knew that he wanted to go deep on anything that was bothering us, anything that made us be where we are. " We can't keep going like this. I'm tired of living in this hole, I mean we don't talk, we live two separate lives. We sleep in the same fucking bed, but yet we're different." His rant was pretty short, half of which he looked me in the eye. I could see the sadness behind them, the clear desperation to make things work, fix whatever was broken.
" I don't know what happened to us." There was no cheating, no huge arguments, the lust between us jost slowly seemed to burn out. My fingers played with each other, anxiety filling my brain as it poured out into my words. " I love you, but we can't fix anything if we don't even know what started it."
We stared at one another silently, our eyes in a way almost communicating. " It's either this or we break up."
I knew it, he knew it, but yet something was tugging on both of our hearts, not letting us go with the latter.
In a moment of what felt like a spell was put over us we leaned in, our lips connecting and fighting against each other. This was the first real kiss in a while, no small peck or a smooch presented in front of family to make them know of our so called love. Minutes were shared as our hands traveled bodies, skin blushing and heat rising, I missed this. I missed moments like these, our love for one another just spilling past our edges making us swim in the softly sweet feeling. I missed our dancing in the rain, laughter coming straight from our throats as we got drenched from the water above. I missed us.
We separated with deep breaths trying to catch air back into our lungs, his hands holding mine as we stared into each other's eyes. His palm while clenched around mine raised up, his soft lips planting a sweet kiss on top of my knuckles. " I love you. I promise that whatever was fucked up will be fixed." And for the first time in months I could actually see a light for our future.
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w1ldthoughts · 4 months
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(Not so) Happy Birthday Part II
A/n: thank you all so much for your patience I hope this was worth the wait!
Part I
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“Are you serious?” You heard a groaning voice behind you, belonging to your friend Jade who you’d been staying with. “How many times are you going to watch A Star Is Born? It’s getting concerning.”
You let out a small laugh, digging into what was your second popcorn bowl of the day. “I’m going to keep watching it until they live happily ever after. Or until I feel less bad about where my life is headed.” She sits down next to you and lets you rest your head on her shoulder while you desperately try not to cry for the second time today. The first week after the breakup you allowed yourself several meltdowns a day, the next week just one and this week you were really trying to keep it together as much as humanly possible. Needless to say, with your movie selections and inability to turn the camera or microphone on during your work meetings on Zoom in case you did get overwhelmed, things weren’t looking good.
“Do you think I made a mistake? Maybe I shouldn’t have pulled the trigger so fast and heard him out?”
Jade’s sigh gave you the answer you weren’t wanting to hear, but told you everything you needed to know. “Look, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. But I am going to tell you that you are going to have to go over there and grab your stuff. You can’t just live in my clothes for the rest of your life. This depressive state cannot last forever.”
“Fine,” you sigh. “I’ll text him now and make sure I’m only there when he’s at the facility.”
The next morning you found yourself in a very familiar place. Everything was spotless like no one even lived there. But the place was full of some of your most fond memories. The spot in front of the fridge where you kissed Justin for the first time. The couch where you spent many nights watching movies or looking for missing cards from a Settlers of Catan game that had Justin flipping the board over when Patrick beat him. So much time spent in the bedroom you were standing in now, where all of your things remained exactly where you’d left them.
“I’m sorry I didn’t pack your stuff. I really wanted to—make it easier for you but, that just made it more real that you were really gone.”
Of course he came home just for this.
The sound of his voice should have startled you but it brought you peace instead, it was a sad form of validation to see and hear that he was also struggling. “Is that why you haven’t slept in your bed?” You ask, finally feeling brave enough to turn and face him. He looked good, tired but good.
He lets out a dry chuckle. “You really don’t miss a thing do you? I’ve been sleeping in the guest room near the office. Didn’t feel right being here alone. But I understand why you left. And I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am y/n.”
“Well… are you sorry enough to help me pack up all of this stuff?” Under the guise of your humor, he could tell this was the very last thing you wanted to do so he just nodded and got to work.
The next few hours were spent packing and loading things into your car, every box held a piece of him in it. He held the last one in his hands and stopped you as you grabbed your keys.
“I want to be the man you deserve. And I promise I’m working on it.”
You motion for him to put the box on the floor and he does so immediately, gladly welcoming your body into his arms. This is where you wanted to be for all of eternity, without worrying about the real world and ignoring your intuition and just letting your heart cloud what your brain has been yelling at you since you walked away from him. You pulled away from the hug and looked up at him, running your fingers through his hair and watching him melt into your touch. This is your home, this is the man you love. So why in the world would you walk away from it? Letting out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, the distance between you two became nonexistent and all you could think about was giving into this moment and letting it all go. You closed your eyes and felt him inch closer and closer to your face.
And then you remembered everything that went wrong.
“Justin, I’m so sorry. I can’t.” You pulled away from him. “I need you to show me you’re trying. The best apology is changed behavior. As embarrassing as it is to admit, part of me will always belong to you and I need you to either match my energy or I need to move on because I can’t keep living like this. I’m not going to.” You picked up the box yourself and walked as fast as you could back to your car and drove away without a second glance. If this was going to work, he was going to have to earn you back.
“Should I throw her a makeup birthday party?”
Keenan and Derwin both look at each other and shake their heads. “Her birthday was like a month ago bro, a little cake and some flowers isn’t gonna do shit for you now.”
“How am I going to show her how much I care about her?”
Derwin places a hand on his shoulder, “you gotta dig deep, Herbo. Think about what the fight was about and deal with the problem head on. And be honest with her…and yourself.”
“Aye…that was deep man. I didn’t know you had all that in the drafts.” The wide receiver nods at his teammate. “But forreal Herb, do what you gotta do to get your lady back man. You got a good one, make sure she knows that.”
“No you’re right. We gotta beat Denver first and then I can figure out what to do after that. Thank you guys.”
Keenan stands up to dap him up before they head to practice. “You know we got you brother.”
He had to admit the protection had been pretty shaky all game. The quarterback felt rushed and had little to no time in the pocket before getting hit and the receivers had been struggling heavily with drops the last few weeks. The offense had just not been rolling in the way he hoped and their playoff window was closing quickly. On 2nd and 7 he threw a zip pass to Donald Parham over the middle for a first down, bracing himself for impact as Zach Allen, the Broncos’ 285 pound defensive end, came running at him. Their bodies got tangled up on the way down and somewhere in the fold his index finger got stuck as the rest of his body continued its descent to the turf. Something was off and he knew it but continued to play until the drive was over. The trainers looked him over on the sidelines and decided it would be best to take him back into the locker room for an x-ray.
Meanwhile, you had it been able to resist turning on the game, having watched everything unfold. But this time all you could do was sit in anticipation instead of going straight to the tunnel and speak with the staff. You’d been here before. You've seen this. He’d broken another finger just weeks earlier against Las Vegas but they’d just thrown a shit ton of tape on it and he went right back in. But this was his throwing hand, his money maker and admittedly, it had you worried. You opted to send him a quick text letting him know you hoped everything was okay, even if your gut was telling you it wasn’t.
Justin slammed his helmet down looking at the x-ray results and threw a hoodie on to head back out onto the field and cheer on his guys. The physical pain in his finger paled in comparison to how he was feeling mentally. He’s let down his teammates, his guys. The coaches. The fans. All these people that were counting on him were going to be disappointed. With four weeks left in the season he knew it was a long shot to try and play again. But that wasn’t going to stop him from doing everything in his power to try to be ready until the doctors gave him the official word that he couldn’t. After the game was over and he headed to the locker room to change, he shot you a text back that he was fine and headed to his post game presser.
You know that feeling when you don’t even remember going to sleep until you open your eyes and question your entire existence? Yeah that’s what was happening to you now. The knock on the door startled you out of a sleep you didn’t even mean to take and you sleepily stood up from your seat on Jade’s couch and opened the door.
The man on the other side of it had you thinking you might still be asleep. But there he really was, hand heavily taped and in a splint. At least his hair was finally dry. “I’m so sorry for coming by so late, is Jade asleep? Were you?”
“She’s out with some guy tonight and you’re fine. What are you doing here, what’s going on?”
You step aside to let him in and close the door behind him. “I lied to you earlier. And then I realized that I was making the same mistakes that got us in this mess so I got an Uber and wanted to finally be honest. With you.”
“Justin what are you—what do you mean?”
“I’m not fine,” he states with a shaky sigh. “I signed this big contract in the offseason and was on top of the world. This is my team, you know? I’m the guy. They trusted me with all this money and I don’t even know if I deserve it anymore. I let them down and now I’m not even sure I’ll get to play with these guys again this year. And I don’t even know why my first instinct is always to tell you that I’m okay. Maybe I’m trying to spare your feelings and not burden you with this ‘whoa is me’ attitude but I do want to tell you everything. I—I trust you with my life, I just haven’t been acting like it. You’re the only one I want to tell everything to and I haven’t been treating you like my partner and I’m sorry for letting it get this bad.”
You swallowed the lump forming in your throat before speaking. “Justin I need to tell you something and I need you to listen to everything I’m about to say.” He nods and waits for you to continue. “You. Deserve. Everything. Okay? I mean god this team is probably winless without you. You’ve willed them to be competitive ALL year and somehow along the way you’ve been convinced that this is your fault. It’s not you. You are NOT the problem. If anything babe, you’re the fucking standard. You set records, you are who everyone compares their quarterback to and you know why? Because you have rallied those guys and they believe in you. Your organization believes in you. I believe in you.”
“Thank you for saying that,” he whispers, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay. “And I know I can’t erase the past or what I did but you’re everything I could ever want. Much more than I’ve ever asked for. And I fucked up the best thing I had. There isn’t a moment that I don’t think about it. Maybe…we could start over? Not forget any of the mistakes that were made along the way but learn from them. Clean slate, so I can earn your trust back.”
He waits for you to respond, the silence quickly killing his confidence. Maybe he really had lost you for good. You look down at the floor in sadness, still unsure about if this one conversation was enough to change the course of your relationship. Justin doesn’t wait any longer, kissing you on the forehead and walking out the front door. The quarterback sat in the Uber with a heavy sigh, trying to come to terms with the chaos of his professional and personal life. A few hours later when he couldn’t sleep in anticipation of his doctor’s appointment in a few hours, there was a knock at the door.
“I’m so sorry to bother you this late but I just couldn’t shake this feeling that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Oh I’m sorry I didn’t even introduce myself, I’m y/n.”
Justin’s smile takes over his face, dimple in full display. “It’s nice to meet you y/n, I’m Justin.”
Maybe, just maybe…what started with the worst birthday of your life could be a really funny story to tell your grandkids someday.
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starcrossed591 · 4 months
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CDrama Year in Review 2023
I'm still very much a CDrama beginner--I just started watching them in the summer of 2022--but since this is the first year I got into them in earnest, I figured I might as well do a year in review a la @dangermousie (whose lists I have found incredibly helpful in deciding which CDramas I really, really need to go back and watch as part of my CDrama education--so thank you!). So, without further adieu, here is my ranking of 2023 CDramas, in order of least enjoyed to most enjoyed*.
(See also: KDrama Year in Review 2023)
*Disclaimer: *not* a measure of objective quality
10. Royal Rumours: This drama was not great? Meng Zi Yi and Jeremy Tsui were fun, but the story started out messy and got messier. For some reason I still finished it, I think because I had a lingering cold and it was all my brain could handle at the time *shrug*
9. Gone with the Rain: I actually really enjoyed this one! The pacing was inconsistent, but Zhang Nan was fun as the irreverent Mo Xi, and we love a grizzled general. Special shout to the teacher who was not actually evil, just a sad lesbian whose gf disappeared on her
8. Love You Seven Times: Intriguing concept, not a strong enough FL to carry it through. The reincarnation stuff really worked for me at first, especially in their first mortal tribulation (as people, not CGI animals), but I got tired of it pretty quickly. I admit, the gifs of Ding Yu Xi as a sexy cat demon *did* pull me back in, but not enough for me to actually finish the thing, alas
7. Destined/Chang Feng Du: Started out really strong, and then stalled out on me. I think I only got up to about episode 22 or so, after their epic desert crossing and new start in a new state--they lost all narrative momentum for me there. I stopped watching and then just...didn't start again. I do, however, remain a big Bai Jing Ting fan, and will be keeping on eye out for whatever he does next
6. Hidden Love: (Contemporary) Age gap romances are hit or miss for me, but Zhao Lu Si absolutely stole/carried the show for me in this one. Although more fun imo when the main couple are in the the will-they-won't-they phase than in the family melodrama after they get together, still the only contemporary CDrama to get me to give it a go this year--and I'm glad I did
5. My Journey to You: Featuring my favorite murder girlies Esther Yu as Yun Wei Shan and Lu Yu Xiao as Shanguan Qian! Gorgeous costumes and sets, sweeping cinematography, and plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Full disclosure, I have not actually watched the last two episodes because I got busy and then saw weird chatter about them, so I have no comment on the allegedly weird ending
4. Till the End of the Moon: Look, I know the ending wasn't ideal, but for the majority of its run, this drama owned my entire soul. It also introduced me to Bai Lu as Li Su Su, who inspired my first actual tumblr post (that wasn't a reblog) because I was so obsessed with her. And everyone knows that Tantai Jin is the CDrama ML of the year. 10/10, no regrets at letting it take over my life (and the OST my Spotify) from April to May of this year
3. The Story of Kunning Palace: More Bai Lu is always a good thing, and she's extra fun here as the transmigrated former evil empress and totally-over-your-nonsense Xiang Xue Ning here. The reverse haremness of it all totally shows why Bai Lu is the chemistry queen, especially with the princess (Liu Xie Ning) and cranky, morally grey, would-fail-gym-class strategist Xie Wie (Zhang Ling He). So glad this drama made it out of the CDrama vault and didn't languish indefinitely in censorship hell
2. A Journey to Love: Finished this one two days ago as of this writing and am still not normal about it. Ren Ruyi (Liu Shi Shi) and Ning Yuan Zhou (Liu Yu Ning) lead an exceptionally strong ensemble cast in this wuxia that explores the complicated relationships between love, duty, loyalty, loneliness, and companionship. Ruyi and Yuan Zhou are far and away one of my fave OTPs of the year, but just as compelling are the relationships between friends/brothers/fellow assassins Yu Shisan, Yuan Lu (ugh my heart), Qian Zhou, and Sun Lang. This drama definitely has one of the strongest ensemble casts of the year. And the character growth of Yang Ying from little princess abandoned in the cold palace to who she becomes by the end will stick with me for a long time. Plus another 10/10 OST!
1. Lost You Forever S1: I'm not normally a reverse harem girl, but the longing, loss, and hard resolve portrayed to perfection by Yang Zi as Xiao Yao really did it for me here. This whole drama struck an emotional chord for me, and where TTEOTM consumed my soul, LYF took over my heart. Xiao Yao's relationships with her power hungry, overprotective cousin Cang Xuan; hot snake demon Xiang Liu/playboy archery shufu Feng Feng Bei; and perfectly devoted Tushan Jing are all equally compelling to me, and while I may know who she ends up with in the end, who I *think* she should be with changes based on who's on screen at any given time. And A'Nian, my favorite bratty princess who really just needs some strong parenting, holds a special place in my heart. I know we may never get S2, and even if we do, censorship means it probably won't be what the drama makers are capable of, but I'm so glad for this little piece of absolute perfection. And, again, a top notch OST!
Fave Drama: Lost You Forever, by just a hair over A Journey to Love. See above.
Least Fave Drama: Royal Rumours--truly why did I finish this, what was past me thinking
Biggest Disappointment: 2023 is also the year I read Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir, my very first CNovel! But then I didn't even bother checking out its adaptation, Romance of a Twin Flower, because it got rid of everything that made the novel such an addicting read, including a brilliant, strategic, ice cold FL and an ML who actually kind of sucked at the beginning, only to grow on you very, very slowly over time. I'm grateful that the chatter around the drama is what brought the novel to my attention, but other than that, hard pass.
Favorite Male Character: Lots of good ones this year, but I'm gonna go with Cang Xuan (Zhang Wan Yi) from Lost You Forever. The conflict he faces between getting enough power to protect the people he loves the most and that power making him incompatible with those loved ones is so compelling, and his yearning for Xiao Yao even when she's right in front of him is wrenching. Full disclosure, I also just really love the sound of his voice
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Favorite Female Character: This could easily have gone to Li Susu (TTEOTM), Xiao Yao (LYF), or Ren Ruyi (AJTL), but I'm gonna go with Bai Lu's Xiang Xue Ning in The Story of Kunning Palace. Something I really loved about this character was just how jaded Xue Ning really was, even in her second go round at life. Yeah, she wants to make amends for the harm done in her previous rise to power, but that has hardly turned her into a good--or even pleasant--person. Instead, she's incredibly skeptical and still plays most things ice cold, especially with her family. As a bonus, we got plenty of Bai Lu's fantastic side eye as she basically had to do high school all over again when she gets called into the palace despite her very best efforts not to be.
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Favorite Ship: Ren Ruyi and Yuan Zhao from A Journey to Love have got to be it. They balance each other out so well, and over the course of the drama, learn to communicate effectively with each other whenever they have a problem. They also recognize that not all problems can be solved by ~love~, which makes their relationship even more compelling when they decide to prioritize each other in a way that respects what the other wants from life.
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Favorite Secondary Ship: Little princess Yang Ying and Yuan Lu absolutely broke stole my heart in A Journey to Love. Doomed love even more than the main OTP, these two's youthful romance was such much fun to watch, especially as they egged their respective mentors on in their own romance. Yang Ying's recognition that her first love did not have to be her only love is also something I always love to see, even as it broke my heart that (spoiler) she and Yuan Lu never really had a chance at an HEA. Their relationship really exemplified a key theme of this drama: that you should love the people you love while they're still with you because tomorrow is never promised.
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Non-2023 Dramas that I Watched: Two non-2023 dramas I watched that deserve a special shout out are Love and Redemption and The Sword and the Brocade. Love and Redemption prepared me to really appreciate the big swings that Till the End of the Moon took, and The Sword and the Brocade went a little way to filling the Story of Ming Lan shaped hole in my heart. The Sword and the Brocade also had absolutely searing critique of the concubine system, even as it featured one of the most genuinely good-hearted FLs I've seen. Would recommend both!
Most Looking Forward To: Yes, I'm a sucker and the censors (not to mention the characters) will probably break my heart, but I'm still crossing my fingers that Lost You Forever S2 will live up to the promise of part one. See above: still a CDrama beginner, have not yet had all the optimism knocked out of me. Sue me.
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starrclownshazbinblog · 3 months
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got any niffty facts? 👀
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☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
Nifty, considering she died at 18, is really childish. She tries to act older than she is but because her brain never got to fully develop she doesn't understand why everyone treats her like a little kid. She especially hates it when Angel babies her.
Nifty's favorite person in the Hotel is KeeKee.
Nifty likes to play matchmaker. She likes to take people in her life and ship them together. No one minded until she shipped Mimzy and Angel together because they are like parents too her. Alastor did not appreciate this. (I hope you are confused by this.)
Nifty listens to Elvis.
Nifty really likes Mimzy.
Nifty can't remember her parents but she knows she misses them.
Nifty wears herself out easily. Because she runs around so much and does so much, Nifty forgets to eat. Or sit down ever. Because she doesn't eat much and she runs around so much, Nifty kinda passes out whenever. The cast knows to look for her if the hotel is silent for 30 minutes.
Nifty does NOT like being babied.
Nifty really likes sweet things like cupcakes or chocolate.
Nifty's love language is gift giving.
Nifty is bilingual. She speaks Japanese and English fluently.
Nifty can't stand to be around sad people. Nifty doesn't like to be sad so she'll stay away form you if your going through something rough.
Nifty doesn't like kids. She'll baby sit then but she's scared if having her own kid.
Nifty is scared of heights. She can't stand mire than 10 feet of the ground. Angel tries to help her with this because he's over 10 feet. She's working on it.
Nifty like Twilight. She's team Edward.
Nifty is kinda nosy. When she cleans rooms if she finds your stuff she'll absolutely go through it. She's also not above picking locks to get to your things.
Nifty's favorite animal is a sloth. She likes how they look.
Nifty has alot of internalized misogyny. Considering the time period she grew up in and the role models she had, she can be pretty fucking mean to herself and other woman. (The main cast are empathetic to this. They know Nifty is young and that was just how she was raised. They try to unteach the toxic mentalities she has.
Nifty's favorite ice cream flavor is Strawberry with chocolate syrup with nuts and sprinkles.
Nifty has wings but she can't fly with them. Valerie is trying to teach her but she can't fly well. Husk has to teach both of them.
(There's not alot of them on here but I'm tired y'all. Live my girl Nifty but I need sleep. I just realized that alit of these facts have alot of lore.)
- ⭐️StarClown⭐️
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magewolf-the-artist · 1 month
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Ahh, Charles Brook my beloved
1. Me when I first started drawing this doodle dump: Oh golly gee brain, what should we draw first? My brain: Charles on a toddler leash with Susan holding it and looking tired Me: Wowie sounds fun! Yeah this doodle pretty much summarizes their dynamic in the Domestic K-9 AU
2. There's a graphic description of somebody being killed in the next paragraph so feel free to skip over it 
To make a long-ish story short, Charles was snooping around the backstage area as his daughter, Lily's, birthday was wrapping up, he found Susan on death's door inside the Banny animatronic and freaks tf out, Bon finds him and they play a terrifying little game of hide and seek, and just as Charles thinks he's fine, WHAM! His faces gets smashed into the floor by Bon, turning his skull into a fine mush and killing him pretty much instantly. Ironically in this AU at least, his death was the most merciful because he at least got the insta-kill treatment rather than suffering through hours or days of agony. I imagine in death, his face kinda sags forward. Kinda like a bag of sand taped to a wood plank. 
3. So semi-recently I think, Charles was confirmed to have ADHD, and I saw some doodles by @xzbat-loverzx about one of him stims being clicking a pen and I thought, "Ah yes, perfect". Not really a ton else to this doodle, except I can imagine BSI employees constantly leaving pens and pencils behind whenever they stay at the K-9 Facility
4. This one is my favorite and the one I'm the most excited to explain!
So the first few weeks or so at the K-9 facility was, to put it lightly, a fucking nightmare for Charles (and Rosemary but I'll cover that another time). He was constantly eaten away by guilt, shame, anger, fear, and sadness and generally he was an incoherent, delusional wreck, even on his good days. At some point he managed to get it into his head that he could break out of the facility by body slamming the walls which, A, they are made of solid concrete, and B, even if he did break them, he'd be greeted by an avalanche of dirt. But again, he wasn't really in his right mind at the time
Susan was kind of in a hell of her own during that time considering she'd have to be the one to repair him afterwards. Those episodes are actually the reason the plastic casing on the Boozoo animatronic's upper right arm and the left hand is missing, because at some point they sustained so damage that they just fell off. Susan didn't exactly have a ton of patience for this, and his incoherent babblings whenever she would pull him away would only make her more pissed off. This isn't entire fair to him of course, as he is not at all in his right mind, but in fairness to her, the idiot would slam himself into the walls whenever she took her eyes off of him for even a SECOND, even if it was just to retrieve tools or spare parts from the tool closet.
Eventually what happens is that Susan convinces Bon to hold him down while she goes over to the tool closet and retrieve whatever thing she needs, idk man, I'm not into robotics. When she gets back, Charles is unusually quiet and Bon is trying not to laugh his ass off. Oddly enough, he doesn't take the opportunity to make some snide comment or mock either of them while she works, he stares at the both of them silently.
Once that's done, Susan very begrudgingly thanks him for the help and, with possibly the most shit eating, Cheshire cat, smug as fuck grin, Bon replies, "That's what friends are for." And then she smacks him.
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scholastic-dragon · 1 year
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Happy Blurple tuesday everyone!
I give to you all my very first mating season fic, which was supposed to be ooey gooey feelings and ended up in lots of biting and dry humping (way to go brain!)
So this is an 18+ story, minors GO AWAY.
Another edit note, this is now a TMNT All 4 1 Challenge fic, I didn't mean to do that but one of the lines just worked perfectly.
I don't know what it is about this challenge but it makes me write borderline smutty things. The line is getting thinner everyday.
Enjoy!
Leo x Fem!reader x Donnie
Sweet Treat
Warnings: slight angsty boys in the beginning, spelling mistakes, talk about mating seasons and mates, healthy communication, established relationship, poly!relationship (not tscest), turtle smoothces and neck kisses (and bites 😉), grinding and making out, premature ejaculation,
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You weren't sure how it started but you could tell your boyfriends were miserable.
They weren't as happy or chipper, they barely left the lair and responded in short simple messages.
It was the beginning of spring and normally your seasonal depression and cabin fever started to flare up, so you assumed that's what they were going through.
It's the only thing that made sense.
But there was something else. When you video called Donnie and Leo there was a sadness and longing in their eyes.
You knew something was going on, and eventually they would come and tell you what was wrong, but until then, you came up with a plan.
Finding a recipe online, you - to some work of a higher being- made a pretty decent homemade tiramisu. After putting that in the fridge you headed to your nearest Target to pick up some things.
You grabbed an extra box of Leo's favorite tea and crackers and a few large bags of candy. Coming home, you texted your boyfriends asking them to come over.
Normally they'd both simultaneously say yes, unless training or patrol was within an hour or so. But you had to send a few convincing texts before they agreed.
You put your kettle on the stove, heating up the water and pulled out Leo's favorite mug. Then you pulled out Donnie's tiramisu, which thankfully, was still standing.
About 10 minutes later, you heard a small knock at your window. You rushed over and unlocked it, moving so your large boyfriends could squeeze in.
Your wide smile dissolved slightly seeing how uncomfortable they looked. Their shoulders were tense, jaws clenched, they looked ready to fight at the slightest move.
"Hey, I missed you guys," You spoke softly, watching as they removed their boots and heavy gear.
"I missed you too, dearest," Donnie said, unlacing his boots.
"You've been on my mind all week, love,"
You raised a brow, normally it was the same response or they said "we" but this was different. They weren't even looking each other in the eyes, they were completely avoiding the other.
"Are you alright?" They both stood up tall and shrugged.
"Yeah, I'm fine,"
"just, tired," they spoke at the same time, it was almost frightening.
"Not to sound ungrateful to be over, but is there a reason you insisted we hangout tonight?" Donnie stepped forward, his frame blocking out Leo from your view.
"Uh....yeah, I noticed you guys seemed a bit off....so I-" You pointed toward the kitchen when the kettle started to whistle. Both boys winced at the sound.
You leaned around Donnie, placing a hand on Leo's forearm. "That's for tea, if you want some," You smiled warmly. The look broke him, his brows furrowing and his chest heaving as if this were something hard to comprehend.
"But you don't have the tea-"
"I got some today, you favorite, there's a whole box in the cabinets," His jaw dropped at your statement, marching over to your cabinets until he found the box.
He saw his mug out too and started to make his favorite drink.
"I have something for you too," You took Donnie's hand in yours leading him to the kitchen island.
"For me?" He stuttered, his palms were sweaty and he seemed hesitant to follow you further into your apartment.
You pulled the tiramisu tray over, watching as his eyes widened and jaw dropped.
"You-" He stuttered, breathing picking up. "You made this- You made this? For me?"
"Yeah, I know you love it, and don't worry if it's not good I have DoorDash points I can use to just order one-" You were cut off by him launching at you, his hands cupping your face. The force of his steps pushed you back into the counter.
You thought he was going to kiss you, but instead, he was nuzzling and rubbing his nose on your face and neck. He was also chirping extremely loud, which was very unlike him.
"Donnie, what's gotten into you?" You giggle, feeling his breath tickle your neck.
"I love you, I love you so much," He mumbled into your skin. He sounded drunk like he wasn't believing you were right in front of him.
His nips turned into small kitten licks and kisses, going from your chin to your jaw then down your neck.
You were frozen on the spot, you didn't want to disturb him, so you rested your hands on his biceps.
When Donnie got to the juncture where your neck and shoulder met he inhaled deeply. His arms moved from your face, down your shoulders to your arms, squeezing and holding you in place.
He kissed the spot loudly and welly before his teeth grazed your skin.
"Donnie~"
A loud bang made you both jump, looking over Donnie's shell you saw Leo glaring at his brother. His jaw was clenched and his chest was puffed out.
What the-
"You promised, Donnie," Leo growled out. Donnie sighed, body slumping as he peeled himself away from you.
"What-What's going on? What did he promise?" You glance between the two of them.
They shared a look before Donnie cleared his throat. "You were right earlier when you said we'd been acting differently and seeming more....upset." He inhaled deeply, not meeting your eyes. "The truth is that it's our mating season and we both desperately want to be your mates but being around you at the same time makes both of us very aggressive and violent towards each other, and we don't want to be that way in fear of hurting you. So we made a promise that neither of us would mate, or in our case bite, you."
"Oh baby," You stepped forward, gesturing for them to do the same. When they did, you cupped their cheeks, running your thumbs along their cheekbones. "I don't mind being your mate, if thats something you both want, we made this relationship work, we can make this work too,"
"Our instincts say otherwise," Donnie mumbled, kissing your palm. "It's a constant physical and mental battle,"
"Then we'll just have to change them," Both their eyes went wide, glancing at each other and then back at you. "I will become both of your mates and we'll work through it one step at a time,"
"Honey, you don't have to-" Leo started, moving his face out of your hand.
"I want to. This isn't something that you have to go through alone, I want to help you both,"
Leo chuckled, blinking the tears away from his eyes. "God, you really are perfect, aren't you?"
"Alright, so step one," You removed your hands and looked between them. "How do I become your mate?"
Both chuckled softly, their faces turning a bit darker.
"Well, for our instincts we want to bite the juncture of your neck and shoulder," Leo rubbed his hands on his pants, not meeting your eyes.
"Alright," You shrugged, pulling a hair tie off your wrist and putting it up. "Who's first?"
The boys stuttered glancing at each other, seeming to have a telepathic conversation before meeting your eyes.
"Can....can we do it one at a time?" Leo sheepishly asked.
"And with a bit more privacy, it's kinda a big moment for us," Donnie piped in.
"Yeah, yeah, that's fine, whatever you guys want." You smiled warmly at them, taking one of their hands you squeeze gently. "I'll go wait in my room and we'll take turns,"
You heard their collective sighs of relief as you walked away, softly closing your bedroom door.
You threw off your thick sweatshirt, wearing only a tank top, and quickly pulled the blankets on you bed up.
You turned off the big overhead light and switched on your fairy lights. You wanted this to be perfect for them.
You could hear them talking through the door, thankfully it didn't sound mean or violent.
After a moment the handle turned and a very shy Leo opened the door. He smiled at you, closing the door behind him.
You sat up on your knees and held your arms out. He was quick to jump on the bed with you and wrap his arms around your waist, pulling your chest flush with his.
You kissed him softly, noticing how his hands were shaking. To calm him, you rubbed your hands up and down his large arms.
He sighed heavily, one hand cupping your cheek as the kisses got more heated. He pulled away breathlessly, staring deep into your eyes, his hand moved to the back of your head, massaging your scalp.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
You suppressed a giggle, nodding and kissing his plump lips again.
"Yes, I'm sure, love,"
He nodded, a gesture that was clearly more for himself. He sat up more on his knees, coming a few inches above you, one hand held your hip and the other on the back of your head, keeping you steady.
He kissed down your jaw, inhaling greedily at the smell that was pure you. Reaching the juncture, he breath quivered before his lips kissed the spot softly.
His teeth gently grazed your skin, as if testing where the best spot to bite would be. When he found his spot, his body tensed for a moment, pulling you impossibly closer.
His teeth firmly came out and pressed down on your skin, giving you a moment to still back out.
Your hands ran up and down his arms, squeezing and massaging the muscles.
Finally, his resolve broke and his teeth clamped down on your neck. Not enough to break the skin, but you certainly would have a large bruise.
You whimpered softly, Leo's hand started massaging your hip to get you to relax. Your face flushed at the loud muffled groan he made into your skin.
The pain ebbed away as he gently licked and kissed the spot. He pulled away, still holding you, his pupils were blown wide as he looked you over.
"Are you alright?" His chest heaved.
This time you let a little giggle escape, cupping his face in your hands. "Yes, Leo it was just a little bite,"
He kissed both your palms, his hands rubbing your wrists. "Not to me,"
He kissed you soundly, slipping his tounge past your lips before pulling away with a smirk.
"I'll go get Donnie," He rose from the bed, going out into the living room.
You took a moment to catch your breath, how something as simple as a bite got your heart racing was a mystery to you.
After a moment, Donnie opened the door with a large grin, kicking the door closed and pouncing on you.
You fell back onto the soft pillows as Donnie immediately began kissing you. He impatiently licked at the seam of your lips and you opened your mouth with a small moan.
He groaned against you, laying on his forearm by your head while the other hand trailed up and down your side.
He pulled back, gulping down air, smiling like a dork. He rubbed his nose against yours, then realized he still had his glasses on and put them on the nightstand.
He chuckled softly, examining your neck, he went to the other side of Leo's bite and gently nuzzled and bit at the skin.
He too exhaled shakily at the juncture, looking up to meet your eyes. "May I?"
You nodded, nails scratching at the back of his head and shoulders.
His head lowered and he kissed the spot wetly, then inhaled deeply before sinking his teeth into the spot.
He moaned loudly against your skin, hand gripping the blanket by your head. Your heart felt like it was going to explode in your chest. Why were you enjoying this so much?
He pulled away and kissed the spot, then trailed up your neck to your lips.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay," You were breathless, staring into his gorgeous hazel eyes.
Then a sheepish look flashed across his face. "Can I...um.....okay, I know we've asked a lot of you today, but....um....but,"
"Donnie," You cup his face, kissing his nose to silence him. "It's alright, honey, you can ask,"
His face grew darker looking down at you. "Would you....bite me as well?"
You eyes went wide as saucers, your voice catching in your throat.
He was quick to explain. "I mean, you're already my mate cause of my bite but it would mean a lot to me if you would-"
"Okay."
He stopped talking, staring down at you with wide eyes. You were sure he stopped breathing.
"Okay?" He repeated.
"Okay, I'll bite you," You giggle softly as he rolled over so you were on top of him. Planting your hands on the bed beside his head you leaned over him, feeling a wave of uncertainty wash over you. "I'm new to all of this, can you show me where to start?"
He smiled, running his hand up and down his neck. "Just kiss and nip all around, then when you feel comfortable, bite right here," He tapped his collarbone, chest heaving.
You nodded, showering his neck with kisses, licks, and nips. His hands wrapped around your waist, one occasionally dipping down to squeeze and palm at your ass through your sweatpants.
Feeling more courage with his small moans and whimpers, you kiss his collarbone. Running your teeth over the spot, taking a deep breath you bite down.
Donnie's hands tightened around you, pushing you into his body. As your teeth sunk into his skin, he let out a very loud moan, his hips grinding into your stomach. Your face turned bright red from the noise, and you felt a wet patch start to form on your lower stomach.
You pull away, noticing how heavy Donnie was panting and the way his eyes were screwed shut.
"Did you just-"
"No," He was quick to respond, not meeting your eyes.
"It's alright that you did-"
"Well I didn't, that must be from you,"
"I'm wearing thick sweatpants, there's no way I could've done that!" You giggled, cupping his cheek and making him meet your eyes. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about,"
He scoffed. "There are actually several, but okay,"
You kissed his pout, laughing against his lips. "I love you," You looked over your shoulder at the door. "And I love you too, Leo!"
Leo sheepishly opened the door, trying and failing to hide his grin.
Donnie sat up on his elbows. "How long were you at the door?"
"Well it sounded like a bird hit the window and I wanted to make sure it was okay," Leo ducked the pillow that Donnie chucked at him.
Donnie groaned. "I'm never going to live this down, am I?"
You and Leo both shook your heads. "No, you're not,"
You leaned down and kissed him again, smirking as you trailed a hand down his plastron.
"But I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me,"
tags: @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch @happymoonangel @sharpwindow @sketch-and-write-lover @dilucsflame33 @tmnt-tychou
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nebelihood · 9 months
Note
I just CANNOT DEAL with your shortaki art!!!!!! they are such complex characters and you just GET them! I just UGH LOVE THEM SO MUCH! what do you like about them the most?
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THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! AAAAAA I'M SO GLAD AND I HOPE I CAN COME BACK TO IT!!!!
I LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SHOW- BUT, if you are asking me about just Arnold and Helga, hmm...
Well Helga's my favorite out of the two of them. I really like her and I justify her quite a lot, which my be wrong of me but I feel like she really deserves a chance,,,,
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To begin with I love that her character despite being the "love interest" (or in this case the "love uninterest") meaning she helps to they show's dynamic with the purpose of being in love with Arnold- the show still gives her enough screen time for her to develop outside that dynamic. I consider that to be super rich taking in account the story was developed during the 90s. She has episodes entirely to herself (Just like Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe and Harold) were she struggles with rejection from her male and female classmates, deals with the idea of being ugly, feels scared with the idea of being gone and not missed, fear of death, and all her family episodes!
During the first season Helga was SUPER MEAN- LIKE unnecessarily MEAN. But I excuse her cause she was more childish (And they were probably still developing her) As the series progresses you can understand from where her anger develops, and you can also witness her doing acts of true kindness (With no credit at all) out of her true admiration for Arnold.
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Arnold truly teaches her and inspires her to be a better person, despite having to deal with an alcoholic mom and real jerk of a dad (not to mention Olga the perfect sister). Being a neglected kid, A NINE YEAR OLD KID. THE EPISODE WHERE HER MOM WORKS AND JUST KICKS HER OUT, THAT EPISODE MAKES ME CRY EVERY TIME.
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Helga is really mean, evil and careless. She really is, but who wouldn't be in such situation. She could either spend her days as a sad kid- but she chooses to fight it with angerness (Although sometimes we can see her sad with certain situations). And although her fixiation is bordering to a sick person (HAJAHS) she directs it into a good light. Fixiating on Arnold cause he's a good kid. He's kind, nice, helpful, etc. When Helga hurts someone, Her OWN brain tells her is wrong but in the shape of Arnold- someone who she deeply loves and hates to dissapoint and ends up doing the right thing.
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IT'S STILL HELGA THE ONE WHO CHoOSES TO DO GOOD THO- Arnold it's only a great visual help.
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DID YOU SEE HER ON THE POTION OF LOVE EPISODE- SHE LOOKED SO EMPTY WITHOUT ARNOLD. WITHOUT ARNOLD SHE CAN ONLY THINK ABOUT HER PROBLEMS- OR WHAT SHE DID TO AVOID THAT; NOT THINK ON ANYTHING AT ALL. AN EMPTY CHILD.
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I'd write more but my wrist is tired already and I'm getting hungry,, ajahsj these are some reason (ARNOLD HAS HIS STUFF TOO BUT I CAN'T DO IT RN) I LOVE HEY ARNOLD- They really give importance to kids in stories so realisic in the adult world, idk how to explain it. I love how natural it feels despite not having grown in the 90s. The characters are developed so beautifully. I think the show really attacks the phrase "They are just kids, what do they have to worry about?" in a perfect way.
IAUGSH I CAN'T AAA,,
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altraviolet · 4 months
Note
This might be a weird question, but do you ever get sad that Echo Garden is going to end? I know it's not actually extremely close to being done, but I already know I'm going to miss it
I'll miss reading Soundwave having silly interactions, I'll miss the wonderful side characters (Toaster best boy)
I'll miss the way you make characters feel so alive, how the world you write feels so enthralling. I'll miss this Lost Light, and their alternate universes, and all the adventures they'll have after the story ends
YES
How do I make the font bigger. Also sorry this response got really long.
YES I GET WEIRD AND SAD ABOUT IT. I feel a LOT of things (which I'll get into). I actually started feeling sad about it at least a year ago. It's VERY weird to be this brain-deep into a story and know it has a lifespan. I've gone through this before with my other very long fic. That ended and I felt really accomplished, but kind of sad. But I ended it in a way that made the reader feel like what we saw was just a peek into their lives. They had lives before we intruded and they'll have lives after our eyes have turned away. The TEG ending won't quite hit that note, at least in the same way, but I am still VERY excited for the last line (for nerdass English teacher reasons)
(I'm not an English teacher)
(I'm excited for reasons your high school English teacher would be excited ANYWAY)
Yes, I will be sad to let this go. But, to be honest, I'll also be relieved, because the story is massive. It's sometimes daunting to write, and at this point, every chapter is draining to write. I am so happy people say that they find the characters' emotions easy to identify with, because I put ALL MY BRAIN into writing those emotions. It's almost like acting in my head: I live through all those emotions over and over as I write and edit each part. So, I am tired.
I find the audience size a little daunting. I've never done ANYthing in my life that had an audience of 1000+ people. I've presented to hundreds, but never thousands. I also - and this is not something I keep a secret, but it's also something I don't mention often - feel very very skeeved out at the minors that are reading this fic. I know they're there and it's grossssssssss... I've come close to deleting the story more than once because of that. I'm feeling really asdlfkajsf about the next chapter because of that. Like. They don't respect the rating or the warnings I put on there, so there's nothing I can do. So once the story is done, at least I won't be thinking about that anymore, eugh.
So sad, relieved, daunting... what else? I will feel accomplished. It looks like this sucker is going to cross 300,000 words and that is MIND BLOWING to me. I'm going to feel so happy about that :)
And...! I've been considering this fic practice for writing (in terms of description, dialog, story arc, character arc) for original work. I dunno if I'd tell you all when I wrote something original. Maybe it's best to keep names separate. Maybe you'll find me anyway ;) But yeah. Echo Garden is a huge love letter to the original work and also practice for future work that, I hope, people will also love.
WHICH REMINDS ME sorry this is getting long. The feelings you feel for TEG are what I feel about MTMTE. I fucking miss that comic! I miss new adventures. I miss the characters! And that's also why I'm writing TEG. I want to see them moving and adventuring and alive again. Suffering and growing, as well, but alive nonetheless! JRO COME BACK AGSLDKJSAF I'm ok I'm ok
So thank you! I appreciate your kinds words. AND! I may very well write a sequel. I've been thinking about it. There are little seeds I've planted in TEG specifically so that they may bloom in a sequel. I also said I'd write a sequel for Face The Past, though, and I never did that... but maybe I'll write something even better than TEG! Or not lol. But! Yes, thank you so much for your kind words. Don't give up hope for a sequel. Enjoy what we've got as it's coming out, and keep your heart and eyes open for future stuff from me :)
Thank you again ❤️
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bucky-barnes-lover · 6 months
Text
Kinktober day 16: Vaginal Fingering
Fic: Harry Styles
Harry Styles x Fem reader
Warnings: SMUT!! 18+, Vaginal fingering, Proposal/Engagement, Poorly written smut.
746 w.c
This was supposed to be a Drabble but I got a bit carried away. Not proof read because I'm tired and it's 1 am so you'll just have to deal with the spelling mistakes/errors. P.S sorry if it's really bad
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The lights flickered as I exited the stadium. Colourful feathers lay on the ground and glitter decked the seats. Happy chatter echoed throughout the building, however a couple silent tears didn't go unnoticed by me. I could tell everyone was really happy about seeing H perform his last show in Melbourne but I could also tell many of the fans were upset that the night had come to an end.
"Hi baby" I greeted, as I made my way to the dressing room at the back of the stadium.
"You sang so well tonight!" I exclaimed, planting a chaste kiss on his lips while I ran my hands through his brunette curls.
"Thanks Love, I'm so glad you could come and watch tonight." Harry admitted, returning my kiss.
Leaving him to get changed from his stage attire, I took a seat on a sofa nearby. Sarah came over to me, holding baby Scout, that she had left with her mum for the duration of the show.
"You played so well tonight Sarah" I enthused, earning a blush from the drummer.
"Thanks y/n. I'm so glad you could be here, At mine and Mitch's last show."
"I'm so sad you guys are leaving" I complained. Leaning over to give Sarah a hug and kissing baby Scout's face.
"Have fun on your break Sarah. We'll miss you here" I choked up before allowing a small sob to escape my lips.
A couple minutes later, after Sarah had scurried off to find Mitch, Harry came out of the dressing room. Dressed in a hoodie and trackies with a big smile on his face. He walked over to the sofa and took out a small velvet box out of his pocket. Kneeling down on the ground, he started,
"Y/n. You have been by my side ever since Fine Line. You have come to every single one of my Love On Tour shows in the past 3 years. You have supported me through my tough times and when I've been at my weakest. You love to cheer me on, and to make me happy. You bring the kind of joy into my world that nobody else ever has. And for this, I would love to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you with all my heart and soul. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" He asked as he held back tears.
I didn't know how to react. Obviously I knew the answer but the proposal had come so suddenly, I never would've guessed it would be today. Without a second thought I screamed out,
"YES H!!" "I love you with all my heart! I would love to be your wife."
A small sob escaped my lips as Harry stood up, sliding the gorgeous rose gold band on my ring finger.
He leaned in, kissing my lips passionately. Applause erupted from around us, 'Congratulations' and 'I'm so happy for you two' were heard through all the noise.
A couple hours after the proposal, Harry and I had returned to our hotel room. He had just gotten out of the shower, and I was lying on the bed in some sexy lingerie. He walked over and lay next to me on the bed. Leaning in, I kissed his lips. Within moments, it had become a full on make out sesh. Harry was grabbing my hips and grinding himself into me, I was running short of breath but didn't pull away. Moans escaped the both of us as H slid his hand down to my panties and pulled them aside. Harry broke the kiss as he whispered in my ear,
"My god darling. So wet for me already."
Sliding a finger in through my folds. My brain fogged up as he started pumping in and out of my soaking wet cunt. Going harder and harder. Removing his finger then pushing it back in without warning.
My moans got more and more desperate, and the thought of release got me screaming his name.
"Oh, H! Please, harder!" I moaned. Harry's thumb started working my clit as he inserted a second finger. He caught my lips just as I was about to let out a loud moan. Relief washed over me as my orgasm hit.
"Good girl" He said as he removed his fingers.
Harry kissed my forehead and helped clean me up. He had another shower, but this time with me. Let's just say we had some more fun in the shower. 😏
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lovejosephquinn · 1 year
Note
Hi!!! I’m really glad you started writing again bc I love love love your stories!! I was wondering if you could do a joe quinn x reader where the reader is a nurse and they’ve only been together for a couple of months and she knows how tired and overwhelmed Joe is from doing press, cons, business,… so she doesnt like bothering him with the fact that work is killing her and that she’s so tired and exhausted but one day one of her patients dies unexpectedly and she just breaks down in front of him after keeping it in for months xxx from a stressed out nurse who just wants to be held sometimes when stuff like that happens xxx thank you :))
Oh, hi angel, thank you so much for reading my stories so far.
You're my first request and you don't know how much I mentally kicked my feet in the air when I saw this. Your wish is granted, I hope your week is good and less stressful honey x
Warnings: sadness from reader, mentions of death, but fluff and our soft boy Joe saving the day in the end
Word Count: 1.5k
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Worth it. Joseph Quinn x Reader Short Story Request
Being a frontline healthcare professional is a difficult job, but when your boyfriend happens to be a breakout upcoming celebrity in the making it's hard to vent your bad days and negative thoughts when he's either not around to listen or has had a bad time himself. You and Joe had only been dating a couple of months, but you had quickly started to learn that when he did see you after a few days or weeks of his work, he was either exhausted or his brain was in overdrive elsewhere.
He had since returned from Paris after finishing an event at the Dior fashion week and then quickly being whisked away to complete his campaign with the company for their new product 'Gris Dior'. In the space of one weekend, he'd put his heart and soul into getting everything right and impressing the high-end fashion chain directors and the fans that would of practically of ran in front of a moving vehicle to be next to him - so it was only understandable when he'd text you saying he'd landed that he would be on one hand over exhausted from the days before but on the other hand, panicking because he still needed to make time for you. You didn't care about what you did with the time you spent together, you merely would've sat there in silence, as long as you had him next to you.
After a couple of days between him landing and fitting in the people he needed to before he was to be then going back to America to do yet more press tours for his new movie, you had been busy with two severely long shifts at a hospital in Central London. You never liked to hound Joe with your work issues due to the fact he had enough himself. But that one particular Wednesday evening, had brought more than enough anxiety and pain as it would anybody, your first patient and someone you had grown particularly fond of had suddenly passed away. How you had gotten through that shift was a blur or some form of miracle. It'd happened within 2 hours, and you'd still had 10 hours to go, maybe it was the fact you had been kept busy with your other patients to even dwell.
As you entered your apartment after the shift was over, with no warning whatsoever, the tears began to fall. You shut the door and held yourself at the other side of it. As if by magic your phone began to buzz, as you fetched it out of your pocket and looked down, the blurry sting of tears held amongst your eyelids. You made out the name 'Joey &lt;3' Clearing your throat immediately to mask any sign of sadness, you answered.
"H-Hello." You cleared your throat once more.
"Hi love, I missed you, how're you?"
"I'm okay...I" before you could even finish, you were interrupted.
"You wouldn't believe it, I'm being rushed to a shoot, I've been back in the country a mere 48 hours and I'm already back in demand. I know I wanted this but it's harder work than I thought."
You sniffled down the other end, nodding along to his words. He didn't need to know anything; you were just there to listen to him and make sure he was ok. You knew you'd get over it, being in the profession you're in, you're going to see plenty of deaths and unruly events. However, your breath was hitching, and you couldn't muster a single word.
"Y/N, are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine, just listening to you. Go do your thing, sweetie but most importantly stay you, miss you." Your smile was faltering but you put your best happy voice on and pretended everything was okay.
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A couple of months had passed since that inevitable day. The short time spent with Joe, your poker face had clearly served you well as he didn't notice a thing wrong. You still hadn't gotten over it, in fact the anxiety had grown. You loved your job; you loved the people you worked with. You adored the majority of patients in your care - but that didn't make some of the shit you had to deal with any easier. The first weekend you'd had off in a while saw you and Joe spending it together. He'd returned from America, and you already knew his brain was exceeding his limits, from the expected buzz and clearly the jet lag and exhaustion of his profession. Laid out between his legs and in his arms on the sofa, you could tell something was on Joe's mind. Leaning up you simultaneously gazed into each other's eyes.
"I love you Y/N, sorry I've been away so much lately, I feel bad for not being able to be with you."
You managed a deep sigh. "Just makes our time more special together, right? I knew this was what life would be like and don't get me wrong I miss you so much when you're gone, but I know this is it, I'm your escape from work and you're mine. I love you, Joe."
Your heart began to race increasingly, and you could feel your worry rising. You felt like a hypocrite in the end sentence of your previous statement. As the previous memories of the death you had held in all this time and the stress of long hours at work had really started to get to you. Your mum was an easy target to vent to, but Joe was somewhat your comfort blanket and although you didn't want to bother him, in that moment of him staring back at you, he could see the hurt wallowing in your eyes. The wall had broken, and he could read you like a book; then that was it you broke. The tears were violent as you stopped looking at him and held your hands to your face and sobbed.
"Baby, oh my god what's wrong. I knew something was wrong, talk to me, holy shit." He turned you over, so you were laying your stomach on him in one swift motion and that was it. Putting your head down and leaning your cheek on his chest, you unleashed a small explanation of months' worth of repented stress.
"My first patient died a while back, I'm still devastated. I only spoke to them the night before and they were okay, 2 hours into my shift the night after, they were gone Joe. Just gone. Work is so hard, the demand and stress that is needed from me all of the time and I feel like I have to be in several places at once or I'm a failure and the short breaks I get to collect my thoughts aren't enough and when you're not here I hate it. I don't want to bother you because I know you've got enough on your plate and..."
Joe shushed you fast, that was all he had needed to hear in that moment, you could hear the slight crack in his heart matching yours. He cradled you for a few seconds. He had no idea that he had been wrapped up in his own stress that you were facing your own demons.
"Woah hold on, bothering me? I'm your boyfriend. Regardless of my stress, don't ever think you're bothering me. I'm always here to listen to you, day or night, wherever I am Y/N. I don't ever want you hurting, please do not ever hide your feelings like that from me again. You listen to my shit all the time and you think you'd be bothering me if you were to have a bad time? Baby, I'm more offended that you'd think that." Joe lifted your face to meet his eyes once more. The brown in them so sparkly and so full of hurt knowing you were the one hiding it from him just not to bother him. He lifted you up more towards him and motioned at your lips as he planted a soft kiss on your lips. "Do not hesitate to tell me a thing, love. I want nothing but for you to be happy. I'm here for you, always Y/N. I love you so god damn much."
"I love you."
"No more hiding from me, promise?" He held out his pinkie finger.
You let out a slight comforting giggle as he wiped your tears away with his other hand and let out his most gorgeous smile. You linked your pinkie around his.
"I promise."
For the rest of the evening, he held you. He held you so tight and you knew you felt safe and secure for that moment. The weight off of your shoulders was not completely gone but disappearing from offloading your troubles to Joe. It was perfect. He was perfect. From then on you silently vowed to let him know whatever troubled you, especially if it was going to end in feeling the entirety of love that radiated off of your perfect man when he held you. If you had to go through it all again which you more than likely would have. The end game was this. It was worth it.
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lavender-romancer · 2 years
Text
Tired of Me
Part Six
Tommy Shelby x Reader
CW: angst, fluff
Neither of you are strong enough to talk about your problems, you coexist in a state of sleepless nights and last chances but can any of that change when you start visiting a therapist?
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previous part
Tommy had gone away again but it hasn't been as bad as before, he called you regularly and had begun organising dinners to be served to you that changed day by day. You could feel his presence more than ever before and it felt so much better than you could have expected.
"The phone for you Ma'am," one of the maids told you as she entered your studio. You thanked her and went to your desk where you picked up the phone.
"Hello?" You asked with a smile on your face because you knew who it was.
"Hello, darling. How have your drawings been going lately?" Tommy asked in a tired but interested voice.
"It's been okay, I've been experimenting with some different crayons and oil paints and it's been coming out alright so far, I've got a portrait of you planned." You smiled as you held your knees close to your chest.
"I'm not worthy of your work, darling. I just love hearing your voice." Tommy sounded so sad it made you concerned.
"Are you okay, Tommy?" You asked, chewing your lip anxiously.
"Some things have happened but I don't want to worry you with the details," he sighed "I know you want me to let you in but some things aren't for the ears of angels like you."
"I understand, Tom. I just wish I could help you with everything." You rubbed your forehead.
"Darling, hearing your voice helps me more than you can ever understand." Tommy's line had some speaking in the background and there was a pause where he seemed to reply through a muffled microphone.
"Are you okay?" You asked.
"Yes, but I need to get off now. I'll call you again in a few days to hear how that portrait is coming along." Tommy sounded like he was smiling and jr made you blush.
"Okay, my love. Have a good evening, I love you."
You carried on keeping yourself busy in the studio with experimentation to try not to worry about what trouble your husband was getting into. It was helping but only slightly by this point as it had been a few days since you'd heard from Tommy and that always heightened your anxiety around it. But the thought that he wanted to change and was making actual changes to your relationship was making your heart warm. Regardless of the anxiety around his safety it reassured you that he was trying to be better and make you feel more loved.
Working on Tommy's portrait was healing for you because it felt like a portion of him was with you all the time. You chose to paint him in a happier moment, sitting at his desk in a shirt with the sleeves rolled up with a cigarette in hand. He was smiling at the viewer but you would know that he was smiling at you, sometimes Tommy would ask you to do some drawings whilst he was working at his desk so you could both work silently but this time you had begun sketching this happy expression on his face intermixed with sketches of him at his desk. So you had a pretty good reference to start from for your pencil guide, your favourite part to paint were always his eyes. They were so intoxicatingly blue, drawing you in and keeping you under his unmistakable spell. By the end of the sketch guide you felt so drunk on the love you had for his figure, for his face and his brain that it was almost ridiculous.
Your love for him could withstand anything, you didn't worry for your marriage as you did before and your therapy sessions had gone to every fortnight rather than every week as you felt more stable. At least… that's what you thought was the truth.
Later that week Thomas rang you again and you picked up with a smile on your face and a spring in your step. You'd missed his voice more than you cared for admit and wanted to soothe him with information about your mundane day because you knew he craved normality.
"Afternoon my lovely," you smiled against the phone.
"Hello, darling." Tommy replied.
"Your portrait is coming across nicely. You'll be happy to hear even if you won't appreciate the lack of a serious expression on your face." You joke and he let out a chuckle.
"You always say these sorts of things and they never really are true, if I smile around you then I am happy. You don't see it as weakness and I don't if I am around you," Tommy paused "There's so much shit going on here that I just want to hear how it's going, tell me everything that's happened."
"Well I've started with the desk, I want to paint your eyes last so I can just stare into them and get lost again. You're so beautiful to paint, Tommy." You rubbed your hand up and down your hand that held the phone.
"I'm glad you think so, I can't wait to get lost in yours again. I look at your photos so often I can't get them out of my head." Tommy hummed against the phone.
"You really think of me so often?" You asked with a smile dancing across your face.
"All the time my love, you never leave my mind at most points of the day." Tommy sighed at the other end of the line and you suspected he was rubbing his face.
"I admit I can't stop thinking about you at most points of the day either but you're always so busy my darling, hope I'm not distracting you too much." You tucked some hair behind your ear softly.
"Y/n, you're my favourite and only distraction I invite." Tommy told you and you smiled.
"You always know how to reassure me lately, I really appreciate all the changes you've made." You rubbed your neck that was aching from standing for so long.
"I love you, darling. Forever and always. Don't ever forget that, I must go now but I will contact you soon." Tommy put down the phone and you smiled.
The following day you were woken up with a knock at your bedroom door, a maid came in with a small package on a tray. You thanked her and set the package down on the bed, it was addressed to you but not in Tommy's handwriting so you weren't sure what it was going to contain. You pulled apart the brown paper that had a thick envelope slotted into it that you took out, opened it up and your eyes widened.
There were tens of photos of Thomas and Arthur with women. Photos of them entering a grand house and photos of your husband with women, but most of this with one woman with dark lipstick and darker hair. She was beautiful, there were labels or comments or something written in Russian on the back of all the photos and you didn't know what to say. But before you could think you saw the letter enclosed, it said few words but they spoke volumes.
Greetings from us Mrs Shelby,
We hope you enjoy this olive branch of honesty
Your breath caught in your throat but that was when you heard the ticking 'tick,tick,tick,tick'. Peeling back the other layers of brown paper you saw a timer triggered bomb and fled from your bed. You screamed 'bomb' from the staircase and fled for your life out of the house as the staff followed. You didn't get out of the doors in time before a world shuddering boom erupted. As you fell to the floor, your head dazed and foggy you realised you were holding the photos that your mind couldn't escape from. They were a bit crumpled from your fall but the incriminating nature of them was all the same and tears began to fall from your eyes as you lay on the gravel outside your home that was burning.
You were helped to your feet by one of the maids, you couldn't hear anything apart from the thumping inside your head as you walked back into the house. The portrait of you and Tommy that was on the grand staircase was burning at the edges of the frame, it served as a sick reminder that nothing had changed, nothing was different.
You coughed as you walked around the corner and leant against the wall for support, your arm was bleeding from the fall onto the drive but you just wiped it with your hand and carried on. The maids calls to you falling on dead ears as you entered the studio and looked at your easel. Your portrait of Thomas smiling back at you made your eyes well up and the rage within your body rose up into an almighty fire as you took a pallet knife in your hand and dug deep into his face. You ran the knife down to the bottom of the canvas and continued to retract and stab the knife into the fabric with a hopeless ferocity that made your arm hurt.
"You fucking bastard," you whispered to yourself as you took a step back and looked at the mangled portrait before you.
You wanted the fire to consume you, to take your body with the house and never return it to the earth. Why couldn't the sweet release of death take you? Why couldn't you just fucking cut yourself out of your husband's life and leave this god forsaken world behind. Even when he hurt you so intensely you felt such loyalty to him that it made you feel sick, no, no, no- not sick. Your breath caught in your throat again as you realised you had to vomit and you turned around, sinking to the floor Infront of the bin and emptying your guts. You couldn't be? No, no you… fuck.
Sinking against the floor you sobbed, holding your stomach you cried for the suspected unborn child that would be born into a world of fire. The child that would never understand why their father was never here, why he was never in their life. If you were with child you didn't know what to do. Pushing yourself up with shaking arms and a pulsing headache you packed up some of your sketchbooks and your materials, threw on an overcoat and some shoes the were under your desk and sat in your desk chair. Your feet were bleeding out into the soles of the shoes and you didn't seem to care, it was the least of your worries at the current moment. You could smell smoke and fire but you didn't move for a great while even when you could hear the fire engines approaching you didn't rise. You just gripped the photographs in your trembling hands and held yourself.
Thomas couldn't breath when he got the telephone call, he continued to hold his breath when he was told that you were alive but outright refused to talk to him. He didn't know how to react, what had made you so angry toward him? A few days ago there was no animosity, no anger at all so what had changed especially after such a tragedy? He came home on the first train he could but as he entered the house on Watery Lane he was met by Ada who had never looked so angry in her life. Before Tommy could say anything she had slapped him extremely hard round the face.
"You're a fucking bastard, Tommy. I mean that with every bone in my fucking body because of what you've done to her." Ada's eyes were full of malice.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Tommy asked and Ada looked at him with a knowing look.
"She knows, Tommy. She fucking knows what you did on that trip." Ada commented and Tommy rubbed his forehead.
"How the fuck-"
"The photos were with the fucking bomb, with a fucking note saying hello and labels in Russian on the photos of you having a great time with other women. She's sick with smoke inhalation, she's temporarily lost her hearing and fuck, she's absolutely broken." Ada yelled as she walked into the kitchen and sat down.
"What are you talking about, how could she know anything?" Tommy followed her and sat down.
"They look photos of you, everywhere in that fucking house and it's you there is no denying it. How have you fucked up this bad Tom? The moment before she nearly dies and all that is in her memory is you being with another." Ada shook her head and Tommy sighed.
"I need to see her and-"
"No! Don't you get it? She doesn't want you, she doesn't want to see you." Ada yelled and Tommy rubbed her forehead again, he was exhausted after his journey but he wanted to see you so badly he couldn't focus on it.
"Then what am I supposed to do? If I can't explain myself what should I do eh, Ada?" Tommy sounded like he could be pleading but his voice was so monotone you would never be able to tell.
"Fuck if I know, Thomas. But she doesn't want to see you. I'm going to the hospital now so if you want to say anything to her you'll have to write it down." Ada left the room and Tommy put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.
Your hearing was starting to come back day by day but your eyes hurt the most, they were constantly getting washed out and examined to make sure the smoke hadn't done any more damage but they were red and swollen. Nothing major was wrong that you could tell but the doctors were concerned for your lungs so you couldn't leave the hospital, not that there was anywhere for you to go. You assumed you'd go to London with Ada but you didn't know if you could stand the journey or if Ada would want you. The feeling of being unwanted was palpable in your soul, you couldn't count how many times you'd cried yourself to sleep and it was almost a miracle you had your own room.
You couldn't rationalise what was happening and that had always been the advice of Dr Molina, to stop and think about what was going on and if your brain was blowing something out of proportion. But what else could this be other than the most cardinal sin a husband could commit? How were you to feel anything other than abandoned? Even though you didn't want to see Tommy you couldn't despise him in the way you felt like you wanted too. You wanted to see his face and feel anger erupt from your body and into words of malice like on the day of the explosion but you couldn't. When you saw his face in your head all you felt was sadness at a life missed out on.
Ada came to your bedside later that day and you felt grateful that she was such a frequent visitor. No one else was here for you in the way she was, you had no one to turn to except her. She sat by your bedside and explained how she saw Tommy today and your heart rate quickened. Holding your hand she discussed how she told him that you didn't want to see him and you nodded with tears in your eyes. When she handed you a letter your brows furrowed but seeing your name written in Tommy's handwriting made it clear. Ada left you to read the unopened letter on your own and you didn't know if you really wanted to hear his words or not.
My darling y/n,
I suppose, no I know that you don't wish to see me and I won't break that promise I make to you as I have many others. I expect nothing from you after reading this, just confirmation from my sister that you have read it is enough for me. It is unexplainably heartbreaking to not be able to see you and yet I understand why, I have betrayed you whether it was for business or not I have betrayed you. I hold no ill intent toward you in my actions but I did them all the same and I know that is what is important. I have asked your doctor to give me regular updates on your health so that you do not have to contact me further as I know that would cause you great discomfort. Know that I have put in place payment for any new things you may need whether it be clothes or painting supplies just tell Ada and it will be done. Your life can continue without interference from me or we can reconcile at a later date. Either way I love you, I love you so deeply it pains me so intensely to be apart from you. I still remember my vows to you and I have broken them on so many occasions I know that you deserve more than I can give you.
I am and will always be, your Tommy.
You put down the letter on your bedside table, rolled onto your side and cried yourself to sleep, your pillow growing wetter as the minutes went on. In the back of your mind Tommy was dead, he was fucking people who looked nothing like you... Tommy lusted after these women who were nothing like you and he carried this guilt within the things he bought for you. He told you he wanted to love you forever but he didn't, you wanted to fall in love with him everyday but he wouldn't let you. Thomas came with all this stress, you were joined with him for life, you'd given him your best years and you couldn't escape now. These weren't mistakes, these were calculated decisions he chose to make.
He killed you, inside he had murdered you and your sense of self and it was all coming back to hit you like a wave. You weren't crying for him, you wouldn't cry for him anymore than you needed too. Instead you cried for yourself, you wanted to believe you could kill him in your mind and not let out a single tear but you didn't know if that was true. Everyday of your life you had waited for someone who would try, someone who who would love you everyday of your marriage and you thought you had found it. But the regret that pooled your stomach ended with a hatred of your husband that you didn't believe you would ever forget. You covered your eyes with your hands and sobbed as you mourned the life you would never have with the man you loved more than life itself.
next chapter
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Cross-legged In The Dim Light They Say, "What A Sad Sight,"
Words: 1084
Warnings: language, regret, Chris being a dick lowk, insecurities, maybe ooc Chris and probably bad writing
Resident Evil Masterlist Main Masterlist Join My Taglist
Chris is PROBABLY OOC (as I suck at not being able to keep them from being OOC)
Was nearly named "Does Your Husband Know The Way That The Sunshine Gleams From Your Wedding Band?"
Chris and Reader have been together since like 2003, married since 2005 (so obv 2010)
Not Proof-read and I think it can be seen every once and a while (I know you can see where my brain couldn't function how to write the scene so I just guessed and hoped for the best)
Loosely has themes from the songs "right where you left me" by Taylor Swift, "Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet" by Fall Out Boy
Anywho, enjoy
Love Z <3
She sat at the table, waiting for him to show. She had been there for an hour already. He was late. Again. Of course, she knew that she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up. Afterall, it was Chris. And with Chris work always came first. Even over his relationships.
Even if it was his 5 year wedding anniversary. Even if he had promised to show. Promised that he wouldn't flake. He always did.
Work always came before anything.
She sighed, she knew what the people around her were thinking. What the workers were saying when they knew she wouldn't be able to hear. This wasn't the first time he had flaked at this restaurant. Leaving her stranded and by herself.
She looked down at her wedding band, noticing the way that it reflected in the lighting. She ran a hand through her hair before looking at her phone, seeing if there was any update from him or someone else at the BSAA. But there was nothing but radio silence. Her previous texts continue to be unanswered.
"Are you ready to order, miss?"
She gave a tightlipped smile to the server, "Just give me a few minutes. I'm waiting for my husband to show."
"Very well, I'll come back in a few minutes to see if he's shown."
Y/N nodded, she could sense the pity that was laced in the server's voice. She did nothing as she watched them walk away. God, she felt so pathetic. It was ridiculous to think he'd show. They got Jill back a year ago and he was so involved in making sure she was healing properly. Caused him to miss all kinds of dates.
Her birthday, Claire's birthday, Christmas, their anniversary last year, and now their anniversary this year! All things that he never missed before. She watched as time passed on her small watch. Watched as he still didn't show.
So when the server came back, Y/N gave them a small smile before asking for something to go. That she guessed something tied him up so she'll just take it home to him. They nodded and took her order.
God, she just felt even more pathetic.
She just wanted to go home and go to sleep at this point. Go home and forget this entire night. Forget and pretend she never heard the workers whisper about what a sad sight this was. She just wanted to go home and pray that her husband had been called away and he was unable to tell her.
--------
She silently opened the door to her their place. She was mentally tired. All that she wanted to do was curl up and cry. She felt pathetic. But why wouldn’t she? Chris bailed. No text. No call. No warning.
He did what he always did when work called.
But she knew that she couldn’t be angry. She never could be. Not at him. She knew he really had no choice. He was their golden boy. They needed him. Needed him more than they needed her. She sighed as she placed the bag of food on the table. It was ridiculous. Truly it was. 
She silently walked back to the bedroom, wanting to get out of these clothes that felt like they were constricting her. She felt ridiculous. Ridiculous for thinking he would be able to make it. For even agreeing to his plan. Her hands had a small shake to them as she unzipped the back of the dress. She wondered why she even bothered anymore. Why she ever believed that he would be there. 
She carefully removed her undergarments, not wanting to toss them in the bin, she left them with the dress on a pile on the floor before grabbing pajamas to change into. Once the clothes were over her body, she carefully removed all of her jewelry, ignoring the jingling keys and the click of the front door unlocking again. She just wanted to get some sleep at this point. Forget this night ever happened. 
When she reached her wedding ring, she stared at it. Did he even love her anymore? Everything felt like a never ending battle for him to remember she was there. That she was right there. She shook her head as she removed the ring. She didn’t want to think about that. 
“Y/N?” She glanced over to his body in the doorway, “What’re you just now getting undressed for? It’s nearly 11 at night. You’re usually in bed by now when you’re off.” He came over to wrap his arms around her waist, but she pushed him off her. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, “Nothin’.”
“That’s a lie darling.” He reached out to her, “What’s wrong?”
She ignored his question as she walked into the bathroom. “There’s food from Jerry’s on the table.”
“Yeah. I saw. Why’d you go there for food?”
She tossed a washcloth in the sink and turned the water on. “We had a reservation for 8, remember?”
She heard the sharp intake of air he took when the words left her mouth. “Fuck.” The sound of his feet were heard as he walked in the bathroom. She saw the look of guilt over his face when she saw his reflection in the mirror. “Was that today?” She could hear in his voice that he already knew the answer.
So she gave a simple nod. “But it’s fine. Used to it by now. Tipped the server really good for having to put up with me waiting for so long.”
“I’m so sorry, I totally forgot we had a date planned for tonight.”
She shrugged, “Don’ care.” She grabbed her bottle of sleeping pills and popped one into her mouth before swallowing it. “Just wanna know if you even know why we had it.” When he stayed silent, she pushed past him and to the bed, collapsing onto it as she already felt the sleep taking over her. She yawned, “5 years strong now.” She grabbed her pillow and held it, just like she had done many nights when she was alone. “But I get it, work is important. I’ll let you finish whatever paperwork you have. See you in the morning.”
“Y/N--” He had started, but he knew it was too late. Sleep had already overtaken her body. He mentally cursed at himself as he looked up at the ceiling. How could he have been so stupid and forgotten?
What could he do to get her to forgive him?
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folkbreeze · 11 months
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📩 Simblr question of the day: Do you have any blogs that make your day when they post? Mention them! Tell us why you like them!
ooof i have a lot! I've been keeping this in my inbox because i didn'twant to forget about anyone but... if i follow you know that your posts make me happy.
a little heads up, english is not my first language and when i get excited i forget how language in general works so... yeah, enjoy i guess
a long list under the cut:
@nihilismtrcit i haven't been around long and yet i instantly fell in love with Marnie, I miss her so much! I wish you a nice semi-hiatus tho, no pressure (but i miss you)
@peonypyxels do I really need to explain myself here like... the lights, the sims, the builds, THE TALENT!! I'm way too attached to your sims that sometimes i forget they're not my actual friends
@cowboycid it's cool to be really good at one thing and to be not so good at others, but you??? No you decided you were gonna be amazing in general. The lookbooks? Your sims? Your builds? All immaculate
@apricote have you seen those posts??? it feels like you're in a dream or watching memories and i live for it! I have to make a special mention to bby Fennec, he's such a cute little person
@weindenburg I want to live in your game with your little family and i dare say more, i want to hold baby tala in my arms! Also your cc is so good the only sad thing is that there isn't more of it
@mysticmoon-s my eyes are in love with your posts, every time i come across them i'm like how can see llike this in real life. And your sims are always so pretty!!
@ellcrze it's always so pleasing to see your posts, I'm not sure how you do it but they're so peacefull! And i can't even begin to talk about your youtube channel, I enjoy your videos so much!!
@softerhaze is there something you do that i don't like? The answer is no, in case there's any doubt. The soft warm vibes of your posts, your sims family, your amazing cc... ah it's all so nice
@pixelglam sometimes i wish i was one of your sims because they're always living the GOOD life and the good life only! Your lookbooks are really nice you have such amazing taste
@lucidicer sometimes you just need a random person you follow on tumblr to wish you good night and good morning. It's you. I usually don't have the energy to read text post but yours? no no i eat that as if i'm in the 90s and am reading a newspaper while taking breakfast. Also, your renders?????? hello is that real???
@sojutrait your sims are always like so. well. done. I have to admit i have a soft spot in my little heart for wyatt he's a little baby, sometimes i just randomly remember about him. I'm so excited for the monsters are due in Idaho!!
@birdietrait I trully love your sims, you somehow give each of them distinctive features and facial expressions and i can only sit back and admire your work!
@mattodore I wish I was Matthias so I could have Theodore love me and viceversa. Also, your posts feel like treats for when I come home all tired from a really hard day
@literalite uhm excuse me, are you sure it's legal to post works of literal ART here??? and without a warning? For real your edits are a spiritual experience and your sims feel more like actual people
@moonsyrups I've been seeing your pip legacy posts and !!!! i cannot express how much i love them, they feel so dreamy i want to be in them so bad, everything is so vibrant yet so soft, it's soooo good
@elmleif your postcard legacy challenge is so easy to love!!! Cillian and Saoirse are such a cute couple and Weston and Rowan... I have no words for them I just want them to life the happiest of lives.
@briteboy I already told you that my brain specifically remembered your posts from when I was around years ago, and i have reasons for it. Your posts are so cinematic and your characters are memorable (i was so happy to see santi again btw)
@softpine the emotional damage i get when i see your posts is equal to the happiness they give me ironically. Your story feels like it should be studied in literature classes and the things you create for it, wow, you're so talented!
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