My dad had my childhood dog put to sleep today without telling me

i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i

THE SIZE DIFFERENCE IS MAKING ME

vent in tags

I woke up again...

It's 4:50am, you get a groggy tag ramble while I try to pass out again

Uh. Tags are waayy more intense than usual. Sorry folks! (Like. Seriously, they're bad, look away)

When I was a little kid, Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated was my favorite incarnation of Scooby Doo. I would watch it over and over. Even as my memory of it faded I always just kind of regarded Mystery Inc. as the best thing from the franchise by far.

I just finished rewatching it today and I am so angry. That was fucking terrible, what the hell?

e.. erik...

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WAKING UP TO THE NEW TALES FROM THE DAWN !?!

okay so our internship cohort is pretty tight and mostly women, so we be girl talkin. and the girls have gotten invested in my love life, partly bc this situation is so ridiculous and partly bc they're not autistic so they're like Omg you just talked with them directly about your wants and needs?! multiple of these bitches have expressed their desire to live vicariously through me in the context of all this etc etc. so anyway. a bunch of us are chatting about this after class and it's fun and loud, so Messy Guy comes up like Ooh what are we talking about?! and classmate is like Al out here dating two people, living the dream!! and i had to leave for a meeting before i could catch his reaction but they were still giggling about it when i left so l m a o

me realising that to continue the mbfw au fic i will have to write fenix kissing and loving someone else

It’s a fun realization when you finally notice that all the guys you were previously into weren’t really guys you were attracted to, but ones that gave you gender envy and you had No Idea what that feeling was.

Bc all of those men were messes and atrocious. But the vibes. I want those vibes. Not the atrocity tho.

Is there anyone religious in the kink space?

I'm a Christian and I need to vent/get comfort cus I dunno what's wrong with me I'm dissociating so much and have so much anxiety and my head won't stop spinning about things

My dad says it's just anxiety hitting my body after being sick but I wish he could see inside my brain just to make sure I'm scared kinda :(

woah way too long rambly reflection hours at 1am despite having morning tutorial

i think though, my body knew my past relationship was not right for me before even i knew it. right from its inception, despite my surface level happiness, i was always uncomfortable and anxious. it was a love that made me sick and sicker, all the time.

and part of me thought it was commitment issues that stopped me from sticking to a great guy, but it wasnt commitment issues. it was just my body screaming at me to get out.

and its not like he was a terrible person. on the contrary, he was so good, and good to me. just not right for me. square peg in a round hole. it never would have worked, i just didn't know that at the time.

breaking up felt like i could breathe again, after being held underwater. i didn't even realise i felt like that until i was out of it.

i'm so so so grateful to him and the experience, even if it ended really ugly to be honest.

i don't have commitment issues. i didn't think like or love could feel like this. i thought it would always come attached to baggage, shit, and regret. but all the worries i struggled with then are completely gone. no wandering eyes, no desire to run away, no anxiety to leave. a singular desire for him and him only. a strong desire to put in the hard work to cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship. wanting to stay. to settle here, call him home and build my house here.

i know it's still early days. but even if he breaks my heart, i'll let him with a smile. i'm just happy to be here. i value all experiences, even if they end bad and even if it's temporary. and i want him to be happy no matter what, even if it's without me. i also still want my ex to be happy no matter what and i always will. and i know he's happier with me out of his life now. so i respect that.

I wanna curl up into a little ball and die