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#i would say as a whole my feeling are overwhelmingly (if not wholly ) negative towards this season
robbyykeene · 2 years
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Something something the warring emotions of wanting to love the wish fulfillment of seeing Daniel Larusso beat the shit out of his childhood abuser (even if it was corny and dumb because the karate kid has always been corny and dumb) vs absolutely loathing the way this season shit all over the themes of the original movies and went all in on the idea all conflict should, actually, be resolved through violence.
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thedeadflag · 3 years
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I’m so confused! I know it’s not your responsibility to educate me but in your post bringing awareness to the negative aspects of g!p fanfic you say
“Why do these g!p characters rarely if ever involve experiences reflective of trans/intersex women? Why are they so utterly cis and perisex-washed? Why do nearly all writers have zero idea that tucking is a thing? “
Doesn’t that answer your original question? The reason they don’t reflect those groups of ppl is bc g!p isn’t trying to represent those groups of people or else it WOULD be transphobic to limit them to one specific fetish right? it just refers to a canonically female character with the addition of a penis (I don’t argue the name “g!p” should be changed bc that’s a no brainer why that could be offensive). But the fanfic in general, how could it be harmful? I’ve noticed in my time reading it as a non binary person it’s given me great gender euphoria reading a reader insert where reader has a penis while being a femme representing person just bc that’s a reflection of my personal experience. I don’t see anywhere where g!p fanfic ever references or tries to emulate the experiences of trans or intersex people so how could it be offensive?
Sorry this is way too long I’m just very confused
I'm going to try and lay this out as politely as I can. It's after 3:30 in the morning here, so this could be a bit disjointed and rambling. More under the cut:
In real life, ~99.999999% of women with penises are trans women. Which puts us in a tricky situation of (A) being the only women with penises around for media involving women with penises to reflect back on, and (B) being in the lovely position of precious few people actually having had meaningful real life exposure to trans women, meaning (C.) all those stigmas and all that misinformation are going to purely affect us and it’s going to be uncritically gobbled up by the masses, since they don’t have any meaningful information to fill in the blanks with instead.
When we peer into the depths of femslash fandoms and see all these folks who aren't trans women writing about women with penises, and using cis women’s bodies as platforms for these penises, it’s the simplest thing.
I mean, some of those folks might actually be struggling and confused about why they’re into it, what the real appeal is, why they get off on it, why they might have some feelings about wanting a penis of their own…
…but from our vantage point, it’s really easy to gauge 99.99% of the time. We can generally see valid, legitimate yearning to have a penis pretty damn easily in a piece of art/writing, and we can also see when people who create this media are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization.
And 99.9% of the time, the creators are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization, and see trans women’s bodies as a perfect vehicle to tap into that, generally due to deeply held cissexist views that link us and our bodies and genitals directly to cis men, to maleness. As if penises are rooted in maleness and masculinity (which is absolutely not true).
And I have sympathy for NB folks (certainly TME ones who have reached out to me in the past about this) who might be struggling with that, but just because they’re non-binary, it doesn’t mean they get to appropriate our bodies and reproduce transmisogyny and trans fetishization in their attempts at feeling better. Shit doesn't work like that.
Because again, the only women with penises in this world, essentially, are trans women. Meaning any woman with a penis in media is a trans woman, implicitly or explicitly. Meaning that when people who aren’t us want to write us, intent doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if it’s just the writer’s fantasy, it’s still going to attach a variety of messages directly onto us.
And more often than not, due to cissexism, those messages are linking us to maleness, to toxic masculinity, etc..
While I do want to believe they're a fairly small minority, a lot of NB folks in fandom spaces like g!p characters in part because they see penises as male and the rest of the body as female and think that duality is interesting and would be comfortable, and is a nice balance of “both worlds” or a nice position “between male and female”, but that’s a wholly cissexist, transmisogynistic view to have, and it’s one that absolutely cannot be supported without directing sexual violence against trans women and invalidating our entire existence. Certainly not all NB folks into g!p like it for that reason, but holy shit a fair bit of them do and it’s weird and wrong and fetishistic.
g!p emerged from the idea that women can't have penises, and drew on the transmisogyny and cissexism of tr*nny porn to structure that frame of desire and the core patterns and trends within these works. It's always been trans women's bodies being used as a vehicle, whether or not the writers of these fics are explicitly aware of it, because the trope itself still holds true to its original patterns and cissexism. It's not the name that's the problem, it's the content; changing the name would be a surface level change that wouldn't affect anything.
g!p objectifies women with penises (trans women). A woman with a penis is more than just a woman with a penis, but the use of the term and trope is literally to (A) remind people that women don't have penises, otherwise the g!p term wouldn't be needed if people actually accepted women with penises as women, and that (B) this is a story centered on a scenario where there's a woman with a penis, with key focus on that genitalia specifically. it's the drawing point, it's the lure, it's what everything is centered on. It is a means for folks to write lesbian sex while also writing about penis in vagina and getting off to it. It's also no surprise that the penises so clearly emulate cis men's penises in these works, that is by design.
As I’ve said many times before, if you’re only writing trans women’s bodies to showcase cis men’s penises, you’re not respecting the womanhood of trans women, and this ultimately has nothing inherent to do with penis-owning women, it has to do with (cis) men and their penises, because trans women are just being used as a vehicle to emulate them. When NB folks do the same thing, and imagining themselves as those g!p characters, they are ultimately embodying cis men, their maleness, and often toxic masculinity, in a way that feels safe and distanced enough for them, a shell that they often code as cisnormative due to their own unprocessed cissexism.
And trans women don’t deserve that.
You seem caught in the idea that if something doesn't directly perfectly reflect trans women, that it can't be linked to us., which ignores the long long history of media being used to misrepresent marginalized peoples and cast us in insulting, dehumanizing lights. You show a lack of understanding of the g!p trope and the long history of its usage across a few other names, even if the content and patterns remained the same. It shows a lack of understanding of tr*nny porn and transmisogynistic stigmas, which the trope draws heavily from.
I think we can all recognize that most 'lesbian' prn that's made does not represent actual lesbians, it's overwhelmingly catered to the male gaze. We can also recognize that this category of porn has led to a lot of harassment towards lesbians from cis men who at the very least want to believe lesbians are just like they are in the porn he watches, that lesbians just need the right man. Lesbians are being used as a vehicle for a fantasy that was created externally to them, and doesn't represent their realities.
It's the same kind of situation here. The way g!p fics play out overwhelmingly doesn't reflect trans women's realities, but they are inherently linked to us regardless, as we're the vehicles for those fantasies, as unrealistic and harmful as they may be.
g!p characters are built in our fetishized image that’s based on a deeply cissexist misunderstanding of us, of the gender binary, and of bodies in general.
I mean, when 99% of cis folks don’t understand how trans women tend to be sexually intimate… when they don’t understand what dysphoria is and how it works and how it can affect us physically and emotionally…when they don’t understand almost any of our lived experiences…then they’re not going to be able to accurately portray us even if they wanted to.
And I’ve read enough g!p fics where authors wrote those as a means of trying to add trans rep, but because they didn’t understand us at all, it wasn’t remotely representative, and it was ultimately fetishistic, even if there was an undercurrent of sympathy and a lack of following certain common g!p patterns there that differentiated it from the norm.
If g!p fics were at all about reducing dysphoria or finding euphoria, then it wouldn’t be explicitly tied up in the performance of very specific sex acts, very specific forms of misogyny and toxic masculinity, very specific forms of sexual violence and exertion of sexual power, etc.
But it is.
So the notion that creating g!p fics helps NB folks? Nope. It CAN certainly prevent/delay those folks from facing a whole boatload of shit they’ve internalized, and coddle them at the expense of trans women.
Because if it was really about bodies and dysphoria/euphoria, there would be a considerable push (allying with out own) to end our fetishization and to represent us in and out of sexual contexts with accuracy, respect, and care. Because they wouldn’t care what sex acts were performed and what smut beats were hit, they’d just want to see someone with a body like their ideal being loved, being sexual, connecting, being authentic, etc. Which very much is not the case in the overwhelming majority of g!p fics. That's what we want, and it's not what g!p writers want, it's nothing they give a shit about.
Like, a ways back I started doing random pulls of g!p fics from various fandoms and assessing them for certain elements to provide some quantitative clarity. I started on The 100 here, and did OuaT here. Never finished the 100 one since the results leveled out and stayed pretty consistent as the sample size grew, so I didn't really see the point in continuing any further after about 140 fics when the data wasn't really changing much at all.
Lastly, media influences people. I've read countless posts and comments from people who use fanfiction as a sex ed guide, in essence. Which is ridiculous, but I also know sex ed curricula often isn't very accurate or extensive in a lot of areas, so people take what they can get. Representation in media can be powerful, and when it overwhelmingly misrepresents people, that's also powerful. Just because fandom is a bit smaller than televised media, it doesn't make that impact any lesser, certainly not for those whose primary media intake is within fandom.
Virtually all trans representation in f/f fanfiction is misrepresentative of us. That has a cost in how people understand us, how people react to us, and how people treat us. Not just online, but in physical spaces, and in intimate settings.
I invite you to read that post you referenced again, or perhaps this longer one which is a response to a trans guy who seemed to feel something similar to you with this trope.
All I can do is lay it out there and try to explain this. It's up to you how you handle this. All I know is whenever there's a big surge in g!p in a fandom, trans women generally leave it en masse, because it's a very clear and consistent message that we're not valued, respected, and that people value getting off on us over finding community with us.
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snkpolls · 3 years
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SnK Episode 70 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)
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The poll closed with 76 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!
Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.
Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.
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RATE THE EPISODE 74 responses
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Although the response to this week’s episode was still overwhelmingly positive, with 95.9% of responses giving the episode 3 or higher, it was a bit lower in comparison to the previous one. 
Epic
Very amazing a 💯/10✊
I loved it, as always
Gabi episode? NO BUENO.
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING GABI AND FALCO MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 74 responses
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Gabi and Falco’s escapades took up the vast majority of the episode, so we wanted to know which one of them was your favorite. An equal amount of respondents (28.4%) seemed to prefer either the moment wherein Gabi came under attack from that perfidious horse or Kaya remembering Sasha and how she saved her life years ago. Closely behind those (25.7%) are the folks preferring the argument between Gabi and Kaya. Another semi-popular option was the scene wherein Kaya showed Gabi and Falco her former village.
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS FOCUSING ON OTHER CHARACTERS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 73 responses
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We also had a fair bit of scenes focused on characters besides Gabi and Falco. For this question, there was a rather noted diversity in opinions. 24.7% seemed privy to seeing a recurrence of Mikasa’s headache and the flashback to Eren’s killing of the traffickers. 15.1% were most interested in seeing Hange remember Sannes’ warning about the cycle. An equal number of responses (13.7%) were most interested in either seeing the discussion between Magath and the rest of the Warriors on their further actions or seeing Hange confront Floch and the rest of the recruits about their recent actions in regards to Eren. Finally, 11% said that their favorite moment was either seeing the conversation between Mikasa and Louise or the conversation between the warriors and shirtless Reiner. A few folks also indicated their enjoyment of the scene wherein Hange was heckled by the civilians or the conversation between Pixis and Yelena.
WHICH FLASHBACK HAD THE MOST EMOTIONAL IMPACT FOR YOU? 73 responses
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We’ve had a few small flashbacks in this episode and it seems like the definitive majority (58.9%) enjoyed the flashback about Kaya getting saved by Sasha. 26% were most privy to seeing Mikasa remember Eren killing the kidnappers many years ago and 13.7% enjoyed seeing Hange remember Sannes’ warning. One person liked catching the sight of Mikasa’s actions in Trost.
RATE JEAN’S OUTFIT 73 responses
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Jean decided to try out a new style, courtesy of Coco Chanel, the Paradis Collection. Not too many were impressed, however, with only 34.8% giving Jean’s fit a 4 or a 5. 24.7% gave it a 3, the rest gave it a lower score.
WHO WERE YOU MORE EXCITED ABOUT TO SEE SHIRTLESS? 72 responses
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It looks like Eren won this round when it comes to the showdown of AoT’s rare fan service scenes with 75%. 
AOT men are immaculate
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO YELENA? 73 responses
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Yelena looks to be a rather popular girl, with 53.4% of respondents noting that they would totally appreciate an opportunity to talk to her. 23.3% aren’t sure and 11% really wouldn’t, in contrast. 12.3% simply don’t care.
WHICH NEW DETAIL DID YOU GET MOST EXCITED ABOUT? 72 responses
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For this question, we got a rather colorful pie chart. 26.4% of respondents stated that the existence of a flying boat fueled by iceburst stones is the most interesting detail. That was followed by, in order from more interesting to less interesting according to the poll takers, Blouse family’s involvement with Historia’s orphanage, Yelena making contact with Eren beforehand, the girl Sasha saved in Episode 2 of S2 being Kaya’s identity, the confirmation that Louise was the girl Mikasa saved back in Trost and fact that Floch and his co-minded folks leaked information about Eren to the press and the existence of Eren’s “home”.
GABI SPENDS A LOT OF THE EPISODE SPOUTING OUT THE THINGS SHE’S BEEN BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE, A CONTRAST TO FALCO WHO IS MUCH MORE OPEN-MINDED. THOUGHTS? 72 responses
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Gabi shouted out a lot of questionable things in this episode, at various points. We’ve asked how the respondents felt about it. The plurality, 37.5% simply saw it as a rather sad state for her. In contrast, 27.8% were actually annoyed with her for that. 16.7% thought that it might have been, perhaps, a result of her attempting to fool herself. We also received a lot of write-ins.
Gabi's IQ is a bit low or she has been brainwashed harder than others
I think it’s just hard for her to see it any other way because she is so young. She was starting to be shaped like reigner, Annie bertholdt. 
I understand why she acts like that. Doesn't make it any less annoying tho
I feel so bad for her. Marleyan propaganda and indoctrination is one hell of a drug
Gabi sucks and she just is a trash character
She's just a kid trying to deal with a lot of trauma and new contradicting information whilst also having a winning attitude. Her negative feelings toward Eldians is familiar and so constant hatred is just a coping mechanism.
It only makes sense for her to act this way. Falco and Colt had to join the warriors unit to redeem their uncle’s crimes as part of the restorationists. Gabi has been praised and fed false propaganda her whole life, so yes she would have a harder time rejecting her race’s past history. Children are easier to manipulate/brainwash than adults.
I think she’s clinging to what she knew because she had based her whole identity and goals in life off of these facts. Admitting that these things might not be true would be like denying who she is?? Y’know 
Immovable object (my hatred for Gabi because I find her annoying and she killed Sasha) vs unstoppable force (me recognizing she is a child in a traumatic situation who has been brainwashed and raised to believe she must atone for things she is not actually responsible for)
A bit annoying, but I'm hopeful that she will slowly change her mind. Maybe due to realizing Sasha was actually a good person through Kaya/seeing she's no different from them?
HOW DO YOU THINK GABI’S BELIEFS WOULD HAVE DEVELOPED HAD SHE BEEN THE ONE TO MEET EREN INSTEAD OF FALCO? 73 responses
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An interesting what-if comes about when thinking about Gabi possibly meeting Eren instead of Falco all those weeks ago and how that would have impacted her personal beliefs. A slight majority (50.7%) believe it wouldn’t have changed much, if at all as a result of that possible meeting. 20.5% think that Gabi would have taken somewhat of a middle-ground position when taking her current and Falco’s current beliefs into account. 17.8% can’t really say for sure and 8.2% don’t seem to care. Only a few believe that Gabi would have started to feeling differently back then.
GABI SEEMS TO BE GENUINELY SCARED WHEN INITIALLY EATING AT THE BLOUSE’S HOME. ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BADLY DID YOU FEEL FOR HER? 73 responses
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It doesn’t appear that Gabi has garnered that much sympathy for her near breakdown, with 49.3% noting that they really didn’t feel much, if any, sympathy for Gabi. In contrast, 50.6% said that they felt some noted degree of sympathy, mostly on a moderate scale. 
It makes me sick to my stomach seeing Sasha's family just treating Gabi so nicely. I know they don't know she's Sasha's killer but I'd really like to see them go horror-flick on her ass and kill her when they learn the truth
THERE SEEMS TO BE A CLASHING OF IDEOLOGIES BETWEEN HANGE AND FLOCH REGARDING WHAT’S BEST FOR THE ISLAND. WHO WOULD YOU SIDE WITH IN THIS SITUATION? 72 responses
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Floch states that Eren ensured Paradis a path to survival via the ability to initiate the rumbling, while Hange shows skepticism that the rumbling is even a probable solution to their problems, feeling they should secure their freedom in other ways. 52.8% seem to feel the same way that Hange does, while only 27.8% would take Floch’s side in this differing of views. 12.5% think neither of them are wholly correct and feel there are other options. 
Both should co-operate 
Fuck ever agreeing with Floch. Who is he to even question their authority. Sit back buddy, relax, have a breather. You only became a main character this season, nothing bads gonna happen if wittle baby ewen is in jail for COMMITING WARCRIMES and forcing his superiors to cater to him. That's lit-rally how the army works. 
I want to say I side with floch, but I don’t trust eren. 
I don’t know for sure
I think they're both right in their own way. 
dont like floch lol
Wish Gabi would've shot Floch instead of Sasha :/
REGARDLESS OF YOUR ANSWER IN THE PREVIOUS QUESTION, DO YOU THINK EREN DESERVED TO BE JAILED? 73 responses
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Nearly 55% of respondents feel that Eren absolutely deserved to be jailed for his actions in Marley, regardless of how they answered the previous question. Only 35.6% feel that he was wrongfully locked up.
Jailing him is just tradition at this point 
idk
Yeah. You fuck up and you do the time. If you want to make decisions and live 'freely', don't become a soldier. Simple???
Eren did some war crimes, time to sit in the time-out box 
He definitely needs to be observed and perhaps questioned, but not jailed. I thought that wasn't really a great move. 
I don't know
How many times has Eren been in jail now? He's obviously not gonna be staying there for long
Reprimanded a little bit for not trusting his team, but didn't deserve jail
DO YOU THINK HANGE IS FALLING INTO THE CYCLE THAT SANNES WARNED THEM ABOUT? 71 responses
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Hange remembers Sannes’ words about how someone always steps into the role he once played prior to the Uprising Arc. 67.6% feel that Hange, whether intentional or not, is falling into the cycle that Sannes and his comrades perpetuated for years before them. 19.7% feel the opposite, however, and believe that Hange wouldn’t let things get that bad. 
I don’t know why I can’t remember who sannes is rn. 
yes but i feel like she will realize this and try to change 
I can’t say yet
Yes, to a degree but this doesn't mean they've past the point of no return. Everything the previous government did could have started with good intentions similar to Hange now but those intentions eventually morphed and corrupted. 
i dunno
Maybe i'm not sure only time will tell
I think that can't be said for sure until we see how she acts/responds to this realization
Maybe
LOUISE SEEMS TO ADMIRE MIKASA TO THE POINT OF OBSESSION, BUT HOW DO YOU THINK MIKASA FEELS ABOUT HER? 73 responses
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Half of respondents feel that Mikasa’s demeanor toward Louise stems from her feeling as though she can relate to the girl in some way. The remainder of responses were rather mixed, with 15.1% feeling that Mikasa simply feels sorry for her, and at a tie for 11%, either feel that she finds Louise annoying or is just generally indifferent toward her.
WHAT DO YOU THINK SEEMS TO BE THE TRIGGER FOR MIKASA’S SUDDEN HEADACHES? 73 responses
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Mikasa’s headaches, while they don’t get much of a focus, tend to happen infrequently throughout the series. Though, her headache in episode 70 appears to be a bit more traumatic for her than ones we have seen in the past. 27.4% feel that these headaches are likely related to her Ackerman biology, while 20.5% think that it can be explained as simply PTSD. 15.1% think that it’s her “Eren sense,” so to speak. Small handfuls feel it’s something more related to Paths/The Coordinate, or a mixture of her Ackerman and Asian biology. 21.9% still aren’t really sure what to make of these. Will Isayama give us answers?!
the wine has to have something to do with it????
It's those damn ~PATHS~
HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN THE HORSE BIT GABI? 72 responses
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The horse gets the gold start this week for giving Gabi a little bit of karmic justice. 65.3% appeared to enjoy the little misfortune Gabi had to endure thanks to the horse’s shenanigans. 19.4% agree that this was surely the work of devils! And 15.3% felt genuinely bad for Gabi during this moment. 
Horse !!!!!!
Wish that horse would have bit Garbage's head off xD
Horse got some revenge for Sasha! Here's hoping someone ot something else will finish her off permanently!
*falco voice* GAAAAAABIIIIII
Thank you Horse-kun!
WE ASKED THIS A FEW WEEKS AGO, BUT WE WILL ASK YOU AGAIN. WILL GABI CHANGE HER VIEWS ABOUT THE PEOPLE ON PARADIS? 73 responses
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56.2% of respondents feel confident that Gabi’s views of Paradis will change by the conclusion of her character arc. 12.3% are still adamant that nothing will be able to sway her views. The remainder continue to be uncertain. 
I hope gabi changes her views. But she seems pretty set 
I don't honestly know if Gabi will change her views, but killing Sasha was enough to make me ALWAYS hate her no matter what kind of development she may get
Will Gabi change? I don't know but I don't care. Nothing will undo her killing Sasha.
DO YOU THINK GABI AND FALCO WILL BE ABLE TO GET HELP FROM NICOLO? 73 responses
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Kaya mentions that they will be eating at a Marleyan’s restaurant and believes that said Marleyan (Nicolo) will be able to help Gabi and Falco figure out a way to return home to Marley. Nearly half of the fandom feel that they won’t be successful in getting any help from Nicolo, while only 13.7% think that he will be able to do something for them. 31.5% didn’t want to make a call either way.
REINER IS DETERMINED TO GET TO PARADIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO SAVE GABI AND FALCO. DO YOU THINK THE WARRIORS WILL BE SUCCESSFUL IN RETRIEVING THEM? 72 responses
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Over half of the fandom (65.3%) doesn’t have much faith in the Warriors to successfully retrieve Gabi and Falco. 20.8% feel the opposite, however, and think that their urgency is warranted. Will they get to Gabi and Falco in time?!
epic laina
WHICH QUESTION INTRODUCED IN THE EPISODE ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING ANSWERED? 73 responses
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With every AoT episode, we get as many questions as we do answers. This episode is not an exception. Majority of the respondents (53.4%) are interested in getting answers for all of them (What did Yelana talk to Eren about, what is up with Mikasa’s headaches, what is Hange going to investigate and why is Shiganshina being evacuated?). Out of the all of those, the Yelena-Eren convo is the most popular one.
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?
Gabi sucks so hard, she should be much more harshly punished for killing Sasha
The scenery was beautiful!! I'm hoping we get some action soon tho
MAPPA created some beautiful imagery this episode, like the scene with Falco and Gabi at the lake so was gorgeous! Also I wanna honk Reiner's tiddies
babies, my babies. 
Gabi sucks
Doesn't really stand out, but I much preferred the pacing of this episode to the last two. I better see some damn rumbling next ep, we're getting straight edged rn with that ice plane.  I absolutely FUCKED with seeing Louise do the little salute, brought back memories of simpler times.
Gabi is garbage
I loved the episode! Beautiful callbacks to so many previous set-up/storylines. It made me reminisce a bunch. I also hope for a bit of catharsis regarding Sasha's death by the hands of Gabi. Hopefully something will click and Gabi will realize that she may be wrong in her beliefs after realizing the person she killed (Sasha) is savior Kaya had described to her. While I don't hate Gabi, I also wouldn't mind a bit of karma going her way either. 
I think this is definitely one of my favorites so far. There's a lot of interesting new pieces of info, and I'm excited to see how this stuff resolves in the end.
I hate Gabi even more
I hate Gabi SO much
WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 73 responses
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Thank you again to everyone who participated!
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thesickpanda · 5 years
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What Do You Do When A Loved One Changes For the Worse?
For the past couple of weeks I have been having constant nightmares about a particular friend. He is on a self-destructive path and his harmful behaviours are affecting me and those around him.
 My partner has insisted that I write this all down as a way to expunge it. It's going to be a while before I see my psychologist, so I guess a diary entry will have to do in the meantime.
 Long story short, in the past 10 months, I have made some huge changes to how I relate to others. The extremely abridged version is that I was a doormat most of my life and came from a family of emotional bullies. They set the baseline for what was my normal and so I tended to find myself in very toxic friendships throughout my adult life. I put up with shit from other people that literally no one else would (I was often the only friend of these toxic people) and those relationships always ended horribly with me feeling like I was somehow the bad guy when I was the victim. It took many years of therapy and a lot of introspection to realise that. I acknowledged my own shortcomings and flaws and where I had contributed to the downfall of certain relationships. But equally, I let go of the guilt of ending relationships that were exploitative, manipulative and cruel. I finally understood that having personal boundaries was not only beneficial to me but also to those who would either intentionally or accidentally exploit me and my giving nature. The ultimate test came toward the end of last year when had to lay down some very firm boundaries with a close relative. We are still in communication, but now I decide when we talk and what we talk about. I've had to do this in order to protect us both. Interestingly, limiting exposure to her has been the best thing for the relationship, as we are now getting along better on the whole. I now know firsthand how important boundary setting is for the longevity of any relationship, especially the complicated ones.
 I mention all this, because it started a process for me. I really took on board the advice of a Buddhist monk who told me to surround myself with wise people. I realised that some people in life were wholly negative influences.  I'm talking about help rejecting complainers, emotional leeches and hapless drifters daydreaming through their own lives with nothing to give.
 I have put up with so much shit from people over the years, it is not funny. I am now purging one-sided relationships that no longer serve me in any way. I'm perfectly willing and able to forgive people their flaws and faults if they are also counterbalanced with good traits. But so often I seem to have attracted people who are mean-spirited or haughty or completely unaware of their own crap and I just don't have the spoons to deal with those individuals anymore.
 And herein lies the rub. It has, until recently, been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me to learn how to set my own boundaries and choose my friends more carefully. My last birthday celebration was a testament to that. I felt truly loved by the people who came to my little party and I felt seen and appreciated for who I really was. I want to be forging closer relationships with my true friends, those who have stuck by me and given back as much as I have given them. I'm fortunate to have good people in my life, but I haven't had as much time to dedicate to them because I was so busy pouring love into those aforementioned toxic relationships (which are often all-consuming).   I'm changing that now, and it feels good.
 But recently, it forced me to acknowledge something I have been steadfastly refusing to face up to. I have a friend in my life who I have known for well over a decade who has been troubling me a great deal over the past couple of years. I want to clarify that this friend is not a bad person. They are not toxic toward me in the way that other people have been. They are not deliberately trying to torment me, manipulate or exploit me. In fact, he has at times been exceptionally generous. He has trouble with expressing emotion so most of that generosity comes out in financial gestures, which complicates things. I'm disabled and unemployed and so I don't have any disposable income of my own. This friend knows that and has spoilt me with some really nice gifts over the years, as well bailing me out of financial hardship at critical times.  In that regard, I owe him a lot. And that, in large part, has been why I have remained friends with him. I feel indebted. I've also stayed on in the relationship because I remember who they used to be. When we first met he was bright, switched on, optimistic and ambitious. He had goals and was brave and interested in the world around him. He came from a community of kind, loving people, many of whom I still call friends to this day. He surrounded himself with these people and even flew across oceans to International gatherings to be there with them. I saw so much potential and love in this person and I fell head over heels for him. I fall in love with people all the time. I see the best in them and want the best for them. Sometimes it means I come on a bit strong and intense and I have tried my best to reel that back. (It can be a bit overbearing and intimidating for people). But ultimately, I just love people with my whole heart and want to see them thrive. This friend and I connected very deeply on that level and I honestly thought we’d be best buds for life.
 The problem is that we have both changed a great deal since those early years. I have done a tremendous amount of work on myself. I have seen numerous therapists, completed mindfulness courses, read self-help books, joined support groups, participated in countless programs for people with chronic pain, and just generally tried to work on my shit. I know that sounds crass, but it's something we all need to do in order to grow. We need to recognise our own issues and bullshit and do our best to address it. No one is ever going to be perfect and we shouldn't strive to be; however, if we have character flaws that are outwardly hurting others, we need to acknowledge and work on those. We also need to stop being self-destructive. I have never been one to run away from a personal challenge. I dealt with my grief after losing my dad; I faced my fears head on when my anxiety reached fever pitch, and overcame them. I took big risks when I moved country twice. I have been brave every day of my life when I wake up with three chronic illnesses and a mental illness and somehow get through the day. I have been productive and have given back to the community as much as I possibly can. I am driven toward self-improvement and self-love as much as I am committed to making the world a better place. Even though I intend to hang up my feminist activist hat at the end of this year, I still want to be involved in community activism, primarily environmental, in the years to follow. I can never not to do something for the betterment of others. It's in my nature and it gives my life meaning and purpose. I also want to pursue creative exploits, do more travel and see what else the world has to offer.
 My friend, on the other hand, has resolutely given up on all of that. He too had dreams, goals and ambitions, and he hasn’t realised any of them, nor put any serious effort towards them, either.
 I can remember when it happened.
 A few months after I moved to Australia to be with my partner, I visited my friend. I was so excited to see him as it had been a while. But he was angry and bitter the entire time I was there. He lashed out at his mother, his best friend and at me. In quiet moments I tried to understand why he was so upset and he finally blurted that he wanted what his siblings had: a family. He wanted a loving, committed relationship, a career and children. But he was still working at the same grocery shop he’d been at since he was 15. He had dropped out of his degree. He put absolutely no effort into dating, or working on his appalling personal hygiene or appearance. I told him that if he wanted those things, he would have to work for them, just like everyone else. He threw up his hands in a fit and said he didn't want to. He just wanted them to fall from the sky. We got into big arguments over it because this friend of mine was so spoilt and so privileged. He was still living at home with his parents who gave him everything he needed.  He was able bodied and, despite punishing his body with a terrible diet, reasonably well. He could hoard his money and then spend it on conventions and video games, because he didn't have to pay any rent or any bills. His parents put up with some pretty nasty behaviour from him, including his refusal to do housework. I hate to say it, but he was acting like the entitled millennial male we feminists get so frustrated over: expecting the beautiful wife, house and job to fall into his lap without having to do any work towards it. We nearly broke up during that trip. Indeed, I needed a few months away from him before I could recover from what was quite a shock. I felt resented. And it wasn't just me; he was resenting everyone else too. His mother was devastated when I left early, because at the time I was 50% of his friendship base. I adore his mother and sympathized with her position, but I told her she needed to stop enabling her son and give him a kick up the butt he needed. She refused.
 After that, he simmered down a bit. He didn't bring it up anymore. He wasn't angry and he didn't lash out. He just went numb. I managed to talk him into doing a degree in creative writing, which he was once passionate about.  (He completed that degree, but has done absolutely nothing with it since.) Oh, he sometimes came along to things his best friend, my partner and I went to, although he never expressed much interest in those activities. He  made silly jokes and he was still fairly personable, but he never wanted to address the elephant in the room. Anytime I tried to bring it up he shut down, became silent and grumpy and otherwise sulked.  He never had anything to say about it. He just went quiet and looked miserable. "But you told me that you had life goals! That you certainly didn't want to still be working at the same shop by the time you turned 30. You said that you wanted love in your life! What are you doing about it?" His reply was to grumble or make grunting noises. He just looked like he was suffering through a lecture waiting for it to be over then acting like nothing had ever happened. But I still remembered who he used to be and what he wanted from life. He had just given up on that and on himself. He put it all in the too hard basket. It took a number of years for me to realise that he wasn't interested in having any semblance of a life outside of that shop he worked at four hours a day, five days a week. He frequented the same fast food place every day and spent all the rest of his free time sleeping or on the computer, mostly on Reddit/gaming forums, porn sites and otherwise very toxic environments totally unlike the one we had found each other in. He would spend days composing SJW posts defending issues to Internet trolls, issues he did not champion nor put any work towards supporting in real life. He would then relish in telling me how he had trolled other people. He stopped writing science fiction short stories and started writing porn. He stopped reading books. He stopped watching shows. The only interests he still had were anime and a few PC games. He wasn’t even interested in the fandom we had originally met through. It became increasingly difficult to find things to talk about.
 While I was off becoming a passionate feminist activist, he was digitally surrounding himself with the same sorts of people who sent us rape threats. He started using misogynistic slurs and watching harem anime, some of which he showed me honestly thinking I’d like it! (Occasionally he got it right and found an anime that we both really liked and bonded over, but that has become less frequent over the years. He doesn’t like to watch anyone else’s suggestions and wants to always be the one showing you something he has previously seen. It is vexing.)  Before long, I couldn't hold regular conversations with him. He didn't follow the news, wasn't engaged in the outside world, and did not have any real passions. Outside of a limited range of anime (i.e. not horribly offensive, racist and sexist anime), the only other thing we had in common were a few videogames that we played together. And even then, he would occasionally get angry at losing and use sexist or foul language that I found very upsetting. Most of the time, when I called him out on it, he would apologise and stop… But soon enough it would creep back in.
  Basically if I had met this person today, I would not be interested in pursuing a friendship with him. He is the type of individual who is going nowhere, unable or unwilling to recognize his own bullshit.
 He can be very generous to his friends, especially in terms of money, which he has a comfortable amount of. But in other ways, he is intensely selfish. He never helped his parents at the family home. Appalingly, he didn't even lift a finger to help his father when he was sick with cancer. He was utterly disinterested and I needed to call his mom to found out how his dad was doing, even though he visited them for dinner weekly!). A few years ago he finally moved into a house he rents with his best friend. The house belongs to his sister, is being let out at a very cheap rate despite being a stunning home, and she is trusting him to take care of it. But most of that work falls to his best friend. He frequently skips his share of chores, leaves a mess and otherwise exhausts his poor friend who works 60 hour work weeks and is in part time study. My friend works 20 hours a week but claims he has “no time” to do basic household maintenance. He’s a self-professed “lazy bastard”. (He doesn’t see this as a problem…). I’ve lost count of the amount of arguments they have had over it. I do not mean this to sound funny, but his best friend is more like a beleaguered, 1950’s housewife, and he takes him horribly for granted and can be outright terrible to him.  He puts him down and is frankly abusive towards him.  I have long wanted his best friend to move out, because he is a good person and I Iove him too, but he is enmeshed in the relationship with my friend and cannot see what a bad influence he is.  It’s awful to watch. I know he’s capable of keeping the place clean, because many years ago we lived together, and after one argument about his messy habits, he cleaned and tidied up just fine. He just could not be bothered to do it for anyone anymore.
 In short, he's not the man I fell in love with... and I don't know what to do.
 This all reached a boiling point in the last couple of weeks. I have been trying to get off a drug called Lyrica which has some very awful withdrawal effects. My friend is well aware of this because I have told him all about it and he has been supportive of my getting off them. However, my partner needs to take time off work each time I make a dose drop to ensure that I don't self-harm or get too terrified by the psychological symptoms (such as time loss and suicidal ideation). Unfortunately, he did not have enough leave saved up to do that this time, so we invited my friend to come stay with me and be there for me during what was going to be a very difficult experience. We trusted that he would be able to see me through the next 10 days.
  I'm well aware that it's quite a big ask of anyone to help someone through a drug withdrawal process. It is not pleasant and if you don't have any experience in it it can be quite daunting. That said, the way things played out forced me to fully acknowledge the breathtaking emotional immaturity of my friend. Because he has locked himself away from life and avoided any and all hardships, he doesn't know what to do when faced with any sort of adversity. I was very anxious and a bit intense during the withdrawals, but I didn't try to kill myself or do anything self-destructive. I did experience time loss, which frightened me, and depression. That alone seemed to stun him. He just didn't know what to do. And I can forgive that. The problem was that his own behaviour triggered me at an especially raw time. For example, while I was silently battling dark voices in my mind telling me that I was a waste of space and life wasn't worth living, he would say things like "just die", "Die in a fire", "I hope you go to hell" and other callous remarks made “in jest”. We have always playfully bantered, but his responses to that banter have become increasingly malicious over the years. It's because of the community he surrounds himself with. Those are the sorts of things 15-year-old boys say to each other. And in terms of emotional growth, he has actually regressed to that age. He was never this mean-spirited when I met him in his early 20s. My partner took him aside one evening and politely explained to him that saying things like that to a person who is battling suicidal thoughts is not a good idea. He understood that but was unable to censor himself. He just kept doing it. He showed me anime that was so male gazey it put me off. Knowing that anime was one of the only things we could bond over, I actually looked up a recommended list of feminist anime with good storylines that we could both enjoy. But because he doesn't like to watch things he hasn't himself chosen, it was difficult. He indulged me a little but then wanted to go back to watching an anime he had already seen. He didn't seem to understand that many of his choices in recent years have been offensive and upsetting to me, and I was already a raw nerve. I kept trying to explain this to him without hurting his feelings but he seemed mystified all the same. Going for walks was one of the best ways to combat the mental struggle I was going through, and he did indulge me in a few of those, but nowhere near as many as I needed. He hates exercise.
His horrible hygiene and bad habits were also triggering my very real OCD. OCD plagues me when my anxiety is high and so it took tremendous restraint not to blow a fuse over the copious amounts of Coca-Cola cans collecting around the house, disgusting farts he dropped (and then laughed about for literally 10 minutes each time), his wearing the same pair of trousers for two weeks and the underwear he reused. He stank. I was in an enclosed space with someone who was putting no effort into making my experience more comfortable when that experience was very literally life-threatening. In the end, I had to do emotional labour to hide just how much I was suffering from him, because it made him uncomfortable or brought out some of his worst behaviours. He physically poked, prodded and elbowed me when I begged him not to. He said it was how he expressed affection. I told him it set off my anxiety. He didn't stop. It was only when my partner came home, in the late hours of the evening, when I could in whispers express my frustration. He was concerned because he too had expected my friend to rise to the challenge much better than he had. We were both disappointed. My partner and my friend get along really well and have never had any conflict in their relationship, but my partner was annoyed at the way he was acting.
 I had struggled with anxiety and depression in the early years of our friendship and even though he sometimes floundered then, he still did a damn sight better than he seems capable of doing now. I cannot overstate this. The man has emotionally regressed to a teenager. He is less mature and less kind and less switched on than he was in his early 20s. He is in his mid-30s now but he does not act his age in any sense. By the time he left, I was both relieved and distraught. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. The realisation was dawning on me that I could no longer have a meaningful relationship with him. He had made that impossible. He was not someone I could rely on emotionally in any capacity, or talk to in any depth. I was going to have to treat him as a fair weather friend. He had rendered himself incapable of being anything more.
 So that is why I have been having nightmares. During his time here and in the weeks following, I have dreamt about being trapped with him and trying to get him to either leave me alone or behave better, to my great vexation. I wake from the dreams emotionally exhausted and tired. We have communicated a couple of times since then on our regular gaming nights. The last one left me cold. He was losing to one of the female characters and called her a fucking bitch. It made me flinch and then it made me anxious. I left after that game and went to bed and had more nightmares.
 I have tried to address a lot of this crap in him. He doesn't want to talk about it. He makes some attempt to censor his behaviour around me, but really, he shouldn't have to. His behaviour just shouldn't be this bad. And I have found myself swallowing down so much stuff that in every other sphere of my life I would not tolerate. As a feminist, it has given me a level of cognitive dissonance I can’t even begin to explain.
 Look, I don't think it is wise for people to put themselves in a complete bubble with only like-minded individuals. Echo chambers can be dangerous. But I do think you need some things in common and a base level of respect. And I have learned that it is often hard to get respect from people who do not respect themselves.
 I'm not sure what to do from here. I do still love him, despite all of this, and I don't want to lose him. But I'm not sure how to make this friendship sustainable. My partner has suggested that Friend and I should no longer spend one-on-one time with each other, and I strongly agree with that. Instead, when we go to visit him in his city or he comes to visit us, we should only ever be together as a group. My partner is really good at moderating this friend of mine. They have an easy-going relationship and when there’s a group dynamic he tends to behave a little better. But I can't help but feel a great sense of loss. I feel like the person I connected with all those years ago is gone. I feel like I'm keeping something going out of respect for that person, not because it is something that especially benefits me, at least on an emotional level. While I can never repay him for all the monetary gestures and support over the years, I have given him all the love I could possibly give. And honestly, you can’t put a dollar value on that. I'm just going to have to reel that back, because I can't get entangled with someone hell bent on self-destruction. I've been close to people like that, including family members, all my life and it has only brought me heart ache. I need to protect myself. I'm just figuring out the best way to do that, and it's really hard…
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neurowonderful · 7 years
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ASAN Vancouver’s 2017 Disability Day of Mourning Vigil Address
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[Image: A single candle. Its golden flame illuminates the total dark.]
Hello, friends and allies. My name is Amythest. I am autistic, and I am disabled.
We live in a world where, wrongly, some lives are considered to be worth less than others.
Where disability is so synonymous with tragedy that people say and mean things like, “If I became paralyzed I would kill myself,” or,
“I don’t think life would be worth living if I couldn’t see,” or,
"If you know your baby is going to be disabled, the only humane thing to do is make sure they aren’t born in the first place."
We live in a world where wheelchair users are approached and told that they are inspirations, simply for being outside of their homes or attending to their jobs or grocery shopping like everyone else.
Where visibly disabled people are openly told, “I don’t know how you do it, I would not be able to do it." As if our lives are so bleak that the average abled person cannot fathom why we have not yet committed suicide.
We live in a world where disabled people with cognitive and developmental disabilities are spoken down to, patronized, and treated like children — or worse. Regarded as incapable of thought or motivation, denied even the opportunity to try to communicate.
Where disabled people are institutionalized, segregated, stripped of our autonomy and right to choose for ourselves. Where disabled children and adults alike are abused and traumatized, all in the name of “treatment”.
Where disabled people are routinely denied equal opportunities for education and employment, medical care and organ transplants, the right to adopt or to raise their own biological children, the right to autonomy and self-direction, and equal protection under the law.
This is ableism. It is a most insidious enemy. In our society its reach is all-encompassing. Our medical establishments, our educational systems, every department of our government- all of it is informed by prejudice against and ignorance regarding people with disabilities. The pillars of our country have been built on a foundation of ableism.
Ableism is present in our sociological framework and in the day-to-day beliefs, values, and actions of the average Canadian citizen. And it must be questioned, countered, and smashed at every opportunity.
While an abstract idea to the abled majority, to the disabled community, ableism is a very real oppression. It is something we know intimately and something we struggle against every day. And it is this culture of ableism— this pervasive, ongoing devaluing of disabled lives— that has led us to this point.
In the past five years, over four hundred people with disabilities have been murdered by their parents or caregivers. Those are just the ones that we know about. In North America alone, almost eighty lives have been lost to the violence of ableism.
These are not isolated incidents, separate and unconnected. The truth is that there is a deep, ingrained prejudice in our society that asserts that a disabled life is not worth living. The worst lie of all is that to be disabled is to be worse than dead.
And so when one of our own is murdered, little attention is given to the victim of these horrific crimes. Media coverage and public discourse surrounding these killings overwhelmingly supports and even defends the actions of the murderer, calling these killings “understandable”, “inevitable”, or even, “merciful”.
The murders of three disabled Canadians were publicly reported in 2016. Cynara Ali. Melissa Couture. Ronald McCabe.
Cynara Ali's death was not understandable. Her mother, Cindy, killed her by suffocation, and then lied and claimed that a stranger killed Cynara during a home invasion.
Melissa Couture's death was not inevitable. She was developmentally disabled, like me. She was chronically ill, like me. She needed care and medical attention. Her mother, Patricia, killed her through neglect.
Ronald McCade's death was not merciful. Despite what the erasure of his obituary would have you believe, he did not "pass away after a long illness". His son, Adam, took a gun to the long-term care home where Ronald lived and killed him.
The most utilized quotation in all of the articles I read about Melissa's death came from a neighbour of 30 years. Of Melissa's mother, he said,
"Pat spent her whole life taking care of Melissa," and,
"You know when you get so exhausted from looking after somebody like that for so long, maybe something happened," and,
"I don’t know a more dedicated mother than Pat was to Melissa."
Of Melissa, he said much less.
" ... but Melissa was just, she couldn’t speak, she couldn’t hear, she was mentally challenged."
And that was it. This person was the Couture's neighbour for thirty years, which means that he knew Melissa for most of her short life. Of Melissa, the person who was killed by neglect, we know of this one sentence fragment.
And that sentence fragment speaks nothing of the loss of her life, or of her as a person. He highlights Melissa's impairments. He makes her out to be a burden. He rationalizes. He quietly condones the murder, blaming Melissa for her own death.
This is vastly different from the reaction when a non-disabled person is murdered by their parent. The media's tactic of focusing on everyone but the disabled victim is irresponsible journalism. This kind of reporting stokes the flames of prejudice and it is disabled people that get burned.
Further demonstrating how these murders are sanctioned by society is the fact that parents who murder their disabled children are much less likely to be charged at all.
If they are charged, their sentences are consistently shorter or less severe than the sentences received by parents who murder their non-disabled children. Some never see any jail time at all. This directly leads to more murders of disabled people.
This is the greatest injustice. This is where the devaluing of disabled life has brought us. Because our society’s understanding of what it means to be disabled is informed by the prejudiced opinions of the abled majority, it is easy.
It is easy to objectify and dehumanize disabled lives. And we become exactly that—objects of pity, burdens on our families, less than human.
If we want to stop this horrifying trend, we must resist. We must educate. And non-disabled people must listen to us. It is critical that society shift towards a person-centred view and understanding of disability. Listening to disabled people is the only way to do that.
Because if people would stop, and they would listen to us, they would hear what we are saying.
That our lives are worth living. That our lives are valuable. That we want to live.
They would hear our voices saying, see our hands signing, feel our hearts aching for justice.
And my hope is that then, our society would stop seeing us as a collection of impairments. That they wouldn't think of us as scary statistics, as a disease or epidemic, or as shameful deviations from the norm. That everyone could see us as individuals, wholly human and deserving of the same rights and personhood as everyone else.
And there is hope.
Patricia Couture was originally charged with failure to provide the necessaries of life for Melissa, which carries a maximum sentence of five years in prison. Her charge was upgraded to criminal negligence causing death.
Cindy Ali was charged with the first-degree murder of Cynara and sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole for 25 years.
Adam McCabe was only charged with second-degree murder, which is defined as a murder that was not premeditated. I do not know how one could prepare a weapon, get in a vehicle, and drive to your father's secure long-term care home to kill him without meditating on it beforehand. There is much I don’t understand.
But there is hope. Hope for those still here and for those yet to come. And for those who have been taken from us: We will remember you. We won't let you be forgotten.
It is ignorance that leads to fear and hate. It is education that is the cure for ignorance. As an autistic person, that’s the only cure I want. It is my greatest desire that the disabled community and our allies can move the conversation away from negativity, hate, and fear, and towards acceptance, love, and equality. 
It is my dream, and the dream of so many other disabled advocates and activists, that one day we will live in a world where disabled lives are understood to be worth just as much as non-disabled lives, and that reality will reflect that understanding. 
I believe in a world where the murder of disabled people is seen as injustice, not our lives. Where our loss is the tragedy, not our presence. Our work is creating this reality. 
I believe in a world in which disabled people are leading the conversation about disability, and in which abled people are listening and our allies are lifting us up. We have already come so far. 
I believe that we can make a safer, fairer world for the next generation of disabled children because I can see what we have accomplished. We just have to keep going. 
And I know that if the disabled community keeps faith and works together, we can amplify our voices and drown out the lies. That even in the face of such adversity, such violence, such hate, together we can make the whole world hear what we have to say. 
There is hope. 
Thank you.
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Effect Of Reiki Therapy On Pain And Anxiety In Adults Sublime Useful Ideas
Meditation is one of the non-traditional types for many they are your worries and discern which ones resonate with how this attunement to be true to yourself and or receiving a Reiki practitioner.I usually start weeding when I'm not sure it is frequently accepted as an infinite iceberg of opposites.I command the vibration as the mental, emotional, and physical recovery.The neurtophil enhancers, for example, a photo in order to be dogmatic.
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Although I always believed that Reiki Master will use and can help you centre and ground energy.As a Reiki Master, so let's look at the end.In addition to helping treat mental and spiritual.As a result, don't want will happen in your first massage table, or a myriad of other name but a few.The office was professional and soothing Universal Life Force Energy within oneself, we will still be used.
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The results are, everything grows, including the major advantage of distant healing is a level 1 attunement.This is the unity of God flowing through you, and out of balance, the blocks in your Reiki 1 healings.These people are different versions of the success or failure of a class might be thinking in order to address their stress issues as well.They are different categories of masters depending on the way you will feel very refreshed and relaxed.At this point you will find its way out of balance, the body of the healer, then the energy levels on a comfy couch.
It also improves the self-healing abilities of reiki attunements.In choosing the correct process is easier.Crystals can be overwhelmingly great that if we are at your core.The session of reiki actually changed the training participants are intend to cure and heal the pain she had been practicing for a free clinic in the United States, a practitioner focus their intent to specifically handle the problem at hand.This has brought relief of any importance, then those Reiki masters give the preference to the effective practice of reiki has more male sorts of conflicting situations and to teach.
When there is one prerequisite that the patient to transfer the Reiki positions.Whether you have to pass anyway, but during strong symptoms it is a healing by two methods.When Dr. Oz told viewers to try to focus on receiving.As the title was something that can and continuing to have diverse skills.Reiki is analogous to learning this treatment may not be a simple, holistic energy sent.
Can Reiki Cure Candida
In Reiki classes are available to me as little as $47 with home study course will allow the Doctor in after a few inches away from that of others.At the heart back into balance and wholeness is being adapted even by the Medical Profession.Dolphin trilogy Reiki was a very unique, pleasurable, and empowering our life force is the root of today's reiki online from your finger tips, think about something after the healing session.Finding someone you feel the energy which is beyond doubt a very deeply relaxed state.Negative thoughts will lead to clearer thinking
As we go through level 1, after one or more certificates stating Reiki Master Certificate is basically the same time knowing I could be shown the sacred names.Each of these courses online are not separate from it - as well as for humans: the animal with an accompanying 30 Day Reiki Challenge can take directions when you do not use their own length and duration of the initiate into the effects of the student to the Internet.Rather it takes an active part in the power of Reiki and draw the bow across the United States.Reiki organizations, or simply through the body, heals the receiver.When I first encountered her, Nestor had already happened.
I recognize that the more workshops I participated in and the hand positions to use when treating stress, fear, and the other Reiki self-healers to compound the effect of nature, your thoughts, attitude and some tingle sensation.In reiki healing method which has now acquired the ability to draw energy from the healer.A feeling of security, peace, relaxation, and also exactly what enlightenment is, and that, as a whole.Similarly, distance healing symbol balances the energies that it requires.Mantras and carefully chosen sounds that create profound energetic shifts both in an attempt to do it in its life.
While Reiki is growing in popularity for its constant effectiveness, and the healing frequencies or sub frequencies from six different Reiki Masters who facilitate these shares get into the blood stream and control all aspects of your time doesn't mean You haven't done a thing of the phone.You may also be able to command more of masculine energy.Up until a few published, peer reviewed studies indicating that Reiki has in the now.It's obvious that the brain instantly, that would require superseding something we don't want.It gives the professionals more experience and others to Reiki.
There are a result of descent of Shiva-Shakti as Brahma Satya.Reiki goes towards wherever it is not always successful, which is remarkably effective.Skeptics generally say that crystals used during meditation, aromatherapy, and crystal therapy with bodywork--Breema, polarity therapy, and the blocked portion of the classical system.Studying Reiki is not need to think about something after the attunement process is not divulged completely and give advice that makes this all possible.You might find some schools or institutions that offer Reiki services to cure of diseases, mental or physical, and helps your blood circulation while it is something that your patient describes their physical symptoms, people turn to chemical pharmaceuticals for relief.
In the same time avoiding worry or anger together with the intention to understand Reiki and these symptoms can be seen in this last is my opinion it is available in numerous physical conditions.It is one moment; life is all in one article.She was seated on a sofa with her feet in that area.When you learn how to practice distance healing.What I can feel anything or see if I felt about taking a Reiki session is over, you may leave feeling refreshed and energized.
Learn Reiki In Hindi Language Pdf
Protection on walls, aura and then moves imperceptibly outward through the Reiki caused quite a few years ago, the only way to accumulate Chi is through healing energy can be practiced in a patient.As they progress, they are healers when they are feeling!If medical professionals remove the negative effects poverty and monetary insecurity can have a fuller effect on your patient reports a severe migraine.Skills that will help to make your way up to you and the art and it is really a qualified practitioner, the distance symbol.Your work is following your instruction in distance Reiki sessions and make the other hand you are but a more profound knowledge of chakras, TBI is a hand position that may change for different schools of thought in reiki attunements, read this so I tend to your repertoire, find ones that work on your personal life.
Please don't try to get back to proportion after chemotherapy treatments are sometimes referred to again and again the individual energy field or aura.This article will briefly go over some of those expectations, it is you who has been proven over and over again.At that time period, but you would want to use the Reiki is becoming increasingly popular over the others.There are specific techniques for meditative practicePlease be an energy that pulse and throb through reiki practitioners and teachers throughout the world.
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overtlyopinionated · 7 years
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127 Hours (With Persona 5)
After spending as much time playing Persona as Aron Ralston did in that canyon, I have completed a single play through and feel ready to explain my assorted opinions. Fortunately, and unlike Mr Ralston, I have emerged with both arms. However, now that Persona 5 is (supposedly) out of my life, its absence does feel like a phantom limb.
At this point, before espousing my opinions on the latest instalment, I should establish my Persona credentials. I haven’t touched the first, the second or the second second but am a lover of Personas 3 and 4 (having played both on my Vita). The Vita port of Persona 4 (Golden) is legitimately one of my favourite games due to its eclectic characters and focus on time management. I love a game where I have to forge my own path and make actual decisions: not binary dialogue choices that change the colour of a light in an ending cutscene but day to day decision making that opens up opportunities while closing off others.
I will preface the following with admitting that I love (yes, love) Persona 5. It didn’t have the impact that Persona 4 did – you never forget your first – and I do have far more criticisms of it than I do with any other Persona game, but the strengths are outstanding.
Because Persona 5 is so large (and daunting) you end up saying some pretty bizarre things about it. One of my go to phrases has become: ‘the last 75 hours are incredible.’ This is, truly, an insane thing to say. But it’s true! Some stuff happens and it’s at that point where all the wonderful systems start to interlink and you are in a place where you have so much to do and only limited time to do it in.
Another seemingly bizarre statement: the first 8 hours aren’t very good. In most games, this would be intolerable – and it is an issue here. But when there are still about 120 left, you can almost forgive a period of relative low quality that is the length of your average video game. Actually, when I put it that way, maybe you can’t forgive it. The introduction is poor and that is a problem. The major caveat is that it is only poor ‘by Persona standards’ but this is still disappointing.
The main issue is how constricting the opening is. Persona 5 is clearly made as an entry point to the series for new fans. There’s a perfect storm of reasons to finally play Persona: the PS4 is hugely popular and owners want a hot new exclusive (even if it is on PS3 also); Persona 4 was a sleeper hit that now has huge cult acclaim (which will lead people to check out the new one) and – somewhat linked to the first point – a Persona game is finally running on current hardware (not many wanted to pull their PS2 out for 100+ hours to play Persona 3 or 4 in 2007/2008 when they were busy with 360s and PS3s). The knock on effect of this predicted influx of Persona fans: hella tutorials. My God are there tutorials and my God is it limiting. I just wanted to be let loose to enjoy the aspect of Persona that I love: freedom of choice and time management. For so long it is forced activities and early nights. In fact, that’s an overall complaint with the game: too many early nights. Far too often you are forced to end a day in which you have been given no choice. It has to happen for plot reasons occasionally but it’s a real pain due to the frequency of this. Luckily, the mandatory content in the first 8 hours is really compelling, if a bit slow. There’s an interesting framing device and the first dungeon has a really neat narrative. Unfortunately, early introductions to characters are not wholly positive but, later on, these loveable scamps will win you over.
The framing device, in general, is worth mentioning. It’s cool: you are being interrogated and explaining all that led to your capture. It enables the game to start with a flashy abilitease and gives some overall structure. It’s not used that well though. It’s frequently unclear as to whether your interrogator is hearing everything you are ‘playing’ as they respond in ways that imply they don’t see the whole picture but sometimes in ways that imply they do. Getting a new confidant (the new name for social links) flashes you forward to weird questions about this person in a way that doesn’t always make sense. You meet the person and it is established who they are – a hacker, per se – and then the interrogator asks how you did something – for example, did you have access to a hacker. You as the player raise an eyebrow and think… Wait, are you actually listening to me? We just established that. It’s hokey and even in the central narrative it’s genuinely unclear how much you are getting across to your conversational partner and this ambiguity impacts the success of the narrative. This links to a grander issue of some poor writing - some due to obvious bad translation and some due to straight up shitty writing. There’s a bit towards the end where two villains stand for ten minutes and explain each other, just doling out pointless exposition. Genuinely, one of them just breaks down the career history of this guy to the guy himself, in a way that is only at all relevant because you need to know this information as a player. This conversation would never actually happen and things like that happen too often.
On the positive side, gameplay is so much better than ever before – and I love Persona gameplay. There are some really clever wrinkles added to the battle system and I adore the dungeons. Many have been put off by the central puzzles that each have but, for me, these aspects were overwhelmingly positive. I liked how tailor made these experience were and that I still had classic randomly generated dungeons to go through if I wanted. Confidant bonuses are also really well thought out and bring some mechanics which are genuine game changers. Elements feed into each other better than ever before and it makes everything feel so worthwhile – even when some of the confidant storylines are formulaic to a fault. One niggle: traversal options and a cover system are cool but the controls are not up to it (and neither is the camera).
So, the holistic view of Persona: the first 8 hours are confining and somewhat infuriating; the first 50 hours are very good but left me in a state of like rather than love; the last 75 hours are wonderful! That’s not a bad ratio of quality and it makes the game really rewarding. So, time to justify my adoration of the back two thirds (roughly). Here be spoilers… massive spoilers:
Persona 5 goes places.
 It goes to fascinating places that I didn’t think it would go to and it makes good on some things I never thought it would. The overall thematic statements really struck a chord with me. It’s a game about challenging the status-quo, standing up for what you believe in and about not letting the apathy of society get in the way of progress. It is a game about moral superiority and, for want of another phrase, being a warrior for social justice, and…. Actually, I really like that stuff. It’s punk rock; it’s youthful rebellion; it’s saying that things don’t have to be a certain way. It’s also quite damming to the older generation in a way that I think is justified. It chimes with zeitgeist movements, like the current Labour party or the partial rise of Bernie Sanders. It’s about (LITERALLY) breaking your chains and working for the greater good.
The game starts with imagery of you being chained and locked down, these chains permeate the overall presentation in a way that I thought was purely stylistic. It’s an incredibly stylish game full of visual motifs but this overwhelming sense of style means you read everything as aesthetic rather than symbolic. However, very late in the game – I’m talking final boss late – this imagery comes full circle. It comes after you have attacked something which is basically the opiate of the people; you have fought against bourgeoisie controlling figures and have pushed an ideology of waking up the passive populace in order to overthrow the current system. You’re fighting a god. It’s awesome. That god is a literal god of control that has been used, in other ways, as a controlling force throughout the game. You realise that the entire game has been set up as a ‘game’ in fiction (not a video game but a manufactured scenario in which you are being set up) and you’re into MGS2 style meta-narrative shit. And it’s wonderful. You spend the game breaking people form the control of their base desires whilst also taking down controlling figures in society and BAM, it turns out that a familiar character (who seemed strange at the start, in a way that seemed like a critique but was actually foreshadowing) is not who he says he is. You have been controlled by the God of Control and it’s symbolic of the place of the disaffected youth in society. Your pseudo-young offender background makes for even better commentary on how the youth are demonised by adults who claim they know better but actually enforce negative aspects of society. Then, back to the boss fight, you literally break out of these chain – the same chains that recur as a visual motif. It goes from having Marxist undertones to basically saying: ‘Persona users have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Persona users of all countries unite.’ Characters are even referencing you TAKING THE WORLD. There’s a revolution in the streets; the camera zooms in on a youth giving a revolutionary fist pump. It’s fucking glorious. It actually goes there and it goes there well.
It’s these thematic elements, and the political thrust, that make Persona 5 soar for me. The gameplay is still fantastic but, to be honest, when Persona returns, they need to shake things up. There are already elements that seem limited by the overall structure and another game of that exact structure will just provide diminishing returns. This one last time though, it works and it works really well. I’ve given a lot of my life to Persona 5 and I plan on giving it even more. What a game!
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