some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.

you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.

your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."

A short biography

I was born to a Lithuanian mother and an Irish father. I was born in Lithuania but moved to Ireland as a baby. My early childhood was relatively happy although I was sexually abuses.

I moved from the south of Dublin to the north at a young age. First we lived in a really bad area and our car was stolen. Then we moved to the countryside.

My living conditions were horrible. We lived in a mobile home for a few years before building a house. My father abused me.

As well as that I was bullied by adults a few times. When I was 4 I was chasing chickens around in a park trying to pet them. I caught one and put it into a fence but its wing got stuck so I tried to take it out. An angry woman came over and put her face right up to mine and started speaking in a menacing tone about how she's seen me harassing the chickens, and ended with 'If I see you go near another animal...'. Yes, to a 4 year old.

When I was around 5 me and my brother were going to music lessons we were playing in the neighborhood while waiting for our mother to lock the car. An old woman came up to us and gave out saying she's tired of kids like us causing trouble in the neighborhood and told us to get out.

When I was 6 years old I was playing on my own lawn when a woman drove in (she had some business with my mother). She brought her face up to mine and told me that I have no right to be playing on people's lawns and told me to get off the lawn.

When I was 7 or 8 I was hit by my neighbor friend and I hit her back. Her mother told me to apologize to her and I just walked away.

Then came my school. I moved school in senior infants. It seemed like a good school but you will see later that it was not quite as it seemed. One day when I was 6 a boy was jumping on the teacher's (Mary's) back and another boy hit him in front of me. The teacher turned around and decided to blame me. She asked 'Did you hit him?' over and over again and each time I said no, until I had no choice but to say yes. She put me on timeout and I called the boy that hit him stupid. Then when the president Mary McAleese came to visit, the teachers told her. I was there to greet her along with the boy that was hit. Mary McAleese refused to shake my hand. Later she spread a rumor that I tortured a black boy and called a mentally challenged looking boy stupid.

I was unaware of all this. My childhood still stayed relatively happy until later. When I was 8 I was playing with my toy and a bully said 'Stop doing that, you're acting like a baby' and I said 'Actually, you're acting like a baby'. She told the teacher and she made me apologize to the bully. I could have told her that she said it first but I witnessed a similar situation before and she shouted at the boy that talked back even more and I wanted her to stop shouting at me (I have autism) so I stayed quiet.

I had a nice friend group but that year they all (4 of them) transferred to different schools.

Sometime around the age of 11 a boy in my school touched my breasts.

I think word of Mary McAleese's rumors reached my father because I started getting moody and my eyes started getting hollow, and I think this was around the time my jaw dislocated. I think he was beating me and raping me more badly but I didn't remember it. I remember him pinning me to the floor and threatening me. The kthala told me that he was abusing me with Satanists.

This prompted me to write a series of comics full of rude jokes inspired by South Park when I was 11 and word eventually got to my teachers. The teacher shouted at me in front of the whole class. Obviously this also reached Mary McAleese. I think they were spreading rumors that I drew child porn but at the time I didn't even know what sex was.

When I was 12 I had just joined an internet forum and received a barrage of abuse by a flamer known as Sparx.

When I got into secondary school I had 2 passions; Art and Japan. I was drawing all the time and tried to learn Japanese from the age of 12 but didn't know how to do it properly so I didn't learn it properly until later at around 17.

[[[At home my father was controlling me. He set parental controls at half an hour of computer time a day, and as I lived in the countryside I had nothing else to do. Talking to friends, anime, other entertainment, art (which I was really passionate about), I only had half an hour to do it each day. For the rest of the day I did things such as play video games, doodle and listen to Linkin Park. When I got a laptop in my own room my father would constantly steal it from me.]]]

I was extremely stressed as a teen because [[[since my pre teens my father would constantly make me work for him which consisted of farm and factory work. When I got older I was trying really hard to do art and Japanese (my dream was to be an artist in Japan) while doing well at school while he forced me to work for him for free. I was determined to get out of the house as soon as possible. I worked non stop every day with little leisure time. My father would force me to go to bed at 10 and turn the upstairs electricity off. Little did I know that he was drugging me with ketamine and raping me in my sleep. I got brain damage and started developing spots. I think he might have injected testosterone into me as well.]]]

In school I was always nice and quiet. I used to be boisterous amongst my friends when I was younger but developed crippling shyness. My friend group was ok but they made a lot of distasteful jokes. I had some good friends there though.

I think Mary McAleese was spreading rumors about me because my social media accounts never got many follows.

When I graduated from secondary school I thought I was free. I went to UCC but got put in with the party animals. My room was right next to the living room, the walls were paper thin and they partied every day. I couldn't concentrate on anything so I spent most of my time on Facebook instead of drawing and studying Japanese. I developed tinnitus from trying to listen to music over the chatter. That summer I became extremely unwell.

My second year of university was even worse. I was placed with abusers. They smoked cigarettes and drugs and the apartment smelled of cigarettes. I eventually got them to stop but they verbally, psychologically and emotionally attacked me and emotionally raped me. I managed to get out halfway through the year but my new house had a very gloomy dark green room and a table too small to put my drawing tablet on. I was extremely depressed while suffering from PTSD and the only thing keeping me alive was my year abroad in Japan. That summer while on holidays in Lithuania I volunteered to teach English at a summer camp which was a good experience.

I went on a year abroad to Kyoto and joined a Yosakoi dance team. My host family's location was inconvenient so I moved to an apartment close to university, but the insulation was bad and it was right next to a busy road so it was very bad for my mental health. Just before I started Yosakoi I was in a shop paying and an old man came up behind me and muttered down my back, 'Hurry up, you scum, scum of the Earth', over and over.

By the time I joined the Yosakoi team I was severely traumatized, so while I really enjoyed it, my trauma was catching up to me. I tried to befriend a guy who I thought I liked (I didn't really have feelings for him, I just thought I did because I didn't remember his face and I wanted to be around someone who would protect me). I accidentally confessed that I had feelings for him (not with the intention of dating him, just because I thought he should know) and he started spreading a rumor that I loved dicks. (More on this man if you scroll down)

I usually had crippling shyness so I tried to be outgoing, but it didn't go very well and many found me annoying.

I fell in love for the first time. I met a man called Yohei and we didn't talk much but it was nearly love at first sight. However he had a girlfriend so anything beyond friendship was impossible...

I was so traumatized by now that I had severe brain fog and body dysmorphia. I bought a brown coat but felt uncomfortable in it so I went around looking for a new one. I was afraid of standing out, I didn't want one that was tacky, I didn't want to pay too much for it and I was terrified of receiving abuse again. I was afraid to ask for help because I didn't want to make a bad impression. I didn't want to be seen in the coat so I put off hanging out with my friends in college. Before I knew what I was doing I ended up spending 2 months looking for one and it ended up on the news. I don't know how it happened, it probably had something to do with Mary McAleese (I heard that she told everyone that I was trying to ruin the world), but it ended up on international news and everybody in the world knew about it. One day people were taking pictures of me and harassing me. Soon, nearly every person that passed me in the street was calling me names. This never ended. When I went back to college after the break the whole college was laughing and making fun of me. I had to hide in my room for the whole year. I don't know why it took me so long to find a coat but I think someone was mind controlling me.

I stayed alive because I was too brain damaged to look at the situation objectively. I had tried so hard to get here and I was just holding onto the hopeless dream of being an artist/ mangaka in Japan. I had never had the chance to live and had come this close to finally living it. Also at the time I didn't know that it had spread all around the world and was hoping that I could live once I got out of Japan. Also later, after a failed suicide attempt, my father told me that if I died it would ruin my mother's life. I was desperately hoping that the abuse would die down. Being the hero didn't work out. I think the AI's running the simulation also stopped me from being able to kill myself.

My dance team was also bullying me. They taught me a word that they said meant 'I'll cut you down' but much later I found out that it meant to rape. This bullying plateau'd in the summer trip when everyone was talking loudly about me (saying mean things) including right in front of me. They hadn't put me into a room, and I was told to sleep in a men's room. They brought me around all the men's rooms until they found one. I think I got raped that night. The next day a member (Jukujo) chased me down the hallway stark naked and another member (Luna) filmed it.

Also, at one of the dance festivals I think I was drugged and raped. Two members (Shigenyan and Jukujo) came into my hotel room at night and gave me something strange to drink. I went to bed after that. I think something happened after that but I'm not sure.

I was afraid of talking to Yohei in public because I didn't want to put him in danger. However I really wanted to talk to him so when I thought he wanted to meet me in private on college campus at night I waited all the time.

Before I went back to Ireland I visited South Korea and Vietnam. I wanted to try going out and was hoping that I wouldn't be harassed. Unfortunately I was harassed just as much but I managed to go out and have a good time.

Back in Ireland I was still getting harassed. Again I couldn't go out and ended up having to drop out of college (I thought it would be temporarily). As well as that I heard the builders outside talk about me non stop.

At home I still couldn't go out so I tried to focus on art. But the abuse was making it hard for me to draw and I couldn't draw well.

I tried to commit suicide many times but couldn't. I had a severe fear of death.

Since going to UCC was too difficult I tried studying animation at IADT instead but the students in my course were really bad bullies (for example I heard one girl say that my (who had been nothing but raped all my life) life would be a porno).

At the end of 2019 I started getting harassed by voices threatening me 24/7. This started just after a failed suicide attempt. I was going to try to make another suicide attempt the following day but they started making threats on my family and friends so I couldn't die anymore. Near the end of this horrific period I decided to try to ignore them, forgive the Japanese and work towards getting back to Japan and bear the voices. It was my dream after all. After I started ignoring the voices they got more aggressive and started threatening to torture me for the rest of eternity.

Then, one morning the threatening voices stopped and nice voices started talking to me. They claimed to be aliens from the future called kthala and they said that this event (the event in Japan) caused something worse than the holocaust and Yohei and I saved the world. But we couldn't save it completely so the kthala went back in time to stop it from happening. They gave me telepathic communication with someone claiming to be Yohei. They said they would protect me and that I had to pack up for the airport and wait for Yohei to come and pick me up, over and over. This lasted for a year and a half and he never came. Then someone injected me with methamphetamine and I ended up in the hospital...

The hospital was hell. I was recovering from the methamphetamine injection and couldn't sit still or concentrate for months. I was being raped (but my memories of it were repressed) and people were calling me all sorts of names. The kthala were lifting me up by telling me all about Heaven and my role as a future Goddess because I wanted to die, but sometimes they would say horrible scary things as well. You can scroll to read more about my time in the hospital.

Now I am still in the hospital and conditions have improved considerably, but the voices are still there.

Today was a day of explosive growth. I don’t know what to and I’m certainly uncomfortable. From dreaming of gun violence, to watching all quiet on the western front, to contemplating the evils of mankind in Mister B. Gone I’m kind of in this really difficult place. There are so many atrocities in the world, so much death and dying. I am adamantly against it. I feel hatred and disgust for these acts and the ones demanding them. There is disdain in my blood and it beats through my heart. It causes me to experience seething doubt in the status quo. I am angry, I am sad, I am in full acceptance of these realities. Maybe I’m just at a time when I can accept reality now, how shitty people have the capacity to be to one another. The atrocities that define our history are numerous and feel unforgivable. Why? Why did we have to shed so much blood to come to a place of possible understanding? Why do we still? War is evil, sometimes necessary but evil nonetheless. How can I unpack this? What do I do with this knowledge? God, my God, how can you allow this? How can you watch this happen? This knowledge has me on the edge of defiance. It gives me thoughts about leaving my faith behind and becoming a la vey satanist. My religious intrusive thinking definitely gets triggered when I face an evil history. Violent intrusive thinking also happens when I face the facts. Am I too weak for the truth? Am I a weakling? I would not commit acts of violence unless absolutely necessary to save myself or someone I love. Even then I may decline doing it to save myself. I would not hurt myself. At the same time some of my emotions have become stronger acknowledging the fact of what is. Today I experienced Christmas joy for the first time in a very long time. Today the sex was incredible. Today I was happy on the drive home from sneads. I need to accept all of my emotions, even the negative ones. I don’t have to repress mt hatred for war. I’ve been challenging a belief I held for a long time recently, that I have to think veterans are incredibly respectable and important people. It’s just another job, I don’t have to respect it all. Questioning authority is okay, I’m allowed to do it. That’s the quality of a world changer and I shouldn’t be telling myself it isn’t. I’m someone who changes things, I’m someone who makes a difference. The world isn’t telling me I can’t make a difference, the only person saying that is me. I’ve been told my whole life I can make a difference. I am able to impact others. Even if only a little, I can change something. I can change someone’s mind. War is atrocious, I don’t have to believe in it. Even if I acknowledge the possibility of it’s inevitability, I don’t have to consciously agree to it. That’s being an adult. Sometimes you see things you hate and you have to move on because it’s not your place to stop everything bad. We aren’t God. But by God if you have the chance to make a difference when it’s your turn to be called you need to fucking respond. Your whole life isn’t made of moments that change the world, you likely won’t have the chance to change the world, but your life has several moments of profound importance where you hold in your hands the keys to someone else’s freedom. Maybe a billion. Maybe life is a surplus of moments to make a difference for someone, and it’s okay if a lot of those moments are for you to help yourself. I think these feelings of profound importance are difficult to navigate. They are as beneficial as they are detrimental. And why the fuck can’t we be honest about these feelings? That’s bull shit. Every person in the world has a little bit of “I’m going to make a difference in them”.

HMB: Rosemary’s Baby Mini Series

Original Publishing Date: August 21st, 2015 

Rosemary's Baby is my favorite horror movie of all time. Sure it has some note worthy problems, but the suspense, film making, music, acting, story and characters are just amazing. But like every great horror movie, people think it needs to be remade. It won't be long until every great horror movie has a shitty remake. Sure, some remakes are fantastic like the Fly and the Thing, but those are movies made by people who loved the original and wanted to add to it. Rosemary's Baby has problems, so I welcome the idea of someone remaking it, but sadly those types of remakes rarely happen. Remakes are only made for one purpose and one alone, to bank on the original. You see, audiences are stupid, and can't watch movies unless they take place in modern day, so they can't watch any movies from the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's and now 90's. So any movie from those decades needs to be remade so that they can take place in modern day. But not only that, but they need to take away any creative direction and writing that was in these movies because like I said, audiences are dumb, and good writing and directing could hurt their brains. Bland visuals and bland writing is completely acceptable. Also, when you're remaking a horror movie, you need to make sure to put in as much blood and gore as possible, even if the movie doesn't need it, if you want it to be a horror movie in the 2000's and 2010's, it needs to have blood in it. You don't want any insecure adults to think they are watching a baby movie. Like the majestic fart joke, people clap when they see blood, so make sure to put that above everything else. But the most important thing to put into a horror movie is sex appeal. Because let's face it, no one likes horror movies, they just want to see tits. I mean, that's what porn is for, but people are dumb and want soft core porn in movies that don't need it. And there you have it, blood, sex, blandness and cash grabbing; those are the four ingredients to make shitty horror movie remakes. And yes, sometimes those elements work, but most of the time its just to market to movie goers who just want at least one of those things. And just like all horror movie, Rosemary's Baby got a remake, which suffers the same fate. The story of Rosemary's Baby is about Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse who move into an apartment. The apartment has a shady past, which troubles Rosemary. They meet the Castevets, Roman and Minnie. They are you're typical old couple, they bicker, they chat too much, and come off as annoying, but also charming. Over the coarse of the movie, Rosemary tries to get pregnant, and succeeds, but it would appear unknown forces want her baby. Now I'm going to have to spoil some stuff, so please watch the original Rosemary's Baby, its a horror classic that's creepy, suspenseful and scary. Okay, so here's the deal with Rosemary's Baby. Rosemary does get pregnant, but not with Guy. Turns out Guy sold her to the devil. There's an entire dream sequence that pretty much spells this out. I mean, you could say it was a hallucination, but given that this is a horror movie, its kind of obvious its the devil raping her. This is the main problem I was talking about. While the original was creepy and suspenseful, there are moments when they try to hint at stuff but ends up making things even more obvious. That's why I want this movie to be remade, so someone can fix these mistakes and make the movie perfect. But no... In fact the problems in the original got worse in the remake. In the remake, a whole lot of shit is different. First off, in the original, the setting was New York City, in this one, its Paris. I guess to match with the love theme of the story. I my opinion it doesn't matter. Honestly some of the changes don't bother me that much. Hutch being changed into a woman named Julie was a good choice, I mean it was weird that Rosemary's closest friend was an elderly man. The best change in the remake was the devil himself. In the original he had red eyes, rock like skin, and large claws, and although we didn't see most of him, you can tell it was him. But in this one he's just a regular looking man. This keeps things more hidden and could potential work. But then there are changes that I don't like. Minnie and Roman are not elderly in this version, they are at most late 50's. This gives them more sex appeal, which you don't fucking need in this story. It's a story about rape, nothing about it is suppose to be sexy. And by changing them to such a young age you're taking away a bit of the creepiness of it. Roman and Minnie were your typical grandparents, which was what made it so shocking when you realized they were the master minds behind this large, evil coven of Satanists. It also erases a theme the original had of young vs. old. The apartment was filled with old people who constantly annoyed and butted into Rosemary's life. Rosemary took comfort in her younger friends. In this, Rosemary has no other friends but Julie and the Castevets' friends are all young too. Also Minnie isn't called Minnie in this version, her name is Margo. Guess Minnie isn't a sexy name. So here's the thing, this isn't a movie. Its a mini series, and when I say mini series I mean two hour and a half long movies. The original was long, two hours and sixteen minutes long, but it kept your attention. This doesn't. And here's the reason why; because its a mini series, so they need to drag things out as long as possible, which means long periods of talking, unnecessary scenes and forced build up. This movie is boring. Very, very boring. Let me give you an example. In the original, Rosemary and Guy just move into the apartment and meet the Castevets that way. In this one, they have a miscarriage, then move to Paris, then move to a different apartment, then Rosemary gets robbed, gets Margo's purse, returns Margo's purse, gets invited to a party, their apartment catches on fire, Guy gets rushed to the hospital to treat his burns, Margo gives them her spare apartment, and Guy is all better the next scene. In the time it took them to get the apartment in the remake Rosemary was already being raped by the devil in the original. This is the problem with it being a "miniseries", it needs unnecessary build up to something they could have just started out with. But here's the thing, the worst crime this movie commits is that its not creepy. Say what you will about the original, but it was creepy. The cinematography, the sets, the music, the acting, the pacing, the build up, the suspense, it was all creepy. It knew just how much to show and how to do it. In the remake, there's none of that. The music is forgettable, the sets are bland and gray, the acting is okay, but not memorable, and the cinematography is flat and boring. This movie makes no attempt at being creepy. The "scary" moments are forced in to remind the audience they are watching something that should be scary. And the way they hint at what's going on is horrible. They do a piss poor job trying to hide the Satanists. The first few minutes is a cold opening where a woman with a cross tattoo committing suicide in the same apartment Rosemary and Guy are staying at. Oh jeez, I wonder why she did that? And look, Roman has a cane with a monster on it, I wonder what they are trying to say? And look, Margo is doing some mystical chanting to calm Rosemary down, I wonder how she learned that? I know the original didn't do a good job at hiding the truth either but the remake does an even more horrible job. And the ending, my God, what a punch to the face. The ending to Rosemary's Baby is one of the best finales of any film. It was all done in one shot, building up to the reveal of the baby, showing only Mia Farrow's expression as she sees her baby, resulting in one of the biggest freak outs in movie history. The acting, the suspense, the music, OH MY GOD! I love this scene! In the remake, shot to shot camera work, bland music, bland set, and they SHOW THE FUCKING BABY! Are you serious! Do you think the audience are a bunch of idiots? Do you think if you don't show the baby but instead her reaction we won't get that she was looking at her baby? Also, the baby looks normal. The idea is that we are picturing the baby in our heads. It could be anything, a charcoal skinned hell demon or a normal looking baby, its up to the viewer. This allows us a satisfying ending. But nope, the remake fucked on one of the best scenes in the movie. The acting is terrible, the build up was terrible, this whole movie was terrible. If you like it... No, you know what? Fuck you if you like this version. Go watch the original. Its a million times better. Shorter, creepier, and doesn't treat its audience like a bunch of idiots. This is one of the worst remakes I have ever seen. Boring, flat, bland, gray, underwelming piece of shit. That's all I have to say.