#i wanted to participate so much but job
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The sun goes down and the creatures...
It is time...
Welcome to the party!
Here's the dark cream shipkids halloween collab!
Warning for blood, halloween music and some horror themed background elements ;3
Close-ups! (Click)
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Credits time!
The kids:
-Mimosa and Mu are mine
-Celestial Star and Luna Light belong to @help-im-a-gay-fish
-Estrella belongs to @shinechermont
-Aim belongs to @zu-is-here
-Ruby and Meridix belong to @orange-dreamzer
-Ares belongs to @puddle-of-creativity
-Nightingale belongs to @catlover31
-Soltice belongs to @laf-e-taffy
-Diaphanous belongs to @amarald
-Mirage belongs to @ari-cuno
-Mager belongs to @faeroviolet
-Fenzo belongs to @im-to-good-for-names
-Andromeda and Eclipse belong to @dragon-tamer-1
The background+ team (look at how big it was this year!!!):
- @diofasolia did the music (spooky scary skeletons :P) (I did some singing), the customized pumpkins, the bloody chair and the lovely lady coming out of the tv
-@orange-dreamzer did some bats, the big cake, a... flower a bit special and empty wrappers
-@pmd-appreciation did seats (pumpkin pouffe, dusty stool, skeleton armchair), the cauldron of snacks, horror movie poster, string of bats, the window, the drinks, the candles
-@amarald did the table, the black cat, the chocolate cherries and a witch hat
#halloween collab#dark cream ship kids collab 2023#dark cream ship kids#and#post dark cream ship kids#thank you so much kind people who joined the background team first year I have such a good artstyle patchwork as background#very proud of your job#if you reblog this don't hesitate to show your beautiful art#after all I had to hide part of it :/#you can't imagine how much of a perspective exercise it was X'Dc#tw blood#tw halloween#hope you all' like it and thanks for participating!!!#what if next year theme was a ''back to school'' kind of thing???#I mean tell me if you have any cool ideas ;3#me doing close-ups: curse the limit of pics I want to zoom on everthing#everybody did such cool stuff OWO!#gave up on doing anything fancy with animated effects#my file was so big already laptop is grumbling#was getting buggy so you get what I managed to scramble XDc
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"The drops of rain make a hole in the stone, not by violence, but by oft falling."
— Lucretius
@thethistlegirl @malewifebillcage
#bill cage#edge of tomorrow#tom cruise#my gifs#edge of tomorrow gifs#my edit#it's been months since I saw this movie for the first time#and I am still unhinged about it#it's so good#Bill is such a wet sad imp#I love him#he went from someone who worked an office job to a hardened soldier#he went through so much#and it breaks my heart that Bill can probably fight this war blindfolded by now#and that they broke someone who never wanted to participate anyway#and no one except Rita knows the feeling#and by the time things are over she doesn't even know who he is#just like in every restart
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keroro the type of person to get very upset if he's not invited to something
#and literally invite himself like ep21 lol#headcanon#musing#he doesn't just wanna be included he wants to feel like he Belongs. it is a subtle difference from kururu in my opinion#kururu wants to feel like he matters in people's lives! yep! and so he likes to participate and be asked#but he won't be heartbroken or anything if hes left out bc hes used to it and hes low energy so hes gonna be fine#keroro i think feels extremely like he doesn't belong anywhere rn#because earth is just a foreign unknown place. unwelcoming. everything is so big. he's not a human he's not a frog. he's not home#but he just as much doesn't feel like he belong with keron and the platoon because he doesn't really wanna succeed in his goal#not like his teammates' lament of wanting to at all (despite not wanting it either! giroro open ur eyes!)#and so and so... something snth why wont you resonate with me? thank u ep31 the perfect character study on keroro#anyway yes he wants to be included in the sense he wants to feel Part of it not just to hang out but Actually to.#be part of the family. part of the team. be . NEEDED. im saying.#make sense?#i thiiiink that is why the birthday thing stings. that and he wants to be appreciated as well. like praised. know hes doing a good job.#that hes loved . that he is needed. is what he wants to know. and doesn't. :) and when hes reminder he loses all strength#consistently from what ive noticed#kururu#keroro
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hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i think this is an autism related thing#but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in#like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about#and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but#it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared#this is specifically in regards to working#like having a job. like going to work#i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating#in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience#i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared#like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW#and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start#im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant#not even a full year of working#i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms#and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go#i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have#ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow#i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed#and im talking about each micro step inbetween#what am i missing#and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being#supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING#jesus christ#manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe#i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves#around me. i know this#i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i#genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive
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I wonder if I can save money on food when moving out by just getting a 30 day supply of “just add water” MREs and cutting the portions in half? The only other food items I’d get would be flour and rice (in bulk), and maybe eggs, so I could pay only around 200 dollars in food for a supply of two months or potentially longer. It would work wonders for my executive dysfunction, not having to cook much. Plus, I could save money on gas by not having to drive to the store very often. I could also grow food indoors.
#This is what the cult gets for constantly drilling “calculate the cost” into my head#I’m an insufferable cheapskate (AKA: extremely frugal when I want to be)#I need calorie-rich foods… maybe I should start buying canned food from Ollie’s now and storing it away in my room#while I’m stable#Then when it’s time to move#I just transport all the cans there#I probably won’t have a car when I leave; but I have a bike with giant panniers on it so I’ll just use that as transportation#get a place within biking distance of my work; get an online job in the summer; do voiceover work and YouTube#Even if the rent is higher; I won’t have car payments to make#I’ll probably look like death warmed over from the food budgeting and constant biking but hey! No meetings!#And any social situations I’m required to participate in I’ll get paid for!#No love-bombing; no unwanted hugging#Can’t wait#It’s a shame there isn’t much public transportation around here other than the occasional bus stop#I wish we had a subway or train station
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vent in tags
#one of the pro-union people at my job talked to the boss and bought their propaganda#so now he's anti union in the pro union channel which caused an argument#and i participated to try to combat misinformation#and then a day later someone posted a question in a diff/non-union channel#and anti-union guy gave false info as the answer#so i corrected him#which caused an argument between us bc it devolved into hot topics of compensation etc#and the guy with the original question deleted his question#and someone else jumped into the argument to answer his question#and i just feel awful#like so many people don't like anti-union guy rn but i'm worried me arguing with him alone under someone's post was too much#and i did dm the guy wjth the question to apologize#and i did step back from the argument and stated that#and i am no longer engaging anti-union guy#but i just worry i damaged my relationship with other coworkers#and i want to talk to my boss about it for advice and ask how much i fucked up#but the union isn't established yet so i can't say too much#and this just feels like a fucking mess and i'm embarassed to even mention i did that to someone else like my mom#so idk who to go to#and i judt fucking hate everything#zip quips
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yes! yes!!! I have finished all the (bookmarked) attacks I had for art fight
#rave ramblees#art fight#and i don't get attacked out of the blue usually so i don't have to worry much about revenges#< it would suck to be sixbane though#she's actually insane. this year she's all 'quality over quantity i'm tired' (already has 110 attacks in 11 days)#how the fuck does she do it does she not SLEEP or....have an exceeding lack of motivation??????#anyways i could still do more attacks if i want but now idk who i should go for#i usually just end up going back to the same users from previous years if they're participating#and sometimes i wanna try new people so idk#but i should take a few days off and do the goatlings stuff (and also my homework i guess-)#but anyhow. that's 14 attacks this year#which is a little pathetic compared to previous years usually averaging closer to 40#(which i generally do all in one week and sit out the rest of the fight)#but i had a job this year and have also been Not Feeling Well in the mental department
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I’d like to apologize for not being as active as I once was. I’m still here and still love seeing all the content and love getting the tags! You’re all so nice and special to me but I currently am having to recover from many things and will try try try try to get back into making content once again. I just need to reset in the mysterious woods of my brain. Also an even bigger and more former apology to those that I have started conversations with and have yet to respond. I try to give thoughtful responses and my energy has been so low that I find it hard to do so. I have not forgotten I plan on responding and I am very sorry.
Still feel free to message me or ask for my discord to talk and or send content my way! 🥰
#look life felt like a lot for a bit there and I just can’t handle it#currently trying to permanently remove myself from the job I quit and it’s been harder than I anticipated#not to mention family stuff on top of that to just trying to survive summer and not think about the future too much#i also just seem to be going through the inevitable cycle of my depression where all I want to do is sleep and cry#anyway apologies for lack of participation I still want to see content from you all!#so feel free to send it my way or ask for my discord to talk there also
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I refuse to bitch about life anymore!
#theres so much im upset about#but its like. who cares#im gonna do what i want#im the main character of my life#why am i changing my behavior based on others#like really who cares!#and if they do so what?#mtxt#however i still want to avoid giffing#its baddd like ill watch a video and be like#omg thatd be good to gif#i need to break that habit#my brain naturally takes things too far so i#have to make sure i distance myself an appropriate amount#however that should be easier now that im starting#my new job tomorrow !#i really need to even out my hobbies#and make sure im participating in them in a healthy way#which i was.. definitely not before lol
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literally so fucking over my job.
#I love it but like. it’s so much.#and not to sound like a jaded fucking bitch but I am tired of these kids being so damn SENSITIVE#not in reaction to me just like. to the world.#like idk how to kindly say:#I’m not saying you’re life isn’t hard. but this sure as hell is as easy as it’s going to get#you get three free meals a day. socialization with your peers.#a gaggle of adults MYSELF INCLUDED who would take a bullet for you LITERALLY#and deeply care about you!!!!#like fuck off!! I am not asking for much!#I literally do everything for these kids and all I ask is they come in and fucking participate in some music for 45 minutes a day#it’s an easy grade#it’s FUN#and I get it may not be everyone’s thing but YOU CHOSE TO BE HERE!!!!#and if you don’t wanna be here go the fuck to math or something!#I’m just#AGHHHHHHHH#I hate bitching about this bc it makes it seem like I hate my job and I don’t#I literally love these kids so much and I just want them to want better for themselves#god I could cry#personal#teaching adventures
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being a paper restaurator is living the dark academia dream n doing a new binding of 19th century supernatural being encyclopedia in two volumes but also *everything smells like goat because we have a ton of centuries old parchment stuff here at the moment* *moldy ledgers* *calling your colleague to show them the dumbest name you found in a birth register from 1880* *EW EW EW theres a silverfish* *'this print is worth a small car' 'i don't give a fuck, it's hideous and i don't want to work on it'* *fix war propaganda posters (only for museums etc ofc, not for private customers)* *hey wanna hear a super creepy fun fact* *laughing at the virgin marys molten and a bit squished face on a wax seal* *dangerous chemicals* *venomous hate for anyone who ever used scotch tape to repair books* *this monk was SHIT at drawing*
#(i want to put pictures SO BAD but im not allowed sadly)#the job is so much fun and the people are all very cool and a little bit weird but GOD the dust and dirt and mold of centuries#my fingernails are fighting a losing battle to stay clean#also the parchment needs to be at a constant rh of 45-55% and a temp of ~23° so no window open most of the time#it's so enjoyable tho#i love hanging out with my coworkers. talking. being bros. sharing a bedroom. going to a museum and spending all day in the city together.#take a castle tour. wanting to take a fencing lesson at said castle but they dont have enough participants.#(last ones were all at an away job lmao but i really really enjoyed talking to said coworker i like her very much)
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literally for so many reasons i should not do this program tomorrow but explaining why i can’t would be so embarrassing but also i really shouldn’t. lol
#i keep panicking bc i don’t know how to talk abt this in a way that makes it safe for ANYONE. it feels wildly wildly inappropriate to be#participating in a conversation about such an intensely personal sensitive thing LET ALONE facilitating one as someone who has been touched#by it directly. and maybe that’s just me being weird abt this entire broad topic my whole life and uncomfortable at the prospect of even#saying the broad words and touching on the overall topic but this really really feels unbearable and bad. but also i can’t not do it so. lol#purrs#the thought of telling my story and going as deep as i possibly can which might trigger someone when i don’t know who is in the room and#THEN hearing stories from everyone in the room — people i KNOW!!! interact with on a daily basis!!’ — about what horrific things they mightv#been through and getting triggered by that. AND possibly also having ppl in the room who think it’s all bullshit and will say stuff and#everyone else is allowed to react if they’re triggered by that but i am not because im the facilitator and my job is to deescalate. like lol#how am i supposed to do any one of those things. potentially all of them. i feel like collapsing and to say why it makes me feel like#collapsing would involve me having to explain this to people i know anyway so either way im fucked. and like i do want to talk about it very#much but also i dont. at least not until i know what everyone has gone through first. bc i don’t want to hurt anyone bc it can be painful an#and i get hurt by hearing stories too. which is like dumb bc it’s not even MY thing to have stories about lol but im still like this. anyway#this is clearly something i need to be working thru in therapy bc it impacts my life in ways literally no one else in the world sees or#knows about but i don’t know if i will ever be able to bring it up in therapy bc it is just so uncomfortable and embarrassing for me. lol#and like i know km going to contradict myself in even telling the story too which will open the door for someone on the other side to do a#gotcha. and i don’t even know what to do w that. i don’t trust anyone who might be in that room to listen or understand or protect me which#i especially should just let go of because as the facilitator im the person who has to do the protecting. and it sucks bc i need protecting#with this and i will have to pretend im strong and healthy about it when really i have no right to be leading a conversation about it or#even talking about it bc it happened to me but not in ways that anybody even thinks about or cares to think about. so lol. ok stop rambling#even before this all started i have a tjougjt related to this topic every single day. every single one. and it just makes me squirm to think#that now i have to talk about it bc it’s my job. and i really really want to. and i really really don’t
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Brb screaming into the void aka venting in the tags 🔫
#i want to write so badly#and i have so many ideas#yet somehow i am not able to put a word on a document#ive also been feeling so bored on tumblr dont ask me why#is it bc i work a 9 to 5 job and never be able to participate in anything?#like i wanna write so much#i still have to write a bday piece but guess that will never come#or so much series on my writing blog that have 1 chapter and nothing more#tbh debating to just close my writing blog or smth idk#i have also 5 writing requests and they are catching stuff and worst part? i don't feel guilty at all that they are still there-
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my brain is broken broken i literally just had the thought that im looking forward to hearing the christmas music this year. girl its january 2nd go see a neurologist
#i joke a lot about having no concept of time but sometimes it is actually a bit scary#i want to chalk it up to the fact that i normally spend holiday periods working on projects so i dont participate in celebrations much#i think im gonna do myself a favor and stop overburdening myself with work once im done with this project i have to turn in on march#i do wanna pass my uni classes in september too but once thats over i wont sign up for more stuff to do outside of work#for a couple years at least#or my head is gonna explode#do you want a me/cfs relapse? this is how you get a me/cfs relapse#hell maybe ill even take a year off work in 2026#to do fuck all and just recover mentally from what the last few years have been#when i say i havent stopped for a minute i mean it#my job has never crunched me im just incapable of not filling every waking hour with projects classes and stuff#its on me 100% i need to stop
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Type: Event (Prelude)
Muses: Node the Fennec Fox, Sonic "Bless" the Hedgehog
Status: Open (1/3)
Selectivity: Selective.
If you wish for your muse to partake in the upcoming event, this will be your chance to enter the fray. Interacting with this post will result in a message to your inbox (and to a muse of your choice, from Node) you can guess what they'll be trying to beg your muse about.
Given this is a day or so (in-universe) before the event actually kicks off, this is labeled as a prelude. If you would like the message to be turned into a thread, let me know, and I will be willing to turn it into such. When the event actually kicks off, I will write you a starter. If your muse has yet to interact with Node or Bless to any degree, please DM me to discuss.
#we’re trapped in reality/on our way to insanity/but you are not alone | mun#memories fade but legends never die | plotting call#don’t worry we’ll be back one day/to celebrate our glory days | queue#//if you're a multi pls specify who you want to participate#//this event *will* contain death scenes/gore/general suffering so be warned#//I do have an inspection at my job this week so I'll be writing the 1nbox messages over time#//I supposedly have next week off so...hopefully I'll be able to write as much as I please during that time---#//I swear if the Q ate the pl0t progression post I will swallow my keyboard whole in rage
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#The thing that scares me about how important networking apparently is to finding a job is that it’s so easy to fuck up#I’m just so scared I’ll accidentally commit some social faux pas#or accidentally seem like an asshole#and fuck up my chances forever#Like how fucked up is that????#People talk and I don’t wanna be memorable for the wrong reason#I don’t want to mess up#So it scares me into not doing anything#I tried participating at an event today and I just never got called on even though I was right in front of the speaker#in the lecture hall it was a classroom setting#And one other person got called on thrice#Like????#I’ve participated twice during the course did I piss them off???#Was I annoying????#I haven’t cared about being annoying since high school what is this#I can’t ruin my chances now pls not now#I’ve done so much#I’ve gotten this far#I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
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