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#i wanted to include the fish lady but there was no space :’)
bootobeneficiary · 7 days
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Hypergamy 101: How to Date Like Flav
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I admire raggedy men. They are hypergamous kings. Let’s learn from them:
They’re picky
They only date someone they directly benefit from (i.e. hobosexuals)
They view themselves as kings and expect to be treated as such, no expectations…unless they directly benefit from giving an exception
THEY DO NOT IDLE, THEY OBTAIN
This is the all-in-one guide for hypergamy. You don’t need anything else besides this post, guaranteed…ish.
I am going to breakdown Beneficiary Dating using Flavor of Love as an example. Similar to rotational dating, but more straightforward towards obtaining the goal of marriage.
Pay attention, but please ask questions in the replies if you have any!
Mate Value (CASTING + PREP)
Prerequisites
Polishing Your Appearance: The contestants complete a casting call / tape prior to being chosen as a cast member of the show. Think of a model going on a casting call. Elevate your appearance in ways that challenge you and increase your chances of attracting the masculine you want.
Self Development: Work on your temper, your tardiness and everything in between prior to entering the Mating Market (or dating pool). The less baggage you have, the less baggage you attract.
Create a Persona: Plenty of the girls went into the house with the aim to use this show as an opportunity for future projects. They created an alter ego that’ll help them win the competition (or love from viewers, like New York!)
Get Your Affairs in Order: Your finances, your health, your stability in general. Get your ish together before worrying about being in a boy’s face!
YOU ARE NOT DATING DURING THIS PERIOD! ISOLATION TIME!
Grab your copy of “I Have > I Am: Masculine Guidance for Feminines” to begin your Prerequisites Journey on the right track!
Scope to Start
Mating Market ( MANSION)
You are placing yourself “on the market”, a space for people to form romantic connections with each another. You are now dating ONLY after working on your Prereqs.
Self explanatory, pretty much. This could be the club or the golf course.
Bait-a-Mate
Mating Choice (HIS APPROVAL & ATTRACTION)
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea,”
You can only win the competition if Flav is “feeling” you. In order for Flav to feel you the most, you must bait him into being attracted to you despite the presence of other (high quality) feminines.
That’s Mate Choice, performing actions in order to increase your chances of being chosen by the individual.
Forms of Baiting during Flavor of Love include:
Challenges
One on One Time
Knocking on Flav’s door when the other ladies are sleeping…
Speaking of Challenges, the challenges were created in order to see who fits the preference of Flav.
The infamous chicken challenge featuring Hottie. He prefers a woman who knows her way well around the kitchen.
Bridget playing detective with the lie detector, since Flav prefers a woman who tells the truth.
The ladies in the house preferred a man with money and fame, hence why they’re engaging in intrasexual competition for access to his resources (his home, his cars, celebrities, etc.)
I prefer a man who has dogs (not “likes” dogs). To place myself on the Mating Market, I would scope and start with places that are dog friendly.
Mate Preferences is another evolutionary psychology term used to detail the Mating Process.
Audition Date!
Mating Strategy ( THE PLAN TO WIN THE COMPETITION )
Red Oyster’s Mating Strategy was to tattle tail on other girls in other to win….or at least get closer to the final round.
THE ART OF SEDUCTION: Remember, you can’t seduce without strategy? Now that you have a strategy , select an archetype of your desire.
Seduction is the foundation of a mating strategy. How are you going to persuade, convince, captivate the attraction of this person?
A real estate agent seduced a sale by charming the customers and making parts of the house sound “sexy”, such as the indoor pool or spacious rooms.
Proposal Period
Mate Selection (FINAL ELIMINATION NIGHT )
Delishis vs New York…or New York vs Hoopz.
Flav giving Hoopz and Delishhis matching grillz is an act of Mate Selection. He has chosen his mate (his partner, wife, etc.).
During this time period, he also met their families which persuaded his selection. Proposal Period is where marriage is seriously discussed and planned, such as ring measurements, cultural traditions or meeting children.
CONCLUSION
We are animals, therefore it’s time to mate as wise as other (female) species.
Have your fun, like Flav. Receive gifts from multiple suitors. Go on dates with Many Men. Never give any of them your body, not even a kiss if you don’t feel comfortable.
Beneficiary Dating allows for you to receive the girlfriend experience, ultimately leading you to becoming a wife. You do the selecting, your rotation does the auditioning.
Hope that made sense. Nonetheless, God bless!
Click to Watch Flavor of Love for FREE on YouTube
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walviemort · 2 months
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hidden blessing (13/?)
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Summary: Killian thought the only thing he was left with after Milah’s death was a broken heart and a thirst for vengeance. It’s not until he gets to Storybrooke, after so many years spent in stasis, that he discovers something else: he’s carrying her child. How does this new, tiny blessing change his path? (Canon-divergent from 2x12.) rated T | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | part 12 | AO3 | 3.9k a/n: And we're back! I still have the next few chapters done, and the rest of 3B plotted. Thanks for not giving up on this!
Killian was surprised at how much relief he felt when the Storybrooke harbor came into sight. Being safely out of Neverland was certainly part of it, but seeing that quaint little town that was apparently working its way into his heart was its own kind of soothing. 
If he had to guess, the gentle but persistent kicking he was feeling from his baby echoed his own joy. 
That said—he did have to bite back a pang of loneliness at watching the reception his allies were given upon disembarking the ship; even Regina was hailed as a hero by the townsfolk that, he had thought, were generally distrustful of her. He stood on the gangplank watching the reunions and feeling very much like an outsider again. 
It wasn’t that he wanted attention or gratitude; he had just apparently come to enjoy the feeling of being included. 
(He was at least assuaged by the fact that Emma looked equally uncomfortable with all eyes on her and her family; the somewhat panicked look she shot his way once he eventually disembarked was met with a knowing nod.)
After confirming that the waters of Neverland were working on David for the moment, everyone began to dissipate and move back toward the center of town. He hung back, though, citing a need to fully secure the ship—and, frankly, he needed a moment alone to continue to convince himself that the babe was all he needed; that they were family enough (and more than he’d had in decades). 
(He did, however, miss the longing glance Emma gave him as she was ushered back into town by her parents and son. But as long as he wasn’t going anywhere, she’d have time to talk to him later. And maybe more.)
—---------------------
Later that day, after wrapping up on the ship and running another errand, he found himself with the rest of the crowd in Granny’s. As soon as he’d walked in the door, every single craving he’d had on the island came back to him at full force; he didn’t even know what to order. Granny chuckled when he explained the situation and told him she’d take care of it. He honestly didn’t recognize half the foods she gave him—some kind of fish, and perhaps some bacon?—but it was divine. (He couldn’t blame the sudden snugness of his vest on the babe alone.)
He was sipping on some ginger tea afterwards (lest that amazing meal come back up) when he cast a glance across the diner—and noticed Emma sitting there, with Henry. Much as he longed to join them, it was a stark reminder, as had been everything since they landed: his focus needed to be on his child, and nothing else, much as hers was likely on getting Henry settled back into his life here.
A presence was suddenly in his space, and Neal was sliding onto the stool next to him.
“Didn’t know you drank anything but rum,” he teased, nodding at the mug and then taking a sip of his own ale.
“As I understand, that wouldn’t be ideal for a fetus,” he replied. “And don't worry, I'm not here to pursue the Lady Swan.”
“Yeah, you're just here to enjoy Granny’s excellent cooking.”
“I am, actually. And I've made a decision when it comes to Emma: I'm gonna back off.
“Back off?” Neal sounded surprised.
“I have enough to focus on with impending parenthood; I don’t need to actively be throwing romance into that equation. Which I suppose lets you have a fair shot at her, without a devilishly handsome pirate standing in the way,” he winked, then finished his tea.
“You're serious?” He seemed genuinely touched.
“Yeah. I am devilishly handsome.”
Neal at least chuckled at that, and offered his glass in cheers. Killian obliged, but didn’t add on what he was really thinking: even if he wasn’t actively going to seek Emma out, he had no plans on going anywhere or leaving her presence. His priorities might lay elsewhere, but he was in this for the long haul; given the previous demise of Emma and Bae’s relationship, he wasn’t optimistic about a reunion.
But that was for the future. At present, he looked up to check the time on the clock—and cursed. “Damn; I’ve got to get to an appointment.”
“What, like a doctor appointment?” 
“Yeah; is that odd?” He’d gone to Doc’s office earlier to enquire if he had any availability to see Killian and was told to come back later—not long from now.
“You just don’t strike me as the type to seek out professionals.”
“No, not usually, but it’s not for me—it’s for this one,” he said, nodding at his belly. “Can’t be too careful when Neverland is involved.”
Neal winced. “Yeah, good plan. Hope it goes well, then,” he said, surprisingly sincere. 
“Thanks,” Killian replied as he hopped off the stool and threw some gold on the counter. “Until later.”
He’d hardly gotten outside Granny’s front gate and down the sidewalk when a familiar voice was calling for him. 
“Hook!” Emma shouted, then jogged to keep up when he paused. “Where are you going?”
“Nowhere exciting,” he answered. “Just the obstetrician.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Oh, okay, then; just wanted to make sure you weren’t skipping town or anything.”
“What, afraid I’d leave without saying goodbye?” He felt slightly guilty for flirting after the conversation he’d just had with Bae, but he couldn’t help it if Emma was the one seeking him out. “Don’t worry—I would never.”
“You better not,” she said, and held his gaze. She wasn’t saying it verbally, but he understood the subtext clearly: she wanted him to stay—here, near her. And that meant more than he could express.
Her eyes darted to his lips, despite there being several feet between them; gods how he wanted to follow that train of thought, but perhaps making out in front of the diner where her ex (and the rest of her family) still sat wasn’t the greatest idea, especially since he still had somewhere to be.  
“Right, well, I don’t want to be late,” he finally said to break the silence and took a step in the direction of the doctor’s office, if only to break the tension between them. 
“Yeah, yeah,” she said quickly, shaking her head as if to clear it. “Uh, wait—do you want some company? At your appointment?”
He blinked; now he was truly surprised. “Why would you want to go to that?” he blurted out. 
“I mean, most people usually have someone with them at those—their partner, y’know, or a friend.”
Unable to resist the setup, he asked, “And which do you consider yourself, Swan?”
The subsequent eye roll was expected, but her sincerity wasn’t. “Look, I had to go through all of that with Henry on my own, and I always wished I had someone there with me. So, if you want someone, I’ll gladly go with you.”
He opened his mouth to reply, but he simply didn’t have one. But the way he was suddenly holding back tears probably said enough. “I, uh,” he stammered. “I’d like that, if—if you’re sure.”
She gave him a small smile, then walked forward. “Well, come on; we don’t wanna be late.”
He watched her walk past him, still in awe, but finally came back to his senses when she yelled at him to hurry up. 
The entire concept of the “waiting room” at the doctor’s office was foreign to him, and frankly seemed unnecessary; it just gave him more time to worry about what the doctor might find. It was all he could do not to bounce his leg nervously as he sat in an uncomfortable chair next to Emma, who seemed to be reading a periodical.
But when he glanced over at her, her eyes were anything but focused on the pages. “Not a fan of the physician, eh?” he said, trying to refocus his nervous energy elsewhere.
She blinked and looked up at him, then chuckled half-heartedly. “No, it’s not that—although, yes,” she conceded. “I’m just worried about Henry.”
That, he understood. “He’s been through something traumatic; it likely takes some time to settle after that.”
She huffed a bit. “That’s what everyone keeps saying, but it’s not that. There’s something else…off, I guess.” Then she shrugged. “Or maybe I’m just imagining it.”
“Or maybe you’re not,” he countered. “Your instincts tend to be fairly solid, Swan; don’t ignore them if you think something is truly wrong.”
“Thanks,” she answered, giving him a small smile in return. “I just don’t know what it could be.”
“Perhaps—” he started, trying to help her brainstorm, but then his name was called out to go back to the exam room. Alas; they’d have to continue that train of thought later.
Having someone with him in the exam room was a completely different experience than his last couple of visits, and definitely for the better. If Doc was surprised by the change, he didn’t comment on it, and even though Emma politely averted her gaze during certain parts of the checkup, she was able to help answer some questions—like just how long they’d been in Neverland. 
“Just shy of three weeks,” she was answered confidently. “And you were at 16 when we left, right?”
“Yeah,” he confirmed, astonished she remembered. “But I think Pan may have accelerated it a bit, at one point.”
“You didn’t tell me that!” she hissed, but still sat next to him during the sonogram; she’d already seen his belly at the lagoon, so he didn’t mind that exposure, but he wondered if she might get weirded out seeing the image of his insides. 
But then Doc said “huh” while he was scanning, and Killians heart stuttered. 
“What?”
“I can’t—find—“ Doc said while continuing to move the probe around. 
Killians breath hitched as he stared at the screen, waiting for something to appear. The babe couldn’t be gone—he could feel them still—no, please, no—
Then he jumped a mile when something touched his hand; he turned his head to see Emma slipping her hand around his and giving an encouraging smile. He couldn’t return it, but he took hold of hers and squeezed. 
“There they are!” His eyes darted back to the screen and he sighed; there it was—his babe. “They were hiding on us!” Doc said, chuckling, “but everything is looking good.”
What Pan said he’d done was accurate—he was around 18 weeks now—but they were there and they were healthy and that was all that mattered. 
He felt somewhat drained as he and Emma left the office, but ultimately relieved. “Thank you for coming, Emma; I’m...I can’t say how much it means that you were there,” he told her outside the office. 
“Like I said—no one should have to do that alone,” she said. “And honestly, it’s the least I can do. I’m glad I was there, too.”
“Would, uh,” he started, not sure how to ask the question he wanted to ask. “Do you want to…” How on earth did one ask the object of their affections to join them at the rest of their appointments to track the growth of the child they were having as a product of his relationship with said love interest’s would-be-mother-in-law?
“I will gladly go to the rest of them, if you want me there,” she said, smiling. 
Thank gods she figured it out. “Yeah, I would. Please.”
She just laughed at him and started to lead the way back into town. They were silent, but it was a comfortable quiet—although he did keep stealing glances her way, something she was apparently doing as well because they broke into a fit of juvenile giggles when they caught the other’s eye. 
The turnoff came to head to the marina, and sleep was calling his name again. “I’m afraid this is where we part,” he said. “Seriously—thank you.”
She waved it off. “It was my pleasure. But now that I’ve seen that kid, I’m gonna be making sure you’re taking care of them.”
“With my life.”
“That’s what worries me,” she teased, albeit with a serious edge. “Especially after Dark Hollow. Take care of yourself, too.”
“You have my word.” (She could have whatever of his words she wanted, if he was being honest.)
“Well, I’d like to make sure you are. Like, tomorrow, around lunch time, at Granny’s.”
“Why, Swan, are you asking me on a date?”
“No. I’m making sure you get decent food. Especially now that I know you’ve been craving grilled cheese.”
She had him there. “Alright, I will see you then. And maybe we can continue the earlier conversation, about Henry?”
“Yeah,” she said softly. “See you then,” she farewelled with a grin. 
He started to walk away, but a crazy idea came over him. “Wait, Emma,” he called out, then jogged over to her as he fished out the envelope Doc had given him from his jacket. “Do, ah, do you want one?” he offered, holding it out to her. 
Now was her turn to be speechless; she blinked and stared at it in awe for a second. “An ultrasound picture? You’re asking if I want one?”
“Aye.”
She stared in shock for another moment, until a smile that was usually reserved for Henry took over. “Sure.”
He let her pick which of the few she wanted; she chose one with the baby’s fist extended. “Looks like they want to party,” she giggled. 
“Well, they’re all pirate,” he agreed, grinning. 
They parted for real then, with a promise to meet the next day. Apologies to Neal, but he couldn’t deny Emma anything. 
(He didn’t see it, but when Emma got in her Bug, she smiled at the sonogram, even giving it a little fist bump. “You’re gonna have a great daddy, kiddo,” she told it, “and I hope I’m a part of your life, too.”)
—-------------------------------------------
The next day, right around the time Emma had requested his presence, he slipped in the back door at Granny’s to meet her in the diner. But before he got that far, he ran into someone else—almost literally. “Oof—sorry; my apologies, Lady Bell,” he said, steadying her with his hand and hook. 
The fairy didn’t seem too bothered, though. “I’m alright; are you?”
“I’m fine, love,” he assured her. “Just need to pay more attention to what’s in front of me, apparently.”
“Daydreaming, huh?” she assessed, crossing her arms and smirking. “About the little one…or about Emma?”
How was she always able to read him so well? Was that a fairy thing? “Bit of both, I suppose,” he acknowledged, and told her about the appointment yesterday—both Emma’s presence at it, and the reassuring news he received. 
“That’s fantastic!” Tink gushed. “So do you think you’ll stay on the ship, or try to find some place to stay in town?”
The vision of Emma’s family’s flat swam into his mind; the Jolly Roger had long been his home, but he had to admit it wasn’t always the safest (or warmest) place. Perhaps he did need to find a more permanent mooring? (Maybe even in proximity to Emma’s home?) “I suppose I should start looking—”
He was interrupted by a most blood-curdling scream coming from outside. Bloody hell—they’d hardly been back a day; were crises this common here? “Then again, maybe not,” he quipped, and they quickly ran outside to see what was happening. 
Emma and her father were getting out of the prince’s truck (who, he had heard, was successfully cured of the dreamshade; Gold had held to his word, incredibly) as he and Tink emerged from the diner. 
“The hell was that?” she exclaimed as she walked over; he didn’t miss her glance between them, a curious look on her face, but hopefully she noticed the subtle shake of his head. 
“I have the same question,” he did add, though. 
The screaming occurred again, only louder.
“There,” David shouted, pointing in the direction of the sound, and took off running; the rest of them immediately followed (even though Killian had a feeling that exertion on an empty stomach was not going to be great for his nausea).
The sight that followed certainly didn’t help: near the steps of the convent, the mother superior was making a mad dash to get away from Pan’s Shadow. She nearly got inside, but the Shadow got there first—and wasted no time in tearing away her own shadow. 
Immediately, the nun collapsed on the sidewalk. David knelt down, looking for a pulse, but— “She's gone,” he said, aghast. (Killian began searching for the nearest bush to retch into; Doc said the nausea should be ending soon, but apparently not yet.)
“Why would the Shadow kill her?” Tink wondered aloud for all of them. 
“No idea, love,” he answered. “But I do know the Shadow only takes orders from one person.” That fact was also causing the twist in his gut. 
Emma found his eyes; her own were wide in shock. “Pan,” she said, confidently and horrified. 
While he was busy losing what little remained of his breakfast in the shrubbery, the rest of their little band arrived, no doubt also noticing the ruckus. Regina was understandably confused as to how the shadow could have broken free; Henry looked downright terrified. Neal was at least being pragmatic.
“Look, let's go back to the ship and get the candle. If it strikes again, we need to be able to capture it,” he said authoritatively, then turned to Killian. “Where’d you stash it?”
“I’ll show you,” he said, and threw an apologetic look at Emma as he left; he didn’t dare mention their abandoned date in front of Neal.
Tink tagged along as well. “Didn’t we just do all this?” she complained.
“From what I’ve gathered, Storybrooke is just…like this,” he supplied.
“Sounds exhausting. Are you sure about staying, then?”
“Do you know of anywhere better?” he quipped back.
“You’re staying?” Neal asked as they approached the marina.
“Aye; is that so surprising?”
If he wasn’t mistaken, Neal was pouting. “I just figured it’d be back to the high seas.”
“With an infant on the way?” Tink interjected. “Are you daft?”
“I mean, houseboats are a thing,” he said quietly, but it was clear he wasn’t enthused by that news. Ah well—that was his issue to deal with, not Killian’s. Just because he wasn’t going to actively pursue Emma didn’t mean he was going to stop talking to her altogether. (And it really wasn’t his fault if that fact alone was threatening to Neal.)
It was both a comfort and a worry that the previously dark sail was back to its normal crisp white. All the more reason to track the shadow down again. 
“I know where the coconut is below deck; cover for me?” Tink asked. They obviously obliged. 
Both paced the deck, keeping an awkwardly safe distance between them. Killian took a moment to stop at the dockside railing, scanning both the sky and the skyline. 
As much as she’d been teasing, Tink’s comment was lingering. Did he truly want to settle down and raise a child in a place that seemed to attract danger?
Or did he want to fight to make it a safe place not just for his babe, but for everyone else here?
“When’d you do this?” Neal’s voice pulled him from his meditation; he stood on the quarterdeck, running his fingers along the wood behind the helm. 
Killian moved closer, ascending the steps. Neal was tracing the well-worn indentation behind the wheel—particularly, the lines he’d angrily dashed through the port and starboard symbols he drew for Bae all those years ago. 
“Right after the Lost Boys took you,” he said solemnly. 
“Trying to erase what you did?” There was an edge of venom in his voice. 
“Trying to erase my own hope,” he confessed. “Nothing excuses what I did—you suffered the most from my brash action—but I had been sincere in my desire to keep you here. I was angry at myself for destroying it; thus…” He waved his hook over the carvings. 
“I know,” Neal said, tracing the P. “I probably would have calmed down eventually, you know; I was an irrational teenager,” he chuckled. “But you were the adult.”
“Aye; right on all counts.”
“At least you get a second chance now. Don’t mess it up.”
“I don’t intend to.”
A look of understanding passed between them, despite the tension just a bit ago, and they nodded at each other. 
A moment later, Tink emerged with the coconut, just as Neal’s talking device went off. (Perhaps Killian needed to get his hands on one of those? They seemed to be rather useful.)
“Okay; we’ll be right there,” Neal said, then pocketed the object. “Everyone’s meeting at Regina’s vault. We good to go?”
“I certainly am,” Tink said, raising the coconut. 
“Aye; let’s get this over with once and for all,” Killian agreed, and they set back off across town. (He’d read that continued activity was good for the baby; with the number of times he’d traversed the town, they were sure to be in good health.)
His blood nearly froze in his veins, though—despite the exertion—once they reached the cemetery. He expected to see the usual band of heroes, and the Crocodile, but—what the bloody hell was Pan doing there?
And, even worse—why was Neal running towards him?
Killian’s hand instinctively drifted to his sword, convinced they were running headlong into a trap.
“Is it really you?” he heard Neal say from afar.
“Dad,” Pan said—though, it evidently was not the demon child. Killian looked towards Emma, hoping she could read the look of confusion that was surely on his face. Her mouth was a thin line but she nodded; they were good enough at nonverbal communication at this point that he could tell: somehow, Pan and Henry had switched bodies. 
(He could wait until later to congratulate her on knowing something was off; but first, they had to get through this.)
David asked if they’d found the Shadow; they showed him the empty coconut in response. The fact that it was still on the loose—paired with the realization that Regina’s vault was magically locked, with both her and Pan-as-Henry inside—was more than his uneasy stomach could take, and he had to step aside to retch again, though little came up.
As he was hunched over behind a random headstone, he felt a caress on his back; Emma gave him a consolatory rub, before seeking her own solitude further away (though her parents were quick to follow).
Everyone’s nerves were palpable as they waited for the Dark One to gain entrance to the vault—then even more on edge once he got through and headed in, with Emma and her parents in tow. He tried to give her an encouraging nod when she looked back over her shoulder at him before descending, but doubted it was convincing.
He paced; Tink perched on a stone; and Neal looked after Henry-as-Pan while they waited for news.
Finally, the others returned, Regina in tow, with the worst news possible:
Pan had escaped—and he’d taken the Dark Curse with him.
Fear like he hadn’t known yet immediately ran through Killian’s body, and his hand rushed to cover the spot where he could feel his babe’s equally nervous wiggles. For the first time, he was genuinely frightened they might fail. Gods above, what was happening?
—------------------------------------
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thewinterstale · 1 year
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Play Recommendations for Locked Tomb Fans
Just for funsies, I've compiled a little list of a few contemporary plays (written or published within the past ~30 years, mostly written by living playwrights) that might be of interest to fans of The Locked Tomb series! All my recommendations are vibes-based and 100% off the top of my head/inspired by looking at my bookshelf and going: Yeah, that one! I tried to include a mix of genre, drama, and comedy to appeal to a lot of tastes. I've only included plays that are currently in print, so there are no super obscure deep cuts here - if something catches your eye, you should be able to get your hands on it pretty easily! I know there are a BUNCH of classical influences in this series, but not everybody who wants to get into casually reading plays for fun is eager to start with King Lear or the Oresteia or, like... various passion plays lmao. Everything I've included is a little more accessible - all contemporary language, nothing in verse, etc. If any of this interests you, my list is below the cut! Feel free to suggest more!
X by Alistair McDowell This play is about a group of English astronauts stationed near Pluto. In addition to being pure horror set in space (blood, gore, creepy children, the works), it also has really gorgeous, effective ecological themes. The characters are insufferable in interesting, charming ways… and 100% stuck together for a LONG time, lyctor-style. Structurally, it will fuck up your brain and give you psychic damage. If you had fun getting gaslit by Harrow the Ninth or really enjoy the concept of liminal time, you will have a blast trying to figure out what the hell is going on here. Even if you don't, it's an enjoyable ride with plenty of re-read value. Silence by Moira Buffini You might like this play if you’re into classic medieval knight/lady vibes with a little bit of religious doubt thrown in the mix. It’s basically a horse-and-carriage road trip play with a whole bunch of hilarious gender and sexuality fuckery going on. There’s also an awful character named Lady Ymma, whose mother is a saint and gives me big-time Mercy vibes (ie: I am obsessed with her and believe she can do no wrong). It’s deep but also consistently very funny, which makes it a truly entertaining read. (cw: It does deal with sexual assault, but not graphically or on the page.) 
Guards at the Taj by Rajiv Joseph Do you like gore and ethical quandaries with your theatre? So do I! This play is about two low-level guards (former soldiers who served together) in 17th-century India, tasked with standing silently with their backs turned away from the under-construction Taj Mahal. They do not stand silently, despite the threats of severe punishment - and they dream aloud in hilarious dialogue loaded with snicker-worthy, TazMuir-esque anachronism. The second act is a bloody, stark contrast to the first (very much in the style of GtN-to-HtN, whiplash-wise)  and a meditation on power, beauty, the social order, and how they intersect. 
Open by Crystal Skillman This is a one-woman play and also a magic show… without any magic in it. I will tell you at the outset that this isn’t the play for you if you’re looking for queer joy, but if you like WLW, symbolic resurrections, and, well… pain, you might dig it anyway! The kind of magic in this play is of the “clap your hands if you want to save Tinkerbell” variety, which makes it charming, nostalgic, and heartbreaking. It’s very smart and very sad - and, if you’re short on time, a very quick read.
The Gulf by Audrey Cephaly Honestly, this one’s just on here because it’s a tight, well-written two-hander about toxic lesbians (and if you don’t love toxic lesbians, why are you even in this club?). The entire play is set on a fishing boat in Alabama, so “the gulf” between the women is literal and metaphorical. It’s somehow uncanny and naturalistic and full of delicious angst. I’m a huge Audrey Cephaly fan. If you’d prefer your lesbians with some extra PTSD, disfiguring scars, and goats, check out her play Alabaster, too. 
The Lady Demands Satisfaction by Arthur M. Jolly  This play is pure, delicious farce. It was originally written for the Babes With Blades theatre company, which only produces plays in which women wield swords in high-stakes circumstances. There are a bunch of HILARIOUS, incredibly theatrical duels and so much mistaken identity you might have to make a chart while you read, where’s-the-soul style. Perfect if you’re a Gideon stan and miss her mix of irreverence and sword dominance. Great characters, great combat opportunities - just, overall, *chef’s kiss* 
Marisol by Jose Rivera This piece is dystopian magical realism. The titular Marisol is an ordinary woman whose guardian angel abandons her to join the revolution and overthrow her aging, inadequate God. It’s simultaneously incredibly dark and surprisingly hopeful - the perfect read for someone who loves an impossible story on stage or who enjoyed the dread-filled, destroyed urban ambiance of RB-infested New Rho.
One Flea Spare by Naomi Wallace The first line of this play is, “What are you doing out of your grave?” The rest of the play is the answer to that question! Basically, the piece is a black plague story perfect for all you recovering goth kids out there, which shares a few fun plot elements in common with Gideon the Ninth. Likewise, the plague quarantine sets it up as a “locked room” story. It’s dark and gritty and surprisingly funny, with some cool moral questions at the center. 
Cleansed by Sarah Kane So, disclaimer: if you’re not a huge reader of weird plays, you might want to ease into the work of Sarah Kane. She was a next-level innovator, and her work was consistently challenging, gruesome, violent, impossible, and bizarre… though I’ve heard some of you are into that! It contains a little bit of everything - losing bits of yourself in the act of loving another person (literally), a weird sex change operation, twincest - basically, the horrors of love times a zillion. It’s supposed to make you uncomfortable on a few different levels. All that to say, this is a gourmet dead dove - if it’s for you, you will devour it and come back for more.
That's all she wrote for now! Let me know if you read and/or enjoy any of these!
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midn1ghtw1tch · 4 months
Text
ONCE UPON A DECEMBER …
❅❆❅
❅❆❅❅❆❅
hello ! my name’s wil, i’m an f, 21 student vibing in the est, and i’m looking for some new roleplay partners! i’d best label myself as selective to semi-selective, as i only really look for dynamic characters and plots - and of course, other (19+) dynamic writers whom i can fangirl with on discord only !! so anyone interested in creating pinterest boards, sharing visuals and various other medias are more than welcome !
however, this is all to say that even though i have been temporarily relieved of my academic duties), i still work more than half of the week and require some patience ! beyond that, i can promise you enthusiastic communication, ideas, plotting & energy — i ask for all potential partners to be the same !
my writing style is advanced literate to literate, and i have a penchant for including detail, dialogue (both inner & outer) as well as side characters. i don’t really have a set limit for quantity as I understand plots can be very fluid, but rarely do i ever fall below the three paragraph mark. i’d also be happy to swap writing samples in order to detect compatibility !
i’m comfortable playing both male and female characters, and request that you are as well ! furthermore, i like to explore all kinds of complex character backgrounds & bonds - be it platonic, familial and romantic, but heavily prefer m/f & f/f pairings in terms of romance (selective with mxm but open to all sexualities, trans & nb muses as i also have plenty of queer muses :]). dark themes are also welcome if not encouraged ! furthermore, while smut may come naturally - i’m only really comfortable writing it once we’ve gotten to know each other and have discussed limits !
disclaimer !! f - only writers in mxf ships will not be responded to, nor will those who exclusively write submissive characters, sorry !
faceclaim-wise i unfortunately do not dabble in “wanteds” but you can find my potential and previously used faceclaims here ! & wanted dynamics/plots here ! i would also like to add that this is a poc and size inclusive space !!
now, onto the good stuff. for the sake of keeping this post from dragging on, below you can find my most preferred genres and an accompanying wordbank !
❅❆❅
HISTORICAL ♘
medieval | arranged marriages | loyal knights | ancient societies | mythology | long-lost dynamics | war | royalty | enemies to lovers | forbidden affairs | prophecy | faith & religion | oracles | priests | betrayal | plight for the throne | gladiators | cowboys | 1920’s-1960’s | prohibition | pirates | anastasia (1997) | wenches | lady-in-waitings | game of thrones | house of the dragon | long, arduous journeys
CRIME ♕
gangs | turf wars | mafias | vigilantes | crooked cops | streetwalkers | underground clubs | midnight | dark alleys | thieves | heists | spies | mercenaries for hire | backstabbing | loansharks | indebted characters | con artists
DARK ACADEMIA ♟
students | professors | artists | secret societies | class disparities | philosophy | gothic architecture | being someone’s muse | ancient artefacts | hidden stairways | rivalry | enemies to lovers | friends to lovers | adventure |
THRILLERS ✄
modern socialites | the filthy rich | saltburn vibes | the white lotus vibes | dirty secrets | drugs, sex & parties | jealousy | polyamory | murder mystery | dark comedy | serial killers | folie a deux | morally grey | roommates | toxic dynamics | dysfunctional families
DYSTOPIAN ⚠︎
zombie wasteland | oppressive governments | class disparities | the hunger games vibes | the handmaid’s tale vibes | fight for survival | found family | artificial intelligence & robots | cyberpunk | real or not real? | saving one another | coming back for each other | heightened abilities | scars & injuries | simulations
SUPERNATURAL 𐂂
fae | witches | vampires | werewolves | beauty and the beast vibes | cottage core | elves | swan princess | merfolk & sirens | sailors | familiars | “bloodbags” | fish-out-of-water vibes | demons | bounty hunters | count dracula | interview with the vampire | turning | saving & being saved | forced proximity | coercion
❅❆❅
…. aaand that’s all folks ! please like this or private message me if you’re interested !!
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p-artsypants · 5 months
Note
trick or treat?
Also, I deleted your ask by accident while formatting my post, sorry! So I hope it's okay if I include it below the post!!
~~~~~
you got a treat! So, uh…have this snippet of a WIP I hope to finish someday!
modern/magical girl/scp (I don't know, feel free to ask) AU
Sometimes, he pondered WHY he still forced himself to show up here. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited. The radio chimed on about some hair salon catching fire and waffled on about fire safety – not that that wasn’t important, especially in his field – before announcing the “latest hits” to be played. Of course, the same as the past two hours. Usually, the radio was a godsend when it came to distraction.
Not today, it seemed, as it failed to aid droning out the headaches.
Toothless wriggled around even more in his bag, agitated or hungry or both.
Was this hell? Probably. He groaned as his flip phone gave a cheery bleep. “Gods, why NOW.” He felt like bashing out his brain on the steering wheel when he checked the alert.
Of course Thuggory and the rest would be tracking down a random third-degree anomaly when here, right now, two A and B ranked ones chose to hop into their world, a mere few hundred metres away. The headache abated somewhat when two other icons plopped up next to them – at least he wouldn’t have to deal with them personally.
“Earth to Hiccup? I repeat-“ How long had Cami been at that?
“I heard you. Over.” He grumbled into the open laptop beside him. “Still negative PSI-readings. Head eastward. The subject likes water. Over.”
“10-4. Over.” Camicazzi (Bourgh) responded. “Why are you so sure about the water things, though? Over.”
“Trust me. It does. Over.” Why question a space-whales love of water?
An angry grunt came as a reply, but she left it at that.
“Also, Thuggory’s side is pinging in. You’ll be on your own for a bit. Over.”
He didn’t wait for her to respond and tuned in. If Snotlout had gotten his team into trouble, he swore…
“Uh, Hiccup? We’ve got a…situation. There's a-“
“Oh, Thor be damned. You went over THERE?!” Right to the A-rank from earlier, where a magi team was trying to take it down. Great. More problems for him.
“Yeah, there’s a PSI-type cluster with smaller ones around it.”
“Leave it alone and run. I repeat-“
“Oh, come on Haddock. We can handle it.” Jorgenson cut them off.
And that, ladies, gentlemen, and all others, is why he hated working with Jorgenson.
“Thuggory, take the measuring beacons and evacuate now. The data is more important right now.”
“Ah, don’t listen to him. He’s a fearmongering idiot.” Snotlout interrupted.
Hiccup switched back to Camicazzi before he went insane.
“Alright, Cami, Team Jorgenson is facing issues. Can you send over some of yours to help? They want to fight an A-class.”
“Who wouldn’t?” Why was she so delighted? “Ping me the location.”
“Right. Transmitting data and PSI-readings of their area. Don’t blame me for anything.”
Camicazzi only laughed as her transmitter crackled and eventually turned itself off due to the Psi-levels of whatever creature they’d found.
He turned off the transmitter and sighed. “Tooth, did you hear that?”
“I did.”
“You know what I’m going to ask, right?”
“And you know I’ll just tell you to do it yourself.”
He gave a pained smile. “And if I said I’m cutting your fish allowance?”
Toothless threw him a nigh toxic glare.
“I’ll come along.” He grumbled as Hiccup temporarily connected the transmitter to his earphones. He locked the car, gave a hurried look around, and pulled the whistle from his pocket.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Thank you for the snippet!
And for you, sweet child, please, take a few~
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sidewayspeace444 · 7 months
Note
Can’t believe a source so close to Chris would say “I feel like contacting this fan site about him. Let me tell them a huge secret”
Someone would actually run to TMZ and sell it. Let’s be real. If the evidence is so *chefs kiss* they would hit up aa real news outlet.
///
THANK YOU!!! 💯💯💯
Exactly what I’ve been thinking & saying nonstop!
This whole thing makes ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE! Who TF goes to a freaking Tumblr blog OF ALL PLACES to give a tip-off about a celeb??? Seriously, can someone tell me?!
THE place that everybody goes to when they have something to spill are the gossip sites and outlets - like TMZ, NY POST, Daily Mail, National Enquirer! Hell, even Deuxmoi (although her credibility is highly debatable). Not Tumblr!! Of all places?!
Unless it’s one of the kids or teens in Chris’s family (including Miss Fish herself) who’s the “source,” I truly cannot wrap my head around the possibility of a freaking vendor, a professional, or one of Chris’s grown ass friends discovering TLQ’s blog & deciding “Oh, THIS is where I’m going to share this info!” ALSO, what would said “source” even be getting out of all of this by coming on Tumblr? Why would they do that? UNLESS AGAIN, it’s freaking Alba herself.
And btw, there have been rumors going back to last year that she scrolls around and is quite familiar with Tumblr - so if it would be anyone, it would be her or one of her anti-Semitic friends.
I wouldn’t put it past one of the lonely, desperate housewives, though, either. They have the spare time, so…
TLQ keeps saying that there’s “absolutely no way” they can share the info they got without “compromising” their source’s identity.
Hmmmm…..
So, not even if they blacked things out? This must be a big major “source” then, if it’s not a vendor.
Something is definitely sus. I don’t buy any of the excuses that they and their whole group of followers have been using. I don’t care for their “track record,” either.
I stand by that person who sent them that long ask questioning everything - because they’ve raised a hell of a lot of good points. And that blog’s response didn’t cut it, either. They knew what they were doing. They didn’t care about anyone’s mental health or feelings - they quite literally made things worse.
Call us crazy, call us unhinged, truly don’t care. We’re all literally being driven to this point because people won’t stop with all the mind fuckery that’s been going on.
(I’m sorry mod, I didn’t mean for this to be so long and, well, heated. It’s all just been far too much. It’s so tiring. Thank you for giving me the space to get this all out. So glad to have you back. Xo)
They have made things worse. If they know certain people get anxiety about situations then why are you making it worse for them? I don’t care about it but I do care about peoples mental health. There’s thousands of people who have looked up to Chris Evans for 10+ years, and do they really want to push the narrative that he’s racist too? You are who your friends are.
I have people in my asks standing up for them and you know what? I don’t care to entertain them. The source was more than likely the pottery lady. I’m sorry but a friend of theirs isn’t going to say “A pottery video is coming out” no they’re going to confirm other details that are far more important like Mother Mary, NYC/Bermuda trip. Hell, even Hawaii and Canada.
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cloudyswritings · 3 months
Text
The Silly Ones
just a dump for some silly headcanons from different fandoms.
Hollow Knight:
Smoker Hornet: see my other post
Hollow likes scarfs, like they just like being cozy.
Kinda morbid, but Grimm has a collection of small like, lumaflies, maskflies, and other relatives pinned up in his tent. This includes non-sapient butterflies. He does it to get out his aggression for his sister.
PK absolutely eats via his head, like bro has a mouth between his crown. It’s like a garbage disposal.
if he had a weapon, it’d be a trident with some dramatic name. But he’d secretly call it the Pale Fork
The dreamers once sealed started playing card games together. They really want to play euchre but don’t want to invite the radiance as their fourth.
Dryya: might just be canon but she’s gay for the white lady. The biggest silliest gay.
Zote used to be a higher being…
Hollow can’t sleep and Ghost is the biggest napper. Hollow carries them around like a little tote bag.
Rainworld:
Saint isn’t actually fluffy, but like a kinda gross slimy fluff, like they’re still a scug and scugs are slimy bois
Rivulet spends like 500 cycles trying to get that damn rarefaction cell to moon without chucking it into the void from pebbles can.
The ancients in pebbles city used to drink Pebsi, named after his august self.
NSH is responsible for miros vultures, suffice to say the local scugs went out their way to damage his structure in small ways when they found out.
Artis bomb jumps are just superpowered farts
Pebbles could’ve been saved if he just took up a hobby like every other damn iterator.
Pjo(these are more serious):
Gaia insited on Percy’s blood because he inherited on of his fathers names related to the earth, specifically Gaienokhos which has a possible interpretation as Holder of the Earth
Percy actually is mostly the son of Yam the twisting serpent, it’d explain his poison control, the weird shit he does with the rivers of the underworld, as well as the general strength buff he has compared to poisedons strength names. This is mostly something I learned from reading An Undertow of Sand by Shujin on space battles, so please go check it out, you won’t regret it.
Thalia could see and hear as her tree form, she regrets this immensely.
Percy is actually really good at sciences? Like especially chemistry.
I feel like he could easily start incorporating biology from various marine creatures as a power if he really tried. Like he could make his blood poisonous, or possibly slow his metabolism to survive the cold like a Greenland shark. He may even do this subconsciously to survive the pressure by taking chemicals from deep seas snail fish.
on that note I feel like he has the ability of tuna to conserve the heat generated by like normal metabolism and use it to warm his core temperature and speed up his metabolism for short bursts of incredible strength and speed.
Amphitrite is the true ruler of Atlantis, Poseidon is just her trophy husband. This is like pseudo canon? Cause she’s legit a titan(second gen I think?, her dad is Oceanus) so…
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uweiy · 1 year
Text
New Beginnings
Gaon has heard people say revenge left you empty. It might be true in some cases. It definitely isn't true for Kang Yohan. Rather like he finally drove out the demons plaguing his existence. Where Yohan was sharp, he is now gentle. Where there was torment, there is now peace. And Yohan wears peace like a halo, hard-earned and precious.
The first months are still difficult, in the way change always is.
Elijah doesn't want Yohan with her when she goes to see her physical therapist. It bothers him, Gaon can tell, to leave Elijah in a stranger's hands unsupervised, even just for an hour, but he's trying to give her more independence. Gaon's heart bursts with something like pride.
(Gaon checks on her whenever he can and gives Yohan little updates on how the treatment is going.
Yohan pretends not to care.)
It also feels weird, leaving for work, while Yohan stays at home.
Yohan doesn't ask about the ongoing restructuration process, though Gaon knows he misses the court work, misses the attention, the show. Gaon guesses he has a lot to figure out, including who he is without those things. So, by tacit agreement, they avoid bringing it up.
It doesn't keep Gaon from wishing he could ask for Yohan's opinion on some matters. Turns out, it was way easier pointing out the flaws in Yohan's decisions when Yohan had been in charge, than being the one in charge. Or one of the people in charge at least.
Gaon doesn't think justice should rely that much on just one person. That one mere human should hold that much power over the people themselves. Gaon was already liked, thanks to Yohan paving the way for him, but he declines brand deals and interviews, and generally avoids doing anything that might get him too close to getting a fanbase.
Jin Joo is much better than him at this anyway, so she handles most of the public-relations part.
He tries to balance out what Soohyeon would do with what Yohan would do. Then he breathes out and thinks what he would do.
____
One day he comes back to find Yohan sitting cross-legged on his armchair, staring blankly into space.
"Yohan?"
"She said I was made for it."
"What?"
"Sun Ah. She said I was made for the stage."
"The stage was made for you," Gaon answers cautiously, still standing under the arch that crowns the entrance of the room. They are still learning how to approach each other, with words rather than with violence. The latter being the easier way, for them. "not the other way around. You are made for whatever you like. Whatever brings you peace. "
Yohan considers it.
Gaon crosses the distance between them. Yohan looks up, just in time for Gaon to effortlessly press a kiss to Yohan's lips.
"What was that for?" Yohan asks, when they part.
"Nothing. I just missed you."
"Mmh." Yohan hums. He seems pleased.
___
"You understand, we are trying to build a system that is fair to everyone. So I can't start with making exceptions for you." Gaon says, out of the blue. Yohan peers up curiously from his journal. "But technically one you're dead, and two there is a legal vacuum right now, as all the laws are being rewritten. So, if you wanted to go outside the property well. There would be nothing to stop you. Just saying."
Yohan never had a problem with breaking laws before, yet he seems to have been holding back. Gaon thinks part of that stems from the fact that Yohan doesn't want to cause trouble for Gaon, and his new functions.
Yohan only snorts. "Duly noted."
Gaon must have guessed right though, because Elijah reports that she notices Yohan wandering out more and more often. When Gaon asks Yohan about it, he simply shrugs, "People all wear masks anyway."
But there is something, a glow on his cheekbones, a sparkle in his eyes that tells Gaon that he is enjoying this newfound freedom.
He tells Gaon about the nice spots he discovers. Sometimes he takes him there, too.
_
"What's that?" Gaon eyes the package on the kitchen table.
"Some old lady gave me fish." Yohan sounds so bewildered at the memory that Gaon has to bite his lip not to burst out laughing. He fails.
"I don't see what's so funny about it." Yohan grumbles, but the corners of his mouth curl upwards.
From there on, they often get fresh fish.
_
"I'm starting to understand what you mean," Yohan says one day. "About people."
___
That isn't to say there aren't any bad days. One time, when Gaon gets home, he finds Yohan shirtless, essentially tearing open the floor and the walls with what seems like an ax.
"What are you doing?" Gaon has to yell over the rhythmic noise.
Yohan doesn't even register he's there. Gaon notices there are small, bleedings cuts everywhere on Yohan's bare skin, from the splinters of ceramic and wood.
Yohan brings his utensil down once again, shards flying when it hits the ground.
"Stop!!" Gaon yells, and he surges forward to catch Yohan's arm. Yohan halts and finally seems to remember himself as he takes in Gaon's presence, Gaon's hand on his arm. "Stop," Gaon repeats, softer. "You're hurting yourself."
Yohan exhales a shaky breath and lets the ax fall to the floor.
"I hated the pattern," he states eventually as if it explains everything.
Gaon studies him. He doesn't press.
"We'll redecorate," is what he answers after a beat. He can wait until Yohan is ready to talk. They have time after all.
___
"I used to hate the whole house," Yohan says that night, unprompted, his voice so low Gaon almost misses it. He's facing away from Gaon.
Gaon has abandoned the guest bedroom a long time ago, so late-night discussions are a common occurrence, even more so than before.
Yohan turns to Gaon, settling on his pillow. It's so dark all Gaon can see is a tiny fleck of reflected light in Yohan's pupils.
And Yohan begins to tell Gaon about his father.
Though Yohan relates everything very factually, Gaon feels it all. Resentment against an adult who should have done better. The helplessness of a young Kang Yohan who didn't know better. A strong desire to protect said Kang Yohan.
But Yohan doesn't seem to want him to do anything but listen. So Gaon tucks those emotions close to his heart, and does just that. He will keep and treasure all the ones Yohan is willing to share, good or bad, even the ones Yohan probably had had enough of for a lifetime.
Yohan finds Gaon's hand in the dark and entwines their fingers.
"I don't hate it anymore."
Gaon could cry. He just holds Yohan's hand tighter.
_
The next day, Gaon brings home a booklet with different shades of color and patterns.
"For the walls."
___
Sometimes it's Gaon, who wakes up and feels blank. Like the world isn't enough for him to go on.
He turns to the side and sees Kang Yohan, and reaches for him, and when he can touch him, when he meets Elijah at breakfast, he feels himself coming alive, alive enough to get through this day.
Weirdly enough, on days like these, Yohan never fails to suggest watching a movie in the evenings.
He always seems to know.
___
"I'm sorry," Gaon whispers sometimes.
Yohan hears him every time. He doesn't need to ask what for. Every time he says the same. "I forgive you. Do you forgive me ?"
Every time, Gaon's answer is the same.
"Yes," he whispers. Of course.
___
One day, Yohan asks, "How is the restructuration process going?" And Gaon almost walks into one of the marble posts. Innerly. Externally he maintains his composure and fills Yohan in on what they have been doing. Yohan wants to know every detail, asking very specific questions Gaon answers as best as he can.
"I could use your help," Gaon says. "If you wanted to."
___
"How's Yohan?" Jin Joo asks casually, and Gaon spits out his coffee.
"I— What? I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh please. You were a zombie that day. A walking corpse," she gestures. "And two days later wham bam color is back in your cheeks and you're fine again? tsk tsk tsk," she waves a finger in Gaons' face. "I'm many things Kim Gaon. An idiot is not one of them.
"So it seems." Gaon answers cheekily. They had never quite been as close as they could have been before, their relationship unknowingly strained by the many strings pulling on both of them. Now though, Gaon can definitely say they're friends.
"Kim Gaon!" She slaps him on the back.
"Aah, I'm joking, I'm joking. You could drop by sometime," he says, more seriously. "He would be pleased to see you I think."
"I'll think about it." Jin Joo says.
________
The last days before Yohan and Elijah travel to Switzerland are no more no less eventful than the ones before. Gaon isn't scared this time. He doesn't feel as broken anymore and he knows it's not goodbye forever. It's not goodbye at all.
"If anything happens" Yohan searches Gaon's face. "I'll be back immediately."
"Nothing is going to happen." Gaon assures him "Just worry about Elijah for now. You better call though!" Gaon calls after him.
Yohan chuckles.
___
It's Gaon who calls Yohan first. He calls for everything and nothing at all actually, no matter what time of the day.
To his team, he's calling his "legal advisor". It's true, in a way, no one knows the law and its flaws better than Yohan.
So it was bound to happen.
"Hyung about article— uh article 17.3 the one who references the codex—", Gaon stutters and continues his sentence without really registering what he's saying.
It slipped out so naturally.
Yohan doesn't comment on it so Gaon almost thinks he will just let it slide, when right before the call ends—
"Hyung huh?"
Gaon can hear the smirk in Yohan's voice.
"oh you shut up," Gaon says weakly, his face burning.
He keeps using it.
__
The first time, Yohan calls, it's to ask how to make pasta (that is not instant ramen).
He can probably manage on his own, but if Yohan just needs an excuse well. Gaon isn't going to stop him now he's found one.
"You have to put in water first. What kind of pasta did you get?"
"Wow thanks." Yohan says, sarcastically. "Some kind of tubes with stripes."a silence. 'What now?"
Gaon laughs. "Hyung, you're hopeless." But he walks Yohan through the steps. "mince the onion and the bell pepper..." "that's right add the sauce" "... perfect."
_
Yohan can definitely manage on his own. but he likes to hear Gaon talk.
"You'll have to show me next time."
___
The calls become more and more frequent as Yohan gets accustomed to it. Soon he doesn't even try to find pretenses anymore.
Gaon spends every holiday over there. Works remote when he wants to stay longer.
Yohan flies back to Korea when Elijah has busy weeks. "She's happy I'm leaving her the place, so that she can throw get-togethers with Margaret and Ellie and whatnot."
Gaon raises an eyebrow.
"I've had Lawyer Ko run extensive background checks on them," Yohan adds.
"Of course you did."
All in all, they make it work.
Later, when Gaon feels like things are stable enough, he packs his things and leaves. He leaves everything into Jin Joo's hands and joins Yohan, wherever they're staying — Korea, Switzerland, anywhere — for good.
___
Much, much later, the Kang mansion becomes well known under another name.
Saint John's orphanage, where the children are well cared for, their scholarship fees paid for by anonymous benefactors. In hopes that there might never be another Kang Yohan.
Only the food is terrible, apparently.
Fin
___
Complete fic on ao3
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batboyblog · 10 months
Note
Hello! You may not remember me, but I am the anon from a whiile ago, who found out about their grandma being Jewish, and who you were really nice to (and had a pretty big impact on how they're going with it). I don't know why, and it may be a lil creepy to keep doing this, but I thought I'd give you this update, because you're genuinely really nice!
So here it is, update 4 or 5 from a complete stranger to you: I am kind of considering starting a conversion journey. A little impetuously, one might argue (I would also argue). But here's how it's going, since I told you about this in February and we only found out in December:
Grandma, who is probably in her early 90s (we can't be sure since neither her or her siblings had documents of the year she was born), has decided to live 'her precious last years' (said in quotations because these are not her last years, as she like all grandmas will live to her hundreds) like herself. This includes being an unapologetically grumpy old lady who refuses her hearing aids and practicing judaism. She started kind of going to the Synagogue since January this year, but from my aunt's birthday on the 18th of February she's gotten a lot more religious, attending service every week, keeping in close contact with her Rabbi. We've offered to her to change her last name, that she got from my grandfather, back to the one she and her siblings shared, Kalinowksi. She said it was a waste of time, which fair enough, but apart from this my aunts are not really sure what to grasp with this suddenly pious old woman, and since I'm the family member closest to her it's up to me to accompany her when she leaves the house, including to shabbos service every saturday morning. I don't mind, and at her encouragement Ive started kind of observing shabbos with her. In the beginning I felt... weird, a little fake, like I do when I go into the Synagogue, but it just naturally started becoming more natural. Even when I'm not home, and thus am not eating mostly kosher like we do since recently, I still kind of find myself keeping to myself. Last sunday I absent mindedly recited to myself the prayer we do before eating when eating lunch at work, and even in broken hebrew (because i only know it from ear) it felt right?. It's just, the little things, you know? I love my grandma to pieces, she's been my best friend since I was a kid and she'd arrange my toys in fun scenes as a surprise from when I got back from school. Seeing her living as she pleases now is the happiest Ive ever seen her. I'm so happy to be here to see this. And slowly the things I was doing just to appease her, to keep by her, are starting to touch me in very like, weird ways. It's like this weird feeling of 'oh obviously. this is what i should have been doing!" it's peaceful. it's like something i never knew i wanted. and it's so weird.
Last month for Yom HaShoah we went to a service together. I took the day off from school to stay with her, and it was a very emotional moment. It felt like only the two of us when we talked. Later that week, my city's Holocaust Remembrance Museum held an event about the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, and I attended reluctantly. It was my first time going to a Jewish space without grandma as a cover, and I was fully expecting to feel like an intruder, or an imposter (the event was not exclusive to Jewish people!!! If it were I would not have gone), but to my utmost surprise I didn't. I felt all the emotions, of course. The Warsaw Ghetto story is not one you can hear without emotion. But I didn't feel like I shouldn't be there. At the end, the museum guide concluded talking about the relation Jewish culture has with spaces of memory, and it fucking hit me so hard. I'm a Museum Studies/Museology student, for context, and everything he said about Museums and spaces dedicated to remembering was like a fish line straight to what I felt about my career of choice. Things I didn't even know I thought.
So that's around the time it really started to build within me the idea of considering starting a conversion journey. I feel so weirdly connected to all these little parts of Jewish culture and faith and life that I don't know what to do to myself. I want to live in this beautiful way not just as my grandma's granddaughter (although I am and will always be honored to be just that) but as myself. Like for real. And I know conversion to Judaism is a deep, complicated, strenuous process, and with absolute good reason, but I also feel like I can't start it soon enough. I will of course give it time, I want to make sure I'm doing this in the long haul and for the right reasons, and in the meantime there is so much to study and learn - just a few thusand years to catch on - before I can even look in the face of a Rabbi and call myself a Conversion candidate. But I want to get there, I think.
So this is the update! Sorry again to keep coming back to you, and thank you for listening. I also thought I should introduce myself properly - I'm Laura! Thank you again <3
First off of course I remember! This story is one of my all time favorite things that has ever ever happened because of having this silly little Tumblr.
secondly! no one, NO ONE should feel bad about dropping into my ask box and telling me a story, I love it, wish people would do it more often.
Your grandma reminds me of my grandma (Z"L) she grumpily refused to get hearing aids at all insisting she'd be dead soon so why bother, it was like 10-15 years of basically yelling, her house shook when she watched TV. Oh also your joke about Grandmas living into their hundreds, Jewish tradition, since its maybe rude to ask someone's age and in the Yiddish world view to ask such things is to invite trouble and misfortune (Eastern European Jewry pessimistic? nooooo) you would say "How old are you? till 120" or "how old is he? may he live to 120" 120 being the maximum age set in the Torah for the human life (some early figures are said to have lived for hundreds of years but God slowly flexed us down to the standard ages we have now) so "may you live to 120" And may your grandma live to 120
Any ways I can't tell you how much it warms my heart to hear about your grandma reconnecting with her religion and culture. It really makes me tear up thinking all the miles and years she's traveled to get back home again. If I might meddle in your life I would encourage you to push your mom and aunts to come to Synagogue with your grandma. It's such an important part of her life now but also a core part of her story and who she is, I think in years to come having been able to share that with her will be a comfort. Likewise shabbos, is traditionally celebrated by a meal to welcome it, and a blessing done by the woman of the house, I wonder since your grandma missed out on years of making Shabbat meals and lighting the candles for her family it might be nice for her to do at least once for all her children with someone else doing the cooking of course, you had mentioned trying your hand at challah, Cholent (stew) and brisket are the other traditional dishes.
Also I'm very happy you're connecting to it as well, Judaism is a very mindful Religion, there's a prayer and ritual for basically everything so if you want and you mean it you can turn daily life into a moving meditation on the divine. The sanctification of the mundane is Judaism's great gift. To say the same words in the same language and link yourself back through thousands of years to Bronze Age sheep herders and olive farmers and all the many many Jews in the times and spaces between is magical and does make something like eating a sandwich at your desk into something special.
Any ways I know just what you mean about memory and Judaism having such a space for it, I mean the whole religion is about story telling and memory, its even how we talk about the dead "may their memory be a blessing" its remembering that is the blessing, and many of the holidays are about remembering. And how even if we weren't there, we were there.
On the conversation path of course take your own time, and for sure be sure you want it forever. But I'd also say your grandma sounds like she's close with her Rabbi who I'm guessing also knows you since you always go with her. So there's no harm in having an informal chat with him about it, likely he might have questions that might help you more clearly articulate what you want or be able to point you to books or other resources that can help shape this. I don't think you need to be fully ready to start the path and assembly a beit din to start asking questions of "where do I start?" and "is this even right for me?"
finally I guess thank you for this wonderful update, and very nice to meet you Laura, I'm Max
PS I wonder how Passover went? did your Grandma go full Kosher for Passover? that can be quite the production, also matzah can be un... and experience for the new comer so I hope you didn't mind it, also matzah pizza... idk
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gwydionmisha · 6 months
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Personal: Scam or No Scam, Cats, Gothmas Phase 1 Begins
Wednesday I was dragged out of a particularly interesting supernatural adventure dream by a different person calling to tray to get me to move out of my apartment. It was 10AM, less than two hours into what was already a short sleep cycle. I started my Do Not Call List banishing chant and he hung up. (Saturday's asshole was a woman.
In my exhaustion I could not remember the block number code before a person who could have either been a Medicare person or a medicare scammer called me. I had to engage them in a long dialog to tell which, which was unusual. Scammers are usually faster and more transparent. This one had enough information about who she was calling to keep me on the line, because medicare makes a ton of annoying and intrusive early sleep cycle calls including one last week trying to talk me into a home inspection I don't need or want. I can't afford to accidentally block Medicare, so I needed to trick her into disambiguating. she sounded a lot like last week's lady. Very similar voice, identical regional accent, but her background sound was slightly off. Her reason for calling was plausible. I did my usual thing where I make them tell me my own details, which she could do, but so did the try to make me move person that had just called, so I'm guessing an online registry or bought data base. No social security number or other id number though.
Then she tried to talk me into going to get my medicare card out so she could "verify my information was correct." Me, internally: Aha! Got her! So I pressed her on why she needed me to do that when she could just read me what's in her computer and I could say if it was correct or not. She tried the hard sell. I hung up. Very tricksey, she was. Sometimes real medicare wants proof I'm me, but I can also get them to mail me things or call them back on an official line I verify myself.
I am annoying as fuck to the endless people from assorted departments and subcontractors and what have you, because I don't trust shit. I know the scripts for the annoying flock of intrusive mandatory wake me up phone calls Medicare does. Every time a new department or service contacts me they get the third degree because I get so many identity theft attempt phone calls. I once hung up on the same new bullshit hassle call thing multiple times a week for approximately three months, because instead of properly identifying themselves as medicare and explaining immediately what they wanted, they started a long byzantine thing that sounded like half sales pitch and half identity theft fishing and after the first time I wasted five minutes of sleep trying to play scam or no scam and getting no straight answers as to what they actually wanted, I would recognize the opening sentences and hang right up. I didn't block them because they were ambiguous. I figured if it were actually important they'd contact me and tell me what they wanted instead of wasting my time. Eventually, I got a frantic sounding lady was like "This is medicare. Please don't hang up, it's important." And then she actually told me why she was calling specifically and demonstrated and actual knowledge of who she was calling. It was real. I've no idea why they were trying to sound like scammers when the thing was something straightforward we were able to clear up in less time than their opener took before I gave up on it the first time they called.
If this thing Wednesday morning was real, bet I'll get a letter. Betting it's not though. I am 95% sure it was a scammer who was doing a well above average job at mimicking medicare.
…And then I got a couple more calls spaced to prevent REM sleep for medical things. Sigh. So I started out tired. People still have not remembered how to drive with other cars on the roads particularly at dusk and i nearly saw a car T-Boned when I stopped at the bank drivethru ATM, but the car stopped inches from the driver side door. There were lines everywhere. There were cars and people everywhere. It was so loud and crowded at the grocery that every baby and toddler under the age of four that we saw started screaming because it was so overwhelming and we didn't blame them.
We ended up skipping two stops and going back to my place the fast way. Poor New Millennial was waiting in the dark as i haven't gotten them a key yet and spaced turning on the Millennial Signal lights before I went out. Goth Millennial had alerted them we were coming but running late and had pizza making stuff for dinner. We all worked together to square things away and while we were waiting for thing to cook, we were sitting quietly in the living room chatting.
There was a moth that had gotten in! Imagine the excitement amounst the feline population of the apartment. The Imperial couple were so excited that they hunted it together in the living room. This is a thing that does not happen. Tavy loves catching bugs, but his balance issues mean he basically has to corner something against the screen where it is damaged or confused enough not to fly away. Livia is, of course, a first rate hunter of any and all live prey that foolishly enters her domain, so even though New Millennial was right there on the sofa, she went right past. She managed to damage the wing, which meant Tavy had a chance! He could hunt too! He ended up having the best time hunting it. Meanwhile, Livia spotted a Live Thing on the Porch, so she got really into menacing whatever it was, then they both sat on the widow bench to watch outside things and wonder what that noise was, which is a thing he does when visitors are here, but she doesn't normally do because she has to turn her back on the Visitors. So Brave!
Goth Millennials got great pictures which I will post when I have them.
After dinner, Goth Millennial did crafter surgery on poor Geoff Peterson Jr. who is starting to come apart. He's a fifteen year old cheap plastic skeleton and these things happen. They redressed him and were taking him outside when his bottom half came off. I was like, we should try displaying him like that as a Beetlejuice tribute, so we are experimenting with that.
Meanwhile, New Millennial put the plastic cloth we are trying this year on the widow bench and secured the Halloween trees against cat panic. Prezzies started arriving this week, so they displayed them there as is the custom. None of the other decorations were up, but this was a lot for us given the givens.
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hoochieblues · 1 year
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tagged by @aria-i-adagio, tysm! Tagging @highwayphantoms, @carabas, @1ichen and anyone else who'd like to play. No pressure :)
Do you play an instrument?
Not competently, especially since I fucked up my fretting hand. A little piano, some guitar. I'm terrible, but I have fun. Back in my 'I'm with the band' phase, I learned how to blow harp, which is a skill nobody really needs and is mostly about standing on pedals.
Favourite book characters?
Arrgh. I love many fictional darlings in many different media, in many permutations of be them/fuck them/eat them/fix them, so I'll pull out the most recent rather than choose. The Exorcist's Damien Karras (novel), the man so emo he's actually embarrassed to be alive, but who still finds optimism on the bleeding edge of duty (or does he?). Honorable mentions to Esme Weatherwax and Lady Sybil Ramkin, bc Discworld novels were a bright spot for me for years.
What’s your star sign?
Aries, but with an Aquarius moon (VIII) and Virgo ascendant (V). I used to make enough beer money off doing natal charts, palmistry, and tarot that I can explain what this means and why it both is and is not important.
Favourite colour schemes?
I am maximalist trash. Bring me your jewel tones, pair them with wind-bleached wood and copper flower pots and patchwork blankets. One day I'll live somewhere I can paint the walls and everyone will be sorry.
Naps or long sleep?
Long sleeps. I don't sleep well and I have chronic fatigue/pain/bullshit so I'm always tired. "Naps" are usually what happen when I black out and wake up with a panic attack bc I don't know wtf is going on, where I am, or potentially what species I am. One day I will try an intentional one.
What languages do you speak?
English. I read more than I speak in French, German, Italian, and Spanish, but I wouldn't trust myself conversationally unless the conversation is reaaallly simple. I once nearly got arrested in Germany in part due to this fact.
Dreams/aspirations?
I mean, not to get heavy, but... I just spent the past 4-5 years putting myself back together (the biggest WIP) after extensive trauma processing, and I would like the happy now, please. I dream of being able to live in the space I need with the ability to have loved people around me. I want bad movie nights and kitchen table pizza and reciprocal friendships and other things I've found hard to achieve (in part because the horrors. You know. They're endless.). People whose weirdness complements my own, and vice versa. I'd like to be better about not isolating myself, bc I'm humbled when I'm reminded people actually do like having me around. (Buuh???) I'd like to get off TERF Island and go somewhere that feels like home, but I'm sick enough that free healthcare (and being broke) restrains me.
I aspire to get off my ass and properly rebuild my life/career, including my writing. To share stories that people love, that I'm proud of and that were written without constraint, financial necessities, or house style guides. I'd like to make a difference in my community (to have a community to make a difference in) and enough land access that I could take on more of the "difficult" foster dogs I have to turn down bc space.
Long hair or Short Hair?
I wore it short when I was a kid (mostly bc it's very thick and curly and no one in my family knew shit about curly hair) but it's been mid-length for a long time now, mostly to provide a canvas for the colours I like putting in it. I think I'm going hot pink and orange next.
Tea or coffee?
I drink both and I have what is essentially Ely's big gay tea shelf from Go Fish (1994), plus I love my matcha, but lbr I mainline coffee by the quart (chronic fatigue again). I've never been rich enough to be too gourmet about much, but I love my single estate fair trade nonsense. I'm considering becoming fully insufferable and grinding my own beans. And yet, there's still a lot to be said for 4am greasy spoon coffee, so I guess I can appreciate variety?
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Bring a book character to life or go into a fictional world?
Oooh. Tough. I had a Goncharov joke ready to go here, but I'll be good. Because I love Ray Bradbury and I also re-read Tom Reamy and Katherine Dunn recently (Blind Voices/San Diego Lightfoot Sue and Geek Love, respectively), I'm going to say I want to go into whatever weird shared universe spec fic authors were all creating in the 70s/80s, where magic realism was a thing and carny culture was repeatedly being used as a stand-in for non-exclusionary diversity.
The Howl's Moving Castle Principle probably applies here, too: take me somewhere I can consort with demons to get a well-cooked breakfast, flee from my problems, and somehow own my own home while refusing to do anything more constructive than be a sulking pile of slime. Seems reasonable.
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thecandywrites · 2 years
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Plain Pain In My Ass
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Ah, for Mermay of 2022, I wanted to go all out and get freaky with some good ol’ fashioned tentacle smut. So micro-octo-mermaid and merman it is! Featuring the very venomous blue ringed octopus and the traditional tentacle porn with a splash of pegging for good measure. Also some cum inflation, and knotting because why the fuck not. If you go here, imagine his cock is number 17. But instead of it being an egg layer- it’s just a normal cock that shoots sperm but that tip is perfect for getting past the top of the vaginal canal and into a uterus. But number 17 is the shape that spoke to me the most, which you’ll see I referenced in the story quite a bit. 
So top left corner- is our girl- and reader- Zhanna. Top right corner- Pilane aka Plain Pain In My Ass. And their initial meeting did not go as planned where thus, Pilane gets that nickname by our leading lady. 
Also crab right under Zhanna is Winnie’s face (Isn’t she ADORABLE?! I mean just look at her precious big blue eyes and wittle claws!) And her body is to the left of Zhanna. She’s a red faced, porcilin crab which are technically false crabs because they have a set of feather like fins that catch debris and then thier second set of arms are pinchers or claws.  
Enjoy!
Plain Pain in My Ass
Zhanna and Pilane. 
“Hello Gorgeous!” The boys hollered and whistled lowly as they were put into the mating tank with all the girls.
All the girls, including yourself- had already been put into this tank yesterday morning to become more comfortable in the space. And this tank was special. Because this was the micro-mermaid blue ring octopus variety. And while most tanks had lots of play areas- micro-mermaid octopus’ of all varieties liked to have a cave per female since octopus’ felt most comfortable in a cave. Usually. 
However after each one had selected a cave and had settled in, all of you had been fed a varitable feast of every prey item imaginable and ate until you were stuffed. All of you got a taste of everything. Even special foods like scallops, clams, fish, whelks, snails, more kinds of crabs than you had ever seen before, and of course a mackerel to sit around and feast on while you talked and befriended each other. And for dessert, each of you were given a whole strand bunch of delectable super sweet seagrapes. Which was a very sweet varity of umibudo as a special treat. Most of you had only had this last when you were getting microchipped. So to have it again was exciting. And then after a to digest all the food you ate- a party was thrown in the tank. Special speakers in the water pumped music to dance to into the water as even the humans outside of the tank danced with you and recorded all of you dancing together and talking and laughing and then special seagrapes were put in that had started to ferment, as the sugars in the seagrapes had turned to alcohol which gave you all a buzz and it was supposed to be the second best night of your lives and something of a bachelorette party because the next day, the boys were going to be put into the tank to mate up with you even though the boys were in another tank, having their own party. 
A blacklight bulb had been turned on over the tank which caused special stones and sand in the bottom of the tank to light up in beautiful colors and even yourselves. All of you had strobed your blue rings in the dark to the beat of the music and danced the night away while making friends to soothe over any hurt feelings and bruised egos that had been done that morning. 
Because yesterday morning- immediately upon being put into the mating tank- almost all of the girls had practically fought for the “best” caves in the tank that were in the middle island of the tank instead of out on the sides and in the corners. The largest and strongest females fought pretty fiercely with each other trying to get them. Because the bigger and better the cave, the bigger and better the male would be trying to get with the female who had it. 
But once each one had the cave she either wanted or settled for- she got pieces of soft coral and other items to decorate the caves and make each one her own and as comfortable as she wanted it. And usually immediately upon settling in a cave, she spun a curtain over the window and a blanket for her bed. And that usually indicated whether the cave was occupied or not. Most females knitted their names into the curtains themselves so that both the other females would know them and the boys would know the name of the female they were calling on. 
But right now- it was time for the boys to come in and try their luck. The bigger and better specimens competed to get their faces into the windows of the caves the girls were in the middle caves in the island of caves in the middle of the tank. 
You however- had not fought with the others yesterday because your mother had taught you and your sisters that there was a difference between what most considered “the best” caves that were in the middle island of the tank- and what really counted in this process- was getting the smartest caves. Not the biggest, not the “best”, not the most prominent. But the safest, most secure and fortified. Where you couldn’t just see potential mates only from a window where they would eagerly shove their face in. But caves that required more effort, and little tricks and actual brains and intellect to get into. You and your sisters had left the most prominent caves in the middle of the tank for those who wanted to fight over them. But you and your sisters- got- what was in reality the true best caves that were in the corners. Where you had two glass walls behind you and you could scope out potential mates as they swam around and could observe them before they would approach you. 
You had gotten- what was in your opinion. The greatest cave of all. Right in the middle- and right in the back corner. Your sisters in the caves above and below you. You could see your other sisters in the next corners in either direction- eagerly and a little anxiously- awaiting to be approached. Your brothers swam around to the corners first to check up on you to make sure to know where all their sisters were. Then your brothers tried their luck with the others in nearby caves with great success. 
You waited, and waited and waited as the other boys seemed to focus on the middle section of caves and then fan out from there. You watched as some of them outright refused to even try to talk to any girl who wasn’t in the main section of caves, despite some of their own sisters taking up the majority of them. Which made you frown and roll your eyes as you looked over and above you and shared a meaningful look of annoyance with your sisters who seemed to be thinking the same things. 
Which left two classes of males left- the ones with low self esteem or the cold and calculating who seemed to just appear to aimlessly swim around the tank and take it all in before deciding to choose a mate- almost at random. 
“Hi, hi, I’m Hyva.” You heard a nervous potential mate greet your sister above you as another approached your sister under you. 
“Hi, I’m Oran. You’re smart. You got the best and safest most secure cave in the tank. Bottom, in the corner- away from the fray and at the bottom where you’re protected on three sides with only a small but ideal window where you can observe everyone else. Very smart. So what’s your name?” He offered as he reached his hand into her cave and shook her hand. 
You looked out and saw that your other sisters were being approached as you realized- the more insecure males approached the top ones and the cold and calculating, but confident and direct were going after the bottom ones. You just hoped that whoever would approach you would be kind of in the middle.
Then you noticed a group of males gather just in front of your corner as they talked amongst themselves rather than approach a female as you noticed that there was a male who was actually very handsome and looked practically wild in coloring and pattern. He was a beautiful bright beige like perfectly clean pristine sand with the darker but brighter and more magnificent blues of his rings which he didn’t even have on! Oh when he would turn them on and pulse he would be so handsome and striking. Which got you to perk up and hoping that he would call on you.
And while he could see you looking at him hopefully, he gave you a small but polite smile as he turned his attention back to the other males. Which made you frown as you could see him pointing and gesturing to all the caves around the tank as you actually came halfway out of your cave's window to listen to what he was telling the others and see if you could at least beckon him over to you. He also had a foreign accent. Which meant he must have come from either an Aquarium or another breeder. There was a human woman checking up on him in particular and you could read the badge she was wearing. She was a Dr. of Marine Biology from the Sydney Aquarium from Sydney, Australia. And when she talked to the other humans, her accent matched his. So he had an Australian accent. Which meant his tank was in Australia. You must have not been the only one to be excited about him as other females, your sisters included started calling out to him- calling him “Aussie”. But he reacted to them the same way he had reacted to you- a polite smile but then turning his attention to the other males and talking with them. 
Was he homosexual? Was he not interested in a female mate? He must have been because he continued to talk to the other males rather than approach any female. It was disappointing and you quickly gave up on any fantasy of going on an adventure to the other side of the world with him and refocused on the other males. Hoping they would start to approach you. But the Aussie had practically half the males in his group! What was he greedy? Was he wanting to go through all of them and hand pick his favorite? Why was he holding up half of the males released into the tank?!
So you openned the door to your cave and pretended to fix your curtain in the window from the outside and inclined your ear and heard their conversation-
“See my mother told me that if we make the middle ones wait- they’ll be so desperate for a mate, they’ll accept the first one that approaches them because they’d rather be paired with anyone than left alone.” The Aussie insisted to the others as you turned your head to look at him over your shoulder and narrowed your eyes dangerously at him and those in his group. Then you went back into your cave, shut and locked the door and sat down on the soft coral that you had arranged into a seat and pushed it deeper into the cave so that you were mostly hidden as your brother swam by to check on you. 
“Hey Zhanna.” Allu greeted as he noticed his sisters above and below you were already halfway through the courting process with their prospective mates. 
“Hey Allu. Do me a favor- do see this group of males right there? I just heard the ring leader, the Aussie- tell everyone with him to wait to approach a female until everything settles down so that it makes those of us who haven’t paired up yet- desperate to take the first one that approaches us. Go over and ask why they’re not approaching the females. And if they confirm it, tell me and then make sure that none of them pairs with anyone in our brood. I don’t know who they think they are, or where the rest of them have come from, but I don’t want anyone from our brood to fall for it. At first I thought he was just a homosexual like our brother Killie. But it’s not that at all. Something is up because there are males whose sisters are in the middle who won’t even venture out here to the corners. I don’t know if it’s them wanting to make sure their sisters get paired before they do or if they too- are too good for us. And if it’s the latter- Make sure none of them get with anyone in our brood either. All of us can afford to wait for another breeding cycle for good and proper mates, not ones who think they can play us with their mind games or snub us because they think they’re too good for us.” You urged him. 
“Will do.” Allu nodded before he went and talked to the group that was between the main section of caves and the outer walls and corners. You watched as he talked with them. They beckoned him to join him but he excused himself as already having a mate but was just checking up on his sisters and wished them luck with their plan. Then he went to the other males who seemed to be hanging around their sisters and ask them why they weren’t trying to pair up. And once he got his answers he came back to you. 
“You’re right in both instances. That group wants to make unmated females wait and get desperate and the males in the middle both want to make sure that their sisters get matched before they find a match and also were hoping to match to a center cave female because they think those are the best females and want the best for themselves too.” Allu reported as you narrowed your eyes and scowled. 
“Then make sure none of them get with the rest of our sisters in our brood.” You urged him as he nodded and hurriedly went to your remaining sisters and warned them about it. And urged them to hurry up and get a mate before that group could make them desperate. Then he made sure to get his other brothers mated up too before he went back to his mate and helped her block the window before starting the next stage of courting-sexual compatibility. 
By nightfall you had not been approached once. And you could only glare at the pile of micro-octo-mermen in a sleep pile only a few jets of water away from your cave. Especially the Aussie who was sleeping the middle of them. This was all his fault. Shame on him for fucking up a perfectly orchestrated mating ritual. This method had been used by Ethel and others for countless generations with great success. And because his stupid Australian Ass was here and spreading that horrible fish shit of a mind game. Over half of the females in the tank were still unmatched and you could hear so many of the females around the tank cry themselves to sleep becasue of it. And instead of being sad, it just made you angrier. Oh you were going to expose that piece of a shit tomorrow and you were going to turn the tank on him for this. No one fucks with an Ethel Micro. No one. Not even ones from Australlia. 
You looked over to see that the brothers of the unmated girls in the center take refuge in their sister’s caves for the night as their sisters came to the largest cave to soothe and comfort each other as they all tried to squeeze into the largest caves to do so. Once it was clear everyone in the middle island of caves was asleep, you poked your head out of your cave to see your sisters that had also been in the middle caves in the corners were unmatched too. Then you took a chance and left your cave and quickly swam to your sisters caves to see how they were doing. 
“Why aren’t we matched yet? We got the smartest caves in the tank! We should have been matched this morning.” Your sister Mali sniffled and whimpered before you took their hands and led them back to your cave where all four of you could watch the sleep pile. 
“That’s why. That guy right there in the middle. The Aussie. He’s the ring leader of that group. He talked all the other males around him into holding off so that it would make us un-mated girls desperate to take any male that approaches. Take a good look at them and know thier faces. Tomorrow- when the lights are on- refuse them and don’t play their stupid mind game. All the males who stayed in the middle instead of at least trying to come out and meet us were either worried about their sisters or felt we weren't good enough. And those guys want to make us desperate- and the others that thought they’re too good for us. Ethel must have gotten these males from other breeders because they are not behaving like Ethel Micros. They can go back to whatever stupid breeder they came from. Steer clear of all of them. We don’t have to pair up right now. We can afford to wait for males who will appreciate our intellect and integrity and we won’t put up with his fish-shit.” You insisted. 
“Agreed.” They all agreed before they left and quickly swam back to their caves as the Aussie had cracked an eye open and overheard your conversation with your sisters and even watched to see what caves you and your sisters had come out of as he grinned before he fell back asleep. 
The next day you awoke to the sound of someone eating right outside your cave and the smells of a very juicy crab’s innards wafted into the cave. 
“Good’day Shiela.” The Aussie of the group offered as he was sitting outside of your cave with one of each of the food items offered for the tank- was in each of his tentacles. 
“First of all, my name isn’t Shiela, it’s Zhanna Visla Atwood. Second, is this your idea of trying to court? Eating the perspective offering instead of actually offering it?” You leveled against him in irritation as you pointed to your name on your curtain. All Ethel Micros had two last names, the last name chosen to differentiate them from others and Ethel’s last name to signify that they were an Ethel Micro. 
“No. In Australia, Shiela is what we call all the females that we don’t have the names for and I didn’t want to assume to call you your full name, just in case you had a nickname you preferred. Plus this is how I make a friend. You were up late last night. I wanted you to get as much sleep as possible before a barrage of courters came flooding into your window.” He answered between bites. 
“But now that you're up, what would you like for breakfast?” He asked before he showed you the still wriggling prey in his tentacles that he was keeping restrained but not otherwise unharmed since octopus’ micros liked living prey to eat. 
“Absolutely nothing if it comes from you.” You tossed back defiantly. 
“Why? You don’t even know my name, let alone anything about me.” He pointed out. 
“Oh I know plenty. I know you came in yesterday. And judging by your accent, you’re from Australia and judging by the Australian Doctor that keeps checking up on you- you’re obviously from an aquarium in Australia. And judging based on your coloring and pattern, either one of your parents or grandparents must have been from the wild.” You leveled. 
“Well you got that right.” He nodded with a too charming grin. 
 “And I know that all of either your brothers or your friends, or possibly a mixture of both, decided to not go after any girl in particular yesterday, despite several showing an interest in you. Even girls in the best caves in the tank did but you politely refused all of them. At first I thought you must have been gay, which is fine, I have a few brothers who are gay themselves and are perfectly happy.” You continued. 
“Oh but that’s where you’re wrong Zhanna, I’m not gay.” He countered. 
“I know you’re not. That’s why I said, “that’s what I thought at first”, I know better now.” You corrected, your anger and irritation coloring your tone as your blue rings got wider and started to pulse- betraying just how angry and upset you were as he saw that and frowned, wondering what you were so upset about. He thought you would have been happy and flattered that he was the first one to call on you. Especially when so many others had expressed an interest. He was singling you out. You shouldn’t be angry about that. 
“But instead I overheard you tell everyone in your little clique to avoid the girls all together to make them desperate. So that when they do finally decide to approach a female, she’ll readily accept him. That’s dangerous and extremely manipulative and it shifts the power from being balanced between the male and the female to much more on the males side. This is the mating tank where most of the ones in here will mate for life. And these precious first few days impact the rest of our lives and you and all those who agreed to your plan have just fucked yourselves over. I hope you and every single one who was stupid enough to listen to you- die alone. Now- if you’ll fuck off- I can get my own breakfast.” You insisted as you outright pushed him off the perch in front of your cave and swam and gathered up what you could before you returned to see him still nearby and watching you closely. But all the food items in his tentacles were gone. The stupid seapig must have eaten them already. Then you came back into your cave to see all the creatures he had previously in his tentacles were now bound by little strands of seasilk at the bottom of the cave. You looked at them and then back at him as he just grinned smugly and swam away to gather more.
You huffed out of your nose and decided to cut their ties free and set them loose out of the doorway of your cave. 
“Go- be free, try to hide before you get eaten by another.” You sweetly urged each one as you gently let them go out the mouth of the cave before you shut the door and ate what you had captured yourself. Then one of the little crabs decided to take refuge in your cave with you. It was a red faced porcilin crab. It was the cutest little crab you had ever seen! Then it seemed to look hopefully at the half eaten shrimp in your hand before you sighed and gave it the legs of the shrimp as the little crab happily let the legs it wasn’t eating, rest in it’s feather fanned like legs and took them and contentedly munched on them before it took up a space next to the window before you reached out to pet it and it seemed to lean into your touch. 
“Yeah, I always wanted a pet.” You giggled as you finished with the meat of the shrimp before you handed it the tail of the shrimp as it happily took that and ate it as you injected the small fish in your other tentacles with your venom as it wriggled for a moment before the venom paralized it for easy eating. Fish were hard to catch and it was the only offering from the Aussie, that you didn’t set free. 
Then you started eating that too- offering the fins to your new little pet to eat before you laid back on the soft coral that you had rearranged from a bed formation to a chair formation to wait and see who else would come. You inspected the seasilk that the offereings had been tied in. Micro-octopus-seasilk was extremely precious and this seasilk- despite coming from the Aussie- was actually very fine. It was thin but extremely tough, to the point you had to use your own venom spike to break it. And it seemed to shimmer and glow too almost like lure line. He must have learned how to make this from a wild ancestor because domesticated octo-micro mermaids simply pounced on thier prey. So you took the pieces and used your own seasilk gland to reconnect it all into one large rope before you coiled it up and simply hung it up nearby to use as you needed to. 
“So? Are you a boy or a girl?” You asked the crab before it showed you it’s bottom, showing that it was a female.
“Good girl. I’m going to call you…Winnie. Do you like that name?” You asked as the crab wiggled its eyes happily. Then it came over and laid on your lap and continued to eat the shrimp tail as you ate the fish before you offered it the skull and the intestines of the fish so you could eat the rest as it was happy to do so. You savored the eyeballs, heart and the liver of the fish since those were the fattiest and most prized pieces of it. Once you were both done, Winnie used her fine feather-like fan legs to clean off its mouth and your hands and even your face as you giggled when the fans tickled but you appreciated being cleaned nonetheless. 
“Thank you Winnie, such a good little crab you are.” You cooed to it as you pet it affectionately as it laid down in your lap with it’s legs out wide so that the point of it’s legs weren’t digging into your sensitive and soft flesh. Which you appreciated as you pet it affectionately. 
The Aussie was impressed by your attitude and spunk and defiance and your intellect and your compassion. He realized you preferred shrimp and fish to crab since you obviously just adopted a crab as a pet. He was actually undeterred and even more driven to think of something else he could do to impress you and court you. But before he could try again, others came by to try to offer food to you. 
“Hey, I think I recognize you from that group that slept in the sand pit over there. What’s the guy’s name who was in the middle? The one who corralled you all there? The Aussie from Australia?” You asked your next caller as you ate the head of the little shrimp he offered you first since the head was where all the fats and nutrients were before you offered the face and mouth of the shrimp to Winnie to eat as Winnie was happy to scarf down more food in the bottom of the cave so that it wouldn’t be seen and preyed on by others.  
“Oh that’s Pilane. He’s from the Sydney Aquarium, he flew all the way here with his caregiver just to be mated with an Ethel micro female. He’s guy who actually offered you all that stuff that you immediately set free and refused. Must not like the idea of travelling so far away from home and living an national aquarium huh?” He answered. 
“Pilane? More like Plain Pain in My Ass.” You muttered which got him to snicker a laugh. 
“Yeah. At first I thought he was a bit crazy but so far it’s worked.” He offered. 
“Has it?” You asked as you raised a curious and critical brow. 
“Well you took my offering and you’re talking to me instead of immediately dismissing me because of my weird pattern. So yeah.” He nodded as you realized all the guys who Pilane had gathered together were the oddballs and not so handsome ones who seemed to naturally be a little low in self esteem. You appreciated the fact that he tried to help them but you hated how he chose to do so. 
“Oh by Triton’s Throne and Aquaman Arthur’s Trident.” You groaned before you stuck your torso out and grabbed him by the hair on the back of his head to bring his head to you as you stared poisoned daggers into him. Your coloring changed to a very vibrant yellow while your blue rings pulsed dangerously. 
“First off- no it didn’t work because 1. I only took your offering to get that piece of fish-shit’s name. Second. You aren’t successfully courting me because I will happily die alone before I mate with someone who is stupid enough to listen to Plain Pain in My Ass’s stupid ideas. And 3. All you’re really doing- is forcing girls who have fought hard for good caves to second guess themselves and pushing them to be so desperate to find a mate. Now they’ll take anyone whether there is natural affection or not. And finding a mate should be about finding a mate who is not only compatible but one that you’re drawn to and have natural affection for. And that shifts the balance of power- from equally between the partners and puts it all on the male’s side. And that’s no match for any self respecting mermaid no matter the kind. So go ahead and try again with someone else because those nasty little mind games aren’t going to work on me. And shame on you for listening to them and forcing good and confident mermaids into becoming desperate. I don’t know who bred you or who raised you. But frankly such an attitude makes me sick. You and all those who listened to that Plain Pain in My Ass’s stupid logic deserve to die alone. And you’re a disgrace to Ethel’s legacy. She’s worked for countless generations to raise micros who are better than this mind game manipulation fish-shit. And frankly you and all those in your group don’t deserve to breathe the same water as an Ethel micro. So, go back to your stupid little friends and go back to whatever inbred sewage basement water tank you spawned from and leave me alone! Because I swear to Triton’s thone I would rather die than be mated to the likes of you!” You growled before you stuffed the half eaten shrimp in his mouth and slapped him and shoved him away, the way you had Pilane. 
Then Winnie came out and gathered the half eaten shrimp and pinched his hectocotylus tentacle, which was in effect his penis tentacle and another one with both pincers. He yipped, crumpled up in pain and floated down the floor of the tank as he held the pinched tentacles to his body. His color shifted to yellow and his rings of blue began to pulse because of the extreme pain he was in. 
“And anyone else who was stupid enough to think that Pilane’s ideas were good ideas can fuck right off! I hope you all die alone for listening to such nonsense and think it’s a good idea. All of you bring shame to Ethel and her legacy! And if she knew that this was what you were resorting to- she’d pull you out of this tank so fast and dump you back into wherever she got you from!” You hollered as loud as you could before everyone looked at Pilane since you were pointing at him. 
“Wait? What?! What did he say?” The others asked you as they came out of their caves to look at you. 
“I heard him yesterday telling all his little friends that if they waited and held off from approaching any female yesterday- so that today if any female grew so desperate for a mate- she’d pick the first one that approached her! Whether there was natural affection or not! He fucked up our entire mating ritual and tradition!” You hollered out as there was a collective gasp among everyone else as your brothers chimed in that they had heard him say that too. 
“You what?! Do you have any idea how hard my sisters had to fight for these caves? These were supposed to be the best caves in the tank! So that the best males in the batches would want them first. And half of them didn’t even match yesterday! And this morning they’re all freaking out thinking that something is wrong with them! When nothing was wrong with them at all! It was you being a piece of fish shit!” The brothers of the girls in the center caves all corralled around Pilane and those who had been in his group.
Suddenly, the blink of an eye- those who had been in Pilane’s group suddenly turned on him too. To see the whole tank turned on them just by association had them terrified that they were about to be either beaten to a pulp or killed off. The group suddenly denied having listened to Pilane and his stupid idea. And they all apologized profusely to the girls in the center caves and tried catching every prey item they could just as apology offerings. And while the girls accepted their apologies. They wouldn’t hear of any courting with them as Pilane's group tried to go around to the other girls in the other caves and instead of being welcomed- they were all turned away. Before they turned on Pilane for fucking them over. 
“I knew this was a bad idea! I never should have let you talk me into going along with this idea!” Pilane’s previous friends spat at him before they avoided him altogether so that Pilane went from being Mr. Popular to the most hated merman in the tank. You sat in your cave and simply smirked and pet Winnie affectionately at how he was all alone now before he tried looking for an unoccupied cave to hide in from the others. 
Serves him right. 
“Don’t even think about it.” You warned as he swam around your cave looking for another. 
“Are you happy now?” He asked. 
“That you got what you deserved for being a piece of fish shit for putting such foolishness into the minds of young and naive merpeople? Yes.” You grinned. 
“It wasn’t…it wasn’t foolishness.” Pilane growled.
“Really? Because it looked like it just blew up in your face like a puffer fish.” You hummed with a smug smile on your face. 
“It wasn’t foolishness, it was brilliant!” He insisted. 
“Stupid mind games are never brilliant.” You argued. 
“It wasn’t stupid! It worked perfectly!” He bellowed. 
“No it didn’t! Half the tank is still unmated on day two of the mating cycle when at least 80-90% of us should have been mated already by the end of day 1! You have brothers still in defensive mode over their sisters- instead of trying to find a mate themselves. And all your friends are now your enemies. Is that how the plan was supposed to work?” You asked rather rhetorically as you gestured around the tank as all his previous friends gravelled to everyone else and were desperately trying to at least befriend others as they all swore off all association with Pilane and apologized profusely. 
“What the plan was supposed to do is differentiate the stupid from the clever and the weak from the truly strong!” He barked back. 
“That was already decided before you ever came into the tank! The strongest females all have the center caves and the smart ones have the corner caves and everything in the middle is already somewhere in the middle. All it would take is some sense to see that! Or do they not have any sense to give micros from the Sydney Aquarium?” You snapped snidely at him. 
“Not strong physically, strong mentally. Just because a female is strong enough to beat off others for a cave that appears ideal- isn't necessarily strong where it counts, and that’s mental fortitude. Strong females both in mental fortitude and cleverness see that the fight for the center caves is pointless. And is better than to fall for the “stupid mind game”. Because she would already be confident enough in herself and her self worth to fall for it.” He insisted as he came to your window held fast to the window pane and smacked Winnie in the face when she tried to approach and pinch his hands as the two of you stared each other down. 
“Pinch me and I’ll eat you.” He pointed at Winne before she shrunk back.
“Don’t you dare lay a hand or a tentacle on my Winnie or talk to her like that! She’s defending me from the biggest moron in the tank!” You yelled as you took Winnie into your arms and soothed her face where he hand smacked her to make sure he hadn’t really hurt her before you kissed where he had smacked her and then gently put her behind you before you met Pilane face to face. 
“Now go away! You Big Plain Pain In My Ass!” You ordered as you pointed away from you. 
“Oh  you want me to be a pain in your ass? I’ll be the biggest one ever!” He roared back angrily. 
“Oh big talk for a little micro from half way around the world, all alone in a big tank full of other micros who hate you! You wouldn’t know how to even befriend a female, let alone how to please her or appeal to her with anything other than your accent and wild coloring. You may look all big and bad but you’re just a stupid micro that should have stayed in the wild rather than corrupt good micros and fuck up an entire mating process! You have nothing to offer anyone! And you may be a pain in my ass but I’ll gladly take it if it means that you can’t be a pain in anyone else’s and pass on your stupid genetics to anyone else! Why’d you come all the way out here to the U.S? Needed to infect Ethel Micros’ with your stupidity? Was the Great Barrier Reef not big enough to contain it?” You taunted him. 
“Oh that’s rich coming from you. Especially when you just proved me right.” Pilane taunted right back as he smiled smugly. 
“Excuse me?!” You asked as you came out of that window and stared daggers at him as your rings were pulsing brighter than the lights in the tank as others were watching you with interest because it looked like you were about to kick his ass into the gravel. 
“You just proved that you’re the best female in the tank. You’re the most clever and the strongest both in body and more importantly mind.” Pilane said as he folded his arms over his chest and didn’t bother to puff up or pulse himself but just smiled wider as you just stood there and stared in angry confusion at him. 
“First of all, I’m not the only one who feels and thinks this way. Second of all. Don’t you ever put others down to raise others up, not even me. And third…” You began before you smiled back at him dangerously and just as smugly as your pulsing began to die down and stop. 
“Third?” He asked.
“You should really watch where you put your tentacles.” You almost purred to him before Winnie clamped her pinchers down on his penis tentacle and another as you immediately picked Winnie up as she let go and water-jetted her and yourself back to your cave and put a piece of coral in the window to keep him from coming after you or Winne.  
Pilane screamed in agonizing pain and crumpled up just like the first guy did. Others in the tank cheered and applauded you before chanting Winnie’s name and your name. Pilane just groaned and fell back, clutching his two pinched and bruised tentacles in his hands and against his chest before he just laid in the sea grass and glared up at everyone before the chanting stopped and everyone dissolved into giggles before going on with their lives. 
Then Pilane- out of spite, went around and collected pieces of the tank and made his own cave right on the face of the glass, using his own seasilk to secure and anchor it all in place which was unfortunately right outside your own cave. You realized he wasn’t going to come after you and pulled the piece of coral down and put it back as the headrest for your chair of soft bubble coral. 
Then you got approached by the other males that had slept with in their unmated sister’s caves. But everything they tried to say- Pilane seemed to loudly interrupt them and “translate” what their true intentions were. And what faults each one had. Which really embarrassed them and you grew more and more irritated with each intrusion. He reminded any and every male that you officially had food for a pet who you had “trained” to snip penis tentacles and ‘if they wanted their penis tentacles snipped off, to keep approaching you and talking to you’. He was fucking up your own mating ritual. 
“You should have snipped it clean off.” You grumbled to Winnie as no other male would then approach you. Mostly out of fear of Pilane ripping them apart verbally, or fear of Winnie actually doing what she had already done to two others- to them. Everyone else soon was matched up- leaving just you and Pilane still unmatched. 
“That bastard.” You grumped as you moved the coral around in your cave to make a bed again for the second night. You could see Pilane working on another contraption in his cave as you laid back and watched out of the little crevice that afforded you a clear line of sight from your cave to his. 
“What is he working on?” You whispered to Winnie as the two of you laid on the bed and you continued to pet her affectionately as you rolled over and laid on your stomach with your chin resting on your folded forearm under your head as you tilted your head one way and then another as you watched him work, wondering what he was working on. 
The lights were shut off but he managed to keep a few rings on one of his arms glowing to illuminate his cave so he could keep working. 
Your curiosity got the better of you. 
Before you knew it, you had left Winnie to sleep on your bed. You quietly got out of your cave and silently ventured over to his cave as you peeked in from above to see what he was working on. It looked like a weapon of some sort. With a strand of seasilk tied on both ends to the curved but springy cartilage like rib bones of a fish. He had pulled the string taut so that the bone curved even more but didn’t break. And once he was done, he was going through the straight but sharp teeth of another fish and the striaght dorsal spine bones of a fish as he attached the teeth to the bones. He seemed to separate his collection of teeth and he made a pile of specific ones that were not just straight but who’s attachment to the jaw had ended in a notched nub. Then he spun and weaved a special silk string to the end of each one attached to a straight dorsal spine bone. Before looping the the silk into a coil of varying lengths. 
His fingers were moving at almost dizzying speeds as he seemed to spin the silk around his fingers. Like using his own fingers to weave and knit a pattern you could barely make out because of how fast his fingers were moving. Then he hung each one up. But just as you were clinging to the outside of his makeshift cave- one of the fanned sea worms was tripped off by your presence, and in a rush- retreated. Which made you gasp softly in surprise and jet off to your cave again just as he paused when he heard the sounds and looked up before he stuck his head out of his cave just in time to see the tips of your tentacles retreat back into your cave which made him grin triumphantly again. 
The next morning you awoke to the sounds of Pilane using his weapon to strike down a fish as he notched the end of the dorsal spine bone into the string of his weapon. He pulled it and the string back, aiming the tooth and bone- at his target and letting go as the tooth tipped spine bone took off as if it was harpoon and stabbed his pray before he injected his venom into the string itself and like a jellyfish- the string suddenly grew spikes just like a jellyfish tentacle when it’s cnidocytes deployed their nematocysts like little harpoon shaped needles. You gasped in astonishment. That was brilliant! How had he made his seasilk to be like that? Ok, so he wasn’t completely dumb. That weapon was awesome. 
“How did you do that?” You asked him as he seemed to suck the venom out and spit it out into the water, making the spikes retreat into the line of seasilk as he pulled in his fish and the other fish nearby that had been struck by the spikes in the line. 
“I thought I had ‘nothing but stupid ideas’,?” He posed as his tentacles took up the fish that paralyzed by the toxin from the harpoon like spikes on the string before he got his true victim into his hands and pulled the tooth from the fish with a smug grin as you just stood there slack jawed and frowned at him. 
“Ugh, yes, your ideas about emotionally manipulating the others and playing mind games with the others is stupid. But this is brilliant. How did you make this weapon?” You clarified as you gestured to it. 
“It’s a simple bow and arrow. Isn’t it obvious? Or are you not that clever enough to understand it?” He asked as he wiggled the bow in one tentacle and the arrow in another as he spoke and sat down and started eating his well caught breakfast as you scuffed at his remarks. 
“Bow and arrow huh? You obviously used a flexible rib bone as your bow. It has enough bone in the center to be rigid yet enough cartilage to be flexible and not break. You pulled the seasilk strand on both ends to build tension on the string. And then for the arrows, you took a straight tooth with a notched end to attach to the straight dorsal spine bones of a fish and then attached a spiked cord out of seasilk to the end so that you could not only kill your target, but kill everything from you to it in one strike. Ance you applied the notched dorsal spine bone to the bow’s string you can aim the whole arrow at your target and kill them faster than you can approach it in person. I understand the bow and arrows and thier basic mechanics. What I don’t understand and want to know is how you made your seasilk to mimic a jellyfish’s cnidocytes when they deploy their nematocysts like spikes with just the injection of a bit of your own venom.” You clarified as you gestured to the string he had coiled up on his shoulder. 
“Wow, such big words for such a cute little dirty mouth.” He grinned.  
“Don’t be condescending.” You chastised him. 
“Here, if you’re so smart, you figure it out.” He urged you as he put the tooth and the spine and it’s cord- into your lap. As he continued to sit and eat, pulling more rib bones and dorsal spine bones out of his kills to make future bows and arrows with with as you felt the string and felt little finger length like sections before you actually pushed your finger into it and the pressure made another one push out. 
“You made a pressurized cord. It’s not just one single strand of seasilk. It’s several, all woven together to form a cord. And different sections have been very carefully spun in a spike pattern onto the cord itself. How long did it take you to make this?” You asked as you hooked your finger to pull the spike towards the surface of the cord as the pressure pulled the second one back into place. 
“The first time my parents showed me how to make one? It took me a few days, now? I can make one in just a couple of hours.” He answered proudly. Happy that he finally found something to impress you and bring you in to him. 
“So you grew up with parents who taught you how to make weapons and effectively hunt beyond your own physical limitations.” You gathered. 
“Yup because physical limitations are just that- limiting. But the mind, that’s the most lethal weapon anyone can have. Because the mind only knows the limits you set in it yourself. If you don’t put limits on your own intelligence, then it doesn’t have to have any limits at all.” He explained before other couples woke up and left their caves to hunt their breakfast in pairs. 
“Here, now you try.” He offered as he put a fish’s rib into your lap as you were still inspecting the cord. 
“...ok.” You hesitantly and reluctantly agreed as you put the cord down and got the rib and tested it to see where it was the most stiff vs. the most flexible. Before you found it’s true center point and point of balance and used your ink gland to mark a section that was in the middle and where you should attach the string to either end. 
“Don’t, he’s fine.” You urged Winnie who had started to carefully creep over to you and was pointing her pinchers towards Pilane. Before you used your other tentacles to pick her up and put her under your webbing that connected all your tentacled arms together and gave her your leftovers to eat while you worked on your own bow.  
Pilane just sat next to you and grinned widely to see you work so intently and impressed by your immediate aptitude. Although he wished you hadn’t torpedoed him already. Because despite everything, he was practically smitten. But he knew if he expressed any further interest, you’d shoot him down. Which was why he had to shoot down every other suitor you had. 
“What are you doing?” Your sister Mali asked. 
“I’m making a bow.” You answered. 
“Why?” She asked before you took the now finished bow and the provided arrow from Pilane and fired it at your target, the force and speed of the tooth hitting the shell of another crab clean through which caused everyone to gasp and freeze. 
“That’s why.” You answered as you reeled your catch back in before you split it it up and gave Pilane the other half and his little arrow back. 
“Triton help any tank either one of you gets put into.” Mali offered before she and her mate and the others swam away. Which got you to smile and duck your head bashfully in to keep yourself from laughing gleefully at the unintended praise. Then Pilane handed you the arrow and it’s line back to you. 
“Why are you giving this back to me?” You questioned him. 
“So you can use it as a prototype to make yourself some. Or even improve it. That’s just the basic design. You can reinvent it and improve it as you see fit.” He offered. 
“As a friend?” You questioned narrowing your eyes a little suspiciously at him. 
“As a friend.” He nodded as a way to placate you. 
“Thank you.” You immediately smiled before you took the base of it and realized it had a bit of a cap to it with a single opening meant for a poison barb to be injected into it. Then you carefully untied it and opened it up to see the amazing design of how it was weaved on the inside and how one tube connected each of the spikes in a spiral all together. 
“So did you weave this the way it looks or did you weave it inside out and then pull it right side in like a sleeve over an arm or a tentacle?” You asked as you looked it over. 
“Why don’t you try making one both ways and see which way works best for you?” He suggested. 
“Ok.” You nodded before you sat down next to him. You made a little harness for Winnie to wear around so that others would know she was your pet and not a food item. And then a leash to keep her close but let her have some freedom of movement, so she could at least filter feed the water around her and sift some sand while you worked. 
Pilane went and got you more supplies, the perfect teeth to make the arrow heads out of. and spine bones to make the arrow shafts out of. Mostly from the teeth of mackerel put in the tank that morning as he pulled both cheek pieces from the head and hunks neck of the belly meat since that was the fattest pieces too. Then he offered you one of the cheek meat pieces and half of th belly piece he took off to eat between working on the chord. And kept you distracted as pairs were taken out of the tank as you were too focused on making the cord to notice. 
“And I see you found a mate after all Pilane. Good job Mate!” Ashley smiled happily as she put the net in the tank for you and him to swim into. 
“Wait. What?!” You looked up and noticed that it was now almost deathly quiet in the tank as a quick look around and noticed you two were the only two left in the tank. 
“But…but…but…” You stuttered as you looked around in bewilderment before you looked at Pilane and scowled again. 
“You tricked me! You distracted me! You kept me from pairing up and mating with any other just to keep me to yourself? Even when we hated each other and are barely friends?! How could you?!” You demanded angrily as your coloring changed yet again to show how angry you were as you walked on the sand and shoved him in the chest to get him away from you. 
“I’m sorry. I haven’t been completely honest with you. You’re right. I did trick you and distract you. And I’m sorry. I’m not an Ethel micro and I shouldn’t have used the others to accomplish my mission.” Pilane began as he slowly raised his hands in a submissive posture. 
“Mission? What mission?!” You demanded. 
“So Ethel and my owner Dr. Ashley Miles here- have been working on the surrogate re-introduction program. And it was my job to find the right mate to help me. My father was an Ethel Micro and my mother was wild caught. And she was injured and my father nursed her back to health since she was protecting a clutch of eggs all alone. So she got sent to Dr. Ashley at the Sydney Aquarium and my father was chosen to be her mate because he was highly capable and the most patient. And so myself and my siblings have had the best of both worlds, both from the wild and from an Aquarium geared towards re-introduction. I needed a mate who was not just intelligent, but creative, protective and had a lot of fighting spirit while also tempering that with a willingness to help, adopt, and teach others which you demonstrated very well with Winnie.” He confessed as he gestured to her and kept himself and especially his tentacles out of her pincher’s reach. 
“And you were honestly my first and only choice. I purposefully singled you out and specifically all those in the corners out on purpose. I wanted to test to see whether or not you could withstand less than ideal circumstances and fight fire with fire so to speak. And your response was exactly what I was looking for. Because not every micro has had the luxury of being an Ethel Micro and not every micro will have the luxury of good owners. And frankly we need more individuals in the wild that will have your tenacity. ” Pilane added. 
“You Plain Pain in My Ass, why didn’t you lead with that yesterday?! Why didn’t you start off with that yesterday?! Why didn’t you use that as your excuse to explain what you were doing and why you were doing it? Or better yet do all of that on the first day?!” You asked. 
“Because I didn’t want you to be scared off by the potential assignment.” He answered sheepishly. 
“So you purposefully gave me something to focus on and distract me until you made yourself the only possible mate for me? Is this why you kept any other from trying to court me?” You asked, hurt and heart broken and betrayed as your big blue eyes welled with tears. 
“Yeah. I’m sorry Zhanna.” He admitted. 
“Oh by Triton’s beard, you idiot!” You cried as you finally stopped pulsing in anger and just sat on the seafloor and pulled your tentacles up around you and started crying. 
“Look, you don’t have to mate and pair bond with me if you really hate me. And if you do- I get that, I unintentionally hurt your family and threw off an entire mating process just to single you out. And I’m sorry I tricked you, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. I should have been honest and upfront with you. I’m so sorry. Please, let me try to make it up to you. If you hate me, at least give my other brother brothers a chance.” He admitted as he came over and sat on the seafloor with you and tried to speak with you but you had your webbing up over your head like a skirt. 
“So you have brothers?” You asked him between sobs. 
“Twenty of them. But only 5 are unmated and the other 4 went to other places to get matched but if they had the same luck as I did, then you will have your pick between us.” He answered. 
“Zhanna, please, I’m really sorry.” Pilane apologized as you just turned away from him. 
“Zhanna, if you would prefer to wait for another mate here, you can do that too. You can stay in this tank for the week that it will take them to mature enough to be put in here and try again then. And you can use that week to stake a claim on any cave in here, and get the very best one in the middle if you want to. Now granted you’ll have a week on them but it’s an option too. You don’t have to come with us. But I need your decision becauase we need to leave for the airport soon.” Dr. Ashley offered. 
“Ok, fine, let me get my stuff, let me at least meet your brothers.” You caved in defeat.
“Come on Winnie, we’re going on a trip.” You beckoned her as you picked her up via her harness and swam back to your cave and got the previous length of rope and your blanket and your curtain that you used as a scarf.
Pilane got his other weapons from his own cave as he used sign to tell Ashley that it didn’t work with him and you but that you agreed to the program before you both to the net as you put Winnie between him and you and the net as Pilane sighed and hung his head in defeat as he was put into a special bag with you. Each of you taking opposite corners before you had to be vaccinated and tagged for the trip as you were given a few bunches of sweet seagrapes to eat for your journey while Pilane was only given one bunch as you were more heartbroken and resigned to your fate to even bother to feel the needles prick.
"Zhanna, if you truly do not like Pilane or any of his brothers or any of the other surrogates, welll try to find you a mate who you do like ok?" Ashley tried to assure you as you just stared at her but rolled over away from her as her hopeful smile faded as she looked at Pilane who looked just as downcast as you did. 
"Maybe it's the sixth's time that's the charm." Ashley tried to say encouraging to Pilane who nodded but continued to sulk as neither of you were eating as you used your curtain and your blanket to cover yourself up to keep yourself hidden. 
You laid down on the bottom of the bag and used Winnie as your pillow as you laid down and idly spun more of the chord, not really paying attention to how you were doing it, just staring out of the bag before the bag was filled with super rich oxygenated air and then tied off and put into a special carrier.
"So I take it I'm your fifth attempt to find a mate for the program? if she just told you that ‘the sixth time is the charm’." You finally murmured quietly.
"Yup." Pilane admitted. 
"What happened to the previous 4? Did you trick all of them too?” You asked. 
"No. The first time I matched with a girl and actually got to mate with her before she found out and she immediately ejaculated all of my sperm before she could use it and fled into the arms of the closest male." He admitted as you hummed in response as you refused to look at him and just kept idling spinning a chord, just to keep your hands busy as you started to feel more and more numb and stupid for being the fifth victim of this half wild plain pain in your ass. 
"And the second time, when it was announced who I was and what I was there for-I was immediately shunned and not even the most desperate female would even talk to me. Third time there was a willing mate but she was dumber than a sea cucumber. And she couldn’t even catch her own food, she had to have her siblings do it for her. Any child of hers would get eaten the first two seconds they would get released into the ocean. And the forth time, the perfect candidate was taken by another before I could get to her. So this time I purposefully tried to make sure that the most ideal candidates wouldn’t be taken by another before I could locate them and try again. I didn’t mean to throw the whole match process off for an entire generation but I was really hoping that because you were so interested in me the first day that you would give me a chance to explain myself and my situation before you shot me down. And then you kept shooting me down before I could tell you. If you’re mad at me for ruining your own matching process, I understand that. I was…I was just hoping for a different outcome this time.” He admitted as you took time to think that over. 
“Me too.” You whispered as you wiped a tear from your eye.
“So are we going to the Sydney Aquarium then?” You asked. 
“Yes.” Pilane answered. 
“Great, other side of the world. Then we have a long flight ahead of us. We should conserve our strength and energy and get some sleep while we can.” You urged him before you used what bit you had spun to make yourself a pillow before you rolled over and got comfortable and tried to take your own advice as he did the same. 
Within just an hour- you could feel the bag being carried as you got used to the sloshing of Ashley's steps as she walked before the bag was opened and you were lifted out and shown to airport security. Then Dr. Ashley put you back in and was still disappointed to see you and Pilane still on opposite ends of the bag and not really talking as you had already fallen asleep and had taken a nap and woke up briefly when the lights from the airport got shown into the bag. 
Then once you placed back in- the noise from the ruckus of the airport woke you back up as rolled to lay on your back and glared up into the loud darkness around you as you huffed. 
“The noise bothering you?” Pilane asked when he heard your irritated huff. 
“Yes. I’m…I’m not used to it. It’s humans in their environment. It’s so loud. I don’t understand how they aren’t all deaf.” You muttered in irritation. 
“Well then you’d hate the ocean. It’s always loud, all the time. But there’s a bit of rhythm to it at least. But you also learn to drown certain sounds out while being alert and always listening to others.” He appraised. 
“I take it your mom had a hard time adapting to the calm and quiet of a tank compared to the ocean.” You gathered. 
“She did. Instead of feeling safe, she was always on high alert at first because the only time it was ever that quiet on the reef was when there were predators out. But she couldn’t be released back into the wild because of her injuries, that and my father didn’t feel up to the task of living in the wild either. And it wasn’t until my father actually went with her to inspect every bit of that tank- that she knew she was safe. But then to realize that there was glass and that she couldn’t just flee to another part of the reef- then she felt trapped.” He admitted. 
“I know exactly how that feels.” You muttered which only made Pilane’s head drop farther down. Here he worked so hard to impress you and try to befriend you despite pissing you off and leaving the worst first impression and you still hated him. He felt so hopeless, and helpless too. Like he was never going to get this right. 
“I’m sorry.” Pilane apologized again. 
“Me too. I should have given you a chance to explain yourself so you didn’t feel you had to trick me and trap me against my will. It sucks being betrayed. And it sucks being paired up with a mate who you had no other choice from. Which is I’m sure how your mother felt when humans took her from the wild and being put with your father too. I take it she didn’t choose him, but he was chosen for her right?” You ventured.  
“He was.” Pilane admitted lowly as he could now see and understand how rather poetic the irony was. The very circumstances that made his mother so unhappy were the same circumstances he just unwittingly coerced onto you and it made him feel like a idiotic monster for doing it. You had every right to hate him. In fact, looking at it like that. He would think something was wrong if you didn’t hate him. 
“So it wasn’t a surprise when she got really depressed. And while she was a voracious eater in the beginning, her appetite eventually waned.  At first she ate every food item put into the enclosure-  because in the wild, you have to take advantage of every opportunity to eat because you never know when another will come around. But once she realized that no matter how much she ate or didn’t eat- food was always going to be provided. Then she felt cheated and defeated. Because what use was it to become a good hunter when the prospect of being fed all the time was always there? And while she appreciated having challenging prey and the thrill of the hunt. Having true hunger or the desperation of starving to death- or having your own brood starve to death if you weren’t successful- not be a motivator made the victory of a kill more hollow for her. Like preying on a crab just to find it’s only the molted shell of one.” He explained. 
“And by the time she was healed as much as she could be, to be denied of going back into the wild and not having a partner with the same hopes and goals. Threw her into an even deeper depression. And it didn’t matter what food my father brought to her, how big and how much like the wild the tank could try to immitate. She was never happy. Once she was healed though, Ashely tried to pair her with other specimans from the wild, but because of her injuries and deformities from them, no male from the wild wanted her either. And it took everything my father had to convince her not to kill herself. To just hold on long enough for the eggs to hatch so that she could at least teach them all the lessons she had learned from the wild so that even if she couldn’t go back, maybe they could and she could find a measure of happiness and contentment if they did. And Ashley swore that any and all of her offspring who wanted to go back, would be released into the wild. And that was the only thing that my mother lived for.” Pilane explained with a sniffle as he cried in his corner at the memories.  
“What’s your mother’s name?” You asked him. 
“She didn’t have one when she was on the reef. And it was hard for her to call my father anything other than “mate”.” He answered. 
“So what did your dad end up calling her? Or did he just stick with Mate and call that enough?” You asked. 
“He ended up calling her Sydney. Because that was the name of the city and also the name of the Aquaium. And he was the one who ended up naming us when we hatched. And while my mother liked us having names to tell us apart. My mother taught us how to live in the ocean and how to stake out good caves or make caves if we were in an area where good caves were either non existent or weren’t naturally occurring. She taught us how to make weapons and hunt and survive and that in the wild, there is no such silly things as affection for a mate- that you took whichever mate was the biggest and strongest because that meant that they were good hunters enough to feed themselves successfully. And that if the mate didn’t provide for the other well or was selfish and didn’t share their food, or were too rough in mating or forced mating…” He began. 
“A rapist and abusive and all around bad mate.” You supplied. 
“Yeah, if they were those things, then you should never put up with that and find a better mate.” Pilane continued. 
“So what did you learn from your dad?” You asked as you sat up and leaned back into the corner, facing him as your own special night vision allowed you to make him out in the darkness which was helped by his own ring glowing to illuminate the space which you appreciated as he seemed to continued to weave a bigger blanket for himself too. 
“My dad tried to teach us how to live contentedly in a tank. How to care for a mate, even one as wild and even unwilling and depressed as my mother still is. How to be a good parent and mate. How to be patient. How to be kind. How to help others, even at the cost of your own wants, desires and dreams.” Pilane answered. 
“Like any good Ethel Micro should. But I take it your mother didn’t agree with those lessons.” You ventured. 
“At first, no she didn’t. She was solely focused on teaching us how to survive and then thrive in the wild. Because while she couldn’t be released back into the wild. She always hoped her children would be. So my mother taught us all how to live on our own. My father taught us how life can be better when it’s shared with someone else and how to take being confined to a tank well.” Pilane murmured softly.  
“Some of my siblings couldn’t take- living in a tank. They did everything they could to escape and actually succeeded a few times and when they couldn’t, they outright destroyed the tank and nearly killed the aquarium staff because every time the lid was opened, they outright attacked the hands of the caretakers trying to bite and sting and invenomate them. So they got released into the wild. I have no idea if they’re still alive, I hope so. My parents tried to live in the wild on the reef. But my father couldn’t take it and was super stressed out the whole time and after a week, when Ashley came back to check on them, he swam right to her and tried to get into her wet suit with her so she would take him back to the home tank and my mother- without my father- couldn’t survive without him so she reluactantly came back too. There’s only thirteen of us that decided to stay. Five of my brothers wanted to pair with other potential surrogates and only three of my sisters did. Everyone else decided to try to rehabilitate others that were found injured in the wild in the hopes of reintroducing the mated pairs into the wild instead of just individuals and hopefully they’ve been successful.” Pilane revealed. 
“So is the hope that either most, if not all of your future children would be versatile?” You ventured. 
“How do you mean?” Pilane asked. 
“That they could be surrogates, or help rehabilitate the injured, or could even be re-introduced out in the wild?” You specified. 
“That was the plan.” Pilane answered. 
“Ashley was hoping that I would either be housed into the huge aquarium that mimics the wild the closest. So that the brood could be taught what creatures could be predators, which ones could be prey. But because it’s the big aquarium, it would mean that there would be tourists constantly during the day and then the staff and watchmen and of course we would have neighbors because there are already clownfish micros and other kinds of mated micro pairs among the other fish too.” Pilane explained. 
“Ah, I see. So you were looking for a mate that could both be territorial but still play nicely with others while being on display.” You concluded. 
“Yup.” Pilane nodded before Dr. Ashley lifted the bag and began walking again. 
“She must be boarding the plane.” Pilane ventured, judging by the way she was standing and then taking a step and waiting and then taking another step and then waiting again. 
“She’s in the line to board the plane.” Pilane explained as you held your stomach because you weren’t used to the stop and go movement. 
“You ok?” Pilane asked as you clamped your hand over your mouth. 
“I’m getting sick.” You admitted. 
“Here, you feel it the most if you’re on the bottom or hanging onto the sides of the bag, if you suspend yourself in the middle, it’ll feel like a current in a tank.” Pilane urged you as he gently reached out his hand towards you as you took as the two of you did your best to float in place, occasionally and softly getting up to the top and then floating back down. 
“Better?” Pilane asked as he noticed you pull your hand away from your mouth as you took a few calming breaths. 
“Yeah.” You nodded as you kept holding onto his hand for balance as the two of you synced your movements. 
“It’ll come in real handy when the plane takes off and lands or especially if there’s turbulence.” Pilane offered. 
“Turbulence?” You asked. 
“I’ve done this a few times already, this is my fourth flight. The first time I threw up everything in my stomach and then I just kept throwing up when the vomit soon consumed every bit of water. So do your best not to throw up.” He urged you. 
“Yup, don’t throw up, got it.” You nodded. 
“Have you been to the big tank at the aquarium?” You asked. 
“Yes. It’s wonderful. But if you like peace and quiet, you’d probably hate it.” He answered with a soft chuckle. 
“Well this is my first…everything. So let’s wait to see how I like anything until I get there.” You offered before you felt the bag swing back and forth as Ashely must have been trying to carry it in front of her as she got into her seat which made you giggle as you watched Winnie struggle to stay standing on the bottom as she slid along the bag’s bottom. 
“Don’t throw up Winnie!” You laughed before you went down and picked her up so she didn’t have to struggle and wouldn’t chance accidentally popping the bag with her spiked feet. 
“I gotcha Winnie. It’s ok. Just rest.” You urged her as you wrapped your arms under the shell of her head and her legs. She folded her legs in on herself. 
“Although Winnie wouldn’t probably last two seconds in the big tank.” Pilane admitted. 
“And any who would hunt her can get a taste of my venom.” You frowned at him and turned your back on him to use your body to shield Winnie from his sight to keep him from getting any other ideas. 
“Why do you love that crab so much?” Pilane asked. 
“Because she chose me and my company over all others. So I will repay that loyalty in kind. I know, I know, loyalty doesn’t make any sense at all in the wild. But I don’t give a fuck about what is natural in the wild. Too many micros have been lost because of the humans sticking to the scientific method of not intervening. I know nature is cruel and mother nature doesn’t fuck around or care if you live or die. Because of the survival of the fittest and all that. But shouldn’t you and I be grateful that Ethel raised micros who are above that and give nurture a chance over nature? Because if it was completely up to nature, you would have died in the egg in the ocean and would have been another’s lunch and so would your mother. But maybe it’s the humanity in us that makes us keep trying and keep getting back up when life beats us down. So yes, I have a pet and yes she may be a crab, but she’s mine. And if you pose a threat to her, I take that as you posing a threat to me. And I will use whatever force necessary to keep her safe.” You insisted. 
“I don’t mean her any harm, it was just a question. I’m not going to eat her or anything. I was just curious.” Pilane excused. 
“Oh.” You frowned. 
“Are you just used to having pets?” Pilane asked when he realized you were really defensive about the subject. 
“Yes I am. In my tank, my parents had pet algae eater snails.” You answered. 
“Snails?” He asked with a curious brow raised. 
“Yes, snails. Big dumb delicious things in a spiral shell. About as dumb as the algae they eat, maybe a peg higher. But they kept the tank clean and picking them up and breaking their own seal so you can set them down in a spot that really needed cleaning was important. My mother trained them to respond to a series of taps on their shells so they would release on their own so she could move them easier. At least Winnie is smarter than a snail and much more responsive and actually shows intelligence, and empathy and a measure of protectiveness.” You defended. 
“Delicious? Like how delicious? Like mackerel delicious? Scallop delicious? How delicious are snails?” Pilane asked curiously. 
“Well snails and whelks and things like that have a peculiar taste that doesn’t really compare to any of that. Similar to clams or mussels or something like that, because they’re all mollusks. Not quite sea slug, or sea worm, much more dense. Once I got to try a little baby one, it was all over. You have no idea how hard it was to not hunt and eat those suckers, even as big as they were. But their eggs? Ooh, man were they delicious. My parents let us eat the baby ones and the eggs to keep the population of them under control. Because each snail is both a male and a female and they fertilize each other’s eggs and will lay hundreds and up to thousands of eggs if given long enough and in good conditions.” You admitted as you slowly turned to face him and talk to him again. 
He made mental notes of what and how you responded to different approaches and tones and implications. His wild instincts were screaming at him to eat the damn little crab. And then the other more “domesticated” side, that sounded a lot like his father’s voice in his head, told him that if he wanted a chance to at least befirend you and hopefully, one day, someday- mate with you, he would have to grow to like what you liked. And if befriending a little crab was what it took, he would have to do so. As he looked at Winnie and repeated ‘friend not food’ over and over in his head. That and your scent in the water was also trying to kick his other instincts to go ahead and mate with you, becoming stronger by the minute the more you jet yourself  in the water, trying to remain stationary. 
“Really?” Pilane noted and grinned lopsidedly. 
“Oh yeah. Now for snails, you have to pierce their shells just the right spot on the spiral to get them out. Or just smash them on a rock depending on how small they are and how thin their shells are. But the eggs? Oh they were like fatty, meaty seagrapes once you get through the goo they are laid in. Now granted you had to climb out of the water to get at them because the eggs are laid in a cluster of goo that floats to the surface or some snails will climb out of the water to lay the clusters outside the water and the goo itself is sticky and tastes horrible. But if you also have cleaner fish or shrimp, they’ll clean it off of you. Because they were laid on the underside of the lids. And you had to get strong enough to move your body in the air because your weight in the water is much less than it is in the air. But once you were strong enough to climb out of the water and your suckers were strong enough to hold your weight out of the water. And hold you upside down, you could just grab and eat as many- as fast- as you could because you can only hold your breath of water for so long. But by Aquaman’s trident, was it worth it every time.” You recalled with a fond smile that Pilane found rather enchanting. 
“Huh, I’ve never had snails or their eggs. The most um, well, “domestic” thing i’m used to eating is krill cubes.” Pilane admitted.  
“Oh those are good. Really cold because the humans keep them in the freezer. Which if the tank is a little too warm, is a nice treat. But if you ever see the snail eggs, just do yourself a favor and just try to get an egg and eat just one. Depending on when it was laid- the flavor and consistency changes. But the freshest laid eggs are just pure fatty liquid. The farther along the egg in development- the bigger the snail embryo and chewy they get.” You dictated before the bag stopped moving. 
“Oh good, she’s sitting down now. It’ll be a while before the plane starts to take off.” Pilane informed you before you let yourself float down to the bottom in the middle as you pet Winnie and let Pilane sit close. 
“Can I pet Winnie?” Pilane asked before you looked to Winnie who wiggled her eyes before you set her down and she hesitantly crawled from your lap to Pilane’s. 
“Hi Winnie, don’t pinch me ok?” He requested before he hesitantly started to pet her which made her melt and lean into his touch that was now much more tender. Then she laid flat in his lap so her feet weren’t poking at his webbing or tentacles. Then she used her fan legs to clean his hands 
“Thank you.” You thanked her graciously. 
“See? Isn’t it nice to be clean?” You cooed as you reached out and pet Winnie yourself before you felt the water in the bag swirl. 
“The plane is getting ready to take off, here, lay on this side of the bag.” Pilane directed before you both laid back, side by side on the bag of the bag with Winnie between your lap and his. 
“Now when the plane takes off it’s going to feel bumpy but the gravity will be much more intense. On my first flight, I smacked face first into the side of the bag during take off and had to be that way for the whole thing and it lasts several minutes.” He explained. 
“Ok.” You nodded. 
You heard the engines outside of the plane begin to roar to life as you nervously yet excitedly reached out and held his hand while the other kept Winnie in place as he squeezed back reassuringly as you took a few deep breaths. But the more you did so, the more you could taste Pilane in the water. And damn your body’s reaction to him. Because your tentacles seemed to reach out and twist around his before the suckers stuck to the side and bottom of the bag for support. And the more you did that, the more his own did the same. And it was almost like hugging him and his body even tasted good from the sensitive feelers on the suckers of your tentacles. And before you knew it, the force of the plane racing down the runway seemed to glue you both to the back of the bag as you couldn’t help but squeal and giggle in delight at the new sensation and you could hear Pilane’s laughter mingle with your own in your ears as you laughed even harder as the sensation became even more intense before the roughness fell away. 
“And lift-off!” Pilane crooned before you felt both glued to the back of the bag and just a touch weightless before the feeling subsided the higher the plane climbed into the air before the sensation of you being glued to the bag subsided completely and the weightlessness returned and was even more poignant now than ever before. You let go of Pilane to roll and twist in the water, almost drunk and overwhelmed by the sensation as you just continued to laugh and enjoy it. 
“Is flying always this fun?” You asked. 
“Usually no. But I think I’ve been doing it wrong.” Pilane answered. 
“How can you do it wrong? By riding the bag face first?” You asked with another giggle at the mental image as Winne floated down the bottom and wedged herself in the corner to feel a semblance of being anchored as Pilane and yourself continued to roll and twist in the water and around each other, savoring the weightlessness as the plane did little arcs in the air, providing extra bounce in the water. 
“Because I was doing it all alone.” He answered. 
“This is the first flight that’s been fun. And I think it has everything to do with the company.” He ventured. 
“Aww, likewise. If I didn’t have you giving me heads up about what was about to happen and how to ride it out, I would be too stressed to enjoy it myself.” You ventured. 
“So thank you for that.” You thanked him graciously. 
“You’re welcome.” He offered before you grabbed him and hugged him before there was a bit of turbulence and both of you got pushed to the bottom of the bag with you on top of him. 
At the first sign of the turbulence, Pilane seemed to wrap all his tentacles around yours to that his own tried to smooth and bundle together to curl as much of himself around you to protect you and shield you from it. 
“Oof.” You both huffed as the feeling of being pushed into each other as he held you tighter. 
“Turbulence?” You guessed as you used your hands, braced on either side of his ribcage to sit up just enough to look him in the face as his arms loosened their hold around you just enough to let you do so as his arms went down to still hook around your waist.  
“Turbulence.” He nodded before there was more and you let yourself curl around him even more. You head nuzzled into his chest as your arms wrapped around him tightly to keep yourself tightly anchored to him. 
“Is it scary?” Pilane asked you worriedly as he started to pet your head and your hair which you found you liked quite a bit. 
“No, just different. Will the whole ride be like this?” You asked. 
“No, it should even out.” Pilane answered before it did but neither of you let go of the other as both of you were content to just lay on the bottom of the bag, holding each other before there was more turbulence and it shook you violently in the bag as you couldn’t help but yelp and cling to him harder before you slammed into his corner and one of the teeth from his arrows poked your back as you cried out in pain. 
Pilane immediately used all of his strength to pull both of you away from the corner as he then twisted you so that he was between you and the weapons in his corner. 
“Zhanna!” Pilane called out as his rings began to glow and pulse but more out of worry and alarm rather than anger. 
“One of your arrows poked me in the back, I’m bleeding.” You cried and whimpered as you reached down to feel the wound on your back. 
“Shit. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I thought the bag I put them in would have…” Pilane began to excuse before both of you heard the unmistakable sound of water running. 
“Oh shit!” You both exclaimed as you both rushed to the corner to see that the arrow heads and poked multiple holes into the corner before Pilane didn’t think, but stuffed the tips of his tentacles into the holes to stop them up and took the sack gave it to you and then used his own webbing to try to seal off the corner but he didn’t have enough tentacles to stop up all the holes. 
“Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck!” Pilane cursed as his tentacles, in a panic- tried to find the biggest holes and stop them up with his tentacles as both of you were glowing and pulsing in anxiety. 
“What do we do?” You asked. 
“There’s more holes than I can stop up, I can feel the water slipping around my tentacles.” Pilane answered
“But if your tentacles dry out you could lose them!” You pointed out. 
“But without water to breathe we die! I can regrow all of them if I have to.” Pilane insisted. 
“Then we’ll regrow them together.” You insisted as you stuffed your own tentacles past his as you felt the water leaving and every hole you found that Pilane wasn’t plugging up himself and stuffed your own tentacles into the holes as another leg counted how many holes there were. 
“There’s ten holes. Each of us should get five of them.” You urged him as three of your tentacles were pulling at his own to get them out of the holes to stuff the holes with your own tentacles. 
“No! My weapons put the holes in the bag, it’s my tentacles that should cover the holes.” Pilane shook his head no. 
“And how many months will it take for you to regrow all of them? If you share half of the holes with me, each of us will only have to regrow five. And instead of me only regrowing two and you regrowing all of yours. We are in this together now, for better or for worse. I got into this bag with you and I’ll leave it with you. Now get your tentacles out of the holes. Especially this one. Cause you’re gonna need it.” You urged as your tentacle wrapped around his cock tentacle and pulled it out of it’s hole and stuffed it with your own before he could reinsert it.
“But you’re already injured!” Pilane argued. 
“Winnie! I need you to clean a wound on my back!” You called out as Winnie quickly scurried over to you as you laid down on the bag aso that Winnie could use her father like arms to clean the wound of your back. 
“My mom always used her seasilk to cover wounds. Get a handful of seasilk but cover the gland with your hand so that it doesn’t touch the water and get firm or hard. And then when you have a handful of gooey seasilk, once Winnie cleans the wound, smear it with your silk. It’ll keep me from bleeding any more.” You instructed Pilane as Winnie used her delicate fan legs to clean the wound as best she could as you felt whatever was on those teeth that Pilane used as arrows had started to infect the wound as you couldn’t help but chuckle softly at how ticklish Winnie’s feathered fan arms were on the rest of your skin. But also at the irony of it all. 
“Does her fan arms tickle?” Pilane asked worriedly as he worked on doing what you had instructed him to do. 
“It does, but I’m also laughing because I told one of the other males who had listened to you at first that ‘I would rather die than be mated to the likes of him’ and everyone else who listened to your bad ideas. I swore on Triton’s throne. He must have been listening and is holding me to it.” You laughed a little harder at the absurdity of it before you hissed in pain as Winnie backed away so that Pilane could apply the seasilk to the wound as you grunted and clenched your jaw and tried not to cry when it stung a little. 
“I’m sorry, this must hurt like hell.” Pilane whimpered as he covered your wound with his seasilk but was amazed when it stuck to your skin and sealed off the wound. 
“Not nearly as much as my pride has been hurting. It’s ok. I’ve gotten scraped and banged up worse. Losing five tentacles will hurt though, probably be one of the most painful experiences we’ll have.” You said.
“I’m so sorry Zhanna, I should have wrapped them in thicker seasilk.” Pilane apologized profusely as you could tell he was starting to cry. 
“Pilane?” You asked as he pulled his hand back and cried into his hands as you turned and faced him. 
“It’s ok. It was an accident. It wouldn’t have punctured the bag if it didn’t have the weight of both of us pushing on it. I just got poked and scratched a little. Once we land, I’m sure Ashely can give me some antibiotics if the wound gets infected. And with us stopping up the holes, we’ll be ok. It’s not like they’re huge gushing holes and the water is falling out faster than we can stop it up. We’ll have to keep an eye on the water level but we’ll be ok.” You soothed as you pulled his hands away from his face and held his face in your hands. 
“But I put you in danger and I never wanted to…” He began to cry before you shook your head and kissed him to keep him from spiraling. 
“I know you didn’t want to put me in danger or see me get hurt. Which is good, mates are supposed to feel that way about each other. That’s what affection is all about. But I have an idea. If we can try to stop up the holes with wet gooey seasilk. Maybe we won’t lose any tentacles at all. Let’s try ok?” You urged him. 
“But you’re not my…” Pilane shook his head before you kissed him again, much deeper this time and smiled into the kiss as he fisted his hand into your hair and clung to you as his hand that had covered the wound was splayed over it protectively. He kissed you like a micromerman starved before you broke apart to breathe again as your instincts were screaming to screw the holes, use your last minutes to fuck like crazy. But your intellect won out. If you could stop up the holes, you could mate as much as you wanted once the threat on your lives was lifted. 
“We might as well be. If we can get through this flight, I’ll bet you anything, we’ll find a way to get through anything and everything else. We just need to work together ok?” You encouraged him as he nodded and then kissed you again before you the bag was openned up and the bright light made you both pull away and shield your eyes as you adjusted to the light. 
“Shit!” Ashley screamed in horror to see multiple holes with both Pilane’s tentacles and your own sticking out, trying to keep the water in. 
When there was turbulence and she felt her lap get wet and ripped open her backpack to find her worst fears realized as stewardesses rushed over to her. 
“Help! I need help!” Ashley cried out as everyone on the plane turned to her and gasped to see what she was holding and the bag that was leaking water. Multiple people immediately started to record the incident on their phones. 
“If they run out of water they’ll die! The bag popped in the turbulence! Please! I need help saving them!” Ashley pleaded with the stewardesses as everyone looked to you and Pilane in the bag in the corner since both of you were still pulsing and glowing out of fear and anxiety and pain.  
“Oh gods! What do you need? How can we help?” The stewardesses asked. 
“I need the largest bottle of water possible! And salt! We need to make more salt water for them!” Ashley insisted as she got out of her seat and she and the stewardesses rushed to the front of the plane before a stewardess got on the speaker. 
“Ladies and gentlemen we have an emergency on board! Anyone who has large bottles of water and any who have salt packets please raise them above your head so they can be collected. Dr. Ashley Miles is transporting micro-octo-mermaids for the Sydney Aquarium and they have somehow punctured their transportation bag and if we can not replicate salt water they will die. Please!” The stewardess announced over the intercom before half the passengers immediately held up bottles of water and salt packets they had collected from their food. They held them up as the stewardesses took a fresh trash bag and quickly took up a collection as others in first class, began recording the scene unfolding in front of them. 
“How much salt do we need?” 
“35 grams of salt for every 975 grams of water making a total weight of 1000 grams.” Ashley replied, recalling that ratio from her studies.  
“Ok, I have a liter bottle of Figi water, so how much salt do I need?” A stewardess asked as she got the bottle out of what was collected. 
“Oh gosh a liter is um….” Dr. Ashley’s brain drew a break as she watched Pilane sign what had happened to her. 
“The weapons that they made themselves, that’s what poked the holes. Right now both are filling the holes with their legs but if the legs dry out, they will lose the legs. Oh gods this is a disaster!” Dr. Ashley cried. 
“A liter is 33.814 fluid ounces. And 35 grams, according to my conversion calculator is 1.2 ounces and 975 grams of water is 34.4 ounces. So if a liter is 33.8 grams. How much salt is in the salt packets?” A kid asked as he had his school math book that had a conversion table on it as he was finishing his homework on the way to his vacation before he grabbed a salt packet and found that each packet was roughly three quarters of a gram. 
“So if each salt packet is .75 grams, and we need to salinate 33.814 fluid ounces of water in a liter, that means we need…..” A quickly calculated it as another stewardess was using a white board to do the same match equation to make sure that it was accurate. 
“We need 26 salt packets!” He announced. 
“Yup, 26 salt packets! Ok! Get the lid off and lets get the salt in the water.” The other stewardess quickly grabbed the handful of salt packets as they quickly counted 26 of them as everyone was in in the aisle and coming up and zooming in on their cameras, getting the best angle on both you and Pilane.
“Is this what being in an aquarium is like? Humans all around you?” You asked Pilane as you laid on the bottom of the bag where Ashley’s hand was as you were grateful for her warmth at least. 
“No, not nearly as stressful or life threatening.” Pilane answered. 
“Well, that’s good.” You nodded as you looked up and saw the water level drop by the minute. 
“So what kind of micro’s are they?” Another passenger asked. 
“These are blue ringed octopus micro’s they’re part of the surrogate program. The male- his name is Pilane and his mother was rescued from the wild, she was guarding her clutch of eggs and had already lost a few arms and half of her jets on her webbing. Her male had abandoned her or been eaten, we don’t know. But we took her in and rehabilitated her at the aquarium and gave her another male to help heal her and help nurse her back to health. His father Sebastian was a special micro from Dr. Ethel Atwood. Who breeds especially caring and nurturing micros. And Sebastian succeeded. He kept her from dying, he helped her heal and regrow her missing tentacles just in time to hatch her brood. And this male is special because he’s had a really hard time finding a mate. This was his fifth time to find a mate. And I had to go back to Dr. Ethel Atwood who is the premiere micro breeder in the world and she had this beautiful beauty. Her name is Zhanna and see how she’s filling half the holes with her own tentacles? And that crab in there? That’s what separates an Ethel micro from any other. That crab is her pet and her name is…Winnie. And she told him that…” Ashley began as she deciphered what Pilane was using sign to tell her. 
“They were in this together and that if they entered that bag together they were going to leave together.” Ashley smiled through her tears as Pilane and yourself held hands. 
“What’s your name?” Ashley asked the kid. 
“Blake.” He answered.
“Thank you so much for your help Blake, I’ll have this pair name a kid after you.” She thanked him as he and the stewardess were emptying the salt into the bottle before they put the cap on it and shook the bottle vigorously to get all the salt to dissolve. Pilane and yourself watched as the water level continue to lower as water continued to overflow Ashley’s hand. 
Blake laughed in delight at the thought of an octo-micro-merman being named after him but kept working diligently. Ashely held the pair in her hand in the bucket that they usually had just for ice to keep the water from making a huge mess on the floor.  
“You’re welcome.” He answered as he shook the bottle has hard as he could to make sure the salt dissolved. 
“Ok, there.” He said just as the water was pretty low in the bag. 
“Ok, I’m pouring you guys in, get your things.” Ashley insisted before Pilane and yourself pulled your tentacles out of the holes, as Pilane grabbed his bag and yours and your blanket and his as you grabbed Winnie and both of you slid down the plastic into the bottle as Pilane shoved his bag of weapons down in first and then your things and then you pushed Winnie into the bottle, happy she was still small enough to fit in the mouth of the bottle before you squeezed yourself through the mouth of the bottle, which was harder to do because your eggs were still developing, making you thicker than usual as Pilane helped you squeeze through and held his breath to make sure all of you got into the bottle and once you were through, you turned around and used your suction on the inside of the bottle to reach out and grab Pilane’s hand and pull him in. And the bottle overflowed from the displacement of your body and Pilane’s. But he squeezed through the mouth much easier. And once both of you were in, Ashley screwed the cap back on. 
“Is the water ok?” Ashley signed to Pilane who used his sign language to sign that it wasn’t perfect but it would do as you and him both clung to the sides of the bottle and caught your breath as Winnie and your things were on the bottom of the bottle. 
“Are they going to be ok?” Blake and the other stewardesses asked hopefully. 
“Yeah, they’re going to be just fine.” Ashley smiled as she wiped away the last of her tears. 
“Ladies and gentleman, we just wanted to say thank you so much for all your help. Thanks to your generous donations of water and salt we were able to turn a bottle of Figi water into salt water to save Pilane and Zhanna the blue ring octopus micro mermaids for the Sydney Aquarium! And a special thank you to Blake for doing the math and conversion to make sure that we put enough salt into the water to replicate salt water!” The stewardess announced over the intercom as everyone on board cheered. 
Ashely came back to her seat and showed Pilane and yourself off to all who wanted to see you and talk about the conservation effort. You both smiled and waved to the people she showed you off to. Especially the little kids on board who were eager to see you as you put your hands to the bottle where people would put their fingertips as so many people were moved to tears that you two were saved from a potentially life threatening situation. And Dr. Ashley got to talk all about Dr. Ethel Atwood who was the Jane Goodall of micro mermaids and about the aquarium and it’s conservation program. 
Once everyone on board got to see and meet Pilane and yourself, Ashley returned to her seat and carefully put you back into her bag so that Pilane and yourself could get some privacy. 
“Oh thank Aquaman’s trident.” You breathed in relief once Pilane and yourself were given some privacy as you went to the bottom and wrapped the bags of weapons into the blankets Pilane and you had made before you secured it into the corner as Winnie was happy to snuggle into another corner which left the other two on the other side for Pilane and yourself. 
And you didn’t know if it was the brush with death or what but the moment neither of you were on display- Pilane and yourself couldn’t keep your hands or your tentacles, much less your mouths off of each other. Pilane had you pushed up into the opposite corner that Winnie was inhabiting as his third tentacle, his hectocotylus, his cock tentacle unsheathed itself. 
And the really wonderful thing was that while it looked and acted like a normal tentacle. It hid a delightful surprise. Because sheathed within was the cock of your dreams. The head was large and bulbous and ribbed. And it was big enough to make you feel perfectly stuffed yet not so big that it was an uncomfortable stretch but when it moved in and out of you, at the base was not just another bulbous bulge. But a whole knot that was trying it’s hardest to seat into you. And another flap that was a flange that was like a ribbed tongue that massaged your clit. You wrapped your arms around Pilane’s neck and shoulders as he suckled at your breasts. While his hands were firmly grasping your hips and pulling you down onto him while his own hips were hiking up into yours. Thanks to his other tentacles were suctioned up beside you so that his whole lower half would hike up into you while he had your own other tentacles suctioned to the bottom of the bottle so that it was a stretch and really anchored you down and only added that much more power into the strokes. 
“Oh gods!” You keened as that knot was starting to ease into you as your canal opened up in excited anticipation to take it. You were so close to your sexual release, you could literally taste it since there were so much pheramones in the water being released from both of you and it was literally intoxicating and you wanted his cock fully seated and in you and filling you fully and stuffed to the brim. 
“Come on, stuff me full of that amazing, wild seed of yours.” You purred as you kissed him and bit his lip just hard enough to make him whine and groan before he grabbed your hips so hard you thought he was going to bruise them, before he pushed that bulbous knot at the base into you and the feeling of that knot seating itself into you and then to feel that tapered head breach the base of your womb and the ridges on the head locked it into place at the top of your canal while the tip filled your womb with seed. Your womb fluttered, coating all the eggs that were lining it in the sperm as your orgasm filled every fiber of your being. 
The water was practically a pheromone soup by now. There was wonderful, heady haze overwhelming your senses and his. His whole body tensed as you could feel that tentacle pulse as his sperm pumped down the channel of his cock tentacle. He must have been saving it for a very long time because your belly started to bulge even more as your womb was stuffed with almost as much of his cum as it was your eggs. You rested your head in the crux of his neck and shoulder as you clung to him as you both rode out the rest of your orgasms before both of you seemed to go lax as he let go with his suckers of the tentacles above you as he moved you down so that you were both sitting down in the bottom corner. 
“You still with me?” Pilane asked. 
“Oh I’m never leaving you.” You insisted as you nuzzled your head into his chest as he started to pet your hair and comb though your silken tresses with his fingertips, marveling at the fact that the most fiercely loyal, brilliant, defiant and beautiful micro mermaid he had ever met in his life was happily sated and at peace in his arms and hopefully didn’t hate his guts still. 
“Likewise.” He grinned before the knot began to deflate and the ridges also laid down and the tip exited your womb as the base of the womb closed tightly once it had left, keeping every drop of sperm in your womb as you got after shocks as he gradually pulled out of you. 
“Wait, no come back.” You complained as you reached for it with another tentacle to wrap around it to keep it from resheathing itself in the tentacled arm before trying to guide it back to your center. 
“You wanna go again?” Pilane asked in pleasantly surprised amusement. 
“Do you not want to go again?” You returned. As you teased the head of the cock by swirling it around in your entrance as his eyes got dark and filled with lust again. 
“No I do, I just didn’t think, that um that you liked me enough to go again. Cause I thought I was a ‘Plain Pain in Your Ass’?” Pilane admitted. 
“Pilane, look at me. I like you. I have great affection for you that will grow into a love that will burn as bright as the sun one day. I’m genuinely attracted to you. You are everything I never knew I always wanted. You’re brilliant and clever and tenacious and have honor and were willing to dry out and lose all of your tentacles, including your cock just to keep me safe. Why wouldn’t I love and adore you for trying to sacrifice yourself like that? Even when I made your life miserable, and even when you gave me a taste of my own medicine. Which I needed. Ethel Micros have been told for countless generations that we’re the best micros in the world. And it gives us egos that are too big. So thank you for popping it, otherwise I never would have been able to get into this bottle.” You teased with an easy smile that made him chuckle. 
“Well in that case you’re welcome.” Pilane offered. 
“See, if you had been more forthcoming and told me all about you and your situation on day one, we would have been doing this on day one. And then you never would have felt the need to test me out and single me out and pissing me off by interrupting the marital bliss of my sisters. And honestly, if you had told more girls the truth about you, discretely of course. There would have been a fight over you that I gladly would have competed in. You’re a wild type, remember? And we will happily give our children the best of both worlds. Both the wild instincts coupled with almost countless generations of breeding for nurture instead of pure nature. And our children will have an overabundance of choices for what they get to do with their lives. And that’s the best thing a parent can provide for a child, a choice and intelligence and instincts to choose the best path for themselves. All of that might as well have been super sweet seagrapes to a youngling at the rate I would have eaten it up if you had just been more forthcoming with me. I’m sorry you had bad experiences in the past when you were honest and it backfired on you and it led you to believe that no one would love you or want you because of your circumstances. Because nothing could be farther than the truth. And frankly, while I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time in the past, it just means that you’ve gained more experience for the future. I’m really happy and relieved it didn’t work out the four times before you could meet me though. Because now that I have you, I’m never letting go. I’m much too stubborn for that. Which I’m sure you’ve gathered by now.” You reassured him as you held his handsome face in your hands again. 
“You may have given that impression, yes.” He shrugged with a lopsided grin. 
“Yeah, so I don’t know about you but it might as well be pheromone soup in here and we have several more hours of flight left right? Isn’t it a long flight to Australia?��� You prodded. 
“It is.” He nodded.
“Then let's not waste another moment. Besides, let's see just how big of a pain you could be in my ass if you’re keen on trying.” You offered. 
“Oh you mean like this?” Pilane offered before he stroked down your sides, held your hips in his hands and canted your pelvis before he sheathed his cock into your womanly canal while another tentacle prodded your anal pucker once the flap that covered both was relaxed and flipped backwards. 
“Oh yeah, just like that.” You moaned before the other tentacle finally wriggled deeper into you as you laid back onto your own back tentacles while your forward ones wrapped around his waist in turn. 
“Do it to me.” Pilane pleaded as he laid over you.
“Gladly.” You giggled before three of your tentacles reached under his webbing and poked at his own anus with your own tentacles. He shivered and shuddered before you managed to squeeze the tip of one tentacle into it and then another and then used your purchase to spread it wide before stuffing it with the third. 
“Oh gods!” Pilane whimpered and shuddered and started to pant as he held you even tighter. 
And you then reached up and anchored the suckers at the tip of the tentacle deep inside and then used that suction to shove the rest of the arm into him and he keened and cried out in ecstasy. Then he mirrored you before he put two tentacles into your rear and between his already very large cock in your womanhood and the the other two in the rear, you were overwhelmed and stretched to the limit. As an octo-micro- you were used to squishing and squeezing yourself to get into tight spaces but this was stretching you to your body’s limit. Then you seemed to sync up your movements with his so that you were fucking each other in tandem. 
“Oh fuck, oh fuck.” Pilane panted, keened and moaned as he rested his head on your upper chest before nuzzling with both of your breasts as his arms wrapped around you to hold you close as you threaded your fingers in his hair to hold his head there. Your breasts started to grow larger and heavier immediately upon insemination as your body was already preparing to become a mother and to nurse your brood that was becoming fertilized inside you. 
You swirled the tentacle inside of him and he nearly came undone before you added a second to the mix. Both tentacles twisting together like a corkscrew as Pilane pounded into you so hard, the knot squeezed and popped in and out of you with more ease than it had the first time as you body welcomed his. 
“Pilane!” You keened as your body reached it’s climax but it seemed Pilane wasn’t done and continued his onslaught as your body was just over the edge of being overstimulated and overwhelmed in pleasure and ecstacy. 
There was nothing outside of you and him in this bottle. You surrendered yourself completely to him while your tentacles continued to stroke into him before a third joined in and finally Pilane slammed his cock and his other tentacles into you. He was overstuffing your womb with his old seed seeping out, past the ridged head and past the glorious knot at the base to make room for new seed to be pumped with as much force as your jets over your webbing of your waist and lower body. All while your fingertips clawed at the muscle of his back and shoulders, trying to get as much of his body touching yours as possible. 
“I didn’t think…I hadn’t realized…I couldn’t have imagined…oh gods, that was epic and awesome. I had no idea that was…a thing.” Pilane panted as he clung to you as he tried to catch his breath as you did the same. 
“Yeah, one of my older brothers from a previous batch prefers to have a male for a mate and together they’re in the surrogate program and look after clutches where the female didn’t make it through the incubation process. And they’re in the tank right next to my parents. And that’s how they mate and it looked sexy and I was hoping for a mate who was into at least trying it to see if it felt as good as it looked.” You admitted. 
“I see, yeah, it felt, gods, it still feels amazing.” Pilane admitted. 
“So you’d be up to trying it again?” You asked hopefully. 
“Oh I’ll gladly be the biggest pain in your ass that you can stand.” Pilane teased which got you both to laugh. 
“Only if I can be just as big of one- in yours.” You grinned cheekily. 
“Yes Ma’am.” Pilane nodded before he kissed you softly before the kiss morphed quickly from sweet to needy and wanting again before you went several more rounds until both of you had completely exhausted each other. 
And by the time the plane landed and Ashley got off and went through customs, when she opened the bag and pulled out the bottle to see Pilane and yourself practically tied yourselves into one big knot but sleeping blissfully away in the bottom, she smiled happily as she realized your belly looked way bigger and the water was cloudy from all the sperm and pheramones in the water that was rising up to the top and had a film of milky white at the surface. 
“Wow, you two have been busy.” Ashley giggled. Then she got her passport stamped and once she was through customs and picked up the rest of her luggage, she went straight to the Aquarium to put Pilane and yourself into quarantine and had to cut the mouth of the bottle off so you could get out of the bottle. But once Winnie and your things were in the quarantine tank. She fed you both a meal fit for a king which you both hungrily devoured most of it as Winnie was happy to eat all of the leftovers and you had barely enough time before you needed to lay your eggs in the nest provided to you. Pilane and yourself methodically pierced each egg with your venom spikes so that the babies had both your strain of venom and his as they would grow and develop. 
The eggs were in the middle of incubation by the time you got to go into the big tank after quarintine that Pilane had told you about. Pilane, yourself and Winnie went around the tank to meet your neighbors so to speak. And even his parents. His father was so happy especially to meet you and happy to know that Ethel was still alive and still doing her thing. Ethel even came to see you both moved into the tank. And meeting his mother was something else. And you could see so much of her in Pilane but you could feel so much of his adopted father in him too. Sydney was actually delighted that you had effectively stood sucker to sucker up to Pilane and had fought with him and didn’t go down without a fight. And that you had made your own weapons and even made your own new style of “killer cord” that you had spun into a pillow. But once it was undone, had twice as many spikes as Pilane’s and two lines for venom to go into. She loved the fact that an “Ethel Micro” was as “wild” as you seemed in personality. And was very proud of Pilane for holding off to find the perfect mate for himself. And to see your eggs made her cry tears of joy that she had held on long enough to see them and thank her husband for helping her stay along long enough to see it with her own eyes. And especially to hear that you were going to be teaching them everyting they would need to know to either be surrogates, re-habilitators or even go back into the wild made her unbelievably happy. 
And of course it made Pilane so happy to see his mom so happy for one of the few times in his life. And from that day on, she never seemed to be unhappy. She had her son and his mate and their brood incubating so close to her. Just like they would be in the wild since family members tended to stick close together in the wild and form tight knit communities as opposed to the solitary lives the blue ring octopus’ did in the wild. And to have you be her latest pupil of learning how to live in the wild on a reef and even off of a reef made her so happy, especially since she knew you were about to be repeating such lessons to your children soon. You introduced snail eggs to her and Pilane as his father had almost forgotten how good they could be as you helped keep the snail population in check and in balance in the big tank. 
And while Sydney didn’t necessarily understand your relationship with Winnie, she respected you enough to respect Winnie as your pet and went around with you as you visited your other neighbors and requested for none of your neighbors to eat her. But considering you were one of the deadliest and most lethal of all the other micros, your request was of course accepted. Because most of them didn’t want to piss off the lethal new neighbors with the potentially violent mother in law. You made sure that through every molt Winnie had, you made her a new harness that served to identify her as yours. 
And before you knew it, your children hatched from their eggs about the same time other micro’s children were hatching too and Sydney of course was overjoyed to be a grandmother, almost as much as Pilane was happy to finally be a father and his father to be a grandfather.  And of course, introducing your brood to the others in the tank, to make sure that specifically your children would not accidentally invenomate their playmates and neighbors was a big responsibility. 
And to see so many tourists come just to get pictures of you and Pilane and your brood and his parents. Especially since the video of the two of you almost dying on the plane went viral and got put on so many ‘restore faith in humanity’ video compilations and even made the news. It caused quite the sensation. 
And the Aquarium saw a spike in visitors just to see Pilane and you and your kids. Especially as you both played with them and taught them how to live on a reef, how to surrogate, how to cohabitate with others, how to rehabilitate, how to live in a private tank and, if possible, live on a reef in the wild. Because you wanted each and every single one to be armed with knowledge about how to live in any and every condition and circumstance and to adjust and to be happy and content with those circumstances and choices that they would have the chance to make. Choices you could only dream of and dreams that had never truly died in Sydney either. Who was happy and content to live vicariously through her children and grandchildren. 
But yet Pilane had already given you more than you had ever imagined possible for yourself. You were happy to call this huge tank with all kinds of neighbors home, because it was where Pilane called home. And while you could get used to the noise and the tourists and the general background noise that this huge tank always offered both day and night. You were still very happy, with your Plain Pain in Your Ass for your mate. Who only made life that much richer and that much more fun and interesting. Because your life never had another dull moment. 
Because just as one brood had grown up and were ready to become a mate to someone else, and start families of thier own, you were happy to start the process all over again with Pilane. Over and over again, for as long as the two of you lived.
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bobbelcherofficial · 2 years
Note
Calvin Fischoeder:
Today Is Rent Collection Day.
Receiving His Monthly Payments From His Tenants Is Most Definitely One Of His Favored Duties As A Landlord And It’s A Fact He Doesn’t See The Point In Hiding Either. The Role Of A Landlord Under Most Circumstances Is Not To Be Your Friend, To Hide An Inner Greed, To Dish Out Advice And To Be That Reassuring Hand Clasping One’s Shoulder Saying ‘Hey, I’ve Got Your Back’. No. That’ll Never Be A Place That Should Be Taken By People Like Them And Calvin? He’s A Good Example Of What A Landlord Should Be. He’s The Embodiment Of A Man Who Cuts Corners To Make Ends Meet, Lessening Quality In Order To Garner More Satisfaction For Himself First And Foremost (But Also, This Works Two Ways, As Many Are Unaware And He Gets More Then His Moneys Worth Through His Dishonest Business Practices). The Fischoeder Has Indirectly Caused Harm By Doing This, Though, He Never Let’s It Bother Him All Too Often.
People Get Hurt In His Line Of Business. That’s Just How Life Intended Things To Be. It Is Not His Fault That Life Doubles As A Foil, The Backstabbing Bastard Nobody Wanted. So Its Not Worth Getting All Caught Up On.
Calvin Breathes The Air In, That Smells Fairly Polluted And Unclean, When Mixed With The Scent Of Fish And Ocean, As The Tenants He Is On His Way To Lives By The Water. It’s A Nice Smell, He Must Say And It Oddly Suited This Family. Not Only Are They Poor But Hygiene Is Not A Strong Suit Of Theirs Anyways, All Have Their Unique, Burgery, Smell That He’s Come To Recognize As Distinctly Theirs.
He Pulled Up To The Front Of Bob’s Burgers.
Prepared To Not Be Paid But Stepping In Nonetheless.
“Ah Yes, You, Burger Family!” He Announces His Presence “I Believe It’s That Time Of The Month Again And No I Do Not Mean That Other Time Of The Month, Lady Bob!”
@askcalvinfischoeder
Just as any ordinary day in the restaurant, business was slow. Bob had only gotten to a few people today, not including Teddy nor Mort. They had swung by at exactly eleven in the morning, right when Bob had unlocked the doors. Mort ate and left while Teddy stuck around for a few. Just the usual. 
The one thing out of the ordinary today is that Bob was working by himself. The kids were at school, so that’s to be expected on why they weren’t here. For his partner in crime, his loving wife, Linda, had a hair appointment with Gretchen. She had stepped out not that long ago, giving him a kiss goodbye. Linda shouldn’t take too long, but knowing how much her and Gretchen can chat it up, Bob killed any sort of hope that she would be back in less than thirty minutes. 
Once the one remaining customer in the building had walked out, he went to the back to make himself a burger. He had skipped lunch due to Teddy talking his ear off and once he left Linda filled in that space. 
His stomach growled.
At least he was able to get some time for himself now. He prepped all the ingredients on the counter. Nothing too fancy, but not just a simple burger either. He pulled out a meat patty and before he could place it on the grill, an unexpected visitor walked through the front door.
Bob perked up and went to look up, but before he could even do that, he knew that voice from anywhere. It was Mr. Fischoeder, his landlord. He only stops by for one thing and one thing only. The rent.
The rent that Bob didn’t have.
He gulped and already started to feel himself sweat. He didn’t prep a lie or anything for Mr. Fischoeder’s arrival. Bob had forgotten to look at the date. Was it the first day of the month already?
“Mr. Fischoeder. Hey… It’s just me right now, uh, hold on.”
Placing the meat patty aside, he walked to the front to greet the landlord. He awkwardly stood there, standing in silence for a moment. Trying to think of some sort of lie, but quickly gave up and sighed.
“Look Mr. Fischoeder. I know I say this a lot, but… I really don’t have the money right now,” he looked to the floor before perking back up, “But, uh, I can have it to you by next weekend. I swear.”
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phasebun · 2 months
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*late insert into the previous date sim ask* May I ask the real questions here? How does Sol like her eggs/breakfast in the morning? What about Khepri or Yi'laae, how do they prefer to drink their coffee/tea? Paemon, Astarion and Ares are nice and all, but it should've been me 😤 No, but really what would these ladies look for in a partner if they weren't taken? 😆 (your mind and blog are such beautiful, iconic places, thanks a million for stepping up the bar/game 😍)
You made my morning bdafhyidsbhf ( u also made me realize my feral ass rb'd it answering for myself LMAO o.o oof ) thank you for your sweet words omg they will live w/me forever, this is all just compensation for not being able to draw my OCs and the urge to edit pics again LOL no but tysm, I've set no bar in this niche little blackhole of mine
૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა ♡♡ ily
I asked the girlies and:
Sol: runny/over easy eggs, a protein like rothé/fish/chicken will be fine (she won't put you through treating her to the...mystery meat Pae sneaks for her sometimes)--she's on an omelet obsession rn lol
Khepri: loves coffee, addicted to it ever since one of her royal spies brought some beans back, just make sure you have a bar of choco to melt in it
Yi'laae: a cup of tangerine and honey tea every morning, might be a bit non-verbal until she has it
If I was the magic mirror from Shrek and you wanted a fact to win their hand:
Yi'laae: As a cleric to the Lady of Luck herself, she has a weakness for those who step out of their comfort zone, especially if it includes something fun. Bonus points if you're willing to sing along with her. She enjoys books on stoicism, ballads, and scalp massages lol if you've traveled, definitely tell her about it. She's unable to travel much so being able to live through your stories would make her want to listen to you nonstop.
Khepri: Absolutely loves comedy, but despises terrible jokes. Could cost a jester their life if you were to hire a bad one, so make sure they know a few basic magic tricks to distract her. Loves foot massages, and individuals that "smell like nature". A bit possessive, but just be open and honest, not doing so would make matters extremely worse than if you were to just be upfront. Dragons are not her pets, they're family lol
Sol: Tbh, the more mad/driven you are about something, the better. Passionate individuals always manage to catch her eye, and the crazier the mass public may find your ideas, the better. "Free thinkers" lol There must be discipline within the chaos though, structure. Very clingy, expect to not have much space to yourself if distance is not forced. Establish a safe word before rough-housing and don't leave her if she shows you her slayer form. (must know how to cook, she likes to EAT)
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richardsjosephsen · 1 year
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Ongcweti Besifo Sikashukela Diabetic South Africans
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melodydrawer7 · 2 years
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Excellent Boating Spots Within The State Of Utah
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