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if-mirrormine · 2 years

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for the MC game: my MC for your game is a short "girl" who wears a lot of oversized stuff in the early 2000s. when they come into modern day and see the discussions of things like being trans and nonbinary and the difference between gender identity vs gender presentation, they feel a lot more comfortable dressing femininely (still loves oversized tho, aint nothing wrong with that) while identifying as nonbinary. it results in a gradual confidence boost and, whereas their loved ones remember my MC as constantly cracking jokes but the sense of humor being very self-deprecating, their sense of humor evolves into being a lot less based on their self (after reading "yo that wont help your mental illness" online) and now they actually, finally, start laughing at their own jokes

they go from this "my resting face is a small smile and im awkward and shy" to being very giggly and still awkward but more outgoing (bc now a baby's got a sense of self-worth and doesnt mind taking up as much as space as they used to). one of those "i like being around you bc your laugh makes me smile and you laugh all the time" kinda people, yknow?? plus, very polite. Alex's parents probably really liked them; they were always on their best behavior and would put down the game controller to offer to help Alex's parents with cleaning the dishes or set the table kinda kid?? sometimes that makes things awkward, because its VISIBLE when those people feel like a bother (esp in someone else's home), but still. manners are nice, yknow?

they were in college to be an animation student and rip them, technology in animation has changed a LOT since the 2000s, we dont even call the program "(Adobe) Flash" for Flash Animation (think Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, that style is called Flash) "Flash" anymore, the program is called "(Adobe) Animate" now smh gotta retake ALL of those tech classes, your drawing fundamentals are good, but the times have changed alas. it kind of sucks bc they were good at studying and actually took notes and would actively practice, just trying to be a good student and now most of their notes are outdated and not relevant to the industry

im trying to think of what else would be fun and helpful. they probably played with people's hands a lot, just bouncing their hand on the palm of someone else's, holding hands and swinging arms, tracing circles with their thumb on the back of your hand-- lots of casual PDA and yet would turn VISIBLY FLUSTERED at any flirtation or kisses anywhere, just fully flushed deer in headlights kinda moment as they bluescreen and process and their skin starts heating up. definitely is the type where the ideal date, always, has been hanging out at Target and Walmart and the like

to be naughty for a second tho (no minors allowed):

:readmore:

definitely the type that was like "am i supposed to be considering giving them road-head rn? bc i will give them road-head rn, or just oral in the parking lot or at home, period, if they are interested" in reaction to their date taking them to a bookstore and proceeding to buy my MC several hardcovers/concept art books post-time-bubble. like. c'mon. that shit's sexy as fuck and my MC is trying to be subtle in their now looking disrespectfully at least

(i hope the Read More attempt worked btw, otherwise this is awkward lmao)

pls your mc's so cute i love them😭😭

im gonna say alex would work well with your mc! bro just trust me they can help guide your mc through the modern world and help them explore their gender identity further. they'd bring out your mc's more playful side and with alex being the extrovert that they are, they'd definitely have a lot of fun together!

#did i do this right #someone tell me how to talk about characters accurately #sorry anon i think your readmore plan failed 😭😭#shield your eyes kids #(although i really hope none follow me)#(im not in the business of traumatising youths💀💀)#mm mc #mm: alex #mirror mine #message received☎️#anonymous

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kiss4kazu · 4 years

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Hi! could I request some headcanons for what kissing Ashe and Dimitri (Felix too if thats not too much if not its fine) would be like for the first time?

☆ first time kisses with ashe, dimitri, felix

↳ ashe babie boy

although ashe is really innocent and pure i think he’s easily one of the most romantic in blue lions and would really go above and beyond always for the person he loves.

i know a lot of people probably see ashe as someone being too reluctant and nervous to actually ever make a move first but i think if he really liked someone, he’d be extremely obvious about it, blushing like crazy, a stuttering mess, etc and after enough pep talks from sylvain he’d finally make a move to ask u out on a date and it would be an absolute wreck.

would literally put together something so fckin cheesy n corny but in the most adorably ashe way that it makes you want to punch him from being so precious

like a cute picnic or something by a lake and he’d make cute little cakes with some help from annette and it would just be so pure.

he’d rehearse how he’s going to confess in his head like a million times but when the moment actually comes it ends up just being a jumbled up mess filled with “ums” and he’d try to stick to the script him and sylvain came up with and get out a “y-you’re r-really… u-uh… p-pretty..” but then he’d fuck it all up by saying something weird n dorky like “a-and you s-smell really nice… w-wait that’s weird i’m sorry-” and you’d just hold back ur laughter, ur heart swelling with so so much affection for him.

ofc he’d ask for permission to kiss you, cheeks crimson and his eyes looking up at yours like tht one starry eyed emoji. you’d give him a vocal response, since he rly needs that reassurance. no stutters just “of course ashe” and he’d smile so so big and then just swoop down totally uncoordinated.

would probs miss your lips and have to readjust.

kissing ashe for the first time would be … messy. he’s not experienced at all, and doesn’t know what to do with his hands and he’d honestly be a dead fish for a good few moments. but as you ease him more into the kiss, he’d loosen up a bit, tilt his head and just stop overthinking. his lips would be really warm and would taste so sweet from the cake and he’d smile so hard into the kiss that your teeth end up bumping into each other and you’d pull away laughing

ashe kisses are the best honestly the butterflies fireworks the whole shebang yknow.

as he gets more confident he’d probably try out a few things he’s seen in books like slipping his tongue in and would be completely taken aback by just how nice it feels. would probably whine into the kiss, cradle your face in his hands, and once you guys pull apart for some air he’d just breathe heavily against your lips with the dopiest smile on his face :( <3

he’d be rly slap happy after kissing you for the first time and would probably tackle u onto the picnic blanket laughing from happiness kissing your face everywhere and showering you in compliments, shoving his face into ur neck and just breathing in ur scent.

he’s very clingy ok.

↳ dimi !!

whew. ok so we’re gonna do academy phase dimi since feral dimi is uh… probs not sfw & violent skjdfjslkjfd

academy phase dimi knows NOTHING about kissing n he has 0 experience so it takes him forever n a day to finally get the balls to kiss u and when he does … whew.

i can imagine kissing dimi to be during like , a deep convo or something late at night, when he’s having trouble sleeping or something and ur just running ur fingers through his hair, listening to him as he vents and admiring the sound of his voice bc he’s always more talkative at the dead of night when he’s sleep deprived.

he’d just look at u so so lovingly and it would be suffocating and ur just staring at his lips but u know ur probs way in over ur head bc uh he’s the future king of faerghus

but then he’d ask for permission too like ashe tbh bc he’s just polite like tht and has too good mannerisms

plus he cares a lot about your comfort and would never want to make u feel unsafe or uncomfy especially by his doing

and you would nod with quickness n he’d waste not a second to connect ur lips

kissing dimi is like a trance tbh, type of kiss that feels like something in u is short-circuiting

literally the type of kiss that makes ur knees buckle u know the ones.

he’s a rly rly good kisser n it makes no sense bc he’s literally never kissed anyone before in his life n it kind of makes u mad bc why is he perfect

a rly rly passionate kisser and he can be kind of rougher than he intends to bc he’s not good with fragile things

clearly v dominant in the kiss, one hand with an iron grip on ur hip the other tangled up behind ur neck, gripping ur hair. after a while gets reluctant and starts to overthink things and pulls away apologizing for being too rough

you’d probs have to reassure him a million times tht its okay dimi ur not hurting me!!

he’s rly touch starved tbh so he always tends to take pecks into full-blown makeout sessions or when he intends to just kiss ur forehead he ends up kissing ur cheeks too, ur jaw, down ur neck just riling himself up tbh and then he finally looks up at u with his eyes all dark n ur just like … here we go

did i mention he groans a lot during kisses bc he does

dimi’s other sides shining through when his emotions overwhelm him is just .. dimitri 101.

he’s rough, seemingly an expert at this shit, his tongue shoving past your lips and completely taking u off guard. he’d literally kiss you so hard your head would spin and he’d do it all with a blush on his face bc he’s still a shy babie. as soon as the moment is over he’s back to stuttering n being all awkward boyish prince.

he’s also the type to shower u in compliments between kisses.

kisses lips “you’re so gorgeous” smooches neck “so amazing” kisses jaw “goddess i love you”

im scream crying

↳ felix too bc WHY NOT ! i love him

listen.

this little fucker kisses the life out of people u heard it here first folks.

he’s 100% a heat of the moment type of kisser. it could go two ways tbh. like if you got hurt or something on his behalf he’d scream at you with glossy eyes for a good 5 minutes and then just stare at you all >:( and then he’d just grab you and kiss the fuck out of you.

probably the most passionate kisser out of the three, he kisses to the point where u can’t feel ur toes and stuff he’d just completely indulge without any fucks given bc he almost lost you and he’s not good with explaining his emotions so hopefully this helps you understand.

the other way i can see a first kiss going down with felix is more.. vulnerable, despite his hard exterior. he is rough and mean but it’s not bc he’s genuinely a bad person he just has walls built up so high tht its impossible for anyone to rly climb over

to get a kiss from lix, u definitely have to have climbed over tht wall of his, or just fly a wrecking ball through it n send it crumbling to the ground

you’re literally the only exception, the only person who can rly get through to him

he’d probably turn to you for comfort a lot, when dimitri agitates him with memories of glenn or his dad says something that ticks him off and he wants to punch something he’d just go to you instead, knock on ur door and just waltz in like he owns the place, sitting down on ur bed and u would know he wants cuddles bc this is how felix communicates

if he had to actually say “i want cuddles” out loud he’d probably shoot himself in the foot with an arrow so he’s glad u understand, u always understand him just by looking at him n it’s reassuring bc he’s never been good with words.

its kind of cringe to him that he likes being held but shocker he likes being held

he also rly rly likes it when u play with his hair he’s like a cat he will literally start nuzzling into you, so warm and pliant to your touch

ok im getting distracted back to the kissing shit

felix would probably just be rly overwhelmed with emotions n he doesn’t rly know how to tell u “i like u” so he just says “im going to kiss you.” like a literal statement n then he does it n ur just like o-o bc wtf.

if ur not responsive at first he’d just pull away after a while and wouldn’t meet eyes with u and be all blushy.

would let out a tch like the little shit that he is, and u have to turn his face so he’s properly looking at u again and meeting eyes with u

he looks so vulnerable and stupidly gorgeous so u kiss him this time so he knows the feeling is mutual and it’d take him a min to really gather whats happening but once he does he’d literally. suck. the. life. out. of. your. face. period.

felix kisses r rough n messy n just completely self-indulgent and he groans shamelessly when u pull his hair tie out from his bun and tug at his hair yes i have a thing for felix’s hair leave me alone.

gives 0 fucks would literally shove his tongue down your throat pull you flush against him and he always calls sylvain insatiable but rly its this fucker who’s insatiable he is literally eating your face.

you’d have to pull him away from you and he’d just pant so hard against your lips and look at you like he wants to devour you and its kind of overwhelming bc he’s fucking hot !!!!!

would shove his face into ur neck and mumble out an “i like you” and u would tease him n be like “what did you say i cant hear u?” and he’d elbow u in the ribs and groan into ur neck and u would laugh n kiss his head, telling him u like him too

at tht he’d lift his head up, his hair falling over his amber eyes and u would just push the strands away from his face and kiss him softly one last time before going back 2 ur conversation about punching sylvain’s face or sumn

anyway i love felix thanks 4 coming to my ted talk.

requests are open! <3

- vivi ★

#fe3h #fe3h imagines #fe3h requests #fe3h headcanons #dimitri x reader #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #felix fraldarius #felix x reader #ashe ubert #ashe x reader #ashe duran #blue lions

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ketchup-monthly · 3 years

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Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

#ss d&d 2

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georgiaswarr · 3 years

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lister bird - part 2 (part 1)

beautiful faces - declan mckenna

i’m very much many thoughts head full can’t put it into concise words when it comes to beautiful faces as an iwbft song but suffice it to say, this song looks at celebrity, influencer and consumerism culture through a certain lens of doom, which hits close to home for lister. it also addresses excessive partying and drinking, for example in the “lift your hands up and lead us back home” lyric

beige - yoke lore

“i don't wanna see you smile / i want you in the morning / before you go performing” *whispers* bicci song

9 to 5 - smallpools

lister grew up poor and we mustn’t forget that part 3. also themes of losing innocence and doing what you must to survive in this cruel world.

when the party’s over - billie eilish

more themes of loneliness, self-hate and partying ! yay ! /s

hallucinogenics - matt maeson

i mean.... “pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics / my cigarette burnt my finger 'cause i forgot i lit it / rippin' with my sinners 'cause fuck it, man, i ain't no beginner / and then i crawled back to the life that i said i wouldn't live in // cause i just couldn't open up, i'm always shiftin' / go find yourself a man who's strong and tall and christian” NEED I SAY MORE, THIS IS THE MOST LISTER SONG IN EXISTENCE

okay okay - alessia cara

a song about trying to fake self-confidence until you “make it” even though you don’t believe that you’re - to quote - a “million trick pony” yourself which is very true for lister john self-deprecation bird

nights - neon trees

here we have lister at least thinking that his crush on jimmy is unrequited, plus themes of insomnia

be an astronaut - declan mckenna

this raises the question of how much agency lister has and how much he’s just pushed around by his circumstances and by society, even though he might dream, or has dreamt of being bigger than that

clouds - børns

this song makes me think of Yearning(TM) while being high - yknow, something that lister does

liability - lorde

“the truth is i am a toy that people enjoy / till all of the tricks don't work anymore / and then they are bored of me” - growing up in the world of fame, constantly being sexualised, nobody knowing how you truly feel, all while feeling distant from your two closest friends has taken a huge toll on lister’s self worth

icarus - bastille

“out on the front doorstep, drinking from a paper cup / you won't remember this / living beyond your years, acting out all their fears / you feel it in your chest” lister “grew up too fast and has been on the verge of death multiple times” bird

hurricane - lord huron

something something lister getting a certain thrill out of living on the edge something something

i swear - exes

more themes of falling apart and getting drunk :(

white wine - walwin

kinda vibes but also comparing somebody you’re attracted to to alcohol....... i mean it’s not the most healthy thing to do especially for lister but he’s trying

saint - vérité

this is about how lister appears to the outside world and how that doesn’t reflect who he is inside - everyone sees him as a cheeky golden boys, as a “saint”, even though he has many issues and hates who he actually is

preacher man - the driver era

shoutout to @listerswift for reccing this song to me. remember when lister said that maybe he should try becoming religious too in the wednesday chapters??? in iana, when he’s gonna try to get better and find something other than alcohol to turn to i feel like there will be a phase where he feels lost and might even entertain the thought of religion. either way, he’s looking for something or someone who will help him “get away from this life of sin”

everything i wanted - gengahr version

(yes this is a cover of the billie eilish song I JUST LOVE THIS VERSION A LOT OKAY) anyway, lister feeling like what he wanted isn’t actually what he needs? feeling alone, like nobody cares about him or is listening to him? feeling the pressures of fame and everyone wanting something from him? themes of insomnia? but still eventually (hopefully) finding comfort in his friends? this song’s got you covered

half the night - couchsleepers

y’know, the fact that jimmy and lister are gonna sleep in the same bed long before they start hooking up to help each other

bravado - yoke lore

bicci song - “little bits of my own little mistakes” (they’ve both fucked up in the past) and “you put songs inside my cells” (because they’re musicians) and also “are there really angels in southern california” (southern california standing for the world of fame, could there be good things there?)

la la - kids in america

“don’t need this attention not another mention / just wanna stay high” a song about just wanting to let go of the world and all its problems

85 - andy grammer

here we explore lister’s relationship with money and wealth - while he grew up poor, after getting money he started splashing out on expensive cars and the like. however, there’s plenty of evidence that points towards the fact that he’ll go back to appreciating the little things in iana and rethink his priorities, which this song expresses

like i love you - lost frequencies

lister wants to know if jimmy loves him the way he loves jimmy

holy ghost - børns

a sexy song with religious symbolism??? that’s very bicci of you børns

run away with me - carly rae jepsen

“do you ever imagine what would happen if we just... ran away?” let the ark run away in iana challenge

bad habits - delaney jane

i do think it’s a sign of progress and improvement when the “bad habit” in question is a passionate but confusing friends-with-benefits affair with your fellow band mate instead of like.... alcohol and smoking and shit

pink lemonade - james bay

i mean my personal theory is that jimmy and lister won’t want to talk about what hooking up means for their relationship/properly define their relationship for quite a while, due to personal issues and also what it means for the band. this song embodies that.

could you love me - kygo

we all know lister’s got some self-esteem and mental health issues, and even though he’s trying to change, he’s unsure if rowan and jimmy could still love him

killer whales - smallpools

a song about a relationship where both parties have difficulties opening up and being completely vulnerable, but eventually being able to get through to each other. it also expresses a great admiration for the person that is sung about which i think is beautiful

pink in the night - mitski

aaaaand one more bicci song for good measure - “and i know i've kissed you before, but / i didn't do it right // can i try again, try again, try again / try again, and again, and again / and again, and again, and again?” - to quote alice, there will be MANY bicci kisses in iana and i, for one, can’t wait

i wanna get better - bleachers

“and i've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause / i froze in time between hearses and caskets / lost control when i panicked at the acid test / i wanna get better” it’s hard to put into words quite the amount of catharsis and a defiant push for self-improvement that is in this song but i like to think lister very much wants that

glitter & gloss - skott

i could honestly analyse each line and how it relates to lister here but here’s a collection of themes: fame, dressing yourself up and almost getting lost in so-called “glitter & gloss” for the public, but still, at your core, finding your true self and knowing that only very few people can truly know you and understand you. i think this is perfect for the end of this playlist because it seems hopeful to me, like lister’s gonna realise that even though most people will never see his true face, that doesn’t matter because he and his loved ones do.

#...........i just realised just how fucking miserable most of the songs on here are IM SORRY #our boy's gonna be happy in iana we're manifesting #iwbft #lister bird #playlist #osemanverse playlist #em’s fuckery #death tw #alcohol tw #addiction tw #drugs tw

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sukirichi · 3 years

Note

SUKI OMFG 🤣🤣🤣🤣 THE LAST PART OF YOUR ANSWER!! But i mean 😏😏😏😏 respectfully Naoya could 'kidnap' me too 😌 hfhfhdhskaldnf this feels wrong since i ship him with you 😭😭😭😭 but I can torally see him bracing himself to convince you to go with him and you just go like "no need baby lets go" he would probably just stand there eyes open wide and his fox ears twitching in pure shock, like you a human so easily accepting of his demonic self but he then would give you a soft chuckle and just pull you to him~ 😌

Oyaaaa rewatching season 4 👀👀👀👀 gonna admit I rewatch the season 2 way more cause well Aoba but now you're making me want to rewatch season 4 AGAIN ASWELL CAUSE NOW THAT YOU REMINDED ME ABOUT SUNA BLOCKS AND THEN YOU MENTIONED ARAN WHO I USUALLY DIDN'T PAY MUCH ATTENTION BUT NOW IM. LIKE "wait... Wait WAIT" HFHDHDHRUWOWOTJS AND YOU JUST PUBLISHED A SUNA FIC- SUKI!!!

Honestly im fucking impatient for the next season of Jujutsu Kaisen.... Theres so much that will go down there! The infamous fight between Gojo and Toji HTHFJSODJFF ANIMATED TOJI BUT BUT IM MORE HYOED FOR SEEING YOUNG GOJO AT THE BEACH?? LIKE BITCH JUST WALKED AROUND WITH HIS SHIRT OPENED FHFJFJFJGBFJSJDHFHFJS AND THEN AT THE FIGHT HE GOES FUCKING PSYCHO WITH HIS FOR REAL REAL AND I FHFHFHFHFBSJDJGBSNS AND THEN! WE GET TO SEE NAOYA AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM ANIMATED AND I HOPE THEY PICK SOMEONE LIKE MAMORU MIYANO FOR HIS VOICE CAUSE THAT WOULD BE FUCKING SEXY PLS PLSSSSSSS

Right? I mostly imagine myself chilling with him while watching some series and talking about wtv or just texting stupid shit at 3am hfjdoaksnfns yo I dont think I would be able to speak to Kita at all cause his perfection konda scares the living shit out of me too 🤣🤣🤣🤣 like I would be afraid of saying something stupid on front of him and having him judge me.... Yo nahhhhhhh I dont mind Suna or even the twins judging me actually throw any haikyuu boy at me and ill be like sure go ahead but Kita, Suga and Tooru judging me that would kill me

WAIT YOU DONT LIKE ISSEI??? BUT HE SO PRETTY? AND TALL AND 🥵🥵🥵🥵 think about those broad shoulders and toned chest- HES THE ONE I WOULD CALL DADDY NO PROBLEM

Oikawa is my absolute king ❤️❤️ (my top 3 is actually Oikawa Levi and Gojo) Iwa is my second fav and then between Makki and Mattsun I just absolutely love both cant pick 😭 I also really really really let me repeat REALLY love kyotani... Something about his tough personality makes my knees melt fhfhfjdoakdjd hes also very... flexible 👀

Imagine Kitsune Naoya prepared to use his manipulation skills if ever you refuse to go with him but then you’re walking ahead of him and go like, “what’re you waiting for? let’s go!” OOF. Mission: Make Kitsune Naoya Fall for Us commence !! And Naoya pulling me to him URGGHHH HELP I BET HE’S SO WARM AND SMELLS REALLY GOOD TOO LIKE GOOD SIR PLS KEEP ME WITH YOU sobs

I REWATCH ALL SEASONS EXCEPT S3 /j. Nah I love Ushi too but Oikawa and Suna are my faves so I’m always repeatinf their parts the most MHHHHMMM. Oh my gosh, I swear... once Toji and Naoya gets animated, I will unleash hell on the Naoya content. My blog will be Naoya centred (it always is 🤔) but ykwim !! AND OOOH MIYANO MAMORU 😳 I actually think Tomoe’s VA from Kamisama Kiss would suit Naoya though, or maybe even Kambe Daisuke’s VA 😳 Whoever voices him, I’m sure Naoya will still be sexy as hell. Also yeah yeah same 😭✋🏻 I’m a perfectionist like Kita as well but yknow how Kita is confident he won’t make mistakes? Well sorry I love him but I feel like Kita would really pressure me just by getting near me and I hate being pressured 😭 SUGA IS LOWKEY SAVAGE TOO AHSKWOW

Well its probably bcos I haven’t seen much of timeskip! issei so that’s why I don’t know him very well to like him hehehehe. ALSO DID YOU JUST SAY LEVI ?!?!?! IM A LEVI ACKERMAN STAN TOO OMG OUR TASTE IN MEN 😫✋🏻

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #long ask #jjk: manga spoilers

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bittywitches · 4 years

Text

Change Your Ticket (Grayson Dolan Fanfic)

A/N: kinda embarassed to say that this is inspired by the 1d song 😬 but hey when you get inspo you just gotta write even if it’s not great lmao

basically Grayson and Y/N meet up every once and a while at conventions and sneak away to a hotel to get nasty (can I be more cringey) but Grayson’s starting to want something more~

Anyways thanks for reading ly <3

Grayson’s bed head spread messily across his pillow, one of his arms buried comfortably under it. It wasn’t the rustling of the bed that woke him up, or the slight opening of the curtains causing the light to dance across his forehead, but the sound of footsteps tiptoeing across the floor, then the thump of a cell phone dropping onto the floor. Suddenly he felt like there was an empty void right next to him.

Grayson groaned. He stretched his arm out, groping for the warmth of an arm, a waist, a face, and finally opened his eyes when he was met with the cold comforter.

“Y/N?” He said groggily, turning around under the covers, then bringing his hands up to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“Shit.” She said quietly under her breath, bending down to pick up her phone and place it on the night table.

“Come back to bed...” he said.

There was no response. Grayson finally sat up, him resting his back against the headboard and stretching his arms. He finally took a look at her, noticing that she was in just a t-shirt and her underwear, holding a pair of jeans in her arms.

He blinked. “What... are you doing?”

She sighed, stepping into the jeans and pulling them up her legs. “I was trying to leave before you woke up.” She buttoned the clasp.

Grayson ran a hand through his tangled hair. “..oh?” He tilted his head at her, watching her run her fingers through her hair, trying to get the knots out best she could without having a brush on her. “Why’s that?”

She turned around, sighing as she did. “You know why.” She placed a few bobby pins between her teeth, then began pulling her strands of hair back up into a ponytail.

“That doesn’t mean I like it.” He threw the covers off of him, planting his bare feet on the cold hardwood floor. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, and he could tell by the way that Y/N awkwardly avoided looking at him that he should feel self-conscious about that. But he didn’t, because it was her.

“That’s not my fault, Grayson.” She scanned the tables of the hotel room, then went to look at Grayson but froze, embarrassed.

“Is my hair tie on the bed?” She asked, not looking at him.

He hated that her eyes wouldn’t find him. He flipped the covers and pillows over and found the simple black elastic on the mattress. He thought about how she confidently slipped it off last night, throwing it away carelessly in the heat of the moment.

He handed it to her now, and she reached for it while keeping her eyes trained at the floor. She turned away from him, facing the mirror now, pulling the elastic over her hair and tying it up. She stood there, looking at herself in the mirror for a moment, but really looking at Grayson sitting on the bed behind her through the reflection. He stared at her back, her day-old t-shirt and bare feet, only reminding him more of what he couldn’t have.

“Do you have to go?”

He watched her shoulders tense up, her fingers scrunching up into balls at his question. She took a deep breath, relaxing. She went to search the floor, grabbing her socks as well as Grayson’s t-shirt.

“You know I have to.”

She threw the shirt at him, it landing against his chest and fell safely into his lap. He didn’t touch it, not wanting to admit that she really had to go. She walked over to the edge of the bed, the farthest she could sit away from him, and pulled on her socks.

“Y/N...”

“Grayson, you should know how this works by now.” She huffed, finally looking at him. “We get one night. It’s suspicious enough that we did it the last day.”

“But why?” He shifted over on the bed, sitting closer to her. “Why only one night?”

“Grayson...”

“Come on,” he placed a tentative hand on her thigh. “Give me one good reason.”

“We can’t afford any more than that.”

“Why? Because you work with another YouTuber?”

“Grayson, don’t be dumbass.”

“Then why? Do you not like me?” He implored.

She laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean? We just spent the night together.”

“Not like that. Like...” he looked at her, the question burning through her. She really looked at him, his beautiful face waiting for an answer, his toned body rigid.

She sighed, then stood up. “I’ll see you later. Gray.”

He grabbed her wrist. “Don’t go.”

She turned around, exasperated. “Grayson, seriously.”

“Please, Y/N I can’t do this anymore.” He pleaded. “All this sneaking around, meeting up at conventions, leaving parties early, finding the nearest hotel— it’s not enough. I want more time with you.“

She stood silent, contemplating. What could she do? There was something about him that set her heart on fire, that sparked this dangerous need and want that couldn’t be extinguished by anybody else. But it was so risky. This was already bad enough-

“Grayson, I can’t-“

“Don’t leave me alone again, Y/N.” He was standing now, holding both of her hands in his. “It gets worse every time. I keep thinking, it’ll get better. Any time with you is good, right? But I can’t.” His hands traveled up her arms to cup her face. “I can’t handle watching you walk out that door every. Single. Time. It breaks me. So please...” he lowered his face down, his nose touching hers. “Don’t go.”

She breathed against his lips, her eyes searching his for what he wanted, what he needed. And she could see what they were saying:

I need you.

She leaned in, kissing his soft lips with a hunger she didn’t even realize she had. Grayson let out an unexpected moan, and that set her loose. She threw caution to the wind, letting her arms travel his bare chest and his broad back, tugging at the roots of his hair.

They finally pulled away, breathless.

“Stay with me for the weekend.” Grayson whispered against her lips.

Her eyes widened, and she almost laughed. “Are you serious?”

“More than I’ve ever been.” He held his arms strongly around her waist and lower back.

She then let that laugh escape. “And what am I supposed to tell the guys when I don’t show up for two days?”

“You tell them you were busy, doing something much more important.” He kissed her lips again, twice, three times until the smile on her face wouldn’t let him anymore.

“Shut the fuck up. Don’t be an idiot.” She leaned away from him, letting herself take his face in. “You have to go home too.”

“I found something more important to do.”

“Oh my god, Grayson.” She released herself from his grasp. The fact that he was wearing almost nothing wasn’t helping. “Look, even if I would agree to this, I’m going back home tomorrow morning. I have a flight to get on.”

“Then you delay your flight.” He said, crossing his broad arms.

“Do you think I’m made of money?” She laughed.

“I’ll do it for you.” He placed his right arm on her waist and his left on her cheek, tilting her head so he could peck her lips again.

She smiled. “Well now, you're just showing off.”

He rolled his eyes at her “I’m being serious. Stay here with me.” He peppered her cheek and jaw lines with kisses.

She moaned a little, letting her hands rest gently on his chest. “Grayson, we can’t.”

“If it’s the hotel you’re worried about, I don’t think they’ll mind. I plan on tipping very generously.”

She laughed.

“Stop thinking about what happens next.” He kissed her neck. “Just two days. You and me.” He straightened up to look at her. “Who knows when I’ll get to see you again?”

She didn’t respond, she couldn’t respond. Even if she really did want to stay, which she would never admit, she couldn’t, right? All she could do was look down at her tense arms against his chest, unable to meet his eyes.

His eyes fell and his shoulders slumped all at once. He released her, stepping back to run two hands through his hair.

“God, why do you have to do this to me?” He held his face in his hands for a moment, rubbing his eyes. “I can’t keep doing this Y/N, it’s just too hard. You can’t keep leaving me like this.”

She rubbed her arm. “I don’t...”

It’s not even like it’s me, yknow?” He turned to her. “You’re always the one who comes and finds me. I thought that would mean something. That you might want more.” He sank back into the mattress cushion. “But I guess that’s my fault for over analyzing, right?”

She coughed. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“But you do, Y/N.” he pleaded.

She had nothing to say.

He groaned. “Is this all its every going to be? Our relationship? You find me every three months or so, we have sex, and then you’re gone? That’s it?”

Now she was getting pissed. He was painting her to be the bad guy. “I didn’t realize this was bothering you so much.”

He laughed, but there was no smile in his eyes. “Are you for real? You’ve always thought I was cool with this?”

“Well, you’ve never mentioned otherwise!” She threw her arms in the air. “I thought you were into it. We’re passionate and intimate and the longing makes it worth it, doesn’t it?”

“You know that’s bullshit.”

She gaped at him. “So you’re saying you haven’t enjoyed yourself at all? This was just some sort of chore for you all this time?”

“No, of course not. Jesus, no.” He got up and walked over to her, holding her elbows. “I love seeing you. You’re amazing. This is always the best part of any trip, and it’s not even part of the conventions!” He was finally able to get a laugh out of her, easing the conversation once more.

“But you have to have known all this time, right?” He searched her eyes for an answer. “We go out to fancy diners, we get breakfast, I take you to movies and carnivals and- you think I’m gonna do all of that for a sex buddy?”

She tensed at those words. Is that what I think? “I don’t know...”

His arms fell to his side, but her hands lingered a little bit before leaving his chest. She crossed her arms, looking at the cold floor between her feet. “I’m sorry, Gray.”

He exhaled. “Damn it, Y/N.” he left her side, walking back over to the bed and picking up his shirt. He turned it inside out then pulled it on, facing away from her.

Her heart fell in her chest. “Grayson, please...”

“Please what?” He didn’t turn to her, just picked up his jeans off the floor and pulled them on.

Look at me, She thought. just look at me. I don’t know how to say I’m sorry. “Please don’t be angry with me.”

He turned around rapidly “I’m not-“ he said with a sharp tone, but then breathed out in frustration. “I’m not angry.” He buttoned up his jeans. “I could never be angry with you.”

“No, don’t say that.” She walked up to him, gently shoving his chest. “You’re not allowed to say that. that’s not fair.”

“What?”

“Be angry with me. I don’t want it to be weird the next time.”

Grayson sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t think there’s gonna be a next time.”

Her heart fell to the pit of her stomach. “What?”

“...I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

She stood there motionless, her heart now shattered, the pieces poking into her stomach. It hurt. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He tilted his head at her, watching, but not responding.

“What the fuck, Grayson?” She shoved his chest again, but this time with more force. “You can’t just do that!”

“What? I can’t make sure that I don’t get myself hurt again?” He stumbled back, a bit stunned by her response.

“Gray...” her voice cracked ever so slightly.

“How many times do I have to say it, Y/N? I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.”

“You can’t do that to me, Gray.”

“Then why do you keep doing it to me?” He shouted. Y/N flinched. Tears began to trickle through her eyes. He had scared her.

His eyes widened. “Oh god, no...” he stepped towards her, enveloping her in his arms. “Y/N, please...”

They stood there like that for a while. In silence. Y/N, staring at the wall over Grayson’s shoulder, trying not to let that tear fall. Because if it did, that meant this was real, and she had accepted it.

Grayson’s arms were firmly wrapped around her back. He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea, but what could he do? This was Y/N.

Her dormant arms finally made their way to his chest, clutching the thin fabric of his T-shirt in her fists. She needed to hold him somewhere, and it was the most she could muster.

But then he started rubbing her back gently, and she broke down. She buried her face into his shoulder, letting a sob escape her throat.

Grayson’s heart climbed up into his throat. “Oh, angel...” he stroked the hairs on the back of her head, trying to soothe her.

He sighed. “I didn’t mean it.” He kissed the top of her head. “I don’t think I could ever leave you if I tried.” He laughed dryly.

She breathed in sharply. “You’re such an asshole.”

She obviously didn’t mean that, but she was embarrassed. This was never something important enough to cry about. She made sure of it, always keeping Grayson as arms length. But what did she know? She was young, and stupid, and thought she was doing right by him, not getting too involved. With their work and what they do, it couldn’t work.

But it’s not like she could help herself. Every time her team went to any sort of event or social gathering, she found herself always searching, waiting for him. She’d fooled herself into thinking she didn’t need it to be anymore. But she couldn’t keep lying to herself.

She groaned. “I’m sorry.”

“No, Y/N.” Grayson buried his nose in her hair. “I’m sorry.”

How did she not realize it sooner?

“God, I’m so stupid.” She let go of his shirt to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“No, you’re not.” He leaned back so he could look at her face. He brought a hand up to wipe a tear off of her cheek.

Y/N looked at his eyes, really looked, for what seemed like the first time. She could see all the anger and disappointment was gone; they were soft. They were the colour of the sky. And they cared, so much.

“God, I’m so sorry.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, closing her eyes tightly.

Grayson was, to put it lightly, speechless. He didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen Y/N like this before. All he knew was that he wanted her to feel better, because seeing her like this hurt. He tightened his arms around her back and buried his nose into her shoulder, inhaling her scent.

“I can’t lose you, Gray.” She pulled away from him finally, looking at him directly in the eyes. His eyes widened at those words. “I just never realized how badly I can’t. I’ve always felt like you’d be here. I need you to be here.”

He was about to respond but was cut off when Y/N kissed his lips, letting herself melt into it. She scrunched her eyes closed, but finally relaxed when she felt him kiss her back just as strongly.

She pulled away, more exhilarated than ever. “I want to stay with you. For the weekend.”

Grayson’s mouth fell open. “I.. really?”

She smiled. “Yes.”

”you’re sure.”

“Yes!” She laughed.

He grinned, picking her up from her waist and spinning her around, laughing in return.

He set her down and kissed her again, flushed with relief and just an overwhelming feeling of love for this girl. “What are you going to tell the others?” He asked finally after pulling away from her.

She smiled. “That I have something more important to do.”

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tragicomedys · 3 years

Note

uhmmm gentan

WEOWOEOOOWOOIIEOIFPOPLP

>:) . i love gentan a lot. now im not gonna be able to give a sexy ass nuanced essay like my fellow mutuals do about their pairings but listen . i just think theyre great. i think they complement each other i think they could potentially have been rlly fucking good i think they couldve really been essential figures to the other’s development. notice the word COULDVE because yeah i admit a lot of the pairings i like come from my own perception on how they couldve developed bc like admittedly genya had way more potential and tanjirou as great and fun as he is he literally just stays static thru out the whole manga. except for a couple of small moments. but like other than that hes mr perfect BUT ANYWAY

i think for genyas part its kinda obvious. tanjirou helped him Tremendously through his relationship with his brother & overall was pretty protective over genya n shit. i think tanjirou helps/would help genya gain more confidence overall, especially thinking back to his last moments where he thought of tanjirou and his words to gain, like, the confidence and strength to go through with the mission even tho he was doubting himself. in that way, tanjirou sorta completes genya, like he reminds genya to be kinder to himself and be more confident in himself and etc etc. pretty common tanjirou behavior.

for tanjirous part... their backstories are similar in how they both experienced the deaths of their entire family (in contrast to zenitsu and inosuke, and kinda kanao because her original family’s deaths arent expanded on), but the way each of them took it provided like a backdrop to their characterizations. i know tanjirous own experience with coping and grieving isnt expanded on too much, considering how its shown that he sorta “accepted” the death of his family from the beginning (thinking back to the scene where he held that guys hand & smiled, and even if that wasnt necessarily acceptance we dont REALLY see tanjirou process his past trauma in depth ig), but i think tanjirou in general is someone that would be closed off abt his own grief and pain cuz hes the “older brother” and would naturally hide away anything he thinks would worry and upset others. i mean we already see that in how he didnt tell that little nurse butterfly girl that he had a fever for his sun breathing (self-sacrifical too) and how he was basically kinda like. not expecting to be alive by the time nezuko would become human/theyd defeat muzan (essentially accepted dying when his face got FUCKED up until zenitsu said ur not dead yet buddy; overall he doesnt accept other ppls help easily as he noted how if he were the demon in their situation nobody would help him (i forgot what manga ch that was but he said smth like that) amongst other situations). theres also one of the first demons he fought where he was talking about how as the oldest brother he needs to endure more stuff and pain and whatever whatever u know. so what the fuck im getting at by the end of all of this is that i just think as genya could develop into being more confident n sortaaaa pushy (i feel like hes naturally pushy with basically anybody except his brother and tanjirou LMFAO) and could like, help tanjirou express his feelings in its entirety more freely yknow, like both the good and the bad. like i mentioned with why im not really into inotan / zentan (like that i feel like tanjirou would always feel the need to look over them n honestly can u blame him ? theyre Crazy) but i like gentan bc i feel like they could naturally become more equal in a sense when it comes to how they balance each other out. genya could've possibly been a character to help tanjirou through his own grief that he’s internalizing and couldve been someone tanjirou could relax around and not feel the need to look over... IFFFFF AND ONLY IF his character was expanded on/didnt die that quickly n early or whatever.

I think that kinda dynamic would also work out bc of how genya couldve possibly been feeling towards his brother growing up, just watching him from a distance and wanting to help him but not being able to do anything. and his guilt when he accused sanemi would just be insurmountable. so what im getting at is that i feel like genya wouldnt want that to happen, like, again, and thats why i think he’d actually take action when he grew to be more of a risk-taker and would try 2 actually make tanjirou open up yknow. bc again tanjirou upholding his “oldest bro” title wouldve taken a toll on him if u ask me. that whole vision of himself would logically lead to a lot of bottling up of emotions. i know genya tried making that right and tried helping his bro by like, becoming a demon slayer, but again i just can see genya and tanjirou having that sorta relationship.

ANYWAY. again i do acknowledge that like, for the most part ive probably filled up parts of their personalities bc i think the both of them had more potential/couldve been developed more like i just view it sorta as a flaw how static tanjirou is and how short genya’s time was. it’s definitely possible and likely that i interpreted some scenes in a very diff way compared to others, and i mightve interpreted their characterizations differently than watever other people. but like in my big dumbo brain theyre gay theyre fun they would love eahc other 2 death they would have a lotta fun together and BLAH BLAH ! but besides the “analysis” i jusyt gave on them i just thikn theyd be awesome. mr “i thought he’d talk to me since we were both in the nude” tanjirou kamado. the way genya and tanjirou have blushed @ each other many times WOUGJOUIHJ. the way they give each other strenght . the way genya protected him in battle and thought of him during his last moments . the way tanjirou is easily impressed (u remember when he was like WOAH SO COOL about mitsuri n stuff and genya was just like ... :| ) so i just think its funny if tanjirou thought genya was cool like . .it’s genya LFMREI9WODJFSLK. i know every other person tanjirous age is like in love with him but whatevrr tanjirou would crush on my homeboy genya 🙄 . iwas gonna say something else but i totally just forgot

in conclusion they should kiss just cuz i said so or what ever idk

#oh gentan ? ummmm yeah theyre like whatever 🙄#theyre ummmm 😒 okkkkkk.#anyway please i ju ts i ghfu gyfcvu9grei9fdijklj welocme 2 my fuckign nightmare.#why is this gif so fucking large im so sorry. but thats me like i jump out of my little fish tank and flop flop flop #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING KING IM SORRY IT TOOK A WHILE TO GET TO I JUST THINK WITH MY HEAD A LOT BUT THEN FORGET.#TY!!!#im on laptop ill tag later #mutuals #kny #(:<#nezukoz #kny manga spoilers

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and-i-uh · 4 years

Note

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

#actually autistic #autism #autism acceptance #special interest #ask #spin #spins #autistic

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tumblunni · 5 years

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Ehh i think i finally summed up why all of this steven universe diamonds stuff has been so underwhelming.

YES you can redeem a villain

but you have to

actually

TRY

Yes you can write a story about the world’s most fuckin horrible person being really actually sad at heart

Yes you can write a story about an abusive parent actually being able to change

Yes you can write a story about some wild genocidal alien civilization of asshole space rocks actually only doing it because something something societal pressure DESPITE BEING THE ONES IN CHARGE WHO SET THE DAMN RULES I GUESS

But fucking hell its not gonna be EASY and you shouldn’t treat it that way.

All of this shit was SO fucking quick?? And everything else WASNT!

You spent SO long hyping up these guys you spent SO long convincing us that they WERE evil and that they had entirey different motives for what they were doing and EVEN WITHIN THIS FUCKING EPISODE you spent more time showing us White Diamond being absolutely ridiculously existentially horrifyingly awful and refusing every offer everyone gave her to help and refusing every chance and fucking fucking goddamn violating people’s entire minds and just.. fuck.

After all that you cant just fuckin have steven walk up to blue and yellow and say “hey everything you did was bad” and them go “GEE WE NEVER KNEW!” for some reason this time they’re convinced in a single sentence despite it being the same sentence steven said before in every damn episode and pink said to them years before and every person they abused and enslaved and mutilated and KILLED said while they were DYING

And you can’t fucking have white diamond never redeem herself and never change and never admit she’s wrong and steven SOLVE IT WITH FUCKING FIGHTING WHILE SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO, WHILE THE ENTIRE SHOW TRIES TO CLAIM THE REASON THEY ARE DOING IT THIS WAY IS BECAUSE OF PACIFISM

because seriously he?? just defeated her?? and this made her?? change???

redeeming a villain shouldn’t be easy. redeeming a villain has to have the villain TRY. white diamond has done nothing to prove she really has a heart, prove that she really did all this for sympathetic reasons, prove that she’s able to change, AND ESPECIALLY NOTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO ANY OF THE PEOPLE SHE’S HURT

she just got defeated and basically admitted she’s wrong cos she has no other choice. and i guess her blushing because steven issued a SICK BURN to her is meant to be enough proof that her entire motivation so far has been because of self confidence issues forcing her to put up a false front aka her entire personality we saw so far. If you wanna tell me she’s entirely different to what we saw so far then please could you please give it more screentime than twelve goddamn seconds.

This is like how yellow and blue just suddenly were accepted as part of the family and steven agreed to go with them to homeworld literally just because they realized he “is really pink diamond”. Like they never fucking repented or actually learned to empathise with humans or ever explained why they dont empathise with humans no nope the only answer we got is that they were sad about their sister/daughter/friend dying even though they were already doing all the same evil stuff before that and its what caused her to leave in the first place. no we’re gonna just completely trust them instantly and not even continue making an effort to convince them? we’re gonna trust them so much we’re gonna trust that white diamond will also change just cos we beat her up? COS SERIOUSLY STEVEN FUCKIN DEFEATED BLUE AND YELLOW IN A FIGHT AND THATS THE END OF THEIR ARC, HOW IS THIS PROVING THE POWER OF PACIFISM!! beating everyone up and then saying the same singular sentence again and somehow now it works!! or saying “my mum was pink diamond” and it doesnt convince them but hey if we say it again with magical proof its true then i guess it works now. wow that sure does argue the power of words i guess

everything EVERYTHING they did was just a fuckin misunderstanding cos they dont UNDERSTAND they were doing bad and thus they dont have to face any form of consequences beyond being mildly embarassed i suppose.

if you wanna make that the ending then you need to work to disprove all the hours you spent implying that.. yknow.. they were doing things because they were evil

and even if theyre sympathetic they still did evil things and they still need to work to prove that theyve changed

and ESPECIALLY if you’re making a show very heavy on subjects like LGBT discrimination it shouldnt be FUCKIN WOW UNEXPECTED that the audience would see this plot as a metaphor for stuff like homophobia and abusive parents and.. yknow.. societal oppression in a law system that forces you to live in the closet in constant fear of being discovered and killed. and all the other apparantly accidental undertones of racism and extermination of indigenous people in stolen land which YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED PEOPLE TO SEE WHEN THE PLOT IS LITERALLY EXTERMINATING PEOPLE TO STEAL THEIR LAND

all of that means you need to do MORE work to prove that that isnt actually what the plot is supposed to be, and more work to redeem villains who are very heavily goddamn triggering to a large part of the vunerable audience YOU SPECIFICALLY MARKETED YOURSELF TOWARDS

this was just so fucking overwhelming and somehow rushed despite being an hour long episode, and i hate it because the show spent so much effort on so much other stuff yet decided to half ass it at the really important part that NEEDED to have thought and time put into it if it was gonna nail the landing

especially after ALL THAT FUCKIN TIME AND EFFORT INTO THINGS THAT ONLY AMPED UP THE VILLAINY AND TENSION OF THESE GUYS AND MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE

like fucking hell how can you be so tone deaf??? this has been in the planning for so damn long and theyve been working on it forever and THIS is what they chose to rush over? this is the priorities they thought were important? even just within this episode if youre struggling to fit it all in then like seriously cut out some of the stuff like the montage of unseen fusion forms that did basiclaly nothing but a few jokes, and the equally as rushed bad lars and sadie romance resolution. Which is another thing that needed a lot of work to fix when the introduction we got to these two was a really unhealthy relationship and a dude who refuses to change despite being given twelve chances but suddenly changes COMPLETELY on the thirteenth one and i guess cos he died that proves he’s all good now. Except he acts all weird and creepy in the very next episode and endangers his new friends by acting all possessive over sadie again and getting angry that she has other friends????

i hate it because ive had to deal with the fandom telling all the people who were rightfully uncomfortable with how these subjects were handled that oh we’re just overreacting and oh wait and see cos they totally have a big plan for the ending or something that’ll make it all make sense. And comparing people being triggered by child abuse and racism to “huhu those dumb su criticals who hate the art style” or whatever...

god, man, its just a deflection of what the issue really is

“oh youre saying NO VILLAINS can EVER be redeemed and NOBODY can EVER talk about dark stuff in shows without being SECRETLY BAD AND SUPPORTING IT IN REAL LIFE?”

no im not saying that im just saying the subjects are fucking depressing to people who’ve suffered from the real life stuff and the villain redemption should be GOOD and should THINK ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE if it wants to make up for it

like fucking hell look at how much zuko from avatar went through before his redemption. look at how long he struggled with his morality and how long it took him to realise he was wrong. look at how much detail they showed us on all the people who negatively influenced him into making the bad choices he did. look at how much he went through to make up for what he did and apologise to everyone he hurt. look at how everyone he hurt didnt believe him at first and it took a while for everything to work out. look at how sometimes he messed up and took steps backward before getting to where he needed to be. and look at how he actually changed as a person and continued learning and growing and trying to be a good person even far into the future after the story ended.

hell, fuckin look at PERIDOT! peridot had a full goddamn zuko arc! peridot had more screentime than all of the diamonds combined, and it was way better utilized! she had a full process from being introduced as a scary villain BECAUSE OF MISUNDERSTANDING WHO SHE REALLY WAS, then being revealed as having a fully rounded personality, flaws and redeemable traits while still being a villain. and moments of her proving that she did indeed only become a villain because she didnt understand what she was doing was wrong, and a personality that matched with that reveal rather than having NO INDICATION she was like that until it suddenly happened only after she was defeated. and her redemption came slowly through friendship with steven and it had moments of the other characters not instantly trusting her and also of her making mistakes and struggling with believing steven’s philosophy when it went against everything she knew about life. and speaking of which it was established that she had a very different life which had negative influences pushing these ideas upon her, and tough stuff that made her scared and pressured. Not just being in a high position of ruling over a planet in the lap of luxury and ONLY AFTER BEING DEFEATED do we learn that they feel pressured by the societal expectation to be perfect and they actually would have agreed all along with dismantling the system but they were just too afraid to be honest. Or whatever the fuck that rushed ending was trying to go for! And man even after peridot joins the team she’s NOT redeemed yet, she’s initially only halfway doubting herself and only teaming up with steven because they’re both afraid of the cluster. And she messes up and says horrible shit to her new friends and feels the consequences of her actions and chooses to change. And her ultimate choice to switch sides is REALLY hard, she gets so close to going back to the diamonds and its a great personal sacrifice on her part when she chooses to give it all up and make an enemy of the person she was so scared of!

and GAHHH that good redemption is one in a million episodes that really set up the diamonds Being Bad and should have been a goddamn tally in the “effort required in the fuckin ending” chart!

could we not have even just had one ten minute episode of blue and yellow going around earth and experiencing human life and realizing there’s things worth protecting? or a few damn scenes foreshadowing white being actually insecure and lying to protect herself, rather than GENUINELY ABUSIVE BECAUSE SHE’S BAD?

and seriously even if you hurt people because you hate yourself YOU STILL HURT THEM

a sympathetic backstory should be a reason why they COULD be redeemed, not proof that they already are redeemed just because the backstory was stated in words and nothing else has fuckin changed.

imagine if zuko just lost one fight to aang and said “yes but my dad abused me” and aang was like “oh no now lets team up with zuko to beat up his dad” and none of the bad things zuko did were ever mentioned again and also he keeps his season 1 personality throughout the entire series

imagine if peridot fuckin.. just changed sides cos she’s funny and we like her. people wantedher to change sides as soon as she acted funny and likeable but they still made the effort to actually prove she had changed! the diamonds didnt act remotely harmless or remotely good until they just suddenly are in the very last episode.

hoo

fucking

ray

also why are we constantly just ignoring all these dark things about homeworld? like the episode with holly blue agate and the famethyst slave caste and all the creepy ways the entire place operated. i totally thought thatd.. yknow.. EVER BE REFERENCED AGAIN?? its never even mentioned that anyone even WANTS to go back and save them?? and the human zoo were outright stated to be like.. unsaveable. “oh theyve never known real human life and theyre happy in their slavery so itd be cruel to take them away from it” One off episode, forgotten about. And the creepy as fuck scenes of gems being BUILT INTO THE WALLS AND DOORS AS SECURITY SYSTEMS and the confirmation that more lapis situations are constantly going on yet somehow that singing hairbrush person doesnt get all the sympathy that she did. And steven going daww at the pebbles instead of being horrified that theyre born to work as servants and forced to live in the walls because the noblewomen dont want to look at them? and he asks them to make him a new outfit?? and theres no plot anything involving them except them puttering around in the background outfitting?? like was none of this meant to be seen as PROOF THAT THE DIAMONDS WERE EVIL and PEOPLE WHO NEEDED TO BE SAVED????

goddddd

please say they were rushed or something please say this is all the faultof being given less time than they expected please say there were other plans for other episodes we didnt see that would have given at least slightly more substance to any of this

also why wasnt this even advertised as the last episode if its the last fuckin episode

hhhh well at least obsidian was a great character design and so were the other fusions and new outfits even if they only appeared for twelve seconds. and white’s whole scary evil mind invasion stuff was really good even if it actually hurt the episode by being good, kinda

man im not even mad or anything i just feel mehh and bored and like im actually glad its over. i never wanted to feel that way about a show that used to be so good. i kinda wish the earliest episodes werent so good if the answers to all those well set up mysteries were gonna have so much less effort than the setup itself

...man i should make a whole post about all the mistaken ways i THOUGHT the show was gonna go that actually would have been way more interesting than the real answer.

i’m just super glad that my last theory was wrong cos wow that would have been the only thing worse than this ending! when white pearl first appeared before we’d actually seen white diamond, and it had all this thing that white diamond hadnt been seen in ages.. well i was worried it was setting up some sort of reverse twist where actually white pearl is bodysnatching white diamond instead of vice versa. So the whole evil empire would actually be run by a member of the slave class that its oppressing, and the diamonds/representative of the upper class would actually be poor victims all along. dear god i am so glad i got that wrong! tho im weirded out by how evil white/pink pearl looked in that first hint that she was originally pink pearl??

anyway basicallly im just so fuckin tired

#su spoilers #su critical #more like su dissappointed from someone who started off so damn su positive #su bored su rushed su i just wanted you to care as much about making this redemption good as you cared about other things #it really felt like in general the crewniverse just lost interest in the story around the third hiatus or so #whyyyy did they take so long to reveal anything if all the reveals were gonna be so fast and so bad #you gotta learn that if you hype up a thing you actually have to deliver #like fuckin hell it took a whole season to even introduce a single other gem at all #and so long to introduce homeworld and so long to introduce the diamonds and then whoops blink and its over i guess #also why was jasper hyped up so much and then shitcanned for practically a decade #and her only narrative purpose in the end was just a brief hint at the pink diamond arc

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

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shake, i hope you'll still remember that you're p cool 2/2

oh man Thanks as fuck....... yeah like it’s funny b/c it’s both a difficulty that like, it’s kind of hard to get me to realize maybe ppl want to be pals in the first place because every time someone first is choosing to interact with me i have that casual assumption like “uh oh this person’s mistakenly thinking they’d enjoy talking to me! better just ease them through this experience without making them deal with that mistake” and stuff instead of trying to Have Fun And Be Myself....and then it takes me a hot minute to be like “hey they might actually want to talk to you, chill out” and also “i know social mirroring is your default mode but try to figure out how not to do that”

and then yet also yeah i’ll be like, oh is this person my friend now or?? too early and like. i always do it still despite being well aware now that i do it and knowing to watch for it, and it’s still disappointing sitting there telling yourself you’re not really ppl’s friend, but it’s a lot more manageable than it used to be at least thanks to being more attuned to the whole matter and stuff, like it’s still the “oh it’s exciting to have a friend :)” and then “oh it feels bad to remember that’s not really the case :(” but it’s like the feelings are happening on a smaller scale / lower volume and such. and like using sort of ~objective~ considerations like “okay, you know that most likely this person has Actual friends and stuff” and reminders about how your relationship with them is really just like, kind of light fare. and it’s like, it always kind of sucks but its easy to remember cuz it’s not like it’s not true? its just an unusual thing to have to consider, and if you DO have ~real friends~ and aren’t like disgustingly lonely maybe you don’t have to consider it that much lol.

like it isn’t fun basically having to be all like, okay so a sorta-friendship might feel significant to you but you have to keep in mind that its not as significant to them. but it’s generally true and like.........better to remind yourself of that sooner than have to realize it later when you’re more invested or care about the other person more or whatever and it’s like oh shit yeah i’m not really that important to them, dang it........like it’s just a weird thing because there’s really no way to be isolated and lonely and not have close friends and be in a truly ~okay~ place with it because it’s just....a continuously detrimental place to be in? and that applies to a lot of things lol. like there’s all these mental approaches i’ll take to things that’s not really about thinking that i can Be Okay with some bad fucked up situation, but rather just trying to lessen the unavoidable and everpresent Not-Okayness of it. the Okay is relative but sometimes you can really only be so okay!

honestly one thing that’s wild is i pretty much did go through the route of “my self worth was so bad it circled around into becoming more positive and now i have fairly decent self-esteem even just on my own”.....cuz like at least when you have to figure things out and get through shit and look out for yourself mostly on your own, you do have that Practice in doing it without external support lol even though you shouldn’t have to. and like i’m not Peak Self Confidence And Self Esteem by any means but it’s decent, self-loathing really isn’t a huge issue or anything. one classic thing that just helped put shit in perspective is the “if you were someone else would you be as unsympathetic / think these things about them” and i’m not like evil so of course i wouldn’t and its like oh lol yeah true! and then speaking of evil another thing that helps is remembering that capitalism is inhumane and an empire of lies and it’s like, okay is this thing about me really At All Bad or is this based on the standards of capitalism and, again, would you be unsympathetic and if it was someone else and blame / criticize them in this way? and i totally wouldn’t. and yeah i get to this point where i appreciate myself by myself!! it’s pretty chill! like, well, i’ll be my own best friend forever if i gotta. is this sad and loserly? sure! but somebody’s gotta do it and that’s just the situation! gotta be a loser? own it!! (to make the references yknow)

like really even knowing that hmm maybe i just don’t have much deep appeal for most ppl is ultimately like well, if so, Shrrruggggg b/c what are you gonna do!! i know there’s ways i’m not “good” at interactions and stuff, but in terms of personality i figure there’s stuff that definitely might not be of universal appeal but it’s definitely not always bad, like i’ll be like “oh i’m too enthusiastic about what i like” or “oh i’m too hot tempered” but really then i’ll remember that no, this isn’t something that everyone hates lol and really what’s the point if i’d have to change fundamental things about myself so i might have more Appeal anyways like....yeah it sucks having ppl just generally not be interested but also? it helps that other ppl talk about having the struggle of like....its not necessarily like you’re a jerk or have nothing to offer or anything, but just seeming “off” to most ppl in terms of that social frequency can always have this effect of largely leading to being like, ignored but also sometimes ignored with A Hint Of Rejection, and it’s like oh hell yeah!! just inherent social Other People Repellent, bring it in!! it sucks but its not Just You!!

like really i feel like maybe for like a decade and a half i’ve always been overcompensating when i think somebody seems neat and trying to seem cool-tempered around them? which, why would i even want to, i’m not cool tempered at all and really am not even interested myself if other ppl are truly like that! but maybe i am tuning in to the fact that ppl generally arent quite so excitable as me and thus trying to play it cool. but like, at this point, even though i do try to “turn it down” for ppl like, all the time, it’s like, why bother. what is the difference between doing that and having ppl not like me and just getting to do my own thing and not having ppl like me, yknow?

plus just to throw another element of chaos into it, i’m cagey with my ~True Emotions~ or something both in part because i know maybe they’ll seem Annoying to other ppl or something but also because (chaotic trumpet riff) abuseee ://// so like even on the rare occasions i realize that somebody’s okay with interacting with me, i’m still acting kinda elusive or trying to filter myself too damn much like there’s a point to trying to be friends anyways if everybody’s putting on too much of an act!! gotta self sabotage!! trying not to though

like really Would Love To Have Friends i’d just also love to not have to lower my standards despite that fact that being like, yeah the big L Loneliness is really pretty miserable and says you should want to grab on to any chance of friendship with both hands....that’s often not the case cuz it can be like oh wait hang on, do i actually like this person and are they being cool to me too? or like, the person is totally alright but the relationship isn’t going to mean that much to them cuz it’s more of an outer-orbits sort of casual...Friendly Acquaintanceship or whatever and you’re just like Ah Yes :’)

for example i could’ve trimmed this down to not be an overly long series of weird tangents about myself in depressing ways but this is what you get!! why put up fronts. it’s not that bad anyways.

#conveniently just publishing this one lol #thank you!! :))))#lanvinlouis

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buddyfaith · 7 years

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I just failed an online quiz for class so I’m gonna do a longwinded character assessment that brittany reblogged for mama debeste to cheer myself up. feel free to challenge me on anything tbh.

1) I sort of like the idea that mama debeste was also a foster kid, but like- she’s 8 or so years removed from her foster siblings? like I don’t think there’s anyone in her age group to hang out with. I think she’s closest to the youngest brother? he’s 7 years older than her or something and usually was the one who was sent to ~babysit~ but actually this little kid is sort of neat. Self-same brother isn’t dead but he’s not. there. I sort of like the idea of military deployment for him. they exchange letters when they can.

2&3) okay so I’m finally gonna make up a healthy marriage and it’s these people. the Fosters (lmao) are a very elderly couple who suffered heavily from Empty Nest Syndrome in like the 70s and have been taking kids in ever since. They are VERY OLD but very kind.

-mama foster is a short woman who likes to garden even though it sometimes fucks with her Arthritis. She’s very plainspoken and knows exactly what the internet is but has some trouble accessing it by herself. Her sense of humor is very deadpan, which doesn’t match her face at all but that makes it much better. mama debeste is a Good Kid who picks tomatoes and collects caterpillars in jars. mama foster has some trouble with younger kids because sarcasm is hard sometimes and her temper is a little short but she loves mama debeste. mama debeste’s favorite part of the usual day-to-day is watching wheel of fortune with her.

-dad foster is a guy who likes to hike. its getting hard for him but he can still go thanks to his kids. they go whenever they can and picnic. mama debeste sometimes gets a little ahead of him to put the collected caterpillars back into the wild. anyway dad foster has like an incredible appreciation for nature and I’m sorely tempted to make him a Bob Ross-esque landscape painter. he’s the kind of dad that gives you candy before dinner and winks. he connects easily to mama debeste because she’s young and likes to get dirty and messes up a picturesque scene just right enough for it to be painted.

when the kids grow up the Fosters have pretty much come to accept that they’ll lose contact with them. mama debeste was determined to not do that and visited regularly but then her own kid died. She went back to see the Fosters for help and they told her that it wasn’t right, not so soon, but losing children is as much a part of life as losing parents, and that she can still come back from it. Mama debeste told them she was leaving for Zheng Fa and they told her to be careful, to be safe, to be smart, and to be kind above all. They were smiling when they said it but there was an air of finality about it, because they knew they had lost her, too.

4) aside from her house burning down with her child inside??

I like to think that her and her brother went wandering around on streets and stuff together and saw some regular stuff yknow. stray animals helping each other, hurting each other, people doing about the same.

Once her brother punched a guy in the face on the subway for spitting at someone and that sort of justified retaliation always stuck with her.

5) mama debeste carries around a swiss army knife like a girl scout, a shitty plastic cigarette lighter, a keychain that was probably a gift that has her house keys on it, two or three pieces of nicotine gum, an instant camera, and her wallet (which in turn contains her driver’s license, Interpol id, library card, two credit cards in Blaise’s name, several pictures of the kiddos, and about $400 in nonconsecutive twenties)

6) mama debeste dreams of her kid. like. what they (he, I’m vaguely leaning towards) would be like growing up and stuff. she also dreams of Zheng Fa and the forest.

7) mama debeste killing people maybe unnecessarily is kind of my jam and they don’t haunt her per se but sometimes she trips over their bodies literally. sometimes she imagines shooting herself because what the hell, she’s a bad person. anyway mama debeste also hates funerals so probably those too and [fire noises].

Silence, notably, too. If you’ve got kids there should never be silence. if you’re anywhere natural there should never be perfect silence.

8) hi welcome to Interpol here’s a paper target except we didn’t tell you there was a watermelon behind the head so that the red explosion would disturb you into perhaps not firing sometimes.

(it failed.)

9) the Fosters are actually fairly well off despite having So Many Kids with expensive extracurriculars and stuff? because they had like, regular people expenditures, it was a little bit more of a natural life. Blaise’s blood money is far less wholesome which is one reason mama debeste goes to such great lengths to get rid of it fast and frivolously. She burns the money in an attempt to warm the home.

10) mama debeste is a sundress lady or a biker leather lady with no inbetween. The former is an expression of serenity and safety. I think the latter gives her more confidence, like the Interpol days.

11) she couldn’t get back into her fucking burning house. the second time she felt so scared was when she realized phoenix was in the second house doomed to fall.

(there were little bits, in the middle, where she lost phoenix in a crowd or sebastian swallowed something he shouldn’t have.)

12) lmao marrying blaise debeste actually. she’s shot people with less conviction, less assurance than she had standing on the altar.

on a calm of a different note, the forest is her friend and the first time she saw phoenix try to paint a tree was great.

13) HAHAHAHAHA next question. (idk if mama debeste: forensics expert is exactly canon but she’s definitely less sensitive to blood than she should be)

14) mama debeste will never forget a face as long as she lives.

15) mama debeste is concerned with the concept of Doing and will blow through all of blaise’s blood money so that her kids can like, have experiences and stuff, but her preoccupation is more spending and acquisition than frugality or anything.

16) let mama debeste be happy 2kwhatever. she knows she probably never will be so she tries to make others happy.

17) her brother made mama debeste a teddy bear out of felt and button eyes and pillow stuffing. he told her later it was because he was really attached to the one he was supposed to Hand Me Down to her but that’s only half-truth. Its name is Growls.

18) probably wisdom considering “ambition” burned her crops and poisoned the kid’s groundwater honestly? blaise seems like the kind to both hide behind and weaponize that word.

19) mama debeste doesn’t say anything. like she’s the ultimate in something is bothering her but she sticks to the gentle smile persona and lets wounds fester until its way too late. this trait is kicked up to eleven with blaise and the kids, which is part of the reason that phoenix has such a sunny memory of her.

20) I don’t think she does compare herself to anyone except for Greg and Desiree Delite. The former is for validation in her parenting style. the latter is when she’s really loathing herself and thinking about what she could do if she would just fucking leave blaise and this petty revenge shit behind and take the kids somewhere–

21) I mean technically the only bad thing that really happens to mama debeste that’s her fault is that she fucking dies and she knows it. she takes sole responsibility for that.

she splits responsibility with people she killed because tbh most of them sort of. deserved it.

she blames blaise for almost one hundred percent for everything else.

22) mama debeste appreciates honesty and kindness. she likes thoughtfulness and dedication to a hobby. she also likes good parents.

23) mama debeste will fight the westboro baptist church. she will also fight anything that reminds her of herself before she loved the kids. and also blaise debeste and everything related to him.

24) mama debeste trusts no one except for maybe people that phoenix trusts. She genuinely likes Greg and lets phoenix sleep over there even though she’s only met him a handful of times.

25) hahahaha mama debeste is the ultimate in seeing through people. she’s super suspicious of strangers and people she doesn’t know getting close to the house. acquaintances are graded based on how much they hate blaise (maximum hate being minimum suspicion). the only people close to mama debeste are phoenix and sebastian.

she worries about what might happen to phoenix and sebastian.

26) I’M CALLING HER MAMA DEBESTE FOR A REASON because at the end of her life she’s really really devoted to the safety of her kids. For the long childless period in the middle she believed that kids could be tools for revenge, but she never really lost the mothering touch, as it were. Shi-Long Lang remembers her very very fondly.

27) have you ever played a really long game of clue with someone and they figure out the answer but instead of running to the pool and announcing it they walk into the foyer and shoot the murderer in the face? yeah. the last logic battle with the ~true antagonist~ of aai2 wouldn’t have even happened because she would have shot him on sight.

her conflict with blaise is too personal for that though so they have a marriage of hate and she’s biding her time. I think that once her USE THE CHILDREN plan broke down she lost sight of whatever her goal was which ultimately ended up killing her.

28) mama debeste is a fan of the fists and an even greater fan of shooting things but she does her absolute best to remain passive and unassuming for as long as she possibly can.

29) I think mama debeste wanted to help people? she definitely had like, a brain surgeon phase, but once that passed I think she settled fairly well on public service through Interpol. there was probably a speaker that came to school or something tbh.

30) mama debeste won’t eat mushrooms and passes this trait onto her kids. she hates socks and sandals. wash ya damn hands. blaise debeste. she also isn’t a particular fan of praying mantises specifically.

31) welcome to the forest. three people are there, herself included. One of them is drawing, the other is fumbling around in the picnic basket looking for an orange. it is later in the day, but evening isn’t in the sky yet. The breeze is gentle and smells like pine.

#I hit length limit wow #brb making a second post #lady who r u #parental guidance

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uunnrreeaadd · 5 years

Text

This has taken me way too long to write about.. and there’s so much to cover and Ill probably forget half of it so welcome to this journey. I don’t even know where we’re starting or if I even want to start but... I feel weird lately. All kinds of weird like anxious-weird, overly self conscious-weird, judging myself and my life and my path so harshly. Ive been questioning EVERYTHING and its fucking with my head so much.

I feel like my “friends” don’t like me. They make subtle jabs and gestures that make me feel unwanted, I don’t know if I’m just too sensitive or if they’re actually treating me wrong. When they read over my texts and don’t respond or when I realize they say things to each other about me when I’m not around, I feel like theres only bad to say. Ive been SO spaced out, I can barely talk to them because everytime I go to speak I start having repeated anxious thoughts in my head about “what if I sound weird or what if what I’m saying doesn’t make sense or what if this isn’t a good thing to say” and those thoughts talk over me in my head and then I end up stuttering and pausing and being awkward anyway.. its so hard to control.

It’s making my confidence fall apart. Ive started to question my personality and my ability to communicate with others so much that its taken over and I’m questioning how I feel about the person I see in the mirror; me. I’m wondering if I like myself as much as i always thought I have. I tried to go to the gym in hopes of mending my self confidence but I struggle to learn the equipment and when I reach to my friends for support I feel embarassed and like Im giving them a hard time. When I mentioned I had pulled my muscles, my one gym friend said “you need to lift smaller weights” and then the rest of the room of friends nodded in agreement and they don’t even go to the gym with me so I know its been the topic of discussion and that just makes me more scared.

I have spent a disgusting amount of time thinking about death. All of its impacts and the end of days, how the world is gonna end and how my life is going to end. I cant even FATHOM that that’s how life works, I never have and I never think I will be. Ever since the realization hit me that this is how life works, it all just ends one day and then you never ever ever ever get to be a part of this same life ever again, that’s just terrifying. Ofcourse when I say that I feel like its all going to be over tomorrow and ofcourse it wont be but.. you still never know. I’m scared to let go of my mom and my grandfather and my Dad whom I also haven’t spend nearly enough time with.

I feel like I’m constantly waiting for my job to fall apart. I always wonder if theres going to be a day that I’m asked to step down from my position. I have to give myself credit, Ive been doing a really good job and Ive started asking for feedback on my work to make sure I’m doing a good job. I just value this job more than a lot of things, I don’t want to loose it or the amazing people that have came with it. I learn so much every day about myself as a person and working with other people. I feel like I should be doing more though, I’m a supervisor, I need to instruct behaviour and call out mistakes when I see them but.. I’m really passive, I h a t e to make people feel bad or harp on their day so I let things slide more than I should.

My relationships with men are completely fucked up. I haven’t seen my Dad is god knows how long, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why he doesn’t want to communicate with me and questioning my worth. I know that’s the typical thing but its hard not to do, I’m his daughter. I came from him, shouldn’t he want to go out of his way to even say merry Christmas? Happy birthday? The last few months my relationships have just been brutal. I saw about 2 different guys after my breakup and Ive been used everytime. Each time it got worse, the first guy I kind of knew was a player but he was charming and funny and he told me things were real and that he knew he wanted me to be apart of his life.. he lied, he left like a month or something later and told my best friend it was for sex. I started seeing someone else, we met on tinder but from the very first time he spoke to me he said he wanted something real and we hit it off and connected, we made ALOT of (still beautiful) memories together, started dating, I met his family and we went on tons of dates, started having sex and then after a couple times of that he also decided to leave. I had some friends with benefits along the way and ended up catching feelings (ofcourse) every single time and THAT never goes anywhere so Ive just been left questioning over and over and OVER what is WRONG WITH ME. I don’t think these boys are the deciding factor on my self worth but I used to, and sometimes still do view myself as a magnificent person. On a good day, I think I’m super human. On a good day, I see what’s nearly perfection, I think I’m creative and uplifting, Im caring and supportive and open minded, I’m pretty, Ive got good curves and I’m really genuinely genuinely NICE. I’m a good mate, I love cooking and going out and socializing.. you know? Like why would any of these guys decided to get me and then drop me? What am I not seeing? I think there’s something about me that is just a huge turn off and I don’t have a single clue what it is and I shame myself for not understanding.

I am worried about my drawing. Tattooing is my big career path and its what I’ve hyped up to ALL of my friends and family. I’m worried I’m not as good of a drawer as I think I am.. not that I’m not constantly improving and learning, taking notes and impressing myself but.. what i feel about my work could be a whole other story to other people, especially other tattoo artists. It’s hard for me to make a portfolio because I do most of my work right here on my iPad, yknow where I can have limitless colours and endless paper.. this girl I know just landed an apprenticeship and she had this entire portfolio of amazing pen and paper drawings that she glued down onto big pieces of black Bristol board, it looked really professional and I just find that so hard to do without better tools. I feel like if I had a light board I could do it but ofcourse mines pretty much broken. It’s hard to make it look professional on an iPad where I can use different brushes and textures, kinda feels like cheating and I really want to own this craft. It’s all Ive ever wanted to do.

I left my best friend. She moved away and bad things happened in my life. I didn’t feel like I knew her like I did before and I didn’t like texting her everyday because it just felt like a constant play by play.. “oh hey i did this” “oh hey i did this other thing” “you wont believe what just happened”. Meanwhile I’m at my lowest of lows because she’s gone and IM SO ALONE but she’s in a relationship and is always telling me about the guys she’s talking to and all the hot guys where she lives and guys down there that would be great for me. I don’t understand why she would involve me so much in her love life when she knows mine is failing and I’m struggling. I even tried helping her through her relationship struggles and I put in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much energy to a toxic relationship that she’s seeming still in. I just don’t understand. I felt mistreated numerous times during our relationship, I felt there was times of her being condescending and passive aggressive, I just couldn’t take it anymore so I cut ties. I stopped having any energy to reply because I was just so fed up with how I felt I was being treated.

I don’t even think I can go on at this point, theres more but not anything that Im ready to talk about right now. A lot happened with my mom, I have weird feelings about my phone and my weed addiction.. But until next time

Love yo self and love the people you love

That shits important

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wyrmsandrocs · 7 years

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all the ocean asks!! u can skip any that r uncomf

pearl: if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?- Hm, i really want to do a trip to see the historical stuff on the US east coast, I’d also really like to go see ruins in Rome and Greece. Aside from historical interests I just…really want to be in Oregon right now

sails: describe your perfect partner. - Someone I love who loves me too

lighthouse: how much makeup do you wear? - I usually do white or black winged eyeliner, silver + whatever my colour for the day is eyeshadow, lots and lots of mascara, and some lipstick, usually non natural colours like purple, green, or just like pastel pink. Even if i decide to forgo my eye makeup im usually wearing lipstick

shells: would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf? - tbh a vampire cause then I would have eternity to figure out who Agent 355 was

mermaid: most embarrassing moment? - Hoo boi okay sO. One time many years ago I was a 10 year old girl on quotev. I really really liked one direction. I clicked something I probably shouldn’t have seen because of quotevs lack of an sfw/nsfw rating system. I read a lot of these because I was confused as to what they were. Instead of forgetting all about them and deleting my account like a sane person, I sent them to my best friend at the time to get /her/ to read them. Instead of asking questions abt why the hell i was reading this shit, she found way worse and kinky ones. I was horrified. I didn’t know how to delete my web history. My dad almost found the links like 20 times

turquoise: weirdest dream you’ve ever had? - The dream where my subconscious tried to tell me i was gayyyyy. It was, again, years ago, and I thought I was straight. I had just made up my first ocs cause I was doin NaNoWriMo for the first time (spoiler alert, I made it to 50,000) and i had this dream where I met and then fell in love with my oc who was super pretty and i refused to believe I was a lesbian i just chalked it up to my sleeping brain being weird

waves: favourite season and why? - Autumn and Winter are my faves because there’s rain.

breakers: would you ever consider getting married? - Yes, definitely, but gdi why isn’t poly marriage legal yet

seafoam: describe your ideal summer vacation. - Ignore summer all together and continue school where it’s rainy

rain: if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet? - Omg a Fennec they are my favourite little animals they are so cute. My first original story that i actually wrote down and still have was about Fennecs

sunlight: least favourite song? - The Sans version of Stronger than you

marine: would you ever consider plastic surgery? - Probably not i’m ot the hugest fan of surgery at all

sea glass: what do you consider to be your best physical feature? - Man I really love my eyes i have sectoral heterochromia so my eyes are green with stripes of deep brown.

storm: do you like piercings and tattoos? Why or why not? - I really do like them, but i probably wouldnt get any more piercings than I have, I have two on each ear, but I wear a fake nose ring cause it’s pretty. I dont love the idea of getting a tattoo cause owww im a wimp also needles are not good.

boardwalk: who is your favourite fictional couple? - I really love Wylan and Jesper from Six of Crows, also lotsa ships from other stuff but right now I’m loving my children, Aria and Sitara. My smol gay witch daughters

coral: if you had to describe your personality as a food, what would you be and why? - Super dark chocolate that gives you a headache but is also really great. I’m known for giving people headaches lmao not really. Idk why it just seems right, like I may seem sweet and nice but i am actually like the most bitter person. Or sea salt caramel. I am like super salty and bitter save me lmao

nymph: old-fashioned or modern decor? - buddy old fashioned decor is the shit

seawater: scariest movie you’ve ever watched? - Okay it’s really stupid but Dot and the Red Kangaroo scared the /fuck/ out of me as a little kid the bunyip song was terrifying. I don’t really watch scary movies tho

siren: in a fantasy setting, would you be a warrior, rogue or mage? - Maaaaaage

tempest: your favourite Pokemon? - Eevee or Vaporeon. I also really love Vulpix

tropic: what is your least favourite thing about your appearance? - I’m p self conscious abt being not a small person height or weight wise. I used to always want to be a lot smaller so that I could just kind of disappear but recently i’ve just decided that if people are gonna notice me, they are gonna notice that i’m beautiful. It’s actually really helped my confidence which is kinda weird but i’m really glad for it

aquamarine: describe your dream date. - Staying at home watching musicals and drinking hot coco in the middle of a storm

brine: gold or silver? - Silver

tidal: what is a colour that best describes your personality? - I actually really like pinks and reds and how quickly a pink can merge to a more red colour. They both stand for love, but red is also anger

azure: what is something that you do that makes you happy? - Writing honestly. Also like i really enjoy school and learning about history and languages

fog: describe where you think you’ll be in five years. - Hopefully well into college by then, I’m still in highschool but I’m gonna add college english in the fall.

coastline: what is your favourite flower? - Violets. I really like the smell of jasmine or orange blossoms

shallows: what is your typical Starbucks order? - Venti Java Chip Frappuccino idk how to spell that tho

voyage: what are your favourite names? - I really like names related to the sea like Mara

shipwreck: do you have an OC? If so, describe them. - Okay I’m gonna tell ya abt Aria and Sitara. Aria is a Hellenic polytheist who leans toward tarot and sigils rather than actual spell work. She’s pan and loves her gf v v much. Her parents were shit and she had to leave home as soon as she could. Her parents gave her the name Megan but she really hated it so she gos by Aria. She doesn’t really know all of her parents lineage but her mother was of middle eastern descent way back in the family that no one really remembers. She doesnt want to find out and prefers looking to the future. Sitara is an atheist and has a more traditional path. Shes bi and attractd to nb peeps and women but not men, she’s also polyam which shes v v happy her gf accepts. Her parents were better but they fell out of contact a while ago. Despite not believing in Aria’s deities, she lets her worship on her own and doesnt bother her. They met in an art store, both needing to get red ribbon for a love spell. Bonus: Aria means song and Sitara means poem

cerulean: do you believe in true love? - I do, but not just the romantic kind. I think that true platonic love is also super important.

shoreline: if you could become fluent in another language, which would you pick and why? - French because I’m trying to learn it rn and it’s a royal pain. Eventually I want to learn all the Latin based languages

tsunami: describe a dream outfit of yours. - Someday I’m gonna get cute heeled boots and wear them with tights and a skirt and like a flowy long sleeve black shirt I have and do all purple makeup this will happen someday

riptide: are you introverted or extroverted? Are you happy with this? - I’m somewhere in the middle. I love talking to my friends and like that but its also really nice to just shut down skype and tumblr and read a book, yknow?

hurricane: describe a strange habit of yours. - I tend to carefully chack all the walls and corners of a room while I’m entering it, like just look around and check for anything weird, even if I’ve been there a lot. This happens with places that feel specific ways tho, like they just have suspicious energy.

Ty so much for asking, friend! ^u^

#brook #shirt ip aa

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tumblunni · 5 years

Text

Also can i just give a big thumbs up to Blue's ridiculously sassy pose? Itll be so cool to see his infamous attitude portrayed in a much more animated game!

Also can i just add that i like it for being like 0.4% of evidence towards my headcanon of him being gay? Like yeah i know that "acting flambouyant" is the most minimal and stereotypical evidence but when youre starved for lgbt representation you start clinging to minor shit like this.

I just really like the idea of his jerkass behaviour stemming from being closeted and trying too hard to overcompensate, and him not really hating Red but actually just trying to pretend he does. Like.. The real person he's angry at is his own feelings. Cos i know its a cliche at this point to always ship any shonen character with his rival, but really it is kind of an inherant part of the trope? I dont understand how these writers could write this overexaggerated arch nemesis who's always doing EVERYTHING for the sake of one-upping you, always being everywhere and seemingly having no life aside from this. It just looks like he really really cares about what you think?? It comes off as less "he's stuck up" and more "he needs constant reassurance for his low self confidence and for some reason he demands it comes specifically from you." It really really hits that relateability for closeted teens. Making up excuses why this isnt really a crush, making up excuses to hang out with them all the time for TOTALLY NON CRUSH RELATED REASONS

And I just feel itd help the whole plot make more sense with how they say Blue used to be Red's best friend since they were babies, and he just suddenly started acting all bratty very recently. Why dont the games draw more attention to that, honestly? It must have been really traumatic for Red to suddenly lose his best friend and be goddamn bullied by the guy for seemingly no reason! And yeah, sometimes kids do just end up changing into someone horrid when theyre in that nebulous 10 to 12 age range, and then they mature and regret what they did. But i think in a fictional setting that kinda doesnt fly? Its not very good catharsis to have "he changed his mind and became good offscreen and you dont get to see it". So imagining what might have happened between the end of gen 1 and the start of gen 2 is a good way to make up for it.

I imagine in this hypothetical rewrite it would start with us just being introduced to Big Asshole Blue and assuming thats all he's ever been. But we start getting hints that Red is more upset about this than it seems? And we get flashbacks to Blue once Not Being A Jerk, and get to feel Red's worry that he must have done something to make his best friend start hating him. And maybe along the way we get to see Blue's jerkyness rewritten to seem more like he's just a normal kid struggling with some stuff and making the wrong choices, rather than legitimately evil. Maybe we get to see him being sad or self hating, and Red tries to reach out to him but Blue is so deep in his delusions already that he's all "i bet you just want to laugh at me!" Like we get to see that from Blue's perspective we're the rival, yknow? His assumption that you hate him is why he distanced himself. His assumption that you'd be disgusted in him if you knew his secret. Its like he preemptively broke off the friendship to avoid the pain of you doing it? And then also maybe add some more events of the two rivals begrudgingly teaming up to save the day, and having other bonding experiences that show that the friendship is still there deep down.

So then naturally the ending would play out the same with you defeating him, but instead of just his grandpa yelling at him and us being told he listened (offscreen) and changed his ways (offscreen) we like.. Actually..see that. You could have Blue breaking down and showing some genuine emotion during this moment, actually crying because he really did try so hard and he still lost. And because he linked his entire self worth to this toxic masculinity and idea that he had to be the strongest to even be worth anything. And he's just so convinced that Red is gonna mock him now and it'll be the end of the closest thing he had to a way they could stay close. And then his grandpa comes in and is all "bla bla bla you just didnt love your pokemon enough", and that rubs salt in the wound. But maybe the change is that at this point Red actually stands up for Blue? And talks about all the good stuff he did during the game and how he's still the same great guy he became friends with, even if they've drifted apart. And he worked just as hard to get here, gramps!!

So that really shocks Blue to his core and he realizes how stupid he was being, and him and Red become friends again. And then over time it would lead to Blue becoming more comfortable with his self confidence and coming out about his sexuality, and eventually we have the bratty but ultimately good dude we see in the future games. And also they are totally married, yes.

Seriously tho i can understand why people dont like this ship tho, cos a lot of the fics for it (and the related ash/gary one) are more like "lol somehow it is sexy for a guy to be a complete asshole to you for no reason" rather than giving him an actual redemption plot and yknow..establishing that he actually cares about the guy he is kissing. I think rival romances can be great if done well, but man there's so much problematic shit if it falls short of the mark!

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tumblunni · 5 years

Text

What do you guys think about the names Dustin and Darcy for my protagonists in Let's Go?

Cos i really wanted to play the co op mode thing by myself, just so i can pretend this role in the plot is filled by two siblings and have a bit of fun roleplaying that. But i dunno yet how the co-op works and whether you'd be able to customize the avatar of the second player or if its just the default trainer? Or can you only play co-op if you have two separate games? Im planning to buy the other version anyway once i get more money, so it could be fun to play my first version with sibling one and then the second playthru is sibling two's turn to shine!

Oh and the whole reason i wanted to do this is cos i wanna try out the customization features to make some ocs now that there's no competitive online stuff unless you pay a subscription fee (LOL NO THANKS). Like..i always felt like i HAD to make my character me in xy/sumo/usum, otherwise its like lying online? But of course i cant actually make me because theres no nonbinary option or even remotely ambiguous outfits for either gender. And you cant have wild hair colours while i dye my hair 24/7 irl lol. Its silly cos like 95% of the gym leaders and other characters ingame have anime hair colours yet the player has to be normal? So yeah i cpuldnt really enjoy making this innacurate defanged version of myself yet i didnt feel like i was allowed to just make up a new character either. Closest i could do was give myself white hair like my old trainersona when i was 12, lol. I mean i guess thats my 'real hair colour' underneath the dye right now, if you think about it that way?

OH GOD PIKACHU CAN HAVE A LITTLE TUXEDO AND BOWLER HAT HOLY FUCK IM SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS BUT I WAS WATCHING THE IGN REVIEW AND THEY SHOWED PIKA BOWLER HAT PLEASE GO GOOGLE THAT VIDEO JUST FOR THAT 1 SECOND OF NEW FOOTAGE OF MY BEAUTIFUL CLASSY BOYE

okay where was i

Yeah! I think sibling trainers could be a good and unique way to handle a rival! Like having them be your sibling already establishes that rivalry. But it can be a soft and nice rivalry! I wanna go with that fun version rather than the full on angry exaggerated sibling rivalries you often see in kids media. Like i know that some people legit dont get on with their siblings and some people can even have a very gary esque full on rivalry thats sorta 'love to hate' or like..tsundere pretending you hate them. But personally i never had experience with that, i can never relate to those 'tfw u hate ur sibling and theyre always an asshole but lolll u love them anyway' posts. I only got to live with my little sister for a little while due to the catastrophe of abusive parenthood that was my childhood, and i lost contact with her forever when she was very young so i doubt she'd even remember me. *sigh* But like i don't think i only love her so much because i miss her! People say newborns and toddlers are the most bratty so like you'd think if i was gonna ever find her 'annoying' i would have done it back then. I was always just mega proud of her and whenever she'd be 'bratty' i'd be cheering her on and trying to protect her from mom. And when she'd try and pull pranks on me or practise play-fighting or whatever i was just like 'lol thats legit funny' and taking play-falls so she felt better about herself. Like we didnt have much power in that household so i felt like encouraging her pretending to be a wrestler would help her feel like she had some sort of control in some part of her life i guess? And just i wished i was allowed to roughhouse and run around and be all 'unladylike' and just enjoy BEING A KID when i was a kid, yknow? I always had legit fun being with her and legit enjoyed it and was legit proud and legit never annoyed. I just dont understand 'yeah she's annoying but i love her anyway'. I was only ever her rival as a play-rival to help encourage her to like.. Enjoy the things she enjoyed. Feel like someone else cared. I only ever acted like 'ha ha baby stuff yeah sure i hate hanging out with my sister" cos i thought i was SUPPOSED TO. I always felt so guilty doing it and so dissappointed cos id rather hang out with her than be a boring stereotypical teen tbh. I dunno, maybe this isnt typical for siblings and its just a sign of how badly we were raised? I was just real fuckin lonely and absolutely loved having a family member who loved me for the first time since my grandma died. Same reason i always used to act all 'i am too cool i totally am not soft for my lil sister' around my lil sister's dad. I really wanted him to love me too! I used to say swear words at him cos i thougjt he would thibk i was Cool And Adult?? I have soooo many cringe moments from that phase of my childhood. Man it hurts to think that i never actually did get to become that positive influence that protected my sister from my mum and let her know she was loved. Cos i was sent to live with my dad when she was like 5ish? And never saw her again and now im too scared to try and reach out to her again because 1: she probably doesnt even remember me, 2: theres a chance she believes my mum saying i was some horrible asshole who abandoned the family, 3: even bigger chance that contacting her could mean my mum finding me again and big fuckin risk of further abuse. Plus the awkwardness of introducing my trans self when she'd remember me as her sister and all. Sigh! All i can do is hope that her cool dad eventually got custody of her, and that he didnt turn out to be a secret bastard like when i met my own dad. He seemed good, but then again i was just a lil kid and my dad seemed good at first. Sighhhhhh...

SO UMM YEAH WOW I MADE MYSELF SAD

Anyway the point is that whenever i write siblings i'd rather write 100% unapologetic super loving love cos its wish fullfillment for me. This is also why in/cest shipping is a massive beserk button for me, good wholesome family relationships are REAL FUCKIN IMPORTANT and how DARE you corrupt that shit! Some people would fuckin KILL to have that wholesome family!!

Anyway lol thats why i'd like a Wholesome Rivalry for these sibling ocs! Like they challenge each other to contests along the way just for fun, and they react all 'wow my sis is the BEST' when you beat them, so hard feelings at all. And you dont JUST do rival stuff but also sometimes just hang out and have fun cos you missed each other. And if anyone threatens your sibling then THAT is the only time you see the Serious Sibling Power! Rival moments: ha ha lol bet ya cant beat me ooo im a scary villain LOL I CANT KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE HAHA! Giovanni punches your brother: *stony cold death glare from hell as tricksy prank sis turns into an unstoppable vengeance engine* Oh, but also the only other time they'd be serious is in their final battle together! Like most of the 'rivalry' is just competing to make the adventure fun and to help each other get stronger. But if sis/bro ever actually legit said they really want to fight to find out who's the best, and its like..important to help their self confidence, then i think bro/sis would respect that and go all out. Taking a fall and letting them win would be the most disrespectful thing of all! Oh, but i do think there would be one kind of battle like that during the story? Like in one of the more low stakes faux-rival fights the sibling actually does try and let you win, and the challenge is to try and lose against all odds. High stakes super failure battle!!! Imagine the evil team in the background like 'wtf' as these two run the most aggressively slow race of all time! XD

Oh and i kinda thought about different personalities for the two of them based on who you pick? Like i did like that aspect about brendan/may in RSE compared to other 'unpicked option becomes rival' characters in later games that didnt even have one personality let alone two. It just sucks that the personalities they decided to give them were 'female rival is super self concious and thinks youre better than her because youre a boy' and 'male rival is super ego and thinks he's better than you because he's a boy'. Boooo!

So instead of that the personalities i was thinking for these two would be less sexist lol. Male sibling Dustin is basically Wally so far? I need to develop him a bit more to make him a bit distinct, i mean its not like every single shy dude is identical. I'm thinking maybe mix him with all the wasted potential in Brendan? Like in the game they slightly hint at him having the ONE non stereotypical trait of liking cute teddy bears, and that made me think about how much better his whole plot would have been if it actually criticized his sexism and said that he only behaves that way cos he's overcompensating for being bullied for being 'feminine', yknow? And then in the manga they actually DO write him as super feminine, and even as a contest star who loves fashion and dressing up his pokemon! But then GAHHH they present it as some sort of fuckin 'character flaw', like he's shown to be selfish and superficial because of it. And the backstory is that him and the female protagonist used to be 'normal' until a traumatic event. Brendan was a Natural Fighting Prodigy until he saved his female friend from a wild pokemon and was so traumatized that he never wanted to fight again, while she wanted to learn to fight so she'd never need to be protected again. But this is not only presented as Wrong Ways To Be Gender but also like.. Fighting their natural instinct which still comes through?? Like male protag hasnt fought in YEARS yet whenever he's forced to fight he's just magically better at it than female protag who's been practising all these years to become his equal. Ha ha silly girl you can never achieve that! All you get is this patronizing 'well if you just tryyyyy girly things im sure you'll like it' plot and then you get rescued by him in the end because OF COURSE you do. Sigh! I cant believe they made me hate that pairing even more than the games did! So yeah i dont really wanna write Dustin as a jerkass who's secretly got synpathetic motives of internalized homophobia/sexism, cos i feel thats a plot very specific to my perceptuons of Brendan and id basically just have to make Dustin a clone of him and he wouldnt be able to shine on his own merits. Instead i'm just thinking of writing him as a 100% sensitive soul, and he still faces predjudice for not being that bigoted idea of an 'ideal man' but really the fact he doesnt bow down to their demands proves that he's the bravest person here.

And then I'm thinking maybe the female sibling Darcy is the older one and is a bit "gary ish"? Like eitjer way you still have a friendly and loving siblingness, but she's a bit more of a sass who is tsundere about admitting she loves her bro. But i dont think she's the cold or grumpy sort of tsundere, more like a trickstery tomboy? Bombastic loki jock sis! She can only be a bit abrasive with her bro cos she wants to teach him to be tough even when she's not there to protect him. But sometimes she can mess it up and make him feel like he has to change his personality in order to be tough, rather than letting him know she supports him in being "unmasculine" and just wants to help him find the confidence to stand up to people who bully him for it. Like she feels like she is 'weaker' than him in the sense that she worries too much about what people will think if she expresses her real emotions, yknow? Like theyre both suffering from toxic masculinity! He's suffering from the standard form where men who are too 'soft' are beaten down into that mould. Ans she's suffering from the problem where 'masculine' girls feel like they have to be '100% masculine' in order to be allowed to be themselves at all. Like back when i was a kid and before i came out as trans i always used to try and pretend to like sports ans like..cliche macho shit where you Cant Admit You Care About Your Friends and also i wasnt allowed to like ANY feminine things at all. I had to either follow the stereotype of femininity entirely or follow the opposite stereotype, i wasnt allowed to just reject stereotypes and like what i actually like. So yeah me realizing i wasnt really a girl has led to me embracing more 'girly' things than back when i thought i was one! So i think Darcy would have a similar arc but like..the cis equivelant? Just finds people who arent such judgmental pricks and stops having to conform to either of those stereotypes in order to keep fake friends who dont really give a shit about her. She can have a plot about both forced feminine and masculine stereotypes being equally limiting, rather than that shitty 'being masculine is a prison uwu every woman will be happier embracing her love of makeup' shit. That dominant narrative just made me feel like i was somehow wrong about myself whenever i didnt like 100% Of Sports All The Time, i must be somehow girly if i liked even ONE girly thing yet i needed hundreds of proofs if i wanted to be masculine. And like i wasnt just allowed to be neither! I wasnt allowed to like parts of both! I wasnt allowed to BE GODDAMN TRANS!!! So yeah i dunno if i'd go whole hog and make this character a trans man or a nonbinary person tho? I think she's just actually a cis girl who happens to be sporty and brash and likes a lot of 'masculine' fashion and hobbies. And she's just been made to feel self concious about it, as if she cant possibly REALLY be that unless she likes Every Single Boy Thing and wins at Every Single Challenge. Does anyone else remember that shit too? The girls have to win Every sports game against the boys in order to be 'one of the boys' but if you lose even one of them it somehow proves that you're inferior. Even though the boys lost 50 billion games to you and that doesnt prove theyre inferior! Like man she has sooooo many 'gary rivals' in her school life, thats why she loves going on this adventure with a kind brother rival who actually respects her! So her resolution would just be her staying the same but being more confident about it and saying fuk u to those fake friends. Same as her brother's plot, just they both face different specifics to the way this sexism affects them, yknow?

Oh but yeah when i did finally learn about LGBT stuff and realize i was trans it was Big Amazing cos even in the rare stories about Its Okay To Be Yourself it still left me feeling weirdly empty when the girl decides that yes she does wanna be a girl in the end. So i get that these plots might come off as queerbaiting if i write them badly? I need to make sure to make it clear that these characters 100% want to be seen as this gender and its just other people being fuckfaces and trying to define what their gender has to mean. I think maybe i'll try and mitigate this potential misunderstanding by adding different sorts of lgbt content. And, well, also cos i just want lgbt content in all of my stories because i am lgbt, of course! I'm 100% sure that Darcy is gay, and i think also maybe possibly Dustin is trans? Like, his plot is about being mocked for being a 'feminine' boy, but its also even more personal for him because he's a trans boy and he feels like he needs to change his personality in order to pass/he isnt really real because his personality doesnt fit the stereotypical image of a man. Like if you'd looked at the two of them back when they were identical twins, you probably would have expected Darcy to end up being trans if you were the sort of person who believes those basic ass stereotypes about 'boys who play with barbies and girls who play with trucks'. Or i mean maybe its the other way around and Darcy is a trans girl who still has a 'masculine' personality according to stereotypes? Or even both of them are trans and both face being told that they arent real because they dont fit the perfect stereotype of a trans person according to cis perceptions? Or maybe i'm overcomplicating things with all of this and it'd just muddy the message i guess. I might just keep it to them both being cis but also both of them like girls. And i can always apply my trans and other LGBT headcanons to other characters along their adventure.

Anyway LOL im rambling too much!

#lets go bunni #bunni plays lets go

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