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#i swear i drew other stuff i just dont post often
enderscribbles · 2 years
Audio
spoilers for *reads smudged notes on hand* arc 2 of wizard101
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my wizard is level 7 and i will never play the game now that my free membership is expired. however @wizzycore​‘s fire wizard just graduated and i enjoy that little meow meow and his wizzy friends
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sunnydaisy1 · 4 years
Text
Coach
Taron Egerton x Reader
A/N: Heyyyy, im really excited to announce this is the first part of my new series Coach! I will be trying to update as often as i can but i am in exam year so it might not be regular. Anywayy, I am hoping you like it and don’t forget to follow me, like and reblog these posts! 
(ALSO OMG THIS GIF I SWEAR IT WAS MADE FOR THIS SERIES)
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I excitedly put my keys in my pocket as i shut the front door, smiling at the glorious weather and the thought of surprising my little brother. I had just come back from south africa this morning and my brother hadn't seen me for 2 months. 
I had spent time there over summer volunteering as a teacher to young kids because of a scheme my school does for some year 12 students. My plane had landed really late last night and I arrived back home early in the morning. 
Luckily, my mum had been able to organise a sleepover for Lucas last minute so it wouldn't ruin the surprise of me coming home. My mum suggested the idea of me picking him up from football practise this morning and I couldn't resist being able to see his shocked face when he saw me waiting in the stands. I walked happily along the pavement towards my school where the local football club was held because of the large pitch and facilities. It was only a 15 minute walk so I was happy to take time to breathe in the salty ocean air. I had really missed the cooler temperatures of the coastal area and the overall freshness of my hometown. 
Soon enough, I had arrived at the school and walked behind the sports hall to the football pitches and stands alongside. I could already see a group of parents waiting along the side of the pitch and I excitedly walked towards them, knowing that there was still 10 minutes left of practise so I could watch Lucas play for a bit. When I reached the side, I spotted Maria, one of my mums close friends a little further along and went to stand by her. 
As i approached, she looked up and beamed when she saw me. "Oh Lexi! It's so good to see you again, how was africa?" She asked cheerily, pulling me in for a big bear hug. "It was amazing thanks, how are you?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest as I leant against the barrier. "Im good, the holidays have been great and lovely weather too." I nodded, "Yeah, mum told me, nice change to the normal grey clouds!" Maria chuckled, "yes, Tom and I spent many days on the beach, it was a nice change." I nodded, enjoying catching up. "Loads of tourists though, crowds got a bit much on a few days," she added, "mind you though, good for all the local shops on the front." I chuckled, "yeah I bet Mitchie was happy." The thought of the loud, cheerful sweet shop owner caused Maria to laugh, "bless him." 
I heard a whistle sound and my attention drew to the group of boys gathering up the far end of the pitch. I recognised Coach Parker's figure but the younger man beside him was unfamiliar. I looked to Maria and pointed to him, "whos the new lad?" I asked, curious. "Oh that's Taron. Started about a week after you left, transferred from volunteering at another club. I think he's about your age actually." Maria turned to me and nudged me, "Good looking might I add." I crinkled my nose in disgust, laughing, "Eww don't start acting all matchmakery on me Maria, I've got enough of that coming from mum thankyou." The older woman chuckled and hugged my side. "Oh well I made my best shot." she giggled and I shook my head smiling widely. 
Not long after, the boys had finished their gathering and were heading back. I could see Lucas walking alongside the new guy back towards me and I stepped forward a little so he could see me easier. As soon as I did I heard a deafening yell of my name and my little brother came hurdling towards me.
 I laughed as he tackled me into a hug, squeezing me so hard I could barely breathe. I ruffled his hair and laughed as he looked up at me sweaty faced. I crouched down a little, "Hey lucas." He beamed and hugged me again, "I missed you so much Lex." I chuckled and hugged him back. "Come on let's grab your stuff and head home." He nodded and tugged my arm towards the subs bench. I followed him towards the bench where he grabbed his stuff and I saw a few of the other boys who waved at me. 
Once he had everything I took his bag from him and slung it over my shoulder, making to head out of the pitch but he dragged me back."No Lex we cant go yet I have to say goodbye to Coach Parker and Taron." He said, pouting at me slightly. For a 9 year old boy he could be very persuasive just by looking at me. I nodded and let him pull me over to the middle aged coach. 
"Oh hey Lexi!" Coach Parker said, hugging me as Lucas beamed at him. "Hi coach, how are you?" He smiled, "Good good, this little tike did really well today." Lucas proudly grinned and said thankyou while Coach Parker ruffled his hair. "Yeah getting better every time I see him." I replied. "Alright well I need to go see Ryan's mum about his ankle so I'll see you soon alright. Oh and say hi to your mum for me." Coach Parker said as he headed off and I waved at him.
Lucas grabbed my hand again and pulled me towards the equipment shed where the young volunteer stood packing cones away. As soon as Lucas came beside him, he turned around and smiled down at my little brother. 
"Hey Lucas yalright?" Lucas nodded and the young man ruffled his hair. He then looked at me and smiled warmly, "you must be Lexi, I've heard a lot about you. I'm Taron." He extended his hand and I shook it, laughing. "Nice to meet you."He smiled and we broke the handshake, still looking at each other. Lucas elbowed me and I snapped out of it, realising I had been looking at the attractive Welsh man before me for a bit too long. 
"Oh um." Taron said blushing slightly and rubbed the back of his neck, "right urm well it was lovely to finally meet you Lexi." He said and turned to Lucas, crouching down to his height, "and I'll see you little man next week. Keep up the good skills and you might play for wales one day." Lucas grinned, "thanks Taron. I'll see you next Saturday." Taron nodded and stood back up. "Have a nice weekend you guys." I smiled and walked away alongside Lucas. 
"He seems nice." I said, nudging my brother. "Hes amazing." Lucas gushed, wiping his cheek of mud. I turned back around to look at Taron one more time and saw him watching us walk away. I giggled when I saw him awkwardly wave and shuffle back to what he was doing. "What?" Lucas asked, making me blush a little. "Oh nothing." I said, Taron's face still in my mind.
TARONS POV
When I had finished packing the equipment away I walked over to Coach Parker who had just finished talking to Annelise. I waved as she and Ryan left the pitch and turned to Coach. "Good job today kid those boys really love you." He said, making me smile proudly. "Thanks Coach, I enjoyed it." He zipped up his duffel bag and I grabbed mine, throwing it over my shoulder.
"I met Lucas' sister." I said, trying to casually throw her into the conversation so maybe I could find out more about her apart from the stuff Lucas had told me about her being my age and having travelled to Africa over the summer. "Oh yeah Lexi. Shes sweet." Coach Parker said and I nodded. 
We walked together out of the pitch and he locked the gate behind us then turned to me as we walked. "I know what you're thinking Taron." He said, smirking at me. I felt heat rising to my cheeks and tried to cover it up by sniffing. "Oh urm what what do you mean?" Coach smiled and shook his head, "Shes not got a boyfriend." I blushed harder and Coach chuckled. "Oh I didnt mean..." I said, trying to cover up what was left of my pride. "Shes 17 like you, bout to go into year 13." I nodded, "whered she go to school?" Coach chuckled, "I'm not your personal Lexi guide Taron, ask her yourself." I blushed and nodded, "might just ask Lucas, he tells me nearly everything anyway." Coach laughed, "that lad adores you, thinks your superman he does." 
I grinned, Lucas and I had formed a really good connection over the summer and I saw him as a little brother. "Anyway, have a nice weekend Taron and don't spend too much time obsessing over Miss Davis." I nodded and saluted him, walking to my mums car which sat waiting for me."You okay darling, how was practise?" She asked as I buckled myself in. "Good, Coach said I did well today." She nodded and pulled out, reversing out the parking lot. 
"I saw Lucas going home with a girl today." Mum said and I nodded, trying to act nonchalant. "Oh yeah his sister came back from Africa. Her names Lexi." She smiled and drove out onto the street. "Shes pretty. Look about your age as well." 
I cringed and shook my head, "mum dont do that thing." She smirked and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. "I dont know what you mean darling." I groaned, "the one where you start acting like I fancy her and pester me about it constantly." She smiled, "I dont do that." "Yes you do." I replied, resting my head in my hand leaning on the car door. "I cant help it Taron, I'm just trying to help you find a nice girl." I sighed, "yeah I know."
LEXIS POV
All along the walk home, Lucas chatted to me, excitedly asking me all about Africa and telling me what hed been doing all summer. It was great to be with him again but I could feel sleep wanting to take over my body so as soon as I got home, I apologised to Lucas and told him and my mum I needed to head to bed for a while so I didnt completely pass out from exhaustion. 
I was now climbing into bed in my pyjamas, ready to turn the light out and sleep for hours in beautiful darkness and silence. I rested my head on my pillow and turned the lamp off, snuggling under the covers. I closed my eyes and drifted off, drowsiness enveloping me and allowing me to relax into sleep. 
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concerned-cat-paws · 4 years
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I have more bnha ocs than I’ve posted here so here’s them UwU
there’s 4 under the cut
also don’t mind like spelling errors honestly this is sorta for me to reference
Rianah Taylor
We dont need to talk ab her here she gets enough spotlight
Vivi Nishiro
Quirk: cat… you already know she’s a neko girl
She can do what ever a cat can pretty much. Above average athletics, very dexterous, her nails are sharp, canine teeth are sharp, above average sense of smell, hearing and night vision. 
She just goes to a normal high school
Also this is a bad ref it was mostly experimental in a n u m b e r of ways
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HEADCANNONS
- she is a RAT
- she is very mischievous and snappy
-very impulsive
- she doesnt have a plan for her life and doesnt know what she wants to do after high school
-really just trying to have fun day by day
-is pretty protective of her friends because she always feels like she doesnt deserve them with how much of a rat she is so doesnt want anything bad to happen to them ever 
-more on that shes insecure about if shes annoying the people she likes and will accidentally push them away
-a little clingy ad a result
-will deny the fact though
-that only applies to her loved ones though if she doesnt know you she will be a r a t
-enjoys hanging around people she deems interesting and she is actually quite picky when it comes to who she likes
-however she really likes wandering and just seeing sights and people watching
-of COURSE shes naturally curious and despite her disinterest in school she quite likes learning new things
-probably likes true crime stuff
Naruki Hinana
Quirk: Reverential touch
If she touches someone they respect and treat her as if she’s royalty even if she tells them its her quirk making them respect her so. Over use makes her become listless sleepy and disoriented
She goes to a normal highschool but tried out for a couple hero schools (not UA she didnt expect to get in)
Only picture i have of her is with Vivi but I like this one for both of them sooo
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HEADCANNONS
-shes also quite mischievous and her and vivi het into quite a bit of trouble together
-shes normally pretty neutral and just :/
-shes actually really funny though she just has a natural :/ face
-fairly popular for being funny but some people in her school jusy dont like her because of her popularity
-think she only has so many friends because she used her quirk on them (false btw)
-her family is like upper middle class and shes been on some cool vacations
-naturally smart and doesnt need to study as long as shes present for class
-def has a social media following
-likes to mess around and use her quirk on strangers and people she doesnt like
-probably likes painting or smn as a hobby
Kaede Nakamura
Quirk: Mending light
Her palms emit a light that can heal physical wounds and over exertion can cause a burning sensation and hand cramps. She’s also able to jump fairly well and run faster than the average person due to a minor quirk inherited from her dad.
She’s a first year in the support course.
Also she has a boyfriend i dont rmbr his name (these r old ocs but theyre getting revived) but he belongs to godriene on insta
(I dont have a very recent ref for her but i did draw and color a sketch so heres that)
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HEADCANNONS
-Her quirk can take some time to fully heal but she can just partly heal a wound and move onto sonething else in a shorter amount if time
-Shes not super easily flustered because she can be a bit dense
-Very nurturing type like if she sees someone being like bullied shed be too scared to confront the bully but she would extra nice to the victum and help them however she can aka b a b y
-She’s the type to really like to make people laugh specifically her s/o cause she loves that smile
-Probably just likes to make people happy in general she may or may not have father issues
-With an s/o she might be a bit more protective she would get upset when they get hurt but she is extra caring like You thorst ? Of course you thorst here’s a pitcher of v i t a m i n w a t e r
-Shes that kid that sees the best in like everyone and honestly just wantes to improve the world for everyone else
-Doesnt consider herself alot but if someones being unreasonable she will stand up for herself
-Arguments actually kinda scare her
-She’s close to her mom and recovery girl is like another a grandma
-Shes spends her free time except for lunch helping recovery girl in the clinic running errands for her and helping her with what ever she needs since recovery girl is a bit of an inspiration to kaede
.
GROUP PHOTOOOOO
I drew a group pic of them for a fantasy au oc event so heres those
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..
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
MY D O G
Seiichi Takagi
Quirk: Hell hounds
(Ill let da picture explain)
Right now hes a villain
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So yeah my dog has a BUNCH OF DOGS (also second pic was also for the fantasy au oc thingy on insta)
HEADCANNONS
-hes not well known and prefers it that way
-he has a group of other villains that he works with
-its more just like a bit of organized crime than the league of villains type beat
-he really likes animals and will try to hide the whole villain thingy some times and volunteer at an animal shelter
-that being said my dog has beat up many people bad man i swear
-he doesnt so much as hate all heros but if one gets in his way that sucks for them
-he likes being able to do what ever he wants by just ignoring laws so often times he just acts on his own agenda
-sometimes act sort of like a vigilante
-he considered being a hero but simply didnt wanna follow all those rules
-so now he hurts people just cause
-if he were to fall for anyone it would probably be someone really pure and soft but not a complete baby that needs to be watched all the time
.
.
.
Thats it
Thats them
Thank you this was a waste of both our time
ÚwÙ
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ooc; You know, I never thought anyone would like Thoth other than my group of friends who gave him a chance. I was so nervous with him, that I tried to make him a weaker character and I just couldn’t do that haha. I’m still nervous about him, but I want you all to know...
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I really am thankful. From the fan art, to the threads, to meeting so many wonderful people, I think it’s time to shine a light on those who I’ve chatted with, and gotten to know as well! Even if it’s just a simple hello, it makes my day. You guys are all wonderful, and I’m beyond happy over this. I was going to make a 100 follower and then the followers skyrocketed before I could haaa... ^^;;;
Anyway, these people below the cut? They really are cool.
But so are all my followers, even if we don’t talk!
@avoiided, 
Preshie mun! You’re Gaster terrifies me, not like bad dreams terrifying but he is a really well developed villain! He just is so wonderful to interact with, and I love our threads, no matter the blog! Let’s not forget how you’re a sweetheart either! I feel like I spam ya too much haha, anxiety man- BUT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL! Keep being you :D <3
(I still can’t believe Thoth had a mini crush on Gaster and they could have been nerdy friends if the judgement ever happened aaaaaaa)
 @curioosity, @snackiies
Azura mun! I am still vastly scared to chat with you, but I want you to know, I do mean the words I say ^^ You may be feeling down right now, but... I think you’re a great person. I really mean that, you’re oc is very well fleshed out and very engaging! I adore seeing you on the dash, and your art- and your posts! I hope things brighten up for you! You need a good day, and I hope you get it!
@sixfingersixtails, 
I really adore your concept and I’m glad you’re one of my friends! Sixer is adorable, and Thoth absolutely wants to spoil him! And pet him, seriously how many times have they ended up curled up together haaa. But the depth of your stories and fanfic are amazing and I love reading every chapter! Keep up the amazing work! <3
@softashfuck, @goodster,
I hope you had a good birthday kiddo! I love ya, you’re the son I wish that was here for I could spoil you some more. Seriously, anyway, I love your character and your interpretations and the fact you spam me with such lovely art ;w; so nice. I swear I’m going to keep spamming you right on back! <3
Okay but I mean it, I do care a lot about you and I do see you as my kid. Seriously, if I could scoop you up I would. <3
@all-seeing-all-knowing-eye, @br00kie-draws
BROOOOOKIE! Okay, first off. When I first met you, I was highly nervous and scared, I met you through an ex-friend that showed me your art and since then I am so glad I met you. Our ships are adorable, they have bumpy roads and that’s what makes them enjoyable, they arent perfect, and that’s just how a good ship should be. Not to mention your art?! Like DAYUM GIRL. Such a good, best friend too, always listening to me ramble! Love ya! <3
OUR SHIPS ARE ALSO A BLESSING thoug so yea!
OH AND ALSO HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME ICONS ON RANDOM LIKE THE SANS ONES, ;w; I cry, I cry with joy
@s-k-e-t-c-h-y-m-e-s-s, 
I know we don’t talk as much these days, I know you’re busy but I still check up on your art! (I really should finish that gif I made omgosh) But you are also a very nice person, and a wonderful artist!
@splinter-sister, 
Rach.... I gotta be honest. I love you, and I think without you these last years or so, I don’t think I’d be around. I was in a really bad patch, and thinking things I shouldn’t. I let my thoughts almost win but you pulled me out of there. You helped me in so many ways, you even sent money through the mail cuz of my situation. I feel like I can never thank you enough because you really are my best friend and I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you suddenly disappeared one day. I know work is hard on you, but you’re such a great person and you know what, I’m proud of you. <3
AND THEN THERE’S THE SHIPS OKAY
Thoth and Rachael, Rachael and Rich/Neal, Rachael and--- Wait no that’s it. I think, maybe. We ship a lot, I blame our shipness. lmao Love it all!
@buy-gold-bye, 
Lye! I’m still vastly nervous to chat you up and that’s why I go silent cuz my nerves kick my ass but you are such a cool person! And your art? A++++
@derse-agent,  @wd-blaster,
Heya! I like your stuff! It’s really cool, and I know I owe you some things, don’t worry I didn’t forget! I just want you to know, you’re a really cool blog and thank you for joining the streams at times! LAOS YOUR GASTER IS ADORABLE OKAY
@scientistofthevoid, 
AAAAAAH?! For one I totally ship Tenny and Lotus now, I love how Tenny turns to mush at the very sight of my pretty boi. Not to mention t’s us so sugar sweet~! With some deviousness in there. Okay but on top of that, I love your characters, and the art, the fact you have put a lot of effort in your things and you’re a great friend! <3
@xenoasks, 
Okay so, I love your art and the fact your Gaster is different fom others and you put time and effort into your creations and just YESSSSS. It’s amazing, and I love it and you’re really cool!
@stealthnerd
your art is realy cool and you are officially a senpai. I love the way you draw man, and I enjoy seeing you on the dash!
@of2814, 
Apaaaattthhhyyyyyy, I miss ya, and I should deff mesage you more! Omgosh,and always drag you to more streams for you can succumb to the siliiness again! I love your Parallax! Hal and nomal Hal and the one time we rp’d where Venom was also Hal sdsfgb All the good stuff and I STILL REMEBER OUR SHIP OF SIOBHAN AND HAL <3
@theirmercy, 
Okay so we’re still getting to know each other but you are an absolute delight!? AND YOU HAVE AN AMAZING SANS AND I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE AND I’M GOING TO KEEP RAMBLING IN CAPS FOR YOU UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE AN IDOL HUN. <3
@ask-mystery-shack-cipher, 
FOXIE AND HEALER!!! Healer, I love the way you write and Foxie? Hun, I wish I could draw like you. You two are really good friends and I’m sorry I haven’t een overly chatty? But I watch your content all the time! <3 You guys also helped me get rid of a toxic ex-friend and I’m grateful for that, you have no idea! Thank you for giving me strength!
@lastinggaster, 
YOU ARE SUCH A SWEET PERSON!? You drew my boi, you chat with me, we rp- You are a delight! I want to invite you to all the streams and groups and let everyone marvel at your amazingness!
@lackadaisicaldenial, 
Okay we don’t chat as I do with others but I’d love to? I’d love to also thread with you and I’m sorry if I didn’t answer that meme! It’s there staring at me like a deer in the middle of the road omg! But we should plot, on any of my blogs!
@evilgsanchez, 
Okay so I loved our interactions with your Evil Rick and my Rick, I’m sorry that hes inactive right now, I’m trying to rile him back up but it’s just hard for me idk why- (been on an undertale kick tbh, aaaaa) BUT YOU WRITE AMAZINGLY AND BLOW MY FUCKING MIND LIKE OMG, HELLO SENPAI
@elooplvfklhiflskhu, 
We just recently started talking but hey! I love your art from what I’ve seen keep up the amazing work okay? And don’t worry about messaging me, It’s all okay fi you want to :D I dont bite
@rubentheruler, 
**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, screeching** 
Your art is still amazing and I am highly nervous to talk with you but you are a sweety and I aspire to be like you!
@unspeakablyevil, 
I would really like to chat with ya! And plot, and write! You seem to have an amazing Aku and it’s wonderful to see you on my dash!
@void-dad, 
 I love Trashy and I would really like to thread with ya. Your character is cute and well rounded, and I enjoy his story. Plus you’re a good person :D
@purplepimpryda,  
BROTHER OF MINE I LOVE YA. I enjoy how hard you work on everything, even back when you wrote Joker. How we shipped, I still remember every moment despite my shit for brains memory hahaha. It’s wonderful and so are you and I’m glad you got out of your bad situation and are doing better and got things going for ya now! I love you, and I am very proud.
@pinkheartmelodi, 
I LOVE YOUR BLOG OKAY? I read everything ^^;;; Haaa, I do, and it’s great. I’m kind of a side liner and I need to change that becuause Melodi is a cutie and I should totally spam you with more asks!
@paitakoyaki, 
PAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII *SCREECHING INT THE SUNSET*
I miss our clown days, but I love how you draw still and I should message you more often, I miss ya buddy. You were and still are an amazing fiend and I aspire to draw how soft you do, those lines man mmmf, good stuff right there. Also Penance and Sorrow should hang out again.
@blackhxt, 
SILVER HOW DARE YOU SINK ME THIS DEEP INTO VILLAINOUS
YOU MADE ME LOVE SO MANY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE SHIPS, THE LORE, AND I’M SCREECHING AT YOU NOW. Oka but White Hat and Slug yessss, Flug and Black Hat, yesss, but my favorite...
Is the one I never expected. My fanfic’s Bill Cipher, dubbed ‘Glitch’ and Black Hat. I can’t believe they have two kids now and they recently hatched and are going to destroy the world. Cute little guys.
But you’re also a great friend! Seriously, amazing! <3
@cubicscubedemon, 
Okay so I didn’t know anything of your muses but I saw you on the dash and I followed and I DO NOT REGRET THAT BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU TAKE YOUR CHARACTERS AND HOW MUCH STORY YOU PUT INTO THEM AND HOW MUCH WORK AND XKSHJBDCSFVGFMBH YOU ARE AMAZING <3
@storyteller-arc/ @smol-goop, 
*inhale* B O I. Okay but on a serious note I love your Gaster, I love your oc. Storyteller, Gaster Grim likes them but not only that they managed to get Thoth to like them, he also likes smol as well. You have a really good character set it just attracts my characters like a magnet hahaha
Not to mention you are a adelight! Absolute delight!
@hannah-the-small, 
*takes a deep breath* HOW CAN I EVEN BEGIN TO WRITE ON YOU!?
You are an idol to me. You are someone who has developed their entire set of ocs so much that I wish I could put that much effort without feeling nervous like hot dayum. You have suhc a good thing going, and I ust wanna punch Dick, hug him as well, punch him again- and also adopt ames and Hannah, and Eight- and the heroes, and Black Hat, and Dave, and all of them and HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME LOVE ALL THESE BBIES
@glitchster404, 
GLITCHSTER IS ADORABLE!
I really do love how sweet they are and also the thread on Sans how he was commanded and i ended up being really cute and I just lve it all. You also have wonderful art and you are really dang sweet, <3 <3
@billrick, 
okay....okay... I love your entire thing going on with ER, and I would love to write with you. I don’t even care what blog omgosh because you are an absoute steklar star on here, and Imma call you senpai til you perish cuz DAMN. Look at those headcanons, DAYUM look at those posts and stories and AUs and the past and 70 years worht of stuff and AAAAAAAA
A M A Z I N G 
@a-vf-vi-tf-ti,  @deep-black-dreaming​
AAAAAA? I love your ocs, I love our rps and ideas on discord but we should deff rp here on tumblr again! Lemme drag you down with me on here muhahahahah, ALSO YOU’RE ANOTHER CULPRIT FOR GETTING ME DEEP INTO VILLAINIOUS AND I LOVE IT
@omnituent,
*stares at you deeply, squints*
Imma kick your Black Hats ass again just you watch. BUT ON A SIDE NOTE! OMG CAN WE THREAD ON HERE TOO? Discord is wonderful man man, I’d love to take it to tumblr, if you’re okay with that! I’ll even dust off my WH just for that reason :D
@igxitixn
You’re character seems swet and we should send some asks to each other ore often! I hope you’re having a wonderful day and I would love to get to know you more!
@dalearmitage
I know you thanks to Brookie and your character is amazing but I’m highly nervous to bug you nad for that I am very sory and I hope that we can chat more!
@an-ordinary-roach,
You have such a cute oc and I want to know all about them! We thread here on Tthoth and Grim but man I’d spam you with even Eddie Gluskin if you’d want :D Or Jack, but Jack scares everyone and so I keep him in th corner hahaha. But the point is, I love your concept and I wanna pet th roachie
@gothamsbruja  
I remember when you were still developing your oc and it was on skype, and she had blue skin but now she covers up the blue skin and she is really great. I think you did amazing with her!
@hsheaddogs
Hey I just met you and aI think you guys are great. Sans and you, really cool! Thanks for joining the stream the other day and I hope to thread with you more! I mean it, and I should say hi to you more often on discord ^^  You seem great!
@gummypeculiar
YOUR CHARACTER IS SUPER CUTE AND I LOVE THEM AND I WOULD LOVE TO WRITE WITH YOU SO MUCH MORE EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY WRITE ON sANS AND I JUST LOVE THEM AND WANNA KNOW ALL I CAN!
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okyio-archive · 6 years
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                                                HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
Hey guys !!! I just wanted to do a little smt smt for y’all (I know it’s like just a doodle (of either u/icon/oc) but I wanted to do smt ?? I can’t make cc / have time to make a grand ol edit so aksdjhf) to show how thankful I am for everyone I’ve met + how I appreciate you guys sm for being super supportive + loving. I didn’t have much time cause I’m going on vacation ( still need to pack haha) + I won’t have access to my game/laptop during the holidays so today was the only free time I had asdjfh. If I had more time, I would have drawn all of you guys buT know that i love each and every one of you because you have made a positive impact in my life and I’m super grateful to have y’all. You matter so much to me and I wish I could give everyone a good ol hug!!! ily + please take care !!
But here’s some ol cheesy ass stuff below (drawings are from l -> r):
@grapfruit :: hONESTLY i dont even need to say anything cause you know how much i love you okay?!?! idk why you stuck w/ me for so long like i’m not even that good of a friend?? like ur super social butterfly + im like a slow fucker at replying but u still stuck w/ me umMM?? legit the v first time u msged me about being from HK i legit fangirled b/c i loved ur sims + style sm and you’re one of the v first frds on here that i really clicked?? like it’s rare for me (even IRL) for me to find ppl im fine w/ but ilysm and i love how we’re super chill tgt + have v similar interests (i mEAN food is #1 priority lets be honest) but I only wish you the best w/ everything in life + i legit care about u sm that i practically adopted u as my sister ok yeah hopefully i can find time to meet up w/ u buT for now ily than ks
@ridgeport :: !!!! margarITA IS2G you’re the best at everything: cc making, story telling, editing okAY you’re the perfect package + i want to thank you for taking the time in doing this + being such a huge part of the community??? i legit can’t imagine this community w/o u?? so thank you for being here + blessing us every day. i hOPE you have a great life cause you deserve everything ok ilysm please have a safe holiday !!!
@chocolat-souffle :: okAY I LOVE HOW WE CLICK SM + we can rant about shit + be open about it + we relate to each other sm?? like our opinions, fashion sense, life in general, food etc?? i’m so thankful that we met on here cause it feels like we would be vvvv good frds if we met irl :’+) ilysm and thNANK YOU again for being so patient w/ me + my slow replies i hope you’re having fun on vacay !!! ilysm okAY
@catplot :: !!!!!! yES U SEE THAT PIXEL THING ON THE CORNER, IT’S OUR FAVOURITE THING AHAHAH bUT I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WE MAGICALLY FOUND EACH OTHER I S2G IT’S FAITH !!! yOURE 100X BETTER ARTIST THAN ME oKAY and I’m wishing the best okA i hope work isn’t too stressful + youre spending a gol ol jolly time w/ ur loved ones ilysm an d i hope we  can continue drawing di!Ck$ tgt for a v long time ily
@meisiu :: i hope you’re doing well w/ ur finals :’+) !! i can’t believe we have sm in common (animal crossing, bujo, sims, canto culture????) like i legit would lOVE to spend more time getting to know you but i just want to rave bout how sweet you are + your builds always amazes me?? i love them sm + once your finals are done, i hope you’ll spend a good time w/ ur loved ones :’+) !! tysm for posting your content everyday !! ily
@whiite-tea :: !!! you’ve been my legit #1 cheerleader since like the beginning. legit you msg me on the daily to make sure + check up if im okay + i’m really thankful for that??! you’re always here supporting me + others + put others first before yourself adsfj yoURE TOO KIND LOVE OKAY?1 remember youre loved + i hope school’s not too stressful :+( !! ilysm !!
@1tens :: yEAH OKAY JES LIKE ILY?? I WANT TO GET TO KNOW U BETTER BUT I KNOW WE’LL BE COOL FRIENDS CAUSE UR SO SWEET + I LOVE UR STYLE SM ??! LIKE U MAKE THE CUTESTS SIMS EVER + UR STYLE + EDITS ARE TO DIE FOR!!!! and you take the time out of your day to comment on like everyone’s post + you’re adorbs okay? im only wishing you the best + tysm for supporting love ilYSM :’+)))
@twikkii :: i drew nissi if you’re okay w/ that :’+) !! but i s2g you’re the cutest ever and my heart is always thinking about you okay?! you make the cutest edits + gameplay pics ever i legit get so excited whenever you post. you’re so sweet + kinda to others & i’m always wishing that you’re doing okay !! ilysm + i’m so thankful i met you- you really taught me things + i appreciate you sm kjadhf have a good holiday love :’+)
@dnasz :: okay honestly everything you post is so cute + aesthetically pleasing?! your builds are amazing (like wanna teach me lOL??! i legit jaw dropped when u post ur most recent ones) + you’re super sweet + kind to others. everyday i look forward in seeing you post cause i know it’ll be amazing :’+) i hope you’ll have a great holiday love !!! 
@simsao :: the fact that you match colours so well is inspiring. I’ve always struggled w/ colours + your posts are so unique that it has challenged me to step from my comfort zone + try to explore + play around w/ it more?! so thank you sm for posting + i love your aliens uGH!! your edits are super unique like idk how else to describe them but i love them sm. + your self sim ones atm are my fav omg we legit have sm in common akjsdhf bUT thank you sm for posting + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)
@smubuh :: ABBY!!! okAY i’ve raved about you before but you’re such a sweetheart and a person I really do aspire. You’re kind, hardworking and have a beautiful mind + soul. I rarely look up to anyone but I can safely say you’re one of them !! Thank you for bringing so much to the community - you’ve taught us so much (esp when you have a super busy schedule). I hope you have a great holiday w/ your loved ones + your family :”+) ily !!!
@4fig :: !! i hope you’re doing well w/ ur exams love !! i know i’ve told you so many times but you’re one of the few reasons why i joined this community - your edits are legit my aesthetic ?! every time you post i’m always in aw because you create the most beautiful sims + your editing style is one of my favs. i honestly would love to get to know you better once you’re done w/ everything but you’re really kind + sweet + i only wish you the very best :’+) have a great holiday love !!
@faeflowr :: yeah your edits are my fav okYA?! scratch that EVERYTHING you post is beautiful :’+) your sims, gameplay, edits - they’re all amazing + I love them sm. bUT most importantly you’re so pretty iRl omg?! if i had to choose who’s my fav simblr posts are itll be you cause i love everything you do + your aesthetic is legit exactly what i love aksjdhf ily !! i hope you have a great holiday :+)
@ughplumb :: yEAH ILL FOREVER CALL U UNFPLUMB CAUSE YOU’RE FKING BEAUTIUL I SWEAR U CAN BE A MODEL OK idk why you aren’t like ?? i love how you make ur sims cause i can never make good sims like yours - they’re all beautiful just like you ;’+) aND im excited for you to post but take your time okay ?!? tysm for being here + ily !!! i hope you have a great holiday !!
@mooon-sims :: yeah who do i go to when i need a lookbook?? your styles the best ? i love your new editing style + im so glad youre still here :’+) i know it gets tough esp w/ collage apps + school but im so proud of you okay?1 you’re a strong fighter + im glad you still pull through in posting !!! ily + remember to keep doing you okay?! have a great holiday love :’+)
@blarffy :: !!! okAY YEAH EVERYTHING YOU DO IS PERFECTION AND LIKE EVERY1 CAN BACK ME UP HECK U HAVE LIKE 128736 SPOUCES LINING UP OUTSIDE THE CHAPEL RN bUT thank you sm for posting ?! i know we dont talk that often but youre super sweet (maybe it’s a canadian thing?!? LOOL jokES) but i would love to get to know you better cause youre fking bomb?! thank you for blessing us w/ ur content + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)
@pink-tea :: okAY I MISS YOU AND YOUR POSTS !!! i swear youre so sweet + i love your aesthetic so much ajksdhf buT youre still here always supporting me despite having a super busy life so i thank you for that !! i’m always here supporting you + waiting till you post cause i miss them sm :’+((( i hope youre doing well regardless + remember i always love u !! have a great holiday love!!
@liltofu :: !!! i love lov elove your aesthetic + sims + style so much?! every time you post i get really excited cause you never disappoint? i’m always so jealous of your editing style cause it’s legit my fav thing ever alskdfj + i use like 99% of your recolours cause u pick out the best things to recolour?! bUT i hope youre doing well !! ily + have a great holiday love :’+)
@dust-bubbles :: awh man you’re always here spreading love + i swear youre my lil sunshine :’+) thank you for taking the time out of your day for sendin me love?! like i always smile when you do + i appreciate your unconditional support sm !! i’m wishing you the very best in life cause you deserve it ?! ily + i hope you have a wonderful holiday :’+) 
@nolan-sims :: i just want to say thank you so much for the ongoing love + support you give + show to the community. not only are you super sweet + caring but you take the time out of your day in making cc for us?! so thank you for being part of this community - i really appreciate you sm + i only wish good things happen to you + everyone around you :’+) ily + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones !!
@ayoshi :: okAY you’re the sweetest little bean ever + your fashion sense is amazing okay ?! i have ALL your cc downloaded so thank you sm for being part of this community + blessing us w/ ur bomb ass cc + edits :’+) i appreciate sm the time + dedication you take out of your day to make stuff for us !! im only wishing you good things + i hope you’ll have a great holiday !!
@obi-uhie :: i WISH I COULD ROCK YOUR CONFIDENCE OKAY ?! you legit inspire me sm + i love how unique your sims are okAY?! keep doing you + i love everything you do :’+) i hope youre having a great holiday love !!
@suspiciouslypinklady :: !! youre so sweet + i love your confidence?! i’m super thankful for the love + support you always give whenever things get tough + i appreciate it sm. it makes things a lot easier + you’re seriously such an angel. i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones b/c u deserve the v best !!
@viiavi :: okay i just want to say thank you sm for the love + support you give whenever shit hits the fan LOL your kind words + msgs really help me a lot whenver things aren’t the best so I thank you for that. thank you for being so kind, thoughtful + caring to everyone in this community :’+) i really appreciate that sm + i hope you keep doing that !! i hope you have a great holiday !!
@dicoatl :: i swear youre always so kind to others ?! im so sorry you’ve been getting so much negativity these days but i know you’re a super strong person who’s doing their very best + im super proud of you okay!! ive been loving your new edits recently + it really shows youre experimenting a lot + it looks amazing :’+) so thank you for being here okay? have a great holiday !!!
@oakglow :: catherine !! your editing + story telling is amazing?! i mean i can’t write for shit LOL but i love it whenver your post esp knowing you’re busy w/ life. so thank you for that :’+) i hope you + your loved ones a great holiday !! 
@simmerjade :: jADE I MISS YOU !!! I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL !! you’re one of the v first friends i made here in this community + ik youre super busy rn w/ life but im so glad we’ve met ?! i hope life’s treating you v well + youre not too stressed out from school - i know you can do it :’+) im always here supporting you whatever you do + remember ilysm !!! have a great holiday love !!
@waffle-pxels :: i know we dont talk that often but the times we do youre so kind ?! tysm for being here + supporting me :’+) i really appreciate u sm + i hope youre doing well !! have a great holiday love !!
@simharaa :: i MISS YOU SM OKAY aND I S2G I HOPE YOURE OKAY !! again my heart goes out to you + your family but please take care okay?! you’ve been here since day 1 + i’m super glad we’ve met cause the times we’ve talked i truely treasured sm :’+) i’m loving your edits + im so glad youre back posting again !! i hope you + ur fam a speedy recovery + remember ily !! youre a strong bean !!
@simsluname :: lunA!!! your gifs are amazing + i love how we grew tgt in this community ?? i remember we both started off together + been supporting each other since the v beginning when we joined this community :’+) thank you for being here + blessing us w/ ur gameplay pics + teaching us how to gif ?? like w/o you i wouldn’t have learned ajksdfh so thank you for that & ilysm you’re so cute !!! have a great holiday love !!
@alternacorn-sims :: you’ve been a long time supporter and i’m super thankful for you?! you’re always here liking my stuff + sending positive vibes + love :’+) i hope youre doing well !! please keep doing you + remember that i appreciate you sm :’+) tysm for being here + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones!!
@expressgo :: thank you for being so patient w/ me ?!! i’m a super slow replier but we manage to be able to talk + i’m so glad we do?! thank you for reaching out to me at the beginning + i really enjoy talking to you:’+) youre super sweet + we can talk about like everything ?? your cats are adobs + i wish you the best + happy holidays :’+) ily !!
@hazelios :: i seriously have all your cc downloaded in my folder + i appreciate it sm whenever you post content + cc for the community :’+) so thank you for that !! you’re always super kind + sweet whenever we talk and i only wish you the very best !! ily + i hope you have a great holiday !!
@simsthatsparkle :: !!! you’ve been like one of my og supporters for a v long time and i’m super thankful for you being here?! i can’t imagine the love + support i get + idk how else to express my appreciation asjkdfh i only hope you the best + ily !! i hope you have a wonderful holiday love :’+)
@femmesim :: okay you’re a hUGE inspiration to everyone in this community + i’m so thankful that youre here?! your edits + story telling is breath taking + it hits me all the time when you post ?! so thank you sm for creating bomb ass content + telling stories that aren’t often told. please keep doing you!!! i hope you have a great holiday :’+)
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paradox-oflife · 4 years
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MASSIVE q and a post pt 2 dont mind me
 part 2 of the q and a sessions I have to do for class. feel free to steal
1. What do you typically have for breakfast? Bread or cereal
2. Do you like scary movies? Only if I’m watching them with friends.
3. Whats your favourite Milkshake flavour? Vanilla/oreo or something like that. Actually, strawberry and mango is really good.
4. Have you ever been in a newspaper? My school was one time, but not me personally.
5. How long can you balance on one foot? Pretty long. I don’t know, but pretty long.
6. Have you ever fired a gun? No and I hope I don’t have to. 
7. Have you ever tried archery? Yeah. Much harder than it looks.
8. Whats your favourite condement? Ketchup. Mayo only for some sandwiches.
9. Whats your favourite clean word? Catharsis
10. Whats your favourite swear word? I used to swear a lot but I dropped the habit.  “Shit.” But I mainly say “Bugger” lol.
11. Whats your least favourite word? I am so sorry but I HATE it when people call their husbands “Hubby”. I just can’t I’m sorry.
12. What was the last film you saw? Gladiator (2000). Iconic.
13. What football team do you support? Um. Idk. 49ers? But of course, I live in the Bay Area so.
14. Whats the longest you've gone without sleep? 28 hours. At the 20 hour point I felt like I was in a weird fever dream.
15. Whats the tallest building you've ever been up? Taipei 101.
16. Do you have any scars? Yeah. Fell from my bike when I was like, eleven. I got a big scratch near my eye. Had to get stitches >:(. I also got scratched by a cat and it looks like a self harm scar. It’s not, I promise
17. Do you like marmite? EW EW EW NO
18. Did you ever win any sportsday events? Powderpuff if it counts!
19. What did you want to be when you grew up? I had to think about this recently. I always wanted to be a vet when i grew up. But it’s hella competitive. Also my colorblindness (blue-green) really screws things up sometimes. So I decided to abandon the dream and do Physical Therapy lol.
20. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? A lot of things actually. But maybe having ADHD? But I also really want to not be colorblind.
21. Whats the longest you've ever grown your hair? The longest was to lower half of my back.
22. Are you scared of flying? Airplanes - no. Skydiving - yes.
23. Would you rather trade some intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? I’m very average looking, which is subjective. But I think I’m okay. I’d want more intelligence.
24. Have you ever tie-dyed your own clothes? Haha yeah in a summer camp for 3rd grade.
25. How often do you buy new clothes? Only if I have to, or I really want to. Like I mainly wear graphic T-shirts and I really want to get a Stardew Valley shirt.
26. Are you reliable? Depends on what. Reliable for secrets and stuff like that? Yeah, totally. Reliable in terms of work stuff. Mm debatable.
27. Are you proud of yourself? I can recognize good qualities about myself. I’ve been through a lot. I’m still doing alright! So Yeah, I get a gold star for being alive.
28. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Yes this is lowkey embarrassing but... in 10th grade, this girl came up to me and asked me out. And I’m straight. It was SO awkward I had to reject her AAAAH. I said something like, “Oh... haha... um. I’m flattered but I don’t... swing that way.” god im cringing.
29. If you could ask your future self one question what would it be? Probably like. “Are you doing well” or “Are you happy”
30. Do you hold grudges? Nah. I probably am too chill with things sometimes.
31. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature what new animal would you create? A dog/bird hybrid. Best case scenario, I’ll get a dog with wings. Worst case I’ll get a duck with paws or something.
32. Do you decorate the outside of your house for christmas? Nope.
33. Can you solve sudoko puzzles? Yeah but it takes me SO LONG.
34. Have you ever played conkers? (Whoever wrote this template must be british) Nope.
35. Whats the most unusual conversation you've ever had? It digressed from politics to philosophy to weird things like are monkeys capable of thought. It was one of the best convos I ever had.
36. Are you much of a gambler? No I’m way too indecisive. So naturally I suck at Fire Emblem lol.
37. Are you much of a daredevil? Nah. I’m a coward.
38. Are you a good liar? Only for small stuff. I try not to lie.
39. Are you a good judge of character? Pretty decent.
40. Are you any good at charades? Yikes not really.
41. How long could you go without talking? One day. Two days at most.
42. What has been your worst haircut/style? My little kid bowlcut every asian gets when they’re a baby.
43. Can you iceskate? Yeah, but I haven’t done it in a long time.
44. Can you summersault? Yeah, it’s a bit scary ngl.
45. Whats your favourite joke? THERES TOO MANY DAMN IT.
46. Whats been your best present? A heartfelt card from my friend for my birthday. I’ll take that over anything.
47. Whats been your worst present? One Ferrero Rocher.
48. Have you ever sleepwalked? No.
49. Can you build a house of cards? Nope.
50. Whats your favourite TV advert? The Gorilla Glue advertisements are SO FUNNy
51. Can you play poker? Never tried before
52. If your parents hated your partner you currently loved would you ditch him or carry on with him despite the protests? I would probably carry on. Cause I mean, what can they really do?
53. Have you ever been professionally photographed? Nah. I am not photogenic lmao. 
54. Have you ever baked your own cake? One time and it turned out horribly.
55. Whats your favourite pastel colour? I really like the blue one.
56. What traditionally adorns the top of your christmas tree? My family and I don’t celebrate Christmas.
57. What would be your dream sandwich? Turkey, lettuce, cheddar, butter, baguette bread. Lee’s Sandwich combo #1 is SUPER good.
58. Can you inpersonate anyone famous? Not well lol.
59. Can you do any accents other than your own? American southern, New Zealand, Australian, the Received pronunciation British. I can kind of do Scottish.
60. Do you have a strong local accent? I have this weird mix of the general American accent and New Zealand. By that I mean I sound pretty American until words like “seven, definitely, yeah, bro, pro”
61. Whats your favourite accent? For listening: Australian. To talk in, Scottish.
62. In Tic-Tac-Toe which do you normally pick? X
63. Do you prefer blue or black inked pens? I have a hard time distinguishing between the two.
64. What was the last thing you recorded off TV? I don’t actually record shows on TV. Never figured out how to.
65. What was the last thing you dressed up as for fancy dress? Church. Well, it’s not that fancy. My last actual fancy one was for a wedding.
66. Do you prefer green or red grapes? Green.
67. What do you like on your toast? Butter or jam.
68. Do you prefer liquid soap or bars of soap? Liquid. Easier to deal with.
69. How do you have your eggs? Sunny side up or scrambled. Or boiled/soft boiled.
70. Whats your favourite saying? I have a lot. I really like saying, “Pass the bread, here comes the bologna.”
71.Have you ever been in a tug of war? and did you win? Yup! I won. I fell so hard on my back but I won.
72. Can you stand on your hands unassisted? Nope.
73. What do you have on your fridge door? Some goofy magnets.
74. Do you love or hate myspace? I only used it once. And never again.
75. Who was the last person to knock/ring at your door? My dad’s uncle who was visiting.
76. How old were you when you last went trick or treating? Nine years old.
77. Have you ever been bobbing for apples? No lmao I’ve actually never seen anyone do that in real life.
78. Whats your most expensive piece of clothing? Hoodie. Man, do they cost a lot sometimes.
79. Whats the last thing you took a picture of? A meme from reddit.
80. Whats the last thing you drew a picture of? A MF Doom mask
81. Have you ever bought anything from ebay? No.
82. Whats your favourite smell/scent? Bread baking in the oven.
83. Can you blow bubbles with bubblegum? No, never been successful.
84. What was your favourite birthday? My fourteenth birthday. Lots of things happened. Can’t begin to explain it.
85. Can you curl your tounge? Yeah
86. Is your bellybutton an innie or outie? Innie
87. What would be your dream car? I literally don’t care. Toyata, Honda. Whatever.
88. Are you left or right handed? Right handed, but I can kind of write in left hand.
89. What was the last book you read? Joy Luck Club
90. What was the last song you danced to? Uuuuh, more of a head bang but I was BOPPING to Jimi Hendrix.
91. Have you ever owned a yo-yo? Yeah and I broke it in five minutes.
92. Have you ever been on a pogo stick? No that looks so scary
93. Have you ever been on a space hopper? Had to search this up - Been on something similar.
94. Who was the last person to send you a text message? My brother
95. Have you ever accidentally injured anyone? Omg yeah it wasn’t serious but I felt so guilty. I did fencing a while ago and I lunged and stabbed the mate right in the balls.
96. Are you scared of spiders? Yes
97. Can you down a pint (of anything) in one? Ive done it with water and I felt like dying.
98. Have you ever been banned from a public place? Nah
99. How much spam email do you tend to get a week? Dunno, I send it to a separate email that I never check.
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haeroniel-doliet · 6 years
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dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 
kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 
okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships
lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 
ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 
lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 
okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 
(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 
kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 
anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 
internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 
the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)
okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.
ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.
wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 
but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 
side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 
anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.
so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 
kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 
basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 
anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 
anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 
mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 
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