widower yuuta who already has a son ☹️ you’re walking your dog and a little boy runs up to you asking you a hundred questions about your dog’s name and what breed they are and if he can pet your dog… and you’re having a wonderful little conversation with this sweet little boy, who is surprisingly so well spoken and well mannered… until the man you presume is his father finally finds him and is apologizing to you up and down about how his son got out of his sight for barely even a minute… but of course you assure him you don’t mind. And yuuta watches with a relieved smile as you, bent down to his son’s height, just keep chatting away with a smile
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sad thoughts/rant below cut feel free to ignore I just wanna let all this out :)
I just wanna be someone’s favorite.
The one that makes someone happier above all else. Someone irreplaceable to that person. If you have a problem, you only wanna go to me.
I want someone to want me more than anything or anyone else in the world.
I just want to make someone happy, happier than anything else in the world could. When they see me, they’re overcome with joy, a joy nobody or nothing else can give them.
I want to make them feel safe. They know that if they’re with me, nothing can hurt them. I won’t let it. They can’t just go to anybody for this.
I need them to feel this most strongly about me. Because they love me. And I know they’d do the same for me.
When I see them, I am filled with joy. A joy no other person or thing can give me. I know I’m safe around them. They won’t let anything hurt me.
Just me and her. Nobody else and nothing else can get between us.
(I wrote most of this about a month ago at 1 am lmao)
But no. There’s always someone else better than me. Someone always means more to someone else than me. I’ve never been the favorite. I’ve always been an additional friend. Nobody wants to do anything with just me. I’m too awkward and quiet. I’ll always just be an extra friend. Someone you’ll talk to only if nobody else is available.
Like seriously. I only know of one person who has ever looked for specifically me to hang out with, and even that has changed now. Im invited to things, sure, but only when there’s a group that’ll let everyone else be friendly with everyone else.
Which I guess is fine. Like I said, I’m too quiet and awkward to hang out with one on one, unless you’re hoping to just sit in silence the whole time. I love all my friends, and their friends are alright too. It’s the best of both worlds really, they all get to have fun and I get to feel like people tolerate me. Everyone else’s experience would be the same whether or not I was there, nobody would’ve been disappointed if I was or wasn’t there, but I got the joy of being around people.
But still… I really wish I could find someone who just enjoyed my company because they enjoyed my company and not because it’s just nice of them to bring me along.
That’s a lot more than I thought I’d type. Maybe I should see a therapist lmao. Maybe I shouldn’t trust my thoughts after 9 PM. I think that’s about all my thoughts on that. I’m sure there’s more repressed in my brain but I think it’s too tired to release them. Hopefully this is just a tonight thing and not something that lingers for the next week… but we’ll see!
Gnight y’all. Love y’all.
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Tw vent tw homophobia
Remembering the fact that I have to come out about being a part of the lgbt+ eventually is horrifying. Especially since I know it’ll mean that most of the ppl I care about (not online ofc) will hate me and talk crap about me behind my back…
(Sorry I was listening to a song and it reminded of this.)
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