#i should REALLY be doing work right now but feeling extremely unhinged
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Mirror, Mirror | Five
Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.
PART FOUR
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader
Summary: Deleting the video evidence of Wanda's embarrassing confession only goes slightly awry, and in the end, she can't tell if she's relieved or disappointed with herself. Perhaps she can get advice from someone who was once in her position.
Warnings: best friends to lovers. shenanigans. jealousy, jealousy. sexual tension. pining. yearning. sexual thoughts. spicy (tumblr's version). stupid steve. neurotic nat. brat & stinky. bug as in shutterbug.
*explicit version will only be available on Ao3 & will be posted there after series is completed*
Note: There's still an epilogue after this!! But after that, it's done </3
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Wanda jiggles her key through the door with a renewed rush. Her hands are shaky, and she should really just take her time. This wasn't making it go any faster.
Darcy had just dropped her off after they ate their McDonald's meal in the parking lot and was on her way back to get access to her laptop to help Wanda.
Finally unlocking the door, Wanda took her shoes off haphazardly and took off towards your room. Your laptop sits innocently at your desk, unaware of all the havoc Wanda will reap upon it if it doesn't give her access to your email.
She pulls out the chair and sits down before she opens it up. The first thing that greets her is the password page. Wanda pulls out the USB that Darcy gave her and plugs it in. All she can do now is wait since Darcy said she'd text Wanda once she made it home.
The next 15 minutes feel like a bottomless pit of hell. Wanda checks her watch every couple of minutes, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Come on, come on, come on," Wanda huffs quietly. She's extremely paranoid about what you might be doing. It's unlikely you'd be returning home tonight, and even if you were, it'd be a couple of hours from now.
Yet, the unhinged part of Wanda wants to pull out her phone and text you, "Hey, what's up? You're still busy sexing up Raye, right? Definitely not ideal, but you're not checking your emails or on your way home, right?
Wanda wishes she made Natasha go stakeout Raye's house to alert her when you were leaving the place. Before she can think more insane thoughts, her phone vibrates in her hand, and Wanda checks it with speed. It was from Darcy confirming she'd made it home and it'd be any minute now.
Wanda looks up at your laptop screen, pushing her finger against the mousepad to ensure the screen doesn't time out. The USB must give Darcy some kind of access because, true to her word, something does start happening.
Wanda watches the screen with mild interest as a separate window pops up. The background is black, but it's clearly some kind of coding as random words begin running. It takes a few minutes, but then asterisks fill your password box. It only takes 3 times before the right password is entered and Wanda's gained access.
"Yes!" She celebrates before she sends Darcy a quick text.
Wanda pulls up your email and finds the latest one sent to you is a link to a Google Drive. There are many videos and some photos, but Wanda recognizes herself in one of the thumbnails and clicks on it.
"I don't see what's so great about Raye—"
Wanda immediately stops playing it, unable to bear the embarrassment of hearing herself. She quickly deletes the clip, also going to the trash bin to make sure it's permanently deleted. Wanda checks everything several times to ensure there are no other clips and any trace of her confession is gone.
Mission completed.
Relief floods her system, knowing that the clip has been deleted.
Wanda closed everything she opened, making sure she changed the status of the email to unread. Once everything is as it was, Wanda closes your laptop and unplugs the USB.
Stuffing the USB into her pocket, she's about to send another text to Darcy when Wanda hears the front door open, and you call out her name. You must've seen her shoes at the door, but Wanda still doesn't answer. She hears you walking back down the hallway toward your room and panics.
Oh, god, she couldn't walk back out that door without bumping into you, and she couldn't jump out the window either with them living on the 10th floor.
Oh, fuck, what does she do? Wanda's panicking as she shakes her hands in hysteria and looks around frantically.
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Wanda carefully makes her way to your closet, but it's filled wall to wall with your clothes, and the floor is filled with your shoes and other boxes. There was no room to hide in there.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Wanda's walking around your room and has no idea where to hide. She looks at your bed and internally groans. Dropping to her knees, she scoots herself until she's fully underneath, flat on her stomach, but her head is kept off the floor. She quickly opens her phone and turns it from vibration mode to silence—Wanda refuses to be caught. She would rather die than even try and explain all of this.
The door opens, and Wanda only gets a few of your slippers as you make your way back to your desk. She hears a soft clank on the desk, and Wanda can only assume it's the mug of tea you have every night.
Wanda hears you sigh quietly as you seem to settle in for the night. This is not good. This is fucking terrible.
Wanda can't tell how long she's been stuck under your bed. She's too worried about moving and accidentally making a noise. All she hears is the soft music playing and your mouse and keyboard clicking.
Suddenly, her phone lights up with a notification. It's a text from you.
Wanda bites her lip, trying to decide if she should answer. Ultimately, she decides she should because it's possible you might try to call her if she doesn't, and she definitely can't answer it if you do. Wanda would also feel bad about not answering you if you're worried.
But, god fucking dammit, she's going to have to lie. Again.
Wanda hears a breathy chuckle from you and tries not to smile.
Fuck.
Wanda doesn't know if she should say yes or no. If she says yes, will you wait until she gets home? Wanda can only dread how long she might be stuck under your bed.
The chair you're sitting scrapes against the floor a little. A reply doesn't come for a few minutes, and Wanda wishes she could see what you were doing.
Wanda stares at the text, trying to see if she can decipher your tone from just the words alone. It's something you've told her countless times when she told you she'd be staying at Vision's place. Yet, somehow, this feels different.
You stop replying to her after that. It's both a relief that Wanda could stop digging herself into another hole and a torture she's left without much to do again.
Wanda checks some of her other texts and replies to them, but her battery life is getting exceedingly low, and she doesn't want it to die on her accidentally if you do decide to text her again.
The last time she opened the phone to check the time, an hour and a half had passed. There's almost a desperation to give herself up and come clean to relinquish herself from the sheer boredom, but Wanda holds strong since she reasons she'd already made it this far.
"Hmm," Wanda hears you let out a deep hum. The mouse clicks a few times, and Wanda wishes she could see what you were staring at.
Definitely not her confession video; that much comforts Wanda.
God, she's bored. She's so bored that the fear has long left her body.
It's a miracle when Wanda hears you get up and stretch, a few cricks released from your back. You leave the room, and Wanda hears the bathroom door shut.
Wanda scrambles to get out from under the bed, nearly hitting her head 5 times. She quickly tiptoes out of your room, heading for the front door and opening it. Just as you're coming out of the bathroom, Wanda shuts the door as if she's just gotten in.
"Wanda, is that you?" You call from the hallway.
"Yep! You're still up?" Wanda calls back, laughing nervously to herself about how stupid this all was, but relief she was clearly getting away with it.
"Yeah, just thought I'd get a start on the editing stuff for Tony," you say as Wanda walks towards you.
"Oh, cool," Wanda doesn't inquire further but says, "I thought you were staying at Raye's tonight?"
"Oh, uh," you seem surprised that Wanda asks. "I was having a hard time falling asleep on her bed. The mattress is too soft and gives me the worst cricks."
"Oh," Wanda nods, knowing that your mattress is memory foam but on the firmer side.
"What about you?" You ask back. "Didn't go home with Darcy?"
"Uh, no," Wanda fumbles slightly. "Uh, it was good, but I, uh, was getting a slight stomachache from the McDonald's so I decided to go home."
You frown. "Do you want some tea? Maybe some Tums?"
"Maybe some ginger and honey tea?"
You nod. "Alright, I'll get some ready for you. Why don't you go take your makeup off and whatnot? We could watch some TV before we sleep."
"Oo," Wanda grins. "I think I saw some things come out on Disney+, let's see what they have!"
The rollercoaster of the night comes to a satisfying end for Wanda.
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The next three weeks are odd for Wanda. During the first and second weeks, she was so busy with her clients and a whole PR mess that she barely had time to see you.
She spends more time collaborating with her team about how they will dig one of their clients out of the mess they'd made or if they should just drop the client. She's barely been able to think about her feelings for you and what to do about it.
By the time the third week arrives, everything at work finally slows down, and she has time to herself like a regular person again. Wanda reflects back on her position and the entire video-deleting debacle.
With the fear and adrenaline long gone, Wanda can't actually tell if she's disappointed that you haven't discovered her feelings. Would things have just been easier if you had watched the video?
At the very least, it might be better in the sense Wanda wouldn't be stuck in the same place.
Wanda's sitting on the couch, lazily trying to focus on her book but can't with her mind continuously drifting. You haven't been home as of late—Wanda only realized you've been out a lot for a week and a half now.
Sighing, Wanda closes her book. She was getting bored again. You wouldn't be home until later, and she already spent an hour on the phone with Natasha earlier.
Just as Wanda was about to text you to ask if there was any possibility you'd be home earlier, the front doorknob jiggled, signaling someone was putting in their key.
Wanda smiles, hoping she'll see you walk through the door, but smiles even wider when she sees who walks through it.
Getting up from the couch, Wanda runs and jumps, latching onto the person.
"Oof," the voice was gruff.
"Bucky!" Wanda yells excitedly as Bucky catches her, wrapping his arm around her to ensure she doesn't fall, even though her legs are around him.
"Hi, nutball," Bucky says, but his mouth is muffled by Wanda's shoulder and some of her hair.
Wanda slowly slides back down onto the floor, taking a good look at Bucky. Of all the people she adores besides you, Bucky is at the top of her list, along with Natasha, which is why they both have key fobs to the apartment.
Bucky kind of reminds her of Pietro in certain ways, if Pietro would ever grow up and get a little serious. Bucky seems to know that and has cared for Wanda in Pietro's stead now that the guy has left for Europe since they turned 18.
"When did you get back?" Wanda asks. "Why didn't you call? I would've arranged to pick you up from the airport."
"It's fine. Steve picked me up from the airport and we relaxed a little bit before he had to leave to the station to do some kind of sketch for a case," Bucky says as he takes off his shoes.
They wander back into the living room space and take a seat. Bucky had brought her some coffee and pastries that Wanda delighted over.
"So," Wanda says after a sip of her coffee. "How was California?"
"Hot," Bucky smiles.
"You said you were going to train an upcoming actor in a movie, right?"
Bucky nods, sipping his own coffee. "Yeah, some new superhero movie. Pretty young; I think he just turned 18. Definitely now super ripped for an 18 year old," Bucky laughs.
"Does he need a PR agent?" Wanda grins.
Bucky rolls his eyes with mirth. "Probably not since he has his manager handling everything, but I did pass your card along."
"You're good people."
Bucky snorts, and they spend another half hour catching up before he finally comes to the topic he's been waiting to discuss. "You know, Steve brought up something interesting."
"Oh, yeah?" Wanda raises her brow.
"Steve was bringing up how Bug seems to be seeing someone," Bucky says slowly. "And she looks a lot like you...like everyone else Bug has dated."
Wanda lets out a huge groan. "Steve should eat rocks and jump into the ocean."
Bucky laughs, leaning back onto the couch, and smiles. "So? What do you think?"
"About what?"
Bucky gives her a side-eye, and she groans quietly this time.
"Fine," she grumbles. "It was strange to realize, but like, a good strange. I don't know. I want...I want her to look at me."
Wanda's blushing at the admittance to Bucky. It makes her feel shy, but also good that someone else close to her knows and will be on her side.
"Have you confessed?"
"Not exactly."
"Ah, so you haven't done shit except probably rope people into your weird schemes that turn out poorly."
Wanda's jaw drops. "I have not—okay, well, I mean, I wouldn't say they turned out poorly." She would never tell Bucky about the videotaping incident. She was taking that to her grave.
Bucky eyes Wanda, taking in the small expressions on her face and the muted longing in her eyes as she picks at her nails. "You're so much like me, sometimes I'm convinced that you're actually my little sister," Bucky grins, and Wanda mirrors him. "Don't tell Pietro that, though. He's gets so jealous."
Wanda just gives him an, 'obviously,' look.
"When I started realizing my feelings for Steve, I didn't say anything for a long, long time, and I've known I've liked Steve since we were boys making mudpies," Bucky leans his head back against the couch, the coffee resting between his hands on his stomach. "I kept thinking about what if Steve didn't feel the same? And then there was the whole Peggy situation, and I didn't want to break that up."
"You're better than me," Wanda sighs. "I would break them up in a heartbeat if I knew how she felt about me."
Bucky can't hold his laugh in for that but continues on. "I think a lot of those fears I had paralyzed me. I kept thinking I'd have more time and there was a right moment, or if I did certain things, Steve would feel the same. I just had to wait it out."
"So, what happened?"
Bucky gave her a wan smile. "Steve and Peggy, even though they'd be on and off, were getting more serious. One night, Steve told me he was thinking about proposing."
"What?" Wanda's jaw drops. She's never heard of this. "But obviously he didn't because you guys are together now."
"Yeah," Bucky laughs, "because I totally freaked out. I started saying he couldn't and then kissed him, and then started crying. It was a mess."
"Oh, god," Wanda rests her hand against her mouth. She could totally see herself doing that to you if you said the same thing. Now, she's starting to freak out if you're getting serious with Raye.
"I think you know what I'm getting at," Bucky says, turning his head to look over at Wanda, and she feels vaguely uncomfortable. "You need to say something—now. There's no perfect timing. There's nothing extra you can do to magically know, and you're not gonna always have more time."
Wanda lets her head fall back against the couch, closing her eyes. They start to sting with tears, and she feels that same fear creep into her belly. Yet, Bucky's words resonate with her, and she suppresses that fear until it settles into a muted nervousness.
"Fuck, I swear you and Steve planned this."
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Despite Wanda's talk with Bucky, she says absolutely nothing to you when you arrive home late in the evening. Wanda's eyes are glued to the TV, watching How I Met Your Mother absently.
You seemed to have a long day yourself as you carefully sat next to her on the couch.
The air feels weird, and there's a tension in your shoulders. It starts to make Wanda tense until you suddenly relax with a deep breath. You shuffle in your seat before scooting until you're pressed against Wanda's side, resting your head against her shoulder.
The smell of clean laundry and leaves fills Wanda's nose, and she relaxes against you.
"Wanna order in?" You say.
"Yeah," Wanda replies, pulling out her phone to see what she was in the mood for. The two of you quickly place an order and continue to sit in silence, watching the TV.
You seem deep in thought, but you grab Wanda's hand at some point, holding it with keen interest.
Wanda doesn't say anything. Her cheeks and the tips of her ears are warm as you stroke the back of her hand with your thumb. Her heart doesn't speed up, but it begins to thud noticeably harder in her chest.
It continues like that until the food arrives, and it's also eaten in silence with the background noise of the TV. Yet, whenever Wanda looks up, she finds you staring at her, and you don't break eye contact.
It's strange, and it's making Wanda feel somewhat nauseous.
When the food is done and put away, the two of you settle back onto the couch, but Wanda doesn't think she can handle the silence anymore.
"How was your day?"
You turn your head, staring at Wanda, and reply softly. "Okay...how was yours? Bucky told me he stopped by to see you."
Wanda tenses. "Yeah," she mumbles. "It was good seeing him again."
"It's nice that he's home," you nod. "I'm sure Steve is happy."
Steve doesn't deserve to be happy, Wanda pettily thinks. It was his fault that Wanda felt so nervous that she felt like she would puke.
Wanda needs to say something.
She knows she needs to say something now like Bucky told her to.
All those same fears and anxiety creep up, but frustration has also lingered in her since the day she realized her feelings for you.
Wanda's tired, she realizes. She's also sick of saying nothing and watching you be with someone else. She's scared but would rather say something and be put out of her misery than continue saying nothing.
Just as Wanda is about to say something else, you say something first.
"I broke up with Raye."
Just like that, the wind is blown out of her sails, and Wanda's brain stalls. "What?"
"I," you clear your throat, "broke up with Raye."
"When?"
"A week and a half ago."
"And you're just telling me now?"
Your brow scrunches, and you turn in your seat to fully face Wanda as you cross your legs on the couch. You're fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. "Yes...I needed to think."
"Think about what?"
You wet your lips. "If...if it was worth it potentially ruining our friendship for something more."
Wanda's heart drops like an amusement park ride. Her stomach feels the same way it does when an airplane is ascending.
She had all these things she was going to say to you just a minute ago, and now her head was empty, and all she could think about was what you were trying to say.
"I think it is...if you feel the same, which I know you do unless something's changed in the last three weeks."
"How do you know?" Wanda frowns. Then again, she wasn't trying to be sly about it the last few months. Maybe you've finally caught on.
Wait, Wanda pauses. Three weeks? That was when—
You pull out an SD card from your pocket. Wanda's around you enough to know what that is, and her stomach sinks.
"You know," you give her a small smile. "I was trying to edit the video together for Tony the night after the party, but as I was going through the footage, a third of the photos or videos were corrupted."
Wanda thinks back to the USB she returned to Darcy. Dammit, Darcy! That lying, sneaking, betraying—
"I didn't think much of it, but I had to meet up with the videographer to get the original files. You'd never guess what was on there," you smile wryly. "Or maybe you do since you've somehow deleted it from my Google Drive...and corrupted the other files, so I'd have to get the originals. Very conflicting motives I was getting."
"I didn't mean to corrupt the other files," Wanda mumbles. "But you should probably get your laptop professionally cleaned..."
You give her a weird look but chuckle with a shake of your head. "You're super kooky, you know."
"I do know," Wanda rolls her eyes. "I think you know as well."
"I thought I might've seen you on my first date with Raye. That rock that hit that car wouldn't happen to be something you know about, do you?"
"Not at all," Wanda replies quickly. "But if I did, I'm sure the person would want to say she wasn't aiming for the car or your head."
"So, just Raye's head?"
"Once again, not a clue what the intention was as it wasn't me."
You laugh, and Wanda joins in until it fades, and you bite your bottom lip. "I don't know how any of this works, Wanda. I've never dated anyone I consider my best friend."
"I would hope not," Wanda raises her brow at you. "That means someone else was your best friend and you've committed the ultimate betrayal."
You roll your eyes with a mirth and a smile.
"I haven't either," Wanda says softly, slowly turning fully toward you, grabbing your hand, and lacing your fingers together. "But I want to. And no matter what happens, we're gonna be okay. I don't think I'll ever love anyone the way I love you. I think I've loved you for a really, really long time."
"Me too," you mumble, squeezing Wanda's hand, feeling shy. "I don't think I ever really thought about it. I just love you. You're my best friend and I love you."
"Now I'm your girlfriend," Wanda grins, leaning closer and closing her eyes.
"Whoa, okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves now. What if we're not even sexually compatible?"
Wanda pulls back and looks at your face, shocked. It's stony and serious until your lip twitches and Wanda smacks you.
"Ugh, you're such a brat!"
"No, that's you. I'm stinky."
"Stinky."
"Brat."
"Bug."
"Witch."
"Oh, we're bringing back middle school nicknames, are we?" Wanda narrows her eyes at you. You're about to say something else, but Wanda's had enough.
Didn't she think something earlier about being sick of saying nothing? What was she thinking? Saying nothing sounds ideal.
Wanda launches herself across the seat into you, hearing you grunt as she topples you over onto the couch and presses her lips against yours.
It's not a dream this time, Wanda's very sure.
This was much, much better than any dream could give her. It feels better.
Your lips are soft, and you taste faintly like the cookie you split with her earlier.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, Wanda's mind is racing. She's finally kissing you.
Oh my god, she was kissing you!
You were kissing her back!
Wanda kisses you, pressing her lips over yours over and over as your fingers trail over the outside of her thighs and stroke up to her back. You're bolder than her as your fingers dip under her shirt, pressing her against bare skin.
It's thrilling; Wanda almost can't lie still on top of you. Goosebumps are forming, and it's forming everywhere.
You break the kiss, lips caressing her jaw, and scatter light kisses as they trail down her throat.
Your hand moves higher up Wanda's back and pauses.
"No bra?" You raise an eyebrow at her.
"I didn't leave the house today," Wanda mumbles, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple.
You hum. "No complaints here," you resume your caresses of her bare skin but pause again. "Wanna move to the bedroom?"
No, Wanda thinks. She doesn't want to detach herself from this position. She doesn't want your touch or your kisses to stop.
You can tell that Wanda's debating the pros and cons, and you try to persuade her. "A bed will give us more room to do things...and I want to do a lot of things..." You nibble on her collarbone.
Wanda lets out a soft moan, and her toes curl.
"Okay, fine," Wanda acquiesces, getting up and pulling you along with her. "Move quickly, though. No dallying."
"Dallying? I would never," you smile as Wanda pulls you down the hall. "I'll mirror you perfectly."
"I think you always have," Wanda says softly, turning to look at you. "That's why it's taken us so long to get here. We're stupid."
You laugh. "Seems like one of us deviated from our mirror, mirror dance."
The two of you enter Wanda's bedroom, and she falls back onto it, pulling you on top of her.
Your body heat spreads across hers, and Wanda thinks she's dizzy again.
"Good," Wanda mumbles, cupping your face, her thumb stroking your cheek. "I'm tired of us being chickens."
You press a kiss to her, smiling against her lips. One arm wraps around Wanda while the other trails under the front of Wanda's shirt.
"Speak for yourself," your fingers trail higher and higher. "Maybe I'm just stupid." You press another kiss, lingering a moment longer, and then pull away. "Chicken."
"Stupid," Wanda smiles, her lips grazing yours when she does.
"Witch."
"Bug."
"Brat."
"Stinky."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
Wanda feels something so peaceful settle over her. The butterflies in her stomach flutter around from your touch, but she's so happy. She thinks she might cry if she thinks about it too much because this was all she ever wanted.
Wanda focuses on the feel of your hands on her skin instead and how you're making her feel hot. She focuses on the feel of your lips against her skin, the sound of her breaths, and your soft moans.
There's no way the two of you aren't sexually compatible, but Wanda's eager to find out exactly how compatible they are...over and over.
As your lips trail lower and more clothes are removed, Wanda idly thinks that maybe Steve doesn't need to eat rocks and jump into the ocean.
EPILOGUE
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff imagine#wanda maximoff fluff#wanda maximoff x y/n#avengers imagine#scarlet witch imagine#scarlet witch x reader#wanda maximoff fanfiction#modern avengers au#Elizabeth olsen x reader#mm: my fics
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Maybe it’s just the fact that I watched Saltburn (2023) the other day and wow freakishly unhealthy expressions of desire are oh so fascinating to me all of a sudden but I find Luka Alien Stage to be a super compelling morally-dubious character. Hear me out.
The meat and potatoes of Luka’s character isn’t exactly spoon-fed to us through either the Round 5 MV nor Hyuna’s MV (which I appreciate because conjecture is fun) BUT. Given the information that we do have. We know that Luka A) feels desire toward Hyuna B) killed her brother with his bare hands and C) took some sort of sadistic pleasure in doing so. I’m thinking that the reason Luka killed Hyuna’s brother in the first place could have been out of a misplaced jealousy he felt toward him; in this frame we can clearly see that the three of them are close, but Luka appears more removed due to the innate bond between the siblings.
Having been born into a dystopian society colonized by aliens, Luka probably doesn’t have a solid understanding of how human connection works and how their bonds are forged. All he recognizes is his own desire for Hyuna’s attention, and how that desire is directly impeded by Hyuna giving most of her love and attention away to her brother. Luka, unable to grasp that this is a normal sibling attachment, becomes intensely upset by this. Which is then spurred on by the fact that Hyuna doesn’t seem to reciprocate his feelings. Conflict ensues. Brothers are murdered.
This unhinged expression on Luka’s face here is what really clued me in on him having zero concept of the realistic consequences of his actions. He eliminated what he perceived to be his “competition” (something he will soon become very good at) so naturally Hyuna should devote her once divided attention solely onto him, right? Yeah no that kind of psychotic behavior would never produce his desired outcome, so now his playground crush is not only repulsed by his actions but forever traumatized by his person.
However he did (in an extremely warped sense) achieve one of his goals. He certainly has Hyuna’s attention now, but it’s not exactly the positive attention he once longed for. By becoming a sort of celebrity on the Alien Stage, he’s constantly on her radar as someone working to dismantle it. His image exists everywhere that Hyuna operates: broadcasted on television screens and reflected in her sunglasses as she moves through life and past her childhood trauma.
Luka finally has her attention now and she can’t seem to escape it. He’s successfully haunting her.
#Man he is such a freak I want to study him under laboratory conditions#alien stage#luka alien stage#alnst#alnst luka#media analysis#character analysis#Ok no the more I think about it the more bro just seems like a textbook yandere#There’s definitely more going on there that I want to explore especially with the way he receives fame and attention from the public#but as soon as the word yandere appeared in my brain it’s like the clouds parted I saw the light
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You know, if there was one manga that would be adapted to live action and succeed, I never would have guessed it to be this one.
I'm ofc talking about the One Piece Live Action on Netflix
A whole day binge right after release, I was READY, and thankfully, I was not disappointed. There are cuts and streamlining of the story, characters coming in earlier than in the manga/anime, and some of the emotional bits don't hit as hard as in the original. Still, I can feel the love the production team has of One Piece. The characters are goofy and lovable, but they are also serious and straight-faced.
One thing that I noticed throughout was the constant close up to faces and sometimes straight on, as if almost breaking the 4th wall. The very first scene with Luffy is like this, but there he DOES look into the camera directly, but the pov of the camera is revealed to be a newsbird. It's like a statement that they know this is a silly pirate romp, they know that some people will not take this seriously, but they will not do 4th wall breaks silly, but in-universe silly. Does that make sense?
I laughed at several points in the show, big and wide smile on my face and pointing at the screen several times...
But I do wonder how much of my laugh was on the show's on merit or if I was only calling back on the the source material. At times I did feel the straw hat crew not being as iconic as in the manga/anime. The extreme reactions, the over the top noises and actions, at the same time I realize that real people generally don't act like that.
I appreciate the show runners attention to details. Putting stuff in to tease future arcs, adapting some cover stories, some of the complete unhinged behaviors of characters (Garp I'm looking at you!).
This show adapted Romance Dawn, orange town, syrup village, baratie, and arlong park.
There are so many moments that are almost scene by scene taken from the manga. Luffy in the barrel and meeting Koby. Alvida with her giant spike club. We got to see some pre-captured Zoro moments (particularly him killing a baroque works agent!), Nami being a sneak.
Then we meet the one and only clown Buggy! They hammed him up, they made him a showman and a real clown (with a real bulgy nose as well, props!). I loved Buggy. Goddamn what a show stealer. Excellent casting, his devil fruit was show cased so well and it looked good!
Usopp's introduction is the most changed. The kids are gone and the Black Cat pirates never call in the entire crew or Jango. Instead of the fight on the slope by the beach it's instead in Kaya's house from which they cannot escape. The actor for Kuro nailing the mannerism and hand movements, altho his "teleporting" looks a bit wonky.
With Baratie we are finally introduced to Sanji! Who's British now 😆. And Mihawk's introduction tho! Badass and just so over the top and goofy. I love him so much! This is where we got the biggest change where we instead get Arlong and crew coming in smashing the place up (a tiny bit). Arlong may not be as tall as he should be but I love the practical approach instead of CGI, which means he actually feels present! All the fishmen we see are guys in costume and prosthetics!
Arlong Park felt a bit more rushed than the earlier parts, but I do think they nailed *that* scene tho.
If the bar for live action adaptation was below the ground, I would say now there's a new bar, which is on the ground 😅. I think it's a solid show but it might be my bias talking. I do have some gripes tho.
One thing that was constant in East Blue Saga was how much village people hate or are scared of pirates. I think they got the marines right, and the pirates, but they failed to really have the village people be a character in their own right. In the manga and anime the villagers are mostly a monolith who will think and act alike in situations and be part of the happenings either by watching or fighting. We got just about none of it here, except a mention in Arlong Park. They did some really good and cool world building with lots of people populating the sets in the background - but that's it, they're just extras to fill out the screen. There are ofc a few exceptions but I felt it was not enough.
I wish they had Luffy be more agile when using his gum-gum powers. Whenever he springs a pistol or a whip is stands in place, which I found boring (and they did so well with Zoro's fights!). I do think the explanation is that they decided for Luffy to be coming into his powers as we go. That we will learn with him all the things he can do (him not knowing he can blow himself up like a balloon proves this). I hope that in season 2 (please netflix!) they show the growth in his fighting!
But to end this long post. I just wanna say how much I fucking love the dude playing Mihawk. Goddamn he's so fun. MVP.
For the straw hats, I would say that Usopp feels the closest to manga version, and Luffy feels the most distant from it. But I don't dislike this, and I think the actor for Luffy has so much potential to really make the role his own.
It will never be "just like" the manga and anime, but that's ok! It's a new adaptation (in live action) made by people you can tell loves the source material and really really tried to make it work! I respect that, and I respect this show. Please watch it on Netflix! It's a fun and silly time, just like it should be!
#series#one piece#one piece live action#op#opla#monkey d luffy#roronoa zoro#nami#usopp#sanji#dracule mihawk#monkey d garp#buggy the clown#netflix
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When it comes to the mp100 ageswap AU, the most interesting thing (for me, at least) is figuring out how exactly a storyline for it would work - after all, Mob growing up without Reigen would be a totally different guy, right? Well. I have a scenario that I made up in my brain, and I'm going to do my best to explain it below!
[Edit: this ended up being sort of a prologue/backstory, so I suppose.. it's a fic now? I tried to split the sections like chapters/episodes after accidentally writing too much but oh boy this is not what I set out to do]
---------------------
After hurting Ritsu accidentally as children, Mob becomes afraid of his own power, and anxious about using it. He also becomes awkward around others in general, as he cannot imagine being able to stop himself if he accidentally hits ??? and hurts them. Ritsu is upset and angry that Shigeo has decided not to use his powers anymore, and becomes a bit cold toward him for it, but they are friendly with each other for the most part. [This is pretty much unchanged]
During middle school, Shigeo decides to join the body improvement club in order to cast aside the need for most of his powers - if not all, by focusing on his physical body. As Musashi is a kind-hearted guy, the telepathy club is invited to use the room as a place to hang out, as they cannot exist as a club without a room. Mob, who struggles a lot with physical exercise, often ends up spending a fair amount of time around Tome and the others in the club. Although at first he's bitter and cold toward her for thinking psychic powers are a good/cool thing [bitter and cold in his own way, ie "you,, don't understand what you're talking about.. psychic powers are.. dangerous.." sort of energy], eventually her genuine enthusiasm breaks him down, and he agrees to help her search for espers, while himself not expressing that he is one.
At this point, Shigeo and Ritsu don't speak much, but they are amicable toward one another. Ritsu respects that Shigeo wants to improve as a person, but is also filled with anger that Shigeo refuses to use his natural abilities, and even more anger at himself for causing Shigeo to stop using them. Ritsu becomes a bit of a danger to himself and others, and finds himself tricked/persuaded by Onigawara and crew to assist them in an attack on a neighbouring school.
Ritsu (who was only really acting out, but is generally a good guy) freaks out when met with Hanazawa, an esper that wants to hurt others, and realises why exactly his older brother has been afraid to use his powers for so long. Viewing the destruction caused by the newcomer, he engages Hanazawa in a conversation, explaining that he should be more careful with his power, that people will get hurt, and asks that he stop. Hanazawa is extremely angered by this, believing himself to be the main character of the world, and attacks Ritsu. Through an extremely painful and stressful fight, Ritsu's powers are awakened, and elsewhere Shigeo is alerted to the feeling of two espers exerting a lot of power.
However, he would rather avoid joining the fight, and waits for the energy to die down, afraid he'd only make it worse by being a third esper in the fight. Then the house phone rings, so he picks up (as neither of his parents can come to the phone). On the other end is an already very unhinged Hanazawa, telling him that he'd beaten his younger brother in a fight, and had been asked to call him to get picked up. Ritsu's thinking was partially that Shigeo would be strong enough to protect him and take him home safely, and partially that it would help Shigeo come to terms with the fact he can't avoid his powers all his life. He wants his brother to accept his powers, after all.
The call ignites Shigeo's strong feelings of protection over his younger brother, and he immediately gets up to go to where he is and save him. By the time he reaches the school, he's already at a pretty negative point emotionally, quick to become dangerous. Hanazawa is very quickly beaten up, no exchanging of names or invitations of friendship, as Shigeo clearly sees him as an enemy from the get-go (for hurting Ritsu quite badly), and the feeling is mutual (because he lost and has to accept that he's weaker than someone). Shigeo saves Ritsu, takes him home, and passes out from exhaustion pretty quickly (physcial and mental).
--
When he returns to school the next day, his memories of the previous day are hazy, but he feels awful. Tome shows him a clip from the news of a school being destroyed, where she recognises him - and with an added remark of Inukawa remembering that Mob used to say he was a psychic, she asks if it was Shigeo's doing. Shigeo, who is upset by the events he can recall, and the ones he is being shown, becomes anguished - but the members of the telepathy group say that his actions were, in a way, heroic, and he quickly calms down, surprised to hear their positive response. Tome says he kind of overkilled it and shouldn't have destroyed a school, but that he stood up for his brother and protected him, which isn't that bad a thing to do. She then complains about him hiding his psychic powers from her, though she makes light of the situation and says he's probably got his reasons for hiding them, preventing Shigeo from becoming too upset by the scolding. She suggests that he has to become confident with his powers if he wants to be a real hero-type, and tells him to consider what he wants to do with them now that people know. Luckily as the footage captured isn't too clear, the unpopular Shigeo is not noticed, and the goody-two-shoes Ritsu is considered above suspicion. [Teru may or may not have been recognised by his school board, but I'm undecided. I lean toward him being recognised, but eh.]
Mezato is also interested by the news, and begins searching for the 3 people briefly shown in the news clip, who were hard to make out in the footage (Ritsu, Hanazawa, and Shigeo) but she is no amateur. She stumbles across Ritsu and questions him, but he's dark, angsty, and passive, newly awakened to psychic powers after being extremely injured, and a fair bit traumatised from the event. She pens him down as a possible instigator, and through a cryptic line like "my brother was right about having power being a bad thing," she goes to track Shigeo down, who encourages her to stop looking into it, as it's dangerous. She keeps her eye on both of them from this point on, as she has a faint idea that this could be the scoop of a lifetime.
As a result of the fight with Hanazawa, Ritsu starts practicing with his powers in secret. He's powerful, but new to his abilities, and afraid to bump into others like Hanazawa again without being able to use psychic power properly. Especially now that he knows he's weak compared to his older brother, who was vicious during the fight - even if it was in order to protect him. However, while practicing his powers, he is approached by Hanazawa himself, who tells him he can help him train, using the same justification that Shigeo is so overwhelmingly powerful that Ritsu needs to be able to defend himself "just in case something were to set him off again". They do not see eye-to-eye on this necessarily, but Ritsu sees the use in having a talented esper to help him train, and accepts the offer.
Meanwhile, Tome is trying to encourage Mob to be more confident with his powers, and to use them to help others, like a superhero. Although they usually hung out to search for telepaths in the past, she begins using this time to encourage him to help people in ways only he can, such as tripping purse snatchers, calming down lost children, and fixing broken things, all using his innate psychic abilities. Shigeo is learning slowly to use his powers in ways that make him feel good, and eventually, one of the telepathy club members suggests that he should try to exorcise a local ghost they heard about. Tome declares it a club excursion, and they all go to the abandoned building in which the ghost apparently resides.
Once there, they discover two other espers already on the case. Shigeo is surprised to see his brother there, along with the boy who had beaten him up a month or so ago. Ritsu explains that his powers had awoken, and he's been secretly training with Hanazawa, who seems to be intensely afraid of Shigeo. Shigeo asks if this is why Ritsu has barely been home the last few weeks, says their parents are worried, and that he should go home. Ritsu says he can't go home comfortably until he can control his power, "which you should understand, nii-san" and Shigeo is conflicted to learn that he has accidentally made Ritsu fearful of a power he's recently been making peace with.
Ritsu and Hanazawa go on ahead, and Shigeo isn't sure what he wants to do, wanting Ritsu to feel comfortable with his powers, (aka, let him try and exorcise the ghost, as he had intended to for training) but also wanting to send him home and keep him safe. He also feels apprehensive about Ritsu forging a friendship with someone he considers to be a bad person. Tome suggests they follow them, just in case, and Shigeo agrees with her judgement.
The spirit causing trouble turns out to be extremely dangerous, injuring both Ritsu and Hanazawa, as well as the telepathy club members. Shigeo steps in to protect them all from the spirit, and this also means protecting Hanazawa, who has become like a second brother to Ritsu over the last month. Hanazawa suddenly realises that Shigeo is a good person, but Ritsu becomes even more anguished due to his many conflicting feelings about psychic powers - how he couldn't do anything against the spirit, how Hanazawa suddenly seems in awe of his much stronger brother, and how Shigeo is able to destroy the spirit with ease, when neither of them could do anything special.
Hanazawa leaves with Ritsu, whose personality is becoming more twisted by the minute, confused at his feelings toward himself, and with feelings of fear and jealousy toward his brother, who suddenly seems comfortable using his psychic powers. This troubles him, when he had no idea Shigeo had also been 'training' his powers all this time [aka, he's getting it into his own head that Shigeo is intending to get stronger, rather than what we know; that he's trying to gain confidence].
--
Over the next while, he spends less and less time at home, only there to eat with the family - spending most of his time with Hanazawa, who stays by him, having become increasingly worried about his motivations. On the other side, Tome continues to help Shigeo to use his powers for noble causes, while he also continues activities with the body improvement club, which now includes Onigawara, who had witnessed Shigeo defeating Hanazawa and decided to learn more about him, only to enjoy the daily life of the club and become a member for real. [This is a weak plotline, subject to change, but I like Onigawara joining the club ok]
The telepathy club, other than Tome, no longer go with them on ghost visits due to the harrowing nature of the first. Even so, they keep ears to the ground to help them seek ghost rumours out, and are supportive of the good work they do for the locals. Shigeo is happily led by Tome's enthusiasm and strong sense of justice, and continues to help her search for other espers (especially telepaths) while exorcising ghosts and doing good deeds. He relies on her greatly for her personality, and doesn't feel a need to speak up too much - she views him as her equal and follows his judgement around spirits without making him feel uncomfortable.
During high school, despite being separated, Tome and Shigeo continue to work together on weekends. They are known locally as a pair of psychics, even though only one is an actual psychic - Tome is happy to be considered a psychic by association, however, and enjoys helping Shigeo in any way she can while on the job. This usually ends up in her speaking to the people they're helping; dealing with the social aspects that Shigeo finds uncomfortable, while Shigeo focuses his energy on the psychic work. She however does adopt moves such as Salt Splash after discovering that purified salt can weaken spirits, as a mechanism for self defence in dire situations.
At the same time (high school), Ritsu and Hanazawa have begun to pick up a following of espers who feel that their powers have made them alienated from society, and who want to be treated as normal people (the awakening lab crew), who they have begun to train, also. Ritsu has become more twisted by his need to prove his strength and worth against his brother, but is battling his own thoughts on this constantly - his brother would never hurt him, but what if? [Think: the anti-villain who believes they're an anti-hero and blurs the line as they fall deeper into their mess].
Hanazawa stays by Ritsu's side to remind him not to go off the deep end, and to continue helping him understand that Shigeo isn't his enemy [nobody here is a villain technically]. He tries to encourage Ritsu to speak to his brother about his feelings while he still can, but Ritsu (who is aware that his brother is now a local celebrity due to his powers) has become prey to his feelings of inadequacy. He believes he shouldn't speak to Shigeo until he's ready to fight him and defeat him, proving his worth as an esper, and a person. Hanazawa isn't sure that's for the best, but he continues to stay by Ritsu and support him, as he feels responsible for driving Ritsu to believe Shigeo was in any way dangerous when they first met.
-- timeskip to adulthood --
As adults, (around 24/25 [pssh, "adults"]) Tome opens Spirits and Such, alongside Mob, who has no other career path in mind, and is happy so long as Tome deals with people so he doesn't have to. Outside of his work with s&s, he is a bit of a recluse, shy around others, and still a little nervous about the powers he knows he's holding back, mostly staying in his apartment to avoid danger or conflict. Even so, he continues to regularly exercise, and helps the people around town when he can, while trying not to be noticed too much [this Shigeo is more socially anxious due to Tome taking on the bulk of social activity around him while they grew up].
Shou, who had heard of their work, and shares their strong sense of justice and desire to Do Good, comes one day to visit them. He notices very quickly that Shigeo is much more powerful than he lets on, and asks directly if he's content hiding so much of his power, a little disappointed in him. Shigeo (who has an easier time talking to spirits and fellow espers) explains that as a child, he'd hurt his brother, and has never truly recovered from the trauma, leaving an almost lifelong mental block on the bulk of his power. [This is something he feels he is able to speak about with other espers, and for comedic effect, Tome probably had no idea all this time and is shocked to find out something like that happened, when she thought the first time he used his powers to fight was during the fight with Hanazawa] Shou seems to understand his issue, and takes pity on him, explaining that he'll try to help Shigeo use and control the deeper powers he holds, giving him a business card for an esper research lab, and leaving.
Ritsu suddenly disappears after finishing university, and Shigeo (without hesitation) begins to use his free time to search for him, against Tome's better judgement. He has some leads, like Hanazawa becoming a celebrity psychic, though he's not sure how to go about meeting a celebrity, and Shou's mysterious esper research lab, though he isn't sure if Ritsu even knows about that. Sadly, he doesn't know how to go about following leads, when until now he's always followed Tome's judgements, so he's so far gotten absolutely nowhere.
This is about the time that LOL cult is being formed, and Reigen, a middle school boy, finds himself in the middle of a very dangerous situation. But luckily, S&S have been asked to check the shady organisation out by local reporter and friend of the business, Mezato, and Tome is sending in her best (and only) co-worker to get the job done.
--
Oh no I accidentally wrote a half-assed ageswap AU fanfiction? [REAL] This ended up being a whole prologue and being waaaay too big for me to tell the rest of the storyline in my head in just one post.......... 😳 So uh,,, let me know if you would want more of it 😳 (I even tried to make it brief!! This is not brief!!)
#ladies and gents I'm nervous to post it#what if people hate it#what if nobody sees it and I did all this work for nothing#what if I grossly misjudged the characters#it's too late now I've spend hours making my brain mess make sense#spent*#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 ageswap#mob psycho 100 age swap#mp100 fic#lulu's mp100 ageswap au#i do intend to do some stuff with this even if nobody likes it 👉👈#long post#why did I DO THIS#I'm so embarrassed#i love mp100 too much disgusting#omg.... at least 4 people have seen this monstrosity I'm so sorry#if you enjoyed it please feel free to comment about it I'm so anxious about this post for some reason
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it is currently madstro'clock and it is FaFiCoWriYear in this house
the original FaFiCoWriMo post feels too long to keep reblogging but I'm choking laughing right now because I decided to link it and this image above is what I see - FUCK IT WE BALL 😂😂😂😂😂😂 (truly my whole tumblr vibe)
me: gonna plug away at commenting on all the fics I’ve read lately that I love hmm should take a break
also me: *takes break by looking for other fics to read*
I was completely taken off-guard by stumbling on this fic while mindlessly scrolling on tumblr and having it show up in my recs, so yes i live-blogged by reading even though I HAVE SO MANY OTHER DRAFTS OPEN BUT IT'S COS I END UP RE-READING CERTAIN FICS OVER AND OVER AND I KEEP FINDING NEW COMMENTS TO WRITE IM STILL THINKNIG OF COMMENTS I MISSED ON FICS I ALREADY COMMENTED ON BUT ANYWAY AHEM-
without further ado, pls stay for the rambly thoughts, then flee in fright because of the increasing levels of unhinged commentar-
Reading: Touch-starved Nikto fic series by @keysorsomething
- "his current running theory was that you must have some form of brain damage. Perhaps you were dropped as a baby."
hehehehehehehe i swear nikto writers capture what i think would be his sense of humor with bullseye accuracy imho
- “His bright blue eyes broke through the dim lighting as if they were backlit by two LED bulbs in his skull.”
“You crack your eye open, meeting his piercing blue stare, like hot water down the back of your shirt.”
OMG TRULY THIS ENCAPSULATES THE EXPERIENCES OF BEHOLDING HIS EYES/WHAT I IMAGINE EYE CONTACT WITH NIKTO IS LIKE???
- “Maybe you could weird him out enough for him to leave you be..?”
literally held my breath reading the next few paragraphs til I read “He’s very gentle”
I don’t know what exactly it is about gentle touch but it can cut through people’s armor & walls like butter IRL and in fic and I JUST *am exploding, cannot type further*
- “His eyes looked like he was blinking on occasion, which was actually mildly upsetting because there goes your Christmas present for him.”
honestly what a thoughtful gift for the reader to get him eyedrops lmao *tell me u have a crush without telling me u have a crush, oh nothing just got you an extremely specific gift cos I noticed small details about you*
- “Did this count at fraternization?”
LMAO READER THIS MADE ME CRY LAUGHING “Im SORRy i woNT TOUCH HIM WITH TWO FINGERS AGAIN, IM SORRY I MISSED IT IN MY CONTRACT COS I WAS TOO BUSY STARING AT ALL THE $$$$-
- “I wanna know what’s up-” you pause “-man,” you tack it on, but quickly feel like you shouldn’t have. Who the fuck calls a guy like this man?
omg I am alr in love i fucking looooove awkward!readers
- trope alert trope alert trope alert STORAGE CLOSET READER? REALLY? (yes please god yes im so happy rn)
i would like to kneel before this all-powerful goofy ass awkward adorable reader who has nikto scared in a closet looking for ways out
- “Not like that,” You correct, and he just eyes you more confusedly. “I mean, not yet..? Look,” You sigh,”
the “i mean, not yet” - like omg nikto if i was in ur shoes hearing this i would have to suppress the strong urge to immediately make out and probably fail to stopper the hearts exploding from my body (and ofc hide the involuntary boner popping maybe hello?)
- ““See you tonight,” Klaus mocks.”
i pity these fools, reader has just tamed nikto, i would beat all their asses immediately singlehandedly from the sheer high and power trip i would be on
- if someone referred to me as ‘one of the three snoopiest bitches on base’ i would get it tattooed on my collarbones probably
- ‘being called into König’s office and being scolded about fraternizing’ - thisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonig
- ‘His guns are neatly lined up against the wall, biggest to smallest.’
CUTECUTECUTECUTECUTECUTE omg i just know he prob has nicknames for them too
- ““Нет,” He replies firmly. He’s in more comfortable clothes, something you’ve never seen before.”
i am probably dating myself here but at the tight t-shirt and sweats description all i hear is BOWCHICKAWOWOWOWWWWW
- “Your eyes stay on him intensely as he lays down in the bed, sliding under the covers. “You are here to help us sleep,”
ok all my horniness left me (ok almost all not all of it of course not i would die) and i just felt so tender and awwwwwwww of it all, esp. the reader comparing his grip to a child with their lovie :(
- “You see the faint, deep-brown shaping of his brows, his long eyelashes, the scar that covers the right side, but most importantly, the pale gleam of his skin in the little light.
He had washed the eyeblack off. And he had done it just for you.”
I am left speechless here; the buildup to this scene is storytelling and climactic perfection in my opinion
then i clicked on next part and it is titled “caught” and i screamed out loud lol
- “You dare to even think you want the world to melt away, for time to be this moment and this moment alone, always and forever, but should you really let him boss you around like that?”
looooooooove, totally captures that feeling when u have one of those 'time stands still/you wished time stood still' moments IRL
also YES READER WITH A SPINE/BRAIN IS ALSO MY OTHER KINK
- also as much as ive somehow developed a bizarrely unquenchable thirst for graves (do not @ me, i know, i have problems and I love it) canon graves is exactly how id imagine he’d be like in this fic esp with the constant mansplaining
- "How do you deny a masked man who’s speaking in his mother tongue?"
YOU CANT. YOU JUST CAN’T! IT’S A LAW OF NATURE. IT IS SCIENTIFIC FACT. IT IS IRREFUTABLE. IT IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH. IT IS DIVINE DOGMA. IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-
- “When you look into his eyes, you feel like he wants nothing more than to touch you, and you feel he agrees that this moment is ever so precious. But he doesn’t want to touch you. Perhaps he’s afraid, or perhaps he doesn’t like his face being touched, so he won’t touch yours. The Golden Rule and all that.”
“It’s all the best thing to ever happen in this place, and you have a feeling it’s the best thing to have ever happened to him.”
““Nikto?” You ask, voice soft and wavering, like if you speak too loud you’ll create a rip in space-time and it will have never happened.”
again i feel like someone has snipershot me to the heart with tenderness, everything about this fic and the premise just speaks to a core desire i have to create moments like this, to bypass someone’s armor and touch their heart, and be a source of healing for hurt just by the gift of our mere presence and vice versa - and have this moment and memory become an indescribable source of light and strength in dark and dreary times to be taken out and relived over and over again as needed (or is it just me that does this lol idk)
fanfic writers never change and keep creating pls <3 ur words create worlds that inspire and brighten our IRL world <3
- i am deeply moved by the indescribable tenderness of nikto waking reader up by softly patting their cheek - this man known and infamous for his harshness and aggression - UNF
- “As always, they are an icy blue that doesn’t match the feeling of having them on you at all. But by now they feel so much cooler than before, like a warm hug or a heated blanket instead of a hot iron.”
if you’ve known any blue-eyed folx up close i have most def seen their eye color change with emotions, sooo fascinating and hot
- ummmmm my jaw fucking dropped when i realized he leaned in…TO KISS HER? I THOUGHT HE WAS ALSO GONNA REST HIS EYES AND JUST SLEEP FOR A BIT NEXT TO HER? OMG the emotional rOLLERCOASTER THIS STORY HAS TAKEN ME ON *running to download it as we speak*
- BUT aHHHH HTHE ACTUAL SCREAM WHEN READER RUNS INTO KONIG
- omg when reader starting sniffling i just want to hug her and also go back in the room and yell at konig OMG YOU MADE OUR HIGHLY TRAINED PMC-LEVEL KILLER READER CINNAMON ROLL CRY I WILL HURT YOU SIR IDK HOW COS IM LIKE 5’2 BUT IF I HAVE TO CLIMB U LIKE A TREE TO DO SO I WILL TO GET IN YOUR FACE-
- “Who the hell can you trust? Both not to talk, but also with Nikto.” - ends up being Velikan meanwhile me busy shredding the post-it behind my back hoping/suggesting it’s dmitry bale and trying not to cry- (ignore me dmitry is my current hyper fixation)
- i wont lie i am both so heart warmed by how tender and sweet reader is for being so good at reading body language and also laughing my ass off at her having this kinda complicated conversation with velikan who does not talk, mostly growls also while typing this his name autocorrected to pelican and i cannot stop fucking laughing
- omg DMITRY REFERENCE I SCREAMED OUT LOUD (it’s like 1130pm where i am, sorry to my apt neighbors)
- also omg i am crying at this allegiance letter with sputnik, i love both how thoughtful and it is and how it highlights each member and their personality - and that the return of sputnik returned some good memories back to nikto <3, shoutout to any PTSD folx who also deal with blankouts, flashbacks, and having good memory recall be a total struggle street - i think i would openly sob if someone did for me the emotional equivalent of what velikan (and allegiance and by extension reader) did for nikto here with sputnik <3 (and now im remembering IRL times people have done this for me and now im crying omg THE POWER OF FANFIC Y’ALL)
-AH YEGOR CAMEO? MY FAVORITE UKRAINIAN OPERATOR IN ALL OF COD? (madstro, there’s only one ukrainian operat-SHUT UP I SAID MY FAVORITE UKRAINIAN OPERATOR SHOWED UP)
- also i love how Velikan is written here - “This motherfucker was going to get him put on Fatal Attractions.” i would chill and fuck with him and also probably kill for him hahaha jk or am i-
- very into this irresponsible driver yet simultaneously responsible dog dad rodion rn
- also love the small touch of velikan removing his mask to look yegor in the eye asking if krueger is dead or not
the absolute ride this fic took me on???? incredible incredible incredible this is going in my list of top favorite COD fics @keysorsomething and if i could boost this in the nikto fics tag i would but i'll mostly just be salivating here in the corner over this fic in the meantime, tyvm <3
#madstrothought#FaFiCoWriMo#call of duty#nikto#Keysorsomething#touch-starved nikto fics#The Shape#Easing Into It#Into The Hyena's Den#SPUTNIK the hyena#Bright & Early#Unprofessional#Everyone has a Reason to Stay (Primireniye)
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Arrax here with more Vox/Lucifer bestie AU (also you can use any of this at any time btw =3) (also, though this sounds Vox/Lucifer it is NOT. Lucifer is just extremely possessive of his friends. He doesn't have many. Well he has one. So. Yeah. Just don't tell Al, I wanna keep him guessing. Lol)
So a few days afterward the broadcast where Vox's death comes out, Lucifer shows up at the Vee tower, excited. Apparently he's been invited to the hotel for a dinner and game night with everyone. Which would be fine, except Lucifer overheard Char-char tell Maggie--"It's Vaggie, Luc, or Vagatha if you prefer." Vox murmurs as he works. That's it's partnered and he'd be partnered to either one of the residents or Mammon who's visiting. "Charlie wants you to bring Mammon to the Hotel?" Vox asks, fully turning away from his work eyes wide. "Really, Luc?"
Lucifer shakes his head. "To her the sins are just her fun loving Aunt(s) and Uncles. She doesn't know how most of them feel about sinners. Especially how Mammon feels about sinners--so you see my dilemma. Mammon would take Alcaster's--"Alastor's, Luc,"--general, uh... whateverness as an invitation to kill Every sinner in the hotel, no matter what Char-char feels. He'll just think money or gifts could rebuy her love."
Vox winces. "Damn, Luc...your brother's a bit fucked up." "He landed on his head after The Fall, and Hell just encouraged his vices. If it was Bee who was visiting I wouldn't be ask you this, but...can you please come with me? It's not a formal dinner--we'll be eating take-away while playing games, just like we do while we play video games or read at the palace! It'll be just like our regular Friday nights and entire Saturdays!" Lucifer says, grinning happily. Neither notice two glowing eyes with a smile that widen with *RAGE* upon spotting Lucifer with Vox.
Vix snorts. "Except for the last six Saturdays we've been going upstairs to the human realm and tormenting humans--we even convinced two guys they'd been abducted by aliens-" "No anal probing! You can do anything else, but no anal probing!" Lucifer smirked interrupting his best friend. "Is that why you turned them into ducks? And, sure I'll come. It'll be good to get away from Vel for a bit. She's been a bit upset about the loss of Valentino. "
"Do I really need a reason to turn anything into ducks? But yes, it was. They've settled in nicely at the university pond we left them at...." *he cocks his head at the mention of Valentino.* "Ah, yes! As a thank you for that--" *he purrs, voice rich with power and sin*--he leans forward, demon form coming out and kisses Vox directly on the mouth.
Vox's eyes widen, before he feels it: undeniable power flowing through him, and not something he could only use once--it was something that would permanently be a part of him. He could feel it burning into his circuits, into his Cyan blood and wires. He feels the hidden spines that line his spine slide out, sparks sliding from the top one from his neck down to the largest one that emerges right before the curve of his ass. He feels his body itch, his claws burn as this new power settles into him, and he pants.
Lucifer pulls away, a dark grin on his face. "Now no Sinner or exorcist can dare take you--YOUR hard work from you. My friend, Voxtech will never fall. Should that Velottie leave, you can do it without her. " He purrs, gently rubbing Vox's shoulder a dark possessiveness in his eyes.
Neither see the glowing red eyes and smile that disappear afterwards, but both notice Vox's radio burst to life, Alastor's voice more unhinged then usual.
arrax youre killing me here. youre killing me im dead and deceased bury me face down or else ill dig myself out of my grave and reanimate myself solely to watch for the next installation of your own little au in my inbox
i genuinely cant even think of anything to add onto this. i usually try to add on a bit more to your guys' thoughts but im actually speechless this time what the fuck am i supposed to say to this. this is probably how contemporary artists felt beholding the work of michelangelo for the first time. i mean like. fucking hell man what do you expect me to do with this i am but a little guy....... this is like dropping shakespeares completed play trilogys in front of my face and asking what id add onto it
#ran rambles#hazbin hotel#general asks#lucifer/vox bestie au#i keep telling you you guys think i am smarter than i am. i am most certainly not#its like handing a toddler paintbrushes and guiding them to the sistine chapel to ask them to paint on#What the fuck am i supposed to add to this except my general astonishment#youre all too talented why are you writing in my inbox you should be on ao3 (<- read like you would read 'she should be at the club')
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The Extra || Austin Butler x OC
Chapter Eight
Pairing: Austin Butler x OC
Warnings: mentions of past innuendo, mentions of sex, nightmares.
Word Count: 2824
>> hellooo welcome to chapter eight! I know I keep leaving you all with cliffhangers but this chapter is pretty tame. please let me know if you enjoy it! (:
Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Add yourself to the taglist HERE
March 2020
I have been holed up in an apartment for weeks without being able to leave. I’ve been stuck in a relationship where I wasn’t held to an acceptable standard. I have been through the wringer with my ex, trying to figure out how to get out of the tense situation without ruining our new friendship, if you’d call it that. I got through all of those things. But I had never felt so stuck before in my entire life until Austin told me that an entire movie, a person’s life story, and the hope of fans worldwide now fell on me. And I don’t know if that’s something I can get to the other side of. Apparently, I look enough like Priscilla to be her character and have enough acting experience. Besides, desperate times call for desperate measures, and if an extra has to be used in the main cast, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But it felt like it was the end to me.
Baz decided that everything we have filmed so far will be refilmed after the six months are up. Not just because I was recast, but because he felt it would be better that way. I have to stay with Austin during these six months because I have to gain chemistry with him or instead gain chemistry back. Whatever we have going on right now isn’t a good kind of chemistry to work with, so we have to fix that. Also, I can’t really go home anyway. Everyone has been told that wherever you are right now, you should probably stay if possible. The virus has become too dangerous. I broke the lease to my apartment and had everything I brought with me here transferred to Austin’s condo, thanks to Tyler. He’s slightly upset that we can’t have movie nights anymore in each other’s apartments, but he understands completely. Jess is feeling better. Luckily, their coronavirus case wasn’t extreme, and they don’t have any long-term side effects.
Dacre and I are still friends; we’ve actually grown closer since quarantine. Sometimes it makes Austin feel weird, but he isn’t as jealous as he used to be. Luke and Dacre forgave Austin for his unhinged comment. But they made sure to tell him that even though they were cool, they would physically harm him if he hurt me again. Tom checked up on us every other day until he and his wife got the virus. His case is really bad, and everyone is very worried about him. On the bright side, Olivia has gotten a little better and has been really supportive of me replacing her part. I still feel like I’m betraying her in a way, but she has assured me that I could absolutely do this- that I’m capable of playing Priscilla. Even Priscilla herself has reached out to me to tell me that based on what everyone has been telling her, she was pleased to “have a great woman” like me to play her. That alone was enough to wake me up. I need to play this part whether I like it or not. Whether I want to be famous or not.
It’s been a struggle for the last two weeks. I had to make sure to tell Austin that I wasn’t mad at him and I didn’t hate him. And that if I was distant, I just had a lot to think about. I had to think about how I would play a serious, life-changing role as an actress with little prior experience. I really, really had to think about how to go about living with Austin again now that we had to forcefully. I also had to think about our relationship, whether it was romantic or platonic. Our characters are romantically involved, so we have to work on our dynamic. We can’t fight anymore or let anything come between us while filming, or else it would be challenging to maintain chemistry. Apparently, there’s an on-screen kiss that we have to prepare for, too. I don’t know how ready for that Austin or I will be, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
I have decided to wait until Austin and I get out of this weird patch before thinking any harder about pursuing our relationship again. I don’t want the foundation of our rekindled relationship to be built on any hesitance or negative emotion. I told him I’d think about it, and I have, but I won’t think on it more than I have to until it’s necessary. Luckily, I think we’re beginning to move out of the awkward phase anyway. It shouldn’t be long before we’re entirely out of it.
It’s a Friday night, not that the day of the week matters anymore at this point, and Austin and I are on the couch. We’re watching our favorite show we used to binge when we were together, and for a moment, it almost seems like old times. Today was our last chill day before we needed to start working on our lines and execution. I plan on starting Priscilla’s book soon to gain more insight into her as a person. I’m not able to call her at any given time, much less see her in person, so at least I have some primary sources to gain perspective from. Austin has a plethora of sources for information on Elvis, so he has a lot to take from. I’ve been helping Austin practice maintaining his voice and accent when he wasn’t Zooming with a coach. My thoughts are interrupted when I notice what’s happening on the TV.
“I still can’t believe they killed him off like that,” I frown at one of my characters dying a painful death, even if it’s the tenth time I’ve watched the scene.
“Remember the first time we watched it happen? There’s nothing more painful than seeing it for the first time,” Austin shakes his head at the memory. We were both in hysterics the first time we watched this particular scene, to put it lightly.
“God, I know. It still hurts but not quite as bad,” I shrug, digging into the bag of hot chips I had on my side of the couch.
Austin eyeballs the bag for a moment before turning his eyes back to the TV screen, “You still eat those?” he asks.
“Yep. Sure do,” I say, popping a chip into my mouth.
“I don’t see how you have a stomach lining left,” Austin snorts as he chews on a Sour Patch Kid.
“I don’t see how you don’t have sores in your mouth,” I chide, motioning to the yellow bag of sour candy.
“Good point,” Austin shrugs.
His previously black-dyed hair is starting to fade into a weird shade of brown. He hasn’t bothered redying it since no one will see it. I thought the dark hair was a good look on him, in all honesty, but I’m partial to blonde-haired Austin. Especially when his hair was long and blonde. I would braid it sometimes when he’d let me.
“What are you thinking about?” Austin pipes up from next to me.
I shake my head, readjusting to real life after being deep in thought, “Nothing. Just thinking of old times.”
“Old times, huh?” Austin nods in acknowledgment, “How old?”
“As old as your long hair,” I giggle, almost wanting to reach out and touch the fading hair.
“I miss it sometimes,” Austin says, glancing over at me, “Especially when you’d braid it.”
“You only let me do that a few times, though. But I loved doing it,” I say with a smile.
“I never told you, but it felt really nice. I liked when you played with my hair,” Austin says, toying nervously with a Sour Patch Kid between his fingers.
“Trust me, I know. I know a lot of stuff you didn’t tell me,” I scoff, “Like when you’d secretly use some of my conditioner.”
Austin turns to me and looks a tad shocked, “How’d you know?”
“Austin, I could smell it on you. Did you think I wouldn’t know what my conditioner smells like?” I laugh, no longer paying full attention to the TV.
“Good point,” he sighs, and he looks as if he’s going to say something else but brushes it off.
“What?” I ask curiously.
“It’s nothing,” Austin swats his hand, “Just a silly question.”
“I love silly questions,” I narrow my eyes suspiciously at him.
“It’s kind of embarrassing,” he mumbles.
“Just tell me,” I roll my eyes, “You’re not one to keep something in if it’s bothering you.”
Austin looks at me and sighs because he knows I’m right. His face starts blushing a little as he figures out how to say whatever he’s going to say.
“I was gonna ask if you’d play with my hair. I know that’s weird,” he says defensively, “But it grounds me. And I’m too wired to sleep.”
My heart flutters a little at his sheepishness, “You could’ve just straight up asked me, Aus. I’m not gonna bite your head off.”
“I wouldn’t put it past you anymore,” Austin jokes.
“Whatever,” I shove his shoulder, patting my lap, “Lay down.”
He readjusts his sitting position to lay down properly before resting his head on my thighs. I almost instinctively reach my hand out to run it through his hair as if it hasn’t been a long time since I’ve done it. I guess it’s true that old habits die hard. Playing with Austin’s hair was the second thing he liked to do with me, the first being kissing. I see him letting me play with his hair as a step forward out of the fog we’ve been in. The kissing is obviously something he struggles with, but I’m not pushy. I took the hint when he didn’t kiss me when we had sex. Austin thought of kissing as being the most intimate thing a couple could share besides sex. He would do it any chance he got, even if it was in public. Austin couldn't get enough. Even if it’s such a sacred action for him, he didn’t waste time worrying about his surroundings or how PDA looked to others. It was as simple as holding hands and as intimate as sex. So, for now, running my fingers through his hair was enough for both of us.
Tonight would be the first night I would have a nightmare. In the nightmare, I’m plastered on every magazine and website, being labeled and scrutinized. It’s something I always made sure to stay away from in consciousness, but now I no longer could. The feeling of anxiety that I’ve been pushing down was beginning to present itself in my dreams. I make a lot of noise when I have nightmares and thrash around a lot, so when I’m awoken by a very concerned Austin, I’m not surprised. I’m more or so relieved that the nightmare is over than worried that he’s in my room.
“Are you okay?” Austin asks, out of breath from running in here to make sure I didn’t hurt myself by accident.
“Yeah,” I sit up, pressing my palm to my clammy forehead, “Just a bad dream is all.”
“You were yelling for a second, and I got worried,” Austin says quietly as he sits on the edge of the bed.
“Was I?” I furrow my eyebrows, trying to recall when I could’ve shouted, “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Do you wanna talk about it?” Austin asks.
I shake my head, “No, it’s fine. Do you mind…” I trail off, wrapping my arms around myself. I try to figure out how to carefully word what I’m about to ask.
Austin misunderstands what I’m saying and gets up from the bed and heads to the door, but I blurt out my question before he can get one foot through the opening.
“Do you mind staying?” I blurt out, my face burning at my vulnerability.
It was hell the first time I had a nightmare after Austin and I split up. I couldn’t go back to sleep that night since I was so used to someone holding me until I relaxed. I had several nightmares about leaving Austin after we broke up, and every time was a struggle. I never really learned how to come down from the adrenaline by myself. I would stay awake until I had to be up the following day.
“Oh,” Austin mutters, “I don’t mind.”
I move over in the bed so he has enough room to slide in next to me. This is the first time Austin has held me since I left him. I wouldn’t consider his very brief period of having me on his chest after we had sex to be cuddling of any form. I’m a little nervous about having him so close to me without the sexual tension. It’s so intimate to have someone hold you and sleep next to you, but I think I’m ready for that. Austin lays down behind me before cautiously draping an arm over my side. I pushed my back against his chest, letting him know it was okay to touch me. He then wraps both arms around my waist protectively.
“Is this okay?” Austin whispers in my ear.
“This is okay,” I whisper back.
He relaxes into the embrace, tucking my head under his chin as I let my eyes close. I finally go back to sleep. The next morning, I wake up still in Austin’s arms. While I’m sure he’s still asleep, I take his right hand and play with his fingers absentmindedly. After a few minutes, I hear a scoff in my ear. Austin buries his nose into my neck before he speaks.
“Still in love with my hands, I see?” he chuckles against my skin.
I don’t respond but instead flatten my hand against his, holding it up to show the difference in size. Austin slips his fingers through mine, grasping my hand in his tightly before pulling it to him. He pulls his face from my neck and kisses my hand softly before laying our intertwined fingers back down on the mattress. I realized that I no longer had anything to think about now; we were out of whatever phase we were in upon meeting again.
“I think I’m ready,” I say out loud without a shred of context.
“For what?” Austin asks, his voice still deep from sleep.
“I’ve had enough time to think about things,” I say, pulling his arm off of me so I can turn over to face him.
Now that it’s not dark in here, I can see Austin came in here straight from bed because he has on no shirt. His hair is slightly disheveled, and his eyes are still hooded from sleep. But Austin still has his full attention on me now that I’m turned in his direction. A look of realization comes across his face, but he waits for me to continue.
“I want to be with you again,” I say, looking into Austin’s eye carefully, trying to gauge his reaction, “But you have to promise me something.”
“What is that?” the corners of Austin’s lips twitch like he wants to smile.
“If you are ever bothered by something, tell me about it before letting it bother you too much or letting it eat you alive. You’ve never had a problem with that until now,” I say.
“I think I keep things in because the last time I said what was on my mind, you left,” Austin says, “It’s not your fault about how I feel, of course. But it’s just something I have to get over. Especially since you aren’t gone anymore.”
I nod understandingly, “Well, I’m not going anywhere. It’s not like I can either way,” I joke, “But I still wouldn’t want to.”
Austin puts a gentle hand on my cheek, almost testing my reaction to his touch. When I don’t pull away, he then places his other hand on my face, holding it still. His eyes flicker down to my lips and then back up to my eyes.
“Can I kiss you, Ro?” Austin asks just above a whisper, his tone uncertain.
“Only if you’re okay with that,” I say reassuringly, not looking away from him.
“I am,” Austin says, pressing his forehead against mine, “but are you?”
“Yes, I’m okay with it,” I hold back a nervous giggle, “You can kiss me.”
Slowly, Austin pulls my jaw forward and connects his lips to mine in a simple kiss. I grab onto his face, deepening it a little more as I turn my head to the side. It’s so familiar- the pressure of his stupidly soft lips against mine. It makes me almost want to kick myself for ever letting him go. But the past is past. And now I’m ready to move forward with Austin like time hasn’t been lost.
taglist: @cozacorner @onxlymnsn @anangelwhodidntfall @butlersluvbot @jolovesfandoms @austinbutler17 @slutforblueeyes @misspygmypie @mamaspresley @mirandastuckinthe80s @bobbykennedyfan @sodonebruh @lizzymizzy-blogg @defnotreadingfanfics12 @izzvoid @homebodybirkin2003 @kaycinema @thatonemoviefan @sarachacha @kittenlittle24 @alltheflowerstomav @tubble-wubble @annamarie16 @adoreyouusugar @csmt-m @apparently-sunshine @amiets2 @emchickynuggies @mrs-butler @mesbouquins @ari-nicole @xmusse @austin-butlers-gf @feral4austinbutler @inlovewithchrisevans @shynovelist @mommy-maia @popeheywardssecretgf @Venxfinn3 @westwoodcoast
#austin butler#austin butler x oc#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler fanfic#austin butler fic#austin butler imagine#austin butler x reader#elvis#elvis movie#elvis 2022#elvis (2022)#elvis biopic#austin butler elvis#elvis film#the extra fanfic#floralcyanide writes
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On trauma processing ... I'm reading up on this stuff ... for my own needs but also because I'm still struggling with how I could have better helped my ex when she ran into her problem.
Another post that shouldn't be read - you've been warned - boring internal monologue stuff being written out.
I'm certainly smarter ... or at least more informed ... now then I was two and a half months ago.
Wishes are pointless and I don't generally indulge in them but ... yeah ... a time machine would be nice about now.
Not to salvage the relationship but to get her to a better place. Which tbh is really all I wanted with her - nurture and uplift ... nurture and uplift ...
But the thing I'm understanding the most is that most of us can work through trauma on our own. And most of us can build resilience and become stronger if we navigate the trauma properly.
That gives me hope for her. [My therapist and further readings have made me question this bullshit.]
I need to let go of my savior complex ... she doesn't need me to "save" her.
Although ... also true ... she legit did not deal with her parental trauma properly. She just packed it down and it manifested in many self-hating ways. And this new trauma brought up some very horrible self-destructive, self-hate, nasty coping strategies.
So ... who knows who knows who knows how well she will do? I suspect ... strongly believe ... it will be more of the same for her until something even worse comes along. Will she survive it? IDK tbh. I'm not sure she's going to come out of the current round whole or alive.
Fuck. It doesn't matter. I mean ... it does matter to me ... fr fr fr ... but I'm powerless so it's not healthy to obsess. She made her choices. I'm not god. I have no say. It's over for me.
I understand it. I'm not sobbing any more. I'm not as lonely any more. I don't desperately ache and long to speak with her any more.
If I reflect back the stuff I've learned ... why tf was this break up so traumatic to ME? It was just a break up, right? And I know ... "you should allow yourself to experience what you experience and feel what you feel. Be kind to yourself."
But reading about people who go through SERIOUS stuff, it makes me wonder what the hell happened that I felt like I was hit by a truck and thrown into a bonfire and facing a firing squad.
Christ. I've always been so resilient and strong. Something about this triggered me in an extreme way.
My therapist had me take a quiz - I feel under "moderate trauma" - which I'm sure if I had taken it two months ago, it was a lot worse when I wasn't sleeping or eating and feeling ... pretty ... unhinged to say the least.
I need to ask her if she has any theories on this. It bugs me to feel so ... weak ... I guess ... Comparisons are the path to suffering but I feel like this wasn't "so bad". It was just a break up, right?
Fuck. Judging myself. Not a healthy pathway. I felt what I felt. I did what I did. I treated her as good as I could.
See ... no reason to read these things. Just sorting out thoughts and feelings. I am so much better and more even keeled these days.
I ... have ... accepted ... it's done. I really have ... I think lol.
I want to say "fuck her for treating me this way" and yeah ... fuck her for treating me this way. But also true: I forgive her and still care about her even though she did a really awful thing to both of us.
I keep repeating myself. But it gets easier each time to find peace in the situation.
I am getting stronger than I was. So she deserves thanks on many levels tbh. Even in the end, she did some lovely things for me - even though she did them in an awful way.
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I think I'm gonna make a Visual Novel...
For a while now, I have begun to feel like I want my world letters (that's the serialized fantasy political drama I post on my website about finding identity and meaning in the after-effects of war, both literally and metaphorically, and also it has hot bisexuals and demons in it) to have some sort of more marketable and cohesive final form. Like, I know I'm THE BIGGEST proponent of doing whatever you want and bucking the trends... but this body of work is really important to me and I just want it to be more accessible to others.
At first, I was thinking "Maybe, I'll turn these things into an anthology collection -- but instead of time between the chapters, it's worldbuilding!" After all, with the understanding that my original target audience (my friends) was going to TALK TO ME in between the chapters where I could explain my worldbuilding, there is almost TOO LITTLE exposition. So, I was thinking I could make it like a discount- Ology book (like Dragonology or Wizardology) with stories interspersed with lore and maps and illustrations. It would be EXTREMELY UNORTHODOX still... but... I think the online book community (or the side of it that I have seen) could get onboard.
But then, I started spending more time on booktok and on booktube... and I kinda just don't think the average thing that sells well would align with this at all. This is ENTIRELY a personal thing, no offense meant to anyone who feels at home in those communities! But a lot of bookish adjacent people scare me a little, tbh >_< Like. Did you SEE what happened with the Seattle Krakens? Those people are UNHINGED. I am CERTAIN there are lots of great people there and also, the silent majority, etc. etc. but like... if I were to try to sell a novel, these are some of the people with whom I woulda interacted. And I just wasn't there for that.
On the other hand, I already know and get gamers. And I've compared my writing to a visual novel script before. It's still a leap to make it into a visual novel but, stylistically, less so.
The tower held. Tsevovan, arms folded behind his back, took a step in an attempt to intimidate me — as if he was more threatening than having half a monument slipping over your head in a plaza full of abominations. A thrall to naivete.
- Ts: Your insolence will be noted.
- Za: My insolence is far outweighed by the sins of your incompetence.
- Ts: Things in Telethens are nothing like Zavlakya—
- Za: You’re right — evidently, Inquisitors in Zavlakya know how to contain Demons, whereas your leadership only vitiates the Inquisitors of Telethens.
See? That's already the start of visual novel format right there. (Yes, I know how punctuation works in prose, I don't care, didn't ask :P) All I need to do is make some art and mini-games to spice it up and it'll be done! EZ! /j, obviously, I'm a gamedev, I know everything in gamedev is death.
So, after I finish my videos for 2023... I think I'm going to start working on my now-visual novel script as my "main thing" again. Take it a little slower on my YouTube... downgrade from "glorified powerpoint presentations" to "actual powerpoint presentations with a Vtuber" Hahaha!
I really do think, though, finishing and editing all this could be the biggest project I've ever tried to undertake. I guess this whole worldbuilding project is the biggest thing I've even undertook and Idk if I'll make it. Will this end up like all my other big dreams -- started and unfinished? I certainly hope not. Hopefully, I have learned how to take care of myself good enough to see this through to the end.
Thanks for "listening" to me do art therapy in public! If you find this relatable at all, don't forget to LIKE COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE :PPPPP See y'all on the flippity flop lololol I should delete this
#visual novel#kinetic novel#wip#writing wip#creative writing#fantasy writing#writing#writeblr#writerslife#behind the scenes#writing struggles#creative process#writing process#marketing strategy#marketing#Amaiguri
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Letter From My Child-Self
So, to preface, my therapist gave me homework months and months ago. I have rarely ever done the homework not because I didn't care or didn't want to, but because I kept forgetting... finally, months later, I got around to doing this. I'm... a little nervous to share this because it is an extremely vulnerable part of me. But... I figure, idk, I want to document it. And? If anyone out there reads this and finds something positive from it? That's amazing. This is dark, and heartbreaking, and mildly unhinged. But I think it is important that I was as open and honest as possible! I'll show this to my therapist next session!
Hey, Ellie.
It's me, Mattie.
We haven't talked in a while. I kind of miss when we used to talk a few years ago when Matthew first let you come out. We were all really scared that people would hurt you so we hid you so no one would. But we all got to spend time together. I wish we could have talked more but you needed to grow up I guess.
I think you're becoming a pretty cool lady. You're nice and you care a lot about people. You love your family and your friends a lot, even if you don't see your friends that much right now. I don't think you're doing as bad as you think you are. You really are mean to yourself and Matthew and I wish you would stop. We all worked so hard to protect you but now you're hurting yourself. It makes me sad that you feel so bad that you hurt yourself. But I understand because I also feel bad a lot. I pray a lot for things to get better but they never really do. I'm glad you don't have to deal with it all anymore though. I'm glad you're finally the person you are. I know it was super hard to live the way you were. I understand a lot more than anyone thinks I guess.
I guess I'm sad a bit because you really want someone to love you, but for so long you didn't really love yourself. So people could tell and it made them feel bad for you, but it didn't really make them want to love you in a relationship or whatever? It's really hard for people to love someone that doesn't like themselves as well as trying to love themselves. But I also know you really love people. I know you really loved your ex girlfriend. I'm sad that it got so bad though. I know you wanted to marry her and you never wanted that with someone else before so you must have loved her a lot. I hope I find someone I love that much one day. I think about getting married a lot sometimes but I think about being the girl and not the boy. I don't want to be a boy. Mom says I am and everyone says I am but I don't feel that way I just don't say anything to anybody. I tell people on the internet that I'm a girl and it makes me happy so I'll just keep doing that. I guess you understand what that's like more than anyone.
I think that you should try to get better. Not so you can do stuff other people think you should but so you can be happier. I know you want to be normal and do normal people stuff. I bet it's hard to deal with all the stuff you do. The people that made fun of you for how hard it is probably don't like themselves I guess. So I probably wouldn't listen to them much.
I'm super glad that you're being you though. I used to dream about flying away, and I'd day dream about being a girl but I'm embarrassed and I don't know what to say. I told dad that I wanted to do a movie where I'm a girl and I have the blonde wig and green dress and I'm the main character for once but I don't think he will because he only does what he wants to do and gets mad if we don't do it too.
I think you shouldn't give up on your dreams either! You're getting good at writing I think. It's hard to tell because you use some words that I haven't heard yet but I probably will eventually. The stuff you write seems really sad though and it makes me feel sad for you. I hope you follow your dreams and meet someone you love and live a happy life!
I was also thinking… it would be good for you to remember some things. Your girlfriend was really mean after you guys broke up but you were pretty bad too, maybe worse I guess. I know you feel super bad because you keep hitting yourself and hurting yourself with fire and it worries everybody. What I wanted you to remember, because those people were lying to you or about you and saying you weren't who you were, I want you to remember when we were on the computer at the trailer doing that learning game about I think it was the wild west. But one of the things you could click on was an old time dress, and we'd keep clicking it to see the woman in the dress. Do you remember how it made you feel? You wanted to wear her dress and be her. You thought it was pretty and wished you could wear something like that but we both knew mom and dad wouldn't let you and people might hurt you or mom and dad. I also want you to remember us telling people I was a girl that had parents with ponies. I know how much you and I liked horses. We liked dinosaurs and frogs and turtles too, but we really wished we could have a pony. I'm kind of sad we never did get one. I still think about it.
I know you used to have a lot of nightmares about stuff. Like about dad hitting mom and us kids. How scary he was when he got angry. We were all so scared all the time. I guess we haven't had much time to be kids. We do but also we don't I guess. It makes me sad. I know one of the things you can't forget is the time me, you, and your brothers were standing in the living room crying because dad was screaming at mom and she was crying and he pushed her and grabbed her hair and pulled her into their room. She screamed while he was pulling her and she screamed a lot once the door closed. He was hitting her and she was crying and we were so scared but we couldn't do anything. We were just kids. Or all the times I was crying so dad hit me or yelled or threw things at me. I don't know why he doesn't like me crying or being emotional. He's really awful and we all hate him, but we are more scared of him.
I also think a lot about the time we were at Jenny Wiley park at the lake and mom was going home to do some stuff but it looked like it was going to start raining but dad decided to swim across the lake for some reason and he left us there on the beach while people drank beer and were loud. I felt upset and scared, but I tried not to show it. I guess I feel like that's what he always does. He leaves and doesn't seem to care about us. He's not kind. One time, mom broke her foot because Jack's leash got wrapped around her ankle and she fell. But dad was yelling at her and telling her to stop crying because people would hear her. I was really upset because I knew she was hurt. But he didn't care or seem to notice she was really hurt. I don't know why. He doesn't seem to care or notice when we are hurt and if we cry or are loud he gets mad and yells and sometimes he gets into fights with mom about it. It's scary.
I also know you remember the stuff your older brother did to you. He was really awful. Older brothers are supposed to protect their siblings, especially their little sisters, but he didn't. He hurt us a lot. He's really mean and he keeps killing animals and they scream and he doesn't seem to care. I cry, but he just pushes me to do stuff I don't want to do so I do it anyway. One time he saw a big turtle, like a really big one! And I saw it because I loved turtles and I was going up to look at it and he picked up a big rock and smashed the turtle with it. It twitched some and there was blood everywhere and I cried a lot but he laughed at first then told me not to cry or tell mom so I didn't. I never tell mom or dad about the stuff he does. I want to but I don't. I don't really know why. He keeps hitting the dogs too and he's really scary sometimes. He also pees on my face in the shower but mom thinks he's just being silly but it doesn't feel that way. We do other stuff too, where I get to be a girl. I almost want to tell him that I am, or want to be, or something I guess. But I don't. Instead, I get to be the wife when I lay on top of him in his room and I really like that. We don't do a lot, we touch each other and stuff, but it makes me happy that I get to be a girl. I wish I could always be a girl but I guess I'm a boy. Mom keeps cutting my hair and I cry because I want long hair but she says I have to cut it or I'll get ticks. She says I look handsome but I'm just upset. The other girls in the park don't cut their hair during summer. Why do I have to? I don't really feel like a boy but I also don't know how to talk about my feelings and stuff. I don't really understand all of it. Mom and dad don't talk to me about that really so I mostly just keep stuff to myself.
I know you remember all this stuff. I wish I could have long blonde hair. I actually had a dream that I was a girl with really long curly red hair and I was on a cliffside with a Lassie dog and the grass was really tall. In the dream I look over the ocean and I feel good. But something is also not right? I think in the dream I'm sad and I don't know why. I have this dream a lot. A lot a lot I guess, where I'm this girl with her dog.
I guess that I learned some stuff from all of this at least. We get homeschooled so mom doesn't let us go outside until after the other kids get home from school. I learned a lot from her, but I also forget stuff a lot and she gets upset with me because I forget stuff so much. She said I would lose my head if it wasn't screwed on. I guess I just don't pay attention a lot. I'm daydreaming or thinking and I just don't remember what I'm doing or why. I lose stuff a lot too and I really hate cleaning my room because it is super hard. I end up taking forever because I try to play with or get distracted by a toy or something I find and forget where I was at in cleaning and it is really hard to make myself do it so I cry and mom and dad yell at me. Sometimes they help me.
I think you should work more on trying not to forget stuff because you'll end up getting in trouble a lot. I know you used to think about being a girl a lot, but just like me you didn't know what to say so you just told people you're a girl on the internet and it made you happy. I also know you dated that guy when you were thirteen or so and he was about sixteen but you told him you were 16. He was the same age as your older brother but his name was Tony. You really had feelings for him but you used pictures of girls that you weren't and you were upset that you couldn't be her. You wanted to be her so much you were really sad. That's why you make all your game characters girls. You liked the name Sarah a lot and I understand. It's a really pretty name. You ended up telling Tony the truth but it broke your heart. I remember you were so hurt and you cried and were upset when you and him got xbox together and your friends called him your butt buddy. You didn't know what to say but it hurt your feelings because you weren't a guy, really. Even if you had guy parts.
It's sad all this stuff that happened but you at least learned who you didn't want to be. Dad was awful and you learned how to care about people. But it was hard for you because you feel a lot and you don't know what to do with those big feelings. I don't either but dad doesn't like it when I cry so I try not to. I guess you at least know that if you're ever a mom you will treat your kids better. And, I wish you would stop telling people you're a normal girl? You're a girl but you're not a normal girl, I guess. I know it makes you so sad that you cry a lot and hurt yourself. I know you cry a lot because you can't have babies. That's really sad and I wish it was different but it isn't I guess. You know who you are at least. Even if it took a long time to be you. You're doing it now and I'm proud of you.
I talked a lot about bad stuff, but I also want you to remember good stuff that happened! Like when we went to Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Like two of them I think! And the zoo's and the theme parks! Like Dollywood! Or that night where you and your older brother crawled under the neighbor's trailer during a big storm to save those baby puppies that were under the trailer! We felt so good that we'd saved the puppies. Or, do you remember when we first started playing Final Fantasy 8 on the playstation? I know you loved that game a lot! It had romance and you wanted to be Rinoa. You watched the intro a lot and took the instruction booklet with you and asked mom if you could listen to Breathless from the Corr's on the portable CD player. You listened to it again and again while you thought about being Rinoa. I remember it made you happy. She was so pretty and you wanted to be like her. Do you remember the first time someone called us "She"? I know I'll never forget! I was being a girl for one of dad's movies and I got to wear a wig and that green dress so I wore mom's shoes and I went outside because I wanted people to see I was a girl. I really wanted people to see me as a girl.
For the movie I had to get hit by a car for one scene, and I was lying in front of the car by the front wheel, and an old lady got super upset and pulled over and ran over to us and said, "Is she okay!?" And I know it made me feel so good. That someone called me she? They saw me as a girl? I knew then even more that I wanted to be treated that way. I wanted to be called "she" but I only could do it online when I talked to other people in gamespy lobbies and stuff. That was one of my biggest moments as a kid! I've never been able to forget it! I know you didn't either! I also remember how I used to record my voice with the stand up microphone and I'd change it so it sounded like a girl. It made me so happy! I know you did that a lot too, and didn't want to talk in games with people because you didn't sound like a girl. You thought a lot about voice changers but you couldn't find one that would work. Now you don't need one!
I guess now I said all that, I want to ask something from you, Ellie? Sorry I wrote a lot. I guess I had a lot to say. Ummm. I want you to start loving yourself more. And loving that you are who you are. Because *I*really, really want to be who *you* are. It makes me sad and hurt when you tell yourself you hate yourself because I know how much happier you are now that you're a girl. Though I guess you always were a girl, you just look more and sound more like one now too!
I wish too that… you would be safe for the nieces and nephews. Because I need a safe person I could tell anything. I don't really have anyone I can tell my secrets to. I wish I had you so I could tell you my secrets. I feel like you'd have taken me away. Even though mom and dad said they'd have me taken away or that I'd get taken if I told anyone what dad did. I feel like you would take really good care of me, even if you would forget stuff a lot. Because you can say "no"! I can't really. If I do, dad hits me and then sometimes hits mom.
Can you please stand up for us? And… Can you please not let people be bad to us anymore? Matthew can't protect us anymore. So you've got to. But I think you'd be a better mom than Matthew would have been a dad. He didn't want to be a dad. Or a brother or a son or husband. So he said he'd never have kids or get married.
Would you be willing to maybe… draw or paint with me sometimes? I like doing that a lot. We could paint cats or draw dragons and knights! I miss watching you and your old girlfriend paint. I wanted to play with her but I was scared and Matthew was always worried she would leave him. But she said she loved him a lot and called him "baby" and they kissed and laid together a lot so I think she did. I don't know though. I guess we all miss her.
Also um… can you please be more nice to everyone? I know Matthew was really sad and upset and he was hurting himself and wanted to die… he said that a lot. But you don't have to live like that anymore. I know you don't look how you should and you have to change your voice… but it makes me feel scared when you get mad at people. You get so mad and it reminds me of dad only… he didn't apologize. You do, though. I guess you should try not to do stuff you need to apologize for.
I guess the last thing is that… when you get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, would you maybe… be a kid sometimes with them? I won't come out. You'll just be little Ellie. But that's good enough for me. I guess I'm a little sad about how things are. I feel lonely and sad and I don't know what to do. I want friends, but I want to be friends with girls. But all the girls you could have been friends with you ended up liking. Or they stopped talking to you when they got boyfriends. I know how sad you were about that. It happened. A lot. You felt like I do about mom and dad and everyone I guess. Like they don't love me or want me. Like they'll leave me alone and I'll be alone. I don't want to be alone, Ellie. I don't like being alone...
I miss your ex girlfriend's friends sometimes. Not all of them. Some of them were mean. But it felt good to have girls to talk to. We both get really, really lonely. I wish I could have talked to them and told them things but I don't guess they cared. They were her friends not yours. You tried to be friends but… you did really bad stuff and then no one wanted to talk to you anymore.
Don't be like dad and your older brother. I know you're not but sometimes I feel like you forget that you've never been like them. We are so sensitive… and we feel so much. I get overwhelmed a lot. You do too. But I'd rather feel too much than not enough.
Ellie? I love you so much. I know you love me too and I wish that things were different for us. I wish we'd been born right but I guess it's just part of our story.
Sometimes I miss Matthew too. Not… that I want to be him but… he was my friend. And he was your friend too. I got so used to him being around that I miss having a guy like him in my life I guess. I guess you do too.
I wonder if his ex girlfriend experienced him the same way we did? He really loved people a lot but he was really hurting and sad and he was so angry and lost. I think he saw parts of you in her, Ellie. He saw someone like you. You saw parts of yourself through his eyes. And you wished you could be like her. I'm sorry stuff got bad. I know you wanted to be her friend, but you and Matthew loved her so much I don't think you could have ever been her friend because she would have other boyfriends and it would hurt you so much you'd cry. But you would have stayed because you loved her. So... I guess that's part of why you pushed her away. Because if you saw her kissing someone else it would make you want to die and it would hurt too much.
Please be good to yourself. We all love you so much and we are proud of how far you've come.
The last thing is… don't hate Matthew? He didn't act right. And he hurt people and was mean sometimes. But he always meant well. He really loved people. He just didn't love himself because he wasn't even real I guess. Don't hate him or blame yourself. He made mistakes. You made mistakes. But… all of those bad things he did, he wished every day he could take it back and make it right. He kept hurting people even though he didn't want to. I guess he was hurting so much that everyone around him ended up hurt too. Which is sad.
Matthew and I still love you so much and we will always be here if you want to talk. We know you're here for us too.
Thank you for being you, Ellie.
Love,
Mattie
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Top 5 ways to get your goat
i've had a couple of days of being rly annoyed at little things so i think this is actually a very time appropriate question lmfaooo. not top 5 probably, but just the ones i've come up with right now upon first thought:
being mean for no reason. my own personal mantra is 'is it true, is it kind, is it necessary' and i really hold that to heart, both in life and in writing and fandom. what is literally the point at all to being unnecessarily rude and untruthful?? fucking yike. when i see someone being rude to a service person/in public/to someone w less power than them, i immediately drop kick them verbally into the next year. i don't tolerate that shit.
being asked how i am doing in a disingenuous way/not being giving room to respond in truth/not being asked at all. i think asking after someone can be a beautiful infinitesimal celebration of their importance to you. i like to engage in that a lot and like to receive that as well.
inability to see things in a nuanced fashion. i wholeheartedly believe that reactive, self-centering extremism in all forms and functions is exceptionally damaging and i don't think enough people in today's day and age have considered how they have been adversely affected by the omnipresent need to have One Right Verifiable Easy Googlable Answer and for that one answer to be theirs.
perfect example of this is fandom itself and the conversation about constructive critique in instances of racist/transphobic/eurocentric/ableist/etc. portrayals. and i think it boils down to [the good place voice] what we owe to each other. and what we owe is not a reflexive hard answer, but an open query and a second of listening. do i have an answer for how to perfectly balance safety and open creativity? no. but i care a lot about asking other people how they feel and asking them to work with me to find out the full range of the set of our answers.
being constrained. by the narrative or by circumstance or expectation or my own limitation. exploring is so wholeheartedly the point for me in so many things. i've realized the more and more i write, the more and more i want to explore and try my hand at new things -- slow unfolding horror, unreliable narration, kinks oh so many kinks, articulations of relationships, meticulous data based stories, etc. i like growth, i like network expansion, i like mycellium, what can i say?
under-seasoning things. it's such a small thing but the longer i live the more i'm like i do NOT want to experience blandness in food or in life. under-seasoning an AU or a worldbuilding in a story? so exceptionally frustrating. to be like, iunno. 'oh it's a/b/o but just with lubricating assholes and mean assholes' is mmm, let me lisa frank and say, "that is a waste!" make it unhinged! make it inhuman in weird ass ways! make it goddamn! queer! and! intersex! (tshirt that says: stop being pussies abt including pussies in your porn dhjgfkbjndk).
+bonus/pursuant to the last: not being enthusiastic/being ashamed about things you enjoy. i'm a type 7w8 on the enneagram and a libra and i just so sincerely think that people should experience the full range of their emotional spectrum and delight in every heightened and aroused moment of it. same in fandom, too, tell me! what you like about a thing! make 20 art pieces with the same palette and concept!! i fucking love it!!!! show me the heart of your muse!!
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other top 5 answers
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Just my two cents...I don't think any of the guys should or want to make comments about the fandom. They said enough and have every right to remain how they are now since they have earned it. Healthy sane fans know their limits and have bounderies, those who don't won't respect it even if they'll speak up. I have a feeling none of them want to hurt fans (despite how insane and delusional they are) or cause a divide in the fanbases especially Jimin. They are rich, famous, sensitive, loved, have good families and support system and about to go solo. Not only it's not very smart career wise it won't be helpful on the long run and it can only cause them more stress and bring judgment. It did noting for the one D guys when it comes to safety and it only threw the fandom into chaos and deeper conspiracy theories and fights between solos, new fans, older fans, shippers, all the groups became even more extrem in their original views thinking they know best what X meant. Every word and facial expression will get picked and twisted and exploit. The guys have more control and peace now with how things are in their personal life than they will have otherwise and i'm refering especially to Jimin because I think he more than the rest won't want to speak up at all. I would have done the same, keep things to myself while maintaining my privacy and my friendships and ~haters can chock. It's impossible to police thousands of unhinged anons on the internet
Hmm. Normally the only thing that works against cults is for the cult leaders to renounce the lies and for trusted friends and family to diligently deprogram cult members for days and days.
But I think you raise some really, really good points here. You've got me thinking, and I need to consider changing my stance. I do want to protect their peace, and I'm not sure saying anything would actually help, so, now I'm leaning toward agreeing with you...
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i'm just thinking about the moonlight scene and the Jenkins interview yesterday about Stede being an unwitting seducer and it just makes the scene so much more enjoyable to rewatch. From Ed's perspective this guy is pulling the smoothest moves of all time, like the most forward, i'm about to sweep you off your fuckin feet lines, looks him right in the eyes and tells him straight up "i'm gonna make you fall in love with me rn." And it COMPLETELY works on Ed like he can't even breath he's being so actively seduced. And even though Stede isn't doing that on purpose at ALL it's almost even MORE effective because he's being so authentically genuine and truthful that he is just exuding pure kindness and love and insight into Ed's soul. It's just so funny to me thinking about how Stede has absolutely no idea what he's doing to this man in that moment.
And it paints all future interactions with them with a completely different brush because one of them is consciously aware of the VIBEZ and one of them is only subconsciously aware. Ed thinks Stede knows what's up so he is purposefully flirting in all their little moments but hesitates to do anything outright because he's getting mixed signals from Stede, he just doesn't know the mixed signals are because Stede doesn't know that Ed knows that he's feeling a vibe and Stede himself doesn't even know what the vibe even means for himself.
It just really subverts the power dynamic that you would expect from this naive sunshine man meeting his broody hero. Stede holds all the power here and he has NO idea that he has Ed wrapped around his finger. Ed wants to leave bc he's afraid of the intensity of his feelings and the mixed signals from Stede and Stede is like "no <3" and puts on a cute outfit and takes him on a walk and makes Ed stay. Stede says he doesn't like Ed's personality around CJ and Ed is so gutted he leaves FOR STEDE not for himself but to spare Stede from himself. While they're being arrested Stede literally just SMILES at ed and ed signs his entire life away for him.
I just think keeping all of this in mind is so important to understanding why their break up is SO melodramatic. Stede has unknowingly taken Ed on this emotional rollercoaster and he's been at following around Stede at his feet like a puppy dog just WAITING for a sign that this is real and Stede isn't toying with him so on the beach everything finally falls into place for the first time and Ed can finally just RELAX he isn't crazy and the power dynamic has shifted so that they are finally on the same page, he doesn't have to feel like he's just pining anymore, they are equally in love and that is so reassuring and validating. AND THEN HE LEAVES. That is such insane emotional whiplash and he was wrong the whole time and he feels like a fucking idiot and he must be SO FUCKING CONFUSED. Because the moonlight scene it seems like Stede is being so fucking crystal clear about his intentions and how could he have possibly got all of this wrong, and he ws right the whole time because Stede kisses him back and agrees to run away but actually no he was WRONG the whole time but how??? and yet it also goes back to that exact same scene where Ed tries to kiss him and Stede doesnt return the energy where this dynamic becomes so unbalanced and murky
no one touch me, alexa play motion sickness
#i should REALLY be doing work right now but feeling extremely unhinged#no careful analysis today just bad vibes#our flag means death#ofmd#our flag means death meta#ofmd meta#edward teach#blackbeard#stede bonnet#blackbonnet
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Watch Dog
Mob!Kylo Ren x F!Reader
(Inspired by the most recent edition of Writer Wednesday hosted by the kind @autumnleaves1991-blog!)
2k, cw: pre-official relationship, very mild angst (mutual pining), possessive feelings; NSFW (voyeurism, exhibitionism, mutual masturbation, phone sex)
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He smokes his cigarette, in the car.
Plumes of grey spill out of the sliver of space that the cracked window gives way to, crisp cool night air keeping him sane, keeping him calm. It’s hard to remain calm when you’ve been threatened in the way that you have – but that’s why he’s there. He’s there, keeping guard per your family’s orders, and that means nothing and no one will harm you.
Still, each and every movement in the dark park he sits and hides in alerts him, alarms him. Kylo’s finger is poised on his gun, ready to unleash his pent up fury on those who would dare harm you. He has been out here, in this park, watching and waiting for nearly four hours now, and…nothing. That was good, he thinks, but deep down, a part of him wishes with a sick sort of hope that someone would happen, so he could show you. He wants you to know how deeply he cares for you, how strongly he loves you. He wants to kill and main and hurt those who would hurt you, he wants you to see it, see what he’s capable of.
So he smokes his cigarette, in the car.
And he waits.
It’s empty, a Wednesday night strangely quiet. Springtime usually meant that Manhattan couldn’t stop bustling with activity, but this is not the case tonight. The park is closed and it is quiet, and Kylo smokes. He’s got the car turned off, no radio or even the hum of the engine to keep him company. He knows some of the other guys can’t do stake-outs like this without a partner to chat away the hours with, but Kylo has no interest in sharing the vision of you with anyone else, so he is alone.
Alone and waiting, for something to happen. His car is parked on the curb across from the townhome safe-house where you’re staying. When the death threats came, your family immediately decided to move you to a more secure location, and they had chosen here. Kylo didn’t agree with it, and he still doesn’t – he isn’t so sure that you’d be safe anywhere other than his arms.
But that would require him to suck it the fuck up and tell you how he feels about you, and he’s not so sure he can do that, not right now, not yet. He’s twenty-five and in love with you, stupidly, painfully in love with you. He has been for twenty of those years, even before he really knew what love was. Your family was extremely close with his family, and he knew that it would be a union that the underground crime world would rejoice about…but he has no way of knowing whether you feel the same way about him.
If the syndicates were a monarchy, you would be the princess of the mob. Beautiful and powerful and ruthless and so sharp, a lie detector and expert interrogator by the time you had graduated high school. Grown men bowed their heads and kissed your ring when you passed, and Kylo? Well, he’s nothing more than muscle, brute blunt force and unhinged rage. He could never deserve you, would never be able to earn your gentle quick witted love.
Which is why he takes every opportunity to be close to you, why he always has, and why he always will. For if he is destined to do nothing other than protect you, he will protect you with every fiber of his being.
He protects you now, sitting in his car, watching, waiting.
It’s late enough that you should be asleep, so when his trained eye catches movement from your bedroom window, Kylo immediately tenses. Holding his breath, he stares out into the lamp-light illuminated street, hunting for danger, daring the threat to make itself known so he can blow their brains out on the pavement.
Your figure comes into view then, a silhouette behind your closed curtains as you turn on a small lamp of your own, your body backlit through the window. Kylo’s cheeks burn with shame the moment he realizes that you’re slipping off your nightgown; he knows he should look away, he needs to give you your privacy…but the contours of your body are intoxicating, mesmerizing. He can’t see much at all, not really, just the shape of you, your details obscured by the curtain, but he can see so much more than he ever imagined. The curve of your breasts, the slope of your back, the line of your arms as they raise up in a stretch that has your body twisting and turning in a way that has Kylo’s mouth watering.
He doesn’t even know that he’s tugging at the belt on his jeans until he’s got his hand shoved inside his briefs, pulling his cock out and hissing around the sudden friction, the cool night air on his exposed skin. Kylo doesn’t look down at himself, doesn’t dare take his eyes off of you as he watches you move around in the safe-house. From one window to the next you go, and Kylo can picture it clear as day in his mind, how beautiful you are, stark naked like this.
It’s creepy, he’s being a creep, he knows, but he can’t stop. He doesn’t want to stop, he loves you so much, it’s overwhelming, god he’s so fucking hard. He exhales sharply through his nose as his fist speeds up, because he thinks, god he hopes that he can see the silhouette of your hands rubbing up and down your chest, and his mouth waters as he pictures himself squeezing and groping you instead.
Suddenly – a loud ringing jolts him out of his daze, and he releases his hard cock like it’s a brand he’s just been burned with. Blinking and choking on his cigarette, he whips his head around for the danger, for the noise, only to see it’s coming from an old payphone next to his car. Pulse rabbiting in his throat, Kylo regards the payphone with confused apprehension. He didn’t know that those things still worked in the first place, let alone that they could receive calls.
Casting a glance to you, he wonders if it’s a trap. But then, then then then, he sees the shape of your body holding a phone up to your ear, and he wonders if…no it couldn’t be.
Could it?
He tucks himself away quickly, the phone is still ringing, the illuminated booth casting a bright glow through the foggy park. He takes the gun with him just in case, and practically squeezes himself into the phone booth, picking it up and silencing the ring.
“Do you like what you see?” Your voice is breathy on the other line, and Kylo has to brace himself, because you sound wrecked, you sound just as horny as he feels.
“I can’t see very much.” Kylo admits, and you chuckle. The sound is warm and spreads through Kylo’s body like wildfire, fills him to the brim with adoration, an obsessive sort of worship. He wants to hear you laugh again, he wants to hear everything.
“How about now?” You tease, coy and devilish, and Kylo frowns, turns back towards the window just in time to see you tug the curtains open.
“Put that away.” His throat goes dry at once as he hisses out the order that he knows he has no business giving, “Someone else might be looking.”
“You don’t want anyone to see me?” You’re grinning, he can tell by the tone of your voice.
With the curtains open like this, he can see the way the moonlight, the streetlamps, how it all reflects off your skin. He can see the peaks of your nipples as the cool air hits them, watches as they stiffen. Fuck he’s hard, he’s leaking in his jeans, cock straining against the fabric.
“No.” Kylo grits out between clenched teeth, a possessive dark curling sensation winding through his veins, makes him shake with want. He watches as your hand travels down down down between your legs, hears the crackle through the payphone as you sigh out a moan.
“Why not?” You already know the answer, you have to know the answer, but you want to egg him on anyway, want to get him riled up.
“Because – fuck, (Y/N), I – ” Kylo grunts and groans, cock throbbing and aching for you.
“Are you touching yourself?” You must not be able to see him too well, but the question sparks something horribly hopeful in his chest.
“Do you want me to?” He pants, a silent plea let me let me let me.
“Please Kylo, please, I want to hear you, don’t you want to hear me?” Your voice lowers a register and Kylo’s hand is shoving back into his jeans with lightning speed, his body stuffed inside the phone booth, the hard plastic receiver tucked between his cheek and his shoulder as he tugs and strokes at himself with this new permission.
“Fuck, fuck yes I do.” He whines, groans into the receiver as he trembles around himself, eyes trained on your window, watching as your hand moves faster and faster, trying to time it together.
Suddenly, you lower the phone to your pussy, and Kylo nearly smacks his head on the glass wall of the booth that he can barely fit inside when he hears the squelch of your cunt around your fingers. His vision starts to black out, creeping around the edges of his gaze, and he grunts and groans as he spits down onto his palm and imagines it’s your slick, imagines he could have you.
And then, like some mind reader, you whine and moan into the phone as you lift it back to your own ear, and ask him something that he’s only ever dreamed of you asking; “You’re mine, aren’t you?”
Your voice curls around his ear, fills the empty spaces between his ribs because he is he is he is, always and forever that’s all he wants to be, but he can’t say it, he can’t get the words out because he knows that once they’re spoken he can never take them back to nurse his pride should you reject him.
“Oh shit, shit (Y/N) I’m going to come.” He groans instead, and you let out a moan at the thought, and then he is coming all over his fist, sticky white ropes splattering onto his stomach.
He feels electric, he feels insane, the way his bones rattle and his nerves spark in that little fucking phone booth that he sullies and dirties with his sweat and spit and come, fuck there’s so much come everywhere – are you coming?
Blinking through the sweat from his effort, Kylo strains to look at you through the window once again, your perfect body on display. No one is around to see, thank fuck, no one is looking at you. Kylo would kill them all, if they were.
He must have missed you coming, because your hands are away from your body, pulling the curtains closed once more.
“Will you be here all night?” You breathe, panting into the phone.
“As long as you need me.” Kylo replies before you’re even finished asking him, and you chuckle.
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m never going to stop needing you.” You admit, and the admission blooms hope in his chest once again. Maybe maybe maybe, maybe you love him too. He can barely fathom the thought, his mouth runs dry like the come that begins to crust up on his shirt.
“That’s fine by me.” Kylo rushes to say, and you chuckle again, post-orgasmic bliss warm in your voice.
“It is?” You have hope in your throat too, and Kylo nods, wondering if you can see the movement.
He knows he’ll go back to his car and sit and wait and watch for danger that may or may not come, when he hangs up the phone. He knows he’ll clean himself off and change his clothes and in the morning he’ll take you to breakfast and he’ll ask you what you mean, what exactly you mean.
But for now, it’s enough to hear your soft laughter and watch your silhouetted body move back to the bedroom. It’s enough to know that you believe him when he nods his head, when he tucks himself away, when you declare with all the sincerity that he can muster, offering his loyalty to you in as many ways as he can, when his deep voice rumbles and promises in that little phone booth, “I’m your watch dog.”
--------------------
Taggin' some Kylo loving friends :) @mochabucky @sacklerscumrag @artsymaddie @bitchydecisions @direnightshade @reyloaddict55 @thembohux @kylorenswhxre @sunflowersinthesnow @babayagakeanu @safarigirlsp @rennasiance-mama @steeevienicks @mousemakingjam @the-unmanaged-mischief @materialisthicc @slut-for-harri @littleevilme13 @erys-targaryen @leillaa @lovinghufflepuffgirl @hswritingrecs @han68000 @rosi3ba3z @chapterhappygirl @schopenhauerdeathsquad @loverofallthings @groovetoob @bxnnywriting @glassbxttless @angel-bxby3 @smallgirlbigpersonality @cowgirl1234 @lovelyyy-luna @2000andwhat @raddo1975 @cornmousequeen
#kylo ren#kylo ren x reader#kylo ren/reader#kylo ren/you#adam driver fluff#adcu#mob!kylo ren#mob au#kylo ren imagine#kylo ren fanart#kylo ren smut#writer wednesday#my writing
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