#i really wish i wasn't so fucking. eugh. i don't know what i look like i only know what is wrong
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#don't let them see this!#im disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting why am i so disgusting i wish i didn't have a body i wish i was hurt i wish i could die i ghhhhh#i really wish i wasn't so fucking. eugh. i don't know what i look like i only know what is wrong#i wish i didn't keep on looking at his messages i wish i didn't want to be hurt more#i wish i was dead goddd#i wanna cry#i just wish i didn't need to deal with all this i don't want to do anything except#look at his messages distract myself or zapio and even then i just#i don't even wanna do anything involving zapio i just wanna make the things i want and i can't and I'm scared#I'm so fucking scared he'll find me#he has files on me he has so much about me he's showed what a freak i am to other people he#he has so much on me and i have nothing on him#i think he will hurt me more and I'm scared#and i keep in going back and looking at what he says and engaging with him and I'm disgusting wish i juiuyf5sgcchjjj#i wanna cry why can't i just listen to people why do i have to do this shit why am i so revolting#why am i like this
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Three of those character ask things from way back that I realize now I only had posted on Dreamwidth. Whoops.
Etain, Corr, and Kal. As always, mind the tags.
Anonymous: Etain
Ohhhh, that's a toughie. All right, I don't know you anon, but you're asking about a controversial character so...proceed with caution?
First impression : I don't think I had very many strong feelings about Etain, but I remember being in line with Kal's take on the situation regarding her pregnancy. Reading it now, there are aspects to it that I feel are way more complicated than how the narrative (and KT's multi-book gaslighting campaign) present them, so I've eased up on that, but that whole plot is still...Eugh. She wasn't really a preferred character, but I grudgingly tolerated her, I suppose.
Impression now : *drags hands down face* Look, I have done like...so much drafting in my head for months about specific Etain things and this is hard, okay. I nearly don't even want to talk about it without at least three separate whole entire papers to point to in order to flesh this shit out, but I'm going to try. Etain's very complicated, primarily because, from a Doylist perspective, knowing anything about how the Jedi work, so many things about how she's written just. Don't fucking make sense. They really don't make sense. Trying to Watsonian the mess is more than a humble ask game can hold. I'll do my best, but yeesh.
(PS. I've already made a separate post talking about how I feel Etain's badly underutilized as a character as well, so I won't be talking about that much either, but I still hold true: Etain had amazing narrative-relevant talents and I wish that had gone somewhere.)
But, Etain. She's actually pretty similar to Skirata in personality, I think. Not identical, but they have a lot of overlap, specifically in their flaws and way of behaving toward others, though the way they express these behaviors tends to differ. The core seems the same, though. Etain obviously has shittier self-esteem, but I feel like they both have a fear of abandonment/need to be special that drives a lot of their behaviors, but Etain's more aware of it and Skirata really isn't. I also think they're both very driven by heart-over-head, both compassionate but so starry-eyed with the idea of doing good for people that they steamroll the same people they're trying to help, which leads into them both having major problems with boundaries and basic communication skills, and both very prone to "othering" anyone not in their in-crowd, to differing degrees of severity. If I was going to Watsonian Skirata's lashing out at Etain throughout the books, I'd say the reason might be besides Etain being a less conventionally attractive woman, is rather because Etain and Skirata are too similar, and while she's alive Skirata is probably subconsciously reacting to that - always jumping to the worst possible conclusion because he sees himself in her, and Skirata has a very complex relationship with his own flaws. Case: Skirata attacks her for things his own POV will sometimes point out are things he does too, sometimes to the point of seeming confused at himself for why he's reacting so strongly, though this never actually goes anywhere since it neither changes Skirata's behavior toward Etain nor makes him examine himself in any more detail. I do think it says a lot that it's there. It's also an interesting compare and contrast exercise, primarily for the following reason:
Because where Etain's different is that 1) none of the other characters ever let Etain get away with shit, so most of the things she pulls get her called out promptly and severely and 2) Etain actually wants to get better about how she treats people. She struggles sometimes and doesn't always get it right, but she's nearly always willing to listen to criticism and will try to do better come hell or high water, even if she doesn't really know what that looks like and ends up forging determinedly ahead in entirely the wrong direction. The spirit is there. I really, really wish therapy existed in Star Wars, because Etain would really benefit from it.
I also find her conversations with Darman where we get to see her from Darman's POV interesting to read, especially later in the series. Around Darman she's always more confident and secure, and it shows, I think. The neuroticism we see from other outside-in looks at Etain (basically only Ordo and Kal, really) dials down significantly, and without the anxiety you get a young woman who's a little stiff and abrupt, even a little stern, but also surprisingly funny and kind. Someone who maybe doesn't smile often, but man, when they do. I feel like we also got a bit of this during her interactions with Mereel, since I remember her POV chapters with him being much less...self-disparaging. So I mean, at least she had two people in this clan she could relax around.
I like her character quite a bit now, actually, lol.
Favorite moment : Etain saving Niner and Fi from shrapnel in Hard Contact. She took initiative on her own and was so pleased with herself afterward; it was kinda cute.
Idea for a story : Instead of Etain dying to save the trooper, it was Skirata, for any reason. Doesn't really matter. I feel like losing Kal in that hero's journey "Death of the Mentor" sort of way would have had a much more interesting impact on the story afterward and maybe saved it from a bit of its...uncertain floundering in follow-up story lines. But also Ordo and Etain, on-scene, having to deal with that, and then the associated, longer-term fallout. It probably wouldn't be about Etain, but the narrative could ride around on her shoulder while everything was happening, so it would be Etain-centric. The dynamics alone would be interesting.
Unpopular opinion : This is nowhere near comprehensive, but: I don't really think Etain tricked Darman into unprotected sex with the intent to get pregnant. I feel like there is reasonable evidence to suggest Darman and Etain were already having unprotected sex even before Etain came to her decision that she wanted kids with Darman someday, no false pretenses required. And I mean, sure, even if they were, I definitely feel like her thinking about the possibility of pregnancy in the future should have at least prompted her to start a conversation before continuing to have unprotected sex with him, but that's still a far cry from the idea she actively sabotaged agreed-upon birth control measures, which I remember was the predominant belief on the forums back when I first read these books as a kid. (Not even getting into the "but did they even have quality sex education" thing because that's straight up headcanon vs headcanon and that's a nightmare road that I will not touch.)
Favorite relationship : (Sorry, Darman, but) MEREEL. Etain and Mereel's friendship came out of left field, but I actually really, really liked it.
Favorite headcanon : That Etain's intersex. Possibly also trans or questioning.
walonvaus: Corr
Hi! Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it! Sorry for the wait; I try to do these in the order I receive them and I had one on Tumblr just before yours.
Corr's tricky for me, and separating what I can draw from him in canon from the way kaasknot's fic fleshed him out in my head is hard, lol. I don't think I entirely succeeded. Not least because I'm falling asleep on my keyboard, whoops.
First impression : I do not remember. He sure existed?
Impression now : For a guy KT liked to use as a MadLibs booklet every time she needed a random character to do anything and then shoved off-screen at every opportunity, he sure managed to make himself interesting. His canon personality is a bit all over the place, but just his story in general? There's so much there. I'm still fascinated by the fact that apparently after finishing his training, Corr was still running with the Nulls for awhile. Presumably he was spinning his wheels until they had a placement for him, like what happened when Skirata recalled him from a mission he was in the middle of with Jaing, but instead of planting him back in the barracks the Nulls just...kept him. Which says something, I feel. Corr's just one of those guys who has an entire novel's worth of shit happening, but it's taking place entirely off screen. His life is a series of noodle incidents and he never talks about himself. Ever. And so noodle incidents they will remain.
Favorite moment : During O66 when Kal's trying to deflect Niner by dropping the bomb about the second army and Corr goes straight on point like a hunting hound so that when Niner starts to go, "That's nice, now back to the topic at ha-" Corr does everything short of slamming a hand over Niner's mouth. I think he actually says something like, "Niner, shut up," or something, with the implied, "What second army?"
Which is very rude of Corr, who up until this point has been characterized as being very careful around Omega in a Must Keep Hands And Feet Inside The Vehicle At All Times approach to this new squad thing. On top of being raised as a line trooper with far stricter standards of behavior. Telling his sergeant to shut up has implications coming from Corr that it doesn't coming from, say, Darman or Atin.
And, sure, it's the exact reaction that Kal wanted, which sucks, but at the same time I think it says a lot about Corr's own priorities as a Line Trooper himself, and a bit that it sort of speaks to me of his time running second to the Nulls' own missions. There's still a part of him that thinks like them, and just like they were Shook upon this discovery, so is Corr. That on top of it being a sudden, intense blow to him as one of the demographics most affected by the war, troopers just like him hit the hardest by dent of numbers and being last in line for everything, feeling the lack of support the hardest, who would hear of these reinforcements who exist but aren't being used or might exist and might be used and just...have a hell of a lot of feelings about it all at once. I just like the characters piece here, that he just doesn't have a reason to care about Jilka over the second army, for all the reasons listed above. Niner doesn't fall for it as an all-or-nothing trade, information on Jilka's situation or information on the second army, but if Corr does, he knows which one he picks. And that's a cool show of his priorities. Also probably something I'm overthinking.
Idea for a story : Corr still being treated like part of Omega once he and Atin make it to Mandalore and reunite with Fi. Just. IDK. A bonding activity. Something. Fi being able to talk to Corr about things Fi might still have a hard time trying to explain to Atin, maybe. Like, you know, maybe Corr's been there before or something.
Unpopular opinion : (I don’t think this series really has popular opinions, but we’ll work with what we have:) Corr still doesn't really understand the One True Marriage/Must Be In Want Of A Wife ideal that most of the rest of the characters in the series were raised with, so him having a "girl in every port" is less him deliberately "playing the field" and more his squad trying to sync his behavior through their own cultural lenses.
Really, Corr's just a friendly guy who sometimes has sex with people he likes, with zero expectations on either side or even the real understanding that there should be (which I wonder about anyway, since Star Wars doesn't have a sex before marriage taboo to my understanding, which would be funny if it was just Skirata but I digress). Those "girls" are his friends. That's literally it. He does not get why his squad mates keep chortling amongst each other and ribbing him about this. Or, he does. Intellectually. But he doesn't get it.
Favorite relationship : I really want to say Mereel even though I've been realizing slowly over the course of the last couple weeks that for all there is so much interesting about their potential dynamic, they basically never interact on-screen in the books? H o w.
All the Nulls he's canonically worked with, so Mereel, Kom'rk, and Jaing.
Favorite headcanon : Corr approaches Jilka flirting because he learned it as a defusing tool from Mereel and no one else was working with her to keep her from eventually snapping and, like, stabbing Besany or something. That's his sole motivation originally, and he's halfway winging it. How the relationship plays out after that - especially when it rapidly grows outside Corr's control on account of him not really understanding why using flirting tactics on someone you live with isn't really the best idea, and maybe or maybe not him actually forming a friendship/actual romantic interest in Jilka - varies to me, but my primary interest is in the culture clash potential.
kaasknot: Kal Skirata
Hi!
Juuust a forewarning, since I don't know if you've seen much of my typical rambling, but I have Strong Feelings about Kal Skirata's character, so. Be warned? Also trying to talk about this without dipping into a bit of TMI is impossible. If you don't want to deal with that, skip the first two impressions, please!
First impression : I first read these books up to True Colors (O66 and 501st came out later) all together when I was a young teenager nearly a decade before I'd finally start being able to admit to myself that I had been abused, and I adored Kal Skirata. He was just like my mom, except better.
Impression now : No argument that KT's main strength is her ability to create vivid characters. Kal as a character is incredibly important to me because he's one of the most perfect characterizations of an (unintentionally but still very) emotionally abusive parent I've ever read. And from a meta standpoint, using Kal - a safe fictional character - as a proxy to sort through my own understanding of my own treatment by my own mother was a useful exercise, since the parallels are so stark. The fact Kal doesn't ever do it on purpose is what matters to me too, because it's too easy for people to decide toxic people are that way by some grand calculating plan, deliberately maneuvering everyone around them like expert chess masters for maximum suffering, when really it's usually just because they're damaged, frightened people lashing out and grasping on instinctively, who aren't capable of recognizing the harm they're doing. Like the emotional equivalent of a drowning person latching on to anyone nearby and not realizing when they shove them down under the water. It's the human desire to be liked and appreciated absent the ability to self-reflect and cope in a healthy, productive manner, and an unwillingness to self-correct when their own lacking behaviors are pointed out to them. Kal wants to be a good person. He wants to do right by his kids and be super-dad and all of that. He really, really wants it, and that makes it easy to excuse him, because his intentions are so good. (Except he's also got a bit of a white savior thing going on, but we're not talking about that right now.)
The fact that being seen as that person (so that he can see himself as that person) matters more to him than actually doing the hard work of correcting his behaviors so he can be that person is where he fails. He wants without putting in any actual, productive effort. If it doesn't make him feel better about himself, it scares him, and he does his best to ignore it away and make everyone validate him so he can pretend he never did anything wrong to start with. This man gaslights like he breathes. He uses dramatic shows to "erase" damage he's done without actually taking into account if the person he's trying to "make amends" to actually feels better after he's done (see: Darman). He can spin the narrative of self-improvement, but he wavers at actually walking it. It's human. It's very, very human. It's part of why a lot of my favorite "what ifs" involve Kal learning how he's fucked up, being forced to confront it, and growing better as a person and forming healthier relationships with his family. At this point I've accepted my mom will never do it, but I like to think Kal would.
But most importantly, that whatever else might have happened in Skirata's life to harm him, whatever his intentions were, that doesn't matter. People aren't allowed to hurt you just because they don't mean to, or because they've been hurt themselves.
TMI OVER
Favorite moment : Okay, so after he shakes hands and leaves Altis's ship and realizes he's still contagious with the vaccine-fever and he just looks at his hand in disgust and then mutters something like, "I should have charged you." I laughed.
I really, really like when Kal actually is the put-out old crook dragged kicking and screaming into something approximating morality by his love for six little boys, and I wish he'd been written that way more often, because he talks about himself that way sometimes but too obviously views himself as more-moral-than-thou at literally all times, not helped by KT warping reality around him to always make sure he's the most right and moral character in the series, and I just feel like it's a series of missed opportunities. The put-out old crook Kal we could have had is an icon.
Idea for a story : Sort of brainstorming this for a little while now, but: Time travel. Falin gets dumped on Ordo shortly after being found by Munin but before Munin manages to erase his name, or Ordo travels back and stumbles across little Falin and promptly kidnaps him because Munin is a Hard No. It'd be about breaking the cycle of abuse, Falin/Kal getting a better start after the hell he had to deal with and deserving much better than fucking Munin, and Ordo/the Nulls having the opportunity to recognize Kal's bad treatment through having to parent Falin/realizing where Kal came from and grappling with their own unwillingness to pass those things on, and coming to terms with why they don't want to pass those things on. For obvious reasons, them coming to terms with their own poor treatment and not really being equipped to deal with Falin's trauma, means there would have to be a broader cast to provide support, possibly even take over as Falin's primary caregiver for awhile (good luck getting past a freaked out and protective Ordo, but I have faith in his clan) but that's more detail than I've got so far. Point is the Nulls (especially Ordo) coming face-to-face with Falin.
I'm actually sort of attached to Laseema in particular recognizing aspects of Falin's treatment under Munin and actually being a good point of connection for him. She understands better than anyone else in that house exactly what sort of thing Falin's gone through, I think. At least the losing everything parts, and being taken, and being expected to perform to a new expectation by these strangers you have no power to combat, not even to keep your own name. Human trafficking victim to human trafficking victim. I have an image of Falin nursing a wild bird back to health, and, being Kal still, wanting to keep it forever even once it's healed, and Laseema walking him out into the yard, and talking to him beyond the range of anyone else's hearing, and eventually convincing him to let it go.
Unpopular opinion : *shrugs* Kal's a polarizing character. I love analyzing him and I'm very critical of him and want him to face some hard consequences, which is going to be very unpopular with 50% of fandom and perfectly fine with the other 50%.
Favorite relationship : Vau. They're both shitty old people and their relationship is hilarious. Literally the only character Kal doesn't have any sort of hold on, and they fight like cats and dogs but with the impression that they'll be shoulder-to-shoulder at the pub later or something. Angry, toxic old couple who fight all the time but will back each other up when it comes to fucking with the HOA inspector.
Favorite headcanon : Okay, I erased the BS I invented on the spot that lived here last time. Honestly, I spend so much time focusing on canon!Kal that I don't really have any headcanons I can point to in a snap. He gets his share of attention already. Unless some of my interpretations of his canon actions dip into headcanon territory, this is all I've got.
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I agree with you as I'm not sure why they didn't start looking for a new screenwriter when the show was originally renewed. Its as if they rushed it all last minute as everything seemed all over the place. Unfortunately, its pretty common along turkish screenwriters to be obsessed with love triangles and surprisingly hard to find a decent writer these days. Just yesterday a new turkish show trailer was aired which also had a love triangle 🙃
I'm guessing the cancellation came from Murat being the main one to object the script because he is the main protagonist in the show. You cant really blame the man for not wanting to play out another dumb triangle lol. It wouldn't work if he wasn't happy. I also think his wife being pregnant (the rumour is) might have played a part as they've been wanting a baby for the longest time so im sure this might have played into his decision making. It's still all confusing to be honest and pretty much unfair to everyone (especially us fans who were waiting).
Aziz was the most successful internationally but turkish channels still have cancelled several shows which were popular worldwide. They've done it plenty of times before with really popular shows.
Yeah, you are definitely right about Damla she's not really anything special in terms of acting. A lot of her projects she's done are indie or Internationally smaller projects. Her fans were annoyed that she didn't get any praise for the playing Dilrubra whereas Simay Barlas has had endless praise for her role as Efnan. Even people who dropped the show were praising Simays acting after the cancellation news. Her fans are rabid animals honestly (just to be blunt Lol).
EXACTLY. It feels like there wasn't enough time JUST because they didn't prepare (doing fuck knows what for almost 3 months when they should be working instead). Gee, what kind of obsession it is with the love triangles?.. JUST LET IT GO. Actually, i think no screenwriter should EVER do that if they have even a tiny bit of respect for their profession. Eugh... i'm still pissed at Eda for the 19-22 episodes — i mean, what the actuall fuck was that?! Don't they get sick with themselves just reading that on paper? Jesus. I saw Eylem's shows, and i actually think we could have a decent season if she would be the main screenwriter.. i'm not even pissed at the finale, because it was decent (considering how much Eda messed with the plot so Ali Onur and co had to fix her shit), but decent as in THE CLOSING OF THE CHAPTER, NOT THE ENTIRE SHOW. I'm pissed at the fact that they didn't adrress any of the main topics, like:
— Kenan's punsishment for killing Mustafa (forever mad);
— Maksude's hapinnes (also forever mad)
— Adem's story (there could be so much more to it...)
— Aziz basically ruling Hatay (otherwise why would they mention the parliament, jesus, i'd love to see that..)
and SO MUCH MORE. This show had so much potential for further development, and it's all just wasted for nothing over MONEY. I'm curious why they made us wait before announcing the cancellation, either it was planned from the start (knowing how they shot the finale) and they were just toying with us (fucking cruel thank you), or it was actually a last-minute decision
Oh, i didn't know about the baby! Whether it's true or not, i wish Murat & Iman every happiness 💜 Lmao, the whole cast went "we're not doing this shit thank you" and i respect that 💀 How little respect you must have for your abilities in order to actually be involved in something like that... not blaming anyone from the cast, because it's outrageous to say the least. I blame ShowTV and O3Medya for behaving like fucking immatures instead of fulfilling their DIRECT DUTIES. It's disrespectful to the fans, the cast, and the entire crew that worked on the show to make a living
See, i just don't get it. If you KNOW something is popular and you can make money from it, WHY CANCEL IT? Aren't you the ones to directly make a profit out of selling the show abroad? don't you get all the money? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT LOGIC. Are they the only ones to do that??
Honestly, it really looks like sabotage to me
i saw only 2 of Damla's project, one is an indie movie called Sibel and the show from Netflix, the Ottoman Empire (i love Tuba Buyukustun very much, so), and she was.. okay in both projects, but nothing mind-blowing really. Simay's getting praised because she is both the main lead and for her ASTONISHING performance (it can be very easy for a young actress to get lost near someone like Murat, but she said "hold my beer, i'm gonna nail it"). We can't help but stan 💜 Sorry Damla's fans, stay mad i guess lol 💀
I'm actually looking forward to their future projects (that is, of course, if a miracle won't happen. You can't blame a person for hoping), because i loved them all very much and this was truly perfectly harmonized cast who seemed to have fun working together 💜
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