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hannie-dul-set · 8 months

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HOME FOR THE BITCHLESS [6].

SYNOPSIS. wherein your friend offers a room for you to crash in while your dorm is being renovated, but fails to mention that your new housemates don’t know how to talk to women (oh, and they also have an ongoing bet about you, too).

PAIRINGS. choi soobin, choi beomgyu, lee heeseung, park jongseong, sim jaeyun, park sunghoon x female! reader. GENRE. housemates! au, rom-com, sitcom, reverse harem time baby. WARNINGS. almost drowning, a nauseating amount of stupidity, swearing, sex jokes, bribery, the boys are shirtless for most of the chapter. WORD COUNT. 5.2k.

TAGLIST. @cerealdreamwriter @tyongff-ff @dinonuguaegi @certifiedmoa @blueberrgyuu0 @primantha @blu3bell4 @nunugget @hoshi-is-ult-bbg @captivq @tocupid @seosalad @ddazed-lhs @gyuszie @mifuyuyo @error-cant-function @twocupsofsuga @flowerbe0m @dangerousconnoisseurbanana @laviesm @keikeu @elavin @chaemmie @rikisly @satsuri3su @gyugyubin @junhuicosmo @skzenhalove @luvkpopp @yansbolobao @emer-syn @eggomi @drunkinjake @soobiverse @deobitifull @haechanspudu @yawnzzn27 @7myoi @toothfa-1-ry @imsiriuslyreal @maimoirs @whippedforbeomgyu

NOTE. this is my favorite chapter so far i think i peaked here. the ppt scene was inspired by anthpo, my professors' tendency to use the socratic method to instill trauma in their students, and hoshi from seventeen's tiger agenda. also, most of this was written before i found out odi has passed 😔 fly high little guy.

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CHAPTER 6 — the obligatory pool episode.

THERE’S A HEATWAVE IN TOWN. When you wake up, it feels like you got transported into Satan’s rectum. It’s sweaty and disgusting under your covers, and kicking them off does nothing to appease the hellish humidity inside your room. But when you roll over to grab the remote for the air conditioning, blindly press on the button, nothing happens.

You try again.

It’s not working.

You jolt up from your bed, hair a mess, and armpits too sweaty for comfort. A power outage. Of course, there’d be no power on the hottest day of the year.

“Fucking shit, I’m so hot,” you announce as you make your arrival downstairs. It’s only Sunghoon and Jay in the living room. They turn away from their game of jenga upon your arrival.

“Yeah, you’re super hot,” says Jay. “I mean, damn global warming sure sucks, huh?”

The wooden tower collapses. You stifle out a grunt of agreement. “Apparently some feeders in the neighborhood broke down,” Sunghoon informs you. “They’re still fixing it. The generator also wasn’t working when Heeseung hyung went down the basement to turn it on. I think we need to get that fixed too.”

Well, shit. That’s not good news. You give Sunghoon a pat on the head for speaking thirty-six words to you today before walking over to the kitchen. Last time you checked, there was a stash of popsicles in there. You’re pretty sure they haven’t been completely water-fied by the blackout yet.

For some reason, upon nearing the kitchen island, the fridge door is hanging open. You understand why when you step on something— er, someone— on the way towards your frozen delight. “Ow!” Beomgyu hisses from the floor. There’s remnants of cold wind filtering out from the refrigerator. Beomgyu has claimed it as his territory, and he’s glaring up at you from his spot. “Watch where you’re going.”

“‘Scuse me.”

You walk over him, hiking one leg across his torso before infringing upon his fridge monopoly to grab a half-melted melon bar. This isn’t exactly how Beomgyu imagined how it’d be like to be in between your legs. “I’m not sure if you’re dense or if you just don’t give a fuck,” he says, propping himself up by the elbows as you dig through a plastic bag.

“I really just don’t don’t give a fuck.” You snap a bite out of the pale green popsicle. “Want one?”

“Give.”

“Go get one yourself.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sure you’d love to.” You close the fridge door shut and make sure to kick his side with your foot when you cross over him again. He lets out a cry of pain. You turn back, satisfied with your cold exploits, but there is no wall separating the living room and the kitchen, so Sunghoon and Jay were witnesses to that entire conversation. “Do you also want a bite?” you ask. Their ears burn a couple degrees brighter before declining.

Was that an intentional insinuation? Yes. Do you enjoy destroying their composure on purpose? Also yes. It’s a new hobby you picked up since staying here, and it’s definitely one you’ll miss once your dorms get fixed and you’d have to move out. Jay and Jake are both particularly difficult to get through, but sometimes you can manage to fluster the former, just like now. Jake has been impossible so far. You’ll get him one day. He can’t be left unscathed.

This may seem terrible, and sometimes you do get a teensy bit conscientious when one of them starts crying or becomes temporarily incapacitated— until you remember they have this whole secret bet going on that definitely involves you, so you should be allowed to fuck around this much, right?

“Hey! Why don’t we have a pool party?”

The genius idea comes from Jake. You immediately run up back to your room upon hearing the suggestion to change into a bathing suit, pausing right before your door because you don’t want anyone waving the PD&J at your face for indecent attire again. So you throw on a beach kimono for the safety of your wallet. They emptied the jar out yesterday to buy some meat for a barbecue party that’s supposed to be scheduled this weekend, but looks like you’re gonna be having that sweet, sweet pork belly tonight right by the chlorine scent of the pool.

You hurry downstairs, so fucking ready to be submerged in cool, refreshing water. But when you get to the courtyard— all the boys already loitering in and around the pool— you realize something.

Something a little dangerous.

“You’re finally here!”

Oh no. They’re hot.

“We’re playing chicken fight, come jo—”

A rather scantily clad Sunghoon pushes an equally scantily clad Jake off Soobin’s unclothed shoulders and into the splash of the water. They are all bare-skinned, glistening wet, and although it’s not a bad sight to behold at all, it’s a discovery that you wish had remained undiscovered until you finally leave this damned house.

Listen. It’s not like you’ve never seen any of them shirtless or almost naked before. Jay was literally in his highlighter underwear when you first met him. But you were never put in a situation where you’re able to look at them closely because all those times have been meshed with something stupid.

It’s very easy to overlook their general attractiveness when they all act like third-graders, bitchless losers, scandalized Victorian men, or all of the above at the same time, in the same sequence. It’s really easy to forget that.

But Heeseung has his soaked tank top sticking to his skin and Beomgyu is pushing his wet hair back with a wide grin. Your housemates might actually be a tad bit more attractive than your prolonged, initial impression of them. This can cause a little internal trouble.

“Why aren’t you getting in the water?”

Soobin is the one that’s asking, having already left the water fight in the middle and is now looking up at you, chest deep near the pool’s edge. You look down. You’re not sure if he’s looking directly at you because you’re a little focused on his toned arms resting above the ledge, but if he is, then good on him for keeping up with his eye-contact practice hours.

“Hey,” you call out, crouching down and hugging your knees. “Do you work out?”

Silence. Pink scatters across Soobin’s cheeks. He coughs out an unintelligible response and disappears back under the water, quietly swimming away. Yes. This is how it should be.

Feeling a lot more at ease after confirming you still have the upper hand, you finally dip your legs into the pool and stretch out your back with a satisfied groan. Fuck, this is perfect. You’re honestly unsure how you’re supposed to transition back into life at the dorms when this house has a perfectly refreshing pool at your disposal. You don’t remember what life was like before this. You’d live here for the rest of your life if you could. But you have enough pride in your system to prevent you from extending your verbal contract with Jake. Two months. It’s a few days past the halfway point now. All you could do is enjoy this life of comfort as much as you can.

Until it gets ripped away from you in the form of Jake yanking your ankle and dragging you under the water with a horrifying splash.

Before you know it, you’re gasping for air and grabbing the nearest thing your arms could reach out for so you don’t fucking drown— but when you finally manage to rise back to the surface, a loud inhale of air into your lungs, the person you managed to hold onto just happens to be Heeseung.

Heeseung, who’s looking down at you with wide, alarmed eyes while you’re wrapped around his waist. Heeseung, who shoves you back into the water out of panic and shock and whatever the fuck his problem is.

Jake rushes to pull you back up. Heeseung is dead to you.

“I’m sorry.”

He failed to kill you so he’s now down on his knees, timid palms on his lap, and head lowered in guilt.

“I am very sorry,” Heeseung repeats. “I am deeply reflecting on my actions.”

You’re sitting on the half log shaped chairs on the courtyard, still wet, arms and legs both crossed in petulance as Sunghoon quietly dries your hair with a towel from behind (no, you didn’t scare him into doing this).

“Stand up.” He flinches at the tone of your voice. “Go get yourself dried up so we can finally start the barbecue.”

He’s awfully obedient. You watch as his slumped figure trudges back into the house. “Was that too much?” The back of your head hits Sunghoon’s bare stomach when you try to look at him. He’s holding your head in his hands with the damp towel in between.

“You’re always a little much,” he mumbles.

“Is that a bad or good thing?”

Sunghoon ponders for a moment, staring at your upside down face. “More is always better than less?”

You smile, snatching the towel from his hands and jumping off from your seat. “Good answer.” Two gentle pats of praise on his cheek set his skin on fire. Speaking of fire, you can already smell the scent of smoke and deliciously cooking meat wafting in the air, so you run over to Jay who’s on grilling duty, hoping to get an early bite.

“Can you pass me a plate?” he asks, flipping the cut up pieces of meat on the barbecue grill. “Thanks.”

“Gimme one.” You open your mouth, chasing after the slice of pork belly on his tongs until he brings it closer to your mouth for you to bite. “Holy shit,” you muffle out, hot air escaping from your lips.

“Good?” he asks.

“Very good.” You swallow the piece. “One more?”

He lets you snack on a bunch of well-done beef before they could reach the plate and at some point he mentions, as you’re tearing open a few packs of ramyeon to cook, that you look a lot like the curled up pieces of shrimp he’s currently grilling. You narrow your eyes at him, hand dangerously hovering above boiling water with a square of raw noodles. “Are you trying to say I look charred and have a terrible posture?”

“No.” Jay raises a piece of shrimp in the air, showing it off to you. “Doesn’t it look cute?”

Now that you’re looking at it a little closer, it does look kind of cute. Huh. “Would you eat me if I was a grilled shrimp?”

Jay thinks about it. He keeps thinking until you start smelling something burning. “I’d keep you safe in my pantry,” he finally answers.

“So you’ll just let me spoil over and die?”

His expression drops. “Fuck.” The shrimp is unsalvageable. “I guess I’d have to eat you.”

The rest of dinner goes on as you expect. Jay and Beomgyu take turns over the grill until Jake thought he’d be naturally gifted over the fire and ended up making charcoal with the last pack of galbi (“It’s fine!” he said. “I’ll take care of it!”) and today’s heatwave suddenly becomes a whole lot hotter with the rising flame on the fucking grill right when Soobin brings out the marshmallows for dessert. It gets quickly defused by a fire-hydrant bearing Heeseung. Now your charcoal galbi has toxic frosting on them. This is the sign to move on to the next part of the program.

The set of log-themed chairs on the courtyard has a bonfire set-up at the center. Of course this unreasonably nice house has that. It’s already getting dark, ink seeping into the orange tintent sky. Jake decides to redeem himself after watching Heeseung fail to set up the chunks of wood for the nth time. “You don’t know how to start a fire? Dude, that’s so lame.”

“You burnt all our remaining meat with those fire starting skills of yours,” Heeseung huffs, stepping aside for the self-proclaimed camping expert.

“You still ate them.” You’re pretty sure that isn’t healthy.

“Because you would’ve felt sad if I didn’t.”

“You’re both equally lame,” Beomgyu chides, plopping down beside you with a bag of chips that you unceremoniously dig your hand into. “You two haven’t even had your solo chapters yet.”

A flame erupts on the bonfire. Both of them turn to look at Beomgyu. “What?”

“What are we arguing about?” Jay joins in, looking a little too excited for the squabble.

“About the fact that I’m cooler than both Heeseung and Jake.”

Heeseung’s expression falls flat. “You dropped out to become a streamer.”

“Leave of absence! I took a leave of absence and I’m coming back next year!”

Sunghoon and Soobin are both just ignoring the mess, roasting their skewered marshmallows on the bonfire and you aspire to be that level of unbothered. “Let’s consult a professional’s opinion,” Jay suggests, and all their eyes immediately fall on you. “Who do you think is the coolest?” Apparently that professional is you.

“This is like asking which dwarf is the tallest midget,” you wrinkle your nose. “But alright. Why don’t we settle this like real men?”

“Arm wrestling?” Sunghoon jumps in.

“Cooking contest?” Heeseung pitches.

“Do you want us to beat the shit out of each other right now?” Jake’s eyes fly wide open, alarmed. “I don’t think that’s a healthy way of settling arguments.”

“The fuck? No,” you spit out. “Thirty minutes. Prepare a powerpoint presentation explaining why you’re the coolest loser. Convince me. Ten slides max. Good luck.”

Something about almost naked men scattered around your home premises, aggressively typing on their keyboards with so much concentration and determination is so funny. You’re enjoying the raw bag of marshmallows by yourself beside the fire, watching as Heeseung starts panicking when you yell out “Five minutes left!” and starts typing even more aggressively. It’s pretty entertaining. Why haven’t you done this before?

At some point Jake brings out a projector and a projector screen to the courtyard. Seems like the power is back on, and your classroom of death has been set in place.

“Okay. Who wants to go first?”

You’ve produced a clipboard while they were working very hard on the PPTs earlier, legs crossed, fire crackling in front of you, and you click the butt of your pen in intermittent seconds as you scroll your eyes from left to right across the six boys standing in front of you. Heeseung looks confident. Jay and Beomgyu, too. There’s sweat dripping down Sunghoon’s forehead and Jake is furiously flipping through his notepad like he’s cramming for a final exam. But the poor, unfortunate soul that just had to look away from your gaze is none other than—

“Choi Soobin.” He flinches, nearly letting go of the laptop he has clutched against his chest. “Give it a go. The rest of you sit down.”

He looks rattled. “I’m not— I’m not really good at presentations,” Soobin chokes out, and the rest disappear from his side.

You let your chin rest on your knuckles, leaning forward. “Are you forfeiting? Is this a forfeit I’m hearing?” He doesn’t respond. You sigh. “Choi Soobin, are you settling with a D? A tiny, miniscule, measly D?” Beomgyu lets out a snort. You shoot him a sharp stare. “The other Choi, please shut the fuck up unless you want me docking points from you. Choi number one, please start your presentation.

Beomgyu straightens in his seat and Soobin hesitantly clears his throat, turning towards the blank, white projector screen as he holds the clicker with a visibly shaky hand. “Good— good evening,” he starts. “My name is Choi Soobin, and today I was tasked to explain why I am the coolest housemate out of the six. The answer is I am not. I’m not very cool. But—”

When he clicks to the next slide, your clipboard clatters on the ground.

“But I do have a hedgehog, and that’s kinda cool?”

“Holy shit,” you exhale a breathy squeak, the picture of the rodent’s cute little snout occupying half of the large screen. Soobin cycles through a bunch of photos of his hedgehog and the various screams of delight you’re eliciting after each photo makes him smile a little bit more. “Look at that little guy! Oh my god. What’s his name? Where is he? Can I meet him? Please let me meet him, Soobin I am begging you, I will get on my knees for you.”

“His name is Odi and he’s currently living at my parents’ house,” he explains. “I’ll invite you sometime.”

“That’s cheating! This isn’t part of the guidelines!” Jake interrupts, pointing an accusatory finger at the photo of Soobin holding Odi in his hands. Your coos are unceasing.

Heeseung nods along. “Professor, I believe this is completely unrelated to our topic at hand.”

Soobin looks visibly offended. You straighten your expression and click your tongue. “Ahem,” you start. “As much as I believe that Odi is the darn cutest little shit to ever exist and I will die for him given the chance, Heeseung is right. Mr. Choi, I’m afraid I’d have to give you a C.”

He presses the clicker. The slide is back to the video of Odi running down a slide.

“Okay. B minus.”

Now it’s the one where he’s laying stomach-up on the floor.

“Fuck. God dammit. B plus and that’s it. Soobin, sit down. Heeseung, you’re up next.”

Soobin seems satisfied with the grade, dimples popping out with a smile as he takes Heeseung’s seat in the audience when the latter readies himself for his turn. He stifles out a cough-laugh, one corner of his mouth crookedly twitching upward, confidently sauntering up to the front with his iPad, and it’s mildly unsettling because he’s usually Nervous Boy #2. But it’s almost cheating how pretty his teeth are when he’s smiling.

And apparently he’s aware of that fact. Because after projecting his title slide (LEE HEESEUNG 101: the anatomy of a Cool Guy™), the next thing that appears is actually a photo of his very charming smile, coupled with Chip Skylark’s “My Shiny Teeth and Me” as the background music for his scientifically-grounded explanation. The next slide is a zoom in of his eyes next to a photo of Bambi. He has a venn diagram. This is actually pretty compelling.

Heeseung is a good speaker. He’s really good. The rest of his presentation goes smoothly, finishing it up with a list of references in APA format. Jake and Jay give him a round of applause. “If you have any questions, I’ll be more than happy to answer them,” he smiles.

“That was a fantastic presentation, Mr. Lee. I particularly liked the part when you demonstrated your ability to make very impressive, but also very alarming sounds with your fingers.” You flip through your very blank clipboard, nodding and throwing out hums at the times you deem appropriate. “I’d give you an A plus, but...I have one question for you.”

He nods. “Yes?”

“Heeseung, can you hug me?”

It evidently catches him off-guard, just as you predicted— persona of confidence crashing down like a waterfall as he stutters out, “Wh—what?”

You clear your throat. “Only cool people are able to hug me. I need to confirm that you’re cool.”

“I can hug you!” Jake declares right next to you.

You blindly reach out your arm to give him a head pat. “See. Jake says he can hug me so he must be pretty cool. Heeseung, you can do the same, can’t you?

There it is. He’s back to being nervous and you feel like your job here is done. “O–of course,” he stifles out, following it with a strained laugh of weak incredulity. “Why wouldn’t I be able to hug you?”

“Then prove it.” You stretch out your arms, ready to squeeze and be squeezed. “Give me a big ‘ol squeeze, pretty boy.”

You stay like that for ten seconds as Heeseung remains glued to his spot in front, eyes shaking and nipping at the dead skin on his lips. You let your arms fall back to your sides. “Okay. C minus. Next.” His expression quickly transforms into offense.

“I feel like this grading system is a scam.”

“No hug, no opinion. Sit your ass down,” you click your tongue, smacking him with the clipboard when he weakly trudges back and squeezes next to Beomgyu on the crowded seat to your left with the box of snacks occupying most of the fake log, even though there’s clearly enough space next to you because Jay already started walking to the front even without your instruction.

Jay does not give an introduction, only a rough clear of his throat and he opens his presentation with just a slide occupied with his face. Slide two is another picture of his face, only slightly zoomed out. The next one has the hashtag JWU. Then there’s a full body mirror selfie.

The rest of the presentation proceeds in the same manner— a wordless slideshow of what is possibly his Instagram feed and before you know it, it’s already over. “Okay,” you exhale, pressing your palms together in front of your lips. “I understand that you are indeed a very handsome individual, Mr. Park, but what does that have to do with the assigned topic?”

“The question is why I am the coolest one here,” he says. “I’m cool because I’m Jay Park.”

It falls quiet.

You finally break the silence.

“Shit, that’s a pretty compelling argument.”

“This is bullshit!” Sunghoon argues. “He didn’t even say anything! There was no discussion! He should be disqualified.”

Jay remains unfazed. He defends with irrefutable wisdom, “Sometimes pictures speak louder than words.”

“Damn.” You let your clipboard fall to your lap. “I’m giving you an A.”

“Fuck yeah.”

Your decision elicits outrage from some of your students. “How is he getting a higher grade than me?!” one of them raises.

“He’s getting a higher grade because he doesn’t think I have cooties, Heeseung.”

Heeseung throws his arms in the air in defeated frustration as Jay takes his snug seat right next to you again, a victorious smile gracing his face. You run your eyes through your scratch paper once more, pen tapping at the edge of the board. “Beomgyu, do you want to go next?” you ask, which is a mistake on your part because he starts acting just as obnoxious as Heeseung, which— if anything— just triggers your desire to make him crumble to his knees.

He even pulls out a lecture stick, testing it out by snapping it at full length on his palm. Is the fucker trying to go after your role as professor? Where the fuck did his glasses suddenly come from?

“Alright,” Beomgyu begins, the first slide displaying the words Why Choi Beomgyu is the coolest Housemate. “First thing’s first, does anyone in the audience know what my name is?”

“Oh, me!” Jake raises his hand. “Choi Beomgyu!”

“Correct!” The next slide appears when he hits the screen with the stick, revealing his name in a large, bold font with large spaces in between each syllable. “Choi. Beom. Gyu. Choi Beomgyu. Now, I’d like to direct your attention to this specific syllable right here—” he draws a circle around ‘Beom,’ “—what does Beom mean?”

“Offense,” Sunghoon answers. Beomgyu’s face scrunches up.

“What? Fuck, no. Another meaning— oh! Yes, Soobin hyung?”

“Tiger?”

His eyes brighten. “Exactly!”

The next slide is a photo of a tiger on a field of green grass, grooming its fur as Beomgyu passionately rattles on with fun facts about the animal. You have no idea where this is going. “Tigers are some of the most amazing creatures on the planet, they are the largest members of the cat family and are renowned for their power and strength. As the largest member of the cat family, Tigers are strong, powerful and one of nature's most feared predators—”

“Did you get that from a website?” Jay interrupts.

Beomgyu dismisses him. “Yes, I did, but that’s not the point. The point is—”

Next slide. A hit from his lecture stick. It’s more text. Beom = Tiger. Beom = Choi Beomgyu’s cute nickname. Tiger = Beomgyu.

“We have discussed that tigers are the coolest animals in the world. My name has tiger in it. Therefore I am the coolest person here. End of presentation. Thank you.”

He drops the stick to the ground and is about to walk away with Jake’s applause, but your penetrating stare stops him right before he reaches the crackling bonfire. You scribble on the clipboard before letting it settle face-down on your lap. You look up at him. “Beomgyu, are you a furry?”

Beomgyu freezes. He lets your question settle in his system before voicing out a very loud, very crunchy, “What the fuck?”

“Is this your way of telling us that you’re a furry?”

“No! What are you talking about?” he hisses. “I’m just saying that since tigers are cool, that means I’m also cool and—”

“So, you’re identifying with a tiger?” you cut him off.

He presses his lips together, cautious. “Yes…”

“Because you have the word tiger in your name?”

“Yes.”

“And because they’re cool?”

“Yes. We’ve established that alr—”

“Okay, so you’re a furry?”

“Ye— no!” he yells out. “I’m not a fucking furry!”

“Understood. You’re a furry in denial.” You write something down on the clipboard. Beomgyu’s shoulders slacken in defeat. “I’m giving you a B plus. Take a seat, Tigerboy.” Though he grumbles in distaste, he listens to you anyway, trudging deflatedly back to his seat next to the equally grumbly Heeseung.

There are two people left to be victimized. Jake looks excited, so you don’t want to indulge his positive emotions. “Sunghoon,” you call out with a pleasant smile. He squeezes his eyes shut and mutters something under his breath before forcing himself up the log without you having to tell him. “Good boy. Go set up your thing.”

Unlike the rest, Sunghoon doesn’t have a laptop or phone or flash drive with him when he awkwardly takes the presenter spot in front. He’s standing on the balls of his feet, arms tucked behind his back and lips tightly pressed together nervously. “Mr Park,” you pull down your clipboard. “You’re free to project your slides.”

“Well,” he coughs out. “The thing is.”

“Yes?”

He exhales loudly. “I don’t have any slides.” You raise a brow. “I don’t know how to use powerpoint.”

You look at him. “I see.”

“I don’t know how to use this projector, either.”

You pause.

“Okay. I understand.” He breathes out a sigh of relief. “Alright, next present—”

“Wait!” Sunghoon stops you. “I can still give my presentation, I don’t need any dumb slides! I’m just as cool, if not cooler than the rest of them, so you can’t just skip over me.”

“Mr. Park,” you start. “Unfortunately, one of the criteria for this presentation is the quality and organization of your slides. I do not see any slides being presented, Mr. Park. You may present next time once you’re fully prepared.”

“What about Jay?” he tries to reason. “He just showed you a preview of his camera roll!”

The man in question has his mouth hanging open, pausing in the middle of stuffing a nicely toasted marshmallow into his mouth. You let out a sigh. “He had philosophy, Mr. Park. Philosophy,” you explain. “Do you have philosophy? Are you confident that you can convince me with your words alone? Without the help of cute animals and pictures of your pretty face?”

At the mention of his face, his knitted brows of frustration quickly melt into faint pink hues dusting his cheeks. You sniffle a little, rubbing a finger under your nose as you flip through the next page of the clipboard that’s resting on your lap. “Meet me in my office after class,” you tell him. Sunghoon grunts and stomps back to his seat in defeat.

“This sucks balls.”

“You have quite a few options to pick and choose from here,” you hum. “Jake, you’re the last one up. Please tell me you have a presentation prepared.”

“I do, and it’s gonna blow your mind,” he grins.

“Looking forward to it.” You watch blankly as Jake runs up to the front to connect his laptop to the projector, an excited bounce in his every movement and you start wondering how you can shatter this one’s hopes and dreams.

He asks if he can start. You give him a nod. At the click of a button, something boomerangs into the blank screen with 2007 Windows graphics and animation. The atrocious mismatch of fonts say Jake Sim is the coolest one here and here’s why.

“Reason number one—” Jake starts his presentation, turning over to the next slide and your vision is attacked with more outdated graphics, more jarring transitions and animations. “—I’m super funny. Allow me to demonstrate.” He begins by clearing his throat. “What did the Italian chef get sent to jail for?”

“What?” you go along.

“Too much assault.”

An assault is also a very proper descriptor for his PPT aesthetic. An assault to your eyes. It’s like watching a car crash that you can’t look away from even if you try. Reason number two is that he has a great smile (he does). Reason number three is because he has a dog (he also does). Reason number four doesn’t exist because he miscounted and skipped over to Reason number five.

“And lastly, Reason number ten—”

He takes something out of his pockets. It’s a couple dozen bills being thrown into the air.

“I have a lot of money.”

The rest of the boys are quiet. Jake grows quiet too, chest rising and falling after that very enthusiastic presentation and his wide grin slowly melts into that muddled with nervousness and unease because you aren’t saying anything yet— just looking at him with stern eyes and a sharp gaze. “W-well?” he rasps. “How did I do…?”

“How much?” you ask. He cocks his head in confusion. “How much money do you have?”

“Oh.” Jake blinks, now understanding. “I don’t know but it’s a lot.”

Your eyes sparkle, posture straightening. “Will you give me some of that money?” The unease has left Jake and has now transferred to the other five boys around you. Oh boy. Oh no, their eyes all seem to be saying.

“Sure, why not.”

You clap your hands together. “Jake wins. Class dismissed. Good night.”

It doesn’t take long for chaos to break out.

Heeseung and Jay are demanding for a recount (there is nothing to count except the sweet, sweet cash you’ll be receiving) and Beomgyu accuses you of being a slave to capitalism (that should’ve been evident from how you tried to scam money out of them with nudity and a jar on your first week here). Soobin starts clearing up the projector set-up and Sunghoon is on his knees begging for another chance to do his presentation as you watch the digits on your phone screen bump up in real-time when Jake wires you a decent chunk from his bank account.

Another successful day at the residence. This heatwave is better than you thought.

HOME FOR THE BITCHLESS. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

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hotvintagepoll · 16 days

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Propaganda

Greta Garbo (Camille, Anna Karenina, Queen Christina)—Enigmatic and alluring and made me bisexual. The perfect example of the eroticism in silent films that literally transcends text. Could literally not change anything about her expression but you knew by looking at her eyes what she was thinking. She’s so gorgeous.

Kay Francis (Jewel Robbery, I Loved A Woman, British Agent)— kay francis was an icon of glamor in her time and a top star of the 30s - she was the highest-paid actress at warner bros from 1930 to 1936. she tended to play characters who were charming, sophisticated, and elegantly dressed, and starred in at least one legitimate masterpiece, the sublime 1932 comedy trouble in paradise. her first big role was in the marx brothers movie the cocoanuts in 1929, and she and william powell made seven movies together between 1930 and 1932. even in her sillier movies she always elevates the material with her charm and presence - she never phones it in and there’s a sort of warm, knowing wittiness about her. a really good short promo from a retrospective of her movies that i think really gets her Vibe across

This is round 3 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Kay Francis:

youtube

Jewel Robbery clip

"From 1932 through 1936, Francis was the queen of the Warner Bros. lot, and, increasingly, her films were developed as star vehicles. By 1935, Francis was one of the highest-paid actors, earning a yearly salary of $115,000, dwarfing the $18,000 Bette Davis – who would one day occupy Francis's dressing room – made. From 1930 to 1937, Francis appeared on the covers of 38 film magazines, second only to child sensation Shirley Temple's 138." Source: Wikipedia. Kay Francis is like the MOST FAMOUS Actress from the 1930s you've never heard of--and it was her and Norma Shearer who wore and made classic the 1930s tall, slim, bias cut silhouette. She ALSO has a WHOLE PODCAST episode devoted to her life and career in Hollywood--it's fascinating! She is both tough and a total wet cat.

One of the TALLEST Warner Brother stars at 5’9” and known as a “clothes horse” for her glamorous roles wearing the height of 1930s fashion. She fell out of popularity in the 40s, but her 30s work sizzles. The scene with her and Herbert Marshall in Trouble in Paradise where she says she doesn’t care about his reputation (because she’d rather sleep with him?) HAWOOGA

melted my gay heart with her butch look in stolen holiday

"My life? Well, I get up at a quarter to six in the morning if I'm going to wear an evening dress on camera. That sentence sounds a little ga-ga, doesn't it? But never mind, that's my life ... As long as they pay me my salary, they can give me a broom and I'll sweep the stage. I don't give a damn. I want the money ... When I die, I want to be cremated so that no sign of my existence is left on this earth. I can't wait to be forgotten." —From Kay Francis's private diaries, c. 1938

Garbo:

A cold-ass Swedish WLW Sphinx. Had plans to murder Hitler that she never got around to. "She will remain always a child of vikings, moved about by a snowy dream."

First of all, she's on the money; that's how much of a treasure she is. She's beautiful in such a distinct way you need very few lines to draw her. (Drawing by Einar Nerman) She managed to be mesmerizing in both silent and sound films. She kissed a woman in Queen Christina (and probably several more in real life). She was super dry and really funny in Ninotchka. She got the hell out of Hollywood and stayed out, living for almost 50 years after her retirement.

Garbo is one of the many reasons why I'm gay. If you haven't seen Queen Christina please do, She is so gender in that film. Also her accent makes it sound like she's always talking in cursive and it's so hypnotic (or at least I think so).

She's a gay introvert, like all of us here on Tumblr.

Mysterious and aloof, charismatic and enigmatic, with beautiful androgynous characteristics, Garbo is undoubtedly the most eccentric and unique Hollywood vintage star. Her aversion to fame and stardom makes her even more desirable to the audience, and her insane chemistry with the camera, an actress one of a kind! Her particularity and her oddity is what discerns her strongly from her hollywood co workers at the time, noone was like her and would never be like her. I think, to the utmost extent, that she deserves the title of the hottest vintage star, even though that would be an understatement of what she is!

SO gorgeous, her thick Swedish accent makes will turn your brain into pudding

Probabaly a lesbian, absolutely a mood when she retired

#kay francis #greta garbo #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 3 #Youtube

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ladyluscinia · 6 months

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My hottest take from trying to delve into David Jenkins's interviews and piece together where he's going with this is that - for all he and everyone else are consistent about describing this show as a romance and a romcom (and The Muppets) - I don't think he finds the romance compelling??? At least, not the healthy endgame version.

Like, the one interview where he dropped that he was planning an unrequited romance in all those pitches of his until they shot the bathtub scene in 1x06...? Wild twist, but also it kind of makes sense.

Look at the comparisons he makes. Titanic (where Jack dies). Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (where both leads die). Shows like Insecure and Grey's Anatomy, where relationships get messy breakups constantly. He's excited about fanvids set to Olivia Rodrigo's "Favorite Crime". Writes an episode based on Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, a 1966 film of a play that attacks the concept of happy marriages. He mentions A Star Is Born repeatedly in reference to S2, a movie where the disaster marriage ends in suicide and heartbreak.

And even broad spectrum - he repeatedly explains that he's not compelled by pirate stories. Accuses the genre of being "creaky" and "hard to budge", and then claims to want to subvert it in one interview and shrugs about how "it's a pirate story" as reasoning in others. But the part he seems interested in...? Well it's the oncoming end of the Golden Age aspect, and also maybe the short and violent life of organized crime. He's drawing comparisons to mob movies and Westerns - two things I think we can say trend toward the bittersweet to tragic scale with endings. His examples certainly do.

I'm no longer surprised he was really compelled by the Edward and Izzy toxic divorce in S1 and the idea of doing an arc about "Can Izzy find himself outside of this toxic relationship?" only to answer "No." It seems right in his wheelhouse, tbh. Definitely enough that if he felt like Izzy ought to die due to vibes, I doubt he was looking too hard for an alternative.

For all his talk about "Can BlackBonnet put the work into this relationship?" I'm really getting the impression he thinks the more compelling answer is also "No." He likes the idea of a happy ending maybe, but he doesn't really seem into that as a story.

Now, he does seem to have gotten a crash course in "Maybe don't bury your gays?" and he's not lying about wanting to avoid the specific kinds of coming out and queer trauma stories - those are different kinds of tragedies - but I am... skeptical, perhaps, that the forced happy ending feeling of S2 will do anything but repeat in S3.

Just because, like, if I was scrolling these takes on a fic author's blog, I'd put majority odds on the main couple hanging in the final chapter, and I bet a happy sunset ending would come kinda out of nowhere...

Not really a recipe for satisfying, you know?

#it does still leave me irritated though #like there's playing around with genre expectations and then there's just straight up misleading marketing and tone #and idk how i would word it but this feels like the latter. or forcing a story into a different mold and pretending there's no issue #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd critical #david jenkins #ofmd meta #ladyluscinia #genre

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blackmoonlightexpress · 10 months

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About the mixed response in China & why I think TTEOTM will prevail in the end 💪

Saw the "Badly Received in China?" post earlier and thought to share a longer take on the situation in China, why are there so many antis, and my own predictions on its future.

First, a clarification, TTEOTM has been an massive hit in China. The data speaks for itself in every way you can measure commercial success: viewership, platform membership, app downloads, social media heat index, advertisements, merchandise sales, unintended tourism GDP contribution. The drama has shattered records and outperformed all the recent xianxias, which you'd never dare to expect for a drama with no dingliu (顶流) that airs exclusively in the dead April slot on a platform that's 3rd (sometimes 4th) amongst online streamers. (Some day I'll create a master post just on the stats.)

The only area it falls short on is critical response. It's not just the low Douban rating (opened at 6.x and now dropped to 5.6). The three Bs - Douban, Weibo, and Bilibili (which you can think of as China's IMDB, Twitter, and Youtube) were full of attacks against the show. This included trending topics on how the actors looked (LYX too thin, BL looking old/big/overshadowed by CDL, CDL 照骗 not looking as good as in photo) as well as allegations of plagiarism and drama behind the scenes between cast & crew members. A lot of people watched video edits that twisted the facts and had a poor impression of the drama and even left 1/2-star reviews on Douban without ever watching an episode. (This type of brainwashing is more effective than you'd think. I've been reading a lot of negative posts about the Little Mermaid movie and almost caught myself writing something negative about it without ever watching.)

As all of this unfolded, I kept asking myself, why all the smearing? Who is behind it? And why TTEOTM in particular?

A lot of what appears to be normal user activity is driven by water armies, marketing accounts, and "black" hot search ranking, all paid. This is all backed up by photo evidence captured by netizens. It comes down to commercial interests of rival platforms, productions, actors. This actually happens to every drama that is threatening in some way (almost a proof of success), but TTEOTM attracted more anti $$$. Why? For one, it's seen as the secret weapon that could elevate Youku's status as a 3rd/4th player to a close 2nd to rival and even at times overshadow Tencent. It's no coincidence that, Bilibili, which is owned by Tencent and has way more daily active users than Youku, has promoted hate videos and limited the traffic of fan videos - at some point not even recognizing the drama's Chinese title in search results. (Bilibili used to be a haven for LYX fans and a platform LYX has partnered with extensively. This flipped 180 degrees since he no longer has any unaired dramas with Tencent.)

TTEOTM is also a target for rival productions. It's got big name stars with solid acting reputation, one of the hottest IPs, and high anticipation from all the promotional materials - they've been super loud in letting everyone know that they have better costumes, special effects etc Meanwhile, there's a massive pipeline of unaired xianxia dramas that stick to the old formula and will likely feel dated after people have watched TTEOTM. People even started questioning how some productions with bigger rumored budgets ended up with cheaper-looking promotional materials, costumes, CGI (read: embezzling). So if you've invested in xianxia 101, you'd really want to discredit TTEOTM and stop people from watching it.

But there's also rival fandom jealousy, which is almost worse. Someone asked which fandom is behind it, I would say everyone. There are only so many "resources" to go around in the "entertainment winter" and it's a zero sum game. LYX and BL are both already big stars but still not at the top yet. They are big enough to threaten the dinglius, but not big enough to be accepted as having "made it" by other rising stars. E.g. Yang Mi, Yang Zi, Xiao Zhan receive a lot of hate too, but it's less realistic as a prospect to bring them down. In contrast, the smearing of Bai Lu actually kind of worked. (And I'm really talking about the fans. The actors probably leave it to their agencies/companies.)

Other fandoms are especially bitter in this case because TTEOTM really upset the status quo and commonly accepted truths in a way that kind of discredits everyone else. A lot of the below have been used by fans of dinglius as excuses for when a drama doesn't perform:

Youku is a rubbish platform and Youku exclusive web dramas will never have high viewership

It’s impossible for an actor to break out twice within the same genre

An actor can only develop a big dedicated fan base with CP marketing

Breakout hits are always unanticipated dramas that come out of nowhere

Autumn/Spring is a dead slot. Hits can only come out of the summer and winter holidays.

IMHO A lot of the intense hatred comes from long held beliefs being proven wrong. LYX has always been thought of someone who’s borderline A list and B list, yet the opening viewership of TTEOTM is like double that of dramas led by bigger stars. It would have been less threatening if it started low and slowly gained traction because the drama proved to be good. But the initial hype speaks to the market power of a LYX xianxia, so a lot of people wanted to see it fail and looked for faults everywhere.

Moreover, because TTEOTM had an explosive opening, it did not have enough time for word of mouth to develop before people started bashing it. If you look at Douban ratings, shows that fewer people watched tend to have better reviews because only fans bother to rate it. Starry Love and Back from the Brink, both harshly dismissed as flops by the industry, both have >7.0 on Douban. Meanwhile, people love to hate on a show that is receiving a lot of hype - suddenly they are held to completely different standards even if the budget is similar. Why are people more accepting of the rise of Dylan Wang and Esther Yu in LBFAD? In the end because the expectations were pretty low. They were able to build up a fan base while no one was watching.

Finally, TTEOTM does have lots of production problems, some of their own doing and others not their fault. Either way this left the drama less defensible in the face of scrutiny or tucao (吐槽) culture. The production is very ambitious and took risks, but did not deliver everywhere. It's got parts that look like a blockbuster film and parts that look like a B grade TV show. I personally did not like some of the editing, lighting, cinematography, color grading, special effects, makeup. AND this is precisely the type of production details Chinese viewers LOVE to fixate on. Meanwhile, compared to western viewers, they are more forgiving about things like mediocre acting, dubbing, slow pacing, repetitive tropes or storylines, uninteresting characters. (I think this has something to do with cultural differences around rewarding perfect execution over innovation/risk-taking, sum of the parts over parts that carry the sum.)

And then, there are creative choices that are daring and controversial. These are not problems per se - for every viewer that hates it, someone loves it because it's different. But this perhaps explain why its score has dropped further, even in non-Chinese platforms like MDL, even amongst fans of the show. For example... (spoilers ahead)

Opting for a bad/open ending, knowing that it'll upset some fans, but sticking to it because they feel that it protects the overall integrity of the story (no deus ex machina). Of course, most viewers prefer a happy ending. It would have been easy to just give people what they want. The screenwriter doesn't even have to come up with a new ending for god's sake! However, almost every xianxia that has come before has resurrected the lead character after the big climax. Viewers have been making fun of the cop out: What's the significance of life and death if everyone just reincarnates?

Packing lots of details in a fast-paced, highly complicated, non-linear plot, trusting viewers to be engaged enough to use their brain, rewatch, and discuss outside the show (a bit like Christopher Nolan films). The downside of this is that it's hard to edit out a scene. There's also high risk of viewers getting confused and complaining that the plot makes no sense. Even though most things do if you go several layers down, some rightly point out that they just want to be entertained and the drama should stand on its own.

Making this a male lead centric (大男主) drama, which is rare in the xianxia genre that more recently has targeted young women exclusively. The story shifts from focusing on LSS's mission to TTJ overcoming his fate, perhaps at the expense of the romance (a criticism I see a lot from viewers looking for a pure love story). However, for context, viewers in China (including CCTV itself) have been complaining that the xianxia genre has lost the "xia” (heroism). It's gone from Chinese Paladin, which is about ordinary people overcoming odds to become heroes, to stories that are just about pretty people, who happen to be gods, falling in love since the success of Eternal Love and Journey of the Flower. TTEOTM brings the focus back to "zero to hero" character development, so this is also a change that many welcome.

Allocating a crazy portion of budget and screentime to superhero fight sequences. I agree with all the critics who say these scenes don't add much to the story, the B roll looks better without CGI, and they could have kept other scenes instead. BUT guess which scenes I find myself rewatching and showing off to friends the most? Episodes 14, 15, 32. Because it is thrilling and glorious. Plus after enduring so many Marvel films over the years, I'm pleased to see a version that's genuinely Chinese (not some pan-Asian BS), rooted in our philosophy and martial arts tradition, featuring Chinese faces that have real kungfu training.

Going over the top on aesthetics - colorful costumes, hair accessories, and heavy makeup. A violent reaction against the simple pastel aesthetics that have dominated xianxias over the years. Of course, lots of people hated on the eyeliner and found the extravagant visuals distracting.

However, even with all its flaws, I'm glad it aired and did not wait for perfection. (A lot of May dramas did not go live last minute due to "technical problems" i.e. government censorship. These days, airing = success.) In addition, I predict that over time people will come to appreciate TTEOTM more. Here's why:

1) A lot of dramas now widely lauded as classics started out with poor ratings. Over time, the noise will die down and make way for what really matters - compelling acting and story. Empresses in the Palace (2011) opened with a Douban rating of 2.7 out of 10 (yes, this bad). Viewers didn't like the casting choice. They thought the actors looked bad. There were also issues with the costumes. Over time, its rating increased to 9.4. It's now a show rewatched so loyally that data analysts use its viewership to track market size. Similarly, a lot of the issues people have with TTEOTM are superficial. The things that matter most like acting are good, and even if you dislike the story and editing choices, it did manage to keep 70M people watching and engaged till the end, incl. people who don't watch a lot of TV or like this genre.

2) Moreover, when people look back or rewatch, they tend to focus on just the highlights, and TTEOTM is full of memorable scenes. There are also so many standout memes/gags (出圈梗) that will live in our cultural fabric forever. Fans on Douban were surveyed on who they would have chosen as the director instead and still overwhelming "rehired" Kuk Kok Leung. Biases aside, I think people realize that you could have a better executed drama overall - higher production value, greater consistency, more attention to detail, BUT you might also lose a lot of the things we loved. I don't know if another director would have allowed TTJ go full creepy/evil/weak in the first few episodes or filmed all the steamy love scenes without a modesty backlight. TTEOTM feels so different because it breaks ALL the rules (see above) that I'm not sure if dramas in the future will try to replicate. If they do, TTEOTM would have started a trend. If they don't, TTEOTM will remain the only option.

3) Only dramas that inspire passion will stand the test of time. There are plenty of dramas that score well but don't inspire passion - they will fade away over time. The TTEOTM fan community is intense - there's so much discussion and engagement everywhere. Its Douban group is the #3 most active ever (measured by # of comments). Its MDL page has 68K comments, highest of all aired CDrama. Its Douyin topic has close to 29B views, highest of all costume drama. (Interesting to note that TTEOTM has an excellent reputation on Douyin, the platform with the most active users and least amount of toxic fan activity.) Fans have spent >25M RMB on merchandise, an unprecedented amount - 3M RMB on a character that appears for <10 mins (OG Devil God). It's got to have done something right because this is way more buying power than the fans of LYX and BL combined. And in my N=1, I've not been this excited about a franchise since Game of Thrones and then Harry Potter.

Bottom line, you might have liked it, liked it with regrets, hated it... but if you're spending the time to read this post, all the way till the end, you've become a luna-tic (or 烬神病人)!

#till the end of the moon #black moonlight holds the be script #luo yunxi #bai lu #tantai jin #ye xiwu #chang yue jin ming #chinese drama #cdrama

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oscconfessions · 22 days

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going to explain why Loser is a well written celebrity character

remember those stupid ball things (I forgot what they were called whoopsie daisie)

Yeah so as far as the BFB universe goes to my knowledge, that was Losers first major controversy. It was honestly SO petty too, that genuinely seemed like an honest mistake. I've confused things about stuff TOO before, even the character guide suggests he didn't know either. Despite all this WHY WAS EVERYONE SO PISSED OFF ABOUT IT?? it wasn't even something to get mad about, let's say he did lie. That's kind of weird, but whatever, I don't think it's that important. Everyone in that scene was overreacting as hell, especially, why were they listening to Fanny of all people...???? Not saying she's a discreditable source SOMETIMES but she's literally a fucking hater and I don't mean that in a bad way.

Anyways, the point here is that Celebrities get lit ablaze for one simple mistake that was probably minor.

okay great next thing

Remember Donuts Diary???1? Yeah so I'm just gonna start it off with Loser reading it was Donuts fault. I'm not saying Loser is a little angel, he should've known not to read it, but he was locked in a FUCKING JAWBREAKER. How the hell do you forget your own diary in a JAWBREAKER, HOW. Since Loser was stuck in there for god knows how long, I don't blame him for reading the ONE THING he has. The jawbreakers are ISOLATING, books help people from going fuckinggfg crazy, it worked for Baseball on idiotic island. So why shouldn't LOSER be allowed to READ. Everyone getting mad at him for it DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED, even in the song Message To Loser he mentions it, Four may be quick to say he's lying but that brings me to my next conclusion!!!!

People will take stuff celebrities said/did OUT OF CONTEXT and try to use it against them!!!!!

Lastly, because I'm going insane and also tired, the whole shit with Loser leaving Winner for the movie thing

okay, first of all, there's no direct mention of when this happened, but since it's implied that Loser got famous like a year or two before BFB, we can deduct it's been 5(?) years since that happened. Now, what Loser did was wrong and just rude. What I'm saying here, though, is that people CAN change. I don't doubt that Loser has at least had some growth as a person since then and I don't doubt that he probably regrets it. This is probably the hottest take in this whole spiel but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT. Winner in the episode semi-acknowledges this fact, and they literally STATE they're happy for him. For lack of a better term, there's not really a reason to be mad at Loser if Winner already forgave him (kind of??)

my point here is that people will take things celebrities did a long time ago and use it against them now

anyways this rant is probably shit don't listen to it or do listen to it I don't care

(Sincerest apologies if I accidentally used the wrong pronouns on Winner during this at all)

#confession #/bfdi #/bfdi/loser

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baflegacy · 22 days

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smosh #??? au: Anthony’s Funeral Roast as a Horror Anthology

(for Smosh Girlies Week Part Two Day Four: Free Day!)

The Hottest Horror Anthology: Smosh’s The Funeral Roast Now Streaming on Shudder (EXCLUSIVE LOOK & CAST INTERVIEW by Jacklyn Uweh)

Jackie: So what I’m hearing is that the first two episodes are every lesbian horror fans’ dream come true? Y’all have to spill the deets for us!

Amanda: Okay—okay, I don’t know how much I can say, but I can definitely confirm that our episodes in the series are gay as hell.

Angela: We had a wonderful time getting to read the script for The Fortune Teller & The Vessel and let me tell ‘ya—shooting that episode was fun!

Arasha: I’m still jealous that you guys got to have that homoerotic fight scene, hand around the throat and being on top of each other and everything.

Amanda: Boo, you got to make out with Courtney for your episode!

Arasha: I didn’t say I didn’t like that part!

Jackie: (Laughs) Back to the topic, y’all. What do you think sets your episodes apart from the other classic horror anthologies we’ve got like V/H/S or The ABCs of Death?

Angela: I think with The Fortune Teller & The Vessel, yes it’s still a paranormal horror but it’s also a tragic love story. We liked to describe it as The Exorcist meets Portrait of a Lady on Fire. It’s still scary; but when you really look at it it’s a love story between two people that can only meet halfway.

Jackie: And from what I’ve heard, The Coroner episode is a spin on the classic Frankenstein tale?

Courtney: Yup! Though I do think beyond Frankenstein the episode also pulls from films like Edward Scissorhands and even from the Greek myth Pygmalion and Galatea.

Arasha: We found it important that The Coroner wasn’t looking to defy science by creating Bikini Girl, but brought her to life because she felt shunned and unloved by society.

Courtney: Our episodes are kind of centered around the experience the sapphic community has when it comes to attraction and love—of feeling alienated and dirty because the rest of the world thinks that liking a girl makes you a monster.

Angela: And that’s the real horror story, am I right?

#??? au tag #smosh rpf #smosh au #smosh edit #smosh girlies week #amangela #courtrasha

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theflyindutchwoman · 6 months

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Look, some would see it as a demotion for you. You're back with your training officer. Others might read…something else into it. W-Why? Because I'm a girl and you're a boy? A very handsome boy. Oh, gag.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 4.03 - In the Line of Fire

The married energy that oozes from this scene is exquisite. The bickering… the teasing… the indirect reference to Kojo via Lucy's Tshirt 'tell your dog I said hi', something that couldn't be more apt considering their history… Their dynamic is subtly shifting, with Tim becoming more playful and gentle with Lucy, now that she's no longer his rookie… after their sizzling moment at his place… And in many ways, this explains why Lucy was genuinely hurt when Tim didn't pick her to be his aide… Why she is looking for him at the end of their shift to confront him.

The way she appears a bit hesitant, watching him from afar at first, before soldiering on and going to his desk… Sassing him a little in the process. And to be fair, she has every right to be smug : Tim really played himself when he decided to pick Smitty for the job. She didn't even need to sabotage him. But all of this ribbing doesn't hide the pang at not being chosen by Tim, especially since she is aware that Grey himself recommended her. And the irony is that without Nolan's meddling, she may not have thought twice about it. Or rather, not taken it as personally. He unintentionally created an expectation, that transformed into doubts and question marks when Tim chose someone else for the job. What makes it worse is the timing : this takes place only a few months after her parents made it clear that they weren't supporting her career… after Jackson's death, her biggest source of support, besides Tim (and Nyla). So his decision to purposely side her cut deep, especially since she doesn't know why. She is still in a vulnerable and sensitive place, as the previous episode demonstrated. It was therefore important to have Tim immediately shares his reasoning. How he was essentially thinking of her, of her career and how it might be perceived by the rest of the station or their superiors. He was simply trying to protect her, as always. That said, this is very interesting that he was thinking of the optics so much, of how some might read more into their partnership. Because I seriously doubt that this is something he would have normally cared about. And this hints at how their moments at Angela's ill-fated wedding and at his place are already changing their relationship, their perception of each other, even if they're not fully aware of this.

Lucy goes from looking fairly confused at first when Tim explains himself to completely amused, and a bit touched by his chivalry - or his 'old-school code of honor'. The way she teases him mercilessly with her very sarcastic 'because I'm a girl and you're a boy?' is priceless… And still shows a bit of relief that this was his only reason. That he didn't suddenly stop believing in her. His deadpan answer 'a very handsome boy' is hilarious… But it also shows a bit of insecurity here : between his jealousy at Emmett's 'hunkiness' and his need to emphasise Ashley's compliment 'the hottest' later, his comment adds another layer… As if someone needs the reassurance that Lucy finds him attractive. His little laugh when she pretends to gag makes this exchange even better. Just like with the baby boots prank, he can no longer hide his amusement at her antics - only, this time, she can actually see it. Another hint at their changing dynamic.

I love how Lucy refuses to let what others might think dictate what she should do… This is such an empowering moment for her. One that underlines her growth, from her early days on the job. And it goes back to what Tim told her on her last day as a trainee : 'you don't let anyone ever tell you you can't do something. Not even me'. She took those words to heart and again, in light of her relationship (or lack thereof) with her parents, this is all the more important. She is getting so much more confident and it is delightful to watch. Her argument that being an aide would benefit her career is quite interesting too, since, so far, we have yet to see its impact. At least, a direct one, because odds are, she would still have been offered the spot to UC Academy and gotten the tap for the detective's exam regardless. Maybe there will be a reference when promotion time comes (next season, right?!). Not only that, but Tim might have been onto something as well : this could be used as an ammunition against her, now that they're in a romantic relationship. We know that most of the officers respect her, as established when she acted as Watch-Commander temporarily. But there's still the threat of Primm looming over her. Or it could have just been a throwaway line, her way to convince herself that this was why she wanted the job. The benefits for her were on her mind, obviously, but maybe there was a part of her that was simply looking for an excuse to ride with Tim again. Because her world just turned upside down with Jackson's death, something she is still reeling from : riding with Tim provides a source of comfort, of familiarity… of steadiness. And also because she misses Tim.

This brings us to the crux of the matter : both want to ride again with the other… But both are too stubborn to admit they miss their time together. To be the first one to cave and ask. They're both a bit defensive, afraid of being rejected, feeling vulnerable almost… The way she mirrors his pose, crossing her arms just like he does, bouncing on her feet… A gesture they both do right before asking the other to concede they want to ride together again… A rather emotionally charged question. And this is a bit ironic that after claiming many times that they wouldn't miss being partners (until their last day), this is where they are a few months later. Tim is the first one to fold, trying to appear nonchalant, but his softness says otherwise. And Lucy looks a bit surprised at first, that he gave up so easily, but grateful nonetheless.

This is a fitting follow-up to Tim's sergeant storyline as well : Lucy helped him get that promotion, recording audiobooks for him… already acting as an aide in a way. Now she gets to do it in an official capacity. They're both so soft at the end, when she thanks him… Before sassing him one more time and tease him… Because she can. 'A lack of fear of [his] authority' indeed.

#the rookie #chenford #chenfordedit #lucy chen #tim bradford #4.03 #Anatomy of a scene - Chenford Edition

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saltygilmores · 3 months

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THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP6: TAKE THE DEVILED EGGS (Pt 2) (This One's Gonna Be a Real Rage Inducer) (Lots Of Interesting Development Though) (So many things happening) (Salty Rambles about Jess Mariano's Birthday)

There is something to be said about Luke (on multiple occasions) readily admitting he pays Jess in ketchup packets to toil in the Coffee Mines more or less against his will. I get that it's just a part time job after school...before school..while he's cutting school..always working...never stopping...never reicieving any tips from Lorelai and Rory... Rory needs a job... Rory and Lorelai need to pay for their food... Anyway these comments shed a light on the shaky economies of small businesses in small towns which is interesting to me. Gilmore Girls is really, at it's core, a show about class. One day he could wake up to find his diner has been turned into a Dunkin Donuts (this is Not-Quite-But-Almost-New England after all, where DD is king).

Hahahahaha!! Jess stole money to buy a car and he committs attempted murder! Hahahahaaha! You're SO FUNNY LORELAI GILMORE. Your daughter stole a boat.

Yeah. And maybe back home, he did had to steal to survive sometimes. How about them apples, Lorelai Gilmore. God, do I loathe her.

Don't say that around Lorelai, I think she'd believe you were being serious.

A couple of the moots and I recently decided that in the recent past, Liz managed to land and then lose a halfway decent boyfriend/ father figure to Jess who had a car and taught Jess to drive and do repairs and some other light adulting. I honestly feel like this is the only thing that makes sense.

HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THIS SCENE!!! Fuck meeee. Look at that li'l curl...

LOOK AT IT!!!! You know what, I'm calling it. I'm putting my foot down. This is the hottest Milo had ever looked in the entirety of seasons 2 and 3. It's that perfectly gelled hair, the jean jacket, the cool tshirt. Very James Dean. Woof. Let's see, what would I choose for second place? I have to go with the party scene in KegMax, another episode with impeccably jelled hair and a jean jacket (and even while he was apparently sick shooting that episode too). He just progresses in hotness the further season 3 marches on.

These four words "I'm still a minor" are a point of contention for me in the ongoing debate about his birth month. My beliefs: Jess is a Virgo. He was born in August or early September. This would make him just older than Rory by just a smidge. Since well over a year has passed in the show since the episode he arrived in Stars Hollow as a 17 year old (when he arrived, it was early September as Rory had just started school in that episode), he had just celebrated his birthday before arriving and so he has to have already turned 18 by this episode. However, I will consider the theory that Luke was clueless or misinformed about his age at the time he arrived (because it's not like LIz is in any way reliable with information) and he was actually 16 going on 17 when he hopped off the bus last year, and maybe he has an October or November birthday making him slightly younger than Rory. It would make sense that both missed the kindergarten cut off dates in 1989 at their respective schools (which is rock solid canon already for Rory, as she was born in October 84 but graduated in 03 instead of 02), putting them in the same grade.

Salty has put a pathetic amount of thought into this. So, how can I accept this statemen? I attribute it to the same brand of biting sarcasm that gave us "I mugged an old lady" moments ago and also because this scene doesn't make a whole lot of sense to begin with. He's still a minor, but he got his own insurance all by himself under his own name, which is not really a thing, but not his own car registration? Committing insurance fraud perhaps? Sketchy insurance company that didn't ask too many questions? He knows a guy who knows a guy who can print up some fake documents? At that point why not go all the way with the white collar crimes and forge Luke's signature on the registration too? See, Lorelai thinks Jess is a thief and murderer when he's really a white collar criminal like Taylor Doose.

My memory was certain that he produced a cigarrette and not a pen in this scene. I had to edit this post to remove a line about him smoking. I guess I confused it with the Then She Appears/ Cmurrh kissing scene, where he's also wearing a jean jacket with a popped collar. Damn. I can't wait for that scene...

Just some light fraud. If the car belonged to someone in Stars Hollow, whoever's registration he stole probably deserved it anyway. This is how I approach all "Crimes" Jess commits in Stars Hollow. There are only a few people who don't deserve it. Your honor, my client is innocent.

Oh no, the couch of doom. No good conversations ever happens between Rory and Lorelai on the couch, especially after one of them comes home at night and finds the other one on the couch. The Gilmores recieve an invitation to Sherry's baby shower. The moots and I have determined that Doula and Gigi will eventually band together to form the most powerful duo of neglected half sisters the world has ever seen. For the record, today Doula would be 17 and Gigi would be 21. Since Jess eventually comes to adopt and raises Doula she has a somewhat decent chance of coming out a well adjusted adult. At the very least, if she was stuck with TJ and Liz, Jess would still be a positive influence on her life, visit her and look out for her and make sure she didn't get sucked into any cults. The odds are a lot more grim for Gigi with Crusty and Sherry as her forever "parents" and let's face it, very likely her relationship with big sister Rory or any of the other Gilmores is non existent.

And things were so peaceful. Especially since Dean hasn't reared his ugly head in the last two episodes, either.

You flip flop with Crusty so much how can anyone possibly keep track of whether you're on the outs with him or banging him at any given time?

And by saying that out loud you're gonna tip the balance of the universe and he's going to show up. I looked ahead and although this is sadly still a Crusty-Focused episode, he doesn't actually make an appearance. Small blessings. To Lorelai's surprise, Rory admits that she's been in contact with Crusty and Lorelai is okay with it but upset that Rory was hiding it from her. God, he's such a parasite.

Emails. How quaint.

Highly debatable.

#gilmore girls #denise rewatches gilmore girls #gilmore girls season 3 #TDDE #Take the Deviled Eggs #Rory Gilmore #Lorelai Gilmore #Jess Mariano #Luke Danes #Milo Ventimiglia

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brookiidookiii · 3 months

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JO OMGOD JO (for the ask game thing ^^)

My first impression

she didnt really stand out that much to me but i think once i got to ep5 that was when i really started to care about her. i think i was probably 8/9 when i first watched ROTI

My impression now

yeah shes my favorite of all time. if it isnt obvious. i love her with all my heart

Favorite thing about that character

theres too much. probably her nicknames and her interactions with the characters around her. her voice actor is so good at the role too.

Least favorite thing

there is nothing wrong with her. all my pet peeves are with the writers. like how they createst the hottest beautifulest strongest smartest character ever and all they could do is joke about her looking like a man. sad day in bidens america

Favorite line/scene

'no, welcome to MY team.' she was so badass in that scene and brick is scared for his LIFE

and this ones from her skatoony episode but "i wish the boys were back. theyre easier to boss around" lol i love her

Favorite interaction that character has with another

yeah im biased but brick and jo lol. they instantly clicked and i adore their rivalry, its for sure one of my favorites... jo and lightning as well. her and anne maria are funny, loved watching her tricking anne maria into doing stuff

team dude rocks. wish we couldve had more of those 3

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

heather. if the writers werent cowards they wouldve let them fought more. esp since jo respects her and sees her as "my kind of competitor", just doesnt like her sense of style. just more of her interacting with the other girls. and also scott, they couldve had some blackmail alliance frenemy thing, idk

oh i also like duncan and jo. he thinks her nicknames are cool so i respect him a little bit more. a jo and zoey friendship wouldve been sick. jo hates girly girls, zoey hates jocks. they become besties aw yeah. i could go on and on forever about potential friendships and dynamics i have for her...

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

rainbowdash. both are crazy competitive tomboys and both childhood favs of mine

A headcanon about that character

i think she has a super healthy diet. shed have one of those balance diet charts on her fridge, gotta stay in shape. but her guilty pleasure food would be nachos

A song that reminds of that character

im probably not gonna answer this question but im not good with assigning songs

An unpopular opinion about that character

THERES SO MUCH THIS FANDOM GETS WRONGG her internalized misogyny and body issues that were never touched on.... it makes me so angry. and i dont see anyone ever exploring that. maybe one day ill write something. she has so many issues that no one ever talks about and how she wants to feel pretty. people who call her a pick me are so wrong and dont even know what a pick me is.

her masculinity is my favorite thing about her but being a tomboy shouldnt come with hating on other girls for the crime of liking feminine stuff. idk i think theres something deeper. also she should never be given long hair. it feels illegal

Favorite picture

i like the way she sits. shes so cool

#ask #td jo #i have sooo many thoughts about jo and stuff for her its crazy #people just dont get her like i do

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tenpintsof-sundrop · 2 months

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Can confirm: I just really like the cane.

Good to know!!!

The cane wasn't really something that caught my attention much the first time I was watching the show when I was in middle school (other than wondering why a 'fake' TV injury lasted so long, not knowing at the time that it was a real injury and MGG actually needed the cane IRL at the time).

But coming back and watching the show as an adult, especially because my chronic illness has progressed to the point where I use a cane pretty much daily, and I think it's an unconscious projection - seeing myself as sexually desirable by seeing him as so. fucking. sexy when he uses the cane.

But the cane makes me absolutely feral.

It particularly caught my eye for the first time in Uncanny Valley - when I was cherry picking episodes to watch with my sister (because my sister loves watching CM when I recommend the creepiest and most dramatic episodes rather than watching the seasons from beginning to end, and Uncanny Valley is such a good episode for creepy plot) - and that episode in particular, Spencer shines.

The combination of the cane - hot. With his long hair - hot. Combined with his hyper empathy toward the UnSub's very unusal situation/circumstances ("I have your friends right here, and I can promise you that nobody will ever take them away again.") - him being empathetic is always super hot. Plus, we all know the scene where he is talking to Dr. Creepy and staring him down and intimidating him - is one of the hottest scenes ever. ("Well, Doctor, I only need to prove my hypothesis to a jury of your peers.")

And Spencer was only temporarily disabled due to an injury, but they displayed him as a disabled character, and that scene in particular really gets to my pussy, because they went through the effort of having him sit on the desk while the other man is sitting on the chair, lower than him, and filming Spencer from a downward angle, making him look more intimidating and god-like even while he can't stand up at his full height due to the injury. It's John Kramer levels of powerful.

So that is definitely the full inspiration for this fic - a little bit empathetic, a little bit powerful - all hotness. (This might be the first time ever that I write dominant Spencer, we will see.)

#anonymous #sundrop answers #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction

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toomanyopinionss · 11 months

Text

i wanna talk abt

the CW DC shows

man how far they fell…

Of course this list was prompted by the fact that the Flash is coming to an end, signaling the end of an era.

There’s a multitude of reasons why these shows went in flames:

troubling production, some truly awful plot lines, the racism, the queerbaiting…

however, the highs were so HIGH. Every once in a while, i’ll think about the crossovers and get happy nostalgia tingles. they were so iconic.

the penultimate memorable moments in each of the shows.

From the time Barry first broke the sound barrier, to the time Cisco DIED by Dr. Wells but barry ran so fast he went back in time and undid it, to the time Caitlyn’s dead fiancé came back, fused with an old ass professor, just to die again shortly afterwards 😂😂

From the time Oliver’s mom blew up the city with the help of the man she had an affair with (which ended up killing the guys whole son 🤡), to the time Oliver took Felicity to his mansion and told her he loved her as a mIsDiReCt, to the ENTIRE season 5.

From the time Kara came out as supergirl just to save her sister, to the time that same sister actually came out (which, at 14, was so important to me), to the first time Lena Luther is introduced and every time she’s in screen afterwards. (Season 2 was just *chefs kiss*)

and that’s just the main three. don’t tell me that when you think of legends of tomorrow, a good 5 scenes don’t immediately pop into your head. what a batshit crazy piece of media.

Now there’s a lot of discourse as to what started the spark that caught flame and caused this entire franchise to explode as horribly as it did.

some say that Barry going back in time and fucking with the timeline ruined it

some say that the beginning of the end was the batwoman show, one of the hottest messes to come out of the CW’s ass since riverdale’ third season

some even blame the death of captain cold. a very VALID complaint

regardless of what you think, i believe that now that the arrowverse is coming to it’s inevitable end, it’s a good time to look back and reminisce. With the writers strike happening (show your support btw), and the fact that streaming services are unwilling to release seasons with more than 10 episodes, i cherish the time i spent with these shows even more. i grew up with them (for reference, i was born in 2003, so i was 9 when arrow came out for the first time). My dad had the first 3 seasons of Arrow on dvd.

Iris was one of the first black women I saw on screen after transitioning out of my disney channel phase. And she wasn’t a side character or anything, she was a main character and the love interest of the superhero. regardless of what you think abt iris as a character, that shit just wasn’t the norm back in 2015.

When sara lance kissed the daughter of the head of league of assassins in front of her ex-boyfriend, and it was as just another tuesday in star city. such an important scene.

look, all this to say. I will miss this era***. even if I stopped watching the flash during the 8th season. i didn’t realize how comforting it was knowing it was still out there.

***i know the superman and lois hasn’t officially been cancelled yet. but i’m protecting my heart. cuz it’s a really good show.

Goodbye, Arrowverse

********(2012-2023)********

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hotvintagepoll · 28 days

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Propaganda

Elisabeth Welch (Song of Freedom, Big Fella, Dead of Night)— Starry-eyed, honey-voiced, magnetic. A Broadway star in the 1920s, she SHOULD have become a torch-singing Hollywood star when talking pictures came in. Instead she was faced with Hollywood racism, so she moved to Europe and juggled British movie roles and a top-class cabaret career. (Heard the classic songs "Stormy Weather" or "Love For Sale" or "As Time Goes By"? She introduced them all.) You need to hear her croon, so here she is co-starring with certified hot vintage man Paul Robeson [video below the cut]

This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Kay Francis:

youtube

Jewel Robbery clip

melted my gay heart with her butch look in stolen holiday

Elisabeth Welch:

youtube

#elisabeth welch #kay francis #fuck that old woman #hotvintagepoll #ladies 2 #Youtube

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rose-sophia-isabella-rogers · 3 months

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A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter IX - A Night to Remember

Chapter Summary: You confront Aleksander about your feelings. No turning back now. Either you gain what you really want… or lose everything you have.

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Ivan, Fruzsi

Word Count: 4224

A/N: This episode contains little plot and I think one dialogue of episode three of season two. Smut alert! If you don't like reading such scenes or are underage, please, don't read from: "You don't even notice when your kefta is gone." to "'Saints…' you gasp, when Kirigan slowly pulls out a few minutes later.". Enjoy! Inspired by prompts: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089794862/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786859/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089792224/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786911/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089798522/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786956/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389090026888/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089792489/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786906/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786855/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089794943/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786927/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786924/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089935991/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089795188/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089786912/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089794946/ moi sol ye tselai – my sun and stars milaya – sweet girl lapushka – darling, honey, sweetie

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

It's night when you return to the mansion. Fruzsi greets you with a relieved look on her face. You're suspicious. Was she worried about you? Why? What does she want?

'Thank Saints,' she exclaims, rushing to you. 'We feared you betrayed us like David and Genya.'

'I'm sorry?' you ask, stunned. You look at her with wide eyes. Her face falls.

'Not long after you left, David and Genya disappeared,' she reports. 'General managed to bring Genya back, but David… he has escaped.'

'But… why?' you ask, still not quite believing it.

'We're not sure,' Fruzsi answers and looks at you nervously. '[Y/N]… please tell me you hid somewhere Morozova's journal. It's gone and Vladim didn't see you take it… so he assumed David left with it.'

'No, I have it with me,' you answer. But you're sure that if you had left it, David would have taken it. And with it a chance to save Aleksander… No, you can't think about it.

'Thank Saints,' Fruzsi sighs and again looks at you nervously. 'Could you tell this to General? We… I already told him that David had probably taken the journal. He's… not left his room since.'

'Why me?' you ask, puzzled. Ivan snorts. You glance behind you at him.

'So far you're the only one who was brave enough to argue with him,' he explains. 'And survive.'

'Baghra did, too,' you add.

'Baghra is Baghra,' Ivan says, shrugging. 'Besides, she's in a cage. You're not. And you're also second in command.'

'I still don't accept it,' you murmur and sigh. 'But fine. I will… talk to him.'

Fruzsi exhales, relieved. Ivan's lips twitch upward. Oh, bastard is satisfied.

'You can use this moment to make up,' he says. You glare at him and march inside. You stop outside Kirigan's room. You're suddenly nervous.

'How was it?' you sigh. '"You only live once"?'

You knock on the door. No answer. You roll your eyes and try open the door. It's locked. Irritated, you push them open with your powers and walk inside.

Aleksander is standing with his back to you, next to his table. Things that used to be on it are now on the floor. You raise your eyebrows, unimpressed.

'Is there a lock you can't open?' Kirigan asks, sounding tired.

'Haven't met one yet,' you answer, shrugging. General turns to you.

'I thought you're gone as well,' he says after a beat.

'Do you really have that little faith in me?' you scoff. 'I made you a promise, remember?'

'Our last conversation didn't exactly end on a high note,' Aleksander points out. You slowly walk toward him.

'Friends argue sometimes, did you know?' you ask. 'It happens. Especially, when they're both annoyed or irritated. And we were at the time.'

Kirigan hums. Silence falls between you two. You hesitate.

'I've heard about Genya and David,' you say quietly. General's look darkens.

'I'm disappointed,' he says. 'I've always had an affinity for them. And they- Doesn't matter. What matters is-'

He stops and looks at you. You think you see hope in his eyes.

'Morozova's journal,' he says. 'Did David…?'

'Do you really think I'd leave probably the only way to save you just laying around?' you ask and reach into your pocket. You take out Morozova's journal. Aleksander exhales shakily with relief.

'As always reliable,' he says and smiles faintly at you. 'Thank you, [Y/N].'

You frown. You see something in his eyes. Something that you've thought you'd never see.

'You really were afraid,' you whisper. Kirigan flinches. He opens his mouth to deny. But in the end, he sighs and sits down on his bed. He hides his head in his hands.

'Aleksander…' you say softly and walk to him. You sit down next to him and touch his arm gently.

'I'm terrified,' he says and raises his head slightly. 'I'm always terrified. I act like I know what I'm doing, but the truth is I don't.'

You don't really know what to say to that. So, you decide to just squeeze his arm. He turns his head and smiles at you.

'That's why I'm glad to have a friend like you,' he says. 'I can always count on you. You're my constant in life. No matter what, you're always my best friend.'

'Yeah… about that,' you chuckle nervously. 'Can we talk?'

But it's like he doesn't hear you. And you don't know how to say it. So, as usual, you focus on Kirigan. He looks really tired now. Maybe there's a chance you could… talk some sense into him?

'Aleksander… aren't you tired?' you ask quietly. 'Of always fighting? Always sacrificing? You've been protecting us for a really long time. Maybe it's time for someone else to take upon that role and for you to… rest and… do what you really want. What do you want, Aleksander?'

'I want-' Kirigan starts after a moment but then stops. He tears his fingers through his hair.

'Never mind what I want,' he says and lowers his voice. 'What do you want? I know you hate all of that. Your morals are not happy. You went to war with yourself for me. And I know you promised to stay by my side and that you're ready to ruin yourself million times. But why? What is in it for you? What do you want?'

'You,' you answer after a moment, a defeated look in your eyes.

Always you.

'What?' General asks, stunned, his head snapping toward you. He looks at you with wide eyes. You exhale slowly. You said 'a', you might as well say 'b'. So, you cup his face.

'I want you,' you repeat, staring him straight in the eyes. 'All of you. Your flaws. Your mistakes. Your imperfections. I want you and only you.'

Aleksander looks at you, stunned. If you'd press your hand to his chest, you could feel how fast his heart is beating. He's glad you're not doing that.

'What do you mean by that… exactly?' he demands. You gulp.

'I look at you and I just love you,' you say, feeling tears gathering in your eyes. 'And it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you.'

You gulp. You know it's true. You keep crossing the line. For him.

'But at the same time… I've never been happier then since I've become your friend,' you add. 'So much, in fact, that my stomach drops when I think of anyone else having you.'

Kirigan stares at you, stunned. His eyes are glistening as well. He can't believe what he hears. He doesn't want to believe it.

'Why me?' he whispers. You look at him like he was the dumbest person in the world. Which, at the moment, you believe to be the case.

'Because you saw me when I was invisible,' you answer. 'You saw what no one else did. You helped me get out of my shell and show everyone, including myself, who I really am.'

The Darkling stares at you for a moment. Then, he harshly pushes your hands away and stands up abruptly. He paces the room furiously. You observe him calmly. What else do you have to lose?

'You can't love me,' he insists. 'Not me. I… I've done terrible things. Things I know you don't approve of. You should be scared of me, not claim that you love me. Why would you- Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me?'

He stops pacing and looks at you. His eyes demand an answer from you. You see he's trying to be harsh. But you see behind his façade. You can see in his look he really wants to know why. He needs it.

'I'm not scared of you, because I know you'd never hurt me,' you say, slowly standing up, then walk to him. 'You used merzost to save me from a Volcra. I don't believe you'd hurt me after that. And… I care for you for many reasons. Because how you make me feel safe and valued. How you smile whenever it's just the two of us. How you care about Grisha and for Ravka, in a way. How right it feels to be held by you. I love your laugh, your sense of humour… the way we can talk for hours and still don't have enough. You… you're it. I just know it.'

Aleksander's nose flares. He tries to put on his mask. But you've already learnt to look past it. You know it's just a defence mechanism.

'You should leave,' he says, actually surprising you. 'You should… leave this place… and forget about me. I'm not worth of… someone so kind and good loving me. So go. Leave and live your life how you should be before our paths crossed. You deserve someone better than me.'

He points his finger at the door. For a minute you stare at each other in silence.

'What if I never forget you?' you ask, causing him to flinch. 'What if, all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them, because they aren't you?'

He stares at you, stunned. You take a step forward, your faces now inches apart.

'You showed me that I can be cared for, even though everyone else tried to show me no one could ever love me,' you say. 'You fought my battles for me and protected me when someone was hurting me. You comforted me when I was at my worst. You didn't push away when I was closing myself in. You pushed through my walls and became my friend. No one ever did that. I know you're not exactly a good person. Maybe I deserve someone else, but I always wanted you. And no matter who you are and what you did… you deserve to be loved.'

Kirigan stares at you in shock, opening and closing his mouth. When he doesn't say anything for a longer moment, you hang your head, defeated, and head toward the door, desperately trying not to burst into tears. At least not while you're still in his room. But a hand grasping your arm stops you.

'You can't just touch my soul and leave,' Kirigan says, calmness back in his voice. You look up at him, surprised. Yes, he's composed again. But the mask is gone now. He looks at you in a way you've never seen him looking at you. You can't exactly describe it.

'And… how did I touch it?' you ask hesitantly, now your voice breaking. 'How do I make you feel? Tell me the truth, please.'

'The truth?' Aleksander asks and runs a hand through his hair. 'I like you. A lot. You make me happy. You make me laugh. You're smart. You're different. You're a little crazy and awkward, and your smile alone can make my day.'

You stare at him, stunned. He looks at you softly.

'Truth is, I didn't expect to get this attached to you,' he admits. You feel tears welling up in your eyes. Kirigan cups your face and dries the corners of your eyes.

'Why?' you whisper. He ponders his answer for a moment.

'At first, I was drawn to your power,' he starts slowly. 'Then… I started enjoy your company. I couldn't understand it. Why you made me feel… at peace. Good. I know now. You find goodness in others. And when it's not there, you create it. That's what you did with me. You made me want to be better. To protect you. To care for you. You reminded me why I'm doing this all, when I was losing the will to fight. So that all Grisha could be safe. So you could be safe.'

He takes your hand and places it on his heart. You inhale sharply, feeling how fast his heart is beating.

'I don't know when nor how… but you grabbed my heart, took it and I know I can never get it back,' he says. 'Not in the way it was before. Moi sol ye tselai. That's who you are to me. Who you've always been.'

Okay, that's it. You can't stop them now. Your tears are falling like a broken dam. Aleksander leans down… and kisses them away. Which causes you to start sobbing. He takes you in his arms and embraces you tightly.

'Sh… milaya,' he whispers. 'I have you. I finally have you and I'll never let you go.'

'Finally?' you whisper. He hugs you tighter.

'I tried to fight it,' he says. 'When I realised what I feel for you. I tried to deny it, to insist we're just friends. No matter how much it hurt or broke my heart. I tried to make Alina love me, trust me, when all the time I wish it was you in her place. But I told myself it's impossible. So, I cared for you from afar. Making sure you're safe. And whenever you weren't, I was going mad from fear. Because losing you… I believe it would finally kill me. I can no longer live without you, lapushka.'

His voice shakes a bit. You wonder whether he's crying as well. Or he's close to and is stopping himself. But your face is pressed into his kefta, so you can't see.

'Can I kiss you?' he whispers suddenly. Your heart beats like crazy. You pull away slightly, to be able to look at his face. Your eyes meet.

'Yes,' you answer, breathless. In a second, Aleksander cups your face and his lips meet yours. You gasp, surprised, and answer the kiss. You've often dreamed of kissing him. But reality is far better. When he finally pulls away, you're dazed. And he's breathing heavily.

'Far better than my dreams,' he chuckles. You blush and look down at his kefta. His black kefta with golden embroidery.

'Better than kissing Alina?' you ask before you can stop yourself. You can't help it. Jealousy and insecurity take you over again.

'Why do you think we kissed?' Kirigan asks after a moment. You look up at him and roll your eyes.

'I'm not an idiot, Aleksander,' you say. 'I know you were with Alina in your chambers when I came to tell you about the attack on Marie. And I know why you were there.'

'Hey,' he says, grasping your arms tightly. 'Nothing happened, do you hear me? Nothing happened except for kissing.'

'Because I interrupted,' you say grimly. General tilts your chin up.

'Yes,' he admits. 'And believe me when I say that a part of me was glad you did. Because when I was kissing her… and it was not better than with you… I wished I was kissing you. Holding you. Doing… more with you. And then you showed up… I was both elated and… I felt guilty. I couldn't understand why. We weren't together. But I felt… like I was betraying you. So, I was relieved I have to leave.'

'Maybe if you'd stayed, everything would be different now. Maybe Alina would be yours. And you two would change the world.'

'Perhaps. But… we wouldn't have that conversation. I'm glad we did. Because while I thought Alina is my equal… my heart is choosing you. Over and over again. It tells me to kiss you senseless. Ravish you. Make you mine.'

'What's stopping you, then?'

Aleksander freezes. He looks at you with wide eyes. You stare back at him calmly, even though your heart is beating like crazy. You're scared, yes. But you want it. Want him.

'Are you sure?' Kirigan says, his voice low. You kiss him softly.

'I want to make you mine as well,' you whisper. In a moment Aleksander pulls you closer to himself, causing you to gasp, and kisses you. It's more passionate and rougher than your first kiss. But you don't mind. You answer in the same manner. You don't even notice when your kefta is gone. You only do when you feel Kirigan taking off your shirt.

'Your shirt has to go, but you can stay,' he informs you. You laugh and help him take it off of you.

'How generous of you,' you say, amused, and reach for his kefta. 'But in that case, I want you naked as well.'

You undress each other. You stare at Aleksander's naked body in awe. You see him smirking at you, satisfied with your reaction. But then his eyes roam over you and they turn black with lust.

'I need you,' he says quietly. You take a step forward.

'I'm yours,' you declare. Your lips meet in a kiss again. Your hands are all over each other. Kirigan leads you to his bed and you lay down on it, him on top of you. He caresses your body, kissing it from your face and going down. You gasp and whimper under him.

'I've wanted this for so long,' he groans, as he starts licking your womanhood. Your eyes go wide and your body jerks, as you gasp. You moan and close your eyes, when his fingers start preparing you.

'Does it feel good?' Kirigan asks, his voice low.

'More…' you whisper. 'I need more. Please. Please, Aleksander.'

'In a moment, milaya,' your lover says, kissing your inner thigh. 'I need you to be ready for me. I don't want to hurt you.'

A few minutes later you're a panting and moaning mess. Your face is red, eyes dark with lust, lips parted. But to Aleksander you're beautiful.

'Perfect,' he whispers, looking at you in awe, and positions his member at your entrance. 'Do you still want it?'

'If you stop now, I'm going to make you anaemic,' you declare, glaring at him. He laughs and slowly enters you. You gasp and he groans. He gives you a moment to adjust. Then, he starts moving. It's nothing you've ever felt before. You put your arms around him and hold on tight.

'You feel so good, [Y/N],' Kirigan groans after a moment, kissing your face, especially your lips. 'As if you were made for me.'

'I was,' you gasp. 'I'm pretty sure I was. Oh… Saints… Aleksander… yes…'

'Say my name again,' your lover demands, his look darkening. You start repeating his name like a prayer. It spurs him on. He speeds up. You arch your back. He thrusts a few more times and when he hits just the right spot, you both reach your high, moaning each other's names.

'Saints…' you gasp, when Kirigan slowly pulls out a few minutes later. 'So much better than my dreams.'

Aleksander chuckles. He looks at you with mirth.

'Did you dream about it often?' he asks.

'Not really,' you admit, surprising him. 'I have a terrible sleeping schedule.'

'True, we must do something about it,' Kirigan agrees. He gets up, but only to grab a wet cloth to wash you both. When he's done, he pulls the covers over you. He puts his arms around you and pulls you to himself.

'Sleep, [Y/N],' he murmurs in your hair and kisses your head. 'I'll be here when you wake up.'

You weren't even that sleepy a moment ago. But now… you close your eyes and almost immediately fall asleep. With a happy smile on your face.

When Aleksander wakes up, you're cuddling to him. He smiles. He didn't dream to wish for this to happen. Yet here you are. In his arms. Feeling what he feels. Maybe his plans were ruined. But at least it got him to this. Perhaps it was worth it.

He's about to press a kiss to your forehead, when a familiar feeling rises in his throat. He quickly untangles himself from you and falls from the bed. He manages to reach his desk when a cough shakes his body. He can't stop. Soon, he feels the black substance on his hand that covers his mouth. It overflows.

The moment the attack stops, a handkerchief appears in front of his face. He stares at it, puzzled. He follows the hand that holds it and finds it's attached to you. You're leaning over him, as he's fallen on his knees, your other hand holding covers around your body, and looking at him with worry.

'Thank you,' he says after a moment and takes the handkerchief. He wipes his mouth and then his hand. He stands up with your help.

'I'm sorry,' he says. 'I didn't mean to wake you.'

'I was already awake,' you say, shaking your head. 'I just… It felt nice. Being in your arms.'

You blush and Aleksander smiles. He puts a strand of loose hair behind your ear.

'I enjoyed having you in my arms as well,' he says. You smile. You take his hand and lead him back to bed. You make him sit down and then lower yourself on his lap. He stares at you in awe, as you cup his face and kiss him.

'Is it… okay?' you whisper, shy.

'More than okay,' he assures you, grabbing your hips. 'Whenever you feel like kissing me, just do it.'

You smile at that and kiss him again. He moans into the kiss and falls on his back. You start kissing his jaw.

'If you continue… we will not leave this room tonight,' he says after a moment, his voice strained.

'I don't see how that would be bad,' you say, smirking, but roll off of him. He reaches for you and pulls you to himself.

'Someone would come in, worried, and would see us naked and very busy,' Kirigan says. You freeze.

'Saints, no,' you whisper, horrified. Your lover laughs. He caresses your arm. He looks at you a moment later and sees you're deep in thought.

'What's on your mind?' he asks. You hum.

'Just thinking,' you say and look up at him. 'Funny how it all turned out. I think… meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice. But… falling in love with you was beyond my control.'

Aleksander smiles and pecks your lips. He nuzzles your nose.

'I may hate your father for how he treated you, but I'm glad he brought you to the Little Palace,' he says.

'My father is not something I want to talk about while in bed with you,' you sigh.

'Oh? And what would you rather talk about?' your lover asks, grinning. 'How absolutely perfect you were last night? How I wish to kiss and mark every inch of your body?'

You blush and bite your lip. While what he says it's a bit embarrassing, you really want that. Saints, you want that so much.

'Don't bite your lip, I want to do that,' Aleksander says quietly, leaning to your face. You let go of your lip, but a moment later it's between Kirigan's teeth. You're about to kiss again… when there's a knock on the door.

'Way to ruin a moment,' you murmur, glumly.

'I know,' Kirigan says, irritated. He quickly gets up and puts on his pants. He walks to the door and opens it slightly. Outside, he sees a troubled Fruzsi.

'What is it?' he asks, annoyed she interrupted a thing he's wanted for so long to happen.

'Forgive me, General,' Fruzsi apologies. 'But we can't find [Y/N] anywhere. It appears she's not slept in her room last night. And last time we saw her, she was heading here-'

'She's fine,' Aleksander cuts her off. 'No need to worry.'

Fruzsi stares at him. Then, she glances behind him. She clears her throat.

'I see,' she says. 'I apologise again.'

She bows her head and leaves. Kirigan closes the door behind her and turns to you. He's disappointed to see you're already dressing.

'Going so soon?' he asks, walking slowly toward you.

'Busy day,' you answer. 'I have to find a way to help you.'

Aleksander stops. He watches you as you finish dressing up.

'Don't do it at the expense of yourself,' he asks you. You walk to him with a smile.

'I won't,' you promise and kiss him one more time. 'I'll see you later.'

You walk toward the door, but Kirigan's hand on your wrist stops you. You glance at it, then at his face, confused.

'You know you're mine now, yes?' he asks. 'And I'm yours. We're together.'

You smile brightly at him and nod. He smiles back and lets you go. You leave his room and head toward the workshop. You turn the corner and almost shriek, scared, as you almost walk right into Ivan.

'Are you trying to kill me?' you ask, glaring at him.

'Is it true?' he asks instead of answering. 'Did you spend the night with General?'

'Don't you dare saying "I told you so",' you say, blushing furiously. Ivan smirks.

'So, he said it, then?' he asks. 'That he loves you back.'

You open your mouth to confirm, but stop yourself. You freeze. You replay your conversation from last night in your head. Your heart starts beating faster, causing Ivan to frown. Because Aleksander didn't say it. He said all those wonderful things, but he didn't say those three little words. He… he said he likes you. But… does it mean he loves you?

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/134301133

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