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#i reach one and go through an identity crisis c:
kkoongiees · 3 years
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yeolville >> kkoongiees
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kalivda · 2 years
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Do I Really Look Like This? (Camilo Madrigal x Gender Neutral Reader)
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haha. identity crisis camilo go brrr. some angst as well
words: 680
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Is this...is this what I really look like?
Camilo noticed his curly, brown hair and hazel eyes, freckles dusting his face.
No...that can't be right...that can't be right at all.
Touching his face softly, he could feel his breathing quicken and grow shakily. Why does he always feel like this after shapeshifting recently?
I-I don't have this hair....it's too curly. I don't have this body...this is all wrong. My body is wrong! It feels wrong. This LOOKS wrong. Since when did I have freckles?! Everything is wrong!!
He felt trapped. Like he couldn't breathe. "Oh no..." He muttered to himself, feeling tears escape his eyes and fall down his cheeks. His palms grew sweaty and it became very noticeable that Camilo was practically on the verge of a panic attack.
Do I...really look like this?
Dolores knocked on his door, sensing something was wrong. "Camilo, are you okay?" He heard her voice from the other side.
She can't see me like this. No one can. I'm the upbeat one. The shoulder to lean on and make you laugh. They can't know I'm having...whatever this feeling is like!
Quickly wiping his tears and composing himself, he opened the door.
"Yeah. Everything's fine. Why?" He asked. Dolores looked at him suspiciously. "Well...Y/n is here to see you. They're coming up after speaking to Mirabel." A squeak left his older sister's closed lips as she shut the door and walked away, when he could finally let out a breath of relief.
Sitting back down on his bed, he collapsed back and buried his head into his hands. "I'm not me...that isn't me..." He softly said to himself, feeling quiet sobs escape his body.
"Cami? Mi amor (my love)?" A voice called. The door opened and closed as the footsteps got closer towards Camilo.
"Cami? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Camilo looked up and were met with [e/c] eyes. "H-hey." He choked out. "Cami. Do you want a hug?" His partner asked.
Giving a shy nod, they opened their arms as Camilo thrusted himself into their warm, comforting touch. The two sat in silence for a while before Camilo spoke up.
"When you look at me...what do you see?" He asked, tears brimming his vision. Y/n looked at the boy with admiration. "I see the cutest and most selfless boyfriend in the world." They said, cupping his face.
"No- no...like....physically. What do you see?" He asked again, some of the tears that were in his eyes now falling. Y/n thought to theirselves and then put the pieces together. He must be having another identity crisis. These come normal for the two as Camilo still hasn't really figured out who he was yet.
"I see...the brightest pair of hazel eyes on the face of the earth." His partner wiped the tears that were streaming down his cheeks using their thumbs.
"I see...a head full of curly hair. Perfect for running my fingers through." As they spoke their words, a hand ran through Camilo's hair.
"I see...a face full of freckles. One of my favorites. So I can play with them." Y/n said, reaching their finger up and playing connect-the-dots, making Camilo chuckle a bit, showing a semi-bright smile.
"And I also see a pair of lips. Perfect for me to do this." Leaning in, his partner pressed their lips onto his, sharing a passionate kiss. Camilo froze for a second before deepening the kiss a little, yet keeping it calm.
Pulling away slowly, Camilo looked up at Y/n. "A-are you sure?" They smiled at Camilo and then pulled him in a hug, falling onto his bed. Holding onto him tightly, his partner whispered into Camilo's ear.
"Positive. You're perfect anyways, mi amor. Gift or no gift, you'll always be mine." Camilo felt his throat tighten from his emotions rising. "I love you, mi pequeño camaleón (my small chameleon)." Y/n said to him quietly and calmly, hearing his soft snores in their ears.
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iamanartichoke · 3 years
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I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.
I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.
(cut for length)
It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -
In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.
I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.
I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).
But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.
The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.
Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.
The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.
These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.
They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.
(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)
So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.
I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.
That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.
And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.
Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.
I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -
- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)
Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?
They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.
In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.
But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.
The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.
I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because
- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,
- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)
- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.
If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.
So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?
I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.
But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.
Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.
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whump-a-la-mode · 3 years
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Escape: Part 2
This is a bit different from what I usually do. @equestrianwritingsstuff recently posted a one-off piece, and I got a little bit obsessed with it. So, with her permission, this is a continuation! The original post can be found here.
Summary: After being captured and forced into a torturous reform program, Villain attempts escape-- but throws it all away to save the life of his foe.
CW//Attempted conditioning, denial of food, denial of water, intentional self injury, broken glass, blood, mentions of car crashes, collars, chains, firearms, attempted murder
“Okay.” The sigh was sharp, enough so to make Villain bite their own tongue in apprehension. “Let’s try another one.”
Nosey shuffled through the stack of papers piled before them on the desk. Villain glanced down at the pile-- noting its sheer height. He wasn’t expected to go through all those, right? No, that would certainly take all night.
“Here.” The hero before him settled on one of the pages, picking it up. “This one should be easy.”
Villain muttered something under his breath, laden with swears and insults.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
“Mhm.” A haughty exhale. “Here. If you get this one on the first try, you can go back to your cell and... I don’t know, do whatever it is you do. I’m tired of looking at your face.”
Back to his cell. That made Villain perk up, nearly straining against the cuffs holding him firmly to the table.
“Okay, let’s just get this over with. Here’s the scenario. You’re walking along the street, and you see someone hit by a car. The car does not stop, and the victim is thrown onto the sidewalk in front of you. They are clearly alive, but severely injured. Do you:
A: Use your healing powers to treat their injuries.
B: Search the surrounding area for a civilian with medical training
C: Contact the Heroic Civilian Treatment Team to take the victim to hospital.”
“Um...”
Villain felt the hairs on the back of his neck stick up, despite being half wetted down with sweat.
If someone had been struck by a vehicle, the obvious answer would be to help them as quickly as possible. As soon as injuries like that were inflicted, the clock was already ticking.
The heroes were terribly resistant to him using his powers in any situation-- that was somewhat the whole point of the Villain Containment Practices. But in this case, it would certainly be an exception, right? Their whole job was supposed to be protecting life.
“Uh- I- I think A.” He at last croaked out. “Use my healing powers to stabilize them, then find a civilian doctor to get them to the hospital.”
Nosey sighed.
“A situation like this should always be deferred to us. Using your powers is never the answer.”
They placed down the paper, hastily rearranging the messy stack of them.
“Let’s go back to the gym. I’ll let you off with ten laps, this time.”
Villain gulped, phlegm sliding down a dry throat, as a pair of guards advanced to untie him from the table.
“C- Can I have some water? Please?”
“You’ve already lost your food privileges for the day. Do you really want to lose your water, too? You get water once you’ve earned it. For now, we’re going to the gym.
At this rate, maybe you should just become a permanent resident in our program.”
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The glass was mocking them.
Villain was certain of that, even as he kneeled on his cot of a bed, half delirious, half exhausted.
The glass of water sat on a small table at the bed’s end. Just a glass, hardly even filled halfway. Haphazardly placed under a faucet for a few moments without thought.
He knew he had to drink it. He didn’t have much of a choice. Tomorrow would only bring more questions, more laps, more push-ups, more lectures. It would be terrible, certainly, but the small amount of liquid would make it at least the tiniest bit more bearable. Give him the tiniest bit more strength.
It was all he had. He’d spent the day watching his classmates-- that’s what the heroes called them, they were fellow prisoners, at best-- eating their meals, while he sat at an empty table.
Just because he had started a fight didn’t mean he should have to starve. Besides, they had it coming. Stuck up ass.
Villain frowned, cracked and dry lips sticking together, and reached forth to pick up the glass.
He needed to drink it, but as soon as he did, it would be gone. He would have to earn the next few drops through countless tears and buckets of sweat. At the very least, right now, he had control. He had a choice.
Not a very good one, but...
When had he gotten to this point? Having a crisis in a barren room over a half-glass of water? He was supposed to be a villain. Others were supposed to fear him.
Besides...
Villain’s hand shook, water sloshing, even as he was careful not to lose a single, precious drop.
He didn’t know how much longer he could survive like this. Endless exercise, endless questions. Maybe they would never let him out. Maybe they wanted him to die here. Hell, they probably wanted him to die here. One less problem, drained of strength until they no longer had enough to breathe.
This was one long, drawn out execution. Even if it wasn’t, he could hardly imagine a situation in which they allowed his parting. In which they considered him at long last “reformed.”
Villain had to leave. He had to. He was leaving here either in a glorious escape, or in a body bag. Or, worse: In a hero’s uniform.
He downed the water, feeling the heavenly moisture fill his throat. It was the best thing he had ever tasted, despite the fact that water had no taste to it.
It was far less pleasant than what would come next. He knew from unfortunate experience that there were only two things that could get him out of this cell: Going to ‘class,’ or having an emergency.
The first wouldn’t work.
There was no camera in the room, he had searched long and hard to confirm that fact. At the very least, he didn’t have to do much in the way of acting. Not yet.
He swung his unsteady legs over the edge of the bed, standing, stumbling halfway to the end table.
Before throwing the glass to the floor.
It was a miracle, that the heroes allowed him glass dishware. The cup exploded, a thousand shining pieces scattering about the floor.
Now, for the unpleasant part.
Villain gritted his teeth, throwing himself onto the broken glass, ensuring that it dug into his flesh, his legs and his palms. At the very least, his screams were genuine.
“Help! Help!” He wailed. “I’m hurt! Help, please help! Oh god, that’s my blood, oh god oh god...”
There was no camera in the room, but the door was plenty thin, and in this facility, screams carried far. To ensure this, he let out a few more cries, carrying them on until the door lock was frantically turned, the door thrown open on its hinges.
Hero’s inhale was quick enough that she nearly started choking on her own breath.
“V-Villain, oh god, that’s- That’s your blood?”
Of course it was, dimwit. It was flooding from his skin, wasn’t it?
“Y- Yes. I tripped, um, oh god, oh...”
The swaying and slurring of his words were not pretend, either. Dehydration and hunger made sure of that.
“Can you walk?” How was there so much concern in her tone?
“Don’t know.”
“We need to try. I can carry you, but- We need to get to the infirmary.”
The hero hurried to their foe’s side, arms under his shoulders helping him to his feet. He could walk on his own, not well, but he could-- though Hero had no need to know that.
“Okay.”
“It’s a pretty long walk. We can take it slow, okay?”
“Yeah.”
That was exactly what they did. Their movements were so painfully slow that at times Villain wondered whether or not they were moving at all, but, after some time, they did cover some distance. The few people awake at such an hour steered clear, seeing a villain covered in blood and wanting nothing to do with it in the slightest.
The infirmary was on the bottom floor, Villain had seen it on his way in, making note of its placement. Of course, Hero wasn’t about to make him struggle down all those stairs. No. She went straight for the elevator, stepping into the isolated box with her foe and letting the doors closed.
This was it. The elevator ride would only last a few moments-- it was now or never.
As subtly as he possibly could, Villain placed his hand upon his injured leg, the minty thrum of healing powers knitting together the slices. Though, it did nothing to dry the blood that had already seeped out.
He was healed, and Hero was alone. Trapped.
By all accounts, it was a fight that Villain should have lost. He was exhausted, stomach left empty for far too long, and veins severely lacking in blood. Hero had the benefit of being well-fed, well-rested, all of it.
But that explanation left out one thing.
Villain was desperate.
He watched the small, digital screen count down the floors.
4...
3...
2...
Now!
The strike may not have been powerful, but it was aided by the sheer speed at what it was launched. Villain’s fist collided with Hero’s temple, knocking her sideways, stumbling. He wasted not a millisecond in preparing his next strike, hearing the crack of a cheekbone beneath his knuckles.
Hero let out a cry, holding her face where a bruise would certainly bloom in the hour. Limbs still soaked in scarlet, Villain swung out with his leg, catching Hero in the knee, sending her to the elevator floor with a hollow crash.
1.
The elevator doors opened.
It was the fastest Villain had ever run in his life, he was certain of that. His legs were little more than blurs of red as he sprinted forth, tearing through a lobby that was nearly barren. An infinitesimal distance between him and freedom.
“Oh no you don’t!”
His legs came out from under him, his face striking the tile floor, almost certainly giving him an identical blessure to Hero.
The voice-- it was Nosey’s stupid, avian squawk. And, too, their polished boot struck Villain’s back.
“You really thought it’d be that easy?”
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The metal chafed horribly against Villain’s neck, somehow making his throat’s desiccation more acute. He laid his head against the thin carpet, spine aching terribly. The movement shifted the chain latched onto his collar, the slight clinking noise making his heartbeat stutter.
Tied up like a dog.
“Is this really necessary?” He grumbled, shifting himself to a sitting position, gazing upwards.
To Hero’s bed. Her legs dangled off the side of the mattress, hands gripped into fists around gathered bedsheets.
“We’ve been over this. That cell was a privilege, and you’ve lost it.”
“And so you chain me to the wall like a dog.”
“Exactly. You need to be under my direct supervision.”
“Yeah, whatever. Did you really have to stick this stupid collar on me?”
“I’m no happier about this than you are. But I’m not giving you free reign of my bedroom. You already tried to kill me once tonight.”
“I wasn’t trying to kill you.”
“Whatever. Unlike you, I actually have things to do in the morning. So, if you would please let me sleep?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“If you do something for me first.”
“You are in the worst possible position to make demands, right now.”
Villain’s sigh tore at his throat.
“I just want some water.”
“Just that? Wait. You’re not going to smash the glass again, are you? I’m way too tired for that nonsense a second time tonight.”
“Just don’t put the water in a glass, then.”
“You actually just want water?”
“Yes.” He added rather pathetically. “Please?”
“I... Fine. Then you’ll let me sleep?”
“Mhm.”
“Fine.”
Hero stood, glancing suspiciously at her captive as she made her way across the room. As if he could do anything-- the chain was maybe three feet in length. He could barely lay his head down.
She maneuvered to her kitchenette, returning with a plastic cup-- filled to the brim with that precious liquid. She placed it before him. He was already drooling.
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Goodnight, Villain.”
“Goodnight.”
Was that really all it took to domesticate him? A glass of water? It hardly mattered. As soon as Hero turned off the light, bathing the room in shadow, Villain downed the liquid as though his life depended on it.
Perhaps, it did.
It wasn’t long before Hero’s steady breathing had turned to soft snoring. Villain shifted himself into the most comfortable position he could manage. Even that, however, was far from being pleasant, with the chain threatening to strangle him at any moment.
That wasn’t what kept him from sleeping, however. He needed to sleep. He knew that, he wasn’t stupid. He would need his energy for the next day of lessons, of shouted orders and lectures.
That was all his life would be from now on, wouldn’t it? Orders and exhaustion and being forced to earn the most basic of needs by answering moral quandaries incorrectly.
Villain wanted, longed, to cry. To let out all the horrible emotions that had stuck in his chest cavity, threatening to drown his lungs in sorrow. But that would break the conditions of the deal.
He had to be quiet, or else he might never again be allowed water.
It was that dread in his chest, that hopelessness, that forced him awake.
So, he laid, still, listening to Hero’s snores as his own body refused to allow him unconsciousness.
Snores, and...
Footsteps.
Footsteps? Villain tensed, holding stock still, pricking his ears for the noise. They drew louder, louder, before stopping. Stopping outside the dorm room door.
He held his breath.
The door opened gently enough that the hinges made only the slightest noise. Then, the footsteps were inside.
Villain shrunk down in the corner, making himself far smaller and quieter than anyone of his status should ever have had to be.
Two sets of footsteps. Growing louder, coming towards the bedroom. The bed.
Hero.
“Are you sure we need to do this?” An unknown voice, whispering.
“If you want this plan to work, we don’t have a choice.”
That voice, that voice was not unknown. It was loud, terribly high pitched, terribly-
Nosey.
“We really have to kill them?”
“We won’t get the chance if you keep talking. Just do it, don’t chicken out on me, now.”
“Okay, okay.”
Villain’s heartbeat shivered.
The cocking of a gun. That horrible sound, that precursor of bloodshed.
Then, the shot. Two pairs of footsteps, fleeing, slamming the door behind themselves.
Villain gulped.
It was no doubt what had happened-- if he had had any doubts, they were quickly drowned out as Hero’s breathing hitched, then quieted to an almost imperceptible level. Growing slower, weaker by the second.
They are clearly alive, but severely injured.
In the scenario, he had had three choices. But this wasn’t a training scenario.
Now, he only had two.
A: Praise his lucky stars and use the opportunity to escape. There was a fire escape, just outside the window. He would be gone into the night before anyone knew any different.
Or...
B: Do the right thing.
Villain threw himself against the chain about his neck, collar threatening to cut off his airways. He spun about, gripping the chain in clammy fingers, pulling and tugging and-
Her breathing was getting quieter, weaker.
He pulled harder, muscles straining with the effort. The chain was anchored to the wall with a spike, drilled in. There was no way he could break the chain, no way he could break the spike, but-
Villain’s heel slammed through the plaster and drywall, chain flying backwards at his face. He hardly made note of it. Spike and chain and all dragging behind him, he tore to Hero’s bedside.
It was almost fortunate, that the lights were off. He couldn’t see the extent of the wounds.
He placed his hands upon her head, that minty feeling rushing to his fingers, his palms, her skin.
Using your powers is never the answer.
No. No, that wasn’t true.
Rules didn’t matter. Training didn’t matter. All that mattered was doing the right thing.
58 notes · View notes
ellewritesfix05 · 4 years
Text
Coming Home
Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam, Beatrix/Amethyst
Word Count: ~5.5k
Warnings: A little angst, a little fluff, TW: PTSD symptoms (namely: hallucinations, anxiety attack)
A/N: Hello my sweets! This here I have written for @superfanficnatural and @impala-1979 ‘s awesome “Mert and Pala’s Celebration Challenge”! My prompt was Clean/Reincarnation/PTSD. It was definitely one of the biggest challenges for me, took a while but it’s finally done and I truly hope y’all like it! 💜💜💜
📸 cred: to rightful owners
Elle’s Library/Main Masterlist
Dean Winchester Library
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“So get this, it looks like the Men of Letters kept a file on this witch. Apparently she’s gone by multiple names in the past three hundred years she’s been active, the last one on record is Amethyst.”
Dean continued to wipe down the hood of the Impala, looking over to Sam — who was standing at the entrance of the garage, a binder in hand — every now and then to show he’d been listening. For weeks now they’d been on the trail of a dangerous witch that seemed to be an expert at evasive action. She’d roll up into town, hex a couple men to kill their wives for her, and move on before the brothers could reach her latest victims. Tired of driving from state to state with little to show for their efforts, Sam decided it might be best to go back to the bunker and look for information that the fortress of knowledge may have on such a powerful witch. Luckily, he’d been able to find her file, or rather an entire box of files on her, rather quickly.
“Okay, so we’re looking for a witch with an identity crisis?” Dean set the cleaning tools aside and walked over to his brother. The pair headed inside, side by side as Sam continued to look through the binder.
“Yeah,” Sam chuckled, “or a really smart one. She changes her name and probably her whole appearance and most hunters are none the wiser. They could be looking for some brunette witch named Beatrix and run into her having changed to a redhead that goes by Meredith pretending to help.”
“Fucking witches, man. They’re the worst,” Dean sighed as he sat down at one of the tables in the bunker’s library. He opened a different file on the witch in order to help Sam find as much information as possible. Normally he hated research, but when an ancient witch was going on a murder rampage across the country, it seemed like an all hands on deck situation.
They read for hours only finding trivial information, piles of it but none really important enough to help them find her. It wasn’t until they were about to call it a night that Dean came across a picture of a woman that seemed eerily familiar.
Among the pile of reports and book excerpts, the sepia toned photograph had been hiding, barely hanging on to a couple pages with a paper clip. Dean picked up the report and stared at the image, she was beautiful. Long Y/H/C hair flowed down, perfectly framing her face. Her full, inviting lips carefully pulled at the edges, as if she’d been told to hold back her smile. And her eyes… wide, Y/E/C eyes that seemed to sparkle despite the faded tones of the old ink. Yet they also held something in them, an oddly placed apprehension. If Dean didn’t know better, he’d say it was even fear, hidden beneath a hopeful gaze.
“Earth to Dean!” Sam’s snapping in front of his face brought Dean back to reality. He hadn’t realized that his younger brother had been trying to get his attention for a few minutes now.
“Dude, are you okay?”
“Yeah, sorry,” was all Dean could muster up. Sam frowned but nodded, he was about to ask what had distracted his brother so much when the older Winchester stood up and walked away, a small file in hand.
Dean couldn’t help but walk away. The picture seemed to have been taken long ago, decades before Dean was even born, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d seen her before. Somewhere out there, not just in a photograph. He reached his room and sat on the edge of the bed, looking through the woman’s file. As his eyes scanned the report in his hands, Dean’s brow furrowed. What he read seemed impossible and yet, if it was part of the Men of Letters archives, chances were that everything written down was true. Minutes after having finished reading the file, Dean grabbed a duffel and packed. He didn’t know why or how, but he knew that he had to find Y/N Y/L/N.
****
“I still don’t understand, what makes you so sure that this Y/N Y/L/N is still alive?” Sam read and re-read the file as he sat in the passenger seat of the Impala. As soon as Dean had explained, he too had thought it highly unusual, even for them, but he didn’t share in Dean’s insistence that this woman, whoever she was, needed to be found. The last entry from the Men of Letters about her was written over one hundred years ago. Who knows if she was still around?
Dean tapped impatiently on the steering wheel, he didn’t know why either but something inside him kept nagging, insisting that he knew her and needed to find her, “I just know, Sammy. I don’t know how but I do. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I sound like a crazy person, but I really think she’s still cursed and alive. Even if the Men of Letters lost her, I have this feeling that she’s still out there.”
Sam sighed but conceded, opening up his laptop to see if he could find any information on the mysterious woman. They reached a small hotel in the middle of Nebraska, as Dean’s eyelids had become too heavy to keep driving. As soon as they checked in, Dean collapsed on the closest bed in the motel room.
“You know, that bluff would work a hell of a lot better if you could stop tapping your foot when you have a good hand.”
Y/N smiled as she laid her cards face down, folding instead of falling for Dean’s ruse to get her to put down even more money. Dean frowned as she did and narrowed his eyes. They’d only been playing for half an hour, how did she already know all of his tricks and tells?
She laughed at his suspecting expression, “sorry, love. I’m not losing all my money to you, even if you are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”
Dean couldn’t help but smirk at that, he knew she was attracted to him the second he walked through the swinging doors of the dive bar. Looking up from the game of poker she’d been taking part in, the way she bit her bottom lip and casually flipped her hair had given her away immediately.
“That so?” Dean winked at her, he was definitely getting lucky tonight. Y/N’s smile grew wider as she stood up from her chair and walked up behind Dean.
She leaned down, lips close to his ear and her breath fanning over his skin as she whispered, “that is so. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to attend to.”
She placed a quick kiss on his cheek and walked out the door, Dean grabbed the cash from the table and scrambled out of his chair to follow her but was too late. Her car was already pulling out of its parking spot. He barely managed to see her wink at him over her shoulder before she drove away — it wasn’t until he reached for his wallet to put the money he’d won away that he realized why she’d left so quickly. At some point during their short, yet heated, exchange she’d swiped his wallet containing all the money he’d earned at various poker games and pool hustles in the past two weeks.
Dean awoke with a start. It had been so long ago, ages since he’d seen her but it was definitely her. The woman from the picture. He got up and shook Sam awake, ducking down when the tall Winchester pulled a gun from beneath his pillow. They dressed quickly, Sam barely managing to put his jacket on when Dean started honking the horn, eager to get to Colorado. On the drive to the town where he’d met Y/N, Dean filled Sam in on his dream from the previous night.
“And you’re sure that it was the same woman?” Sam asked for the third time.
“Yes, Sam. I’m sure, I knew I’d seen her somewhere before but it’s been so long I forgot about that time,” Dean stepped on the gas pedal, impatiently wishing that they’d reach Colorado faster.
“So you’re saying that the woman who hustled you 12 years ago is the same woman that has apparently been alive for the past 250 years” Sam chuckled, “if this wasn’t so weird I’d actually laugh.”
“Shut up,” Dean sighed exasperated, which actually made Sam laugh.
****
They arrived in the town of Buena Vista much faster than expected, thanks to Dean’s enthusiasm on the gas pedal. Though it seemed like a long shot that Y/N would even still be in the same town, at least they had somewhere to start looking from. They checked in to the local Super 8 before changing into their fed suits, choosing to use fake personas to question the townspeople.
Their search proved much shorter than expected when the manager at the grocery store identified Y/L immediately.
“That’s Helena, at least it was before she went crazy and started calling herself Y/N,” said the man. The brothers looked at each other with furrowed brows.
“Crazy?” Sam prompted.
“Yeah, she used to be a real good kid. I mean, when she was younger she’d get into all kinds of trouble, but who didn’t? Once she turned 25 though she became a real fine lady, part of the church group, did a lot of charity work, and even started the local community center, caring for the townspeople for years. Poor thing lost her mind a few months ago though, started having all these episodes and saying her name was Y/N Y/L/N and she’d been cursed by some witch. We tried helping her but there was only so much we could do. Her parents died a long time ago and she doesn’t really have any family around so we decided to help take care of her but when she almost killed the baker’s daughter in her sleep, the doctors decided it might be best to put her in an institution.��
The brothers were speechless. In the files they’d read about Y/N, the Men of Letters mentioned episodes she would experience but nothing close to what they had just heard. They thanked the man for his help and headed out. Sam looked up the location of the facility where Y/N had been taken and they drove there in a hurry. If the files were anything to go by, they didn’t have long before they lost Y/N.
****
When they arrived at Sunny Meadows, the institution where Y/N had apparently been taken, Dean couldn’t help a shiver running down his spine. Despite its elegant design, the facility seemed like a prison — a cage, decorated with peonies and sunflowers but a cage nonetheless.
The brothers walked in and requested a meeting with the facility director, a Dr. Sanderson. They walked into the well-decorated office where an elderly woman sat at the desk. Her small, rectangular glasses perched on the bridge of a long, slim nose. Deeply etched wrinkles surrounded tiny, beady eyes. With a tight lipped smile that unsettled the brothers right on sight.
“My assistant tells me you’re looking for Helena Roberts?” Dr. Sanderson asked as they sat down across from her.
Sam nodded, “we think she may have some information on a case we’re working on.”
“I see,” Dr. Sanderson leaned back in her chair, her tiny frame nearly swallowed completely by the squeaky clean leather, “I’m sorry to say, agents, but Ms. Roberts isn’t in the best shape to answer any questions at the moment. She doesn’t really know who she is, let alone anything concerning an FBI case.”
Dean, who had remained quiet since they walked into the office, sat up straighter and looked the doctor in the eye, “we understand, doc, but we really need to talk to her.”
Dr. Sanderson looked down and seemed to blush, “very well. If you’ll follow me.”
They walked behind the small-statured woman, along long corridors and past multiple large rooms, all decorated distinctly to differentiate between patients. After a few moments they emerged to the back garden where multiple patients sat around, some looking at the sky, some reading a book, and some admiring the flowers. Before Dr. Sanderson could point her out, Dean spotted Y/N on the far side of the garden, sitting in the middle of what seemed to be a sort of modified devil’s trap made with flower petals. Thanking the director, Sam and Dean walked to where Y/N was.
She sat cross-legged, a large book in front of her as her lips moved in a silent prayer. Engrossed in her ritual, she failed to hear the brothers approaching until Sam cleared his throat to grab her attention.
Stopping her mutters, Y/N looked up and was momentarily blinded by the sun behind them. Once her vision focused, Y/N couldn’t help the smile that curled up her lips.
“Hi, Y/N,” said Dean, crouching down to be at her eye level, “I don’t know if you remember me, I’m-“
“Dean Winchester,” Y/N interrupted, “of course I remember you… you’re still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”
Sam chuckled incredulously, somehow Dean’s story about meeting this poor woman was true.
Dean laughed, “still am, huh? That’s good to know.”
“Don’t let it get to your head,” she replied jokingly, “but, what are you doing here?”
Dean sat down across from her, signaling Sam to do the same. He reached into his coat's inner pocket and pulled out the photograph he’d found of her in the bunker, “we’re here because we know what happened to you and we want to help.”
Y/N took the photograph from Dean’s hand, running her fingers down the image that contained so many memories. She looked longingly at the picture, and suddenly realized who Sam and Dean were.
“You’re Men of Letters.”
Sam and Dean looked to each other questioningly.
“We are,” replied Sam, “how did you know?”
“I think you know,” said Y/N, “if you have this picture that means you must’ve read my file. The Men of Letters said they’d write down everything about me to try and help. Three times I found them, and three times they failed. I always died before they could find her, at least until the third time when one of them tried to kidnap me.”
Dean’s expression could not be more confused, “they did what? The file only mentions a curse, something to do with reincarnation but nothing in detail.”
“Well, they got that right, but that’s not the whole story. I only told one of them the full story, at least what I could remember but I ran away afterwards. He said he would help me but only if I agreed to be part of his collection.”
“Collection? What was his name, Y/N?” Sam asked.
“Magnus, but I don’t think that was his real name. After I escaped him the rest of the Men of Letters tried to convince me that he wasn’t really one of them, but I got scared and ran away anyway. I died shortly after and ever since I’ve been too scared to go back… wait, you’re not here to take me to his collection are you?”
Y/N stood up immediately, looking around for a weapon to defend herself with. Dean stood up as well and held his hands up in surrender, “we’re not here to hurt you, sweetheart. We just want to help, I promise.”
Despite only having briefly met him once, Y/N could see nothing but truth in Dean’s apple-green irises. She nodded and sat back down, feeling safer but still choosing to stay in the protection of her trap.
Dean looked down at the modified trap and asked, “what is this? It looks like a devil’s trap.”
“It’s a witch trap,” Sam chimed in, looking at the symbols ‘drawn’ with rose petals, “isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Y/N nodded, “good eye.”
“A witch trap? We have those?” Dean questioned.
Sam looked up to his brother, “I’ve read about them but the lore mentioned them as more of a theoretical defense, there wasn’t any proof that they actually work.”
“Well, they do. It’s what’s keeping her away from me,” said Y/N.
“Her? As in the witch that cursed you?” Dean sat back down.
“She’s close, I can feel it. She knows it’s almost time to die and she likes to watch.”
Sam frowned, he didn’t want to seem insensitive but the lack of information was becoming more frustrating by the minute, “what’s the curse, Y/N? The Men of Letters only called it “reincarnation curse” but I’ve never read anything like it.”
“Well,” Y/N sighed, “it’s a long story but… basically, a couple centuries ago, before the American Revolution, I was betrothed to an old man, a lord or something, it’s hard to remember properly. My parents were not the best off and he’d taken interest in me. I didn’t want to marry him, though, I was in love with someone else. His name was Michael… most handsome man I’d ever seen.”
She looked off to the distance, trying to remember the man she’d once loved. A cough interrupted her reverie and she smiled nervously, “sorry. To be honest I hardly remember him now, I just remember having that thought. Anyway, we’d planned to elope and run away, almost did except someone else was interested in him as well.”
“She went by the name ‘Beatrix’ at the time,” Y/N continued, “her and Michael’s parents had arranged for the two to marry and when we decided we’d run away she found out. We didn’t know at the time but she turned out to be a witch. On the night we had planned to leave, she caught up to us and went crazy. She ran to his side and whispered something in his ear. Next thing I knew he was coming for me and…”
Faded images began to seep into Y/N’s mind, tears were streaming down her face and Dean reached out to wipe them away with his thumb. He didn’t know why, but he suddenly felt the need to hold her.
“I’m sorry… it’s just hard, especially since she erased my memories of his image. I’ve only been able to hang on to him through my feelings. She was powerful enough to erase him from my mind but my heart still remembers.”
Sam nodded sympathetically, while Dean moved to her side, wrapping his arms around her.
“It’s okay, darling,” said Dean, “take the time you need.”
She let the tears fall freely for a few moments.
“Thank you,” she sniffled, “god I’m sorry, I’m such a mess.”
“Not at all, like Dean said just take your time.”
Y/N smiled gratefully, “anyway, long story short, he killed me. At least I remember something or someone stabbing me, and just before I died I heard Beatrix laugh and chant some words. It wasn’t until I came back as someone else and started getting my memories back later on that I realized what she did. Every 37 years, like clockwork, I die. Basically, she’s cursed me to live multiple lives. Actually have a life, learn to love, learn to hate, have a proper experience and when it seems to be going my way I get these headaches followed by a flood of memories. Memories of the witch, faded memories of Michael, and mainly memories of the ways every man I’ve ever loved has killed me.”
They all sat in silence, the brothers trying to understand the story they’d just been told. They had seen their fair share of witchcraft but this seemed extreme, even for them. While Sam tried to understand the curse and figure out ways to find the witch and break it, Dean couldn’t help the surge of anger coursing through his veins.
How could someone do that? How could anyone hurt Y/N like that? And for what? Another man? Falling in love? If he thought he hated witches before, it was nothing compared to what he felt now. The seething rage and disgust he felt towards them increased tenfold. Looking down at Y/N, he still didn’t understand the need to protect her or the odd connection he felt to her, but he knew that there was nothing on this earth that would stop him from saving her. Even if it was the last thing he’d ever do.
****
Soon after the sun started to set, Sam and Dean convinced Y/N to leave the facility with them. They’d promised to protect and help her. She’d been apprehensive at first but the moment she looked into Dean’s eyes she knew she could trust him with her life. Breaking her out of the institution was a piece of cake. All they did was pull a fire alarm and get lost in the crowd as the building was evacuated. After a couple hours, they found themselves back in the motel room, sitting at the kitchenette table as Y/N took a shower.
“Anything?” Dean asked Sam, opening yet another beer.
They’d been searching for any witch activity nearby, but so far the search had proved unsuccessful.
“Nothing,” Sam ran a hand through his long, brown locks, “I really don’t think she’s around here.”
“Y/N said she’s around so that means she’s around. Come on, man, we have to save her.”
“What is this about, Dean? This whole time you’ve been acting weird and I didn’t want to say anything before but you’re starting to worry me.” Sam closed his laptop and leaned forward on the table.
Dean sighed and rolled his eyes, “nothing, Sam. I just wanna get this case over with.”
“Bullshit, Dean. Something’s going on, just tell me.”
“I don’t know, okay?” Dean yelled as he stood up, “I just know that I need to save her!”
In the middle of the argument, the brothers hadn’t noticed Y/N standing just outside the bathroom door. She’d recently emerged from the steamy shower and heard the entire exchange.
“You feel it too?” She asked, walking slowly towards Dean. Ever since he’d popped back into her life, Y/N had felt a sort of connection to Dean. Like a magnet pulling her towards the tall, handsome man with the honest and stunning green eyes.
She stopped right in front of him, unknowingly reaching up to touch his face. Dean was speechless.
As her hand touched his stubbled cheek, he closed his eyes and leaned into it. He didn’t know how or why, all he knew was that being this close to her felt… right. Right and peaceful.
As her thumb lightly traced his lower lip, Dean opened his eyes and became lost in her Y/E/C orbs. They were like oceans, or deep Y/E/C lakes that held so much — all the pain of her past deaths, all the love of her past lives, the fear and the joy, the confusion and the knowledge, everything she had been, and everything she would ever be.
Y/N felt the same way. As she stared deep into his soul, she could see him, truly see who he was. Someone who had been through more than anyone ever should, someone who had been to hell and back — literally, although that she did not know — but also someone who loved more fiercely and passionately than any human ever could. A tug on her heart strings whispered a secret, a secret that made no sense and yet made all the sense in the world. Who was Dean Winchester? Her heart knew.
Having completely forgotten Sam was in the room, Dean leaned down to kiss Y/N. Her eyes fluttered shut and he closed the distance. His breath fanned over her lips and his heart hammered in his chest. Closer and closer, until there was but a hair’s distance between their lips.
Suddenly, Y/N started screaming. Deep, frightened shrieks as she backed away.
“NO!” She cried, falling to her knees, “please, don’t kill me!”
She looked up at Dean through tear-filled eyes, the walls closing in around her and air completely leaving her lungs. She could barely make out Dean’s figure leaning down toward her, a sickening smirk on his face as he pulled a dagger from his jacket. She backed away as best she could but he followed, the sadistic glimmer of ecstasy visible in his now glowing, red eyes. Y/N curled up into fetal position and sobbed, it was happening again. He made her love him and now he would kill her. Like others before, he would grab her by the hair — she could almost feel the strong pull at her scalp — and drag her upwards. Stare at her with evil in his heart, and drag the sharp blade down her chest, stopping just where her heart was beating before plunging the dagger deep inside her, laughing as she choked on her own blood.
Dean was frantic. He tried to reach down to help her but she was completely terrified of him. The fear in her eyes broke his heart into a thousand pieces, even more when Sam ran to her. She curled up against him and begged to be saved from the monster, begged to be protected from Dean.
Sam held a shaking Y/N in his arms, he did the best he could to calm her down. She was hallucinating, somehow imagining Dean would kill her, and was completely inconsolable. Looking up at Dean apologetically, Sam could see how this was affecting his brother. Impossibly, Dean had fallen in love with a complete stranger and the image of her frightened, specifically by him, must be causing the older Winchester insurmountable amounts of pain.
Unable to take it anymore, Dean grabbed his car keys and headed for the door. He swung it open and was surprised to see Dr. Sanderson stood there, hand raised as if she were about to knock.
“Ah, Mr. Winchester, so nice to see you again,” said Dr. Sanderson.
Dean frowned, “sorry, doc. Don’t know who you’re looking for but no Winchester here.”
Dr. Sanderson smiled, “oh come off it, Dean. We both know who you really are.”
At the realization, Dean’s eyes widened as he reached backwards for his gun. Before he could aim at her, she raised her hand and yelled “Recedas!”
Suddenly, Dean was thrown backwards by an invisible force. Crashing against the far wall of the motel room as Sam reacted quickly to the attack. Not quick enough, however, as the witch repeated the curse and sent him flying backwards as well. Tethered to their respective walls, the Winchesters groaned in pain, struggling to get free as they watched the witch walk towards a distraught Y/N.
“Y/N, sweetie. So glad I found you,” she leaned down and grabbed Y/N’s chin between her forefinger and thumb.
“Dr. Sanderson?” Y/N whispered incredulously.
“Oh, sorry, almost forgot I’m still wearing my old hag form,” the witch laughed as she stepped back and muttered words in Latin. As she did, a purple light surrounded her, blinding everyone else and completely enveloping her. As the light dissipated, a beautiful brunette appeared before their eyes. Dean looked to Sam, worry etched across his features.
“Beatrix,” Y/N managed.
“That’s better, isn’t it? Now we can talk like old times, it has been a while... I missed you, honey.”
Sam frowned as he looked to see who the witch called honey. It wasn’t Y/N.
Beatrix sauntered over to Dean, reaching out to drag one perfectly manicured finger down his chest, “you know, at first I couldn’t believe my eyes. It’s been so long since I last saw you, I almost thought my mind was playing tricks on me.”
“Let us go, you bitch,” Dean seethed at the witch.
“It’s funny,” Beatrix continued, ignoring Dean’s demand as she laid both hands on his chest, caressing the firm muscles beneath his thin cotton shirt, “I cursed little Y/N here because she stole you from me, I wanted her to suffer over and over again. To fall in love like you and I did, to find happiness and then take it when she least expected it. I orchestrated the whole thing, I’ve seen all her lives and I’ve seen all her deaths but this… this is just a delicious coincidence.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Y/N asked. She was still on the floor, too scared to move but had found just enough courage to speak.
Beatrix laughed, “right. Sorry, I forgot what I did to you. You really don’t know who he is, do you?”
Y/N shook her head, tears once again streaming down her cheeks.
Leaving Dean behind, Beatrix walked towards Y/N again, “well here, let’s see if you remember now.”
She leaned down and pressed her blood-red lips to Y/N’s forehead. As soon as she did, faded and blurry memories of a long lost love flooded her mind. Walks in the park and stolen kisses in the cloak of night. Beautiful green eyes staring deep into her soul, filled with promises and love.
“Michael?” Y/N cried out.
“Bingo!”
Sam’s confused gaze flitted between Beatrix and Y/N and Dean. Soon, however, his hazel eyes widened in realization.
“What the fuck are you talking about, witch?” Dean growled as he saw Beatrix so close to Y/N, forget the pain he felt as he’d been slammed against the wall, he’d take a thousand hits before he let the damn witch touch Y/N again.
“It’s you, Dean,” Sam gasped for air as the force keeping him against the wall pressed on further, “you’re Michael.”
“No, he died a long time ago, Y/N said so,” Dean almost forgot he was still incapacitated by the witch’s curse, he was too focused on what Sam had just said to care.
Y/N stood on shaky legs, taking slow, measured steps towards him. “Michael,” she whispered as she touched his face once more.
“It’s Dean, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I’m going to save you,” his voice cracked as he saw the love and admiration in Y/N’s eyes, and for just a moment, he was at peace again.
An evil cackling brought him back to reality, “adorable. And remarkable, you’re not him at all and yet you feel the same way for this peasant as he did. Well, if you’re so desperate to be like Michael…”
Beatrix raised a hand and blew on a small pile of dust in her hand. She muttered more Latin and soon Dean was freed from his invisible prison. A gush of air surrounded him and suddenly his hand reached up to Y/N. To touch her, he told himself, but his hand had other plans. Against his wishes, it closed around Y/N’s throat, fingers wrapped around her soft skin as they squeezed, effectively cutting off her supply of air.
Y/N eyes widened in fear once more, she clawed at his hands around her throat, desperately trying to pry them off, to no avail. Dean screamed in agony, he wanted to stop, needed to stop, but his body wouldn’t listen, it was as if he was being possessed by a demon. Able to see what he did but incapable to stop it, even as his free hand pulled at the possessed one currently killing his love.
Beatrix laughed heartily, out of all the times she’d seen Y/N die, this may be her favorite yet. Not only did she get her revenge once more, she had seen a reincarnation of her former lover and it was Dean Winchester, the infamous hunter that so many others were terrified of. And he too suffered. She could see the pain in his eyes as he choked the life out of Y/N, and it was bliss to the witch.
She was so focused on the scene unfolding before her that she failed to keep the focus on Sam’s grip. The tall Winchester dropped to the floor, running to where his gun had dropped. He raised the weapon and cocked it. Although subtle and barely audible amid the cacophony of screams and laughter, the witch managed to hear the click and turned just in time to throw another curse at Sam. The weapon flew from his hands, Beatrix was seething, preparing to deliver a fatal strike when the boom of a shot rang in their ears.
She turned to Dean again, and saw the gun in his free hand. Gasping for breath, the witch sank to her knees. She tried to mutter one last curse before her body gave way and she collapsed completely, finally dead.
As Beatrix exhaled her last breath, the hand that was wrapped around Y/N’s throat let go and Dean regained full control. Breathless, Y/N collapsed against him and darkness enveloped her.
“Y/N!” Dean shook Y/N’s limp body.
No, I just saved you. Please, come back!
His thoughts raced a thousand miles per hour, his heart broke for the millionth time that day and just when he was about to give up hope, a ragged breath escaped Y/N’s lips.
She coughed violently, gasping for breath as she regained consciousness. Dean held her close to him and kissed her forehead.
Warmth radiating from his body enveloped Y/N in a blanket of safety and comfort. She knew it was Dean, not Michael per se, but the feelings were the same. It was as if, somehow, despite everything she’d gone through, her love had gotten back to her.
Dean couldn’t explain the feelings he had for Y/N but he couldn’t care less. She was his, she was safe, and that was all that really mattered.
Looking down to Y/N, Dean felt reality warp around them. Suddenly, they weren’t in a motel room anymore but in the middle of a garden, bathed in moonlight, surrounded by trees as the wind whispered sweet nothings in their ear. Her beautiful, wide eyes met his own and her full lips beckoned him closer. He leaned down and touched his lips to hers.
The second their lips met, fireworks went off around them. The kiss was gentle at first, light touches. Soon, however, a hunger deep within Dean awoke and he turned desperate, lightly biting at her lower lip. Swallowing her moans and brushing his tongue against hers.
In the midst of it all, Dean realized one thing; he’d finally come home.
****
If you’d like to join my taglists, please let me know here! 💜☺️
Dean Sweethearts Taglist ♥️
@lyarr24 / @akshi8278 / @pillowjj / @stoneyggirl / @wiserainbowgirl / @attackonnat
Forever Loves Taglist 🖤
@deanwanddamons / @hobby27 / @spnchick1996 / @briagallen
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verytiredowl · 4 years
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A character analysation of IdV’s Bloody Queen
Bloody Queen AKA Mary is a hunter in the mobile/PC game Identity V. She is personally my favorite hunter because she is easy to learn but hard to master. Her backstory is something that has always interested me though, so i decided to compile my thoughts onto this one post.
Something i appreciate about IdV’s character roster is that some of them are based off of historical characters, and interesting ones at that. So expect a lot of history lessons and references that should be explained in order to understand a character fully (especially with Mary considering how there isn’t a lot shown about her backstory through promotional content, and im talking about stuff like the official website here).
With that in mind, let’s just get into it.
There is not a lot we know about Mary other than the fact that she is inspired from a mix of stories, those being about a French queen named Marie Antoinette and Bloody Mary. These two are used in seperate ways, Marie Antoinette’s story being used as heavy inspiration for Mary’s backstory and lore, while Bloody Mary is a visual/gameplay inspiration.
Mary’s description on her info page and on the official idv website is 
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This is strange because it really tells little to nothing about Mary besides her being aware that the position of a queen means a lot of vulnerability. It also strikes me as weird because every other hunter has a fleshed out backstory being written under this tab. (With the exception of Guard 26)
So overall, the ground to work on is pretty small, we dont have a lot of info revealed to us, and therefore leaves her to be a character who loses a lot of potential on a writing stance.
Intro Video
Mary does have an introduction video, though, which explains the base of what happened to her Pre-manor. 
The video explains how Mary was the queen of a country that had a bad financial crisis which was so bad people couldn’t afford food (if we are sticking fully to the Marie Antoinette inspo, this was in the 1790′s) and the public felt as if Mary didn’t care enough to help her people, the citizens voted her to be beheaded under a guillotine. Truth be told, Mary was actually trying to help her citizens by giving them cake.
We have probably the most lore information about Mary from her deduction descriptions, which explain her career as a queen more in detail, about struggles she had and her situation in general.
Deductions
(Credits to u/mawile94 on Reddit for the images)
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The first conclusion is clearly telling us that the king Mary married had a problematic family, and the king’s family probably only looked at Mary as someone who will keep the family’s name up, someone who will have a child with the king. (Also, dont get confused: Maria Theresia is Mary’s mother’s name, not her actual name.)
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Mary used to spend a lot of time away from the palace in Petit Trianon, which is a manor located in Versailles. The secret letter tells us that Mary was egoistic, naive, and was kind of a glutton. The letter mentions how rumors are powerful, and are going to spread really fast once word comes out about the “incompetence” and lacking abilities witihin the royal family, which will eventually be Mary’s demise.
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Princess Lamballe is once again a historical recreation of actual Priness Lamballe, a part of the Savoy House (Western EU country). In real life, Lamballe was actually the confidante (someone who you would discuss private matters with as a royal) of Marie Antoinette after her 1 year old marriage came to an end. IRL, Princess Lambelle dies along Marie Antoinette’s side as she gets killed in the French Revolution. 
The shameful secret can really only be assumed to mean that Lamballe was actually Mary’s secret affair, especially looking at how all evidence suggests that the actual royal family Mary is connected to seems to be a mess. Mary is kind of confirmed to be wlw from this deduction which is fucking cool, but this rumor mightve been what also caused Mary to be beheaded. (But, IRL, the king Artois considered Marie to be physicially unattractive or even smart enough for him, in contrary to him, where he apparently was attractive. He did end up making up with quite a number of mistresses. But let’s not get into a conversation about how unhealthy or toxic royal relationships were in the 1700′s)
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this is obviously saying Lamballe is being replaced by the Yolande (Countess of Polignac) as her confidante. IRL, this happens because the Countess of Pilognac and Lamballe start having quarrels against each other, in which they try to win over the queen’s heart, and over time Marie ends up preferring Yolande’s company. But Lamballe feels as if Yolande was a bad influence on the queen, yet she could do nothing about it. The friendship between Lamballe and Marie remained regardless, and she constantly admired Lamballe’s loyalty toward her.  "She is the only woman I know who never bears a grudge; neither hatred nor jealousy is to be found in her." 
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Mary finally has a child, and it is a girl. Here we see the reinforcement of Lamballe’s loyalty, but with this conclusion also being titled as a rumor, it is also telling that this is one of many reasons people will start getting suspicious of Mary’s possible affairs.  
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This conclusion only leads me to believe that one of the several reasons why Mary was treated the way she was by the public was because of jealousy towards her life and the things she achieved at a young age. The description of the people who are spreading the rumors are bitter, sour people who take joy out of seeing the bad in successful people. Here is where it all goes downhill (as evident by the subtitle under the deduction title.)
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We will once again need a little bit of a history lesson for this one:
Koblenz, first of all is a city in Germany. The reason why the French would ever think of even setting up anything in Germany was because of the French Immigrants, and the reason why the Germans were cool about this was because the archbishop-elector (one of the chiep bishop electors) was the uncle of Louis XVI-a persecuted king of France. Along with the refugees that entered the city, two of them was Louis XVI’s brothers: The Count of Provence and the Count of Artois. them, along with Louis XVI’s cousin, Prince Louis Joseph formed an army of aristocrats who would seek to fight for the Ancien Regimé (The name of the political and social system that was popular in France at the time.) In the meantime back in France, the Royal Family gave in and decided to adopt the  Constitutional Monarchy, which was very modern at the time. This deduction description just basically explains that this is where Mary and the royal family fucks up, i just thought it would be interesting to know what they actually meant by what they wrote.
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Yolande has left behind the Royal Family and made a run to escape the country. If you’re wondering, at the start of the revolution Princess Lamballe was actually in Switzerland, but as soon as she got notified of the situation she revisited the royal family to aid them, and reassumed her position.
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This letter in particular is pretty cut-and-clear: the intention of the revolutionists was to smudge the royal family’s name in the dirt once and for all. What real-life anti-monarchist propaganda would consist of at the time was promiscuous imagery of Lamballe and the queen as lovers to further “besmirch” the queen’s reputation.
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This is just obviously hinting at the aftermath of the French Revolutions and also telling us the present (at the time the letter was written). Mary gets executed by the Guillotine, and-well we all know how the rest of the story goes.
Overall, Mary’s deduction story is just a short summarization of what actually happened before and during the French Revolution: it even added the details of how actually sketchy and corrupt the royal family within was, not just the dissatisfaction of the public. As a summary of what this meant for Mary, as the Hunter, she feels pure bitterness, and anger towards the citizens for the way they treated her and the people around her. And as we can see, there was no reference towards Bloody Mary what-so-ever, and the reason why that is is because according to the Chinese version of IdV (which is what the original game’s region/language is) Her name actually would translate to “Madame Red”, not Bloody Queen. I think it was just the translators having fun with words, and since her design is very similar to that of what a person would think Bloody Mary looks like, i guess it made sense to them lol
But regardless, we’ll still take a look at Mary’s design.
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Mary’s design is simple compared to other hunter designs in IdV. A simple, ball gown which was originally white, but turned red due to Mary’s beheading, pools of blood dropped all over her body. Mary also used to have long hair, but assumed by the very broken looking locks of hair, her hair probably was cut down by the guillotine. Eagle-eyed people will also take notice to her neck, which is stitched back onto the rest of her body, which the designers wanted to include really bad since its prevalent even in concept sketches as well:
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Mary’s gameplay design is based solely on mythologies about Bloody Mary, however, which makes things kind of confusing, but i guess thats what idv excels at the most lol
anyway, you’ve reached the end! if you have read this far, thank you so much, i put so much effort and research into this and i hope people will make good use of it. I also hope i made you more interested in playing mary and/or the French Revolution, lol  but thank you for reading this!!
references:
The Count of Artois and the Coming of the French Revolution by Vincent W. Beach 
The Princesse de Lamballe; a biography by Hardy, B. C. (Blanche Christabel)
My history textbooks
And wikipedia lol
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kassies-take · 4 years
Text
It’s A Luthor’s Life
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Summary: Lex Luthor knows everything. Everything besides what is in Lena Luthor’s penthouse.
A/n: I should really get to the requests before I start something new... Too late, I have to right it down before I forget it.
Warning: Isolation, Assurance
Lena Luthor x Reader
Word Count: 2270
After the whole Crisis thing, Lena Luthor hasn’t gotten a break. She went from powerful CEO of L-Corp to second in command to her deranged brother of LuthorCorp. She went from ‘oh I wouldn’t know I never stood behind a man’ to standing behind the worst man possible. She has lost everything she has built towards a good name for the Luthors, ever since the New World kickstarted. It doesn’t help that her own office is invaded and even her lab infested with her brother’s personal belongings and tech. Who the hell does Lex Luthor think he is? 
There is at least still one place the former CEO could go to for sanctuary. Her own penthouse. Her home, which is actually ironic due to the fact that after she ran from letting her mother drown she hasn’t stopped running since. She had tried to make it work in Metropolis, in National City yet that all came back to bite her in the ass. 
The penthouse that was once empty, dull, and colorless. A place she was rarely in before, is now the place she wants to be in the most. Granted it was still empty, dull and colorless but it was at least free from the hands of the cold and dangerous would outside. She made sure it stayed that way. 
Right now the safest place for Lena was in her penthouse. At the moment she was using that to her advantage, she did not want to be found. She was taking a well deserved bath with scented candles and aged wine. The fluttering lights, the warm bath and the beautiful wine was doing wonders on her mind. She could feel the weight on her shoulders disappear, that was until a deafening crash erupted in the silence of her own penthouse. 
The brunette immediately dried herself off, wrapped herself tightly with a long white robe and put on some underwear. She did not need anyone to see her naked glory right now.  
Every scenario the Luthor ran in her mind, did not prepare her to find a young adult. Not to mention a young adult, battered, bruised and bleeding from the obvious glass beneath them. How the “child” managed to get through the window wouldn’t have surprised her if she lived on the first floor, but she was living on the goddamn twenty-third floor. 
The “odd” Luthor immediately looked to the sky as if expecting some alien creature to attack, or even kill, the groaning figure in front of her. Fifteen seconds, thirty, a minute goes by before the woman closes the broken window with a force shield. 
Only then did the lively and noisy city below become muted, but the huffs and puffs amplified from the damaged stranger. 
“No one can know I am here,” the stranger coughed out.
“You need a doctor.”
“I do n-” she was interrupted.
“You are bleeding out on my floor.”
“I’ve been through worse. Luthor assassinations and kidnaps from Cadmus.”
“Who are you?” ‘
“(Y/n) Luthor. CEO of L-Corp and probably paralyzed now.” 
That was all the older, got. Another Earth or possibly another odd one out. That was impossible, even if this dying stranger was the product of another Lionel affair there was no L-Corp. The business woman’s thoughts were interrupted when she spotted a light blue glow in a bottle like cylinder. 
Curious a Luthor will ever be, she took it from the unconscious person in front of her. Her curiosity would’ve been better if she did not press the button on the bottom or the top whichever it was. Lena screamed at the expansion of the clear glass. The curiosity did not kill the cat yet, the Luthor’s eyes shined at the hologram controls of what now seemed to be a healing chamber. 
A small glance was given to the other supposed Luthor, and she was compelled to help. She first deactivated the healing chamber and opened her closet door. Like her office, she had a safe room in her home and activated the chamber in a lead-lined room. She placed the (h/c) haired in the chamber. As it sealed shut the same hologram appeared with settings, though the technology seemed to complete the setting on it’s own. 
The tank slowly filled with a light blue liquid, a breathing apparatus placed on their nose and mouth When the tank was completely full, a holographic gauge appeared on the glass. The level of healing measured, and by the looks of it, it seemed as if they would be in the chamber for a while as different machines were being indicated to be needed for a faster recovery. But because the technology was not existent at the moment the recovery would take longer than it usually would but a lot faster than in medical innovations set in this time. 
Lena had been checking on the mysterious stranger daily for six weeks. There was some familiarity to you. Someone she couldn’t bare to face at the moment.
What she didn’t know was that that familiarity was the truth.
In 2043, a year before the heroic sacrifice you had convinced Stephanie Olsen-Danvers to use an image inducer to change spots with her. Lena didn’t allow you to be a field agent but that’s all you wanted to be with your two older brothers, Liam and Lucas, (twins) flying around. Your powers had not yet manifested and you wanted to see if they would activate during the field, Stephanie was better at all the businesswoman stuff anyways. You got your wish, but the cost was Stephanie’s life, an assassination attempt was successful. You watched as your brothers and your parents grieved, and so long you were wearing the image inducer, Stephanie would still be wearing your face. You stayed with Dansen that night, they were sad they lost their favorite niece and they knew “you” would’ve been worse because you and Stephanie were close. There was family therapy before the funeral with Kara, Lena, Liam, Lucas, Alex, Kelly and “Stephanie”. You bursted into tears the moment the session started and refused to accept comfort. You reached up to deactivate the image inducer while mumbling the word sorry repetitively.  
Gasps and sighs of relief mixed in the room. 
“I’m so sorry, I co-convinced her to sw-switch places with m-me. I wanted a b-break from L-Corp and she h-helped me. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I am so sorry.” 
Dansen were both furious. Alex more than Kelly. Kelly knew you didn’t know, she knows you would take it all back if you could, and that Stephanie would have felt the same guilt if you had truly died and she couldn’t have made the choice to save you. Alex argued with Kara, Lena and Kelly any chance she got, she refused to even speak to you unless they were on missions.Your brothers were torn, they were relieved you were alive but devastated Steph was gone. 
Then the inevitable happened. While Superfriends went ballistic on each other another attack was made. A threat far worse than murder but genocide. A massive nuclear bomb was set to blow all of National City and neighboring counties. Alex, Brainy, J’onn and Nia set to the MedBay, Kara and Lucas under sun lamps due to Kryptonite radiation and Liam left to tell everyone of the tragic news. Liam had gotten everyone to safety when the aftershock shook, Kryptonian DNA had mutated, during this generation of Supers to absorb explosions. You and Liam were supposed to absorb it together after Kara and Lucas were infected by a Kryptonite gas in another room. But you took the blow yourself. 
In the last seconds you remembered Sara’s time portal watch and used it to diffuse the bomb. Most of the explosion happened in the upper atmosphere of a different time while small chain reaction bombs reached National City. You were supposed to die, and yet here you were in your mother’s old penthouse. 
Your healing was nearly complete when Lena moved to the kitchen to make herself some tea. Kara landed right outside.
“Let me guess you’re here once again to tell me not to forgive you. Or maybe that I shouldn’t work with my brother?” She had to keep up her act, it was hard but she had to.
“Not this time. I realized I made a mistake in hiding my identity from you for so long but the past is the past, and I can’t change it. Forgive me or not that’s your choice. Just like it’s your choice to work with Lex. I’m done blaming myself for your bad decisions.” The last line hit Lena like a bus.
“Then why are you here?” Lena asked emotionless.
“To tell you that from now on, you’re accountable for your own actions. If you decide to forgive me, I will be there for you. But if you continue to work with Lex... If you go through with whatever it is the two of you are planning, I will do everything in my power to stop you... just like I would any other villain.” Lena didn’t want to be the villain, she was never the villain but this is the only way.
Lena left the tea untouched and marched towards her closet. The healing liquid fully drained as your eyes shot open. You pressed on the glass to open it as Lena stood watching.
“What she is not telling you is that she saw possible outcomes in which she told you she was supergirl earlier than Lex.” You began to change settings on the chamber.
“How do you know?”
“You can say that where I’m from, we’re close. But every situation in which she tells you there was always a worse outcome. So when would it have been a good time for her to tell you?” You turned to face Lena once you clasped the chamber into pocket size.
“Before Reign became all World Killer like.”
“Ehh....” you sighed before walking towards Lena’s kitchen.
“It was the right time in our friendship for her to have told me.” She followed after.
“You end up defeating Reign without Kryptonite, but it costed your life and Kara was not willing to live a life without you.”
“Well then maybe right from the start.”
You froze and looked up from the teapot.
“What, we would be able to have worked together. A super and a Luthor. We would be unstoppable.”
“Unstoppable until you get kidnapped, and Kara reveals her identity to the world to save you. But that information would be used to target all of your friends and they will all end up dead.”
“She wouldn’t reveal her identity for me.”
“You underestimate how much you actually mean to her. And before you say you’d be better off without Kara in your life, you are so wrong. Kara, time and time again, despite keeping a big secret from you has always been your number one supporter. The sole reason you haven’t turned evil was due to the fact that Kara Danvers always had your back.”
“How can you possibly know that! You don’t know that I’ve been betrayed by everyone in my life, by the ones I love the most!”
“Well it certainly won’t be betrayal if it’s by an enemy.”
Lena glared at the true statement.
“I let her in! While she was shutting me out!” Lena’s eyes began to tear.
“There are even certain things you have to keep to yourself. But you can’t do it alone. Humans, Kryptonians even Martians, we all need someone there with us, otherwise we will be nothing. Luthors especially.”
“You’re. You’re my daughter aren’t you.” The older walked towards you.
Your eyes watered behind the red and Lena cupped your face. “I know what it’s like to lose everyone. I know what it’s like to buy into my demons. But if it’s anything you taught me, is that you can still be who you are despite what everyone thinks.”
“So I can’t tell you what to do, I mean that would just mess with the timeline.” You and Lena chuckled. “But just know that everything will be okay for you. Obviously I was born.” You flipped your hair before you sniffed again.
“Why do I get a sense that it won’t be okay for you.”
“Because I killed my own cousin, I was selfish and I convinced her to be me. Luthors just can’t seem to get a break.”
“I agree with you on that. But you are my little secret so maybe you can help me with this Lex situation.”
“Huh,” you smiled.
“What?”
“My mom always told me that she didn’t stop Lex on her own. I always thought it was with Supergirl.” 
“The past and the future can be surprising.” Lena smiled. “What was your name again?”
“Uh for the sake of the timeline, you can call me Miss Luthor. I hope you also know that that means I won’t tell you anything about the future.” 
“Well Miss Luthor, I hope you know that you did not do a good job of hiding who you are.” Lena smiled at the House of El logo on your shoulder. “ A Luthor’s life is always going to have trouble, unless you have the House of El with you.”
“It’s a Luthor’s life. Well our part of the Luthors.”
“So I marry Kara? Do you have any siblings? Does Lex get what he deserves?”
“I said I can’t reveal anything more about the future.”
“How could you not want to ask questions? I am a Luthor afterall.” 
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perikallis · 3 years
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MEET THE MUSE POWER HOUR!! ━━ take a seat and REPOST this detailed little bio with criteria to introduce the world to your muse.     no reblog karma or tagging ━  if you see this on your dash, feel free to partake in it! ☆ ━ B A S I C S . NAME:: Zinon Konstantinou / Republic of Cyprus NICKNAME(S):: none actually, as his name comes from Ancient Greek; it’s possible that his name is already short for some other name that has been lost in time. But if you want to pay him back on his usual sweet talk and make him melt in private or embarrass him in public, you can call him Zinakis (Zinaki mou) or Zizis (Zizi mou). Note that these are Greek diminutives so they work under the assumption that your muse knows Greek too. In English I guess you can use Zino, tho he’ll probably wonder what’s the point of dropping just the last letter of his already short name AGE:: around 2,300 yo, says he’s 28 in physical age   GENDER:: male, he/him NATIONALITY:: Cypriot ☆ ━ A P P E A R A N C E . EYE COLOR:: green-brown/hazel   HAIR COLOR:: dark brown (dark enough that you might be fooled to think his hair is black until you see it flare copper in sunlight)   HAIRSTYLE:: a simple, short/medium haircut with voluminous curls falling over his forehead and the sides and back cut a little shorter (short enough that the curl texture can be hard to see fresh after a haircut). Maintains a careful hair routine to keep his curls looking their best and meticulously styles his hair every morning as in its natural state it can get pretty wild and frizzy   HEIGHT:: 174 cm / 5′8 1/2′’ WEIGHT:: 71 kg / 157 lbs   BUILD:: lean, broad shouldered, athletic... defined but not bulky, most of his muscles are in his legs from his running hobby TATTOO(S):: olive branch on the left side of his chest over his heart, and text tattoos on both of his forearms (on the inside as they’re not really meant to be shown off but exist more as personal reminders), the right arm reading “ΙΧΘΥΣ” (ichthys, fish in Greek but also a Christian acronym) and the left arm “ανέχου και απέχου” (anéchou ke apéchou, sustain and abstain), a motto from his favourite philosopher SCAR(S):: bullet entry and two surgery scars on his right shoulder, lash marks on his back that he refuses to talk about, lots of shrapnel from the WWs dotting his torso and legs, circumcision scar, various nicks and scratches on his arms and shoulders that he probably can’t (or doesn’t want to) recall the origin of. In case you were wondering, he has enough steel in him to set off airport metal detectors PIERCING(S):: left earlobe, usually wears a peridot stud there PREFERRED FASHION:: fitted t-shirts, chinos, and loafers for shoes, and if he wants to get fancier, he’ll throw a blazer on top. He likes quality (read: expensive) brands. Sometimes he’ll also wears button-ups outside of work but unless he’s going to the church, there is no force in the world that can make him button the shirt all the way up. He also likes wearing jewellery: besides his earring, he wears a golden cross necklace under his shirt and a thin golden band on his right ring finger (fake wedding band to ward off unwanted attention and uncomfortable questions about his marital status), as well as a watch... don’t expect it to actually help him be on time tho
TYPICALLY SMELLS LIKE:: woodsy and citrus-y cologne that may have been applied a little too generously, cigarette smoke that clings to his clothes and hair, whatever stuff he styles his hair with, and coffee breath ☆ ━ P E R S O N A L I T Y . POSITIVE TRAITS:: allocentric || appreciative || calm || caring || challenging || charming || creative || compassionate || dramatic || efficient || focused || imaginative || liberal || loyal || neat || non-authoritarian || observant || witty || NEUTRAL TRAITS:: stubborn || perfectionist || sarcastic || confident || prideful || competitive || rash || unsentimental || artful || casual || complex || emotional || honest || outspoken || sensual || NEGATIVE TRAITS:: abrasive || argumentative || blunt || crass || cynical || egocentric || fatalistic || hesitant || indulgent || irritable || lazy || libidinous || meddlesome || moody || neurotic || passive || possessive || vague || LIKES:: cooking and eating good food, drinking coffee, indulging his loved ones, plants and flowers, nature/green spaces, the colour green, running (away from his problems), reading philosophy and self-help books, saving money (but also shopping expensive stuff; his argument here is that buying a quality item is an investment), pomegranates, math, napping and sleeping in when he can, and watching Hallmark movies and chic flicks (a secret guilty pleasure)     DISLIKES:: being yelled at/criticised/scolded, admitting that he’s in the wrong or doesn’t know the answer, being stuck in traffic, things/people not working the way he thinks they should, falling short of his own (high) standards, someone calling Cypriot coffee Turkish (call it Turkish at your peril), answering questions about his personal life or socioeconomic and geopolitical Situation™, rain/snow, being cold, the smell of roses, high fives, cockroaches, and wearing socks PHOBIAS / FEARS:: failure, never being good enough, becoming corrupt, becoming a burden to his loved ones, being useless/unneeded and thus unwanted, losing his composure/self-control (and relating to his fear of losing control, he’s also somewhat emetophobic), thunder, public speaking, and horses HABITS:: carries a frappe with him about half the time, smokes like a chimney especially towards the evening, talks with his hands, sometimes drives his car with no hands, always fiddling with something in his hands (if nothing else is available, the komboloi comes out from his pocket), is casually affectionate with others both verbally and in gestures, and apologises a lot (istg “I apologise” has become his catch phrase)     ☆ ━ R E L A T I O N S H I P S . SEXUAL ORIENTATION:: gay ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:: gay RELATIONSHIP STATUS:: his life is a mess and he’s married to his job (and the other issue is with his ‘deviant’ sexuality... however it doesn’t mean he never has needs for intimacy and may occasionally seek out casual relationships)
☆ ━ H E A L T H . CHRONIC CONDITIONS:: depression, PTSD, neuropathic pain in his right arm due to nerve damage, chronic stress and insomnia (constant fatigue, restlessness/anxiety, tension headaches and occasional dizzy spells as by-products of all the other stuff) ADDICTIONS:: nicotine (stress smoker with roughly a pack a day habit) and coffee, likely also dependent on antidepressants to function
(drinks alcohol very carefully in polite company - never more than two drinks - but drinks quite heavily in secret... and also lapses into a drinking spree once a year around dates that have no good memories associated to them)
ALLERGIES:: N/A
☆ ━ H O M E . PLACE OF RESIDENCE:: two bedroom flat in Strovolos, Greater Nicosia, and a village house in Pano Lefkara (and also a villa in Paphos tho this one is rarely used) METHOD OF TRANSPORTATION:: by car if the destination is more than 5 mins away PETS:: considers himself too busy to keep pets, he has houseplants instead ☆ ━ W O R K  &  E D U C A T I O N. JOB:: has an office job in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, along with his representative and diplomatic tasks as a nation (has enough paperwork that he often ends up burning the midnight oil to get through it all) SCHOOLING:: school of life he received his primary education from the Greeks, Romans, and Arabs, and was later educated mostly by Orthodox priests and bishops. He has been trained in the arts of war and diplomacy both by the Frankish kings and later in the Enderun Palace School in the Ottoman era. Most of his formal education is from the modern era and he holds degrees in Classical Studies, Medicine, Economics, International Relations, and Public Policy from the universities of Oxford and London. He hasn’t practiced medicine since the 60s and dropped the title of “Dr” with his most recent name change. He is still certified as a medical officer in the National Guard and has the skill set roughly equivalent to an EMT SPOKEN LANGUAGES:: Greek Cypriot and Turkish Cypriot vernaculars, Standard Greek and Standard Turkish (both with a distinct Cypriot accent), English (with RP accent), French, Arabic, Farsi, Latin, Ancient Greek, Koine Greek, and bits and pieces of Russian, Italian (more specifically Venetian), Armenian, German, and Cantonese SKILLS:: cooking, gardening, lying, carrying secrets, handling various weapons, emergency/battlefield medicine, sewing, playing tavli (aka backgammon), playing the piano, calligraphy (his handwriting is really pretty to look at but then you look closer and realise it’s illegible), traditional and modern dancing, mixing drinks, interpreting and translating thanks to being fluent in like 7 languages, scary quick mental math ☆ ━ R A N D O M . QUIRKS:: follows Stoicism as a life philosophy (he seems sweet and unassuming on the surface but dig a little deeper and you hit the bedrock pretty quickly), cannot take a compliment (but secretly craves them), doesn’t like asking for help, collects komboloi (aka worry beads) - the nice ones made with real gemstones and silk tassels, has the patience of a saint but there is a limit to it and you don’t want to see what happens when that limit reached, is ridiculously sensitive to cold, battles an ongoing national identity crisis, and teeters on the edge of a burnout every few weeks
RELIGION:: Greek Orthodox Christian (devout in his faith but has a few personal issues with the church and its views)
THEME SONG(S):: What The Water Gave Me - Florence + The Machine
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dontcare77ghj · 4 years
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Emotions
Tony x reader x Steve
Requested by anon.
It hasn’t been long since the three of you got together. Sure, you’d know each other for years because of work and then you’d all become close before finally getting together. In the few months you’d been together it had been fantastic. The three of you really cared for each other, you were falling in love with the two but you hadn’t said anything yet, but things were complicated.
Steve and Tony had issues. Steve’s steamed from years of not being good enough and Tony’s from a place of self-hatred and anxiety. This was not to say you were okay, no, you dealt with a severe case of anxiety yourself. Someone once said that to be an Avenger was to have some form of depression, anxiety, self-hate or identity crisis, the entirety of the team had agreed with that statement.
As a couple, or rather throuple, you hadn’t talked about any of your issues. You’d only spent a couple nights together but you’d faced Tony’s nightmares and didn’t talk about it. You’d only seen Steve at his worst once yet you didn’t speak about it. They only caught a glimpse of your anxiety but, once again, you didn’t talk.
The three of you barely acknowledged your own issues so the fact you didn’t talk about it in your relationship wasn’t a surprise. But maybe, it was time to finally start talking.
Non reader POV
Steve had had enough. Today had been a shitty day for the captain and all he wanted to do was retreat from the world and sleep. To start with, it had rained all day and Steve couldn’t go for a run, Tony had been working all day, he hadn’t seen Y/N since breakfast and to top it off PR wanted him to film more of those inspirational shorts.
 All he wanted was for today to be over. But unfortunately, he was Captain America. He couldn’t just disappear from the world because he was having a bad day, he just had to push all his problems to the side.
“Steve are you sure you want to train with me today?” Bucky asked as he walked with Steve towards the gym. “If you’re not feeling up to it, we can wait until another day.”
“It’s fine, Buck.” Steve smiled. “I’m always up to train.” He said as the doors to the gym opened.
“Alright, alright, I give. You win.” Clint’s muffled voice rang through the gym. “Get off me now.”
“Told you, you’re off your game today old man.” Y/N’s soft voice echoed. As Steve and Bucky entered the gym, they saw Y/N climbing off Clint who was laying in the floor. “Oh, hiya boys.” Y/N greeted as she spotted the two men.
“Hi doll.”
“Hi sweetheart.” Steve greeted, accepting a kiss from the woman who skipped over to greet him. “I didn’t know you were going to be training with Clint today.” He commented watching as his girlfriend hugged Bucky in greeting.
“Well to be fair I didn’t know either.” Y/N smiled sweetly at him. “Clint dragged me in here while I was just trying to have a coffee.”
“Not true. I asked her to join me and she eagerly agreed.” Clint panted, standing from the bench water bottle in hand. “I have a way with people and I’d like to think it’s because of my bulging muscles.”
It was those words meant in jest that hit Steve. Yes, he trusted both his partners, especially Y/N, and he liked Clint but why wouldn’t they prefer someone like Clint. Clint didn’t have to be injected with a serum to gain muscle mass. Clint didn’t have to do what Steve had to be liked.
Y/N made some joke about Laura only being with him for those muscles and then the four of them moved to their separate mats to spar. Bucky almost knocked Steve onto his ass several times because he was no longer paying attention. He could only listen to the occasional laugh from his girl on the other mat.
A laugh that he was not the cause of. Clint was.
“Alright punk, I think that’s enough for today.” Bucky announced suddenly. “I think you need to go have a shower, take a nap or something. Just do something to relax for a while.”
Steve didn’t say anything as he left the gym floor. Not to Clint. Not to Bucky. And not to Y/N.
All he needed at the moment was a shower and maybe a drink. And then he’d make dinner for his lovers. Something that screamed that he was okay and not full of self-loathing. Something that screamed he was not jealous of Clint Barton.
Tony had not been having a good day. He wasn’t getting anywhere in his latest experiments, he didn’t sleep the night before and he felt as if he was on the verge of a panic attack the entire day.
But because Tony was Tony, he didn’t tell anyone. He didn’t say anything when Steve asked that morning. He didn’t say anything when Bruce commented he looked stressed. And he certainly didn’t say anything when Y/N came into the labs.
“Hi honey.” She greeted, skipping over and kissing Tony.
“Hi baby girl.” Tony said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. “What brings you into this windowless hell?”
“I bought lunch for my favourite genius.” She smiled, pulling a container out of her bag and handing it to the man.
“What would I do without my favourite girlfriend?” Tony asked, kissing her forehead and taking a fork from her hands.
“Starve.” She said simply, taking a seat at one of the benches. “What you working on?”
“Not much it’s more just tinkering today.” He explained, sitting next to her and beginning to devour the still hot meal.
“Please tell me you’re not blowing things up again.” Bruce said, entering the lab with what Tony assumed was a mug of herbal tea.
“I did that once, Big Green.” Tony grumbled, watching as Y/N moved to hug him in greeting.
“And almost destroyed the building in the process.” He pointed out, patting the H/C woman on the back gently.
“Bruce you need to relax.” Y/N laughed. “There wasn’t even an explosion.”
“There could have been and then there would have been a lot of trouble.” He said, shaking his head at the thought.
“Alright we get it, Green Meanie.” Tony snapped, feeling his heartbeat raise as he began to have difficulty breathing. “I’m a screw up, you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.”
“Now that’s not true.” Y/N said, moving over and wrapping her arms around his waist. “I don’t think you’re a screw up.”
“Thanks baby doll. It’s only you and Steve that think that but I’ll take it.” He said, kissing her head before she moved to sit in her previous seat.
Conversation flowed between Y/N and Bruce but Tony remained silent. He couldn’t focus on his experiments; he could only focus on the beating of his heart as it echoed in his ears.
“Tony, honey? Are you okay?” Y/N asked, looking at her boyfriend in concern.
“I think he’s having a panic attack.” Bruce said, jumping up from his chair as Tony collapsed to the floor.
“Tony!” Y/N yelled, rushing to kneel down at his side. “Tony you need to breathe. Look at me honey.” She cooed, taking his face in her hands.
“You need to get him to control his breathing. You need to make him focus on something. Make him focused on you.” Bruce said, taking Tony’s arm in his and placing his fingers on his pulse point.
“Tony, Tony, look at me. That’s right. You have to breathe for me. You remember we have dinner plans with Steve tonight? Stevie’s going to cook for us and you know what’ll happen if you’re not there to watch him.”
“He’ll burn the kitchen down.” Tony wheezed. After several more minutes of Y/N cooing at him, Tony began to calm.
“I going to take him upstairs, get him something to drink. Thank you for your help, Bruce.” Y/N said, helping Tony up ad pulling the other scientist into an embrace.
"No problem, Y/N. Feel better Tony." Bruce called as Y/N led Tony out of the labs and towards the elevator.
Tony didn't reply as he left wit his girlfriend. Because even though he was Bruce's friend h couldn't help but feel as though Y/N and Steve would be better off without him.
   Reader POV
You weren’t having a good time as of late. Steve and Tony were keeping something from you. Part of you wanted to find a logical reason for it or even just speak to the men but you didn’t. You didn’t because there was a large part of you that believed the men  were ready to leave you.
“There done with me. I should've known, I should've known." You cried to Clint as your anxiety took over.
"That's not what's happening, Y/N." Clint soothed used to how worked up your anxiety made you. "They love you, everyone can see that, they're not going to leave you."
"But they are. Every time the look at me, it's like they want to say it but they can't. Maybe I should be the ne to end it sot hey don't have to."
"Y/N, look at me." Clint said sternly. "You need to breathe and look at this logicaly. You love them and they love you. They are not going to leave you. You need to talk to them."
Clint was right. You needed to talk to the two, but as you sat n the kitchen on your floor you began to doubt wether you wanted to. Though fate decided to make the decision for you as both men arrived on your floor.
No-one said anything as they took a seat at the table with you.
"If you're done with me and this relationship, just say it please." You finally whispered, staring at the mug in your hands. 
"What?" Steve questioned, eyes burning a hole into your skull.
"What ever gave you the idea we were going to break up with you?" Tony asked
"Every time we see each other, neither of you will look at me. Every time I enter a room you both go silent. I can't keep going through with this relationship if the two of you are unhappy. Because I really do love you both and I really do want you both to be happy." You said, finally looking up at the men with tears in your eyes.
"Oh sweetheart." Steve cooed, reaching over and pulling you onto his lap. "We don't want to break up with you, sweetheart. Not in the slightest."
"Steve's right, baby girl." Tony said, wrapping his arms around the two of you. "We're not breaking up with you. In fact, the reason we've been so distant is because we've been talking about how to keep you."
"Keep me? You've been nowhere near close to losing me."
"Look, sweetheart, you know we're all messed up and we've been feeling as if we're not good enough." Steve explained.
"The two of you are the best thing I have in my life. How could you ever feel like you're not enough?"
"It's going to sound really stupid." Tony sighed. Yo didn't say anything as you continued to stare at the man.
"You know how I have some issues with my body? Well, I don't know, I guess I just saw you with Clint and I know that he's your friend but he's all natural. He got his body the normal way, he didn't have to become an experiment to gain muscle mass." Steve sighed, resting his head in your neck.
"And I can't help but feel that you an Stee would be better off if you didn't have me. Maybe if the two of you were with Bruce you'd be happier because he's so much smarter than me and doesn't have to deal with panic attacks." Tony admitted.
With one hand running through Steve's hair, you reached over and grabbed Tony's hand tightly in your own.
"I don't care how you got your body or wether you are the smartist person in the world, I love you for you. I love you for your kindness, your love and for being yourselves." You said, kissing Steve's forehead and Tony's hand.
"And we love you much, Y/N." Tony told you, leaning down and kissing the crown of your head. "That's not going to change."
"I think it's time we talk about our issues as partners. Maybe we should move this to the couch and talk." Steve suggesed.
"That sounds like a great idea." You said, kissing Steve's cheek.
And talk you did. It was the first time you'd ever discussed properly the issues you all faced but it was a conversation worth having.
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readingsbylibramc · 3 years
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birth chart reading for @romant1cs
hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.
🦋 chart shape, dominants
your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.
your dominant planets are uranus, the moon and mars. you are a very empathetic and emotional person, you are very sensitive and people could even call you a crybaby. you can have frequent mood swings, but on the other hand you're a very caring person who's both emotionally and logically intelligent. you are driven to achieve your goals, you're independent and also very original.
your dominant sign is aries. you may have a reputation for being impulsive and straight-forward. you don't like beating around the bush, especially when people purposely get on your nerves. on the other hand, you're very loyal and generous when it comes to your loved ones. you're very opinionated, and you always wanna make sure that your voice is heard. you're proud of yourself.
your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and indipendence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.
🌎 ascendant in gemini, 26° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus
you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive. this placement helps you being adaptable to changes, you may also be able to match the energy of the people you’re talking to in order to be perceived as more likeable and connect with everyone on a deeper level. you may be so focused on making up your emotions, that you could forget to feel them, though. this may eventually cause crisis in an individual. you may be fond of books, poetry, literature… both writing and reading. it’s also a way to let yourself tune to your emotions. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. appearance-wise, I assume you’re at least of average height, with long limbs and fingers. you have something small about your face; you may either have a small nose, or eyes, lips etc. same thing goes for your bones. you may be naturally skinny. you also tend to look younger than you actually are, especially when growing up. you could have busy eyebrows with very striking eyes, and your nose may be quite prominent as well.
🌞 sun in aries, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun
even though you enjoy the idea of love and relationships, your independency is what matters the most for you. you possess strong leadership, which makes you aspire for the best positions in work, school, marriage etc. you don't want to lower your standards. aries have the reputation of being fearless, and that's mainly caused by their impulsiveness. in fact, if they actually thought before acting, they wouldn't be aries lol. some people may even define you as selfless, as you literally put yourself in danger or in awkward situations just to say what you truly think, even if nobody asked. it's apart of your nature, you don't want to go unnoticed, especially with your sun being also conjunct your mars, making this aries energy even stronger. you probably just lose your temper when someone challenges you (and it may happen often, to be honest). you hate routine; you always try to spice up your daily life a bit by meeting new people and trying new experiences in general. you enjoy having fun, partying, travelling... you thrive in social situations. you may have troubles making right decisions, as you're quite indecisive. but, once you do choose, no one is gonna stop you from achieving your goals and showing the world who you are. in fact, you gain confidence from your assertiveness, making you pretty proud of your persona as well.
aries sun conjunct aries mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy gemini dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.
aries sun conjunct aries mars: with this placement, you may be even more straight-forward than the typical aries. you are very impulsive and honest above all, you say things as they are. you don't get hurt easily, you're able to be very brave when you want to, and even if you do get emotionally hurt, you know how to stand up for yourself again. you strive to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true, you're an hard-worker. some may call you impatient, and you may actually be, but in reality you just can't wait for things to happen. for example, let's suppose you're going to the mall to buy the playstation you always wanted. you'd start only thinking and talking about that playstation until you actually get it in your hands. you get easily excited. also, this is another placement that indicates that is hard not to notice you. you have a very strong charisma that makes others stare. you strive to be the number #1 at whatever you do, you're a serious competitor and you'd do anything to win and achieve your goals.
aries sun conjunct aries saturn: you may have some insecurities coming from your family or roots that make you feel like you constantly need to prove yourself. you literally go extreme, just because you feel the need to show the best version of you to the world. there's an inner fight in you, which makes you feel that you can never reach the top. saturn represents the father figure in astrology, so maybe he's the cause of these issues. you had to grow up earlier than other kids, and you may find yourself more at ease around elder people. it's like the sun is restricted by saturn to shine properly. if you develop this aspect, you can get a big baggage of wisdom and responsibility. usually, it will take you a while to develop your confidence, but you'll be able to fully glow after your 30s.
🌙 moon in cancer, 10° / 2nd decan ruled by the moon and pluto
with your moon in cancer, your privacy and security are the centre of your life. you need to be and feel emotionally stable to fully take advantage of all of your skills; for example, if you argue with a loved one of yours, especially if it's someone from your family, you could get very unmotivated to do anything. you need to feel complete to function correctly, and when you can't, you rely on material goods; e.g you may overeat, buy a lot of useless things out of stress, drink... anything that apparently helps you to cope. on the other hand, you're very affectionate, even clingy at times, but your feelings are very pure. because of that, you may also be extremely sensitive, you could be afriad of others' judgment for example. you have a very acute maternal istinct, you're most likely the mom friend of your group, especially since your sun is in aries, another generous sign. it comes natural to you to take care of others and nurture them, you'd definitely make an amazing mother. the problem with this trait is that you may sometimes take the blame for something just to protect others, you could often say white lies to help your loved ones. you just want to do something beneficial for others, you're extremely generous, but don't forget that you should take care of yourself first. also, since you feel the need to help others, you may often bottle up your emotions without anyone that is willing to help you work out your problems. make sure to always have some private space in your day-to-day life, it is extremely essential for you to develop your own ideas and also to understand what to do for your personal growth.
cancer moon square aries mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your aries mercury desires attention and social interactions, your cancer moon wants privacy. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.
🗣 mercury in aries, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun
you are a fast-thinker, even though that doesn't mean you always take the right choices. in fact, you can change your mind very often. you probably have a beautiful, melodic voice, even though it's likely very loud. you also speak as fast as you think, making it hard sometimes to keep up with you in a speech. you could also switch from a topic to another casually. you don't really enjoy thinking about the past nor the future, you only care about the present and you live it they way you feel; hence, you're not really the type to care about learning from your mistakes. you always see the positive side of them, which can be both good and bad actually. that's because you're quite stubborn, it's hard to make you change your mind. you're very straight-forward, and that could lead you to conflicts as you don't understand the impact your words have on others. mercury is also retrograde, so you may have troubles communicating your thoughts in a clear and understandable way. due to this, people may misunderstand your ideas and opinions and viceversa. you're more introspective, you're better at thinking than speaking, which may make you more of a listener.
aries mercury conjunct aries mars: this placement makes you slightly more aggressive with your words. in fact, it makes you look more assertive and almost bossy. you could often attack people with words when you get angry, and you can get quite provocative too, even though it may happen in a more passive way. you still have your libra mercury’s elegance and diplomacy in you, after all. even though you’re quite controversial for the way you speak, you’re still very sensitive to others’ words. your self-esteem tends to find its base mostly on others’ opinion about you, and you always look for reassurance from your loved ones. to deal with this hard aspect, you need to think before you speak. if you have troubles understanding others’ feelings, just think about how you’d love to be treated. patience will just come naturally to you.
aries mercury conjunct aries saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your leo energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking more in school, perhaps you could apply for class president. anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.
❤️ venus in aquarius, 27° / 3rd decan ruled by uranus and venus
when it comes to love, you actually step out of your comfort-zone, unlike your heavy saturn energy; that is, you're not into clichés. sure, you need a loyal partner who's stable both emotionally and financially, but at the same time they must have something unique about them. you're not the type to fall for the first guy you see down the street. in addition to that, you're not into the typical, cheesy romantic stuff. you want your partner to be a friend, not only a boyfriend/husband. you want to feel able to talk and vent to them, just like you'd do with a friend, but also someone that is willing to stay with you through thick and thin. you hardly fall in love at first sight, and you act quite casually around your crushes. in fact, most of the times you come off as so detached that you hardly look like you're interested in someone. boys could get intimidated from you because of that, in fact sometimes you just wish you could be the one taking the lead and ask others out, and maybe you do. yet, I think you're a bit quiet, and that could restrict you from doing it. also, as I've already mentioned, you need a partner that can stimulate you mentally. you can't stand a boring relationship with no amusement and excitement, you want someone that can constantly surprise you in some way. in fact, you'd probably choose brains over looks. last but no least, you hate feeling committed. that doesn't mean that you're unloyal, not at all. but you can't be with someone possessive that wants to take control of your life, it would be the death of you. you're able to stand up on your own.
☄️ mars in aries, 22° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and venus
you're very impulsive, it's natural for you to act before you think. you're motivated to pursue your goals and you're a natural born leader, you love being the boss and being seen as a point of reference, even though this could make you seem a bit bossy when working in groups. people may see you as fearless, but that's because you don't think much about your decisions. even if you make a wrong choice, you don't give up and try anything to solve it. in fact, you can't stand losing. you're a serious competitor, you always strive for the 1st place. that's also caused by the fact that, with your cancer moon, you're likely afraid that people could see you as too weak, and then take advantage of your kindness. you're very defensive, but your purpose isn't hurting others, but protecting yourself.
aries mars conjunct aries saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. it could even be a matter of insecurity. soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.
🏡 houses
your 1st house is in gemini. your ego feels fulfilled when you express your opinions, ideas and creativity. people probably see you as an intelligent, wise individual. maybe even as a know-it-all. you care about both your inner and outer self, which may be the cause of your confidence issues. you try to fit into society, and you tend to change your approach to people based on who you’re interacting with. while this gives you great social skills, it may confuse you quite a bit. in fact, you may forget who you are. you may often have identity crisis, especially since you always feel as if you have to fit somewhere. you also have the moon placed in the first house: this placement makes you look softer than the typical gemini rising. in fact, you're kind of a cancer rising for some traits: you can read people's mood very well, it's easy for you to understand whether someone is sad, angry, happy... because of that, you always try to make people feel at ease, you're always kind with people, and that makes you extremely likeable. also, since the moon rules over feelings and the inner you, you're probably a very genuine person. it's hard for you to hide your real emotions, and even if you wanted to hide them you wouldn't be capable, you're not fake.
your 2nd house is in cancer. your family, home and cultural background may play a big role in your finances. you may earn money through your family’s business, or maybe you actually work with your family. you may also work from home, especially online/through social media. your adaptability is your greatest strenght; you’re probably good at a different variety of jobs, hence it may not be hard for you to find something to cope before deciding your definite career. this also confirms that your values, self-worth and security were shaped by your roots, childhood and family. the ruler of the second house, the moon, is placed in your first house. this placement indicates that money is probably very important for you in this lifetime, your life could revolve around wealth and earning finances. it could also symbolize that you're going to make money from your appearance, and hence you would be successful as a model for instance, or perhaps you can earn money from appearance in general. you could make a good photographer, stylist, mua, etc.
your 3rd house is in leo. you’re able to express your innovative ideas and creativity in a way that doesn’t go overlooked. you tend to overthink a lot, especially about your theories but, once you’ve made up your mind, no one is gonna make you change idea. you’re confident in your opinions. the downside of this placement is that you may come off as a know-it-all from the way you communicate your thoughts. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 11th house: another placement that indicates that your future career involves communication, and healing someone in some way. you could become a writer or a musician, as art can heal people in some way. again, you would also do well as a therapist or as a nurse, as they’re more challenging jobs where you need to communicate in order to help someone out.
your 4th house is in leo. your family had great expectations of you, which could have eventually led to anxiety/self-esteem issues. on the other hand, your parents cared about you, and they always made sure that you had everything you needed. if you have siblings, you were most likely the favourite child in the family, or at least you were spoiled by your parents, both with material things and affection. overall, your childhood wasn’t much turbulent, even though your parents most likely were quite strict with you. there could have been lots of arguing as well aside from restrictions, and hence it was hard for you to establish a proper emotional bond with them. because of that, you may feel a little insecure now, as you may constantly feel misunderstood by others.
your 5th house is in libra. you’re very creative, and you try to make beauty out of your imagination. you’re probably into music, art, photography, fashion… things like that. you’d also like to experience light romance, and you may enjoy the idea of socializing with others. you feel fulfilled when you’re able to spend time with your loved ones, even though this may make you struggle embracing your indipendence. the ruler of the 5th house is in the 9th house: your hobbies could involve foreign matters, and hence you may be into foreign cultures, languages, or even stuff like movies, music, and so on. you probably have hobbies that broaden your mind, and hence you could also be a very spiritual and / or religious person. you may also have a knack for philosophy, writing, psychology, etc.
your 6th house is scorpio, with pluto placed here as well. you may be passionate about routine, self-care, health and work, to the point that it looks (and feels) obsessive. you may attract enemies in your daily life, e.g co-workers that are jealous of your ambition. you might have to undergo different changes in your routine and health throughout your life, which can literally transform you both physically and emotionally. the 6th house also rules health, and hence you may have health problems related to your reproductive system. for instance, you may have very painful periods, and they could have an irregar cycle. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 6th house: you may have pets, or even work with them. you take care of your health, especially to work. you may also work as a doctor with plutonian traits; hence, you could be a psychologist, a therapist etc.
your 7th house is in sagittarius. you want your marriage to be a constant travel for you, in which you can both relax and learn. you want to marry a witty and impulsive partner, that is also fun to live with. you may often find yourself falling for unavailable people, either physically or emotionally (or even both). you may meet your future spouse at school, or maybe even directly abroad. they may be foreign, or at least they’re able to speak a different language from yours. they could also have a different culture/religion, or you may meet them during your free time or even in uni. the ruler of the 7th house, jupiter, is placed in the 10th house: your future spouse could be someone very disciplined and hard-working, and you could actually meet them at your workplace. you two may be coworkers, or perhaps they're a customer of yours, something like that.
your 8th house is in capricorn, with also neptune sitting there. you may be prone to die old, and you may feel attracted to people that are older or more established than you. you are most probably going to have a peaceful death, you could possibly die in your sleep or maybe you die from some sort of overdose. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams. with this placement, there are also high chances that you’re going to marry someone quite wealthy, possibly a business person. with the ruler of the 8th house in the 11th house, you’re likely surronded by karmic friends and people in general. you may argue often with them, and your relationship with is very intense, but that’s because you have karmic lessons to learn, and they’re the ones teaching them to you. it’s something that will get better with time. also, your friends may have the same interests as you, and you could possibly attract wealthy friends too.
your 9th house is in aquarius, with also uranus and venus sitting there. you’re an avid believer of your philosophical and cultural beliefs. you may be interested in teaching, and you could do it through innovative and technological tools. you’re also interested in foreign music, books, movies and any type of hobby. you may be attracted to genres like thriller, sci-fi… you could also believe in aliens. at school you may be considered particular, almost weird for your interests. you’re open-minded, as you appreciate the differences in people and cultures all over the world. venus here gives you the natural need to keep grasping information around not only in school but in your life in general, as knowledge is where you find happiness. you hate being told what to do, you want to be free in the decisions you make. you may have to live unexpected situations, as 9th house is also about experiences. you’re the type to feel proud doing something never seen before, as you aspire to be a trend-setter. this may also manifest in your musical, fashion etc. taste. you’re also very opinionated, and you defend your beliefs pretty strongly. this is also another placement that indicates that you may be attracted to foreigners, or perhaps you fall easily for unavailable people (celebrities, people that live far away from you, people that are already taken, etc.)
your 10th house is in aquarius with also your jupiter placed there. your venus is tightly conjunct the midheaven. you want to stand out from the crowd, you strive to establish your own morals and beliefs. you don’t want to conform to anything and anyone, as you’re a trend-setter and you want to be seen as such. you’d rather have a job where you can handle your work yourself, rather than having a boss. in fact, aquarius in this house makes you extremely resolute and motivated to achieve your goals and be independent. you may not be much interested in love, and if you are, you don’t overlook career either. having a stable and successful future that makes you happy is the key for happiness in your life. it could take you some time at first to be recognized for your efforts. you may easily experience 'almost-winner’ situation, and hence you could often make silly mistakes that ruin your work. it’s important to be focused when working, especially for you. yet, once you know how to balance this tricky energy and get your stuff together, you’ll earn a reputation for being an innovative and original person. you may be quite artistic, creative and emotional, you’ll probably focus your life on self-expression. venus in this house is another placement that indicates that you may often date people from your work place, or maybe even people older than you. also, since venus is your most elevated planet, your life probably revolves around love, as well as creativity. in fact, your career could possibly involve beauty, like fashion, make-up, etc. or maybe arts. you could be a singer, a writer… you would also do particularly well at politics or law.
with the 11th house ruled by aries, you probably attract a lot of people in your life. you have a giant stellium in this house involving mars, saturn, mercury and your sun. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. saturn is also placed in this house, meaning that at first you struggle to find friends. you may be very shy and awkward, and you just can’t seem to find someone right for you whom you can truly trust. I don’t have much to say to you regarding this placement, as it’s not badly aspected at all. you may find yourself comfortable with this placement, especially while growing up, as you’re cautious about who you befriend. also, it allows you not to waste time and focus on your duties, but generally it’s something that will get better with time and will naturally give you the ability to relate to others better. in fact, you may actually be more responsible than the typical aries. you could have workaholic tendencies to make your dreams come true, but you probably don’t feel too stressed about it thanks to this placement, which makes you extremely dedicated. your friends may feel like your home to you, they could be your second family. they can help you build a reputation, especially since they’re probably quite popular. or maybe, you could actually work with them. generally speaking, you may come across powerful people in your life that will help you boost your self-esteem and career path. you may also meet your true friends at work, or at least while growing up. you probably didn’t have many stable bonds during your teenage years.
lastly, your 12th house is in the sign of taurus. you’re secretly sensitive and affectionate, but you may have issues finding it out at first. in fact, the center of your life is your own intellectuality, these venusian traits are probably yet to develop. you may feel attracted to spirituality, but you’re quite lazy to actually dive into it. the moon sitting here indicates that you probably hide your feelings from others, probably out of fear. or maybe, you do it subconsciously; you’re quite secretive, but maybe because you don’t know how to get in touch with your feelings. using tools like meditation, astrology etc. are important for you to understand what you truly need from life. your 12th house’s ruler is in the 9th house: getting in touch with your hidden, subconscious and higher self will be crucial to help you grow up and gain more awareness of yourself. you may be interested in topics like astrology, psychology etc. most likely to get to know yourself, but your chart points out that you could easily turn these hobbies into something more if you want to. even just helping people is a way to get in touch with your higher self, and so you may choose a career that allows you to provide service to others in some way.
❤️ love life, soulmates
in love you attract sagittarius, virgo, libra, scorpio, pisces and aquarius placements. your future spouse may also have sagittarius/scorpio energy, maybe a sagittarius - scorpio cusp. you need someone who’s adventurous, funny, outgoing and witty, that can also stand up for themselves with no hesitation. you’re also into the magnetic, sexy type. you’re looking for someone independent, but that wouldn’t mind dedicating their time to you. you may feel unlucky in love, as your sagittarius descendant makes you attract people that are usually unavailable, whether it’s physically (they’re abroad) or emotionally. you may marry someone of a different culture/country/religion from yours. you may also meet and marry abroad. you may meet through your family, or maybe at your workplace as I’ve already mentioned before. they could also be someone you already know, probably from your childhood. your children will most probably have very prominent venusian energy, hence libra or taurus, or maybe they could also have leo or capricorn placements; they’ll love to be spoiled with affection, they’ll love material things like toys, food, clothes etc. but they’ll also be very smart and creative, as well as hard-working and disciplined.
👶🏻 family life
your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. she loves being spoiled and appreciated, together with receiving attention. yet, she could sometimes be quite superficial because of that, but deep down she’s very romantic and mannered. she may have leo placements, or any fire / 5th house placement in general. your father is a bit colder than your mother, and he might be an aquarius or have any type of air/capricorn placement in his chart. your father could be a bit moody and / or unpredictable, and he may also have some addictions in the worst case. yet, he also has a very sweet and romantic side to him that he may struggle to let out. he could possibly also have taurus placements. if you have siblings, they’re probably cancers/ water signs. if you’re the elder sibling, you probably used to take care of them to help your mother. on the other hand, if you’re younger, then your siblings were the ones who nurtured you with your parents.
📊 career
as I’ve already mentioned above, you could work abroad, or at least with different languages/cultures. you’re probably naturally talented in this field, it would be a shame to overlook it. you also most likely have great communication skills and writing abilities. you’re very logical and precise, you’d definitely do well in a field that requires calm and organization. I can also picture you being an amazing teacher or even professor. based on your other placements, you could also do well at literally any creative career! you may be a dancer, a singer, or even something more complex like a creative director. in fact, with your aquarius midheaven, I feel like you’d rather be in charge in your job rather than be submissed to a boss. you’re very intuitive and observant, but also logical and rational. otherwise, you could also be successful as a designer, an architect, a scientist… something that allows you to be mostly independent, but that can still guarantee you mental stimulation and a decent income, and that also allows you to use your creative uranian energy.
👕 fashion sense, style analysis
you probably have a very particular style. it probably descrives who you are. you may be into traditional pieces of clothing that are always a must: cardigans, blazers, plain t-shirts, jeans etc. you probably wear natural shades of colours, hence white, beige, grey etc. or maybe also pastel colors. you may also be into retro fashion trends, especially 70s/80s. you don't like following fashion trends, you prefer making your own.
👁 past life, life purpose
in your past life, you were very career-oriented. you were probably extremely successful at work, it was your priority. you could have even been someone important for your career, who knows. yet, this lifetime you don't need to focus on work anymore, you're already a master at it. now, you need to solve your issues with your family and create a family of your own to fully accomplish your life purpose. there may be some ups and downs, but this is what your soul has to learn in this lifetime.
🤔 major transits analysis / february 9th
in the last few months, you could have had (and you may still have) problems with your friends, as mars and chiron, two malefics, are both transiting your 11th house. you may argue and discuss often, or perhaps you even lost a few friend during this span of time. also, since your natal pluto is conjunct your transit moon, you may feel particularly moody in these days. it could be that you’re starting to crave love or communicating in general in the first place, but in addition you also feel the need to change. you may feel very intense emotions, but at least you have a stronger will-power, therefore your manifestations may come true quicker for instance. just be careful not to stress yourself by being too bossy or suspicious.
🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills
the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.
this is the end!! thank you again for booking a reading, let me know if you have any questions :) - libramc xx
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kidmachinate · 4 years
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New Aerith Is The White Mage I Always Wanted
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I'm still not done with Final Fantasy VII Remake yet. but I am getting close. Far enough in I'd say, to weigh in on how both as a character and in-game combat, she is much closer to a character that can be personally relatable as well as that great powerful white mage who's main focus of course is to heal but can also bring the pain.
The Twitch streamer turned voice actor (Briana White) nails her quirky yet soft and inviting personality in this iteration of Final Fantasy VII and I love every minute of it. Instead of smacking people around with whichever rod or staff like you would do in the original. We can cast from afar for standard attacks, as a long range option that I find preferable to Barret gunning down people. For offensive white magic, we have abilities like the Ray of Judgment. How does one argue with an attack like that? Great single target damage that hits multiple times. It is satisfying as hell to use.
You of course have your healing wind and whatever other cure properties you want to give her. I feel this game is definitely putting more in Aerith this time around which is great to see. For as much as I like her though, my playthrough tells a very different story. I got the worst outfit for Aerith and the best one for Tifa. Guess I can't change the past, eh? I'll always like that type to push around a little bit. Just don't tell exactly what I have to do and when I have to do it.
Cloud of course gets credit too. Everything is for a price. Life isn't free but some people cost like they are always owed something. Cloud is very quick to remind people he can just go. There's a soft spot there too. You just have to look for it. As long as we are talking about Cloud, just gonna get this one out there too. Those still claiming Cloud is "emo", I have two things for you. One, the label is downright insensitive nowadays in a time where mental health is a more common conversation. Two...PTSD. It is a thing. We didn't talk about it much back then unless it came to Veterans but it is a thing. Could be C-PTSD in his case...because you know, it's complicated. Identity crisis, flashbacks, etc. All about the job with a soft spot for kids or people in dire need. The caring exists beneath all the issues and suffering.
Guess we shouldn't leave out Barret then, right? What can really be said? I feel he's mostly unchanged. If anything he's a bit soft vs his original portrayal in OG VII. Perhaps however this is because they can lean into everything that much more now. Tell more story. Give further depth to the characters. You can truly see how much he cares about Marlene. How much he cares about all of AVALANCHE, even Cloud, beneath his outer personality of being a hardass.
This went on longer than expected and became much more than Aerith...she however is the glue that always brings the team together. She's got spunk however in this one. I like it. She manages to get through to everyone. Beneath the surface. That's what matters. Who can truly reach one and all like that? A true white mage. Or...I guess it is more with her though. She's an ancient after all.
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Gotta make a 5x08 post because if I don’t gather all of my thoughts in a single place, it’s absolutely gonna devolve into a series of ‘AND ANOTHER THING!’ posts. XD
Spoilers!
I really do think that they’ve made great strides in balancing all of the stuff that goes into a single episode of Supergirl. But! There are still pacing problems--this episode is pretty darned rushed and nowhere is that more apparent than Alex and Brainy just. Hopping into the Fortress and Kara shaking off hours of Kryptonite exposure like...’business as usual, lads!’
(And I mean...I get it, they had to wrap a lot of stuff up because Crisis but. It’s not like they didn’t know that the first chunk of the season would need to be handled by episode 8. So on the one hand, okay....but on the other hand, ehhhhhh?)
(Also SG did not tie its season in with Crisis the same way Flash and Arrow did, so it’s not as though anything was taking time away from their series regulars/season-long plot.)
Right, so. Kara speeds off to Lena’s secret lair and....
Here’s the part where I admit a couple of things: 1.) I have never liked Lena Luthor. Ever. At all. But, 2.) I’ve disagreed with a lot of the more... intense Lena hate this season. For instance, I actually think it makes sense that for seasons 2-4, Lena doesn’t show a lot of self-awareness, and refuses to change, because you can’t have Lena being like, ‘Whoops, I’m wrong, my bad, sorry,’ and then proceed with a ‘Dark Lena’ plot. So I was like, ‘okay, this season is payoff to something they’ve clearly been building for several seasons...and said payoff is about Lena learning a lesson, and being taken to task for her shady business.’
And perhaps that’s where we’re still headed. BUUUUUUUUUUT:
In the meantime, it’s getting all muddied.
For instance: we get really frustrating moments, like Lena shooting ion canons at Kara, but stopping short of killing her with Kryptonite ones, and Kara being like, ‘I won’t give up on you!’ because WOW, Lena didn’t kill her.
Much friendship. Such love.
(Admission number 3! I rolled my eyes at Lena every time words came out of her mouth because they were all terrible.)
Speaking of eye-rolling! The Malefic interrogation scene!
Lena kept that man AS HER PRISONER but because she didn’t resort to physical violence, and kept him from being physically violent via mind control, we’re meant to believe that she’s still basically Good.
NEVER MIND THE SHADY ETHICS OF CONSENT AND EQUALLY-SHADY EXPERIMENTATION AND, OH YES, THE MIND CONTROL.
‘Well Malefic was a terrorist.’ Except Lena didn’t kidnap him with the intent of saving J’onn, or Kara, or anyone that Malefic was attacking--she kidnapped him with the intent of using his brain for--and I cannot stress this enough--MiND CoNtROL!!!!!
And yes, yes, it’s very in character for Kara to believe in people and hope for the best and think she can save everyone, but at what point does the narrative say, enough is enough? She’s got everything from murder to mind control under her belt and Kara’s over here like, ‘She’s not physically hurting anyone, and she probably got a good reason for it!’
Kara, I love you, but. No.
(Not to mention all of the very uncomfortable stuff happening re: Kara blaming herself and thinking that SHE has to fix someone who has intended to cause and has actually caused her physical harm. Multiple times.) 
*takes a deep breath*
*because I’m gonna need air to yell in just a second here*
The hologram scene!
Which is a repeat of Kara apologizing for one past mistake and Lena treating it like it was a pattern, and Kara just. Taking it.
‘You just exposed me to the ugliness of humanity.’
SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP
Again I get that it’s extremely in-character for Lena to have zero self-awareness but this kind of stuff doesn’t do her any favors in the sympathy department, because we KNOW that Kara has bent over backwards to support and defend Lena, and Lena’s out here like, ‘You’re the WORST’!
I just wanna laugh in her face, which I don’t think is the response that the show wants.   
Up next, the first DEO balcony scene, AKA, my favorite part of the episode.
I’m gonna quote the whole thing, because it’s wonderful:
“Your choice to conceal your identity wasn’t born out of a place of maliciousness. It was born out of love and compassion. And you were just trying to protect your family. And you were trying to protect Lena from people who could use that information to hurt us.”
And then there’s the whole list of all the shady nonsense Lena has pulled and honestly, *chef’s kiss*
And see, here we are, thinking, GOOD, YES, GOOD, at last, a voice of REASON. Now, Kara will learn that while it’s okay to believe that people can change and have hope, she can recognize that it has to be them that wants to change. She can’t do it for them!
Buuuuut then the show is like, ‘well Alex wants to use lethal force and that’s BAD’. Which it is.
So if you’re trying to position Alex as the voice of reason and in the Right, you can’t turn around and say, ‘look at how unreasonable Alex is being right now! Look at how wrong she was!’
It’s incredibly frustrating that the episode lands on the note of: Alex was wrong to think that people can’t change, and Kara was right, so we just have to deal with Lena’s sh*t a bit longer’. Like, Alex lays out all of the very real, very valid reasons for Kara to MAYBE BE UPSET WITH LENA and see that Lena’s just as much in the wrong--if not MORE SO--and the episode doesn’t use that to teach KARA anything new...somehow this turns into ‘teach Alex to BELIEVE IN PEOPLE’S ABILITY TO CHANGE.’
Which would be a fine lesson at any other point but maybe not after repeated attempts to get Lena to surrender and stop her MIND CONTROL PLOT.
Speaking of repeated attempts to reach Lena: I appreciate that J’onn reminds Kara that she already talked to Lena (and tearfully apologized for the...third time? now?) and Lena was just as petty and melodramatic and UNWILLING TO ADMIT TO ANY KIND OF WRONGDOING OR SHOW ANY DESIRE TO CHANGE but again, all of this information is buried in another ‘Kara believes in Lena in spite of all evidence to the contrary and the narrative justifies her blind devotion’ plot.
WE’VE SEEN THIS BEFORE. Specifically, when Lena was like. Framed or whatever but NOW she is, in fact, just as shady as all the evidence suggests AND YET.
AND YET.
‘She’s just hurting, I can still fix this!’
*so many alarm bells ringing, all the red flags flying*
I made this a few weeks ago, and never posted it, because at the time, I didn’t feel like there was enough evidence to support my concerns but:
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Dude as bad as season 2 got, they at least were like, ‘hey, Kara has abandonment issues, let’s unpack that a little’.
All of this? Is simply All About Lena. 
(I wanna believe that there’s a little bit of forward movement re: Kara, given that she knows Lena framed Hope/Eve at the end but it’s STILL right there next to, ‘we gotta hope for the best! And save Lena’s soul!’)
NO. YOU. DON’T. LENA HAS TO DO THAT HERSELF.
Like. How can you go through the entirety of season 2, as well as Kara telling Mon-El off in season 3, only to repeat Kara taking responsibility for other people’s crappy choices? HOW ARE WE REGRESSING LIKE THIS. >:C
As for other stuff in this episode: Rama Khan was...there.
I’m glad Mrs. Wheeler is in charge now; I still think the Leviathan stuff is kinda weak overall, but Rama Khan in particular felt very ‘meh.’
(...I think maybe I just don’t like his costume.)
(Also I know they said Mrs. Wheeler’s actual name in this episode but I can’t remember it.)
I liked all of the Andrea stuff! 
Like that was genuinely Sad, at the end, when she used the contacts to revisit memories of Russell.
Russell, who appears to be very dead, which I find. Disappointing. 
(Side note: Crisis better look stunning because ‘chained to a pile of dirt’ and ‘trapped under a single slab of concrete’ was about the same level of Earthbending FX we saw in the live action Avatar: The Last Airbender movie.)
(So. Not great, Bob.) 
Poor Malefic has been sent to Mars, so. Guess we won’t be seeing him any more.
Ahhhh, but then, we have the CRISIS TIE-IN.
Which was pretty chill, actually. All things considered.
‘Good job on reconciling with your brother. Wanna save the multiverse?’
Also YAY, LEX IS BACK--A CLEAR-CUT VILLAIN WHO WE CAN ALL LOVE TO HATE WITHOUT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE JUSTIFYING HIS GARBAGE DECISIONS.
Okay I think I’m done yelling about this one! Can’t wait for the Crisis to come, and maybe erase this tedious arc from all of existence! 
Oh crap I just remembered that J’onn and Alex apparently need Lena’s help to save Earth-38...ugh.
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lobselvith8 · 4 years
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The Outer Worlds OC Questionnaire: Javier Ramirez (Supernova)
I decided to answer The Outer Worlds questionnaire that I read here. It’s a bit lengthy, but it gave me the opportunity to put pen to paper about the character I created for TOW.
Also, to clarify a misunderstanding going around: flaws are not automatically assigned to you in Supernova. You have a choice as to whether or not you’ll accept an offered flaw like you do in the other difficulties.
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👨‍🚀 - What colors/songs/words do you associate with your character?
Colors: Yellow (due to the color of Javier’s eyes, an aesthetic choice based on Bradbury’s Martian Chronicles).
Words: Latino. Aquarius. Mars. Science. Freedom.
Songs: 
Sounds From Another Planet by Japanese Breakfast. 🎶
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Nobody by Mitski.  🎶
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Animus Vox by The Glitch Mob. 🎶
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💼 - Were they ever affiliated with any of the corporations prior to coming on the HOPE? If so, how did their opinion of them change once coming to Halcyon?
Ramirez had experience with the Corporations before, but not specifically with Halcyon until the mission with the Hope. He did not have a positive view of the Corporations before becoming one of the Colonists on the Hope, and that view didn’t improve after landing on Terra II.
🌎 - How was their life on Earth like? Who did they leave behind? Are there any aspects of their old life that they miss?
Javier was not born on Earth; he was born on Mars and he grew up there.
Like the Martians of Bradbury’s Martian Chronicles, Ramirez has distinctive yellow eyes. A number of minute things that he took for granted separate him from the Earth-born Colonists of the Hope. Two moons, Phobos and Deimos, were a natural sight for Ramirez, while the singular, unnamed moon of Earth seemed peculiar.
Javier cared about Mars, but he felt it was in a subservient position to Earth, one which seemed impossible for him to change. There was no modern Agüeybaná II or Ramón Emeterio Betances for him to rally towards.
🚀 - Why did they sign up to be a colonist on the HOPE? Did they know anyone aboard the ship?
Ramirez wanted a fresh start for himself, and he saw this as the best choice out of limited options that he could pursue. Ramirez would have preferred to be an explorer like his Taino ancestors from Puerto Rico, but he was instead in a precarious position where he was under the thumb of Halcyon.
There were no friends of his among the Colonists of the Hope.
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🌟 - What are their highest attributes & skills? Aptitude? Did these attributes influence Phineas’ decision in entrusting them to save the colony?
Javier has very high intelligence; Phineas pondered that if he had Ramirez’s brain 30 years ago, Halcyon might not be in the mess that it’s in now.
Phineas noted Ramirez’s high perception, something that was gifted to the Colonist through the advances of modern science correcting his near-sighted vision; he observed that Ramirez’s sharp eyes seemed sharper than a pteroray.
Javier had moderate charisma. He had grown up as a shy and introverted child, and slowly came into his own as he found his place in the field of science, which gave him a confidence that he lacked in his younger years.
However, Phineas hoped that Ramirez was good with a gun due to his lack of muscular athleticism.
Upon Phineas making his decision, he noted Javier’s file read that he was adept with mag-locks, and he had been a Level A Scientist Assistant, a rather lowly position. Phineas also recognized Javier as a fellow tinkerer.
👽 - Do they have any phobias? What are they?
Flaws? At the moment (with the Captain having recently landed on Monarch after receiving two keys for the moon), he has Plasma Weakness (which one could construe as an issue that resulted from his physical weakness) and he is Far Sighted (which means he is not adept with melee weapons).
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⚖️ - Do they believe they’re doing the right thing? How often do their morals conflict with the tasks they’re given?
Ramirez initially contemplated leaving Halcyon until Phineas pointed out that there were no systems in the vicinity that he could make it to given the finite flight capabilities of the Unreliable, so he has been unwittingly thrown into a situation between a fellow scientist and The Board.
Javier’s views certainly dictated how he handled the crisis of the Vale, and he found the initial anti-corporate speech by Graham appealing (when the Unreliable reached the atmosphere). It’s what he wanted for Mars - autonomy from the corporations that seem to have seeped into every aspect of societal life for Martians. However, Graham’s prioritization of his Philosophism over human lives has soured Javier’s view on him.
Ramirez is morally flexible - now that he’s on his own, he’s interested in his survival, so he is willing to steal or work for the morally dubious folks who comprise Sublight, but he’s not looking to do it at the cost of genuinely helping the Corporations (although he’s willing to make them think that he’s on their side to gather intel and avoid making himself a target).
💥 - When conflict arises, how do they handle it?
Javier attempts to resolve certain conflicts without violence when he can - he spared Jeremy despite the order from Ludwig to terminate the mechanical, he talked down Reed so that he didn’t have to kill the Edgewater guards, he was able to convince MacRedd to hand over his lighter rather than assassinating him, and he spared Rachel Lockwood instead of killing her as Sophia Akande commanded.
He also avoided killing Herbert through stealth and disabling the machines via the nearby terminal.
🌌 - How did they adjust to life in Halcyon? Did they assume Alex Hawthorne’s identity, or did they maintain their own?
Ramirez didn’t assume Alex Hawthrone’s identity; he consistently identified himself by his real name when he met people.
🏭 - Are they pro-board or anti-board? Why?
Javier is anti-Board. Aside from his upbringing on Mars that shaped a lot of his political views (as well as growing up learning about the Taíno Rebellion of 1511 and the Grito de Lares), he was abhorred with the extreme capitalism and corporate conformity during his visit to Edgewater, where he saw the horror of Spacer’s Choice and how the denizens were basically dehumanized and valued only by how much they produced for Spacer’s Choice. Discovering that Spacer’s Choice wiped out an entire facility of people to cut costs and make a profit only cemented how he felt, and his discoveries later on (particularly in Byzantium) have only further fueled how he felt.
However, he does use his knowledge about Phineas to act as a double-agent, feigning allegiance to Akande to get intel about the motives of the Board.
🤝 - Which factions did they align with?
Ramirez aligned with the Deserters in the Vale who wanted autonomy from Spacer’s Choice. He assisted the crew of the Groundbreaker who wanted to keep their independence from the Board. 
The Captain provided help to Udom Bedford, although he had no true loyalty to the Board.
While Javier mostly provided the intel to Gladys, he assisted fellow scientist Orson Shaw, who rewarded him (at great risk) with the Ulti-Nature when Auntie Cleo shunned Shaw’s proposed weapon due to market saturation.
🌝 - Which corporate jingle gets stuck in their head the most? Any favorites?
Admittedly, C&P sometimes gets stuck in his head.
🛰️ - What do they like to do in their downtime?
Writes in his notebook (including charting the stars that he sees), plays the board game in his room, and watching noir aetherwave dramas.
🍭 - What’s their favorite Halcyon food? Are they a picky eater?
Upon landing on Terra II, it was a basic diet of bread and water to stay alive in an unfamiliar world. Purpleberry Crunch, Purpleberry Punch, and Knock You Out Bar would be his favorites at the moment. Ramirez also has Deep Fried Cysty-Bits from time to time.
🔫 - Favorite weapon?
At the moment? Plasma rifle, modded with Extend-O-Sight and Mag-Num.
💧 - Do they regret any of the decisions they had to make? What do they regret the most?
The decision in the Vale was difficult, but the Captain felt he made the right choice: giving the denizens a chance to build a society where they wouldn’t be beholden to the Corporations.
Working for Sublight has been lucrative so far, and he hasn’t felt that he has had to cross any serious moral lines yet (against innocent people); he recently confronted Clive Lumbergh for Catherine, who he set up by altering his financial records after finding out that Clive was using human bodies.
🛸 - How do they feel about being tasked with reviving the other colonists? Of being Halcyon’s ‘only hope’ for salvation?
Javier finds the task daunting, but he slowly came around to the idea that helping Phineas is the best course of action.
❤️ - What is their relationship with the other crew members? Who do they get along with the most?
Ramirez has a good relationship with the members of his crew, although the nature of his ties with each one varies.
Javier treats Ada well, and is curious about her inception as well as the nature of the changes that Hawthorne implemented; he has noted that she seems to miss Hawthorne despite her claims about lacking sapience.
Ramirez looks after Parvati and Felix, who are younger than him, while he feels like he’s more on equal footing with Max, Ellie and Nyoka.
Sam simply seems content to clean.
🤡 - Do they have a romantic interest? How does that relationship begin?
Javier does not have a romantic interest at this time. He has a friendly rapport with his crew, however.
🔮 - Random Fact.
Ramirez is right-handed.
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