#i need to scream this into the void somewhere im so tired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

azusaluvclub · 3 years

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Hi Jay!! I really loved how meticulous you were about the last one, including the messiest parts of their room was a personal touch I didn’t know I needed ♥️ I was hoping you could also do Wolf Keum’s room as well? 😩😩😩 he’s not my favorite or anything but 👉👈 I mean yes he is 👁👄👁

a/n ; hi !! im so glad to hear that u liked it !!! funnily enough , i almost left out that part , cause i thought itd be too weird / too much to include , lol- glad to know that it wasnt :,)

anyways , here u go !! took some brain power to settle on smth , so apologies for the wait ;; but i hope u enjoy !

eunjang + stephen ver.

—

wolf keum / keum seongje

⋆ kinda small, but he has a window w a great view and one of those lil juliet balconies (just a railing, not the ones u can actually stand on lol-) ~ doesnt actually care about the view, but opens up his window often so he can smoke over the railing and not stink up the room :,)

⋆ overall plain, semi-monochromatic color scheme- dark woods, shades of grays and whites, w other colors accented here and there ! i imagine he gets cold at night quite easily, so he has a thick ass comforter (smth gray and checkered that hes had for a few years) on the bed that he curls up under :,)

⋆ another who i imagine isnt in his own room often ? between school, the union, and beating up ppl as a hobby, he doesnt really spend a lot of time at home ;; his room isnt messy tho, but rather .. bare ?? at least on the surface- not a lot of furniture (except for the necessities) or decor, so not much about the room rlly screams him when u first walk in ?

⋆ what solidifies it as his room tho is whatever clutter is lying around- crushed up alcohol cans and bandaids in the wastebin and his trademark red blazer peeking out over the laundry basket- other than that, theres no obvious personal touches ;; no pictures on the walls, decorations placed around, and nothing sentimental on display

⋆ this is not to say he doesnt own anything of sentimental value — although i dont think hes super sentimental to begin with ;; but what he does have — family photos + childhood keepsakes — are stored away in the closet or under the bed for safekeeping- :)

⋆ keeps a mini first aid kit in his room ? got fed up having to rummage thru the bathroom cabinets for medical supplies after a fight (especially while sore and tired and generally not-in-the-mood), so he decided to invest in one- nothing fancy, probably smth he got at a convenience store on a whim, but he stocks it up every now and then when hes running low on bandaids and antiseptics

⋆ neatest area: his desk ! not bc he actively tries to keep it clean, he just doesnt use it too often ? its a small one and aside from a lil red lamp in the corner, practically bare ? you might find his textbooks on it, a pencil or eraser that got left out, or other misc shit that he set down and didnt put away, but nothing that gets put on there actually stays there v long- so yeah, by default, its p tidy :,)

⋆ messiest area: u know how most people have a junk drawer somewhere in their house ? yeah hes got a whole bunch of 'em- has a mini drawer chest beside his bed and, aside from the top drawer — which is home to previously mentioned first aid kit, an extra pack of smokes, a lighter, and his glasses case —, theyre all overflowing with misc shit- papers, wrappers + empty cigarette packs, broken chargers + earbuds, unused school supplies, pocket change ;; you name it, its probably somewhere in there- basically a void where everything he doesnt know what to do with / couldnt be bothered to put in the bin goes :// will he ever clean it out ? sources say probably not ! :,)

#weak hero #weak hero headcanons #weak hero webtoon #wolf keum

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firefly464 · 3 years

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Hello wonderful! I love your writing a ton!! For the Drabble fic on ao3, I was wondering if you could write about SBI, specifically Techno and Phil learning what happened? Ty have a lovely day!!

Oooooo i like this one 👀

lots of hurt/comfort potential :D

ok so in this one we’re gonna pretend that smp!tommy actually grew up with the sbi, and they are actually his family instead of him just showing up in the middle of the woods without any memory. He still probably just appeared in the woods, but he can remember. Also sam and tommy made communicators after tommy complained about the lack of phones because sam is just cool like that

Original Story - Other Drabbles

~~~

“Get the fuck away from me!” Tommy cried out, his voice filled with a mixture of fear and anger. He couldn’t help but press himself further into the corner behind him, trying to put as much distance as possible between him and the man in front of him.

Techno held his hands out, trying to appear as harmless as possible. “Tommy, its ok. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to know why you’re in my house.”

"Oh, you’re not going to hurt me?” he scoffed slightly “Please. I don’t believe that for a second. What happened to ‘Blood for the blood god?’”

The man froze, his eyes widening. He had never told anyone other than phil about the voices that haunted his every movement, the voices that were constantly screaming at him, calling for violence. “How... How do you know about that?”

His younger brother didn’t respond, instead only pushed himself even further back.

“Tommy, I need you to be honest with me. How do you know about that.” His mind was racing with different explanations, but it all came back to a single thought.

His fear only grew as the silence stretched out. “Tommy, have you... have you been hearing the voices?”

“The fuck are you on about?” he muttered quietly. It had none of the fire that used to fill his every word, and his eyes were no longer a vibrant blue. They were dull, void of life.

Techno stepped closer, placing his hands on Tommy’s shoulders, making him flinch in fear. “Look at me.” He demanded.

His brother slowly met his gaze. Techno frowned. There was no light of bloodlust in Tommy’s eyes, only a dull emptiness. He took a step back and pulled out his communicator, already typing out a message. The response was almost immediate.

“What did you do...? Who are you texting?!” Tommy demanded, unable to keep the fear from creeping into his voice. “What the fuck did you say?!”

“Tommy, take a deep breath. I just messaged phil, that’s it. He’s on his way.”

“What the fuck?! Why?!” Techno couldn’t help but notice the way that Tommy’s words were now filled with fear and desperation, rather than energy and flame.

“Because he knows more about this than I do, and I need to figure out what’s going on. We’ll figure this out, ok?”

~~~

Tommy was still huddled in the corner of his small cave when he heard the door open above him. As voices began to float through the opening that led to the rest of the cottage, he pushed himself further back, trying to disappear.

He knew that he could easily just leave through the small tunnel he had made, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Maybe it was out of fear, maybe it was because he knew that he had no where else to go. If he tried to run away, he would be alone.

His thoughts were interrupted by a chipper voice “Tommy! Tommy you- oh dear, you look very sad”

He glanced up slightly, slightly surprised to find himself face to face with the ghost of his dead brother. “Hi Ghostbur...” he said solemnly.

There were so many things that he wanted to say in that moment. ‘Why did you leave me. Why did you leave me alone again.’ The words got caught in his throat, leaving him unable to speak. He could only give an empty smile as the ghost handed him a small bottle, filled with powdered blue pigment.

“Have some blue!”

Tommy stared at the bottle for a moment, before glancing back up. “Thanks, Ghostbur...”

“Alright, that’s all well and good, but we need to have a serious talk about this” Techno’s voice came from behind Ghostbur, though Tommy had already reverted his gaze back to the floor. “Tommy, how do you know about the Blood God?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he cursed himself for ever opening his mouth. How long had it been since he slipped up? Since he had caused someone to worry like this?

God, he was so sick and tired of dealing with all of this shit. He just wanted to go home. To his real home. He wanted to see his family again, his parents. It had been years since he had last seen them, and it still felt like an open wound whenever he thought about it. For fuck’s sake, he was supposed to be in university right now, not trying to recover from weeks of exile and isolation.

“Tommy, its ok. We can help you, I promise.” Phil’s voice could be heard from somewhere else in the small cave, but Tommy kept his gaze trained on the small bottle in his hands. “Just tell us what’s going on, we can help you through this”

The boy couldn’t help but flinch as someone placed a hand on his shoulder. He hastily pulled back even further, trying to avoid the contact. He shut his eyes in a desperate attempt to keep tears from spilling over.

“Tommy...” Phil’s voice dripped with pain and grief for his youngest son, “It’s ok, we’re your family. We can help.”

“No you’re not...” the words escaped him before he could do anything, before he could think twice about what he was saying.

A small gasp could be heard, though he couldn’t tell who it was from. “What? What are you talking about? Of course we are...” Phil asked softly, though Tommy could hear the hurt in his voice.

Something snapped inside of him. He wasn’t sure what it was, but suddenly, he could feel as nearly 4 years of pent up pain and frustration came pouring out of him. “No you’re not! You’re not my fucking family, stop fucking acting like it!” The tears that he had tried so hard to keep hidden began to pour out. “My family is gone and I’m never going to fucking see them again”

“What? Tommy, don’t be silly, we’re right here!” Ghostbur said, in his annoyingly chipper voice. “Here, you seem stressed. Have some more blue,” he said as he held out another small bottle.

Blue pigment covered the floor as Tommy slapped the bottle away, his eyes alight with raw anger. “I don’t want some bullshit blue powder, I just want to go home!” Ghostbur’s expression filled with confusion, which only served to fuel his anger. “Don’t you fucking dare look at me like that, you already fucking know this shit”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, that’s right, you don’t fucking remember, because you refused to admit that your little brother was gone, and he wasn’t fucking coming back!” The room fell silent as Tommy took a deep breath, desperately trying to regain his composure. “Because you refused to admit that he chose to leave you, and you blamed me for it instead”

“What are you talking about.” Techno’s voice was low and quiet, the threat in his tone clear as day. “What do you mean he’s gone. What did you do to my brother.”

Hearing the threat in Techno’s voice seemed to break the dam that Tommy had so carefully built up inside him. What had been pure anger and rage was quickly replaced with pain and sorrow. He could feel as the tears began to pour down his face in a rush, leaving him coughing and sputtering as he tried to breathe.

Phil took one look at the sobbing boy and quickly rushed over, pulling him into a tight hug. In that moment, it didn’t matter to him what was going on. All he cared about was his son needed him.

Desperately, Tommy hugged Phil back, his hands clutching the back of phil’s shirt, as if Phil would vanish the moment he let go.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, with him desperately trying to calm down, and Phil silently comforting him. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. He didn’t know.

When he finally calmed down enough, he pulled back and wiped his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he said softly, “I’m so sorry. I never wanted any of this.”

“Shh, it’s ok. Why don’t you start from the beginning?” Phil kept his voice calm and steady, silently offering his support.

With a small nod, Tommy told everyone the story. He explained the swap, explained his old life. He talked about his parents, and his friends. He told them about how he had found himself in this world with no explanation, and how he had destroyed his only hope of ever returning home. He told them about how Wilbur had kicked him out of L’manberg when he had originally found out.

By the time he was done, he was crying again. And based on the sniffles that he could hear, he was pretty sure Phil was crying as well.

“So yeah. I’m not your son, or your brother. That Tommy is gone, he has been for years. I- I’m sorry...”

Before he could even process what was happening, he was engulfed in another hug. However, this time he could feel the arms of not one person, but three. Three separate pairs of arms wrapped around him, offering their support.

“Tommy, I don’t care what dimension you’re from, or if you don’t really consider us you’re family. You’re still my son, and I still love you unconditionally. Understood?” Phil said quietly. Tommy could only nod slightly in response.

“You might not remember all the shit you did when we were little, but you’re still the same nerd that tried to steal my sword when you were ten,” Techno’s voice, which was normally deadpan, was now filled with affection for his younger brother.

Ghostbur was the last one to speak. But when he did, he sounded sad, and filled with regret. “Tommy... I don’t know what Alivebur did to you, or how he treated you, but just know that I’m not him. I’m not going to hurt you, ok? You’re still my baby brother...”

The four of them were quiet for a while, the only sounds coming from Tommy’s quiet sobs.

Finally, a quiet voice cut through the silence. “Thank you...”

~~~

Im gonna put the taglist in this one because im proud of it. Let me know if I should continue putting the taglist in drabbles, or if i should just keep it to the actual chapters themselves :D

@hismilw @violet--majesty @chiera99 @koi-boye @waffle-time-god @miss-oleum @porkgavor @crafted-dreams @harley-the-pancake @lemonaid-ruru @luminousart @g3rmpy @bee-tubbo @firepowder @boombahey @rayjayo @carry-on-my-wayward-why @echo-delta @star-fruit23

#Philza #ph1lza #tommyinnit #technoblade #Wilbur soot #wilbursoot #sleepyblr #sleepy bois inc #dream smp #mcyt #the real world #my writing

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jangofctts · 3 years

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okay okay i hc that when bruiser gets needy he’ll whine and get handsy until he has ur full attention bc he’s a fucking big baby but he’s LYING bc he’s not soft and cute once you do give him attention bc all he really wanted was to tire you out in his cock so you were so tired he’s the only one getting your attention !!!!! bruiser is a sneaky dumb big baby himbo and he just wants attention okay !!!!

i also think fuse gets whiny and needy by the difference is he won’t switch up n fuck you RIGHT away he actually wants to cuddle n hold you for a little while before he gets horny fkskfjs he just gets real touchy w you and doesn’t have a problem with begging as long as you give in and let him cuddle you fkskdkdk

i think kamikaze is literally so demanding and for what. he’ll be like “come here let me hold you” and you’ll look at him literally in the middle of a holo meeting like bitch nO!!! but also he’s not as obnoxious as the other two he’s content if you let him pull you into his lap and watch you work over your shoulder or if you promise to take a break and spend time with him in a little bit :)

jaws is so sweet and romantic fkskfjs if he had tiktok he’d do that one “opening the blanket for my gf” challenge but like every day bc he loves you so much fkskdkdks!!!! when he gets overwhelmingly needy it’s usually bc he hasn’t seen you in a long time or he’s had a hard day and he’ll just take ur hand n kiss the back of it n whisper “come lay with me” or he’ll wrap his arms around you and rock you back and forth and kiss your cheek and softly ask you to come to bed with him bc he misses you and wants to hold you

bLUEEEE BABYYY he’s so dumb fkskfjskdjs i love him so much sometimes he just needs to lay his head on ur thighs or tummy while you play with his hair n make it all go away fkskdks i honestly feel like he just kinda,, grabs you and tugs you towards the bed fksksks also !!! he loves to lay on top of u like a blanket n bury his face in ur neck

with sweets i think it’s easy to know when he’s needy even when he doesn’t really talk that much? like he’ll be hovering around you a little more, poking your cheek or objects on your desk or whatever and just being a little shadow. and i really think that like. he’s not the type to stay someplace just because like if he has somewhere better to be he’ll go like he has no problem leaving if he doesn’t want to be there. but you know he’s needy bc he hasn’t even looked in the direction of the door in 30 minutes and he’s getting a little more handsy now n trying to get you to let him hold ur hand so u HAVE to pay attention to him :’)

blanche hATES anyone thinking he has feelings so he’s kind of like sweets in the sense that you’ll know if he’s needy if he’s just hovering around you but he’s never actually said it and it takes you much longer than with sweets to understand and what it means fkskdks the first time you understood what he wanted he was sitting in your quarters while you did work and his back is like. completely rigid he’s really tense. and when you decide to take a break from your work for a while you crawl into the bed and wrap your arms around blanche from behind and just sorta... feel all the tension drain out of him til he slumps in your arms

and with vOID poor baby overworks himself CONSTANTLY so on top of not seeing him that often,,, he works extra n he’s so tired and the days he DOES get the chance to see u he kinda just,,, shows up at your door he’s snaking his arms around you and walking you backwards towards your bed fkksksks he’s just so tired and his back hurts and he just. needs to be horizontal with the person he loves uWu

-⚡️

tHESE HCS ARE SO FUCKIN ACCURATE AND CUTE AH HDKDHDJD IM SCREAMING

SO TENDER and PERFECT ILY

#like im #i yEARN #ask #keida answers #⚡️#sunburst squadron

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occlumenz · 3 years

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this is probably the second-worst blog to post this on, but i need to say it somewhere. if you’ve been talking to me recently & idk ur feeling like i’m not Vibing or something in my replies, it’s not u. i’m very excited always whenever sb wants to interact w me. i’ve just had a huge month & a half with bad news after bad news, & it doesn’t seem to be stopping. i’m also, like, super burning out at work & very much looking forward to my week off next week ( hoping we’re out of l*ckdown, but we’ll see ).

so, obviously, when i’m feeling kinda shitty, tumblr is my go-to get-away space. & usually it’s great ! but the past couple of days have felt like i’m screaming into the void a little. i have the two people i’m actively-ish plotting with ( again, i apologise for the lack of excitement on my end ; i’m just tired :( ), but a lot of other attempts at gaining interactions feel , idk , dead in the water ? the first two days here ? super great i pumped out a ton of stuff & had some dope interactions. but the shininess has worn off my blog & now i just feel like i’m floating around little more than a nuisance, & it’s exhausting. & i’ve seen this happening to a few people on my dash, & it upsets me because roleplaying literally can’t happen without interacting w the people ur moots with ( or non-moots, if that’s how u work !! ).

&, of course, my dumb ass had to go & make a blog last night for a character no one knows in a show i’ve only heard one person ( the person who told me to watch it ) talk about, & obviously even though he’s my current brainrot, no one’s going to interact bc no one knows him. this isn’t a criticism or a ‘ boohoo me ’ moment - i’ve been on this platform since 2008. i know people tend not to interact with fandoms & charas they don’t know. i’m just an idiot because i, like ? idk . get ideas in my head that maybe this time will be different, & then when it inevitably isn’t because that’s just how this platform works, i get in my head about it & start wondering if i’m the problem & maybe it’s just because people don’t like me - when it actuality, i’m usually just, like, 6 months early to that fandom hype train lmao ( seriously, it’s genuinely hilarious how many times i’ve bounced from a blog only to see that fandom bloom six months later omg ).

basically i guess my point is - i don’t want anyone to feel like they’re yelling into the void, & if u feel like ur blog isn’t getting any traction, slide into my ims & i’ll chuck u a starter, or send me ur meme tag & i will spam u ( genuinely, so u’ve been warned ), or send me ur open starters & i’ll reply, or i’ll try plotting ( which i am bad at im so sorry !! ) because i know how this website can wreak havoc w one’s insecurities & stuff & i really do care about all my moots & ur well-being !!

#ik this sounds like me bitching but im not !!!#it's just an observation !#and i think my bad 6 weeks personally has like . heightened my sensitivity around this stuff #and then seeing like 4+ moots say they had to take a break for their mental heatlh #i LOVE you ALL and this website shouldnt make anyone feel like shit <3 #OOC.#PSA.#anyway send me ur meme tags or open starters :knife:#ive just seen a very big #decline in ppl interacting w ppl over the years ?#like opens don't get replied to any more #promos dont get rbd #memes dont get sent in etf #and im here to #do ALL OF THAT for u #ur personal hype woman CMON #therses like 4 psas in here im so sorry

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5-jorjas-in-the-fence · 3 years

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Field.

Modern au- Javid

Quick TW for swearing and angst :)

“We’re here.” Davey unloked his seatbelt and put the car in park, his confused partner stared at him from the passenger seat, slouched and tired.

“Davey listen, not sure what you’re scheming but... why are we here at 2 in the bloody morning?” Jack sniffled from the cold air that surrounded the car, and siged as Davey scrolled on his phone for a brief moment before putting it in his back pocket.

“Cmon. I promise ya, it’s going to be great.” He reassured. Jack unclipped his seatbelt and stepped out of the car into the night. Crickets sang around them in the still air and hundreds of stars illuminated the sky. When Jack bought his eyes back down to the ground, he saw a large field of overgrown dried grass at least up to his knees.

Davey stood at a fence post, denim jacket around his shoulders as he pulled an old broken gate aside.

“Davey Jacobs breaking into a property? Well well well aren’t you a bad boy?”

“Shut up.” He hesitantly replied as he closed the gate behind them. He had never broke into somewhere before, but considering that the paddock was empty, he didn’t see the harm of entering. In the distance a small farm house sat, but he knew they were safe.

Jack trudged behind his boyfriend, following reluctantly. “You going to murder me out here?”

“If you don’t shut up I will.” Davey playfully remarked.

Finally, he stopped in his tracks when they were at the centre of the field. He turned to face Jack, and stared at him with his hands in his pockets. Their breath danced infront of them in the cold. Jack looked at his shoes and kicked a bit of dirt. “So... why are we here?” He asked again.

“For this...” Davey took a deep breath and then just... screeched into the night. His scream evaporated in the air, it had no where to bounce off and get thrown back. It was gone.

“Wha- what are you doin? You ok?” Jack grew concerned and jumped at the loud remark, perhaps the loudest he’d ever seen Davey.

“A bit better now. Now it’s your turn.” Davey grinned back.

“Davey, I’m not going to randomly scream ok?”

“Trust me. What’s annoying you? What makes you mad? Think of everything Joe did to you. Think of your parents. Your sister. Think of everyone who’s ever done you wrong. Think of what you wish were different. And just- let it out.” Davey removed his hand from his pocket and reached to Jacks shoulder with reassuring eyes.

“Jeez fine... ahhh” he barely screamed.

“That’s it?” He raised an eyebrow. “No. You need this. I know you do. I’m going to give you some privacy cause I know there’s been a lot going on right now. I’ll be in the car... in the heater. So have fun.” Davey began to trudge back to the car before Jack could protest, soon he was alone in the paddock. No one but his thoughts to keep him company.

Making sure Davey was in the car and on his phone, he let everything catch up to him.

“FUCK!! Fucking damn it god damn shit you fucking dickhead! Why!? WHY!? Why the fuck did you have to...?? FUCK YOU!” He screamed into the void, letting himself go and stomp like a mad man. Eventually he just let the tears fall. “I COULD HAVE BEEN GONE! I COULD BE FUCKING AWAY FROM THIS SHIT AND WHERE AM I!? IM IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING FIELD ALONE AND SOME FUCKING FAMILY HAS NO CLUE! Oh yeah... FAMILY! Something I won’t ever FUCKING KNOW!!!!” He kicked at the dirt, letting it ripple around him. Falling to his knees, he gripped the collar of his shirt.

Silence and the crickets. A deafening sound.

As he huffed into the mist, it was almost as if the stars replied back to him. He began to mumble to himself, think everything out loud. “You know what? You do folks like me dirty, don’t even give us a fucking chance. No, what do you give us? You give us no family. No home. No childhood. For fuck sake I shouldn’t have spent my childhood on the streets. Companionship? What happened to that, huh? I’ve lost my best friends, my brothers. My immediate family doesn’t even know I exist. I have no one...”

The wind changed, sending a shiver down his spine. Like clockwork his whole attitude shifted and tension was gone. Shaking with the cold, he breathed into the void. “I have Davey...” he let himself repeat the name over and over. Turning his head to the car, he saw Davey bopping his head lightly to some song and drum his fingers on the steering wheel. He watched as he rest his head on the car seat, a content smile on his face. A light smile etched itself onto his face.

When Jack returned to the car, he made sure his tears were gone, that Davey would never know what he was screaming about.

“Not so bad was it?” Davey interviewed.

“No. I guess not.”

He started the engine and they left the Field Of Therapy.

#TW swearing #did I write this cause right now I would very much like to scream into a field?#yes.#javid #newsies #broadway #musicals #theatre #disney newsies #newsies 2017 #jack kelly #Davey jacobs #david jacobs #newsies hc #newsies hcs #newsies fanfic #newsies fan fictions

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dessarious · 4 years

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Misconceptions, Miscommunication, and Misinformation Pt86

Inspired by @ozmav Maribat AU

AO3 Beginning Previous Next

Ladybug sat motionless on top of the Arc de Triomphe. She thought it was somewhere around one in the morning, but she couldn’t be certain. She just hoped Chloe didn’t wake up while she was gone. The last thing she wanted to do was cause more worry but she’d needed some fresh air. Needed time alone to think.

“Bit past your bedtime isn’t it?” As soon as she heard the voice Ladybug was in motion. She dove off the Arc using her Yoyo to swing around and flank the intruder. They were looking over the side where she’d dropped and she had them wrapped up before registering what exactly she was seeing.

“What the hell?” For a moment she thought it was a cosplayer dressed as Chat Noir, then her brain woke up. Getting on top of the Arc itself was no easy feat but they’d also been able to sneak up on her and that wasn’t something just anyone could do. No, the woman in front of her had to be Catwoman. When had this become her life? “Whatever you’re here to steal I suggest you rethink it.”

“I’m not here to steal anything. I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Everyone’s talking about the tiny Parisian that brought the Justice Clowns to their knees. I must say I didn’t expect you to be so cute.” The woman had a smirk on her face and her tone was teasing.

“Thank you?” She didn’t even know how to respond to that. “Wait, what do you mean everyone’s talking about me? Who’s everyone?” She could hear a note of panic in her own voice but was pretty sure anyone else would take it for frustration. At least she hoped so.

“Everyone. Hero’s, Villains, those of us who are in more of a limbo territory. It’s not everyday someone hands the man of steel his ass and walks away completely unscathed. It’s impressive.” She absolutely did not need this. Ladybug just let out a heartfelt groan as she freed Catwoman from her Yoyo. The last thing Paris needed was random villains showing up to gawk at her or test her abilities. She was going to have to talk to the others about this.

“Wonderful. Just when I was thinking things might calm down enough to breathe for once. So what do you want then?” Her tone was flat and it took everything in her not to just walk away from this. Just once she wanted to let someone else handle things. But she was Ladybug right now so no matter how much she wanted to scream in frustration or find a hole to crawl into she had to do the right thing. Whatever that was. Catwoman just looked confused.

“Wait… did Robin not tell you? I thought for sure he would as soon as he found out I was coming.” Ladybug could only blink at the woman as her brain refused to process the words or their implication.

“He knew you were coming?” This didn’t make any sense. Surely Damian would have told her about something like this if he actually knew. Before Catwoman could respond she was tackled by another figure in black. So much for getting back before Chloe woke up. In seconds Discorde had Catwoman pinned to the roof by her neck as a growl emitted from her throat.

“You’ve got one minute to explain why I shouldn’t tie you up and toss you off this roof.” Well that was a bit of an overreaction. Ladybug felt guilt swell as she stepped forward to put a calming hand on her partner's shoulder.

“It’s okay, we were just talking.” She kept her tone calm and soothing but it didn’t seem to help at all. “Discorde, please just let go, I’m too tired to explain or fight about this right now.” That got her attention and she let go of Catwoman as if burned.

“I’m sorry-” Ladybug shook her head and motioned to Catwoman to cut off her girlfriend’s apology. It wasn’t necessary for one, but it really wasn’t a conversation to have in front of one of Gotham’s rogues.

“I thought the Bats were just screwing with me when they said that one of Paris’s heroes was cat themed.” Discorde actually hissed at her but she just grinned back. “Oh I definitely like you.” Ladybug could only share a confused look with Discorde before letting out a sigh.

“Can you please explain what you meant about Robin?” The woman hesitated before shrugging to herself.

“Just that I thought he’d start bitching and moaning as soon as he heard I’d be joining his father in Paris. He’s not exactly my biggest fan and I figured he’d warn you about me as quickly as possible.” She really needed sleep. None of this made sense. Luckily Discorde seemed to be able to put together the clues her brain was too overwhelmed to process.

“You’re Selina?” Oh… Oh! That made sense, well sort of. Catwoman nodded and Discorde began cursing in a number of languages before slipping into planning a very detailed torture for Damian.

“I really like you.” Discorde just frowned at the woman but Ladybug could see a hit of pleasure at the praise. Maybe this wouldn’t be a bad thing.

“Suddenly I understand why Robin has such an issue with you.” She really hadn’t meant to say that out loud and cringed as Catwoman shot a glare at her.

“Because I’m a villain?” She spat the last word with contempt but Ladybug didn’t have the energy to process what that meant.

“No. Because he prefers to see the world around him in terms of black and white but you’re nothing but a gray area. Both in this persona with the way you bounce back and forth between what most people think of as good and bad, and your less than stable relationship with his father. You’re unpredictable, neither one thing nor the other, and he doesn’t like the uncertainty of it all.” Both Catwoman and Discorde were staring at her like she’d grown another head and she really didn’t know why.

AO3 Beginning Previous Next

Ko-Fi

Tag List

@noirdots @valeks-princess @chocolatecatstheron @krispydefendorpolice @bee-wrecker @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl @northernbluetongue @paradoxal-occurance @scrumptiouslyelegantchaosqueen @sonif50 @thequestionablyhuman @persephonebutkore @elspethshadow @geekydragonyt @mmwolf1605 @da-tasuky @mjisntme @bluerosette23 @anjuschiffer @littleredrobinhoodlum @tazanna-blythe @resignedcatservant @schrodingers25 @seraphichana @persephonescat @punstoppablechatnoir @magicalfirebird @crazylittlemunchkin @corabeth11 @cyborgcandy @casual-darkness @shamefullove @miraculous-simmer7 @tamoni112 @cat181818meow @littleblue5mcdork @allthebooksandcrannies @enchanted-nerd @disneyfoxuniverse @fallinginthe-void @mandy984 @goggles-mcgee @fontegagrilledcheese @dorkus-minimus @theatreandcomicfreak @zerotosiki @ayuchan07 @mindfulmagics @urbanpineapplefarmer @winter-gardenflower @mooshoon @my-name-is-michell @melicmusicmagic @7-sage-7 @hypnosharkrebeldreamer @alicesangelofmusic @caffeinetheory @nataladriana9 @multplelifes @wanderingreader1019 @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @mvaree @redscarlet95 @storyteller-d @howabouticallyou @ginamarie1512 @kurogaya913 @tbehartoo @maddrag @two-faced-biatch @senyahgirl @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @iloontjeboontje @kakashixobito @welcometopradasa @amirahevens @amlesi @miraculousbelladonna @virgil-is-a-cutie @18-fandoms-unite-08 @cupcakeandkisses @angelofmusickaterinapetrova @book-r-the-best @dur55 @moonlightstar64 @fertileleaf @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @thecaptainthunder @danielslilangel @novicevoice @nyaabinch @interobanginyourmom @welcometopradasa @charlietheepic7 @im-here-for-the-content @maya-custodios-dionach @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @starwindmaden @tired-butterfly @rogueptoridactyl @emeraldpuffguide @suzen23smith @yuulxd @animegirlweeb @alovelyocean @kris-pines04 @semaalcocer-blog @cadencehood @jardimazul-blog @shethecat @silent-storms-posts @simplysslytherin @tog84 @thesunanditsangel @dast218 @tall-and-angry @the-alice-of-hearts @captainmac6 @theyellowfeverexperience @chrismarium @alessialeone6997 @heaven428 @tinyterror333 @smolplantmum @lilyellowink @naoryllis @katiegardneriscoolerthanyou @magewriter @doodledeerest @athena452 @peachedpocky @tired-butterfly @risingmoonyue @lunammoon @mylife-demonstrates-murphys-law @bobothyross @silvergold-swirl @loysydark @heaven428 @peachedpocky @hauntedwintersweets @awesome-starfish-and-tacos @silvergold-swirl @rosesgonerogue @castielsofficialtoothbrush @myazael @aestheticnpoetic @creator-josie @sturchling @snowstar1016 @myblacknightworld @kittycatwowmeow @midnightkaito @chylou34 @hufflejournals @indecisive-mess-named-me @uwuteamleader @sassakitty @jessigurl-design @demigodgirl20031 @freshbark @soup-served-chilling @elmokingkong @unknownvsworld @thatonegaybitchfromschool @tis-i-beanbandit @damianette-is-life @peachesbackup @nobodyw8s4evr @the-fusionist @iwantwhirlledpeasandlotsatrees @chocolateherringtacofan

#maribat #marinette dupen chang #Damian Wayne #bffmaridami

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saltymcsaltything · 3 years

Text

So tired of being in pain and simultaneously being in a mental fog that keeps me from taking care of myself.

I wake up everyday with my joints and muscles aching. My nerves randomly decide to light up like thermite and make me wake up screaming. My stomach is an absolute fucking mess constantly. I am depressed and anxious 100% of the time and I can't remember what I need to do or what I have done.

Did I take my meds and supplements? Have I drank my water? Where the fuck did I leave my water? Why am I in the kitchen. Why can't I find anything in this house anymore? When was the last time I brushed my teeth, washed my face, showered? When did I last eat something? What was it, and was it something that is going to mess up my guts? What did I eat in the last two days that has me trapped in the bathroom? Was there wheat in that? Did I eat any of a dozen vegetables that I love but shouldn't eat because they wreck me?

And household chores? I hate them now. If it isn't something that requires careful attention, it means my anxiety-riddled mind declares open season to start thinking of every bad thing in my life, and when it runs out of those everything that is wrong in the world. Queue the panic attacks, flashbacks and dissociative episodes. There goes the next 2 hours while I collapse and breakdown or stare at the wall and go bye bye. I think I prefer the dissociation, at least it's a break from the pain.

Try to do something that requires focus? Can't even start. If I somehow manage I forget the steps, or forget which steps I've already done. Guaranteed to fuck something up. Failure? That's game over for the rest if the day. Time to shutdown. Maybe I'll go to sleep.

Sleep? Don't make me laugh. Lie down and mind goes brrrrr. Get up and distract myself. Maybe have a drink. Oops, forgot I took a Xanax a couple hours ago to make it through my grief support group. Now Im fucking wasted and feeling sick. Stupid stupid stupid. At least that turns off the nightmares. Yay for accidentally mixing alcohol and controlled substances. Would have been even more fun if it was muscle relaxers instead so I could be a drooling mess for the next 18 hours.

There's another wasted day. You know what sucks? I can't even do yoga or meditation anymore, and I used to love that so much. Savasana was my jam. But I can't do a good routine that wears me out the right way to calm my mind, because every move hurts too much no matter how I modify it. And so can't meditate if I can't physically calm myself first, because mind go brrrrr when I try, and I'll have a panic attack or dissociate. Closest I get to exercise these days is pacing and rocking, or getting some of that good sitting still with my uncontrolled anxiety cardio action.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't even know where to start with this shit. There's too many moving parts with all this shit and I'm just so done with it. This has been building up for almost a decade, but the last 5 years have been hell because that's when my life essentially blew up.

I'm in therapy, but just when I think I'm learning to cope, some new terrible event happens and I fall apart again. Coping skills? I forget how to do them. Deep breathing? Oh yeah, now I'm focused on doing something critical to survival in a way that feels unnatural, and if I try to go back to breathing normally I can't remember how. Now I have to actively to breathe until something distracts me enough to break me out of it. Mindfulness? Carefully observing everything to try to focus on the present moment? That used to work, but now the calm narration gets shouted down by the heckling critic. "Look at you acting like you can function if you just put your mind to it, you broken piece of shit. Stop pretending you can actually focus or think. It ain't gonna happen. Nothing works and you know it. You're done, give up. Just crawl into a hole somewhere so nobody can see you fall apart."

Fucking hell, how is functioning as a middle aged person so fucking hard? I'm about as emotionally mature as a toddler at this point. The world makes no sense to me anymore and I have no idea why people can be so casually awful to each other. I don't understand anybody else's behavior or motivation to be absolute hateful asshole garbage bastard shit weasels, and everything anyone says to me feels like an attack no matter what their intentions might be.

Wasn't this supposed to get easier as I got older and wiser? Wasn't being sorta financially secure and taking care of all the basic needs supposed to reduce the stress? How can betrayal and grief and illness completely derail my entire life? Why am I so fucking weak?

And why can't I stop screaming into the void?

#ptsd #tw ptsd #depression #anxiety #probably autistic #autistic #comorbid #me #panic attacks #chronic pain #self loathing #rant

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tonys-stories · 4 years

Text

Im gonna use this as a way for me to vent. I need a place to scream my emotions and the void that is tumblr seems like a good place to start. Not tagging cause like it’s a rant into the void not a post to pity follow.

I feel fucking alone. All the time. It’s not my friends fault. It isn’t my families fault. It’s mine. I do all sorts of stupid shit. I annoy them and push them away with random ducking outbursts. The person I was talking to started to ghost me. This quarantine was a legit hell cause no one would talk to me for more than 10 min. That’s fine tho. My friends are busy people. I’m not entitled to thier time and they aren’t entitled to mine. I just wish that certain ones of them would put effort into ANYTHING. I get blown off by them constantly for no reason. My only real friend and person who would drop anything for me (and vis-versa) went off to the army. Which is great. I support him. But I’m stuck in a small, shit town. And I’m going to go crazy.

I need to meet new people. I’ve known every single one of my friends since kindergarten. I know my entire class by name. I’m just glad I’m a senior. I’ll be able to leave soon and go somewhere I can meet new people. See knew things. Gain actual life skills and knowledge that I can’t here.

I’m just so fucking tired.

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

Text

Dare me

Logan and Roman have always been so competitive, ever since they were kids, despite being the most immature, Patton always had to reign them in, but this time he’s happy to sit out.

(Logince, it’s fluffy)

“Dare you too!” Two six-year-old boys poke at each other, huffing in annoyance as they stand at the base of a tree that Roman had conjured for this specific reason. “Double dare you!” Logan growls at the challenge, pacing around the bottom. He takes a run up, using his knowledge from books that Thomas hadn’t quite learned to absorb yet. His foot hit a certain angle with the right amount of pressure before he’d already pushed up, hands gripping the branch, with a swy of his legs he pulls himself up and sits on the lowest branch, grinning down at Roman.

“Did it, your turn,” He grins town, his brunet hair curling into his eyes as he sits with arrogant smugness on his lips “I won the dare, now you have to do it,” Roman’s not quite as agile as the other side, nor is his science knowledge nearly an extensive, so he tries his best to copy Logan. After a few attempts and failures, he’s about to take another run up before he hears the voice of Morality.

“Oh my gosh! What are you two doing, you’re going to get hurt please come down!” Logan slides down, giving the creative side a playful nudge with his elbow as they both approach the protective side with matching cheeky grins.

“Sorry, Pat,”

“Logan, please,” The Logical side rolls his eyes, slamming the book shut with a raised eyebrows “Just once, I dare you,” Roman’s full-on pouting, lying on his friend’s bed with his feet kicking the air as if mimicking throwing a two-year-old temper tantrum, Logan would not put it past the ten-year-old to do so either.

He is a competitive boy, however, and finds himself victim to the wide brown eyes and wobbling lower lip as he waves a hand and the room melts into an inky blackness, stars glimmering. Roman sits up, excited as he watches “Ready?” a nod is met in response, and the largest and closest star starts to collapse in on itself. Logan had simulated this once before and it had terrified and excited Roman more than anything as he feels his body pull towards it.

The sound of a door opening and he hears Patton, Logan cusses under his breath and snaps his finger, his room returning to normal. Roman whines. “Logan I told you not to do it again! He didn’t sleep without someone in bed with him for a week, terrified our star was going to eat itself!”

“Sorry, Pat,”

But he’s smiling just a little.

They’re 12-years-old now, Roman and Logan had become a little different, a little distant from each other, they’d started arguing a little, and their dares and competitiveness were becoming more and more of an issue. “Yeah well, I dare you to jump off a cliff!” Logan growled over his cup of tea, a hiss escaping his lips. Roman’s eyes narrowed and he turns quick and fast on his heel.

It’s not like they can die, and sheer determination mixed with adrenaline is having him walk faster before Patton grabs his hands “Absolutely not, both of you sit down and eat your breakfast,”

“Sorry, Patton,” Logan mutters around a piece of toast, he doesn’t apologize to Roman.

Puberty had not treated their emotions with kindness, Roman had become more sorrowful and boisterous than ever, Patton was crying all the time and they now had a new roommate that had cropped up somewhere between being 12 and 15, they called him Vigilance but they truly had no idea what his job was because he wouldn’t talk to them.

“I dare you too,” Logan raises an eyebrow at Roman, then at Patton, ho shakes his head almost immediately. “Logan I dare you to talk to him,” The Logical side huffs ever so slightly, tired of this childish backward and forwards game for the sake of their egos. Yet, his ego is exactly the reason he slid off the breakfast bar and out into the corridor.

He returns half an hour later, with dark circles under his eyes and jittering nervously. “Anxiety, his job is Anxiety,”

Roman almost feels bad, Patton is exclaiming wildly about their recklessness.

The creative side has not stopped complaining about Anxiety for weeks, as he throws open Logan’s door, which is met with an annoyed huffed response. “He’s just so gloomy and irritating and...” Logan wants to throw a book at him as he slams the pen down forcefully on the table.

“I dare you to leave, Roman,” He’s trying to concentrate and anger cocktailed with frustration is causing his fear of missing the deadline to increase. The 17-year-old looks hurt, taken aback, before he grabs his dignity and storms out with the door slamming shut behind him.

Logan definitely doesn’t feel bad, really, he swears.

--`

20-years-old, Patton is stood between the two of them as they shout, voices raised, eyes narrowed and tension strained. “Logan, you can’t possibly even start to comprehend...” But he's cut off, the words are taken straight from his mouth as the other starts talking over him,

“I can’t comprehend? Me? I do most of the work...” His voice is cutting, cold, angry but in a very robotic sort of way, this is what Logan’s tone is most of the time now, harsh and unforgiving.

“I dare you both to shut the fuck up,” The three of them look at the hooded figure “The fucking void can hear the two of you,” They can make out a mess of brown hair and eyeshadow and fall second, the dark echoing voice one the recognize as Anxiety being overwhelmingly scared or anxious. He’d obviously cottoned onto the little competition the other two had going, the voice dictated he was no longer very happy about it, a level of happy that generally triggered a panic attack in Thomas.

They all fell silent, and Patton’s tired eyes give a thank you to the lone side, who grabs the coffee he’s come in for and leaves as quickly as he came. “Both of you should get some sleep,” The Moral sie says finally, rubbing his eyes “We all should,”

Their arguing calms down a bit now, not wishing to upset either Thomas or Anxiety, neither of them particularly liked the dark and brooding character, Patton did but Patton likes everyone. They still bicker but not at the same screaming and shouting intensity.

One day, they’re sat at the breakfast table and Logan is staring studiously at Roman, he examines him then examines Patton, studies their behavior. When Patton leaves to tend to the dishes, he finally voices his thoughts “Roman I dare you to tell Patton how you feel about him, your lovesick expression is making my salad taste awful,”

The creative side for once, is not angered nor fuelled by adrenaline, it’s simply confused “Uh...what?” His eyebrows pull tightly together and he looks over at Patton. How he feels about Patton? Lovesick expression? For Patton? He raises his eyebrows now and a low snort escapes him, trust Logan to notice the thing that should be noticed and then assumes the affection is for someone else. The Prince sighs “Hey Patton, I love you, buddy,”

“I love you too Roman! And you Lo,”

Thomas is 25-years-old before Roman does it, he’s come close to this moment before, tossing and turning and mulling over in his head just how he’s going to do this. He sits on Logan’s bed and stared up at the stars in the room “Hey Logan?” The logical side pinches the bridge of his nose before resting his pen down. Roman gestures for the other to come forward and he obeys, standing and sitting down next to the other, trying not to allow irritation to show on his face. “I dare you to kiss me,”

If the situation hadn’t been so serious, he may have laughed at the comical expression on the other man’s face. He doesn’t think he’s seen Logan look shocked or surprised in years since they were kids even. Right now, however, his face was quite the picture, all wide eyes and open-mouthed, then realization seemed to follow, then finally it was determination. In 25 years, Logan had never said no to a dare, neither had Roman, their pride and ego were too great for it.

His hand gently touches Roman’s faced, fingertips calloused from writing and turning book pages and perhaps the long guitar sat in the corner of the room. The Prince closes his eyes and feels the touch as close to his soul as he can before he feels a tentative and scared brush of lips against his own. It’s chaste, fast, scared, as he pulls away, the hand remains on his cheek and when Roman opens his eyes he sees Logan’s searching, calculative gaze.

He seems to find what he wants however as he moves in again, this time the creative side meet him halfway, lips parting in demand as they sink into the unnecessary need to feel every now and then. Logan pulls him closer, hand squeezing from sheer nerve onto the other man’s strong arm.

Logan smiles gainst Roman’s lips. Silently, Patton opens and closes the door with care, not wanting to disturb them, this was one dare he could not fault.

Taglist:

@riley-castillo // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten //@theresneverenoughfandoms//@charmingprincey// @aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife //@heck-im-lost //@k9cat //@stilljittery //@romansleftshoulderpad //@sanderssideslibrary //@max-is-tired //@therealmoshar //@punsterterry

#sanders sides #logince

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compassionatereminders · 4 years

Note

Sorry about this I just really need to rant, Im gonna put a tw on this just in case bc idk what Im gonna say but Im so fucking angery >:( i have like 4 or 5 undiagnosed, completely untreated mental health things Including psychosis/schizospec, like am out here no meds no therapy bc services have been refusing to see me since i was like 13 (now 18) my mother refuses to believe me that im psychotic/schizospec and blames it on my vitamins/hormones/whatever, doesnt understand anything (1/?) - 🌟

“outside of her little narrow wellbeing "depression/anxiety" boxes, like those things suck and theyre super difficult, im just saying she doesnt understand there are other things. My dad is a fucking asshole, he makes me fun of me all the time for not being able to do simple things like get out of bed or taking forever to complete simple tasks like laundry (adhd/exec dysfunction), and he's even worse to my sister (autistic/adhd) and it just makes me so fucking angry like leave us alone!!”

“my now ex-boyfriend recently broke up w me for like the 3rd or 4th time which is a major struggle bc i also have boderline pd and we were together for p much like 2 years on and off and he said he never really liked me romantically this whole time, and I love him as a person but i also just wanna snap him like a glowstick because What The Fuck??? Took you two fucking years to figure that shit out????? Yeah whatever, but also he's my best friend so Im splitting on Him really badly

im just so frustrated because all the bad shit keeps happening to me like nothing remotely good that happens to me ever lasts and all the shitty things like the trauma and the abuse and the mental illness seems to Stick im just so tired, im so tired of screaming into the void that i want to be loved im so tired of begging to be treated like a real person by the people I love, is it too much to ask that something good Just Happens like it seems to Just Happen to everybody else??

is that selfish??? Is that unrealistic??? I dont know, I dont know anymore. Im so sorry for dumping all of this on you, I know you have ur own problems too so you can ignore all this if u want I just needed to Rant about it somewhere instead of just screaming into the void i needed someone to listen but u dont have to respond thats okay. I hope ur doing okay!! Ur drawings are very cute btw, keep practicing ur doing so well!!”

It’s not selfish and unrealistic to want good things to happen - and while you may not see how or when right now, I am sure that good things WILL start happening at some point if you keep doing your best to cope and move forward. Your current situation is not your final destination and change is one of the only guarantees in life - so even if everything sucks right now, most of the things you’re struggling with at the moment is temporary. Try to hold onto that.

According the lack of mental health care, have you looked into your options for seeking out mental health care on your own without involving your parents now where you’re a legal adult? As far as I’m aware, in most places child mental health services and adult mental health services are separate, meaning that even if child mental health services rejected you for years, that doesn’t necessarily equal that the adult mental health services will do the same thing. I definitely recommend looking into this if you haven’t already!

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles with your parents and your ex boyfriend! It’s not easy to cope with mental illness, and facing judgment and ignorance from your loved ones definitely doesn’t make it any easier. Your ex honestly sounds like an asshole, and while you may still love him, this doesn’t automatically mean that he deserves anymore of your time. If you’ve been on and off for years and he hasn’t been willing or able to commit or even genuinely care, I think the best thing you can do is work towards moving on.

All in all this sounds like a real shitty and toxic situation and I am so sorry that you have to struggle through all this bullshit. It really isn’t fair. But please don’t let your current struggles convince you that it’s selfish or wrong to want to feel better, or that getting better is a hopeless project cause it isn’t. It may be hard and it may take time, but you deserve better and I promise you that if you keep pushing through and working on yourself, things will eventually improve.

#anon #chat with kat

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cyberlifeleds · 5 years

Text

NTABD p. 3

RK900 (Nines)x reader

Part one. Part two.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, violence, death

*** is a timeskip

@mamamemequeen @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11 @acieoj @imaginovator

Enjoy my lovelies 🖤🖤🖤

There were no words spoken between the two of you as you made your way to the station. Worry gnawed at you from the inside. Did you say something or do something wrong? Thoughts like this were soon shoved to the back of your mind as you dove headfirst into work. Today would be a busy day, there was too much on your plate. You put everything personal to the back burner, typing at your computer while Nines interfaced to the terminal next to yours. The morning would consist mostly of computer work. You weren’t able to focus like you would have usually. The need for sleep clawed at your eyes, begging you to indulge in their siren’s call.

As if someone read your mind, a steaming cup of coffee was set on your desk top. Your typing stopped as you gazed at the cup, blinking dumbly. The smell alone was enough to perk you up. Looking at the giver of such present you gave a tired smile that didn’t touch your eyes. “Connor. Is this for me? That’s very thoughtful of you” your hands wrapped around the mug. The warmth was welcoming, you held it close to your chest. Connor’s smile was almost as warm as the coffee in which you now took a drink from. “I noticed you could use a small pick-me-up. After all you need to be sharp for your assignment this afternoon”

Your smile faltered, only for a few seconds and your eyes flashed to your partner before looking back at Connor. You were certain the android had caught it, but you pressed on. “Right... warehouse. Hopefully, it will just contain the evidence that I need and no... no traps” Your voice cracked slightly and you hurriedly sipped on your coffee to cover it up. You set your cup down on your desk “Well thank you for the coffee but I really should get back to work” You dismissed Connor, a tight smile on your face. Your hands, now in your lap, performing the repeated action of running your thumb over your finger tips. Keep it together. You’re cracking.

Connor nodded, confusion evident on his face. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it and instead offered a friendly smile and nod as he turned and walked away. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Taking a moment to reorganize your thoughts you were about to start typing again- “you’re showing signs of elevated stress” the baritone voice rang loud enough for you to hear, you turned to your partner. You opened your mouth to speak, taking a moment “Nines did you just scan me?” A curt nod. Looking away you pressed your lips together “if I could ask you not to do that again... I’d really just appreciate that.” You avoided eye contact, typing at your terminal.

The silence would have been preferred but it was broken yet again “have I done something wrong?” Your mouth was dry, you swallowed “no. You didn’t do anything wrong Nines it’s just...I - I don’t feel comfortable I suppose with you knowing what’s going on...” your sentence petered out as you made eye contact with the android, his eyebrows slightly knit together. What were you saying? That you don’t want him to know how you feel. Why would it matter if he know what was going on? You shook your head slightly and grabbed some files off your desk, standing “Forget I said anything, it’s... alright I suppose” You turned and left to give these files to someone else.

^software instability

Words flashed in front of his eyes once more, and it took a blink to wash them away as if they didn’t exist.

***

It was time. It was time and you were nervous and stressed, lack of sleep from the night before did not help the situation. You had checked your bullet proof vest once more, making sure it sat right. You were right out side of a warehouse that was rumored to be a busy location for Red Ice dealers. You had been investigating this location for a while and knew that there could be more evidence here. You had back up near by and the place had already been checked for traps and explosives. You didn't speak as you and your partner headed in side. The space was huge inside and cut off all out side noise. It was extremely messy inside, with boxes and cartons strewn about and papers haphazardly every where. The strong stench of soil and mildew hung in the air.

You made your way in, alert and aware of every breath you took and your surroundings. Feeling satisfied that it was just the two of you, you allowed your self to relax a little. Or at least you tried, you were still very much on edge. Nines would often look to you, and though you asked him not to, he felt the need to scan you and make sure you were doing alright. It did pertain to his mission that you stay healthy. His scans showed an increased level of stress. Something was different, Nines had noted. Like you had been in a similar situation before.

He continued to follow you as you began to focus on the papers on the floor. You both knew you were in dangerous territory, but you could find something that could shut down one more operation. A trace of something red caught your eye. Though you already knew what it was, you bagged the item for evidence. Red Ice. Just a small amount. This was a step in the right direction. You continued to move, going around a large stack of crates. Nines knelt down, looking at the small amount of red Ice. He went to reach for it but shot up hearing the click of a safety.

He stood and couldn’t see you, scanning he saw two nearby heat signatures. He rushed to where you were, standing a few feet behind you. Your gun was drawn, your form rigid as you faced a person with a gun, a deranged look in their eye. This building was supposed to be clear. “Sir I need you to put the gun down slowly-” “sh-shut the fuck up you pig!” His voice was harsh, violent irritation seeped from his words “Fucking pig messing up shit...” he spat in your direction. You were vaguely aware of Nines behind you “Sir” you raised your weapon slightly, a warning.

The perpetrator flinched and raised his own weapon, firing with out a care. The crack reverberated off the warehouse walls, a cold lump dropped in your stomach. You opened your eyes. When had you closed them? Only to be met with the back of Nines. His side stained blue. That cold feeling grew, your eyes wide. A flash of a memory assaulted your senses, causing you to swallow thick and watch numbly as Nines took down the shooter. There were other cracks from his gun, bullets lodging in the floor or nearby wood, but soon the man, high on red Ice, was bloody and unconscious.

A disembodied voice was now talking in to a communicator. “requesting back up, we’ve got a suspect and an officer down” It was your voice. Your eyes flitted to Nines, though you only saw a different face. Your mind swirled. You froze. How could you freeze? How could you-?! Nines moved forward, reaching his hand out. You flinched away as if he burned you before he could even get close. “Don’t” was all you said. You turned quickly, pushing past the backup that now came in flooding

^Software Instability blocked his sights from you. More cracks in his red wall.

***

After filing a report and letting the officers on sight know what was going on you left. You stomach and head tumultuous as thoughts and memories flooded into your head. You couldn’t stop them. You had to get out of there. You had to be somewhere safe. Your phone dinged, a message from Nines saying that the bullet was not in a fatal place and that he should be able to get it fixed but that he wouldn’t be around. You didn’t want him around. Not now.

You don’t remember driving home, but you were barely aware of your house greeting you as it usually does. Your stuff discarded in the walkway, you stumbled in to the kitchen where you grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass. Eerily calm, you poured the red liquid into the glass then drank deeply. Lifting the glass from your lips, your red reflection stared back at you in the leftover wine. You broke. A cry, which came from your soul, left your body as you flung the glass against the wall, shards of glass exploding from the impact. Your chest heaving, hot heavy tears poured down your cheeks. You were feeling everything. And you hated it, wanting the screaming in your head to stop.

You reached for another glass, pouring some more to drown yourself in.

***

The constructs of time were lost on you as you numbly sat on your kitchen floor. Not caring about the shards that dug into your palms, congealed blood surrounding the cut areas. Your house chimed, telling the entrance of Nines. You stared at the wall, the buzz in your head too loud, but not loud enough. Red flashed on his LED at the state you were in. He moved, face ever void of emotion, and placed his hands underneath your arms, lifting you to your feet with ease.

Something stirred within you. A fire with no warmth, but was all consuming. “No” you slurred, struggling softly “NO!” you pushed off him, stumbling backwards, into the counter. You glared at him, holding your hand out so that he’d keep his distance. He looked on, perplexed. “No. Fuck you. You’d don’t just get to... get to do that. You don’t get to help me after..” You shook your head, trying to clear it only making you dizzier. The rattle of an empty wine bottle sounded as you tried to steady yourself. The crunch of glass sounded in reply.

“You’re drunk” “Not fucking enough!” you spat “I want to forget everything that happened today. I never want to remember this. I want to forget like I forgot before...” pain seeped through the anger for a moment. Nines tilted his head “What do you mean ‘ like before?’“ You pushed on, ignoring his inquiry. “You never take a bullet for me alright?” half yelled “Don’t you ever do that again! If someone shoots me so be it but if anything happened to you I’d...” Another shake of the head. “Detec- Y/n, I insist you tell me what is going on” “what’s going on? I’ll tell you what’s going on! I didn’t even want another partner to begin with! I didn’t want this and I sure as hell didn’t want you.”

It wasn’t in your files that you had a partner before, his thoughts were interrupted as a hit to his chest made him look down. You had pushed him back a little “She died and it was My fault! And I can’t-I won’t have you-” Tears now freely flowed down your cheeks, icy cold compared to the ones before, as you hit his chest with your fists. Your emotions overcame you again “She was my sister and I let her-”you swallowed thickly as you crumpled into his surprisingly warm body, your hands muffling your face as sobs racked your body.

Nines stood there, arms at his side as he looked down and watched you sob into his chest. He soon couldn’t see you again, the red wall obscuring his vision. Why did it have to be red? He was starting to grow tired of the color today. From the Red Ice that was found earlier, to the spilt remnants of the wine on the floor to the dried blood on your own hands. He didn’t want red anymore. He was fighting himself. Conflicting messages rang throughout his code. His mission was conflicting with a deeper part of him. He needed to do something, and you were his mission. He fought, and lifted his arms, placing them awkwardly around you, as if he were uncomfortable, but they were welcome. His cracks grew bigger.

^^Software Instability

#detroit become human #dbh nines #rk900 #rk900 x reader #dbh fanfic #detroit: bh #angst #detroit become human fanfiction #detroit become human fanfic #ntabd

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macchiatomingi · 5 years

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stranded pt. 3

In which Yunho and Wooyoung should never, under any circumstances, be paired together for a rescue team.

“Mingi?!”

“Song Mingi! Where are you?!”

You and Wooyoung screamed into the void of the forest, panic lacing your voice and annoyance lacing his.

How the hell do you lose an entire human being and his pet crab? Hongjoong was going to murder you both, then have Jongho rip every tree from the soil it stood in to find Mingi faster because knowing him, he was hiding either in a cave or near a large rock.

“We need to go back,” Wooyoung started, ignoring the noises you made in protest, “we need more people, and we need a light source. It’s getting dark, we won’t be any use if we can’t even see where we’re going.”

You knew he was right; the sun was setting, painting the sky a beautiful hue of reds and purples. You looked off into the opposite direction, knowing Mingi was somewhere in this large expanse of forest, lost and scared but thankfully not alone, and you started walking back in the direction of the camp.

You and Wooyoung didn’t speak, the two of you too afraid of what Hongjoong or Seonghwa would say upon your return with a member of your group missing. You couldn't even get the herbs that you had originally set out to find, panicking upon realizing that Mingi was gone and freaking out to the point of forgetting everything that needed to be picked.

The two of you returned to camp to see Hongjoong sitting in the sand, curled in a fetal position with Seonghwa hovering over him with a panicked expression. Wooyoung motioned for you to wait as he quietly made his way over to Seonghwa.

As it turns out, Hongjoong had gotten a hold of San’s...special herbs earlier in the day and the effects of them still hadn’t worn off. He was in no position to lead, and Seonghwa was too tired to yell at the two of you about losing Mingi, so he sent Yunho with you both, as well as a light, to try and find the tall scared boy.

Which is how you three got in your current situation.

You all had found Mingi after about an hour of searching in the darkness, coming across a small oasis type structure near a cave. Mingi was just there, swaying his feet back in the crystal blue water as Sherb rested on some rocks nearby. Yunho tackled the boy into the water, nearly drowning him and causing him to scare everything within a ten-mile radius clean out of its skin, fur and/or shell, and also resulted in the four of you (under the watchful eyes of Sherbert the Crab) having a massive water fight.

“Wooyoung! Put me- wait no!” You were screaming with both laughter and fear as Wooyoung spun you around on his shoulders, in the water, that was surrounded by rocks. Sharp rocks. Sharp rocks that looked like they would hurt if you were to hit them at the speed you were going. The sounds of laughs and screeches as people were either tossed into the water or splashed with water reverberated throughout the forest.

The four of you eventually grew tired of playing around like children, and after stripping down to nothing but your trousers, you and the boys lied down in the soil, staring up at the night sky above.

“Hey, Y/N,” Mingi started, his voice slightly hoarse, almost as if he had been crying (he had), “why are those lights just...in the sky?”

“Oh,” you replied, looking up at where Mingi was pointing, “that’s the aurora borealis. The Northern lights.” you said simply.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Then make your question clearer.”

“Ooh.”

“Burn.”

“...”

Silence consumed you all until you, once again, burst into a giggling fit. The boys followed in suit, and eventually the four of you were howling with laughter.

It was weird, being on the sea for so long, constantly being on high alert for rival pirates, none of you really had the time to be kids.

You realized that as you lied next to the three boys, all of you were close in age, but Wooyoung, Mingi, and Yunho were only 19. Just barely adults, if they could even be considered adults at all. As your laughs died down you gave a small sigh, you didn’t really want this to end. Sure, it was stressful, but it gave you all a much needed break from the stress of the seven seas.

You were lost in your thoughts until Yunho poked you in the stomach, you turned to face him to see him holding up a small sack. Inside the sack was an assortment of berries of various colors, some you had never seen before. He held the bag out to you, and you noticed that Mingi and Wooyoung had already taken a handful for themselves.

You took a small handful of the berries and one by one popped them into your mouth. Some were sweet, some were disgustingly sour. Very few were just right, and you knew that eating random berries from the middle of the forest was not something smart, but it was something.

Eventually, the world grew fuzzy. The auroras above grew in size, wavering and fizzling in and out of your vision. The trees seemed bigger, but also more colorful, as if they had been saturated in some type of neon light. You felt as if the cold, hard ground had suddenly become a cloud, and everything was funny.

The boys also felt this way, expressing it through various slurred sentences that your brain couldn’t bother figuring out. You eventually rolled on your side to face them, a wide grin breaking out on your face as a slightly wicked idea spread through your, shockingly functional, brain.

“Hey,” you start, words feeling heavy on your tongue, “le’s go in the cave.”

~~~~~~~

i dont know what im doing anymore but yeah this was just a giant filler and oof yeah

i feel like my writing style is changing and i cant pinpoint how but its slightly irking me since im not used to it and dlafjkljklfjklj i hope this phase blows over soon-

#ateez #ateez drabble #ateez imagine #stranded mini fic #pirate!ateez #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez seonghwa #ateez san #ateez hongjoong #ateez jongho #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez sherb #sherb is the 9th member of ateez #sorry junyeong #sherb has replaced you #(i love junyeong pls dont hate me)

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jupiters-fallen-stars · 3 years

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I'm awkward. I don't know how to act in a relationship, how to be affectionate without just seeming weird. I dont want to fuck up. Im timid with things. I don't think im pretty enough in someone else's eyes to be seen as someone they could fall in love with. I have habits and interests in things that im afraid others won't find as interesting or cool. I have no idea how to talk to people in a romantic worthy way, or how to engage it. I'm timid with these sorts of things at home. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and trust them, but with two younger brothers, an only father, and bad experiences with all past mother-titled people in my life, it makes things hard. Im afraid of what other people will think and how they will react to me being in a romantic position. With the state of the world, its hard for me to meet people. Im just tired of seeing so many other people find their partners, and of course im happy for them, but I'm just, s t u c k. I want someone to hold, to pepper their face with kisses, to hold their hand and protect them from the cold. I want to wrap someone up in a blanket with me and fall asleep, to smile and admire at them. I just don't know how to.

Sorry for this rant, just exhausted right now and needed to vent somewhere. Scream it into the void I guess

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storytaeme · 6 years

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・ﾟ✧ a rant about ships because wow i need me one of these・ﾟ✧

do not continue reading if you don’t like what i have to say or are only going to react aggressively to it. i’m open to rational discourse directly through messaging rather than anonymous comments! :D

im just gonna do this in bullet points just cuz i love lists and they’re easier to read

this is in response to a post about about shipping i saw somewhere in the tumblr void. im not going to describe the post because it honestly made me extremely uncomfortable. but im just going to talk about how shipping mxm can be done in a healthy way!!!!

***when i talk about shipping in this post, it’s about mxm shipping, and a lot to do with writers and fans in the community c:

unless you’ve been in the shipping community or have talked to healthy shippers, you’ll know that we’re all doing this for fun

we know it’s not real until they confirm anything. we know we’re just making headcanons.

if you’re an xreader writer, you would know this too because you can’t possibly be just assuming that everyone in bts is straight right???? the same way some shippers think bts have the possibility of being gay or pan or bi or identify as anything else other than heterosexual, but they know it’s not real.

it’s all ~creativity~ my friend

i admit that some shippers can take it too far and start ship wars and start believing that they are actually real. but i do not see how people screaming that one ship is real or that they went on a date is harmful.

this is re: jikook vlog!!

main thing is to keep all this shit away from their mentions. social media platforms are powerful tools that they can easily connect to so obvs we need to keep what they can easily access clean.

however, again, as long as we keep it rational and nice, shipping is fine.

if you say that you hope the boys never read the shipping comments, then i sincerely hope that they never read any of the heterosexual comments a lot of people make either

because that’s presumptuous obviously, you never know what makes them comfortable. they could be gay and you’d be repressing them with heterosexual comments and assumptions.

make sure to check on your own actions before you comment on others’!

also if you’re commenting abt fantasies for mxm, then please also comment on headcanons for hetero ships! place yourself on equal argumentative ground.

i am not condoning the fetishization of the lgbtq+ representation through fictional shipping/characters

i am only saying that shipping them heterosexually with a female character and shipping them with each other should be treated equally.

because let’s be honest, we’ve also seen heterosexual extremists making sure that shippers know that “bts will never be gay!!!!” like ok dude.

i am both an mxm writer and reader-insert writer and i’m looking at it from both perspectives. i’m tired of both side of writers getting disrespected for things they enjoy for fun, instead getting attacked. we’re all in it just to have fun. things we just have to take note of:

none of this is real. our ships and our ideas of their sexualities. they are all assumptions and headcanons.

stop attacking each other for our preferences. it’s kind of ridiculous that we’re pitting fans against each other.

disclaimer: i have also yet to decide on a sexuality so idk if i can identify with the lgbtq+ community for now, but i am an ally.

feel free to reach out to shippers/fans in the lgbtq+ community if you do want to understand more if they are open to talk about it :)

to all mxm shippers who have felt maybe offended or hurt by people telling you that wow this is wrong or smthng, you are a-okay. shipping is fun and it’s part of fandom culture. we just have to make sure not to take things too far, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

there will always be toxic shippers (whether straight or not) in the fandom. it’s a matter of looking at both sides before calling the other one out :D

let the gays thrive (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

#wow this turned out pretty long but i had my share of thoughts #i really am open to talk about this #also idk everything abt shipping so please feel free to educate me if you feel like any of this is wrong #thoughts #<-- my new tag for when i talk too much

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