#i might still post and talk about it in general but like no serious research
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We’ve been chatting for about half an hour when Eloise lowers her voice to a whisper. Until now she’s been confidently talking through the ups and downs of being a 19-year-old woman in a world she finds unsteady.
She’s annoyed that, on TikTok, the advertisements she gets are keyrings with rape alarms and “stabby kitties” (a cat-shaped metal keychain with pointed ears sharp enough to cause damage), feels that modern feminism sometimes goes a bit too far, but having grown up in the age of nudes, she doesn’t really trust men. Which is unsurprising considering the story she tells me next.
“So a boy I know was asking a girl at his school for nudes,” she says, quietly. “And then when she refused, he threatened to rape her.” The boy was 14 and had recently posted an Andrew Tate video to his Instagram page, which was Eloise’s first encounter with the online influencer.
“It said stuff like how women are your property and that it doesn’t matter if women say they’ve been sexually assaulted; if you’re with them that’s your right. I didn’t like it,” she adds.
Tate has made several appearances in the headlines this week. On Tuesday, a Romanian court rejected his appeal to ease the ban on him leaving the country as a legal case against him – in which he’s charged with human trafficking, rape and forming a criminal gang to sexually exploit women – continues. He denies all charges against him. The following day, Ipsos polling for King’s College London’s Policy Institute and the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership found that one in five men aged 16-29 who have heard of Andrew Tate have a positive view of him.
Separately – or, arguably, perhaps not – another survey published in the same week underpinned a renewed focus on the attitudes and beliefs of Generation Z, this time from the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS). The research asked just over 3,000 adults of varying ages – 50.6 per cent of whom were female – about their understanding of rape and serious sexual offences, and the law on consent, and drew troubling conclusions.
Overall, 74 per cent of people surveyed understood that it can still be rape if a victim doesn’t resist or fight back, but the number fell to just over half (53 per cent) of 18-24-year-olds who had the same understanding. Less than half of respondents from this age group recognised that victims might not report a sexual offence to police immediately, that being in a relationship or marriage doesn’t mean consent can be assumed, or that if a man has been drinking or taking drugs, he’s still responsible if he rapes someone. More than 70 per cent of over-65s recognised that even if no physical force is involved a person might not be free or able to consent to sex, compared to just 40 per cent of young people.
Previous generations have become used to hearing that rape myths and misconceptions continue to persist, but that’s precisely why this week’s grim trinity of headlines stings. “There tends to be a public assumption that things are generally always getting better,” says author and feminist campaigner Laura Bates. “Actually, views like these are incredibly widespread among young people.”
Bates regularly works with schools, talking to pupils who often tell her that “rape is a compliment”, that “it’s not rape if she likes it” or, “it’s your boyfriend, you have to have sex with him”.
She adds: “Attitude surveys have to be taken seriously because they are a real red flag that we’re going backwards – we’re seeing much more extreme and concerning misogynistic attitudes among the youngest generations than we are among the oldest. We have to face up to that and ask, why is that happening?”
Gen Z has never been neatly contained. Growing up as the first digital natives in the chokehold of crisis – climate, Covid, cost of living – has seen them praised for their social awareness, but disenfranchised and forgotten by politics. Their extremely online nature has given them unprecedented access to the world and other people – but, of course, that’s a double-edged sword.
“The internet has made everyone’s voices louder, but that means the most misogynistic people in the world are heard more too,” says Niya Clement-Hickson, a 26-year-old marketing designer from London. He says his generation has been “kind of ruined” by social media.
“You’d be surprised at just how many people around my age will argue that Andrew Tate is not as bad as he seems.”
When I spend an hour talking to 16-year-old Tate fan Manus from Ohio on TikTok, he says exactly that. He’s relatively timid and seems unsure of what he thinks at times, but came across Tate aged 12, being drawn to his motivational speeches, humour, and attitude towards making money. “[Tate] kinda showed me how people really are in reality,” he says. On Tate’s assertions that women are the property of men, he says those beliefs are simply from the Bible (though Manus himself is Muslim).
He maintains he’s never seen Tate speak violently about women, and when I send him leaked voicenote recordings of Tate saying that he enjoyed raping a woman, Manus is certain it’s fake “probably to make him look bad”. I ask for his views on feminism and he responds that feminists now want “superiority” and “more rights”. What rights exactly? “More rights in general,” he says, vaguely.
This opinion is not a rarity – there’s a pervasive idea circling comments sections and pub corners that the pendulum has “swung too far”. “Some of us warned that when you continue to suppress their identity by telling young boys that they are inherently toxic, they’ll start acting irrational,” one comment under an Andrew Tate post this week read. But it’s not just boys who hold this idea. Early last year, a survey from Ipsos UK and the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s College London echoed this and some of Eloise’s views that feminism has gone too far. They found that 52 per cent of Gen Z and 53 per cent of millennials believe that we’re now discriminating against men. Less than half of Gen Z respondents said they defined themselves as a feminist.
Was it coincidence then, to see that shortly after the research was published in March 2023, the year of the girl was in full swing? A persistently pink summer was punctuated with girl dinners, #tradwives – modern women who believe in traditional gender roles – and stay-at-home girlfriends sharing their daily rituals on news feeds. New York magazine’s The Cut declared it “Woman in Retrograde” as the year came to a close; a cluster of reactionary elements to a significant demise of mainstream feminism.
This shift back to traditional behaviours is also present in younger men, says Niya. “A lot of guys feel that their role is all about providing money, being a protector. But they feel they deserve to get something out of the interaction. They just can’t deal with being told no.”
In terms of consent, does he hear attitudes that put women in danger? “Absolutely,” he replies. Niya didn’t learn about consent in school – “I don’t think it was ever talked about beyond ‘don’t have sex until you’re old enough’” – and thinks this is quite common for men of his age. For Maya, who’s 24 and neurodivergent, the line of consent is difficult to pinpoint and somewhat shaped by social media. There’s a “disconnect” from what she really wants – and is able to articulate – in the moment.
“I think that we do have less and less sex and more and more porn,” Niya adds. “And I think that once porn is your main and in some cases, only engagement with sex and women, then that is going to completely screw up how you see sex.”
Do all roads lead to porn? Probably. Clare McGlynn, who is a professor of law with particular expertise in sexual violence and online abuse, says: “We know that algorithms promote more extreme content, more hate – and many, many younger people, men and women, are getting this. Millions of people, as we speak, are watching mainstream online pornography that is racist, sexist, misogynist and violent in its content. Of course, it’s shaping attitudes and lives.”
“There’s certainly a pressure on young boys and men, for example, to be taking and sharing nudes – they’re part of a culture that is encouraging them to,” McGlynn explains. During a study, she looked at what material was presented on the homepage of popular sites – she found landing pages which were filled with sexually violent material. “So it’s also not them even actively choosing that material; we’re part of a culture that is grooming young men, teaching them expectations around sex – and asking them to accept and normalise it.”
What appears clear from the survey conducted by the CPS is a dangerous lack of understanding of what constitutes a crime. “I do lectures on criminal law and I’ve had students come up to me afterwards and say that they didn’t know they had been sexually assaulted or raped,” McGlynn adds.
Laura Bates says that we’re in the midst of a “crisis of sexual violence among young people”.
“Deeply misogynistic misinformation is being spread to young people online at a rate that most people just have absolutely no idea about,” she says. “And there is a massive knock-on effect.
“Some will look at these surveys and go, well, what does attitude matter? But you have to draw a connection between these really worrying attitudes about rape and the fact that nearly 80 per cent of young people told Ofsted inspectors recently that sexual assault is normal and common in their friendship groups.”
So what can be done? More responsibility and accountability from social media companies, says Bates. Tate’s content – some of which reportedly shows him attempting to beat a woman with a belt; she later hides behind a locked door – has been viewed more than 11 billion times on TikTok, she says, adding: “That’s more than the population of the planet.” Last year, advocacy group HOPE found that more 16-17-year-old boys had watched Tate’s content than had heard of Rishi Sunak. “I think it’s really important that the government supports high quality, age-appropriate sex and relationships education,” she adds.
Actively listening to and engaging with boys – as seen in initiatives like the state of New York’s Starting the Conversation campaign – is also important. Boys must have a safe and judgement-free environment to express themselves: the more their experiences of rape culture are internalised, the more difficult they are to see.
The Online Safety Bill, which was enacted in October last year, she says, was a missed opportunity for change. While it asks for more transparency on social media platforms and imposes sanctions for those not following the act, along with criminalising cyberflashing and sending unsolicited nude images, “it went 250 pages without mentioning women and girls once, until campaigners changed that”, Bates says.
“It’s so much more effective to focus on prevention of radicalisation than trying to unpick it once it’s happened,” she says. “Young people really are prepared to listen and prepared to change their minds, it’s just a shame this isn’t happening in every school.”
“It does make me worried about how safe the world is going to be,” says Eloise, who will begin her twenties in the summer. “What if people really start thinking that women are property again?” Then, she’s quiet again. “I really hope it can change.”
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tell us about your agents
Anon you have unleashed the beast known as Autism (LONG POST I'M SERIOUS THE INFODUMP REALLY INFODUMPED)
Three Cuttlefish (Agent/Captain 3)
Repeating general info from the reference sheet for all of these! Also with some extra notes!
That's a They/Them right there.
Short squid haha 5'2" (157cm) ((they are only an inch shorter than me.))
Agender lesbian gayass who chose Three as their preferred name when Callie asked because they hadn't actually thought it out but thought "Hey, you know what they already call me Agent 3, why not just make it official." and they actually love the name now!
Hawaiian Bobtail Squid! Fun squid fact: Hawaiian Bobtails have a symbiotic relationship with bioluminescent bacteria which protects them from predators and also makes them sorta glow! Matches up with Three's scar a bit. (Look it up, the bioluminescence is pretty cool.)
Actually pretty nearsighted so they wear contacts most of the time. They found a pair that resemble Callie and Marie's pupil shape, so they got those to look more "Cuttlefish."
Not the best relationship with their bio family, pretty no-contact. I will most likely touch on this in my "Early Days of Agent 3" series on Ao3!
Sanitization scar fucked up their throat and vocal cords a bit, so it's pretty painful to talk. They could but they'd rather not anyways. Selective mute and uses sign to communicate!
Ambulatory cane user (Did some research, hope I used the first word right). Already had some body pains to begin with (One of them being the sanitization scar because that flares up sometimes.), but they messed up their back on a certain mission so they use a cane to walk sometimes.
Mains a Dynamo Roller. (They wield it like a Carbon....)
Banned from Turf Wars for "Using an illegally modified weapon." It wasn't illegal or modified they're just a beast with the Dynamo.
Legally got their name changed to "Three Cuttlefish" (Callie helped them.)
Four Cuttlefish (Agent 4)
looks at my icon. can you tell who my favorite agent is, lol.
Guys I think this is one of those She/They/Hes.... (real)
Grew a couple of inches from when he was 14 to now currently 19. 5'6" (167cm) to 5'8" (172cm)
Genderfluid panromantic gayass who chose Four as their name but not because it was a "Fuck it." moment, but because they genuinely liked being called Four at the time and they still do.
Never actually been in a relationship, but they're pretty sure they're polyamorous. (And might be on the aroace spectrum.)
A Clubhook Squid! So she has cool hooks on her tentacles. They are also a large species, so that's why Four's pretty tall. (For an inkling anyway.)
Also has a strained relationship with her bio family. Doesn't actually have Cuttlefish as her last name, but likes to introduce herself like that anyways because Marie is basically her mom now.
Always wears his Hero Jacket when he goes out. It's a comfort item to him. (Even if it's pretty torn up now and Marie has to force him to wash it every couple weeks.)
Started tying their back tentacles up when they were getting pretty long. Just did it one day because the hooks were bothering them and realized "Hey, I kind of look like Marie..." and kept doing it because it makes them feel better to share something with their mother-like figure.
Works part-time at Ammo Knights. Likes listening to Sheldon ramble about weapons.
She mains the Inkbrush! Very skilled, too. (Got some muscle from swinging it around.)
Looks at Three as an older sibling-like figure. (Technically, they could be cousins because Callie pretty much adopted Three and Marie pretty much adopted Four, sooo-)
The only one of the main four agents to have finished high school. Three dropped out to focus on agent work, Eight never really went, and Neo doesn't even know what the hell school is.
Absolutely terrified of salmonid. It's always just been a general phobia.
Eight Iida-Houzuki (Agent 8)
Yooo, one of those demigirl She/Theys, thats so poggers...
Tall... (5'11" 180cm, 6'1" 185cm in heels)
Down bad lesbian and in a relationship with Three!! (They hold hands!! Scandalous!!!)
Blue-Ringed Octopus! (And possibly something else because Blue-Rings are typically quite small.) Blue-Ringed Octopus are a highly venomous species (Though any recorded deaths are quite rare.). When they become agitated or defensive, their color will shift to a yellow and the blue rings appear. That's why the second ref is here, to show what the rings look like on Eight. While her ink color doesn't shift to a yellow, the rings are there and they have a slight yellow tint to them. Also blueish fingertips because funky fresh.
Doesn't remember much, if anything, from before Octo Expansion. Because of this, and being new to the surface, Marina pretty much put her under her name. So that's why she's "Eight Iida-Houzuki"! (The Houzuki is there because Pearlina canon source is me)
Leather jacket in their older design is a gift from Three! Though, it's a little torn up from some missions. They still wear it, though, because it's a huge comfort item now.
Has a bag in their older design as well for things! Weapon handling kit, first-aid kit, green towels for when Three's scar gets drippy while they're out, maybe a snack or two. Useful things!
Similar to Four, they started tying their back tentacles up because they were getting long.
Got a cool eyebrow nick to match Four's eyebrow scar. (The besties for real!!!)
Big scar on her back from being blown up a whole lot during Octo Expansion. Unlike Three's, however, it does not get drippy. Unfortunately, it is extra sensitive in place of that.
Also works part-time at Ammo Knights! Helps repair broken weapons and manages the shop when Sheldon is away somewhere for something.
Mains the E-Liter 4K or just any chargers in general! Watch out if you see her in Turf...
Worked at GrizzCo for like a week and noped the fuck outta there because man what is happening over there.
Neo/Junior (Cuttlefish) ((New Agent 3))
Another She/They that's so cool...
Still figuring herself out, but she's pretty sure she's bisexual and genderqueer.
5'4" (162cm) so like two inches taller than the Captain. (Everyone is taller than the Captain.)
You're probably wondering "Why are they 13 and not 14? They're not allowed to Turf and stuff until they're 14!" And my answer is: They lie about their age. They wander around the Splatlands, they've been doing it almost their whole life. Because of this, they look a little older than they are (They got out of their squish form pretty early.). Which is the main reason why Cuttlefish decided they were the New Agent 3. (He thought they were like 16-17 💀 He, and also Marie, already got a talk from Three about recruiting fresh squids/octos.)
Doesn't actually remember her name. Not because of amnesia or anything but because she just hasn't used it in years. Never really had a reason to. Soon, that memory faded because she never really saw it as important. The rest of the Splatoon either call her "Neo" or "Junior." (It started as a joke after Neo accidentally called Three her parent, but then it kind of caught on and even Three finds themself using it on her sometimes.)
Found Little Buddy as an egg a few years before Splat3 Story Mode happens. They have their own little language due to how long they've known each other and the fact that Buddy never grew up around other salmonid so he doesn't actually know whatever language salmonid use. He's also much more tame than you're usual Smallfry from being raised by Neo. Best friends forever, yo!
Magister Armhook Squid! Similar to Four with the hooks but she's a bit smaller.
They don't really main any weapon, they just kind of go with the flow. Hand them something and they'll figure it out pretty quickly. That doesn't mean they're good at everything, though. They do struggle with some weapons.
Looks at Three and Eight as parental figures and sees Four as a auncle (Aunt/Uncle) figure! Callie and Marie are like those cool aunts you have. (Got damn, Callie is grandma by 26! /hj)
Still learning sign, so this is why the Squid Sisters tell them what the Captain is saying. (And the Captain is still pretty shy.)
General Info on All!
They all share an apartment. Four originally wanted to stay with Three and Eight for a bit until she got a different apartment in Splatsville, and then Neo moved in because Three realized "Oh shit this kid is traumatized and homeless can't let them turn out like me lol" and so Four stays to help out with Neo.
All of them on the same team is a guaranteed loss for you. Sorry, you're not making it out alive. Three is a beast, Four is strategic and fast, Eight has terrifyingly good aim, and Neo can adapt to pretty much anything. You're fucked, lol.
Three is banned from playing Uno on Squidbeak Splatoon Game Night. They always win.
Group cuddle if any of them have nightmares.
Eight waking up in the middle of the night because her partner left the bed and finds the Threes in the dark kitchen munching on raw pasta for the crunch and it's like cats in the dark their eyes fuckin' glow and it scares the shit out of Eight before she turns the lights on and sees them clearly.
Four is both the number one hater and supporter of Eight and Three. (He will go on about how gross they are but he's the one who helped conspire the plan to get them together. He likes seeing his friends happy.)
Agent 24 headcanon thrown in here, teehee. Some nights, if Eight has a really bad nightmare, Three will hum or even sing Calamari Inkantation. It's off-pitch and rough because of their fucked up vocal cords, but it's enough to help Eight calm down. Three never regrets it, even when their throat feels like its been mauled the next morning. Eight appreciates this.
In order of most cuddly to least cuddly: Four, Three, Neo, and you may or may not find surprising Eight in last! Four is known to just lean against anyone in the Splatoon. Marie's there? Fuck yeah, let me get a hug. Three's on the couch? Just gonna lay on top of them if that's alright. Lovely platonic cuddles from Four! While Three is not very affectionate with the rest of the Splatoon, how clingy they are to Eight puts them in the number two spot. And they won't say no to a surprise cuddle from Four or Neo.
I think that's about it! Thank you for unleashing my autism demons I've been keeping this in since I got this ask because I need to draw their refs. I have a special interest in cephalopods now because of this. Thank you, I guess.
#miles posts#miles answers#miles infodumps#long post#super long post#infodumping#autism moment#splatoon#splatoon 2#splatoon octo expansion#splatoon 3#agent 3#three cuttlefish#agent 4#four cuttlefish#agent 8#eight iida-houzuki#new agent 3#neo/junior cuttlefish#agent 24#platonic relationships#romantic relationships#found family#they are all QUEER#and neurodivergent in some way#my sillies#my goofies#my blorbos#callie cuttlefish#marie cuttlefish
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Sharing a bit of UPG: underrated, lesser known aspects of some of the Gods!
Hi, people! We’ve got some beautiful rain over here, today, and it’ll soon be warm enough for me to plant my garden! How’s everybody doing? Today, I want to write up a fun and laid back post to share with you all a few of my UPG’s concerning some of the norse Gods and their lesser known aspects! Since my posts are often focused on historical practices and beliefs, I thought it’d be fun for me to write a bit about my personal experiences, for today. Without further ado, let me get into it!
A while ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to talk to a fellow pagan about my thoughts on Eir and my experiences with her! I thought to myself some of you might be interested in hearing about this, since I have posted a few prayers to Eir in the past, but I have not gotten into too much detail concerning my worship of her. The reason for this is that since she is a deity whom we unfortunately don’t know much about, I found it quite difficult coming up with a clear, personalized Eir worship. Hence, my work with her ended up being very casual. Some could say, a bit messy! But I do my best! What I mean by “messy” is that I don’t hold specific events in her honor, but I pray to her quite regularly, for good health and the like.
Now, I mostly want to address one aspect of Eir that’s less spoken of, but which I share with other followers: her ties with intellectuality, scholarly practices and the like. She’s often regarded as a Valkyrie, and as such, it’s possible to associate her with Óðinn, making her ties with knowledge all the more prominent. In my experience, praying to her for help with studies is not unheard of, and it’s certainly not a bad idea! The study of medicine is quite complex, and to master such a skill requires much reflection, especially considering that Eir was primarily worshipped during an era when proper medicinal care was harder to access and all the more necessary. Which is why, in my opinion, associating Eir with anything related to research, studies and the like isn’t too much of a reach!
As a Goddess of medicine and health, amongst other things, she’s often described as kindly and compassionate, even gentle. However, though she is very kind, of course, my experience with her is a bit different! In the sense that, she can have quite a serious aura about her. When it comes to medicine, she takes things quite seriously. So when you pray to her for help with healing and the like, she’s kind of like a fussing mother who tells you to take better care of yourself while she’s making you her homemade remedy!
The next deity I’ll be touching on is Njörðr! Lots of historical evidence, as well as little details I have noticed along my spiritual journey have led me to associate him strongly with leadership, and even fatherhood/parenthood. Many of the people I’ve met and who worked closely with him told me his presence felt fatherly and noble, and I have also experienced this feeling, during the few times when I strongly connected with him. While he generally isn’t viewed as some sort of “King of the sea”, especially not when compared to Ægir and his large hall and opulent feasts, I still tend to associate Njörðr with leadership. For one, due to Yngvi-Freyr’s ties to the concept and the many parallels that can be drawn between these two deities. However, a small, seemingly insignificant detail has also made me to see him as a leader figure. It is the fact that he is more often than not depicted holding an oar! The oar is a symbol of the sea, of course, but there’s something else I came to think of. I was reflecting on this once, during adoration, and thought to myself: “He carries the oar because he isn’t one who stands at the prow and gives out orders, he is one who rows along with the other men.” He accompanies us and leads by showing example! Of course, this is just one of my personal interpretations of the symbol of the oar in Njörðr depictions, and there can be many possible explanations to the presence of this symbol. This interpretation is quite emotional and subjective indeed, but it feels right to me, especially given how a handful of other Njörðr followers have shared this thought with me!
Next on my list is kindly Frigg! Something I find to be very unfortunate is that many pagan sources will boil down her domain to one singular concept: family. Sure, she can indeed be associated with marriage, pregnancy, children and the like. But reducing this Goddess to just these things, for the simple reason that she’s a female figure, and the wife of Óðinn is quite crude (I would even say misogynistic, depending on the context) in my eyes. She is a complex deity whose domains of influence are wide, in my experience. For example, one of her aspects that’s quite prominent in the myths is her ties with divination, fate and prophecy. It’s even said that she knows the fate of all but won’t reveal it, and that she’s adept at the divinatory arts. The extreme resemblance between her character and that of Freyja, which has led many scholars to believe they might have been the same deity at some point in time, has made me draw parallels between the two and eventually associate both with magic, or seiðr. I have asked for Frigg to help me improve my tarot and rune casting skills, in the past, and each time, she has delivered! In that sense, she can be viewed as a patron for those who practice witchcraft, divination or other magical arts.
Eir art
#personal#spirituality#upg#deity work#deities#Eir#Njord#Frigg#norse paganism#norse gods#paganism#norse polytheism#heathenry#polytheism#norse mythology
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Quiet Corners of the Galaxy, Chapter 8
While on a routine mission for Cid, the Bad Batch encounter a woman fleeing from the Empire. Crosshair suspects her seemingly free-spirited, nomadic existence is actually a cover for something else, but struggles to keep his attraction toward her in check as their personalities and ideals clash.
Relevant tags: Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut (it finally starts getting spicy in a couple more chapters!), Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use
Chapters posted 1-2x weekly!
Read the full fic so far on AO3
Read previous chapters on Tumblr: Ch. 1 l Ch. 2 l Ch. 3 l Ch. 4 l Ch. 5 l Ch. 6 l Ch. 7
Chapter 8 summary: The Batch learns a little bit more about Dara, but Crosshair is still suspicious, and he really doesn't like the way things are going between her and Hunter.
Chapter Notes: WE GET A LITTLE BIT OF LOW KEY SMUT, FINALLY. But it's a slow-burn so we have a ways to go before we really GET THERE. Content: 18+, masturbation, sexual fantasy
“So, you were formerly a linguist?” Several hours later, standing at the bar in Cid’s parlor, Tech picked up the earlier thread of their conversation. When they had arrived at Cid’s, a particularly bloated-looking Twi’lek had emerged from her office, giving them all a cursory glance before depositing a case of credits with their employer and gesturing magisterially to the Rodian, who followed him out the door. Hunter had met with Cid to hammer out the details of their next job, and they were now winding down the night in the empty dive, the Trandoshan having long since retreated to her back rooms.
“A long time ago now,” Dara replied, taking a generous sip of her drink. “That’s how I first got traveling. Doing fieldwork, studying lesser-known languages.”
“Fascinating,” Tech said brightly. No doubt he was looking forward to interrogating Dara on the finer details of some of her research. However, before he could continue, Echo interrupted him.
“What made you stop?” the ARC trooper asked.
Wrecker, occasionally the most emotionally intelligent among them, elbowed him, probably leaving a bruise. “I don’t think she wants to talk about that,” he scolded, in what would have been a whisper, if he had ever actually learned how to speak quietly.
Dara smiled, a little sadly. “It’s okay, Wrecker. It was the war. I just couldn’t convince myself that it was worth doing anymore. You know—around all that destruction and death, it was hard to keep believing that studying words really mattered.” She shook her head, as if trying to clear it of painful thoughts. “Then the war ended, and it didn’t seem like the Empire would be much interested in preserving the languages or cultures they felt were beneath them. They’d rather just wipe them all out.”
Echo gave her shoulder a kind squeeze, although his expression was serious. “You might be right about that. But there are a lot of us out there that think those people are worth protecting, too.”
Dara nodded, looking at the clone with some warmth, then shrugged. “Anyway, I don’t mean to bring the mood down. What about you boys? You fought in the war, obviously, but you’re not like the other clones. You’re all enhanced, you said? Let me guess…” She glanced at each of them in turn. “Extra brawn,” she gestured at Wrecker. He posed, flexing his muscles, with a grin. “And Tech… extra brain.” He beamed smugly at her. “Echo…extra mechanics?” The ARC trooper flushed a little, and she winked at him.
Dara’s eyes then lit on Crosshair. She nodded assuredly, certain of her assessment. “Extra asshole.” The others chuckled knowingly as the sniper glared at her.
Finally, Dara’s gaze made its way to Hunter, and she lifted her eyebrows flirtatiously, a small smile playing across her lips. “What about you then? Where are you hiding all those enhancements?”
Hunter’s own expression settled into an easy, charming smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Tech adjusted his goggles and, either unaware of or choosing to ignore any subtext to their exchange, launched into an explanation. “He has significantly more perceptive senses than the average human, being able to see, hear, smell, and feel to a much keener degree, as well as being able to sense electromagnetic frequencies and combine all of this sensory input for the purposes of tracking.”
Dara gently bumped her shoulder against Hunter’s. “Sounds useful. In a lot of contexts,” she added suggestively. “How much can you sense, then?”
Hunter chuckled a little. “Let’s just say I know everything that happens on my ship.”
“Get a room,” Crosshair growled. Dara laughed and leaned over Hunter to reach behind the bar, helping herself to an unattended bottle of liquor. The sniper noticed that Sergeant gently hovered his hand across her lower back, guiding and steadying her as she popped back into her seat and began to refill all of their glasses.
One drink later—during which Crosshair eyed the pair darkly as Dara every so often let her hand rest on Hunter’s knee while she spoke to him, and the Sergeant repeatedly returned his own to linger on her back or at her elbow—the squad finally departed Cid’s, enroute to the Marauder to tuck in for the night before departing for their next mission.
But once they had exited the bar, before Dara could continue following the rest of the clones, Crosshair stopped in front of her, impeding her progress. “Wait. I need to talk to you,” he muttered.
The others paused as well, looking at them questioningly. Dara sighed exasperatedly and gave them a shrug. “We’ll catch up.”
His brothers were barely out of sight before Crosshair pulled Dara into the nearest alley. He pinned her against the wall with one forearm across her chest. Dara hardly reacted, looking rather bored. “This isn’t talking,” she pointed out mildly.
Crosshair scowled. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but stay away from Hunter.”
Dara rolled her eyes. He thought he must have been hurting her a little, but she continued to ignore the explicit threat behind his demand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Some people—normal people—just like to have a little harmless fun occasionally.” She quirked an eyebrow up. “Not you, I’m sure. But Hunter’s a big boy. I think he can decide for himself whether he wants to…” She paused briefly, running her tongue, ever-so-slightly, between her lips, as if savoring the words. “…play with me.”
The sniper snorted derisively and leaned closer, hardened eyes glued on hers. “Hunter couldn’t handle you.”
“Oh, and I suppose you could?” Dara murmured. Crosshair didn’t respond; he had realized that their faces were only inches away from each other, and for a moment all he could think about was the feel of her body pressed between himself and the cold, grimy wall. Unable to resist the impulse, he allowed his free hand to roam beneath the hem of her shirt, stroking with calloused fingers along the small of her back where Hunter had grazed her earlier. He gently traced upwards along her soft skin, noticing, with some surprise, as its smoothness was interrupted by the raised knot of a scar—not the subtle puckering formed by blaster fire that he had seen on her abdomen, but the welt left behind from a deep gash.
Crosshair could feel Dara’s fingers probing him similarly, tracing along the gaps between the armor plates at his waist. Neither of them looked away. Her lips ghosted along his jaw to his ear, and he felt the warm tickle of her breath as she opened her mouth to whisper to him.
“I’d rather fuck every other clone in the galaxy, starting with each one of your brothers, than be with you.”
With a determined shove and well-placed kick, Dara freed herself, stalking off toward the Marauder and leaving a momentarily stunned Crosshair alone in the alley before he finally shook himself and followed, trailing far behind.
By the time he reached the ship Dara was nowhere to be found. The others sat in the cabin, still chatting. Hunter looked at him disapprovingly as he joined them. “What did you do to upset her? She came in and went straight to the hold without even saying anything.”
Crosshair flared his nostrils angrily. “Me? She’s the one manipulating you.”
He expected the Sergeant to be irritated, or at the very least, broody. Instead, he grinned and elbowed Tech. “Looks like Echo’s not the only one a little sweet on her.” The ARC trooper turned pink, while Tech looked mildly amused.
Crosshair was infuriated, but before he could open his mouth, Wrecker weighed in, also smiling widely. It was so rare they got to torment Crosshair instead of being the ones subject to his taunting. “Well, obviously she likes me the most. I’m the most fun.”
“Oh, no,” Tech disagreed. “While our shared academic pursuits make her rather compatible with myself, the suggestiveness of her interactions with Hunter was quite substantial evidence in his favor.”
“It sure was. I’m counting on that,” Hunter contributed mischievously.
Even Echo couldn’t help teasing. “Hey now! I thought she and I had a bit of a moment back at the bar there.”
The sniper finally got a word in. “None of you are taking this seriously. We know she’s lying about something, and we don’t even know who she is! We can’t trust her!”
Hunter clapped him on the back good-naturedly, putting an end to the game. “Everything is fine, Crosshair. It’s just flirting. Nobody is letting her manipulate them. Things have been hard enough for us for a long time—it won’t hurt to relax and talk to a woman every once in a while. At least this one’s never shot at us.”
“Not yet,” he muttered darkly. His brothers ignored him, carrying on with some sort of debate on which of the women who had shot at them they would still sleep with and dealing out a deck of cards.
However, only a few minutes later, Hunter began to tense up. Crosshair eyed him suspiciously. The Sergeant had stopped participating in the conversation and was avoiding eye contact with the others, occasionally angling his head then holding still intently. The sniper had seen that gesture from him before: Hunter was listening to something. Suddenly, he became flushed and began shifting awkwardly in his seat.
“Are you alright, Hunter?” Tech queried.
The Sergeant nodded, throwing down his cards. “Just tired. Going to bed.” He disappeared into the bunkroom before any of them could reply.
Crosshair scowled and rose from the galley table where they were gathered, prowling toward the back of the ship. He stealthily crept up to the door of the cargo hold and paused, listening. While the sounds were well-muffled by the thick walls, he could make out a few stifled moans, then a gentle, drawn-out sigh: “Oh, Hunter…”
Heatedly, he punched the key to open the door and entered the dimly lit room. Dara was in her hammock, one hand moving beneath her blanket and the other wrapped in her own hair. As soon as he entered, she gripped the blanket tightly with both hands, drawing it up to her chin protectively. “Do you mind?!” she yelped, a little panicked. He liked that sound.
The sniper folded his arms. “Gotta do an inventory in here before we leave for the mission tomorrow.”
Dara looked ready to tear his throat out with her teeth. “Right now?!”
Crosshair didn’t answer, just smirked. She made a rude gesture at him and pulled the blanket the rest of the way over her head with an irritated groan. He puttered around the room quietly for a few minutes, waiting until the gentle rhythm of Dara’s breathing indicated she may have fallen asleep.
The sniper exited the hold and stripped off his armor, storing it carefully before heading to the fresher. Sighing, he turned on the shower and leaned one forearm against the wall, resting his head against it and letting the hot water temporarily melt his frustrations away as he focused on the problem at hand.
He didn’t trust Dara for one second, but he still couldn’t figure out what exactly she was holding back. It wasn’t just the Imperial shuttle, the gaps in her story. No, her confidence as she diverted the maintenance tech at the prison had been too practiced. She had said she was a linguist—a linguist with scars from blaster fire and what he suspected was either shrapnel or a stab wound, and that’s before the injuries he found her with.
Thinking of that last scar reminded him of the feel of it beneath his fingers, the knots and raised edges brushing up against soft skin and softer flesh. He felt himself grow hard as he realized he was standing in the exact position as when he’d had her pinned in the alley. Kriff, he had to admit that he wanted her. He’d wanted to take her right there against the filthy wall, make her forget the small touches and easy flirtation she and Hunter had exchanged at the bar.
Hunter. Dara had known he could hear her from anywhere on the ship. She’d been touching herself, moaning his name on purpose. She wanted Hunter to hear her, was toying with him, turning him on from an entirely different room. Whether because she truly wanted him, she wanted something from him, or simply because it was exactly what Crosshair had told her not to do. I’d rather fuck every other clone in the galaxy, starting with each one of your brothers…
Crosshair hated her.
He hated her, he distrusted her, and he wanted to watch her come undone underneath him while she screamed his name and begged for more.
That should be his name she was moaning.
Crosshair’s free hand tugged erratically at his cock, working himself while he imagined Dara whimpering, the whole of her exposed to him and at his mercy, her curves beneath his hands and his tongue in her mouth while he made her cum over and over again. His hands gripping her silvery hair by the roots, his teeth on her neck, her taste on his lips. Finally, he felt himself stiffen everywhere, letting out a strangled grunt before the sweet relief of his release flooded his senses and left him panting, still leaning on his forearm against the cool durasteel wall.
***
The moment Crosshair had finally left the cargo hold, lured away by her purposeful steady breathing, Dara had slipped her fingers back beneath the waistband of her pants, positioning her index and middle finger on either side of her clit and resuming the rhythmic, reliable back-and-forth that always got her there.
It was hard to believe the balls on that karking asshole. Inventory, she thought with a skeptical snort. More like listening at her doorway. Sure, she’d been saying Hunter’s name on purpose, half enjoying the fantasy, half interested in testing whether he could really hear everything happening on his ship. Of course, if that asshole hadn’t put her in such a foul mood outside the bar, then she probably would’ve just slept with Hunter to begin with, but once she’d gotten alone and the rage had subsided, she had thought, hey, why not toy with him a little, a bit of a tease never hurt with the build-up, she was stuck tagging along with the squad for a while longer, there would be plenty more opportunities to get the Sergeant alone. And kriff, she’d meant what she’d said to that asshole, there was nothing wrong with a bit of harmless fun, she had needs just like anyone else, and kriff knows she could use the stress relief and it had been a long while for her, not like she’d had much time or inclination or the options to try sleeping with anyone lately.
Dara felt any hint of pleasure slipping away as her mind raced back toward her anger, her worries, the reasons for her recent celibacy. Focus, focus. She tried thinking about Hunter again. Kriff he was good-looking. The tattoo, the golden-brown skin, the broad shoulders narrowing down to that fine waist, the strength of him. Even the broodiness, she liked a little darkness, that gravelly voice. There was something about his hands, too. The way she’d seen him playing with his knives earlier, spinning them expertly between his fingers. She started feeling the pleasure build up inside her again, her stomach fluttering a little. Yes, that was good, his hands, hovering at her back, pulling the knife out of his vambrace, adjusting the scope on his rifle, his fingers were so slender, precise, expert, inserting that stupid toothpick into his mouth—
NO. Wrong clone. Start over. Go back to the touches. She’d liked leaning over him at the bar, feeling his hand just barely grazing against her. How would his fingers feel against her skin? Rough callouses roaming up her hips to her waist, gently stroking her back, rubbing her scar, the way he held her down with his arm across her chest hurt so good and kriff the way he looked into her eyes stirred something in her, he was always looking at her so intently, glaring or with sneering amusement, just looking dangerous other times, he’d looked dangerous tonight, she’d wanted to reach up and trace that stupid tattoo circling his eye—
Kriff. He’d ruined this for her, that asshole. With a final, low grunt of frustration, Dara gave up any hope at finding satisfaction that night, choosing instead to stare at the ceiling of the cargo hold and think about her choices and where they had led her until she finally fell into an uneasy sleep.
Tag List: @stardusthuntress @skellymom
Dara used to be a linguistic anthropologist, but for aliens. A linguistic alienologist? I like to think she would be super into the Poletecs from the Bad Batch Clone Wars arc.
We also finally get some Dara POV! Her internal monologue is a lot.
#the bad batch#star wars#bad batch#clone force 99#tbb crosshair#clone wars fanfiction#tbb hunter#sw tbb#sw the bad batch#the bad batch fanfiction#the bad batch hunter#the bad batch crosshair
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Hey! After seeing all That with the birdname terf going down and what you said, I, the person who submitted Cyrille (from 5 Minuten Harry Podcast) wanna clarify some stuff:
First off, I'm trans. Maybe not be that relevant but let's establish that. And yes, I do condemn JKR, don't think anyone should give her money and frankly even frown upon most fanworks that weren't started before it became widely known.
Secondly, the podcast does in fact criticise JKR (tho unfortunately not for the stuff that matters) very frequently and the creator has gotten in legal trouble with her and Warner Bros before (over copyright, she made an extremely popular abridged HP series when I and most of the german tumblr population were teens and some pre-teens) so even though she sometimes pays lip service to them, we can probably take that with a grain of salt.
Thirdly, outside the podcast itself, coldmirror (the pod's creator) has criticised JKR more than on it, including calling her an idiot or something to that effect for "everything she's doing right now" back when her being a terf became widely known tho she didn't get more specific than that. Also, the podcast started wayyy before then, it started so long ago, Alan Rickman was still alive. There's even a mention of his then recent death a few episodes in since coldmirror had a major crush on him for decades and he's how she got into HP. The format doesn't really allow for changing the subject matter after the fact and it was massively popular from the get go, coldmirror's most successful project in years, possibly even outshining that abridged series by now and so I get she was incentivised to continue it.
Fourthly, coldmirror herself is very much a problematic fave and we all know it. Due to the massive influence that abridged series and all of her later works had on my generation, we do still love her, but we know she's far from flawless. Even so, all the times after JKR's terfness became known that coldmirror mentioned spending money on HP stuff for research (eg different versions of the movie that show different parts of the screen since the whole podcast is about overanalyzing every frame and background details) she has always bought it second hand. She did go to Wizarding World pretty early on and took pics of props etc there but that was before. Still tho, we know she's not that great a person, even tho we all love her. And that's not just me talking, I dare you to find me three germans above the age of 20 on this site who dislike coldmirror. It'll be very difficult.
So, was it a great submission? No. Is the podcast problematic? Yes. However,
Lastly, Cyrille was never intended as a serious submission. Iirc it was very late, I had submitted like five in a row and I got a little silly with it. I did not intend for her to end up in the tournament, I 100% counted on her being disqualified and simply you mentioning her as a little shout out to my fellow germans. I think I mentioned something to that effect in the submission but it appears I was not unambiguous enough about her not being a serious submission. Sorry about that.
(Oh, and the playing with gender part wasn't intentional btw, coldmirror read the name Cyrille, assumed it to be feminine and from that sprang the fictionalised Cyrille, even tho the real Cyrille is a man. She did acknowledge this way, way later in the podcast.)
None of this ofc is all that relevant to the discussion regarding the bird terf, but I figured you, personally, might appreciate the extra context.
(In response to this post for those seeking context.)
Don't worry, you were perfectly clear about it being a joke, but including it I only had 62 characters for the bracket (and I wanted 64) so I seeded it in last place behind my own choices.
And yeah, pretty much every podcast (and book and television show and-) I have at least some issues with, and some of those issues are large enough that I no longer derive enjoyment from the show despite liking other aspects. I think recognizing the "problematic" aspects of art is necessary to have any useful or fun conversations about it, and acting like everything must have both ideological and executed purity only results in people ignoring, denying, or trying to hide the issues that are there. Which personally I find boring, frustrating, and can often ruin my enjoyment much faster than the problematic aspects themselves.
Thank you for submitting the characters, and for your insight into 5 Minuten Harry Podcast!
#Not A Poll#Ask#Anonymous#Cyrille#5 Minuten Harry Podcast#I can name five different podcasts off the top of my head that have had major clusterfucks regarding ''aracial'' characters#with the epicenter of those clusterfucks varying between solely the podcast's fault and solely the fandom's fault but mostly lying in#the give-and-take between the creators and the audience.#Every single one of those podcasts and nearly every single character these clusterfucks focused on have been included in this tournament.#Off-topic but I am only now about to disqualify a character for the first time.#Somebody ignored the no-vampires rule for the monster bracket.#Harry Potter for TS
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Title: Route 613
Pairing: Reader/Namjoon, Reader/Yoongi, Reader/Vmin
Summary: Reader wants to be the very best Pokémon trainer there ever was. Her first stop in that journey is Paldea University home to a myriad of higher education. Still working to get over her ex boyfriend, Yoongi, reader forms new connections while making a few questionable decisions along the way. Each battle bringing her closer to the glory she's always dreamed of. Will she succeed in becoming champion or will outside forces stop her from achieving her goal?
Word Count: 8.5K
Disclaimer: Real life ages mean nothing in this fic. Refer here for ages and my shitty graphics
cross posted to ao3 here
1 3 4 5
Chapter 2
Hiyyih holds up a long red dress with a flowy skirt and rose detailing on the bodice turning towards you with an excited smile. She has been pulling more dresses for you than for herself. Her style is too different from what she thinks will look good on you. Even though you think she could put on any dress in this place and still look amazing.
The shop is fairly empty on this early Friday evening. Just a few customers browsing the racks of beautiful dresses. Hiyyih happily agreed to come with you saying she was in need of a new dress too. Professor Oak has invited her as well as a number of other students to attend the fall benefit. Seeing and interacting with the students the donors will help might encourage them to be more generous. At least that’s what Professor Oak thinks. He must know what he's talking about to have gotten this far.
“I like that one, but let's find something for you.”
You browse racks looking for darker colors to fit Hiyyih’s aesthetic. She has attended events like this one before, but didn’t think she would need this kind of dress at school. Who would’ve thought Professor Oak would end up here helping better the university? Dressing formally and trying to catch the attention of researchers certainly was not something you thought you would have to do here.
Ten minutes later each of you have three dresses to try on. You aren’t thrilled with the first two when you see them on and you can tell Hiyyih agrees even when she says you look great. The last option is a burgundy floor length gown made of velour fabric with sequins that give it just the slightest shimmer. It has short off the shoulder sleeves with a boat style neckline that accentuates all the right places.
“Y/N, you have to get this one!” Hiyyih says, a serious look on her face. “No one is going to be able to keep their eyes off you.”
Your cheeks flush as you take in her words trying to believe she’s being genuine. Looking at yourself in the mirror you feel giddy with excitement. Confidence rushes through you while you spin loving the way the fabric swishes around you.
Hiyyih walks into the dressing room to try on her first gown as you continue to smile at yourself in the mirror. You are thankful for the chance to get dressed up with reason. What you aren’t sure of is if the other members of the Oak’s Club are looking forward to it as much as you are. Jimin was the only one who looked interested when Professor Oak mentioned the dress code. He promised to make sure the other guys were properly dressed when the two of you had a moment alone.
“Oh, Hiyyih!” Your eyes turn to your friend as she steps out in a floor length black gown with a plunging v-neck. The intricate beading and cut of the bodice remind you of feathers in a way. The detail continues down past her hips into the flowy skirt. “Absolutely, stunning.”
“You don’t think it’s too much?” She asks looking over her shoulder to see the back of the dress in the mirror.
“Not at all.” You reply, pulling out your phone to snap a picture of the two of you together.
“This was a lot easier than I thought.” She says heading back to the changing room. You head to the other changing room reluctantly taking off the dress and redressing in your clothes. Hiyyih meets you at the cash register. “Do you want to take these back to the dorm then come back down? There’s still an hour until we meet the guys.”
“Yeah, let's do that.”
Hiyyih happily leads the way once you’ve both paid. You glance to the side at her while she starts telling you about her aunt’s dress shop back home. This is one of the first times she’s bought a dress because usually her aunt makes them for her. Around you the streets you are becoming familiar with are dimming with the setting of the sun.
Every day this week you’ve spent time with Hiyyih and the two of you are quickly realizing how similar you are despite growing up on opposite sides of the region. There’s a deep level of understanding that makes you feel like you’ve known her for years rather than days.
You join Hiyyih in her room to finish getting ready for your group dinner. Namjoon was adamant that you have to try this pho place he frequents. Apparently it’s the best he’s ever had. You think he felt weird asking you to come with just him so it turned into a group outing. Namjoon, Jimin, Chaewon and her girlfriend are also supposed to attend.
“Remember how I told you I asked my sister if she could come to the benefit?” Hiyyih asks, coating her lashes in mascara. You nod your head remembering she mentioned it a few days ago when the two of you were looking for trainers to battle in the woods. “Unfortunately, Lea already had a prior schedule that day. But she’s going to talk about it on her livestream tonight.”
“Really? That’s amazing! Your sister has followers all over the world.”
Professor Oak and the research professors here will be thrilled to see one of their alumni helping such a cause. Lea has nearly two million followers on her main streaming platform and runs a bakery in her hometown focused on pokemon health and strength foods. In most of her live streams she is talking about pokémon health and foods that can help make your pokémon stronger. There are different ways she teaches this information. She’s fond of baking lives where viewers can watch her make things for the shop live. Sometimes she does sort of lecture style lives where she talks about specific topics. On rare occasions she’ll do Q&As but usually her inbox gets flooded with questions about her brother so it’s been quite some time since you’ve seen one of those.
“You know you’re one of the only people that hasn’t brought my siblings up to me since I got here?” She closes her mascara tube as she speaks looking at you over her shoulder. Her face holds just a hint of annoyance but you know it’s not directed towards you at this moment. “It’s such a small thing, but you make me feel like I’m my own person and not just my name.”
You walk closer to her, putting a hand on her shoulder in comfort. She leans into the touch silently. It must be extremely annoying to only be asked about Kai and Lea every single day of her life. To some extent you know how she feels. Most people only ever ask you about your parents then about yourself as some kind of afterthought.
“The way I see it, if you want to talk about them you will. I like you for you, not for any connection you have. I would rather talk about the person right here in front of me than the guy I’m going to beat this spring.”
A genuine belly laugh sounds through the air and her eyes crinkle as she looks back at you. She doesn’t say anything for a moment but you know she’s not laughing at your ambition. Some part of you feels like she wants someone to beat her brother.
“You or me,” She says standing up from her desk with a confident smile. “one of us is going to get there.”
══════════════∘◦❀◦∘═══════════════
When you and Hiyyih arrive at the restaurant the others are already seated towards the back. Three seats at the long table are available to the right of Chaewon. They greet you while you sit down looking for a menu. Namjoon hands you one before you can ask and your eyes glance over the options.
“This is my girlfriend Yunjin.” Chaewon gestures to the pretty girl sitting beside her as she speaks.
Chaewon has mentioned her a few times. It's obvious how deeply she loves her by the way her eyes light up. Will you ever find a love that makes you feel that way again? For so much of your life you were sure Yoongi was your end all be all, but that’s no longer the reality.
“It's so nice to meet you! Chae has been talking about you a lot but I’ve been too busy to hang out this week.” Yunjin smiles looking around the table. Her features are soft giving her a sort of angelic look.
You read over the menu during the lull in conversation trying to find something special to try. This place does look quite good.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” Jimin asks a few moments later, folding his hands on the table in front of him.
“We both found beautiful dresses.” Hiyyih says and you nod along confirming what she’s saying. “You aren’t allowed to see them until the benefit though.”
Jimin’s lips fall into a pout and Namjoon looks as if he’s trying to imagine what the two of you could’ve chosen. Not even the photos on your Instagram would make someone think you would pick the style you did. The color especially is not something you would normally wear.
“Seriously, don’t show us what you are wearing either. It’ll be a fun little surprise!” You perk up loving the idea of seeing your new found friends dressed in their best clothes.
The waitress comes to take orders a few minutes later and you order the first thing that looks good on the menu because you hadn’t made a decision when Jimin started talking.
Before you can start another conversation a different waitress approaches with a pitcher of what looks like beer. Jimin quickly confirms your suspicion.
“I thought we could have a few drinks to celebrate the end of your very first week of college.”
Hiyyih takes charge pouring drinks for everyone before sipping her own drink. This beer has a lingering fruity taste that you quite like. Yunjin compliments Jimin’s choice, telling him some history about the company that makes it.
You settle in listening to the conversation more than you are engaging in it. The atmosphere is calm, their topics are interesting and you are enjoying your drink.
Namjoon was not exaggerating when he said this place was incredible. The powerful flavor makes your stomach happy and your heart warm.
As you continue to drink you join the conversation telling them about the first time you got drunk. It was a few years ago when both you and Yoongi’s parents were away at the same time. The two of you ended up vomiting on the beach before falling asleep in the sand.
“Namjoon, are you watching Lea’s live?” Hiyyih says, looking over his shoulder on her way back from the restroom.
His face turns red and he quickly puts his phone away like he’s been caught doing something embarrassing. You guess being caught by the younger sibling of the person you are watching could be kind of embarrassing.
“She’s a very talented woman.” Namjoon replies after regaining his composure. “I never miss her livestreams.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Hiyyih says cryptically, resuming her place next to you and taking a long pull of her beer.
The topic shifts back to the first time you were drunk. Jimin tells the group about a party he went to in high school. His friends begged him to come and he got so drunk he made out with two different people before passing out on the couch.
“Two people in one night?” Chaewon questions with a look of pure shock. “Are you a player?”
You laugh wondering if Chaewon always boldly asks things like this or if her alcohol consumption has something to do with it.
“People can call me what they want. At the end of the night I’m never lonely.”
“That’s a pretty average Friday night for him. Last year there was this party where…let’s just say I lost Jimin for a while then found him in a compromising position twenty minutes later.” Namjoon remarks, shrugging his shoulders.
“You said you didn’t see anything!” Jimin hisses before covering his face with both of his hands.
“I saw your whole ass.” Namjoon deadpans and the table erupts with laughter.
Stopping yourself from imagining his bare ass is harder than you would like to admit. You’d be lying if you said you haven’t peeked at the way his jeans hug his ass. It doesn’t help that Jimin is naturally flirty and has pillowy lips. You squeeze your eyes shut trying to clear your mind and take a sip of water.
“What about you Namjoon?” Yunjin asks, taking a bite once she’s spoken.
“The first time I got drunk was with my ex-boyfriend during my last year of high school. While we were watching a movie we drank a lot of razzberry wine, then my ex led me outside. He wouldn’t tell me where he was taking me.” He pauses to take a sip of his drink before continuing. He is licking at the corner of his mouth where some beer has dribbled. “Somehow this man gained access to Silph Co. Headquarters and thought then would be a great time to go on the roof so we could look over the city. It was beautiful up there but we did get scolded by the security. They let us off after we beat them in a two v two pokemon battle.”
Your mind is loaded with new information about Namjoon. Firstly, he likes boys and dated one for long enough to get into some shenanigans. A few questions that you don’t ask are fluttering through your mind. It’s not your business whether he only likes men. If he wants you to know that kind of information he’d tell you. Secondly and more importantly, he’s good enough at battling pokemon that he can beat security guards. Typically security guards for a place like that would have strong well trained pokemon.
“You battle?” You find yourself asking thankful your stupid mouth didn’t run before your brain.
“Only in specific situations. My pokemon aren’t weak, I just prefer to only use them like that when absolutely necessary.” Namjoon says with a serious look crossing his face for a minute before falling back into a relaxed smile.
Chaewon asks more about where Jimin is from and he happily speaks about where he grew up. Several minutes into that conversation they are interrupted when Yunjin’s eyes catch someone you don’t want to see.
“Yoongi?” Yunjin says and you follow her eyes to see your ex boyfriend being guided by a waiter to an empty table. Yoongi looks surprised that she’s calling out for him. Chaewon gives her an elbow to the ribs but she doesn’t take the hint. “You should join us!”
Why does your chest fill with dread so quickly? How can the person who was once your everything make you feel this way? At the same time you want to talk to him because you miss him no matter the pain you feel. Is that you or the incoming buzz talking?
“Are you sure?” Yoongi says, looking at everyone except you, like he knows he isn’t welcomed by you.
Your friends shrug not knowing the severity of discomfort this could cause you. It’s not in your nature to exclude people so you don’t fight when he sits beside Hiyyih. If she will be welcoming is out of your realm of knowledge. She knows you’re exes but not quite all of the story behind how you broke up.
Yunjin explains how they met in class. Apparently, Yoongi isn’t being as cold to her considering how brightly she’s speaking of him. After only a week she seems to be picking up on things about him that are hard to catch. Jealousy flutters through you.
Jimin pulls your focus away from Yoongi for a moment but you notice him speaking to a waitress. It’s almost infuriating how easily your ex boyfriend slides into the conversation. It makes sense he was once your best friend. Why wouldn’t he get along with your new friends?
“Oh, we’ve been there!” Yoongi says, gesturing towards you as Jimin talks about Goldenrod City. He was talking about the massive department store there that seemingly had every item you could ever need. “Our parents were researching in the area…what was it two years ago?”
“We were sixteen and left mostly unattended and we got into a little bit of trouble. They let us into a bar and we took way too many shots.”
A real smile crosses your face as you remember the messy kisses and soul warming dancing. It was on that trip that Yoongi confessed he saw you as more than just his best friend. Something you had been waiting years to hear. Under the bright light of the moon next to the ocean the two of you shared the first of many kisses. These memories are tinged in sadness now knowing you can never trust him like you once did. Even if you let him explain, a part of you will always worry he will leave with no explanation again.
Yoongi continues speaking about your time in Johto without giving details about your relationship. He’s saying so much that you wouldn’t have spoken about. All of your important memories in Johto are deeply intertwined with Yoongi. Sure you visited restaurants and stores, but you remember the way his fingers felt laced through yours as you walked along the dock. You remember the kiss he pressed to your forehead before dinner, with both his and your parents, promising he didn’t care if you waited to tell them about your changed relationship status.
You are pulled away from your thoughts when the waitress sets a pinap berry cider in front of you. This delicious beverage has been your go to for nearly a year. Yoongi used to go to extreme lengths to secure it for you even when he wasn’t yet old enough to buy it.
Hiyyih raises an eyebrow silently asking you what’s going on. Yoongi looks pleased with himself but only subtly. If you didn’t know him so well you wouldn’t be able to tell. He doesn’t do these kinds of things for gratitude, it’s how he shows he cares.
“Did you order that?” Namjoon asks, wondering how he could have missed that with you right in front of him.
All eyes at the table turn curiously to what Namjoon is asking about. You take a sip of the drink savoring the sweet flavor that coats your tongue. You hate that Yoongi knows you this well. He knows you would rather drink this if it’s available. Even after leaving you with no explanation he comes back caring for you just like he used to.
“It’s her favorite.” Yoongi says before downing the rest of his drink.
Namjoon’s face is unreadable, but the rest of them seem to find this situation cute. You aren’t so sure how you feel. Letting him creep back into your heart is surely not the best option.
“Y’all are so cute together.” Yunjin says, flicking her eyes between you and Yoongi. An awkward silence falls over the table and Chaewon is reaching to cut her off when she continues. “Did you ever-”
You bolt up, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence, feigning sickness as you run to the restroom. Behind the closed door you take a deep breath and form a plan to get away from this dinner as soon as possible. They don’t know your drinking habits. For all they know you are actually sick.
The door creaks open and Hiyyih appears with a concerned look wrinkling her brow. She lays a hand on your shoulder looking at you in the mirror before she speaks.
“Are you alright?” Her voice is soft like she doesn’t want anyone to accidentally overhear.
“I’m good, I just need to get out of here. Being around Yoongi is too much.” You take a deep breath steadying yourself on the sink in front of you.
“Okay, lean up against me and pretend you are having trouble walking. I’ll talk for you and we can go home.”
You pull her into a quick hug before doing exactly what she said. You sling an arm around her shoulder and droop your eyes to perfect the illusion. You thank her as you put more of your weight into her side.
“You’re the best.”
Hiyyih guides you back towards the table where everyone is wearing matching concerned expressions, except Yoongi who you know isn’t buying this. Yunjin looks upset with herself and your slightly intoxicated brain thinks she should be. Sure, she didn’t know any better but it was still weird. How can she pick up on small things about him but not know about you? Are you that unimportant to Yoongi now?
“I think she had a little too much to drink.” Hiyyih says with a sheepish smile. “I’m going to take her back to her dorm. We’ll see you later.”
No one protests, probably thinking it’s best for you to go home before you puke all over the table. Jimin looks wary but remains in his seat.
The act continues until you are far out of sight of the restaurant. You straighten up giggling at the effort you just put into escaping that situation. Hiyyih is a real one for helping you without question. She waits until both of you are sitting on your couch, cozy in your dorm, before speaking about anything meaningful.
“So, what’s the deal with Yoongi? I know you said he’s your ex, but things are obviously not amicable.”
It’s a minute before you respond trying to gauge just how much you want to share with her. In the end the why is quite simple. Maybe if you were a little more sober you wouldn’t share this with someone you met so recently. Somehow, you think she will understand how you feel about this.
“We were childhood best friends who did everything together. He’s been my only real competition all my life. He challenged me but was always there to lift me up when I fell. We started dating when we were sixteen. It was on that trip he was talking about that we finally confessed our true feelings to each other.”
You pause, taking a deep breath as Hiyyih listens. You let everything out, feeling tears of frustration pool in your eyes. It’s okay for you to feel this way. It does not make you weak.
“We were together from that day until a random day in March when he broke up with me over text then left the region. Obviously, I was really worried when he didn’t return any of my messages. I went to his house and talked to his mom, but all she would tell me was that he had to leave. She said that he was okay, but that didn’t stop me from spending the next few months worrying about him. Yoongi has never been the kind of person that ignores me even when he’s upset with me. He came home for graduation but didn’t speak to me. He wouldn’t come to the door when I came to his house, and as soon as he could he left again. Then he shows up here and is in the same club as me and suddenly wants to speak to me. It’s too much. I’ve spent all summer trying to forget the feelings I have for him, but no matter how hard I try I can’t escape him.”
Hiyyih takes a moment to digest what you’ve just told her. This is a lot of information to just drop on someone. She pushes a piece of her hair away from her face before looking you in the eye. She cuts right to the chase not beating around the bush saying how hard that must’ve been for you.
“Do you want closure?”
Damn, you haven’t even known her for a full two weeks and she already knows what question you need to be asked. For most of the summer you convinced yourself that you didn’t need closure because you thought the chances of you ever getting it were miniscule. Wishing for an explanation only felt like you were further deluding yourself.
“I want my best friend back. He was the person I ran to whenever I was excited or sad, but he’s only going to make excuses for what he did.” Your head falls against the back of the couch as you release a loud sigh. “Even if there is a good reason I can never trust him the same.”
“I’m not saying you have to go talk to him right now, but it might be helpful eventually. It’s better to live without regret or wonder.”
After a moment of contemplation you get up and get water from your mini fridge.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” You ask looking over your shoulder after taking a drink of the water.
Hopefully, this will distract you. Hiyyih nods tell you she’ll be right back without further elaboration. Several minutes later you hear a knock on your door after changing into your pajamas.
Hiyyih is standing outside your door with a big bowl of popcorn and two bottles of soju. You take the bowl from her hands and walk back to the couch.
Once settled on the couch the two of you decide on a movie. You and Hiyyih get far drunker than you intended and end up giggling on your bed together once the movie is over.
“Then Kai walked around the corner and I thought for sure he was going to beat Riki up, thankfully Kai is not a very fast runner.”
She’s sharing the story of her first kiss in great detail when your phone buzzes against your hip. You unlock your phone and see a message for Namjoon.
Namjoon: I left some snacks outside your door. You’re probably sleeping by now so I didn't knock. See you tomorrow y/n
The impulsive part of your brain wants to jump up and thank him before he makes it out of your building. You decide against that since you are supposed to be sick and what if he misinterprets your drunken excitement?
“Namjoon brought me snacks.” You say almost like a question rereading the words on the screen several times.
“That’s so cute. I knew he was a softie.” Hiyyih says with wide eyes. Then continues in a different tone. One that is almost teasing. “You have him worried about you.”
You roll your eyes as you get up, almost falling over. Hiyyih follows you to the door where you open it as quietly as possible. A small wicker basket sits in front of your door filled with your favorite snacks. The handle is wrapped with a dark green handkerchief. You bring it inside wondering how he knew exactly what you’d like. Only one or two of these things have been mentioned in front of him, but packages of your favorite candies are neatly placed in front of your favorite chips. Did he ask Yoongi? Is he some kind of sorcerer that has mapped out the taste buds on your tongue without you knowing? You pull out one of the bags of candy and see Spark’s favorite canned food at the bottom of the basket.
Namjoon must’ve asked Yoongi because no one else would know the very specific food Spark likes. He is quite picky when it comes to canned food and this one can be hard to find. Yoongi would know where to find it because his Whooper, Sugar, also likes this one.
You are almost more surprised that Yoongi told him this than the fact that Namjoon made the effort to do this for you. Him going out of his way to make your night just a little bit better fills your heart with happiness.
“Oh my god!” Hiyyih exclaims picking up the pokemon food. “This is the only flavor Kepi will eat. He hates all the other ones. It’s a struggle to get him to eat anything Lea didn’t make.”
After asking if it’s okay Hiyyih releases her Pachirishu, Kepi, and you release Spark. You find a suitable dish and open the can, pouring the contents into the dish before setting it on the floor. The two pokemon happily share the meal as you ask Hiyyih about her sister’s food.
You learn her sister’s pokemon food can be found at the pokemon center here in Mesagoza. Hiyyih is grateful her sister was able to expand her business fairly recently. In a sense Hiyyih’s pokemon team is incredibly spoiled, but it’s made them stronger.
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In the morning you wake up to the scent of a floral shampoo under your nose. Your head pounds when you open your eyes to find Hiyyih’s back cuddled against you. Bright light is streaming into the room from the open curtains.
A half asleep groan leaves Hiyyih’s mouth when you pull away. She stretches her stiff muscles with eyes still closed. Once you’ve made it off the bed you search for a hangover cure in your medicine cabinet. You pour two glasses of water and bring the bottle of headache relief over to Hiyyih who is holding her head in her hands. She gladly accepts and chugs the water after swallowing the pill.
A buzz sounds from somewhere in your blankets and Hiyyih helps you find it. When you unlock your phone you see a few texts. There is one from your mom, one from Jimin, and one from Chaewon. Your mom just wants to know how you are doing and some part of you thinks you shouldn’t tell her that you are massively hungover. Jimin is wondering if you survived the night and Chaewon is apologizing on behalf of her girlfriend for making things awkward.
After assuring Jimin you are alive you ask if he wants to get breakfast. While you wait for his reply you answer Chaewon assuring her that it’s okay because Yunjin had no idea. Sure, she could have not said you and Yoongi were cute together, but she couldn’t have possibly known how that would make you feel.
“Are you going to respond to Namjoon?” Hiyyih asks, unlocking her own phone to find several texts from the Huening sibling group chat.
“Thanks for the reminder.” You say opening your message thread with Namjoon.
After what is probably too much consideration for the situation you send a simple text.
You: thank you for the snacks! Spark and I really enjoyed them 😊
Jimin hasn’t answered so you get up heading for the shower. Hiyyih leaves to clean herself up as well, promising to meet up for breakfast afterwards. The two of you will probably end up going to the dining hall. If you venture back into town you might get distracted and you have homework to finish and pokemon to train.
The shower does wonders to make you feel less disgusting. The last time you got this drunk was the week after Yoongi left when you started to accepted he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. That time was a lot messier, ending with your cousin holding your hair back as you puked into your mom’s tulips at the back of the house. Your parents barely punished you because they could tell how distraught you were by the situation.
Jimin texts you back once you get out of the shower suggesting brunch in an hour. He adds that Namjoon is coming too. You decide to use this time to make cookies in the communal kitchen on the first floor. Making cookies, even if it's with premade dough, has always been something you like to do. Your mom made sure you had some before she went back home and you are grateful. It’s a calming task that gives you time to think.
The cookies are done well before you leave for the dining hall. You line Namjoon’s basket with a piece of fabric and carefully arrange the cookies inside. With the fabric covering them you hope they will stay warm long enough for you to meet up with your friends.
Pixie, your Azurill, follows closely behind you as you walk with the basket on your arm. Earlier this week you decided Pixie was the name for her after hearing someone say the word in the library. She cuddled into your leg when you called her by that name for the first time. You can feel a bond forming with your new pokemon already. This is all you’ve ever wanted. You are so excited it’s finally happening.
Jimin and Namjoon look surprised when you unveil the cookies. Hiyyih raises an eyebrow but doesn’t stay much, instead reaching for a cookie. A soft smile is playing on Namjoon’s face that shows off his deep dimples. What would he do if you reached out and poked your finger into his cheek crater?
You leave Namjoon with the remainder of the cookies and his basket when the four of you have finished eating. You head off for a training session by yourself. Lying in bed won’t help this hangover so you may as well do something productive. Besides, you need to spend more time with your pokemon.
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Professor Oak preps you and the boys for the Fall Benefit by giving you a list of questions donors might be interested in knowing the answer to. He thinks hearing it from the students will make them more generous. The students are the ones who will be using the equipment most. You look over the list one more time as you are putting the final touches on your makeup for the evening. Deciding to go for a softer makeup look was an easy decision when you want to give full attention to your beautiful dress.
Chaewon, Yunjin and Hiyyih are sitting in various places around your dorm also getting ready. You’ve briefed them on some of the questions even though they are mostly meant for the Oak’s Club members.
You thought it would be more fun to get ready with your girls and you were right. This is such a nice change from back when most of your days were spent primarily with Yoongi.
Hiyyih is singing along to the song playing over the speaker as she brushes blush onto her cheeks. Chaewon presses a kiss to the top of Yunjin’s head while she’s putting on earrings. Each of them look absolutely stunning in floor length gowns with carefully styled hair and makeup.
“Let’s go take pictures in front of the statue!” Yunjin suggests a few minutes later when she sees everyone is ready.
The rest of the girls happily agree walking towards the door to put on shoes and you follow close behind. It will be nice to get pictures before you are surely swept away to stay with the Oak’s Club all night long.
Chilly air hits you as you step outside of your dorm building and walk towards the Uxie statue in the courtyard. Another student you recognize from your Battle Strategy class walks by and you call out to him.
“Jungkook!” You say waving your hand at him. He turns around and his eyes flick up and down your body. His doe eyes crinkle at the corners when he realizes who is calling for him. “Do you mind taking a few photos for us?”
“Of course!” Jungkook says taking your phone and lining up the best shot. “The four of you look really nice. I’m not sure how the researchers are going to be able to focus.”
This brings a cascade of laughter from you and the girls. He starts snapping pictures and instructs you on some poses. Jungkook takes every combination of photos he can between the four of you, switching phones a few times. Fifteen minutes later Jungkook’s cheeks are red as the four of you circle around him to make sure the pictures turned out well. It seems your classmate is not just good at finding the strengths in seemingly weak pokemon, but capturing the best angle as well.
“Thank you so much. See you in class!” Chaewon says when you are satisfied with the results and ready to head to the ballroom on the other side of campus.
“I can’t wait to meet your mom.” Hiyyih says, clinging to your arm as you walk.
The inside of the ballroom is decorated with tasteful fall colors with a gourd gracing each table. Your eyes sweep the room looking for the other members of the Oak’s club. Namjoon, Jimin and Yoongi are standing on the other side of the room, but they look breathtaking even from here. Hiyyih tugs you towards them with a bright smile.
The boys are wearing simple black suits styled differently. Something about seeing them dress so nicely makes your stomach flutter. Each of them is so handsome, even if you would rather not admit you still find your ex boyfriend attractive. They are so put together and radiating a different kind of charm than you feel on everyday encounters with them.
Namjoon and Jimin’s jaws slack when they spot you. They share a glance then look back at you with eyes sweeping up and down your form. Yoongi doesn’t look quite so shocked having already seen you dressed like this before and dressed in far less. There is a look glazing his eyes that you can’t quite interpret. Is he thinking of how stupid he was to let you go? This dress is boosting your confidence in a way you didn’t think it would.
Jimin is wearing a white dress shirt underneath his three piece suit with a tie that is very close in color to your dress. He has a silver watch on his wrist and small silver earrings dangling from his ears. Namjoon is wearing a turtleneck that gives him a sophisticated air. You’d be lying if you said the way both these men have their hair styled off their forehead didn’t make them more attractive to you. Lastly, your eyes settle on Yoongi seeing he’s forgone wearing a tie deciding on just the black suit with a white dress shirt. He’s fiddling with his cufflink when you tear your eyes away.
“Y/N you look gorgeous.” Jimin says moving closer to you and softly pushing a lock of your hair away from your face.
His soft fingers graze your cheek pulling your heart into a pounding rhythm. Just as soon as he’s touched you he slips away.
Namjoon grabs his other wrist effectively making him withdraw. Yoongi looks between you and the other two boys like he can’t understand what just happened. You aren’t sure you understand yourself. Before you can think too deeply about it someone taps your shoulder and you turn to see your mom.
“Hi!” You say your voice turning high pitched in your excitement as you wrap your arms around your mom.
“Oh, I missed you.” Your mom whispers in your ear before pulling away slightly. “Introduce me to your friends!”
The next several minutes are spent introducing your mom to all of your new friends. More people are making their way inside the ballroom and Namjoon only holds out on research questions for a few minutes. Professor Oak is wandering around the room speaking to his colleagues about the greatness of your school.
It’s not until after dinner that Professor Oak gathers his club to parade around and introduce you to notable attendees. There is a professional photographer snapping pictures around the room. Professor Oak is sure to get several shots of his club together. Your mom tags along boasting achievements for you and Yoongi to every person that stops to speak with you. It’s nice to spend time with her after being on your own for the last few weeks. Her presence and arm threaded through yours is comforting.
After about 45 minutes you break free taking a breather from the many conversations about the science of pokemon. Jimin clings to Taehyung, who’s father you learn is an actor who has made a sizable donation tonight. Taehyung looks handsome in a way that could ruin lives. If he asks for something you aren’t sure you’d be able to say no easily. There is an air of confidence around him and it’s easy to tell he’s very comfortable dressed how he is.
Mom joins you in an area with fewer people and gives the side of your head a stroke. Her expression is soft but you can see the pride she’s holding in her eyes. Going to this school is at the top of the list of all the things she’s ever wanted for you.
“You know you can call me if things get hard, right?”
This makes your heart ache. What makes her think you wouldn’t reach out if you need her? You’ve always been close with your mom. Doing things with your mom and spending time with her was all that got you through the summer.
“Of course, Mom.” You say feeling genuinely okay and happy with how the night is going. Sure, things with Yoongi have not been easy on you but it hasn’t been bad enough that you needed your mom. Learning to cope on your own is healthy. Mom doesn’t need to know everything all the time. “I like it here. It’s helping me discover a whole new stronger me.”
“I knew you’d like it here.” She says, then raises an eyebrow in a way that makes you sure she is about to ask about boys. “So, has anyone caught your eye? That Namjoon boy has been looking over to you an awful lot tonight.”
“Mooooom!” You whine, nudging her ribs with your elbow. “It’s not like that. You are just imagining it.”
“Okay, whatever you say, sweetie.”
Before you can protest more your mom is swept away by the many students that want to speak with her. This is something you’ve become used to over the years. Everyone wants to pick your mom’s fascinating brain.
Most of your evening after that is spent speaking to guests. Hiyyih joins you and stays close by engaging with whoever will listen to her. Which is a lot of people because of her last name. You wish they were listening to her because of her brilliant mind and not because of Kai. Question after question is answered until you think you might pass out if you have to talk about the research equipment you will never use one more time.
There is a stretch of time after that where Jimin, Namjoon and Taehyung join you. They each have a drink in their hand and standing close to them you can tell they have a buzz going. There is the slightest smell of alcohol breaking through the scent of each of their colognes. The conversation stays appropriate for the environment you’re in. Professor Oak would not want the wrong ears to hear the night's prized jewels speaking like they were just a few nights ago at dinner. Jimin is talking about the different types of Combees when you decide it’s time for a drink.
Standing next to the bar without a drink in your hand yet, Yoongi's mom finally approaches you. She looks elegant as ever with a tired smile on her face. You aren’t sure how you feel about talking to her, but you were sure she would want to. It wasn’t something you thought you would need to do again. You didn’t think you would be attending these kinds of events anytime soon. This woman helped raise you in so many ways now you don’t even want to look her in the eye. She gives you a side hug that you return hesitantly.
“How are you doing, Y/N?” She asks and when you don’t say anything for a moment she asks another question. “Yoongi’s not giving you a hard time is he?”
Of all the things to ask. Has Yoongi been telling her his own version of how things are going? You wouldn’t say he’s been giving you a hard time, but it hasn’t been particularly easy. Is it bad to wish you had never dated him at all? Going back to the friendship you once shared is all you could wish to happen, but that can never happen. The two of you crossed the line.
“I’m okay.” You reply playing with the fabric on your dress nervously. “We haven’t spoken much. He tried to give me an explanation but I don’t really want to hear it.”
She nods in understanding. “Even if you aren’t dating my son I am always here for you. When he left I wasn’t aware of the full scope of what was happening. He never meant to hurt you. Quite the opposite actually. He was trying to protect you. I would suggest you hear him out, but whether or not you want to pick up where you left off is your decision.”
What could he have possibly been trying to protect you from? You don’t need protection. If anything he needs more protection than you. Time and time again you have prevailed as the stronger trainer. Why wouldn’t he want your help?
“We are beyond picking up where we left off, but what was he trying to protect me from?”
Yoongi’s mom hesitates as if she’s toying with whether she wants to tell you the truth or a modified version or perhaps a straight lie. After he left you haven’t been able to trust any member of his family quite the same. Being around his mother brings up so many good memories that are tainted by his betrayal of your trust.
“It’s best if he tells you that.” An uncomfortable look crosses her face. “I’m not sure in how much detail he wants to explain where he was and what he was doing.”
“Are any of us in immediate danger?” You ask keeping your face cool and calculated despite the cocktail of emotions brewing inside your chest.
“No, not any immediate danger.” Yoongi’s mom says warily like she wants to say more.
“Okay then I’ll keep that in mind.” You say picking up the glass of cider you ordered from the bar. The glass is cool against your hand and you take the first sip before continuing. “If you’ll excuse me I’d like to see my mom before she leaves for the night.”
Except you don’t find your mom. Your eyes scan the room for the man you once thought was the love of your life. With large unattractive gulps you down your cider before cornering Yoongi. Professor Oak is showing off one of his newer pokemon so the majority of the guests are on the other side of the ballroom.
“What were you trying to protect me from?” You demand as you close in on him until you are just feet apart.
“Hello to you too.” Yoongi says, swirling the whiskey in the glass he’s holding before taking a sip. When did his taste change? He didn’t like dark liquor before he left. “I saw you were talking to my mom. How’d that go?”
“You wanted to give me an explanation. So go. Explain.” The words are flying from your mouth sharply.
“Beautiful, do you really think this is the best place for that?”
“Don’t call me that.” You hiss wishing the old pet name didn’t make your heart sting. A word that once made you so happy causing you so much pain. “What were you trying to protect me from?”
“The less you know the safer it is for you.”
“You left me with no explanation why should I believe you are still trying to protect me.”
“Because I still lo—”
“Y/N! Yoongi!” Yunjin interrupts, throwing a knowing look your way as if she’s trying to save you from the conversation you are having. You turn to look at her. Chaewon is holding her hand looking like she’s had a few drinks herself from the flush of her skin. “Everyone’s leaving but we want to keep the good vibes going. So meet me in the violet dorm in an hour!”
“Pajamas are preferred!” Chaewon adds, swinging her hand that is intertwined with Yunjin’s as she speaks. “Jimin, Taehyung and Namjoon are coming too!”
“Can I bring Hiyyih?” You ask, pulling your mind away from the man standing behind you.
You don’t want to leave Hiyyih out and honestly you will feel better having her there. She already understands you on a different level than anyone else. It’s like the two of you were made to be best friends. Fate only brought you together when it was needed most. When you need someone new to push you to new lengths and understand you deeper than anyone else has.
“Of course! I couldn’t find her or I would have invited her too.” Yunjin replies with a wide smile.
“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” Yoongi says quickly leaving before you can get another word in.
The couple leaves hand in hand and you find Hiyyih several minutes later in the bathroom. Thankfully, she was just emptying her bladder and not her stomach. You are nearly out the door when your mom stops you. Her arms wrap around you tightly squeezing warmth into your heart.
“I’ll let you go with your friends, but please be safe.” She says when she pulls away to hold you at arm's length. “And here take these. A Hoenn professor gave them to me but I think you two could make better use of them.”
You obtained six Timer Balls. In your own research you learned that the Timer Ball is a special Pokeball that makes it easier to capture pokemon the longer your battle with it lasts. This type of Pokeball is not common in this part of the region. Closer to where Hiyyih lives they are easier to find.
“Thank you!” Hiyyih exclaims enthusiastically and you know if you don’t pull her away now she is going to start talking to your mother about the mechanics of the ball.
“I love you, mom.” You say as you grip Hiyyih’s bicep and pull her out of the door.
“I love you too, sweetie.” Mom replies laughing at the way you are dragging your friend away.
Before heading back to the dorm you descend the long staircase into Mesagoza in search of snacks and if you pick up some alcohol on the way that’s no one else’s business.
#fanfiction#bts fanfic#kim namjoon#min yoongi#bts smut#yoongi x reader#namjoon x reader#raes fics#route 613#pokemon au#pokemon crossover#bangtan#route 613 chapter 2
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Owlhouse AU brainrot: Marcy, after a few weeks in the boiling Isles, begins to think more and more about Anne and Sasha. Wanting to check up on them, Marcy learns a scrying spell/potion. When everything's ready, she casts it - and something goes wrong. There's an explosion of magic, and when the dust settles, there, standing before Marcy, are Anne and Sasha.
Context: AU where Marcy does move to Conneticut without going to Amphibia, ends up going through Eda's teleporter door in place of Luz.
Welp, guess this is my brain until I get this out again. So I am gonna tinker with this premise a bit, but don't let that stop you from writing this is its in your brain.
So to start, I don't think I would let this be the new status quo. I think a big problem with crossovers is cast bloat. Leading to too little narrative to share around.
That said, this would be an incredible premise for an episode/chapter. It's so good. I love it, here is how I think it would go.
This would probably happen midway through Season 1. Marcy, Hunter and Amity are pretty firmly established as the main trio for the story. Hunter has dropped any pretense and has embraced his friendship with Marcy. Amity is somewhere between Adventures in the Elements and Enchanting Grom Fight in terms of her developing crush on Marcy
In my original post I posed 2 different possibilities for how the Calamity Trio handled the move. This episode idea is so good that I think I would choose to have them be still be on speaking terms prior to Marcy getting teleported.
So I think that Marcy has trouble acquiring all the ingredients for the scrying potion, and tries to improvise some substitutions. Ultimately this results in a Planar Binding Potion rather than a scrying spell. One that has to be undone before lets say the next evening or else Anne and Sasha's souls are forfeit. Something serious enough that even at her most selfish Marcy wouldn't ever think of trying to keep them there.
Sasha is fucking bewildered, and while Anne is also confused and weirded out, she is really happy to see Marcy.
Knowing she's going to need help, Marcy seeks out Lilith's help. Lilith basically knows a way to break the binding from her research into curse breaking for Eda, but needs Marcy to get a key ingredient while she prepares the ritual. Knowing she can't do this alone, Marcy seeks out Amity and Hunter's help.
While the circumstances could be better, Marcy is really excited to introduce her old friends to her new friends. And boy, it goes sooo fuckin bad ya'll.
So we have this through line of them going to get this key ingredient, doesn't really matter what it is, just needs to be a macguffin really. Keep in mind that Sasha and Anne have basically had no character development in this AU.
So Sasha is just generally putting down and being dismissive of Marcy, like she's always been. And hunter, who can't recognize it coming from Belos towards him, absolutely clocks how it makes Marcy feels. I think this would also be a early moment of realization for Hunter that his relationship with Belos might be toxic, as Marcy makes excuses for Sasha's attitude and behavior. I think it just increasingly gets under Hunter's skin and he starts sniping back at Sasha until they finally come to blows at the climax of the quest.
I think Amity would be on the same page as Hunter, but she is absolutely tunnel vision on Anne. You see Anne is kind of freaked out and terrified in the Boiling Isles. That plus a mixture of missing Marcy and Anne being Anne, she is being really clingy and physically affectionate with Marcy. And Amity is just simmering in a cauldron of jealousy. She's doing her best to hide it and play nice, but she is also fucking awkward trying to subtly figure out if Anne and Marcy were dating, or are dating, or had feelings that were never acted upon, etc. This all goes right over Anne's head, and she keeps innocently giving the worst answers for Amity's anxieties
Amity: "Did you and Marcy ever talk about romance stuff or...?
Anne: "Like shipping, yeah, Marcy was super into fandom stuff. "
Amity: "So you're pretty close with Marcy, huh?"
Anne: "Yeah dude! Thick as thieves. You know we used to fall asleep in each other's arms during sleepovers?"
Amity: "I guess you guys experienced a lot growing up together..."
Anne: "Definitely, we were each other's first kiss? Back in Kindergarten on Valentine's day."
Hunter and Sasha's fight at the end of the quest ends up jeopardizing Marcy, and Anne and Amity both jump to help her. And in the process Anne finally picks up that Amity is crushing on Marcy.
Ultimately they get the ingredient before the time limit. Sasha is full of salt after her brawl with hunter and basically tries to put an ultimatum on Marcy to stop being friends with Hunter. Marcy tries to reason with her to no avail and Marcy in a moment of growth chooses her new friends over Sasha. Sasha is pissed and basically stalks over to the binding severing and bails.
Anne promises to talk to her, and Marcy notices that Anne looks a little run down and asks if Anne is doing alright. Anne brushes it aside saying she's alright. Just tough trying to keep up with Sash. We'd probably follow up on this in a theoretical Earth arc, if the gang got trapped back in LA like Luz and crew do at the end of S2. Or a cutaway episode where Boiling Isles are bleeding over onto Earth like the episode with V when Luz gets her portal half working.
Lilith would call Marcy over briefly and Anne would take the opportunity to thank Amity and Hunter for befriending Marcy. Then slip Amity some tips on things Marcy might like as gifts, giving Amity a knowing wink before her time is up and she has to go drink the counter magic potion for the Planar Binding.
Ah, what a fun episode. Good times. Alright, back to AWIW now that has been excised from my brain
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So, how long before midterms do you think it will be before "Monkey Pox" becomes a Serious Health Concern that requires everyone to stay home and use Totally Safe And Secure Trust Us Guys mail-in ballots?
I don't anticipate it getting that far along, appears to be one that the powers that be don't actually want getting out and about.
You'll know it's getting there when they start telling/suggesting the R v W protesters to pack it in and do it from home.
Not too up on the rate of transmission on this one, how contagious and such.
Let's have a peek
The smallpox vaccine can prevent infection with 85% effectiveness.
Handy, that should cover 85% of the global population that's older than me.
In 2019, a monkeypox vaccine, Jynneos, was approved for adults in the United States.
Also handy, that might start going out if people start getting too terribly spooked
The current standard for treatment is tecovirimat, an antiviral that is specifically intended to treat infections with orthopoxviruses such as smallpox and monkeypox. It is approved for the treatment of monkeypox in the European Union and the United States.
Cidofovir or brincidofovir may also be useful.
So, it looks like at least the western world is well equipped to contend with this particular issue.
Not many cases of it yet and they also look like they're way on top of it too.
Fingers crossed they get a handle on this.
I'm gonna get out ahead of the tinfoil squad here on this one too.
The main "debunk" I saw in the article was that Gates never specifically said "Monkeypox"
I'm inclined to agree with Newsweek here in general, I don't think this is going to be huge like a new smallpox outbreak might be, if smallpox still existed.
Here's one of the older articles where Gates is talking about smallpox outbreaks, you can feel free to decide on your own.
Monkeypox does serve as a good answer as to why there was research into a smallpox vaccine several years back that I'm guessing is the 2019 one mentioned in the wiki page, made no sense to me at the time because nobody mentioned monkeypox when talking about it.
Probably since the articles and people talking about it all linked it to Gates thing up here.
Which again, I think people are reaching on.
Guy's a douche, but I think if he wanted to engineer a global outbreak he'd go a different route than something a bunch of the population is already immune to and we have a vaccine for the rest.
This went in kind of a weird direction, hope it wasn't too much, trying to get ahead of the curve is all.
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my friend who is a system thinks i might also be a system because i’ve been showing some symptoms. i don’t experience amnesia, nor do i forget important details about myself. i only forget small stuff, like day-to-day chores, meals i ate, and conversations i’ve had
my friend said they think i have it because i’ve mentioned dissociating a lot and i seem to have a blurred sense of identity (i’ve been struggling with my gender and sexuality for years. i’ve thought that i might be genderfluid or abrosexual but neither of those labels feel right to me)
i brought it up to my therapist, and my mom had me do a check up with a psychiatrist. both of them said i probably don’t have it, and my therapist said i’m young so obviously i’m going to be questioning my identity
but i feel like i might have it. i think i’ve had alters front before, and i think i have a few? i don’t know. i don’t if i’m making all of this up for attention or if i’m just crazy
first of all (/lh) if those are experiences you have had, you arent making it up! your experiences are valid whether or not they connect to being plural or being a singlet
long post below!
(for some reason i didnt write this in order of the topics you brought up)
(also all this is /nm and /npa! i apologize if the way i word things comes across a little aggressive, i struggle with sounding serious but not mad sometimes)
but onto the main topic, i do agree that it is very common for teens (ik you just said you are young, im assuming, but also talking generally /nm /lh) to question their identity a lot! its part of growing up, figuring yourself out. our core, Mouse, went through many, many sexuality/orientation labels before settling on aroace. those werent a part of our systemhood btw, those were just part of Mouse's self discovery. a struggle with labels can definitely be a sign of being plural but also it can be part of the identity stuggle that a majority of teens face.
about the amnesia and forgetting things. amnesia isnt a need for being plural. having trouble remembering things is a part of being plural but it also is a part of being a singlet. there is a normal amount of short term memory loss for people but it can get to a point where there is a reason for it or something that is causing it. we have a friend with autism and adhd who experiences more short term memory loss that is considered normal. with plurals, there are many different ways memory is handled. it can go from headmates having their own individual memory all the way to memory being a thing all headmates can access. most of our memory is accessible but there are a couple things that only a few of us remember (we dont know what it is due to those remembering it purposely not telling us). we also can experience forgetfulness when we switch but it is usually only small things. so to sum that all up, amnesia isnt a plural requirement and forgetting smaller things may or may not be a sign of being plural.
dissociating is definitely a bigger thing than the last two topics. if you dissociate a lot then that is something that i would recommend looking into and bringing up with your therapist if you havent. people can dissociate a few times in their life without it being a result of something but it happening a lot is a sign of a reason being behind it. dissociation is a part of plurality (not required) but there are also dissociative disorders that arent DID or OSDD (though non disordered plurals can still dissociate.). i am not at all trying to say you have a dissociative disorder, i have no place to say that, but i do recommend talking to your therapist more about it and looking into stuff about it yourself!
and finally, if you think you have had alters front before then definitely keep researching stuff about plurality! try to pay more attention to when you remember things vs when you dont, your mindsets/personalities, and try to see if you can call out to anyone in your head to see if they will straight up respond! if you do feel like anyone is there but they are still vague, try to give them a name and refer to them as a separate person than you. that can help with clarity and communication. (all /nf)
overall, with the experiences you have talked about, there are definitely other things that can be the cause but that is the case with most mental divergencies. the fact that there can be other reasons doesnt mean that it is definitely not plurality. if you are more confident that it might be plurality i do think you should continue to learn about it! unfortunately i cant give you a yes or no about being plural, that is something you are going to have to figure out yourself /lh
absolutely feel free to continue to ask questions if you continue looking into plurality though!
Some helpful resources from @/the-plural-archive
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I feel like I should explain the whole ‘blorbo’ situation to you… I had to do a little bit of research but I don’t mind if it at least means a little less being lost on this site for both of us.
The term blorbo is a newer term on here and it came from a post talking about how someone can make a more generic post about a fandom- like talking about the character but not naming them in the post but in the tags? Anyways, they were talking about how people bring their own favorite characters from entirety different shows and make it about that character instead of the original poster’s character? Blorbo I’m guessing is a random word they made up for this but it stick and now blorbo essentially translates to a character someone deeply loves or appreciates and will bring up to a point of being potentially annoying. For example, let’s say I deeply like this one character from A Legend of Sword and wouldn’t stop bringing them up, or somehow the most random of things makes me think of that character (like rice or something, I’m making stuff up here)- that I guess could be my blorbo.
Eeby deeby is a replacement term for a strange destination of some kind. That one came from some post about going up an elevator, but having no idea which floor because the screen eeby deeby. Some reason it’s implied they’re going to a purgatory of some kind as denoted by ‘eeby deeby’ which is from what I’ve read is supposed to be like a robot sound. I think that one gained traction because it tied into the superhell joke that a lot of supernatural fans were making when two dudes confessed to liking each other in the show and one got killed pretty much right after and went to the empty- aka, according to fandom, is superhell. I don’t know, I didn’t watch the show.
Glup Shitto apparently is a little joke to jab at the Star Wars fandom for how the names of a lot of the characters sound like gibberish. But also it’s also used as a fake name for a returning character in the series (usually the more obscure parts of the media like a small book trilogy rather than the mainstream films) and praised by hardcore fans but practically unknown to those who are more in the mainstream media of that universe rather than the more obscure portions. It picked up more speed when a new show for the franchise was released that was pretty mainstream brought back a lot of more obscure characters from like the animated shows aimed at a more older kid to young teenage audience.
Plinko horse apparently came from a video of a series of animations. The animations were being used as a visual on how things are projected to move and interact I suppose? Plinko horse was specifically from the Real Time Collision section, with a horse being dropped through a plinko-like board and going through the pegs, biting different ones on the way down. Apparently it made rounds on other sites first (https://youtu.be/Slt4z55PBhI, this is apparently a catalyst for its popularity). Gifs were made and those all had jokes made about them and it just kinda spread. Somehow this amuses us and it’s just now a thing.
Still no idea what scrunglo means, but if I find that one out, I’ll tell you! Hopefully some of this explains a little about tumblr slang.
Ah... you didn't have to go that far for my sake. I am grateful as always.
I think I understand now. So blorbo is somebody's favorite character one can't stop thinking of. And the word is just a placeholder for their name as the maker of the original post wanted to make a statement about the phenomenon without going into a specific fandom or character. It is actually quite smart. This is, essentially, how new words are introduced to a language.
Well, eeby deeby is a... quite funny sound I would say. That being interpreted as "superhell" however, is a little peculiar. Though the contrast itself between the funny and the serious sounding might be exactly what's making the comparison comedic. That, and the timelines coinciding with the surgence of each meme, that is a recipe for an internet gag indeed.
Glup Shitto... another combination of comedic sounds and inside knowledge of a certain fandom. I'm starting to see a pattern here.
The plinko horse seems to be an excellent demonstration in movement, velocity and contact. Why they chose a horse as the subject... might not be relevant to the experiment itself.
Thank you for this holy grail of information once again. This helped me understand certain things and aided me in forming hypotheses about internet culture.
~Albedo
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2, 21, 27
(this is for the writing asks in case u couldn’t tell)
(me seeing this ask in my inbox after reblogging the post again)
2. What are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? What would you avoid writing about?
That's a good question. I don't typically think about stuff I dislike in a story, hmm...Well, I've already talked about a good bit I dislike in popular interpretations by the DDLC fandom, but a big thing I don't like that I don't think I've mentioned is the tendency a lot of writers in the fandom have to simplify or soften the harsher elements of DDLC to something more easily understandable.
That's not exactly a surprising thing in my opinion, but it's still annoying, typically. Like you can describe these things, like "Sayori has depression", or "Natsuki has a bad relationship with her dad", and people toss these ideas into their fic based on that without forethought of how that might impact each characters' reaction to things, at least beyond a surface level.
These serious issues impact each character's personality in incredibly complex ways which make them each compelling, but more often than not, they're either used for some kind of torture porn, or they're more or less a background element to whatever story they're trying to tell. It frustrates me to see, because within + especially, they're written incredibly well!
In general, I guess my biggest pet peeve is stories that don't respect the idea of "suspension of disbelief". I'm a bit of a stickler for stories that feel grounded in some kind of reality, or at least being consistent in that respect. Broadly speaking, I don't use this as a hard and fast rule for everything (I'm willing to give exceptions to fanfiction that I like in spite of it for one reason or another), but typically that's what annoys me most in a story that isn't outright bad.
I typically avoid writing things I'm not passionate about, or things I don't feel comfortable with. Not necessarily that I don't feel comfortable with the subject matter, more that I don't think it's my place to write it. They say write what you know, and if I have to do a shitload of research to be sure I'm doing it right, I'm probably not going to write about it.
21. How do you come up with titles? Do you use placeholders or tend to change your titles when writing the first draft?
I will be the first to say that I'm TERRIBLE with titling things. I have like 15 separate Untitled Documents in my Google Drive, all of varying subjects, all of varying length & quality. I have a document right now just titled "ddlc fics" and it's where I keep a bunch of separate outlines and drafts for concepts I have. The same goes for works of visual art--my portfolio has like 5 separate "untitled"s.
I'm a very spontaneous kind of writer. I get an idea which stops me dead in my tracks, and I have to do something for it. I open up an untitled document and just slap some words onto the page. Sometimes I do placeholder titles just for the sake of being able to find it later, often I just leave it until I can think of a more proper title.
Typically this doesn't pan out, hence the lack of titles, though I often like the result of the writing.
I'm a huge fan of one word titles. Rather than trying to put together a full sentence or some clever wordplay, I can just assign one word to a fic which entirely defines the vibe. I'm a big fan of language, and one of my favorite things is how single words can carry so much meaning.
I usually only title things when I intend to publish/finish them. More frequently, concepts just get little fragments which I never publish anywhere. Maybe I'll put some of those somewhere visible.
27. Do you have playlists for your wip? What are some of the songs in it?
Not typically! I sometimes will put together a specific soundtrack fitting to certain vibes within something I'm writing to then post in the fic (I used to do this more often), but it depends on my dedication to the vibe & the songs I have available for it.
The one other fic on my AO3 currently makes use of this to great effect, or so I'm told.
I don't typically actively listen to music while writing, because it distracts me & makes it more difficult to clarify my thoughts. Writing is the one thing I don't typically do with some kind of background noise, actually!
If I do, it's usually something really chill and low volume, just for the vibes. Usually it involves classical music, or vaporwave, or just my "mellow tunes" playlist.
Here's some from there.
youtube
youtube
youtube
I have a lot of music I could recommend people, really, but that's not what this blog's for... :>
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6 Things The Most Productive People Do Every Day
In case you are just recently visiting Earth, well, things have slightly changed since 2019. Whilst we discussed the mental health ramifications of the first lockdown (view post here), the second lockdown brought with it new challenges. More specifically, I'm talking about working from home. In the span of roughly two weeks in March, the number of people in the US who had ever worked from home doubled. This same study found that 59% of those people wanted to keep doing it post-pandemic. I mean, it can definitely have its benefits. Prior research has shown that we, as individuals, are 11-20% more productive on creative tasks whilst at home. Cool, huh? However, that same study also indicated that we’re up to 10% less productive at home while work on uncreative tasks. And most work? Decidedly uncreative. Uh-oh.
I don’t think I need to explain how working from home during a pandemic might reduce productivity even further. As many of us have probably experienced, it can lead to some deeply cringe-y changes in behavior and a lack of showering that culminates a dignity-free lifestyle (I really hate when I put on 20 pounds for a role until I realize I’m not actually even a movie star). Spend enough time not leaving the house and you’ll see more terrifying things than a private-mode browser window. And lets not forget about the emotional challenges all this has created, like an increase in anxiety and depression. We went from normal life to lockdown so fast we were like professional drivers going around bends.
Unfortunately, while we may be living in the Epidemiological Land of Misfit Toys we still need to get things done. And not soon, but now. Sorry to sound so serious and preachy, posting my thoughts to the digital door like some 21st century Martin Luther, but if you want 2021 to be cool, fun and cuter than a puppy’s yawn, then we need to find a better way to work. Luckily, this is easier than you think. This doesn’t have to be a productivity apocalypse. This can actually be an opportunity. Things are going to go back to almost-kinda-semi-normal eventually and when it happens, we can be ahead of the curve instead of behind it (if we’re smart). So how do we do a productivity reboot? Well, here is my most pro of protips:
Be proactive, not reactive. Judge results, not hours.
Most of the time at the office you’re reacting. Following. But working at home, you don’t get credit for just showing up and looking busy. People only see what you’ve accomplished. Merely ‘reacting’ is not how the most productive people work. They know that, in the end, nobody pays you for your time but for the things you get done. Now that working from home has given you more flexibility, use it to focus on what is important. Do the things that move the needle. Most of us get 80% of results from 20% of the work we do. So focus on that 20%. Whilst at home, this thought process can apply to life outside of your career as well. People talk about “spending more time with their family” but thinking in terms of hours is silly. Its about what you do. I’ll take half the time in meaningful, precious moments vs twice as much time staring at our phones together.
“Know thyself” is more important than ever.
You have more freedom now more than ever - so we need to get rid of that immediately. A lot of the context, systems, and habits that used to unconsciously contain and direct your behavior are now gone. So we need to replace them with new processes - ones better tailored to you. Studies show that 2.5 to 4 hours after waking up is when peoples’ brains are at their sharpest. But that's only true in general. When are your ‘magic hours’? Are you a morning person? A night owl? Great, protect those hours and use them for what matters. And this isn't just true for when you work, but also how you work. More productive after a nap? Cool. That’s now an option. Knowing what works for you, in the best and worst ways, is critical. You now have a multitude of ways to procrastinate that weren’t an option before. Gotta head those off and outsmart yourself.
Create your new tailored CEO system.
Systems beat goals. People who have a goal to lose 10 pounds regain the weight whilst people who have a system of eating right and exercising everyday sustain the weight loss. To succeed over the long haul, you want ‘process goals’ not ‘outcome goals’. Your process goals will be your daily activities, so put them in your calendar. Think about what moves the needle, know when you’re at your best, and then schedule everything accordingly. A schedule is like a to-do list that takes time into consideration. That’s how you know if you actually have the hours for all that stuff and it forces you to prioritize.
So you’ve got priorities, magic hours, and a new schedule. Great. But subconsciously you are very much affected by the concrete world around you. So you’ve gotta adjust to that as well…
Manage your environment.
Bars are loud and energetic to unconsciously let you know its time to have fun. We need the opposite. The office used to trigger the mindset that ‘its time to get things done’. We need to engineer the same effect at home. You want to recreate the boundaries of the office in a new and improved way. You may not have a home office, but now you do. Create one even if it involves working in a refrigerator box like you’re seven years old. And this isn't just true for your locations. Separate computers, separate browsers - anything you can use and customize to trigger the mindset of ‘time to get stuff done’ vs ‘fun time’ will help. And then, after you’re done optimizing your zone of productivity, look at the rest of the house and do the opposite. How can you structure the other areas of your life for more relaxation? For a feeling of comfort and togetherness? Build the contrast.
Plan communication and feedback.
I live alone so in darker moments my pandemic life feels like a supervillain origin story. This is not good. I have to be proactive about connecting with people if I want it to happen. If you don’t already have regular check-ins planned with the boss, do that. And have a list of all the awesome things you’ve accomplished ready to discuss because its even harder for them to know what you’re up to. Ask about appropriate response times now that things have changed. The other issue is feedback. A lot of things that get mumbled to you in person will never be put in an email. Gotta be proactive here. Ask for feedback on how you’re doing and where things are at. And with delicious irony let me add that now all serendipity must be planned. Bouncing ideas off people, casual networking, and other less formal activities take a serious hit when you work from home, but their absences will create negatives over time.
Motivation is mood management.
Sometimes I'm sitting here writing with all the enthusiasm of a photocopier. Finishing things feels more like a kidney stone than a milestone. Research shows that so much of motivation is about mood. How you feel. When we’re positive, we’re not only more productive, we’re more effective. And why do we procrastinate? That, too, is all about how you feel. Studies show you procrastinate most when you’re in a bad mood and think you can improve it with something fun. So what's the most motivating thing of all? The answer goes right back to our focus on the tasks that are most important. Studies by Harvard professor, Teresa Amabile, show that nothing is more motivating than making progress in meaningful work.
In collaboration with Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Photo by Minh Pham on Unsplash
Read the full article
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Woke up with a clear nose but I'm pretty sure that's because of the 120 oz of water I drink so soon as I went to the bathroom and snamed I immediately got clogged again. Still wheezing, not coughing as much. Trying to force myself to drink 33 Oz of water I'm just too lazy to walk downstairs, I'm sure I will go soon, that could be what's stopping me from having an unclogged nose. Don't have any real plans for breakfast, never do, still feel bloated from chicken Fila two days ago and the Ramen I packed on afterwards.
Relationship has been one big joke from 1 extreme end to the other complete extreme I could be happy in love with my soulmate and literally the next 2nd I'm confused and packing my s*** about to move out and be f****** homeless because of the dumb a** fights we're having. I wanna say they're my fault but they're not they've only recently been meeting more serious about my happiness and that could lead into me actually sticking up for myself which is going to cause a bit more friction. I miss my friends I miss my zip code I miss my state's mindset about every topic even if they are still a tad f****** racist cause God forbid everywhere is racist if you're not going to get no racism in the Colorado hippie state guess what that means everybody is f***** therefore I'm trying to go back to the least racist m************ location and this g****** stupid f****** s*** country. Colorado has this way of being progressive so even though their human beings are pieces of s*** the people still will acknowledge what they have done and that the themselves are still weak points for these types of negatives and fall back in society basically with sentences like well we're all guilty of it so we can start with addressing when it happens it's a drug set drive so That kind of mindset will go a lot farther than OMG racism doesn't exist and slavery was ended 400 years ago et cetera et cetera like 1st of all no it did not end up 400 years ago it ended barely 100 years ago on top of that the real problem with racism is this segregation movement that we just went through not even 30 to 40 f****** years ago But everybody wants to talk game like it's slavery that we're talking about no I am talking about racism racism is not slavery racism is more aligned with the f****** segregation that they put everybody through for some g****** as reason more b******* people want to focus on slavery when it's like, no, the problem is the treatment. So therefore it feels like we're still up for it because people are still f****** psychiatric and treating people differently like s*** like they don't know each other because they don't know each other that's why white people are so d*** curious about black people's hair and you've heard an uproar of people complaining about people touching other people's hair because literally the curiosity era is post segregation and it's a little hard to deal with when white people don't know what's microaggressive Versus curious and when some black people Aren't willing to keep talking about the same s*** over and over again when there's a grandiose amount of f****** research online is basically about anything like people don't like answering questions about stuff in general like I've seen it about diet culture people f****** losing weight too they don't like answering the same questions when you're bidding this s*** for 2 or 3 years googling everything yourself and then I'll budge people just want to ask you how you did it and it's like Well I could explain it to you but then you're gonna ask me what the f*** I'm talking about and then I might be like I'm literally is not about that not much I got I'll just for these people to walk away not know and Jack s*** about anything you just said and in the meantime they're over here trying to convince you to either tone it down or that it's you're impossible. That's why it's just easier to walk away move on with your life from focus on you because all these people if you really want to know will your Google search bars right in your pocket that's that. Happy black month.
I had life with bananas again
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Taking a Break From The Search
Hi! It’s me, Pink again! Like the title says, I’m gonna take a break from the Casper search and I don’t know when I’ll come back. I guess aside from the recent 20 minute video reel beforehand, there haven’t been anything new to post lately and overall I’ve been really busy with things. While I am a bit sad that the bootlegs have yet to be found, I do think that the video reel is perfect timing for me to temporarily put the search on hold and focus on other things. I’ll still talk about the musical with my friends but I won’t do any actual researching and all that.
I really want to deeply thank everyone who participated in the search with me or else it really wouldn’t make any progress. And especially thanks for not thinking that I was some crazy person who was very focused on an obscure musical based on the friendly ghost for no apparent reason lol. Who knows? Maybe someday, more stuff will eventually be found but for now, I’m gonna temporary take a break. Goodbye and hopefully I can see y’all again soon. 👻
#casper the musical#not archive#break from blog#or at least doing research for the musical#i might still post and talk about it in general but like no serious research
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what are your criticisms of privilege theory?
fuzzy. misplace of focus. excites the wrong moods in the listener. and lacks explanatory power for the most pressing questions. in order,
it's fuzzy when it fails to distinguish abstract from particular. you'll say this: all white people benefit from white supremacy. back when these apologetics were common you'd put a lot of emphasis on the all, the way all of us are equally implicated and therefore bear a like responsibility. but the other guy will say, how do all white people benefit from white supremacy? and you'll start to talk about odds and averages, about 16th century legal codes (and their vague legacy), and so on, and you're still hovering around in the abstract, the disparity between how likely you are to encounter some kind of event, for example, incarceration, or about general features of society, like certain laws, which may never come up for an individual person. so you're staying on this level of abstract reason and you can't explain why those statistical regularities matter, what conditions white people's actions qua their whiteness, or even, how any given situation in a white person's life can be explained by their whiteness. the invisible knapsack can never be opened and its contents can never be examined. this is an old problem. [the following anecdote is so misremembered it might as well be a parable i came up with; i correct myself here] there's this recording of a 'struggle session' with the Black Panthers and a group of white American organizers, as i remember from poor rural backgrounds, and an argument breaks out between one Panther and one of the white men when the Panther remarks that the police 'exist to protect you' (or something similar), and the white man gets offended and says they sure aren't protecting him, because he's out there getting beaten by them and so on. the Panther is speaking abstractly, about an abstract white man, and this white man is talking about his own experience as a particular white man, so they will always talk past one another and that's what they did the rest of the session.
i am still 'on' this problem. you know how it is with me; i was tormented enough by internet arguments ten years ago to turn them into lifelong research priorities. early last year i made the above argument at length (in a long, demented, unpublished response to another anon, which was supposed to gradually transform into t4t smut, but it was abandoned in the second act due to theroetical blunders). i attempted to make my own account in 2019 here (pg 6-13; a similarly long, rambunctuous and abandoned piece of writing), engaing mainly with Maria Lugones, Nick Land and Achille Mbembe. since then i’ve read a lot of Marx and a bit of Hegel and now when i talk about it i tend to go on and on about ‘reflection’ and ‘grounding’ (eg. last december’s futapost, pg 2). i’m currently reading that book on the early modern causation debate for related reasons. something that was an influence on me was the discussion in Barnor Hesse’s preface to Conceptual Aphasia in Black (2016) about Alain Locke’s definition of race as a “social inheritance.”
it has a misplace of focus because it starts by trying to explain the benefits a white, male or cis subject can count on, which limits its scope to directly productive relations of exploitation, which in many cases either don’t exist or are not central to the oppressive relations under discussion. i make this point at length in this early 2021 post with respect to transmisogyny. Wilderson makes the point with respect to antiblackness in Gramsci’s Black Marx (2003). but so does Frére Dupont, Giorgio Agamben, Moishe Postone, Orlando Patterson, Jean Baudrillard, Michel Foucault, Gilles Deleuze & Felix Guattari, Jacques Camatte, Georges Bataille . . . in other words, privilege theory can’t interact with very much serious work on oppression and marginalization because they usually will proceed from an incompatible premise, that being, not all coercive social relations worth talking about are directly productive ones. a lot of the time privilege theory will count as privileges things like ‘i will never be followed around in a grocery store by a white person who thinks i’m going to shoplift’ (hastening to add for being black incase it does happen for some contingent reason, like being a stranger in a small-minded one horse town, which is ofcourse concretely possible if abstractly unlikely), such that a privilege can amount to a privation of oppression, which is an extremely unusual way to talk about any subject and is obviously an artefact of having an inexact premise.
it excites the wrong moods in the listener because it makes them feel ashamed, defensive, apologetic, self-conscious, ultimately self-centered and narcissistic, and it rewards race faking. your intersubjective task is to escape self-alienating consciousness, and, failing that, comfort, empower, inspire and mobilize. you should proceed from the knowledge that all men are ruled by rackets, “the rackets of clerics, of the royal court, of the propertied, of the race, of men, of adults, of families, of the police, of crime” (Max Horkheimer, Die Rackets und der Geist), and as a revolutionary your task is to make them feel safe, comfortable and articulate enough to escape theirs. to move their insular, sectional, beseiged subjectivity to something intersectoral, intersectional, and autonomous. no one needs to learn to sit down and listen, but to stand up and shout.
and finally it lacks explanatory power for the most pressing questions. that is to say, it cannot tell you what to do when your beloved comrades in the army of the oppressed defect to the Portugese side in exchange for promises of wealth and property, as did Amilcar Cabral’s, before he was assassinated and the revolution in Guinea defeated.
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On “Dead” Cultures and Closed Spiritual Practices: Why Colonialism Is Still A Problem.
Let me start this by saying that, as far as my knowledge of Paganism and Polytheism as a whole goes, I’m what the internet witch community calls a “Baby Witch”. I’m stating this out of the gate because I know there will be lots of people, including witches who have more experience on the craft than me, who might decide to ignore what I have to say based on that fact alone, stating that I’m not knowledgeable enough to give my opinion about this.
Here’s the kicker: I’m a ‘baby witch’, yes, but I’m also a twenty-six year old Venezuelan woman. I’m an adult. I’m Latina. I’m a Christian-raised Pagan,but I’m also a Latinoamerican woman over all other things including that. I grew up on this culture, these are my roots. It is because of this background than I’m writing this post today.
Looking through the “Paganism” and “Witchcraft” tags of this website, I’ve seen a few posts throwing indigenous deities and spirits’ names around on lists alongside deties of open cultures. Yes, you can know better by doing your own research and not going by what just a random Tumblr user wrote on one post (as I hope its the case with everyone on this website), but the fact that pagan beginners are still getting fed misinformation is still worrisome to me.
There’s nothing like reading a so-called expert putting Ixchen (Maya), Xolotl (Nahuatl) and Papa Legba (Vodou) on the same damn list as Norse, Hellenic and Kemetic deities and tagging it on the tags aimed at beginners who might not know better to truly ruin your morning. I’m not mentioning user names here: If you know then you know.
To quote @the-illuminated-witch on her very good post about Cultural Appropriation:
“Cultural appropriation is a huge issue in modern witchcraft. When you have witches using white sage to “smudge” their altars, doing meditations to balance their chakras, and calling on Santa Muerte in spells, all without making any effort to understand the cultural roots of those practices, you have a serious problem.
When trying to understand cultural appropriation in witchcraft, it’s important to understand the difference between open and closed magic systems. An open system is one that is open to exchange with outsiders — both sharing ideas/practices and taking in new ones. In terms of religion, spirituality, and witchcraft, a completely open system has no restrictions on who can practice its teachings. A closed system is one that is isolated from outside influences — usually, there is some kind of restriction on who can practice within these systems.”
A counter-argument I’ve seen towards this when someone wants to appropiate indigenous deities and spirits is to use the “dead culture” argument: Extinct cultures are more eligible for use by modern people of all stirpes. It is a dead culture and dead religion. It would be one thing if some part of the culture or religion was still alive, being used by modern descendants, but the culture died out in its entirety and was replaced, right? They were all killed by colonization, they are ancient history now, right?
Example: “If white people are worshipping Egyptian deities now, then why can’t I worship [Insert Aborigen Deity Here]?”
To which I have two things to say:
Ancient Egypt’s culture was open and imperialistic, meaning they wanted their religion to be spread. This is why Kemetism is not Cultural Appropriation, despite what some misinformed people might tell you. Similar arguments can also be made for the Hellenic and the Norse branches of Paganism, both practiced by people who aren’t Greek/Norse.
Who are you to say which cultures are “dead” and which are not?
Religious practices such as Vodou and Santería certainly aren’t dead, not that it keeps some Tumblr users from adding Erzuli as a “goddess” on their Baby Witch post, something that actual Vodou practitioners have warned against.
Indigenous cultures such as the Maya and the Mapuche aren’t dead, despite what the goverment of their countries might tell you. The Mapuche in particular have a rich culture and not one, but two witchcraft branches (The Machi and the Kalku/Calcu). Both are closed pagan practices that the local Catholic Church has continuously failed to assimilate and erase, though sadly not for lack of trying:
“The missionaries who followed the Spanish conquistadors to America incorrectly interpreted the Mapuche beliefs regarding both wekufes and gualichos. They used the word wekufe as a synonym for ideas of the devil, demons, and other evil or diabolical forces. This has caused misunderstanding of the original symbolism and has changed the idea of wekufe right up to the present day, even amongst the Mapuche people.”
For context, the Wefuke are the Calcu’s equivalent of the Familiar, as well as reportedly having more in common with the Fae than with demons anyway.
This and other indigenous religions are Closed because it is wrong for foreigners to just come and take elements from marginalized groups whom are still fighting to survive and that they weren’t born into. To just approppiate those things would be like spitting in their faces, treating them and their culture like a commodity, a shiny thing, a unique thing to be used like paint to spruce up your life or be special.
I know some of you are allergic to the word “Privilege”, but on this situation there really ain’t a better word to explain it. You weren’t born here, you don’t know what it is like, you are only able to see the struggle from an outsider’s point of view.
If a belief or practice is part of a closed system, outsiders should not take part in it. And with how many practices there are out there which are open for people of all races, there is really no excuse for you to do it.
Why Colonization Is Not “Ancient History”
If you have kept reading all this so far, you are probably wondering “Ok, but what does Colonization has to do with any of this?”
The answer? Everything.
With the general context of culture appropriation out of the way, let me tell you about why the whole “dead culture” argument rubs me the wrong way: Here in Venezuela, we have a goddess called Santa Maria de la Onza, or Maria Lionza for short, whom’s idol statue I have been using to illustrate this little rant. If you happen to know any Spanish, you might recognize the name as a derivative of Santa Maria, aka the Virgin Mary, and you are mostly correct: Her true indigenous name is theorized to have been Yara.
And I say “theorized” because it is a subject of hot debate whether she was really ever called that or not: Her original name, the name by which she was adored and worshipped by our ancestors, might have been forever lost to history.
That’s the legacy of colonization for you: Our cultures were stolen from us, and what they couldn’t erase they instead tried to assimilate. Our ancestors were enslaved, their lands and homes stolen, their artwork and literary works destroyed: The Maya and the Aztec Empire were rich in written works of all kinds, ranging from poetry to history records to medicine, and the Spaniards burned 99% of it, on what is probably one of the most tragic examples of book burning in history and one that people rarely ever talk about.
People couldn’t even worship their own gods or pass their knowledge of them to their children. That’s why Maria Lionza has such a Spanish Catholic-sounding name, and that’s why we can’t even be sure if Yara was her name or not: The Conquistadors couldn’t steal our goddess from us, so they stole her name instead. Catholics really have a thing with trying to assimilate indigenous goddesses with the Virgin Mary, as they tried to do the same with the Pachamama.
On witchy terms, I’d define Maria Lionza as both a deity and a land spirit: Most internet pages explaining her mention the Sorte mountain as her holy place, but it is more along the lines that she is the mountain.
You’d think that, with Venezuela and other Latinoamerican countries no longer being colonies, we’d be able to worship our own deities including her, right?
As far as a lot of Catholics seem to think and act, apparently we are not.
The Catholics here like to go out of their way to shame us, to call us “cultists”, to ostracize us, with a general call to “refrain from those pagan beliefs” because they go against the Catholic principles. Yes, the goddess with the Catholic-sounding name, a name she happens to share with a Catholic deity, apparently goes “against Catholic principles”. You really can’t make this shit up. (Linked article is in Spanish)
This is just an act of colonization out of many, of not wanting to stop until the culture they want to destroy is gone. Don’t believe for a second that this is really their God’s will or anything like that, they are just trying to finish what years of enslavement and murder couldn’t. They might not be actively killing us anymore, but they still want us dead.
So no, colonization is not some thing that has long passed and now only exist on history textbooks: It is still happening to this day. It is by treating it as old history that they can keep doing it, and it is by pushing the narrative that our indigenous cultures are “dead cultures” that they try to erase our heritage.
Because we are not dead. We are still here, we are alive, we have survived and we’ll keep on surviving, and our gods and goddesses are not yours to take.
¡Chao! 🐈
#pagan#paganism#religion#culture#latino#latinoamerica#colonization#witch#baby witch#witchcraft#witchblr#Maria Lionza#colonialism#venezuela#brujeria#polytheism#witchcore#mapuche#vodou#nahuatl#history#cultural appropiation
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