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skarletterambles · 5 years

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Mummy re-(re-re-re-)watch blog

Because sometimes self-care is rewatching your favorite movie for the first time in many years, I’m currently enjoying The Mummy (1999) on a nice big flat screen TV and eating pizza. Life is good.

Random thoughts typed while watching (so expect typos) below...

[Disclaimers: Obviously, this post contains massive spoilers for a 20-year-old movie, if anyone actually needs to be told that. There are spoilers for The Mummy Returns, as well. Also, I’m an unapologetic Imhotep fangirl so don’t expect me to talk about him like he’s some kind of villain. That’s just silly! Ahem. I have the hots for Rick and Ardeth, too, though, so the drool will be spread out a bit.]

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Imhotep’s priests really got the raw end of the deal. They were just there to watch the door and make sure nobody interrupted their boss’ booty call, and they ended up witnessing regicide and then getting mummified alive. Dang.

I bet the noise of the battle with all those horses and guns above him irritated Imhotep. No wonder he sent sand jets up to scare away Rick and the others. Damn kids, get off my lawn--er, necropolis!

Honestly, the havoc Evy wreaked on her library only made it look slightly worse than my workplace this summer. :p At least she didn’t have to worry about DVD shelving... [Only I get this reference, but trust me, to me it’s hilarious, in a “if I don’t laugh I’ll cry” kind of way.]

Rick is damn good-looking when he’s all bedraggled and beat up, and even better looking when he cleans up. The look on Evy’s face when she sees him after a haircut and a change of clothes, well... Same, girl. Same.

Beni is one of my favorite comic relief characters of all time.

The Med-Jai wouldn’t have threatened Evy on the boat if they knew she was the reincarnation of their long-dead boss’ daughter. I’m picturing Seti in the afterlife facepalming...

I had forgotten how hostile and scary the Med-Jai were at first.

It’s amazing how much of the dialogue comes back to me, though. Even throwaway background lines like Jonathan complaining about the price of the camels.

Evy’s sheer joy over everything camel-related is so freaking adorable.

That first chitter of scarab beetles...my least favorite part of the movie. Heh.

I can just imagine Imhotep in his sarcophagus, feeling the first hint of movement around him in over 3,000 years, and then freaking out as his sarcophagus falls through the ceiling and goes THUMP on the ground. And then there’s screaming and everyone leaves. He’d be like, WTF?

“He must have been someone of great importance...or someone who did something very naughty.” Both correct, Evy...

It’s so not fair that Ardeth can be that drop-dead sexy-looking and have such a sexy voice.

And here’s that “I...AM A LIBRARIAN!” line that everyone in my line of work loves so much. Heehee...

Mummy: *bursts out of sarcophagus* Evy: “Gah, I hate it when these things do that!” LMAO

Of course Imhotep scratched “Death is only the beginning” into the inside of his sarcophagus lid like a bored emo kid in study hall.

“If you dry that fella out you might be able to sell ‘im for firewood!” As I’m sure the writers knew, they actually did burn mummies to fuel trains back in less enlightened times. And grind them up for medicine and paint and all kinds of stupid, disrespectful things.

I love how they refer to Imhotep as “our friend” and “our guy” when they’re discussing how horrible his curse was. That sympathy fades quickly enough once they meet him, though.

“Probably got a little too frisky with the Pharaoh’s daughter.” No, Rick, that’s you. Bwahahahaha!

“No harm ever came from reading a book.” Evy, you’re a librarian. You should know better.

Poor Imhotep must have been so stiff after not moving for a few thousand years. I bet he had to do some stretches before he went looking for people to drain life force from.

Forecast for today: mostly sunny with a 90% chance of locust plague.

Gotta love Imhotep’s one-track mind. Woke up for the first time in 3k years, just regained sight and speech, and the first freaking thing he does is assume the first woman he sees is Anck-su-Namun. Because of course he does.

I wonder if Ardeth got any backlash from the rest of the Med-Jai for giving the interlopers a chance to leave Hamunaptra. If he had just slaughtered them all the previous night, none of this mess would have happened.

“He will never eat. He will never sleep. He will never stop.” Awwwwwyeah.

Because he looks so rotted, Imhotep looks threatening as he slowly advances on Beni, but if he was fully regenerated I bet his expression would have been confused and even slightly amused at Beni’s religious roulette, something along the lines of “WTF is this idiot doing?”

Imhotep, did you really need to wear a mask to meet a blind guy? (I know, I know, he needed the disguise to get through the hotel, but it’s still funny.)

He was even polite enough to thank Evy for saving him from undeath. What a nice mummy!

Med-Jai discussing Imhotep and Anck-su-Nam: “Even after 3,000 years, he’s still in love with her.” Evy: “Well, that’s all very romantic, but...” Me: “Yes. Yes it is. Shut up.”

“You came back from the desert with a new friend, didn’t you, Beni?” One of my all-time favorite lines, and one I randomly quoted to my late goldfish, Benny, many times over the years. LOL

Couldn’t Beni have found some better clothes for Imhotep to wear? Those ragged robes make him look like a beggar. Although considering he was running around in nothing but a few wisps of rotten bandages before, they couldn’t afford to be choosy.

The casual way Imhotep chews that scarab beetle that crawled into his mouth is such a power move. LMAO

The longing in his voice as he whispers Anck-su-Namun’s name almost makes up for the fact that he kissed Evy right afterward. I know you’re impatient to get your girlfriend back, man, but control yourself. :p

Another classic bit: Evy, trying to translate hieroglyphics: “Patience is a virtue!” Rick, looking at incoming torch-bearing mob: “Not right now it isn’t!”

The crowds chanting “Im-ho-tep” are so iconic, and the way they part to let him pass gives me shivers.

“It’s the creature!” Thanks for the reminder, as he’s now fully regenerated and looking damn fine.

OMG that little smirk Imhotep gives to Rick as he turns to walk away with Evy... Imhotep isn’t stupid. He can see Rick’s in love with her.

Ardeth wearing that flight cap and goggles, grinning as he rides on the plane’s wing, is the funniest damn thing in the movie. It’s such a departure from his usual demeanor, which is what makes it work so well from a comedic perspective.

Why did Imhotep stop the sand vortex so far from Hamunaptra? He could have deposited himself, Beni, and Evy on the doorstep, but instead he stopped on the other end of the valley. I mean, sure, it gives plenty of room for the famous sand wall attack scene, but it was still weird.

Evy: “Stop it! You’ll kill them!” Beni: “That’s the idea.” Well...YEAH!

Beni to Imhotep: “I loved the, uh, sand wall trick, it was beautiful. Bastard.” That’s funny enough, and then you remember that Imhotep doesn’t understand English, and it’s even funnier. Stop trying to brown-nose a man who doesn’t speak your language, Beni!

The whole Winston subplot always seemed so pointless. Just deus ex machina to get the airplane in there. Honestly, that’s my only complaint about the movie.

Yeah, Imhotep, you had better bow back when your newly-risen priests bow to you. You owe them big time after the shitstorm you dragged them into.

OMG Ardeth is even more gorgeous in the glow of gold artifacts. Heehee...

And then some of Imhotep’s priests barely rise from the ground before being mowed down by machine gun fire. Damn, they get the short end of the stick every time, don’t they?

One second I’m like, “Oh hai Anck. You need to moisturize better, lawl,” and then the next Imhotep strokes her face with such tenderness and whispers her name and I’m like, “Awwwww!” That’s what’s so much fun about these movies. There’s the silly, campy fun intertwined with actually poignant, emotional moments, in perfect balance.

I just noticed that Anck-Su-Namun’s reaction to being resurrected both in the prologue and later as a mummy was the same gasp and fluttering of her hands over her collarbone. Neat detail.

There’s this little glimmer of “Whoa, cool, I did that!” sometimes when Imhotep uses his powers. It’s adorable. (Yes, I just called an undead plague-bringer summoning mummified soldiers to kill his enemies “adorable.” I warned you in the disclaimer.)

I love how Anck-su-Namun’s first response when waking up was to try to beat the crap out of Evelyn/Nefertiri. Old habits die hard, y’know. She was probably disappointed that her opponent didn’t remember the old ways of combat...yet.

I hate that poor Imhotep had to watch the love of his life be killed in silhouette twice.

And again he promises, “Death is only the beginning.”

Then it’s time for one last moment of Ardeth being hot beyond all reason, some Rick and Evy kisses, Jonathan getting a face full of camel breath, and a happy ending for at least those four characters. ;)

The end...for now!

#the mummy

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