#i mean i didn't really make friends there tnh
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#genuinely why am i like this?#i think i never said it here but (if you've seen my posts about wanting to quit uni)#i actually decided i was definitely going to quit for real#i just don't like what i'm doing and i made up my mind. talked to my parents and everything and i made the decision#i still haven't talked about it with my uni and i actually don't know what i'll have to do to make it official#but that's not what i was going to say here#what i mean is that i didn't go to any of my exams right?#and the thing is that i haven't talked about this with any of the people at uni. not my professors and not any of my classmates#i mean i didn't really make friends there tnh#but there where 4 girls that i sat with in class and i talked to them and all that#so yeah i wouldn't consider them my friends but i've talked a lot with them the past few months#mostly with two of them because we were in the same group in all of our practices#and these two girls have texted me to ask me what happened bc i haven't been to any of the exams and the haven't seen me in uni#and since i didn't say anything they were probably worried about me#the first one texted me 8 days ago and the other one 5 days ago#and i still haven't answered any of them#why? i don't fucking know#but my social anxiety doesn't let me for some reason#i don't think their going to judge me for quiting or anything tbh#but for whatever reason my brain doesn't let me answer some simple text saying “hey i haven't seen you at uni. are you okay?”#just thinking that i will have to explain to them the whole situation scares me#(well maybe not the whole situation but at keast the fact that i'm quiting y'know?)#and all this is already making me feel like shit#but then the thought that they're worrying about me and i haven't answered and maybe that is making them worry more quicks in#and i feel like such a shitty person right now bc they don't deserve me ignorning them when they're just being nice#i'm just so fucking tired of this shit and idk what to do#“answer those fucking texts. they just want to know you're okay” one half of my brain tells me#“but i just.. can't” another half cries#venting#maca speaks
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