#i mean hell even my therapist thinks I'm basically fine even tho i told her a math test made me want 2 kms so badly i gaveup halfway through | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ablednt · 2 years

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In general though it's nigh impossible figuring out your support needs and where the fuck you fall on anything when you're an abuse survivor because you were always forced to be whatever your abuser(s) wanted you to be.

Like even my therapist thinks I'm so well spoken and fine and barely need help but I'm over here in hell trying to push myself to exhaustion because I never learned to rest I never learned to recognize where I need help

#this isnt a continuation of that last reblog or a vague or anything #I've just been struggling with this shit a lot lately #why does everyone think I'm fine? i lay in bed all day in agony cause i simultaneously cant get my brain to start and cant get it to shut up #and it's even more wild trying to figure that out on this blog bc like #I do NOT sound like this elsewhere not even in text really?#if u talk to me on discord or in a casual setting i mostly manage by repeating the same few words #i don't know how to respond a lot of the time #on here it's like. I'm absolutely exhausting myself to communicate Clearly and should I even really be doing that? idk #but it's not so much intentional as it is a subconscious defense mechanism #if I just communicated the way i normally do on here people would get confused or angry at me #just wording things slightly wrong has gotten me attacked on here before (nothing recently this isnt a vaguepost/srs) so it's like #yeah I sound way more put together on here than I really am tbh #and I think that causes a lot of disconnect between the things I talk about and the way I talk about them #i mean hell even my therapist thinks I'm basically fine even tho i told her a math test made me want 2 kms so badly i gaveup halfway through #like ik forcing myself to talk like this was a survival technique but im scared it's causing me more trouble than it solves #cause no one takes my problems seriously everyone assumes I'm low support needs and i absolutely am not afaik but then again my whole #struggle is that idfk what i need or what my problem is or if i even have one i just need 2 shut up more is the thing

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