#i make posts for me and my bf and for me and my bf only
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sweetie your last post for subby enha hasn’t left me yet… it was truly that powerful 😔
now i’m thinking about bf!heeseung who gets jealous while you’re out clubbing and catches another man eye fucking you. you find it silly that after all this time being together he still gets jealous and start teasing him. he embraces you pouting and mumbling about how no one has the right to watch you like that while simultaneously growing a boner from the way you laugh at his attitude… he turns into a bit of a loser but he’s not ashamed of it. ofc the night continues at home with you overstimulating him <3
no but subby enha truly has some kind of superpower on me i swear, especially jake and heeseung for some reasons… and oh my lord i fucking love how your brain works, this is so yummy !
BF!HEESEUNG who's so down bad for you, he literally worships the ground you're walking on and considers himself lucky you're even willing to look his way, so do not getting him started on how grateful he is to be your boyfriend. he's not ashamed of how much he's obsessed with you.
but even with this fact in mind, he still lets you do everything you want when you two are going out, heeseung is just happy to be there and to watch his gorgeous girl have fun with her friends. he's even handing you his card to pay for your drinks. however, he doesn't like how one man in particular has been eyeing you up and down since the two of you got there, he doesn't like the way this guy thinks he can get you.
"why are you so moody, baby ? do you want to go home ? are you not feeling well ?" you ask to your boyfriend anxiously, and heeseung feels quite dumb to worry you over such silly things, but he couldn't help the feeling of jealousy taking over him every time the guy gave you fuck me eyes. "no, no, i'm okay. there is just… this guy over there, he's been watching since we got there and i don't like it."
the pout on heeseung's face became even more obvious when you turned around to get a glance of the man. when you gave your attention back to your boyfriend, he was mumbling under his breath like he did everytime he was frustrated. "haven't i made it clear that you're mine ? why does he keep undressing you with his gaze in front of me ? i really don't like it when someone other than me is checking you out." while he's rambling, his hands gradually make their way to your waist, bringing you flush against his body and you cannot help but giggle at his behaviour.
"don't laugh at me baby !" he's a bit offended by the way you're not taking the situation seriously, but at the same time, the smirk spreading on your lips when you bring him closer to your face by grabbing his jaw is turning him on. "i'm sorry hee, it's just funny to see you get all jealous about losers like that when you know damn well that you're mine, right ?" your tone is a bit condescending, and the way you're looking at his lips has him growing a boner on the spot. heeseung is only able to nod and bed you to go home because the only thing he wants right now is you on top of him, playing with his body.
"you're so fucking pathetic hee, you're so fucking lucky i'm even touching you right now, don't you think ?" - "y-yes, yes thank you, i love it, it's so good !" you coo at him once more, loving how pliant he becomes in your hold after two orgasms and how sensitive he gets, squirming in your hold when you run your nails on the skin of his chest.
"y/n… please, i wanna cum…" - "hm, again ? dirty boy, you're so fucking greedy." heeseung let out a moan at your degrading words, and you loved how he wasn't shy to show how much he liked the way you were treating him. and you loved to have him like this - holding his wrists down while you were riding him - when he could also totally blow your back and split you in half if he wanted to. you leaned in to reach his jaw, kissing it sloppily until you could murmur in his ear "you can cum inside baby, but i'm not even close yet. so you know what that means ?" - "y-yeah…" - "such a good boy, gonna fill me up two times."
and heeseung couldn't deny you (or himself) this sweet pleasure.
#my love for subby heeseung has reached some new highs thanks to you#eli answering your questions#eli's moots#dinna's asks#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enha hard thoughts#heeseung hard thoughts#heeseung hard hours#heeseung smut#heeseung x reader
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How Dare You?
A/n: I'm working on something currently and it's taking a bit of time since it's a bit long and I don't know by when will I complete it so I thought why not to post something short.🤭
Warnings⚠️: Hair pulling, choking, slapping, slight angst, Yandere boyfriend, obsessed bf, mentions of violence (towards reader and others) and maybe more but I don't remember so pardon me for that :3
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You were sitting on the bed on your shared bedroom with your boyfriend. He was standing facing the mirror while taking off his nicely tailored coat. You looked at him in disbelief and stood up from your bed meanwhile he continued to loosen his tie around his neck.
"Why the hell would you do that? You just made a show of me there!!" You said as your frustration got the best of you. He didn't face you as he heard you speak so you took some steps towards him but stopped at a distance from him.
"I'm talking to you! You need to face me when I'm talking to you." You said in an angry voice and this time he looked over to you from his shoulder and turned his body completely towards you. He was done with removing his tie and was now opening the button of his full shirt and folding the sleeves of his right hand.
"What is it that you're so angry about?" He asked in a monotonous tone while looking at you with his chocolate brown eyes, your black eyes stared in his chocolate brown ones and you could feel your anger taking the best of you, "Yeah? Now you act like an unknown person? You don't know what you did back there?"
"Look, I don't think I did anything wrong back there. I don't know why you're making a big fuss about it." He said plainly and calmly while you were losing your patience, by now he was done with folding the sleeves of both of his hands and he now looked up at you, intensely.
"You didn't do anything wrong back there?!! Do you even realise what are you saying? You went with me to one of my friend's party and you beat the shit out of her boyfriend just because he asked me for a dance? You know he's like a brother to me and we have no romantic feelings for each other!!" You said in anger as you saw him take steps towards you. Soon he stood in front of you, those chocolate brown eyes are now a darker shade of brown but you were too agitated to notice that.
"Yeah I did that, so what? I don't trust him. Even if he's like a brother to you, I don't like him lurking around you. I don't like the way he looks at you!" He said in a slightly deep voice while looking intensely at you. You noticed the change in his tone and knew the meaning of it but you were too agitated to realise it.
"Look I don't care what you think, ok? All I care about is you and how only I am allowed to touch you, yeah?" He said as he brought his right hand up on your cheek but you pushed his hand away, "Yeah? You think I'm your possession that you can keep only to yourself?" You asked him and pushed him back by hitting on his chest and in the best of the moment, you slapped his left cheek. It didn't have much of an impact on him but surely his ego was wounded.
He looked up in your eyes which after slapping him has realised the grave mistake that you have made with his anger filled one. He clenched his jaw in anger and stepped towards you. You were scared for your dear life knowing that his anger is nothing to joke with. His eyes were staring intensely into yours and you gulped seeing his gaze.
He brought his hand up, his fingers wrapping around your throat. You realised the situation, seeing his face close to yours. "How dare you slap me? Do you even know, right now I can break your hands and no one would be here to save you from me. I did all that for you and here you are, acting like an ungrateful brat. Oh how so badly I've wished to kill him so many times and trust me, sweetheart, if he doesn't stop with his little tricks then one day I'm going to kill him for sure."
You were unable to process his words. You knew slapping him was not the right thing but his actions were making you lose your mind. You knew it was a grave mistake of slapping him. You knew you were in danger right now because his anger is nothing to joke with and you've learnt it the hard way.
"Also, I don't think you're my little possession, but I know this for a fact that you are my little possession that I can keep only to myself. So, the sooner you get this into that little dumb head of yours, things would be easier for you." You heard him say and gulped while his hands were still around your throat.
You were losing your mind by now, his words and actions and your actions were making you go all mad. His grip on your throat was making your head go all fuzzy. His other hand travelled up to your hairs and he gripped them in a tight grip. His hold on your hair was making your scalp burn.
You brought your hand up on his hand which held your hairs and gripped it in order to pry them over from your hairs. "Ahh...you're...hurting me, leave me." You moaned in pain as his grip tightened more. "Yeah? You're acting all hurt now? Never thought how hurt would I feel seeing you dance with someone else apart from me, seeing you close with someone apart from me?"
He asked in a dark voice as he brought his face closer to yours and licked the tears that escaped your eyes. You wanted to push him away but you were unable to do so. You were trapped. You couldn't do anything for yourself. "I..I'm sorry."
You said hoping he'd leave you and let go of your hairs and your throat. "Yeah? Now you're sorry? After doing all that shit you are sorry? He asked and leaned in more in you and brought his lips closer to your ear, "Sometimes, I wish to beat the shit out of you too so that way maybe you can know how much I care for you because surely by my sweet and simple ways you cannot understand, right?"
He whispered that in your ear and you gasped as you heard him, more tears escaped your eyes and you could feel your heartbeat getting faster. You could feel your heart drop down in your stomach. His words made you want to run away from him and hide somewhere far from him.
"No..no I'm so-sorry." You said hoping he will take your words and he chuckled darkly as he heard you. His chuckle made you want to run far away from him but you had no such opportunity. He brought his face back to face you and you could see his dark eyes and his sinister smile on his face.
"Don't worry, sweetcheeks, I won't do that, I won't hurt you but trust me, if it would require me to hurt you to make you understand my love for you then I will gladly do it, get it? Now say that you're sorry for your actions." He said as he let go of your hair and your throat. You coughed and wiped your tears but fresh tears continued to flow down your eyes.
"I..I'm so-sorry for my-my actions." You said as you wanted all of this to be over and wanted to rest as it was all getting too much for you to comprehend. He smiled and hugged your petite form and kissed your forehead, "It's okay, sweetheart, I forgive you." He said as he hugged you tightly and you cried in his arms. You never knew how dangerous could he be but you realised better not to mess with his anger.
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A/n: This is too bad. I didn't expect it to turn this way out but I sucked at this one and I'll try to write a better one the next time but for now I'm sorry for this oneeee😭😭
#yandere x y/n#dark yandere#yandere x you#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x female reader#yandere x female#yandere bf#female reader#dark fic#obsessed#yandere fic#yandere obsession
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can I request some Gigi and Grayson hcs? (Not sure if that’s been done yet!)
gigi and grayson head canons
yesss, i absolutely love them. i hope we get to see them interact in tgg. @catapparently helped me with this one. like i've said in three of my other posts, i'm currently dying bc of my cramps so might be a little crappy, but i hope you like them<3.
gigi thinks grayson should loosen up and wear less suits so she buys him speedos.
they both talk about their favorite romance books bc gigi is clearly a reader and gray is secretly a hopeless romantic.
grayson gave gigi one of his credit cards for plushies and books
gigi regularly drags grayson out to amusement parks, arcades, and stuff. gray wins her stuff and she makes him eat corn dogs.
gigi dared grayson to put on a fluffy pink tutu and bows and twirl around the street
gigi talks shit about her crappy ex-boyfriends/crushes and grayson just sits there wondering why his sister has such horrible taste in men
they are both planning duncan's (sav's shitty bf) take down
gigi buys grayson flowers and takes one out of the bouquet and puts it behind his ear.
gigi, before she met lyra, made grayson a tinder account bc she thought he needed a gf.
gigi teaches grayson how to ride a bike (this dude didn't learn bc he always had someone to drive him places). he fell so many times, that grayson banged his head and ended up getting a concussion.
she takes videos of him and posts them on her tiktok bc her fans eat it up
gigi invited grayson to her prom (i think she's a year younger than avery so that means she hasn't had prom yet) and made him dance to the slow songs with her.
when gigi thinks grayson is overworking himself, she'll jump on him and start tickling him. she won't stop until he promises he's gonna stop.
grayson is the only one gigi feels comfortable venting to. she doesn't like worrying her sister with her problems, so sometimes she'll sneak into gray's room late at night and just talk to him about how much she hates having to pretend to be happy all the time.
although gigi never met emily, she absolutely hates her with a passion. grayson doesn't really like it when she talks shit about her, but knows what she's saying is true.
gigi has an obsession with grayson's baby pictures. she's literally asked everyone she knows if they have any, and has literally stolen phones to look at their camera roles to check for pictures.
gigi loves spying on people for absolutely no reason and will drag grayson along with her.
gigi has tried to cook food for grayson before but she ended up giving him food poisoning instead.
when gigi is feeling down, she'll get grayson to give her a hug bc, according to her, he gives the best hugs.
when she goes out with her friends to the mall, she drags grayson along to carry their bags
grayson only really laughs around her bc he finds her hilarious.
grayson literally hates slate (potential love interest for gigi, might not be one) (or any future boyfriends she might have), and will spy on her dates. he'll head to the restaurant they're eating at and hide behind menus and stuff.
gigi buys him clothes (other than suits) that she thinks would suit him. grayson only wears them bc gigi bought them for him (or that's what he tells himself, he actually kind of likes the clothes)
gigi gets xander to teach her how to hack grayson's insta so she can post cat memes on his account.
gigi has an obsession with iced coffees and milkshakes (overly sweet ones) and always gets grayson to have one when they go out even though he hates it with his entire being.
gigi practices her makeup on him. gigi always makes him keep it on so she can admire her hard work. sometimes grayson will show up at the family dinners with a full face of makeup.
gigi teaches grayson how to knit bc she loves it and wants to have someone to knit with
gigi loves reading romance books out loud. sometimes she'll be hanging out with grayson and just start reading the smut scenes out loud. grayson gets so uncomfortable, he turns red.
when she wants to take grayson out to the mall with her but he says no, she'll grab him by the ear and drag him out despite his protests.
gigi loves basic chocolate chip cookies, so grayson gets libby to teach him how to bake cookies, and he starts surprising her with some every once in a while.
gigi will get up really early and hide in grayson's closet so she can scare him when he gets up to get dressed.
gigi made grayson dress up as a tampon for halloween.
#the inheritance games#jameson hawthorne#grayson hawthorne#avery grambs#nash hawthorne#xander hawthorne#gigi grayson#libby grambs#the grandest game
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hadestown, anaïs mitchell // nona the ninth, tamsyn muir
#i make posts for me and my bf and for me and my bf only#the locked tomb#tlt#tlt spoilers#Nona the ninth#ntn spoilers#kiriona gaia#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#griddlehark#hadestown#webs#mine
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too many of you guys think nico is the loser and not lewis for letting the divorce go on for so long. like they're both losers about each other. emotionally constipated idiots who can't talk about their toxic homoerotic friendship that imploded on itself like 8 years ago and are now making it everyone else's problem. yeah nico's on television or in beer gardens talking about lewis all the time but like every other month some reporter is like "lewis, what's your favorite moment in your career?" and lewis no hesitation is like "oh man, karting, y'know? everything was simpler then" and then spends another six months skirting around nico's name. like this whole thing they're doing in the media isn't some kinda extended foreplay for them. they're both still pressing on the bruise to make sure it's still there!!! every few months, they're literally just asking on public television, does it still hurt for you like it does for me? and like clockwork, someone will release new information about them or one of them will say something about each other (in my heart, he's still my best friend/yes... and teammate) and the answer will remain the same, yes, of course, always.
#lewis is unarguably more famous than nico. like i feel like this a fact. and yet every other day nico is in the press saying some crazy shit#about lewis. if i was famous i woulda shut that shit down soo long ago. my ex-bf is in the press talkin bout me constantly??? that feels#like such bad pr and yet!!! lewis has not done anything. why? cause he likes it!!! cause they've never moved on from the 1st moment they#broke each other's hearts. like this is genuinely insane.#im always so nervous to post my thoughts on brocedes cause so many of you were here b4 me and have a better understanding on them#and like being a wrong is like a death sentence to me but still please tell me if i got them completely wrong#i have a lot of thoughts on lewis and his reluctance to talk about nico... most of them being that one quote from emma#if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more#ok obligatory disclaimer: a lot of this is hyperbole. i don't think that they're asking lewis that ? every other month#but there are like at least 5 interviews where he talks about karting like they're his most precious memories#so make of that what you will#and obv i don't know these people but as someone who's brain chemistry has been permanently changed by them#i think i'm allowed to not only project onto them but also make stupid little posts analyzing them#anyway yeah#f1#lewis hamilton#nico rosberg#brocedes
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on a more srs note asagiri making fyodors pitfall not understanding emotional motivation properly is very dear to me in this era of loser men idolising being a super genius who equates optimal logic to the total disregard of emotion
like at evry point dazai one upped him its just cos he can work with people and understands emotional connection better (knowing tachihara had more loyalty to the pm than to the hunting dogs [or at least to their ideals] for example and being able to put every inch of his trust in chuuya saving his ass for the 58284892nd time while fyodor is busy assuming they have a shallow bond😭).
#LONG LIVE THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP#and homosexuality#although not for fyolai. rip to them ig#anyway smt smt men running around pretending emotion is illogical and thus ironically making illogical arguments and fyodors mistakes all#being examples of that is just so RAAAAH#also dazai 'im so emotionless and apathetic' osamu actually being the most emotionally motivated loser and thus understanding it better#anyway idk if any of this makes sense but ive been thinking abr it for a while#how dazais only way of beating him is that he cares abt people and fyodor just doesnt#also that he can always trust his op bf to come save him while fyodors op bf is busy deciding whether or not he actually wants him dead#😭😭😭😭#putting half of my post in the tags for the 4829999294925th time dont mind me#soukoku#bsd episode 61#anyway asagiri seems v much to be a character first plot second kinda guy. and i love that sm.#like sometimes the plot is just like ??? but the CHARACTERS. the characters always make sense#i love then all dearly even when theyre unkillable cockroaches#bsd
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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.
Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!
Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...
I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm
Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.
Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.
“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.
She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.
Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.
“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.
It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”
She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.
Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.
She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.
Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.
So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.
“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.
“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.
At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”
Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.
“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”
The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.
But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.
Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?
At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.
“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”
#milgram#mahiru shiina#yuno kashiki#amane and fuuta mentioned#i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk#i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that#anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0#drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result#i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together#the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices#im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd#i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared#but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off#not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky#i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon#and *shes* the odd one out for craving company#then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else#i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles
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(WIP) omg guys you wont believe it. i was on the phone with riot and they just confirmed they're best friends. and also transgender
#hey guys its me caleb the guy that makes pride drawings a month after pride#should i tag this rebel bfs??? theyre just besties but its usually my only league tag#also its not a ship drawing. they're gay un opposite directions#trans art#samira lol#akshan lol#league of legends fanart#fanart#i will post the pose its referencing on tje final art but tell me if youre interested and ill share it!!!#own art
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girl i didnt like in high school posted about her shitty boyfriend who also went to my hs (well now fiance) becoming a cop…i literally gagged
#i dont kmow much about the bf other than the fact that#my friend the only other jew in my school ran against him for student govt position and won#and he apparently said ‘i cant believe i lost to a jew’#so i do not like this man#she and him would also have the most ridiculous sappy posts for a high school romance#its terrible but me and my mom wld look thru their accounts to make fun of them. he got her a blanket w her face on it to prompose
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the whole matt healey thing really shows how little goyim care about jewish issues unless its about celebrity drama or whatever
#had to call out my gentile friend for making a very weird shame-y post like#“if you still like taylor swift after it turned out her bf is a na*i then ur problematic”#and i was like. i just want you to know that#(coming from me a jewish person)#this is a really weird and performative post.#if the ONLY TIME you care about jewish issues is to shame people for celebrity drama or w/e#you're not a jewish ally.#sorry.
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ermmmm. jr² movie night doodles. if u even care.
ty to my friend who gave me this prompt :3
#.txt#ermmmmmmmmmm hi#selfship#using main tag. oh christ.#context: i am bf with horror spin who isn't scared & jean is bf who is easily scared and i smtms convince him to perceive horror movies w m#e but only ones i think he'd like. i feel like he'd like the ft13 franchise so we're watching jason x in the 1st one#i feel like just the sight of blood makes him squeamish so i'd cover his eyes to protect him#2nd: i hc he (and tom) have fast & furious autism and we watched the first one together. i started as a gay brian/les mia truther but he's#convincing me they're t4t bi. which is now my hc. i haven't seen the rest yet but i want to#posting this and then passing away#jean#.art#ok to rb
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the whole 'you should value platonic relationships as much as romantic ones' thing isn't about thinking romantic partners aren't also friends, it's about not ditching your non-romantic friends all the time for romantic partners and treating them as if they don't matter. which, is a thing that actually happens quite a bit in our romance obsessed culture where romantic relationships are treated as the pinnacle of human relationships, second only perhaps to that between parents and children
#this is basically what happened to me with my flatmate#as soon as she started dating her bf she wasn't interested in hanging out with me at all#and would often make plans with me and then ditch me when he showed up#and it sucked and made me feel like shit about myself!#that's what people mean when they say this!#not 'romantic couples aren't also friends'#the irony of this is that then she's like 'why haven't i made any friends im so lonely'#and im like 'it's because you don't value friendships and you're only ever interested in spending time with your boyfriend'#but i can't say that to her because she'd get stroppy and go well he's my Boyfriend#idk i saw a post about this recently that was like 'um actually do you know romantic partners can also be friends' and i was like#THAT'S NOT THE POINT YOU FUCKING IDIOT
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it is just that i have been telling myself allll the things to calm me down (theyre just like that because they're sad, it has nothing to do with you, you know its wrong dont let it affect you or they win, etcetcetc) for twenty fucking years and i am SICK of it. but there is nothing i can do to stop people who have more power than me from using it to harass insult and injure me so i just have to take their shit and pretend i like it. awesome.
#sorry for vent posting i in fact find this deeply embarrassing on my part but my bf can only hear it so many times & i have no friends. so.#anyway the guy inspiring this is currently openly ignore multiple safety rules while operating heavy machinery so i hope he flips his ride#and cracks his skull open 👍 but realistically he will not.#and i can't walk out or tell him to fuck off because hes my boss. so i have to sit and listen to his shitty misogyny and bullying for eight#whole hours of my life. working a section i'm not even supposed to be in and haven't been trained on.#and trying not to cry or get openly mad because for some reason me getting angry when im disrespected is worse than the disrespect.#i need to find a new job. but nowhere else around here pays as much and i'm barely getting by as it is.#and i'm supposed to get a promotion soon where i'll technically be in charge of most of the people who are shitty to me (but not this guy#in particular)#but im like. what will that fix. okay so i have power over them now but using it in any way to negatively affect them would just make me th#asshole. most of them aren't any better off than me they're just dudes so they feel entitled to mistreat me.#the culture here is fucking rotten and i can't fix it on my own.
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gonna go on a little schizo rant on main here we go
so i only REALLY thought about it just earlier while streaming, the content that does well online are mostly either minecraft twitch clips i edited for yt shorts, or remixes of songs, most especially from my FNF phase.
it got me thinking, i want to be known for my music, both remixes and originals, with gaming on the side, not the other way around. this semester break has become a productive week for me (even though i was sick during the weekend), and it gave me a chance to start streaming again and working on music more. this in turn probably lessened the drive to write??? idk, that's not what this is about.
i'm suddenly contemplating on switching up my yt content. instead of more music videos and visualizers, i start posting long-form minecraft videos, which are basically stream vods edited into a video that's less than an hour at most. i'll still probably make music, though, but only posting it to soundcloud without sharing it to yt.
i'm a little bit scared to make that change, though, because again, i want to be known for music. i still want to create and share music, as it is my passion along with videogames. i'm afraid that making this change will mean i have to put more time into editing 2-3+ hour long videos into something shorter, and i'll also eventually stop making music because of that.
not finishing music wips already happened because i picked up a writing hobby, only coming back to my music production roots thanks to Reignite...i'm afraid of that happening again.
tl;dr, minecraft content does really well on my yt and twitch channels, so i'm contemplating from transitioning from a yt musician to a mcytber.
idk what the point of this was, honestly, but i really did need to get this off of my mind 😓
#real talk#rant#hell. i posted an original song today#like with vocals and all#it only had 4 views until my dad shared it with his family#4 VIEWS.#my originals don't do so fucking well#this kinda sounds like i'm making music for clout#which i didn't mean to do but i think i do anyway#because i worked so hard on this. i don't even care if it's shit.#i want someone to feel something with my music the way i feel something listening to my fav artists#i finished. 2-3 wips this week. you mean to tell me that did sO MUCH WORSE THAN A MC SHORT????#i have like 690 subs and the average views i get are WAY LESS#i hate to sound like an attention seeker but validation that my talents/skills have some place in this world is what keeps me going#fUCK I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF MY BF SAW MY NEW VOCAL TRACK. I WROTE IT FOR HIM
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Sometimes I wish I was into getter sooner because the curse of “being in a small fandom of a series that’s been around for decades” is there was always fans before you even if the difference is only by a couple years yet those people do eventually stop talking about it. Not leaving the fandom persay but they got different interests so they don’t feel inclined to stick to this one thing, they’d still talk about it if someone brought it up to them it’s just something that isn’t on their radar a lot until something new comes out. Which is why so many people came back when arc aired but either choose to stay or just left after it died down. I missed out on a lot even if it’s only because I’m younger and a lot of earlier fandom days would’ve been bound to have some doom posting about the mangas ending-there’s still people arguing arc anime didn’t technically “resolve it” bc some people are that salty how it turned out but I don’t wanna imagine how it was prior-and it sucks I’ll never get to know some of these people-
But I also not only realized I still have more than enough getter friends as is to make up for that, if I was exposed to this series in my early teens I think the results for how I would’ve turned out as a person would’ve been far more worse so it’s probably good it didn’t happen💀
#meg text#getter robo#for reference I only know wtf getter was because of my bf (who was just a friend at the time)#I specifically got dragged into around arc but didn’t watch arc first due to needing more context#and also my ass could not keep up with seasonal anime so even if my bf convinced me I’d be slow#so he started me with arma and I got honey trapped by fucking ryoma (my bf planned this too)#I probably saw getter stuff in passing without realizing it likely just people’s pfp with a character or the robot#but I have no idea how I would’ve discovered it otherwise unless something else got me down the mecha rabbit hole#which- seems unlikely bc I didn’t even know mecha was a GENRE until getter somehow#none of the mainstream animes that were mechas I knew were mechas and I only watched one ep two of them💀#I was likely gonna be stuck being into whatever if I didn’t get dragged like this and be clueless to mecha#but god if I discovered it if I was like- 13 or younger? I fear for that version of me#would be more traumatized would draw more crusty ryomas then I first did because I couldn’t anatomy back then#still can’t but at least I can make a body look like a body#probably would get more sad about it’s current state then I did with fucking mm#people would also probably think I’m older like how mm fans assumed I was bc I posted about the ds games G O D#yeah getting dragged in by 2021 was the best choice even if “fuck knows what we’re getting” is up in the air still
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i know askgreg says he's got a girlfriend but what are the odds that she hasn't broken up with him yet?
#in my mind she has a name (the one i gave her in my fic) because 'unnamed girlfriend' is so...#ergo she's canon-in-training because she exists only in a post on the internet but nevertheless#your bf keeps strange hours and has insane commitments to work#unless you are INSIDE of that whole situation i can see a lot of it being a real ultimatum-maker#which honestly just makes me nore curious about what kind of person she is / what her job is#tell me...show me...#i've got my chin in my hands and i'm kicking my legs
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