#i love you jake coolice
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If jake coolice has million number of fans i am one of them . if jake coolice has ten fans i am one of them. if jake coolice have only one fan and that is me . if jake coolice has no fans, that means i am no more on the earth. if world agains jake coolice, i am against the world. i love #jake coolice till my last breath.. ..Die hard fan of jake coolice . Hit Like If you Think jake coolice Best character & Smart in the world
#i love you jake coolice#art#digital art#my art#fan art#fanart#drawing#procreate#the adventure zone#taz#taz amnesty#taza#taz a#amnesty#the adventure zone amnesty#jake coolice#taz jake#monster of the week#npc#sylvain#the mcelroys
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TAZ Amnesty
Ok, I listened to the Balance arc of The Adventure Zone (a BRILLIANT podcast that is a must to listen too! also, SPOILERS) and I finished Amnesty a few weeks ago!! I wanted some time to gather my thoughts.
First off, I loved all the characters. Duck Newton, a forest ranger who ran from his destiny (but is it really his destiny?). Ned Fuckin’ Danger Friendly etc. Chicane, a man who owns a cryptid museum and then gets involved with more cryptids then he knows how to handle (who’s status is “brave” which always makes me cry). Aubrey Little, a stage musician who is actually a REAL magician (with a heart of crystal gold) with Dr Harris Bonkers her pet rabbit. Even when I have personal favorites, they are all such fun characters that I still have such a good time!
What I really loved was the surprise Sci-Fi arc tho (SERIOUSLY, SPOILERS). I have seen some people say it was tacked on, or didn’t really fit, but I think it was amazing. The whole point you think that something in Sylvain is sending creatures to Earth in an attempt to kill humans, but it’s actually someone from behind the scenes the whole time. They have been trying to cause both worlds to hate one another, but it didn’t happen!
Aubrey fell in love with Dani, and with the world of Sylvain! Her character spends more time in Sylvain then anyone.
Ned dies for Dani, and does everything in his power to keep the angry mob from Sylvain!
Duck saves Billy, who is technically a REAL enemy, and that friendship saved them! He also falls in love with Minerva and they get to do what she couldn’t for her world.
We even have Vincent falling in love with Earth movies, Indrid Cold drinking the shit out of eggnog while tries to save people, and Jake Coolice finding friendship with the Hornets (tho it was pre-podcast).
There was so much love that exists even when a malevolent force that has killed tens of thousands of worlds tries to tear them apart! Was the story a little bumpy? Sure. The ending will always have a place in my heart even when all the critiques I see about it I can’t really deny.
But the McElroy’s have a love for stories filled with love, and I think it’s just as evident in Amnesty as Balance.
#Im also a sucker for surprise scifi twists#so I may be a bit biased#taz amnesty#duck newton#ned chicane#aubrey little#taz dani#taz vincent#taz billy#jake coolice#indrid cold#the adventure zone#hope this makes sense
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Taz requests you say? Could I request a Jake Coolice stimboard with seals and snow and cool drinks in funky 90’s colors? Hot pink/teal/purple/yellow, I’m not picky I trust your judgement!
YEAS i made all the gifs for this myself it was fun to work on! it'll be posted before too long tysm for requesting, all my homies love jake cool ice
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Hollis and Jake are the coolest motherfuckers in Kepler, WV
[ID: a full-color picture of Hollis and Jake from TAZ: Amnesty. Hollis is a human snowboarding on Jake, who is in his seal form, going down a very steep snow covered mountain. Hollis has cropped brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skin. they are wearing a yellow and white jacket with “HORNETS” in red on one sleeve, a brown turtleneck sweater, tan pants, red earmuffs, and boots. Jake is a white baby harp seal, his pink tongue sticking out the side of his mouth. END ID]
#TAZ Amnesty#TAZ Hollis#Jake Coolice#hollice#if you wanna swing that way!!!!!!!!#anyways here's the pic I've been procrastinating on since BEFORE GRADUATION STARTED#I can FINALLY delete and unbookmark every fucking snowboarder ref I've got#love these two tho......#so happy it's finally done. please. take it#admire it#I spent..... so LONG...............#art
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NO THOUGHTS
Only Jake Coolice
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lads......is it gay to wanna kiss a blonde snow boy
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NO JAKE!!!!
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I love that in TAZ Balance: the thrill seeking street racers, the arsonist, the unkillable specter, the ANTAGONIST, and the gambling grim reaper are calmer than the main three.
Then in Amnesty: that sweet vampire love interest? She committed treason. Character named Jake Coolice? Treason. FBI agent? You guessed it! Treason. The NPCs who didn’t commit treason? Hollis and Keith run a street gang, Pidgion well... you know, Juno- oh wait never mind also treason, Minerva violated the Geneva convention. But the guy who crawls around on walls and bites people? He’s obsessed with gorp and his favorite game is shuffle bored.
Then in Graduation: they’re all apeshit in the exact opposite way you’d expect them to be. Argo couldn’t care less about monetary gain, nope he just wants to murder the most beloved naval hero on Nua. Fitzroy isn’t some rich moron with a shaky moral code. He’s an anarchist who refuses to swear. The firbolg, canon communist, isn’t some angry radical (thank god) nope, he just randomly starts monologuing about economics and listens to the Bare Naked Ladies, apparently.
#the adventure zone#taz#tw swearing#the adventure zone graduation#the adventure zone balance#the adventure zone amnesty#taz balance#taz amnesty#taz graduation#I’m not naming all these characters#taz shitpost
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hello yes i love your jake coolice design. thank you
thank you i love him and i love drawing him
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Amnesty Lodge reopened... Sternclay... Mamma doing her sculpture... Doctor Sarah Drake and the telescope... The hornets action park.... Jake Coolice... Not to mention Kirby and the cryptonomica I love Kepler so much thank you Griffin
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me two months ago: woah popular blogger jords ohsweetflips is mutuals w me.. im starstruck / me now, kicking down the door to your askbox: hey jordie if u don't post a danbrey headcanon today ill softblock u
AJKSJKDJKFJK ANON THIS IS THE TYPE OF MESSAGE THAT I CAN TRULY APPRECIATE, CYBERBULLY ME FOR WLW HEADCANONS!!!!
dani discovered that, when aubrey has trouble falling asleep, dani playing with her hair really helps
aubrey and dani were both definitely in that phase where they both knew they were in love with each other since, like, october or november, but they were yearning for so long
aubrey, whispering to herself while helping dani clasp on a necklace: don’t set her on fire don’t set her on fire
dani: what?
aubrey: nOTHING
meanwhile...
dani, watching aubrey from across the lobby as if she was the pining love interest in an old-age movie and aubrey, the fascinating yet brooding hero who she would marry by next fall: god i love women
aubrey, catching dani’s eye: hey dani!
dani, nearly throwing her sketchbook across the room in fear: HEY YOURSELF
concept: dani falling asleep on aubrey during a particularly quiet day at amnesty lodge
so bc im a sucker for mama bear mama and dani seeing her as a legit mother figure, she definitely tells mama abt how in love she is with aubrey bc she goes to mama with everything and mama is so genuinely happy to see dani this excited
mama also definitely knows that aubrey is in love with dani and mama is like “i’m gonna let them sort this out for themselves” but she also really wants the two of them to be happy
besides that, jake is the one who knows about dani’s crush and barclay knows about aubrey’s
barclay when talking to aubrey: you just have to be honest with her, you know? it’s obvious to all of us that dani cares about you, and i think you know that, too, and you two work so well together! i think you should talk to her because-
jake when talking to dani: if you don’t kiss aubrey, i will just to piss you off
(dani, knowing that jake and aubrey have definitely joked about that: jakE FUCKING COOLICE I SWEAR TO GOD-)
during the time when the water was shut off during the water arc, aubrey was the only person dani could be around and still feel normal with
AND NO I WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT AUBREY BEING SYLVAIN WHEN I WROTE THAT, IT’S KINDA BC OF THAT BUT ALSO BC DANI FEELS SO COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AUBREY THAT, EVEN WHEN SHE HAS A HEADACHE AND IS A BIT IRRITABLE, SHE STILL LOVES BEING WITH AUBREY
also tho dani does get headaches more than most so aubrey will always lie down with her in dani’s room with all the blinds shut. dani cuddles up against her, hiding her face in the crook of aubrey’s neck, and aubrey just traces circles on her back until dani falls asleep
dani knows aubrey’s favorite meals and always secretly asks barclay to make them when she knows aubrey is having a bad day
amnesty lodge def has a couple bicycles and, when the weather is really nice, aubrey and dani would bike ride into town to get lunch/coffee from the local place
dani loves giving forehead and cheek kisses!!! aubrey always swings their hands when they hold hands!!!
aubrey and dani have a joint farm on stardew valley send tweet
#danbrey#taz amnesty#taz dani#aubrey little#headcanons#i did not proofread so sorry for any typos omfg#answered#Anonymous
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Hollice Selkie!AU- Part Two
At last, the long-awaited second chapter is here! You have no idea how rewritten this chapter is. Explanations and actual Hollice fluff in the next chapter, I promise.
Chapter One
@chelsvans @daughterofsarenrae @some-dragon-bitch
The mist rolling off the sea smells like rain, the thick fog still untouched by any sunlight. Hollis had made their crew leave early this morning, an itch at the back of their mind spurring them on despite complaints of hangover. As for themself, Hollis is surprised at the lack of pain. Maybe it has something to do with that witch, but they won’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
Keith groans as he sidles up beside them, holding a cold pack to his head. “Slave driver,” he grumbles, nails digging into their shoulder. “There’s no point in leaving early if we can’t even navigate our way there.”
Hollis gives a wry smile. “You’re just upset I listened to that woman over you.”
Keith growls. “Yeah, a witch.” He sways unsteadily, gripping the edge of the ship for balance. “We’re leading our crew into a trap, and if you’d just listen to me-”
Hollis shoots him a look. “Keith, that’s enough. It’s only a few miles from here, according to the map.”
Keith looks like he wants to argue, but after a moment turns away. “Fine. But when we’re in hell, I’m going to hold this over you.”
“Mmm, I’m sure you will.” They take hold of the Helm again, turning the ship two degrees east of their original course to account for the breeze. There’s a low groan as the ship turns, rudder shaking slightly, but Hollis keeps a solid grip on the wheel, and after a few moments the ship adjusts her course.
There’s a sharp whistle, and then Hollis is cursing as one of the ropes snaps, sending a sail collapsing. They thank the gods that it’s just a minor sail, but still- another thing they’ll need to replace once this mission is over with.
Hollis blinks, then, as the rope begins to repair itself, glowing a faint blue. They grab the nearest Hornet and point to the repairing sail. “You see that, right?”
The hornet they grabbed gapes, her fingers twitching like she wants to rush up to it. “That- that’s impossible.”
“Obviously not,” Hollis snarks, but their tone lacks its usual bite. Even they can barely believe their eyes, but they have to- the sail stiffens under the weight of a new wind as the ship presses on, the mist parting ahead.
Just like on the map, there’s a wide lagoon up ahead, the water a bright blue-green that only seems more vibrant as they get closer. The wind changes, too- instead of salt and rain, it smells like… home. It’s odd, but Hollis is struck by a memory of their mother, curled up in her lap while she ran her fingers through their hair.
The hornet gets a misty look in her eyes. “It’s beautiful.”
Hollis simply nods their assent, slowing the ship as they come in. The wind settles, leaving the ship in the center of the lagoon, gently rocking back and forth.
The crew makes short work, dropping lifeboats to head to the deposits of oysters on the stone ridges jutting up from the water. Hollis themself takes the third boat with a few of the younger sailors, a small knife in their hand to help pry the oysters open, but it turns out they don’t even need to- as soon as the boat hits the rocks, the oysters open their valves, exposing small black pearls.
The youngest on the boat, maybe fifteen or sixteen, gently shakes Hollis’s shoulder. “That doesn’t happen normally, right? I get the feeling that doesn’t normally happen.”
They sigh. “No. But we don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, okay?” They grab a small sack. “Here. Be gentle- they’re giving us free money, essentially, and we don’t want to damage them.”
A few minutes later, the bag is heavy with pearls, and they’ve only harvested from four outcroppings. The other boats seem to be sharing the sentiment, since only Keith’s boat is still left in the water with Hollis’s. Keith waves from across the lagoon, a mad grin on his face.
A small stream of bubbles is the only warning Hollis gets before a round white head pops out of the water. They stumble back in the lifeboat, and the seal tries to climb up into the boat, before the youngest (What’s their name? Maggie? Madison? Something like that) steadies them.
“Rreh!” the seal barks helpfully. It bobs in the water, black eyes focused on Hollis. It flaps one flipper at them, splattering drops of water on Hollis’s boots.
One of the Hornets cooes softly, reaching out a hand only to be stopped by Hollis. “Don’t. That’s a wild animal, it could do a lot of damage if it’s startled.” Hollis frowns, taking in the white pelt speckled with shades of black. “This is an arctic animal. What is it doing so far south?”
“Lrue.” The seal pushes its head towards Hollis’s hand, nuzzling almost with affection. When Hollis tries to pull their hand away, it whines and pushes its face into their palm harder.
Hollis shakes their head. “I’m not giving you any food.” The seal whuffs and splashes a bit, and Hollis frowns. “No. You’re a grown seal, and I’m not your mum.”
“Mmlr.” The seal slips back into the water, swimming a lap around the boat.
The youngest gives Hollis puppy-dog eyes. “Can we keep it?”
“Keep it? It’s a wild animal.”
“It likes you.”
“That doesn’t matter. Besides, how do you suggest we keep a seal? Plus, it might have diseases, and what would we feed it?”
Still, even as they row back to the ship, the seal follows, dancing around the ship insistently. It isn’t until Hollis begins to haul the rowboat back onto the ship that the seal swims off, leaving a circle of ripples in its wake.
Keith gives off a short whistle as he helps haul Hollis up. “Someone made a friend.”
“Shut up, Keith.” They grunt as their foot slips, and Keith has to haul their ass up. “And don’t start with that. That animal- it’s unnatural, is what it is.”
Keith laughs, leaning over the edge of the ship. “It’s just a seal, Hollis. You’re just paranoid.”
“Oh, so now I’m the paranoid one?” Hollis elbows Keith, sticking their tongue out. “If my memory serves, you said, and I quote, ‘You’re leading us all into a trap’, not an hour ago.”
Keith shrugs. “What can I say? Money changes a man.”
“Changes him enough so that he wants to adopt a seal?”
“I don’t want to keep a seal, I want you to keep a seal.” Keith rolls one of the harvested pearls around between his fingers, examining it. “I love you, boss, but you need something besides piracy to keep you going.” He fixes them with a melancholy stare. “You and I both know this isn’t going to last forever.”
It’s true, no matter how much Hollis wants to deny it. They wouldn’t have attacked the Navy ship a few days back if it wasn’t for their sister ship that had sunk two weeks ago. The security of their career isn’t certain, and the thought unnerves them.
They choose to change the subject rather than thinking about the impending end. “And what part of owning a seal makes you think that will change anything?” They watch as the Hornets portion up the collected pearls, oohing and awing over the beauty of the jewels, and lean over the edge of the ship. “What do you want?” he calls to the seal, who’s treading water directly below them.
The seal cooes and splashes around in the water, clapping its fins together. Hollis rolls their eyes, trying to hide a smile. “Do you want to come up?” The seal gives a hearty bark. “I don’t think you can make it, but by all means, you can try.”
The seal disappears beneath the waves, and Keith groans. “You scared it away!”
Hollis shrugs, turning away from the bow. “It would have happened eventually. Now, let’s get-”
They’re cut off at the sound of a splash. The ship rocks as water is forced against it, a spray of droplets soars over the deck, and at least a few of the Hornets give surprised shrieks or gasps.
The seal from earlier lands about ten feet from Hollis with a loud slap, groaning. Keith bursts into laughter, clutching Hollis’s arm. “By the gods, Hollis! It took you up on your offer!”
“How?” Hollis approaches the seal cautiously, their hands shaking. “That shouldn’t be possible. Nothing short of a whale could breach that high.”
The seal shakes, and for a moment Hollis thinks it’s dying. Then, a gut-twisting squelch comes from the belly of the seal. Its skin splits open-
And from the now-empty sea skin steps a very naked young man.
What.
The man laughs softly, tousling his sun-gold hair. “Sorry for the dramatics, but I couldn’t think of a better way to introduce myself.”
What?!
“My name’s Jake Coolice. I’m your husband.”
WHAT?!?
Apparently, they said that out loud, because the man- Jake winces. “It’s a long story.” He stands, pulling the seal skin around his shoulders. “And, uh- could I get some pants?”
#hollice#selkie au#pirate au#jake coolice#finally introduced for realsies#hollis amnesty#keith amnesty#taz amnesty
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this goes out to any and all hollis’, hi im jake coolice and i miss you so much! i love u all so much you don’t even know /p
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wanted to draw out some of amnesty’s npcs as I imagine them. so here’s Hollis, Dani, Indrid, Jake, & Doctor Harris Bonkers (PhD)
[ID: a full-color drawing of multiple NPC’s from The Adventure Zone: Amnesty. Those pictured are Hollis, Dani, Indrid Cold, Jake Coolice, and Doctor Harris Bonkers PhD. The other four images in the set are merely close-ups of the four humans.
Hollis is in the top left corner, a bust showing the front of their clothes but no further. They are a tan human with brown eyes, multiple silver piercings in their ears and face, and dark brown hair that is long at the top, pulled back into a bun, the sides shaved into an undercut. They are wearing a grey and yellow jacket, a brown v-neck, and a white and yellow striped undershirt.
Doctor Harris Bonkers is in the top middle, to the right of Hollis. He is a chunky white rabbit with red eyes, a pink nose, and little glasses perched on his nose. PHD is written out in flaming letters below his front paws.
Dani is in the top right corner, a bust that goes from about her elbows upward. She is currently in her human disguise. She has pale skin, long blonde hair, and purple-brown eyes. She is wearing a green sweater that has two brown striped across the chest and sleeves. She also is wearing dangling earrings that have a pinecone at the ends. “Crunchwrap supreme” is written over her head, referencing the fact Griffin described her as “crunchy” the first time we were introduced to her character.
Indrid is in the bottom left corner, below Hollis. His upper body is visible as is one leg. He is in his human disguise. He has dark skin, pale white hair, and yellow eyes behind the large red glasses he is wearing. He’s in a maroon cardigan with yellow details, a beige undershirt, and blue jeans. He is looking at a book that is in his lap, open to a page he is pointing at, as he leans into the side of a pale yellow couch, one leg folded over another.
The rest of the image is taken up by Jake, also in his human disguise. He has dark skin, freckles, brown eyes, and pale blonde hair that hangs in front of his eyes. He is wearing a bright blue puffy coat that has white fluffy trim on the hood, a grey turtleneck sweater, and a hat that is red, blue, and yellow. He is holding up a hand, his nails painted a dull maroon, his fingers up in the “I Love You” symbol. There is also a headshot of him to the right without his hat, his hair hiding half of his face while he sticks his tongue out. “Fluffy boy” is written below that. Even further to the right, in the bottom right corner, is a baby harp seal, referencing Jake’s true form. END ID]
#taz amnesty#taz hollis#taz dani#Indrid Cold#Jake Coolice#Doctor Harris Bonkers#(PhD).........#haha so how about that episode in two days?? y'all ready to cry??#I sure am ((((not))))#hope these please!!#art
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For the character thing: Dani (taz) and Rita (tpp? unsure but i love her) (i've never listened to tpp aldjsk)
oh HECK YEAH ty grace!!
Dani!
Why I like them- my darling homesick girl!! the way she lost everything but she still cares so much and feels so much and AHH!! she’s just so honest and good
Why I don’t- god it’s been a hot minute since i listened to amnesty so idk if this is my memory being bad or what but i wish we had more dani. i wish i had a more solid grasp on her personality ig?
Favorite episode (scene if movie)- the whole “you feel like home” scene! also her fight scene in the second to last episode? when dr harris bonkers save us
Favorite season/movie- ig seasons don’t really apply here? but in terms of arc, i really love her in the final arc/few episodes! those are the ones that stick out most in memory!
Favorite line- “I don’t really know what the customs process is between planets.”
Favorite outfit: GOD theres this one fan art i have in mind that i can’t find and its gonna kill me!! its her and aubrey in winter clothes and its super cute and funky and AGH i will find it eventually
OTP- danbrey!! darling girls!! they lost their homes and families and found each other and they’re helping each other heal while saving the world and thats goals af bby!
Brotp- jake and barclay! also dr harris bonkers!
Head Canon- sylvain is a pretty warm planet, so by comparison kepler is freaking freezing and she wears a bunch of layers! so many jackets and flannels and thick knit tights under her pants! and also a lot of cuddles with a certain flame focused spell slinger!
Unpopular opinion- uhhh idk? i just feel like her characterization coulda been a little stronger? i just want more screentime for so many of the amnesty pcs gosh
A wish- ooo gosh what if we had finally met danis family in the finale when they went back to sylvain,, i would weep
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen- shows over! griffin can’t hurt me anymore baby!! but also if episode 28 had gone any differently.. oh noPE (not that i have processed what DID happen)
5 words to best describe them- crunchy, kind, homesick, funny, girlfriend-material
My nickname for them- i dont have one! although my hc is that when she needs to use a last name she’d use either cobb or coolice!
now Rita!! (I had to retype these because Tumblr sucks ahh)
Why I like them- best girl in the whole universe! The kind of friend everyone should have, she’s supportive and loyal but will still call you out on your shit!
Why I don’t- I love her wholeheartedly bro
Favorite episode (scene if movie)- Soul of the People Pt. 2!! She saved the day! And the flashbacks! And the EVERYTHING!
Favorite season/movie- S2!! She just shines in every episode she’s in!
Favorite line- “how 'bout every time you need your Rita to step in or whatever, you just fire me? It can be a secret code! Like super spies! Like the super spy werewolves we're missin' in the movie right now!!” “But... hang on, what if I do actually want to fire you?” “Oh, that ain't gonna happen, Detective Steel.”
Favorite outfit- give her all the funky earrings and bright colored clothes!
OTP- Rita x all the love and respect she deserves
Brotp- JUNO!! Their friendship is everything to me! And Jet! I love how different they are on the surface, but they’ve got very similar hearts and they just click so well!
Head Canon- adhd icon. streams are her hyperfixation bby! and that one scene in season one where she’s taking notes and drawing and it makes no sense unless you go down her wild train of thought, GOD what a mood.
Unpopular opinion- idk if this is an opinion or just another hc, but Rita is Latina in my mind! I claim her! I see very few Latinx headcanons for tpp & I project onto Rita enough that in my mind I’m just like yes,, my Puerto Rican queen.
A wish- I want her bonding with Peter in canon! Give me these two having a mission together!
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen- nothing bad is allowed to happen to Rita that can’t be resolved in the same arc. Let her be happy kabert
5 words to best describe them- genius, loyal, hyper, warm, confident!
My nickname for them- love of all my days
#fastidious-and-a-mess#turtle’s ask box#thank god id typed most of this in my notes so I only had to retype the Rita parts loll#ty for the ask!!💙
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Definition of Good
ft. me crying about ned. mostly unedited. enjoy.
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Ned Chicane was not a good man.
He was a liar and a coward and a thief, and he would be the first to admit it. He ran with the wrong crowd; he stole and he cheated and he never used the same name twice. He was a swindler, a good-for-nothing, a man full of words and empty of anything else.
One day, he made the biggest mistake of his life.
He hadn’t meant for it to happen, out of cowardice more than anything. Boyd had said the house was empty. But Ned, for all his faults, never wanted to hurt anyone, and when he saw the evening news report three towns over that night (House Fire, Thousands Stolen, One Dead) he set down the shitty burger he’d ordered and pushed it away. Dead. He’d never left anyone dead before. And Boyd arrested, and he himself lost –
Ned Fuckin’ Chicane had always known he wasn’t a good man, but thinking that felt different, now.
He drove. (That’s all he was really good at.) It was some nondescript vehicle he’d hotwired, that he figured wouldn’t be missed, and when he ran out of gas, it was right next to a sign that said Welcome to Kepler and he walked into town and picked exactly the wrong (right) place to steal from, and suddenly, quite out of the blue –
– he had a friend.
Her name was Victoria, and she was a jaded son of a bitch but hey, they got along, and Ned stayed, and he stayed, and Ned Friendly Chicane realized he liked Victoria and he liked the Cryptonomica and he liked the people around (Duck – it’s a nickname), and –
– Victoria started coughing, and then she didn’t stop.
Running the Cryptonomica wasn’t the same without her. They’d scraped by, together, and afterwards (after a week-long hospital stay and a funeral consisting of a spare handful of people), afterwards, Ned hired Kirby and tried to drum up some interest and he started scraping the bottom of the barrel, and then –
– and then he saved Bigfoot (whose name was Barclay, who had once served him a Monte Cristo – of course he remembered Barclay), and he learned the truth about Amnesty Lodge and Kepler, and he met Mama and Aubrey, and they saved the town from a monster worse than any Ned Fuckin’ Discretion Chicane had on display.
Ned wasn’t a good man, but now he was a man with friends.
He had friends, and he was still a liar and a coward and a thief but all the same he distracted a big fuckin’ water monster and dove into it and swam up and up and shot right into its heart, because, he supposed, that was what friends did for each other.
They shot water monsters, and they listened to their friends enthuse about soup, and they blasted themselves into Pizza Hut signs –
– and killed their mothers.
He hadn’t forgotten that night – he never could – but hearing Aubrey through the half-haze in the hospital bed made his heart sink and reminded him of what he’d known all along.
Ned Trustworthy Chicane was not a good man.
He was a liar.
(You could’ve told me at any time, Ned.)
And a thief.
(Did you steal my statue, Ned?)
And a coward.
(Run, like you always do.)
He should’ve known better.
For a moment, when he was in the hotel room and Boyd Mosche (not a good man either, but he’d been a friend, for a while) was dead at his feet and the horror of seeing himself give everything that mattered away was fresh in his mind, all he wanted was them.
Aubrey.
Duck.
Ned Chicane wasn’t empty anymore, but what was there hurt, and he wanted his friends because fuck, he was scared, and he didn’t know what to do, and then –
– and then.
And then Aubrey was standing in front of him, and she was holding the pendant he took from her house the night her mother died, and he knew, with a strange, aching sense of loss, that he was not a good man.
He saw her hands catch fire, and he begged her to set this aside so they could fix this mess, and for a moment he thought she was going to do it – that she was going to burn him to ash, and he knew he’d deserve it.
What she did do was worse.
So Ned did as she said. He packed up, and he prepared to run. And as he did, he packed up his friends too – the memories from the past months. Aubrey’s smile. Duck’s grimace. Every abomination they’d fought, every night in Amnesty Lodge, every weekend that Aubrey had helped him set up for Saturday Night Dead and every meal with Duck at the ski resort.
Before he ran, though (because he would run – he was a liar, and a coward, and a thief) maybe there was one more thing he could do.
He didn’t go to the archway with sacrifice in mind. Of course not. (He was a coward.)
He just didn’t want anyone else to get hurt because of him.
But when he saw Dani and heard the shot ring out, he was already moving, and –
– he thought of Amnesty Lodge.
He thought of Duck, turning down his destiny because of all the French onion soup he hadn’t tasted. He thought of Aubrey, crying into Mama’s shoulder by his hospital bed. He thought of Barclay, and Moira, and Jake Coolice, and he thought of the time he couldn’t drag everyone out of a burning building but damn if he couldn’t take a bullet.
Ned Chicane was not a good man.
He was a liar.
(With love – Edmund Kelly Chicane.)
And a thief.
(I’m a thief, not a robber. I never meant to hurt anyone.)
And a coward.
(Ned doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt because of him.)
The stars were so beautiful.
#will post on ao3 shortly#ned chicane#taz amnesty#taz spoilers#aubrey little#duck newton#taz fanfiction#I'm REAL SAD YALL#mine
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