#i love every bit of this wtf
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i am so obnoxious over bg3 but like. privately. bcs i'm still urgehafsjsh over how astarion is literally everything to me now and i really adore him but hi: i haven't played bg3. anyway. half-elf + bard maybe!
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorry. sorry. sorry to be so annoying but ASTARION.....#mr neil did so good voicing him all lines HIT. not a single bad one. oh man#i adore astarion's character from the outermost layers to the innermost i love his development and all the different scenes your choices#can lead to. how different he can be. how dramatic he can be how sarcastic how soft he can be. astarion.#wtf the obsession kicked in late...#bcs okay i learned of bg3 just. around tumblr. and what got me finally the Nudge to get into it was THE NEWS OF THE BEAR ASTARION THING#LMFAO and then i was like Oh Yeah hm maybe astarion will be my favorite (insert my thoughts here)#and then i learned more abt baldur's gate only Then and then got obsessed whooo but very normal#and sometime there my twin also got interested and whooo normally obsessed w bg/3/astarion and then got insanely obsessed#and here i was a few days ago or last week. normal. then all of a sudden i GOT... obsessed.......#astarion has consumed my every waking moment and i'm also in lov w the other characters. gale... karlach... shadowheart... etc...#and astarion has easily become one of my most favorite characters. which is not surprising at ALL#when you consider . every general factor of my favorite characters#+ how the story of how i came to like him is a STORY INDEED to tell ..... and how i got spoiled a bit too on some stuff but thats ok w me...#and my circumstances w my favorite games are real funny (for a lack of a better word) too i realize. oh man.#anyway. astarion. i adore him#it's unfair too i'm in my hozier era fully rn so. brain consumed#me listening to all of hoziers three albums (i adore hozier) and associating so many songs w astarion :/ like work song#idk. astarion reaaaaaally deserves hugs and love and and and i adore him
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thinking about language and how when i get very angry or upset, obviously communication is difficult, but communicating in a second language then becomes almost impossible. i can only properly explain myself in times of true distress in my mother tongue. english is useless there.
but then, casual expressions of love, those sit so heavy within me in my first language. a certain kind of humor, and a lightness around love, is what english expresses to me as a second language. i guess because there is a fundamental distance to it. it's not in my making in the same way, i don't feel it as strongly. it's more of a conduit and not the fire within. and i can never escape my first language, not really. and since language is culture, history, life itself, i'll always be looking in through a window, a visitor in another land.
i say sydän, and it's being carved up alive, it's a raw, severed thing. i say heart, and i'm expressing love, and it feels softer.
and don't make me say rakkaus, saying that to someone is expressing an emotion so deep that it's embarrassing to feel it let alone to share that feeling, visceral. and then i say, i love it, i love you, i love life, so freely and without that heavy weight that bears it down.
and i've been thinking as well, about thinking specifically. especially since my mother tongue isn't indo-european, it's something completely different and unrelated. how your language shapes how you approach and think about things. what you place value on. just purely grammatically, i still struggle a bit with prepositions since we don't largely use those. we express that function through grammatical cases. but not only grammatically, it's a completely different way to think from say, germanic languages.
#genuinely i have told my parents that i love them maybe like idk 1-2 times in my entire life#and my friend with her british dad they go love you at the end of every phone call like wtf is that#insomnia rambles#wow i really need to sleep#i do think in 2 languages and honestly would prefer to talk a mess of both. with some bits of a 3rd language thrown in.
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my haaaaaands are still fucked uuuuuup but when they’re unfucked up i’m gonna draw smth so sexy and delicious for my new skyrim oc i can see the comp in my mind’s eye it’d just make my hands fall off if i tried to draw it
#he’s a liiiiiiitle bit of a serial killer so i’m envisioning him in like a white gown/robe with his hair up like in fucking. ella enchanted#in the garden with caryalind thallery but the knife behind his back is just coated in blood and there’s a pile of bodies behind him that we#can see but cary can’t see. i LOVE cary btw if you haven’t tried him as a follower highly highly recommend#vaynis is a character i didn’t think i’d get all that attached to i just wanted to try out the ancient falmer mod and then i got like. SO#attached to him immediately. he’s not actually an ancient falmer he’s just like. a non betrayed falmer who’s 23. his dad was like the#ultimate ‘i survive everything bc i’m good at hiding’ kinda guy who was a child when the snow prince died and he just fucked off into the#jerall mountains for forever basically. and another falmer (much younger) stumbled on him up there and was like ‘dude wtf if you have#immortality magic why do you live in a wizard shack in the mountains’ and he was like ‘well. i’m wicked scared all the time you see’#so in exchange for teaching her the immortality spell he was like ‘will you have a baby with me so the falmer don’t die out’ and she was#like ‘yeah ok but i’m not raising this fucking baby. i’m leaving i’m not a mom. you won’t make me a mom’ and he was like ‘yeah sure ok’#secretly thinking if he built her a tower she’d stay. so every day he’d build the tower bit by bit with magic and everyday she’d plan to#leave and like in a fairytale they had the ‘i’m going to leave’ ‘i know’ conversation but then vaynis was born and she actually DID leave bc#she wasn’t a mom! she told him that! but he was like shocked bc he was a moron. and so he locked vaynis in his wizard tower and only let him#out to teach him how to hunt and track and forage. and vaynis really wanted to see the world but his dad would never change. so he planned#to leave and he picked himself out a nice breton adventurer to seduce into taking him along only when his dad found out he killed the breton#and locked vaynis back in the tower. and vaynis waited and watched and planned and pretended like he was sorry. and then one day he#knifed him in his sleep. and took his shit and escaped. but auriel wasn’t super happy about that so he shipwrecked him. and ever since theb#vaynis has been pretty pathetic. he’s working on it but like. it really is kinda embarassing to watch. anyway his new scheme for glory is to#join the thalmor and he IS really pretty so this thalmor agent in solitude was like ‘hey the heir to the aldmeri dominion is also here and#we like. really need him back and with his head in the game. the nords are stupid they think you’re a altmer but like. i know a bitch whose#race is supposed to be extinct when i see one. you seduce caryalind thallery back into line and we’ll help you do whatever you wanna do to#restore the falmer. ideally it’s integrate with us.’ so vaynis obviously takes that fucking opportunity but problems arise bc caryalind#isn’t quite as seduceable as previously thought. yeah he’s flirty but he’s also looking for something serious and trying to become a better#person. so vaynis is on a journey of ‘get aldmeri prince to marry me and have his baby to achieve greatness’ when they stumble into helgen#after alduin attacks (bc as we all know i’m addicted to the ‘the prisoner dies and akatosh has to pick a new dragonborn’ narrative’ and he#) and akatosh picks vaynis honestly? to be funny. i love interpreting akatosh as a smartass it’s so funny to me#‘yeah there’s a whole world riding on this but like. wouldn’t it be kinda hilarious to see what happens?’#alternatively maybe akatosh and auriel are one in the same. you decide#anyway becoming the dragonborn really complicates this plan like. MOST severely
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Verse Info: Good and Faithful (or, a polite haunting)
The Story -
( Good and Faithful, Codifier ) - In which Jopson died just before the 1839 expedition. He tends to avoid discussion of how it actually happened, but in any case he had just accepted the stewardship position and had been counting on those wages to pay the doctor for his mother’s treatment, and needed to ensure that she and Avery would be reasonably comfortable in his absence.
Being that he had neither time nor inclination to be dead, and truthfully not quite even realizing he was dead, Jopson simply collected himself and carried on as usual, under the impression that the whole incident was simply a minor dizzy spell.
The issue, of course, with continuing to pilot one’s corporeal form with a severed connection between body and ghost, is that it’s somewhat akin to clutching a bedsheet in front of yourself while standing outside in a hurricane. And in addition to keeping hold of that bedsheet, you also have to hang up the rest of the laundry on the lines, and avoid letting your neighbors see that you’re out in a hurricane in nothing but a bedsheet still trying to finish your laundry, because odds are your neighbors will have Questions about this type of behavior.
Fortunately, Jopson had always been quick to catch on to things so it was with only a minor bout of sudden collapses and fits of uncharacteristic clumsiness that he mostly got the hang of the situation before setting sail, and for the most part was able to avoid any trouble.
Avoiding trouble lasted until a point about halfway through the expedition, when he very nearly frightened Captain Crozier into a similar state by forgetting to shiver. Or keep up a pulse. This almost led to a rather tender moment indeed as Crozier was quite unhappy to see him Dying, but this was abated by admitting to already having been quite dead from the beginning and thus unchanged in status despite what ought to have been a lethal case of hypothermia.
All in all, Crozier was actually rather more amenable to the idea of having a dead steward than he’d thought ten minutes prior, and all continued as normal.
However
Once the Franklin Expedition begins
( Oh Dear, My Heart/The Moon Plays Host )
It turns out that keeping hold of the proverbial bedsheet is a lot more challenging under certain conditions, and there are only so many ‘fainting spells’ that can be got away with without arousing suspicion, and that the presence of a strange magic in the air tends to have interesting effects on ghosts improperly connected to the mortal plane.
It further turns out that this arrangement creates a bit of an impasse when faced with soul-devouring creatures. They are used to tackling a body and pulling the soul from it. The soul simply moving out of the way is not generally expected, and is regarded as highly inconvenient.
Or,
Jopson is a ghost during the Franklin Expedition, which is fine, except that improperly tethered ghosts start to get a little bit creature-y the longer they drift in seemingly-cursed landscapes trying to reject their souls like a bad transplant. Also, at night, Jopson can see the crew’s Dead still wandering the ice.
#verses tag to be determined#tuunbaq pouncing on him like BWAH BWAH IM GONNA COLLINS U#jopson drops that sheet so fast like ''I'D RATHER YOU DIDN'T???''#tuunbaq (offended) ''wait wtf''#jopson (also offended) ''pls don't damage that too badly i still need a corporeal form to do laundry :(''#it's fine tho he figures out how to poltergeist a little bit#every time someone new enters the nighttime ghost chat they're like ''bro when did u even die u were fine last i saw''#''1839'' ''wHAT''#irving is straight up so offended#what was he supposed to do irv he had bills to pay u wouldve done the same thing#puppeteering your own damn self gets pretty distracting u ARE going to drop the sheet occasionally#which is why the captain has to be like *weary sigh* ''it's a fainting disorder he's fine''#''jopson for the love of god blink will you''#*has to go to doctor to keep up pretenses*#dr (sweating) ''Something's Off''#i'd like this au to generally be jopving just bc ''grant us ghosts' would be a heckin raw title but also#i feel like Goodson would be funny bc Goodsir would just be like (after Finding Out)#*dreamy sigh* ''i want to study you under a microscope :)''
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i just watched howls moving castle for the first time ever after thinking i would really enjoy it for years and, i gotta tell you, i was so wrong. i didn’t just enjoy it i really really loved it and it gave me so so many emotions
#yall wtf#who let me not watch it for THIS long#i very much loved it#gorgeous design gorgeous characters gorgeous story#every bit of the structure and themes were presented so so perfectly and im SO happy i finally watched it#i was a little nervous because i didn’t enjoy some of the other ghibli movies ive seen as much#granted i haven’t seen THAT many#but i was sooo worried about this one because i had such high expectations going in from the little i knew about it#and it delivered so so well#made my lil fiction analysis brain go brrrrrr
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I finished the Inazuma archon quests for the third time. Still safe to say I dislike it a lot because god damn the wasted potential
#꒰ v’s rambling ꒱#Ah…#Inazuma… forever my fav and least fav region in Genshin#I still love how Yae basically insults Ei throughout the whole thing#She’s so right. Ei’s a dumbass /affectionate#Desperately wished we got to see more of the war and the resistance… sigh#The whole point of Inazuma being so interesting was the civil war plaguing the region#and yet we only see a little bit of it in the archon quests. next thing we know it’s all resolved#As if every other story quest and worldbuilding didn’t hint to the war being so damaging#like… wtf#Also pissed that we get to learn Scara’s a puppet via Yae infodumping as if he was her OC#We could’ve had that revealed in Sumeru alone#But whatever I guess. Time to see Dain <3
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Just finished watching a 10 hour play through of Detroit Become Human just to come on tumblr and see a bunch of freaks shipping Connor with his dad :/ not cool
#hank is my fav and I feel kinda sick after seeing art of him kissing Connor like wtf guys#I love gay rep so much but please guys stop shipping every two guys that are friends#Connor is so totally ace too and I was hoping others would see that but all I see is freaks :’/#I’m just a bit upset rn sorry#I was really excited and I liked Hank and connors father son relationship but now I’m just sad
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my younger sister and i have discussed this at length but i really can't wrap my head around just how similar my family is to the batfamily. it is every bit as dysfunctional with direct parallels between 4 batfamily characters and me + 3 other members of my immediate family. i genuinely think that if i wrote something myself about my older siblings it wouldn't be as accurate to their personalities as jason and dick are. hell, my relationship with my older brother is a mirror of tim's with jason down to the attempted murder and somehow coming out of that with a decent relationship years later. i am fully serious he tried to kill me when i was about 7 or 8
not everything's the same, of course (for one, we're not fucking vigilantes lol) but it's enough to be really disconcerting when i see the batfam interact with each other. especially how they argue.
#vent adjacent#in conclusion i kin tim drake#he's wtf levels of similar to me#and not just in haha funny ways in oh you are deeply traumatized ways#especially how he's kind of an outsider to the rest of the family#also i love dick grayson but every time he pulls his patronizing shit i'm vividly reminded of my older sister#it's borderline triggering at times#and ofc i love him i looked up to her so much as a kid and their personalities are the same#trauma around family is funky#i see so much of myself and my family in these characters#and tbh it helps me wrap my head around their actions a bit more sometimes
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me n chloe have been doing this thing where we pretend to knuckle punch each other in the face all the time.//.
#imjustsittinghere#uploads#literally these make me laugh so hard#like its such a stupid bit but its so funny#anyway dancing with my friends is literally the most important thing in the entire world to me#getting a text at like 10:30 last night like come to the disco bar right now.#i literally was just eating so i left like 2 minutes later and i called them on the bus like r u guys already there or#and i guess chlo hadnt seen my reply cause she was like omg r u actually coming .. n a buncha my friends were there n all geeked i was comin#i lov to be a little celebrity to my homies <3#love to dance my ass off with the girlies <3 like im literally out there throwing it back to abba all night#love that there is a dedicated disco bar on bloor like every friday saturday is disco night and its always insane#religious experiance of partying then going back to someones house and watching Chef (2014)#like we went back to chloes and jordan and his friend went to his place and they texted us a pic of them watching chef as we were too#also showing up to the pre and EVERYONE wearing purple and everyone like wtf shane u always wear purple except for tonight what the hell#like i have such a brand
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Balthier remains, in fact, altering every single chemical reaction from my brain.
#i can't believe I'll enter 2024 being obsessed about BALTHIER??? in this economy ??? yes this is a fxii update SIT DOWN EVERYBODY#i slowed down a bit bc i was doing too much hunts and got overwhelmed 👍 but that talk he has with ashe#on the coastskdkkddk wtf? HELLO? My child brain from 10 years ago did NOT retain that he was a judge MUCH LESS CID'S SON?#i was like. catoon character reacting to that scene. covering my mouth and giggling going “oh he is SO INTERSECTING”#OBSESSED WITH THIS coming right after fran's arc of “i can no longer hear the woods woods my past is cut off me forever”#vs him going “i need to cut this past now and forever” OBSESSED WITH THEM and how they story just conects like that#not in a “im obsessed abt balfran” way (i am still) but in a “obsessed with xii writing” way#he is so. emotionally intelligent. idk how else to describe it but i LOVE this kind of character SO MUCH#hes genuinely so aware of everything and himself. the way he explained to ashe how he run away from the nethecite#and how he came to find it again and how it keeps bringing him trouble. the whole realization of him not being able to cut ties#and then also this vs ashe genuinely seeing the ghost of her dead husband all the time ARE U KIDDING ME#this game... this game. its soo much about resilience and overcoming and letting go of things we love an things we shouldn't love#and things we hate and :(((((((((((( I'm obsessed every time a character has a talk time with ashe. this balthier one#the one with basch about shame/war and the one with vaan and discovering they way together#they all mean. so much to her. im gonna throw up.#every time someone approaches ashe im already like bawling my eyes. babiest of them all.#also OBSESSED with the fact balthier was a jugde and how he must have been born into this midst#and how his education was all about it and still.... despite it all..... what makes him leave was seeing his father like that .#im gonna throw myself out of this window this mf i swear#absolutely insane about how extra he is. leading man this leading man that. and in the end the mf just wanted to be free from the horrors^tm#he could've it all.... ashe could just take the power and have it all..... fran and her sisters being eruyt leadership could have it all....#vaan and penelo could just go home and let the adults deal with it and basch could just be free and forget abt everything that#caused him pin and larsa could just accelt the empire and not be on death's way all they and still STILL.... THOSE GUYS MAN... AUAGHH#kissing all of them specially balthier that mf im still in shock with how much i like him#10 yo!kelly did NOT realize one of her very first video game crush would be so much of her 20 yo!kelly taste#AND STILL. AAUUAGGGH i need to write an essay on balthier and all the themes this man encapsulated#writing them down until i finish ffxii sorry xiv followers this one is not a fast phase like bg3 was. I'm ill.#kelly plays xii#kelly says#dl
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panicking abt my future again
#guys I think I should try to change my a level options to include physics#bcz what if I want to do engineering ?????#this is very scary#i do not want to do medicine. like at all.#but i think i might be forced to do ti#so i need to like stop this now#i mean ideally id love to study maths but realistically will my aunt let me do that probably not#i should definitely swap bio for physics right?#either that or beg and plead w my aunt to lt me do 5 bcz at the sixth form im applying to ur allowed to do that#like i dont even care if its too much i will simply cope#lmso what if i just change my choice now online without telling anyone and then next year i'll just do physics trhst#head truly in hands rn#but wht if i change my mind abt medicine#unlikely to be honest#how i actually broach this subject w her#like everyone in my family says that ''we're not going to force you into becoming a doctor''#but like. consistently mention me doing medicine and plan out every detail of my life#so. feeling a bit forced here nonetheless#just going to come right out and say i do not want to do this. at all#i hate being brown wtf is this? why are we obsessed w becoming doctors??#🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️🚶🏽♂️
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weee
#lotr good#lol i know i already made a post about it earlier this week but i finished watching the extended movies<\3#reading the appendices is slightly on halt since its no less work than studying but#i think readinf the books was soooo much fun like i already really miss being able to pick it up every day for month#the fact that you spend so much more time reading than watching a movie sort of makes the connection a bit stronger in a way#like im not sure how many hours i spent reading all 3 books over four weeks but it must be like 40 at least#being able to see it all in movie form is soo lovely cause 1) theyre just such fun movies and 2) you dont have to work your brain to#visualize things as much#although i did end up getting quite used to the writing style and endless describing of landscapes#so i didnt have to focus super hard anymore after a while#but yeah still its nice to just be able to sit back and let it sorta come at you rather than actively read it all#though a difference is that in the book if you find a scene or quote that hits hard you can just sort of read it over and over while still#staying in the zone or the vibe of the scene#whereas in a movie you can rewind of course but it breaks it up a bit xD#sometimes while reading i would loop a quote 4 or 5 times in my head before moving on#idk wtf i am talking about its almost 4am but i am so surprised i ended up liking lotr so much#like i wanted to watch it cause i was curious and general cultural education and stuff but especially after reading of course#ive not really had a new interest where i can like do endless research and learn soo many things about it for quite a while#the experience of finding something new and like slowly familiarizing yourself with it more and more is so much fun#also sjfjdj at me having to read and watch the grey havens scene twice within a week#first the book last monday and now the movie#me sobbing both times😭#its just really good#and i reiterate because it must be said#nobody ever did and nobody ever will do it like samwise gamgee#shoutout to taking the hobbits to ise gard#shoutout to the shire theme constantly transitioning into the gridania theme in my head#and good night (collapses)#long post#< in case of accidental tag opening sjfjdj
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what a great bennettarium podcast episode if you are like me and you can't stop thinking abt walter robotics workplace life
#spg#flickerthoughts#'probably a bit of mismanagement bc the walter workers are irradiated' SO THE BENEFITS BETTER BE FUCKING COMPETETIVD#OSHA IS HAVING A FIELD DAY#HEY SIX WTF IS UP WITH YOUR ISO 13485 BUD. WHERE'S YOUR FQA. I NEED THAT CE CERT BUD.#goddddd every fucking day i think abt that one liveshow allusion to the walter robotics union. god bless them they sure need it.#i love thinking abt the wr workplace. applying on indeed and your final round of interviews is a stage chemistry test. god. god.#one day i swear i will write up a mock walter robotics union negotiation
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im thinking that maybe the reason im so stuck is bc ive never actually done anything i like in my life ,, ive never studied what i like or had a job doing something i like or had time for hobbies bc i just do things to make money so i can buy food and not much else ,,
#i’ve got this job op where i would be making over four times the amount i make now and like#every fibre of my being is saying not to do it bc i don’t care abt this job and i don’t want it at all i want to do something i love#but imagine being that financially stable and not having to worry about money for a bit#i’ve never had that i would give anything in the entire world for it#but also i don’t think i can keep doing this whole thing of ignoring what i want purely to make money bc it’s making me so miserable#idk wtf to do i’m going to off myself
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update i found my phone and my spotify wrapped is here somebody tell me HOW THE FUCK 6ARELYHUMAN MADE IR ON THERE
#I LISTENED TO HANDS UP A LTTLE BIT MAN#WTF#but taylor swift was number 1 surprise to no one#why you only call me when your high was number 1 song#i’m from davis usa according to my music taste!!!#twice my loves was number 2 they never fail to make the charts every year#and olivia rodrigo she makes it every year
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well no wonder beauty influencers spend so much on skin and hair care products when they move to LA. they live in the fucking toxic jungle
#my skin is SO DRYYYYYYY wtf :( and my hair#like i have dry skin and theres a lot of pollution in the valley. but jfc its so awful#LA gets worse every time i visit and ive been here three times this year#hate to say it. HATE to say it. but central valley goated fr#at least compared to LA. CV is not that great tho. bakersfield is here so it brings things down quite a bit#i love californiaposting so much its so stupid
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