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#i looked at her. she'd lost some weight. she wears flat shoes now instead of the heels she adores. she cut her bangs
headphonemouse · 11 months
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Pining hell
#in recently memory i have not wanted something with the intensity that i wanted to close the distance of 5 centimeters and press our sides#together. we were SO close. gravity was literally on my side we were sitting in a playground slide hiding from the sun my legs were swung#over the side she sat at the base and all i had to do was relax a little and i would have slid right into her#and she would have let me#when i saw her again for the first time in years she called to say she was walking down the street towards me and we would see each other#soon and i ran. i wanted to see her so bad so i ran and we ended up on opposite sides of the highway with no crossing#hi#from across the telephone line#and we talked like that until we got to the traffic light and she crossed to meet me and i wanted to hug her and look at her all at once#i looked at her. she'd lost some weight. she wears flat shoes now instead of the heels she adores. she cut her bangs#some time between the shared plate of french fries and the rose bushes we walked past time started moving again and i thought about the#future. for once looking forward to it. where would i go? what would i do? i didnt know before but i knew then i wanted it to be with her#ive always kind of known that#i used to think about her constantly#over the years i thought about her less and less but still often enough to maintain contact#hi it has been *checks timestamp* SIX DAYS?!#only six days since i wrote all the above and istg i felt time slowing down and stopping the longer i went without her#until i just kinda. settled back into living without her#six days ago it was unbearable#now im just as i have been for the past several years#and its kind of sad seeing that play out#but also by nature of getting used to it i cant even really get sad about it#its like listening to someone else distant from me talk about a foreign concept#love‚ i think i understood it just a little bit a week ago#it seems to have felt great#i dont remember it all that well anymore#talking tag
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