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dopescotlandwarrior · 4 years

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Beauty Chooses-Chapter 10

Special thanks to @statell for all your help and wisdom

Previous chapters at AO3

Chapter Ten- Remember Me (NSFW)

We all watched the snow fall, each in our own thoughts. Jamie put his arms around me and said something remarkable.

“We should make haste to build a fire pit for the barn, remember startin yer wee fire for the freezing animals Sassenach?”

I whirled on him with a smile and shook my head yes. “There’s nothing like a snowstorm to be outside. I will use the rest of the light to search for rocks, Glavia will help me if Misses Crook will take Faith.”

My sweet little girl reached her arms up to Misses Crook who would be her slave for the next hour. We all bundled up and went to our task. It wasn’t easy finding the rocks under a layer of snow, but we kept bringing them into the barn and Murtagh would send those back that were too big or too small.

On the next trip back, Jamie was laying on the roof cutting a section out to vent the fire. The string was tied, then he dropped it down into the barn before he gasped and grabbed the side of the hole to keep from sliding off the roof.

“Murtagh, I’ll be needin yer assistance to keep from fallin off the roof. If I let go, I’ll slide straight off.”

It took Murtagh about ten minutes to secure a rope around one of the supporting structures and toss it to Jamie who used it to control his descent on to the ladder. My heart was pounding in my chest and I stood at the ladder until Jamie was on solid ground again. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him, so relieved he wasn’t hurt. His eyes were so blue against the white snow he took my breath away.

The pit was ready and Murtagh called us inside to carry out wood once we warmed up. I put my cheek against Faith’s and made her squeal from the cold. Glavia stayed to help Misses Crook get dinner ready and we went out to finish the pit and light the first fire.

I admired the tight-knit stones that were even and level at the top. Baritone came in hunched over from the cold and asked about the pit. Jamie explained what we had done and told him we still need to find a cover to keep the embers in.

“Why not put a heater in here? It’s safer and warmer I’m sure.”

I smacked my forehead feeling like an idiot. Jamie looked at the column of snow coming through the vent hole and half smiled declaring it one of the drawbacks of the vent. I hustled everyone inside because I was freezing.

I slipped away after dinner to look for a hardware store in Edinburgh. I got there with ten minutes to spare and explained the barn interior to the salesman. As they were locking the store for the day I was paying for the heater and an industrial power cord. I raced back to Lallybroch.

It was dark when I pulled in and I ran around to the back of the jeep to pull the heater out. It was far too heavy, so I spun around running smack into Jamie’s chest. I kissed him and told him not to worry about the firepit, I may have solved the problem. I asked him to pull the heater to the inside of the barn while I ran the power cord to the exterior sockets.

Jamie’s eyes were huge as he felt the radiating heat almost immediately. He checked the heater for stability and safety and was satisfied. He pulled me to him and I could feel his ardor building as we kissed. He pulled me against his erection and I felt ice go through my veins from fear.

“Come Sassenach, I need ye lass.”

I tried to linger in the shower, calming my nerves and bracing for the pain, but Jamie reached in and pulled me out. He could hardly wait for me to brush my teeth and dry my hair. Instead, I was flat on my back feeling him invade my body, made worse from my tense muscles. It was painful and quick leaving me alone and violated once again. It took forever to fall asleep and my sobbing did not disturb the giant Scot. What has changed you so much I wailed in my head.

I saw Jamie’s face loom above me and panicked. I tried to stop it, but Jamie was holding me down, pinning me to the bed. He moved over me and I was thrashing, trying to break free of the oncoming assault. I kept pleading, no, no, no Jamie, please don’t hurt me.

Jamie was startled awake by Claire’s thrashing body, locked in her nightmare. He heard her pleading cries not to hurt her. When she said his name his heart nearly stopped. He reached to shake her awake and heard enough of her begging to know she was terrified of him. He grabbed her and held her close until her shaking stopped. When she was deep in her dreams again, he laid in the dark trying to understand what she was afraid of. He recognized the pattern of pleading like she was trying to hold off an attack on her person. It didn’t take much time to piece together the only scenario. When he had sex with her. To him, it was a woman’s duty, like putting supper on the table, washing clothes, and laboring through childbirth. It was the woman’s role his father told him, and everyone knew that. How could she be so loving to him and so terrified of that?

He didn’t sleep much the rest of the night. He felt protective of the Sassenach but could not see an alternative to meeting his needs. He was torn and tried to remember sex before he was taken. Try as he might, he could not bring a single memory to mind which troubled him further. He wanted to put his arm around her to ease her discomfort but when he did, she jerked away from him and pulled the quilt around her.

Jamie checked on the horses at dawn and the barn was comfortable and warm. He sat on hay bales and continued his deliberation about his fearful wife. Claire bounded in fearing the heater had malfunctioned and was burning the barn down. She was five feet inside before she saw Jamie sitting there in his misery. Their eyes met and she saw all his questions on his pained face. Do ye still love me? Why do ye fear me? How have I hurt ye? He saw her wide eyes struggle to rally and get right with his presence and that broke his heart.

“Ye’ve been pretending to love me Sassenach?”

“What? No of course not. Why do you say such a thing, Jamie?”

“I can see ye puttin yer mask on, hiding some truth from me. I know yer terrified of me because ye dream of this fear and plead with me to stop.”

Jamie’s brutal honesty was disarming. I could not pull it together quickly enough and he would not look away from me. I was caught, as it were, and my heart pounded in my chest. I gave up trying to rescue the ruse of happy, untroubled wife and hung my head still standing in the middle of the barn.

“Come here, lass. Yer my reason for livin and I promise we will find an answer so ye dinna live in fear anymore.”

That sounded so ominous I couldn’t move a muscle until he came to me and walked me back to the hay bale. I tried to breathe and slow my ramming heart, but it wasn’t working, and I fell further into my surrender. This was the exact opposite of what Joe told me he needed but I couldn’t stop it now. I took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Have ye lied about loving me lass?”

“No.”

“Do ye love me less because I was taken?”

“No.”

“Do ye want to live separately?”

“No, no, no Jamie! I love you more than the day we wed, and I was ready to die with you rather than live with the pain. I bartered to die to make the pain stop, wanting to follow you to the next realm, wherever that is.”

“I’m certain of yer love for Faith. You would leave her to Glavia to follow me?”

“My pain would have killed me anyway.”

“Why do you plead with me to stop hurtin ye when ye dream?”

My tears were falling, and I felt myself surrender to telling him the truth. “Do you remember the night I found you in the barn, the first time we made love?”

He struggled with that and I could tell he didn’t remember.

“What about our wedding?”

“A grand affair it was.”

“What did my dress look like?”

He sputtered and moved his hands through the air and finally gave up. “I dinna ken.”

Here we go I thought. “Jamie you suffered terrible injuries at Culloden and untold emotional injuries before and after. You have lost part of your memory because of it. Joe says it will come back if you live in a healing, stress-free environment. I have been trying to provide that.”

“Go on Sassenach.”

“You have forgotten how we used to touch each other and how generous you were when we made love. You have forgotten it would take hours sometimes because you touched me and kissed me everywhere. You used your hands, your mouth, and your body to arouse me and then push my release before finding your own.”

I was sobbing with my truth and clinging to him. The greatest threat from revealing the truth is it would change nothing, meaning Jamie was suddenly heartless, a product of his time when women did not matter during sex. It was hugely important to me and once was to Jamie as well. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a heartless man so how could I love him now? A cold calm came over me chasing my fear and broken heart away. When I realized that Jamie had the power to restore us or ruin us, I took a breath and waited.

“Ye have mentioned meeting me in a barn, late at night, the first time I touched ye. Would you tell me about that, every minute of that meeting? Please Sassenach.”

I told him the story, burned forever in my mind as a turning point in my life. The night I fell in love. I described every moment, every touch, every truth we whispered to each other and how we made love so sweetly.

His eyes were burning into me when I looked at him and feared I had piqued his arousal with my recounting. He held my hands and told me to relax, he had no intention of throwing me to the floor and pushing into me.

“I know ye were orphaned at five years old, that ye took money from me to help Jenny, that ye left yer life in this time to risk walkin through the stones to be with me. How can I remember all that and not the times I loved ye as ye described?”

“I don’t know Jamie. It sounds ridiculous but loving each other in that manner was our cornerstone. We craved each other, taught each other, and never had enough. Somehow, it was in every look, every touch, every greeting, and farewell. It was like breathing to us. It must have been a crippling memory as you prepared for battle at Culloden. Maybe you put me away in your mind so you could fight, I don’t know.”

“But I remember you from before Culloden and I loved ye dearly Sassenach.”

“Do you remember the intruder that tried to rape Glavia? I hit him…”

“on the head with an iron pan and tied him up!” Jamie looked triumphant.

“After all that we went to wash with new soap.”

“I remember that too Sassenach. I carried ye to the water and rode ye home on my back.”

I encouraged him to remember being in the water with me when my body wouldn’t open for him and later seduced him into a particularly erotic night of sex. The intimate moments when our hearts were open and we could see the other’s soul by looking in their eyes. The most extraordinary joining of two hearts had all been forgotten.

I exhaled and stared at nothing while Jamie sat mute beside me.

“Sassenach, without the events you describe would yer path have taken a different turn?”

“Yes,” was my exhausted whisper. I stood and walked slowly out of the barn and into the house.

Jamie came in eventually and I sat everyone in the living room to watch a documentary about the two queens, Mary of Scots, and Queen Elizabeth of England. It was fascinating and a good starting point to bring them through history.

I tried to relax but felt Jamie’s eyes on me the whole time. I was emotionally exhausted and when the second movie started, I climbed the steps with effort and collapsed on the bed. I slept deeply, rousing slightly when Jamie laid down. I felt myself sinking into peaceful blackness and the relief I would not have to speak to anyone.

Large warm hands wrapped around me and then softly found each button of my shirt and pulled it away. I moaned my complaint, not wanting to wake up and when the warm cocoon came back, I slept.

Jamie was aching to touch her the way she described but too afraid she would storm out of the room leaving him alone. She pushed back when he removed her shirt, so he just cuddled her and fell asleep beside her.

There is a hand running down my leg, coming up the backs, and caressing my butt. It moves up my stomach to cup my breast before I feel a warm mouth with the tongue flicking across my nipple. I heard myself moan and turned toward the hand as Jamie’s mouth came down on mine. His kiss was soft at first but when my arms encircled his neck the kiss became demanding. His hands were on my breast and he went from mouth to breast stirring my passion. I knew I was dreaming and felt no fear from him even when he pulled my jeans off and rolled me onto my stomach.

His warm hand moved down my back and over my butt and then dropped lower between my legs. My heat was throbbing, and I moaned when a finger found my bud and caressed it. The mouth kissed down my back as the finger brought my release.

My eyes shot open as he turned me over, kissing my abdomen and moving lower. When he pushed my legs open, I could feel a hot tear squeeze out the corner of my eye. He was doing everything I told him about and he was the king of men again and I a slave to his pleasure. My back arched as he drove his tongue into me. I pulled on his shoulders begging him to take me. He kissed me deeply as he moved into me with a moan. He made it last until I was pushing on his butt to deepen his strokes. My legs came up at his sides and I told him deeper, faster. He was making my head spin and I felt ready to tear him apart.

“I love ye, Claire, I love ye. Tell me ye love me lass.”

“I love you, Jamie, with all my heart.”

He drove himself into me and stiffened for several seconds. He was panting, telling me he loved me while I kissed his neck and face a dozen times. When he fell next to me, he reached out and pulled me closer.

“Was that more like it Sassenach?”

I could see his hopeful eyes; I smiled nodding my head yes. His moves were different, a bit clumsy, but he was trying and I loved him so much at that moment. I napped in Jamie’s embrace and felt his love like I used to. I hoped this was an end to the torture.

The following day I woke up smiling at the world and couldn’t wait to kiss Jamie and Faith. When I breezed into the kitchen Jamie and Baritone were seated with Faith on Jamie’s lap. I smiled at him and he did a double-take, looking into my eyes, he smiled and blushed. I kissed Misses Crook, I kissed Glavia and Faith, and I kissed Jamie on the mouth. I moved toward Baritone and dropped into my chair.

“Ew, not you.”

Baritone laughed at me and mentioned I get more like the old Claire every day. That brought a cheery laugh from everybody, but it made me wonder, was I so different since I left them two years ago?

Whenever I met Jamie’s eyes, I saw them sparkle. He was exuding that boy charm that made me weak in the knees. After morning chores, we played with Faith until she yawned and rubbed her eyes. I nursed her, knowing I should get serious about weaning her. Jamie was pulling me to him, I could feel it. When I handed a sleeping Faith to Glavia I went to the kitchen for another cup of coffee.

Jamie came and leaned against the counter. I asked him about the barn temperature this morning and he said it was fine.

“I need to check the feed and place an order today.”

“I’ll help ye Sassenach.”

We bundled up and he put his arm around me as we walked to the barn. His happiness was unbridled this morning and it made me giggle when he threw me over his shoulder and bounced me to the barn. Once inside he let me slide down the front of his body and I caught my breath when I looked at his face. Our kiss was one for the record books and I panted when I could tear away from his mouth.

“Let’s count the bales, shall we lass?”

I struggled not to fall over when he let me go and cleared my throat hoping to clear my head. I followed him as he counted and then he turned quickly and asked how many that was. My eyes shot to his face, wide-eyed, not understanding what he asked me.

“Hmm?”

“Now Sassenach, this is a team effort so ye must pay attention.”

I heard him counting and then he turned to me again. “How many bales do we have.”

His eyes were extraordinary, and I wanted to fall into them so I never had to look away.

“Hmm?”

“Yer makin this hard on me lass. I want to see ye naked in my arms makin yer wee noises and beggin me to love ye.”

He crushed his mouth to mine and I felt him pick me up. He chose the back stairs to the second floor and lowered me to our bed locked in a sensuous kiss. He laid next to me and pushed the hair off my face and ran his hand from my neck to my ankles.

“Forgive me lass, but can I see what is under yer shirt?”

He held my collar out and tried to see inside my shirt making me quake with laughter.

“That didna work so well.” He unbuttoned the top of my shirt and looked at me. “I might be fine to see with just one more button?”

He was so disarming with his charm and I was feeling my heat as he played with me. I smiled encouragingly and ran my hand down his arm.

“I know ye will give me a peek if I take my shirt off, no one wants to be left out, Aye? Give me two, sweet lass, they are so small.”

He took a peek inside my shirt and got three more buttons open, looking very proud of himself. He moved the fabric away from my breast and sucked my nipple, quickly letting go to caress it. Having just been drained by Faith I didn’t worry about drowning him in breast milk.

He ran his tongue from my collar bone to my ear and watched me pant from his efforts.

“I could do exactly what I did to ye yesterday, or ye could show me other things ye like. It would be a poor lesson if you had all these clothes on.”

I felt him pull my jeans off and lift my upper body to pull my shirt away. I inclined my head toward his jeans and they did a disappearing act. The smile had not left my face and I pushed him back on his pillow and ran my hand down his stomach coming dangerously close to his erection. I could see his chest expanding with each breath.

“Would you like to see what you loved the most?”

“Aye, I would.”

He watched every move I made and when my mouth came down on him, he sucked air and pushed me away as he tried to get some distance from me. “Lass, what are ye doing?”

I laid on his thigh and touched him. “Let me, Jamie. I’ll show you what you loved.”

I moved toward him again and put him in my mouth. When I heard him growl, I released him and was flipped under him in an instant. He looked at me closely, like a starved man and brought his mouth down on my fold. His movements were more experimental today and he was fascinated by my anatomy. He would touch my bud and watch my reaction, smiling confidently that he found the sacred place. He was lost in my body, moving my legs, touching my core, licking my bud until I was losing my mind.

“Jamie, I can’t take it anymore, please come here and love me.”

He watched my face as he pushed carefully into me. Three strokes watching me and he suddenly froze. “Wait, ye havena… ah …ye havena…”

“Not yet sweetheart.” With that, he dropped to my core and licked me until I saw the fourth of July going off behind my eyelids. I moaned his name for what seemed a full minute and my body shook with it.

“Come back to me Sassenach, I need ye and I dinna want to hurt ye.”

I pulled him to me and lifted my legs at his sides pressing his butt, driving him into me. I felt out of control and told him deeper, faster. When he rammed into me with his release, I followed him with another earth-shattering orgasm.

I felt him all around me. Arms, legs, hands pulling me to him, mouth kissing my face and neck. We seemed suspended in time, alone in our world, so close, so utterly happy. He held me and told me he loved me.

“Yer a rare woman Sassenach. If there were more like ye I would have heard of this. Ye love like a man, chasin yer release. I did not know it was possible for a woman…”

I kissed him quiet and cuddled him for a mid-day nap. I smiled thinking I was reliving our earlier lovemaking when Jamie was curious and experimental, so intent on pleasing me, so terrified of the overwhelming pleasure I could give him. I vowed to show him the promised land of oral sex although I might have to handcuff him to the bed so he couldn’t stop me.

We were back in our sacred place where touches throughout the day were a memory and an invitation, and I was so happy. Jamie started leaving with Murtagh, just like they used to. When there was nothing to mend or build at Lallybroch they would often lend a hand to a neighbor working on his fence or building a barn. They would come home for dinner and Jamie would look at me like I was the only woman on earth.

Joe came back to Lallybroch during the holidays and we had four glorious days with him and Baritone. He surprised me one morning with his plan to take the whole group to see an animated Christmas movie and then treats afterward.

“It’s my Christmas present to our visitors and to you and Jamie, four hours alone Pet.”

I kissed his cheek and ran for a bath where I would make a plan to spin Jamie’s head in a house to ourselves.

We waved to everyone piled into the jeep and watched them disappear down the road. My heart was already pounding and I looked at an unsuspecting Jamie, and wanted to purr.

We laid on the couch in front of a roaring fire. Jamie kissed me sweetly and moved me to lay on top of him so he could knead my butt. His hands found their way under my sweater and I was about to lose it, so I pushed up and left the couch. He laid there watching me with hungry eyes.

“Come back Sassenach.”

“If I do, you will probably remove my sweater?” I pulled it over my head and heard Jamie gasp at my lace push-up bra. A treat I acquired tagging along on Baritone’s shopping trip. He stared at my breast pouring out of the lace.

“Come lass.”

“So you can pull off my pants Jamie?” I rocked my hips and pulled my jeans away to reveal a matching thong that was next to nothing.

“Now, lass.”

I got on my knees and unbuttoned his jeans asking him to remove his shirt. When I pulled his jeans and boxers away I almost swooned at his beautiful body taking up the whole couch. His eyes were drilling into mine and he reached for me. I put his hands to the couch and told him to watch me as I licked his balls and held his erection toward my mouth. He stiffened when I put him in my mouth, and it was so erotic I had to struggle to breathe. Jamie was moaning and pushing himself to my throat and suddenly I was lifted off my knees and dropped onto the couch with Jamie inspecting my bra and thong.

“No fair, you are stronger than me.”

“Aye, a good bit stronger lass and I intend to leave the earth with ye today, not by myself.”

He took his time pulling me up to the begging stratosphere. When he pulled my panties and bra off, I thought I might expire from a lack of oxygen because my heart was ramming in my chest. I could see Jamie was struggling by starting something then changing his mind. It almost looked like he was fighting himself and I wondered if my little strip tease got him too hot for control.

“Jamie,” I panted, when I’m like this it’s okay to be forceful, I like that. “I’m going to come the next time you touch me and then you can let it go, and I will like it. Please let it go.”

He pushed me over the edge and sent me careening into the erotic wind. Before I opened my eyes I heard him apologize, he didn’t want to hurt me. I promised, he wouldn’t hurt me and in the next minute the beast was with us, bending me into positions that threatened my sanity as he devoured me. My second orgasm was more than Jamie could handle as he was held tightly by undulating muscles.

“Jesus, lass!”

He held me to him as he pumped himself into me, panting and watching where we joined. I held my arms open for him to drop into. With his head on my chest, I stroked his back and kissed his forehead. He asked if I was alright and I purred, “never better.”

I was preparing dinner when the jeep pulled up and everybody piled out with huge smiles on their faces. Joe saw me through the window, and I smiled my thanks as they all came through the door talking about the miracle they had witnessed. I couldn’t help laughing at the description of multicolored people who were one-hundred feet tall, but nice, and funny. I hugged Joe and Baritone and announced dinner was ready.

Misses Crook dropped into a chair and looked a bit green with beads of sweat on her forehead. She launched herself toward the bathroom and forcefully expelled the four boxes of candy she had eaten. Poor Misses Crook. People in this time learn that painful lesson before the age of ten. It would be harder for her. I put her to bed with a cool cloth for her face and said goodnight.

It was after Hogmanay I noticed Jamie getting restless and looking for things to do during the day. His mood would swing from cheerful to depressed in a matter of minutes and he would go into the barn just to stay away from us. I felt terrible because I couldn’t help him. By the end of February, he was locked in his head most of the day. Alone in our room at night and he would lavish his love on me a brief escape from the depression.

When the house was dark and quiet, Jamie laid on his back, suffering like never before. He was disciplined, he was a warrior, and he laid perfectly still as the images tormented him. He saw his men cut down right in front of him. Their bodies nearly cut in half by a British blade. He saw three men hit by cannonballs flying through the air, already dead from the impact. And then he saw Claire, asking to see him and the hungry look on her face when he was naked. He saw her laying on a bearskin rug and new it was their wedding day.

The images of the battle and making love to Claire were intermingled in some tragic way and he felt a tear slide down the side of his face. He held a young soldier, no more than fifteen or sixteen. He was dying and cried for his mother. He was back on Culloden Moore as that boy slipped away and he lost it. His body shook with his sobs that he tried to quell. It was terrifying. He heard the voice of his superiors taunting him with their place on the list to rape Claire describing how she screamed his name when they dragged her from Lallybroch.

He saw her face in front of him, begging him to love her. A fancy carriage on her knees pushing him deep against her throat, taunting and defying him until he ripped the clothes from her body then gorged himself.

He couldn’t take anymore; it was killing him to remember and he would do anything to make it stop. He started to get up when he felt Claire’s warm hand on his stomach. She looked up at him and asked to be held and warmed up. His heart melted at her innocence and love, so he eased his body down next to her and wrapped her in his arms. Holding her like this he relaxed and sleep mercifully came for him.

Jamie was locked in his torturous head in the morning. He felt a strong urge to get away from everyone, to hide from them. There was enough snow melt for him to wander in the woods for the day, so he got up and dressed. Claire was already up making him feel even more off. When he walked into the kitchen Misses Crook was handing Claire bags of food that she put into the jeep. She kissed Faith and hugged Glavia and Misses Crook before taking Jamie’s hand and leading him outside.

“What is this then,” Jamie almost looked afraid to ask.

“We are going on holiday. We are getting some alone time and might be back tomorrow or maybe the next day. Who knows. Faith is fine with my stored breastmilk and juice in her sippy-cup, so we can relax.”

I handed him a steaming mug full of oatmeal, we buckled up and headed for town. Jamie complained a bit but when I didn’t entertain his complaints he went back to his oatmeal.

“Stay right here, please. This is a surprise.”

I jumped back in the jeep and drove around to the back of the hotel before pulling him inside the room and closing the door.

“I want to hear all about it. No one is around, no one can hear you. I will not leave this room until you have let me into your ravaged mind. Look at this Jamie.”

I pulled my sweater sleeve up high on my arm and flexed the muscles I had been building. He put his warm hand around my bicep and looked so sad.

“If only it were enough to keep me safe from my own head.”

“Your mouth will save you, love. When you share the horrors that are crippling you the healing will begin. I watched you last night, grapple with your thoughts and tears, memories that are too hard to bear. I will hear them all before we leave and I have enough food for a week, just sayin.”

Claire was talking softly telling him everything was fine, they were alright. Jamie put his hand up to cover hers and struggled not to leap off the bed and run to a safe place where he could hide from the dawning memory of his life after he was taken. He grabbed her and held her close to him as he sobbed with the memories flooding into his consciousness.

I held onto him as tightly as I could. Something was happening to him that was locked in his head and scared me to the bone. It broke my heart to hear the gut-wrenching sobs and feel him shake with it. Little by little his shaking stopped, and I kept telling him all was right in our world. He turned the light on low and looked around the room and then at me. I pulled him down to lay his head on my chest while I stroked his hair and scratched his scalp. He was relaxing, slowly, and his breathing returned to normal. I hummed a relaxing melody and held him close. When his grip on my arms let up, I knew he was asleep. I didn’t move for the next hour, standing guard against his nightmares in case they returned.

I felt his heartbeat ramming in his chest. He had not moved or spoken but something was driving his racing heart.

“Tell me what you see, Jamie.”

“Almost home, I was almost to Lallybroch, to you and Faith. I had been runnin for two days, not sleepin. When the bullwhip wound around my legs I fell forward. I was caught and tied to a horse, forced to walk behind or be dragged. I was helpless and exhausted and the worst was yet to come.”

“What was that sweetheart?”

“Forty lashes, double the first time I escaped. They posted men to guard me day and night and my hope of gettin to you had vanished. I worked the lads hard for the next week, they werna ready and I felt my guilt about that.”

“Why guilt?”

“I had no intention to fight and my mind was busy with a plan to escape, not train men for battle. I tried to make up for what I hadna taught them and I prayed for their safety.” He raked his hand through his hair. “That wasna the worst of it,” he whispered, “the captains taunted me with what they would do to ye if I refused to fight.”

Jamie's tears came down and I held him close to me. “They never had me, sweetheart.”

“If I had kent that I coulda won the battle single-handedly, with my relief alone. But it tortured me and on the night before the battle, I saw but one road ahead. To save yer life by fightin as best I could. I put my sweet memory of ye away, locked it away so I could fight and fight I did, for ye Claire.”

“I understand you forced my memory away so you could fight, and save my life.”

“I took several cuts deep into my muscle and watched the blood poor out but it wasna enough to save ye and I kept goin, wonderin if I was dead already and didna ken it yet. My men were cut down like babes before the British blades. If I saved one from an advancing attack another would come to cut the lad in half.”

He wept at the memory of mere children sacrificed for a lunatic prince Charles and his lust for glory. Jamie cried and gripped me to him. He couldn’t speak so I just held onto him. I was horrified at what he went through wondering how he was able to keep breathing until we found him.

The description of his men dying went on through the afternoon. I cried with him at the suffering, fear, and waste of life. He tried so hard to save me by fighting fiercely, to save his men by killing those who were advancing on them, all with multiple wounds that would have finished a lesser man.

By nightfall, he was exhausted. I got as much food into him as possible before he laid down and passed out. I laid next to him and stroked his back lightly so he would know I was there. By midnight I was homicidal wanting the blood of those who would torture a man to such a degree. At one point I jumped out of bed and paced the room, fists clenched at my sides. I was breathing hard visualizing what I would do to those who hurt him like this. Not realizing my own exhaustion, I had worked myself into a murderous rage. When Jamie touched my back, mid-pace, I whirled around with my fist in the air to strike the enemy.

Jamie caught my hand easily and looked at it curiously.

“What did ye have in mind for this, Sassenach?”

“I will kill them Jamie! All of them, as soon as we go back. I will not stop until they are all dead,” I shouted. “I have fancy rocks. I can pop in, slice their throat, and pop out.” My feet were moving toward the door as visions of murder danced in my head.

Jamie was chuckling and picked me up to hold me in his lap. I fought him, willing to gamble everything on my revenge. He said nothing, just waited for me to empty myself of energy and rage. I laid in his lap panting and crying. He pushed the hair off my sweaty face and looked at me with such love it made my heart hurt.

“I must tell ye Sassenach. I fought hard to get back to ye and ye’ll no be popping anywhere away from me. Is that understood lass? I see yer no convinced and still want the blood of my tormentors. Easy lass. They are all dead. Those who survived the battle were shot, or hung, as traitors. I imagine their families also went to the gallows. There is no one to fight, love. Promise me Sassenach, if I let ye go ye stay here with me, forever.”

I heard my own gasp realizing how crazy I sounded. I could feel my chin quivering as my resolve to hurt and maim faded. When Jamie let me go, I scrambled up and pressed into him holding him fiercely and sobbing. I couldn’t get close enough to him but felt his hands stroke up and down my back as his beautiful Gaelic filled my ears.

He dropped to the bed and pulled me away so he could look at my face. He spoke slowly while pushing my hair behind my ear.

“I feel lighter lass. Empty of my thoughts of the battle. Ye did this for me and I am grateful. I hope I can learn to live with the memories, and they won’t choke the life out of me. I need to forgive myself and move on.”

Jamie kissed my face over and over as I gripped his arms. It had been seven or eight hours of horrific memories pulled out and described in bloody detail. He looked different somehow or maybe it was my fatigue.

“Yer dress was black velvet with pure white lace underneath. It was flared from yer wee circles of wood tied to ye. Yer hair was up at yer temples with two or three big curls down yer back and wee curls around yer face. Ye were breathtakin Claire. When I came to the house ye laid on a bearskin given by Letisha. Yer dress was off and ye wore a shiny corset and magic stockins. I felt like the luckiest lad in Scotland at that moment and when I loved ye, yers was the sweetest surrender.”

He remembered our wedding! I was so happy and dared to hope the rest of our lives came back to him. Our intimate lives.

“I have a vivid memory of a fancy carriage rolling through the crowded streets of Paris and the most beautiful lass on her knees in front of me. And holding ye close, slowly pushing deep into yer body while ye gasp. So much love between us, physical and emotional and I remember it all Sassenach.”

I pushed back on my tears, so sick of crying all the time. I thought about how much we had overcome. The pain, the wounds, the fear, and death itself. Our future might be unknown, but now I knew we would live it together, like the warriors we were.

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ive-got-99-problems · 4 years

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In The Woods (Rocket x OC)

Max, the hunters, and the characters in the town, the rest belong to Marvel! <3

The art is also done by me.

------ Chapter 3, Into Town ------ Rocket grunted as he hopped onto the passenger seat of the old beaten up truck Max owned. He sat down with a sigh and pulled the door shut with a clang, jumping when Max tossed her backpack down at his feet.

"Hey, watch it," Rocket snapped as he lifted up his feet.

"Sorry," Max smiled before starting up the truck, the engine roaring to life as she put it into gear.

Rocket looked out the window as the trees started to pass by slowly, Max's cabin becoming smaller and smaller the farther they got.

"So you sure the humans will be alright with me just walkin around?" Rocket questioned as he looked up at her and scratched his throat.

Max sucked on her teeth, "Yeah, I was meaning to talk to you about that."

"Oh boy," Rocket mumbled as he turned to look out the window, the river that sat next to Max's cabin still following close by their side.

"There's a high chance that the guys who chased you will be in town, hunters like them always like to hang around the bars and strip clubs. Not to mention you're a walking and talking raccoon so everyone will be trying to talk to you and shit. So I was thinking that you can either stay in the truck or you can just chill in my backpack while I shop."

Rocket raised a brow, "You're serious?"

"Yeah, sorry dude."

He sighed, "So much for stretching my legs."

"You can always walk on all fours," she smirked.

"Hell no, ain't no way I'm doin that," he snapped, "So if I play stupid I'd be allowed in the shop?"

She nodded, "This is a tiny ass town in the country, Rocket, people here aren't as picky when it comes to animals in stores. Hell, the one day I saw a guy carrying his skunk around in his cart."

"What's a skunk?"

Max glanced over at him with a confused you, "You don't know what a skunk is, how?"

"Look, kid, I've been on this planet for about a year now and most of that year I've spent at the Avengers base. The only animal I know about is raccoons, dogs, and birds."

Max slammed on the breaks causing Rocket to hit the dashboard.

"Ow, what the hell-"

"You've been to the Avengers base!?" Max questioned, her eyes wide with shock.

Rocket grunted as he rubbed his head, wincing as he touched it, "Yeah, why does that-"

"You've met people like Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers-"

"Yeah, yeah, I've met all those idiots," Rocket grumbled as he waved his hand, "Don't see why they're so important."

"Wha-" Max shook her head in shock, "They saved the Earth from an alien invasion! They stopped a robot from taking over the world! How do you not find that important!?"

Rocket just scoffed, "Kid, my team and I saved the galaxy twice, saving one tiny little planet isn't a big deal."

"Saved the galaxy, how, from who!?"

"Oh, Jesus, just keep driving, I'll tell you about it later."

Max sighed and reluctantly started driving again.

Rocket crossed his arms and looked up at her after a moment of silence, "So, what's a skunk."

"Oh, right," Max said, her eyes glued to the road, "Um, a skunk is a fluffy animal that's black with a white stripe down the middle. They have this defense mechanism that when they're scared or trying to ward off predators they'll aim their butt at them and spray this nasty smell. My dog would always get sprayed by them, we had to stock up on tomato juice all the time."

"And why would someone keep that as a pet?"

She shrugged, "Because some people find them cute when they tame skunks they usually de-spray them."

"How?"

"Not sure, I've never been a skunk person."

Rocket scoffed, "Don't see why anyone would be, what was with the tomato juice?"

"That's how you get rid of the smell, normal shampoo doesn't work. We nicknamed our dog Tomato because of it, every time he saw a skunk he had to chase them, never learned his lesson."

"Uh-huh, and where's the dog now?"

"Don't know, disappeared the same day my dad did. I heard that both animals and people disappeared, pet owners would come home and there would just be a pile of ash on the floor. I think that may have happened to him."

Rocket looked at her, his one brow raised, so she could accept her dog being snapped out existence, but not her dad? Rocket found that to be a little odd but then again he thought all humans were odd so he may have just been biased.

"You shouldn't have to take any of your clothes off," Max said, "I can just tell people that you're a good boy and like dress up," she said with a grin.

Rocket winced, "Never call me that again."

Max turned her gaze to him, a devious smirk crossing her lips, "What, good boy? Who's my little good boy?" Max cooed in baby talk as she reached over and tried to rub his head.

"Stop it, don't make me bite you!" Rocket yelped as he pressed himself against the door, pushing her hand away. "Now keep your eyes on the road before you get us both killed!"

Max giggled, "I am, relax! I'm just playing around."

Rocket grumbled as he said back down, "Yeah, while drivin, real smart."

Max just grinned as she laid back against the seat, "We'll be there soon, do you want to stay in the truck or come with me?"

Rocket was silent for a moment, fears of those hunters being in the town running rapid in his mind. Maybe it was a bad idea he had come, either way, he'd be in danger. If he stayed in the truck it'd be easy for them to spot him and break in to get him, but if he went with Max they would spot him a lot easier, but then again Max would be the barrier between them and him.

"If you come with me you can pick out your own food," Max said, interrupting Rocket's thought process.

Rocket slowly nodded, "I guess I'll come with you."

-------------------

The truck halted to a stop once Max was satisfied with her parking spot, she leaned over and picked up her backpack, pulling out her wallet before shoving it into her pocket. Rocket's heart beat loudly against his chest, anxiety rising as he thought about the hunters. He watched in a daze as Max dumped out all of the candy wrappers, notebooks, and pencils from the backpack and into the backseat. She sat the backpack down in front of Rocket, she paused when she saw the worried look on his face.

"Rocket, you doing ok?" Max questioned, a look of concern on her face as she held open the backpack, "You don't have to come if you don't want to."

"No, no, it's fine," Rocket quickly replied.

He slowly climbed into the backpack and made sure he was in a comfortable spot before Max zipped up the backpack up until only his arms, shoulders, and head shown. Max opened the truck door, it squealing as it swung open. Max jumped out of the truck before pulling on the backpack and slamming the door shut. Rocket pulled Max's curls away so he could see over her shoulder. The shop was surprisingly big for such a small town, a few people hung around the outside of the building, some smoking, some talking, and some begging for money.

"A lot of homeless around here," Max said under her breath, "The cities are too chaotic, people are scared and when they're scared, they become violent. Its the rich and the homeless they automatically go after, the homeless because they're easy and the rich, well you know why they'd go after them."

Rocket stayed quiet, he hadn't really thought about what the humans were going through. He mainly focused on his grieving and trying to survive. He heard some of the remaining Avengers discuss the tragedies the humans were facing but most of it went through one ear and out the other.

"Morning Max."

Rocket snapped out of his haze as a women spoke, he turned and saw a woman only a couple of years older than Max behind the counter. She leaned over it as she looked at her phone, not even bothering to look up as Max walked past.

"Hey Lesa, ever get a text back from Jeremy?"

The woman scoffed, "No, jackass refuses to talk to me, runs off if I so much as look at him."

Max smiled before shrugging, "Well there's always the next guy."

She just gave an affirmative grunt, her dull expression becoming shocked as she looked up from her phone and saw Rocket.

"Oh my god, you have a raccoon now?! And look at him, he's wearing a little scarf!" She cooed as she rushed over to Max. "What's his name?"

Max frowned, sensing Rocket's unease, "Oh, it's uh, Rocket, I just found this little guy one day and he seemed tame so I just kept him."

"Aw, he's such a cute little thing!"

Max's eyes widened as she brought her hand towards Rocket, she could hear a faint growl admit from the back of Rocket's throat which caused her to jump back.

"Oh, I'm sorry Lesa," she laughed nervously, "He's a little skittish, probably shouldn't pet him."

Lesa frowned, a look of confusion on her face, "But you just said-"

"Y'know it's getting late, I really need to get my groceries and head out," Max said before quickly grabbing a cart and pushing it down the aisle.

She sighed in relief as she went down the aisle, she could feel Rocket relax, just a little.

"Thanks," he mumbled, catching her off guard, "Didn't want that women's hands anywhere near me."

Max gave a small smile, "No problem, now, what would you like to eat? I usually get things like frozen pizzas, ramen noodles, soup, cereal, and sometimes those microwaved meals."

"Well, I don't really know anything about human food so just get whatever," he replied quietly, not wanting any more unwanted attention.

"Oh, alright, but if you see anything that you'd like to try just let me know. I got a little extra from the fish I caught when I pulled you out of the river so I have a little more to spend."

Rocket remained quiet as they went through aisle to aisle, his eyes roaming over all the food products and taking note of all that Max added to the chart. No one gave them any trouble, some just gave looks and whispers, some would come over and coo about how cute he was, and some just straight out ignored them. The ones that ignored them were Rocket's favorites, it took every bone in his body not to snap at those who stared and tell them to 'fuck off.'

Rocket sighed softly, hoping that Max would be done soon and they could head back to the cabin. That was when he saw a man, it was one of the men from the forest. His heart stopped and he felt like he was about to throw up, Rocket prayed to any god that existed that the man wouldn't see him. He slouched down and pushed Max's hair in front of him, trying to make sure the man didn't see him.

Max felt him move her hair and could feel his small body shaking, "Rocket, what's wrong?" She whispered, turning her head to the side to try and see him.

"We need to leave," he whispered back.

Max looked around the store and saw the man, his beard thick and curly, his hands rough and had dirt under his nails. He held basket that held beer, a small packet of ham, and a pair of pliers with some rope. Max tensed up and her heart nearly stopped when the man noticed her, she quickly looked away and began to push the cart, her heart pounding in her chest.

"That's a cute raccoon you got there."

She winced, "Yeah, uh, thanks."

"Never seen one with a scarf before."

"Yeah, he's one of a kind," she responded with a nervous laugh.

"Oh, I bet, kind of looks familiar. I've never really seen any brown raccoons with a scarf before, well, other then three days ago that is."

"Oh really, well a lot of crazy stuff has been happening lately, maybe there's a whole swarm of brown raccoons with scarves running through the area?"

The man remained quiet as he stared at Rocket, "How'd you come across this little fella?"

"Oh, I've had him for years, had him since he was a baby."

The man nodded, his eyes still locked on Rocket.

Max cleared her throat, turning her body so Rocket would be hidden behind her, "Well, it was very nice to meet you but I need to get going."

She could feel his eyes as she walked off, her body shaking as her heart bashed against her ribcage. She was quick to leave after the encounter, neither her or Rocket saying a word until they got back into the truck. Once in they both let out a sigh of relief, Rocket falling against the seat.

"Fuck, I nearly pissed myself when that dude started talking," Max muttered as she ran her hand through her hair, "You alright?"

He nodded, "I'll be a lot better when we get back to the cabin."

She sighed before putting the keys back into the ignition, "Yeah, me too."

#guardians of the galaxy #oc #rocket raccoon #fanfiction #avengers endgame #endgame

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switch · 6 years

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suppermariobroth has only ever been very polite and the guy’s basically just settin out a tip jar, let him live, it’s not like he’s promising to make a TV show pilot for 600 dollars or trying to offer unlicensed therapy. i like his product i want him to have a little walkin around money

#also I kinda worry about him #switch speaks

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whiskeyxcola · 7 years

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Ain’t It Enough; Part 15

Part 15: God’s Got It Pairing: Daryl Dixon x OFC Word Count: 2493 Warnings: All the usual TWD things, physical abuse, language.

A/N: Blanket warning for possible OOC Daryl at different points in the story. Story and chapter titles from Old Crow Medicine Show songs/lyrics.

One of my goals this year is to be more active on my side blogs, meaning this one and my original fiction blog. Here’s to hoping I can make that happen!

@daaryl-dixxon @bucky2-0 (Let me know if you’d like to be tagged!)

Masterlist

Walkin' around like a vagabond Troubles are on your back Lookin' for money, lookin' for friends And you don't know who to ask If you want it, God's got it

Rick was coming down the hallway when Daryl walked out of Macyn's room with a bag over his shoulder.

"Where are you goin'?" Rick frowned.

"Just back to my room," Daryl answered.

"You two fighting?"

"No," Daryl said, shaking his head. "I'd say we're pretty agreeable at this point."

He continued down the hall, so Rick continued on to Macyn's room. Her door was open, and she was rearranging some things in her room. He knocked on the doorframe and she looked up with a smile.

"Hey, Rick. Lori okay?"

"Seems to be for the time being," Rick answered. "I was actually going to ask you about Daryl. He's going back to his room, said you two aren't fighting."

"No, we're not."

Lord Almighty, this was like pulling teeth. "How about we skip this beating around the bush business then and you just tell me what's going on?"

"It got to be too much, for both of us," Macyn sighed, sitting on the bed. "We're products of our past lives, Rick. We know we need each other now, need people, but wanting people – that's the part that's too much. I don't want to have think about what he wants me to do if something happens to him. I don't want to have to figure out what I'd want him to do. It's not like we don't care about each other or we're not going to worry what happens when the other one goes out of the shelter but … it's just easier this way."

"Is it?" Rick countered. "Easier to care but not to have every moment together possible if something should happen?"

Macyn rolled her eyes. "That matters for you, Rick. It matters for Lori, and Glenn and Maggie. It's different."

"How so?"

She made for the door. "Shit, Rick, why does this matter so much to you?"

"You and Daryl are part of my family now. Why shouldn't I care?"

She snorted as she retreated back into the room, pushed into her boots, and grabbed her gun. "That right there tells me that you don't get it, and I don't know how to explain it to you. I appreciate all you and the others do, more than I can say. I love having all you as my family but Daryl – he's just going to be part of that family from down the hall now. That's all there is to it."

Rick watched her walk down the hallway and grab her crossbow before heading up the stairs. He called for Carl, who came out from visiting his mother right away.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Go out with Macyn, will you? I think she needs some company."

Carl frowned momentarily, then shrugged. "Okay. I'll get my gun."

Rick let out a deep breath. He wasn't sure where Macyn was headed, but figured with Carl in tow, she would be sure to stay out of trouble.

.&.

Lori's pregnancy reached six months. Then seven. Finally, the date they believed her to be eight months along came. Slowly, Macyn told her she could get out of the bed, as long as she took it easy. By the time that eight month mark came around, it was late January, and Lori was safely doing light housework.

The winter had not been so harsh as they expected, thankfully. They made it through on a mostly vegetarian diet, with the occasional squirrel or rabbit brought home by some hunting combination of Macyn, Daryl, and Merle.

When the winter months came, Merle stopped talking about leaving. They all figured once the weather warmed up, so would his desire to leave, but for now, everyone seemed content to be at the shelter. Woodbury had even left them alone, more than likely to concerned with their own well-being through the winter.

Daryl and Macyn interacted easily, but with still some shred of tension. It was always there, always palpable, but none of them had any choice but to live around it.

Six weeks before her expected due date, Lori started contracting again. Macyn examined her and knew that, this time, there was no stopping the contractions. The baby seemed healthy enough from inside the womb; all she could do was hope for a steady delivery and a healthy baby outside of the womb, also.

"Rick, Carl, you can stay with her until we start to deliver. Where's Carol?"

"She and Beth both woke up with temperatures," Hershel announced. "They can't be around the baby."

Macyn ran a hand over her face. "You've been tending to them?"

"I've been exposed, yes."

"All right," Macyn said, taking a deep breath. "Rick can help me until it's time to push, and then I can take it from there."

"I'll help," Daryl offered. "Just tell me what I gotta do."

Macyn looked at Rick who nodded. "All right. Come with me to the supply cabinet. I'll give you a crash course in labor and delivery."

Daryl followed her, trying to watch carefully the medications she loaded onto the cart. Most of them were names he couldn't even fathom pronouncing in his head, let alone out loud.

"Between now and when she has to push, it's mostly going to be trying to manage her pain and keep the baby from dying during the delivery. These bottles right here are going to be what I need if she starts bleeding too much." Macyn pushed a group to the corner before sectioning out several more groups. "These are for pain, and these are going to be for Lori after the baby is born. These things that I'm putting on the second shelf are going to be things I may need after the baby is born."

That made much more sense. She still knew him well; knew how to break things down so that he understood.

"I gotta tell ya, Macyn, I'm nervous as hell."

She looked at him, and her own nerves slowed for a moment. Against her better judgment, Macyn did something she had been aching to do for months now. She reached out her hands and laced her fingers through his.

"I'm not saying at all that it could be easy, and it could very well go on for hours. If it gets to be too much for you, Daryl, you tell me and we'll figure something else out. But I … I need you to do this with me. I'm nervous, too. Only done this once before and that was before everything, so I had a lot more resources."

He let go of one of her hands and reached up to caress her cheek. "You're going to do just fine, Macyn Ballard. God didn't give you all them smarts for nothin'."

She smiled up at him, his hand still on her cheek. "Thank you."

Daryl nodded and dropped both his hand from his face and his fingers from hers. If he wasn't careful, he'd go on spouting all sorts of shit, like how much he missed her and how he wanted her back. He'd tell her that he made a mistake and if nothing else, he'd volunteered to help her deliver Lori's baby because it was a chance to be close to her – to do something meaningful with her.

Clearing her throat, Macyn nodded. "All right. Let's do this."

.&.

It took eleven long hours, but, finally, a healthy baby girl screamed her way into the world. Macyn had had time during the labor to tell Daryl what to do to suction her mouth and nose, so he handed the fragile infant over to Daryl's not-so-sure hands, and finished with Lori.

"Is she okay?" Lori asked. "She's breathing?"

Macyn smiled. "Lori, you hear all that screamin'? No way she could make that noise without air passin' through her lungs."

Lori looked relieved. "Rick and Carl. Let them in."

"Let me make sure you're both squared away. We'll get the little one cleaned up and let you hold her, then we'll send the boys in."

The looks on Rick's and Carl's faces when they saw the new addition to their family in Lori's arms was priceless. Macyn finished cleaning up her supplies so that the place once again looked like a home and not a hospital room. She watched the happy family, unaware momentarily of Daryl's arm around her shoulders.

"Nice to see some life and happiness for once," Daryl said.

She nodded and leaned into him, out of habit. Quickly catching her actions, she pulled away, mumbling something about getting rid of the trash from the delivery.

"We'll have to burn it out back," Daryl said, following her into the hallway. "Bag it up, I'll take care of it."

"Thanks."

Macyn was grateful that he walked away then. If he hadn't, she might not have been able to stop herself from telling him how much she missed him, that she still cried herself to sleep sometimes without him, and that maybe the real mistake had not been trying to be together, but not trying hard enough to be together.

.&.

Lori and the baby, who they had decided to name Judith, were holding out healthy. Macyn was in for a long few days, checking on them every hour on the hour, but so far things were looking good.

She had just come out of the shower, ready for bed, when Merle stopped her in the hallway. For the first time in their acquaintance, Macyn noted a panicked expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" she frowned.

"Daryl's gone," he said. "Went out back to burn that trash and never came back in – thought maybe he was poutin' again, but he ain't there. There's truck tracks, but ours is still back there. Looks like he dug his heels in and maybe there was a struggle."

Macyn was stuck there in the hallway. This was it; the moment she had dreaded. Daryl was gone and –

"Come to it, girl," Merle growled, gripping her upper arms. "I've got a strong inclination it was Woodbury."

"We have to go after him."

"Now we're getting on the same page. I'll gear up."

"Right, let me get dressed and tell Rick. Hershel, too, he's going to have to watch the baby."

"Macyn," Merle called. "If you need to stay here …"

"No," she replied adamantly. "Maggie is here, too. It'll be enough for us to at least scout the area."

She briefed everyone as best and quickly as she could, and geared up with Merle. Rick had offered to go, but Macyn told him this time it was better if he didn't. He needed to be there with his family, and too many of them would tip off Woodbury.

Merle got behind the wheel of the truck; they had decided they would drive as close as possible to Woodbury, then walk the rest of the way. It was after dark, so the less they had to walk the better. On the way, a thought crossed Macyn's mind.

"You're not throwing me to the lions, are you?"

Merle frowned. "The hell you talkin' about?"

Macyn let out a somewhat embarrassed sigh. "I mean, when we get to this place, you're not gonna just throw me through the gates and let them have their way with me, right?"

"Macyn Ballard," Merle chuckled. "If I was gonna throw you to the wolves or lions or whatever beast you wanna call it, I'd a-done it already. 'Specially after you broke my brother's soft-ass heart."

"I didn't break his heart," Macyn replied softly. "We both thought it'd be better if we – I don't know, backed off, I guess."

"Well, never heard him talk to me about a girl so much as he's talked about you after y'all broke it off. Ole Merle ain't much for heart-to-hearts, but Daryl's my brother. Guess being there is makin' me soft, too."

Macyn weighed her next comment and decided to ask. "What did you tell him?"

Merle pursed his lips, carefully avoiding a herd of walkers on the road. Just when Macyn thought he wasn't going to answer, he proved her wrong.

"Told him at first to forget you. Told him we'd stay long enough to let him detach from you, then we'd go and he'd never have to think about you again. Told Daryl that over and over, but never seemed to get through. So, finally, I told my brother what he needed to hear. That he should do whatever he had to do to get you back, if he really loves you that much. Ain't easy for men like us to find a woman, but when ya find one, ya gotta hold on to her."

Macyn kept quiet. She was afraid to say something and ruin the moment. She thought over what Merle had said as they neared the Woodbury gates and wondered how even hard-hearted Merle was moved enough by whatever was between Daryl and Macyn to talk about it – and how was that not enough to keep them together?

"For whatever it's worth," Merle added as he pulled the truck to the side of the road, locked it and pocketed the keys. "I believe what I told Daryl. About keeping you around and all. Never should have tried to convince him otherwise."

Macyn didn't say anything to this either, but she did smile a little bit to herself. Maybe for once and for all, she had won over Merle Dixon.

It was a good twenty-minute walk to the gates of Woodbury. They crouch out of sight, trying to size up who they would have to take in order to get in the door.

"We need to go in the back way," Merle told her. "It's how Willy and I got out. If they are holding Daryl, it'll be not too far from there."

Macyn nodded and followed him. They had to carefully navigate around the town's walls, but finally they came to a weak spot. Merle explained that the guards only came through every fifteen minutes. Macyn nodded, and asked if he had a plan of what to do once they got in.

"Well, I swear still I'm not throwing you out to the lions, but we might need to use you as bait."

Macyn raised her brow while he explained and, actually, he had a legitimate plan. It made her a little nervous, going in blind, but she had faith that Merle wouldn't risk his brother's rescue on a poorly-strategized plan.

Let this work, she pleaded with God in her head. If this works, I swear, I'll tell Daryl that I was wrong – that he was wrong – we both were wrong. I'll find a way to make it work and I won't let him go again.

She wrapped up her prayer just as Merle signaled her to move.

#the walking dead #fanfiction #ain't it enough #part 15 #god's got it #daryl #daryl dixon #ofc #daryl x ofc #daryl dixon x ofc #stop ofc impartiality

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