Alajade// the best for last lol.. I know way more than you think I do & idk how you haven't caught on to that yet the way I put pressure on a problem especially if its old.. I was waiting for the truth & I still didnt get it from you lol. but its okay bc I already know & so did everyone else .. you told me it was my fault you did what you did last month , im not taking that I refuse bc thats what you said about the first timw bc you were hurt.. but when you hurt me I always kept it between us maybe fb post sometimes & tumblr but I never involved another person bc I was hurt lol.. you told me so many stories that you forget you tell me the truth amd then lie again lol I always catch that. you said " I lie to you bc I love you & I tell these niggas the truth bc I dont care about them" .. all I asked for this whole relationship was honesty bc I trusted you with my life before everything turned sour.. & I think thats what fucks with me the most that someone could literally tell me its raining outside but if you said it wasn't then im strolling out the house with no umbrella without a second thought.. I kept craving the gf I had in November-December 15' . & I was never really mad about the parties it was just that 1. I hate alcohol & I hate when you drink bc you said it yourself you do stupid shit..& idk how you still want to drink so heavily anyway. 2. I was never invited & I guess the reason was bc you were "free" at parties lol but if shaking your ass is being free then so be it bc that's the only problem I had and on top of that you're drunk grinding on other drunk boys lol .. & then you talked about how you wanted to dance with one slowly or whatever you said you know what post im talking about .. I hate it I hate it.. watching people's snaps of you grinding on dykes and niggas and bitches lol.. when you told me you only danced with your friends lol .. you broke my heart multiple times little do you know & you always say I make you feel bad about it.. you keep saying im ungrateful lol you keep saying you gave me a arm and leg to repay me for what happend when all I truly wanted was for you not to drink so much thats all & sometimes miss a party or two.. thats all I wanted from that bc it all revolves around you being intoxicated .. I thought you helped me with being homeless and shit bc I was your gf & you loved me not bc you felt bad for what you did. im so sorry for the things that happened after and me calling you out your name for it. you were my whole world , you were all I had & then you told me you couldn't be that anymore bc it wasn't healthy but who was I supposed to find ? Myself ? how ? Too much was going through my head and I NEEDED someone. you got tired jada let's face it you didn't wanna deal with my problems no more because they started to become problems for you . I noticed & I offered for you to leave before they got worse but you said you would stay but you slowly started to slip from my finget tips.. there was no more light in your eyes when you seen me . I was so angry jada I was so fucking angry. You make me seem like I used to beat you you make me look terrible now like a monster & im not lol I fucking not , I just didn't want you to leave.. "I've been abusing you" lol it was ALWAYS mutual , you hit me , I hit you .. I curse you out , you curse me out. I always play innocent lol I know im a angry girl who wont stop talking to her ex bc I've been wanting to die and I crave someone like myself to help me through it.. so im sorry if that pisses you off but its the truth. It didn't mean I thought she was prettier than you , funnier, cooler NOOOOO it meant maybe I could save a life and I wouldn't feel so worthless . I fucking loved you with ever inch of my body after my gma passed all I wanted was you but you didn't talk to me much lol.. the week I didnt talk to you I was homeless I was sleeping in project building staircases & I craved your bedsheets so bad.. but that was my fault bc I let my anger drive you away . I stood in train staions begging for money but this society is cruel to the homeless we're disgusting and we only done it to ourselves in their eyes. but I knew you didn't see me like that but i was so angry bc I thought you would leave I had nothing I couldn't & still barely can get you something to eat. I was feeding of you and I drained you.. & you had your own mental problems to handle at the same time & never asked if you were okay so you seeked help in others. I didnt do my part I disnt speak up & I should have . I wanted to marry you I wanted to wake up next you every morning I wanted to see your face everyday. theres so much more I have to say but there isnt enough time in the world .. so much more to explain but this is it .. hopefully the truth comes out somehow.. just know I love you & take care of yourself bc ill be watching. -taty the tough guy