most of 600 characters are up on toyhouse.

HOLY SHIT THAT'S SO COOL???? I LOVE HOW WELL THOUGHT OUT THE STORYLINE IS IM SOOOO AHEHFHEHDHE I FR WANNA KNOW MORE (also i thought they'd kiss at the end but nevermind- im quite alright with mutual abuse too(

here are their designs this is pretty old as you can tell and i dont think the heights look accurate at all + a bunch of other nitpicks but wuteva :"]]

OHHHH IF ONLY THEYD KISS MAN, IF ONLY THEY WOULD :CC but tysm !!! gahhh that means !! a lot !!!! :"333 so uh yeah! i havent been able to fully draw prisoner and warden yet aside from a few unfinished sketches ANYWAYS lemme slow down a bit and talk abt some other stuff outside of themes and plot :0 so abt their designs, prisoner is 6'4 ft mixed but mostly of black descent, appears 25 yrs old, slim/skinny build hes actually a little underweight bcuz of how little he eats, short dark wavy slightly curly hair, has eyebags and some other facial imperfections around his body but other than that, since i based him off of serial killer archetypes, hes pretty conventionally attractive and has a pleasant voice and demeanor :]] warden is 6'3 also mixed but less so than prisoner and mostly of brown descent, appears 23 yrs old, slim/skinny build like prisoner but he eats a bit more so he looks less like skin and bones, short straight black hair, has a bit of acne due to long periods of exposure to the elements and such but again since hes also based off serial killer archetypes, hes also conventionally attractive and has a pleasant voice! SO off to where the story begins ohohhohhhh ill keep this short but. the warden and the prisoner have been going at it for nearly 2000 years, and what theyve been doing pretty much is that they run into each other every few weeks/months and they just! stab and shoot and fight to the death! :D smtimes this happens bcuz they yknow run into each other smtimes this happens bcuz prisoner tries to kill someone and warden, who likes to stalk him for long periods of time just to prevent this from happening, has to come into the rescue and fuck prisoners shit up and if theyre feeling especially vengeful they generally put each other thru smth awful .. hooray? but yeah! pretty much i started writing this story bcuz i was just fascinated by the idea of how far/extreme i could take the enemy-enemy dynamic in fiction and what i could do w/ that concept !! and then from there it evolved into an exploration of trauma and how it horrifically distorts and rewires the way 2 people view themselves and their actions and the world, leading them to manipulate and brutalize and torture each other, and letting the fact that youre a victim blind you from the fact that youre also an abusive person, and thats its not entirely the other persons fault but also your own :[ i think that the prisoner and the warden are fundamentally very different people, they just react to trauma the same way: they are very sensitive to it and they dont know how to handle it, they can only let the hurt eat them from the inside out and cause more hurt ..

and! if you dont mind me very pretentiously including this quote from house of leaves here adjusted slightly since i think it absolutely fits the way these 2 view each other:

I'm afraid. [He] is hungry. [He] is immortal. Worse, [he] knows nothing of whim.

091923 21:00

friends appreciation post even tho i have a rlly bad migraine and am abt to pass out. havent been rlly feeling okay for these past few months now for a lot of reasons so it was nice to know that ppl cared abt me. it was my first time experiencing having ppl give me a whole cake as a surprise. i wanted to cry in happiness earlier when my friends surprised me with it but i didnt cuz thats embarrassing lol but im feeling rlly sentimental!! maybe cuz I've been sad a lot that these past few days feel a lot brighter around them. i love how they put extra thought into their gifts too, giving me a sunflower lego set and a cute pop-up frog toy. apple seems to put other ppl first instead of her own but im happy to see she has gio to be the one to give her what she deserves, they're rlly cute.

i guess my top favorite so far is the video lory compiled bcuz I didn't think i was worth that much effort and i'll admit that i cried when i saw it. i always wanted someone to do that for me. it's been a thought in the back of my head a lot, and seeing it be real made me sob. I'll admit that i watched it a bunch of times and saved it as well.

plus i got to spend some time with my friends i dont share a class with anymore which was always thru pure chance. the other day i was walking to the bus stop when i saw my friends from last term. i rode home with them. one of then i even shared a cab ride with and we kept talking the whole time which was nice. i mean im still sad but its getting better which i think is ok. i'll be okay.

part of me thinks i dont deserve any happiness for the things I've done, but baby steps i guess.