#i haven't done this for so long | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tera-artt · 1 year

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*knowing that you can run away and escape fills you with determination*

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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latepivi · 26 days

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meow

#narilamb #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #the one who waits #cult of the lamb #my art #digital #these are so lazy lmao i still wanted to put in a little more effort #i haven't done full digital illustrations in so long help

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mistrex-silly · 3 months

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I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT THEM SO HARD THANKS TO MY DEARESTS MADE AU CRUMBS

#homestuck fanart #june egbert #terezi pyrope #i'm brainrotting so hard #look at them #i haven't done pixelart in so long #i tried #you can't blame me for this #homestuck #homestuck au #junerezi #art #homestuck june #they're lovely

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batnoise · 4 months

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[🦇 / october 2023 ] commission for @renkindle !! 🍜 (they/them for left, it/he for right)

[ID: a digital drawing featuring two portraits of anthro characters with sharp, stylized black linework. on the left is ghostie (they/them) a dark teal colored fluffy dragon wearing a black shirt with a grey hoodie underneath. on the right is ren (it/he), a fennekin wearing a beige shirt, a teal short-sleeved hoodie, and an olive plaid bandana. ghostie rolls their eyes, saying "in the mood for 'men, huh?" to ren, and ren looks back at them with a smug smile. (in this context, 'men is short for ramen). /end ID]

#batnoise art #furry #anthro #weirdfur #cleanfur #sfw furry #dragon #pokemon #pokefur #fennekin #twewy #neo twewy #the world ends with you #commission #complete #a:bel #2023 #i haven't done a comm in twewy style in So long this was so fun

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narnour-momo-007 · 2 years

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"Uh oh, you found the toothpaste.."

#sam and max #sam and max freelance police #my art #narnour's art #I'm so glad Big and Small got the recognition they deserved :'))#they used to be a huuuugggee comfort to 5 y.o me🤲🤲🤲#sorry if this was done before. I haven't been on the tag for a.. pretty long time.

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rikurobo · 1 month

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I've been watching Delicious In Dungeon and I really really like the show and the intro. I might draw more people from the intro as well!

#this screencap redraw has most likely been done so many times but hey #here's one more #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #laios touden #laios dungeon meshi #artists on tumblr #fanart #I haven't drawn fanart in a long time #I forgot how much I liked drawing screencap redraw things #also this is my first dungeon meshi fanart but I'll probably draw more #the show is so good #I might look into getting the manga #digital art

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dindjarins · 1 year

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✨ here comes the boy, hello boy, welcome! ✨

#i haven't done mando gifs in so long wow #the mandalorian #themandalorianedit #the book of boba fett #swedit #tuserlaurie #tusernicky #underbetelgeuse #userpayton #userairam #userclayy #userange #useralison #userelio #userjoanne #useremi #tusercora #tuserpolly #*gifs

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soulmvtes · 4 months

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girls when they go through their entire camera roll and sob over the things they went through and people they knew and the feelings associated with the places they went to...

#haven't done this in so long and wow... 2023 was truly insane #i take pictures of truly everything that makes me feel a certain way and it's just so!!!! there's so much attached to my photos idk #diary #tiyas thoughts

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fictionadventurer · 8 months

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There's something about reading really great writing that's so relaxing. You can just sit back and let the words wash over you, knowing that you can trust the writer.

#random thought of the day #books #part of the reason i'm not getting writing done today was because i spent most of my free time reading from books i've let sit for too long #i haven't been able to sink into good fiction for a while #so elizabeth goudge felt like a spiritual experience #cleansing and uplifting #it always takes me a while to get into her books #there's a learning curve of a couple of chapters to adjust to the style #but once i break through it's bliss #it becomes easy as breathing #there's nothing quite like what she does #i love books that understand that goodness isn't boring or trite #you don't need to have 'darkness' and 'grit' to be complex #like one bit that took my breath away was the talk about sallie and david's marriage struggles #they're both good people who love each other #but they also have their differences because they're human and that causes struggles #not marriage-breaking struggles just nuanced life struggles #and i'm not sure i've seen something like that in a book before #it's a good marriage they married the right people but that doesn't mean life is perfect #goudge uderstands that marriage isn't happily ever after--heaven is #and a good marriage is two people partnering up to help each other reach that goal #it's so much more adult than any 'complex adult' work i've seen

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kim-woonhak · 1 year

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SUGAR RUSH RIDE

#moasource #moacentral #tomorrow x together #taehyun #kang taehyun #txt #*ambiv.art #*1k #not bad for a 90 min painting!!!#i just thought the colors and composition were pretty #haven't done a wide painting in so long lol #anyways sugar rush ride is the drunk-dazed sequel we all deserve <3

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moghedien · 2 months

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honestly I encourage everyone to get comfortable opening up their electronics. game consoles. computers. phones. keyboards. headphones. whatever. like obviously don't start with the most difficult thing to open up and don't just mindlessly pop open something and lose all the screws and don't do it while its on. but get comfortable looking inside your stuff yourself

its not hard to open up most electronics that don't have an apple logo on them (and even a lot of those are easier than you'd think) and it DOES NOT VOID YOUR WARRANTY.

Companies will try to scare you from learning how to care for your own stuff because they get money that way. Warranty stickers are technically illegal in the US but just isn't enforced, and a company can't actually void your warranty if you repair something yourself, so long as you don't break something else in the process.

like I look at threads all the time where people express fear about just opening up a console and looking at the internals to see which version they have but don't be! its easy, its safe, its free! get comfortable with your electronics and learn how to clean and repair stuff yourself, it isn't scary, companies just want you to think it is!

#I have been inside of like a dozen different video game consoles at this point #i'm talking like atari 2600 through X Box 360 in terms of generations #newer ones I've just had no reason to open up so that's the only reason I haven't tho I should probably do some cleaning #but like I've done cleaning and repasting and straight up surgery on motherboards and its FINE its not hard #I don't even know how to use a soldering iron and I have still done repairs and maintenance that would cost stupid amounts #I've taken part ipods regularly and removed puffy batteries from iphones and popped open headphones to replace parts they don't want replac #i've frankensteined keyboards from different ones to make what I wanted and built ones I myself #as long as you're careful and don't fuck around with power supplies that are ON or act reckless with batteries #its FINE #open up your junk and clean it

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allcolorbut-theblack · 6 months

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