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#i haven’t gotten to do much art recently
lostonyon · 2 years
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How is he so pretty…
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cherrysnax · 1 year
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as someone who has to draw everyday, or else I forget how to draw, repetitive strain injuries are bound to happen but damn I didn’t know long it was gonna take to heal 😭 I have to take like a 2-3 week hiatus and if it doesn’t get better after that I have to take a few months off which makes me so nervous n upset
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solbaby7 · 3 months
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Make You Feel Something
pairing: azriel x reader
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warnings: sexual tension, some anxious themes, probably typos, some swearing, and two best friends—they might kiss
summary: You paint a certain Shadowsinger like one of those French girls
[ inspired by that quote “Art isn’t supposed to be perfect, it’s supposed to make you feel something.]
“Just stay still.”
“I don’t know—I feel like I’m not doing this right.”
You sigh, a soft smile stretching across your features watching Azriel attempt to stop his fidgeting. “You’re doing perfect, just get comfortable and lay there—I’ll do the rest.”
The paper was thick, a little yellowed but the charcoal in your hand seems to enjoy such conditions. Your back settles into the plush cushions on the couch, a throw pillow tucked against your thighs and every now and then you glance over the sketchbook to peer over at the partially bared body before you. “What’s this for anyway?”
“Practice,” You mumble, clearly distracted when roughly outlining the shape of him, the throne of a seat he was splayed over, shirtless with his fighting leathers hanging dangerously low on his hips and large wings shuffled behind him. “Why are you so nervous? You’ve been shirtless around me a million times.”
His left arm shifts again before you can draw the outline of it. “No one’s ever painted me before.”
“Technically, I haven’t gotten to the painting part yet. This will eventually become my reference photo for that.” The words don’t soothe him how you’d hoped and after a while Az is moving enough to have you settling down the charcoal, eyes sliding to his own. “What’s going on in your head?”
“I don’t know where to put my hands.” The shadowsinger sheepishly admits, looking more boyish than you’d seen him in centuries. Dark hair falls over his forehead and judging by the neat lines along the perimeter of his head, Az had recently gotten a haircut.
He attempts to hide his hands, tucking them behind his head or shoving them under pillow until you make a move to shuffle off the couch and finally it all makes sense. The fidgeting wasn’t because your best friend laid half-naked before you but the creeping insecurity of his scars ruining the final product. “Lay like this,” Azriel’s like putty in your grasp, malleable and easy to guide when you shift one leg to casually drape over the arm rest. He’s at a bit of an angle but the way you position him gives off attractive arrogance, effortless masculinity mixed with a boyish charm. “They’re beautiful,” Your voice is filled with uncapped love, lips soft when you take both of his hands in your own and press a kiss on the back of each. “Art isn’t supposed to be perfect—it’s supposed to make you feel something.”
Hazel eyes take you in, memorizing the slight furrow of your brow as you make a few final adjustments; his hands on full display while you mumble under your breath, something about the lighting and your nose scrunches a little when his shadows tickle at your cheeks. “What do they make you feel?”
There’s a brief pause and you can’t make eye contact for a few seconds, fearful that if you did your resolve would break and you’d be too busy trying to take his clothes off to worry about the poor beginnings of your drawing. “I couldn’t tell you honestly without ruining our friendship,” His brow quirks, throat bobbing with a gulp. “—but if I didn’t like them I wouldn’t have asked you to model for me.” Relief spreads when a smile tugs at his mouth, head dipping down to hide the warmth that blooms at his cheeks when you waggle your brows at him. He’s much more relaxed when you return to your seat, a slow breath releasing from you as you twist your neck, fingers gripping around the charcoal once more and Azriel can’t seem to take his sights away from you.
Painted toes wiggle softly at the edge of the cushions, bare knees drawn up and your hair is gathered in a ponytail. You hum when you focus, some song Azriel’s never heard of before seeming to aid in alleviating the self-consciousness and pleasantly distracting his brain. Five minutes turn into ten, then fifteen before Azriel breaks the silence, being sure to keep his body exactly as you’d placed it. “What’s that song?”
“Not sure,” His body was an artists dream, all hard lines and alarmingly perfect symmetry; the golden light casting through the room, scattering moody shadows along the angles of Az’s face and your thighs clench slightly when you’re forced to pay such close attention to the plush curve of his mouth. “My mom used to sing it when I was really little—can’t remember all of it but it calms me down.”
“You’ve seen me shirtless a million times, what’s there to be nervous about?” Your eyes roll at his harmless teasing, huffing at the way he’d thrown your words back at you and it’s become increasingly harder than you make it look to get a fucking grip on your body’s reaction to him.
The response is instinctual, fingers rubbing the page to soften edges and your brain wanders to what it would be like for real. “You’re not exactly hard on the eyes and I’m not used to having a reason for examining your body for this long.” The warmth of his skin beneath your hands. The free will to travel the contours of his muscles and kiss each and every scar, ripple and divot formed by countless hours of training and dedication. He’s easy to draw when you spend so much time oggling, bottom lip caught between your teeth when mimicking the lines of his abdomen, the inky trail of hair that disappeared beneath dark grey fabric. “It’s truly annoying how perfect you are—could probably get some sort of sexual gratification from how satisfying it is to draw you.”
There’s no room for embarrassment when Az is so easy-going, the same laugh you’d always yearned for pulling from his throat and you have to swat away a few creeping shadows from sneaking a peek before the final result. “I’ve never heard that one before.”
“It’s true,” The fireplace crackles behind you, a warm glow filling the room and kissing at the exposed skin of the model before you. Sharp jaw, soft smile; the hard line of his brows smoothed out by the light in his eyes—like sweet honey and sunshine. “I’ve never once drawn someone like you.”
“I’d hope not.” Azriel’s head tilts just a little, brows furrowed in thought. “Who else do you ask to get half-naked for the sake of practice?”
He’s fully aware of how it sounds—the jealousy lacing his tongue and you have to pull your hands away from the paper a moment before the slight tremble threatened to ruin the flow of the strands of hair you’d been steadily shaping around his head. “Not many seeing as I usually prefer painting models that are nude. I figured for the sake of our friendship I’d spare you.”
“Spare me?” He scoffs in a way that reminds you of Rhys, a little cocky and entirely too confident. “I’m not sure your heart would’ve taken seeing me nude. Certainly, it was me doing you the favor keeping the rest of my clothes on.”
Azriel’s skin goes hot at your lack of response, gaze sliding thoroughly over the length of his body from the top of his head to the very tips of his toes and a slow smile appears. “You sound awfully confident,” You shift in place, adjusting your legs and stretching out to see him better. “Take it off then.”
His mouth parts, words caught in his throat for a few beats of time before letting out a breath. His hands hesitate before untying the leathers and shimmying them down his thighs. There’s no hiding the desire that clouds your vision when taking in the simple black material that held snug against his cock. His thumbs hook in the waistband, shoving them down and tossing them aside.
It’s not the most simple task to tweak at the preexisting sketch, snuffing out dark lines and fading them into the background enough to make it easier to map out the thick lines of his thighs and calves—the generous length hanging confidently between it all. “I wasn’t sure you’d actually do it.”
“Should I not have? Are you uncomfortable?”
Your head shakes in denial, brows furrowed in focus and Azriel can’t place how it feels to be looked at as a specimen rather than a person. Your gaze is admirably respectful, quick glances with your tongue peeking through when perfecting soft lines and adding shading here and there. “Believe it or not, I couldn’t be more relaxed.”
He believes it too, your heartbeat is steady and controlled, limbs perfectly lax and Azriel is more than grateful for the view when you’re all laid out; sleep clothes shifting with each move and desire burns in his belly when you flick your ponytail off your shoulder, exposing the curve of your neck. “Where do you plan on putting this?”
“Nowhere, it’s private.” For viewing pleasure only, for those late nights when picking up a random male from Rita’s didn’t quite scratch the itch. “Once the painting is finished I’ll give it to you and keep the sketch for my portfolio.” You move on to his wings, tongue clicking against the roof of your mouth when you slide from the cushions, bare toes sinking into the throw rug when you stand before him. “Can you put those up higher?” Azriel complies with ease, craning his wings higher but the furrow of your brow doesn’t subside. “Spread them a little.” Your head shakes when he moves and you reach up, fingers millimeters away before glancing down at him. “May I touch?”
He should’ve said no—maintaining some sort of boundary because drawing him naked was one thing but standing before him asking to touch; all the resolve in the world wouldn’t be able to save him. Azriel’s mouth opens, intent on saying no but by some sick sense of self-indulgence he nods in agreement, eyes fluttering shut when the scent of your shampoo enters his space. Warm skin grazes his own and while the shadowsinger is a tense mess beneath you, you’re the picture of serinity, completely in your element when carefully adjusting the membranous wings how you pleased. He tries to hold it back but your hands are so soft and the rough groan that fills the silence has goosebumps raising.
“You can feel all of that?”
Azriel traces a finger up the outer side of your thigh, pausing at the hem of your shorts. “Can you feel that?”
“Right, stupid question.” Maybe you linger longer than necessary, tracing over a texture you’d never felt before; not leathery, softer than that but just as sturdy. Warm to the touch and they shudder when you smooth over the thin seam at top that fused everything together. “They’re beautiful.”
“I’m flattered, really,” His voice is strained, hands clenched in tight fists and when you glance down past inky strands, his cock is standing at attention against his stomach. “—but I think you’re overestimating my self-control.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Not unless you asked me to.”
The swallow you force down is audible, hands shaky when you tuck them back at your sides but you don’t make a move to step away this time. Instead, you stand before him, fingers coated in charcoal and there’s a little smeared at your collarbone. His hand is up and touching before common sense can deter him; pure fire burns beneath each fleeting touch, knuckles grazing at the curve of your jaw and there’s no hiding the rising beat of your heart when he wipes your skin clean. “Thanks.”
“You shouldn’t be thanking me,” His head falls back, words low and barely contained. The hands he pulls away keep drawing back like a magnet, touching greedily at the sides of your thighs and stopping at your waist. “I’m supposed to be helping you and my thoughts are not very helpful.”
Years of denying himself the simple pleasure of touch and the powerhouse of a male on the battlefield is reduced to a simpering baby, grappling for more touch, more of your silky clothes shifting against his skin and the sweet smell of vanilla and cocoa, sugar cookies and warm milk filling his nose when he pulled you in closer. Better judgement makes you wonder if you should pull away, find a way to comfort him and keep it friendly but the more distance that closes between you the more of that hard length you begin to feel against you. “Az—��� He doesn’t let the warning fully come to life, hands twisting behind the back of your knees until you’re sat above him, resting on bare thighs and your hands brace at his shoulders.
“I know,” Azriel repeats it over and over under his breath, face buried in the dip of your throat, mouth grazing at the sensitive skin there and the little whimper he draws from you has that hard cock between you twitching against your stomach. “I thought I could handle it but you just feel so fucking good.”
It was wrong.
So fucking wrong.
Shit like this never ended well; mixing fucking and friendship but while you kept thinking no your body stubbornly arched into his touch. You bared more of your throat to him when he buries his nose there, taking in your smell while he memorized the feel of you. The slope of your shoulders, the flare of your ribs and the soft curve of your stomach. You grind onto him, searching for more friction when Azriel follows the length of your legs down then up to cup the fat of your ass. “Take it off.”
You feel weak; too captivated to acknowledge your backbone when you tug the shirt from your head and throw it somewhere behind you. His mouth is insatiable when pressing kisses to every inch of exposed flesh, holding you closer with each breathy moan and whispered plea for more, more, more. Nothing could’ve prepared you for his mouth finally slotting over your own.
Azriel’s careful now, slow and attentive, maintaining a pace as you got to know one another in ways you’d only thought about when you’d snuffed out the fire for the night and shuffled under the covers, fingers hiked up your nightgown for a few minutes of uninterrupted pleasure. He groans into your mouth when tongues touch, fingers tangling in your hair to keep you close.
You hand slides between the two of you, wrapping around the stiff length of him and the moan he lets out has him sinking back into the chair. Preening under the attention you continue, gaze locked on the half-lidded hazel eyes before you, his arms flexing at his sides, hands holding onto your thighs for stability because your hands were so soft, holding him so firmly and the steady drags up and down was enough to have his thoughts muddled and hips bucking up into your touch. Swears spill from his mouth like prayers, pleading and begging for you to keep going and watching him crumble beneath you was a greater high than any smokes or powders. “Feels so fucking good.”
“You look good under me,” Draped across a throne like some entitled High Lord finally receiving his birthweight as promised. “You close already?” Azriel’s cock throbs in your hands, pre-cum oozing from his slit and the thumb that curls to swipe over it is torturous. “Poor Illyrian baby—I’ve barely even touched you yet.” A cruel laugh accompanies the choppy breaths and hazel eyes kept falling victim to the backs of his lids. “The High Lords spymaster. The feared Shadowsinger. A great warrior with seven Syphons to hold onto all that power and here you are,” Your pace speeds up, pure feminine satisfaction building when watching such manly power submit beneath a woman. “—falling apart just for me.”
You feel his release coating your palm and you use it for better slip when you keep going, riding out his pleasure until he’s pulling your hands away, chest heaving.
He watches you slip from his lap while he catches his breath, catching a towel tossed his way for the mess. “Clean up for me, I need to finish this before the lanterns burn out.”
Azriel doesn’t listen though, rising from the throne and clearing the distance between you in no more than three steps and his mouth is right back on your own.
Fuck it, some of the best art was left unfinished anyway.
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kingofbodyrolls · 3 months
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Taehyung fic recs 2023
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In honor of Taehyung’s birthday, I want to share my ultimate favorite Taehyung fanfictions, that I’ve read this year 💜I haven’t read that much of Taehyung, just recently gotten into it, so the list might be short, so I’ll leave some of the fics I’m really excited to read from my ‘to read’ list 💎 I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹
❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell or contains dark themes, so minors dni.❗ 
If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂
BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (ksj)(💜) |
Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, yandere = 😈, thriller/dark = 👻. 
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⭐One of the Boys by @littlemisskookie // kth x f.reader // childhoodfriends!au, slice of life, bestfriends!au, neighbors!au, high school!au // 🌩️🥵🥰
📝 All your life you wanted only one thing- for Kim Taehyung to like you. You did everything you could to make this happen, from picking up his hobbies and rejecting anything feminine. But who do you start to become when you stop trying to impress him?
🗨️ Woaw! This was so incredibly good, it’s almost hard to describe, but I’ll try: it does a brilliant job at setting the story up, following oc and Taehyung since childhood, and how their friendship develops over time (and their feelings). It’s really cute and funny and with great smut at the end. Overall a brilliantly good read 💯
⭐Baby, Oh Baby by @jungkookiebus // kth x f.reader // established relationship, noneidol!au // 🥵🥰
📝 Taehyung and you have been trying for months to get pregnant; you’ve tried crazy diets, stuck to your calendar, got him to diet, but it’s all been for nothing. No matter how healthy your doctor says you are, you can’t conceive. Taehyung tries everything within his power to show you that everything is going to be okay and for one night he makes you forget all about the calendars, schedules, and all the crazy things that came with you trying to have a baby. 
🗨️ This was just really cute and loving 🥹The smut was also just ❤️‍🔥💯
⭐Baby Maker by @kookslastbutton // kth x f.reader // marriage!au // 🥵🥰
📝 You're pissed at your husband for being late to your weekly baby-making sessions.
🗨️ Aish, the smut in this 🔥Also all the dirty talk really had me going 🥵
⭐Under wraps by @jungkxook // kth x f.reader // e2l, fake dating // 🥵🥰
📝 There’s nothing you and taehyung seem to hate more than each other - except for christmas. having recently been dumped by your (now ex) boyfriend only seems to make this holiday even worse. but when taehyung suggests that you should pretend to be dating each other to save you both the embarrassment, pity, and bothersome questions from family and friends alike for a fun carefree month of celebrations, you can’t possibly say no.
🗨️ I just love me some good enemies to lovers AU 🥵 the relationship between OC and tae is really good, I think the tension between them was well built 👏🏾 I loved how their relationship unfolded and grew through their fake dating 🥹 the way OC realized she had feelings for him, but he had showed her before in his subtle moves, how much more he relaxed in her presence. I loved the interaction between oc and tae’s parents too, the way that they could obviously tell that OC was head over heels 😂 ah just, It was really really good! It was funny, it was comforting, and such a lovely read around Christmas! And the smut was sweet and tender (also hot!) 😍 a really great fic that I’ll add to my Christmas re-reads for years to come ✨ I loved it! Please go read it if you haven’t already 🥹
⭐Farmer boy, I Love You by @strawberrynamjoon // kth x f.reader // farming!au, lowkey e2l // 🥵😂
📝 Needing change in your life you decided it would be a brilliant idea to move to your uncle’s small farm, helping him and your cousin Jimin with the daily work. What you didn’t plan was to fall in love with your beautiful yet very annoying neighbour Taehyung, who seemed to make it his personal mission to tease you every chance he got. And what you expected even less was that he seemed to like you too.
🗨️ This was just utterly sweet, so fluffy 🥺 I really liked this: the way that reader and Taehyung’s friendship deepens, their friends and their banter 🥺 everything was so good, soft, sad sometimes, and just really great and funny too 🤭
⭐The Wannabe-Photographer Chronicles [series] by @gimmethatagustd // kth x f.reader // frenemies to lovers // 🥵
📝 You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s hipster, wannabe-photographer ass. You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s stupid smile and stupid jokes and stupid way of getting under your skin and sticking in your brain.
🗨️ At first I did not realize that this was a series, therefore I’ve linked to the masterlist, lol. Anyway, this series is just so fucking hot, like WHAT 🥵 There’s a lot of banter and their mutual ‘hatred’ for each other just makes this hit incredible hard. Really amazing ✨
⭐Loverboy by @kookslastbutton // kth x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 After a startling conversation with your coworkers, you start feeling insecure about your sexual prowess. You don't initiate as much, you haven't worn lingerie yet, and you're still timid about doing much seducing with your body–are you giving your boyfriend boring sex? Taehyung reassures you that you are perfect and have nothing to worry about.
🗨️ These coworkers gotta go, okay?! 😠🤣 Planting seeds of doubt in OC’s head, no, no. Tae to the rescue!! He is so sweet in this too, yes a real ‘loverboy’ 😍 Gosh and then best friend Jimin - that was just pure gold, their relationship and how he helps OC 🥹 That is friendship goals!! A sweet, loving and comforting Taehyung fic - I loved it ✨
⭐Hush, yeah? [series; ongoing/hiatus] by @kithtaehyung // kth x f.reader // brother’s best friend!au, music festival!au // 🥵
📝 Who knew an innocent accident could turn things so dirty..
🗨️ Pure gold ✨ — I don’t really have much to say, except GO READ IT.
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For all of the other lovely fics that I haven’t gotten around to read, but I’m very excited about, I’ve compiled my ‘to read’ list 🙂
‘To read’ list ⬇️
Maybe I do [series; completed] by @chateautae
Gold Rush by @ditttiii
Fanservice by @bangtanintotheroom
Trip by @daechwitatamic
The Art of Obsession by @kooktrash
Dick on the Go by @jeonggukingdom
Love me or we both go down by @gukyi
Gank Mid Lane by @kth1
Good for Me by @icedmatchatae
Something about him by @kooktrash
Love, secret Santa by @jamaisjoons
All I Want for Christmas is You by @ladyartemesia
Buzzed [series; completed] by @junqkook
I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to read more! 😭 Life happened, and yeah. But all of these wonderful fics on my list sound so incredibly good and I really look forward to reading them and give them a lovely review 💜
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAEHYUNG!!! 💜 🥳 🎂
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netherfeildren · 10 months
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Someone's Wife in the Boat of Someone's Husband .1
Series Masterlist : Moodboard
(Joel Miller x F!Reader)
Summary: What do you do when you meet a woman, have a child, get married, and then find the love of your life?
-OR- 
A Joel infidelity AU
Content Warnings: Discussions of alcoholism and parent death.
Rating: Explicit 18+
A/N: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the new story. 
Disclaimer to begin with. Joel is married in this, but it is, and always has been, a marriage of convenience. There has never been any sort of emotional or physical intimacy between him and his wife apart from when Sarah was conceived. 
Like always, I promise there will be a happy ending, and that there will be lots of other fun :) stuff to make up for the occasional tears. 
I appreciate you all so much. Happy (lol I guess) reading. xx 
Art is The pain that keeps on giving, Noelia Towers, (2018-2019). Title of the story comes from this film.
Word Count: 6.8K
Read on AO3
.1
Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.
Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking 
The first time you’d fucked, it was like you’d never been touched by a man before. The first time he’d looked at you, like you’d never been seen, in the entirety of your existence, prior to that moment. Every other time after that, every touch, every look, was the same – a rebirth of sorts. And a devastation. Something not to be understood or conceptualized, only experienced. 
Taking that into account, it’s no surprise that things unfolded as they did – ended as they did. 
-
“Please, please, come with us,” Gerri drags the vowels out and hits you with the puppy dog eyes. You shake your head at her, smiling, packing up your supplies from tonight’s lesson. “It’s going to be so fun, I promise. Tommy’s sister-in-law hates my guts, I know, what-fucking-ever, but my sister and her girlfriend will be there, and my best friend’s planning on coming too. And there’s an extra bedroom, it’ll be perfect, I swear.”
“Yeah, I remember the sister-in-law from Easter.” Of course you remember her from that day. Gerri had invited you to their family barbecue, and the woman had pitched a fit that Tommy’s girlfriend, somehow posed as an insult, had dared invite someone without asking her permission first. It was also the first time you’d met him. And he was, by far and large, the reason you’d stayed away and evaded all subsequent invitations since then. Even if his wife had unapologetically said to your face that she found it crazy that people still party crashed, no matter that that hadn’t been what you’d meant to do, hadn’t known you were party crashing. She’d also thrown away the bunny cake you’d stayed up the entire night before making. No gluten in the house or something, even though the hamburger and hot dog buns had all been regular. 
“Oh my fucking God, Easter. Don’t even remind me. I know, I know.” She gives you a pointed look and you huff a laugh at her. “But that was months ago. Her and Joel were on the outs then, or… had just gotten back together… I can’t ever keep up. And well… they’re still on the outs now–” She scrunches up her face into the cutest little frown. You love Gerri so much. From the first moment she’d shown up for your Tuesday night ceramics class at the community college, she’d immediately decided that not only were you going to propel her into the upper echelons of the great sculptors of the world, the greater Austin area – her words, not yours, but she’d also immediately decided that you were going to be friends, and no, you did not have a choice in the matter. 
“But they’re always on the outs. And things haven’t been as bad recently – according to Tommy. But honestly the fuck does he know about all that anyways. My poor baby is so clueless – but still, please, please please,” she begs, pouts your name over and over again. “Please, come with us?” She brings her clasped hands up under her chin in a pleading gesture, hits you with the puppy dog eyes again. 
You were so grateful for her. Despite your recalcitrance, it’d always been hard for you to make friends. A byproduct of who your mother was, being an only child, a largely solitary upbringing, et cetera, et cetera. You’d needed Gerri’s tenacious spark and kindness to pull you out of your shell. She wanted you to join her, her boyfriend Tommy, and their friends and family at a house they’d rented on Lake Austin for the weekend as a sort of end of summer farewell. And you did – you wanted to go, bunny cake murdering sister-in-law and all, but there was the issue of him.
You were… there was not a single phrase for what it was your mind turned into when that man and his name and his face invaded your psyche. So you’d done your best to avoid him in your mind and in real life, at all costs. He was – he was not something you were capable of considering. 
“I’m not sure if I can, Ger–” you say slowly, wracking your brain for an excuse. “There was– one of the other teachers at the elementary school–” Your day job, when you weren’t teaching night class ceramics, was as an elementary school art teacher, “Asked if I’d cover for them on Friday – summer school.” Stupid excuse, you roll your eyes at yourself. 
“Oh, shut up. The summer camp classes end early – you told me that last time! You could drive up after.” She sidles up to you now, rests her curly haired head on your shoulder. “Please, you’ve said no to everything I’ve invited you to since Easter. You aren’t avoiding me because of the shitshow that was, are you?” 
“No, of course not.” Yes, yes you were. Just not for the reason she thought. “I would just hate to impose–”
“You wouldn’t! I swear you wouldn’t be!”
“You all already have your plan, and I–”
“No! No. My sister’s the one renting the house, and she said I could invite whoever I wanted. So, no one can say anything,” she sticks her tongue out, rolling her eyes. “And Joel said I should invite you too. I’m pretty sure he still feels badly about last time also.” Fucking hell, you did not want him feeling bad for you. At all. Ever. You did not want him ever thinking about you ever, ever, ever. 
-
You stand over the kitchen trash bin, staring at your destroyed cake. Your grandmother used to make it every Easter. Four separate cake loaves all cut into the shapes for a face, two big pointy ears, and a cute little bow tie, with a pineapple filling, and all covered in little flakes of coconut and your homemade vanilla frosting. You used jelly beans to make the eyes and nose and dark frosting out of a piping bag for the whiskers and mouth. It was your favorite cake, one of your favorite memories, one of the only good ones. 
“Fucking Christ, she did not throw it away. Please, don’t tell me that’s the cake you brought.” Large hand gently placed between the wings of your shoulder blades to peer around you, not touching, but still there, still very close, and yes, that’s it, you’ve gotta get the fuck out of there now, away from this man.
“Oh, no. It’s okay – I– I mean– I should’ve asked before. I didn’t know you all were gluten free. I should’ve asked…”
“What? Glu–” he frowns. You knew his wife, Eva, had made that up. You step away from him, from his large warm palm that feels like it’s burning through your clothes and skin. He was really, really and truly the most unfairly gorgeous man you’d ever seen. He fucking terrified you. “Oh, yeah. The gluten.” He went along with the lie, passing the offending palm over his mouth, the wiry scruff of his beard rasping softly against what you imagined to be work roughened skin. He’d said he was a contractor. 
Gerri had invited you to her boyfriend's brother’s house for the Easter holiday. It was the first invitation to something you’d gotten since you’d moved to Austin six months ago, and you’d been so, so happy that she’d asked, had felt so sad you’d not have anyone to share your cake with. You’d planned to take it to work with you to leave in the teacher’s lounge for everyone to share. The thought had made the back of your eyes pinch, for some reason. 
“It’s alright. I actually need to head out. Could you let Gerri know? I– I’m–” you couldn’t think of a lie, and he was staring at you like he knew you had no real excuse – like he knew you were uncomfortable and out of place and were just looking for an excuse to leave. Embarrassment burned in your cheeks. 
“Don’t go, please. Stay for a while longer. I’m – fuck– I apologize about the cake–”
“No, no– really it’s–” you held out a staying hand, but he’d cut off your false appeasement.
“Please, stay.” He’d taken a step forward, closer to your retreating form, and you’d felt almost faint, dizzy at the image of him stepping closer to you. He was so tall, huge really, broad chest, thick arms, dark, lush curls and a scruffy jaw, a peek of chest hair covering the tantalizing golden skin at the opened button of his shirt. Sexy, deep Southern twang. The loveliest, warmest eyes you think you’d ever probably seen. You were going to try and mix the exact color of them when you got home, even though you knew you shouldn’t. You hadn’t been interested in a man in months, maybe longer, couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a crush, an anything on anyone, and now this man. Suddenly, blindingly, out of fucking nowhere – so damn attractive. Your eyes had fluttered shut for a second and you’d swallowed, trying to regain your balance – you’d known him for all of two hours and he already made you feel unbalanced. You needed to leave.
“Really, Joel,” his name on your tongue almost had a taste, “It’s okay.”
-
“He– He did?” you stutter. “He shouldn’t feel bad – he has nothing to feel bad about, it was nothing.” Lie – lie, lie, lie. Meeting him that day had been – it had been everything. You’d thought about it, him, for months afterwards. The sight of him with his three year old daughter, Sarah, the sweetest little thing you’d ever seen. Helping her hunt for the Easter eggs he’d hidden around their backyard, letting her crack the bright confetti filled shells over his head. His excitement for her when she’d finally found the basket he’d made up for her. He was a good father. 
“Yeah, and Tommy said he’d like to see you again too. And I told my sister about you, and she thinks all my pottery’s fucking amazing, by the way, and she wants to meet you too, and she’s even thinking of enrolling in the class next semester so really, really you’re obligated to come.” Fucking menace – she smiles sweetly. 
“Oh, fine. Fine, fine. I’ll come.” You’re putting away the last of your tools. “I’ll drive up Friday afternoon when I’m done at the school.” 
Immediate hopping squeals, and this is why you love her. She’s so happy, so open and silly, friendly and funny. All the things opposite to your restrained quiet, shy to the point of aggravation, sometimes. You didn’t want your constant refusals to alienate her. You could see him again, it would be fine. You’d met him once for Christ’s sake. It meant nothing. It had probably been nothing that day, heat exhaustion or a stomach ache or something. Nothing to fawn and stress over. You’d just be polite, cordial, keep your distance – especially from his wife. You did not, did not want to provoke her greater dislike. You’d keep your unwanted baking to yourself this time. It would all be fine. You wanted these people to like you, if you were being honest. A little desperately. Gerri and Tommy, her sister you hadn’t yet met – you wanted to be part of their group, one of their friends. They were all so kind, welcoming and fun, you couldn’t ruin this for yourself. 
Gerri had spilled the beans on the marriage over one afternoon of too many Mexican martini’s, an Austin specialty, and chips and salsa. They’d gotten married three years ago after Eva had gotten unexpectedly pregnant. Joel was traditional, he’d asked and eventually she’d agreed. They were both older than you, he’d just turned forty recently, and you guessed it’d made sense for them, at the time, but she’d left them soon after Sarah had been born. The marriage, the baby, hadn’t been in her plans, too much for her, Gerri said. They’d been separated for about a year and a half until she’d come back. They seemed to be trying to work it out now. Gerri claimed they were both miserable. You’d only met them the once – well, you’d seen Joel a few weeks ago, from a distance, when Tommy’d come to drop something off for Gerri before class, sitting in their truck. You don’t think he’d seen you – but you thought that their misery was very obviously apparent in that way that was easily recognizable to someone who, at one point, had existed in a house made only of misery. It breaks your heart for them all, in different ways, to recognize that singular brand of dissatisfaction that comes with living in a home where no happiness resided with you. 
But the reality of his marriage made you all the more terrified of him. To ever see him again. You wanted no part of that. Didn’t even want to exist in the same vicinity as someone who was experiencing something of that nature. You’d had enough of unhappy marriages and painful households in your own childhood. You never wanted to deal with that again. 
-
You’d read once that infidelity was a hereditary trait. Studies had shown that if you’d had a parent or even a sibling, someone in your household during your development, who’d been unfaithful, you were then more likely to also be unfaithful yourself. Something about that sort of childhood trauma inciting a propensity in the offspring to find it difficult to later on trust romantic partners, to incite trust themselves. Trust issues, emotional unavailability, baggage, blah, blah. Sometimes nature versus nurture was a real bitch, in your opinion. 
But as much as you wanted to call bullshit, the thought, the possibility of that being true, filled you with such an intense fear — debilitating, paralyzing, life altering. You found yourself with an immense inability to trust yourself, more than anything. Your greatest fear, the thing that scared you the most in all the world, was that you would be the perpetrator, that you would be the one to commit that sin. That you’d lose control, self awareness, morality, yourself. It wasn’t something your mind could even come to terms with, the possibility of hurting another person that way, betraying them in that manner. It seemed like the worst possible thing in the entire world that you could ever do to someone. After all, you’d watched your mother do it to your father, over and over again, your entire life, up until the point that she’d up and left the both of you. For many years, after her fateful abandoning, you’d watched him drink himself into a stupor and then into a grave. Years of waiting for her to come back, in love with a ghost or a figment of his imagination, for the woman he’d made her out to be, within the ever forgiving and naive confines of his love, had never existed. Something you could see, even through the lenses of your child eyes. 
She was an eternally flawed woman. Selfish, vain, manipulative, deceitful, but there was good in her too. She was eccentric and beautiful, and she could be kind, so funny, and immensely intelligent, her mind and wit, always sharp as a whip. It was, you thought, what made her so talented at deceiving others, at getting her way. She outsmarted everyone she came into contact with. But she was also weak and self serving, had never met anyone, in all her life, who she loved more than she loved herself. Not even you. Sometimes, you thought, especially not you. For you were the living reminder of all she’d lost and been forced to give up. It was a difficult, complicated, painful relationship you had with her, even now, all these years later. 
After she’d left, she’d kept in contact with you sparingly. The occasional call or birthday card. It had taken her three years to feel like seeing you again after she’d left when you were ten. The pains and awkwardness of puberty long started, endured on your own, before she’d even had the foresight to remember she had a daughter who might need her. It was an exceedingly painful and lonely time for a young girl to survive on her own, but you bore it, as you did the entirety of the fallout that came with her leaving. 
Your father was another story entirely. He’d fallen to pieces, completely, the day she’d left and had never had the strength of will to ever pull himself together again. It was a strange sort of existence the two of you had lived in those years, keeping each other company. Physically, he was there, but he was never present, never sentient. He drowned, for years and years, in a sea of pain and liquor, and he never resurfaced. You watched him sink, a young girl incapable of comprehending or acting in a way that could’ve helped him, as much as you wanted to or even tried, all of it was futile. Eventually he hit the bottom of the ocean and died there, and you were left more alone than ever. 
You remember there’d only been four people, in total, at his funeral. You and two men from the shithole bar he liked to lose himself at every week and the priest. It was a terribly painful thing to live through on your own. Humiliating in a very specific and acute way, for some reason. To know that this sad, pathetic specimen of a human being had had a hand in creating you, to know that he was your father and that you loved him, despite his weakness, his vices, his lack of care for you, you loved him. And you felt interminably sorry for the creature he’d been turned into at the hands of an uncaring and poisonous love. You hadn’t been able to tell her for ten months, after he’d been dead in the ground, that he’d passed. She’d not called, didn’t like giving you her number, said she was too busy to have to worry about you calling her at all hours of the day, as if you’d asked her for a single thing in the decade since she’d left. 
And you loved your mother, even after it all, you did, but it was a poignantly devastating moment, the day you realized she was not just your mother, but her own person, as well. The day that childlike naivety, unconscious self centeredness, was cast away to realize that she was savagely flawed and human, and that she did bad things that hurt good people. And still, and still she was your mother and you loved her. Your greatest influence, the hand that shaped you, and you loved her despite everything. It was only that, after the rose tinted glasses had been ripped away, and she was only then herself, nothing more – pedestal forsaken – she was just a flawed woman who sometimes made mistakes, made the wrong choices, hurt you and your father and fractured your family. That was a hard thing to come to terms with as a young girl. 
You realized now, with the lifetime of experience she’d inherited to you, that motherhood built a pedestal and a grave, all at once, over and over again. A woman could vacillate between being the Madonna and the whore, and the cycle was inescapable and destructive and enticing, all at the same time. It was something that one could try to avoid or run away from, but many times, it caught up to most, hooked its claws in you and dragged you away from the things you would’ve wanted or done otherwise. You realized this was what had happened to her. She’d never been built for motherhood, for the responsibility of raising a child, so she’d desecrated the altar of it, taken a sledgehammer to it and freed herself in the only way she saw she could, collateral damage be damned.
And so you’d isolated yourself, for the thought of doing the same thing to someone that you might have loved or someone that loved you, was soul destroying. And that was the saddest part of this whole overly cliché tragedy – that you were sure that, at a certain point in her life, she’d loved your father, as well. Perhaps not enough, not enough to change who she was, what she really wanted, but she had loved him in her own way, nevertheless.
Parallel to the tragedy was the ironic reality that in some very safely guarded part of you, you longed so, so desperately for your own chance at a happy family, love, children. How could you not? When you’d never experienced it for yourself during your own childhood. Always having to make your own meals, get yourself ready for school, alone at ten years old, walking to the bus unaccompanied, no one ever waiting for you, expecting you, watching over you. Alone, alone, always alone. How could you not want to build your own normal, loving, happy family for yourself? You wanted it very badly. 
But there was also no part of you that felt, in the most vital ways, capable of showing your underbelly in such a vulnerable way. You had always been too sensitive, a weeper from a long line of weepers, and the second thing you were most terrified of, after turning into your own mother, was being left again, abandoned to another derelict and lonely childhood. So your aloneness suited you, for now. At least, in terms of your romantic life. Your isolation kept you safe, guarded from those that would savage the sensitive and salted battleground that was your heart.
 That, however, did not mean that you were immune to wanting, to the disease of yearning, of desire, and so you found it most unfortunate, cosmically laughable and cruel, that it would be this man, this married,  beautiful, entirely unattainable man, that would have reminded you of that desire again, after it had lain dormant for so long: Joel. 
-
Joel tried to think of you only in the moments when he was feeling particularly strong. It was a challenge he’d set for himself from that day, all those months ago, when you’d appeared at his house on Easter. Like a fucking angel or a creature out of a fairy book. Soft and luminous and so fucking pretty. No, Joel tried very, very hard not to think of you. 
He failed often, though. He’d not forgotten you since that day. Had tried to fish, as subtly as possible, through Tommy, for information. See if he’d heard anything about you from Gerri. Any new details or gossip about the pretty little art teacher. Tommy was a terrible goddamn gossip, like a clucking hen. And Joel knew, he knew empirically, that thinking of you was wrong. That he had a wife that he needed to be respectful of, even if she was never respectful of him, fucking her coworker – or had been… still was — he couldn’t keep track anymore – didn’t really care, if he was being honest. But you, you were the one small, private thing he kept for himself. The thought of you, the image of you in his mind, you were only for his moments of great necessity. You’d been so sweet that afternoon, walking into his home with your bunny cake. That fucking cake haunted him – the look in your eyes as he watched you stand over the trashcan staring at it. He’d been so scared you’d start crying, that he’d have to comfort you, that he’d be able to take you into his arms. He’d been terrified of what would become of him if he’d gotten the opportunity to feel you like that. But no, you’d left. Made up some weak excuse he knew you could see he didn’t buy, and had quietly left, not even saying goodbye to the others. He’d had a terrible one-sided argument with Eva that night. Told her she’d been unnecessarily rude and cruel, doing that to a complete stranger who was just trying to be nice. She hadn’t batted a single eyelash, all his frustration going in one ear and out the other. 
He could, to a certain degree, understand where her behavior came from. He knew she was unhappy, he knew she hated their life together. That it was nothing like what she’d ever envisioned for herself, and so she acted out sometimes. At his age, he found now, that you couldn’t ever really fault a person for not being what they’d never been meant to be. He understood this, had accepted that his marriage would never be of the happy or intimate sort. That Eva had never wanted to be a mother, but had felt trapped by circumstance. He dealt with it. Or ignored it. Avoided looking directly at the ugly reality of it, more like. He had Sarah and work and Tommy, and now that his brother was with Gerri things had gotten a little better, happier for the family. She was a good addition – kind and spunky. She was good for his brother, and he was happy for them. 
But the day he’d met you – it had made a savage claw of want gouge through his entrails. He’d not remembered the last time he’d wanted something the way he did when he watched you walk out into the backyard long hair shimmering in the sun, and a nervous flush sweeping over the apples of your cheeks. And even if he’d been unattached, free to pursue you like he liked to dream about sometimes, you were so young – much too young and pretty for an old, washed up, has-been like him. But he could imagine it, like he’d said, only when he was feeling particularly strong. Or maybe particularly weak. He couldn’t keep track of which was safer anymore. When the years and work and responsibilities and grief and loneliness surged up too high and overwhelming for him to bear, he liked to think of you in that little yellow sundress. Wonder what it’d be like to be a younger man, to have met you first. A bad, selfish, terrible thought to have. But just in the quiet privacy of his mind, when he needed a small something to make him feel just a little better – he liked to think of you. 
The only other time he’d seen you, once when Tommy’d had to drop something for Gerri at the college, he’d insisted on tagging along. Hoping he’d maybe be lucky enough to get a glimpse of you, and oh, he’d been so, so rewarded. You’d been carrying a stack of supplies from your car into the building, one of those spiky things women wore twisted in your hair to keep it up, wisps of your long, heavy locks escaping the knot, and a little, red, spaghetti strapped top. The thin of it on your shoulder had slipped off the delicate wing of your clavicle as you balanced everything you’d carried in your arms and tried to kick your car door closed at the same time. It’d taken everything in him, all the self control he possessed, not to sprint over to you and offer to help you, to fall to his knees at your feet. You’d blown a strand of your hair out of your face, the cutest expression of frustration scrunching your brow. His gut had twisted almost painfully with yearning. He hadn’t even known he was capable of fucking yearning, but he sure as hell did now. He felt it sharply, piercingly, like a knife to the gut. He’d met you once for Christ’s sake, seen you in person only twice, but you plagued him, you plagued him. 
He knew it was probably partially a symptom of how alone he was. Lonely to his very core. His marriage had never been a real one, no closeness, no intimacy. A byproduct born of one drunken night, and Joel’s need to do the right thing, give his child a stable home with two parents and all the love he could give her. And Sarah, Sarah was the greatest gift that he’d ever been given. This perfect little person that he still, three years later, could not believe had come from a piece of him. 
He’d told Eva that he’d do whatever she wanted, would accept whatever she’d chosen when she’d first realized she was pregnant. She’d refused the alternative route vehemently, and so he’d never suggested it again. If he was being honest, he’d been happy when he’d found out, in some small way. The situation wasn’t ideal, of course, they’d been veritable strangers at that point, but he’d been thirty seven, at the time, and he liked the idea of children. Eva was attractive and intelligent. He’d proposed immediately, gone out and gotten a ring and gotten down on one knee. He’d naively thought that perhaps, eventually, with time, they might grow closer. That idea was squashed quickly. She’d made it clear that she’d never wanted to marry him, but she also didn’t want to go at it alone, knew he was responsible and reliable, and so she’d accepted. And perhaps, he should have tried harder to win her over afterwards, but if he was being as honest as he could be, he wasn’t very interested either, didn’t really mind the lack of intimacy with her. They just weren’t a good match.
She’d left a few months after she’d given birth. Ran off with some guy she’d met – only a note left saying she couldn’t do it anymore. He hadn’t tried to go after her, hadn’t tried to bring her back or look for her. A better man probably would have, would have fought for his wife, for the mother of his child. But he’d never loved her, not even close, and so he’d taken care of his baby girl, had tried to be everything she needed and worked as hard as he could so that she’d never want for anything. Eva had come back after about a year and a half – her affair had run its course, and she’d said she wanted to try again with Sarah, that she’d made a mistake, wanted to be part of her daughter’s life. Of course he’d let her come back. He wanted Sarah to have a mother that was present, to have everything a child should have. And afterall, it was no hardship for him personally. She didn’t want a relationship with him, only Sarah. And so they’d settled into this strange agreement of co-parents slash roommates who just happened to be married. Eva liked to keep pretenses up, so they did the occasional family thing together. Especially now that Tommy was with Gerri, she liked to pretend at the double date thing, occasionally. Even though Eva couldn’t stand the poor girl. It was a pieced together sort of life, but it was better than what some had, and Sarah had her mother. He couldn’t complain.
But he did like to imagine a sort of alternative sometimes – something different, less lonely. He could tell she was going to leave again soon, more unsatisfied and frustrated and restless than ever. He couldn’t even find it in himself to resent her for it, it only hurt him for Sarah’s sake, for he didn’t think she’d be coming back this time. 
-
It hadn’t been such a bad idea to come after all, you think, as you lounge on the dock by the lake. The sun is strong but not burning – warm and soothing. It feels like there are ghost fingers stroking all along the bare skin of your arms and legs. Gerri had made a pitcher of sangria and you were slightly tipsy off it now. A light weight, through and through. 
The house they’d rented was gorgeous. All exposed wood and big glass windows right on the lakefront. Gerri’s sister was a doctor – a spine surgeon or something really fancy. She’d rented the house and invited all of you – no chance for Joel’s wife to be pissed off that you’d tagged along. 
There were large boxes of the loveliest white hydrangeas along one side of the dock. The sweet scent of them drifting around you as you lounged on the chair you’d planted yourself in with your sangria. Yes, this was a good idea. You’d managed to evade Joel and his wife in the hours you’d been here. Gerri and Tommy were great as always and her sister and her partner were so nice. You’d talked about the pottery class, she wanted to pick up a new hobby, trying out the whole work-life-balance thing, and she’d thought pottery’d be a good fit for her. She was planning on signing up for the next semester. 
You’re slightly dozing now. The warm sun and sweet alcohol making you languorous and drowsy and all fizzy on the inside. You think you might be able to hear the breeze sliding through each individual blade of grass on the bank, whistling over the surface of the water, and you can’t stop picturing his arms in your mind, but you’re pretending to ignore that, or pretending the bulging, mouth-watering muscles, prominent veins running under the surface of his tan skin, dusted with a light coating of golden brown hair belonged to someone who was not him. He has the largest hands you’ve ever seen, and you wonder what one of them wrapped around your throat would feel like. Bad, inappropriate thoughts. 
You have one arm slung above your head, resting at the crown of your scalp to partially shield the sensitive skin there from the strong sun when you feel a sudden piercing pain, right to the center of your palm. You shriek, jolting violently, glass of sangria falling and shattering on the deck and stumbling up out of your chair, sending it flying back topside. A wasp buzzes menacingly around you, and you shriek again, cracked and painful. The thing had stung you right in the center of your tender palm. You hear the quick paced steps of someone approaching, too distracted trying to evade the horrible thing when you hear Joel’s voice. “Stay still, it’s okay. I’ll get it.”
Your hand really, really hurts. You stop your swatting and feel the back of your eyes pinch, hot tears pooling in the corners. Not only is the sting incredibly painful, but you really hate bees, wasps, all the ugly mean things that buzz and sting. You can feel the slight tremble of your frame begin to take over as you try to patiently wait for him to get rid of it. 
He comes closer, “It’s okay, he’s gone. Did it get you? C’mere, lemme see.”
You clutch the injured hand to your chest, try and scoot away from him shaking your head, but you get too near to the edge, and his hand shoots out to cup your elbow, other hand coming to circle your waist and turn you so you’re standing in the center, and he’s closer to the edge. 
“No, no, it’s okay. It got you, lemme see it–” he gently circles his big rough palm on the thin of your wrist, and now you’re really shaking.
“It’s o–okay,” you hitch, you feel a tear slide down your cheek. Fucking embarrassing. “I’m okay, really. It’s nothing.” You try and pull your limb out of his grasp, but he pulls you closer. He says your name then, not necessarily sharply, but in the way of a rubber band snapping against your skin, a slightly jarring crack followed by a tingle, something that reverberates through your entire body.
Then gentle: “Just come here,” and coaxing. How could anyone ever say no to a voice like that. So deep, so patient. “Lemme see, it’s okay. No, don’t be scared. Lemme see, open your hand for me, sweetheart. I’ll be gentle, it’s okay,” his soothing voice over and over. Coaxing you into capitulation, into following his orders. He smooths his rough thumb gently, gently over the sides of your palm, coaxing your fingers to uncurl and let him see the hurt. “Oh, it’s alright. None of that trembling, sweet girl.” And then he brings your hand up to his hot, wet mouth and presses his lips to the wound, gently sucking. You can feel the wet of his tongue pass over it once, slowly sucking the venom out of your palm. You feel everything below your belly button go hot and liquid at the feel of his tongue on your skin. Oh, God, you want to feel that mouth everywhere, between your legs. 
You think you let a jagged whimper claw its way out your throat, for his eyes flit to yours, a flash of heat igniting them. He pulls his mouth away, turns to spit, thumb gently brushing over the tender inside of your wrist. He says your name so softly. “That’s better. You’re okay. No tears.” 
His large hands completely engulf yours. His fingers are thick and long, his nails clipped short and neat. Beautiful, masculine hands. Working hands. He doesn’t wear a ring. “We can get a clove of garlic on this,” he’s still cradling your limb, “Heard that’s good for stings.”
This is bad, bad, bad, bad. Not part of your plan to stay away from him at all. He’s staring at your cradled hand, his gaze trained on the way his own palm dwarfs yours. You feel his touch tighten for just a second, he brings his eyes back to yours, and you watch as a swallow passes through the strong column of his throat. 
He called you sweetheart. 
There are so many reasons why you know he’s dangerous to you, why you should stay away from him: his kindness, how competent he is — the way it seems like, no matter what in life could ever present itself to him, he’d be able to take it in, take care of it, fix it. He could handle anything. How fucking gorgeous he is, his hands, his face, his body, the dark curls, the slightest hint of silver threads beginning to appear through them, the deep dark eyes, but most of all, more than any other reason, the way he says your name — like the worst thing you’ve ever heard in your entire life, and also the loveliest. So soft and deep and soothing. A voice that could get a person to do anything, capitulate to anything, commit any crime. 
And what was it about wanting something you should not want, could never have, that made you want it all the more? Rebellion of the highest order calls your name. 
“Thank you,” you say quietly. He still has you clutched in his grasp, is staring at you almost in shock. You try to pull away and his grip tightens for one second, like he can’t bear the thought of letting you go, and then releases you, lets you pull your injured hand back into your chest. 
“Alright?”
And you’re so disoriented by him, by his touch that you instinctively reply: “Yes. Are you?”
 He looks confused for a second, shakes his head a little and then laughs, “Yeah – yeah, I’m okay, sweetheart.” He shouldn’t be calling you that, but it sounds so lovely coming out of his mouth. You’ll tell him to stop next time. It’s okay. Next time he says it you’ll tell him not to call you that anymore. Embarrassment burns your cheeks. 
You shake your head, “Sorry, I–”
“It’s alright. No need to apologize. Let’s get you inside. Get somethin’ on that hand.”
You take a step back from him, and he matches it with one step of his own forward, like he isn’t planning on letting you run away. It makes the speed of your heart kick up a notch, a hummingbird fluttering within the confines of your chest. “No, really, it’s okay. I’ll ice it or something. I’m fine, honestly. Thank you for– for your help.” You feel like you’re blinking a hundred times a minute, the sun suddenly scorching, when just a moment ago it had been soft and warm. 
You need to get away from him.
“Rubbin’ a garlic clove on it’s good for stings. There’s some in the kitchen, I’ll get it for you.” He reaches a hand out as if to take hold of you again, and you take two more steps away. This time he does not follow, you see the muscle of his jaw flutter. 
“Really, Joel. It’s okay.” You feel like you’ve said these words to him before, like all your short acquaintanceship has consisted of, is you apologizing and running away, bowing out before it gets too scary or complicated or threatening. He probably thinks you’re an idiot. “Th– thank you for your help. I’m just gonna –” you hitch your thumb back towards the house, “I’m just going to go back inside. Sorry.” 
He only nods, frozen on the dock as you walk away from him.
Chapter .2
Netherfeildren Masterlist
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alphajocklover · 27 days
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Unmoved
**beta read by my friend J-bro. Had to post on mobile cause tumblr was being weird. Hope it still looks good**
For the 11th time in his life, Maxwell Hawthorn was moving.
It was his senior year of highschool, shortly after Maxwell’s 18th birthday, and once again Maxwell was moving. The Hawthorns, which consisted of Maxwell, his parents, and his younger brother Chase, were a military family, Maxwell's father being a low level General. Even for military families, the Hawthorns moved a lot. Where most military families moved every two to four years, the Hawthorns moved almost annually, much to Maxwell's frustration. Since he was 5 years old he had moved nearly every year, each time moving to a different state and a different school with a different house. When he was younger Maxwell had been a friendly, adventurous kid who easily made friends, but after making friends just to lose them over and over again Maxwell had formed an anti-social, almost jaded personality. He never got close to anyone anymore, almost always keeping to himself. He kept his room almost completely bare, since he knew he’d probably need to move eventually, and avoided connections. Even his hobbies, mainly sketching and writing, were done alone. Until recently Maxwell had been resigned to the fact that he would probably not make any meaningful friendships till college. But there was something different about this move. He wasn’t just moving, he was moving back.
Willistown was where Maxwell had spent his final 2 years of middle school, and despite only having stayed there 2 years it was the place Maxwell had been most reluctant to leave. It had been before highschool started, so his spirit hadn’t been completely crushed yet, and unlike many of his other schools he had actually been able to make friends. Hell, he had been almost popular. He had actually connected with people and gotten out of his shell. Maxwell had been crushed when he had to leave. He tried to keep in touch with his friends, but he hadn’t heard from Leon or Marigold, his two best friends from Willistown Middle school but he hadn’t heard from either of them in years. Leon had been like a brother to Maxwell, one who shared his love of art and his social awkwardness, well Marigold had been his first crush and girlfriend (though, as it was a middle school relationship, all they did was hold hands). Despite losing touch, Maxwell hoped his old friends would make the final year of highschool more bearable, or maybe even enjoyable.
As Maxwell entered his second class at Willistown high he was worried he had been too hopeful. So far no one had recognized him, or even seemed to remember him. It had probably been too much to expect everyone to welcome him warmly or act like he was an old friend. It had been 3 years after all, and he didn’t remember everyone either. Still he was starting to worry that maybe he had gotten his hopes up too high. Homeroom had been boring as hell, and the school seemed pretty obsessed with sports. The upcoming football season for the Willistown Wolves was all anyone could talk about. Still he hoped he could find someone who remembered him.
“Max?”
Maxwell looked up from his sketchbook to see a truly impressive sight. The jock in front of him was over 6 feet tall, with long dark black hair and piercing sapphire blue eyes. He had a sharp jawline, a charming smile, and bulging muscles that were hidden by his letterman jacket. Maxwell could immediately tell that this was the big man on campus, the stereotypical golden boy, the prom king. This was-
“Leon?” Maxwell realized in shock, almost dropping his sketchbook
“Hell yeah bro! It’s been years dude, how the fuck are you?” The large jock said as he took Maxwell into a bro-hug that Maxwell, in his shock, responded to in kind. “The hell are you doing here man, I haven’t seen you in years!”
“I, I moved back. Today's my first day. I tried to tell you but I guess you changed your phone number or something.” Maxwell sheepishly said “Leon, what… happened to you?” Maxwell asked in shock
Leon cockily flexed one of his biceps, letting it strain the fabric of his jacket “Hehe, yeah, I guess I have changed over the years. Joined the football team in freshman year. Turned out I was a natural athlete.” Leon said. “But look at you man, you haven’t changed a bit. Still got your head stuck in your sketchbook and shit.” Leon said with a deep, slightly dull chuckle.
Maxwell was in shock. The nervous, artistic kid he had been best friends with had been replaced by a huge, cocky, arrogant jock. He didn’t expect Leon to be the same guy he was 3 years ago, but he hadn’t expected him to change that much. He was unrecognizable, and looked like he’d probably have more in common with the jocks who usually made Maxwell’s life hell than he would with Maxwell.
“Bro, we need to hang out after school sometime. Catch up and shit. I got football practice afterschool today but we can meet up after that.” Leon said with a charming smile, playfully punching Maxwell’s shoulder in a way that really hurt. Maxwell scowled at the punch, but held his tongue. This was Leon. He had been his best friend. Even if he was a dumb jock now, Maxwell had to give him a chance.
“Uh, sure. I’ll see you then…” Maxwell said quietly. Leon grinned a charming grin and strut over to his own desk.
Art class had been… interesting. Maxwell had spent most of the class watching Leon chat with his fellow jocks, thinking about how much his old friend had changed. It was clear that 3 years hadn’t just changed Leon physically, but mentally as well. Leon seemed to have lost all interest in art, and was only taking art for an easy A. As Maxwell made his way to the cafeteria for lunch he wondered how his friend had changed so much. 3 years was a long time, but it still seemed like a drastic change in personality. Maxwell was so lost in thought he almost walked straight into… one of the most attractive girls he ever met. Long blonde hair, beautiful green eyes, pouty red lips, d cup tits and a juicy ass, she looked like she had walked right out of a teenage boy's wet dream. Maxwell was so flustered he nearly didn’t recognize her
“Oh my god, Marigold?” Maxwell asked in shock. The blonde in front of him gave a haughty sneer as she looked over Maxwell. Thoroughly unimpressed “Uh, it’s Marie. And who exactly are you?” Maxwell, shocked by her entitled tone, looked at her in shock for a moment. Before he could answer another familiar voice interrupted
“Marie, babe! There you are.” Leon said, strutting over to the blonde without acknowledging Maxwell. He grabbed her by the hips, his manly fingers sinking into her juicy ass, and kissed her deeply and dominantly. Marie almost moaned into the kiss, a submissive, lust filled look coming over her
“Hey baby…” she said, slightly breathless as, after what seemed like forever, the kiss ended. Leon grinned cockily, and finally noticed the shocked Maxwell
“Oh hey Max! Didn’t see you there bro!” Leon said with a charming grin as he put his arm around Maries waist
“Max?” Marie asked, sudden recognition shining in her eyes. She grinned, a happy unrestrained grin that made her look completely different from before and reminded Maxwell of the nerdy girl he had dated “Oh my god, it’s been years! What are you doing here Max?” She asked kindly
Leon answered before Maxwell could “Max just moved back babe! We’re going to be spending senior year with him!” He said excitedly.
“It’s Maxwell.” Maxwell corrected, his voice slightly shy. “And… yeah, I’m spending my senior year as a Willistown Wolf.” Marie lit up at this.
“That's totally awesome Max! I mean, Maxwell.” The blonde said perkily
“You too Marigold. Or should I say Marie?” Maxwell asked, a questioning look on his face. Marie blushed slightly, as if being reminded of an embarrassing old memory
“Yeah. I decided to start going by Marie about 2 years back. Marigold was a little… frumpy, you know?” She said with a bashful smile. Maxwell nodded in agreement, even though he didn’t really agree. What was wrong with Marigold? He always thought that name was pretty. He changed the subject, not wanting to make things more awkward than they already were.
“... So… Since I’m new here, and I don’t have many friends… would you guys mind if I sat with you?” Maxwell asked. Leon and Marie’s faces fell almost in unison, and an awkward feeling came over the trio. Leon was the first to speak.
“Uh, sorry bro. The people we hang out with these days can be kind of… picky, about who sits with them. You gotta prove yourself to them before they let you in. Marie and I have a reputation and shit now and…”
Maxwell didn’t need to hear anymore. Each word was like a dagger to his heart. He tried to keep his emotions in check as he answered, but failed to stop the crack in his voice. “Oh. It’s ok. I understand. I’ll just… go.” Maxwell said, turning and running off, tears rolling down his face as he did. He could hear Leon and Marie yelling for him, but he didn’t stop till he got to the bathroom.
Maxwell's first day as a senior officially sucked. Not only had he been rejected by his two former best friends, but everyone in the cafeteria had seen him running away from them crying. Rumors about what was going on between the two most popular people and school and the geeky new kid were already circling, and none of them showed Maxwell in a good light. Some people said he was a stalker who had been confronted by the couple, others said he was a pervert who had propositioned them. He heard one rumor that he was an old ex, which was technically true but not the reason he had run away. The details changed but the general consensus was that Maxwell was a loser who had deserved whatever he got. His social life was dead in the water.
As soon as Maxwell got home he headed up to his bedroom without a word to his family and went to sleep. The day had been exhausting and he had lost all hope that this year was going to be any better than the one before. He needed to just… be unconscious for a while. By the time Maxwell woke up it was late at night, if the night sky he could see through his bedroom window was any clue. Maxwell sighed. He couldn’t believe how fucked everything had gotten. His eyes locked on a particularly bright star. Without thinking, Maxwell made a wish “... I wish I had never moved away from Willistown…” As he spoke the star got brighter and brighter…
And in a flash, everything was different.
Maxwell woke up slowly, his eyes not yet open. Something was… different. His head felt funny, his body felt heavy, but what was really bothering Maxwell was… the warm feeling surrounding his cock. Maxwell’s eyes slowly opened at first, but shot open as he took in the sight in front of him. Sleeping soundly next to him, completely naked, with her pussy surrounding his cock, was Marie. In shock Maxwell tried to pull out, moving backwards, but found a shiver of pleasure go through him as he felt something inside his ass rub against his sweet spot. Did someone have a cock in his ass? Before Maxwell could panic he felt the muscular arm of whoever was inside him reach over his side and grab at one of his pecs as that someone also kissed his neck. The man spoke, his familiar voice sending shivers of pleasure down Maxwell’s spine.
“Hey babe. You ok? You seem tense.” Leon said, his voice so sensual and erotic that Maxwell almost moaned. He answered without thinking, his voice deeper than he remembered
“Yeah, I’m ok. Just excited for today. First day of senior year only happens once. I mean, hopefully.” Maxwell said, before he and Leon both let out an identical dumb chuckle.
What was happening?! Why was Maxwell having sex with Leon and Marie? As Maxwell internally panicked, memories suddenly flooded his mind.
Maxwell, or Max as most people called him, never moved away after middle school. He went into highschool with his best bro Leon and his girlfriend Marigold by his side. Maxwell’s friendly, adventurous personality made him just as popular in highschool as he had been in middle school, but it was when he and Leon joined the football team together that their popularity really took off. Leon’s story, about joining the football team and turning out to be a natural athlete, was true, but now it included Max joining the team right alongside him. Leon was the quarterback, and Max was his left tackle. Together they were the perfect team. As they got more and more into football their bodies changed, packing on muscle, they became even more popular. It didn’t take long until Max and Leon were the two most popular jocks in school. Marigold had gone through a similar glow up and was the school's head cheerleader. By the end of sophomore year the three ruled the school, and Max was the king.
It had been halfway through junior year that Max got together with Leon. He and Marigold had been dating for years now, and they had long come to the agreement that Max’s massive cock couldn’t be handled by one person. Leon, Max’s best bro, seemed like the only rational choice and quickly proved to be a natural cock sucker. Soon the three were a power throuple, and now, at the start of their senior year, they were ready to take on the world.
Max smirked as he remembered this, and looked down at his new body. Bulging muscles, gigantic pecs and biceps, an 8 pack of abs and a footlong cock that was currently fucking his girlfriend. He looked around his room, seeing his weight set, his football gear, his football trophies, and his multiple naked sketches of Leon and Marigold. Slowly Marigold came too, kisses Max deeply as Leon teasingly kissed his neck
“Are you ready for senior year?” Marigold asked.
Max smirked, looking at his partners “... fuck yeah I am.” High in the sky, invisible in the daylight, a supernova blazed, another wish having been granted.
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pbscoreart · 3 months
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Some recent drawings of Lionheart! I haven’t been doing much digital art and frankly, I’ve gotten sick so much recently so I haven’t been able to do much of anything 😭 (description in alt text).
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laurzvahll · 1 month
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human au phos enjoyer over here
THAT IDEA YOU POSTED ABT RECENTLY IS SO FUN????? I can’t wait to see designs?!?!!! Lunarians are really annoying to think about when coming up with aus too,…,
Who have you designed so far tho? I’m super excited to see this omfg foaming at the mouth
HIII OMG THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! HERES EVERYTHING I HAVE RNNN
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these are all super old doodles (and a wip) except for the Dia and Born one which is from yesterday!!
basically this AU revolves a lot around music, as someone who really loves music. I want to say that the characters are all in Music school or maybe Art school so that it can include other characters’ interests like Red Beryls love for fashion and tailoring.
This idea came to me when I was listening to rock (more specifically Queen) and I started envisioning Phos’s moon group as a band! At first consisting of all the gems that went with Phos to the moon, with the exception of Goshen since they never really stuck around for much and were just doing their own thing LOL. Ofc this means that Dia later on breaks off from the band to become an idol like in the manga. Also Padpa plays tthe piano and as a former piano player that’s important for me to say. I have most of that arc envisioned and back when I first thought of the AU I had wanted to execute it with animatics, which im still kind of considering!
I also assigned each of Phos’s phases songs, which I can delve into in another post. Going back in time a little to the beginning, I imagine that partnerships are kind of like bands too , and duos and stuff. Like for example Dia and Bort are a duo and they make music togetherr :3 and they have little matching pendants because idk I thought it was cute. Anyways tho I was thinking maybe Phos just lives around this school at the very beginning of this AU and wants to join a band or just join them in making music, but they haven’t gotten accepted into the school and the other gems see them as inexperienced. Btw Antarc is the one who starts to teach Phos about music similarly to how they started winter duties together. Also I love Phos and Antarc so there might be a lot of focus on them in this AU.
ITS NOT COMPLETELY done yet or fully thought out but thank u so much for asking me about it thank u thank u. If you have any specific questions about any parts of the AU I would absolutely love to answer them!!!! (Please send me asks)
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Good starting points for socialist reading? Detailed medium form summaries? Skeptic debate between various forms, and between other theoretical systems? Please do recommend
For introductory texts, start with the basics. That means starting with the foundation laid out by Marx and Engels themselves, not some abridged text or modern compilation that seeks to re-explain scientific socialism out of a lack of agency for the modern reader (though some of these type are good, but I digress.)
For this i’d recommend:
- Marx, Engels. The Communist Manifesto (obviously)
- Engels. Socialism: Utopian and Scientific
- Marx, Engels. Wage-Labour and Capital/Value, Price, and Profit
The above three are very short, succinct, and informative. The latter two are woefully unrecognized as ideal texts for introductory socialism, and they were written for that explicit purpose.
After that, move on to more wholistic works that flesh out and elaborate upon the historical, material, circumstances that gave rise to the capitalist epoch and how and why they furnish the future conditions for a socialist system.
- Engels. Origin of the Family, State, and Private Property (Whatever copy you’ll procure will probably include his complimentary essay, The Part Played by Labour in the Transition from Ape to Man, which isn’t hugely beneficial for most discursive purposes but interesting, nonetheless.)
- Lenin. The State and Revolution
- Bukharin. Historical Materialism - A System of Sociology
All of Engels’ work, from his introductions to Marx’s texts, his input on the former, and his original treatises, are a wealth of information.
After the structure of dialectical materialism and the capitalist system are understood, I’d recommend works on how the former can/should be implemented and the latter’s historical reign of misery, as well as works addressing the pressing contradiction of imperialism and core-periphery subjugation. (You won’t find vocabulary like core/periphery/semi periphery in texts like this though, that wouldn’t come about until Immanuel Wallerstein outlined the World Systems Theory in his eponymous book. It’s not strictly a historical materialist work, and made by a bourgeois academic (who was the sociology professor of my sociology professor, which is fun I suppose) but is formative for much of contemporary sociological discourse).
- Lenin. Imperialism: The Highest Stage of Capitalism
- Lenin. What is to Be Done?
- Galeano. Open Viens of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent
- Said. Orientalism
Along the way, I strongly suggest you actually read Marx’s Capital in full, at least the first volume. It’s not as monolithic and inaccessible as some would lead you to believe, quite the opposite, and cannot be understated in its utility and insight.
- Marx. Capital: A Critique of the Political Economy, Volume I
Other recommendations:
- Marx. Critique of the Gotha Programme
- Marx. The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte
- Bevins. The Jakarta Method: Washington's Anticommunist Crusade and the Mass Murder Program that Shaped Our World
- Bevins. If We Burn: The Mass Protest Decade and the Missing Revolution
- Lenin. Critical Remarks on the National Question (1913) (Also, can be found in the recent compilation of Lenin’s work on the subject called Imperialism and the National Question)
- Debord. The Society if the Spectacle
- Benjamin. The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction
- Mishra. From the Ruins of Empire: The Revolt Against the West and the Remaking of Asia
Truth be told, I’m a grievously under-read marxist, and there are others on this site who could provide a more comprehensive syllabus. To half-assedly make up for it, here are some books i’ve been meaning to read/finish but haven’t gotten to it yet:
- Adorno, Horkheimer. Dialect of Enlightenment
- Marx. Capital, Volumes 2 and 3
- Strong. The Soviets Expected It
- Adorno, Bernstein. The Culture Industry
- Adorno. Minima Moralia
- Mao. On the Correct Handling of Contradictions Among the People
- Mao. On Protracted War
All of the aforementioned reading can be found online, for free and readily accessible, on places like Marxists.org, or as downloads from places like Libgen. If you want to read on your phone, download the file as an epub and use your device’s proprietary Books app or similar. If you want to read on a PC, I’d recommend a PDF for easiest navigation. If you want to pursue the latter but can only procure the former, you can use a epub reading program like SumatraPDF. If you’re a person who values a physical copy highly enough to warrant a purchase, I’d recommend ThriftBooks, though do be attentive to buying the most suitable copy of whatever material. Also, I’d be happy to send my copies to you or anyone else, via a google drive or telegram, if you feel like coming off anon.
As for “skeptic debate between various forms, and between various systems,” I can’t think of a standalone work with the principle task of dissecting and contrasting various stripes of marxism, but you’ll find as such permeating throughout almost all of these texts. The thing is, the fundamental material conditions haven’t shifted substantially since these were written, wether it be in Marx’s 19th century, Lenin’s 20th, or Bevins’ 21st. The old enemies remain enemies, the old arguments remain true. Dialectical materialism, scientific socialism, is a malleable system. It is a scientific method by which one can analyze the world, understand it with rational clarity, and come to conclusions on how to react to it and make predictions as to how things may unfold. This is the task assigned to any student of marxism. It is not dogma or a ecclesiastical canon, it is a tool.
After you’ve garnered your bachelor’s degree in scientific socialism you can move on to the postgraduate courses, such as chainsmoking cigarettes, caffeine and amphetamine addiction, alcoholism, and playing Disco Elysium.
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yekoc · 7 months
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thank you to @prettydangrotten and @veryspecificfantasies for tagging me in the books meme!
An estimate of how many physical books I own: I can't count so about this many (I made the shelves with my dad a few years ago) --
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Favorite author: Dorothy Sayers, if we're basing it on pure enjoyment, with honorable mentions to Dorothy Dunnett and Jane Austen (coming in a tied second in terms of re-readability for me), and then Elena Ferrante for probably one of the best and most idyllic reading experiences of my life.
A popular book I've never read and never intend to read: Honestly there's not much I'll refuse to read, because I love to hate-read a book almost as much as I like to read a good book. I will never read Atlas Shrugged, how's that.
A popular book I thought was just meh: 'Meh' is so different than hatred, so that eliminates my two all-time least favorite hit books, The Night Circus and Where the Crawdads Sing. Honestly, I thought that Red, White, and Royal Blue was meh. I enjoyed it, but as a consummate fanfiction reader I don't think I found it as revelatory as maybe a more general reading public did.
Longest book I own: Maybe War and Peace, which I've been about 100 pages from finishing since the pandemic (unfortunately highly problematic to take such a long break with that particular book as I no longer have any chance whatsoever of remembering who anyone is). If we're counting compilations, then the complete Norton Shakespeare.
Longest series I own all the books to: The Lymond Chronicles (counting their prequel series, The House of Niccolo, which is even longer). Check on the third shelf down on the left in the picture above…and that’s with one of them on my bedside table currently.
Prettiest book I own: A long stint working in museums left me with many coffee-table art exhibition catalogues, some of which are really nice (the Glenn Ligon: America from his show at the Whitney is my favorite). I also have a beautiful Bronte compilation of Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, and Agnes Grey that is my prettiest non-art book.
A book or series I wish more people knew about: I've clearly been doing my best on and off tumblr to bully people into making it through book one of Dorothy Dunnett's Lymond Chronicles -- I'd say I wish more people knew how much easier the books get after that one, maybe! A book I think everyone should read is Jesmyn Ward's Salvage the Bones.
Book I’m reading now: I brought Pale Fire on a recent trip because it was the physically lightest paperback I had in my to-read pile (technically to-re-read), so I'm about 50 pages into that; I also haven't technically started it yet but I am emotionally reading the fifth and final Cazalet novel, All Change. I'm currently reading the series, I guess.
Book that’s been on my TBR list for a while but I still haven’t gotten around to it: The Mirror and the Light! I can't believe I haven't read it yet but I keep feeling like I need to re-read the rest of the series first and then not finding the time to do that.
Do you have any books in a language other than English: Not in my apartment -- I think there's an aspirational Italian copy of The Goblet of Fire in my room at my parents' house from a study abroad semester in Italy.
Paperback, hardcover or ebook?: Paperback for sure. And I dog-ear.
tagging @grideon @restacks @officialmood @powerful-owl @saintdevote if any of you want to do it!
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METRO CITY MATRIMONY- A new Reality Parody Series SEASON 1 EPISODE 1
THIS STREET FIGHTER SERIES I WRITE IS MEANT TO BE MY OWN COMPLETELY FUN TAKE ON REALITY SHOWS AND SOAP OPERAS AND CREATING A WORLD WITHIN A WORLD. THESE SERIES ARE INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE AND CONTAIN SCENES OF SEXUAL SITUATIONS, HARROWING AND SOMETIMES VIOLENT EVENTS, INCREDIBLY COARSE LANGUAGE, SUGGESTIVE DIALOGUE, AND SOME HEAVY TOPICS.
READER’S DISCRETION IS ADVISED, AND NO MINORS ARE INVITED TO PARTAKE IN THIS STORY. NOW KICK BACK AND ENJOY THE SHOW.
METRO CITY MATRIMONY
Main Cast:
Jamie Siu and Anya Siu Luke Sullivan and Sarita Sullivan Ed and Jada Supporting Cast:
Papa Siu and Chun-Li
Season 1 Episode 1: The Fun Boys Are Back
*Jamie and Anya’s house*
*It’s the morning time and the sunlight is peaking through the blinds*
*A handsome tanned man from Hong Kong is asleep with his glorious hair all over his face as his wife sleeps next to him. She gets up and goes into the kitchen and begins to make breakfast*
*The aroma that hits the air causes him to wake up*
*Once he does, he pushes his hair back and yawns the deepest open mouthed yawn he possibly can. His beautiful bare face is just stunning*
Jamie: What up y’all? I’m back again, though I haven’t really left your sight much since I have been on other shows. The name’s Jamie Siu, if you somehow don’t know. I’m the peacekeeper of Chinatown, a full time model, husband, and father of four. A lot has changed in my life over the years. My kids are growing up and it’s been a great privilege to see them become the people they are. I’ve backed away from fighting on the streets to focus on my career and family. Chinatown is still in good hands. I have three new disciples that have been diligently protecting the streets and keeping my legacy alive and well. My gorgeous wife was my original disciple, and words can’t describe how much I love and appreciate her. My dad came back into my life recently and married legendary warrior Chun-Li, who I greatly admire. I was totally trapped in hero worship for a while, but as I’ve gotten to know her, she’s an awesome person. I hope this show will bring you as much entertainment as the others because it's about to be crazy up in here!
*Jamie stumbles out of bed just to walk into the kitchen and wrap his arms around his wife’s waist and kiss her neck*
Anya: Morning babe.
Jamie: Mornin’.
Anya: My name is Anya, 3 time national martial arts champion, world traveled warrior, lash tech, and the creator of Warrior Woman Lashes. I was Jamie Siu’s first disciple, and I fell in love with him, I even gave the man my virginity. He’s so sexy and confident, but so gentle and sweet…and a grade a freak. How do you think I popped out four babies? Marrying him was an easy decision and it’s easily been the best decision of my life. I’m looking forward to a project of my own to be seen on this show most of all.
Anya: You ready to have some breakfast?
Jamie: I’d rather have that pussy in my mouth for breakfast.
Anya: You’re a nasty freak…
Jamie: And you love it. You let me put 4 babies in you, remember?
Anya: I’m getting the bacon out of the oven so…we have a little time.
Jamie: Mmm…I can’t wait to eat that honey sweet pussy; it’s been a while…
Anya: *Taking bacon out of the oven* For you to interrupt my prepping, you better eat it good.
Jamie: You know you cum every damn time, but you know I need a good shower this morning too.
Anya: Well, you better fuck me so hard that I lose my mind for a minute.
Jamie: Have I never not?
Anya: I need a reminder.
Jamie: Bring that ass on then.
*Before breakfast, the Sius get a little morning steam in that shower*
*Ed and Jada’s House*
*Jada is cleaning the house to some reggae music and she’s shaking her whole ass, wining like a true Caribbean girl*
Ed: You keep shakin that ass like that and I’m getting yo ass pregnant again.
Jada: Boy, hush and help my ass clean or at least provide some non sexual company. You had enough last night.
Ed: It ain’t last night no more.
Jada: It isn’t going to be right now though; I need to do housework and take care of the girls.
Ed: Aight, you need anythin’?
Jada: Take out the trash and walk the dog, please.
Ed: Aight then.
*He is about to take the trash out and the German Shephard named Roxy comes out*
*Once he’s about to head out with the trash, he notices the dog with her leash*
*He takes time to put it on her before he heads out*
*He puts the trash in one of the black garbage bins on the corner of the sidewalk before heading down the street*
Ed: I ain’t been in a starring role in a while, looks like it’s finally my time! Name’s Ed, former Shadaloo experiment from a super young age, former Bison replacement body and currently, the owner of a boxin gym. There’s a lotta youngins out here that was just as lost as I was minus the psycho power, so I put all the passion I have into them. I’m married to Jada, who is the sister of Jamie’s wife, Anya, which makes her my sister in law, and Jamie, my brother in law. I’m hopin to show everybody just how Ed gets down, so keep yo eyes on me!
*Meanwhile, back in the house, Jada is finishing up on cleaning the kitchen*
Tamiia: Moooooom! Hailee is tearing up my things again.
Hailee: No I’m not! You’re just being mean!
Tamiia: Did you or did you not just snap the metal part of my USB charger!? Huh? HUH!?
Hailee: I didn’t do it on purpose!!
Jada: Hey, calm this shit right now! Hailee, you need to be more careful around your sister’s things, and Miia, you don’t have to scream in her face. Now hug it out.
Tamiia: But mom…
Jada: Hug it out, or do I have to tell your father when he gets back?
Tamiia: N-No ma’am.
Hailee: Really no ma’am.
Jada: Then…go ahead
*They reluctantly hug each other*
Jada: I’m Jada, and I’m a hairstylist. I got a lucky break. My oldest sister, Julissa, had me under control for a very long time. My daughter, Tamiia, was her pawn in the game. My aunt was raising her, but I took every chance to slip away to be a part of her life. She was the way she was because our father left our mother, went to America for work and instead married another woman there, Anya’s mother. Jalissa was so devastated that she lost her mind over it and did all she could to mold me in the perfect woman, especially after my mother went crazy and had to be institutionalized over the situation. I wanted to escape but I was afraid of her.
Jalissa blamed Anya, but I never did. She had no role in this, she was only the product of it. When my sister and her friends came to Jamaica on vacation, I went to see her. When I saw how vicious Jalissa was and how she threatened to end my life if I ever talked to or saw Anya, or went to my aunt’s house to see Tamiia again, I had to leave. I left without telling her with my daughter. I met Ed not too long after I arrived in Metro City. We were at a party, we had sex, I got pregnant, and we got married. It was a brash decision, but I don’t regret it at all.
I got my visa to teach soon after I married him. Luckily for me, I have my green card so I am now a permanent resident here now and work as a hairstylist. Believe me I can get you slayed, laid, whipped, dipped and laid to the side for real. I’m also a proud mother to both my daughter Tamiia, who’s eleven years old now, and my daughter Hailee, who is 4. I hope I am fun to watch.
*Ed has returned from walking Roxy who is petted by the girls before she is let out into the backyard*
Hailee: Daddy!!
Ed: Hey baby girl. You being nice to your sister?
Tamiia: No. She broke my USB again…
Hailee: It was an accident.
Ed: I told ya to be more careful, I’m already sure your mom made you two make up so I don’t have ta step in, so play nice. Do ya understand?
Tamiia: Yes sir.
Hailee: Double yes sir.
Ed: Alright, go on and play, and don’t fight…Jada, babe. I got something to tell ya. A woman I consider my sister, well she is in every way is coming by here. I know this is sudden because I never brought her up but I didn’t know where she was for a while.
*Doorbell rings and he calls for the girls to come into the room*
*Ed answers the door and hugs whoever it is at the door*
*Jada, being short like her sister, standing at 5’5, has to look up slightly at this 5’9 woman with short blonde hair*
Ed: Falke, this is my wife, Jada, my oldest daughter, my big girl Tamiia, and my baby girl Hailee. Girls, this is my sister, Falke.
Jada: Nice to meet you.
Tamiia: Hello.
Hailee: Hi!!
Falke: I don’t know why I’m nervous, I’m much calmer than this. I guess I still haven’t gotten used to life outside of protecting my life and Ed’s life yet…but…I brought cookies…
Hailee: Cooooool!
Jada: I was just about to get started on making brunch, I was cleaning this morning so I am starting late on that. Luckily I have a breakfast casserole I made ahead that I’m popping in the oven and I already had potatoes going super early in my crockpot but I just forgot to do the best. I have to get started on the chicken. Chicken and waffles so I have to make the batter for the waffles.
*Jada also brings out a bottle of sparkling wine and come orange juice and begins making a pitcher of mimosas first*
Falke: Um, can I help…I really like to cook and��
Jada: Of course! You’re family, and family is always welcome in my kitchen…mimosa?
Falke: *Her face lights up* I won’t say no to that…thank you.
Tamiia: Looks like Hailee and I better get up on these bar stools while you two work.
Jada: Why now?
Hailee: Because we have a guest. We want to get to know our auntie.
Falke: A-auntie?
Tamiia: You’re our father’s sister, doesn’t matter what you went through to become siblings to each other. That makes you our aunt. Dad told us all about the Shadaloo thing so don’t be shy with us about it. Just be you.
Falke: Well, I’m still grateful for you to give me that title anyway.
*It makes Ed feel really awesome to see the woman he considers his sister; she is in so many ways. They spend some time getting to know each other*
*Then Tamiia asks THE question*
Tamiia: Whatever happened to that guy that raised dad?
Ed: Miia, we’re not gonna talk bout’ that, you feel me?
Tamiia: Why not? It’s an innocent question.
Ed: We’re not talkin bout’ it. Drop it.
Tamiia: OK, ok, sorry.
*The room is silent and Ed goes outside with the dog to cool off*
Jada: That’s the last of it, come on and eat girls.
Falke: Jada, excuse me, I have to speak with Ed for a minute.
Jada: Alright, no problem.
*Falke goes outside*
Falke: You’re going to have to tell them one day.
Ed: I don’t have ta if I don’t wanna.
Falke: You’re being immature about this. They’re your family, your wife and daughters. You adopted that young lady and have been the only father she’s ever known. You laid down with that woman and had a child with her, and you married her. You should trust them enough to know. You know, more or less, you changed him. I know you had a falling out because you believed that he thought you were weak and needed protecting, but he raised you.
Everything from the way you talk to your demeanor shows that. Balrog is pretty much those girls’ grandfather. I’ve seen a lot before coming here that made me decide to stop by. If Vega of all people can change, I know Balrog can and probably has for the most part. Vega is still a sadistic bastard, but he cares a lot for his wife and his girls.
Give him at least one chance.
Ed: I’ll think about it.
Falke: Ok, now come in and eat, and give these girls some love.
Ed: Aight’.
*They go back in the house and Ed gives Tamiia a big hug before they all sit down an eat*
*The rest of the day passes with nothing notable happening*
*The local middle school…a handsome, muscular blonde man is in his car waiting on his triplets to emerge with his three year old daughter in tow. Finally, it’s time, and the three soon emerge and spot the car, taking off running towards it*
Kathy: Finally, it’s Spring Breaaak.
Mateo: Yeah! Fuckin teacher tried to say that the fuckin pills some kid had were mine, and I’m like no. I don’t do drugs, but he tried to keep blaming me.
Bobby: Yeah. It was pretty fucked up.
*They reach the vehicle and get in*
Luke: Hey kiddos! Ready for Spring Break!?
Kathy: Hell yeah…since we made it, and after we go pick up Eric…are we getting that treat you promised?
Luke: Of course! Hado Pizza it is.
Mateo: The greasiest and most delicious pizza in town! Aww yeah!!
Skylar: Chicken Nuggies!
Bobby: You always want chicken nuggets.
*Luke restarts the car and heads off towards the elementary school to pick up the last of the Sullivan children, ten year old fifth grader, Eric.*
Luke: The name’s Luke Sullivan. Private Military Contractor, Military MMA and self-defense trainer, part owner of the gym, Buckler Security Services, and the chairman and owner of Brigadier Sullivan, a Fitness and lifestyle brand. I’ve made quite a name for myself since I was that cocky, little snot-nosed punk back then. I’m sure my dad would be proud.
As anyone who watched the original show knows, I’m married to Sarita, my wife who I love to the moon and back, and I’m a father of five kids: Bobby, Mateo, Kathy, Eric, and Skylar. My wife. She’s got a hot temper and a switchblade that she isn’t afraid to use. But I love her feistiness. It’s probably why I got her pregnant again, and again, and again…and 🎶I love it when she calls me big poppa, put ya hands in the air if you’s a true playa! 🎶*Silence*
So…movin on. Jamie’s my best friend, even if we don’t act like it sometimes. I’ve made a lot more friends since I first started this path and I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank y’all for comin’ back to watch me and my family and friends.
*They arrive to the elementary school where Eric was waiting outside and he climbs in the car with his father and siblings before they head to the pizza place and order the greasiest pizza for themselves, and chicken nuggets for the little one*
*His phone rings and it’s his wife*
Luke: Sup babe?
Sarita on the phone: While you’re out stuffing your faces, I gotta let you know that we’re all going over to Jamie and Anya’s for a little family dinner. Usually it’s on Sunday but hell, the kids are out of school and it’s time to kickback.
Luke: Righty O’ baby…what you up to?
*Camera switches feed to inside Luke and Sarita’s house*
*She’s putting the finishing touches on two desserts. A Caramel Sheet Cake and a Peach Cobbler*
Sarita: Getting these desserts outta the way for tomorrow. I know that Anya is going to make that bomb ass Banana Pudding Cake so we’ll have plenty of dessert too.
Luke on the phone: Alright, see you at home later babe.
Sarita: Alright.
Sarita: My name is Sarita Sullivan, the wife of Luke Sullivan and a mother of five. Can you believe I survived having that many kids? I’m a housewife and own my very own home bakery business called Sarita Homemaker Desserts and I’ve made money hand over fist using my baking talents. My childhood best friend is Anya, and we have been through so much together. I appreciate her for everything. If not for her, I wouldn’t have met my husband, found so many friends, or even have my wonderful life now. I owe her absolutely everything. Looks like you’re all about to see the majesty that is Sarita in this show, enjoy the greatness!
*Sarita spends a considerable amount of time perfecting the desserts and make sure they are 100% portable and then the junk food filled crew comes home*
Sarita: Since you all ate, I’m ordering my ass some Chipotle.
Luke: Too…much…food * Falls on couch*
Sarita: Don’t break my damn couch.
Kathy: At least we ate reasonably, that man that is our father is a human garbage disposal.
Sarita: Well, my Chipotle will be here soon, so I guess we’re kickin back and watching some movies. Whatcha wanna watch?
Mateo: Movie? Turn on ID Discovery!
Kathy: Oh yeah! We’ve been binging Who the Bleep Did I Marry? for a hot minute.
Sarita: Weird kids…but alright…*Doorbell rings* Ooh, my food is heeeere.
*When she gets her food, the family settles in for a true crime binge fest*
*The next afternoon, Anya has cleaned the house and is getting ready for their guests to come by setting the food out*
*Jamie is in the backyard, sparring with his daughter, Yalini, affectionately known as Yaya as their son, Jamie Jr. affectionately known as JJ is napping on the couch*
*6 year old twins, Liam and Jia Li are running about too*
Jamie: You are definitely giving your old man a run for his money right now.
Yaya: Really!? Awesome. I had really been practicing. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to beat you!
Jamie: One day, but you still have a lot to learn and a lot of growin up to do first. Now let’s get ready before everyone else arrives.
*When they go back in, Anya is talking on the phone to her sister who tells her a lot of things that no one can hear on the other side*
Anya:…Ok, bring her over…I’m excited to meet her…and oh…you did? Well, this will be interesting…alright…see you when you get here.
*After about an hour, the guests begin to arrive*
*The two sisters embrace before the rest of them walk in, Anya hugging her nieces and her brother in law before Falke walks in*
Jada: Hey sis, this is Falke, Ed’s sister.
Anya: Good to meet you. *She embraces her pretty tightly* Come in, make yourself comfortable. You’re family, don’t be shy. I’m Anya, I’m Jada’s sister, which means you’re my sister too. This is my husband, Jamie, and these are my children, Yalini who we call Yaya, Jamie Jr. who we call JJ, Liam, and Jia Li, we just call her Jia.
Jamie: Sup?
Yaya: Welcome to the family, Auntie!
JJ:  That means you’re stuck with our crazy asses now.
Jia: Hi! *She hugs Falke around the waist*
Liam: Helloooooo!
Falke: I’m grateful you all welcomed me like this. I brought cupcakes for later.
Anya: Ooh, you already fit in, let’s bring em into the kitchen.
*As this happens, the meal is finally out, especially with Jada’s jerk chicken and curry goat finally arriving*
*The Sullivans arrive with desserts and the kids in tow. Anya introduces Falke to them and Sarita begins to bond with her over desserts*
*Then, Jamie’s dad and Chun-Li finally arrive*
Yaya: Papa Siu! Nainai! *She practically tackles her grandfather before hugging her grandmother and the other Siu siblings follow suit.
*Everyone is eating their fill, and there’s still a lot of food left for sure*
Chun-Li: I haven’t seen that man in years…we don’t have a good history so I’m not sure about him coming here.
Falke: I’m sure it’ll be fine; we have an entire house full of skilled martial artists should anything happen.
Anya: That an entire house cleaning bill that someone will have to pay.
*Doorbell rings*
Sarita: Here we go.
Anya: *Goes to answer the door* Hello…come in.
Ed: Oh hell no! Who the hell invited his ass here!?
Jada: Ed, stop this shit right now!
Ed: I didn’t ask…
Falke: Don’t start with her! Grow the fuck up and handle it!
Anya: Outside…now…both of you.
Gruff Man’s Voice: Ya think I’m scared o’ you little girl?
Jamie: You should be, 3 time national martial arts champion, prodigal martial artist, and her best friend isn’t afraid to cut a motherfucker.
*With a humph, he goes outside in the back and Ed follows him*
Ed: Whatcha doin here anyways? I told you I didn’t need protectin’, Balrog.
Balrog: I know ya’ don’t, that ain’t why I’m here. I wanted to see how ya doin. Look like ya done well for yourself. Givin back to the community, makin money, and you got a wife and kids. I’m proud o’ ya.
Ed: That means a lot, y’know. What you been up to?
Balrog: Ya know I don’t work for free, it’s just harder to do it legit like. Lots o’ powerful people need guys like me, so I have no shortage o’ work. Ya know this ain’t easy, but I apologize for how I made ya feel. You were my son, the only person I ever really cared for. I just didn’t want to lose ya.
Ed: I’m still your son. You’re the only father I know. Probably why I adopted Tamiia, I wanted to give back to another kid without a father.
Balrog: You’re nothin like Bison, dat’s the way it should be.
Jada: Everything alright?
Ed: Yeah, it is. And hey, I’m sorry for snappin at ya, ok?  I was just fucked up about this.
Jada: You’re forgiven. *She accepts a kiss from him*
Ed: Well, this is as good a time as any, this is Balrog, the man who raised me, pops, this my wife Jada.
Balrog: Good ta meet ya, I taught him to have good taste in women, he picked a looker for sure.
Jada: Oh stop…I’m not that special.
Balrog: And humble too? You need ta hook me up with these kinda women y’all are findin out here!
Tamiia: He’s huuuge!
Hailee: Yeah, like a black Superman!!
Jada: My goodness…these kids.
Ed: Those are my girls…Tamiia and Hailee. Girls, this is man that raised me.
Tamiia: Really? Sooooooooo…can I call you grandpa?
Balrog: Uuuuh…
Tamiia: Come on! That outfit you have on is on point…you’d be the toughest and most fly grandpa ever.
Balrog: Well, when ya put it that way…why the hell not!? Plus, everyone can see my beautiful mug on tv while I’m at it!
Hailee: Yay! We have a grandpa now!
*The girls hug him, showing no fear. That makes him relax a bit more…Balrog is a big fuckin showboating, flashy individual…those girls are going to be even more spoiled, oh shit*
Jada: Now that this is settled…
*Balrog has already rushed in and is eating everything Goku style*
*The women only laugh because this is why they make so much food, they all eat like this. But Luke has competition now*
*After all that is over, the women settle down to watch the latest movie on Peacock while the kids go and play video games/watch movies and talk shit*
*The men however…are in the back for a bake session*
Jamie: You down? *Looks at Balrog*
Balrog: Shiiiiiit! Whatchu think!? I’m the OG of this weed game!
*Jamie, Luke, Ed, Jamie’s dad, and now Balrog are about to get it in*
*4 joints total, and with that, the bake session is on!*
Balrog: This some live shit right here!
Jamie: My homie Rashid got the hookup, I always get some from him.
Balrog: That weird ass Turbulent Wind dude?
Jamie: Same one.
Balrog: I didn’t think he got down with this shit.
Jamie: He’s not a normal dude, and neither are we really.
Balrog: That’s better than bein boring as fuck. Y’all need to hook a brotha up one of these day. All these A-list women in here. That Sarita is a feisty one…if you didn’t already have her locked in, Luke, I’d shoot my shot for damn sure.
Luke: That’s all mine man…and it’s a lot to handle. Five kids in and we’re still in love and fuck like rabbits every day. *Territory marked*
*Five minutes pass*
Luke: You know…
Jamie: Oh shit…
Balrog: What?
Jamie: Existential Luke…
Luke: You ever read that the structure of the female clitoris is similar to a penis, but not quite. Like the urethra is in a different place and their bodies are different biologically, but does it mean when we go down on a woman…we’re essentially licking and sucking dick?
Jamie: Shut the fuck up right now, you are not about to ruin pussy for me.
Jamie’s Dad: Hell no, someone duct tape his ass…now I’m going to be fucked up for weeks.
Balrog: I oughta beat your ass for that. I love me a fine ass woman and now I’m just gonna imagine dick for a long ass time now, dammit.
Luke: Maaaan, I can’t help it. This weed brings out the philosopher in me…
*A few more moments and extra puffs of weed later*
Ed:I never thought I’d have my father back…I missed yooooooou. Now you’re here…and now it’s complete. I was just so lost…now I have my whole family together…now. I’m so haaaappy. I was so depressed I though I’d just faaaade away. Now I got my wifey, my little girrrrls…my house, and my friends…I love all of you maaaan.
Jamie: Must be the super strong shit.
Balrog: He’s never living this shit down.
Luke: Neeeever.
Jamie’s Dad: A high ass mind speaks a sober heart.
*Inside the house*
Anya: There’s this beautiful woman who comes in and gets her lashes done. Her name she gave me was Maya, I’m not sure if it’s her real name or not, she seems like the secret agent type. I invited her out for lunch tomorrow if y’all want to come, she seems nice, like whatever burden she had on her was lifted long ago. She has an adult daughter too. She has fiery red hair, definitely dyed.
Jada: I know her, I’m her stylist now. She comes in and gets her hair touched up all the time.
*Everyone seems excited, but Chun-Li is wary as if she knows who Anya speaks of*
*The rest of the night is spent with the men bonding over weed, the women laughing and drinking wine and welcoming Falke into the fold, and the kids having so much fun that they fall asleep*
EPISODE END
THE FIRST EPISODE OF THIS SERIES IS OUT! IT’S MORE LIKE REALITY SITCOM
JAMIE’S FREAKY ASS JUST HELP HIMSELF AROUND ANYA STILL
LUKE AND SARITA HAVE AN ADORABLE RELATIONSHIP
ED AND JADA ARE SOLID FOR SURE
FALKE HAS MADE IT INTO THE FOLD AND THE SUPPORTING CAST
EXISTENTIAL LUKE STRIKES AGAIN
BALROG IS ALSO NOW A MAMBER OF THE SUPPORTING CAST, YOU KNOW HE WANTS THAT MONEY
UPCOMING EPISODE 2: The Ladies’ Project
*The next episode will reintroduce Nate, a random side character I’ve used twice, reintroduces Jalissa, the estranged sister of Anya and Jada, and will also formally introduce a character playable in Street Fighter 4 and has cameos in Street Fighter 5 character stories.
Who knows who else may appear?
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jitterbugjive · 3 months
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So, some people may have noticed this but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bring attention to it and I wanted people to just assume it was someone theorizing. But it appears someone from my ex friend circle whom I had trusted with certain details of how Discord Whooves would end decided to stoop to a lower than low level and ruin the ending for anyone who stumbled on their posts that had been made on a blog made specifically to post spoilers and tag them with common tags Discord Whooves uses. I’m sure it was out of sheer spite towards me and the people who dared to support my work.
Saying bad things about me and things I’ve done and said, okay that’s justifiable. But going out of their way to take something I once trusted them with because I thought we were close friends, and then throwing it out for the world to see out of revenge against me and anyone following me? That’s just petty, immature, and a really low blow to make. Even if I really hated someone, I would never reveal their harmless secrets to the world just to get back at them. There’s a chance to be the better person, and at least have some code of ethics to know when it’s going too far. I deserved to be called out. I didn’t deserve to have my 12 years of work undermined by a vindictive person who can’t move forward, and my fans didn’t deserve it either because they are not even involved in this drama.
There is a point where revenge goes too far and one crosses over into just being villainously cruel.
It’s sad, and really pathetic that someone thinks they have to do everything in their power to screw me over in some way instead of trying to actually recover and get past the point of obsession over wanting to get back at me all the time.
I’m sorry the whole world isn’t against me like you want it to be. I’m sorry a lot of people believe in recovery and the fact that I feel terrible enough already about my shitty actions in the past and am doing everything in my power to avoid anything like that happening ever again. I’m sorry I’m not being bombarded by hoards of angry people calling me names and telling me to kill myself. I’m sorry my feeling horrible isn’t enough to satiate you and all you want is to see me suffer.
It’s been years now. YEARS. For the sake of your own mental well being, just cut me out of your life completely and stop obsessing over me. You already won. I am constantly in a state of panic thinking of this shit and how else it’s going to come and bite me in the ass. I lost the comic website I depended on, I’ve lost a huge chunk of my readership and no longer really have my ‘popular’ status. (very rarely get fan art, not being bombarded by asks constantly, no longer receive fan mail, original projects aren’t catching on very well) Selling commissions has gotten increasingly more difficult. My insomnia is worse than ever and I have to take heavy duty sedatives just to sleep because my mind won’t stop spiraling about this stuff. I cannot go a single day without feeling guilt, regret, self hatred, and doubt and wishing hopelessly that I just never did those things. I have severe trust issues and have almost no one I can feel comfortable enough sharing anything personal or story related with which was just made even WORSE by these recent actions, and I haven’t been able to form new bonds with anyone in years either.
I know I hurt you badly, I know what I did was incredibly wrong and irresponsible, and I don’t know how it’s affected you over the years but this rage and anger is not good for anyone. I don’t hate you. I just want you to be able to move on and learn to be healthy and happy and no longer stuck thinking about me and how much you hate me and want me to fall. I don’t want to be hurting you by just existing and trying to move on with my own life, and I wish there was something- ANYTHING I could do to bring you peace.
But the only one who can ultimately bring you peace is yourself. So you can keep on trying to claw and bite and drag me down with you, or you could be the better person and try to just move forward and put the past in the past where it belongs.
I’m not mad. I’m just incredibly disappointed. I would have thought you were better than this, but I was wrong. I was wrong to ever even trust you as a friend, and I wish we were never friends to begin with, or even ever met, and I’m sure you feel the same way.
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I’m a huge Multishipper and find the merits of almost any Ship for Bob’s Burgers. I’ve seen so many good content for so many lovely ships!! Here are some of my favorites (and the blogs that produce the best content for these ships):
Tina/Josh is so underrated, in my opinion. The show did make it so they’ll never be canon (probably), and Josh didn’t get nearly enough screentime, but I think they’re adorable. I loved them so much in Linda-Pendant Woman, with Tina pulling a Prince Charming and trying to find who Josh’s bandaid belonged to. And their Fresh Feed kiss!! Tbh, I kind of ship them the most (please don’t come for me) and they’re super cute. But the show’s most likely not going to do anything else with them. They have a ton of potential, and I wish they spent more time fleshing Josh out as a character. If they had, this ship had the potential of being as good or even better than some of the other ships with Tina. I also definitely headcanon Josh as Bi. That boy is not straight in my opinion.
Tinimmy is such a classic, I adore it and all of the lovely content that @drawthethingdoppelganger and @jimmyjrsmusoems have put out. These two are the absolute Tinimmy Queens, so if you want Tinimmy content, go to their blogs immediately!! It helps that this ship is basically canon, and Jimmy Jr. is such an awkward dork 😭 He doesn’t know how to express his emotions, but he does care so much about Tina despite what some people say 😒 It’s so frustrating when people always put J Ju down because of one episode (V For Valentine-Detta). Yes, it was a jerk move, but he’s a flipping middle schooler!! And it wasn’t even that bad, anyway. And one bad move doesn’t erase all of the lovely things he’s done for Tina. Like finding her Barrecklace and saying it made him think of her?? Wanting to do a Sky Kiss with her?? Agreeing to go on a date to Pie in the Sky even though he’s not really a fan, and inviting her on a completely genuine date to Fro-Yo Mama?? Come on, these two are adorable. And they deserve a coffee date sometime if DT’s recent art is anything to go by. I also headcanon Jimmy Jr. as Bi sometimes and a heavily closeted Gay boy other times. It kind of depends how I’m feeling, pffffft. @br1ghtestlight has headcanoned him as Aro/Ace, and that’s a fun and valid interpretation too, but I usually feel as if he does have some sort of interest in Tina romantically. I’m not sure. I guess it depends??
Zekina is so cute even though I don’t ship it as much as the other two. Zeke wanting to take Tina on a date to the aquarium and then out for tacos is just so adorable!! But it always annoys me so much when people say that Zeke is obviously the better choice for Tina and is always nicer to her and always has her best interests at heart. Like, Zeke is a sweetheart, but he’s had his moments of not being great to Tina. He’s a teenager just like Jimmy Jr. He’s not obviously the better choice for her just because he suggested that date of tacos and touch tanks. Zekina is lovely, and I respect anyone who ships it and makes content for it. I definitely see the appeal. But people really need to stop coming for Jimmy Jr. Yes, I will keep yelling about this forever 😭 Anyway, if you want some of the best Zekina content, you must go to @theangrypomeranian’s blog right now. You should absolutely read Baby Steps!! I started it but haven’t gotten far because of the length, but everyone should go read it and support them!! @br1ghtestlight has also written a Tina and Zeke fic (though they might just be platonic there) that I still haven’t read yet, but everyone should go read that too.
Zeke/Jimmy Jr., aka Zesto (not sure if that’s their actual ship name, but it should be) is great. It has so much potential, and I ship it a ton. I tend to ship Tina/Josh and Zeke/Jimmy Jr. the most, not because of Jimmy Jr., but because those are the ships I just enjoy the most and I think have the best potential/chemistry. But plenty of other ships have lovely potential and chemistry too!! Anyway, these two can be read equally well as platonic besties, but them being together romantically intrigues me. It would be a ton of fun, I think. They would definitely be a chaotic couple, but a cute one. I mean, Jimmy Jr.’s reaction when he thought Zeke would start going to a different school?? He was so stressed!! And Zeke always wanting to wrestle with J Ju as a sign of affection? And agreeing to do things like help J Ju get a chicken nugget in his mouth? I love.
Genecadero is adorable and @dianadeadwing has made such cute artwork for them. Gene doesn’t have many ships, and I probably enjoy this one the most. It’s definitely a rare pair. Gene deserves a cute romance with a sweet partner!! It’s weird to me when people sometimes say that Gene is too young for that when the show already tried giving him a straight relationship with Courtney. Yes, they broke up, but still. The showrunners are clearly open to giving Gene a relationship. I love the idea Diana brought up of Peter not-so-subtly having a crush on Gene and Gene just not getting the hints. But I like to think he becomes super lovestruck and a super doting partner when he’s older.
I’m cheating and putting Gene/Alexis (I came up with a super cute ship name for them now now I can’t remember what it is ☠️ Does anyone want to help me come up with one??) on here, because I was like “Welp, if others don’t want to give Gene many ships, I’ll make one myself!” I’ve grown very attached to Alexis as an OC, and I’ve suddenly realized he has similarities to Alex 😭 I imagined them both as being voiced by Thomas Middleditch, their names are similar, and are both kind of nerds. But I think that’s where the similarities end. I definitely wanted Alexis to stand out as a character, and I think he’s still different enough from Alex. Anyway, I can’t help but talk about these two, they make my heart sing. I will never get tired of making content about them or just rambling about them like here.
Gene/Sasha is such a rare pair, and the enemies to lovers potential?? Amazing, actually 🤌🏼 If this ship wasn’t so rare, I think it would have Louigan potential, tbh. I love the idea of these two talking more and bonding, because let’s be real, Sasha is 1,000% not straight. Just look at him. Their ship also kind of reminds me of Dipcifica from Gravity Falls, with the rich kid potentially opening up and becoming a better person thanks to someone else’s influence. I just love a good Enemies-to-Lovers romance, and the potential they have for banter is immaculate.
Ahhh, Roudise (aka Louwheeze, which is an incredible ship name), is just the cutest thing on earth, I adore it. I love a good Friends-to-Lovers, and I think I just have them on the brain because of Roudise Week. They’re just adorable and basically canon like Tinimmy. I probably ship them the most?? They just make me happy. I love how Rudy brings out Louise’s softer side, and Louise helps bring Rudy out of his shell. Their friendship is precious, their potential romance even more so. I just have a lot of thoughts about these two, they make me happy. Also, Louise slapping Rudy after kissing him in Bob, Actually sends me every time. If you want some of the best Roudise content, go to @ltwharfy and @devilh0rnsinc. Their Roudise content is just so lovely!!
Louigan!! This ship is great too. I don’t understand why people who ship it get blocked. There’s so much potential there!! Again, Enemies-to-Lovers is one of my favorites. And their potential for banter?? Amazing. Incredible. No notes. If you want the best Louigan content, you must go to @babsvibes immediately. I started reading Stacy’s Cardamom, which is basically her Magnum Opus. I haven’t finished it yet, but it’s incredible and everyone should go read it. She’s truly the Louigan Queen and got me interested in this ship in the first place. And she was kind enough to invite me onto the Louigan Discord, which has been an absolute blast (even though I hardly share anything Louigan on there ☠️). I want to change that and make more Louigan content. I have a lot of ideas. Y’all better watch out if Louigan Week happens again next September 👀 Louigan Week was also amazing this year!! Everyone show Babs some love for running that incredible event.
Louissica is cute and has potential. I feel as if it’s quite similar to Roudise as a cute, charming Friends-to-Lovers. But Jessica just needs to appear more and be more developed as a character, because she just hasn’t appeared enough for me to have as many thoughts about this ship as all of the others I’ve listed so far. I loved them hunting for that Wharf Monster together, that was such a fun side plot. And them bonding at Louise’s sleepover when she’d driven everyone else away.
BOBLIN. If there’s a ship from this show I love the most, it’s Boblin, no contest. There’s a reason my very first ask to DT was Boblin-related. But I’ve rambled about them enough, so I’ll try to keep this short, pfffffft. They’re an example of a couple that’s as close to perfect that I’ve ever seen. They’re so sweet you’ll get a cavity, they’re domestic, and they’re ancient as hell muppets. What else could you want?? I love how their love stems not just from huge, loud, romantic gestures. It also stems from more quiet, subtle moments. Like Bob massaging Linda’s feet. Or Linda deciding to give Bob a quiet night in for his birthday, because she realized he’d enjoy that the most. Or Bob making her a heart-shaped pancake on Valentine’s Day. You get the idea. If you want the best Boblin content, then @jimmypesto is your girl. She’s written some of the best BB fics I’ve read, and the way she writes Boblin is unmatched. She’s such a talented writer, it’s insane. She’s also written a ton of Boblin smut, if that’s your thing!!
Frondbrose is wonderful. These two also have such good chemistry and banter, it’s insane. Their Enemies-to-Lovers potential is insane. I wish they were canon so bad. They definitely need to interact more. Mr. Ambrose showing his softer side for Mr. Frond is just so adorable to me!! This man would be the epitome of “I hate everyone, but I don’t hate you 😌” They make me all giggly. I can’t get enough. They’re definitely the type to have Hate Sex once and then deny it ever happened 🤣. But everyone would know the truth.
Tedmort is so cute and has so much potential. I love it. I think Teddy and Mort’s friendship is precious already, but a potential relationship between them?? The wholesomeness meter would be off the charts. They can be an ancient muppet couple like Bob and Linda!! Mort would treat Teddy 1,000% better than Denise, but tbh, anyone else would treat Teddy better than Denise. If you want Tedmort, then @keepyourhornson-spyro is the person for you!! They’ve written some lovely Tedmort fics that everyone should read.
Marshmallow/Nat has such potential, and there should be content about them!! It just seems like such a fun ship, and I think being with Marshmallow would help Nat get over her ex-girlfriend. These two also share a similar vibe of just coming and going as they please, and “being truly free” 😌 I still love that Marshmallow is canonically Trans and Nat is canonically a Lesbian. They’re wonderful.
Hemita is a canonical rarepair, which I didn’t think was possible, but here we are. I think they’re so cute and definitely good for each other. Susmita asking out Henry in Morse Code?? That was adorable. We need more moments of these two being cute. I love them.
Barryl is such a rare pair and has won me over so much. There’s just something that makes sense about these two being together that’s difficult to describe. There’s something so sweet about Becky being able to find love after being unlucky with Jimmy Jr. Darryl would be such a sweet boyfriend to her, and she would be such a sweet girlfriend in return. They would be so cute holding hands and listening to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat. Sure, to ship them, you need to ignore Rosa, but she was only in one episode anyway. I gotta shout out @theangrypomeranian again for basically creating this entire ship herself. Amazing.
Arnlee is such a gigantic rare pair it’s insane, and they’ve definitely won me over too. They’re so cute!! They’re just two socially awkward kids who would work really well together. They deserve to have some sort of side plot where they bond. I would love that. @devilh0rnsinc made the cutest art of these two together for @ltwharfy, and that was what officially won me over. That and @ltwharfy’s adorable fic about them which everyone should go read.
I might cut myself off there, because this post is insanely long. But it just goes to show how many lovely ships there are in this fandom. And they’re all valid. Seriously, can we please just respect each other and who we ship??
Anyway, there’s a little something for everyone in terms of ships, and I just love that so much. Everyone needs to check out all of the blogs I mentioned for some lovely content❣️They’ve also just been so sweet and welcoming towards me, I can’t stress that enough!!
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accio-victuuri · 7 months
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xiao zhan @ SBMS fox factory interview 2/2:
you guys just went to the night view in raffles city
XZ: the night view is very beautiful, it’s also my first time going there after it fixed. it’s my first time going up. do i sound like an outsider?then i even said that chongqing is really beautiful because i really haven’t been there myself.
the feeling of cyberpunk
XZ: because chongqing does have a sci-fi feel due to its terrain.
have you ever thought of having the opportunity to shoot a news or science fiction story in chongqing?
XZ: of course it would be great and better if speak with chongqing dialect.
(imagine) what is your heroine like?
XZ: it depends on what the script looks like. it’s better to be a charming and cute villain
i was just about to say are you two different? waiting for the script to impress you, if one day you shoot on the set and you found two secrets of the world one is secret of martial arts, and the other one is complete collection of health care, which one would you keep?
XZ: martial art secret script. in fact, health care is related to the foundation of martial arts. it’s all about learning luck. if your martial arts skills are at the top then your health will be good too.
recently, how do you maintain your health?
XZ: take more rest when you have time.
then where do you have time to rest?
XZ. ah….
now if xiao zhan could travels back to the xiao zhan who did his first introduction video for the first time, how confident would you be of it?
XZ: i don’t know, i don’t know. when i went to shoot some audition clips at that moment i think the producer and the director what they value more is the type of person, what you pass on at the moment. does it match our play or character, so i don’t think he can win with his skills.
do you think your first audition was for the director or the producer? and after filming he was sure it was you.
XZ: remember it was “the wolf” i went to perform two auditions. later, he said that he was sure it’s me, then i would have been pleasantly surprised.
but now you have gotten better. you performance state are more relaxed and then you have more confidence, do you think your state is more dynamic now and that with your current state you can impress others more?
XZ: i’m not sure about it. skills can be improved. but the feeling you convey at the moment it’s really precious so if you let me travel back now, on the contrary, i may pay too much attention to what i showed and lost some precious moments
do you prefer the audience to be captivated by the character’s charm or your charm?
XZ: character’s charm. because this is the uniqueness of the actor profession, continuously producing interesting stories, play some moving characters only then you journey will last for a long time.
if anyone says they will always have a certain role filter for xiao zhan, will you feel happy?
XZ: i will be happy. it shows that your role is very successful, you role is loved by everyone. it will also followed by pressure, because you have to create another character that surpasses that character.
anyway, we will also want to know if you understand shengyang consumption method?
XZ: very understandable. don’t buy things that are not practical.
when he went to western restaurants, he paid for 168¥, would you do the same?
XZ: i might just leave
and perhaps do you know that everyone is working hard to calculate. our shengyang has his salary only 4,000 before got promotion and spent only 20 yuan that month. how did he survive?
XZ: there is also a commission
so you have been working hard, we want to know when will you have a time to travel
XZ: let’s see it later and find the time.
if you go out and stay, will you shoot us some funny videos?
XZ: i think the desire to share is something that only comes when you really want to share at the moment, i just don’t really like to do something very deliberate. i don’t like others to describe what you share with the word business. i saw a beautiful scenery from my heart. i want to share it with everyone. i really want to share it, and then i will share it.
because your hair has grown longer, how do you adapt yourself to the length of your hair?
XZ: to be honest, i’m not used to it. but i gradually got used to it.
you will think it’s in the way, you have to tie it up like this.
XZ: right. i will use the hairband and then tie it up.
i feel that your hair grows so fast.
XZ: yes my hair growing very fast
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kingofbodyrolls · 7 months
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Namjoon fic recs 2023
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Happy Joonie day! 💜🥳
In honor of Namjoon’s birthday, I want to share my ultimate favorite Namjoon fanfictions, that I’ve read this year 💜I haven’t read that much of Namjoon, just recently gotten into it, so the list might be small, but it contains some of the best stuff out there 💎 I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹
❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.❗ 
If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂 A reblog on this post also helps, as it gets more exposure and seen by others, which in the end gives more love and exposure to the amazing writers on this list 🥰
BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (jjk)(💜) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (ksj)(kth) |
Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂. 
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⭐The Interpretation of Dreams by @ppersonna // knj x f.reader // phd mentor!namjoon, university!au // 🥵🥰
📝 He’s the man of your dreams, the an you’ve spent over 6 years pining over.  and he’s also your Ph.D. mentor and in charge of your very future.
🗨️ Looking for a smutty, slutty, funny and comforting fic? Well, look no further! 🌟 This really delivered 👏🏾 really, really good. The sexual tension between reader and Namjoon 💯 and then best friend Jimin, being the best chaotic slutty wingman EVER 🥵
⭐Deep End by @here2bbtstrash // knj x f.reader // established relationship, period!smut // 🥵🥰
📝 Your boyfriend suggests a new way to relieve your period cramps.
🗨️ Awww, this was so cute and sweet 🥺💖💯
⭐Baby Fever by @95rkives // knj x f.reader // established relationship // 🥰🥰🥰
📝 What was supposedly a peaceful morning stroll in the park, an unexpected encounter triggers namjoon’s intense desire for a baby, turning him into an adorable, baby fever-filled mess.
🗨️ Gosh this was cute - and wonderfully fluffy 😍
⭐All Night by @luaspersona // knj x f.reader // college!au, brother’s best friend!au, s2l // 🥵
📝 When your brother bails on you, you have to find another way to entertain yourself for the night and Kim Namjoon just so happens to be a great company.
🗨️ This was the most perfect, pure masterpiece of fucking gold writing 🤌🏾🥵 it is insanely filthy, so deliciously smutty!! Like I think my soul has left my body 🥵 the writing, story and the characters were brilliant ✨ this is hands down one of my new favorites and I WILL read this again soon, I promise you! Don’t sleep on this sweet bad boy Namjoon, okay 🥵 such an easy recommendation for me to make - do yourself a favor and read it if you haven’t (and if you have, then read it again!) ♥️💯
⭐Love Language by @rmnamjoons // knj x f.reader // soulmate!au // 🥵🥰
📝 Exactly one year before one meets their soulmate, their love’s first words spoken to them appear as a tattoo on their wrist. When Namjoon’s tattoo appears, however, it’s not of words, but of the most beautiful set of eyes he’s ever seen.
🗨️ I know that most of this was just pure smut, but damn it was cute 😭🥺💖
⭐Stretch You Out by @chateautae // knj x jjk x f.reader // college!au, s2f2l, gym employee!namjoon, gym employee!jungkook // 🥵🥰
📝 You have a plan for your crappy, diabolical ex who’s set on ruining your life; making him jealous by snagging a raunchy photo with two hot employees at the gym. what you didn’t have a plan for? befriending the mischievous pair to aid in your revenge and ending up underneath not just one, but both of them.
🗨️ Holy fucking shit 🥵 🫣 this was so exceptionally good! So deliciously filthy, it really delivered on every freaking aspect 💯 incredible 👏🏾 perfection 👏🏾 💎
⭐The Making of: Love by @inkjam-moon // kmj x f.reader // actor!au, s2l (not really strangers, ‘cuz they know of each other) // 🥰🥵😂
📝 When the movie you’re in requires to to film a risque scene with a world renowned sex symbol, your virginity is suddenly all you can focus on.
🗨️ I think this is funny, so I’ll tag it with comedy! Jimin is in it (he is readers manager) and he is just doing his best job of being a supporting character 👏 It’s good! 
⭐All Aboard! (the passion express) by @ve1vetyoongi // knj x f.reader // office worker!namjoon // 🥵
📝 There were not many things that got your blood boiling in the same way that two simple words could. Kim Namjoon. The name of your irritating and (unfortunately enough, as the universe would have it) incredibly handsome co-worker. Which is exactly why you never expected to find your self on your knees for him on the train home.
🗨️ Holy fuck, fuck, fuck this was so incredibly filthy (in the best way possible) 🥵 the tension between reader and Namjoon was perfect, the build up was so satisfying 🌟 what’s not to like ✨😍
⭐The Wedding Arrangement by @sugaurora // knj x f.reader // ‘enemies’ to friends to lovers, wedding!au // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 Unfortunately, he’s just gotten engaged to someone who isn’t you. Even more unfortunately, he expects you to help plan the wedding alongside Kim Namjoon, his other best friend and, based on your first meeting, just another judgmental jerk. Putting aside your distaste for the sake of your friend’s happiness, you both set about giving Seokjin the wedding of his dreams. Following a rough and satisfying affair at the caterer’s, you strike an unusual deal: you and Namjoon will be enemies with benefits until the wedding is over. And after six months of wedding planning, you both just might learn that weddings aren’t usually the end, but a brand new beginning.
🗨️ This was so amazing 🥹 the characters had so much depth and ugh! It was just so, so good. It was a pleasure reading their love unfolding 🥰 Aish, I’m soft! It’s filled with plenty of soft, slight heartbreaking angst at times, but oh so fluffy and smutty too! It was perfect 👌🏾 💯 please don’t sleep on this one, okay? 🥹
⭐Inside my Mind by @jimlingss // knj x f.reader // high school!au // 🥰🥵😂
📝 You’re safe in the confines of your mind. Free to think whatever, free to fantasize to your heart’s content. And your imagination tends to quite a wild turn when you’re dying from sheer boredom. But when some GUY IN YOUR CLASS CAN FUCKING READ MINDS - YOU’RE NOT SAFE ANYMORE! WHAT THE FUCKSKDKASDFGHJKL—
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Borahae and happy birthday Joonie 💜 🥳 🎂
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habken · 1 year
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I know you post mostly BHNA, but do you enjoy any animes or shows ?
yeah ! Bnha is fun to draw which is why most of the art I post is for it, but I like a lot of other series too (and want to eventually post stuff for them)
I really like chainsaw man, I haven’t gotten the chance to watch the anime yet but I’ve been caught up on the manga for like two years now, I also really like jjk, I’ve got a few yuji doodles I wanna post on here soon! I’m also a big fan of witch hat atelier ! And mob psycho is my favourite series hands down
uhh for stuff that isn’t anime, I like the owl house, I’m not caught up on the latest season yet though, I like stranger things a bunch, I haven’t posted much for it recently but I’ve got art for it posted on here. I also really like tmnt, any version of it, I’m just a big fan of those turtles <3 I also like marvel stuff ! Dc too but I haven’t been keeping up with either lately lol
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