divorce as angst: boring, depressing, overdone, I've had enough of that in my own life thanks
divorce but the characters are still friendly: good! healthy! more of this please!
divorce as comedy: unparalleled, hysterical, I want characters to divorce each other repeatedly for no reason
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your guy and honey hc's are always so so good. it breaks my heart that it's ash's sibling that's the one finding it hard to fit in but the idea of their dad being hard on them feels so accurate. do you have any more ideas for how the way they were raised impacts them today? I also feel like honey KNOWS guy and ash would get along and is afraid of letting him into more of their life partly because of how well he already fits and how well they know he would continue to fit. that scares them
also for my own Milo obsession how do you think milo and honey get along?
Thanks, Anon! AND YES- Ash mentions his dad being a little bit of a hard-ass, so I only assumed these two had mega daddy issues. Ash and Honey were almost the same in height and size while being shifted, but their personalities couldn’t have been any more different- so ofc their dad treated each of them very differently. Not well- but still differently in a way that was noticeable. [CW: FAMILY ISSUES, ABUSE, TRAUMA RESPONSES]
Ash’s and Honey’s parents divorced early on, which only made things worse at home for these two. The split from their parents only led the split with their family, Ash was trying so desperately to keep things together- but Honey had already lost hope.
It got even worse when these two hit puberty and could finally shift. Their dad would hit the both of them, so Honey worked themselves to the bone to be strong enough to protect Asher. Honey basically had to raise Asher once their parents divorce was finalized.
The energy at home was so tense, especially when their dad was at work. Ash and Honey argued like madmen. Honey completely lost it past that point and became super reckless, happening to fall into the same crowd as Darlin- leading them to Quinn of course.
Asher was pissed off at Honey for being so reckless, but he was tired of arguing. So he just ignored them altogether. AND THEN HONEY GOT IN TROUBLE WITH QUINN AND ALL THAT JAZZ.
Once Honey heard all these stories about an ‘unnaturally large dog that looked big enough to be a wolf and then some’, they knew who he was talking about. They knew how similar Guy and Asher were- and in a way their mate filled that void for them, but Honey could never tell Guy that.
Guy fits so well into their life, and it terrifies them to no end. They mean the words ‘I love you’ more every time they say them- WHICH IS WHY THEY REFRAIN FROM EVEN SAYING THEM AT ALL. Letting Guy in seems like their worst nightmare, then he’d know how messed up their life really was despite the front they tried so desperately to uphold.
Asher, as well as Marie, texts Honey every now and then- Marie’s are just checking up on them, Asher’s is begging them to come home- or at least to come see him.
AND UGHHHH IF HONEY EVER MET BABE ASHER WOULD POSITIVELY SOB.
OOOH Milo and Honey…. They got along super well with his ma of course, Marie is simply the best woman in existence. But Milo gets sort of pissed at them for putting themselves as well as the pack in danger in the past.
He understands though, feeling the need to protect his parents after a hard time- especially after a messy divorce. Milo and Honey have a sort of unspoken understanding of one another- they don’t dislike each other per say, but they used to play fight until they were both bleeding when they were kids. And Marie was always the one to patch them up after the fact.
BTW THEIR DAD WAS A MF ALCOHOLIC AND WOULD OFFER DRINKS TO HONEY AND ASHER DESPITE BEING UNDERAGE AT THE TIME.
Honey constantly feels like they’re putting people in danger just by being around them, especially Guy. They want so desperately to call him their mate, but it’s never a good enough time- so they decide on never. For now.
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"Why do we always make love in the dark?"
WARNINGS: SMUT, MENTION OF PAST SEXUAL ASSAULT, INSECURITIES, (BRIEF MENTION OF SCOLIOSIS)
Enjoy !
Again, it was 8 pm we were both in bed, our hands around each other, in the dark.
And again I asked her to turn on the lights, and she refused.
And again I respected that.
We had made love so many times, sometimes even just sex,
and yet she was still insecure showing me her body.
Wilhelmina had her issues yes, but I still found her beautiful despite all the things she thought of herself.
So tonight I asked why, why did she not want me to make love to her with the lights on.
"Mina ?"
I asked softly as my hand kept circling her clit while i was on top of her.
"Yes baby....mmmm....what is it..?"
-"why can't you let me see you like this ? I think you're beautiful, and yet I can't even see your pretty face when you cum.."
She was stunned by my words, she moaned softly and her eyes got watery. I felt her tremble underneath me, but it wasn't from coming, so i stopped my hand licking her wetness from my finger
.
"Babe, I've seen you, naked and with clothes on, laughing and sobbing while tears stream down those rosie cheeks and I'm still here. Because I wanna be. I want you to be mine, and me to be yours. Yet when we have sex, i can't see anything ?"
She registered my words and picked up all her courage to answer
"I know that, but when we are intimate it is different. I'm scared, I'm scared you'll see something i hate and run away..."
"I swear if this is about your back...."
"YES OKAY OBVIOUS IT IS"
she got mad and pushed me off of her and started to leave the bed.
"Mina.. stop... Where are you going, we need to sort this out now"
I breathed as I rushed to her side of the bed and circle my arms around her body to stop her from standing up.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING LET ME GO"
"NO ! NO ! FOR GOD SAKE I WILL NOT LET YOU LEAVE WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH, OR UNCOMFORTABLE TO TALK ABOUT...You need to work for this..."
I pointed back and forth between us.
"Honey, mina tell me what do you think will happen ? I've seen your back already, it didn't change anything, you are beautiful to me, with your scoliosis or without" I ran my finger down her spine and she shivered when I kissed the bruises on top of her spine.
"I know...but...you...have...never seen all of me at once, and especially when...i give up...control"
there it was, why did i not see that, it ,as obvious that during sex she was vulnerable, and she hated that as much as she loved to be topped.
I saw her summon all her courage to say,
TW: MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT
"When I was younger..the boy that I was sort of "dating"....he...he wasn't very.. patient with me...and..."
She was sobbing, sniffling between words.
"Well.. i wasn't ready to have sex...and...after a few months...he got tired of waiting...and when he got to my house on day...he started to make out with me...ln my room on the bed....he undressed me and started to play...with himself...but as he got me naked... and flipped me over roughly to penetrate me he saw my back..and he...just stopped yelled that was disgusting...that he wasn't going to touch that...and he just jacked off...because he said i was giving him blue balls...and came on my back...then he just left."
She was now crying, curled in a ball on the bed we so often shared, and i was devastated.
Angry and mad at this asshole, for trying to break my Mina, and for having done that to her.
"Mina, I'm so sorry, i didn't know...it's ok we don't have to ever turn the lights on...I don't want you to be uncomfortable"
i said while spooning her and brushing her tears away.
After what felt like ages and her crying stopped in broke the silence.
"You know, i never told you that, but I was...too"
she turned around to face me, and looked at me confused
"Well, you know what he did to you..."
"...What ?"
"Well...god i hate those words, sexualy assaulted baby"
"No..no..no you don't understand.. he didn't do that...he was my boyfriend..and we'll just was tierd of waiti..."
-" Mina what you just described to me is sexual assault, it doesn't matter if he was your boyfriend, or your teacher, your family or friends. That has nothing to do with what he did to you. Mina you've been living like this, convincing yourself that it was normal, but it is not."
She was shocked by the words that came out of my mouth
"I..."
"I know babe"
she didn't need to speak, i understood everything perfectly, she curled up and nuzzled my neck, while I stroked her dark red hair.
"It's okay baby, your okay "
i tried soothing her with my words
"Your so pretty Mina, so Lovely, and precious."
"Thank you baby"
An hour later, we had both calmed down, she was now sprawled all over me, and I was stroking her leg softly.
"You know, I do know you'd never hurt me, and it's just my fear talking but why do you want the lights to be on ?"
She asked quietly.
Silence, silence piercing your hears, you had to think of something.
You couldn't tell her the truth but a simple 'because I like it' would never be enough.
So you didn't reply, at some point she even though you were asleep, but when she looked at you your eyes were wide open.
But she waited
"You know... you can tell me anything right ?
Of course you knew, but it was something you didn't like to talk about.
But you should, Mina and you had been together for a little over 5 month now, even though none of you said it, you knew you loved each other, she should know.
"I...when i was a kid... I always slept with the lights off, in the full darkness, I thought "if I can't see, the monsters can't see rather and it's easier to hide right ?" So every night I would sleep with no lights on... And one day my parents took in..one of my mom's friend who was getting divorced and was kicked out of his house...after a few days he would come into my room every night... I couldn't see him... and well..after a few weeks my mom found out and kicked him out...After that i couldn't sleep in the dark anymore, i was too scared he'd come back..."
She looked at me lovingly and kissed the skin below her mouth.
"Don't worry I'm okay now, i went to therapy for years afterwards, and well he is in jail because I apparently wasn't the only one he visited, and now I'm all healed"
She took my words, and a few moments passed by.
We both had your hands around each other.
You told Mina she needed therapy, for everything she felt about herself and her trauma.
She nodded and she said she'd make the appointment tomorrow.
We started kissing each other, it was slow and sweet. After we parted i said
"I just prefer to have sex with the lights on, and that is not the only reason, i just like it more, you can see what you do, your partners face, and body, and the way they move and moan. It's just priceless."
"I..."
"I know, we don't have to, I wont push that on you ok ? I'm just telling you what I fe.."
She cut you off by kissing you and replied
"No..i just want...to try tonight, if that's okay with you of course."
"Now? Like.. right now right now... or now like later now ?"
You rambled as you got a little excited at the idea.
"Now.." she rolled on top of you and kissed you again.
"Oh..baby if we do this...we do this my way"
you whispered in her ear as you flipped her over so she was beneath you.
She moaned at the sudden mouvements and whined when she felt your weight leave her body.
"Are you sure you're good ?"
You asked while holding the chord switch of your bedside lamp, she nodded rapidly and you pulled the chord.
There was now a low light in the room, and her skin lit up.
You went back to work, and unbutton her nightshirt, while kissing the middle of her torso, you went down further, admiring her from below. She was so pretty like this, panting and her hair all messy.
You took off her panties and kissed your way up her thighs, she shivered in expectation.
"Mmm... I can't wait to taste you mina"
She groaned loudly at your words,
"Your being such a good girl baby"
"...mmm...oh only for you darling...OH"
You cut her off by puting her clit into your mouth, and circling it with the tip of your tongue. You moved faster, never slowing your pace as you found her gaze with your hungry eyes. Her mouth in an O shape as you played with her bundle of nerves, her hips lifting up for even more contact.
"...please...baby"
"You need to tell me what you need, sweetie"
".mm..more...ah" she plead with her shaky voice.
"Come on baby you can say it...use your words pretty girl" you cooed as she was trying to express her needs.
"God..oh...I..want...your fingers..in me
.. please !"
You couldn't deny her request any longer so you easily pushed two fingers inside her hole as she screamed.
"OH GOD..YES..JUST LIKE THAT..."
You knew exactly what she liked so after a few seconds you curled your fingers inside her while sucking hard on her clit and she came eyes shut crying out your name. You went up her body and stared into her eyes
"Hey"
"...Hi" she breathed out.
"You were perfect baby, and oh your face when you come...i swear I almost came from just looking at it."
"Oh..did you now ?"
She replied biting my neck softly, and when she lifted my hips so I could sit on her face I knew this was gonna be a long night, and that i was so lucky to have her, and we both knew that we'll never make love in the dark again.
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My Son (A New Teen Titans Fic)
So I have a headcanon or two for Joey “Jericho” Wilson. One being that, due to his childhood trauma, he as PTSD. I actually made a series elsewhere where I discuss how each Titan would react to it.
I also had a little fic series planned out about Slade visiting Joey during the night since he couldn’t during the day (due to work and Adeline). It was a 5 + 1, but as it went on, it felt a hit repetative and I really wamted to do the last one where Slade gets caught. By Nightwing of all people. And they decide to have a talk.
It’s a fun little project that I thought ya’ll might enjoy.
It had been two months since Joey had joined the Titans, and two months that Slade had to carefully sneak in to see his son. He had been successful and was thankful that he had not been caught. But that didn't mean he wasn't cautious.
This night was no different. As he sat on the edge of the bed, Slade noted Joey's good health. He was healthy, his weight appeared normal, and he showed no signs of physical damage. Slade was glad that the Titans were treating him well. It was something that he was sure that Adeline made them promise, with Nightwing probably the first to experience her protective rage first hand.
As his father, all that Slade could ask for was his son being in good hands. However, he couldn't entirely bring himself to fully agree with the arrangement. If it were up to him, Joey would be with either parent, preferably both, or on his own. Joey didn't need to get caught up in all this fighting, even if he had a love for helping others.
Slade's train of thought was disrupted as Joey unconsciously flinched. His body twitched in distress as he unconsciously found himself trapped in a nightmare. One hand gently grabbed Joey's arm while the other cupped the side of his face.
"It's okay Joey." Slade comfortably whispered. "Dad's here. Everything's okay now."
Joey seemed to listen to his father as he unconsciously melted in his father's grip. When his breathing regulated and his flinching stopped, Slade adjusted Joey's blanket. Slade let out a deflated sigh.
"How long have you been there?" Slade sighed, knowing that he was being watched.
"Long enough." Nightwing admitted.
"And how long have you known?"
"Two weeks."
Slade rose from his seat to face the young vigilante. He looked at Nightwing, not with anger or resentment, but exhaustion. He didn't want to be caught after such a long record of escaping unseen. Least of all by Nightwing.
"What are you going to do?" Slade inquired. "Arrest me for visiting my son?"
Nightwing sighed, shaking his head. He approached the mercenary, cautiously, but unfazed by his presence. He gave the mercenary an unusually tired grin.
"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Nightwing offered.
Slade shockingly flinched at the offer, eyeing Nightwing curiously. While spontaneous moments of kindness was nothing new for Nightwing, the fact that he was offering one of his sworn advisories coffee was. Nightwing's expression softened slightly, knowing that he had stumped Slade.
"I've been up working on tying a few loose ends for cases back in Gotham and am not going to bed any time soon." Nightwing shrugged his shoulders. "The next person up will be Raven and that's not for another two hours. And Joey not too long after that." He then glanced at Joey. "He'll still be here when we're done if you want to see him."
Slade bounced between Nightwing and his son. Joey was in a deep sleep, which was a good sign. And if he was going to be like that for a few hours, it wouldn't hurt if he stepped away for a moment.
"Why not?" Slade accepted.
A steaming mug of coffee was generously placed in front of Slade, as Dick sat on the other side of the table. Slade took it, gingerly picking it up before taking a sip. Dick's domino mask sat by him, letting Slade know that he wasn't afraid that he saw his true identity. Not that he hadn't already. They sat in silence for a few moments as they scanned each other.
"So, how did you find out?" Slade asked, setting the cup down.
"I guess it started when we initially got Joey situated in the Tower." Dick recalled, taking a bit of coffee before setting it down. "Adeline mentioned that he suffered from chronic nightmares. Mostly resulting from the trauma of losing his voice, your messy divorce, and Grant's death." Dick's coffee cup slightly shifted between his hands. "She also warned us that the events with Terra might add onto that trauma. Her recommendation, if we caught him in the midst of a nightmare, wake him up, talk him through it if need be, and get him back to bed."
"That does sound like her." Slade confirmed.
Slade could picture Adeline given the Titans a list of odd requests and requirements as well as warnings. It was probably for the best considering Joey's traumatic history. However, that didn't entirely answer his question and opened the door for a new one.
"So I'm guessing all of you do this?" Slade assumed.
"Me and Raven mostly." Dick stated. "Beast Boy was a bit untrusting of him after Terra's death." There was a brief pause as they both recalled the initial fallout. "And while he's gotten over it, he's still working on building a good relationship with Joey." Dick moved on to the next member. "Cyborg would, given that he knows a thing or two about trauma, but because of the nature of theirs being a bit different, he's not sure if he's the best candidate. Though he does well for the most part." That only left one other member. "Starfire gets it as well, and while she gets the difference between coping on Tamaran and Earth, he is a little intimidated by her more assertive nature."
Dick look at his cup thinking about their attempt to help. Or at the very least how they were handling it. It wasn't that they weren't trying, it was how familiar they were with Joey's or how they thought they could handle it.
"To actually answer your question though, we started noticing changes after the first month." Dick circled back around. "In that first month, he would wake up petrified almost every other night. He only got three hours of sleep a night in the first week alone." Dick's face twitched at the thought. "We thought part of it was because of the adjustment on top of the nightmares. Then about a month ago, his panic attacks got less frequent. He wasn't waking up as much and was opening up a bit more. Raven and I thought he was getting better. That maybe he was getting used to being here, and the panic attacks were clearing up naturally. We also thought that maybe with him being away from Adaline helped, thinking that her constant presence might have been part of the problem. Two weeks ago, Raven decided to take a step back. She's still open to helping, both as an empath and just wanting to be someone he could confide in. But at that point, she didn't feel the need to constantly gauge his emotions every night."
Dick sipped his coffee, recalling the conversation. He understood her decision. Without any incidents in two weeks, there might not have been a need to have him constantly monitored. Plus, she was starting to look a bit under the weather herself, which wouldn't benefit Joey's psyche, or what was equally as important, her health. As far as Dick was concerned, Raven retiring was probably good for both of their sakes.
"Which left me on and off." Dick continued. "I was up two weeks ago, helping tie up a few loose ends for a case involving Two Face that Robin and I worked on. I was taking a break, so I thought I would check on Joey. I wasn't overly concerned, but I figured why not? I was up so checking on him wasn't going to do any harm. When I turned the camera on, I was startled to find you in the room."
Slade twitched slightly. He vaguely recalled that night. It was ten days after Slade and Beast Boy had a sit down and cleared the air after Terra's death and another two after Slade and Wintergreen returned from a hunting trip that turned into Slade's first real contract after completing Grant's. Slade remembered feeling a paternal needing to see his son. To check on the kid to make sure everything was alright.
"You were sitting on the edge of the bed, much like you were tonight," Dick stated, "and you must have just calmed him down from a nightmare as well given how tightly he was unconsciously holding onto your sleeve."
There was a prolonged sense of silence as they took the time to digest Dick's story. It was detailed, which was a plus. However, it also left Slade with a lingering sense of tension and a need to explain himself.
"I just want to see my son." Slade admitted. "I know my job hasn't made it easy. Even less so, now that Adaline and I have divorced. My family is the one thing that is still important to me. I just wish I had more time with them. That I had done things differently." Slade eyed his coffee. "I miss my kids and I've screwed them both up in equally horrible ways. But for Joey's sake, I want to be in his life. And for my sanity, I have to be. Even if it’s in secret.”
"I understand." Dick replied, to a slightly curious glare. "I mean, as a parent, I don't understand where you're coming from, but as a child who had a parent being gone for periods of time, I understand." Another, slightly confused, glare dug into him. "Just because I grew up in a circus, and close to my parents, doesn't mean my father never spent periods of time away from us. I know two times where that happened. The first when my mother was on maternity leave with me and the second when I got a bad case of pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week. In both cases, Haly needed at least one Grayson to keep the show going. So my father had to spend long periods of time perfecting a one man routine." Dick took a sip of coffee. "I might not remember his time away when I was a baby, but I vaguely recall calling out for my father during the worst parts of my pneumonia, only for him not to show. I remember feeling pain from the pneumonia on top of feeling heartbroken when he wasn't there."
It might not have been what Slade wanted to hear, but it was something he didn't mind hearing either. Hearing how the other side fells, helped put things into perspective. Even if that perspective was a little different as far as history.
"You've raised a great kid." Dick complimented, catching Slade off guard a bit. "It's true. I've never met someone as kind hearted and wonderfully talented as he is. He's a wonderful human being. So if there's any positive takeaway from everything your family's been through, it's that."
Slade wasn't sure if he should take the compliment. With everything he's done to his kid, he wasn't sure if he could take credit for it, outside of half his DNA and its side effects. But at the same time, he appreciated Dick at least trying to be somewhat positive about it.
"He's the only good thing we have," Slade admitted, "not that we deserve him. But thank you anyways." Slade gave Dick an intense glare. "And thank you for what you've been doing for him. He needs people like you in his life."
"Of course. I want him to be comfortable."
After another half hour of conversing, Slade finally decided to call it a night. But not without saying goodbye to his son. He and Dick quietly waltz down the hall to Joey's room. Right as Slade was about to open the door when the door slid open on its own. On the other side, a slightly dazed Joey stood in front of them. He jumped in surprise when his sight processed what was in front of him. Which prompted Slade to glare at Dick suspiciously.
"Don't worry bud," Dick comforted, addressing Joey first, "I'm not going to arrest him. He just wanted to see you, but you were asleep. What are you doing up so early?"
"Smelled coffee." Joey signed. "Have to pee."
That was enough to answer Slade's suspicions. He couldn't blame Dick for his son's bladder and he was just as guilty as Dick was for the coffee smell. Turning his full attention back to Joey, Slade tried to think of what to say. Not expecting to get caught, he felt at a loss for words.
Joey tightly latched onto Slade, hugging him to fill his father's lack of response. His face dug into Slade's shoulder and let tears dampen Slade's coarse top. It was clear that Joey needed this almost as much as Slade did. More so even.
After a few moment, Joey gently tapped Slade letting him know he was done. He was released, and took care of any rogue tears.
"I missed you." Joey signed.
"Me too kid." Slade agreed with a soft smile. "I'm sorry I have been a bit neglectful."
"It's okay. I'm just glad you're here now." Joey turned his attention to Dick. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Dick answered, approaching him. "I'm just glad you guys got to see each other."
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「 cherry. rachel hilson. cis female. she/her. 」 are you ready for the time of your life, BLUE DAVIAU? the TWENTY ONE year old FINE ART graduate from tulane is ready to HOT AIR BALLOON in DUBAI this semester. close friends would describe them as IDEALISTIC and CREATIVE, but there’s really only one way to find out. get ready for what august has in store for you, BLUE ! 「 pepper. twenty one. est. she/her. 」
ABOUT THE MUN.
the 2000 claymation film chicken run radicalized me
what up, i’m pepper, i’m twenty four, and not to flex but i’ve had writer’s block for two str8 months !! but i’m hoping to change that right here right now with one ms. blue daviau so thank you for coming on this journey with me friends it’s gonna be wild. a bit about me is i’ve gone to the mall literally every day this week and honestly, i am Exhausted from it so i apologize for the mess this intro is about to be. i’m a taurus with a libra moon and libra rising so do with that information what you will. my favourite pokemon is mewtwo. growing up i had a massive crush on danny phanton and ben 10, like i loved those lanky boys that could transform to fight crime for some reason?? i can’t tell you why. also when i was a child i thought god looked like king triton from the little mermaid. alright that is enough about me, moving on to blue.
BIO.
if you use my coloured pencils you better put them back in rainbow order
this is going to be the short version of her bio but if you want to see the long rambly messy version you can find my google doc/app here ! which i recommend you looking at for no other reason than to see how cute the little cherry doodle i inserted in there is. it took me so long to get that in there and looking cute. it’s baby’s first fancy google doc 😌 anyways sdjhdsjh
blue was born and raised in hawaii! her mother, stormi, was miss hawaii state at one point and her father, reggie, was a pro surfer! however before blue was born her father had a surfing accident that left him in a wheelchair. he turned to art to try to cope with the trauma of this accident and the reality of never being able to surf again, and he even opened up his own gallery! his gallery became a tourist attraction in hawaii and pretty well known in the art community and after passing down her crown blue’s mother became a news anchor. so the fact was blue was the daughter of two local legends in hawaii and the expectations were high!
not to mention the fact that all of blue’s elder siblings were amazing too. blue has five older siblings and all of them are successful in their own right and in their own niche. they’re also all named after colours funnily enough. the daviau parents had big hippy energy in case you were wondering.
so growing up blue was always just kind of the ‘other’ sibling. all her older siblings had showed their talents at a young age and grew into them pretty quickly, while blue was just kind of... there. she was an artist, but she wasn’t a groundbreaking artist. she could sing, but her voice was simply pretty, not lifechanging. she could surf, but she was average at best. to put it simply, blue was the daviau sibling who wasn’t at all special. which ironically, made her stand out like a sore thumb.
blue didn’t mind too much though, at least not when she was younger. she kept to herself anyways. all blue wanted do when she was younger was read, draw, and explore hawaii’s wild life, so she had everything she could possibly need to be happy right at her fingertips. life was good for her despite her inadequacy, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t aware of it (and wouldn’t develop a complex about it later).
when blue was six though her parents decided that they needed to have sweet, sweet, baby number seven to save their marriage. they named that sweet boy gray. he did not save a damn thing, but he sure was cute. blue was eleven when her parents finally divorced and that pretty much marked the end of blue having any kind of parental guidance.
long story short, both of blue’s parents went kinda buckwild the moment they were single and most of the responsibility to take care of five year old gray fell on blue. blue was the one to make gray’s meals. blue was the one to give gray a bath. blue was the one to tuck gray in at night and get him into his school clothes in the morning. blue was the one to help him with his homework and hold his hand as he crossed the street and honestly pretty much do everything for him until she was about seventeen. both her parents simply checked out on that front, and it the end blue was more of a mother to gray than either of their parents were.
the pressure of having to not only take care of herself but also gray when she wasn’t even legally an adult yet, was honestly way too much for blue. her anxiety skyrocketed, and the pressure she put on herself only grew. the only way blue could really cope with it and calm herself down was by 1. losing herself in nature, 2. drawing, or 3. reading, or rather most likely, doing all of the above at once. using art of an escape pretty much guaranteed that blue’s love and passion for it grew, and with that her talent for it. by that time blue was seventeen she had a full portfolio ready to send off to any university outside of hawaii that would take her. because you bet your bottom dollar your girl was getting the hell outta there!
as we all know blue got accepted to tulane. it was hard to leave gray and her family behind, but blue set her mother and father straight before she left, ensuring that gray would be well taken care of in her stead and hoping that some distance between herself and her family that was so dependent on her (her mother never new how to cook so blue made all the meals, her father never knew how to handle gray so he was always coming to blue to advice, gray was absolutely lost without her, etc) would lift that pressure off her shoulders.
it didn’t at first. the first few months were tough with all the calls blue got from home. that plus the schoolwork she had on her plate almost left her more stressed than before. however, slowly the calls began to fade and slowly blue was able to put her full focus in her art program, and later, her animation programs.
sorry folks my brain is fried, we’re gonna stop here!
HEADCANNONS.
on all levels except physical i am sitting on top of the moon with my legs swinging back and forth
Blue’s father is in a wheelchair from the surfing accident that made him take up art. His past as a professional surfer is actually part of the reason why his gallery is so popular though honestly, because the accident was televised and after that tragedy many of his fans and the public wanted to support him. He just also so happened to be really talented. But yeah, Blue’s father was really talented at surfing, he was even invited to the summer olympics in the nineties! But he was also the type to refuse to go because ‘surfing should be freeing, the olympics have so many restrictions, it takes away from what surfing is!!’ dkjsd he was that type yk? I also imagine Blue’s parents were the type to be on the front lines at protests. As it is, Blue is the same, very passionate, definitely has made some bomb ass posters and t-shirts for every women's march she’s attended.
Blue can play the ukulele really well and she honestly has a really pretty singing voice. However she can’t dance even a little bit. Honestly, she could literally break a bone. Really wants to throw it back though 😔
Loves to bake and cook because they’re relaxing activities with built in rewards. Learned to bake and cook because of having to take care of herself and her brother's meals when she was younger, that is if she didn’t want them both to literally get diabetes. As it is though, now that she doesn’t have to worry about her baby brother’s diet as well as her own, she will make a whole chocolate cake just cause she’s a little stressed and proceed to actually eat it. But she will share though. Catch Blue coming to your hotel room with sweets.
All of Blue’s elder siblings are adults now, but Gray is still about sixteen. They exchanged letters from Hawaii to Tulane and Blue always spends hours decorating hers and including little snacks and cute little knick knacks in them, despite the fact that Gray is now an angsty teenager and does not find these things as entertaining as he used to. Despite that, they are definitely the closest out of their siblings for the most part.
Blue’s siblings' names are Sage, Jett, Jade, Ruby, Rose and of course Gray. Jade and Jett, and Ruby and Rose are both twins.
The type to cry easily honestly. Also the type to carry other people’s problems with her. Like if you tell Blue that someone hurt your feelings last week she will remember and she will check on you the next time she sees you. Very empathetic, almost to a fault though because she’s constantly being careful of everyone else’s feelings rather than her own. The type who’s a good listener though. Also the type to give either really good advice or really odd advice.
Art still tends to be her happy place, something she got from her father. Trying to find her own place outside of her father's shadow. She wants to get into the world of animation and cartoons but the whole task is a bit daunting. Is planning to work her ass off for it though! Spends a lot of time in coffee shops storyboarding and making animations. I think she may have a contract going on with a cartoon network of some sort, like they may have picked up a show of hers? Because I imagine her putting out some of her first shorts on Youtube and that might have gotten a bit of attention and led to her getting a deal for a show, so. She’s probably working her ass off towards that, and is honestly probably 1.doubting if they really picked up her show because of her talent or her father’s name, and 2.wondering if she can really do this.
Loves water in all shapes and forms. Since she can’t go to the beach everyday, the small bath in her tiny ass apartment??? Suddenly heaven. That said, Blue is either terrified of the ocean or loves it and I can’t decide which. Standby on that.
Makes a great coffee cake. Like it’s to die for.
Is VERY passionate about the environment. Is a pescatarian. Goes to the farmers market to pick out fresh produce. Loves to hike.
Always has the urge to sketch or paint after she reads poetry or novels. Highlights her favourite bits and has the tendency to read them over when she’s sad. The parts she loves are usually the parts that leave her wanting something.
Draws when she’s sad too. Claire Saffitz energy when she’s cooking but also just through life. Very friendly, but an introvert when it comes to gathering her energy.
Lives for libraries and bookstores, and has stacks on stacks of books in her old apartment. Loves old children's books honestly, like The Secret Garden, and poetry. Like whimsical and fantastical fiction with flowery words that just brings you to another place? Blue’s freaking jam. Falls in love with someone in fiction every five days, and desperately wants to be in love in real life, hence all the tinder dates and blind dates. I don’t think Blue ever has fallen in love though, like not really.
An absolute baby when it comes to the cold. Literally there could be a slight breeze and Blue will be acting like she’s suddenly in the arctic. Any cold destinations will be greeted by a bundled up Blue’s Clues.
Made her first painting out of her own feces at six months old. Her parents proudly framed it. It’s probably still up in the attic in their Hawaii home.
Won her first art show at six but was unsure whether it was because her art really was something worth awarding or because of her father’s name. The award got her on the front page of the Honolulu Tribune but with her father proudly at her back and the title ‘Following in her father’s footsteps’ above her head. Blue just wants to find her own footing in the art world, and be her own person.
Keeps a journal and has since she was a teenager.
WANTED CONNECTIONS.
i’m the friend that needs help opening water bottles.
coming to theatres near you soon!
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Have you ever noticed that ( ERIK LEHNSHERR ) from the ( MARVEL UNIVERSE ) looks a lot like ( MICHAEL FASSBENDER )? But ( HE ) also go/goes by ( MAGNETO ). Having the ability of ( MAGNETISM MANIPULATION & UNWAVERING LOYALTY TO HIS CAUSE ) sure makes them a force to be reckoned with. Rumour has it they are ( 44 ) and is working as a ( LEADER OF THE BROTHERHOOD OF MUTANTS )
hey there, hi there, ho there !! i’m c, and i’m bringing my babies erik lehnsherr && grant ward to you about 400 years later. life snatched me but here i am finally. i’m terrible at remembering to respond to tumblr messages so if you’d like to plot, you can hit me up @ serial killer of kisses#0440
𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊'𝖘 𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒?
timeline wise, erik is pulled somewhere post days of future past and early into apocalypse. given that the x-men were constantly fucking up their timelines and futures, he’s from an alternate timeline. which one? good question. we’ll pretend we know and just smile and nod. either way, this isn’t his timeline and it definitely isn’t the world / year he left behind so he’s going to be culture-shocked by 2020.
the last thing he really remembers is his daughter’s death and apocalypse strengthening his powers to become a horseman. so suffice to say, he’s simmering with rage and is very broken. he still hates humans, maybe more-so than ever before, and he thinks they’ll always be a plague — never see them as equals — and their extinction is the only way to ensure their kind survives. he’s an extremist and his methods are questionable as hell but he’s not entirely wrong.
this quote, in my opinion, sums up erik to a t:
“ that you're wrong. you think you're right. and that makes you dangerous."
𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉
erik lehnsherr, also known as magneto, is a canon character from the x-men. my version of him follows the x-men first class timeline. you can read more about him here on the wiki but i’ll give you a brief overview.
he was born in dusseldorf, germany, into a middle-class jewish family. his father was a decorated WWI veteran but that wasn’t enough to save them from the struggles of discrimination when the nazi’s started rising to power. the family moved to poland shortly after he was born but were separated at the auschwitz concentration camps when he was fourteen. erik’s powers first manifested when he ran towards one of the gates — trying to get to it before they closed as he was forced to watch his parents get ripped away from him. the metal warped and twisted as the soldiers grabbed him, reports of which were made to dr. schmidt. instead of being sent out with the other children, erik was taken to the medical wing. his powers were exploited and often used against him, dr. schmidt focusing in on his anger and using it to control his powers. ( his mother died because he couldn’t move a simple coin with his abilities. in grief, fury washing over him, he destroyed everything in the room and murdered all of the guards. ) he was experimented on for years, schmidt weaponizing his anger, and when he was finally free he spent years trying to track down the man responsible for his pain and suffering.
by the time he finds shaw, his intentions are clear. he’ll kill him by any means necessary, even if it means his own death. it’s charles xavier that saves him from drowning in his efforts to sink shaw’s submarine, the professor dragging him up out of the water. though erik never really trusted the CIA, he agreed to help charles with some of the other mutants they’d found — to help them hone their abilities, and give them a place they belonged. he grew to care about charles and these other mutants, respected them even, but his ambitions always came first. he also feared that a mutant holocaust was an inevitability and his fear kept him from truly trusting others. finally, when he confronted shaw, who shared a vision of a world led by mutants, he found he agreed — but he couldn’t allow the man to live. he murdered him slowly, much to charles’ horror. with the soviet union and the united states teaming up against mutants, erik was prepared to kill them all. so much for preventing the cuban missile crisis. as charles and erik were fighting, rolling around on the ground as both tried to get the upper hand, a CIA agent shot at erik and he deflected one of the bullets. a stray bullet ricocheted and hit charles’ spine, paralyzing him. unable to comprehend the pain he’d caused someone he loved — and knowing their interests no longer aligned — erik and several of the other mutants left to start the first incarnation of the brotherhood of mutants. a family was divided like after a messy divorce.
from there, we don’t know a lot about what happened with erik until days of future past picks back up. we know he was arrested and detained in the pentagon by 1973. he allegedly curved a bullet that killed JFK. they break him out of prison to help try and save the world and inadvertently meet his timeline’s version of pietro ‘peter’ maximoff. he’s erik’s son, but he never discovers this information. to this day, he doesn’t know the truth. in truth, erik had been trying to save JFK — who was a mutant — but unfortunately he wasn’t able to. trask, who created the mutant detecting machines in the future, had been killing off mutants one by one. many of their former students, people they cared about, had died as a result of it. tortured, too. so suffice to say, both erik and charles thought the other had abandoned them / failed them and it was messy. he agrees to try and help them stop the future from happening, in the interest of saving more mutant lives, but does try to kill mystique when their plans start going awry. he fails and earns more distrust both from charles and the nation. yes, he went all evil villain and did a monologue on live tv. he’s that bitch. he fully intends on killing trask but mystique, who changes her mind thanks to charles’ influence, shoots him. it grazes his neck, just enough to garner his attention, but it’s enough to give her the opportunity to knock the helmet from his head. in the end, after his abilities are used by charles to free himself, he flees. ya yeet.
at some point after this, he moves to poland and decides to live among the humans. he meets a woman named magda when he’s living as henryk gurzsky and they have a daughter named nina. he’s seemingly happy with his little family, working at the factory, until an act of kindness turns the tides against him. he uses his abilities to save a co-worker and someone reports him. police show up without any metal to confront him outside their house. nina, terrified and young much like erik was when his powers manifested, had the power to control nature and had birds attack the police. one of the officers was trying to shoot the birds and an arrow struck nina and her mother magda instead. erik, in his grief, used the metal locket around his daughter’s neck to kill every single police officer in the clearing and then dropped to his knees to mourn the loss of his family.
en sabah nur, aka apocalypse, finds erik shortly after this. he’s at the factory, about to murder all of the workers who allowed this tragedy to happen, when en sabah nur takes his revenge for him. the god then takes him to auschwitz and strengthens his mutant abilities to give him the power needed to destroy it. he agrees to be a horseman, to join en sabah nur in bringing about the apocalypse. shortly after this happens, he goes to sleep and wakes up in this timeline in 2020. he doesn’t know who’s done it, or it was something the x-men did to try and stop the apocalypse, but he’s livid and probably wants to go home. there’s nothing here for him — no revenge, no purpose, so if he can’t ... catch him starting up the brotherhood again and waging war on humankind again.
𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞
erik carries a lot of anger around with him. it’s the trauma, the grief, and the after-effects of years of abuse. he knows best how to function when he’s angry, feels it gives him direction, and thinks that happiness leads to vulnerability. he thinks now that if he cares for someone, let’s them get close, there’s a possibility he will hurt them or they will get hurt because of them. his abilities work best when he’s angry, almost like he’s been conditioned that way, so he finds he’s most effective when he gives into the anger.
at the end of the day, his hatred is directly linked to fear. he fears that mutants will be persecuted for being different, for not living up to what humans feel is normal, and that they’ll be experimented on or killed if discovered. he’s seen firsthand what a genocide looks like and because of that fears that another will happen if they’re not carefull. again, he’s not wrong.
𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖑𝖙𝖎𝖊𝖘
he’s a class 4 mutant who can generate and manipulate magnetic fields. you can read more about his abilities on the wiki here but i’ll give you some examples.
magnetogenesis: the ability to create magnetic fields.
magnetokinesis: the ability to control magnetic fields.
ferrokinesis: the ability to control metal. ( thanks to apocalypse, he can now control metals found in the earth. )
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2800 Miles - Ch 8 - l.h.
Previously
Summary: Luke knows what he wants, but he also knows he can’t have it
Tag List: @sassy-asht0n @happycrimiscalum @rosesarered516 @hoe4hemmo @heartbreakashton94 @climatehood @calumspeachy @dukehoods @holidayhood @wrappedaroundcal @mistletoemichael @plainwhiteluke @irwinkitten @hereforlukescruff @astroashtonio @catchinqcalum @irwinvalentines @hollyjollyhood @biggestslutforcalum @calumhampton @angelmikeyy @hotmessmichael @curlyhairedpopstars @meloncal @lukeschestnuts @thecashtonexpress @calsjackets @boytoynamedcalum @alyssarester @ssophisticated-simplicityy @calistajs @merryashmas
Disclaimer: plot was inspired by the app Choices’ story The Royal Romance
It had been a week since Gwen received the chilling note. She hadn’t spent any alone time with Luke, and he sure had noticed a change in her behavior. Gwen boarded the jet with Michael and Calum and Ashton. “Do you know who sent the note yet?” Ashton asked.
“No, we haven’t asked around.” Michael sighed. “My guess is Alyssa, but she wouldn’t risk something like this.”
“She’s the only one that would want me gone.” Gwen reasoned.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Calum suggested. “I’ve heard talking around the courts. Ruby is looking like a very promising opponent. I’ve heard that the queen is giving her special treatment and special training.”
“Why would she do that?” Gwen asked.
“Because, Miranda is the reason Ruby was engaged to Jack. Since that fell through, Ruby’s image has been damaged. She’s back with a vengeance and she’s going to use Miranda to her advantage.” Ashton explained. “That being said: Ruby, Alyssa, and Miranda could all be against you.”
“This is ridiculous. Why do they care so much? Isn’t this whole thing just the lead up to his choosing of who he wants to marry?”
“Ultimately, it’s his decision. But, Miranda has the power to tell him to choose someone else.” Michael sighed.
“Maybe he’ll run away like Jack did.” Gwen crossed her arms and looked out the window. A few hours later, the jet landed in Switzerland, not far from Alyssa’s home.
“Gwen, we need to go over some things.” Michael said as the two of them got into the towncar.
“Like what?” Gwen asked.
“Well, we’re in Alyssa’s territory now. She’s got the power here, and she’ll be able to keep Luke by her side as long as she wants. She’s going to play some cards that we don’t even know she has. She will be playing against you, and there’s nothing we can do about it.” Michael sighed. “You need to make sure you’re on your best behavior. If she says anything to you, you ignore it. I want you to try and spend time with Luke here, but not all alone. People need to see that he’s still choosing you, even in her territory.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Gwen rolled her eyes, looking out the window. Shortly after, Michael and Gwen arrived at Alyssa’s home. “My God, it’s beautiful here.”
“I know, it’s a wonder anyone so vicious could have grown up in a place so beautiful.” Michael nodded.
“Well, it makes sense. She’s so cold because she lives in an ice castle.” Gwen crossed her arms. Michael laughed and got out of the car.
“Come on, we need to get you settled in.” Michael grabbed their bags and lead her inside. “I hope you packed some warm clothes.”
“I was told I’d be in Australia, I don’t need warm clothes there.” Gwen pouted.
“I’ll take you to town and get you some clothes.” Michael chuckled and walked up to her room.
“Michael, can I ask you something?” Gwen asked, closing the door behind them.
“What is it?” Michael furrowed his eyebrows.
“Luke told me that your family is at risk for bankruptcy and that you may lose your estate. Is that true?” Michael sighed softly and nodded.
“Yeah, it’s true. Since we don’t have daughters to marry off, it’s up to me to bring income in with a bride. There aren’t any women that want to marry a Clifford. Not after my parents’ messy marriage.”
“Messy marriage?”
“My parents have almost gotten a divorce, like, four times. It’s just a Clifford thing to have an unstable relationship with their spouse. Everyone’s scared to be with a Clifford because they don’t think the relationship will last.” Michael sighed.
“I have a friend from back home I can set you up with. She’s not royalty, but she’s beautiful enough to be.”
“Let’s focus on getting you the prince’s hand, then we’ll let you play matchmaker.” Michael laughed and walked back to the car with her.
“You’ll love her.” Gwen giggled and got in the car. The driver took them into town and the two of them shopped around, finding everything Gwen might need for a week in the Alps. The two of them went back to Alyssa’s palace and brought the shopping bags to her room.
“Okay, everyone’s going to go ice skating today. Do you know how to skate?”
“I grew up in New York, we have intense winters. Of course, I know how to skate.” Gwen giggled and changed into something warmer. She grabbed the skates they had just bought and followed Michael down to the ice. The other suitors arrived shortly after.
“Thank you for coming, Gwen. I look forward to making you miserable during your stay in my estate.” Alyssa smirked at her and skated onto the ice.
“Ignore her.” Michael warned.
“I know.” Gwen crossed her arms, glaring at the back of Alyssa’s head. She watched as Alyssa skated over to Luke, immediately linking her arm with his. “How am I supposed to spend any time with Luke here when Alyssa’s gonna be hogging him the whole time?” Gwen rolled her eyes.
“I’ll find a way to get you to him. Just leave it to me.” Michael chuckled and skated over to Alyssa. “Lady Alyssa, are you aware that the pipes leading to the palace ballroom have frozen? One of the maids just informed me and I thought you should know.”
“Those fucking pipes, I swear to God. Luke, honey, don’t go anywhere. I will be right back.” Alyssa kissed his cheek and skated off. Michael smirked at Luke before skating back to Gwen.
“Michael, she’s gonna find out you lied and she’s gonna blame me.” Gwen whined.
“Hush your mouth.” Michael laughed. “Now, go get your prince.” He gave her a push and sent her flying across the ice, straight into Luke’s arms.
“Well, hello there, Guinevere.” Luke chuckled, helping her regain her balance.
“Your Highness.” Gwen giggled, looking up at him. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Yeah, it’s almost like we’re required to be.” Luke laughed, wrapping an arm around her waist.
“It’d be nicer if we were here without Alyssa, though.” Gwen sighed.
“Gwen, please.” Luke shook his head. “We can’t do this again.”
“I just know that she’s going to make me miserable here.”
“Did you know her parents died when she was 5 years old?” Luke looked down at her. “They both had diseases that no one knew existed until they died. No one found them for over a week. Alyssa was here all along for a whole week at only 5 years old, with no one to take care of her.”
“Really?” Gwen looked up at him, shocked.
“Really. Her maids found her when they returned to work and they sent her to live with us until she was 18.” Luke sighed. “When she turned 13, that’s when she really turned into a bitch.”
“Teenage years are hard, especially without parents. But, at least she knew what family was like.” Gwen sighed and skated around with Luke.
“Yeah, well, Alyssa started acting like a spoiled brat. And, she was one. My parents gave her everything, to make sure she was happy with us, you know? If things didn’t go her way, she would throw a tantrum. She used to tell the boys I was in the hedge gardens so they’d spend all day looking for me, when really, I was inside playing with her. She would get so incredible angry when I chose to hang out with the boys instead of her.”
“See? She’s a bitch. Her parents dying has nothing to do with that. You don’t see me bullying every person I don’t like, just because I suffered trauma.” Gwen rolled her eyes and skated so she was in front of Luke. “You cannot excuse her behavior like this. It only encourages her.”
“I know, Gwen. But, you also know that I can’t stand up to her.”
“I know..” Gwen sighed. “I know.” After skating, the suitors all went inside for some hot chocolate before dinner.
“Gwen! I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” Hattie smiled as she walked over to Gwen.
“Hattie, we saw each other yesterday.” Gwen laughed, sipping her hot chocolate.
“I know, but it feels longer.” Hattie giggled. “We’ve hardly talked since the regatta.”
“I’ve been busy.” Gwen smiled. “I spent some time in town working at a small bakery for some extra money.”
“You got a job?” Kira butted in.
“Yeah, I like being able to work for money rather than be born into it.” Gwen shrugged.
“You’re the first suitor to ever have the guts to get a job while in the courts.” Paige gasped.
“I think we all know Gwen is not a typical suitor. She shouldn’t even be considered a suitor anymore.” Alyssa smirked. “Gwen, I’d be more than happy to let you work for Luke and I when we are married. You can nanny the children, or join the maid’s brigade.”
“As if.” Gwen rolled her eyes.
“Come, ladies. It’s time for dinner.” Alyssa smirked, walking into the ballroom. “You’ll find your name on place cards at your designated tables. The ushers will take you to where you are to be sat.” The suitors broke off to find their seats.
“Where are you sat?” Hattie asked.
“Table 18. You?”
“Table 4.” Hattie said. “You’re going to be all the way at the back of the ballroom.”
“Alyssa is really pushing her luck here.” Gwen crossed her arms.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Hattie smiled and squeezed her hand before going to her own table. Gwen sighed and walked to the back of the ballroom, taking a seat where her name card was placed.
“Looks like Alyssa put the cool kids in the back.” Ashton chuckled, sitting next to Gwen.
“More like she banished us.” Gwen rolled her eyes.
“It’s gonna be fine, we’re gonna have a great time.” Calum smiled.
“You’re both too optimistic about this.” Gwen huffed.
“We have to pretend to be, or else Luke will yell at us.” Ashton rolled his eyes. “He’s always been too keen on pleasing Alyssa.”
“I can’t even count how many times he bailed on us to hang out with her. Even after she left his palace.” Calum scoffed. “I don’t think he wants to admit it, but he has feelings for her.”
“If he has feelings for her, he can say goodbye to this pussy.”
“Oh, my God. You and Luke fucked?” Michael whisper yelled at Gwen.
“On the yacht.” Gwen sipped her water.
“The tea at this table is scorching.” Calum laughed. “Tell us what happened.”
“It wasn’t anything special, really. We just talked and then we started kissing and things just went further.” Gwen shrugged.
“I can’t believe this.” Michael shook his head.
“I mean, it was fantastic sex. And, I’d be 100 percent down to do it again.”
“Jesus, Gwen. Lower your voice.” Michael looked at her. “If Alyssa heard you, or literally anyone heard you, you’d be in so much trouble. And, so would Luke.”
“That’s true. The prince of Northern Australia was executed for sleeping with a commoner in his courts.” Ashton nodded.
“Whatever, it probably won’t happen again. Not after getting that note.”
“Have you told Luke about the note?” Calum asked.
“He can’t know about it. If he knew someone was after Gwen, he’d go ballistic. He’d shut everything down.” Michael shook his head.
“Yeah, are you insane? Don’t you know what happened to Li-” Michael gave Ashton a stern look. “Oh, right.” Ashton nodded.
“I get it.” Calum nodded.
“What is it?” Gwen asked.
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” Michael waved her off. “Anyways, where’s our food? Everyone else has been served already.”
“Some people have dessert already.” Calum said, looking around.
“Excuse me, where’s our food?” Gwen asked the server.
“We’ve served every plate Lady Alyssa gave us.” The server answered.
“Clearly you haven’t, since we don’t have food.” Calum crossed his arms.
“Hey, it’s not the server’s fault when things go wrong like this.” Gwen defended. “Can you check with Lady Alyssa please?” Gwen asked him. He nodded and walked up to Alyssa, who just waved him off.
“Gwen, you don’t have to defend the help.” Calum said, looking at her.
“Don’t you get it? I am the help. I don’t belong in this kind of lifestyle, I know too much about being poor.”
“That could help you when you’re queen.” Ashton reasoned. “The people need a queen that understands them and the things they’ve been through. You’re the only one in the courts that can bring that to the people.”
“He’s right, the people would love to have a queen who knows their struggles and has seen them firsthand.” Michael agreed. The server from earlier came back to their table.
“I’m very sorry, but Lady Alyssa isn’t listening to us. This is all we have left.” He set down plates in front of them.
“I’m sure it’ll be just fine, thank you very much.” Gwen smiled at him. He smiled softly back at her and walked back to his station.
“This is completely frozen.” Michael complained, spitting his food back onto his plate.
“Mine’s stale.” Ashton gagged.
“Guess we’re going hungry tonight.” Gwen sighed, pushing her plate away. Once everyone else had finished eating, Alyssa and Luke started off the dancing. Gwen and the other suitors made their way to the dance floor, each hoping to get a dance with the prince. Gwen knew she wouldn’t get a dance with Luke, but it was okay with her. As long as Luke knew she was there for him, and that he was there for her, everything would be just fine.
“Gwen, I need to talk to you.” Luke said, coming up to her. “I can’t dance with you, but I need you to meet me at my room at midnight. Got it?” He whispered.
“Got it.” Gwen nodded, smiling softly.
“Luke, I’m waiting.” Alyssa put her hands on her hips and looked at Luke.
“I’m coming.” He sighed, turning away from Gwen slowly. Gwen chewed on her lip as she watched Luke walk back to Alyssa. Time couldn’t move any slower, it seemed. All Gwen wanted was to spend some alone time with Luke. When midnight finally came, Gwen knocked on Luke’s door.
“It’s me.” She said quietly. Luke opened the door and smiled at her.
“You made it.” He pulled her close and closed the door behind them.
“Of course, I did. You thought I wouldn’t?”
“I knew you would. You can’t resist me.” Luke chuckled and kissed her gently. She smiled and kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
“Really? I heard something interesting today from one of your friends.” Gwen whispered.
“What did you hear?” Luke asked, rubbing her back gently.
“That you have feelings for Alyssa.”
“I do not have feelings for her. We were friends once, so it’s hard to stop thinking of her as a friend. But, she’s nothing more than a friend. I promise.” Luke brought his hand to her cheek and rubbed gently. “Now, come on. Let’s enjoy our time together while we have it.”
“And just how will we do that?” Gwen asked, looking up at him.
“My room has a hot tub.” Luke smirked, tapping her nose.
“I don’t have a bikini or anything.”
“You don’t need one. It’s called skinny dipping for a reason.” Luke laughed and pulled her out to the hot tub.
“It’s cold out here.” Gwen pouted as she pulled her t-shirt off.
“You’ll get warmer in the water.” Luke laughed and pulled his shirt off. Gwen huffed and pushed her leggings and thong off. She dropped her bra behind her before getting in the water. Luke chuckled and pushed his sweats and boxers down before getting in with her. “Isn’t this nice?”
“It’s steamy.” Gwen giggled. “But, yes. It is nice.”
“Did you enjoy your night?” Luke asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
“Not in the slightest. Me and the boys didn’t get to eat at all because Alyssa told her servers not to serve us. I tried to get one of the servers to give us something and he gave us frozen and stale food.”
“She did what?” Luke widened his eyes. “There are rules she needs to follow here, too. The suitors are required to be at tables 1 through 5. Those always get served first.”
“She kept saying that I’m not considered a suitor because I’m a commoner.” Gwen sighed and leaned into Luke.
“I’m sorry, baby.” Luke sighed. “I’m gonna talk to her about it. She needs to know that she has rules to follow.”
“It’s not a big deal, I’ll just sneak off with the boys to get a real meal. I have to pretend to like her, remember?” Gwen sighed.
“Once the social season is over, you’ll have full authority to do whatever you want. You could easily banish her.”
“Maybe I will. We’ll see how she treats me when I become queen.” Gwen giggled and looked up at Luke.
“I can’t wait to make you queen.” Luke grinned, kissing her deeply. She kissed back and straddled him. “You have no idea what it does to me to see you in leggings.” Luke groaned softly and kissed her neck. She bit her lip and tilted her head back.
“Tell me more.” Gwen giggled.
“Your ass looks so perky and round.” Luke chuckled and sucked on her neck, eliciting a moan from her. He kissed back up to her lips after leaving a relatively large hickey on her neck. “Oops.” Luke grinned, rubbing the hickey with his thumb.
“Luke, how am I supposed to cover up a hickey here? I didn’t bring any makeup for that, I only have enough for my face.”
“Wear a scarf.” Luke chuckled. “It looks so good on you, though.”
“Luke, I’m serious.” Gwen pouted.
“I know, just shh.” Luke kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed back, slowly rolling her hips down against his. He groaned lowly and gripped her hips. “You drive me so crazy.”
“What are you gonna do about it?” Gwen teased, tangling her fingers in his hair.
“This.” Luke smirked, thrusting up into her. She moaned loudly and tugged on his hair.
“Holy, fuck.” Gwen gasped, bouncing on his cock. He groaned and held her hips as she bounced. Luke moaned and threw his head back in pleasure.
“God, your pussy feels so good.” Luke groaned, thrusting up. Gwen moaned out his name and bounced faster.
“Shit, Lu.” Gwen whimpered softly and bounced. Luke groaned and brought his thumb down to her clit, rubbing quickly. “Oh, my God.” Gwen gasped, clenching around him.
“Oh, fuck.” Luke choked out. “Do that again.” Gwen moaned and clenched around him again. Luke groaned lowly and rubbed her clit faster. Gwen moaned loudly as she came around him, her thighs shaking from the pleasure. His name continuously fell from her lips as he continued thrusting into her. Luke moaned out her name as he released into her.
“Shit.” Gwen giggled breathlessly. “I told the boys this wouldn’t happen again.”
“They know about the yacht?” Luke chuckled, holding her close to him.
“I told them at dinner.” Gwen laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.
“No one else can know. We’d both get in trouble.”
“I know, Luke. Trust me. The boys told me all about it.” She yawned, snuggling closer to him.
“I wish we could just be together. This whole thing would be so much easier.”
“Why can’t we? Why do we still have to go through all this?”
“Because, it’s tradition. It’s just what we do.”
“Sometimes, traditions need to change.”
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Our Girl: Chapt. 6
Story Summary: The Lost Get Found remix. Mary Margaret and David Nolan have been fostering 6-year-old Emma for a year now. They love her and have been working on adopting her. Things get messy, however, when Emma’s aunt re-enters the picture. Will they be able to keep the little girl they love more than life itself? Or lose her forever?
Chapter Summary: After advice from a friend, Mary Margaret shares her fears with David. Later on, they finally get to see their little girl again.
Also on AO3
Mary Margaret watched as the last child walked out of her classroom, Grace Bucket. She was a child of divorce, who got to spend every weekend with her loving and devoted father. She could see how excited she was when Jefferson came to pick her up and Jefferson was equally as such as he swooped her into his arms and carried her away, determined to make the most of the short time they got together. She always felt sorry for him, especially after Emma came into her care. 3 days with your child every week couldn’t be enough. She couldn’t imagine getting that little time.
That weekend, however, she’d be getting even less with her own daughter.
It had been a week and a half without Emma and she wasn’t even sure how she made it out of bed most mornings. She wondered how she was doing, if she was sleeping okay, what was she eating? She hoped she was happy and making new friends, she didn’t want her to be miserable after all.
However, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering if Emma would want to come back to them. What if the judge sided in their favor and she wanted to stay with Ingrid anyway?
Quickly shaking the thought from her mind, she gathered up her things and headed out the door. Summer was coming to an end and fall was beginning, which meant that it would nearly be Halloween. A year ago, it had been Emma’s first with them and she had never gotten to celebrate before. She selected a Wonder Woman costume from the store and wore it around proudly for days leading up and following the holiday. She got more candy than she’d ever know what to do with and even went to a pumpkin patch/hayride on Ruth and Robert’s farm.
This year, she didn’t know what Emma would be doing. The judgement was due to come just a week after it. Mary Margaret told herself she’d go to the store and get something Emma would like. Maybe she could even make one for her, like Eva did when she was little.
Heading home in quiet was still weird. She was used to Emma telling her all about her day, asking about playdates or other things that she could get into. She had come so far from the little girl who wouldn’t say a peep when she first got there. Oh, how she missed her talkative little girl so much.
David would still at work when she got home, so she started thinking about dinner. They hadn’t had fish in a while and for a split second, she reminded herself that Emma wouldn’t eat that. Then she remembered, Emma wasn’t there.
“Dammit,” she whispered to herself. “You are not about to cry in the middle of the grocery store. Pull yourself together.”
Blinking the tears away quickly, she got out of the car and headed inside, pushing the shopping cart down the aisles. She started throwing in some fruit and vegetables, before heading to the seafood counter to order enough tilapia for two. As she waited for it to be prepared, she heard the faint sound of a baby crying. She turned around, only to find Regina standing there, lifting a newborn out of a car seat.
“Regina?” She asked.
Regina looked up, surprised. “Mary Margaret, hi.”
“Um, are you babysitting?”
“No, it’s just…” She bit her lip. “I didn’t want to say anything until we got more news about Emma’s case.”
“Regina.”
She sighed, walking a little closer as she tried to calm the fussy baby, wearing a light blue onesie. Looking down at him, Mary Margaret could see he had light blue eyes and wisps of dark brown hair on top of his head. Regina didn’t have to say anything else, she already knew what was going on.
Emma coming into their home hadn’t just changed her and David’s lives. Mal and Regina had met at Emma’s birthday party, sparks flying instantly. Regina had taken to Lily and things were moving pretty fast. Regina had been on an adoption waiting list for some time, wanting to be a parent as badly as Mary Margaret and David did. She had never wanted children with Leopold, that was crazy. However, she admitted to Mary Margaret that she could see it working out with Mal.
“I’m guessing you got taken of the waiting list,” she said, when Regina still said nothing.
Regina sighed. “I got the call last weekend. A couple in Phoenix was supposed to adopt him, but it fell through at the last second. So, they contacted me and got him to Boston. If all goes well the adoption will be final in 6 months.”
“How’s Mal taking it?”
“Helping me more than she should, honestly. She has Lily and her own cases to worry about, but she says she wants to be his mother too. So, after I adopt him, we want to get married, so she can too.”
Mary Margaret smiled, a true genuine smile. After Regina spent so long being miserable, she was happy for her. “That’s great Regina, I’m so happy for you. What’s his name?”
“Henry. Henry Daniel.”
She nodded, knowing how important Regina’s father and first love had meant to her. “A strong name.”
“I didn’t want to make you upset.”
“I’m not upset.”
“Mary Margaret…I’m adopting a child and…”
“And Emma’s with her aunt. I’m aware of the situation. It doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for you.”
“Of course I know you’d be happy for me, I just didn’t want to be insensitive. I remember those years of you two trying, every time someone would have a baby…”
“I’m not a fragile doll, Regina! I can handle things, okay?!?”
The worker returned to the counter with the order and Mary Margaret grabbed it, muttering her thanks before storming off. She was halfway down another aisle, when she felt someone grab her arm. She looked up and found Regina standing there. The tears welled up in her eyes, as she saw the kindness in her former step-mother’s.
“You need to sit down,” Regina whispered. “And maybe some coffee.”
“I need to finish my shopping…”
“David can wait. Come on.”
Regina gave their carts to an employee who promised to hold them at the customer service desk while they got some coffee. Henry had fallen asleep in his carrier and Regina kept it on the chair next to her, while Mary Margaret sat in the seat across, her hands wrapped around a cup of coffee.
“I take it you haven’t been talking to David about how you feel,” Regina observed.
“He’s worried enough about Emma, I don’t need him worrying about me.”
“Don’t you think he has the same feelings? You both have lost a child, even if it is temporarily.”
“Regina…”
“And I know it’s not all finalized, and as a lawyer I should be reminding you of that. Yet,” her eyes drifted down to her sleeping baby then back up at Mary Margaret. “I have a child, that’s only been in my care about a week, that I love more than anything in this world and would fight a bitch if they tried to take him from me.”
Mary Margaret sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “I knew it could happen, I wasn’t stupid. The number one goal of foster care is reunification, if it’s in the best interest of the child.”
“Who’s to say this is, though? Emma’s been with you for a year now. This is what she knows. You two were the ones who have helped her through her traumas, you’ve done a lot more than most foster parents would. Heck, you’ve done more than our parents would’ve.”
She swallowed, trying not to think of Leopold and Cora in that moment. “I love her so much and I got attached. I wouldn’t take that back and I’d do it again, a million times over, no matter what the outcome. I’m just…I’m scared, Regina. I get these two visitations now but what happens after that? What if the judge decides that she should stay with Ingrid?”
“Then we’ll fight. We’ll put in appeals, we’ll do whatever it takes.”
“And if the answer is still ultimately no? That I just lose my little girl?”
A single tear fell down Mary Margaret’s face and her hand went over her stomach.
“I thought hearing that I couldn’t have children was the hardest thing that ever happened to me, but this would be worse. I’m scared, Regina. I’m so scared and I can’t tell David, because he’s got enough on his plate.”
“He’s your husband. This is what he’s here for. If you keep this all in, you’re going to go insane. Right now, he is the only other person that gets what you’re going through.”
Mary Margaret sniffled, wiping her nose with a paper napkin. “I need you to give it to me straight. Have you ever done a case like this before?”
“I tend to do more custody cases than anything else.”
“Have you heard of anyone who has?”
Regina paused, reflecting on her law school days. “There were these kids, down south. Their mom was an addict and mentally unstable. She had family, but told social services not to let them take the kids. So, they were put in care and they got put with a great family. Fell in love with them, started calling them mom and dad.”
“Then what happened?”
“Mom changed her mind. Kids got put with their aunt and uncle.”
Mary Margaret frowned. “This is the story you choose to tell me?”
“I’m telling you it, because these kids are the reason why the law was changed in their state, and what got other states to rethink their own. Rather than blood automatically meaning best, they look into the best interest of the children. And I do think that’s you and David.”
She nodded. “Thank you, Regina.”
“Anytime.”
“And if you need any help with the baby…”
“Mary Margaret, you’re busy enough as it is.”
“I don’t care. If you need any help, just let me know.”
Regina softly smiled. “Of course.”
Mary Margaret didn’t bring up her conversation with Regina until after dinner. She and David were curled up on the couch together, watching T.V. She knew both of them were trying to not think about the fact that they hadn’t been able to sit that close to each other since Emma started scooting in the middle.
“I’m scared, David,” she whispered.
David muted the television and looked down at her. “Huh?”
“I saw Regina today in the store and I just…I lost it. I’ve been trying to keep it together for you, but I can’t. I’m scared we’re going to lose, David.”
He let out a shallow breath, running his fingers through his hair.
“I am too.”
“Why didn’t we talk about this?”
“Because we’re both trying so hard to be optimistic and it’s just not working.”
“We get to see her tomorrow and I just want to scoop her up and take her.”
“I know, I know. But you also know that’s not going to be good for her in the long run. Living our lives as fugitives?”
“Can we just play worst case scenario right now?”
David nodded, knowing it was a game they played back when they got the news that a biological baby wasn’t in the cards for them.
“We don’t get Emma back,” he stated.
“We don’t get Emma back and we don’t heal. We start fighting and end up getting a divorce.”
“Hey, that’s not going to happen.”
“I’ve read cases like this, this sort of thing tears marriages apart.”
“Well, it’s not going to do that to ours.” He touched her chin. “We’re going to be okay. We’re going to figure this out, together. No matter what, it’s you and me. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered back, tears falling down her face.
He leaned down and kissed her. “I went by the house yesterday.”
Mary Margaret’s eyes widened. “Did you see her? How is she?”
“She wasn’t there. I found Luke between the bed and the wall, I knew she’d need him. I dropped him off with Ingrid, she said she’s doing well.”
“Did she give any hints about the adoption?”
“She said that Helga wouldn’t want the baby raised by strangers.”
“The woman was an addict. I don’t think she really gets a say.”
���Mare,” David put a hand on her back. “She was an addict, but she lived through a cycle of abuse. She wanted better for Emma, according to Ingrid. She said she loved her, she really did. And I believe that.”
“Of course I do too, I don’t see how a mother couldn’t love their own child.”
“She messed up and I’m not excusing what she did, but I get why Ingrid’s doing this. She has guilt. She wants to do right by her sister…and I…I’ve been there.”
Mary Margaret looked up at her husband and could see the guilt in his eyes. She knew exactly where it came from. Growing up on the farm, his one best friend was his twin brother, James. The two were identical and always up to some kind of mischief. Since they didn’t have any neighbors that they could walk to, they ended up spending a lot of time with each other. As they reached their teens, they seemed to go down different paths. David took school very seriously and while he would hang out with friends, they seemed to be the right crowd.
James had gone a completely different way about things. He had fell into the rough group of kids and began dating Jack, one of the “bad girls”. There was more to her than met the eye, that much was sure. When she came by the house, she seemed to treat everyone with respect. However, whenever they left the farm, it was nothing but trouble. David warned his brother over and over again to be careful. James swore he was, he knew what he was doing.
Until their senior prom night. David had gone with one of his friends, Abigail. They had stopped by the after party, but then went to their respective homes. James and Jack had stayed. A fight broke out and Jack got mixed up in it all. James had jumped in to save her. Neither of them made it out alive. The guy who killed them had only ended up serving 5 years in prison, because he was drunk. It was all considered manslaughter.
Mary Margaret knew that David would give anything to go back to that night, to somehow find a way to save his brother.
“You know that’s not your fault.”
He nodded. “I do. However, I don’t think Ingrid’s there yet. She’s doing this for her sister, but I don’t know if it’s what she wants.”
“So, she’s doing all of this out of guilt?”
“I think she tries to tell herself it’s what’s best for everyone, but I don’t know how much she believes it.”
Mary Margaret sighed, curling closer into his side. “Well, now I feel bad for her and I didn’t want to. Does that make me a terrible person?”
“No. A bad person wouldn’t feel bad.”
“At least we can see Emma tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” He kissed the top of her head. “At least there’s that.”
The next morning, they drove the 45 minutes to Ingrid’s house. Mary Margaret had to admit it was nice, in a good neighborhood. She got out of the car with David, heading up the steps. Clutching his hand, she rang the doorbell with her free one and Ingrid answered a moment later. She looked more relaxed than either of them had seen her before. Rather than a suit, she was in jeans and a beat up t-shirt.
“Hello,” she said, softly. “Emma’s in the living room, playing.” She lead them inside and gathered their jackets.
“How’s she been doing?” Mary Margaret asked.
“Alright, for the most part.”
It was a lie and they all knew it, but Mary Margaret didn’t want to start things off with a fight. She headed into the living room and saw her daughter, playing with some Legos. Emma looked up after hearing her aunt coughed and her eyes lit up.
“Mommy! Daddy!” She screamed.
She ran into Mary Margaret’s open arms and she swooped her up, hugging her tight.
“Oh, I missed you my sweet girl,” she cooed, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
“I missed you too, Mommy”
David moved closer, hugging his daughter, but not daring to take her from his wife just yet. “Hey Sunshine,” he said. “You’ve grown at least ten feet since I last saw you.”
Emma giggled and it was such a foreign sound to Ingrid, it was clear she didn’t notice what it was at first.
“Silly, Daddy.” Emma kissed his cheek. “Did you guys bring Nana?”
“Afraid not. But don’t worry, we’ve been feeding her and taking her for walks. My parents came down again with Wilby so she could have a playdate.”
“Good.”
“We want to hear about your new school,” Mary Margaret said, sitting down. She allowed David to put her on his lap. She knew they didn’t have much time and didn’t want to hog her completely.
Emma shrugged. “It’s okay, it’s kind of weird. I wear the same clothes as everyone else does and I don’t know any of their games.”
Mary Margaret and David frowned at the last part. They hated the thought that Emma didn’t have any friends at her new school.
“Well, why don’t you teach them a new game?” David suggested. “Like hopscotch. I know we packed some chalk in your suitcase, maybe you can bring it school.”
Emma nodded. “Maybe. Have you seen Lily? Or Bae and August?”
“I see them at school,” Mary Margaret said. “And guess what? Regina’s adopting a baby, so you’re going to have a little cousin.”
Her eyes lit up again. “That’s so cool! Can we play with my Legos?”
“Of course. You tell us what we’re building.”
They got to work on building a castle, not even bothering to look at the instructions, they never did. For a moment, they nearly forgot the situation or where they were. That is until David said that it was the prince’s birthday, so they needed to find a cake for him.
“Mommy, Daddy, am I going to be home for my birthday?” Emma asked, looking up curiously.
David and Mary Margaret exchanged a look. Emma’s birthday was 8 days before Halloween. The year before they had a party during the day and then Lily, Bae and August slept over at night. It was the first birthday Emma had ever celebrated and she had so much fun. They had been planning on another one this year, Ruth and Robert had offered up the farm so they could have lots of space.
Now, they didn’t know what would be going on.
Sensing the awkward situation, Ingrid stepped closer. “Emma, I’m sure you’re getting hungry. I made sandwiches for you and your foster parents in the kitchen. Why don’t you show them where it is and then you can show them your room here?”
Emma nodded and lead her parents into the kitchen. Mary Margaret noticed how clean everything seemed to be. She liked order in her home too, but Emma made it hard to keep it this spotless. She wondered how Ingrid found the time between playing with Emma and helping her with her homework. Either way, she did admire how pristine everything was. Most of the walls were white and paintings from all over the world were on display.
They ate their lunch, Emma asking more questions about Storybrooke (making sure that Ruby hadn’t forgotten her favorites at the diner and that if she lived with them again that she could go back to her old school) and Mary Margaret and David asked her more about how things were going. They didn’t get a lot of answers and it worried them greatly.
When they finished up with lunch, Emma lead them up the stairs to her room at Ingrid’s. The walls were bright pink and a collection of china dolls were on a shelf behind a white desk. Mary Margaret could spot pink bedding bunched up in the corner, white ones taking its place on the bed. Overall, it wasn’t much like Emma’s old room at home. It seemed more of what a Victorian little girl would dream of…not Emma.
“Auntie Ingrid said we can change it,” Emma said, not even noticing her mom’s face. “But I said I’m going home, so it doesn’t matter.”
David knelt in front of Emma. “Em, I want to make sure one thing. I know you don’t like it here and Mommy and I are doing all we can to get you home. But still, when you’re at Auntie Ingrid’s, you’re being a good girl, right? You’re listening and you’re trying your best?” They knew with Emma’s past life, she had some behavioral issues, but there were a good bit that she could control, when she wanted to.
Emma nodded. “Uh huh, Daddy. Just like you and Mommy taught me.”
“That’s my girl.” David kissed her forehead. “You are so brave, you know that? We’re so proud of you for how you’ve been handling all of this.”
Emma showed them Luke and her blankie, though other than that there went many toys up there. She explained that Ingrid didn’t want her cluttering up her room too much.
“Emmy, can you tell me where the bathroom is?” Mary Margaret asked.
“Down the hall.”
“Thank you, angel face. I’ll be right back.”
She headed down there and used it, noticing a few bath toys and some bubbles. She smiled a bit, knowing how much Emma loved those. As she was going back to Emma’s room, she noticed some pictures on the wall. Some were clearly of Emma when she was much younger and it made her heart melt, they didn’t have any of those. She had been such a tiny baby and toddler, though it was clear she was determined.
One picture that confused Mary Margaret was one that seemed to resemble Emma and another blonde girl a few years older, but it looked much more dated, the girl had blue eyes and she couldn’t place the other girl with her. As far as she knew, Ingrid was her only family. Then again, she was realizing maybe she didn’t know how much family Emma had, period.
“That’s my sister.” Mary Margaret looked up and found Ingrid there. “The two of us, when we were children.”
“Oh…she just looks so much like Emma.”
Ingrid nodded. “That she does. This was her when she was an adult.” She gestured to a picture of a blonde woman holding a tiny baby Emma. She was pretty and it was interesting to see a snapshot of what Emma could look like one day.
“She was beautiful.”
“Smart, too. Before she met Ed, she was top of her class in high school. I always thought she’d take the world by storm, but…drugs and men.”
“I see.”
“She wasn’t a bad person, just not the world’s greatest mom.”
“If you’re worried about me trash talking her, I don’t,” Mary Margaret clarified. “I just listen and tell her how things are where we are, that she’s not going to get hit or screamed at.”
“I know, even if you did…I wouldn’t blame you. You didn’t know her. You don’t know me, even.”
“So, let us get to know each other. Ingrid, this is crazy. This is the first time I’m seeing my baby in 10 days. I won’t get to see her again for another 14 and by then, well…we’ll be so close to the judge’s choice. Can’t you just get to know us before you let him make it? The power’s in your hands.”
“That’s why I have to make this work. It’s what Helga would’ve wanted.”
“And what do you want Ingrid? Is this really what you want? To raise Emma? To take her away from a situation where she’s happy?”
“Of course this isn’t what I want!”
Mary Margaret raised an eyebrow and Ingrid’s mouth dropped open, before closing again. She quickly swallowed.
“I want what’s best for Emma,” she whispered. “That’s it.”
“The thing is, I believe you. I just don’t think you realize what that is.”
Ingrid’s mouth formed a thin line. “I don’t have to defend myself to you. Why are you even fighting so hard? Can’t you have a family of your own?”
Mary Margaret felt as if she had been slapped. “This is my family, it’s why I’m fighting so damn hard for it.”
She walked back into the bedroom, seeing Emma was getting a little sleepy. Since she was getting closer to 7, she didn’t have as many naps as she once did, but it had been an exciting day after all. She gathered Emma into her arms and cuddled her close.
“Mommy, can you and Daddy sing to me?” She asked.
Mary Margaret nodded. “Of course, baby. Which song?”
“Sunshine.”
David scooted closer, wrapping his arm around his wife. Together, the two softly began singing.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away…”
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Today was parent teacher conference day! Tré is doing great 🥰 They were so excited to see their dad. I’m thankful he’s present for them. #Coparenting at its best 💪🏽 We have a great dialogue and rapport for our kids. That ain’t never gonna change. We both love our sons so much and will ALWAYS be a united front on their behalf. We send pictures and updates and communicate because love is love. I love my sons and so does their dad. It’s really funny how a relationship ends and you have nothing to do with the other person anymore but they hold your heart in their hands literally with your kids... Moms and dads do the work to get to the point where coparenting isn’t bitter or hostile. None of this is what we expected to happen. But it does not have to be messy or dramatic or complicated. I don’t gain anything from having a bad relationship with anyone. If I did I’d be THE WORST #babymama EVER. But since I don’t gain anything and would hurt my sons and their father in the process I’m gonna be the best that ever did it 💯💪🏽❤️ #divorce #singlemom #ilovemysons #mywholeworld #harpergray #trétré #healing #growth #maturity #goat #nodrama end the #trauma This is hard enough without making it more difficult 💯 https://www.instagram.com/p/B4gW0twlezF/?igshid=1blyrusee79tm
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My entire life, I've never been in a successful Relationship, not even with my family; I come from an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive household with parents that went through a terribly messy divorce that had myself and my siblings being dumped with the fallout of the mess of emotionally incapable parents and their heaps of shit. Not to mention, my life outside of home was awful between people at school and otherwise; but those aren't stories for here.The fact of the matter is, despite the mental health issues I have, the trauma, and the contant stress from my family I try my best not to let it make me pessimistic, I feel it would be a truly sad day when I completely lose my ability to trust people. My problem is, thanks to my past with my family and whatnot I have A difficult time expressing myself, a buddy of mine said "I love you, man" just in a pretty casual way when I saw him at a birthday party recently and I couldn't even bring myself to say it back, I just skirted around it with sarcasm.Sorry for the tirade so far, I think I have A habit of trying to give too much context. In regards to relationships I don't even know if I can properly say I've have anything last long enough to be called one, I've had girls show interest in me then do a 180 and block me on every form of communication possible then go around telling lies about me to people; I've been ghosted so many times, had girls string me along, had pity dates, you name it. Last year one of my best friends was single so I felt that I should tell her how I felt, but told her we'd move at her pace because it was a long relationship she'd gotten out of a couple months prior. She proceeded to string me along for weeks and weeks while going behind my back with another guy, I always figured that's what was happening but I knew her so well and trusted her very deeply so I figured she wouldn't do anything like that to me. After a while, I finally tried to talk to her because letting her be the one to do the communicating meant none of it was happening; lo and behold, everything I had been fretting about was true. I had just put the second of my two dogs down, and with my family past those two meant more than anything to me, a friend of mine had just killed themself, and I was in the 4th year of my degree realizing that I had spent the last several years wasting my time at an institution that had failed to teach me anything. I got closer than I probably have ever been to killing myself after all of that.Since then I've had a lot of ups and downs, but mostly downs, I feel like the man I once was is dead, I've gone from extroverted to extremely introverted, my anxiety gets so bad sometimes I have A hard time speaking without a severe stutter. I've been managing medication and seeing my doctor regularly, my weekly appointments are the only thing I leave the house for at this point. Recently I had been feeling better, and I thought I might be able to finally start steering my life in the right direction; a girl I had a massive crush on in high school just moved back to my city and I thought maybe I should try to pursue the old flame, she was always so Kind, and had the most beautiful beaming smile which always got me, I thought if I'd be able to have a health relationship with someone it would be her. I contacted her a number of days ago, being frank and asking her out, just to something casual; I know she's seen it because it's told me so, and yet, I've gotten no response.I have to ask myself after all of these failed attempts: is it actually me? I don't go up to a girl I think is cute and confess my undying love, I like to think I can at least string together a decent conversation and know not to come on too strong; but I feel like the common denominator is me at this point, and thusly, I'm tired of trying. I've never been a big social media/app type guy and since I don't usually hear good things about tinder/bumble I haven't bothered. At this point I figure I can't lose the race if I never enter.With my adhd, my anxiety and all else my mind tends to fill in the blanks, usually with worst case scenarios, and I have a habit of being too hard on myself in everything I do, which I know doesn't help, and I know a lot of people will say I need to sort myself out before going into a relationship; I just feel so lonely and bereft of proper companionship and compassion I just thought if I could be with someone I knew cared about me it would make everything so much better, unfortunately it mostly just gives me false hope and caused me to put people on a pedestal, which makes it that much harder when it inevitably crashes and burns.If you've made it this far I congratulate you for being so willing to read through all of this minutiae. Not sure if anything short of a straight jacket will ever help me, but maybe just venting is a good first step.Tl;Dr - bad past with family, never had a successful Relationship, not good at expressing myself, and don't know how to navigate relationships/dating with females because it's always gone so badly and I've been treated very poorly by those I trusted. Recently asked out an old flame thinking things would be different, wasn't at all, ghosted, and now I'm considering just giving up on the whole thing. via /r/dating_advice
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I’m Not Childhood-trauma Case, Right?
First of all, please to not read this if you are triggered easily or do not want to read something fairly long. I see this as a sort of vent. I am not crying for help either - this head space of mine has no help to cry for.
There is no excuse for what you might see, so, do not tread lightly.
Under the cut is a watered down life story and an insight to my life should you care.
All of this is my truth.
It goes like this, one minute your searching up how to write about trauma, listening to the ambient sounds of your family outside your room, with the door that stays open because you can’t find it in you to clear the path for it to shut, yes, a lazy habit.
The next moment or so passes, you relate on some level to the posts your reading on Tumblr and Google, only, you can’t find yourself ticking the I was abused box because you really don’t know if you were.
Let’s place some cards on the table so you see the situation before you.
You’re parents’ are divorced, so already their titles are “Mum/Mom” and “Dad” not just your “Parents”. One was an alcoholic who physically and mentally abused the other, right up until you were about four years old.
You need some more information? Well, here’s a few more cards to this deck you sit atop.
You aren’t the only one in this little ‘situation’ of yours. You have an older sibling, three years apart, and a younger one, of almost three years again. In that sense, you’re the middle child. What happens when that is the case? You wouldn’t know, it only stayed that way for about twelve months.
Your mother has another partner at this point, a man with PTSD. they have two children together, he already had three kids. by the time you are nine years old you are one child of eight almost genetically related kids in the round-about loop. Only four of your siblings actually live with you. In total, you’re the third eldest. However, you are second eldest in your household.
You become very mature for your age, always quiet and observing. Every piece of information becomes catalogued. By the time you turn thirteen, you have anger problems, making regretful choices, having hit your friends a few times - they accept that. At this point in time you are attending your fifth school purely due to moving, a school becoming too expensive, or maybe both.
Your friends don’t stay long. You often wonder if they even remember you. You’ve also taken to drawing at this point. It’s easy to make messy beginner’s mistakes. No one seem’s bothered by your new obsession. You’re still quiet, finding small talk annoying.
By the end of year/grade seven, you’ve moved schools again. The information in this area shocks you, another chance presents itself - who do you want to be? You’ve tried the tough, anger type, the quite shy type, even the nerdy smart type by this point. You decide to make fast friends - maybe this is for the best.You suspect you’ll move on fast.
Oh, I seem to forget, before entering this point, you’ve had your first brush with a student trying to kill themselves in the middle of the classroom with a borrowed pair of scissors. The two girls next to his had counselling for it.
What was the point of counselling? You had never needed it. Moving forward, The friends around you had engaged in cutting. the first was an obvious cry for attention that you sated with genuine concern, the second you tried to help, even if it was triggered with words you heard as ‘I’ll stop when [they] stop.’ the third was the biggest cry for attention. Did you have to follow this ‘Trend’? you didn’t want to, your venting was to paper with a pen.
Writing became your best friend. As did drawing, both a cry for attention that no one could see. Bleeding hearts, bloodied and broken angels with their eyes missing, friends and family alike had died by this point, only fourteen years old and the nightmares each night have started on and off again.
an invisible pressure on your chest when you awake or go too sleep interrupting your already active mind. Each ‘vent’ drawing inspiring the word ‘beautiful’ from every person who sees.
Why don’t they ask whats wrong?
You cried a few times, long curly hair covering your shoulders as you cried so quietly in front of crowds of people who did nothing less than ignore you, literally. they knew of nothing that was wrong.
By the time you're sixteen, you’re at school number seven. you’ve done nothing wrong, only a few memories of play ground bullying coming back inconveniently - such as the time when you were in year/grade one and a group of boys had bullied you into physically fearing being by yourself on the playground. An altercation of a stick throw hitting the biggest one’s head, drawing minimal blood leaves you with black and blue bruises over your entire left side,
The situation at sixteen is that you attempt to make others feel better about themselves whilst remaining the reserved optimistic pessimist that over analyses every situation. You’ve made new and old friends by this point.
The year feels as if it is going to be okay, dealing with your fathers partner of around six years isn’t as much of a hassle by this point. Your father himself is just happy to see you and has stopped asking your siblings if they will come to see him. He doesn’t know that She, his partner pushed him away with her controlling nature and abusive attitude that no doubt pushed her own children (the ones she had as a teen) away.
Now, nearing seventeen, you have started sorting more of your life out, your fathers partner has had the long winded debate of how much you dislike her in complex “You’re there with my father and despite your health issues that I do not find sympathy for (sorry) nor the almost excuse of ‘My own flesh and blood daughters don’t have anything to do with me’ spiel will work because I do not appreciate you calling yourself my stepmother.” will not excuse the problem that all the ways she tried to ‘win’ your affection would not work.
Your father did not tell you to apologise. You had refused to apologise to her in the first place.
Yet.
You still felt the need to explain yourself to him. Everything with him needs a reason.
Coming back to topic you will see that there are many cards here. All of the negative ones. overlooked school performances, playful jabs from siblings,a family that has two divorced people together in your main unit, another in the alcoholic father you only sometimes visit.
All of the experiences of your life may be part of what people know as ‘trauma’. You, or, more accurately: Me. The author of what you’re reading, do not believe this. If it were, perhaps there would have been some kind of counselling involved.
You see, in this sort of situation - I cannot find anyone who is in the same position. I do feel alone, as alone as I can when I live with so many people. It has become so easy to internalise hate and conversations that have never happened which plague my sleep or waking time.
Here are some more facts:
I am both Asexual and Bi-romantic.I have, on occasion felt curious about what people feel when the ‘release’ of cutting themselves occurs. I then remember that my older and younger sibling from my fathers, therefore my own bloodline have both caused this upon themselves. I do not want to continue this - I do not wish to inflict physical signs that I am hurt or damaged to the outside world.
I have thought about the implications of killing myself. I entertain the idea, but that is selfish and would cause my family and those who care pain.
I have, on many occasions, stayed at home when my siblings go out with my parents purely because I feel as though their short trips to places will make for a more comfortable car trip if I simply do not go - even if i have been told initially that I’d be going.
I don’t ask for items or anything that will cost money if i can go without it purely because I don’t want to be an expense - it is selfish and sometimes I still ask for experiences. When i get asked why i don’t ask for things I shrug, when really the answer is clear in my memories; My mother would almost desperately ask in a scolding tone to stop asking for things - after all, every one or two dollar item soon creates a large expense.
Because of this, I do not use the lunch money she gives on occasion.
There is a lot I do not do, or decide to do when I look back through my memories, I have spent many of these teen years hiding away when I could be outside, spending time with people.
I have grown use to this life of placing others before myself.
I have grown used to the word ‘fat’ or ‘bitch’ or, on occasion, internalising a flinch when someone raises their hand in a mock ‘hit’ only to think it’s funny when ‘Ha! I was finally able to scare you!’ not understanding that being hit is a legitimate fear that negates an automated reaction.
But no, my fear of being abused, not in some level of control, not in a safe environment (even slightly), being physically alone, of heights, of crying in front of people, et cetera, et cetera. is not something I label as trauma.
I do not wish to believe myself as a Childhood trauma case. However, sometimes when i listen to a song enough times, and read about how to write trauma, getting into the head space of, “Do I perhaps even nudge the surface of this vast ocean?” I cry myself a river that may only last a few tears on the outside, but is its own world of murk on the inside.
No, I am by no means strong. You may perceive my lack of tears, or the way I can lift over forty kilograms as strength. But I know that not to be true.
i simply know where and when it is acceptable to let the taped over glass bottle smash and be replaced with a slightly more reinforced one.
But sure, all of this and I am still an optimist. I’ll forever thank the one who wrote me:
“If we saw the world as brightly as you do, we would all be blind.”
because i choose to stay on the bright side, if another can be taught to see a little brighter, if only for a moment of my guidance, then I have done my job as a fellow human - a moment of normalcy in a rather uncaring mind.
because truthfully, I don’t care.
I feel everything so fucking strongly that I physically cannot turn away.
...
And the next moment after this run of unwanted reflection?
Well...
How
Do
You
Write
Trauma
?
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