thinkin thots about varus the eater,,,, when i read htn and was introduced to the whole 'RB induced insanity' and how the lyctors perceived the Beasts, i assumed it was your classic 'cosmic horror too large for the human mind to convey appears in form that teeters on the edge of reality' , but now with ntn telling us everyone sees an RB the same way, I'm being led to believe its more 'cosmic desire so large it almost ruptures the brain but is still ultimately recognisable' 1/2
(varun anon) what is that desire? it presumably changes from beast to beast, and because we don't know anything about the others apart from some descriptions (though i am curious about what a beast that is received as 'beautiful' by human standards[the one who was trying to drown mercy and only softly repeated 'die'] could possibly want, considering how we have alecto the haunted barbie doll and how much she hates being 'pretty') 2/3 now lmao
(varun anon for the last time i promise/lh) assuming that varun is presenting as their body pre-Oh-Fuckening, it means their cosmic desire is home!!!!!! it makes so much sense why they love none so much and are so ready to come to her aid
Yo, I had assumed the same thing, that the nature of a Resurrection Beast depended on the observer, not the Beast itself. But you're right, Varun proves otherwise! Why do all the Resurrection Beasts appear as different kinds of cosmic horror? Why a giant head? Why something beautiful that tried to gently drown them? Why a giant glowing blue orb?
If Varun is the ghost of Uranus, then that really is just... what it looked like in life.
Of course, there is the difference in location to consider. This is Varun periscoping, peeking out into the physical world, while the other Resurrection Beasts that Augustine and Mercy describe were in the River. We don't know what a fully realised Varun might look like.
So what does Varun want? Does it want to go home, is that why it looks like itself? If home is a place, the solar system, there would be nothing stopping it from going there. Like any revenant, it must have a thanergetic link it could follow back to its corpse. If home isn't a place but a time when it was alive, a part of its existence now ended, then home is beyond even it now.
Most revenants have links to their murderers, too, if it's looking for John: which it seems like it was, prior to the events of Harrow the Ninth. It isn't anymore.
There's only one reason for Varun to be hanging over New Rho, and that's Nona. It's looking for Alecto, the Earth, the last living representative of its kind. I had thought it was looking for her to enact vengeance on its behalf, and it does want that. It asked for it in as many words, the first time it possessed Judith. But...
“They concoct their own vengeance,” said the Captain. “Their justice is not my justice. Their water is not my water. I came to help. I am made a mockery. The danger is upon you, and you do not even know … they are coming out of their tower, salt thing. There is a hole at the bottom of their tower. I will pull their teeth. I will make it blank for you.”
There is clearly a wrong way to go about it, in Varun's opinion. Who or what the "they" is in this statement is not entirely clear, if it's even referring to the same thing every time. The 'they' coming out of their tower would seem to be the devils possessing people, the things that took Colum back in Canaan House. Is their justice not Varun's justice? If it doesn't want what the devils want, then what is its vision of justice, what vengeance does it want Alecto to enact?
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Listen, i know I'm really sensitive and emotional, and I'm easily triggered, and i take things really personally, even when i shouldn't.
And i know that often times i would feel insulted, even when it's about something ridiculous.
And zodiac signs aren't something that determines everything in your life, they're something that's supposed to be fun and light (at least that's what i want to believe), and to each their own, it's okay if you take it seriously, i personally only read stuff about zodiac signs every once in awhile, i believe that people are one of a kind individuals(and i take no interest in mbti or any personality tests, i think it's bullshit), but Capricorns are the most misunderstood zodiac sign, we are not boring, predictable, or normal.
Every zodiac sign has people who are great, people who are okay, and people who are absolute assholes(it's all a spectrum, not dichotomy, you can range anywhere from being a truly good person, to relatively okay, to kind of a piece of shit, to genuinely just scum of the earth).
I'd say I'm relatively okay-I'm annoying, but I'm not evil, and have no intention to hurt others in any way, shape, or form, i can't stand living in a capitalistic society and i really don't care about money, and I'm an artist who knows what they want to do for a living(it's being a pastry chef, and open my own little bakery, and make a lot of those artistic desserts and just make people happy, because to me, food is a love language, it's a way to say 'i love you' to the people that you love, and a way to bring a little bit of bliss to people, because the world is a difficult place, but if you can give people these special moments where they share something tasty with someone they love, then the world is a little less bad.)
And yes, I'm struggling mentally, but I'm working on it.
Anyways sorry for this very random rant, I'm going through things(as usual).
I'm going to make something for dinner, and then pack some clothes and other stuff, and then maybe watch something and maybe draw.
I really wanted to make ice cream and cupcakes and other stuff this week, but i guess I'll have to postpone it until Sunday, ( i also wanted to rebleach and redye and cut my hair next week, but my mother told me to wait until after we move, cause I'll be sweating a lot, and she's right; maybe I'll get the special hair dyeing papers they use in hair salons and whichever other colours i need for the idea i have, and do what i wanted before Rosh Hashana).
Anyways, I'll be back later 😘.
Btw- my point was supposed to be that Capricorns are wildcard, we are weird and interesting and funny and different, it's as if we're aliens.
Have i mentioned that i have autism and adhd and i jump from topic to topic mis sentence especially when I'm not focused? Yeah.
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