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#i had some years ago bc my friends mom is really into food like that but she was like Ew yucky this peanut butter SUCKS
robinismywifee · 9 months
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in my room || pt. 1
pairings madly inlove!ellie williams x madly inlove!reader
summary based of the song, in my room by insane clown posse
warnings reader stalks ellie? just lowkey creepy reader, reader has trouble eating due to her mothers death, not much warnings for this chapter since its the backstory and how they met, but theres gonna be KINKY smut in the other chapters
a/n idk how many chapters this will be, 3-5?? its in 3rd pov with some flashbacks that are 1st pov and i really hope nobody has based an ellie fic off this song bc im really proud of it since it was my own idea lol, also i think for the next short fic i do its gonna be like an 80s camp consular thing if u guys want that??
wordcount 4k
part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4
aime and ellie had been best friends ever since they met eachother. ever since aime first laid eyes on ellie, she knew she was going to be hers, ellie didnt even know she existed, but she was hers.
aime remembers the first time seeing ellie like it was yesterday, even though it was almost 6 years ago.
aime was walking down the road of jackson, walking down to get food, and stopped by the horse stables when she heard a mention of new people.
"yeah, apparently it was actually just tommys brother" the older male teenager said from inside the stable
"tommy has a brother? and he has a neice? i didnt know that, where were they?" the slightly younger, also male, teenager said, also from inside the stable
"no, the girl wasnt his kid, i heard her calling him by his name and tommy didnt know her, i dont know their relation but theres a rumor that they traveled from maine to here on feet"
"that's impossible, and why would he travel all those states with some kid? maybe he knew her mom"
"yea, i have no fucking clue.. hey give me a hand with this-"
and with that, aime was back on her feet, done with easedropping
hmm.. a new girl and a new man?
aime didnt know anything about it. she had just gotton back from sneaking outside the walls, only coming back because the empty feeling in her stomach was getting to hard to ignore
she walked into jacksons cafeteria, immediately spotting the back of girl with brown hair (with lots of red undertones) tied up into a ponytail, sitting next to a bigger man, aime immediately noticed the food the girl had stuffed into her pockets.
she walked quietly over and hid herself behind a pilar that held the building up, well not actually but in her little 14 year old brain, if that thick wood pilar were to be chopped off, the whole roof would come down with it.
she peaked over the piller, now infront of the girl, able to see her face.
and thats when she felt it. its impossible to describe with measly words of what she felt, but she just knew. she saw the girls eyes, she could tell from the meters away she stood, that they were the most beautiful eyes she's ever seen. they were green, the edges of her eyes lighter, more like chartreuse, but got darker in the middle, like a juniper green, and is that a mix of cedar brown in there too?
after getting lost in the unknown girls eyes, she moved her back behind the pilar, hiding herself completely, she couldnt help but a small smile forming. the bright energy she carried radiated off her. shes mine.
the day after, she watched out her window as the girl from the food center, which she learned by now her name was ellie.. what an adorable, name.. it suited her face so well.. escaped with one of the horses from the stables. she had watched as she rode off, peaking over her shoulder making sure nobody saw her leave, which nobody did, execpt of course aime, but aime didnt mind her leaving, because she knew she was to see her again, and would finally then introduce herself.
it wasnt for months until ellie came back. the guy who she came with, tommy's brother, which aime had also learned awhile backs name was joel, came back with her as well. they both were fearly bruised, scarred, but they came back.
her girl came back for her.
aime had lived in an empty house, it was small, only one floor, but it still had two bedrooms, but technically only one considering the other bedroom was boarded shut with wood and nails across the doorframe, leaving everything inside the room completely abandoned.
it was her mothers room. the same mother that had tought aime to kill every person in sight that wasn't her, no matter their pleads or screams, no matter if they did absolutely nothing wrong. if they breathed it was a threat.
it felt weird, after going her whole entire life of killing every single person without a second thought, to just.. not. to just.. let the strangers pick her up and drag her to saftey.
i cradled my mother that was covered head to toe in blood, holding her head in my lap, i stared blankly down at her, the emotion i felt was overwhelming, my vision was foggy, blurring, blackening, my chest was moving up and down rapidly, but my eyes didnt even near water.
my mom always had a lot of rules i needed to follow, and to never cry was one of them, she told me it meant i was weak, and it was a threat for our lives to be weak, to show emotion to others.
my ears also rung, i knew there was people around, their light beamed down onto us, i was waiting for them to shoot us, i mean, why wouldnt they? some girl comes to the gates of their community, skin and clothes soaked and covered completely in crimson red, matching the women she held as she collapsed to the floor.
but when my vison faded to black, the ringing got louder, and louder, until it was completely dark and silent.
2 days later, im sitting in a chair, leaned over, my elbows to my knees, hand cupped tangled into my mothers. she layed in the hopsital bed, tubes connected to her, a moniter beeping
i was inside a community. the community that i showed up to the gates. i had passed out, and they took us both in, immediately getting my mother that had a gunshot wound to the head medical attention, she's still alive, the bullet only grazing her, but not conscious, the doctor says its a coma, and she could wake up in one minute, or never, and theres no way to tell, and they also couldnt tell how messed up she was until she woke up. i had only passed out asleep, a really deep sleep from how exhausted i had been from doing all that running with no sleep for days and no food or water for too long.
me and my mother had to leave the cabin that we had been staying at since a horde of runners was coming through and we didnt have enough supplies to take them down, and while trying to find a new home, we ran into these guys, it didnt go well. but when i saw burning smoke from not too far ahead, i dragged my mother's unconscious body towards it, just in hopes that it was a community home to moral people. i had collapsed at the gates once i had gotten there, i couldnt even push out a single word, i though my mother had died,
i had broken so many rules. i trusted these people. let them take us in, i wanted them to. i asked for their help. i didnt kill them, i still havent killed them, i dont want to kill them!
the community is called jackson, aime had asked the guy, whos wife was basically the leader, his name tonmy, why he took her in, he asked why wouldnt he, and explained to her that her and her mother were no threat, and she was just a child, with her hurt mother that did no harm. he gave them their own home, aimes mother got moved into it too, still in her coma.
that was when aime was 11. her mom didnt wake up for almost 3 years, and when she did wake up, she wasnt good. it took weeks for her to gain full consciousness, and when she was fully conscious, it was only a week before she passed.
some stupid infection apparently.
then, 2 weeks later, ellie showed up again.
aime watched from her bedroom window as ellie and joel walked on the path, accompanied by tommy and maria. ellies eyes were empty, she didnt have the energy she radiated before, and aime was determined to regain her the energy.
aime had already planned out how she was gonna interact with ellie and how she was gonna get her to fall inlove. she decided on not introducing herself until a few days or maybe even a week after her arrival. ellie was already getting bombarded by everyone, so once everyone calmed down, aime was gonna make ellie speak to her first.
aime had spent the next 5 days sneaking around and.. well, stalking ellie. she needed to find out what she was like, what her interests were, her pet peeves, that kind of stuff.
ellie liked astronomy, books about space and planets, that type of stuff, were stored into her room on her shelf, while a half opened comic of ‘savage starlight’ seemed to be what she was currently reading. ellie liked to draw and write, even more if she was listening to her walkman during it, aime assumed that she used writing to get her thoughts out or maybe as a coping mechanism. aime had a strong temptation to sneak into ellies room and snoop through her journal and see what she wrote about, or to even check what music was in her walkman, but she knew that was going too far and if she were to get caught, it would ruin everything.
she also saw ellie talking to dina and jesse a few times. aime bit back her jealousy when she did, dina and jesse were dating and have been for awhile and so clearly are inlove with one another and aime shouldnt worry about them getting in the way.
aime didn’t necessarily have friends, she was really quiet, reserved, she wasnt even supposed to be in a community, ever, and under the circumstances of her mom, people understood why she wasnt bright and cheery. the only time she talked was when she was spoken to, but aime decided she needed to push past it, and finally become a real person. finally have a fucking personality.
a few months after aimes first arrival when she was 11, maria had talked to her about putting some work in, aime undertsood, as she was getting free medical care for her mother, free food, free water, free shelter, and agreed on it, at first maria put her on teaching the young kids how to read and write, but aime hated it, and begged maria to do patrol with the older teenagers, but since she was only 11, maria said no, and put her on teaching kids self defense. aime had tought the kids how to protect themself from others for 2 years before maria finally agreed for aime to do group patrol.
aime was the only 13 year old allowed to go on patrol, after maria had seen how good she was and after aime begging for years, she was the exception.
aime woke up early, gently brushing her hair till it was smooth and soft. she decided on folding the peices of her hair to make two french braids, her hair ending a few inches below her shoulders, from the hot and sticky weather. it was spring, and the weather had been unpredictable, going from rainy and gloomy one day to sunny and sticky the next. today was a sunny-hot day. she splashed cold water on her face, patting it dry, and applied cherry scented lip balm that glossed her pink lips and left a red tint.
her patrol group had rode past some old underwear store a few weeks ago, and aime had snuck behind the group, searching until she found a pair that looked close enough to her size. she wore the bra she had gotten from that day, pushing up her small breasts to make them look full, and put on a simple white tank top, just barley showing off her cleavage. she just wore regular jeans with it, they were dark blue, warn out, hugging her hips perfectly, the bottom of them got baggy, covering the hightop part of her converse. she should probably wear her boots today, it had rained a few days ago and would be muddy, but ellie wore her converse shoes everyday so aime would wear hers too, to match.
once the girl was ready, she stuck her lipgloss into her pocket just in case, and left.
“hey aimees! you’re up pretty early” jesse smiled, as he sat on one of the bar stools to the same cafeteria where aime first saw ellie. jesse was super friendly, he definitely would call aime his friend, if not, his best friend, but aime wouldn’t consider him her friend. its not that she didnt like him, she actually found him quiet amusing, but she wasnt really the people type and didnt like opening up to people.
“yeah, i woke up at 5, couldnt fall back asleep so i just thought i’d take my time getting ready and actually get breakfast for once” i nodded
“troubles with sleeping again? maria has pills for that i think if you ask her about it im sure she wouldn’t mind giving you some” he said with that look in his eyes that everyone else had been giving her lately
“jesse, stop”
“stop what? im just trying to help”
“yeah, thats the problem, i dont need help, and stop giving me that sad look”
jesse stayed quiet, aime left him, ording some food, once she had gotten it, she came back and sat down, staring at it. she never was good with eating, but ever since her mothers death, its been worse. she picked at the pancake with her fork. the only reason she had gotten food was because maria talked to her the other day about how she never eats and she asked her to grab food before patrol today, she said she would, and she alwyas keeps her word. she didnt think it would be this hard, but now that the food was infront of her, she felt sick.
“you okay?” jesse asked
“m’ great” aime hummed, slicing off a peice of pancake and shoving it into her mouth. she slowly ate, a simple conversation with jesse going on between, when suddenly he asked about her.
“have you met ellie yet?”
aimes eyes widened, but quickly went to normal. jesse didnt notice. “uh, no? is that the new girl?” she asked looking up from he food, she asked as if she didnt spend every other second of her day thinking about her. hell, two nights ago she spent, watching her.
“yeah, she’s actually pretty cool, and she said she would come here this morning and dina too, thats why i was here in the first place, they should be here soon”
“hm” aime hummed quietly, pretending not to care. jesse continued talking about dina, just him thinking outloud basically, until he stopped mid sentence to start a new sentence to new people- “oh! finally, i was starting to think you guys ditched me” jesse smiled to the two girls, aimes eyes were glued to her plate, only a few bites were left of her pancake and she only ordered one, and had been here for about at least 20 minutes.
“hey jesse!” aime heard dinas voice, the corner of her eyes she could see dina coming up to jesse to give him a quick hug, before she turned to aime
“hey aime! how you’ve been?” dina asked gently, aime rolled her eyes. she hated it. she hated the way people treated her. aime saw dina everyday, and dina always asked the same question as if it was gonna make her depression disappear.
“great” aime mumbled, ignoring her thumping heart of being only a few feet away from ellie
it was silent for a few seconds, “oh! aime, meet ellie!” dina cheered, how the fuck can she be this happy at 6:30 in the morning? everyday too. “hey” she mumbled, not looking at ellie at all. aime pretended as if she didn’t care. “uh, hi” ellie shuffled awkwardly from behind her
“come on aime! actually introduced yourself”
dina smiled, waiting for us to fully meet.
i hopped off my seat, standing only a foot away from ellie, we were about the same height, execpt i was a few inches taller
i smiled at her awkwardness. “hey ellie, im aime, i live next door to you in the wooden house” i lifted my hand out to her, she looked up to me, confused at my sudden change of personality, “hi..” ellie said quietly, unsure of what to say since aime already knew her name
aime looked down to ellies arm as ellie connected her hand to hers, aime felt sparks in her stomach, and ellie felt weird too, but she assumed it was just the anxiety of meeting a new pretty girl.
aime immediately felt worried for ellie as she noticed the white bandaged wrapped around her arm, she hadnt notice it before, from ellie always wearing long sleeves until now, aime let go of ellies hand, eyebrows furred, aimes left hand held ellies arm right beneath the bandage, while she reached out with her right and traced gently over it, “what happened? are you okay?” aime asked, her voice was calm, but panic was inside her
aime batted her eyes down to the girl, aimes dark brown, almost black, eyes met with ellies jade eyes. “oh, its just uh- a small wound from- a, from a knife, and its wrapped so it doesnt get in-infected” ellie stammered, aime watched as ellies eyes glued to the wood ground, and ellies cheecks blushed red
“that sucks,” aime started, she slid her hands that were on her right arm down to meet with ellies right hand, both of aimes hands grazing over her hand and brushing against her fingers, “i hope it heals fine” aime stood there for a few seconds, just playing with ellies fingers, “i gotta go,
group patrol starts soon, it was nice meeting you, ellie” aime smiled to her, dropping her hand and leaving, not even bothering saying goodbye to dina or jesse who stood there confused and shocked
once aime left the building, jesse and dina both looked at eachother, mouth ajar, ellie stood there, her thoughts racing over trying to figure out what just happened to her, surely she was like that with everyone?
“that was insane!” dina was the first to speak, ellie finally looked up confused, “what was?” she asked, jesse and dina looked at eachother once more, and back to ellie
“nothing, its just..” dina tried to explain but couldnt find the words, “shes never like that, i mean, her smile when she looked at you was genuine, she never smiles! and she continued the conversation? she never does, she always is super quiet” jesse explained better, “oh” was all ellie could say.
“hey, i thought you couldnt do group patrol until 16?” ellie asked, she wanted to do it but both joel and maria immediately said no. “yeah, you cant” jesse shrugged, “what? shes 16? you guys said she was our age” ellie asked confused, “no, shes 14, shes just the only one allowed to do patrol that young”
“oh, how come?”
“just is” jesse shrugged
the rest of the day ellie spent asking and asking jesse and dina questions about aime. ellie felt so intrigued by her and wanted- no, needed, to learn more about her.
the next day, after aime finished patrol, she layed on her couch, writing about a certain girl in her journal when a knock came to her door. she placed her journal down with the pen ontop, before walking over to the window, she peaked out, seeing jesse standing there, she sighed, unlocking and opening the door
“hey aimees, me, dina, and ellie were gonna hangout at my place, play card games, wanted to know if you wanna hang with, we can be as noisy as we want, my moms not home” jesse smiled
once aime heard that ellie was going, she knew she was going, but she needed to not seem suspicious. “uhh.. i dont know” she hummed, “come on, what were you even doing before?” he asked, peaking behind me, aime glanced over her shoulder looking at my journal on the table, “not much” she said with a shrug, “exactly! come on, go get your shoes on, ill be waiting, okay thanks!” jesse said, and before aime could reply, jesse grabbed the door handle and shut the front door
aime smiled, her plan working, she rushed to her bedroom, applying more lipgloss, and tying her shoes, she brushed out her hair, she kept on her pajamas, she wore a dark wine red hoodie, and black plush shorts
“jeez, took you long enough” jesse over exaggerated, “whatever, you’re lucky im going”
when aime showed up, she pretend that she didnt feel like she wanted to grab the nearest kicthen knife and repeativly stab dina in the chest. what did dina say that was so funny to make ellie grab onto her shoulder like that?
“oh! hey guys, hey aime! im glad you came!” dina smiled, aime gave a small nod with a small smile
“come on! sit, we have the cards ready!” dina exlcaimed, aime sat directly infront of ellie on the ground, jesse and dina next to me, as they started playing uno
“hey ellie” aime smiled, not bothering saying hi back to dina, everyone could already see blush forming on ellie, “hi aime” and with that they started the game
once it got really late, and dina had fallen asleep, aime decided that she and ellie were gonna leave, and they would finally be alone. aime stood up, not bothering to fix her shorts that rose up from sitting down, now exposing her ass. “its getting late, i have patrol early tomorrow, i should get going” aime said, looking down between jesse and ellie, ellie stood up too, “yeah, joel wanted me home by 10” ellie fidgeted her fingers looking at jesse and dina, they were both leaned against the couch still on the ground, dina asleep with her head on his shoulder
“all good, im getting pretty tired too, see you guys tomorrow, get home safe” jesse waved bye, aime nodded and turned around to leave,
knowing ellie was following behind her
ellie trailed behind aime, her eyes trailing to the loose hem of the girls shorts, she could feel her face getting hot
aime could feel ellies eyes on her, so she peaked over her shoulders, smirking to herself once she saw ellies eyes flicker around back to the ground as she pretending like she wasnt looking
aime stopped walking, waiting till ellie caught up to her until they were side by side
ellie kept her eyes on the ground, feeling embarrassed, knowing the aime had saw her looking. aime stared into the girls eyes
“has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest eyes in the whole existence?” aime asked softly, ellies face grew even hotter, she took at least 30 seconds to reply as her brain malfunctioned. “no” ellie said softly, “oh, well you do, i could just look at them forever, theyre so easy to get lost in” aime continued, knowing it was making ellie incredibly flustered
“i- thank you..” ellie said in just above a whisper, about a minute pasted before ellie spoke up, “you have really pretty eyes too”
“thank you, ellie” aime smiled, ellie finally looked back up to her, smiled with her
after that, they chatted and joked until ellie stopped infront of her house, “do you.. maybe wanna come in?” ellie asked, fidgeting with her fingers, aime smiled, walked closer to the girl, and grabbed her hand and connected it with hers to stop her from fidgeting. “i would love to”
and from that day on, ellie and aime became best friends, always with eachother like they were conjoined twins
but it didnt end like that
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tahdashi · 2 years
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WRINKLY HANDS AND PICTURE FRAMES
SYNOPSIS: keiji brings you along to revisit his childhood at his grandparents’ home. who knew that love is stored in wrinkly hands and old picture frames? 
INCLUDES: fluff, grandparents, mention of future kids, kinda sad if you squint but not really bc i love keiji
WC: 1.2k 
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Akaashi Keiji has never been alone. 
Throughout the three years you’ve been together, he’s told you about all the people he holds close to his heart: his mom, his dad, his cousins, and his grandparents. You’ve learned that he’s an only-child, spending most of his childhood with his cousins who were only a few years older than him. He’d go to his grandparents’ house every weekend as they missed him dearly, always wanting to keep him happy with dishes upon dishes of his favorite foods. Keiji tells you often, with a soft smile on his face, how much he misses his grandma’s cooking. Her fried rice is heavenly, he’d say. 
And that’s why you’ve ended up in the middle of his grandparents’ kitchen on a random weekend in May. He hasn’t visited in a while — his grandma’s wrinkly hands on his cheeks show just how long it’s been since she’s seen her precious boy. Work has taken over his life, he explains, and he doesn’t fail to look over at you with a flushed expression as he tells his grandma how he’s being taken care of by you. 
Being dragged into the living room by his grandfather to relax, Keiji feels an overwhelming feeling of joy. It has been a long time since he’s been here. Pictures have been added onto the walls — some of his cousins who’ve graduated university, some of his cousin’s kids with missing teeth and youthful smiles. He wonders if one day, his own kids’ pictures will be up on that wall. 
You, on the other hand, are feeling a bit… nervous. It’s not that you’re meeting his grandmother for the first time (you’ve met her a couple times, actually. She’d pop by the apartment from time to time to give her grandson homemade soup when he was feeling ill), it’s just that you haven’t gotten to know her that well. So this time, you take the chance to learn about her world — the one with her precious Keiji, the one with her sweet husband who always seems to have his camera on him, the one with so much love in it. 
“Granny, how’d you and your husband meet?” you ask, your voice flowing over the sound of simmering onions in the pan. She pauses, and her cheeks rise in a wide smile. 
“Oh my, that was a very long time ago.” She continues to dice the vegetables. “I was about 18 years old, in my first year of university, and he was working at the convenience store by my school. He was just so handsome. I think I had a little… crush on him.” She continues to tell you about how she’d visit the store often, picking up random items that would soon collect in her bedroom. 
She looks at you. 
“My Keiji tells me you two met at school. He talks about you a lot, you know that?” Her voice is quiet in an attempt to keep her words a secret from the two men chatting in the living room. You can’t help but feel your face warm up at her words. 
“He’s a good boy, my Keiji,” she sighs contently. “He grew up a bit lonely. No siblings, not too many friends either, but he’s a good boy. He has a big heart.” 
You nod, agreeing with her loving statement. “He does.” 
“I used to worry that he’d have trouble finding someone. Although he was quiet, he always wanted to be around people. I think it’s great he found someone like you.” And at this, you feel tears prick at your eyes. 
“I’m really lucky to have him,” you admit. The warmth of the cooked vegetables radiates from the pan and into your face, and it feels as if you’re being wrapped into a tight hug. 
She hums at your words and puts her hand atop yours. 
“I hope I’ll get to see you two get married one day. I want to meet my great-grandkids!” she exclaims with delight. The wrinkles by her eyes intensify, and you can see the resemblance between her and her grandson. They both hold the most sincere smiles under smooth, tan skin. 
“Keiji needs to propose sooner or later, I’d also love to see us get married,” you say lightheartedly. And the sound of both of your laughters fill the kitchen along with the heavenly aroma of her cooking. 
The sound draws your boyfriend into the kitchen, and he’s looking at the both of you with a curious expression, his eyebrows twisted in confusion, but his lips turned slightly upward. 
“What’s going on?” He asks as he passes over to the stove to see what smells so good. 
“We were just talking about you,” his grandma tells him, pulling him away from the stove before he can reach his hand into the pan to get a piece of cooked meat. 
“Oh? What were you saying?” He looks at his grandma, and then at you. 
“When are you going to get down on one knee, sweetheart? Your grandpa and I want to see you get married!” She shakes his hand in an exaggerated plea. If you’ve learned anything about his grandma, it’s that she’s into theatrics (a stark difference from her more reserved husband).
“Oh,” he falls silent and brings his free hand to rub at his neck. “Soon.” 
“It better be soon, Keiji. My great-grandbabies need to sit on my lap like you used to. Ah! You were such a precious baby. Don’t you want some of your own?” She asks him, letting go of his hand and pinching at his cheek. 
“I- I do, of course. We haven’t talked about this yet,” he says. The truth is, he’s imagined his future with you in full-detail. He knows that he wants three kids. He knows that he wants the oldest to be named after his grandparents. He knows that he wants to pick them up from school and cook a hot meal for them. He knows that he wants all three of them to play together, be close to each other, and to love each other. He knows that all he wants is for his kids to be surrounded by love. 
Because even though Keiji grew up lonely, he was always surrounded by love. 
His grandmother stops the teasing there, and cradles Keiji’s face in her palms before pulling him down to her height to kiss his cheek. 
“No need to rush it. Your grandma will always be here. Don’t stress,” she tells him, knowing his tendency to worry about pleasing others. 
That night, as the four of you chat over dinner with steaming bowls of fried rice in front of you, Keiji takes a glimpse at the wall covered in picture frames. His eyes land on a picture of him as a baby. He’s clinging onto his grandpa’s leg as their old family dog licks his face. And just like that, his future plans with you expand. He wants so much with you: a nice house, a comfortable bed, three kids, a puppy, and a loud, joyful life. And so, as his grandparents laugh over the story you’re telling them, he adds up the days he’ll have to work overtime to afford that ring he’s been eyeing. In this moment, he feels truly lucky knowing that you’ll always be by his side — that he’ll never feel lonely again. 
Because how could he when he’s surrounded by laughter, love, and his never-ending dream of a future with you? 
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luvrxbunny · 4 months
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Let’s start with my mom: My mom is not the worst mom. I love her so much that it hurts. She could just be better like all the other parents in the world. Like once she kicked me out of the house bc of my stepdad who cheated on her multiple times and treated her like absolute shit. She would purposely put my little sister off to the side (which doesn’t make sense bc my step dad is her father😭) and would put her on me and my older sister. She used to constantly criticized me on how my hair looked, how I dressed,and more. But that motivated me. I changed up my wardrobe, started learning how to do my hair, bought makeup, everything. I did it not only bc of what she would say but what people at school would say. Which when I told her I was getting bullied at school, she told me to just stand up for myself and when I told her I didn’t know how, she would ridicule me about that too. Another time she flat out told me I wasn’t wanted. AT A PUBLIC POOL. There were worse times than others but I’m glad I still have a good relationship with my mom. Not everyone is as lucky as me
Now my dad on the other hand, fuck him. First off, when I was growing up he was a poor excuse of a father. He still is but that’s wtv🙄. He would bail on me at times even though he promised. And when his health got worse, he started to treat me like a maid. I do currently live with my dad and for the past few months, I have to do almost everything for him. He’s always like “Kenya do this for me” and “Kenya do that for me”. He asks me for so much that sometimes he pays me. I cook for him, I clean for him sometimes, I get things for him and what I don’t do, my grandma does. And let me tell you, my grandma is a strong woman bc I would have gave up a long time ago if I was her. This man is ungrateful, lazy, a piece of shit, and a overall bad person. He smells first of all at his big grown age, my grandma cleans up after him, and the reason I say he’s ungrateful is bc recently when he got back from the hospital bc of a knee injury, my grandma had stripped his bed and he got mad. He said and I quote “I told her what to do and she just did whatever she wanted to do.” So I said “you’re lucky she washed anything. Just ungrateful.” And this dumbass nigga had the audacity to say to me “I didn’t ask for your fucking attitude Kenya. You sit in here and let her do the shit.” Referring to her stripping his bed and cleaning his sheets. I just walked off before I hurt him bc he can be such a pain in the fucking ass, you know? Like y grandma is not getting any younger and you’re just putting more stress on her. And what kills me is he got a degree and never did anything with it bc he’s a failure. Why go to college and never have a career? What makes me mad about that is some people never got the chance to go to college and you just threw your life away like nothing? And he can’t even blame it on his health bc ITS HIS FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE. It’s all those years of terrible eating and unhealthy decisions that got you in this place.
I could really talk about my dad for hours and how much I hate that man. But what’s crazy is I would still be sad if he died. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t though
okay babes why are you almost me
i’m the same way with my mom, like she’s almost my best friend, we have a pretty good relationship, definitely better than most but she is also the meanest person to me in my life. she’s the only one who can make me feel as terrible as i do, yet i love her????
and for the doing everything around the house, i also relate to that. my mom has me and my siblings clean the entire house, she used to withhold food or sleep until we got things done, she would scream and more that i’d rather just not get into but luckily she’s too old to do that anymore— or we’re too big. but i don’t know why some parents think their children were made to serve them? like we’re our own people with our own lives. you wouldn’t like to be doing something like this for free so what makes you think i want to?
and i hope u don’t take this the wrong way but your dad sounds insanely immature. like as a grown ass man you’re yelling at your child and your mother over some bedsheets!?! just hearing abt it is making my blood boil
and then i said how you’d still be sad if he died omg i felt that
my dad was abusive and had been absent for god knows how long but if i randomly got some shit in the mail saying he died…? i think i’d still feel some sadness over it and it makes me even more upset that he can make me feel anything when he doesn’t deserve any of it
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azusaluvclub · 2 years
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weak hero headcanons ; the union's families
hellooooo !! i just wanna preface this by saying these are just my thoughts and if you have your own i’d love to hear ‘em !!!!!! aside from jake + donald, we’ve never seen much of the union guys’ families and i’m not sure we will. if any of this turns out not-canon tho, wellllll :,)
i'll make a follow-up post for the eungang, but in the meanwhile pls enjoy !! + if u wanted to see any other characters, feel free to send an ask ;3
tw: dysfunctional families, mentions of abuse, death mention
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jimmy bae / bae jihoon
⋆ jihoon’s family is pretty small, with it just being him and his grandma. his parents haven’t been in his life for a long time, so his relationship with them is strained, to say the least-
⋆ his parents weren’t ready for a kid when they had him, nor was their marriage the most loving; lots of fighting, both verbal and physical. he was often at school or with his grandma, so he wasn’t too exposed to it, but it affected him nonetheless ;; when he showed up to his grandma’s with a bruised wrist, she moved him in with her w/ the promise that she'd always keep him safe
⋆ she's tried her best to give him a good life and while he struggles w/ expressing it, he's incredibly grateful; she's one of the few people he doesn't give shit to lol
⋆ they spend plenty of time together when jihoon isn't busy !! his favorite thing to do after a long day is watch late-night tv together, while enjoying some of his granny's homemade samgyetang (he's totally not a grandma's boy, but he loves her cooking over anything else lol). helps her in the kitchen p often, be it cooking or baking; he says it's so he's not living off convenience store food when he's older, but in reality ?? he likes how rewarding it is when the food comes out right :))
⋆ plus, the silly conversations they have are v comforting~
⋆ he'll never say it, but deep down he wishes things with his parents were different. he acts like he doesn't give a fuck, that he's better off anyway, yet secretly yearns for their love ;;; its part of his pride as he wants to prove — not just to them, but to himself — that he's stronger without them, while simultaneously wishing they'd even care
⋆ grandma bae always reminds him of how special and loved he is, tho :(( and despite how he feels, jihoon wouldn't want to be raised by anyone else~
jake ji / ji hakho
⋆ we already know about kenny, but i still wanted to write a bit about the rest of the ji family sooo !! 
⋆ it's just them and their momma ! their dad walked out a few years back, right before kenny joined manwol and the whole incident ;; they've seen him once or twice since, for holidays, but even that was over a year ago- both are still coming to terms with it, since they adored their dad so much ;; hakho especially, who can't help but feel abandoned
⋆ the only person he confides in about his troubles (other than dean) is his brother; he trusts him more because he can relate to him in ways his friends can't, and kenny gives the best advice, so he feels there's nobody he can rely on more :(( bc he admires him so much, kenny's approval is also important to hakho, who feels guilty for getting involved in delinquent gang shit despite how desperately kenny tried protecting him from it ;; he wants nothing more than to make him proud, but right now ?? he fears he's only letting him down
⋆ little does he know that kenny loves + supports him regardless, because what kinda brother would he be if he didn't ??
⋆ they have an alright relationship with their mom- their dad was the main parent, while mom worked full-time, so she never had time to really bond with the boys ;; now, being a single parent, it's made it all the more apparent just how absent she's been. she's trying her best to be more involved, though it's hard ;; she often gets frustrated because she wants them to stop getting in trouble and just . be what she wants; what she fails to realize is that they're going to make mistakes, and they're depending on her for guidance and understanding :// she'll come around eventually, but...
⋆ they do have a dog !! he's 6-7 years old + was kenny's dog first, so he's more attached to him than hakho lol ;; he's a super energetic German Shepherd named ddori, and they're currently training him to be something of a service pet, to help out kenny during his recovery :))) it works out well, since lil ddori loves having tasks to do (and it keeps him from making messes lol)
⋆ overall their home life is very simple !! hakho often hopes that his life will miraculously go back to how it was before his dad left, although it won't change everything with kenny ;; he knows it's a moot point, but a part of him will always being wishing — and waiting — for things to be "normal" again ,,,
wolf keum / keum seongje
⋆ maybe it’s just me, but seongje has always seemed like an older brother; to a younger sister, specifically (like . elementary school age) :D
⋆ she looks like a mini version of him: she’s got darker hair but it’s as unruly as his, and her eyes are a copy-paste of his own- the only thing she didn’t get is his personality, which is probably for the best :,) 
⋆ they were closer when seongje was little, although he wasn’t excited to be a brother at first- i imagine he was the kid who didn’t want siblings because then they'd get all the attention lol, but once he met his sister, his opinion changed very quick :)) because their parents were often busy with work (i see them as business people, like ceos or whatnot), he helped take care of her: made sure she was fed, got to school safe, etc.~ they didn't play toys or games together, because she'd always cry when she lost, but they had a sweet lil bond :((
⋆ during middle school he grew isolated from his family. his relationship with his parents wasn't the best, since they had their own plans for him as the eldest, and the weight of them was incredibly suffocating ;; his dad was always the worst about it, becoming verbally abusive when seongje didn't keep up with his expectations. it's all the more reason for him to hate being controlled by others, since it only reminds him of how stifling his parents are
⋆ but now, with all the fighting and drinking/smoking and shit, they're just.. disappointed. his mom is a little more forgiving because she still sees him as her baby, but his dad ?? not so much ,, he tries picking fights about it constantly, but seongje doesn't bother responding (and honestly ? he gave up trying to please them a longgg time ago)
⋆ a part of him wishes he hadn't pulled away from his sister, too, but he thinks there's no point in trying to be a "good" brother now- she still talks to him about her week and seongje (either out of habit or genuine care) makes her breakfast on the weekdays, when it's just the two of them. it's always something simple, like cereal or toast, but it's thoughtful :) he knows he'll never be someone she can look up to, but he's trying, in his own little ways~
forrest lee / lee sehan
⋆ he’s one of two kids (+ a puppy) born to a very doting set of parents :(( there's only a two-year difference between him and his little brother, but they act like oil and water- probably because his lil bro is the spoiled one, so he acts wayyy less mature than he should be
⋆ sehan looks out for him tho !! despite all their petty fights and rough-housing, he cares about him. so if ppl at school are giving him a hard time, or if he’s struggling with something, he always knows he can turn to sehan for some brotherly advice~
⋆ has a good relationship w/ his parents, too ! his mom works as teacher so she's a stickler about grades, but it actually benefits him bc he can always get her help with homework or whatnot. (tho she never does it for him lmao) he’s actually smarter than he seems bc of this :,) not an honor student or anything, but his parents are proud of him nonetheless~
⋆ his dad is a stay-at-home father who adores his kids v much !! he regularly showers them w/ gifts and tons of affection; he's not very good with saying "no" to them, either, so the two end up having plenty of leeway lol- the only thing their parents don't like is seeing sehan come home all bruised and bloodied — they can't help but worry !! they think he's being bullied and is too embarrassed to tell them buttt ,, if only they knew :,)
⋆ their puppy is a one year-old Jindo named bokdungi :(( he's a rescue dog and veryyy shy. however, lil bokdungi is pretty attached to sehan~ is typically found laying by his feet during dinner or cuddling w/ him on the couch while he watches tv (probably some mystery/crime drama, i can see him and his dad enjoying shows like that together loll)
⋆ overall he's got a good life and a happy family to support him :)) he often worries that they'll find out about the union and be disappointed — or worse,, but he tries not the think about it, and just enjoys how peaceful their home is right now
donald na / na baekjin
⋆ poor baekjin ,,,, he's been on his own for years now, so i don't think he has much family to talk about
⋆ his childhood was rough. love and stability were foreign concepts in his house, since his father was very abusive towards him and his mom — verbally and especially physically ;; it didn't help that his classmates were no different, so it seemed wherever he turned, there was always someone in his life letting him down
⋆ of course, his mom tried her best to support him. she was unemployed, but what little money she had she would spend on him ;; it wasn't fancy, only matchbox cars or toys from quarter machines, but baekjin cherished them nonetheless :(( his dad often broke them during his outburts, so baekjin would hide them until that also stopped working; the only one he has left is a mini figurine (probably some cartoon character knockoff, lol) that rests in his nightstand, for safekeeping ofc
⋆ his mom would bake often, too !! they didn't have much for food, but his mom was good at making breads and pastries from scratch, and he loved watching her do it ;; it's some of the only peaceful memories he has. probably why he's such a bread fiend now lol, but no matter how great the bakery ones are, they're just... not the same as his mom's ,,
⋆ despite this, there isn't much he can look back on fondly;; his dad had a lot of problems (i feel like alcoholism, but probably a lot of anger issues + narcissism as well) that he never dealt with, and instead inflicted his frustration onto baekjin and his mom ;; and while she tried to protect him when she could, she couldn't save him from it completely. it fucked him up, severely. so even those few good memories are hard to enjoy without all sorts of conflicting emotions bubbling up to surface
⋆ as for the rest of his family ?? he isn't close with them. his father kinda isolated them from both sides of the family, as a lot of abusers do, so he never got a chance to really know them ;; his uncle tried, though ! he'd send him birthday + christmas gifts, and would visit every so often, but they fell out of contact once baekjin escaped his situation :(( he knows he could seek him out and actually build an uncle-nephew bond w/ him, but he's so preoccupied with the union + depending solely on himself that he sees no point in relying on family now ;;
⋆ which is a shame, because if he did turn to them, his uncle and aunt would be more than willing to let him into their lives and show him how loving + nurturing a home can be :((
⋆ but for now, it's just him; and to baekjin, he's much better off that way
joo hwangmo
⋆ hwangmo enthusiasts… ARISEEEEE !!!!!!
⋆ hwangmo is a mommas boy i fear :( it's been the two of them his whole life, since his dad wanted nothing to do with raising him. it bugged him more when he was little bc he didn’t understand why his dad wasn’t around and thought it was his fault, but he's not as hurt now
⋆ has a lot of respect towards his mom for being a single, working mother :(( she raised him to be responsible, so he does his best to make her life a little easier lol + it's his way of appreciating her. helps out a lot around the house, cleans up after himself, cooks dinner once a week, etc- she still makes his lunches, tho :,)
⋆ they have a good relationship tho !! they try and make time to go out and do fun things like karaoke or bowling~ his mom worked in a salon for years, so he lets her practice on his hair so her skills don't get rusty, lol- he tries to hide all the fights he gets into, but his mom's intuition is stronger than he thinks. she doesn't bug him about it, because he's a good kid otherwise, but she worries ;;
⋆ is also really close with his grandparents !! his grandpa more-so, since he's always been a father-figure to hwangmo. he's the first person hwangmo goes to for advice, and some of his fondest memories are from going fishing with him as a kid :((( his grandparents moved to the countryside not long ago, but he stays with them during school vacations, or calls them once in a while to chat
⋆ no siblings, but he does have a really old, chunky Himalayan cat named geureumi to fill the void :,) she's friendly but a lil toooo clingy. hwangmo doesn't mind, but bc she sleeps by his legs at night, he worrries about kicking her off the bed by accident-
hayden ma / ma seokhee
⋆ DEF an only child, and a spoiled one at that- 
⋆ his mom and dad both work in the health/beauty industry ! his dad as an mua and his mom as an esthetician. when he was little he would often follow his dad to work (who begrudingly let him-) and found the amount of effort and creativity put into makeup to be super fascinating~
⋆ an aside; because of this, seokhee for sure fux around with makeup- like. yes he canonly wears black lipstick but you can’t tell me he doesn’t spend 15 minutes every morning putting on eyeliner + concealer too… i feel like his parents encouraged his self-expression from a young age, even thru all his weird phases :,) that being said, he’ll never admit that he moonlights as an mua; took him until the end of middle school to own up to the lipstick, only because he spent the first years trying to convince everyone that “no it’s just how my lips look, i swear-”
⋆ his parents divorced when he was in middle school ;; his dad has custody, but he stays with his mom on the weekends + holidays/vacation. he likes living with her more than his dad because she actually cares about him ;; his dad is a workaholic and just... isn't that interested in seokhee's life :// very emotionally distant; he tries buying his love with expensive gifts, but what seokhee really wants is for him to ask about his day, or listen when he talks ,,, it's kinda why he's so desperate for attention and feeling included, because he doesn't get that at home (and also he's just really arrogant...)
⋆ his mom is better about parenting him, tho. maybe not as involved as she could be, but she doesn't take the time she gets with him for granted :)) they often go on trips when he's out of school !! not super far, but he enjoys getting away and spending time together~ his favorite place they've gone is Jeju Island; they visited the waterfalls there not long after his parents' divorce and it was... comforting, in a way
⋆ his dad has a Bichon Frise named heoni ! her and seokhee do NOT get along, unfortunately ;; he was a stupid kid and played w/ her too much, and so she bit off a chunk of his finger off in return :/// he's tried making it up to her by giving her toys and treats but... she's not having it-
⋆ once he's older, he realizes just how shitty he was to his parents at times, and part of him regrets being so difficult- he's not good with apologies, so he never actually says "sorry", but he tries making up for it by being a little less selfish and a little more appreciative-
BONUS~
myles joo / joo seungjin
⋆ he’s cursed to be the middle child... has two brothers — though they're not as close as they once were — and they all live together with their dad who works as a store manager !
⋆ their mom died when seungjin was in elementary school;; it was a freak accident, so his memory of it is fuzzy, but it was the catalyst to their bonds dwindling. they all handled their grief differently, so while his brothers chose to move on over time, seungjin acted out instead
⋆ he used to really look up to his older brother; they would shoot hoops together and stay up late playing video games, until they’d get chased into their rooms by their v disgruntled dad- now his brother’s busy with college and whatnot, so it’s hard for them to see eye-to-eye ;; deep down, seungjin’s brother wants him to stop w the whole delinquent shit, and seungjin just wants his brother to understand him for once — but neither are good communicators ://
⋆ their dad isn't great, either;; he's always put his attention towards seungjin's brothers, never caring about what seungjin did unless it was something he could complain about. he's always overlooked him, so seungjin figures that if it (or he) doesn't matter anyway, he'll just do as he pleases. his dad bitches about it, but never actually does anything; to him, it's just a lost cause ://
⋆ their lil bro is a sweetie tho !!! thinks seungjin is a total badass bc of the fights he gets into, even when he loses- also thinks his hair is cool; loves watching him dye it while being totally mesmerized loll (keeps asking him to dye his hair, too, but big bro refuses ... he's pissed their dad off enough already)- he follows him around like a lost puppy, whenever seungjin is actually home ;; he doesn't really get why, but he knows he was probably just as annoying at that age, so while he grumbles about how clingy he is, he tries to appreciate it :,) (though he wishes he could be a better example, like their older brother was for him)
⋆ the only time they all get along is when visiting their mom's memorial. it's hard on them, no matter how long ago it happened;; seungjin especially, since he never truly dealt with her passing. it's one of the few times he's vulnerable with his family, and vulnerable with himself — though it took him forever to get to that point. he'll accept it, eventually, but he's not sure he can let go ;;
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urfavstargirl1 · 1 year
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So for dia de los muertos, I was thinking about what it would be like if Latina!reader (specifically Mexican-American bc it is a Mexican holiday but her family lives in the US) introduces Eddie to the holiday
Even though they’re dating or best friends, he’s only mentioned once that the reason his mom isn’t in the picture is because she passed away several years ago. He doesn’t like to talk about it much, but she knows his mom meant a lot to him.
So she explains how “Day of the Dead” is a holiday celebrating the lives of our loved ones that have passed over. That we celebrate their life and what it meant to us. To help keep their spirit alive. Even though it’s mostly celebrated in Mexico, her family carried on the tradition here.
So she explains that the holiday is celebrated by setting up an altar with a picture of that person, a candle, and some of their favorite foods or items. Some people even go to visit their gravesite if they were buried and bring the items there. They also tell stories about that persons life and their favorite memories.
It’s a bit unusual to him at first. He’s not a particularly religious or spiritual person. But then he finds comfort in the idea that his mom’s spirit is still out there, watching over him and Wayne. That even though she’s gone, there’s a chance a part of her is still with him just not in a physical sense.
So he asks for her help in setting up small altar in the trailer. It’s just a small photo of her he keeps stashed away in his night stand and a small tea light candle he found in the junk drawer, but it’s something. He finds some wild flowers in the woods behind the trailer park and lays them down in front of her picture. He even goes to pick up some moon pies from the grocery store because those were her favorites, now of which are his favorite too.
“If I went to go visit her at the cemetery, would you come with me?” Eddie would nervously ask her. And of course, she’s more than happy to be there with him. They even go so far as to pack a small picnic.
They sit on a blanket in front of his moms grave, lay some flowers, and sit in silence for a bit before she asks Eddie about her. She starts off light by asking what his moms favorite music was or what she liked to do for fun. She even asks Eddie about his favorite memory with her.
And somehow, maybe it’s because it’s a holiday, but it feels easier for Eddie to talk about his mom. It doesn’t hurt so bad when he imagines she’s there, smiling down on them.
“My mom never really liked the metal stuff. That was more of my old man’s doing. But she did like the happy stuff. She always raised the volume whenever they were playing Elvis or The Beach Boys on the radio.”
“She liked to sing too. My old man always hated it, but I thought she had the prettiest voice I’d ever heard. Even if she was just humming as she did stuff around the house. She was the one who encouraged me to start playing. I’m pretty sure I get all my musical genius from her.”
Eddie continues to tell stories like that and slowly he starts to become happier. Like saying everything he’s ever thought about her is lifting an invisible weight off his chest. He likes talking about his mom again, even if it’s just to her, well, and Uncle Wayne too.
For a while, it was hard to even think about her. It always made him sad that she was gone and angrily with his dad for how he treated her. But the less he thinks about her, the less he remembers, and he vows to himself that he’ll never forget the most important person in his life.
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bullshit-bulltrue · 8 months
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Hawk Talk
Okay so sorry if this is a little jumpy I'm having a so far two-day long anxiety attack anyway-
We got assigned seating in history and i got sat next to the biggest cunt wad i have ever met i fucking despise her and she's my desk partner
she was cordial and so was i but she has not fucking changed at all
And the cute boy from years ago is still cute and shy and such a sweetheart but he sits behind me ish and to the very far right
So I can't even look at him anymore without anyone noticing :(
And nyxie darling (@whennyxfallsinlove) was right, i was looking at him like a deer staring at headlights the first day because holy shit i REALLY *REALLY* liked him (still do) because he was one of the only genuine boys I met at the time and I was having a really difficult time and yk hanging out with him helped me out since things were happening in my home life that were difficult to say the least
So then the rest of class went smoothly
For math, there is no cute guys
But thats fine because I really like my teacher and he's taught ways to do math that are so much easier
Not only is he funny, but he also REALLY goes into depth of equations and helps out a lot!!
Sooo yeah
I had a mini heart attack bc after I left class I thought my phone fell outta my pocket but the pockets on my jeans are high (since the jeans are high-waisted duh) so it turns out my butt just didn't recognize the feeling since majority of my jeans don't have wider pocket space
But yeah
Anddd then I went to English class
And if you saw the recent small Hawk Talk posts of me interacting with nyxie, you'd know that there are two boys that are lowkey cute 👀
Idk they're cute by my standards but probably not everyone else's lmao
So I feel like I should call these guys smth??
So umm let's call one of them Baseball guy bc he likes baseball and I also didn't wanna ask his name but when I do, I'll probably make a nickname to refer to when I post about him
And the other we'll call D/Dee ig??
So yeah D was funny as usual
And the baseball guy talked more and lanie, him, and I were going through this box
It was a worry box and my English teacher (we'll call her Mrs. K) basically had a chest and put it at our table to write our worries on an index card and put it in there (anonymously, but some kids put their names so now we have Blackmail™️ . Probs won't need it, but it's good to have information on people)
And like she said that we could NOT under ANY circumstances go through it..
But we did 😘
So yeah that was fun because I didnt get caught
so i'm her favorite student while also being a little shit
🙃
So me and Lanie started following Cute Baseball Boy™️ to his locker because we're nosy bitches
But then I lost lanie so I sat on the floor until i was found like a 7-year-old who lost her mom at the supermarket
Aaand then we had lunch together !!
But then I found out she thought baseball guy is cute too :(
And idk how to feel about that
So I'd anything happens between them I'm gonna be kinda bummed bc I don't want her to get the wrong idea about me thinking he's cute
So im gonna have to find a way to not like him ig??
Or just keep shit to myself (with the intention of telling y'all every little detail)
Gonna je bummed if they start dating or smth but I'll be supportive nonetheless because they're both my friends and if they're happy then that's all that really matters to me
So anyway
Thus guy across from us at lunch was fucking hilarious
His friend kept putting a plate of school food someone forgot to throw away in his face and he let out the most high pitch ear piercing scream I have EVER heard lmaooo
Same bro, same
Felt that
And like I looked at him like wtf was that dude
And his eyes got SO wide
He kept frantically pointing to the girls that were sitting near him and even his friend 💀
So like that was funny
And then we got to gym !!
We didn't get to actually do anything :(
Basically what happened in PE: got gym clothes, got gym lockers (mine and lanie's are next to each other!!), and watched boys get play basketball (D was playing and he wasn't that bad)
Sooo yeah
Ik I said that I went basic white girl mode and watched the boys play
But like half the time I was just taking selfies on snap and scrolling through tumblr memes lmao
But the other half me and lanie were laughing at the boys clothes and haircuts bc they look like they rolled out of bed and asked a 5 year old to make their hair the shape of a fucking broccoli spout or whatever tf you call it
y'all it was that bad
(we also laughed abt that shit at lunch too)
Oh forgot something
While we were all going into the girl's locker room of the gym i thought lanie was right behind me but when i turned around i had to tilt my head up and look around for her head because she's way taller than me and she was at the very back of the crowd
So i went to the side and waited for her to get close to me
And she literally fucking said
L: damn girl i keep losing you, you're really speedy
Me: yeah i'm short but it means i walker faster than you, you're a fucking giant
L: well yeah to YOU. but like i'm tall enough to be your mom
And I lost it. I laughed so hard bc of the way she said it lol
Soo yeah that was the end of my school day
Hope you enjoyed <3
Oh and tagging people that wanted to hear about my day and/or have been reading my Hawk Talk posts (if you dont wanna be tagged lmk and i wont anymore, and lmk if u do wanna be tagged in the full day hawk talk posts!) : @cereal-is-a-soup100percent-true @whennyxfallsinlove @dizzeners @cau-lee-flower215 @sp1rit-realm
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transboysokka · 7 months
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Not to be intrusive, but I’m curious about the self-recovery part of your blog description. Do you mind sharing about that?
I can’t remember what I’ve posted about before but I got diagnosed with Autism and ARFID as a kid. My mom denied the autism and didn’t tell me about the ARFID!
The ARFID in recent years had been getting worse and I eventually began developing anorexia-like symptoms alongside it because of dysphoria reasons
I won’t go into details bc I don’t want to trigger anyone else but things got REAL, DANGEROUSLY bad this past spring and I suddenly realized on my own that I had these issues I hadn’t even considered before
I couldn’t find any local resources to help me! Even though what I really needed was some kind of residential treatment tbh but instead I just…. Did A LOT of googling to come up with a plan. I involved one close friend who’s been a helpful motivator but other than that I’ve kind of been doing things on my own
I have NO clue what I’m doing though and had a pretty bad relapse a few weeks ago
Things are okay right now bc I eat the food my school serves our students for lunch and dinner every school day and I drink a supplement thing for breakfast. It’s actually really great that I don’t have to think too hard about it
I’m still a mess on weekends though lol
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deathsbestgirl · 8 months
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so some of my medical history:
lyme disease when i was 10
mono right after (one kid i was never near in the county had it)
a weird ass contagious skin disease that was very contagious so i couldn't go to school (easily treatable) that no one else in the county had
diagnosed with a type of arthritis when i was 15 (the "treatment" didn't help)
i've had 4 surgeries for cysts (ganglion cysts both wrists, left side lypoma, cholestiatoma in my left ear)
tubes in my ears 3 times
2 surgeries to replace the bone in my left ear (i'm HOH)
MRSA my freshman year of college (not allowed at school)
junior year? i started getting treated for chronic lyme (controversial) was on multiple antibiotics for 4 years, went gluten free, no sugar, very little caffeine, got cdif (colitis) (almost died) had to stop that route. tried chinese medicine (garlic & herbs) was taking chlorophyll with too much copper, got copper poisoning & almost died (when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer no less) stopped that course too. (also did a whole miserable diet that i can't even talk about bc i really like food & that also almost killed me bc i didn't want to eat ever)
did acupuncture for years, that was the MOST helpful. she improved my period, helped make my diet tolerable, improved my pain & migraines by leagues, etc etc
pretty sure i have pots, maybe eds but i haven't tried to get diagnosed because ... i hate doctors with a burning passion. my biggest problem now is fainting & allergies lol and liquid iv & compression socks have actually made the biggest difference. used to survive on gatorade & pedialyte. and i need to go back to acupuncture
i'm always in pain (muscles, joints literally all of them) but you learn to live with it. and my very helpful doctors told me to ignore that pain when i was 15 & said fatigue was normal. so um. yeah
i feel like i've buried most of the memories, like they were years ago at this point but they feel like another life sometimes.
it's so isolating and if i didn't have two really good friends at home when i left college, i don't know how i would have made it. they would come over basically everyday and we'd watch tv & hang out, they'd make sure i ate & help me clean etc etc (i had the downstairs apartment if my parents house most of the time and *thankfully* my family was always helpful & understanding, my mom fought so hard for me) my mom & my friends could tell how i was feeling without my having to saying a word about it.
it absolutely kills me every time i read about what others deal with when they have chronic illnesses because that just. is not how anyone should be treated when they're sick & in pain. i remember being 15 and the whole world telling me "you can't be sick all the time" like literally yes you can you dumb fucks. again, thankfully i had some great teachers who made so many allowances for me (letting someone leave class early with me because i couldn't walk or carry my stuff but i had no aids or plan with the school. sometimes teachers that weren't even mine let a friend leave their class. one teacher didn't make me read a tale of two cities because i missed the whole unit) i had another friend going through hell. she has crohn's disease and she almost went blind and it took a long time for her to get diagnosed too.
one of those days i'm just mad at the world. this post doesn't really have any purpose other than to say listen to disabled people, especially the ones in your life. and if you can help them then you should. it's isolating & exhausting & painful in so many ways. people shouldn't lose friends because of their health. they shouldn't be guilted because of their health. health isn't an achievement, it isn't something you can control even if you do everything you possibly can. some things we just have to live with.
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vagevurig · 11 months
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//fills out this questionnaire for @sonic-oc-showdown
featuring Lily being a GREMLIN
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Name: Lilium "Lily" Gale (born as Lilium Ludmore Tenebris) Species: Wolf (Albino) Type: I usually assign her Flight. Alignment: Chaotic Neutral (on a good day) Home: Some midwestern corn town that likely has an eldritch entity hiding in the corn. You know the sort.
rest under the cut
✨ How did you come up with the OC's name?
I originally named her "Moonlight" (bcs she was very moonthemed), and eventually gave her the nickname "Lilly". During a multitude of character revisions (all within like 2 years of making her), I dropped her original full name, as well as one the L's. Her current full name, "Lilium", comes from the Elfen Lied OP |D
🌼 How old are they? (Or approximate age range)
She's 20/21 ish~ Her birthday is on June 29th, but I keep her age pretty static rn.
🌺 Do they have any love interest(s)?
SHE IS HARCORE SHIPPED WITH @darthsammi's NICKI CASSIDY! THEY ARE DISASTER LESBIANS WHO FUCK SHIT UP TOGETHER AND I LOVE THEM!!
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(art by @xmooncanary)
🍕 What is their favorite food?
Hot Dogs! Which is actually based on me lmao,
💼 What do they do for a living?
She doesn't currently have a job, but she aspires to be a published author!
🎹 Do they have any hobbies?
Beyond writing, she's also just a general consumer of pop culture (books, movies/shows, games), researches ancient forbidden texts, and is super into freestyle parkour~ She also collects bugs, and octopus/squid/jellyfish plushies
🎯 What do they do best?
BEING AN IDIOT (She's also very intelligent and analytical, but her absolute idiocy often outshines it)
🥊 What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?
I feel like i described her loves two questions ago, though she does really like vibin w/ Nicki. drabbling down some story ideas while Nicki plays some chords on her guitar. She quite dislikes having to do anything with her biological family though. Not for any reason to do with them, she just doesnt know them?? And she's annoyed by suddenly having to reconnect with them. It's to figure out why she suddenly has Shadow Powers:tm:
❤️ What is one of your OC's best memories?
Once when she was twelve, a friend mentioned that she taught there was a monster in the corn fields. Lily, 0 fear and Super Interested in monsters, went in to look for it. And she found it! And though she doesnt remember much of it afterwards, she holds it as her bestest memory.
✂️ What is one of your OC's worst memories?
She has 0 control over her Shadow Powers and during a particularly dark night (new moon), she got stuck in an intangible shadow person form. Unable to be heard or seen by anyone else, it was the most isolated she had ever felt in her life. It is probably the one and only time she had a panic attack.
🧊 Is their current design the first one?
HAHAHAHAHAH n o. I change Lily's design like a girl changes clothes. I barely ever drew her the same to begin with, and overal she's gone through a few major redesigns, and plenty of smaller ones.
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Little timeline! not every stage is represented, but it the major redesigns at least!
🍀 What originally inspired the OC?
Believe it or not; a dream. It was a weird ass dream not at all related to Sonic but it featured a sort of moon spirit and my brain was just "I like her" and tried bringing her to the waking world with limited success.
🌂 What genre do they belong in?
Adventure crossed with cosmic and gothic horror? I dont limit myself |D
💚 What is your OC's gender identity and sexuality?
Demigirl, Bisexual
🙌 How many siblings does your OC have?
She has one older foster sister (Swinde) she absolutely loves with her whole heart, as well as 3 biological siblings (1 older; Jillian, and 2 younger; Hilja & Eiju) who she barely knows.
🍎 What is the OC's relationship w/ their parents like?
She has an absolutely Wonderful relationship with her foster mom Lauren, but is more estranged to her biological father, which doesnt become much better :)
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🧠 What do you like most about the OC?
everything. She's one of my oldest characters and is one of a few who comforts me when i feel down so. comfort character.
✏️ How often do you draw/write about the OC?
I do NOT draw her enough, and i really aught to change that, but I talk alot about her with aforementioned Darth Sammi!! I hope that counts |D?
💎 Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?
I can kill her off I have killed her off before and I will kill her off again in the future :)
💀 Does your OC have any phobias?
Phobias require someone to feel fear at all~ //SLAPPED (She deeply fears fading from existence)
🍩 Who is your OC's arch-nemesis/rival?
She doesnt really have a set one!
🎓 How long have you had the OC?
I made her in February of 2012, when I was 11, so that's 11 years and a few months now. oh man, Lily is almost older now than I was when i made her wack...
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2.4
when marcus was making his donuts all last year, was his mom sick? was she getting sick? it’s so interesting how he has problems just like everyone else, but he doesn’t make his problems everyone else’s problem, you know? i think richie does that a lot, i think carm does it sometimes. his mom seems so old, so does he have siblings, and if he does where are they? 
everyone keeps saying found family, found family, but no one from the bear has gone see his mother (yet, or that we’ve seen). it’s chester (love him) and someone named kristy taking care of his mom with him. that’s found family. 
it’s also really interesting, the one person on the show the audience gravitates towards making younger than his actor (boyce is 32) is dealing with something so...adult. taking care of an ailing (possibly dying?) parent is some heavy shit.
chester’s a mom friend!!!!! *bursts into tears*
you know how carm mentioned a palate cleanser last ep? this ep is a real palate cleanser for having to watch his shitty behavior last ep. 
i love that syd thought of sending marcus somewhere, love that she was thinking copenhagen, love that carm knew the perfect person to send him to. love that they know marcus, know and care about what he needs, care about him. @micamicster said it so well, about how carm’s been through shit and he’s not gonna let that happen to his crew. one of the best experiences he’s had, he gives that to marcus. something about making the world softer for other people *cries about it*
“love to cb” maybe it’s just america that’s bad for carmen
there’s too much music this season. you know how kdramas are going through an era where they have so much production value that they don’t even know what to do with all that money? the bear’s got a bit of that going on this season.
“four years ago my mom got sick.” so yeah, his mom was sick last season. ....interesting how we didn’t know about it (and i assume the crew didn’t know either), and like how carmen (the crew, too?) doesn’t know about syd’s mom
luca’s “he was better than me” story is this season’s haribo gummy bears story...i love the idea we’re getting all these stories presumably about “i’m gonna smoke that motherfucker” carm that people in the fine dining world just know about him
okay. so if part of why carm is dating claire is so he can be open to the world bc really great food isn’t only about skill but also about inspiration, and we get syd out in the world (trying to poach another restaurant’s staff lollllll i adore her), then is syd already open to the world in a way carm isn’t? might be me trying to hard to make something fit, though, cause i’ve already been thinking the reason carm’s open to dating claire is cause 1) his goal of fun and how that works alongside his fear of failure and 2) he’s trying to be good to himself so it’s easier to be good to other people
for all this season’s (few) weaknesses, it still does what i love with storytelling in tv, which is to make something thick/layered/in conversation with itself and whole, so that even though the format is episodic, the story is one whole thing, like the chapters in a novel. what you watch in episode 4 reaches back to the previous episodes, comments on them, furthers them, moves them and itself forward to the next episode. this is done through dialog and imagery--luca saying what makes someone great isn’t skill really, but being open to the world paired with syd out in the world thinking about architecture and color and applying that to food--but i feel like if i knew more about tv or movie making i’d see how else it’s done
i rewatched s01 *constantly*. sheridan was an ep i returned to again and again. it was fun and comforting, you know? and i got to spend so much time with syd. s02 hasn’t given that to me yet, and the syd ep we got is so frustrating cause it involves carm not treating her with respect or conscientiousness. we see her in her city, meeting with all these people who respect her and welcome her and want to work with her, and meanwhile carm brushes her off. but this ep is one i can see myself returning too. i looked up the writer, and she’s ghanian and black american, like the writer for sheridan is a black woman. i appreciate that storer & co get black writers for the eps focused on the black characters. now if only they could get some black hairstylists...
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wishiwazlink · 9 months
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hey heyy!! can i be matched up?
i'm short (5'0 or 5'1) and i have glasses bc im farsighted. i like indie pop music. im autistic and i have anxiety, adhd, and major depressive disorder. im a trans demi-boy who is polyamorous. starting to question my sexuality tho...ny interests are videogames, art, food, music, science, animals, criminology, anything about mystery, history, and fashion. one of my stims is just crackinv my knucles/joints. i zone out alot btw!! my favorite videogames are probs genshin impact, botw, windwaker, twisted wonderland, and cookie run. my top 3 shows are she-ra, angel beats, and black butler. i'm sometimes hyper and loud around my friends. but when im shy around others, im quiet and (probably) have a rbf. i make ur mom jokes a lot. i also swear too much (more than i should tbh). im insecure sometimes about myself and a super nice person (imo). im polite around others. im good at singing, drawing (kinda), gaming, and making good outfits.
hopefully this isnt too much/too little of info. Tysm for reading this and have an awesome day!!!!
Hello! I hope you’re having an awesome day! I know you sent this ask like a year ago BUT IM HERE TO ANSWER IT NOW! My first year of college kept me busy and I have had 0 time to write. But I’m out of school for the summer and need something to keep my busy so HERE. WE. GO! Also I just want to forewarn that I don’t know much about the LGBTQ+ community besides from the basics and if anything is wrong here I apologize BUT I WILL DO MY ABSOLUTE BEST AND PHONE A FRIEND WHO IS MORE IN TUNE  IF NEED BE! I will do both genders for this match-up. Have a lovely rest of your day and I hope you enjoy! <3
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First, I match you with Link!
Please hear me out
Cooking while telling murder mystery stories….. Oh please honey you know that’s his dream date
And I probably wouldn’t be surprised if this dude turned out to secretly be a whole history nerd
My mind is made up and you cannot change it love ya mean it 
Being someone that struggles with severe anxiety himself, Link would be there for you through it all
And if he can’t be there physically you best believe this man about to whip out ye ole pen and paper to write you letters as much as physically possible
And I don’t mean like they “hey darling.. How are you” letters
I’m talking “not a moment passes where I don’t miss your beautiful eyes and smile” letters
Mailman gonna be tired of this dude
Link likes your up and down personality
He adores how hyper and happy you are but he also loves the sweet quiet times (he thinks you being shy is cute but he’ll never admit to it)
(your rbf turns him on btw)
Don’t even think about being insecure around him
Heck, don’t even think about being insecure when he is not around (bro will suddenly appear and make sure being insecure is impossible trust me)
I feel like Link would be 1000x times expressive around someone he 1000% trust aka you
He may not show it through words but I feel like he would express himself through his cooking
For example:
He wants something like kisses and he’ll make you some really good cookies
He want something more than kisses…. I hope you have an appetite for one of the most delicious and outgoing dessert you’ve ever laid eyes on
He’s feeling blue? It’ll show in his cooking
So-so? He’ll make so-so food
You get the point
Also if you crack your knuckles around him he will 100% feel the need to crack his right after
Please please please please make him some outfits
He will wear it everywhere to show it off
He may not say anything about what he is wearing to anyone but if they ask where he got it he would be so proud to say you made it
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I also match you with Zelda!
Anything you love Zelda also loves
Please make her an outfit and discuss various topics while you take her measurements
I think her favorite thing to talk about with you would be unsolved historical mysteries and you can’t change my mind
I don’t think she would ever really have anyone to talk about that sort of stuff with so of course she’ll get excited talking about it
And will get even more excited when you get excited until the room is filled with nothing but excited shouting
And don’t you dare shy away from it cause then she’ll feel bad
You are 100% going to be her escort to any and all government affairs
Even if you are just there to watch and listen it brings the princess comfort during stressful situations just having you in the same room
She also wants you to teach her the art of chilling and zoning out
It would not surprise me if Zelda had some kind of mental health condition
I mean come on just think about the burden she has to carry of course there is going to be effects from that
Zelda would 105% be there for you through it all and she sees you as someone she can trust and go to about any problems she may have as well
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howlsmovingurl · 1 year
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Actually I’m not done in the tags.
Today my friends dog passed away. Usually that’s just sad and move on but I’ve held and cuddled this dog. I was hoping to see her again soon. She was so so so special.
This friend is someone I followed on tumblr for years. I followed them bc they lived with someone who had a cute dog and then bred that dog. I loved watching their pick of the litter grow up. That dog would later be my dogs mom.
Then they found homes for their first litter after that one. And I ran into one of those people at a dog park that I live an hour away from and only went to so I could sit for a bit before driving home from a hike.
That person and I set up a hike with this breeder and cool person and I met the friend with the dog who passed today.
I got a dog from the breeders next litter. And became closer with both of them.
I love having these friends so much!! I love my perfect puppy!! All because I went to a dog park that I found at a hiking trail. I ended up not even really liking the trail, too busy for me.
And now I’ve made so many new friends through this relationship.
And because of all this, I met a silly little white dog and fell in love with her. And now I grieve her. And attempt to comfort her person.
And then like. I moved to Alabama years ago because katrina happened and we wanted to never have that happen to us again. And here I met my best friend. And my spouse. And so many other people. Some of them still around, some not.
I have a friend in KANSAS who might drive over to come to a party. I love them! And I met them bc we played Minecraft together. And got to know them because they were friendly and genuine.
I dunno maybe it’s bc I took my muscle relaxers and my thoughts get screwy on those but I’m having so many feelings tonight. I want to hug all my friends. I want to have you all over for food. Let me feed you. Let’s celebrate the craziness of fate and the miracles that we even met.
It was a miracle I knew that little dog. That I hugged her. I miss her. I want to hug her person so tightly.
It was a miracle I got to know all of the pets I ever had. I miss them all so very much. I miss all the friends that have drifted away.
I love my tumblr mutuals that I don’t really talk to. Y’all can message me anytime.
I love you guys. All of you. Stay safe. Eat well. Get some rest. Hug ur pets and friends.
It’s a miracle we get to meet.
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blondiest · 1 year
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🥺🛒✨⛔️💖👀?
omg okay I don't know how to do submissions so Hopefully I'm doing this right @lunasink
🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?
Idk if this counts as a moment or interaction type, but a dynamic I deeply deeply love is exes. Writing don't say yes, run away now was so, so fun because there's that built in history that kind of creates a sense of yearning without having to really build up a previous relationship explicitly in the text.
this is another one that is probably inspired from real life too bc i've gotten back together with literally every ex i've ever had, at least briefly 🫣
🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.
This is a tough one bc I know there are some very common ones but I'm struggling to pin them at the moment... I really like intense emotions— guilt, love, regret, fear, affection, etc. I don't actually know if I go heavy on imagery to be honest— maybe sky descriptions? I tend to keep a lot of environmental descriptions pretty brief tbh. I also really like the mundane moments in life— laundry, food, studying, driving, etc. Also, for kissing scenes, talking against each other's skin and light biting are favorite descriptions lol
✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉
Whew take 3 now I think, uh— I've gotten pretty good at laying out what I want a plot to look like! Genuinely I'm actually shocked that I have a 50k word fic bc that genuinely, truly felt impossible to me before I started writing for hellcheer.
⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?
Oh God, so many. I keep a collection of fic ideas, some of which are pretty fleshed out and some of which are very, very short notes, and the vast majority of them never see the light of day. Actually, voted most likely is a repurposing of a fic idea I had in 2021 for a different ship, one that never got finished. One really early fic I thought of— I think even before I started putting out call it what you want— was a concept in which fem!eddie and chrissy meet in mandatory school group counseling bc both their mothers have recently passed away.
💖 What made you start writing?
Answered this one here 🥰 but tldr: couldn't find what I was looking to read ❣️
👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!
Okay, so— wlw hellcheer is the main thing on my mind at the moment for whatever reason (aside from voted most likely, which I'm steadily working on still!!). In particular, the one I posted a little of earlier is compelling me— I'm picturing Chrissy coming back from her first year of college, having dumped Jason months ago and trying to spend as much time outside of her house as possible to avoid her mother. She's working as a lifeguard at the local pool and spending time with her closest friend Naomi from high school, but when Naomi goes out of town for several weeks to visit family, Chrissy one night resorts to just spending the entirety of her evening after work in the library. She doesn't have a car, and doesn't want to call her mom, so she just starts walking home, but then runs into none other than Eddie Munson, the girl she tutored in senior year. Obviously they hit it off and start spending a frankly ridiculous amount of time together; then, one day, while they're smoking, Chrissy kisses Eddie. What follows is a whirlwind summer romance with an expiration date of the end of August, when Chrissy is due to move back to college. Or IS there an expiration date... 🤔
Thank you for the ask!! 🥰❣️
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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years
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So, last week was a fucking long week!!!
So much happened and I was really busy and stressed and overwhelmed
My grandmother (yeah, no surprise) is really, really sick and in the hospital, so my parents and uncles have to divide all the time and desicions on what to do next and we have had long disscusions that end like at 1 or 3 a.m
I saw a cousin I haven't seen in more than 9 years (we grew up together but then shit happened and I never saw her again until now) and it was weird but I was so glad and kinda sad?
School has been busy af, exams are coming soon I think
I wanted to hang out with a friend but I had to cancel bc of all this clutersfuck
I got a lot of work so I also had to stay up late to finish it
Food, excercise and sleep schedule is a mess
My mom has been on edge (understandably) so we all have to do our best to try not to get into arguments but it was really hard
I wanted to go to Pride this year but I think I won’t be able to :(
The tension between my parents and my sister finally blowed up so another argument that ended at like 12 p.m and I already wanted to go the fuck to sleep jdhfudj
Anyway, shit I hard, so last week I wasn’t here a lot but I'm back bc I need some distraction from my life rn
How have you been? Are you taking enough rest?💙 Has any drama happened this last chapters? I was just reading some asks from a while ago and omg they are so funny jdhdudjdi
Also, last Sunday I stayed home to do chores and I put on mavid feeling music and I hurt my own feelings for like 3 hours straight kdjdkdjfk
Song rec: Unsaid by Ruel (its literally all I have been listening these last three days💚)
Gives you a tight virtual hug and a kiss on the forehead.
Your social battery is draining. I can feel it! Please find the time and space to recharge! Especially with exams coming up.
I hope things calm down and you get to do some tiny things for yourself. I really hope so 💚
There is always drama in the chapters 😎😎😎
I love the song! Thank you for the rec 🥺
I found a video fo David singing one of my fave songs and it’s perfect for David in tlnd 😭😭
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dykecolumbo · 1 year
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finally sending you this :) also how was your day today <33
baby - what makes you feel better when you’re down?
sugarpie - what’s your favourite sweet treat?
darling -  what romantic gesture makes you feel the most loved?
button - do you have a type? what is it like?
sunshine - what’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever gotten?
baby girl - how do you like to be held?
lover - how do you show someone you like them?
buttercup - what does/would your online dating bio say?
boo - what’s your dream date?
wild thing - what’s something about you that surprises people?
bubba - tell me a funny story from your childhood. 
honey - what’s your favourite hot drink? (I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU SAY PINEAPPLE FANTA BUT MICROWAVED-)
my love - what would your dream home be like?
(i started answering this when i first got it like. 3 or more months ago. i just finished it now it's been in my drafts forever im SORRY I LIVE IN SHAME)
my day was goood i played an absurd amount of solitaire and thought about ripping my business law teacher apart with my teeth
baby- i go for a lot of walks and bike rides. sometimes i'll bike out to one of the many playgrounds near my house and chill on the swingset
sugarpie- im a total gummy bear pilled gummy bearcel. i love gummy bears so fucking much
darling- oh god idk. im classy at heart. id love to be wined and dined. never have been thought so i can't say it makes me feel the most loved. i rlly don't know
button- mmmm not really? not at all actually. if i like you i like you and if i don't i dont
sunshine- is it bad nothings coming to mind??? not in like a "everyone is so mean 2 me" way just like... idk. im very average. ig i like it when people tell me i'm funny
babygirl- dude i do not know. im awful at like... cuddling bc i just cannot sit still for the LIFE of me. ig just hug me idfk
lover- uhhh kiss them on the lips repeatedly "but in a friend way" which is tbh how it normally starts but whatevs
buttercup- uhhhhh god i don't know. "in need of a lobotomy but my head's still ok" or some dumb bullshit like that
boo- wined. dined. sixty nined is preferred but not a must
wild thing- when i was at work because my hair is technically past my jawline i had to have it tied up all the time when i was working with food, but the one, SINGULAR time i was doing something other than food i got to have it down and i got to show of my huge ass curly ass hair. ik this is boring but so am i! one of my many charms
bubba- my gramps used to live in this apartment building down in florida, and my mom and i went to visit him one year, right? so my grandpa had just moved into this building and little 5 year old me really wanted to be shown around. i don't know why because it's not like we could go into any apartments other than his, so we just walked down 5 identical hallways on 5 identical floors. but i really wanted a tour, so he showed me around while my mom stayed behind in his place. now my grandpa lived at the FIRST DOOR on the SECOND FLOOR. so my gramps and i get to the FIRST DOOR on the FIRST FLOOR, and because all the floors looked identical, my goldfish memory was like "my mom is in there!" and i put my face up against the window and yell cus i wanted to surprise her. i did not surprise my mom. who i DID surprise was a woman in just her bra and underwear watching blue bloods, who jumped out of her seat and screamed at the 5 year old staring through her window, which scared ME and i cried the rest of the evening. fin
honey- NO ONE MICROWAVES FANTA?????? i like peach oolong tea
my love- im flexible. log cabin in oklahoma works just as fine as a studio works just as fine as townhouse as long as that bitch isn't minimalist, and near civilization i will be CONTENT. im not an off the grid type of gal i need to be near people and places
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troglobite · 1 year
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i’m trying to unpack why it makes me immediately furious to hear my mom groaning or whining in pain
two events have recently caused that, one happening rn
this past week she got her bivalent booster (bc she finally could after having covid a few months ago) 
i was absolutely happy to help and do whatever she needed, and i said as much multiple times. just text me if you need help.
she asked me directly for help maybe twice in 3 days. every other thing she just suffered alone in her room, or got up to do things that hurt her. 
that makes me mad. i’m sick of her needlessly hurting herself for some stupid fucking bullshit that either doesn’t matter or that i could do instead. 
every year she sends out these fucking holiday packages to friends, family, and coworkers. it’s not fun for her at all. she doesn’t enjoy it. she spends so much money ordering the same gifts each year. she goes through the hassle of personalizing each package (there are over 20). then she pays for postage and shipping. 
and she did it while her body hurt from the booster this week and i’m just like. WHY. if your back is killing you, you’re tired, like WHY?!
she “had” to get them done so they arrived by christmas for most ppl.
and again, WHY?! these are not incredible one of a kind gifts. it’s the same shit she gives every year. and i’m sure some of them arrived later than christmas before. like. WHY?!
if someone i knew typically sent something out each year and i didn’t get it one year, i’d check in w them and see how they were doing. i wouldn’t give a single fucking shit if their little annual gift to me didn’t arrive. 
but no, my mom has to bend over backwards and get this shit done bc?????? Reasons. 
and right now she’s doing my least favorite thing of hers. 
so cardboard boxes have been piling up in the hallway (bc this house is small and fucking sucks) and there’s not much room in the garage but in order to put them in our recycling, they have to be broken down. i can’t do it bc the sound and texture of cardboard makes me want to fucking perish. so she unfortunately has to do it. but she doesn’t want to. bc it’s time and energy consuming. i have said that i could help, but i would need to wear my headphones and some gloves. 
well. 
today she was going to go pick up some new end tables she ordered. 
her lifelong friend who moved here last year to be closer to us (and away from ohio) was going to go with her to pick them up. i don’t really know why it wasn’t an option for me to go and help? but it just wasn’t, i guess. 
but now she’s been spending the last three or four hours cleaning the entire house and moving the boxes into the garage and just cleaning EVERYTHING.
bc her lifelong friend who has seen her through both of their own messy relationships and divorces and a million other things is going to be inside our house. for. 15 minutes???
so she’s wheezing and huffing and puffing and agitated and running around and just in a fucking frenzy.
WHY?!!?!?!
SHE’S KNOWN YOU FOR LIKE 45 FUCKING YEARS.
SHE DOESN’T FUCKING CARE STOP DOING THIS
and she becomes INTOLERABLE when she’s like this and doing this. 
i’m hungry. i have been awake for 1.5 hrs. i missed my 15 minute window to get food while she was in the shower.
i offered to open the garage door for her while she moves boxes around.
she just said it would be “too hard” so she’s INSISTING she do it on her own.
she just made some of the worst fucking noises in the hallway outside my room rn. boxes scraping. all this shit. and there she goes, wheezing and huffing and puffing.
but god forbid she ask for help 
but mainly forbid SHE JUST NOT DO THIS FUCKING SHIT BECAUSE WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES?!! NOBODY!!!!!! NOBODY GIVES A SINGLE FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!
i SHOWED her that gayle video “company’s coming over” YEARS ago. she laughed like haha that’s me. 
and i’m like
yeah, it is.
and it makes no sense
this isn’t even an exaggeration 
she’s going to fold all of the blankets on the couch that we use every day and move the pillows all around
“WE CAN’T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE SIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!” but LITERALLY in REAL LIFE. THAT IS WHAT SHE DOES.
i’m so tired of seeing a million reasons she needs to go to therapy (this is so far down the list and only related to a few things at the top of the list) and not being able to say or suggest anything bc she’ll see it as an insult.
which is super kind to me, a person who has been in therapy off and on since i was like 9 years old. 
i went to sleep early last night bc i was so exhausted. i slept forever. i woke up 1.5-2 hrs earlier than i have been. i was feeling good.
and ever since i’ve woken up she’s just been doing this fucking useless completely unnecessary and EXTREMELY FUCKING LOUD AND IRRITATING bullshit, and i haven’t been able to do anything.
and then i got up to check and i have to send out like 35 more emails for the job she gave me that, again, I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE, bc nobody else has responded since i sent the emails on tuesday and wednesday. and i need to DOUBLE the responses i’ve gotten. 8 ppl for this one campaign from over 40 emails that i sent. so i need to send 30-40 MORE emails. i’m just. 
and i can’t do that.
bc if i TRIED rn, i would be HUNGRY bc i haven’t been able to get ANY FOOD YET bc she has been NEEDLESSLY CLEANING THE FUCKING KITCHEN
AND i wouldn’t be able to focus AT FUCKING ALL bc even with my noise canceling headphones on, I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO FUCKING HEAR HER. 
i’m just so fucking tired
i HATE having these family friends over PURELY BECAUSE IT MEANS MY MOM JUST LOSES HER ENTIRE GRIP ON REALITY FOR MULTIPLE HOURS AND I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH IT BC SHE WON’T EVEN LET ME HELP IN ANY WAY
it’s so fucking stupid and i hate this
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