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#i had leftover pie filling but only enough for 7 tiny pies
thetragicallynerdy · 2 years
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I also made the tiniest peach pies out of tart shells 🧡
[ID: a photo of my hand holding a small tart-sized double crust peach pie. End ID.]
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Season 2 Episode 5: Pork Pies
So it’s been a few weeks since my last bake. Was that because I was intimidated by Paul’s pork pie recipe, which calls for quail eggs and lard and looks very complicated? Yes, yes it was. After procrastinating on this bake, I finally decided to suck it up and get to pie-making. But I did wimp out and used the recipe on Paul’s personal website instead of the official GBBO recipe, as Paul’s leaves the quail eggs out. Sorry not sorry.
GBBO recipe: https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/small_pork_pies_with_11074
Paul’s recipe: http://paulhollywood.com/recipes/pork-pies/
The good news is that my local grocery store does in fact sell lard. Who knew? The bad news is that every single box on the shelf was sticky. Ewww. I had a feeling lard was not going to be my ingredient of choice.
So with my ingredients collected, it was time to embark on my pork pie journey. Step one was to assemble the filling, which had lots of porky goodness. In addition to the loin, this filling also included bacon. Mmm.
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Delicious filling!
Step two was to get working on the crust. This pork pie recipe uses a hot water crust pastry, which is an unusual choice. First, I started with the traditional pastry base of flour and butter, rubbed together to form a crumb-like texture. Next, it was time for my new friend lard. When I opened the box, I was not pleased to discover that lard smells... gross. And looks gross. Like a big lump of glue. Ew. Once I got my lard measured out, I immediately threw away the rest of the box. I was REALLY done with lard. However, once I melted it into some water, it started to smell more like delicious pork broth.
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Still not a fan.
I then poured my hot melted lard into the flour/ butter mixture - hence, hot water pastry. I used my hands to mix it together, and thus, a dough was born:
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Starting to look normal.
I worked my dough into a ball and then left it to cool slightly, as per the recipe:
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Looks like crust to me.
Next it was time to roll out my dough, and as per usual, here’s where I ran into trouble. I need to watch some YouTube videos on using a rolling pin or something, because this is what happened when I tried to roll it:
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Something has not gone right here.
I was pretty sure that Mary and Paul would not be happy with holes in the middle of my pastry, so I tried to roll it out again. And again. It was not an easy dough to work with - as it cooled down, it kept wanting to shrink back into a thick slab. Finally I managed to get it somewhat rolled out, but I only had enough to make seven pies, instead of the 12 specified by the recipe. Hmm. Still, I had no choice but to start assembling.
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The pie process.
When my seven little pies were complete, I still had a lot of filling left over. Like, I had barely made a dent. See for yourself:
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Scroll back up to my original photo of the filling. Do you see a difference? I didn’t, and the only way I could tell which was which was the time stamp on the photos. Clearly I could make a LOT more pies with this filling, but I was out of crust. Mayyyyyybe I shouldn’t have thrown out that lard.
I finished my pies off with pastry crust lids, and made little holes in them to release steam and later add chicken broth jelly. (Yeah, that was a whole thing. We’ll get there...)
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We’ll see how this goes.
Finally it was time for a little egg wash, and then baking! Time to see if the GBBO bakers fared better than I did with that dough.
Most of the bakers are unfamiliar with the hot water crust technique, which made me feel better. Still, they manage to get their pastries nice and thin:
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This looks a lot better than mine.
I also noticed that the bakers minced the pork a lot more finely than I did. Yasmin, in particular, manages to get her pork super tiny. Maybe this would have helped me fit more filling in my pies?
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Teensy teensy pork.
Of course, the bakers have the added challenge of the quail eggs:
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Do they sell these at Whole Foods?
Jason admits that he’s never boiled any egg before, let alone a quail one. Sue is, predictably, horrified.
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He can make a macaron, but he can’t boil an egg.
As per usual, precisionist Holly’s bake looks goddamn perfect going into the oven:
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This woman knows how to roll dough.
When the pies come out of the oven, the bakers pour in the jelly mixture, and then let them sit overnight. They will not know their fates until the morning. DUN DUN DUN.
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Chicken jelly is WEIRD.
In the end, Janet wins with a perfectly thin crust and delicious filling:
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And let’s not forget, a well-boiled quail egg.
So how would my pies fare? Well first, I would have to make my chicken jelly. I ran into an unexpected issue with my gelatin - the recipe called for me to soften a sheet of gelatin in cold water and then wring it out before adding to boiling water and a bouillon cube. Unfortunately, gelatin in America is sold in a powdered form. I kind of just added enough water to cover the powder, stirred and let it sit until it looked jelly-like, and then added it to the water and stock.
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I still think this is weird.
With my pies out of the oven, it was time to pour my jelly concoction into the little holes on top. But because the edges of the lids weren’t very well sealed and I was holding the pies to get a good angle into the holes, I burned the crap out of my hands as boiling liquid ran out of the pies. Oh well; hopefully some of it managed to stick in there?
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Baked pies!
Alas, I would not know my fate until the next day, when my jelly had set and my pies were finally ready for consumption. Or as it turned out, until 48 hours later, as SOMEONE (Matt) had to work the day after I made the pies and SOMEONE ELSE (me) was napping during his one break between tutoring sessions. Oops.
Before my big reveal, here’s Paul demonstrating the fineness of his own pastry:
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And here are my pies:
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They’re a little on the rustic side, but I have to say, they do look tasty. Inviting, as Mary would call them. Would Matt agree, or would he judge my sloppy pastry work?
Well, before reading Matt’s review you should know that I did end up making a second batch of these to use up my leftover filling. And also that I surreptitiously fed Matt this second batch from a tupperware I’d stashed in my purse as we were waiting in a movie theater lobby for our friends to arrive. So with that context in mind, here’s Matt’s review:
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Matt’s review: My plan is to become deeply religious later in life, but until then it’s Pork City for me. And this week, Jenna’s the mayor. These pork pies were fluffy and delicious. Whether delivered to me in the comfort of my own home, or clandestinely slipped to me in the lobby of a movie theater, these pies brought joy to a life devoid of meaning (until, of course, I find my God). 
The flavors were all there, the filling was juicy (and there weren’t any turnips). Perhaps there were some uniformity problems that Paul H. would have some issues with. Something to think about. And the first batch had a bit of a dough-to-filling ratio problem. 
Maybe it was the secretive thrill of eating a pie in a movie theater, but the second-batch pie seemed to improve on that ratio. With this sort of trajectory, I can only assume the third batch would have been perfection. I hope I get to eat some more before my ultimate conversion.
Soggy bottom? Not here!
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Final thoughts: I really enjoyed batch #1 of these pork pies - the crust was flaky, the filling was tasty, and they made for a lovely weeknight dinner. But batch #2 was BOMB. So what did I do differently? Well, I worked the dough with my hands a little more after pouring the lard/ water mixture in, in the hopes that it would hold together a little better when I was rolling it out. Also I didn’t waste any time letting the dough cool before rolling; you have to work with this dough when it’s hot or it just falls apart. Thus, I was able to produce 10 crusts with my second batch of dough, as opposed to the 7 from the first batch, and the crust was thinner and more delicate. Mmm.
It should be noted, however, that I STILL had some of my original filling left over when I was done with batch #2! The ratio of filling to dough in this recipe is WAY off. But I’m not mad at it, because I can just keep making dough forever and using up my leftover filling. I’ll eat nothing but these pork pies for the rest of my life and be totally fine with it. Mmm. 
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The inside of batch #1
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Batch #2: Pork-y perfection
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