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#i had eight dollars in change
awetistic-things · 2 years
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i should get a penny every time i think “this is an autistic thing? i thought it was just a me thing”
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eggbagelz · 1 year
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Oooooooooh i cannot wait for my cdrs to get here
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reasonsforhope · 2 months
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"Minnetonka first started selling its “Thunderbird” moccasins in 1965. Now, for the first time, they’ve been redesigned by a Native American designer.
It’s one step in the company’s larger work to deal with its history of cultural appropriation. The Minneapolis-based company launched in the 1940s as a small business making souvenirs for roadside gift shops in the region—including Native American-inspired moccasins, though the business wasn’t started or run by Native Americans. The moccasins soon became its biggest seller.
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[Photo: Minnetonka]
Adrienne Benjamin, an Anishanaabe artist and community activist who became the company’s “reconciliation advisor,” was initially reluctant when a tribal elder approached her about meeting with the company. Other activists had dismissed the idea that the company would do the work to truly transform. But Benjamin agreed to the meeting, and the conversation convinced her to move forward.
“I sensed a genuine commitment to positive change,” she says. “They had really done their homework as far as understanding and acknowledging the wrong and the appropriation. I think they knew for a long time that things needed to get better, and they just weren’t sure what a first step was.”
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Pictured: Lucie Skjefte and son Animikii [Photo: Minnetonka]
In 2020, Minnetonka publicly apologized “for having benefited from selling Native-inspired designs without directly honoring Native culture or communities.” It also said that it was actively recruiting Native Americans to work at the company, reexamining its branding, looking for Native-owned businesses to partner with, continuing to support Native American nonprofits, and that it planned to collaborate with Native American artists and designers.
Benjamin partnered with the company on the first collaboration, a collection of hand-beaded hats, and then recruited the Minneapolis-based designer Lucie Skjefte, a citizen of the Red Lake Nation, who designed the beadwork for another moccasin style and a pair of slippers for the brand. Skjefte says that she felt comfortable working with the company knowing that it had already done work with Benjamin on reconciliation. And she wasn’t a stranger to the brand. “Our grandmothers and our mothers would always look for moccasins in a clutch kind of situation where they didn’t have a pair ready and available to make on their own—then they would buy Minnetonka mocs and walk into a traditional pow wow and wear them,” she says. Her mother, she says, who passed away in 2019, would have been “immensely proud” that Skjefte’s design work was part of the moccasins—and on the new version of the Thunderbird moccasin, one of the company’s top-selling styles.
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[Photo: Minnetonka]
“I started thinking about all of those stories, and what resonated with me visually,” Skjefte says. The redesign, she says, is much more detailed and authentic than the previous version. “Through the redesign and beading process, we are actively reclaiming and reconnecting our Animikii or Thunderbird motif with its Indigenous roots,” she says. Skjefte will earn royalties for the design, and Minnetonka will also separately donate a portion of the sale of each shoe to Mni Sota Fund, a nonprofit that helps Native Americans in Minnesota get training and capital for home ownership and entrepreneurship.
Some companies go a step farther—Manitobah Mukluks, based in Canada, has an Indigenous founder and more than half Indigenous staff. (While Minnetonka is actively recruiting more Native American workers, the company says that employees self-report race and it can’t share any data about its current number of Indigenous employees.) Beyond its own line of products, Manitobah also has an online Indigenous Market that features artists who earn 100% of the profit for their work.
White Bear Moccasins, a Native-owned-and-made brand in Montana, makes moccasins from bison hide. Each custom pair can take six to eight hours to make; the shoes cost hundreds of dollars, though they can also be repaired and last as long as a lifetime, says owner Shauna White Bear. In interviews, White Bear has said that she wants “to take our craft back,” from companies like Minnetonka. But she also told Fast Company that she doesn’t think that Minnetonka, as a family-owned business, should have to lose its livelihood now and stop making moccasins.
The situation is arguably different for other fashion brands that might use a Native American symbol—or rip off a Native American design completely—on a single product that could easily be taken off the market. Benjamin says that she has also worked with other companies that have discontinued products.
She sees five steps in the process of reconciliation. First, the person or company who did wrong has to acknowledge the wrong. Then they need to publicly apologize, begin to change behavior, start to rebuild trust, and then, eventually, the wronged party might take the step of forgiveness. Right now, she says, Minnetonka is in the third phase of behavior change. The brand plans to continue to collaborate with Native American designers.
The company can be an example to others on how to listen and build true relationships, Benjamin says. “I think that’s the only way that these relationships are going to get any better—people have to sit down and talk about it,” she says. “People have to be real. People have to apologize. They have to want to reconcile with people.”
The leadership at Minnetonka can also be allies in pushing other companies to do better. “My voice is important at the table as an Indigenous woman,” Benjamin says. “Lucie’s voice is important. But at tables where there’s a majority of people that aren’t Indigenous, sometimes those allies’ voices are more powerful in those spaces, because that means that they’ve signed on to what we’re saying. The power has signed on to moving forward and we agree with ‘Yes, this was wrong.’ That’s the stuff that’s going to change [things] right there.”"
-via FastCompany, February 7, 2024
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roosterforme · 1 year
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Stiff Competition | Bob Floyd x Reader
Summary: After visiting your bakery one time, Bob has a crush on you. The only problem is, so do all of the other guys.
Warnings: Fluff and some swears
Length: 2500 words
Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female Reader
Check my profile for my masterlist
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Bob quietly followed his friends inside the trendy, new bakery that opened near base. He had become so accustomed to the bickering between Hangman and Rooster, he found it almost soothing, even early on a Monday morning.
"No way," Bradley said, shaking his head at Jake. "You're wrong, and now you're just being stubborn."
Jake sighed calmly. "I'm just saying, there's no way anyone, Fred included, would pick Velma over Daphne. It's unrealistic."
Bradley grunted in response. "Whatever. Smart girls are always hot."
Bob just cradled his forehead in his hand and let the rich smell of fresh coffee and baked goods wash over his senses. All three men in their khaki uniforms shuffled forward as the line moved.
"Holy shit," Bradley and Jake muttered softly and in perfect unison. 
"Do you see what I see?" Bradley asked, staring entranced at the sight before him.
"Oh hell yes, I do," Jake confirmed with a nod. 
Bob immediately looked in the direction they were staring, and his breath caught in his throat. All three of them were now eyeing you up where you stood behind the counter. You were smiling at one of the patrons and filling a pastry box with donuts. 
"She's kinda hot," Bradley whispered.
"Better than that. She's fucking gorgeous," Jake replied.
Bob silently agreed with them, noting the adorable smudge of flour on your cheek. He had always been a little shy, a little timid around women. And he was not about to get into a dick measuring contest with Bradley and Jake. He would just let the two of them fight it out, because Bob was never the one to get the stunning girl.
When it was their turn to order, Bob watched the other two men trip over each other to get to the counter first. You smiled at each of them in turn, your gaze lingering on Bob and making him blush. 
"Hi! What can I get for you fellas?" you asked the three of them, and Bob completely forgot what he was going to order. 
"Hey, gorgeous. What would you recommend?" Bradley asked in a deep and raspy voice as he leaned against the counter and peered at you over his aviators. 
You chuckled and shook your head. "I would recommend the citrus muffin with orange zest."
"Perfect, I'll get six of those," he said, his smile twitching below his mustache. "I'm Bradley, by the way."
"And I'm Jake! And I'll get a dozen muffins." Bob watched Jake flash you a megawatt smile, and he wished he could be half as charming. 
"A dozen muffins?" you asked Jake. Your eyes skimmed back over Bob's face with an amused glint in your eye. 
"Actually, I'll take two dozen," Bradley said, changing his order and glaring at Jake. 
"So you want a total of three dozen muffins?" you asked before turning toward the bakery case. "Okay.... seems excessive," you muttered. 
Bob watched you intently as you packed up bakery boxes of muffins and entered them into the register. You must have known what was going on here, but you just smiled at the three of them as you worked. 
"Anything for you?" you asked, flashing Bob a smile that made him feel a little nervous. "You're awfully quiet back there."
"Uh, just a small coffee, please," he muttered, getting out his wallet and trying to stay cool.
"One hundred and twenty eight dollars is your total," you announced, and Jake and Bradley both tried to get you to take their credit cards at the same time. 
"I've got it, I insist," Bradley said.
"Use my platinum card," Jake announced loudly.
"Use mine. His will definitely be declined," Bradley replied, trying to nudge Jake out of the way.
You carefully took one in each hand and said, "Um... I'm just going to split it between both cards. How does that sound?"
When the enormous quantity of muffins had been collected, and you handed Bob his coffee, he forced himself to meet your eyes. "Thank you, miss," he said softly, as your fingers grazed against his. "You have a lovely day."
Bob watched you bite your lip as he tucked five dollars into the tip jar and nodded his head at you.
"Thanks. See you soon, I hope," you called as he turned to leave. Bob glanced back one last time as he exited the bakery, and you were still looking at him.
------------------------------
On Tuesday at lunchtime, Bob was about to eat the sandwich he had packed, but Jake suggested going back to the bakery. 
"I hope she's working again today," Bradley said, grabbing his car keys. 
Jake nodded enthusiastically. "Hot little piece like that, she's gotta have a boyfriend."
Bradley snorted. "Wouldn't be the first time I've stolen a girl from another guy."
"What makes you think she'd pick you when I'm available?" Jake asked.
Bob just tuned them out until they all arrived at the bakery. He was hoping to see you again too, but he just wanted to listen to your voice and watch you smile. He'd let the other two do most of the talking. They were good at that sort of thing.
"Gorgeous," Bradley called you. "How've you been?"
"Fine," you replied, once again smiling at the three of them. "What can I get for you today? Another coffee for you?" you asked Bob, and he just nodded in reply. He didn't need more caffeine today, but he wanted you to hand him the cup again. He'd just give it to Phoenix when he got back on base. 
Bob listened to the other two men once again order more pastries than anyone could ever need, and this time Jake pulled a massive wad of cash out of his wallet and insisted on paying for everything. Bradley had a sour look on his face that he tried to hide when you smiled at him and handed him two bags of food. 
Then he stood to his full height, chest puffed out. "Thanks, gorgeous," Bradley said, sliding his aviators back into place. Bob watched Jake try to stand as tall as Bradley, failing and looking ridiculous in the process. Bob just closed in on himself a little more, trying to blend his tall frame into the background. 
"And your coffee," you said, handing the disposable cup to Bob with another beautiful smile. His hand shook when he accepted the cup, and a little bit of the beverage sloshed down the sleeve of his flight suit and splashed onto the counter.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Bob muttered, setting down the cup and reaching for the napkins. 
"No, it was my fault," you assured him. "I'll clean it up, you don't have to."
"Bob!" Jake called from the doorway. "What's the holdup, man? You coming?"
"Uh, I'll meet you at the car," he replied, mopping up the drink and drying his sleeve.
"Your name's Bob?" you asked him softly. 
He glanced up to meet your warm gaze and nodded once. "Yes. I'm Lieutenant Robert Floyd, but everyone calls me Bob," he said quietly. 
You smiled and told him your name. "Here you go, Bob. These are on the house. Sorry I spilled your coffee."
Bob took a small paper bag from you and picked up his coffee cup once more. "Oh, that's not necessary. It was my fault."
"I insist," you told him. "See you again soon?"
He looked down at his feet and smiled. "Yes. See you again soon."
"I can't wait."
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On Friday morning, Bob was a nervous wreck. He'd been thinking about you all week, but he knew the other guys had been, too. They had been talking about you a lot, but Bob was too shy to tell them he was also interested in you. 
He'd given the coffee to Phoenix the other day, but he smiled when he opened the bag and found a croissant. His favorite. It seemed like you knew. And it was flaky and perfect, and he couldn't wait to see you again and get another one. 
"Bakery time!" Bradley announced. "Time to visit the hottie. You coming, Bob?"
Bob fell into step behind him and Jake, but then Reuben and Javy were joining as well. "Everyone's coming today?" Bob asked, squeezing into Reuben's car along with the other four. 
"Yeah, can't wait to see this girl," Javy said. 
"Heard she's sexy," Reuben agreed. 
Bob just stared out the window and sighed. He was just going to have to get over his crush on you. It was the only way to keep his heart from breaking. He wouldn't look at you, and he wouldn't talk to you. And he definitely wouldn't eat another croissant. 
He shuffled into the bakery behind the others, and there you were. He tried to look at all of the baked goods in the case, but you greeted him by name. You greeted only him by name. 
"Hi," he managed, and the other four guys turned to glare at him. 
"Gorgeous, what would you recommend today?" Bradley asked you.
"Blueberry muffins are good today," you replied, and you started packing up a box full at Javy's request. 
"So, how long have you been working here?" Reuben asked, leaning so far across the counter, he may as well have just jumped over. 
"I'm the owner and primary baker," you told them, and Bob was so impressed. 
"Wow, gorgeous. Your muffins are really famous around here. We can't stop coming back for more," Bradley said, smirking at you. But you were looking at Bob again as he inched forward. 
"Did you make the croissant? It was very good," he told you, unable to look away. 
You beamed at him. "I did. They're my specialty."
Bob swallowed hard, all four guys looking at him in surprise now. "Could... uh, could I have another one? I'll pay for it this time though, if you don't mind. It was delicious."
"Of course, Bob. Anything you want." You turned to get a bag ready, and Bob thought he might faint. 
Jake turned and mouthed at him, "Anything you want?"
Bob just shrugged and made his way toward the register. He was pouring sweat in his flight suit, trying to stay as calm as possible. You met him at the other end of the counter and smiled as you slid a bag and a small coffee his way. 
"Three dollars," you told him softly, as if you could tell he was nervous, but you didn't seem to mind.
"What about the coffee?" he asked as he adjusted his glasses.
"On the house."
Bob quickly paid you for the croissant, as he could already hear Jake and the others getting restless. 
Jake leaned across the counter as you ran his credit card. "You interested in pilots?" he asked with a smirk. 
You just swiped the card and handed it back to him. "You're all pilots?" you asked, smiling at all of them. 
"Nah, Bob here is just a backseater," Reuben said loudly, slapping Bob on the back and nearly spilling his coffee.
"Oh, so Bob's the brains of the operation? Sounds about right," you said, sending a subtle wink in his direction. 
Bob's ears felt a little fuzzy and his collar felt a little too tight. Maybe he had imagined the wink. Yes, that must be it. 
The guys all hooted, and Jake said, "Well sure, Bob's smart and organized, but that's not as exciting."
You just shrugged. "Still sounds exciting to me. Hope you guys all have a safe flight this afternoon. Enjoy your croissant, Bob."
He floated out onto the sidewalk with the others, still in a daze. 
"What the fuck, guys? She likes Bob the best?" Javy said in disbelief as they all walked back to the car. "Hangman and Rooster, you two really dropped the ball."
"Does she?" Bob asked quietly. "She likes me?"
Reuben shoved half a muffin into his mouth and grinned. "You should ask her out, man." 
Bob thought about asking you out the whole drive back to base and as he walked to meet up with Phoenix. When he finally opened the bag to eat his croissant, he saw that you had put three inside. 
--------------------------
Late Saturday morning, Bob paced around outside of the bakery with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He'd peeked in through the window and saw that you and another girl were working, but he'd lost his nerve. He was on the verge of heading back to his car and calling it a day when the door opened, and he could smell the croissants. 
"You can do it," he told himself and rushed inside before he could turn around.
"Bob!" you called with a bright smile. "Back for more croissants?"
He took a deep breath and headed toward you. He noticed you were looking at the flowers in his hand, but you didn't say anything or rush him to respond, which he appreciated. You just smiled and leaned on the counter. 
"Yes, I would like another croissant," he muttered, and you pushed up from the counter to get it for him. "Actually, I would like two. But you need to let me pay for both of them today."
"Okay. Sure, Bob," you said with the tiniest smile as you put two into a bag. But now you didn't look as happy, and he wanted to kick himself. How had he messed this up already?
He met you at the register, and you asked him, "So, are the flowers for your wife? Or your girlfriend?"
"Oh, neither," he said, lifting them a little higher. "I don't have either of those."
You looked up at him and bit your lip. "Who's the extra croissant for?"
Bob watched your lips as you waited for him to answer. He was sweating, but he was in too deep to turn back now. "I, um... thought maybe we could eat them together. When you're done working. If you're not too busy."
Your smile lit up your face again. "I would like that."
Bob's smile matched your own. "You would?"
"Yeah," you told him with a nod. "You're so sweet. Much better than your friends. Are those flowers for me?"
Bob looked at the floor as he felt himself blushing. "Oh, yeah," he said, handing them to you. "Of course they are."
He watched you disappear into the kitchen for a minute, only to reappear without the flowers or your apron. Then you joined him on his side of the counter. Without any hesitation, you placed one hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek.
"Let's go for a walk," you told him, and Bob's heart was absolutely pounding for you. "I know a nice bench, perfect for eating croissants."
Bob felt you lace your fingers through his, and he held your hand in his larger one. "Lead the way."
-----------------------
This fic is for my Bobby loving friend Alex!!! @bradshawsbitch
Thanks to Alli @beyondthesefourwalls for giving this a read for me.
I hope I have done our Loverboy Bob justice!
@theamuz
@cherrycola27
@katiedid-3
@mak-32
@je-suis-prest-rachel
@endofdays56
@avaleineandafryingpan
@t-nd-rfoot
@wkndwlff
@eddiemunsonreader
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bitchlessdino · 6 months
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scream your heart out (m)
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🔪pairing: fem!reader x seventeen (???) 🔪genre: horror, slasher, smut 🔪tags: DISCLAIMIER!!! MAY NOT SUIT MOST AUDIENCES, Graphic sexual and violent imagery color coded in pink, abrupt changes in text color, features/mentions members (Chan, Seungkwan, Wonwoo, Minghao, Seungcheol, Seokmin, Junhui, Soonyoung, Joshua), established relationships, scream au!seventeen, Hybristophilia, erotophonophilia, homicidophilia, graphic images, mention panic attacks, smoking, mentions disfigurement of faces, severed body parts, knives, guns, threatening phone calls, face masks (horror), knife wielding, blood, gore, death/murder, knife play, bloody handjobs, cum mixing with blood, consensual sex but nonconsensual murder, HONESTLY SOME REALLY FUCKED UP SHIT AND IM SORRY BUT YALL SHOULD BE READING THE WARNINGS, sexual innuendos, kitchen sex, daddy kink, unprotected sex, cream pies, cuck! (??) member, voyeurism, exhibitionism, breeding kink, PLS LET ME KNOW IF IM MISSING ANYTHING PLS 🔪word count: 6.8k 🔪summary: you and your friends get caught up in a classic horror slasher movie, only it's in real life. Now you're off to fend for yourselves in Seungcheol's million dollar home. The question is, did you keep them out, or did you just lock them in? 🔪author note: thank you @multi-kpop-fanfics and @wonwussy for beta reading for me <3. here's some of their notes “I’m scratching my face to not fucking scream” “WELL SHIT BRO WHAT THE FUCK” -Zeta “It definitely does capture that slasher essence” -SJ this was so fun yet mind numbing to write but this is way more extreme than anything I’ve ever written like I lost a lot of sanity writing this. FR one of the most fucked up things I’ve ever written. I hope it was worth it. ENJOY EVERYONE and even tho it came out late HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Ever since the murders over a week ago, everyone in town has been on edge. All including the individuals most closely involved.
You had lost three core members of your eight. 
Joshua, someone you’ve known since grade school who was sliced open from the back before being stabbed 8 times to the point of excessive bleeding. He had just gone out to walk his dog, the poor creature being the only reason they found his body at all. If not for the dog’s bloody paws, and the trail of blood they left behind finding help, Joshua’s cadaver would’ve lost deep in the woods.
And then Chan, your long-time boyfriend, was stabbed fifteen times in the chest. His face was so disfigured from obvious violence and what looked to be burn scars, that he was practically unrecognizable if not for the fact he died in his own home. Police are still looking for his severed arms and legs to this day with no luck.
And finally, Seungkwan, who hadn’t died but lost to the paranoia festering in his blood like a disease. That caused him to take the train to the furthest destination possible to attempt to escape death if at all possible, leaving the rest of you with only the reassuring texts he left in his wake.
All that was left was you, Seokmin, Seungcheol, Minghao, and Wonwoo; the core five.
“Okay, absolutely no one is leaving this house for the time being. Until the psycho is caught behind bars, dead, or whatever the fuck! We’re safe here.”
Seungcheol, the eldest, did just as expected: contacted the rest of you into a personal prison. Luckily, he was loaded. The prison happened to be six thousand square feet of space with countless rooms, amenities, and a housekeeper to boot. From the looks of it, it’s paradise, but it’s definitely a prison.
“Holy shit, you have an indoor basketball court?”
A prison with an indoor basketball court. And a pool apparently.
Seokmin wasted no time to enjoy these features, breaking out of his clothes and cannonballing in his underwear. If you knew any better, Seokmin didn’t even look like he went through any trauma at all. It looked like every other day for him.
“There's a murderer and you’re doing butterfly strokes?” You asked, baffled.
The golden man scoffed, reaching the edge of the pool and resting against it with his forearms. “What am I gonna do? Wallow, crying to my mom, worrying about dying, and not taking advantage of this gorgeous mansion we’re staying in?”
“Thank you, Seokmin,” Seungcheol grinned.
Seokmin winked back at him, “Of course, daddy.”
“How are you both so unserious about all this?”
Wonwoo left a kind hand against your shoulder, looking back at you with warm eyes and a small smile. “They’re grieving. Just in their own way.”
You sighed, crossing your arms. “They’re being ridiculous. We shouldn’t be here. We need to be at the police station or something.”
“You were there when I got the call. The creepy voice said no police or you all die. Remember?”
You shuddered, hands over your sides to relieve your chilled skin. “Of course I do, but we’re sitting ducks here. This isn’t any better. We need protection.”
It was Seungcheol’s turn to scoff then. He strutted in front of you, flaunting his wing span before flexing his arms and then crossing them over his chest. “Well, you have me.”
“And me,” Seokmin joined. “Pure muscle right here.”
“Maybe pure laughing gas, not sure about muscle. We’re actually living in a horror movie right now and you’re all making jokes.”
“Hey,” Wonwoo stroked your head as his soothingly deep voice serenaded you, “Don’t say that. We’ll make it out of here.”
His arms come around you, forearms pressed against your collarbones, and his chin crooked over your shoulder. “You have me too. I would run through that knife before it could get to you.”
You genuinely smile for the first time being there, your hand stroking over his embrace. Wonwoo delicately kissed the temple of your forehead, reminding you what it was like to be constantly adored.
You were grateful for what he had become in your life. Wonwoo had kept you company in your time of need. In the absence of Chan. He had come to your house with whatever he thought you might need, lent you his shoulder that you could cry on, lent his ears so that he could listen, lent his body that you could heal. In more ways than one.
“You’re right. You are.” You turned to face him, wrapping your arms around his body and meeting his eyes framed in specs of hard plastic. “You’re the first person I can sacrifice if we face them head to head.”
He mused at you. “Ooh, now look who’s pulling jokes.”
“Who said I was joking?”
“You two are disgustingly cute,” Minghao commented coming through the back door. “Horror movie rules: they get killed while having sex.”
You punched the new face right in the arm, watching him scurry away to your other friends laughing.
“Not funny, Hao.”
Minghao sneers at you, a jester smile still on his face. “Ease up, princess. Wonwoo, watch your girl.”
“Only because she’s so pretty to look at,” he briefly grinned down at you before directing his attention to Minghao sternly, “but come on. We’re all a little psyched right now. Cool it with the murder talk. Alright?”
Wonwoo pulled you aside into the dining area, ignoring the careless laughter outside. His thumb stroked against your knuckles, lips pressing sweetly against your cheeks. His grin sunk deeper in his cheeks the further he made it past your jaw and then down your neck. He felt your throat vibrate against his lips. “Wonwoo…”
“I can’t have all these guys get you heated like this. That’s my job,” he teased with a rasp.
You slightly pushed him off, your arms swung over his shoulders. “You’re so ridiculous right now.”
“Anything to put that smile on your face.”
His lips reconnected with your neck, nipping at your skin. His humming sent tingles down your spine, and he took your body to press you against the side of the counter. Your hands grasped his baggy shirt, lip close to his ear, fanning your breath against his face. You smiled like a girl in love. Obsessed.  “Daddy…”
“I love it when you call me that,” he mumbled, just as love-struck, if not more. Your giggles brought out the pink on Wonwoo’s ears and cheeks while tightening the groin of his pants. You noticed immediately, cupping it in your palm, and running your finger along the seam. Your eyes skimmed over his taken expression, leaning your full weight into him. “I know there’s something else you really love.”
“Do you now?”
You nodded, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. “But do you really want to do it here? Risk getting caught?”
He leaned into your touch, allowing your fingers to take apart his pants. “Try new things right? Like you always say. Plus you’re scared. Gonna turn that fear into pleasure. Make you feel good, just what my baby deserves.”
“You're so good to me, Daddy,” you moaned.
His hand finds the hem of your shorts, pulling them down to expose yourself to the cold air. He fingered through your panties and slid two digits through your folds. He felt your breath hitch as he squeezed your clit, eliciting your soft whines. “You’re so wet down there, baby.”
“Just waiting for daddy to fuck me where anyone can find us and watch.”
Wonwoo eagerly pulled down his pants, kicking them and yours aside, but not without pocketing your underwear. He lifted you up slightly from the ground, his exposed cock hitting at your hip. “Look what you do to me.”
Your throat went dry at the sight of him, hand aching to wrap your hand around his girth and have him shoved inside you.
He didn’t let you wait a second long, and pushed in slowly inch by inch, burying himself in your pussy until he was nearly balls deep. You grasped his shoulder in a gasp, savoring the fire burning in your stomach. The girth of his cock stretched your molten walls, allowing them to melt all around his cock as he spread your legs. You writhe in his embrace, your limbs closing around his lean and toned build, already blissful from the few seconds of him being inside you.
Wonwoo’s words kissed your lips, flushed your skin, and left a permanent smile on your face. It swelled pride in his chest, better than any physical trophy would have. His hips slowly rolled against yours, letting you adjust to his size. He massaged the flesh of your side through his fingers, mentally reassuring himself you were his and his alone, but his names on your lips became more than proof.
Your hips buckled towards him in heat, matching his pace before the carnal side of him decided to fuck you like an animal. His cock then plunged sharply inside you, and then again, a whimper coming out of your lips. Your hips stuttered the harder he pounded, arching your back, you felt his hand above your ass, pushing you against him.
“Daddy…”
He lost control when it came to you, addicted—religious—the second your body came in contact with his. He loved how your fingers ran through his hair, not caring how his glasses fell off his face in the process. With drool out of the corner of his lips, he could feel the blood rush up to the surface of your skin, making him feel warm at home inside you. Throbbing, he only got harder feeling how perfectly snug you were, pricking his clammy skin with goosebumps as he bottomed out.
“You’re sopping, precious,” he murmured with a sly grin.
He had you begging, flustered, and beautiful. Your hand clasped his face as your other arm looped around his neck, swallowing his lips, anxious and thirsty for his breath. You craved every part of him viscerally. “Cum in me, daddy. Please…”
He scoffed, lips ghosting over yours. “Will you take every bit of daddy’s cum, hmm? Hold my cum inside you.”
You nodded gingerly. “Yes, yes. I promise, daddy. Give it to me please, I want you to spill your cum inside me and make me yours…”
“Hold on to me.”
You obliged, met with the hot stream of his climax, yours quick to follow. He embraced your sides, devouring your lips and muffling your whines. His loads pumped into you in erratic thrusts, fucking his cum back into you and making sure you drained him of every ounce. His fingers dug into your flesh, feeling you just come apart for him, undoing the tension that festered earlier.
But that tension was needed. It was necessary to survive. Everyone let themselves forget the current predicament, basking in the glow of the sunset until dinner time arrived. Despite the housekeeper that supposedly exists, she hadn’t been around since all of you stepped foot in the house, like a ghost presence. Seungcheol scrambled to find her—reminding you of his peculiar obsession with the woman—as he wondered when dinner would be ready since a rise in temperature or a savory scent couldn’t be found in the kitchen.
“That’s strange. She’d be finished with a whole chicken by now,” the homeowner commented, noticeably picking his nails.
“Aww,” Seokmin groaned, “Well, is there anything else to eat?”
“I mean…you can look around.”
You narrowed your eyes at him in disbelief. “This is your house. You don’t know what you have in your own house?”
“You try navigating a five-story home with countless cabinets!”
“Buy a smaller house, you prick!”
“Guys!” Minghao chimed in. “Breathe in…and out. We’ll just find food. Seungcheol, your maid, your house, your search. She’s probably fine.”
Your hands slammed against those pristine marble counters. “We are NOT splitting up right now. This is what the killer wants. She’s probably already dead and we’re fucked.”
Wonwoo came to your side, laying a cool calm over your shoulder, and rubbed your sides. You let yourself melt in his touch, his sweet voice soothing you effectively. 
Seokmin sat up from his stool, “Okay, okay. I will help Seungcheol and you guys stick together.”
“That’s still splitting up!”
“Better than alone.” Seungcheol rebutted. “You guys stay.”
Despite your protests, they went on their search. Your head banged against Wonwoo’s chest, muttering in anguish about how everything was going wrong and that it’d only get worse. Meanwhile, Minghao seemed to regain some of that tension but masked the fear with the bright light of his phone, scrolling through TikTok. You didn’t know what was more annoying, sensation of imminent death possibly behind any door, or the same five songs replaying on Minghao’s feed.
After 15 minutes when they were nowhere to be seen, your patience had run thin. You picked yourself up from Wonwoo’s lap and dusted yourself off. “Fuck this. We’re finding them.”
You felt his hand on your shoulder, a concerned glow in his gaze. “Babe, hey. They’ve got it. Trust them.”
“Wonwoo, you know I can’t do that. Let’s just find them, hmm? Together?”
“Not a bad idea,” Minghao agreed. “Better in groups right? We go together, eliminate us as any potential suspects.”
Your boyfriend sighed, collected your hand, and laced his fingers through yours. “Fine.”
You were all joined together by the hip, making sure you were each other's sights. Through the wider than wingspan hallways, past the ridiculously expensive sculptures, you kept your eyes out for your estranged friends. Silence couldn’t have been more loud in these cavernous spaces, only hearing the gut feelings in your stomachs that’s churned in trepidation. Every step taken was the group closing in on the killer. 
Fortitude meant nothing if the danger was already inside.
Before turning around the corner, Minghao—reluctant to lead the group—crashed into a human-sized obstacle, causing the stumble of your entire party. You all faced a wide-eyed Seungcheol with the missing young housekeeper walking hand in hand with him. Suspicious, but besides the point.
“Holy shit, we said we’d come back!”
“It’s been 20 minutes, Cheol! You guys could’ve been dead for all we know.” You retorted.
“Wait, where’s Seokmin?” Wonwoo asked, noticing he didn’t see him nearby.
“He went ahead. He needed to piss or something and meet up later.”
“You idiot.” Your eyes burned a frustrated rage. “I said don't split up. DON’T SPLIT UP! That’s the number one rule of horror movies. You’re going get us fucking killed. He could be the murderer for all we know.”
Seungcheol scoffed, shaking his head. “Seokmin? No way. He’s the last person to even think to do that.”
“Well, do you see him? No! Probably he’s off someone being Ghostface reject with his stupid little voice modulator and cheap party city costume.”
“I told you—“ Before he could finish, his phone went off in the nick of time. When he pulled it out to saw Seokmin’s caller ID on display and the owner of the device wouldn’t help but smile. “See the bastard is even calling.”
He picked up and put him on speaker, eyeing you cheekily, amped to prove you wrong. “Seok, you little shit. How long does it take to piss, huh? Just say you wanted to take a dump.”
“Oh yeah, I took the shittiest, stinkiest, fattest dump. You could probably smell all the way from the other end of the hall.”
Instead of Seokmin on the other line, all of you were met with the eerie voice that had called you multiple times before. The voice that felt like spiders crawling up your legs. The voice that had you second guess whether you locked the front and the back door. The voice whose owner had killed countless people already. 
Seungcheol held the phone in a vice grip swallowing, fear stilling in his unsteady eyes. “You—Where the fuck is Seokmin, you son of a bitch?”
The morphed voice on the other end laughed, sounding bone chilling as nails against a blackboard. “What’s to say? Why don’t we play a little game to find out?”
“Mother fu—“You grabbed the phone from Seungcheol to answer in his place, cutting the older man off. “Why go through with this?”
“Why, I just want to help you find your beloved friend. All out of the kindness of my heart.”
“If it was all kindness, you could tell us where he is.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Psycho,” Minghao muttered under his breath, eyes wide in shock and fear, as if registering the idea of death for the first time.
“And if we refuse?” Wonwoo interjected.
“Seokmin dies, rock for brains,” Seungcheol gritted.
“Ding, ding, ding. Or should I say, chop, chop, chop, since that’s what'll happen if you get any of my questions wrong.”
You scoffed, coming down the stairs with your friends to follow. “Have at it then, you freak.”
“Hey, hey, play nice. Maybe I’ll get too excited and decide to cut him up early.”
Seungcheol glared at you briefly before taking back the phone, storming down the stairs, and reaching the ground floor. “Ask away, as long as Seokmin is safe.”
“First an easy one. What’s your favorite scary movie, Seungcheol?”
His feet stopped at the end of the couch in his living room, stammering to answer. “What kind of fucking question—uh, The Ring?”
“Don’t lie to your friends, Seungcheol. You know that’s not the answer, that’s just what you say to anyone that asks. Say the real answer.”
“That’s the movie though!” he started to shout, visibly shaking.
“Just say it, Cheol!” Minghao pushed.
“Stop playing around Choi Seungcheol! Just say it,” You joined.
“Fine!” He faced the friends, evidently swallowing his pride as he choked up on his answer. “I never watched a goddamn scary movie! Is that what you want to hear? I get panic attacks every time I hear one in the background, why do you I’m always going off smoking when you guys put one on,” he confessed through his tears.
“Congratulations. Your first right answer. Now was that so hard? Pussy boy?”
“Fuck you,” Seungcheol sputtered, tossing the phone back to you.
“Next question. ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,’ Leatherface is known for wearing a mask when it was in fact several. How many and what were they in the original movie?”
“Who the fuck would know an answer like that?” Minghao croaked in disbelief.
“Three. A ‘Killing Mask’, an ‘Old Lady Mask’ and a ‘Pretty Woman Mask.’” Wonwoo calmly answers, garnering horrified looks all around. “I wanted to be a filmmaker, remember?”
“Correct. Next question. What Was Freddy Krueger's serial killer nickname before he died?”
“It’s on the tip of my tongue,” you said slightly panicked, “Wonwoo?”
“The Springwood slasher.”
“Wow, Another amazingly correct answer. Hold on to that one, Y/n. He’s a keeper. He’s smart and fucks your brains out to the point of you screaming bloody murder? What a catch.”
You didn’t respond, impatience seething on the tip of your tongue, “Just tell us where this is all going.”
“Patience, sweetheart. Last question. What exact kind of knife does Ghostface use in the Stab movies? Here’s a hint: it’s the same one I’m holding in my hand against Seokmin’s throat. (Help me please...)”
“S-Seok.” Seungcheol gasped.
Seokmin’s voice could barely be heard on the other end, weak and afraid, only staggering breaths audible.
“Wonwoo, please,” Seungcheol begged, tears falling past his neck. “He’s our best friend.”
Wonwoo swallowed, gears visibly creaking in his head, “I know he uses a hunting knife, b-but—“
“Oh…” the voice cooed, “Well, that’s just not enough, is it? Seokminnie, say goodbye to your friends (Please, no…).”
“Seokmin!”
“Wait!” You barged, clutching the phone to the point of it almost bending. “A modified Buck 120. I remember now. It’s coming back to me. Now, let Seokmin go!”
The line went dead and in turn, light cast in the evening darkness of the poolside. All your eyes shot back at the change of light, startled at the sight in front of them. Seokmin was seated in a chair, bruises against his sides, bleeding from the splices on his forearms, and duct tape over his mouth. Yet the most frightening part was his closed eyes.
“Seokmin!”
You all rushed towards him, swinging the porch door in a panic. Seungcheol tried slapping him awake, pleading he’d be alive. “Seokmin please, please, wake up…
The poor victim's eyes start to flicker open, mumbling through the adhesive over his lips.
“Buddy,” Seungcheol ripped the duct tape clean off him, his ear coming up to his friend’s lips. “Speak to me…”
Seokmin’s voice came out in croaks, hardly incoherently, all except, “Be…hind…”
Minghao spat up blood, doubled over as Ghostface was revealed right behind him, and fell right into the pool. You and the housekeeper both let out a blood-curdling scream. The masked intruder wiped off the blood using his black rope, anticipating a lunge towards their next victim. 
“Run,” Wonwoo breathed out. 
He took your hand and ran with it. Taking a second to look back, you see Seungcheol and the housekeeper try to escape similarly before she was tugged right back towards the killer and she was stabbed right in front of him five times, each one faster than the last, having the poor Seungcheol paralyzed and fallen on his knees. The sounds of suffering were loud enough to hear throughout the neighborhood.
Wonwoo dragged you back upstairs, his survival instinct telling him to seek haven high and far up the house. 
“You left them there to die,” You proclaimed.
“He said he could manage it. You’re more important.”
“You actually believe that? Ghostface snuck up on Minghao with neither of us looking!”
“We’re going to have to. Secungcheol can handle himself.”
Finally, he finds the room, closing the door behind him and pushing heavy furniture in front of it for more time to stall. “We’ll be ok for a little bit here. Let’s look for weapons.”
He started rummaging through drawers, looking for anything strap, blunt, heavy, anything worth using. He was red in the face, sweat drenching his entire body. The only thing running through his mind was keeping you, the most important person in his life, safe. 
“Wonwoo, I don’t know if we’re going to find anything. Fuck. I’m so scared right now.”
He recognized the panic in your eyes, the bounce in your step, and the quiver in your voice. “Hey, hey, baby. Look at me.” He grasped your face in his hands, wiping your tears away with his thumb. 
“I’m here, hmm.” He kissed your closed eyes. “You’re alright.”
Then your tempered cheeks. “We’ll get through this.”
The tip of your nose. “I love you like hell.” 
Finally your trembling lips. “I’ll keep you alive.”
“Promise?” You managed to breathe out.
“Scouts honor.”
The banging resonated from outside the locked door, only getting louder and closer every passing second as if teasing you to death. You shook in Wonwoo’s embrace, burying your face in his chest. “I don’t want to die here, baby.”
“You won’t. Not with me.” One arm wrapped around your body, and another had his fingers locked around the base of a lamp, tugging it from the outlet. Pitch darkness joined you, only having to rely on the dim-lit sky through the peek of the windows.
Whomever on the other side cracked through the wood of the door, breaking it piece by piece as it fell to the ground, knocking over the dresser that blocked 
“Shit, shit, shit.” Wonwoo pushed you behind him.
Finally, your barrier came down with a final kick, rendering it useless. Wonwoo let out a battle cry, charging at them with the lamp above his head. He swung his weapon while Ghostface swung theirs, both missing simultaneously. Gritting his teeth, Wonwoo pulled forward, aiming for the head.
They crash against the wall in the process, but not without mutilating the midsection of Wonwoo’s stomach. The visually impaired man fell back to the ground, groaning in agony as he clutched his stomach, while blood trickled through his fingers. “Mother fucker...”
Wonwoo’s vision started to fight against him with the loss of his glasses, dimming images before him, and slowly processing the murderous figure trodding before him. Wonwoo’s determination picked him right back up slowly, picking up his lamp once again, trying to take another move toward the perpetrator. And by pure luck, the lamp crashed against the crown of their head.
Ghostface stumbled back, quick to recover but visibly agitated.  Soon enough, they plunged the full length of the knife right into Wonwoo’s gut, sticking it deep and long before kicking him off of it. Wonwoo lands on the hardwood, blood gushing out of him like a public water fountain. “Fuck, fuck!”
“Wonwoo!” You come by his side, clutching at his wound desperately. “No, no, no.”
The sinister figure approached once more, hand creeping against the edge before he pulled it over and off his head. His eyes stared back at you both maniacally. His grin stretched from both ends freakishly before overtaking in deep chuckles. “Happy to see me?”
“…C-Chan?” Wonwoo managed to gasp.
“Hi, bestie.” His signature smile, once warm and inviting, reflected horrifyingly as if out of a film, one with too much bloodshed and betrayal to imagine. “Well, didn’t think you’d see me again, huh?”
“Chan, what the fuck?” You screeched. 
“You’re supposed to be dead.” Wonwoo voiced panic-stricken. “What, how?”
One foot over the other, Chan carried himself with conviction, ease, and the confidence of a man who slaughtered countless amounts of people. 
“You guys don't know how easy it is to fake my death. I was surprised by how incredibly stupid police officers are. Find a body that’s my height, my build, cut off their hands and arms to not get their fingerprints, singe their skin and face to the point of unrecognition, and plant them in your own home. I’m a fucking genius.”
“S-Seungkwan,” Wonwoo wept, his adam’s apple, “You actually—”
“It was beautiful. Masterful.”
“Why?” Wonwoo stammered. “Your best friend—“
“He was an imbecile. Weak. All bark and no bite. You will never understand how good it felt to stick the knife inside him and watch the blood burst off of him like a sprinkler. Like the knife going in and out of him surged power throughout my entire body. So, I kept doing it. And doing it. And doing it. And doing it. And doing it. And doing it. And doing it. AND DOING IT.”
His smile. That violating smile.
You sobbed, covering Wonwoo’s wound with your hands. “Y-you monster.”
“This was all just fun for you?” Wonwoo bared his teeth. “You get your kicks from lying, deceiving, stabbing your friends? You think you’re some Billy Loomis?”
“Of course I have fun. I had lots of fun. We had so much fucking fun.”
“We?” Wonwoo repeated.
“What the fuck do you mean we?” You asked horrified.
Chan started to chuckle to himself, chest heaving exuberantly before he stood completely still. Dreadfully still. 
“Well, I'm not the one that killed Joshua, am I?”
A million guesses ran through Wonwoo’s brain. None made sense the more he thought about it. “Your Stu Macher? Seokmin…Seungcheol…?”
Your eyes turned to him fearful, before it melted into something else, something familiar. Something terrifying. “No…” your lips drew close to his ear. “Me…” 
Your hands squeezed around his wound, gripping, earning his moans of anguish, screaming at you to stop, before you retrieved the knife hidden behind your boot and drove it into his shoulder. Wonwoo let out the loudest scream he could ever muster, feeling the blade sharply cut his nerve whilst pain shot into his chest. He tapped his heel incessantly on the ground, tears streaming from his eyes, looking at you in disbelief, overcome with hurt.
“And he was a good fuck too until the knife I put through his back made him scream like a little bitch.”
You pulled out the knife from him, seeing how the pain he felt in his body only complimented the suffering pooling in his heart, his mind, his soul. His lips quivered in your direction, sucking in his breath. “Y/n…Why?”
You simply shrugged. “Why does anyone kill these days? They’re bored, daddy. Same reason why things can change in the bedroom, to spice things up. The flavor of life is murder now, darling.”
“You’re killing people.”
You drove the knife one more time into his thigh, savoring his scream of agony. “And we’re more alive than we ever have been,” you said, twisting the knife before pulling it out.
You walked toward Chan, helping him pull off his robe. “And so is our sex life.”
“So, Junhui, Soonyoung…Joshua, and even Seungkwan.” Wonwoo asked, catching his breath.
“Every. single. one,” You chuckled. “Draining their cum out of like having a second puberty until life is literally drained out of their bodies. What a bunch of pussy boys. So obsessed with sex, they didn’t see the knife coming their way.”
Your hand reached for the ottoman and pushed Chan there to be seated, underdressed in the black tank top and black jeans he hid underneath with his momentarily abandoned bloody knife at his side. You unbuckled his pants single-handedly, your knife still in your other hand. “And Chan just gets so fucking hard with all the bloodshed. Like a bloodthirsty animal.”
“You just look so fucking sexy with blood on your hands,” Chan moaned, “Touch me how I like it, baby.”
“Mmh, my pleasure.” Your hand used the blood covering it as a morbid form of lube, closing around the girth of his cock to squeeze and lightly stroking it from base to tip, softly thumbing over the small slit on top. 
His stomach flexed, bucking his hips in your direction as he bit down on his bottom lip, beaming like a child on Christmas. Horny for your touch, Chan couldn’t help but squirm in his seat, warning up to your touch. He was absolutely growing at a rapid pace. “Like that baby, like that.”
“That feel good, daddy? You like how the blood is covering your entire cock? Seokmin’s blood, Minghao’s blood, Seungcheol’s blood? Wonwoo’s blood?”
“Fuck. Yes.”
“You two,” Wonwoo’s shock couldn’t stagger from the scene in front of him, unable to process all this information at once.
“You’re massaging our friends into my cock so good, baby.”
“Yeah?” You traced your fingers over the details of his shaft, your nails prodding at the veins as your hand slowly picked up pace. You rolled him in your fist, letting him rut in your defiled hand as he moaned your name like an animal in heat. “I’m getting so wet watching fuck in my hand covered in blood. You’re just a sick lunatic obsessed with killing your friends and fucking my sweet pussy. I love that about you, Daddy.”
“Fuck,” he screamed, hands gripping the ottoman in restraint, brimming with passion, “Wanna mix Wonwoo’s cum you kept inside you with the blood. Sit that sweet pussy on my cock for me, lover.”
You nodded invitingly, not missing a beat. You never did replace the underwear from before, making it easy to remove your shorts and sliding him inside your warm walls, massaging his length as you rolled your hips against his. You held the knife you still had in a death grip, stabling against the reliability of Chan’s shoulders. You mumble his name pleased, arching your back as you grinded down on his lap. “Your cock feels so good covered in blood, daddy.” 
“Your pussy feels even better knowing how much fun you had stabbing Wonwoo for me.”
“Of course, daddy.” You turned to the body mutilated and defenseless on the ground, grinning as Wonwoo was forced to watch. “That look good, Daddy Wonwoo?” Your ass bounced purposely in Chan’s lap, the jiggle showing off the splatter of blood left from the handjob.
Everything in Wonwoo told him to look away but he couldn’t, like a train wreck or a car crash, he couldn’t part with the mess of a situation he was witnessing. He wasn't sure what this meant for him, mentally nor physically.
“You like watching Chan fuck me, Daddy? His bloody dirty cock fucking me like you did a hour ago, fucking me like a nasty little whore.”
He hissed through his teeth, right the strange feeling surging in his pain-stricken body, “Shut…the fuck up.”
You laughed obnoxiously. “You love it. You love being a little cuck, watching other guys fuck my pussy. As if you hadn’t peeped on me and Chan fucking when he wasn’t ‘dead’.”
“It’s not true, you bitch.” The twitch in his trousers told him otherwise.
“You’re such a liar a dirty, dirty liar like I’m a dirty, dirty fucking whore.” You groaned loudly taking Chan’s cock, bouncing against his lap as you felt him pulse around your walls.
“That’s right baby take my cock.” Chan’s hand came over your bare cheeks, striking them with his full palms while his hips jerked up your body. “Taking the murder fueled, hard fucking cock.”
“Daddy, your cock is making me so fucking wet, stretching my pussy the way you sliced open our friends,” You growled.
“Fuck you’re such a little succubus, baby. Bouncing on my cock, coating yourself in blood. And I’ll kill more and more for you. I’ll do anything for you.”
“Yeah,” You began slowing your pace, drinking in his every word. “You’d do anything for me?”
“I’d kill the entire human population for you.”
That left you smiling from ear to ear, the tension coiling in your stomach. Your chest pressed against his, pushing against his thrusts. “Yeah? Would you cum in me, Daddy? Mix our dirty mess inside me. Let me take your cum, daddy.”
“I’ll let you drain me of every drop, my little psychopath.”
“Cum daddy cum, make me full and breed me with our homicidal baby daddy. Make you a real daddy.”
Chan shuddered, overwhelmed with immense arousal. His hips found life of their own, hammering into you at top speed, and watching the pleasure morph on your face and the staccato rhythm of your breath leave your lips, all while the load threatened to burst out of his sack. “I’m cumming, baby, all for you, ah—“ then it exploded inside you. His cum launched out of his cock like a hose, he painted your wall in milky white, turning pink as it seeped out of you.
“I’m so close, daddy…”
Chan threw his head back to catch his breath, hands possessively finding purchases on your hips. “That’s it, baby. cum for daddy.”
“I’m cuming daddy, I’m—“ You gripped your knife, taking Chan’s abandoned one before plunging both in his head. His smile dropped, a small and weak, “baby” leaving his sweet lips before spitting up blood on your chest and he fell limp. 
You didn’t stop, however, given the fact that your orgasm had just arrived the mere second Chan tasted metal in his mouth. Your moans could’ve been mistaken for anguish if not for the smile on your savage face. “I’m cumming all over your cock, Daddy, fuck! You’re so good to me, you do so much for me. I love you so much. Hitting my spot even in death.”
The wave of climax finally started to fade, unlike your smile, wretched and demonic. “Thank you for your sacrifice, Daddy. I’ll miss you so much.” You kissed deceased Chan’s lips, coming down from him, and fixing his pants before fixing his pants before pulling your shorts back on your body.
“Y/n…what the fuck?”
Watching you pull the knives out of Chan’s head, Wonwoo's expression was a mix of confusion and horror, struggling to back away as you approached him calmly, almost serenely.
“Chan has served his purpose,” You answered plainly as if obvious. “It was his time.”
“You did that, all that, with him, and you MURDER HIM? Your partner in sick, sick psychotic crime?”
“I told you spice was necessary, plus I’ve grown rather fond of you.” You bent down to his level, eyes noticeably just a deep pit of disparity. “I couldn’t let him kill you, so I beat him to it. Good thing too, because that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”
Wonwoo whimpered under your touch—well, the knife’s touch—as the tip of it dragged over his jaw, drawing out a shudder. “Y-you’re letting me live?”
Your smile. That damned smile. You and Chan were mere reflections of each other. How had he not seen this sick image sooner?
“As long as it's with me, because you love me right? That’s what you said. You’ll always love me and keep me alive. You promised.”
You pressed the blade against his neck, “You’re cold-blooded. Fucking your dead friend’s girlfriend, leaving your other friends to die to save me, and taking on a mass murderer just for me.” Your other hand caressed over his face. “That’s hard fucking core, baby. I love that so much. You really love and want me. Well, I want you just as bad.”
“Like you wanted Chan?”
You scoffed, using the knife to point at the abandoned soulless body on the ground. “Chan was disposable. He was already fucked up in the brain. I can nurture you, let you prove you’re that you’re mine and only mine. Then I’d have no reason to kill you. Not at all…say you’ll be with me forever.”
“…yes, sweetie. O-of course I will.”
You sighed a breath of relief, your harmless hand coming over to stroke over the stray hairs on his head. “That’s my daddy. My one and only. We can be the finals. Together. Only us—”
“Hello! Wonwoo! Y/n!” Miraculously, Seungcheol found their way to you, barely alive it sounds like.
Rage filled your eyes. “Holy fuck how is he still alive,” you mumbled under your breath. “I’ll take care of him.”
You held the knife to your side, standing by the door and away from its open view. “Cheol! In here! We caught the killer!”
Seungcheol managed to find the defaced door, peeking through the rubble to see a disheveled Wonwoo, panting and close to death. “Wonwoo!”
“Cheol…” Wonwoo grunted. 
“Hang in there, buddy. I’ve got you.”
“To…your…right.”
You glared at Wonwoo, betrayal in your eyes before launching yourself at the hero, who hardly had a scratch on their body. Seungcheol, taking his friend's warning in consideration, built up a wall of defense. His eyes caught you just in time and held up your arms, pinning you against a wall. His eyes finally registered on your face, and his grip on you only tightened. “Y/n, you evil little bitch.”
You chuckled tauntingly, struggling against his weight and strength. “Hi, Cheol. I know you always wanted to stick something in me, mind letting me do it first?”
“You—wow, you’re actually mentally deranged.”
“You don’t like that? Maybe my knife through your skull can change your mind.”
He kicked you in the groin, having you plummet to your knees, cusses streaming out of you like a river. “You pussy. Ass. Bitch.”
“Seungcheol,” Wonwoo groaned, painfully cheering him on.
You managed to kick Seungcheol down in your distress, crawling on top of him to gain leverage. “I know you liked to be topped.”
You held the knife, hands wrapped tightly around the handle before striking. Meanwhile, Seungcheol’s hands were wrapped around your wrists, the tip of the knife tickling his nose. Sweat beaded against his forehead, struggling harder than he thought he would as you smiled still.
“This would be a lot sexier if you let me run my knife inside you, baby.”
“Fuck you and your demented punk ass,” he grunted.
“I would if you’d just FUCKING DIE!”
A gunshot follows soon after and the blood gushed from your neck, pouring from both ends and falling lifelessly against Seungcheol, who let out a shrill scream.
“I found a gun,” Seokmin proclaimed weakly from the door before fainting to the ground.
Seungcheol rolled your body off of him, sick to his stomach. “Sick crazy bitch.”
He looked towards his friend who remained helpless his entire journey before his eyes got caught on the dead body he only realized now. “Is that…”
“Yeah,” Wonwoo whispered.
“And they…”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck, dude.”
Seungcheol went around to pick up Seokmin from the ground, grabbing the gun. Meanwhile, Wonwoo’s eyes lingered over your body, in disbelief it was alive a mere second ago, then he saw something strange, causing his eyes to fly open. “Cheol behind you!”
Another gunshot. Right between your eyes and your body that stood for hardly a second longer than it should’ve—of course with the knife still in your hand—fell right back on the ground.
“They always come back,” Wonwoo quoted.
Seungcheol let out a deep exhale, loosening his grip around the gun. “And aim for the head.”
“Sorry about your house.”
“…sorry about your girlfriend.”
“Me too.”
post reading a/n: always like me to insert chan into anything fr. i have no excuses
Tag: @shiningstar-byulxx @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @homerunhansol @goblinvern @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han @6969lilithcat @camisun93 @emmmui @toruro @jeonride @novalpha @nvmrljk @feat-sun @tinkerbell460 @aaniag @tacosandbitch @smileysuh (felt fucked up not to tag you bc you’re fucked it just like me 💕)
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trblsvt · 1 year
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the regular | jeon wonwoo
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summary | wonwoo couldn't really recommend anything at the bakery he worked at, he couldn't even handle going in a couple days a week. that is until he found his new favorite customer. genre | fluff, bakery!au, college!au warnings | none, i think let me know! word count | 1.6k words pairing | jeon wonwoo x gn!reader min | lowercase intended another request from @i-luvsang making me lose my mind out here....
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dread. that's all wonwoo felt. he was honestly so sick and tired of the smell of baked goods. crazy, right? well, you try and work around all that food and not get sick of it.
sometimes it felt like he had a permeant scowl on his face whenever he clocked in with kihyun, the baker and owner. he wasn't sure why he was always so... displeased when he came to work. it was better than working at the work-study program his college provided and paid better too. yet, wonwoo hated smiling at rude customers when they demand he make them a new sourdough loaf because the one in the case looked "stale."
there was nothing "stale" about the loaf.
it was made that morning. like everything else made in the bakery.
and he wasn't even the baker.
today was no different. he clocked in, greeted the kihyun, swept the floor, took down the chairs, flipped the open sign, and sat down behind the register. he pulled out the book he hid under the counter and rested it in his lap. the sun began to peek over the buildings across from the bakery, and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep the book open for too long.
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the morning rush went by like it usually did. the pleasant regulars looking for their bagels, the rude customers who didn't realize it wasn't a breakfast place with eggs, and the silent ones who never looked up from their phones to greet wonwoo.
"what would you suggest?" asked a young woman. wonwoo glanced between her and the case. "well, i think our sourdough makes great toast and grilled cheese sandwiches," he half-heartedly suggested. it wasn't a lie, but who knows maybe the baker changed the recipe and it tasted different. he wouldn't know, it had been months since he had the sourdough.
to be completely honest, he hadn't tried any of the goods for a while. when he first started working at the bakery, he ate there all the time. it was free and good, so he took advantage of his employee privileges. over time, he grew tired of everything and he couldn't bring it to himself to stomach any of it. that's what he gets for working in food service. "thanks! i'll get that then," she smiled.
"no problem, that'll be five dollars. i'll get that wrapped up for you," he said taking the cash and sliding off his stool to take out a loaf from the case. when he bent over and reached into the clear case he looked around the store through the glass. he liked doing this, it made him feel like a fish in a fishbowl.
then he saw you. he froze still inside the case. you looked around the cozy bake shop with a bag over your shoulder. your eyes scanned the store and then the case. you found wonwoo's eyes and he was snapped away from his trance. he blinked with panic and pulled himself from the case, bumping his head on the edge on his way up. he slipped the loaf into a bag and handed it to the woman. "thank you, i hope you enjoy," he said automatically. she smiled and walked off.
you were next in line.
"hi," he greeted.
"hi, is your head okay?" you asked motioning to the glass case. shit, you noticed. his hand flew up to the back of his head, "yeah, i'm all good. it happens more than you'd think." you giggled and looked around the case. "um, can i have three of those raspberry macarons?" he looked over at the neat stack of macarons and nodded. "that'll be eight dollars," he said and went to pack up the macarons in a small box.
"are those any good?" you asked casually as you pulled out your card to pay.
"um, yeah, i think so," he shrugged.
"think so as in your opinion, or you think so like you can't remember if they're good or not?"
"is both an acceptable answer?" he asked, passing the box over to you after your receipt began to print. you raised an eyebrow at him. "possibly. have a nice day..."
"wonwoo," he finished. "my name is wonwoo."
"wonwoo. have a nice day, wonwoo. i'm ___."
"nice to meet you, ___." with that, you smiled and left, and he addressed the next patron.
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his shift finally ended and he took a quick look at what was left over. some bread he would bring home, a couple cookies, and exactly three raspberry macarons. he stared at the lined-up pastries and reached into the case to try one. it had been weeks, maybe months since he had burned out on baked goods.
raspberry macarons, hm, he never thought someone would go for those.
but when he tried it, he understood. it wasn't too sweet, but it was fresh and it melted in his mouth. maybe you would come back the next day for more.
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"wonwoo, what are you doing here?" kihyun asked wiping his hands on his apron. "i didn't have you scheduled for today."
"oh, well, i, um, i just wanted to help out some," wonwoo offered.
"i'm always grateful for help, but you know thursdays are notoriously slow. shouldn't you be off doing college-kid things?"
"yeah, i guess. i just need some extra cash. did you make anymore raspberry macarons?"
"i did. you ask me that every day. i didn't realize people were actually buying them until a couple weeks ago."
"well, thank my amazing marketing skills," wonwoo jested.
after that day, wonwoo realized you came to the bakery every day like clockwork. he would get your coffee and macarons ready even before you would walk through the door. today, instead of your usual greeting you quizzed him, "what if i decided i didn't want raspberry macarons?"
"oh, do you not want these? i can get you something else. wow, it was silly of me to assume-"
"wonwoo, it was a hypothetical. it's kind of cute that you know my order."
he froze. cute? he was cute. you thought he was cute.
this was another win for the books.
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the last win was when you noticed what he was reading and offered up some of your own recommendations. the two of you even talked about exchanging books at some point. "well, if you run out books to trade what should i do?" he had asked.
"um, well, i can recommend you some of these pastries and you can recommend me books," you shrugged.
"isn't recommending goods my job?"
"not when you haven't even eaten any of the goods for months!"
"well you only eat macarons!"
he hoped he would continue to have wins like that or another win when he actually worked up the nerve to ask you out.
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you also started sitting at one of the small tables in the corner of the bakery to eat your macarons. it was a slow day, so wonwoo came out from behind the counter to chat. "are you sure, i'm not bothering you?" you asked, glancing around the practically empty bakery.
"oh no, it's fine. i like talking to you, it makes my shift more tolerable," he said. wait, he wasn't supposed to say that. not yet at least. "really? you like talking with me?" you giggled.
"yes! i mean, yeah. of course i do. you're funny, and smart, and actually really pretty," he paused. "wait, i don't think i was supposed to say all that to you." you smiled at him and took a sip of your coffee. you glanced out the window.
wonwoo had approximately five seconds to compose himself. he never acted like this, it was so out of character to be so flustered around someone he liked. he felt like he was on the playground in middle school and a girl came up to kiss him on the cheek as a dare. he was blushing for days.
"look, ___, i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable, but ever since you started coming here, i've just wanted to see you again. i've picked up more shifts just so i can talk to you," he admitted, rushed. you looked back at him. he couldn't read the look on your face, but what he wasn't expecting was for you to grab his hand and wrap it in yours. "i'm flattered, wonwoo. to be completely honest, i started coming here every day in hopes of seeing you too," you smiled. god, he could kiss you right now. "wow, oh my god, i've been wanting to tell you this since i met you," he breathed for what felt like the first time in a couple minutes. "can i take you out on a date sometime? soon, preferably."
"yes. give me your phone, i'll put my number in it." he reached into his pocket for his phone when a woman and her daughter entered the bakery. wonwoo shot up, passed you his phone, kissed your cheek quickly, and made his way to the counter. what he didn't see was the look of shock on your face that quickly faded away into a grin as you typed in your phone number. "hi, how may i help you?" wonwoo activated his customer service mode.
"those macarons look good! would you recommend them?" the woman asked.
"yeah, actually i do, especially the raspberry ones," wonwoo grinned, but this time he didn't miss the way a cute smile spread across your face too.
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min | i'm in my delulu era don't mind me guys! i keep having dreams about wonwoo and i just want him to hug me. this isn't proofread yet! leave feedback! reblogs and comments are always appreciated!
tagging: @a-wandering-stay
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siriuslysmoking · 6 months
Text
Meddle About
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A/N: I'm contemplating on making this a series, telling me if you want more parts. His texts are in italics and reader's is in bold.
Pairing: Fem!college student x sugar daddy!steve
Warnings: fem!reader, she/her pronouns, alcohol consumption, age gap (R:21, S:29)
Word Count: 1.5k
Summary: Working and being a student is tough, you never seem to have a moment to yourself, so when one of you co-workers needs a shift and offers to take your saturday night double, you take it. Finally going out with your friends you encounter a strange man with a strange proposition.
-We only met each other just the other day But you already got me feeling some type of way Now, if I could figure it out I'd take you back to my house So we could meddle about-
You didn't let her take it back, as soon as you saw the text in the waitresses group chat you immediately agreed and texted Mia, your best friend and freshman dorm mate.
You and mia have been friends since your first year in college and now that you're finally in your senior year of college and are living together in a small apartment outside of campus.
She loves to go to bars on the weekends, you enjoy it- well you would if you had time.
You text Mia that you have tonight off, she quickly adds you to her plans.
When you arrive to your shared apartment you see some of your common friends in your living room. They're throwing back shots like it's water, pregaming for the long night.
You walk to your room getting ready for the night. You pull on a long sleeved, over the shoulders, black mini dress. Then you fix up your makeup from the day and strap on silver heels, before changing your jewelry from your day to day simple necklace to your thick small hoops and silver chain wrapped around your neck.
You join your friends on the couch for a couple of drinks before the time hits nine and you head out, walking down the street to a popular bar in town.
You arrive in no time. Joining the crowded bar, you and your friends find a booth to share and Mia goes to order you all drinks from the bar.
When Mia returns all of you quickly down your drinks and a couple head to the bathroom as you volunteer to go get the next round.
Travelling up to the bar you take in your surroundings, you sandwich yourself into a man around your age who you've seen around campus before and an older gentleman in a nice looking suit.
'Hey, can I get another round?" You lean against the bar, gaining the bartender's attention.
"'course." He nods as you motion to your table. You hand him your card, paying for the round. He gives it back and turns to make them.
You drum your fingers on the sticky bar impatiently. The next thing you know your fingers are wet with a sticky liquid that paints itself onto the bar.
"Oh shit- I'm so sorry, honey." The older gentleman hands you a napkin, helping you wipe down your arms.
"Oh! You're completely fine." You finish cleaning your arms with the napkin.
"I'm truly sorry, can I buy you a drink to make up for it?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Don't be sorry, I was an accident." You wave him off, "I'm okay, thank you though."
"Alright, then." He nods, sympathy still lingers in his gaze.
"Here, you are darling." The bartender hands you a tray with eight shots on them.
"Thanks," You nod to the bartender then your eyes shift to the man a couple years older than you, giving him a smile.
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Sundays were usually their busiest days of the week, families having Sunday dinner together, or business meetings that lasted for hours.
The meetings were the worst and the people usually occupy their table for hours and even though they all have suits and expensive watches on they tip a measly five dollars.
Today had not been going great, a young couple having an anniversary wrote that the tip was $16, but they forgot to put it in correctly when adding below. So, no tip for you.
You're frustrated, you're sweaty, and your feet hurt.
You're ready to go home, but you have one table that just won't leave. It's a group of men, demanding that they are still waiting for their other co-worker. They've ordered twelve drinks in total of the five men. One Whiskey and Coke sits alone without the last man to claim it, the ice has probably long melted.
This tip better be worth your damn time or you might actually quit your job on the spot.
"Hey! Dollface!" He's addressing you, you know he's addressing you even though you had told him your name. But you still plant a smile upon your lips, turn and walk over to the group. "I need a refill."
"Of course." You give him your best smile as you take his drink that he dangles in front of you to refill. You get why the last coworker doesn't want to attend.
"Sorry I'm late." You hear a husky voice from behind you where you stand in front of the bar, grabbing Tony's attention for him to mix another drink.
You hear more from the table but you decide to do some of your side work so you don't have to do it when they leave and be here longer than you have to.
"Here you go." Tony slides the freshly made glass down the bar where you were whipping menus.
"Thanks T'." You nod as you grab the glass and make your way over to the table of men. "Here's that refill of the Old Fashioned. Are you gentleman ready to order?"
They all give you their order, "No Scallops, got it? No scallops."
"Yes, sir, I've got it." You send a sharp smile, writing down the rest of his order. When your eyes meet the last-newest member of the group his golden hazel eyes seem to be perplexed at her existence outside of the bar that they met at last night.
You get finally take in his looks, his slight stubble painting his jaw, his light brown hair that frames his face, the lines that seem to pull his lips into a smile."You get finally take in his looks, his slight stubble painting his jaw, his light brown hair that frames his face, the lines that seem to pull his lips into a smile.
He seems to also be studying her in the light.
You shake his stupid smile off your back as you nod and turn to head to the kitchen.
You take a sharp intake of breath as you enter the kitchen entering the men's orders into your tablet.
The kitchen closes in an hour so the kitchen staff are already starting to clean up the griddles.
They seem to sigh as you come in with your slip of demands.
"They've been here for an hour, they haven't ordered anything until this."
"I hate people." One of the cooks sighs as he takes the paper from your hand.
"You and me both."
The next couple of hours consisted of you refilling drinks, balancing plates to carry to the kitchen and sweeping.
You'd think the men would take a fucking hint that you're close to closing, when you start sweeping and flipping chairs.
Thirty minutes till closing and the men finally ask for their check. You have to hold back a sigh of relief as you nod and ask them if they'll be spliting it.
They are, so when you collect their checks you notice that seven of the men left no fucking tip.
You try not to scream.
There's two men left at the table, the man from last night and the one that is allergic to scallops. It looks like a hushed conversation.
The other two checks left fifteen percent of their ticket. It's something.
You lean against the bar, asking Tony for a drink as you rub your neck- you may have slept on it wrong last night.
When the last two men leave you notice something left on their table.
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Underneath sat $200.
On your walk home you typed in the number and texted:
Thank you, you really didn't have to make it up to me
-It's no problem, I'm sorry we kept you from going home.
was I that obvious?
-I don't think so, they're also not very observant.
I may need to work on my acting skills if I want this line of work to work out!
-It may be a good investment. I'm Steve by the way.
You mentally scold yourself for the smile creeping on your lips. You type your name and hit send.
-hey, feel free to block me or curse me out, but I'm in town for three months and I have this banquet thing in three weeks, and I don't know anyone here and I have to bring a plus one.
You don't have any plan to chop me up in itty bitty pieces and scatter me across town so nobody will ever be able to find my entire body?
-That's oddly specific... has that personally happened to you before?
No, I watch a lot of crime shows.
-Ah, that explains it.
You pause before your building, are you seriously thinking about doing this?
Alright, If I agree to this what do I get in return?
-Straight to the point, I like it. I'll pay you a thousand an hour including prep, like dress shopping.
You are upselling me way too much.
-You're downgrading yourself way too much.
I'll do it.
To be continued??
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Likes and reblogs are appreciated
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ohcorny · 13 days
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hey corny. so i always see people recommending to outline their story before starting it, but could you talk a little bit more about what that means? what is an outline and how do you structure one? how long are the ones you write, depending on the project? do you focus on plot beats or feelings? how specific do you get? can u recommend any readings for learning more?
up front i don't have any resources for this, only experience. and outlines feel like one of those things where it's like... there are a million ways to do it and the way that works for me might not work for you. i have a friend who writes out all his ideas on index cards and that, for me, is insane. but he's also a better writer than me so who can say what is right or wrong.
anyway an outline is essentially a sketch but for a story. you go through the whole thing, start to finish, and figure out what goes where and what happens when. the idea is that this is the stage where you work out all the big picture stuff and make sure it all fits together, now, and not after you've drawn twenty pages and suddenly go "wait shit that doesn't work" and have to do it over. it is much easier to delete and rewrite a paragraph than to redraw several pages.
doing anything more, ie including dialogue or feelings, depends entirely on how useful that information is to you at that point in the process and whether the purpose of the outline is for your own guidance, or so somebody else can tell what you're trying to achieve.
this got really long with multiple examples
here is an excerpt from the original outline i used to pitch Hunger's Bite to publishers. this one had to be polished to a professional standard, because somebody else was going to read it and decide whether they wanted to give me thousands of dollars to tell this story. (also several of the details are no longer accurate. for instance it now takes place 9 years earlier lmao)
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this paragraph represents the first eight pages of the book. the final book is 264 pages long, and the outline was 12 pages of paragraphs as dense as this one.
it establishes where we are, who's there, and what they're doing. i describe their conversation, but i don't commit to the dialogue. i will occasionally include snippets of literal dialogue, but usually only if it's Important Dialogue, or i just don't want to forget a good idea i had while outlining. it's not expected at this step.
an outline written as part of a pitch to a publisher should tell the whole story, with all the important details, and leave nothing ambiguous. they need to know the tone, shape, and the arcs. no secrets! all the spoilers. outlines for yourself should do this too, but outlines for others need to be as clear about your vision as possible. again, an outline like this exists for the purpose of getting you paid thousands of dollars. you should write it like that.
in comparison, here's an excerpt from the outline i wrote for revisions to my WIP prose novel, so i could show it to my agent (who already read the draft) to be like "do these changes sound good?" i'm not selling it to anyone yet, just making a guide so i can have a conversation about it. so it doesn't need to be neat, it just needs to be functional and clear. the first chapter was entirely new stuff. the second bit was just writing down what was already in the chapter that existed.
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i have historically been very bad at outlining things when i don't think i "need" to, and only wrote this one after having written like 60k words of the book without any overall plan. i gave what i had to my agent for feedback and then sat down and figured out how i could apply it. it's made the whole revisions process significantly less daunting. now i have a checklist for things i need to do! this one was a paragraph or two for each chapter, with the ones that needed a lot of rewriting given a bit more detail.
lastly, here's a bit of the outline for the first roger crenshaw book. i was the only person who had to see this, and since the story was planned to be very short i didn't have to worry about a whole lot. as long as i knew what was supposed to go where, it would work. honestly it's not a whole lot different from the previous example.
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this one was like five paragraphs and it did the job, and this story was like 15k words. you only need as much or as little as will actually help you on the page.
basically if you take nothing else from this, it's that there are multiple ways to write an outline, that it does not need to be perfect if you're doing it for yourself, and that it only needs what you think is important (unless it is for other people. then it should have everything). and also it's a good idea to do it earlier in the project than after you've written 60k words or drawn--jesus christ i got up to 12 chapters in never satisfied? it's amazing i didn't quit sooner
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queenofthedisneyverse · 11 months
Text
Prowler!Miles x Black Male! Reader (angst to fluff)
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TW; some cursing but not a lot
Word count: 2,803
You loved miles, ever since you were eight years old. But ever since his dad died things…have changed. The city has gotten worse, it was already bad but without Miles’s father, it’s gotten worse. Miles has changed more though, his once kind and funny nature turned cold, stoic, and nonchalant. You also changed but only to protect yourself, if you looked like a happy sunshine sunflower in the sin city that is new york you would have been jumped. 
So, you and Miles share the same look most of the time, and that look is usually resting b!tch face. You still yourself though, you like helping out where you can and being kind where kindness is needed. Crime is often in New york, so you prefer to only go straight to school, home, and/or Miles’s house. No going out at night whatsoever, that’s a given. But even getting the grocery list done seems like a life or death task because on any given day, it could be a life or death situation. So you mostly keep to yourself or chat with some friends or your bf Miles. 
He loves to spoil you and just loves you. Affection is there but you two are building up to it, hand holding, hugs, kisses on the cheek, etc. 
Your relationship with miles is pretty hidden, terrible cities birth terrible people and having people know you were queer was not a good idea. You love Miles but he can be a lot at times, he spends time with you one day and completely ignores you for the next three weeks. 
It was irritating but you stayed quiet, you wanted to give him some space since his dad died. But you can’t help but worry about him, especially about this job he and his uncle Aaron go to. What kind of job is he doing that pays him six thousand dollars worth of money? You know it’s not anything good with how you mostly see him scruffed up, but alas you didn’t say anything. 
You would ask if you two could go on dates but you would get hit with-
“Sorry querido, not now”
“Can’t today mi amor, maybe another time”
“I’m sorry babes, can’t tonight” 
After this kept happening you began to get more hurt and mad at this, you tried to be mature and understanding but it was getting harder…Today was the last straw. You have been texting and calling Miles everying few days and he hasn’t been answering. You couldn’t do this anymore, did he even love you? Of course he did…did he? You didn’t want these questions in your head but they kept circling and hurting you the more they circled. 
You stopped, you just stopped, you stopped calling him, you stopped texting, and you stopped leaving voicemails. F*ck him, so what if he doesn’t want to see you? You don’t care, you never cared. 
You were laying down in your bed, with some tears streaming down your face. 
I hate him, you thought, but you didn’t hate him. You still love him, you just don’t want to admit it. It was 9:30 and you’ve been trying to go to sleep since 9, obviously sleep wasn’t being your friend and allowed you to be tormented by your thoughts. 
Tap Tap Tap
It can’t be, you thought
Tap Tap Tap
It couldn’t be, you thought
You turn around and see your boyfriend Miles, looking as tired and stoic as ever, waving to you and gesturing to you to open the window. You look at him for a moment and think about how he has the audacity to show up at your window, you noticed he had a bloody nose and some scraps along his face. Not being a jerk, you allow him in and get the first aid kit from your dresser. 
“Hola Príncipe” 
That word, that lovely word that he always calls you when you're together. That lovely word he teases and praises you with, or used to anyway. Instead of sitting on your bed like he usually does, you had him sit in your desk chair. You weren’t ready to have him be comfortable when you weren’t. 
“Don’t call me that” is all you said
15 minutes went by as you (roughly) cleaned his injuries. Miles took notice and decided to speak on it. 
“Why are you so quiet babes?” 
You didn’t answer, you just cleaned his wounds, getting rougher as he spoke. 
“Ow! y/n!” he tightly grabbed your wrist, causing you to yank it back from him. 
“Can’t you just stop talkin’? That’s what you're good at ain't you? Not talkin’?” you snap, earning a confused face from Miles. 
“You ignore me for WEEKS on end and then all of a sudden you show up to my window and start talkin to me? Are you for real miles?” 
You aren’t prone to snapping, you never have. It just wasn’t in your nature to do things like that, sure you got mad, but never snapped. 
“Príncipe I-” 
“NO MILES’ of all people YOU don’t get to talk, for the past three years I’ve been trying so hard to make you happy. To make sure you’re loved and cared for man” You say, hot tears falling down your face. 
“All I tried to do is love you Miles, why can’t you do the same for me huh? Why is it so hard Miles? TELL ME, TELL ME WHY IT’S SO HARD TO LOVE ME” 
“...y/n please lower your tone and..I can’t tell you” 
“LOWER MY TONE? MILES YOU HURT ME! LOOK AT MY FACE MILES, LOOK AT WHAT YOU-....Just get out Miles, please” you give up, if you don’t stop yelling the neighbors will hear and tell your parents what they heard. People are nosey like that. You flop down on your bed and face away from him in a fetal position. 
“Just get out” you say as you choke out a sob
Miles sits there completely shocked but not surprised at the reaction. He’s shocked at how loud you got but not how you reacted. He planned on coming by and talking to you, but he just couldn’t get the words out…not like you let him either. 
Miles stood up from the chair and walked over to you
“Príncipe, look at me” he said softly, putting his hand on your shoulder
“GET TF OUT MILES” you yell at him, slapping his hand away.
Miles takes it upon his safe to literally turn you around to the point where your legs are hanging over the bed but you're still laying down. 
“WHAT THE F*CK! MILES LET ME GO!” you scream, trying to fight him off. But here’s the thing, Miles works out a lot more than you do…so you're losing this fight. Mile’s takes one of his hands and pins both of your arms down and covers your mouth with the other hand. 
“Listen, I’m sorry for ignoring you, I am but I’m only trying to protect you!” he tells you, you are still struggling under his grasp. 
“Y/n…stop, you know you aren’t going to win this” he blankly says 
You stop wiggling after a minute or so, you're tired and you really don’t want to deal with this any more. He lifts his hand from your mouth and lets you go, he knows that you look like you're tired or tuckered out. Your highschool gym class is a perfect example of that. 
“Please Miles, just leave me alone” you silently beg as you cry
“I can’t leave knowing you hate me amor, I love you- ” 
“No you don’t miles, please just go away please-”
Miles pulls you closer to him and passionately kisses you, you didn’t mean to but you instantly melted into the kiss, wrapping your arms around him. He wraps his arms around your waist pulling you in, as if you couldn’t be any closer. His lips were soft and warm, and so was his lanky but muscular body. He moved his hand up to your face, cupping your cheek and wiping away the remaining tears. 
Because you both have to live, you both pull away and breathe. 
“I’m sorry Príncipe, I really am but please give me another chance! Please” He began kissing your face all over, making you slightly giggle but not much. You're still very much still upset. 
“Please love me again mi amor, please” Miles begged as he cupped your face so gently as if you were glass. 
“...I never stopped loving you Miles, but your hurting me” 
“How do you expect me to react?” 
Miles saw the heartbreak in your eyes, it was tearing him apart inside and he hated it. 
“I promise I’ll make time for you colibrí, I promise” he told you, kissing your lips again. 
“Can you make time for me now? My parents don’t come back home till 12” 
“I-” Before he can say anything, his phone buzzes. You instantly panic and cling to him
“NO No no please Miles stay here, PLEASE miles…please” you pleaded as he reached for his phone. 
“ I have to see if it’s my mama at least y/n” 
“Please don’t leave me…” you whisper as a tear runs down your cheek
Those last words shattered Miles…but he had to check. He opened his phone and saw a text message from his mama, the text said that she’ll be working late. A small smile escaped Miles’ mouth. 
“I’m not going anywhere mi amor, mi mamas working late” he said as he cuddled you
You looked like you just won the lottery by the way you were smiling. You pull Miles into a passionate kiss. You could feel Miles smiling through the kiss as he melted into it. After a moment passed you both pulled away for air. 
“I see you got your hair braided” Miles said, touching a braid in on your head with his thumb. 
“I was hoping you would notice; I like matching with you” you muttered, blushing a bit. 
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“How about I take you somewhere papi? My treat!” He said with a smile 
“Miles…I just want to be here with you” 
“Ok then, take out?”  he asked with an eyebrow up
“ My mom left some food for me, and I’m ok with sharing” 
So you and Miles made up over the night. You played video games, watched movies, and just cuddled through the evening. Near 11:30-ish you got tired and Miles took notice of it. You two were cuddled in bed and you were slowly and quickly drifting off to sleep.  He smiled and kissed your temple. 
You looked so peaceful when you were sleeping. You truly didn’t know how Miles felt about you, to him you were his light in the darkness of the new york city. You, his uncle, and Rio are the only people that are keeping him going these past 3 years. He couldn't be more appreciative of you, no matter how bad things got you still tried to make him smile. You still tried to make him laugh. You still tried to make him happy, He loved you more than life itself for that. 
You were fully asleep at this point but with a smile on your face. You held Miles tightly, because even in your sleep, you felt as if Miles was going to disappear. 
“I don’t deserve you y/n…but I’m gonna try to make you happy” 
It was 11:49 and Miles knew he had to go, so he slowly crept out of your bed and made sure to tuck you in. After that he turned off the movie and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Once that was all done, he went back into your room. Seeing your beautiful brown skin being highlighted with the purple city lights made his heart strongly flutter. 
You were the most gorgeous boy he ever laid eyes on, and from now on he would try to make you happy and feel appreciated. He walked over to your bed and kissed your four head,
“Goodnight Príncipe, I will make everything better for you. Starting tomorrow”
Your night was filled with beautiful dreams of you and miles as the night went on. When you woke up there was a note under your pillow. You only noticed because there was a necklace slightly hidden under it. The necklace was half a heart with what seemed to be your first name initial. 
When you took the necklace from under the pillow a note was attached to it, you opened it and read;
Good morning mi amor, I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend so I plan on making it up to you later today. Meet on the roof of your apartment building at eight pm sharp, I’ll have a few surprises for you up there. 
Your lover, Miles 
You smiled to yourself and held the necklace close to your chest, or to be more frank, your heart. 
God he makes me act like such a girl
-
It was 7:58 and you were dressed in some new clothes you bought with some of Miles’ money. That he left by your closet before he left. They were black jordan air’s with purple laces and purple tones. You had a black jacket with purple pants and shirt, and to make it even better you wore some tres leches perfume because Tres leches is Miles’ favorite dessert. 
You also had on some black gloves with the fingers cut off, you were going for a more punk aesthetic if you couldn’t tell. After you exploded at Miles the other night you wanted to wear his favorite colors and scents as a sorry. Even though you had nothing to be sorry about. 
Now at 7:59 you walk up the firescape steps to see your boyfriend. A part of you was saying he wasn’t there and that you were doing this for nothing but you pushed those thoughts away. And now at the top of the roof, you see Miles’ sitting there on a red checkerboard blanket with food and gifts on top of it. Your favorite song, hummingbird, was softly coming out of the radio next to him. Not to mention he was wearing your favorite color(s). 
Miles looks up at you and smiles, then he gets up and hugs you. Fully relaxing as you embrace him…and because of the tres leches perfume. He sniffs the crook of your neck, causing you to giggle. 
“You smell good” he chuckles and sniffs you more
“I know you like tres leches so I did a little something for ya, ya know” you say in between giggles. 
“Ok miles stop please-AGH!” Without warning, Miles picks you up bridal style and sits you on the picnic blanket and sits down next to you. 
The air was nice, the evening sun made the sky full of orange, yellow, and soft purple colors. You noticed how the colors compliment Miles’ features a lot. You were trying so hard not to smile…but you were falling. 
“Whatchu smilin ‘bout colibrí” Miles smirks, knowing full well why you were smiling. 
“Can’t I just smile bro? Dang!” you chuckle, scratching the back of your neck trying to look away. 
Miles gets closer to you, grabs your chin, and softly forces you to look at him. This causes you to smile even more and try to cover your face but Miles wasn’t having it. He got on his knees and kissed you. Once again, you melted into him and smiled as you did. 
Once you pulled away you cupped his face, staring into his beautiful hazel eyes. And he, staring into your beautiful e/c eyes. 
“Hey Miles’ I uh, I’m sorry for blowing up last night I should’ve -” Miles put his finger on your lips
“I’m gonna need you to hush for a moment, you have nothing to be sorry for. If anybody should be apologizing’ it should be me” He said sternly, never leaving your gaze. 
“I f*cked up as your boyfriend…and I’m really sorry for that colibrí. I’ll try my best to make sure you know I love you and..and all that. I love you more than anything y/n. I will move universes, I’ll kill for you…I will take a bullet for you in a heartbeat” he says, putting his forehead on yours. 
“ I will always protect you my príncipe, with my life” 
Tears were forming in your eyes, you knew Miles loved you but you never really knew what he was thinking and this…this is how he felt about you? This day couldn’t be anymore perfect. 
“You are the light of my life y/n. Always will be” 
You tightly hug Miles as you cry, he notices as you sniffle into his shoulder, 
“Colibrí?”
“I love you too Miles. I love you so much.” 
-
Translation
príncipe: prince
colibrí: hummingbird
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okkalo · 5 months
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the prideful mission
karasu x reader
genre(s): fluff
warning(s): reader is implied to be shorter
forgot i had this in my drafts,, enjoy <3
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“ya don’t need it, y/n.” karasu interrupts your staring at the claw machine in front of you with his unwelcome words. you turn around and give him your best puppy dog eyes. he only gives a deadpan back. “ya already have so many stuffed animals.”
“these are different though,” you still had to keep up the pout, your voice in a pleading mumble. you knew you were getting to him, despite the not-so-promising look on his face. you just had to keep going to get him to cave and win a plushie for you. “i mean, come on! look at this one, tabito! isn’t that one so cute!” you turned around to point at a particular one that caught your eye like an excited child, and god he hated his pride for wanting to win that for you.
he sighed, “i’m not even sure if i have change.” he did, you knew he did. he made it a habit to always carry change because of your claw machine addiction—or better said, your addiction to seeing him play the claw machine for you.
you couldn’t bite back a smile that spread on your lips at the sight of him pulling out his wallet. he searched in it before pulling out a dollar, looking up to you with a raised brow. “yer lucky,” he stated, to which you giggled to before placing a small peck on his cheek.
“always am with you.” he couldn’t help the small grin that appeared on his face at your words; you knew exactly how to inflate his ego. he stepped forward sliding the dollar into the machine before taking a deep breath (a sign he was getting into ‘his zone’) and moving the stick to the plushie you had earlier pointed out. he adjusted the claw a few more times before pressing the button and sending it down. it seemed he was confident he had gotten it in one go as he turned around to you with a big smirk plastered on his face.
“do i get a kiss for winning you this?” he asked, his smugness radiating off of him. behind him you could see the claw machine pick up the plush, taking it to the top before the claw loosely wiggled and dropped the plush back to the pile. a wide grin made its way on your lips at the situation, a small giggle escaping you as well.
“once you win it, sure, baby.” at your words he immediately furrowed his brows in confusion, his smirk dropping as he turned to see his effort proving fruitless. you could see his ego visibly leave him; his shoulders deflating as his brows furrowed further.
“i swear i had it,” he mumbled, pulling out his wallet once again before taking out another dollar and sliding it into the machine. he aligned the claw once again before dropping it, this time he kept his eyes focused on the claw dropping to the plushie. in other words, he witnessed the loose claw wiggling the plushie from its grasp.
you would’ve laughed again had you not known this was the start of an endless struggle. it seemed he had plenty of money because he kept pulling more out after another round of losing. about eight more rounds had passed and you couldn’t help but start to feel bad. you hadn’t wanted the plushie that bad in the first place, you more liked seeing him try hard for you.
just as he was about to pull out the eleventh dollar that night, you put a hand on his shoulder, diverting his attention to you. “it’s okay, tabito, i don’t need it. you can stop, baby.” your hand rubbed up and down, trying to make him feel better since you knew his ego was at an all-time low at the moment.
karasu didn’t seem pleased by your words, that much showed when he scoffed and turned his attention back to the machine. “yer just sayin’ that.” you couldn’t help but smile at his determination, watching as he moved his face closer to the glass to get a better view of his target. he moved the control stick very meticulously, his eyes now focused on the wobbly claw as he took his hand off the stick. a deep breath escaped him as the claw stopped wobbling, his eyes falling to the button as he pressed the button with a mutter—a prayer, most likely.
thankfully, the claw grabbed onto the wanted plushy and held it tight to the prize hole. knowing he had struggled (mentally, emotionally, and psychically) for it, you immediately show your excitement to let him know his efforts were not in vain. you tugged at his arm with a small squeal, not missing the way his lips tugged into a smirk as you pulled him down to your level. “you treat me so well, tabito, thank you,” you smiled as you cupped his face still in front of yours, now fully exposed to his proud expression.
“and my reward?” his blue eyes locked with yours, watching your own eyes roll at his question.
“you’re impatient.” despite your complaint, you still gave him what he wanted as you fluttered your eyes shut to kiss him. his lips stayed upturned, which would normally annoy you, but you didn’t seem to mind this time. you made sure to sprinkle his face with a few more kisses afterward, something to convince him that playing these claw machines for you was worth it.
“i’m not doing this again, just so ya know,” he claimed, watching you take the plush from the award slot. you knew he was all talk, however. seeing you hug the plush with a big smile coating your lips—he knew he was all talk as well.
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unedited. thank you for reading!
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sgiandubh · 2 months
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Onlies at large
Sometimes (often, even), I can't sleep. And when I can't sleep, I get easily bored, if not focused on something. And there was nothing of particular import on Netflix or Amazon Prime, yesterday night. Aaand, as I don't have access to my bookshelves back home, I went looking for a light something to read myself to the Land of Nod.
I am, since forever, a solid reader of non-fiction. Memoirs, diaries are a special interest, too. So I just wanted to see if there were any nice memoirs of people who went to Scotland in search of a new life/love/whatever, Under The Tuscan Sun -style. Everand/Scribd is a decent starting point for the such, at 2 AM.
There weren't and I wonder why. But as I was browsing around, lo and behold, I found a tiny, self-published memoir by a certain Ninya (not her real name, of course): Scotland with a Stranger (2020).
Great literature it is not. It is naive and the narrative line sounded really, really meh to me: a 43 year old Alabama depressed divorcee finds healing and a renewed purpose for life, while traveling to Scotland with an improbable companion.
So, I skimmed and skimmed and skimmed (FFS, when is she going to PACK, this one?). Then, I found this and no, I am not sorry AT ALL for the length (passages are bolded by me).
Thank you Baby Jesus, she finally made it to her EDI flight:
'(...) I noticed a little emblem on the shirts of many of the women on this flight. It looked like mountains and said Peaker. All the women were laughing and chatting and carrying on like they had known each other forever.
“Is this your first trip to Scotland?” I tried to make small talk with the lady next to me.
“Heavens, no! It’s my sixth.”
“Wow,” I said. “It’s such a big world, but you keep coming back here?”
“Yes, it’s just incredibly beautiful. I never get tired of it. There is no other place as magical on earth.” She smiled wistfully. “I’m actually coming for a gala.”
“A gala?” I parroted back to her. I thought galas were reserved for Barbie movies. In my social circle, no one I knew ever attended a gala.
“Yes! It’s called My Peak Challenge.” She leaned in closer, excited to share. “Have you read the Outlander series?”
“Funny you ask that because I just downloaded the first book.” It seemed like required reading when you went to Scotland. I loved to read and had nothing but time due to my social media fast, so it was sitting unopened on my iPad.
“Well, the character of Jamie is played by Sam Heughan, and he is the founder of My Peak Challenge. It’s not just a club; it’s a movement, and every year they have a gala in Edinburgh. People come from all over the world for this event.”
The germaphobe next to me chimed in. “This is my first year, but he has truly changed my life. I’ve lost twenty-two pounds.” I was impressed, having weighed nearly two hundred myself at one point. Losing sixty of it was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.
“Losing weight is so hard,” I commiserated with her. “How did you do it?”
“The boring way, eating right and exercising.” She laughed, and I laughed with her because I knew too well it was the only way that worked long-term.
She continued on. “My Peak Challenge is a training and nutrition program where we support and challenge each other, but it’s not just that because Sam has raised nearly two million dollars for charities all over the world. He’s just incredible.” She was practically swooning and literally fanning herself. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was hot, or because she was.
That nutrition program must include the Sam Heughan is a God Kool-aid.
“This conference includes a meet and greet and a gala and a special workout that Sam leads. He’s just an amazing human being,” she gushed. She clearly was in love with Sam Heughan.
“I have been chosen to introduce him,” the sweet older lady to my left said. “So, I’ve got the next eight hours to figure out the words to say to introduce the man who has completely changed my life.”
“Yes!” She went on. “It’s an incredible organization. He’s really affecting change on a global level.” (sic!)
Great. I am stuck between two evangelists at a Sam Heughan-is-the-greatest-human-in-the-world presentation.
“We have a Facebook group, and everyone is just so awesome and supportive. It really is a family.”
“And how much does it cost to be in this family?” I asked skeptically.
“It wasn’t much,” she defended, quickly changing the topic. “Nearly every penny is donated to charity. He is changing lives,” she stressed so incredibly seriously I had to cover my mouth to stifle a giggle.
Is this a cult? It sounds like a cult. I am trapped on an airplane for the next eight hours with the Sam Heughan cult.
Luckily for me, headphones exist. It was an overnight flight, which meant I could close my eyes and pretend to sleep, and there were movies to be seen.' (Ninya - Scotland with a Stranger: A Memoir, Chapter Thirteen).
For some reason, I doubt Ninya ever opened that OL first tome, on her IPad or elsewhere. But the point of my post is not to poke fun at SRH, MPC and all the gracious Peakers who read and often comment on this humble blog (@ladyjane-lj, @rosfrank immediately come to mind and I am sure they are not the only ones).
The reason I quoted this passage at almost full length, despite the paltry writing skills and abysmal grammar/spelling on display (Sweet Baby Jesus, please make people see the real difference between affect and effect, thank you and amen) is that we are dealing here with a unique perspective on a sizeable chunk of this fandom. You see, Ninya has no damn agenda to promote, in OL terms. She is not a shipper, but she is not an Anti, either. She couldn't care less if S+C=❤️, or if Tait rhymes with Fate (it rhymes with Bait, if you ask me). She doesn't know anything about OL, its cast, its Best Fans Ever, you and me and her.
And this is precisely why her perspective is so damn interesting. She is a mere passer-by, who failed to be grabbed in by the OTT Only Mommie gushing and who saw possessiveness and objectification disguised as love. She saw the most problematic, hypocrite and unimportant side of this whole experience and this whole fandom. And it's terrible and I am really sorry she did.
Maybe someone else than us reads this. For once, I wish they did, for it is an unadulterated, faraway echo of Real Life and the Real World. Selling that Toy Boi image is WRONG, *** and PR and TPTB. It's counterproductive and a total turnoff to real people who can't be arsed to even look for the Balmaclellan Adonis on Google, just because this fan substack is really, really embarrassing.
Of course, they blindly buy the booze, religiously sign in year after year to just about everything he sells around. Of course they show up every single time and pitch their tents on the rude city pavement in front of God Knows Which liquor store in Whoville, America. But they also show up with baked lasagna, pinch his ass (Madame Tussaud's, anyone?) and geriatrically swoon front row, cackling and giggling and catcalling like they were 12. It's also because of these women that OL lost its fabulous innocence and authenticity and it's because of these women we do have the Global Merry-Go-Round Seasonal Shitshow that keeps all of us (sickly, I am the first to admit it) engaged here.
Finally, this is also why I am closely following all the business side of this ahem, universe. It's the road less traveled by and of course, probably the most rewarding.
Shoot me, the very moment I turn into Neilie. Let it be clearly known beforehand. And no, please do not resuscitate. I'd be too ashamed.
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loveharlow · 6 months
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SINEMIES
PAIRING‧₊˚  Rafe Cameron x Kook!Fem!Reader
SYNOPSIS‧₊˚  [2.8k] Returing to Kildare after years away, your mentality may have changed but you still have some old habits...
WARNING(S)‧₊˚  swearing, mild p*rn without plot but the plot was fun to write, smut
A/N‧₊˚ part of my angstober event!
˗ˏˋ rafe masterlist ˎˊ˗
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A COMPACT MIRROR WAS HELD UP TO YOUR LIPS AS YOU TOUCHED UP YOUR LIPS, blotting them together before clamping the small object shut. You could feel the car finally come to a halt before the driver turned to face you.
“We’ve arrived, miss.” He announced, tone chipper and bright as always. You pulled a neatly folded one-hundred dollar bill from your bra and held it out to him, watching as he took the bill as humbly as possible.
“Thank you, Martin.” You thanked your personal driver, the man who had fathered you possibly more than your own, who was always gone on 'business'. Business being running around sleeping with women who were half his age and sipping Martini’s in a hot tub on a skyscraper rooftop 500 miles away. 
“My pleasure. You stay safe now.” He insisted, raising a brow as you offered a smile and reached for the handle. 
“Will do. Have a nice night.” You bid farewell as you swung the door of the sleek, black vehicle open, taking extra care to make sure your legs were never too far apart as you stepped out. The dress you picked out was just brushing what was considered ‘business casual’. You held your matching clutch close to your side and tried your best to ignore the way your heels made the arches of your feet ache. 
Wiggling your fingers at the man behind the wheel, you shut the door and watched as the car drove away. Turning your attention to the house you hadn’t seen in years and honestly hoped to never see again. The Cameron Residence was practically a historical landmark in Kildare. The house hadn’t aged in the years you’d been gone — walking out of it as a heartbroken eighteen year old girl and walking the path up to the door as a refined twenty-two year old woman. 
You could hear the low, classical music playing and the faint chatter of the guests inside. Shadows passing by as silhouettes in front of the curtains, the only lights that were on being on the first level of the home. 
You wasted no time, even in your careful observing, in taking strides towards the front door which would undoubtedly be unlocked, walking carefully as to not trip over your feet and make a fool of yourself. 
When your hand touched the doorknob, pushing open the only structure keeping you from the rest of the party, it was like stepping into a new reality. It was a reality you’d left behind in exchange for college campus life, which was more homey. More comforting and cozy, it kept you grounded. 
This reality was superficial, so superficial it nauseated you like never before. Art pieces on the white walls that cost way too much money and had no real meaning, sports trophies that were bought with wealth statuses and daddy’s money littered amongst coffee tables and mantelpieces. 
But you’d only have to suffer a couple hours and get what you came here for.
“You made it!” A voice beamed close to your ear, turning to see Sarah Cameron walking speedily in a pair of heels and a cream colored silk dress. Her arms were up as she made a b-line in your direction, a genuine smile falling across your face. You adored Sarah. She was probably one of the most genuine people who ever lived on Figure Eight. 
She embraced you tightly, swaying side to side as she did. “Oh, I missed you. We have so much to catch up on!” She gushed, releasing you from her grasp to grab a hold of your wrist instead. “Everyone’s in the backyard. C’mon, they’ve been waiting for you.” The ecstatic blonde girl gave you no time to greet her back or return her affections as she dragged you through the crowd of middle-aged business men and women. 
Stepping into the backyard where circular tables were set up with white tablecloths, candles placed perfectly in the middle of each one. It wasn’t long before your eyes landed on them all standing around one of the set ups. And it wasn’t long before they spotted you too, waving you and Sarah both over.
When you came to a stop in front of them as Sarah released your arm, you were pulled into another embrace by Ward himself. “Oh, honey, look at you!” He cooed, giving you a tight squeeze before pulling back and letting his hands rest on your shoulders. “You look beautiful. Where’s your father? Is he going to make it?”
You gave the man a pained smile. “Thank you, Mr.Cameron. No, he won’t. He’s in the city on ‘unofficial business’.” You spoke, spite evident in your voice. “You know how that goes.”
Ward gave you a comforting smile and squeezed your shoulder reassuringly before removing his hands. “Well, give him my best when you do see him.” With the conversation ending there, you turned your attention to the rest of the people surrounding the table. 
Rose perched under Ward’s arm, Wheezie leaned over the table with her elbows propped up on the surface while she fiddled with her phone, and Rafe. 
He stood directly across from you, hands in the pockets of his slacks as his eyes bored shamelessly into yours.
You stared back for a moment, narrowing your eyes. After a moment, you gave him a thin-lipped smile and small nod of your head in acknowledgement of his presence. “Hi, Rafe.”
“I didn’t think you’d be coming this year.” He spoke, voice deeper and more raspy than you remember. But you had to admit, he looked better. No longer strung out on drugs, mind racing all over the place. He looked tamed.
“Wouldn’t miss it.” You assured him. The tension was palpable and you’re sure the rest of the Cameron family could feel it as Rose and Ward dismissed themselves to greet guests while Sarah dragged Wheezie to go eat all the sample foods in the kitchen with her. 
You and Rafe had dated practically all throughout high school. It was good until it wasn't. Rafe made you fall in love with a version of him that didn't exist and when the mask slipped there was no putting it back on. The relationship became the bane of your existence at some point during it. It couldn't even be described as toxic. Vile is probably a better word.
Once it was just the two of you, Rafe rounded the table to stand next to you as a waiter came around to hand you each a glass of champagne. You sat your clutch on the table and sipped on the beverage as he stood silently next to you, both of you facing forwards watching the party go on around you.
“Are you going to say something?” You asked flatly, tracing the rim of your glass.
“Why are you here?”
“Was I not invited?”
“You only ever come because your father asks you to just so he and my father can talk about property and money. But your father isn’t here. So why are you?” He pointed out.
You chuckled smally to yourself, finally turning your head to look at him as he did the same. “If you think I’m here for you, don’t flatter yourself.” You poked, leaning your weight on the table. “I’m surprised Ward didn’t mention anything to you.”
His eyebrows pinched together. “Mention what?”
“I came here to talk to him. About his company.” You started, taking a short sip of your champagne before continuing. “I want it and if my offer is good enough, he’s going to sell it to me.”
You'd struck a nerve in him. Nostrils flaring, fists balled on the surface of the top as he tried to compose himself. He had never been good with managing his anger. It was good to see that some things never change.
“Why the fuck would my father sell our family business to you?” He spat. “It’s mine. He said it was mine.”
“Well, it seems daddy lied to you.” You shrugged, looking Rafe in the eyes. “Like father, like son.”
Rafe’s eyes were running wild, his cheeks a deep shade of red. He took a step closer to you, placing his lips next to your ear as he spoke. “You’re bluffing. You've always been a bad bluff so, just say you missed me so we can fuck and you can go home.”
“I didn’t travel over two-hundred miles for you, Rafe.” You shot back, voice at his level now. “You never fucked me good enough for that type of commitment.”
“That’s funny. Considering all the screaming you were doing the night before you left for your fancy little Ivy-League School.” 
“You mean the night you begged me to come over? Crying about how you needed me-” You were cut off when Rafe abruptly gripped your upper arm, swiftly dragging you through the huddles of guests, into the house, and into the first open bathroom. He practically used your arm to throw you into the vacant area, closing the door behind himself.
His hands were trailing your thighs and underneath your dress before you could speak, his face only inches from yours. You didn’t think you’d ever miss his touch. It was always so rushed and rough. But now it was deliberately gentle and borderline seductive. 
“I will never forget the easiest way to get you to shut up. You're still the same.”
You snarled at him, mumbling an insult under your breath.
You hadn’t taken notice of the way your hands balled up your dress at the sides in your annoyance, making it easier for his hands to maneuver its way to the front of your panties, pressing the lightest of pressure to your clit. 
Your words had died in your throat, all insults and jabs getting swallowed down as you eyed him up and down while your heart beat out of your chest. Your lips were parted with small breaths leaving your lips every few seconds, refusing to give him complete satisfaction. “This doesn’t change anything.”
A smirk edged on his face before his head dipped down, using his nose to tip your chin up to gain access to your neck. You put up minimal struggle — you knew this wasn’t what you planned to do once you got here. You were here to rub the deal in his face, not fuck him in the downstairs bathroom of his mansion. But that plan became increasingly harder to carry out while he was sucking and licking your neck in all the right places that made you bite down on your tongue to keep quiet while his fingers moved your panties to the side, making contact with your bundle of nerves. One of your own hands released your dress to grab the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer.
The tips of his calloused fingers gilded easily through your dripping folds. He sighed into your neck at the contact and you could feel him smile against your skin, his fingers tracing your core leisurely. “You don’t hate me nearly as much you think you do.”
His words made your blood boil and your legs go weak all at the same time. If he was going to fuck you, then he needed to do just that and shut up while he was at it.
Your free hand ran its up his clothed back, cupping the back of his neck as he resumed his assault on yours. You had to bite down on your lip to stop yourself from making noise that any guest within ten feet of the door would hear as he eagerly pushed two of his fingers inside of you. You were never the quietest.
Your grip on his neck grew tighter, nails digging into the skin as his thick fingers curled and pumped between your legs. You’d been with other guys since Rafe but he knew you too well, which gave him an advantage that you hated. “Oh, fuck…” You muttered when you could no longer hold your profanities in your chest.
Releasing the hand that remained on your dress, you grabbed his wrist in a desperate attempt to shove his digits deeper into your core. 
He must’ve taken this as a sign that you wanted much more than he was offering because it wasn’t long before his fingers went from carefully massaging your g-spot to ramming into you callously. Your mouth fell open, the hand grabbing his wrist now gripping his forearm, feeling the veins on his biceps through his shirt. 
His head retreated from your neck to crash his lips against yours. His kisses no longer tasted like coke how they used to —- chemical and bitter. The only thing you could taste was the fruity-sweet undertones of the expensive champagne. It made your heart clench in the slightest of ways, knowing that just maybe he wasn’t the same person he was when you left.
But you knew he also wasn’t someone you could ever be with.
You were just about to reach your climax when he pulled his fingers back, leaving you empty and clenching around nothing. You didn’t even have a second to complain before he was dropping you to the floor, feet landing on the hardwood floor just in time to catch yourself.
Rafe hiked up your dress above your hips, pulling your panties down like a man starved and turning you to face the wall before using a hand on your back to bend you over. One of your own hands came up to slap itself against the painted surface, keeping you steady.
You could hear him unbutton his pants before letting them drop down his thighs, hearing his shoes shuffle closer behind you before you felt the warm head of his cock, smearing precum over your heat.
He wasted little time in pushing into you, a small groan leaving his lips as both of his hands went to grip your hips, pulling you back onto him with every thrust forward. Quick breaths and low moans were leaving your lips with every slap of his hips against yours.
His pace was moderate, but he was so deep that every push back into you felt like a kick to the gut in the best way possible.
You only felt a little shame when you realized this was exactly where Rafe wanted you. But this didn’t change anything after the fact. And he didn’t know that yet.
You started to feel that knot in your abdomen wind itself tighter again, pulling and pulling until after one particularly deep, knee-trembling thrust and the unexpected feeling of his fingers rubbing circles into your clit, you snapped. Coming around him as your nails scratched against the wall and you let out a long, breathy moan.
He wasn’t far behind you, grip on your hip growing tighter as his thrusts grew more rapid and sloppy, pushing you farther up the wall as your body began to straighten itself out, trembling as his circling of your nerves hadn't let up and he rode out your own high while still fucking into you. You felt the familiar feeling of him spilling inside of you within seconds. You didn’t think you would ever forget it.
You didn’t let him bask in his post-sex haze for long, pulling your garments back on and into place after he pulled out before silently moving around him to see yourself in the mirror. You fixed your loose strands of hair and lip gloss that somehow ran down your lips and onto your chin. You could see the blur of him in the reflective surface behind you as he pulled his pants back on, hair messed and skin red.
Once you deemed yourself decent, you creaked the door open, peeking to see who was near. When you figured the coast was clear, you slipped out of the door, leaving Rafe behind.
You weaved your way through the crowd of people that had thinned out somewhat, heading for the backyard where you realized you had carelessly left your clutch on the table. Making it back to the table where Rafe had dragged you from, half-drunk glasses of champagne and your abandoned clutch on the surface, you grabbed it, ready to turn around and find Ward. 
But of course, the second you turned back to the patio doors, Rafe was just inches behind you.
“You’re leaving now, right?”
You couldn’t help but scoff humorously. “What?”
“You got what you came here for so you’re leaving.” He said as if he had it all figured out. You didn’t think he seriously thought you were bluffing about the business proposal. Poor thing.
“I already told you, Rafe,” You started, shaking your head with a small grin on your face. “I’m not here for you.”
His face morphed into one of great annoyance and mild anger as your name was called, echoing outside. Your gaze shifted behind the irritated man to find Ward coming your way.
Stopping in front of you, he spoke without really noticing his son’s presence. “I’m so glad I caught you. I’ve been busy all night but-” Suddenly, he seemed to notice Rafe’s figure in front of you, hesitant eyes whipping between the both of you to carefully select his next words, not aware of the fact that his son now knew the one thing he didn’t want him to. “...I’d really still like a chance to talk about… that thing, before you go.”
You nodded, only really wanting to conceal the childish smile on your face. “That’d be great, Mr.Cameron. I’ll be sure to stick around.”
The older man gave you a grateful nod, pitifully eyeing his son before heading back inside. Your own gaze shifted back to Rafe, you could’ve sworn you saw steam rising from his ears. And though you felt a twinge of guilt, you just couldn’t help but chuckle.
“You are a lot of things Rafe,” You started, picking up your champagne glass from the table behind you before looking at him again. “But better than me is not one of them.”
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General taglist; @livlaughquinn
Event Taglist; @timmytime17
feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.
©loveharlow
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sweaterweatherever · 1 year
Text
Competition (Xavier Thorpe x Fem Reader)
Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem reader
Warnings: Cursing. Reader is Tyler's cousin. Is he a good cousin? No clue.
Requested: No. I am still feeling the Christmas Blues myself. Expect your regular smut in a few days, starting with Ajax
A/N: So, I got this idea after rewatching episode three. Ajax mentions Xavier is competitive. I think he would be the kind to take over the top flirting as a challenge. Also I refuse to only write smut for this man, I refuse. 
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“So,” Tyler said, leaning against the counter. “Got any hot dates lining up to the Rave’n?” He smirked. 
“No.” You busied yourself with washing some cups. You sucked at being a baristas, but nepotism had its perks. Tyler had bullied his employer to get them to hire you, arguing he needed the extra hands. “Do you really want to go?” You asked him, eyeing his smile. 
“Yeah, I just… want to see Wednesday, you know?” Tyler got a dopey expression in his face. Then, he gave you a pointed look.
“You are not taking me, it would be so lame to show up with your cousin to the dance, girlie would never take you seriously.” You didn’t know what Tyler saw in the dark-haired menace of a girl, sure, she was cute but treated him like shit. But to each their own. You saw a client enter, and put your best customer service smile. “What can I get you, handsome?” 
You heard Tyler splutter, but ignored him. You flirted with customers all the time, made for better tips. Men were so easy. They really thought the waitress was into them, even if she was twenty years younger. But this boy wasn’t much older than you, and he was handsome, you weren’t making this shit up. He had light colored hair pulled back into a bun and big emerald eyes. 
“I… You are new.” He said, seemingly taken off guard. “Three large lattes, to go, please.” 
“So polite!” You said to him, gesturing to Tyler to shut his mouth and get started with the drinks. “Yes, I am new, must be a regular, then? I bet you see Tyler’s pretty face a lot. Your total would be twelve dollars.” Tyler made a shocked noise, almost choking on his own spit, and the guy snickered. 
“Oh, I find yours much nicer to look at.” The boy drawled, pulling a twenty out of his pocket and passing it to you. “Is Galpin over there your boyfriend?” He asked. 
“Chatty. I like it.” You said, giving the change back to him with a smile. “No, Ty over there is my cousin.” 
“You definitely have the better genes, then.” The boy smirked, and put the change in your tip jar. You smiled even wider. He went to the counter to get his drinks, and just before he could walk out on you, you said.
“Can I get your name, viking?” You smirked when he almost dropped his lattes. Oh, you so loved to flirt, especially when the heavy tippers. You figured he deserved some niceties after tipping more than fifty percent. 
“It’s Xavier. Xavier Thorpe.” Xavier gave you one last smile and walked out in the cold. 
“Did you really had to flirt with fucking Xavier Thorpe?” Tyler asked. 
“I take it you aren't his biggest fan?” You took out the eight dollars from the tip jar and waved it on his face. “You know, I flirt with customers all the time.” 
“You could say that. I kicked his ass and got send to boot camp. He hates me and seeing him makes me…” Tyler explained, blushing a little. 
“Yeah, I get it. But you do it too! You and this creepy redheaded lady, she totally wants in your pants…” You didn't like it one bit. She wanted something with your cousin, that was clear. 
“Oh, that’s different. Besides, I got a vibe from you and Thorpe….” 
“It sure is.” You rolled your eyes. “And it was so not a vibe.” You said, but you had felt it too. There had been a spark with the guy, something underneath the flirting. 
“Yeah, you might think you can charm anyone’s pants off, but no one drops eight dollars in tips on a twelve dollar order if he isn’t into the pretty cashier.” Tyler rolled his eyes.
“Whatever.” You said to him, seeing the door open and pasting another smile on your face. “Welcome to the Weathervane, what can I get for the lovely couple?” 
You saw Xavier again the next week. This time, you were doing tables, and he was sitting in a booth with another guy. 
“Hey, stranger.” You said to him, placing a menu in front of him. Then, turning to the guy, you said. “Hello there, hot stuff. Seriously, what do they give to you at Nevermore? Are you all like out of a movie ?” The guy blushed, and you smiled, placing another menu down. 
“Hello, gorgeous.” Xavier answered, with his own flirty smile. “I’ll give you a call when we are ready.” 
“My name is Y/N.” You winked at him. He was clearly enjoying the chase, you could tell. “Just so you know what name you will be screaming after.” You watched out for his reaction, worried you had gone a bit too far. 
“Oh my god.” The other guy muttered, blush steadily growing. 
Xavier laughed. “I like you already. I will out flirt you, you know?” 
“Oh, I'd like to see you try.” You narrowed your eyes at him. 
“You are on, pretty girl.” He leaned back on the booth, posture open in a confident sprawl.  You walked away, making sure to sway your hips just so. The Weathervane uniform didn't do you many favors, but you had enough attitude to make up for it. 
“Oh my god, Xavier, you didn’t bring me here just to flirt with the waitress!” You heard the other guy say. You had to hide your smirk. 
When they called you, you walked back to their table, ignoring Tyler’s disapproving looks. The other guy was glancing at him worriedly. 
“Oh, ignore my cousin.” You pulled out pen and paper. “Ty is the overprotective sort. But I don't need protection!” You said the last part a little louder. 
“I don’t know about that.” Xavier smiled mischievously. “Pretty thing like you? Someone might want to steal you away.” 
“Is it stealing if I go willing?” You winked. The poor guy at the table with him looked about to start smashing his head repeatedly in the table. “Anyway, what do you boys want?” 
“Umm, a croissant would be good, and maybe a latte?” The guy asked you, blush still on his face.
“A piece of chocolate cake for me and an espresso. “ Xavier said.
“Got a bit of a sweet tooth?” You asked him, winking. 
“I like sweet things.” Xavier gave you a look that was anything but innocent. 
“Good.” You said, a faint blush appearing on your face. “I’ll be right back.”
You made up your mind when placing their order. You liked Xavier, he was handsome and fun to flirt with. He seemed to have a very sharp and quick mind, so when you got them the check, you slid it towards Xavier. Your number was scribbled on the bottom corner. 
You hadn't even made your way back to the counter when your phone pinged. 
Unknown: Is this your way of admitting defeat? 
You: Defeat? On what? 
Unknown: I out flirted you ;)
You: Hahaha, no. You poor thing, I wasn't aware this was a competition, but now that I do, prepare for war.
And so, war started. You woke up every day to cheesy pickup lines, and went to bed with compliments. So did Xavier because you weren’t giving up. Your conversations started getting more intimate, the flirting more serious. 
“Hi there, gorgeous!” You said to him, on Outreach day. “Your usual?”
“I’m actually here as a volunteer.” Xavier answered. You couldn’t help but smile. Oh, you were going to have such fun.
“Just my fucking luck.” Tyler muttered, sliding a uniform towards him. “I knew we were getting a boy, but this?”
While Xavier got changed, Tyler turned to you. 
“He’s going to be in restocking and cleaning duties and you on the tables.” He warned you. “I don’t want him using you to get his revenge.”
“Not everything in this town revolves around you, you know?” You rolled your eyes. 
“I just don’t want you to get hurt. You might not know it, but he was dating the most popular girl at his school. He is that kind of crowd. I was too, and I was an asshole.” Tyler brushed your hair back from your face. He had a point. Tyler had been one of the most popular guys at his school, before… before your aunt… And after, before being sent off. Homecoming King, star quarterback…
You remembered the way he was with girls too, toying around without a care for their feelings. And you didn’t know Xavier really well, but you were falling for him. Pretty boys like that, they had a way of breaking girls' hearts, especially if their parents were rich enough to press charges against the sheriff's son and make them stick. 
You went back to the tables, not saying anything when Xavier got sent to the back. You didn’t go in there in the whole day, avoiding him. 
When Wednesday came in, Xavier took advantage of the situation, coming out from the backroom. 
“Hey. “ He said, leaning into the counter next to you. “Everything alright?”
“Just, Ty got in my head. He doesn’t want me near you. Thinks you are getting your revenge.”  Xavier's face flashed through a series of emotions. Surprise, anger, hatred, sadness, only to settle back into a mask. 
“What do you think?” Xavier asked, expression eerily calm. 
“I think you aren’t but if this is just a competition to you…” You started, turning to face him. You had the right to stop this whole game, because you were going to get hurt if you didn’t. 
“I was going to ask you out today.” Xavier shaked his head, watching Tyler rush behind Wednesday. That made something flutter in your stomach. It wasn’t a game to him, you suddenly realized. “Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe I was a game to you.” There was a flash of something in his eyes… Betrayal. That was it. He took off his apron, and started to walk away. You grabbed his wrist. 
“Xavier.” You said, and his pretty eyes looked like crushed emeralds. “My cousin is an asshole and I am sorry I believed him. Especially knowing how he gets.” 
“I don’t know if we can…” Xavier started, but there was a look of hope in his eyes. You did what you did best: You jumped, even if you were scared. You wouldn’t lose him that easily, over a misunderstanding. 
“Take me to the Rave’n?” You asked him. “As a date. And I am not teasing. Nor flirting. I want to get to know you better. Because I might be falling in love with you.” 
“Alright.” Xavier said, pulling you into his arms. “Alright.”
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hungermakesmonsters · 2 months
Text
Catch Me If You Can
Chapter Eighteen
Plot summary : When your friend interviews for a position at Anvil, you have a chance encounter with Billy Russo. He takes you for coffee and, by the time you’re done, Billy decides he’s anything but done with you.
Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader
Story Rating : R 
Chapter Rating : PG
Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] There's some dark stuff pertaining to an abusive past relationship, attempted murder, and vague details of a car crash. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story. 
Word Count : ~4.4k
A/N : Set about a week after the last one! I'm honestly a little nervous about this chapter, I hope you like it! As always thanks so much for reading!
CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE | CHAPTER SIX | CHAPTER SEVEN | CHAPTER EIGHT | CHAPTER NINE | CHAPTER TEN | CHAPTER ELEVEN | CHAPTER TWELVE | CHAPTER THIRTEEN | CHAPTER FOURTEEN | CHAPTER FIFTEEN | CHAPTER SIXTEEN | CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Chapter Eighteen
The whole world came crashing down around you in a single moment. 
You didn’t realise until it was too late to stop it, until it was too late to change anything and avoid the inevitable consequences.
The private investigator took the envelope full of cash before sliding the file across the table to you, sparing you one last glance and a couple of words of warning before climbing out of the booth and heading towards the exit. Your gaze followed him out of the diner and onto the street, where he walked past -
Your heart stopped.
Frank.
He had his phone out, pointing right at you through the diner window, a mix of betrayal and disappointment on his face. It took a moment to figure out what was happening, for the penny to finally drop, but when it did, you felt your entire body fill with panic; he thought you were the security threat, the person who’d been digging into anvil over the last couple of months. 
Your heart started to race, knowing that he was going to tell Billy what he thought he’d seen, that he’d seen you paying off the PI who’d been snooping around Anvil. You scrambled out of the booth, almost tripping over your own feet, desperate to get to Frank and fix the situation before it spiralled out of control.
But he was already on the phone by the time you got outside. You kept the file clutched to your chest, holding it against you like a shield as you approached the imposing figure of Frank Castle, stomach knotting as you heard him speak.
“Yeah, Bill, I’ll deal with it,” his eyes fixed on you as you stopped in front of him. 
You waited in silence, for a moment thinking you could just about hear Billy’s voice on the other end of the phone before Frank hung up and dropped his phone into his pocket.
“I’m gonna need you to give me that,” Frank said, holding out his hand, expecting you to hand the file over. 
“I can’t.” Because, despite everything that was happening, you knew one thing for sure; you couldn’t let anyone see the file, couldn’t let them know about your past.
“Y’know, the crazy thing is that I thought Bill was gonna be the one to break your heart, not the other way around,” Frank shook his head.
“You don’t understand -”
“Pretty sure I do,” he interrupted, not willing to listen to your explanations, “you’ve had your PI lookin’ into Anvil and Bill for weeks now, so give it up.”
“No, that’s not -” but you could already tell that he wasn’t going to listen to you, that he’d made up his mind. “I need to see Billy, I have to explain this to him.”
“That’s great ‘cause he’s already waiting at Anvil for you.”
You stared at him for a moment before realising that you had a choice to make - he couldn’t very well bundle you into his car in broad daylight, but you were aware how bad it would look for you if you refused to go with him. You’d just given up every single dollar to your name for the file in your hand and, now, you needed to make sure that it hadn’t all been for nothing.
“Okay,” you relented, “take me to Billy.”
Frank gave a grunt and nodded towards his truck. You followed after him, climbing into the passenger seat and keeping your eyes fixed forward. Once he’d started the engine, you reached for your phone, hastily typing up a message to Karen, wanting to try and explain what was going on before Frank told her.
“Who you texting?” Frank asked suddenly, taking his eyes off the road.
“Karen, I -” he snatched your phone before you could finish, your thumb managing to hit send on the half finished message as he pulled it away from you. “What the fuck?”
“You’re not draggin’ Karen into this shit,” he told you, his eyes returning to the road just in time to keep from running a red light - a sharp stop that caused your anxiety to spike even more, reminding you of the accident years ago. You were so distracted that you only caught the last half of what Frank was saying, “- when Bill’s done with you.”
You didn’t argue, didn’t ask him to repeat himself. You just wanted him to concentrate on the road. So, you remained silent, clutching the file to your chest and watching out the windscreen. The way he drove across the city made your heart race and your chest tighten, practically jumping out of your skin with every screech of brakes or honk of a horn.
And, when you reached Anvil some fifteen minutes later, you were quick to scramble out of the truck, almost gasping for breath.
He gave another grunt, indicating that you should follow him and, stupidly, you did just that. You didn’t realise that anything was wrong until you were in the elevator and realised that you were being taken down to the basement level instead of up to Billy’s office.
“Why aren’t we going to Billy’s office?” You asked, dread already starting to coil in your stomach.
“Bill doesn’t want you in his office,” Frank answered as the doors slid open, revealing a cold and terrifying looking corridor.
“I want my phone back.” You told him, unable to stop the fear from filling your tone.
“Told you, you can have it back when Bill’s done with you,” he motioned for you to start moving and, with no other option, you did.
When the elevator doors slid shut, your thoughts started to spiral to dark places you didn’t want them to go, to memories of feeling trapped and powerless. A lump rose in your throat and tears were already starting to sting your eyes as your footsteps echoed down the long hallway. When Frank stopped and opened a door, you let him usher you inside before you realised your mistake.
The door closed behind you, leaving you trapped and alone in what appeared to be an interrogation room. Had your state of mind been better, you might have realised that the room was used for training new recruits and conducting interviews but, since you were panicking, all you could think was that you were going to be trapped there until you confessed to all of the things you hadn’t done.
You turned back to the door quickly, pulling at the handle. You weren’t surprised to find it locked, but it did nothing to stop the panic that was raging inside of you.
The room had a long metal table and two chairs, one on either side, but you didn’t move to sit. You couldn’t move at all, terror had you rooted in place, your fingers still tightly gripping the file against your chest. There was a camera blinking in the corner of the room and you felt your stomach drop; was Billy watching you right now, could he see the terror on your face? (And, if he could, why wasn’t he coming to help you?)
Minutes passed before Billy stepped into the room. You stayed frozen as he stepped around you and you waited - you waited for him to tell you that this was all some big mistake, that he knew you’d never do the things Frank had accused you of. But it never came. As he took a seat, your eyes closed tight, silently willing yourself to wake up from this nightmare.
Another minute passed in total silence, like he was waiting for you to speak first and dig your own grave, but you couldn’t even look at him, much less form the words you needed to explain all of this to him.
“Just give me the file,” he finally said.
“I can’t,” you shook your head, eyes still closed tight.
“Who are you working for?” There was something cold in his voice, something broken and full of pain and, despite everything he was putting you thought, some part of you longed to comfort him.
“No one, I’m not -”
“Don’t lie to me!” The sound of his open palm hitting the surface of the table caused you to flinch, your eyes opening as you took a step back and pressed yourself against the wall, needing to put as much distance between you and Billy as possible. “You paid someone to look into Anvil, into me.”
“No, that’s not what happened! You don’t understand -”
“What were you after; finances? Mission details? How much were you getting paid?” His tone got sharper with every word.
“I wasn’t after anything, that’s not what this is. It’s not about Anvil -” you tried desperately still, somehow, holding onto some small glimmer of hope that you could fix things before they got too broken.
 “Bullshit!”
“Please, Billy,” you struggled to find the words in your panic, “you promised that you’d trust me, that you’d -”
“I did trust you!”
His use of the past tense caused something to break inside of you, and you felt a sort of pain that you hadn’t felt in years, the sort of pain that could only be inflicted by someone you loved.
“Stop, please, Billy just -” you tried again, blinking back tears.
Everything was falling apart around you, the future you’d let yourself hope for was slipping away; you were going to move in with him, you were going to go work for The Bulletin, and you were finally going to start rebuilding your life after so many years of just existing and scraping a living. All your dreams were dying all at once, all because he wouldn’t listen to you, because he couldn’t trust you.
Some part of you knew that if you could just find the words, you’d be able to make him understand, but your panicked, racing mind couldn’t focus enough to say or do anything to help fix things.
“How long?” He asked coldly, ignoring your tears. “How long have you been lying to me, using me?”
“I wasn’t lying! Why won’t you listen to me? Why can’t you trust me?” You heard yourself begging desperately.
“Because you’ve been lying to me for months!” His voice got louder, sharper, and you no longer recognised the man in front of you. This wasn’t your Billy, this was someone else entirely. “You know, you really had me fooled, pretending to be this wounded little thing, acting like you wanted me, like we had something.”
“It wasn’t an act!” You managed to raise your voice to match him, desperate to make him listen, to convince him that you still cared, but Billy didn’t even seem to hear it. “Please, just - just let me explain. I can explain this.”
“Explain what? That none of this was real? That you tricked me into wanting you so you could get close enough to stab me in the back? Did you get paid extra to fuck me or was jumping into my bed just part of the game for you?” You could still hear the pain in his tone, but the moment Billy said those words to you, something inside of you snapped.
Your stomach continued to tie itself in knots. You hated every little thing about this, hated how he thought you were as bad as all of the other people who had used him and lied to him to get what they wanted. But your pain quickly started to turn to anger - he wasn’t the only one who’d ever been hurt, he wasn’t the only one who’d been lied to and used. As hurt as Billy obviously was by this whole situation, he’d broken his promises to you; he wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t hear you out, wouldn’t trust you.
You were being blamed for something you hadn’t done and you were going to lose everything because of it. Again.
“You think I jumped into bed with you?” Your tone turned sharper, colder, and more certain - because, in all of this, if you were certain of one thing, it was that you did not just jump into bed with him. Finally you had his attention, just in time for you to tell him; “falling in love with you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, Billy. And you’ve just managed to prove why it was such a stupid idea.”
It was the first time you’d dared utter that you loved him aloud, but you were no longer scared of how he was going to react to the revelation or how vulnerable it would make you feel. It was too late to care about any of that. You’d come to Anvil hoping to save things with Billy but that dream was now over. 
And, for the first time since all of this began, you realised that the truth of your past couldn’t hurt you anymore. It didn’t matter if Billy knew because he’d already given up on you, whatever was between you was over now, and everything you’d done to try and preserve it had been for nothing.
“Fine,” you relented, forcing yourself to step away from the wall and towards the table. Once you were close enough you slammed the file down in front of him so hard that its contents spilled out across the table; photographs of you, notes about your work, your friends and your finances. 
Billy’s eyes dropped, quickly looking over it, starting to move things, rummaging through the paperwork, trying to make sense of it.
“It was never about you or Anvil. He was looking for me. And I just spent every penny I had paying him off so I wouldn’t have to leave New York, so I wouldn’t have to leave you. But I guess the jokes on me, because you don’t even care enough to keep your promises to me and just listen for five fucking minutes.” By the time you’d finished, you had to cover your mouth to try and suppress the sobs that were desperate to escape you.
Billy stayed silent, rifling through the pages and photographs in front of him, seeming to become more frantic with every passing second as he looked for something, anything, to prove that he hadn’t just destroyed your relationship for nothing.
You watched him for a second, knowing exactly what he’d find in the file, and knowing the questions he’d inevitably have for you when he found the details of your sister's death, and the car crash that had left you scarred. But it was too late for any of that now, he’d lost any right to ask anything about your past.
Moving back to the door, you gave the handle a sharp tug, even though you were pretty certain that the door was still locked.
“Wait -” his broken tone caused you to bristle. Where once you would have felt compassion, you now only felt anger.
“Let me out.”
“I don’t understand,” he told you, as he got to his feet and started to move towards you, his expression one of confusion instead of anger. You held up a hand, wanting him to keep his distance and Billy stopped. In his hand he was holding a copy of the photograph that he’d seen on your bedside table all those weeks ago, the photo of you and your siblings as children. “Please, help me understand this. I want to understand.”
“Which part, Billy? The part where you refused to listen, when you wouldn’t hear me out, when you wouldn’t trust me like you promised?” A hand scrubbed at your cheek, desperately trying to wipe away your tears, not wanting him to see just how much he’d wounded you. “Or the part where you thought so little of me that you thought I was fucking you just to get information on your company?”
“I didn’t know, I -”
“You wouldn’t let me explain!” You yelled and it was Billy’s turn to flinch at your tone. “I gave up everything I had to get that file, and now it doesn’t even matter. None of this matters anymore.”
“It matters, it -” he tried, obviously struggling for words, “- why didn’t you tell me?
“Why didn’t you believe me?” you threw back at him. ”Why is it so hard for you to trust me? Do you even trust anyone?”
“I’m sorry, I never -”
“Just - just stop. It’s too late.” You shook your head. It hurt too much and every word, every plea that left him only made the ache in your chest feel worse. “You promised me that you’d listen. I trusted you and you ruined it. You’ve ruined us.” 
“No... don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.” His voice continued to crack and break, and it was almost enough to make you want to back down, but you knew you couldn’t. Not after this. He’d broken his promise to you and left you feeling more wounded and alone than you’d ever felt. “I’m sorry, let me fix this, sweetheart, please.”
“Fix this?” You almost managed to laugh through the tears. “There is no fixing this, Billy. You’ve ruined it. You broke my heart.”
“No, no... please, I -” for a moment he looked at you like those three little words were on the tip of his tongue, like he was ready to confess his love, but you didn’t want to hear it.
“Just stop. You don’t get to fight for me, Billy. Not now. Not after this.” You told him angrily. “I told you I couldn’t do this if you didn’t trust me.”
“You said you fell in love with me,” the words came out so softly that you almost didn’t hear them.
You could see the thinly masked distress on his face, the pain and misery that you’d managed to cause with that one, silly admission. You hated yourself for blurting it out like that, like you were some character in a soap opera or some shitty romance novel. And, if he’d been anyone else, you might have been angrier at his obliviousness to your feelings - of course you’d fallen in love with him, it had been so fucking obvious - but Billy had always been honest with you; he didn’t know love, didn’t understand it. All the people who were supposed to love him and abandoned him.
But not you. That was not what this was. You weren’t abandoning him, he’s pushed you to breaking point. This time it was Billy’s fault.
“What did you think was gonna happen?” You dared to ask, not even bothering to try and hide your pain anymore. “I’m not like you, Billy, I can’t just turn off my emotions whenever things get difficult.”
“You love me?” He took a step closer, the look on his face suggesting that he still thought that there was some way that he could fix things.
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It matters to me, please, I -”
The door opened and, before he could finish that thought, you were rushing back out into the hallway, trying to put as much distance between yourself and Billy as possible. He followed after, your name dying on his lips when he saw Karen and Frank standing there.
“Sorry, Bill, she -” Frank started, looking at Karen who was now holding your phone.
“You’re both assholes,” she stated and neither man dared argue with her. Obviously, thankfully, she’d managed to figure out what was going on and where you were just from the half of a text message that you’d managed to send before Frank had confiscated your phone. 
Her arm quickly pulled around your shoulders and she started to lead you towards the elevator while you tried to choke back tears. You didn’t dare look back until you were in the elevator; Billy looked heartbroken, following after you but keeping his distance.
“Please, I -” he tried.
“You’ve done enough, Billy. Just leave her alone.” Karen snapped as the doors slid shut and, a moment later, the floodgates opened and you started to sob uncontrollably, knowing that you’d lost everything.
TWO HOURS EARLIER.
Your heart was racing, thumping out a painful and uneven beat in your chest.
When Karen had told you that a private investigator had been asking around about you at The Bulletin, you’d put things together pretty quickly. You had her set up a meeting later that morning for you, hoping that you could fix things before they got out of control, even though your every instinct told you to pack a bag and get out of New York as quickly as you could.
You didn’t want to have to run, you didn’t want to leave the life that you were starting to build in the city. You didn’t want to leave the man that you loved.
Before heading to the diner to meet the PI, you stopped at the bank, withdrawing every penny that had, hoping that it would be enough, hoping that you could pay him off and fix everything before things spun out of control.
He was already waiting in the diner when you arrived, sitting in a booth by the window; a grizzled looking guy, well into his forties, who’d obviously been in the PI game for decades. As you slid into the seat opposite him, you felt your guts start to twist with a mix of anxiety and fear.
“If I’d known that this was the quickest way to get you out of hiding, I’d’ve done it weeks ago,” he stated before you’d even gotten comfortable. “I take it you wanted to meet to make me an offer?”
You took a breath, trying to steady your still-racing heart. “How much would it cost for you to go back to Florida and pretend you couldn’t find me?”
He almost seemed shocked that you knew where he was from for a second, but it was quickly hidden behind a lazy sort of smile.
“More than you’ve got,” he stated and your heart sank. “I’m a little surprised that you don’t seem surprised by any of this.”
“I’m not,” you offered, already feeling like you were wasting your time. “I knew it was only a matter of time before Scott started looking for me. Did he tell you why - did he tell you why he wants to find me?”
“No, and I didn’t bother to ask - usually don’t when the money’s this good.” He shrugged before sitting forward in his seat. “Go on then; what’d you do to this guy? I figured you either broke his heart or you took something of his. Must’ve been something big for you to spend these last few years running all up and down the country.”
“I didn’t do anything,” you voice cracked at how helpless you suddenly felt, “He tried to kill me, and that’s probably why he wants me back.”
That seemed to unsettle the PI and you decided to use it to your advantage.
“I take it you know about the accident?” You asked and the PI gave an awkward sort of nod, not knowing what point you were going to try to make. “It wasn’t an accident, he deliberately swerved the car off the road because I’d finally told him that I was leaving him.” Your voice continued to crack, threatening to break. “He pulled himself out of the car and left me there to die. I had to crawl through fire and broken glass to save myself,” you rolled up your sleeve, letting him see the scars, along with the sickening S that Scott had carved into your skin. “That’s why he wants to know where I am. He wants to finish the job.”
The PI let out a slow exhale and it was more than obvious from the way he shifted in his seat that he hadn’t been expecting that story, that he’d been lied to and used by Scott.
A trembling hand wiped at your eye, you were determined not to cry despite everything you’d just been forced to reveal.
“Look, I feel for you, but this is a big payday and -”
You reached into your purse and quickly placed the envelope on the table between you.
“That’s everything I have,” you told him, sniffing back tears, “you can have it all, just - please, give me the file and don’t tell him I’m here. I just want to be able to live my life. I don’t want to have to start over again.”
“You’d leave that rich boyfriend of yours?” He asked, like he almost didn’t believe what you were trying to tell him.
“If I had to. But I don’t want to. Scott has already stolen years of my life, please don’t help him take more. There’s just over fifteen grand in that envelope, I know it’s not a lot but -”
Your heart threatened to stop as he picked up the envelope and started thumbing through the stack of notes inside.
“This is everything you’ve got,” he stated with the certainty of someone who’d looked into your accounts. “You’re willing to give up everything just to make sure this guy doesn’t find you?”
“Yes...”
The moment that followed seemed to linger for an eternity; him looking at you like he was trying to decide what to do, while you stared back, silently praying to any god that might listen to you. 
There was no holding back the relieved sob that slipped from you when he finally put the envelope in his pocket and slid the file across the table to you.
“I’ll tell him I lost track of you after the six months you spent in Chicago.”
“Thank you.
He gave something of a grumble as he started to pull his coat on and got to his feet, ready to walk away, but something made him stop. “Y’know, that boyfriend of yours isn’t as squeaky clean as you think. I’d be careful if I were you - and, maybe, you should ask him where his mother is.”
He didn’t give you the chance to ask what he meant, before he turned and left the diner, your gaze following him out the door and onto the street, watching as walked right past Frank Castle, who was holding his phone and photographing the entire exchange. 
Chapter Nineteen
END NOTES : Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok so this is probably the chapter than I've been most nervous about so I hope people enjoy the drama and angst! I know this probably wasn't what people were expecting from this chapter, but I won't say too much because I don't want to spoil anything for future chapters.
As always thanks so much for reading and sticking with this, it really does mean the world to me!
If you want adding/removing from the tag list let me know (I know it’s not working for everyone - if it’s not working and you don’t want to miss a chapter, I post every Friday around 7:30pm gmt)
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insanityclause · 22 days
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When Tom Hiddleston landed his career-changing role in Marvel’s Thor back in April 2009, he never dreamed he would be playing the character for nearly 15 years. To be fair, no one did—except maybe Marvel’s mastermind Kevin Feige, who had begun laying the cinematic groundwork for a multi-billion dollar franchise. At the time, Hiddleston happily threw himself into extensive research and prep to play the duplicitous brother of Thor (Chris Hemsworth).  “I was cast in April 2009, and I had about eight months to build the character from the ground up,” Hiddleston says on this week’s Little Gold Men. “So that was a deep dive into everything Loki from any comic book, any Norse myth, any saga, everything—from the whole run of Marvel comics to the ancient Scandinavian stories, and how he pops up in The Ring cycle for Wagner, and Jim Carrey is wearing the mask of Loki in The Mask.” Hiddleston was trying to discover “this sense of, what's Loki's impact on human imagination and culture? And then synthesizing all of that into the story we’re telling. That was such a delightful period of discovery and curiosity.”
Hiddleston’s scene-stealing portrayal made him an instant fan favorite, laying a formidable foundation for a character who went on to appear in six more films and the stand-alone series Loki. The two-season series threw the character into a new dimension and timeline, stripped him of all his creature comforts, and gave the actor new challenges to tackle.
“In successive iterations, [my approach] has been, how do I keep it interesting?” he says. “I genuinely say this to myself and to others: ‘We're not reheating yesterday's meal in the microwave. We're cooking up something new.’ It's trying to find new ingredients or new challenges for the character, for us as actors, so that it feels like the same person is growing. Because that's what human beings do. They don't stay the same, they grow. Sometimes they regress, but there's always movement.”
Hiddleston has gone on to star in a wide array of projects outside the Marvel universe, of course, from his Emmy-nominated, Golden Globe-winning work in The Night Manager to Jim Jarmusch’s acclaimed romantic vampire drama Only Lovers Left Alive and Steven Spielberg’s epic War Horse. But he’s definitely spent the most time with the God of Mischief. And though no official announcement has been made, the final episode of Loki season two strongly indicates the closing of a formative chapter.
The actor and executive producer stopped by Little Gold Men for a thoughtful discussion about the gift of developing and playing a single character for so long, the surreal fun of working with drama school classmates turned costars Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Wunmi Mosaku, and getting to come up with the character's last line (for now). Listen below, where you can also read excerpts from the conversation.
Vanity Fair: Did the series version of Loki feel a little more stripped down, or did you have the same kind of mindset playing him as you did in the films? Tom Hiddleston: Yes. I think it was stripped down literally in the sense of taking away the costume, but stripped down spiritually and in his soul. I thought [the concept] was such a brilliant idea, and it wasn't mine. It was [executive producers] Michael Waldron and Kevin Wright, and the great and the good at Marvel Studios. I thought for any character, if you were presented with your life and watching a kind of highlight reel of it, what would it add up to? Would it be satisfying? Would it be meaningful? Would it be amusing? Would it be disappointing? And I thought to do that with Loki especially, as it's the journey of a life that the audience is familiar with, but he hasn't seen it. I just thought it was a brilliant conceit. And then I leaned into this idea of the leopard being challenged to change his spots. Because you'd have to if your life ended up in murder by Thanos and humiliation. You'd want to try something new.
And that was really fun, developing a story which was actually very philosophical. It asks the question of Loki, as I hope it asks the question of all of us: Are we in control of the course of our lives? Do we have any free will, and can we break free from any kind of predetermination? It seemed like a great question, and a fun way to ask it.
You’re also an executive producer on the series. How did you take on that role? What did you get to do?
Honestly, it was such an honor and I loved it. I loved the extra imagining and problem solving. I was invited into the writer's room really early, season one, even earlier on season two. And to borrow the words from Lin Manuel Miranda, to be in the room where it happens, and to sit around the table and break story and crunch through the great creative ‘what if’ questions—what if Loki did this? What if Mobius [Owen Wilson] did that? What if they couldn't find Sylvie? What if the TVA ran on an energy source, and it wasn't energy, it was time?
Can you take any credit for bringing Ke Huy Kwan or your RADA buddies Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Wunmi Mosaku on board? I love that that was a little bit of a through-line, that you all got to work together.
Well, when their names came up, Gugu and Wunmi particularly, I was able to say, those guys are great. And Ke was just an amazing idea because actually, [his character] Ouroboros was coming to life on the page. Somebody suggested Ke, and Everything Everywhere All At Once had just come out. And I was like, genius: somebody call him now before we lose him. He was so joyful and optimistic and happy to be there, so honored to be there. He'd wanted to be in a Marvel project his whole life, I think, and, and he brought everything and more to that character.
The day he landed, he came from the airport straight to the studio, probably thinking, ‘I'll just say hello and go back to my digs.’ And Owen and I were actually rehearsing the scene before Mobius and Loki meet OB for the first time. And he came in and he listened. And then we got to the bit where we were like, ‘You're in the next bit. Do you want to do it?’ He said ‘Okay!’ And he stayed and rehearsed for three hours. I think he felt completely crazy having just [traveled] across the continents, but it was so brilliant. And the chemistry was so immediate between the three of us, and so funny. We all love Ke.
Thinking about your journey with this character and all the places he has taken you, has there been a surreal aspect to it? I think about you being in drama school with Gugu and Wunmi—now you're getting paid to play.
It's a wonderful question, and I'm never unaware of the great gift that this job is. Especially because it happens all the time,: I go out into the world and I meet young people or children, and they're so amazed that they’re meeting Loki. I'm obviously not Loki, but the response is so immediate and so emotional and so joyful. What a gift. It's the best job in the world. And I never dreamed back then that I would be part of something with such reach and for so long. It just is the most unlikely, surprising, delightful thing. And we—Wunmi and Gugu I've known for a long time. It is amazing to look and go, ‘Can you believe we're here, we're doing this?’ It is exciting too, because it feels right in some way and they're great actors. They are brilliant.
Do you get recognized as the character, or are people starting to recognize you for your other work?
Oh, it's always different. I went to a friend's birthday party the other day—a friend and his wife, both turning the same age. They got a taco stand. I went to get my taco and the guys were like, ‘Only Lovers Left Alive, man. Love that film.’ And I said, ‘Thank you very much. That's very kind.’ Some people say The Night Manager. Some people stop me in the street and go, ‘It's you! You're the dancer.’ And they're referring to some talk show, some bit of dancing I did on a talk show from like a thousand years ago, which really tickles me.
Speaking of dancing, I wanted to bring up your physicality. With the most recent season of Loki in particular and that time slip, did you have to have massages and stretch after? Because it seems like such a jarring movement.
It's jerky, yes. I had to put my body under a kind of relentless physical stress. But I think it pays off in the way it's presented. In terms of movement and physicality, it comes from my own admiration for other performers when I sense that there is a really, alive and visceral physicality in the performance. Some of people are great actors, very cerebral, very intelligent, but sometimes not always fully embodied. And I love the actors who are giving me a sense that the whole body is occupying whichever space that is. They could be on a horse, they could be driving a car, they could have just run in through the jungle. I don't know, it could be anything, but a real sense of physicality is always something I admire in other actors.
One of my favorite things in doing a little research about your work on this season was that you got to craft Loki’s last lin,e and it also maybe came from going on a run. Can you talk about that? Well, first on running, I love it and it is a big part of my life. And a big part of my creative life. Running outside, in space, in the world with only your own legs to carry you and your own breath to fuel you, I find incredibly freeing. And it's where I do some of my best thinking and dreaming and imagining. Things bubble up from inside you. So I often run at the beginning of a day, very early and with an awareness of what's coming, what the scenes of the day are. Sometimes things will bubble up. And maybe that's just extra oxygen in the brain, who knows? 
But to the point about that last line: one of the things I kept trying to guide our team back to was that the whole series, both seasons, was really about finding purpose, or re-finding, re-defining, re-discovering a sense of purpose. And I think a primal need in all of us, is that we need our lives to mean something. So I kept coming back to this line from The Avengers, ��I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose.’ And we kept thinking, well, if Loki has a second chance, he gets to redefine his purpose or re-imagine it. I went for a run and was listening to some film scores, and it was a beautiful day. I was thinking about the journey of playing this character and where it started, and all the people that I have had the great good fortune to work with and become friends with—that completely unique kind of soul-sharing relationship where you make something together. And I remembered the end of the first Thor film, and how emotional that felt and. I just suddenly thought, that's what he should say—but it should mean something completely different. Loki's last line in Thor, directed by Kenneth Branagh, is, ‘I could have done it, Father. I could have done it for you, for all of us.’ And of course his effort to gain his father's pride has been misguided and ill thought-out. And then at the end of Loki season 2, 14 years later, he turns to Mobius and Sylvie and says, ‘I know what I want I know what kind of god I need to be. For you. For all of us.’ It felt very resonant somehow. I hope the audience picked up on that.
Are you able to just say goodbye when it's wrap time, or do you have any sort of meditative, formal way of saying goodbye to a project or a character?
That's such a good question. I think it's a very honest, immediate feeling of relief, which they say is the most intense human emotion. You'd think it was anger or grief or something, but actually relief is—the way relief kind of washes through you, and a sense of finality that some finish line has been crossed and there are no more miles to run. And for me anyway, huge amounts of energy have been stored inside myself which had been poured out over time—over maybe 20 weeks or however many months. 
I love that feeling of completeness. The great joy of what I do for a living is that it involves very intense, very close working with a team. And the pride that you can feel with your teammates, with your crew, with your cast—you just hang around and say goodbye, but it never really is goodbye. And there's just a sense of, like, “that'll do, pig,” you know? Yeah: that'll do, pig.
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It's So Hard To Watch (Everything I Want) - reality tv star!Rafe Cameron x Reader
I Feel You Underneath My Tongue (Next To Every Word That I Should Have Said): Part 1, Part 2
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Summary: You and Rafe had a long history together. The love that you shared wasn’t something that you’d ever questioned–not even when you guys were on a break from your relationship. But, suddenly he’s ghosting you. And the next thing you know? You’re getting a call from an MTV producer saying your ex Rafe is a contestant on Are You The One? and they need to come in for the ex’s episode of the show. And well, you couldn’t say no, could you?
CW/TWs: angst, female reader implied, cursing, toxic relationships afoot, a brief description of physical violence, implied previous physical violence, verbal harassment/abuse, not the most edited/reviewed
Words: 8.4k+
Note: Yes I used pretty boy blonde-era Drew for my header what about it!! And also? I used Jeff Probst because I thought it would be funny OBVIOUSLY he’d never host a reality tv dating show goodbye. So I started writing this a long time ago, forgot about it, and just revisited it to finish ‘er up. Now that said, uhhhhh I think I mayyyyy do a part 2 where Rafe gets back home because this is uhhhhh depressing and I Need closure. But! We’ll see!
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Rafe Cameron had never been one you’d see going on a fucking reality TV show. No. Not at all, in fact. You had known him for the majority of his life. You’d dated the idiot for three years too. After the breakup, you went no contact for your own sake—he was impossible to be around and not fall back into his arms, no matter how much you hated it. Rafe hated it more, though. He tried desperately in the nearly year and a half since your break-up to get back together. You watched as he genuinely worked on changing himself and improving.
But then, suddenly, four months earlier he’d gone radio silent. You’d be the worst kind of liar if you said that it hadn’t hurt you. The abrupt cut-off had made you realize just how close you’d been to taking him back. Apparently, that wasn’t in the cards, though. Apparently, he was entirely over you. No matter how much you utterly fucking hated that. No matter how much it fucking destroyed you after those first two weeks of realizing that he wasn’t going to be coming back.
It got even weirder, though when a fucking MTV producer reached out to you. We’re with MTV’s Are You The One? they’d explained. You’re the ex of one of our contestants Rafe Cameron. Literally what? Would you be interested in getting a trip to Hawaii and being part of the experience? And again, unendingly now, what the actual fuck had Rafe gotten himself into? And why the fuck was he trying to have you be dragged into it?
All of the emotions that flooded you when that phone call started were…violent to say the least. And you were sad too. Part of you had hoped that Rafe would get the fuck over himself and call you again. Part of you hoped that you would’ve been able to give it another shot. But no. Apparently, he’d decided it’d be much more fun to just, you know, go on a stupid dating show with MTV and find his alleged perfect match. It made you sick to your stomach.
Are You the One was a show that felt like it was ripped from your worst nightmares. At least if Rafe was a contestant on it with someone else. The show had a dating algorithm that helps quantify compatibility for twenty-two people. It uses, according to the producer, in-depth interviews, some questionnaires, and then compatibility tests too. So, in the end, the contestants are set with their ideal match. With “their one” apparently. So, the unaware participants have to then get to know each other and undergo tests all while living with all of each other. And if, in the end, all eleven couples were able to figure out who they were after all eight weeks were up then they’d walk away with one million dollars and, potentially, the future love of their life.
The thought of Rafe meeting…
Naturally, you accepted the producer’s offer.
Topper, one of your best friends, even now–even after everything, told you how stupid of an idea it was to agree.
Even so, he booked his own tickets to come to Hawaii with you.
And that was how you found yourself at an insanely gorgeous resort in Oahu a month later with little to no information on what was actually going on or what would be expected of you. The only consolation was that you were far from the only ex here. It looked like every contestant had one person here for them. You were, however, one of the only… normal-seeming ones. Not for the first time since landing you cursed yourself for going along with this stupidity. Sure they wouldn’t really have another ex to call for Rafe that was actually an ex but that was their problem, not yours. Besides, if there’s one thing MTV can do it’s lie about their reality television shows. Even so, waiting in their stupid green room area altogether for whatever stupid instructions were to come next felt…well, stupid.
You heard your name called over your shoulder and you turned your head. “Hey, pretty girl. Now who is your ex again?” asked an extremely tall, well-built, and objectively gorgeous man next to you. He was grinning at you, the look in his eyes displaying an all-too-familiar attraction. But, if there was one thing you weren’t going to be doing? Fucking any of these weirdos. But, a little flirting couldn’t help. “Was it…was it Ryan?”
“So close. Rafe,” you corrected, giving him a half-smile. “It’s Alex, right? And your ex was Thalia?” He nodded. You hummed, shrugging. They’d shown you the audition videos they’d been given and Thalia seemed…interesting. “She looked super beautiful.”
“Yeah, beautiful and an absolute fucking nutcase,” he said seriously, even as he grinned. “She was always doing some dumb shit. Trying to accuse me of cheating on her when I was at work. Trying to fuck my brother when I told her that we were done.”
You let out a low whistle. “Damn, so you got a score to settle then,” you mused, leaning back in the chair to look at him. “I can respect that. I’m sure the producers love it.”
He nodded. “Oh they do,” he confirmed. He nudged your shoulder playfully and then winked. “Sorry, but I might be dragging your man down because of it. Word on the street is they’ve been paired up the past two weeks or something.” Your heart squeezed in a sad pain and you dutifully ignored it. “Don’t trip though, I’m gonna set him straight on what’s up with Thalia.”
“I don’t care,” you immediately replied, voice sharp and entirely unconvincing.
He barked out a laugh. “Yeah, sure,” he agreed, rolling his eyes. “You’ve been sitting here alone in your own little world instead of talking to all of us so I got a feeling you’re a little wrapped up in all this. And in him.” You shook your head in denial, rolling your eyes at the very true accusation. He chuckled again and this time you raised an eyebrow at him. “So what? Did y’all like break up a week before he came on or whatever?”
Clenching your jaw, you reminded yourself that this was just a stranger making conversation. There was no need to blow up on him. That was Rafe’s thing, not yours. “We broke up like a year and a half ago,” you said plainly.
“After how long?” he asked curiously.
“We’ve known each other since we were kids. We started on and off hooking up in…like high school—which our friends hated, of course. We went to separate colleges, but like…we just couldn’t stay away from each other. And by the time my senior year of college came? We were visiting each other practically every other weekend. Our friends had to inform us we’d been dating for like two years already at that point,” you said, shrugging. “But after he officially asked me and we made it exclusive…official…whatever? We were together for a little over three years.”
His nose wrinkled. “And y’all still run in the same circles and all that?” he asked, a sympathetic grimace on his face. You nodded. This time, he let out a low whistle. “Yeah, that’s fucked. Known each other your whole damn lives and he still couldn’t post up for you. That’s crazy. You’re way too beautiful to be treated like that.”
“I know,” you said dryly.
“Nah, sorry, sorry,” he said, winking. “I don’t mean it, like, to flirt with you. Promise.” You raised an eyebrow and he laughed. “Okay, only a little.” He sobered up, rubbing his hands together. “Still. Must be hard. Can’t even have that separation.”
You hummed. “No, we did. After the break up for like a month I didn’t talk to him. Avoided all our mutual friends, the whole bit. But then I remembered how much I fucking loved him regardless of our relationship. The…the issues that we had were…I didn’t leave him because I didn’t love him. I left him because I couldn’t keep enabling him. Remembered I didn’t want to lose that. So, like…I started to talk to him again. He was making genuine…good steps toward being a better man. One that he claimed would be worthy of me or whatever. But then five months ago or so he just…stopped talking altogether. Wouldn’t answer a phone call, text…nothing. So I just…took the hint. Next thing I knew I was getting a call from a fucking MTV producer. And now here I am. Talking to you.”
“You want him back?” the guy asked curiously. You glared half-heartedly at him. “No, no. I’m just asking because I fully plan to hook up with Thalia tonight, I ain’t gonna lie to you. So I’m just saying that door’s gonna be open.”
“All I want from him is to know why he went on a dating show and dragged me into it,” you corrected. He smirked at your side and you held up a hand in warning. “Don’t you say a damn word. What was I gonna do? Say no to a free Hawaiian vacation? Fuck that. I’m gonna stay here and enjoy myself.”
“Then go home to eat a metric ton of ice cream and cry, right?” he asked casually.
“Fucking Christ, dude we just met!” you said. “Why you dragging me like I’m the one dating your ex?”
He laughed. “Oh, no, baby girl, I’m gonna be dragging your ex. You? I’m just teasing,” he said.
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “I mean, hey, feel free,” you said, inclining your head.
That seemed to end the conversation between you both. Just in time, it seemed because a producer then came and started herding the group around like cattle. Each of the exes was briefly obsessed over by assistants who made sure our outfits—ones they chose, of course—hair and makeup were all perfect. Only when everyone was set were you approached by another production assistant.
“Alright listen up!” the stern-looking young woman called. “We’re going to be sending you out in pairs. So whoever your ex is matched with currently is who you’re going to be going out with. We’re sending you out and leaving a minute gap between to get the reactions of the contestants. The plan is to send you out in order from the newest matches to the longest matches.” She glanced down at the clipboard in her hands. “So first we have the newest match Amelia and Jacques, so…Jordan and…also Jordan line up.”
You watched as male Jordan and female Jordan stood next to each other. On and on it went. Ten couples called before you. You felt your hand trembling at your side with unexpressed emotion and you drummed at your thigh in an attempt to stop it. Ten couples called before you.
“I told you they were together, gorgeous, didn’t I?” Alex whispered in your ear as you stood side to side.
“Last couple, and the longest…Rafe and Thalia,” she said. The words stung and settled in your stomach like lead. Your feet moved you into the line at the end before she’d even finished saying yours and Alex’s name. Alex stood next to you, his hand brushing the small of your back, bringing you back down to the moment, snapping out of the distraction. “Alright. From the top. First two, my Jordans, you’re out in two minutes. I’ll be right back to get you.”
“How you feeling hearing that?” Alex whispered to you. “It’s been six weeks in that fucking house and they’ve been together like all of it. I’m fucking pissed.”
“I don’t know why I came here,” you admitted after a moment.
He barked out a laugh. “Well, too late to back out now,” he said dryly.
“Yeah,” you whispered. You folded your arms across your chest watching as the first group was taken out then the next then the next then the next. Abruptly after the last before you were taken out, you looked to Alex. “Do I look okay?
“What?” he asked, surprised.
“Do I look okay? I can’t walk out there if I don’t look okay,” you replied anxiously, wringing your hands in front of you.
He looked you up and down grinning. “You look super fucking hot. Don’t worry about that,” he said easily, slinging his arm around your shoulder, jostling you gently as if you were lifelong friends and hadn’t met two hours earlier. “Now buck up, gorgeous. We gotta get our game faces on. We gotta go.”
As if summoned by his word, the production assistant came back for you two gesturing you two out into the fray. You kept your face carefully neutral, noting Alex doing the same at your side. You exited, eyes doing anything but looking in the direction of the contestants. You moved onto the pedestal where the other exes were, Alex’s hand touching your lower back as you both moved up. You gave him a half-smile, recognizing the reflexive protective gesture. You could feel burning stares on you and you hated it. Evidently, someone didn’t like that.
Eventually, having no other choice, you turned your eyes towards the contestants. The first place your eyes fell was on a taller woman, with perfectly tanned skin, gorgeous dark hair that practically hung to her ass, and—speaking of her ass, boy did she have a good one. Thalia. You could tell because your eyes drifting just to her side was your Rafe. No. Just Rafe. Her Rafe, actually. He looked relatively at ease by his posture. But, both of them were glaring at you and Alex.
“So,” came the voice of the host. “All of the exes are here.”
MTV had managed to bag Jeff Probst of all fucking people. Appropriate, you supposed considering that the show was modeled after Survivor in that there are competitions and voting involved. Much lower stakes all around, physically at least. Everyone nodded at Jeff’s words and you couldn’t help but try to pretend you were on the Survivor jury instead of standing here in this objectively awful situation. There was a low murmur from the contestants’ side. But, on the opposite platform, everyone was silent.
“Wow…pretty silent here,” Jeff commented. “Especially considering I know how loud all of you can be on days like this.” He looked pointedly over at the contestants. “So…how are we feeling? What’s it like seeing your exes standing here looking at you as you stand next to who you hope to be your perfect match?” He made a point of looking over at us and then back to the contestants. “Thalia, why don’t you tell us how you’re doing with all this.”
The girl next to Rafe took a dramatically deep, shaky breath. You watched as Rafe’s hand moved to her back, rubbing it soothingly. He looked down at her, a soft sort of look in his eyes and you felt nauseous in a way that you didn’t expect. You carefully steadied your breathing and focused your gaze just past them. She took a moment, turning towards Rafe and murmuring something that you were sure the mic packs on them could pick up even though you couldn’t hear it. You watched as Rafe replied quietly and then pressed a quick kiss to the side of her head.
It spiked your fucking blood pressure.
“Thalia,” Jeff prompted.
“Sorry, Jeff,” she said, a sugary sweet voice watery and wavering. “It’s just…it’s hard. To see him. And to see her too, honestly. I mean…I mean knowing what he did to me. Knowing what she did to Rafe. Hell, knowing what everyone else’s exes were like too…this just…it’s awful, honestly. We’re here to try and move forward and still somehow it feels like all we’re doing is sliding back.” She fanned at her eyes.
“You seem really upset,” Jeff said, nodding. “How does it…how is it that the mere presence of your exes could cause this much stress for you? Do you not have confidence in your relationships? Do you think this is going to cause problems…have the cracks started to show?”
“Fuck no!” Thalia snapped. “I just don’t want to even see this bitch. I don’t want to see her even fucking breathe in Rafe’s direction. I don’t want her ass to even speak on him. I know that the way she treated him and it doesn’t matter how fucking pretty she is on the outside I know what an ugly, horrible, frigid ass bitch she is on this inside! I don’t need that fucking energy around and Rafe sure as shit doesn’t! It’s not my fault she fumbled and lost him! He’s a fucking catch and I’m not gonna act like I’m not glad about it. He’s my man now and she’s just gonna have to deal with it. That’s it. The end. I don’t fucking care! I don’t want to see her stupid ass face.” She scoffed. “And you know me, Jeff. I’ll fucking beat someone’s ass if they fuck with the people I love.”
You didn’t particularly care about the girl’s words. You didn’t know her. She was an attention-starved brat…or rat if you were going to give in to the more malicious thoughts in your mind. She wanted to be famous…as famous as you could get from trashy reality TV, at least. Her words didn’t matter. Rafe’s reaction certainly did though. He just clenched his jaw and looked up towards the sky and then cast his eyes down. Still, his hand stayed on her back, rubbing it soothingly. That boiled your blood, admittedly. And, it seemed that the girl’s words actually pissed off Alex more.
“Watch your fucking mouth, Thalia. God, you don’t even know her,” he said snappily.
“Oh, and you do? You don’t fucking know her or the shit she’s done. Don’t even talk to me,” she snapped back in reply.
“Just like how these people don’t know all the shit that you’ve done!” he replied. He turned his eyes to Rafe. “And you? This girl? Who you claimed to love for years and years and years and have known like your whole life, what? You’re cool with some girl you met a month ago talking like that? The fuck is wrong with you, bro?”
“Don’t fucking call me bro,” Rafe said, a lazy, hard-edged smirk on his mouth and a glint in his eyes that displayed the carefully concealed rage just beneath the surface. “And you need to watch your fucking mouth coming in here talking like that to anybody.”
“Yeah, okay,” Alex scoffed, rolling his eyes.
Jeff cleared his throat. “Emotions are already running high,” he noted. He said your name, turning all eyes towards you. “You haven’t even said a word and yet you’ve been the center of attention since you came out here. So, what’s all this like for you?”
You hated the feeling of the lights and the eyes all on you. It made you want to twitch. Instead, you kept your face in a mask and shrugged. “Don’t particularly care,” you said blandly.
“Yeah because you’re an emotionless robotic bitch,” Thalia near-yelled.
“Thalia. Let’s let her talk,” Jeff said, his words a suggestion but tone a command. He turned back towards you, gesturing at you with his hand. “Please, go on. Tell us why you decided to come if you knew something like this might happen.”
You gave Jeff a saccharine smile. “Always wanted to visit Oahu,” you said, biting back the sarcasm that threatened to overcome you. The other exes laughed in amusement and agreement at the sentiment but sobered up when Jeff called us back to order.
“Nothing else? It didn’t have anything to do with a desire for closure? To feel like you had to warn someone else about Rafe? To see how you’d measure up to this potential new perfect match he has? These are just some of the reasons that exes on past seasons have given for their appearances,” Jeff pointed out.
“Nah, definitely not for closure…I don’t think this place is where you’d get something like that. You’d kind of be an idiot to try with some people, I’m sure,” you said. Then, you shrugged. “And I have no desire to warn other people about Rafe. Everyone’s got their own red flags and no one listens to advice anyways so there’s absolutely no point.” You hummed, lips twitching up for a moment then flattening out. “And yeah, I don’t care about whatever potential little…perfect match or whatever there is. I don’t compare myself to other people, even when they apparently desperately want me to. So…yeah, Jeff. It really just is the trip to Oahu. And hey? Who else were they gonna call for Rafe?”
Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.
It was so much more than that.
You’d die before admitting it.
“Interesting,” he said. “And, not to make things uncomfortable. But let’s address the elephant in the room. You’ve looked at Rafe maybe twice since you came in here. What’s it like to be with him in a situation like this? What’s it like to have Alex next to you defend you from his own ex’s words all while Rafe doesn’t say anything?”
You let out a short laugh. “Yeah, I don’t usually stare at people, so I certainly don’t feel any sort of need to do so now. And I’m not particularly…surprised by him not defending me. It’s never been his style,” you said simply. You saw him tense slightly and roll his eyes but you ignored him wholly. You glanced over to Alex. “It was nice of Alex to defend me, I guess.” Thalia scoffed and you resisted the urge to launch yourself at her and punch her. You were better than that. You weren’t going to be the asshole here. It was going to be clear that it was her. You were determined. “But I’m a big girl. I can fight my own battles.”
Jeff nodded. “Well, you haven’t reacted to what most people here would consider a fight being brought directly in front of you. Thalia has made it extremely clear how she feels about you. She’s also made it extremely clear what the people in this house apparently think about your past relationship with Rafe. What do you say to all of that? Is that not worth fighting for?”
“That isn’t a fight,” you dismissed. “That’s people who don’t know me or the person that they’re getting…some form of information from. I don’t care how much trauma dumping you do in six weeks. You’re not gonna have a clue who you’re dealing with. I promise you that. So I don’t care what she’s saying at all—I’m never gonna have to see her again after this. I have people who care about me at home. I have people who know me. These people?” You look at all the participants and shrug. “No offense. I’m sure you’re all great in the real world. But you mean absolutely nothing to me. Your opinions mean less than nothing to me. Your opinions about me? Nothing. Your opinions about the relationship that I had with Rafe? Nothing.” You looked back to Jeff. “You want me to be honest, Jeff? I don’t think that the ‘fight’ being brought to me or whatever you wanna say is even worth this conversation.”
Jeff smiled and nodded at you. “One of the most mature responses that you could have in the face of someone being so openly hostile to you a minute after you even come out here,” he said. He looked over at Alex then. “And you, Alex? Do you feel the same?”
“Absolutely, Jeff,” he said, nodding. “I don’t know these people and I don’t care. They’re not why I’m here. But nah, unlike her I am gonna tell the facts of how Thalia is. Because I’m not cool with her walking around here acting like she’s a victim when she knows damn well she isn’t one.” He scoffed. “And knowing that she’s potentially a match with her ex or whatever? I’m sure she feels at least a little the same.”
“What do you mean by that?” Jeff coaxed.
Alex shook his head. “Just saying, Jeff,” he said vaguely. “I’m not gonna get into it yet. That’s for me and them to talk about later.” The nebulous reference clearly being either Rafe or Thalia…maybe even you. You truly didn’t care about that.
“Fair enough,” Jeff said. He clapped his hands together and turned his body towards the participants. “Now, Rafe…you’ve been very quiet so far today since you found out what was going on tonight. What’s going on in your mind?”
Rafe was silent for a moment. You watched as Thalia turned her body towards him placing her hand possessively on his stomach, stroking it as if trying to be soothing and missing the mark entirely. He didn’t spare her a glance. You could tell he was overwhelmed to some level and his brain was shutting down, only letting him focus on one thing at a time. You could see it in the slightly dazed expression and the pinched turn of his eyes.
“I don’t know Jeff. It’s always hard to see people who meant the world to you and then just…didn’t anymore,” Rafe said vaguely. You actively had to remind yourself to keep breathing evenly so your breath wouldn’t hitch in your throat at his words. “I mean, like, for all of us. These are people who were important in our lives somehow. They’re representations of problems we have in dating. All that. So yeah, it’s like seeing…I don’t know…your mistakes personified for a lot of us.”
You couldn’t help but recoil at that slightly, taking a half-step back like you took a physical blow. The words seemed to register with the rest of the crowd. Murmuring happened on both sides, some of disapproval of his words, some of approval of what he’d said. You took a deep breath, making your face neutral when you felt a girl next to you wrap her arm around your waist. You took the opportunity to use it to ground yourself, wrapping your hand around hers in turn. As much as you hated that you needed it, the support was appreciated.
“Wow,” Jeff said. He glanced at you, saying your name, and then back to Rafe. “Do you think she’s a mistake, Rafe?”
“She taught me a lot about myself,” Rafe said. “And I’ll always appreciate that. But not all relationships are supposed to last. Some of them are just to help us learn more about what we want in a relationship and nothing else.”
“You didn’t answer the question,” Jeff prodded. “Do you categorize your relationship with her as a mistake?”
Rafe looked at you and you met his eye head-on, refusing to be impacted.
You could tell what the answer was going to be before he even opened his mouth.
“Yes,” he said steadily. Immediately, he looked away.
You felt like someone had reached into your chest and tore your heart out. You were suddenly glad that your hand was wound around the girl so no one would see how you were shaking. Your face you could control. Even your tears. But your hands? No. All you wanted now was to go back to your room and call Topper and tell him that you were going to crash with him in Kona sooner than you planned. Crying to your best friend for comfort was the only thing that would even potentially work. But that would have to wait until the night was over. You would be strong until then. You had to.
The muttering amongst the groups on either side grew louder once again. You kept your brain fuzzy and uninvolved, not letting yourself sink into the sticky discomfort of your feelings that would swallow you and encase you in pain like a fly in fucking amber. You couldn’t do this. Not right now.
“And how does that feel?” Jeff said, the question directed at you. “Hearing Rafe call your relationship a mistake? What’s that like for you? Do you feel it’s a fair representation of the relationship you had with him?”
You paused for a moment, looking towards the ground and then back up, a fake smile turning your lips upward. “Well, I’ve known Rafe more or less my whole life. He had a real temper on him when we were younger. So, it’s nowhere near the worst thing that Rafe has called me,” you said. “And besides, he can call me whatever he wants. It’s his right—we live in a free country, right? Whatever. I’m sure that there are things that I’d call him too if I thought it’d make me feel better.”
“And what are those?” Jeff asked, eager to hear some rebuttal from you, clearly.
“Nah. I’m not doing that,” you dismissed. “I feel no need to say that shit. It’s useless.”
Drug addict. Cokehead. Alcoholic. Asshole. Entitled. Liar. Petty. Mean. Fucking mistake. Those were just a few of the descriptors that came to mind.
“Alright. Let’s move on then,” Jeff said, neatly moving the conversation away from you, looking at the girl who had pulled you to her side in a show of support and was still. “Valeria, I see you here with your arm wrapped around her. Supporting her when you met her less than a few hours ago, really. In a show of support that, sometimes, we don’t even see from our own contestants. You hear her ex-boyfriend say something you deem hurtful and you immediately step in to be kind to her. That’s something that I doubt just anyone would do. Clearly, you’re a person who cares deeply about others. What’s it like to see Patrick, a man you loved, in a situation like this where he’s putting love and attention into others?”
“Well, Jeff. I just think it’s a shitty thing to do. You don’t talk about people you loved like that. Not if you really loved them. Because if you and your new girl or whatever are gonna gang up on her that’s fucked. So I’m gonna step in. As for Pat? He’s always been a very…free-spirited person with his affections. That was never gonna change. So…I sincerely hope he can find some form of happiness,” the girl said easily, the words falling off her tongue while she continued rubbing your back.
The conversation portion with the whole cohort of participants felt fucking endless considering you knew it would take up less than ten minutes of an episode. But, eventually, it mercifully was coming to an end. You could tell Jeff was winding it down, wrapping it up, and ready to move on. But, then he hit you with a curve ball.
“Now, for the true purpose of today: communication. You’ve all matched up for this week. You and your potential match are going to sit and spend two hours with your exes. You’re all going to have a conversation getting to know each other,” Jeff said. “Spend some time actually getting to know each other. Talk about the problems that you had in your failed relationships. Talk about the things that worked. The things that you admired.” He gestured towards Rafe. “Or the things that you feel made the relationship a mistake. This is going to be a game changer in terms of figuring out if you’re a perfect match or not. We only have two couples that you haven’t locked in yet. Just two couples you assume are perfect matches, and even them we don’t know. So? Pay attention. This could be one of the last obstacles between you and one million dollars. After that? You’ll spend an hour talking to your ex. Alone. Try to have a meaningful conversation. Then? You’re going to spend the night, all of you, all of your exes, partying poolside. Take the time then to talk to other exes of people who might otherwise be your perfect match. Make it a good night.”
Your blood felt like it had turned to ice in your veins. You had to spend an hour talking to her and to him. Well, at least you’d have Alex with you, you supposed. But, it still was terrible. This felt, frankly, like a heinous punishment that you didn’t deserve. You forced yourself to appear unmoved.
“I know we’re all excited,” Jeff said. He clapped his hands. “So let’s do this. Let’s split you all up.”
The director called cut then, and the atmosphere changed. Only slightly. The participants all relaxed marginally, posture loosening. But, the exes all remained tense. Valeria rubbed your shoulders next to you. “You okay?” she asked. “That was shitty to say.”
“I’m good,” you said, nodding. You gave her a weak smile. “Thank you though. It was super nice of you. I appreciate it.”
She nodded. “I meant what I said. No one deserves that,” she said. “Good luck with your conversations. They both seem real fucking peachy keen to be around.”
You bit back a laugh but Alex, evidently listening, didn’t bother. He laughed openly. “Yeah. Definitely gonna be a fun few hours for us for sure,” he agreed. He winked at you then. “Promise I’ll try to not fight your boy, gorgeous. But if he runs his mouth like that, I’m gonna shut him up.” He playfully tapped your chin, tilting your head up for a second. “And do shut Thalia’s shit down. She has no right to be talking. And I know she’ll just be running her fucking mouth.” You nodded jerkily, not wanting to even comment on it.
Eventually, you were all ripped apart. You were given a brief rundown of the hour and how long you’d actually have cameras on you, where they’d be, hard conversational limits, and everything in between. They set it up so that you’d be in a room with only cameras set up, not operated by cameramen. It would just be you four. God fucking help you all.
“It’s gonna be fine,” Alex said, trying to offer some form of comfort, his hands folded across his chest as he sat back on one of the couches. Rafe and Thalia were about to be brought in and you both were stressed in different ways. And all you could think about was the cameras set up around the room, recording every last piece of this.
You simply nodded, unable to speak. You felt in your bones that this was going to be absolutely fucking awful. But you’d play nice. You’d pretend you didn’t want to scream. You were surprised, however, when Thalia and Rafe entered the room. Thalia walked in, with a smile on her face, and plopped down on the couch across from Alex and you, throwing her feet up with ease. Rafe followed behind, sitting next to her, letting her practically lay over him.
It was gonna be a long fucking two hours.
An even longer night after that.
Fuck, this was a mistake.
“What the fuck are you two doing here?” she demanded.
You didn’t even flinch at her harsh tone. You were working extraordinarily hard to not react with malice to her stupid words or her earlier actions. It was honestly hard. The silence on your part seemed to only serve to anger her more. You didn’t react to her anger and instead stared blankly at her. Alex, next to you, clenched and released his jaw, openly rolling his eyes at her.
“You really don’t get what’s going on here, do you?” she asked rudely. Still, you offered no response and she shook her head disdainfully at you and Alex. “I really don’t care what you and Rafe are or what you do today. You don’t mean shit to me. And at the end of the day? I know where his priorities are now. One day wouldn’t change that.” You tilted your head, still looking at her as if watching paint dry. “You’re not gonna fuck up a million dollars for the people in this house.”
Unable to help it, Alex barked out a laugh. “Fuck, they get Jeff in as a host and suddenly you think this shit actually is Survivor, huh? Fucking crazy,” he said, rolling his eyes. “None of the exes give a fuck about the people you’re with. Or your stupid ass game or any of you, actually.”
Thalia smirked at that. Your hands twitched with the urge to strike her, but you stifled it. “Oh, I definitely believe that,” she cooed, mocking.
“Thals,” Rafe said, sounding tired.
“Baby,” she said immediately, voice fake and innocent. You wanted to scream. Rafe said nothing further. Thalia set her eyes on you then. Her eyes were hard and calculating. “You especially. No one wants you here.”
You leaned back, folding your legs in front of yourself. You crossed your arms and drummed your fingers against your arm. “In what world do you think that I care what you want?” you asked dryly.
Thalia scoffed. “You’re such a cold, heartless, inconsiderate bitch,” she spat.
“Wow, those words mean so much from someone who doesn’t know me at all,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be filling some stupid little challenge now so you can try to get a million dollars for everyone in this house who probably doesn’t need it?”
“You’re just mad that you,” she tried.
“That’s where I’ll stop you,” you drawled, leaning sharply forward. “Shut the fuck up. You sure run your mouth a lot for someone who I am sure is just desperate to be painted as a victim when the editors go through and make their little arts and crafts project with their footage. And that’s all fine and well and good. Really, sweetie, oh I’ll be rooting for you. I will. But, here’s the thing. My emotions? My life? All that? Not for fucking you. And not for a fucking camera.” You gave her a cold smirk, leaning back again. “Far be it from me to make your boyfriend’s mistake worse, right? So you keep your fucking hands to yourself and you stop running your mouth like you’re hard and we won’t have a fucking problem tonight. Then? We never have to see each other again.”
“This is so fucked,” Alex said. He cleared his throat, eyes leveling on Rafe, interrupting the conversation between you and Thalia. “So, you a cheater too just like her, bro? Or are you just gonna be the next guy she tosses aside?”
Rafe’s jaw clenched. “Don’t fucking talk to me,” he warned.
Alex cut his eyes over to you. “See that’s why I said I’d drag your fucking ex, gorgeous. Because this guy? Something ‘bout his face just…pisses me the fuck off.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Thalia snapped.
“Thalia,” Rafe said, voice sharp. “Don’t make this harder.”
“Oh?” Thalia demanded, rounding on him. “Is this hard for you?” She was sneering at him now in a way that set your teeth on edge. Something about the way she spoke to him reminded you of Rafe’s dad. And suddenly this match made you feel physically ill in a completely different way than it had before. You looked away, hand clenching around your knees. “Well, I’m just so sorry about that, Rafe. How dare I have emotions! I really must be the issue, huh!”
You glanced over at Alex. “She talk to you like that a lot?” you asked him bluntly.
“She don’t know how to talk without being a bitch,” Alex said icily. “And evidently that hasn’t changed.” You bit your tongue to keep from saying well then neither has Rafe’s self-esteem or trauma responses. Alex snapped his head back over to the other pair. “Hey, good to know you haven’t learned how to talk to someone else if you’re so highly evolved Thalia.”
That, for whatever reason, seemed to set off the volatile girl more than she already had been. She looked about ready to launch herself at Alex. Seeming to recognize this, Rafe grabbed her arm gently as if to refocus her. It was something that he’d done to you a fair few times when you’d been together and someone had done something particularly aggravating and you needed to calm down. This proved to be a…bad move. Thalia did indeed refocus. All of her rage onto Rafe, that is. The second that you saw her slap him, though? It was your turn to see white.
You weren’t fully connected to your body as you moved, reacting to the sight. You were on your feet, physically dragging her by her stupidly long hair off of Rafe and throwing her away from him. She seemed stunned that you’d done that. She then seemed pissed you’d done that. So, naturally, her stupid self tried to rush you. Again, you pushed her back, getting closer and closer to being willing to actually hurt her.
“You wanna fucking run that again, princess?” you demanded icily. “Try to hit me, bitch. I’ll fucking hit back I promise you that.” You got closer, glowering at her, practically eye to eye. “You been fucking throwing hands at him? I know that wasn’t the first fucking time? You get off on this shit?” It had been easy to spot the punch she tried to throw. It was even easier still to deflect the punch shoving her far harder. “Try that again and I’m gonna fucking lay your ass out so help me fucking God.”
“Thalia.”
This time the word came from Alex. The word was flat and unimpressed. A quick glance over at him showed a largely disappointed look on his face. And somehow, seeing that seemed to be enough to force Thalia to get a fucking grip. She stopped, slumping back and sulked, walking over to sit down next to Alex. You watched, genuinely disgusted, as she laid her head against Alex’s shoulder and he let her. And when she burst into ugly, blubbering tears you weren’t surprised, but you were angry.
You clenched and unclenched your first three times trying to will yourself to relax some. But, nothing was working. You took a deep breath once…another…another…and another ten times still before you were able to look over at Rafe. He sat there, face pale and eyes cast down. You moved on auto-pilot, the kind of thing that used to be second nature and innate but now felt more…disjointed…forced. You laid your hand softly on his wrist so he’d notice it before moving your hand up to his shoulder. You squeezed it in a pattern of three and his head slowly moved up. He looked at you, dazed and you didn’t know if you were more angry or sad for him, really.
“Stand up,” you said quietly. He looked confused. You clarified. “You’re not staying in this room with that fucking lunatic. And Rafe…I swear to God don’t fucking argue with me on that. You’re lucky I didn’t break her fucking nose. Let’s go.”
Seemingly in a daze, he rose. You cast a look over towards Alex as Rafe followed like a shadow over to the door. You glared at the other man and he gave a half-hearted frown of apology as if he’d expected something like this to happen. That didn’t make anything better. So, you simply shook your head and turned again. You yanked the door open and let Rafe walk out first, face still drawn. You shut the door quietly behind yourself and laid your hand gently on his bicep before gesturing him down the hall. We found not a producer or even an assistant first but instead, Jeff fucking Probst who looked startled to see us.
“You’re supposed to be,” he began.
“I’m supposed to be beating a bitch’s ass for putting her fucking hands on him like some little—” you cut yourself off. You cleared your throat. “Sorry. Forgive me. Thalia fucking hit him. Doesn’t seem like it’s the first time. So if I were you? I’d go ahead and get her the fuck out of here before I call my dad who works in entertainment law and let him tear this piss-poor production apart. And feel free to tell production I said that.”
Jeff winced. “I understand,” he said. He looked at Rafe. “I’m…I’m terribly sorry that happened. That hasn’t happened before as far as I’ve been told. There are mental health staff in the bungalow attached to the house. Go there. I’ll explain everything. Some people will stop by to talk later though, I’m sure.”
“Good,” you replied sharply in place of Rafe who still wasn’t speaking.
Following Jeff’s advice, you shepherded Rafe towards that bungalow where a kind woman gestured you two in before leaving to go get some…paperwork? Who the fuck knew? Who the fuck cared? You looked over at Rafe who was still silent, face pinched. It wasn’t hard to see his leg slightly shaking and the jittering of his hands.
“I hate knowing that wasn’t the first time and that you’d deny it to protect her,” you said bitterly. “Rafe you don’t know her. And you deserve better than that. Just like you always have.”
“I don’t,” he said, his voice coming out short and quiet. “I don’t deserve anything good.”
You pursed your lips and shook your head. “Thought we’d moved past the self-deprecating bullshit,” you commented. “My mistake.” You sighed. “Rafe…your family and friends all love you still. Even now. So don’t waste…your heart on shit like this. Fuck this show. You can afford to break whatever contract you had. Hell, my dad could find a loophole and sue for you I guarantee it. But you…you can’t stay here. You…you deserve good things. And that? That…person...who they’re trying to call your perfect match?” He stayed silent. “You got matched with her because fundamentally you still find yourself in the same place that your dad wanted you to be. You think that you owe everything to everyone else and don’t want to take responsibility or…ownership over anything. For fuck’s sake, Rafe. Do you really want her to be your spokesperson? You want anyone like her to be your spokesperson?” You shook your head vehemently. “You are so much better than that. I don’t…I don’t know if you can see it. I don’t care if you can see it. But it’s true. You threw away a year of sobriety and years of building real self-confidence and not your fake bravado bullshit for this?”
“No you don’t understand,” Rafe said. “I am sober. And I didn’t want–”
The door to the bungalow opened and the woman bustled in, hands absolutely full of stuff. You rose to your feet before the woman even had to open her mouth to tell you to leave. “Cast only,” she said anyway, uselessly.
“Yeah, right,” you said dryly.
“Wait…where are you going?” Rafe asked, face breaking open into vulnerability for a moment.
“Home,” you said shortly. “Worst vacation…ever.” He looked hopelessly confused at that news. “You should call my dad, Rafe. Like now. You are not supposed to go through this shit alone. You know he’ll help you. You have his number.”
“I can’t…they…I don’t have my phone,” Rafe muttered, looking away from you.
Your eyes darkened. “Fuck’s sake these people,” you muttered. You took your phone from your pocket and called your dad before the woman across you could say a word. You gave your dad a curt explanation and he said he’d be in Hawaii in ten hours before briefly chewing you out for not saying where you were going beforehand.
“You can’t leave,” the woman said. “We need to—”
“Don’t care, didn’t ask, go through my fucking lawyer,” you said sharply, handing her your father’s business card. You glanced at Rafe. “He’ll be here in ten hours. Most likely super pissed. So…he’ll raise hell for you.”
“Are you…” Rafe trailed off. You raised an eyebrow. “Will you…stay?”
Your heart shattered and healed and shattered again in an ugly, impossible sort of way. “I…” you tried, trailing off immediately. “You…” Still no luck. Eventually, you were able to settle on, “I need to leave. I need to go home. I…I can’t fucking be here. I can’t see…this. I can’t hear…whatever you’re gonna tell my dad. I can’t see whatever footage he’s gonna have them dredge up. I need to go. Home.” You looked at him, letting out a shaky breath. “And you should consider doing the same thing. As soon as humanly possible.”
Your name spilled from his lips and it sounded so right and so wrong in that moment. “I…I’m…” he tried, voice breaking.
“No,” you denied, giving him a bitter smile. “Don’t. I don’t…I don’t want to hear it, Rafe. I really don’t. I wasn’t going to see someone hurt you. I never have. I never will. But facts are facts right?” His face fell, knowing what you meant. “And I’m a mistake. Let’s not drag it out any longer, right?” You shook your head. “Good luck, Rafe. I…wish nothing but the best for you.”
“I didn’t…” Rafe tried. “I can explain.”
“No,” you denied, holding a hand up. “I can’t do this. Not here. Not now. I’m…done with this. With all of this. Truly.” You let out a devastated-sounding, sad sort of sigh and offered an obviously fake tiny smile. “Just let me know when my dad gets here—you know he’ll forget to.” He went to speak and you held up a hand. “He’ll get your phone back if these psychos don’t give it to you by then.”
“I will,” he said immediately in reply, a sad, almost puppy-dog-like look in his eyes.
You sighed, biting back the urge to cry or scream…or anything else really. “You know what? Never mind. Call Topper. I…just…just let him know. He’ll tell me,” you said, voice going numb.
“Wait,” Rafe said, his voice shaky. “I…I want to tell you.”
“Rafe…please,” you said, giving him your best pleading look and more than willing to beg him if it meant he’d give you a break.
“I…okay. I…I’m sorry,” he said, frowning, looking genuinely remorseful.
As you started to leave, rage somehow carrying you as the influx of adrenaline faded, your name fell from Rafe’s mouth once more. You turned your head to look at him, silent and waiting. It took a few moments for him to crack. The time lingered, settling into crevices of yourself that long seemed gone—abandoned and disappeared with Rafe’s own missing presence. Yes, this was too hard already and the situation had just made it impossible.
“Get home safe,” he said, his voice breaking.
You let out a bitter laugh turning back around and heading out, refusing to turn your head. You knew that if you were to look back you’d cave immediately. And you couldn’t do that.
“You too, Rafe,” you offered blandly.
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