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guilty-pleasures21 · 1 month

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The perfect guy

I have decided to follow a Monday/Thursday schedule, friends. Note: the list of chapters currently released only includes the ones I've already written and drafted as posts. I still have a few more coming, so fret not my thirsty friends!

Also, I hope everyone has an easy week 🥰.

The project

The new guy

The lie

The new body

The hospital

The first time

The suit

The virus

The escape

Warnings: None

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Margo strode past the grumpy, dark-haired scientist hunched over his desk. “New girl’s coming tomorrow.”

Eddie grunted in acknowledgement of her pointless statement: he didn’t need someone else to come and mess up all the research he’d already done. No, what he really needed was a living test subject - someone into whom he could the genetic sequences he'd been working on in order to study their effects on humans. Margo stepped back to his bench and placed a hand on her hip.

“I hope this isn’t the attitude you’ll be giving her on her first day.” She folded her arms across her chest and leaned closer to him, her eyes narrowing and her frown curling up at the ends into a wicked smile. “Save it for the third day.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and waved her away, too focused on mixing his PCR reagents together. He’d have to make sure to keep this new girl far, far away from his research.

“And they’ll let me stay with you?” Miguel asked quickly, the speed of his response making up for the lack of hopefulness in his tone. It wasn't his fault he didn't know what it felt like to hope though. X scrolled through the contract again.

“Yup!” she confirmed. “I made sure they put that in there.”

“But …” Miguel paused, running through the list of topics he'd noted down that she didn't like talking about. He couldn't find what he wanted to ask anywhere on it, so he pressed on. “Would you still want me? If I had powers like that?”

He was referring to the arachnid powers that the military wanted to encode into his future human body: one of the stipulations they’d included in exchange for their support with her research. But it didn't matter to her - nothing mattered as long as she got to see him, to touch him, to hold him tight and inhale the scent of him, whatever it would be. She grinned at the thought. “Of course! The powers are just … They don’t take anything away from you. You’re still you.”

Miguel smiled back at her, sparking at her response. “Have you signed it?”

X snickered at his enthusiasm. “No: I wanted to check with you first. You’ve run all the possibilities?”

Miguel took a moment to run through the contract again.

“You’ll own me, but they’ll own all your research,” he summarised. “That means that they could make thousands of other people just like me if it works.” X's stomach curdled at the thought. She knew it was a great risk, giving the scarily well-funded military the opportunity to build their own ‘super soldiers’ but … she wanted to be selfish.

“We can deal with that when we come to it,” X decided finally, not wanting to dampen her excitement at finally being able to be with Miguel. “Maybe you can just pretend to get sick or something?”

Miguel nodded eagerly in agreement.

“Okay.” Whatever it took to be with her, he’d do it. “I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you, mi amor. Te-” ‘Te amo, querida,’ he wanted to tell her. But he couldn’t tell her that because he didn’t know what it actually meant to love someone. And she’d always wave him off whenever he’d tried to say it before, dismissing him with a non-committal hum that had his processing speed slowing down. So he’d just stopped saying it all together.

She smiled at how easily he'd always say it. He’d always tell her he loved her with such conviction that she could almost believe it was true. But she was terrified to let herself believe it until he was a real human being upon whom she could shower all her love and be loved in return.

“I …” She swallowed the words down, still unable to say it, not yet. “I want you too, Miguel.” Her lips curled at the ends at the thought and he felt his code start to speed up again.

“When do you start?” he asked, impatient for the day he'd finally be able to see her smile without the screen coming in the way.

“As soon as I sign the contract,” she replied, uncapping her stylus and holding it over the tablet. “So probably tomorrow.”

“Scan it once you’re done - I’ll send it over immediately.” His words came out faster than normal and X laughed at his eagerness.

“No blackouts, Miguel,” she warned him, signing her name on the contract and promising the research she’d spent a lifetime working on to the military. Miguel smiled, sparking at the happiness on her face.

“No blackouts, querida.”

“And this is Eddie,” Margo introduced, stopping at his bench with their new recruit, “the Spiderman nerd you’ll be stuck with for the next few years.” Eddie snorted as he adjusted the focus on his microscope.

“Let’s see how she survives the next few days,” he challenged, unimpressed. Then he scowled at Margo's insult. “And I am not a ‘Spiderman nerd’.” He turned to shoot her a glare, but then his gaze lands on the new girl and he paused. She was pretty - in a cute way. Long eyelashes, perfectly almond-shaped eyes, rosy lips. And she had a nice figure too, if he had any time outside of his research to think about that sort of thing. X's eyes widened with awe as she met his gaze.

“You’re the one who figured out how to incorporate the arachnid DNA into human DNA?” They'd allowed her access to all their confidential files once she’d sent over the signed contract and she'd spent almost the entire night going over it with Miguel. “Okay, so, can I go over the web-shooters with you? So, we’ll need a secretory organ to make those work, right? Do you think we could make it open up beneath his fingernails or something? I don’t want him to be exposed to the outside environment so close to his blood vessels.” She pulled out the chair beside him and took a seat, waiting for his response as he digested her words.

“Uh, sure,” he replied, a little talen aback by her enthusiasm. Her first day and she already wanted to jump right into it? He turned to face her, considering all the alternatives himself. “But then wouldn’t his fingernails stop the webs from shooting out?”

X stopped to think about it, her head tilting to the side and her lips pursing in a way that made his chest start to warm.

“Hmm, that makes sense. What about …” She grabbed a nearby piece of paper to start jotting down all their ideas, and he wondered if maybe they would get along after all.

Tags: @jadeloverxd

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wutheringmights · 18 days

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can i ask for the hot mess commentary plz?

sure

Before we crack into this, take a moment to read what I said about the neck thing. I write that up a long time ago, but it provides some important context and is a good refresher on the secret history of Spirit's bi awakening.

Also, the director's commentary for this chapter is here, in case you want to review that.

Good? Okay, let's go at it.

So.... they had sex. Yay. Insert jazz hands.

I feel like I actually have way less to talk about here than I did for the neck thing. Granted, a lot of the neck thing is behind the scenes stuff. I guess that's a good place to start.

You may recall the informal hiatus CTB went on after Spirit came back to Warriors's era. I used a lot of that time to actually work out how to end CTB and what character/plot points I would need to hit to have a satisfying conclusion.

During this time, I was listing out things about Spirit and Warriors that I need to return to. Spirit had his codependent histories with the greenhorn and Zelda, or really his strategy for offering himself up as a means of feeling more in control, that needed to be explored. I needed to do some kind of follow-up with Warriors's latent attraction.

The two topics were similar enough to make me want to tackle them at once. But the moment I did, my brain decided that they should hate fuck. (I definitely was also thinking about my old concept of Spirit's unrequited crush-- I still write the characters like that happened, even if it never actually made it into the story.)

Why hate sex? Honestly, it would be kinda funny. Plus, it's a good writing exercise to ask yourself what would happen if your characters in conflict did (not really).

I knew immediately it could only end badly for everyone involved. But I knew I needed Warriors to hit an emotional low point to motivate him to do his Castle Town plan. I knew I wanted Spirit's big speech to come at a time when he and Warriors were emotionally connecting again, and that the response to that speech needed to push him back to Time.

Shit, I thought. This might be what they do.

But, like. I love protecting my peace. I have been skirting around the edges of homo eroticism with Spirit and Warriors as much as I dared. I didn't want to invite angry anons. But then.... did I really care? I understand where people are coming from, but at the same time... this is such a minuscule non-issue. Truly, and with emotion: who even cares?

First off, we already established with the neck thing that whatever fucked up thing these two have going on does not count as shipping. And second, if it does count as shipping, then fine! It's shipping then. This is what the plot is. I've been working on this story for too long to compromise now. I'll reap the consequences, whatever they may be.

I decided to keep it on the books, half believing I would change my mind once the chapter came up.

I was feeling very confident about my choice, up until the day of posting. That was then I got slammed in the face with regret. Luckily, there hasn't been any issues. I may have overestimated as much the general populous care about CTB. If there was ever any confirmation that this story has the world's most niche audience, this is it.

And you all have been great. There's been a lot of encouragement and kind words from you the readers, after you all stopped yelling, of course.

(Though I was prepared to be an obstinate jackass to anyone who tried to complain. I found a loophole and was ready to exploit the hell out of it. I was so ready!)

Funnily enough, everyone's reactions to the past few chapters helped to reassure me the most. There was been a lot of jokes about Warriors and Spirit having the world's worst situationship (lol).

So them having sex turned into an important character and plot moment. Warriors and Spirit got built up and tore down in self-destructive ways. This experience becomes the wake-up call Warriors needed to decide that he was ready to stop being the hero and get his life back.

A lot of people expressed surprise that Warriors and Spirit would go through with it even after talking it out. To be honest, I was a little surprised too! I was half convinced that Warriors had grown enough to stop the self-destructive cycle and turn Spirit down. But when looking at the scenes leading up to them being alone-- from Twilight denounce his friendship with Warriors, Toto turning him away, and Warriors generally in an emotional rut over his intellect and lost beauty--I realized that Warriors was already in the middle of another downward spiral. He would go through with this, if only to feel valued. It was the war all over again.

Also, apparently half of you guessed that Warriors would get cigarette burns from Spirit eventually. I hope you all were happy with the results!

When I posted that snippet from the chapter, apparently all of you knew that a kiss was coming. Ooops. I'm a little glad I surprised all of you with what happened next afterward.

On to funnier things:

I meant for there to be more compare/contrasts between Warriors's nights with Icarius and Spirit. The only one I really managed to do was Link being unable to sleep next to Icarius vs Warriors falling asleep easily.

Because this chapter and the last were supposed to be one, this scene was supposed to come out around Valentine's Day. Could you imagine?

I had the silliest time trying to figure out how to get Warriors and Spirit alone in a room together. I had this grand plan about them needing to get a room in a different inn from the others, whether because they were too tired to walk home after dancing or because they were too drunk to remember the way. Then I realized that Ganondorf could just give the Chain enough money to get more rooms. I realized this way later than I should have.

If you're wondering.... they switched....

I wrote that Warriors thought that sex with Spirit felt like an argument. That is because they are both the bossiest motherfuckers in bed. They both want things done their way or else. It's combative. Unfortunately, they both like the challenge.

I did have an idea for how to end this whole matter in a funny way, both involving someone from the chain finding out.

In my first idea, Time barges into what he thinks is just Warriors's room, in the middle of some kind of rant. Then he sees both of them sitting in bed, pauses, then promptly walks out. Warriors and Spirit quickly get dress before there's a knock on the door. When Warriors opens, Time walks in casually and starts his rant again while pretending none of this had happened. He would wait until Warriors was alone to be like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

My other alternate scenario involves Warriors and Spirit getting a room in a different inn. In the morning, Spirit is hurriedly trying to leave when there's a knock on the door. This time, it's a few members of the chain asking if he's seen Warriors anywhere. He says no. All but one walk away. The one who stays (probably Legend) would lean and discreetly tell him that he knew the room was under Warriors's name, so if they were done, could he tell Warriors to get his ass outside? Cue Spirit burning up in embarrassment.

EDIT: I actually had a third silly scenario idea. Similar to the others, Twilight barges in to talk to Warriors about Midna (they're still friends in this scenario; this was an idea from a long time ago). Warriors is still in the bed, but luckily Spirit is in the bathroom. Warriors tries to have a normal conversation without alerting Twilight that something was amiss. And it almost works until Spirit just walks out of the bathroom, waves, and goes to put his clothes on. Cue Twilight's 404 error.

So, yeah! That's the Hot Mess. As always, it's been really fun to see everyone's reactions. Warriors and Spirit are both extremely polarizing, and I love hearing everyone's hot takes.

Does this count as toxic yaoi? Not until I see an AMV to "Numb" by Linkedin Park. Luckily, Warriors and Spirit will never do this again. Probably.

#same rules as last time: please keep this out of the main tag #it's been fine so far but let's not tempt fate lol #feel free to ask follow up questions as well #me rambling #lu ctb #ctb lore #ctb spoilers #the hot mess #ctb commentary

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strangelockd · 10 months

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His Eternal Home Pt.1

Pairing: Sherlock x FemReader

Summary: You and Sherlock have been together for a handful of months. Hes been working on a case non stop, so much so that he continually but unknowingly ignores the reader. Little does he know, shes finally had enough…

Warnings: Non really. Its just pure emotions

A/N: This will be a two part story based off of a request. Ill post part 2 ASAP. If you like the song check out my Sherlock Playlist. A big thank you to @lady-harvey, @vickie-mcmuffin & my sister for proofreading ❤️ Ive never written pure sad before so I hope you like it.

Dating the worlds only consulting detective had its many perks. One of them was always the impressive attention to detail that Sherlock would give at his career. Not only just that, but how he would even notice a new shade of lipstick you wore. Or the time you got a new hairstyle and he was the first to say anything positive about it. Memories flooded back to the feeling of his hands running lovingly through your hair; It was the small gestures of admiration you loved about him most of all. You grew to love his craft along with learning how to balance the more unsavory habits that seemed to follow.

One of the things you disliked above all else was how Sherlock would at times just flat-out ignore you. It wasn’t uncommon to find Sherlock quiet for days on end lost in thought. You wished for a moment that he would let you in; to have the desire and feeling of home with your special someone. The times when he would relax on the couch and just hold you; he really did feel like home to you. In those fleeting moments, it truly did feel like Sherlock was your safe haven. More and more lately you began to question deep down if he really felt the same towards you. The potential answer scared you nearly to death; not for fear of being alone. But the fear of you not being safe haven in return. Nevertheless, you stayed by his side in support.

Of course, you knew deep down he wasn’t doing all this to be cruel or vindictive. He loved you deeply, you were sure he did. It had only been a handful of months since you started dating and you didn’t expect an ‘I love you’ right off the bat. But fate had a whole different plan; for you, it was practically love at first sight. How could you forget the first time you saw the great and handsome Sherlock Holmes? The way he wore that perfect dark purple shirt that fit his lean frame just right. The way his blue eyes sparkled in the light with that gorgeous crooked smile when he knew the right answer. Not only that, he was tall and an overall knockout, and he choose you to be his girlfriend after all.

It didn’t come as a surprise at all to find Sherlock still pacing back and forth refusing to sit down. It was your first night off in days and all you wanted was to have some quality time with your man. Shutting the door with your foot you balanced the takeout food in both hands. “Sherlock Im back,” you called, hearing no reply. Knowing he was home, you scoffed setting the bags down on the table and seeing him right where he was before you left. Palms pressed against his mouth, peering out the window still lost in thought. The world around him was completely shut out as your voice echoed louder suddenly breaking his concentration. His head raised at your response snapping him back to reality.

“Sherlock, please come and join me for dinner. I brought your favorite Italian food from down the street,” sorting out the boxes, Sherlock slowly made his way over giving you a small peck on the cheek. Taking his place across from you, he took out his phone and started flicking through the news columns stating flatly. “so what have you been up to these past couple of days? This looks amazing by the way,” your eyebrows raised in shock at the question as he went back to his phone. How could he forget my lessons, I've told him so many times. Tears welled in your eyes as you finished off your plate before taking it to the sink. Your back tensed as you shot your head up, “because Lestrade thinks we can have this case solved by the end of the month if we can properly locate the murders next–“

“Sherlock…we need to talk,” cutting him off with your voice barely above a whisper. Sherlock's head perked up, eyeing you curiously as he sat his fork and knife down. Tucking his phone into his breast pocket, you heard him release a small sigh. “Sure no problem y/n,” he gestured with his hand for you to sit next to him. Glancing over, you could see panic behind his calm stoic demeanor. He didn’t have the heart to look you in the eyes. Taking his hand you leaned in closer, “Sherlock please look at me,” feeling his thumb twitch, he turned to meet your gaze, “you know I love you, I always have. But I’m noticing you are never mentally present with me anymore. I’ve told you many times about what I’ve been up to and you can’t even remember that because of this stupid case in Dartford. All I’m asking is for one night that’s ours, Sherlock. And besides, it wouldn’t kill you to take a night off anyways…” you trailed off with nothing more to say, eyeing the mahogany table afraid to look up.

Sherlock took a deep breath measuring his words carefully, “I do listen to you y/n, you know I’m trying,” bringing his free hand on top of yours cupping it gently, “And my work is important to me it’s…everything to me.”

You stood up, placing a hand on your chest exclaiming in frustration, “But I’m here too Sherlock! I always have been! The least you could do is make an honest sacrifice for me. Is it too much to ask of you to remember stuff about my life!” Wiping the tears from your eyes Sherlock stood up. His voice was laced with frustration, “But you knew what you got into with me! I just need to solve this case! If you can’t accept that y/n then-” Taking a seat in his favorite chair, he pulled out a cigarette lighting it with a match. Matching his tone, you stood up crossing your arms in disbelief at what you just heard, “then I can just what. Sherlock.” Tears welling in your eyes. In all your time together Sherlock never raised his voice to you. He always kept his temper, but something in this made him snap. The thought of a routine being broken….

“Then you can just leave y/n,” he spoke dryly, taking a drag of his cigarette. Flicking the ash to the floor, you grabbed all your stuff as fast as you could. Fighting off the pain and anger as best as you can. As you gathered the last of your things you wiped a tear from your cheek taking one last look at the man who was once your home. Grabbing the door handle Sherlock shot up snuffing out the cigarette turning towards you pleading softly.

“Y/n, wait. Please don’t leave,” he gingerly stepped closer extending his hand out, “I didn’t. I-I didn’t mean it,” eyeing you with hope, you shot him a look that could cut through the strongest man. But it was too late to apologize... Gathering all your courage, you turned the handle refusing to look back. Taking every ounce of strength you muttered, “Goodbye Sherlock,” closing the door you waited till it was all clear before the tears turned into sobbing. You’ve never felt rejection this bad before. Shaking it off you continued down Bakerstreet as Sherlock was finally left alone with his thoughts. Gripping the doorframe he finally collapsed his shoulders releasing a sob, what have I done….For he just made the biggest human error in his lifetime.

To Be Continued…

[MASTERLIST] [SHERLOCK SPOTIFY] [SPOTIFY]

[JOIN MY TAGLIST]

@withalittlehoney @deepbatched @bakerstreethound @thealleydog @sassenach-on-the-rocks @blxckdragonfly @asherloki @pinkthick @stewardofningishzida @cumbrbatchbenedict @geeky-politics-46 @lokidokieokie @strangesgirls @silversword7000 @newavenger @icytrickster17 @lucimorningst4r @lady-harvey @evelyn-kingsley @battledress @budugu @kentucky-criedfricken @hunterofshadows04 @km-ffluv @datauthorress @azu21 @cemak @sobeautifullyobsessed @aphroditesdilemma @huxs-waifu @moonlover-tobefree @strangesslut @butchers-girl @dino-fart @meeom @strangesthirdeye @vickie-mcmuffin

#doctor strange #benedict cumberbatch #because benedict cumberbatch #sherlock #sherlock holmes #sherlock x y/n #sherlock angst #bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfiction #sherlock holmes fluff #sherlock holmes x you #Spotify

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bonearenaofmyskull · 5 months

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I wanted to let you know how much I admire your writing. Your talent for storytelling is incredible, and I've been a big fan of your work for a while now.(You could see my comments in ao3)

Going through the comments in ao3 one thing was clear that u DO wanted to write a s4 fic but I guess u must be very busy which is understandable and if u need any help just let me know. I would love to assist you

I've been thinking about how amazing it would be to read a Season 4 fanfic from you. I can't help but imagine the magic you'd create with those characters and plotlines. So, I wanted to make it clear that it's now my mission to gently (or not so gently) nag you to write a Season 4 fic, every week.

I would definitely stop if it's not acceptable.

I'm really excited about the idea, and I would be absolutely thrilled to read your take on it.

Your writing has a special place in my heart, and I believe a Season 4 fic from you would be nothing short of extraordinary. Please consider it, and know that I'd be eagerly waiting to devour every word of it.

Looking forward to any updates on this mission of mine!

Love 😘

Cassy from ao3

Yeah, this is not a good idea. Don't do this, especially not now. I don't know if you're a member of the group of friends who recently overwhelmed my private messaging with questions about season 4, almost creepy enthusiasm, and nagging for responses. But if not, be aware that after something like 56 messages in less than two days, I actually started blocking people. This is something I've rarely done to non-porn bots--I've probably blocked real people less than 5 times in the 10 years I've been on tumblr. I appreciate that you like my work, but with this context in mind, now is not the time.

And just a note for the general audience out there and those people I blocked in case they're lurking about: I'm not a meta tap you can privately turn on for your Hannibal fix, nor a stand-in for Bryan Fuller and production now that most have lost hope for a season 4. I still enjoy Hannibal but have mostly moved on to other hobbies, and if I do ever write another fic or a season 4 fic, it will be when I feel moved by inspiration, not by being inundated by demands.

For the record, what specific ideas I have for a season 4 fic will remain unstated unless I write it, and what speculations and predictions I have that seem realistic for the actual show, I've probably mostly stated in previous metas, or if not, have kept to myself for personal reasons. I'm sure some of it I've forgotten by this point.

The right way to approach me for a meta discussion is to send an ask to my inbox like Cassy here did, so that I can make a public response and generate a discussion if possible: that's how a meta blog generates content for blogging. No one who writes meta has time to write whole analytical essays and arguments for an audience of 1, unless that audience is a very close and trusted friend.

With that said, I do understand that this isn't that satisfying since I haven't answered asks in a long time, and when I have, my responses have been brief. The truth is, I just haven't got that much to say about Hannibal that I haven't already said in the past. I believe there are a variety of more recent Hannibal meta blogs out there, as well as ones that reblog and index meta from multiple writers. Good luck to you all in finding what you're looking for.

Cassy, I do appreciate your enthusiasm, and I'll make an effort to catch up on my AO3 comments here in a bit.

#hannibal meta #bear answers #season 4

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invisibleraven · 5 months

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20 questions writer meme!

I wa tagged by my beloved @bananakarenina <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? In total across 5 fandoms, 124, 84 of those are JatP, and 5 of those are prompt fill compilations.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,674,136 uploaded as of right now, and I know that over 1 million of those words are JatP.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently just Julie and the Phantoms, but in past I wrote primarily for Glee/Glee RPF, and Teen Titans. There's no other fandom really interesting me enough to write for it at moment.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm going to limit this to my JatP fics, but if you wanna check out my stories in my previous fandoms, well here's my AO3

And giving yourself to me can never be wrong my collection of smut prompt fills with 235 kudos

I Know Who I Want To Take Me Home the first installment of my Semisonic Sunset verse with 192 kudos

But came the dawn the show goes on (and I don't want to say goodnight) my PeterPatterLina soulmate AU with 169 kudos

Maybe this news can wait Part three (and the only non smutty part) of Semisonic Sunset with 124 kudos

Better walk the line my single dad Reggie PeterPatter fic with 124 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Honestly no I don't. I tried, once upon a time, but I just felt like no one really cared what I had to say, and then I didn't have the spoons for it, so I stopped. I know I should though, my brain just doesn't seem to like letting me.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hands down it is Haunted by the moments of what we used to be because every comment I got on it was some variation of how very dare you.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Generally I try to give all of my stories a happy ending, but for this one, I'll go with Yellow Wood because it gave everyone a happy ending, no matter the path taken.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Currently no, but when the blacklist was a thing that happened, my name was second on there, so that kind of sucked.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Out of my 84 JatP fics, 24 are rated E, and my smut prompt fills are currently sitting at 80 something chapters, so you tell me. In honesty, I don't write smut as much anymore, as I find it a little more difficult to write and the response to anything rated above a T is vastly lower than anything else. But when I started in this fandom, it was what I was known for; see my point regarding the black list.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I actually kind of hate crossovers? If I'm looking for a fic to read on AO3, I always click the Exclude Crossovers choice. I'll write any and every AU I can, and I might add minor characters from said AU, but that's rare, and that's as close as I get.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Unfortunately yes. There was a person on WattPad who went and stole a bunch of different smutty JatP fics over a year ago, and one of mine was amongst them. They were reported, and the fic was taken down. This is why now my fics on AO3 are only available to registered AO3 users.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but if anyone ever wants to do a translation or podfic of any of my stories, they have my permission as long as they credit me and send me a link afterwards!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, and no one has ever asked. It's something I'd love to try if the chance ever came along, and had the right idea.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? I mean I can't pick just one, I've been involved in fandoms since I was a teenager. Like for Teen Titans Raven/Beast Boy will always own a piece of my soul. In Glee, Kurt/Blaine was such a formative part of my life. And even with Jatp I don't think I could choose between Rulie and PeterPatterLina, they both mean so much to me. And those are just the fandoms I've written for!

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? *looks at my GDocs which is a WiP graveyard* Oh gosh there's so many.

16. What are your writing strengths? My brain is not being kind to me ATM, so I don't think I have any? Like maybe how much I write? Does that count?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Everything. Editing especially.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I have done this quite a bit, even if it's just plugging what I want to say into Google Translate. So I know it's not entirely accurate, but I think I have been getting better about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? The first fic I ever wrote that wasn't done like on a dare was a smutty fic for the anime Trigun that still exists on my ff.net page if you find it (no I'm not linking it) that I wrote in high school. It is Not Good.

20. Favorite fic you've written? I give the same answer to this question every time: But came the dawn the show goes on (and I don't want to say goodnight) and I don't think that will ever change.

Honourable mentions

-For better or for worse (Even if it's just tonight)

-So Close To Reaching That Famous Happy End

-Yellow Wood

-Dress You Up In My Love

Not tagging anyone, but if you wanna do this ask game, go to!

#answer time #tag games #my writing

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allgirlsareprincesses · 6 months

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Random musings on violence, theory, and hearing indigenous perspectives:

A few years ago (2018?), I picked up a book on Rene Girard's Mimetic Theory. I only made it a few chapters in because it was dry AF and I typically need some kind of research goal (like a fandom meta or upcoming podcast recording) to actually get through the more intense academic lit. But due to recent events, I decided to pick it back up. If you're not familiar with Rene Girard, he's a 20th-Century Christian philosopher who proposed a mimetic theory of violence, which is to say that he believed human violence to be universally driven by mimetic desire. Mimetic as in "mime" or imitation, so people instinctively desire to be like the other or have what they have, and so this unconscious envy often drives violence. Or at least, that was my understanding from what little I read.

Only a few pages in on my second attempt, and I could not help an overwhelming feeling of disgust. The book argues against common critiques of Girard's work, including that he has an ethnocentric (white eurocentric) view, and that his so-called "universal" theory disregards diverse perspectives. In my opinion, the defenses given were flimsy, even without having read the full critiques themselves, and to that I would add one more: Highly educated cishet white men have no place creating theories of violence when they are so rarely the object of such violence. Reducing the lived reality and trauma of predominantly women, queer, non-Christian, non-white people to an academic theory is patronizing at best and harmful at worst, because it reassures the theorist of their own righteousness without requiring them to actively DO anything to stop the violence or take responsibility for the ways people like them have victimized others throughout history. It's ivory tower bullsh*t at its absolute worst.

Now granted, I know Girard was a young man in occupied France during WWII, so I'm sure he had some firsthand experience with violence, but he spent the rest of his life in relative comfort, protected by his privileged status. And perhaps if his work had focused on more diverse sources, I might be less critical of that status, but as it is, there's a heavy emphasis on European literature. Not even historical accounts! But "great novels" of Europe's past. And these are worth studying, sure, but you can't reasonably call any theory formed from them "universal."

This is also a huge problem with the work of Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell. Which again, IS NOT TO SAY THEIR WORK HAS NO MERIT. I personally still find it illuminating and thought-provoking. But eventually, we have GOT to stop considering white men the standard for academic and philosophical thought! It's so limiting!

And historically, given how much violence has been perpetrated by white men upon others, I think it's worth considering that any theories of violence they propose may be incomplete or corrupt, and in any case useless to the victims. Lastly, I'm not particularly impressed by many of Girard's modern proponents, who skew more right-wing and therefore are often aligned with institutionalized violence.

So yeah, I quit the book. At this point, I'm much more interested in seeking out indigenous perspectives in academic discussions. My interest in folktales has led me to many fem scholars of color who collect such sources, so I'm gradually building a reading list that I think will ring true to me more so than authors like Girard. If any of my lovely followers have recommendations or thoughts on what I've shared, I'd appreciate your input!

#rene girard #carl jung #joseph campbell #mimetic theory #mimetic desire #indigenous #folktales #violence #academic writing #academic research

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svturn-exe · 6 months

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more re hc stuff ^_^ under cut bc i am just pasting in stuff i've already said on disc to a friend and some of this shit gets Long

👍wesker. has been conditioned to be impatient. if he wants something, he has to get it himself and can't wait for someone else to do it for him

william is way too anxious of a guy to make the first move, so wesker is the one who interrupts him mid sentence and goes I Want You apropos of nothing but hey, it works

if wesker wants someone to stop touching him, he has to Make them. and in the process that stops most people from Trying Him for a while. until the next idiot comes along

if wesker wants the experiments and mutilation to stop, he has to Kill the bastards responsible (perfectly reasonable, ngl. like actually)

and i imagine. killing marcus probably has wesker feeling good. great. amazing, even. like finally things are starting to maybe go well for him

and then having that blow up in his face when, for the first time, his award winning Go Getter attitude backfires badly, and he loses Everything in less than a month.

the remainer of stars want nothing to do with him - understandable, he did have to kill quite a few of them to make the (messy, rushed, impatient) plan work. but still failed in the end (so they sorta died for nothing)

chris wouldn't join him either, for reasons wesker doesn't understand (and won't for some time. his world view is a little skewed and his frame of reference is non existent)

and william is dead. because wesker couldn't wait to carry out the plan like they had discussed umbrella found out about their betrayal and now wesker is Alone

xx

👍claire joined the girl scouts bc she wanted to do wilderness shit, but got disappointed bc its mostly selling cookies. so she dressed up as a boy and used her brother's name to get into boyscouts and got every badge girlie is a survivalist and she goes hiking and camping frequently !!!

xx

👍thinking about ada and in-universe applications of the leon effect. spies, as in Real Life Spies, don't tend to have legal identities, and if they give you a name, chances are it's a fake one. so. headcanon time ada wong is not ada wong's birth name like, even without the trans headcanon. it's a name she came up with for the job wesker assigned her to do in raccoon city, in the event that she needs to give someone a name for whatever reason. and maybe she only really tells it to leon in the first place to get him to stop asking so many questions. give him the bare minimum to distract him from the more . Relevant. issues but then as this bright-eyed, stupidly trusting rookie tails her, even tells her off to being too calloused with kendo, and going as far as taking a Bullet for her. the way leon says that fake name starts to mean More . and it's as she's falling to her death that she realizes maybe ada isn't so fake of a name anymore. maybe she is ada wong and then some time after wesker plucks her from midair and they get out of the city she decides to say hey. i'm going by ada now

and ofc he pretends not to care, but he is curious about what happened to spark the change.

xx

👍the wallflowers - one headlight is a claida song specifically about like . leon made ada want a name. but claire makes her want to be a Person, instead of a half-real shadow of a human being that sheds everything about herself for every new job

ada goes into raccoon city that day as a half-real nobody with a mission, and emerges from its ashes as Someone

xx

👍thinkign abt aeon . their dynamic has a lot of potential either as a romantic ship or a burgeoning friendship

the delicate balance of tentative trust between them

ada, who was taught how to tell a near-perfect lie before she could do long division & has never wanted to - or had the opportunity to - hold onto something for very long. Permanent just hasn't been a Thing in her life since… ever

leon, who has been fucked over and betrayed more times than he can count. distrustful and wary but despite it all still tender-hearted. gets attached too quickly and too easily and all too desperate to see the best in people

smth abt. ada doing her best to try and regain leon's trust, and how to navigate life outside of being a spy. and leon having to relearn how to trust ada again, and not jump to the worst conclusion immediately and also they're t4t

#ressieposting #ressie hcs

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britneyshakespeare · 12 hours

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re: my last long personal post about the day i had at work today

i'm sorry like i just can't get over it, i can't get over it. i am not there to be ogled, i am not there to be objectified. i'm not there to be a petting zoo or a table. i'm not there for any of it. i feel different enough at work for my age and position.

i'm VERY aware little boys have crushes on me. every now and then, one of them makes it very obvious. it's seriously nothing to me, because it's always been respectful. kids have crushes on adults, especially young ones. but i have no more intention of being a seductress than i would if i were fifty and married. i just so happen to be 25 and single. oh well. i am equally disinterested, and would like to be presumed as equally disinterest-ing. if i get a little unfair halo effect sometimes, i don't care.

it has literally never been so sexual in nature before. it has never been so much about my body, my legs. i worry about the reaction to this being dampened by the effect of the other adults around me seeing that and being like, well, yeah, if he's gonna be interested in anyone's legs, it'll be hers. i feel embarrassed calling attention to the fact that a kid is attracted to me. it has always, always been a non-issue before this. it has always been innocent and respectful of my role as the adult.

i wanna say i don't worry about this happening again, because it is a first. it is a first for me in four years, with dozens if not hundreds of kids, that i've been treated so inappropriately by a child. i worry about this being seen as more natural because it happened to me. but it's not natural just because it happened to me. i'm the teacher that a lot of kids have little crushes on, whatever. i'm not the teacher kids get to pinch and gawk at; that's never happened.

if this happened to me and i were fifty and married, would it be more scandalous? would i just, perhaps, not be believed? i don't know. i don't know. i keep going down these thought spirals of why me. what is the reaction people have to it being me? because while the few people who saw/heard about this seemed not to condone it, they don't seem shocked either. but it hurts, it does, because i'm shocked. that it happened to me. it's like i don't really know if people can put themselves in my shoes more than they can put themselves in his.

a young woman being treated at her place of work as a piece of meat is offensive, but it's everyday. it's banal. a teenage boy having a preoccupation with an adult woman that he can't see as fully human also so normalized. it just feels like an unempathetic view for me is all i can expect. when i already experienced this alone. AND i have to be the one to take responsibility and make others aware about it. because it's not like he was going to... somebody had to. and oh, look, i'm the adult. that makes me somebody.

like i don't even want him to be "punished" per se. i just want to be assured that steps will be taken to stop him from objectifying more women and girls in the future. holy shit, WHAT if he does this to a girl his age? would he? i don't know. i don't know the kid well. i have an idea of why he targeted me, but i don't know what he wouldn't do to someone who was more of his equal. i can't speak for or predict that.

it's just fucking humiliating. hi yeah i'm the substitute from friday. yeah i'm the one he couldn't keep his hands off of. cuz i dared to wear a skirt. yeah, same skirt i've worn to work with kids a bajillion times in the past four years. yeah i guess i was just so seductive. like give me a break; i don't want to receive any more attention for this but it just feels like i'm gonna. i don't know what kind of response i'm going to get to the email i wrote the regular para.

i don't know if i'm gonna have to elaborate further. i feel like i shouldn't have to. i gave her all the details somewhat unemotionally; it just stings the more and more since i got out of work. like i just can't believe that really happened. and the shock was dulled while it was happening, because i didn't believe it was happening. the more hours go by the more i'm like, well, yeah, i did the right thing: escaping that situation as promptly as i could, telling another adult, and emailing the permanent teacher about it.

i keep wanting to act unaffected by it. but i'm just so offended and dismayed. i also feel powerless, because i couldn't be the one to get him to stop. something about my presence to him was an invitation to treat me that way, and my not being amused did not deter him. it feels like the interpretation he had of me was not at all in my control. he wanted to view me as an object, and so i was one in his eyes. the other teachers can scold him for that, make him feel bad for that, but i can't. i'm not really the authority. i'm just the pretty one.

#cont #long post #tales from diana #yeah i'm gonna be in a bad mood about this for who knows long #this was just today. hahaha funny thing is i'll definitely remember this for years!#idk. i have a feeling the principal will reach out to me if nothing else. definitely the permanent teacher will #but i dont really know that permanent teacher well so i have noooo idea what to expect #i got mixed reactions from the other two paras i was working with today when i told them #and again thank god for that social studies teacher who didn't try to draw attention to it but helped me create some distance #between the kid who kept grabbing me and calling me pretty while i was just trying to give him instructions #i was told this is new behavior from him. well the first time better be the last time. that's all i can say

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raccoongrippers · 1 month

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◁☆Ghost + Soap (can be non-platonic if you so desire) x any gender reader☆▷

TW : Depictions of depression, self harm, helplessness, loss of appetite (?), self neglect, 1 or 2 swears spread out throughout writing. [I apologize if I missed anything triggering]

This is comfort + fluff (I tried, at least.)

(Reader can be any gender, doesn't change anything about the story)

-If you are uncomfortable with any of these, please do not read-

This is a TF141 fanfic. If you do not like that, or are triggered by any of the things listed above, do not proceed.

If you don't like what I've wrote, don't spread your opinion and just move on, thank you very much.

Days are bleak, the nights that follow even more so. It's an unbreakable routine that doesn't change – wake up, get dressed, maybe eat something, leave for work at the base, do bland paperwork for hours on end, leave, shower, maybe eat again, go to bed, repeat.

The cycle is boring, bland, and overly familiar. But the one thing that breaks the routine, that temporarily wipes away some of the stress in your bleak days–self harm. You know damn well it isn't a good coping mechanism, it only wrecks you further, but it's almost become an addiction at this point, and even your last bright brain cells can't stop you from making the clean, bloody cuts that line your arms/thighs.

Today is especially bleak. It's one of your days off, one you should be spending doing something to try and better your mental health, but instead using as time to just sink into your sorrows, laying in bed for countless hours as your own self-destructive thoughts cloud your brain and make you lose track of time. By the time that you actually get out of bed, it's already the next day, and you hadn't showered, eaten, or drank a single thing in the past 24 hours.

The only reason you actually got out of bed was to answer the door after hearing a loud knock upon the wooden plank, only to find two very familiar faces on the other side–Soap and Ghost.

They don't usually visit when they have their days off, so this is something entirely new for you.

You end up opening the door despite looking like shit–messy and unwashed hair, dark circles under your eyes, and your scarred arms showing the new and old scars that line your once smooth skin. You shift in the doorway, looking exhausted, earning you a concerned look from both men.

They're both silent for a bit longer, before Ghost finally breaks the silence with a soft tone, ".. Are you alright, y/n? You haven't come out of your barracks for 2 and a half days, everyone is worried sick about you. What's going on?"

This sudden care sprung into view sends an unexpected flood of warmth over your body, silencing a few of your darkening and depressed thoughts for a while. You don't know how to speak in response, so Soap speaks, following suit of Ghost, "Do you mind if we come in?.." He sounds just as concerned as Ghost did when he spoke, if not more.

After some much understood hesitation, you stepped out of the way and opened the door fully as a silent invite for the men to come inside. Only then do you notice them both holding at least one bag in their hands, seeming to be grocery bags. Soap quietly shuts the door after himself, Ghost having been the first to enter after being invited inside.

Your barracks only reflect your inner sorrows with no blinds opened, no sound other than the ones being made by the three's breaths and the ticking clock somewhere in the distance, and the place just straight up smelling of sorrowful regrets.

Soap sets down the bags on your kitchen counter as Ghost goes over and opens a few blinds, just to let some light into the dark place you shamefully call 'home'. He then opens one of the windows, letting a much needed gust of fresh air into the gloomy area.

You simply watch the two work as they help to clean and brighten your living quarters, making it much less gloomy and just a bit more liveable. Just as you were being distracted with the sound of fresh, beautiful breeze coming in through a window, Soap gently takes one of your hands and kindly leads you to the bathroom, where he already has a clean pair of clothes set on the counter with a towel.

He speaks in a gentle voice, "I already drew a bath for you, so all you have to do is get into the bath tub and wash yourself. If anything at all goes wrong, I'll leave the door just a tiny crack open so me and Ghost can hear you, alright? We're here for you." He then walks back out of the bathroom, leaving it the tiniest crack open, just as he said he would.

This is all completely new to you–the care, the actual non-toxicity of the people and things around you–it's enough to rise you from your thoughts for a while. You slowly step into the bath tub after getting undressed, and you can already feel the warm, welcoming water caress and flow against your skin. It's a nice change from your grimy and dirty bed sheets and covers that constantly are wrapped around you, enveloping you in your own despair.

After your bath, you dry yourself off and put on the fresh pair of clothes, feeling rejuvenated. It's a nice change of pace. You step out of the bathroom only to be met with the sound of your washing machine and dryer working away at your own clothes that Soap graciously put in there for you. He even put your old sheets in there along with your blankets, which Ghost is now in your room working on replacing with new ones. Your room looks so much less gloomy than it usually does–your blinds are open, shining in the welcoming and bright sunshine of morning. Ghost is currently inside straightening your bed and cleaning up all the sprawled out clothes, random items, and garbage that was scattered across your bedroom.

When both the men are done, you almost don't even recognize your own living quarters anymore. You can actually fully see the wooden floorboards of your flooring, the sun is shining nicely in through the window, and your bed is finally neat and tidy after the many times you woke up and told yourself today's the day I'll straighten it out, despite knowing in your gut that you would never get around to doing so.

Both Ghost and Soap are at your side now, giving you all the love you'll ever need; hugs, head kisses, comforting words of reassurance, and other simple affections. As Ghost is warmly cuddling you in your bed, Soap is in the kitchen making you some actual food, knowing full well that you were too drained to make yourself more than something stale that you found lying around in your cupboard.

"Me and Soap are going to take you grocery shopping tomorrow, and you're going to pick out some actual food for your cupboards and fridge that you will eat, and some fun drinks if you'd like," Ghost promises as he plants a gentle kiss to your forehead. "We're here for you, and so is the rest of the team, alright? You don't have to go through this alone. It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to need someone by your side. You're only human, you can't help it."

You and Ghost lay there warmly cuddling, snuggled against each other for a while, before Soap enters the room with three plates of food. Each plate has two well made eggs, a piece of toast, and two pieces of bacon. Ghost sits you up gently against the pillows that are set up against the headboard, Soap handing you one of the plates before sitting across from you and Ghost at the foot of your bed.

The two men stay with you for the rest of the day, and the day following, just to make sure you stay healthy and happy under their watchful eyes. And you don't mind the company either, it's nice not to be alone for a change.

ᰔ-------------------------------------------------------ᰔ

Note : You're only human, and don't let other people make you feel like shit. If you just look and find your person of solace, I promise it'll all work out. And sometimes going to a therapist or counselor can help you a lot if you choose to go to it, and choosing not to ask for professional help for many reasons is perfectly okay too. But talking about your feelings is deeply important, bottling them up isn't healthy for any human being. You're worth so much more than you may think ᰔ

#TF141 #depression #cod fanfic #Ghost #Soap #cod #fluff

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lockea · 1 year

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So thinking about that one post talking about AO3 and how important ephemera is to Historians (Ea-Nasir's hate mail) got me thinking about two reasons fanfiction preservation is important beyond just fanfiction preservation being important.

The first is the glimpse into people's lives that are offered by Author's Notes. Author's Notes (ANs) are written at or near the time of the chapter publication and offer a glimpse into the feelings and experiences of that person at that moment.

In a recent update I read, the author announced they had just passed the Bar to be a lawyer. Rereading an older fanfiction the author mentioned their joy at the birth of their nephew. Shortly after Trump's election in 2016 I read a fic where the author noted they began writing this, quit political, fic to cope with the stressful new reality of the president of the US. My very first fanfiction was posted to FF.Net in Jan 2002 and was written as a direct response to the feelings I felt when my father returned home from his first deployment following 9/11.

Anne Frank is not a historically significant person because of any real influence she had on the global sphere during her life. She's a historically significant person because she was an avid diarist during a historically significant period of history who told a story future generations needed to hear.

The second reason preserving fanfiction is important is because fanfiction is an excellent litmus test for the prevailing beliefs and social mores of the Fandom community at the time. Fanfiction is overwhelmingly made up of female, queer, BIPOC, and other marginalized voices. Mainstream media has always been slower to adapt to the social mores that fanfiction authors embrace, but even we have our history.

Remember when having two characters of the same sex kiss conferred an adult rating on a work of fanfiction? That was once a thing, ya'll.

Consider the Open Doors project Boys in Chains. It was a slash centric slave fic focused archive that ran in the early naughts. I happen to like Power Exchange fic (which is an expansive category that includes slave fic) so I read BIC when it ran and recently reread some fic on AO3. Boy Howdy have we changed. We were extremely permissive of May-December relationships in slash back in 2004, for quite a few reasons I could spend a whole post on alone, but suffice to say our relationship with slash changed and we became less permissive of these types of relationships.

Again, because I track the tag, I'm aware of when the "Slavery" tag dropped out of AO3's top 100 tags (around 2018 iirc) because we as a community no longer engage with those topics with the same attitudes we had in the past. Given some of the ways it was engaged with in the past, this is not necessarily a negative, as we've also become more sensitive to things like the very real pain these topics can cause our communities of color. Given the BLM movement and the recognition of Juneteenth (the end of Slavery in the US) as a national holiday, the falling out of this tag nicely correlates with these events in our history.

LGBTQ+ themes emerge first in fanfiction and then are adopted by the mainstream. We saw this with slash and gay, lesbian, and bisexual relationships. We are currently seeing it with transgender and asexual characters now, with the character studies and experiences found in fanfiction slowly finding their way to mainstream media.

Organization for Transformative Works (OTW), the parent non profit that runs AO3 also runs an academic journal, Transformative Works and Cultures, where much of this type of history is being analyzed and preserved for future use. The Fanlore wiki, another OTW project, also works to document Fandom history that is not necessarily fanwork. Things like the amazing Ms.Scribe drama, for example.

Anyway, now that I've rambled long enough you probably stopped reading, here is the TL;DR Fanfiction preservation matters because it is an insight into the community around it at various times in history and reveals our relationship with and in opposition to mainstream culture at that time.

#archive of our own #organization for transformative works #ao3 #otw #fanfiction history #lockea rambles #long post #cw slavery

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tsarinatorment · 2 years

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Hello, I love your pjo analysis posts and how much you try to keep it within its canon material.

The books let us know that Percy’s fatal flaw is loyalty and we see that often, while Bianca’s ghost kinda implies that Nico’s fatal flaw is holding grudges. My question is, what would you think is Will’s fatal flaw? Or a fatal flaw within the Apollo cabin in general?

Aww, thanks, anon! I always like keeping things within canon universe where possible because that's how my brain works, so I'm glad people like that I do that :D

Still on holiday with no books access, so this'll likely be a short answer at least for now, but a fatal flaw is definitely something I've thought about for Will, and could easily conclude for a couple of other of the cabin seven kids, too, so I'll give a brief rundown of my thoughts here and maybe revisit this later in more depth if that's something that people would want.

So, let's start with Will Solace's Fatal Flaw.

I'm certainly not original in this one, that's for sure, but my thought is that Will's fatal flaw is Responsibility or Self-Blame (specifically regarding patients under his care). I actually wrote a fic based on this premise, Fatal Flaw, a couple of months back. We see flashes of Will's stubbornness and sense of obligation when it comes to healing throughout canon - first with Annabeth, where he doesn't stop until she's out of danger even though it drains him to the point he looks "as pale as" she was, then again at the end of HOO where he's been working non-stop in the infirmary for I think it was two days solid, with the implication that he hadn't been taking a break at all during that time. We also see this in THO where he not only pushes himself to heal Paolo and the other wounded campers despite being worried about his siblings, he also yells at Apollo until Apollo gets his priorities straight, too.

At the very least, Will feels responsible for the well-being of his patients to the point he doesn't step back until they're out of danger, so it's natural to extend the idea into his fatal flaw being that he can't stop until they're out of danger, and that he himself runs the risk of burning himself out (perhaps even literally) trying to save someone who's past saving. As healing is shown to sap Will's energy in TLO (although not so much later on, perhaps because he's been forced to heal so much he's grown more powerful to compensate for that), the risk of it draining him and killing him is there, which would fill the condition for it to be a fatal flaw.

There are two other Apollo kids whose fatal flaws I have an idea about. I don't subscribe to the idea that the whole cabin would have the same fatal flaw, after all they're all unique people even if they have the same godly parent, but it does make sense that demigods might inherit one of their godly parents' potential flaws (for Poseidon, we see a loyalty to his children regardless if they end up good or evil, so loyalty is certainly a factor; for Hades, we see him holding grudges against Olympus; Athena also shows an inability to admit to being wrong at any point; Apollo we got an entire pentalogy focusing on his character and the need to put responsibility solely on his shoulders is one such flaw, but also arrogance and anger, amongst other things, which is where I'm going with these next two kids).

The next kid I'm gonna briefly talk about probably won't surprise anyone who regularly talks to me because he's arguably my second-favourite Apollo kid and one that takes up a lot of my headspace at the moment, and that's Michael Yew. While his appearances are limited and only within one book, we do actually get a reasonably feel for his character. I'm tossing up between two potential fatal flaws for Michael - Anger and Pride (both of which are known Apollo traits). On the one hand, he's written as a character with a short fuse who gets into arguments and apparently scowls a lot, so it's logical to assume that his anger is going to get him into a lot of situations that he would be better off avoiding, but on the other hand, pride is what stops him from bending the knee, from apologising for his angry outbursts and making amends (we see this with Clarisse and the flying chariot - yes, there is a lot of anger involved in there, but there's also pride on both their sides; neither is truly willing to concede to the other, and they continue to clash). Anger gets him into messes, but his pride is what keeps him there, so they're arguably both strong candidates.

The other one I have an idea for, mostly because Apollo also expresses some concern about it in the book, is Austin Lake. Kayla, despite having equal amount of page time, more or less, I don't have pinned down well enough to theorise rather than headcanon, but with Austin I think we can make an educated guess that his might be Arrogance or Over-Confidence. He's a popular internet (or at least youtube) sensation, apparently, which could feasibly get to the head of a thirteen or fourteen year old boy, and in TON he tells Apollo that he can handle clearing the way for him, giving him a grin that Apollo himself says reminds him of his own, reckless and arrogant, approach to some things (I don't remember the exact quote but it's along those lines). From that, I'd say it's pretty inferable that Austin's fatal flaw is somewhere in that area.

#Anonymous #will solace #michael yew #austin lake #apollo cabin #pjo apollo #riordanverse #rrverse #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #heroes of olympus #hoo #trials of apollo #toa #tsari analyses things

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footballffbarbiex · 1 year

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Riding Shotgun Teaser.

Player: Antoine Griezmann Words for the snippet: 1018 Type: Consensual non-con (CNC) Warnings for the rest of the chapter: abduction (feels like a strong word but i think it's accurate), fingering, blow jobs, unprotected sex, breeding threat. More warnings to come when I actually finish this and know what the hell I've written.

A/N: I didn't think anyone was actually going to go for this prompt on the bingo card so I decided to write something myself for myself. But since the first teaser went down well (please let me know if you'd like the rest of uninvited brought here), I thought I'd share this too. I've not finished it so I'm struggling to think of what warnings but yeah.

no tag list incl with this as I don’t know how the tag list would feel about a darker fic.

You are responsible for your own consumption, especially if proceeding to read a piece which has warnings not to your tastes. Don’t like, don’t bitch.

-

You stand shivering at the bus stop and try to gain some warmth, now regretting the skirt you wear. Several others are here with you, only they’re huddled beneath the shelter or the roof of it. Rain pelts down, hitting your umbrella and pouring to the floor where it bounces from the pavement. The air smells heavily of the fresh rain and the possibility of a storm; occasionally you get a hint of a vape or actual cigarette. Water rushes along the roadside, flushing over the overwhelmed drainage grates and sprays from passing car tyres.

Cars, cyclists, motorcycles and buses, which weren’t the ones you needed, pass in steady, consistent streams. The rain has washed the cars from their previous muddy glory and variations of “clean me, I’m so dirty” writings written with fingertips are now barely visible. Cars now appeared shinier, brighter, cleaner, especially in the reflections as you stared at the rain soaked pavements.

The last thing you wanted was to be late but today was not going your way. You got out of work late thanks to a meeting which overran tremendously, followed by time passing far more quickly than you seem to have. Each blink seemed to take another ten minutes from you. You’d asked your boyfriend not to order the takeaway before you were close, not wanting it to be cold by the time you sat in front of your plate.

Stepping out of the way for those wanting to step aboard the bus, you pause to pull your phone from your pocket and check the notifications before stuffing it back in, not wanting to test the waterproof feature. It’s not until the bus pulls away that you turn and look around, realising now that you’re the only one left here.

It’s not until your eyes come to rest on the board that you realise you’re half a block away from the bus stop to take you to your boyfriends and that this one takes you to work. Rubbing a hand over your face, you groan that you’ve moved on autopilot rather than thinking rationally. And with a sigh, you cross the road and begin to start walking. You skip over a puddle or two, not knowing if they’re shallow or water filled potholes that you don’t fancy taking a dip in, and pull your earphones from your pocket and pop them into your ears. It’s not until you reach the other side that you unlock your phone and begin to select a song while you wait for the bus.

This time, the bus stop here is empty, though more people are walking past this one. Fries from a takeaway box have been dropped on the floor and haven’t yet been gobbled up by hungry city pigeons, several empty cans and half filled beer bottles rest against the back of the shelter. It smells overwhelmingly of urine, making you want to deliberately stand out in the rain instead and question the contents of the bottles themselves. Bus stops have now become the new phone boxes to relieve yourself after a night out and can’t make it home in time. You're too busy mentally cursing yourself for not ordering an Uber when someone speaking catches your attention. It takes you a second or two to realise that the voice speaking is trying to speak to you and not someone else who may be passing.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.” You flush as you find yourself looking at the face of a man in, what appears to be in his mid twenties. Soft yet fluffy curls fall beneath his ears, pale blue eyes are framed by long dark lashes. Lips curve into a Cupid’s bow and a light stubble darkens his cheeks and jaw. Removing one earphone, you apologetically give him a smile and gesture to the music. “And I thought you were speaking with someone else,” you admit as you shift from foot to foot and adjust your umbrella as it props against your shoulder.

“It’s fine,” a smile reveals pearly white teeth and a dimple that pops on one side. “I asked if you wanted a ride. Or a lift to somewhere close by? The service is suspended, it looks like you’re waiting for a bus.” He gestures with two fingers, palm facing upwards as he explains and your gaze lingers a little too long on the two outstretched slender fingers. Immediately your mind heads to the gutter and you mentally imagine the way this strangers' fingers would feel inside of you.

Shame floods you as you remember the very reason that you’re even standing at this bus stop - a single bus ticket away from going home to your long term boyfriend who would not appreciate you envisioning someone else’s fingers deep inside of you and coaxing an orgasm from you. Pulling yourself away from the crude thoughts and swallowing as you refocus on the board, you can see that the next few buses are indeed suspended and delayed. With more services going on strike with a bank holiday weekend approaching, you should have anticipated this and checked earlier but the rush of the day had pushed this far from your mind.

“Going home?” He asks, blue eyes burning into your skin.

“Well, not to mine, no.” You reply. “But yes, somewhere for the night.”

“Lucky them. Or you could wait.” He suggests, “if you prefer waiting for a bus that might not come, in the rain. And cold.” he adds as your knees begin to dance as you shiver. Your eyes are scanning the possible time frame that you’d be waiting and because of this, you don’t see the way the stranger looks over you, drinking in your bare thighs right down to your sturdy boots before dragging his gaze back up to your skirt and pausing there a little longer than necessary until he sees the way you turn back to you, and forces his eyes to fix on your face once more.

“A ride would be great.” You answer after a long pause, really weighing up your options.

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melodioustear · 1 year

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On Radical Disclosure

This week, as term ended, I was at a two day workshop/conference on research ethics with regards to illness narratives. It was one of the most varied collections of people I've seen - from my fanfiction work to someone studying human remains - and yet we all had so much in common and so much to discuss.

Something that got talked about quite a bit was the issue of disclosure and positionality. For many of us in the medical humanities, our positionality in relation to the illness(es) we're studying is considered important. It's integral to my thesis. But other researchers expressed that this was hard for them, because they actively did not want to disclose their health status. It's especially awkward with some illnesses - consider those dealing with things like infertility, with STDs, with something like urinary or digestive issues.

I completely agree that no one should be forced to disclose their health status as part of their research, even though my positionality is a fundamental part of my own. There's parts of my health I don't talk about! Even still, I had an instinctual feeling of defensiveness when it was brought up, and I spent quite a lot of time thinking about why that is.

My conclusion was this: for me, disclosure is a radical act. I have two sides to my disability, the chronic pain/fatigue side and the mental/neurodivergent side. Both sides are things that I have been taught (primarily by ableism) to repress. I'm a woman, so my pain is dismissed. I've had instances in the past where people have told me to stop sharing my emotional distress, because I was being too depressing and no one wanted to hear that much of it. There is a near constant voice in my head saying that I should not take up space, be seen, express my pain.

By centering my experience, by talking about that experience, by allowing it to exist out in the world, I am - essentially - giving a giant fuck you to that voice. To the ableist world that thinks that I should vanish into nothing, and the parts of my Madness that parrot that. In a way, it's the very thing I did in response to the chronic and traumatic bullying I experienced as a child: being more loudly, more proudly the very thing that they said I was.

People should absolutely choose whether to disclose things or not, be that in research or in general. I believe this wholeheartedly. But we need, also, to recognise the rebellion inherent in disclosure for many disabled and Mad people. To acknowledge how brave it is to shout your existence into a world that tries to eradicate it. To hold space for both disclosure and non-disclosure, and everywhere inbetween.

Grateful for the workshop & participants giving me the thinking space to process this, the inspiration for the realisation, and also Alice Wong for Year of the Tiger, which I was reading alongside this and helped me process it a lot too.

#disability studies #disabled identity #disabled #medical humanities #health humanities #mad studies #research #madness #activism #disabled activism

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triviareads · 1 year

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Note: I've linked StoryGraph summaries of every book to each title. Also, this round-up contains spoilers.

I'm going to take this opportunity to scream about some of my favorite Grace Callaway books:

Her Wanton Wager

(TW: References prior child sexual abuse)

This book immediately proceeds Her Husband's Harlot (my review can be found here). Are you looking for your next bit o' rough gambling hell hero? Grace has got you covered. Persephone (Percy) Fines enters a wager with notorious Gavin Hunt that she will not be seduced during a period of time in exchange for saving her brother from being hunted by Gavin because of his debts. What I wager Hunt doesn't count on is that Percy has basically no sense of self-preservation and (among other things) gets turned on after nearly getting killed lol. Regardless, he's into it. She's into it. We love Percy for it.

The Duke Who Knew Too Much

Never has there been a truer title— Alaric does know too much (sex. He knows sex), and lucky for him, Emma is deeply into that.

There were hints of it in the Mayham in Mayfair series, but this is the series where Grace clearly ventures into kink. This one features a CNC (consensual non-consent) scene between the hero Alaric and another woman that the heroine, Emma, unwittingly walks in on, and then when said woman is found dead later, Emma basically tells the cops what she saw without understanding it was consensual. And the hero's response to prove his innocence... is to kidnap the heroine and take her to a brothel to make her watch a BDSM scene. Also, I think Emma almost accidentally auctions off her virginity at some point?

Anyway if you vibe with this kinda of batshit energy, this is the book for you.

The Lady Who Came in from the Cold

I feel like there needs to be more HR about married couples going Through it, and this one does not disappoint. Marcus and Pandora have happily been married for like 12 years and are *that* Hot Couple, but then Pandora's secret spy past comes back to haunt her, and when Marcus finds out, he's pissed. Cue marital discord and misplaced jealousy/mild slut-shaming. Honestly, I'm glad Pandora took the drastic action (kidnapping) she did to get Marcus back on track. He deserved that. But yeah, this is a good one.

The Viscount Always Knocks Twice

Were you looking for a book that fed your desire for a Lillian Bowman-esque heroine and a Westcliff-esque hero? Look no further than this book. Violet's inauspicious first meeting with the stuffy Lord Carlisle involves her shoving him into a blood-red champagne fountain after he taunted her about her inability to spell. There really isn't much more to spell out: Violet will not be tamed and *hates* Carlisle, Carlisle is a stern stern man who is also deeply repressing his boner for Vi, there's a murder to be solved, so.... it works out great. Obviously.

Olivia and the Masked Duke

(TW: This is an age-gap relationship and Ben knew Livvy since she was a kid and he was older. Nothing inappropriate happened but I know it isn't for everyone)

It's Emma and Alaric's daughter! How full-circle we've come. Livvy is secretly works for a private detective agency called Charlie's Angels Lady Charlotte's Society of Angels. She's also wanted Ben, her older, widowed friend, ever since she saw him spanking another woman in the stables and decided that yes, she wants that. Obviously Ben is running for his life from her (at first) but Livvy will not be deterred, even as she worries marriage will stop her detective work. And her friends (and future heroines) are only encouraging of her pursual and honestly? This is the kind of girl gang shenanigans I live for.

Convergence of Desire by Felicity Niven

(TW: Attempted SA)

I can't say enough about how well-written this book was. The heroine, Harry, is neurodivergent, and while I am not qualified to speak from personal experience, I thought the rep was thoughtfully portrayed. Harry proposes a marriage of convenance to one Lord Drake, so she can continue her mathematical work unhindered (did I get very invested in understanding Fermat's Theorem? yes). Drake is a slutty slutty man who's basically been given carte blanche to have sex with whoever he wants by Harry as long as he doesn't disturb her, but obviously man cracks and starts falling for her pretty fast. There's this funny part in the book where he slowly introduces her to sex, and when she discovers the joys of masturbation, she's like "it's okay I don't need you anymore" and he's SO SAD it's comical. Speaking of sex, this is definitely a slow-burn in terms of that (and love tbh), but honestly? the pay-off is worth it.

Never Seduce a Duke by Vivienne Lorret

This book brought me so much joy (literally, I was laughing and screaming all the while- I could never read it in public), all while being very very romantic. The actual plot borders on ludicrous in the best way, particularly the first half that's a combination of a heist story, road trip, and mistaken identity. The funniest thing is Lucien being convinced Meg is some notorious seductress thief and every time Meg does something relatively innocent he's like "AH HA there she goes trying to SEDUCE ME with her FEMININE WILES". As for Lucien himself, Meg is hopelessly into his scientific approach to seduction which I love for her. The banter and flirting in this book are perfection, and I strongly recommend this book to like, everyone.

#trivia's book round-up #historical romance #felicity niven #vivienne lorret #grace callaway #booklr #romance novels #book recs

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cafalla · 3 months

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Diary Entry - 01/21/2024

It's nearing the end of January and I've noticed myself falling back into a rut. I haven't felt like I've been making the most of my time.

Work has been a bit stressful this past week. I like to be as caught up as possible, but it's felt like once I get 3 tasks done, there are 6 more waiting for me in my inbox. I know this is temporary and will pass - but I've been working non-stop and it's been mentally taxing.

Then I had a medical scare because I was afraid I had a blood clot in my leg. I woke up with the weirdest deep-skin pain in my calf, and something in me felt it wasn't normal. I spent 2 hours in urgent care because the girl on the phone told me they could diagnose a clot...but when I finally saw the doctor they said they couldn't. So that was annoying. At least I got a fast follow-up referral to get an ultrasound the next morning.

Thankfully it was not a clot. I guess it was just a bruise? But I did not physically hurt myself or do anything to cause a bruise...so weird. I'm glad it's not a clot though. Thankfully the pain has gone away, but I have no clue what it was!

I think the word for my life lately has been anxious. I've been anxious over all the stuff at work, and anxious over my health with the leg thing. I've also just felt anxious in general, so much to where it is affecting me in normal daily interactions.

I'm embarrassed to say I got stupidly upset over going to a coffee shop with my bf where their menu wasn't displayed. Idk why, but I have a weird mental block with ordering at coffee shops. I don't really have a "set" order I like, I just order whatever drink is featured that looks good. So when there was no menu I just blanked. I felt so embarrassed because I could not think of what I wanted to order on the spot with the cashier and my bf staring at me expectantly.

Ordering a coffee should not cause me so much stress and anxiety.

My bf said he's noticed I've been more anxious over the past few weeks. I've also noticed I've felt more on edge and anxious too, maybe over the past month.

I have a doctor's appointment for the beginning of February. I think the new birth control I'm on is responsible for my rising anxiety. This is my second month on it, so it lines up with the timeline of my anxiety getting worse...so I want to bring it up with my doctor.

I have been putting off a lot of the activities I want to do due to feeling anxious/tired lately. I am just hoping to feel better and feel more motivated here soon. x

#txt #diary entry

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shummashum · 4 months

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Zeus Brundle Ch7 [1~5]

Previously on Ch6! Liz, who wanted to know what it really meant to be the Prefect, followed Alfonse for a day and was able to gain many insights! But putting that aside, all I remember is Hiro's last comment. I'm fucked.

The second trial, huh The time has come to avenge the humiliation of the past!

Liz told Amel what happened at the night class cafe, becoming noticeably cheerful when she talked about Zeus.

A personality that seeks to reach the pinnacle in every aspect to be satisfied… not bad I like that kind of character, a character who can run for what he wants

Amel's romantic delusion brain started to work again but well If you've reached this point, it's even more peculiar that your brain isn't working

but it was fun, right? well you can't help but laugh when you see him acting like that and if you have that kind of guy as a friend, life becomes truly fun

she thinks too much even the next day too eh…but is it that important it's fun and enjoyable to be with him…then it's done, you're using your brain too much

what naninani erm is that what I think it is I think it would be better to leave immediately

But now she's about to blatantly eavesdropping Please don't get caught this time… I beg you..........

naninani handmade cookie? and why are you speaking that calmly what is it, you like her? why is your response so gentle

it's no surprise that he receives gifts, but it's a surprise that he said thanks to her what does it imply

eh erm Don't you think you suddenly jump to the conclusion To begin with, the drawing style is different. No way.

You know, she might be some kind of spy or something 'Homemade cookie' can be considered a kind of signal, and messages are like instructions from above… something like that Whatever it was, she was watching a very critical scene… maybe, or not

And she got caught again

think about your exit route in advance please

dammit,,,,,,, I said don't get caught, is it that difficult to keep those words And if you think you're going to get caught, just act like nothing's wrong, that's fucking suspicious to anyone if you look back so slowly

poor lame what the heck is that

Anyway, Zeus said he was looking for her.

ha? calm down calm down this guy is insane bro drank a glass of non-alcohol cocktail yesterday and ended up having a loose screw omg

this guy is indeed insane oi calm down calm down you moron

right… she was watching you… I didn't know she would tell you all that though…

uh what's this what's this stuffiness let's stop this turmoil and go take the trial already

After some cultivated chat, they headed out for the test. (phew)

Deja Vu I've just been in this place before

but well aren't you too cranky he condoned your behavior because he's a simplicity king if this had been a conversation with a touchy king, the atmosphere would have been a legendary shit I said calm down please

Eventually, he lost his temper.

Then here comes Klaus long time no see

sharp ! ! you're not dead yet

#shumma plays wh

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