#i feel like i'm losing the thread on some things and uhhhhh i don't know what to do about that ! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clqveris · 4 months

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started my ao3 back up this year. ao3 wrapped? I dunno. it's something

general rambling. reminder that the DOVES ARE DEAD some of these have nasty tags on them

I wish I could post something privately just for my mutuals. oh well

I say started back up because uhhhhh I wrote something in freshman year of highschool. It is my most loathed child and is now an orphan. It is in the very back of my ao3 inbox. Its statistics are on par with my current most popular fics. Goddammit.

Started writing this year because of Stardew Valley. Currently I believe it's one of the longest running projects I've ever worked on. Started it in February. Now it's December. I think it will be another year at least. My poor little farmer whom I give all the tragedies to. I dropped this game again earlier this year and yet still find the drive to write this. Amazing. I think I have the fic planned and then it goes and does its own thing sometimes.

All the TGED fics are the same to me. Least favorite children. The bad modding in the discord made me lose taste for the whole fandom, unfortunately. I am allowing myself to shit-talk this server on account of the poor moderation being in concerns to NSFW content, and that the server is not an adult only server. And some of the immaturity in there. Not immaturity as in "acting childish for fun" and "not being serious all the time," because acting like a mature adult all the time would be tiring and soul sucking, but immaturity as in "I am a child and my childish actions are not for fun but for throwing tantrums against things I don't like."

The count will forever stay at 4. The last thing I wrote for it I wrote all the chapters and then posted them all at once, and then forgot them. It is also my most popular fic. What a shame. I hope one day I will get a comment in my inbox that says "Why did you start writing incest." Otherwise, I respond to none of the comments on those fics.

My S-Class fics are my favorite children right now, besides the Stardew one. The only fandom I've ever written with an E rating for, and you know what? It's not bad. It's freeing. I get to be free. I forget all the time that they can be considered dead dove, for reason of the big fat Incest label on it. They feel tame to me, for some reason. Maybe they are. Maybe it's not my fault that one of the characters actually canonically tries to lock his brother up and has thoughts of getting rid of everyone else.

Perhaps one day they will surpass the TGED fics. Currently this one is the most popular of all of them, but I feel like that's about to change. Hm...

I don't really look at statistics except for the comments in my inbox, but here we go.

Subscriptions. I posted all the chapters of System Error at once, why are you subscribing to it?

Word count. No surprises here.

Bookmarks. frowns at System Error. get outta here

Comment threads. At least three of them are my favorite children.

Kudos. Hang in there cuckoo. your time will come I promise

Hits. You're telling me more people saw the high-speed competitive frotting and got less kudos than cuckoo? that's crazy

All in all? I'm blind. I don't see. Who is TGED? Never heard of them. I've never built a house in my life, your honor. All I know is Really Fucked Up Sibling Relationship with the author's poorly disguised brocon-

I also realize now, that most of the things I've written have something to do with extreme and unhealthy displays of affection. Stardew? You saw the yandere tag. TGED? Pretty sure that guy would blindly trust anything the other guy does. S Classes? I point out once again, the unhealthy codependent relationship between those brothers.

Now, as a reader. I need to bookmark more things I believe. I'm lacking. I'm slacking. I need to up my game 100 emoji.

If you read this far, I encourage you to comment. Putting all your thoughts about how a fic made you lose your mind in a comment is really fun, because then I don't have to just sit there and go "holy shit, that was an amazing fic, now I just have to sit here and act like I didn't read something that good." You can type it out and share it with the world. Highly recommend for when you're about to lose your mind over a fic.

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