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#i feel like i make myself into a clown. i don't know who that person is bc i dont recognize them. theyre an act
theflyingfeeling · 3 months
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...💌
#not-very-seriously contemplating making a fitalk sideblog#just so i could ramble on about my fic ideas like the lunatic i am without bothering anyone#because istg i come up with at least 3 new ideas a day and more if necessary#but i'm too self-conscious to do that on my main blog too often because i always manage to convince myself no one actually cares#and that the only few people who do seem to care only care because they want to be supportive#and/or think it's cute i'm so passionate about the fics/pairing or whatever#and there's nothing wrong with that and i'm thankful of course!#but it sort of makes me feel like a child being praised by adults ya know? 😭#and idk maybe i just feel like this because i used to share a hyperfixation OTP with a friend#and i'd come up with new fic ideas/headcanons for our OTP on a daily basis#until the friend admitted they weren't even that into the pairing#they just found it adorable to see how enthusiastic i was thinking of stories of them :)#which made me feel like such an idiot lol silly me thought they were as into it as i was#like. i get the need to infodump about hyperfixations to a friend even if the friend is not into the hyperfixation#especially if you don't know anyone else to whom you could talk about it#but i don't need that personally. i'd rather talk about my hyperfixations to someone who actually wants to hear it#and not just because they think i'm being adorable or they want to support me#i can very well keep it all to myself or just idk talk to myself?? lol#so yeahhhh i kinda don't want to make myself feel like a clown like that again 🤡#i do realise i think about fic ideas an unhealthy amount probably lol#but then again isn't that what actual published authors do all the flipping time?! the only difference is that i'm not getting paid for it😤#this wasn't supposed to become a rant lol the words just started flooding#anywayyyyy who wants to hear about my royalty!aleksi / ballet dancer!olli fic idea with side roommates-with-benefits olli/joonas?#additional tags include 'helping the other put on make-up' and 'anal fingering'. if you even care#(pls don't actually ask it's ridiculous)
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cursedvida · 6 months
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Can u do a buggy x sick reader? Fluff/comfort. The reader tries to get him to not take care of them because they don't wanna get him sick too.
I came down with a small fever and feel icky.
(if you do this, thank youuuuu)
PROMISE (Buggy x sick!Reader)
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Warning: maybe swearing and the fact that english isn't my first language. Also the Reader is a f!Reader.
A/N: basically a fluffy scenario with a stubborn reader and a worried Buggy.
You haven't been feeling too well for a few days. At first it was just a simple sore throat, but now you feel your chest burning every time you cough a little. This morning you noticed that you also have a fever, not very high at first, but now you feel as if everything around you is spinning. You even have a headache because of the discomfort.
You haven't wanted to say anything to anyone, you've always been a pretty independent person and you don't want them to think that you can't stand even a simple cold. But as the hours go by, it's gotten to the point where you can hardly stand up. You feel your face getting very hot. It's not cold, but you're intemperate because of the fever. You have tried to hide your condition for as long as possible, but one of your companions seems to have gone off the deep end and now Buggy is standing in front of you, quite angry.
"Why didn't you say anything?" He's pacing back and forth nervously. He approaches you, taking off one of his gloves so he can touch your forehead.
You immediately pull away.
"Get off" you move away. "I don't want you to get it because of me. It's just a cold, don't worry."
"You're burning up, Y/N…"
You repeat to yourself that it's no big deal. Buggy is very dramatic, that's exactly why you didn't want him to know. Now he's sure to make a big deal out of it and end up sick. And it will all be your fault for not having known how to fake it properly.
You don't like to worry him, Buggy has too much on his mind to be wasting time on trifles. The idea of being a burden and not being able to fend for yourself disgusts you.
"I'll just go rest for a while and that's it" you tell him, smiling. "Don't be angry, come on…"
You sense that he is about to say something to you, but instead of opening his mouth, he just pulls his arms away from his body and sweeps you up.
"Buggy!" You exclaim, somewhere between surprised and embarrassed "What are you doing?"
"Didn't you want to go rest?"
"But I've already told you I'm going by myself. Really, if you do this you'll fall ill…"
Buggy moves closer to you, his arms back in place and now he has you pinned next to his body, carrying you as if you were a heavy sack. His face close to yours, his eyes on your face. You notice how his hands press against the parts of your body they have you by.
"Buggy, I'm serious, if we're that close…"
"What kind of guy would I be if I left you alone with that fever?"
His voice sounds dry, raspy. Buggy is usually outrageous when he gets angry, he likes people to notice him pissed off, to let everyone know he's not in a good mood and therefore the rest are going to pay for it. But right now his anger is different, much more intense, more real. Buggy doesn't yell or make a show of it, he just sounds like he's really hurt. As if you have really offended him.
"Buggy I… I didn't mean something like that. I just…"
"You think I care more about not catching a cold than supporting you?"
"Of course not!" You exclaim as you notice the pain in his words "I never thought anything like that, I just wanted to take care of you."
The clown clicks his tongue, shaking his head disapprovingly.
"Look how silly you are sometimes, baby doll" He cocks a half smile just before giving you a kiss on the forehead "This time I'm the one who has to take care of you. And that's what I'm going to do."
And that last sentence doesn't sound like a warning, but a promise.
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mikareo · 4 months
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⌗ SEASONS OF LOVE ₊ ˖ ་. a 呪術廻戦 miniseries
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“ ࣭⸰ ★ SERIAL ROMANTIC ; gojo satoru x fem reader ⠀ ꒰ . . episode three ! ꒱ . . . word count; 1.1k ⠀ ⠀ ᯇ lost confessions, missed connections
⊹ ⠀⠀ gojo's halloween costume is ryan gosling's sebastian; though he should've dressed up as a lovesick, idiotic clown.
contains; gojo x fem reader, university (year 2) au, angst, fluff, gojo's a dick, swearing, best friends to lovers, love triangle
⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀pm or send ask to join/be removed from taglist,, ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀link to miniseries masterlist
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so much has changed in the past two and a half months that gojo can't even begin to comprehend it all.
firstly, you're practically an entirely new person. how did that happen? rather than him devouring every word in your conversations, you're actually keeping up now; and your funny. you're really funny. he never knew that, and it's definitely a pleasant surprise to discover. you're also so confident. before the school year began, you could be compared to a mouse staring at rat poison— so timid and shy, without any means to argue with him or introduce yourself to his other friends, but now you do both with no signs of nerves or anxiety. it's no wonder that all eyes were on you tonight. with your bright yellow dress and pink lipstick, you looked gorgeous; something out of a hollywood film. luckily for him, as the ryan gosling to your emma stone, no guys dared to approach you with his arm wrapped around your waist for a whole three hours.
he likes this new you. he doesn't understand why, but there's just something about you that ticks his boxes. something that appeared out of nowhere and he can't seem to ignore. why? he's not used to feeling this way and he hates it. he fucking hates it.
"tonight was really fun." there's a soft smile on your face as you're looking through the windshield. he's just pulled up to your dorm building, and the familiar sight appears to be comforting to you. "thanks for bringing me."
he did do that didn't he?
"yeah, no problem." his answer is tame as his thoughts run wild.
it's not uncommon for him to invite you to parties, though he used to force you to accompany him and sit in the corner while he made out with as many girls as he found hot; but tonight was the first time you agreed to come to this particular party. aka the halloween party to top all other lame and sorry excuses for a social gathering. originally, he used to ask you to come because geto was always so busy with schoolwork and studying— making it very clear that you were always his second option— now, he personally asked you without approaching his male best friend first. "sorry about those guys, earlier. they were just messing with me."
you smile. "it's okay, as long is it didn't bother you."
it did bother him, though.
with the relentless remarks from his classmates, gojo hears their words echoing in his ears. so you finally found yourself a real girlfriend! no, he didn't. wow, the great satoru gojo got himself pinned down! as if. of all the girls you could pick, you picked her? i would've wanted loads of others before landing on this one. what the fuck kind of question was that?
he's not exactly ashamed to be seen with you. he knows he doesn't want other men giving you attention, yet at the same time he can't help but want to keep his reputation high. who is gojo satoru without his playboy status? he's just a man. there's nothing too special about him other than his handsome looks, and he can't seem to be able to let go of his ego just yet; no matter how devastated the lovesick look in your eyes is making him feel.
"why're you staring at me?" his voice is shaking with nerves, anxiety pumping through his blood at a rapid pace.
"i just love the way your hair falls over your eyes." oh no. "i get little glimpses of blue every time you breathe."
please. please don't confess.
"sometimes when i look at you, i feel myself floating in some type of way. i don't really know how to describe it, but i've always felt it. it's like i've been in love with you since i first met you. which, to be honest, is definitely true. the reason i haven't considered anyone else on campus is because a part of me is waiting for you to feel the same way— and it's been really hard with all of the other girls you spend time with, but you also give me so much attention that it makes me feel special."
your words are so beautiful. so soft. gojo understands this 'floating' feeling you speak of. he's being lifted away by it. his heads is in the clouds, touching the sky, and wishing on shooting stars that this relationship will work. his heart wants this to work so badly; but his mind disagrees. no. it's not his mind that disagrees...
...it's his narcissism.
"i love you, satoru. i always have."
he wants to love you, too...
...but he can't.
"i think you got the wrong idea." he tries to laugh off your confession, avoiding eye contact so he doesn't need to see your heart breaking in real time. "this was all just a bit of fun tonight, the costume and everything. i didn't know you'd assume i liked you."
he knows he's being an asshole.
"you've taken it all too seriously, really. i didn't think of it like a couple outing or a date. it's just a party."
he knows he should stop and apologize.
"i don't love you like that. i never have."
finally, he looks over to you. you're staring straight at him with tears struggling not to fall and sniffling softly. if gojo could read minds, he knows that you're at war with yourself; trying to decide whether to give up on him or give him another chance. in an ideal world, he'd deserve another chance. no, scratch that. in an ideal world, he would've accepted your confession. he would've leaned over the armrest and kissed you with all of the passion he's been holding back. you would've smiled while kissing him, fighting to contain giggles of glee, and running your fingers through his hair that you love so much. gojo would've admitted that the other girls were just a distraction so he could ignore his burning feelings for you; and that all this time, he's been scared— too scared of losing you, his best friend, to confess.
but that isn't how this scenario played out.
instead, you're muttering a million apologies and sobbing quietly in the passenger seat of his car, while he looks at you with nothing but pity. gojo satoru doesn't understand how to love. he doesn't understand that in order to love, one needs to set aside their own heart, and make space for another. he's not ready to make that commitment, and it's almost laughably obvious that your friendship is over.
"i'll see you around, satoru." your hand unlocks the door. your feet landing on the pavement as you hop out of the vehicle. your figure fleeting into the shadows of the night...
...his heart fleeting with you.
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⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀pm or send ask to join/be removed from taglist,, ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀link to miniseries masterlist
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⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⊹₊。 reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹
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chaosandwolves · 1 month
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Ok, so
Ep 07x04 - Buck, bothered and bewildered
Possibly referring to the song
Bewitched, Bothered, And Bewildered by Ella Fitzgerald
Some lyrics:
Men are not a new sensation I've done pretty well I think But this half-pint imitation Put me on the blink
Lost my heart, but what of it He is cold I agree He can laugh, but I love it Although the laugh's on me
He's a fool and don't I know it But a fool can have his charms I'm in love and don't I show it Like a babe in arms
Love's the same old sad sensation Lately I've not slept a wink Since this half-pint imitation Put me on the blink
But I'm like sweet seventeen a lot
"Couldn't eat, was dyspeptic
Life was so hard to bear
Now my heart's antiseptic
Since you moved out of there
Romance, finis, your chance, finis
So this ep will be focused on Buck
We know he's - yet again- on a self discovery journey but - hopefully- finally reaching the turning point
This whole song is very much Buck like... "lost my heart but what for", "Love's the same old sad sensation", "but I'm like sweet 17 a lot"
That's one side of it
The other is being stunned and revived by someone
I'm wondering if he maybe has a bi re-awakening
Some guy he absolutely crushes on and only then does he realize that... Actually if I can have sex with guys, why not have a relationship with them... Maybe this will change something...
And he finally, very slowly, starts to realize something
Or
It's all just about Natalia and him realizing that it's not it and he was just a little bit bewitched
Cause the "bewitched" is missing in the title and that means that he's not anymore but now he's
Bothered - cause he fell into the same pattern like always
Bewildered - cause something is dawning on him
Still choosing a song with the line "Men are not a new sensation" is WILD
-
Episode 7x05 - You don't know me
Possibly referring to the song
You Don't Know Me by Ray Charles
To you, I'm just a friend That's all I've ever been No, you don't know me
I never knew the art of making love Though, my heart aches with love for you, yeah I'm afraid and shy, I let my chance go by A chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me, and then, you say goodbye And then, I watched you walk away beside the lucky guy I know you'll never know the one who loved you so No, you don't know me
I mean this screams Eddie pov
If Buck does have a bi thing going on...
Eddie would possibly be like... Oh so it would've been a possibility after all?
But now I'm too late
And he obviously only ever saw me as a friend
I pray to all the TV gods this will result in a talk with either Karen or Maddie
Cause even though we all agree the man has already realized his feelings for Buck
If there was a bi thing... that would change his perspective
But he'd also be afraid
Thus a talk with either a competent queer person (who is not the 118) or someone who knows a side of Buck he doesn't and knows if that could actually still be a real possibility
But honestly that's just what I wish for myself here
Anyway
I think though that watching Buck with Natalia, it makes Eddie's heart ache and Marisol will just be another Ana... Just a way to do what's expected of him, what's right, what seems good
But also I feel the "You don't know me" directly relates to the "She sees me"
So I feel... Maybe something happens and - like always- Eddie is there and giving Buck exactly what he needs cause he knows and sees Buck
Maybe Buck makes a queer related joke... Something along the lines of...
Haha wouldn't it be easier if you liked guys, we could just date each other!...
and Eddie answers "I'm afraid, you don't know me that well"
Ok I'm venturing into fic inspo now
But I think the contrast of these two songs is so interesting and the way they relate to Buddie SO HARD
And I will not stop talking about that god damn "Men are not a new sensation" line
Anyways we all didn't want to clown again but I'm afraid the clown train is boarded and rolling and it's a party
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lhssboyfi · 13 days
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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ [END].
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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ Juyeon x M!reader.
Author's Note: uuuh I don't think I'm okaaaaaaaay, I don't think I'm okay. I honestly didn't know whether to upload it, I feel like it's garbage.
Previously: You're tired of being his last option (being hidden) and you decide to end "things" with him, maybe he'll fix it, maybe he won't.
Genre: Discussions, Against, Fluff (kinda), Drama.
Wrng: internalized homophobia.
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"I should have dressed as a clown to make a fool of myself in a better way." You thought.
It was around noon and you had been waiting for more than three hours for what is supposedly your boyfriend. You both had agreed that today you would see each other after a very hard week, exams and projects were driving you crazy. There is nothing better than a whole day resting with the person you love the most so far. At least, that's what you thought when you first arrived at the coffee shop. Where is he? It was your only question for a while now. He didn't even answer your calls. That would have been the last straw, the whole jug. It wasn't the first time he had put you through something like this, but after many conversations, he promised that he would change and you really tried to believe him.
You wanted to continue waiting for him, you wanted to continue hoping for the idea that he would arrive, but the time was approaching for you to be in your first class of the day and since you were also part of the committee, you decided to pay for your coffee and leave without further ado. You felt so embarrassed after paying the girl, you spent more than two hours boasting to her that this would be 'the day' and that after a long time, she would finally meet the boy you've been talking so much about for more than 4 months now, unfortunately things didn't happen—again.
"M/N!" You heard from afar that distinctive loud voice that could only tell you who it was, you were so angry that you decided to speed up your pace to avoid talking to him, however your ways of escaping would have been worthless after feeling his fingers gently sink into your shoulder. When you turned around you began to listen to his great sermon of reasons why he took 'longer than he thought', but as always, everything he said ended with 'sorry, bro' and its characteristic way of messing up your hair.
Ouch, to a certain point you understood that he was afraid to say that he is gay, I mean, he told you before they started dating and you were fine with that, I say you were because you always saw him surrounded by several of his 'girl-friends' and even you saw him hugged by the neck with one in particular. Does he have to do all that just out of fear? I think he also forgot that you also had feelings, maybe he forgot that you were dating and that constantly made you overthink. The only thing you wanted was to be able to hold his hand without him constantly looking around.
ㅡSomething happens?ㅡThe brunette exclaimed after seeing you all the way with your head down and muttering a couple of things that didn't make much sense.
"I was just thinking about the exams. . . and us." You didn't want to get into your feelings any further. It wasn't even the place, and surprisingly, not the person you would want to talk to about this. On the other hand, you only heard a heavy sigh and saw out of the corner of your eye how he only nodded sadly.
"Did I do something wrong? Tell me what I did wrong now, and I'll fix it" You felt a big hole in your chest, you wanted to scream at him right then and there about everything that should change so that you could stop feeling like a shitty boyfriend and he could lose that fear of being left alone just because he had someone of the same sex as his partner, but you only deigned to stare at him and caress his cheek.
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In the entire class you couldn't concentrate better because of the laughing session that Juyeon was having with one of his friends at the back of the room, you had finally decided that the best option—for you—would be to end what was still going on between the two of you. You didn't hesitate to send him a random message but you didn't get a response from the boy, you had no choice but to wait until class could finish and talk to him before he went to play basketball.
"Juyeon, I have to tell you something, and I think it will be quick." You told him when he was going down a couple of steps after the teacher was ready to put his things away and leave, when the individual left and there was no one else in the room—so you two started talking about how you felt being there, after several months together; what liked to do most, what didn't, etc. Everything was going so well until some basketball teammates rushed to the classroom door and asked for the tallest one.
Your heart stopped after hearing him say, "Just give me a minute, I'm talking to a friend." Is that what you were to him? It seems that yes, Eric was right. You should not continue being in a place where you were only the couple when he got the chip on. You didn't know that "friends" always spent their time kissing or watching a series while doing nothing but caressing each other or even ending up naked on a bed with only a sheet covering both bodies. It didn't take long for your eyes to be glassy with the amount of tears you didn't want to shed, at least not in front of him, in front of the same boy who broke your heart in the worst way you've ever experienced so far.
You tried to raise your gaze so you could see his eyes and give him a weak smile, you did nothing more than leave a couple of pats on his shoulder before leaving the room. You knew that things didn't go any further after he denied you, who knows how many times he must have done the same thing, that was the real reason why you no longer fought or thought with hate.
"W-wait, what does this mean?" The raven man asked after rushing out of the same place and thus taking you by the forearm.
ㅡWe're done, I don't like going out with friends.ㅡ You said as you let go of his grip and continued walking to the cafeteria, where your best friend was.
The boy, for his part, just stood there stunned in that cold hallway where you left him without even turning to look at him, he was stunned, he couldn't process anything that just happened, he knew he screwed up.
Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
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fractualized · 5 months
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Alright. Let's break down this "oh" of an ending. NEGATIVE NANCY, COMING THROUGH
Spoilers, ho!
Ending a story is hard, if they're long or short. Whether you wrap up key threads or leave them open, you want some kind of takeaway that puts a period on things. Even in comics, where we know these characters will go on and on, ideally a story will end in a way that just... fits. Even amateur fic writers have loads of WIPs just sitting there because exactly how to end this damn thing eludes them.
I don't know if Rosenberg had an ending in mind when he started The Man Who Stopped Laughing. I don't know if he decided he'd figure it out by the end of it's year-long run. I don't know if DC Editorial lets people do that; it sounds insane, but if you've been paying attention to their current level of editorial "oversight," which I imagine is supposed to make concurrent titles mesh together reasonably well, I wouldn't be shocked if they let people wing it. Or, more likely, perhaps DC Editorial swooped in and made Rosenberg change the ending he had planned and that's why the result falls flat.
In any case, after 11 issues of enjoying myself, I'm left feeling deflated.
But let's start where #12 does, with the Joker who's been told he's John Keyser, a toxin'd henchmen that the real Joker made into a doppelganger for funsies. He approaches a hotdog vendor.
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I'm stuck on "Hello. I've been looking for you"?? I didn't catch that on my first read. Joker has a favorite hotdog vendor? lol
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Shut up, Waffles!! All we have is your word for it!!
In any case, hey, Keyser Joker has already been Jokering this long, so yeah, why not keep going? And why not with help from poor woobie Jason, fresh from nearly getting himself killed in Gotham War?
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Bruce did not fix Jason at the end of Gotham War, so his adrenaline is still triggering fear in his brain. But Keyser Joker has a solution for that!
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It's a tiny dose of Joker toxin to take the edge off of Bruce's programming. Joker makes a point of saying that the effects are only temporary, though. (And like, I assume this is just the quick-fix solution Rosenberg came up with to pull off his own ending when told Bruce's plans for Jason over in the other titles.) Jason is skeptical of this "help," naturally, but Keyser Joker brings up their matching interest: getting rid of the other Joker.
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Jason, why you gotta ruin Albert's good time? 🙄
Cut to Red Hood dragging a clown henchman through the streets of Gotham.
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But "his" face being blacked out and some of the dialogue clue the reader in: things aren't what they seem.
DERAIL TIME: what is up with this batmobile?
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Like from some other angles, it looks sportier, but in most of the panels it looks like an old Buick? lol ANYWAY.
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With the flaily way this person jumps off the bike and runs, I was sure that this was Keyser Joker and we might see Batman interact with him. Alas.
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It's Ravager, who survived last issue's explosion. She's helping Jason 1) distract Batman and 2) get Albert out of harm's way, far from Keyser Joker's plan.
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Naturally Keyser Joker is planning something more destructive than he's led Jason to believe. Also like…
The idea that Keyser Joker really is this John guy, not the real deal, is still not sitting fucking right with me. Seeing him here in another costume, with a goofy death train with mismatched eyes just like his, it feels like a signal that he actually is Joker and Waffles is either lying or mistaken somehow. Like compared to the other Joker, who we haven't seen in a costume? Who left Gotham for weird reasons? I really thought there was going to be a reverse reveal.
And since it doesn't come, I guess it's a good time to mention that! There is no reverse reveal of who the real Joker is. Things get a little muddy later, but…. hrm. HRM.
That said, the other Joker does something pretty dang Jokery: he shows up in a dirigible with his face on it.
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Killer Moth and a bunch of clown goons (that aren't supposed to be available because of Gotham War but WHATEVER) attach the dirigible to the train and it's pretty chaotic!
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I love when villains are like, "Look I may kill people, but an endangered gorilla?! Get outta here!" 😂
Jason also arrives in style.
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I guess he was observing Ravager's distraction?? Which feels like it defeats part of the purpose of having her do the distraction. But then he couldn't have this cool entrance in which he bludgeons people with a motorcycle. Trade offs!
Meanwhile, Real Joker makes it to the front of the train to confront Keyser Joker. One of Real's goons offers to shoot Keyser, but Real Joker wants to make this personal and kills the poor hench so he can do it himself.
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Jason coming in like YEEEEEAAAAHHHHH 😎
Then he gets the bad news.
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Keyser is as casually suicidal as your average Joker! Also "Real" Joker never acknowledges Red Hood's identity, afaik. It's always Keyser Joker. Details like this got me thinking that reverse reveal was coming, AND YET.
That aside, next comes a fun comedy beat.
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Real Joker going right for the hair!
Jason isn't going to let this be the end of it, of course, and once again Killer Moth must suffer at his hands.
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Jason shoots so many clowns. Just never the one he wants. 😞
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Waaaaaaaaaaaaaait wait wait. You're telling me that Bruce knew about the imminent TWO JOKERS situation. But he decided to prioritize a report of Red Hood dragging a clown through the streets. When in the same breath he's saying there are other people coming to the scene with him, so he obviously could've sent someone else? On the same day Batman #139 is like "oooh Bruce is totally onto Joker now"? This is what you're telling me?? Augh.
Well, we can't rely on Batman right now, clearly, so it's up to Jason.
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Meanwhile, Keyser Joker has told the other one that he actually does have a secret way off the runaway train safely. After they fight some more, the tune starts to change.
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Alright so, this "deal," which would sort of start them back at square one, doesn't bother me because obviously it's on shaky-ass ground and one of them is definitely killing the other before this issue is over. What does bug me is the "franchising" line, for two reasons:
1) Is this supposed to imply that Real Joker is the one who was behind Joker Incorporated in the Batman Incorporated issues, not a third one?
2) I was just SO SURE it was another indication we were getting a reverse reveal. Joker absolutely does not love the franchising idea. That's kind of been the point of this whole series. The genuine Joker in Keyser Joker's hallucination/memory said that having two Jokers around is stupid. HRRRRMMM.
Anyhow, they leave the train together, though the escape plan is literally just jumping off, which has more issues than they bargained for.
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So do you think, assuming the Gotham War writers actually communicated at least a little, that Zdarsky asked Rosenberg what he needed Jason for at the end of TMWSL, and Rosenberg was like, "oh I need him to heroically crash a toxic blimp and almost die?" And then Zdarsky was like, "er, I need him to heroically fly a plane into a magic meteor and almost die?" And then they just shrugged and closed the Zoom?
But yeah, the blimp crashes, and I'm sort of confused because I thought that earlier Bruce was saying that even if the toxin gets into the water, it'll still make it's way to the city. So for one thing, it's still exploding in the air and it's still gonna drift. And the parts that dissolve in water are still gonna drift. There's a part to the equation missing here.
But these two are just thrilled at the excitement.
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Until the sudden yet inevitable betrayal.
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BUT WHO WAS JOKE
Shortly after this, Ravager shows up with Manhunter, who also survived last issue's explosion. (It just doesn't come up at all. Like it doesn't have to, I guess, but it's just weird that there's not a word or wound about it.) Ravager dives into the water looking for Jason, because she instinctually knows he did something grand and dumb. She finds him among the clown bodies and brings him to shore.
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Nothing can kill this man! He came back from the dead with nine lives! And also maybe that Lazarus resin from TFZ is still helping, I dunno.
Elsewhere along the shore, what's left of both Jokers' crews find themselves waiting in the same spot for the Joker they expect to be triumphant.
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You know what. I'm soured on Waffles now. Leave him.
And then, from the water…
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And that's it. That's how it ends. With a sort of snide cop-out?
Like, it's Joker's POV, so yeah, you could say the dickish tone is just him. But following this story for a year, and then seeing it end with simply the old "you'll never know which Joker prevailed," it doesn't feel clever or whatever this is going for. It just feels obnoxious.
Honestly, it feels like the same takeaway as freaking Three Jokers. 😐 That it doesn't matter who Joker is. All the lead-up to this, where maybe we get a tiny bit of depth and development, even if just in this story, eh. Doesn't matter! We're ending this with blah payoff.
On the other hand, the part of about about there being more questions, about this ending not being tidy, makes me think that this is leaving open the possibility that Keyser Joker actually was the real one. After all, we don't get a flashback to the actual events. The events we see are part of a hallucination, and Keyser never said he had clear memories of being the real or the fake one. He just went from assuming he was the real one to taking Waffles' word for it that he was the henchman.
Also, Keyser Joker was always the Joker giving narration. And the narration boxes for the Final Joker at the end remain in his style. So it seems like we actually have a huge indication of which Joker prevailed-- unless we're meant to assume that if the other Joker prevailed, he merely took over the narration.
I mean, this is what we have. So if I can just choose what I want to believe, I'm going to believe both that Keyser was actually the real guy and that he won. But it puts a real sour taste in my mouth to be super engaged with a story and wanting an ending that says something about Joker's character… and the ending is just that one murders the other and you don't know who, neener neener. It's anticlimactic. It's a predictable direction that I thought SURELY Rosenberg wouldn't go in. It feels like a dick move.
And... what else is there to say? So ends my year of consistently buying a comic, I guess. Nothing else has really grabbed me like TMWSL did, though City of Madness looks promising. After the multiverse and Gotham War stuff, I'm not about to start picking up Zdarsky's Batman. #139 had plenty I should enjoy, but it's soured by Zdarsky deciding to bring a canonical take to the three Jokers concept for some ungodly reason.
A new three Jokers take feels extra stupid after a year of a story about two Jokers. And the second Joker in TMWSL isn't even taken into account in Zdarsky's story. Based off that #135 scene, it really looks like he's going to say that Darwin Halliday accidentally copied TKJ Joker somehow. lmao Why. Why do we have to do this. Why can't this just be one of the things that gets retconned away. I just want my murderclown to be fun.
I need to get back to my list of unread older comics. Or read One Operation Joker! I didn't think I was interested, but I think a random goofy premise is actually just what I need.
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rainbowbarnacle · 9 months
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I was kind a late bloomer when it comes to liking clothes, but I've learned to love dolling up! And it took me forever.
I didn't want much to do with clothes at all growing up because I wasn't really allowed to go see what I liked, and so I just kind of lived in jeans and t-shirts because that's what was comfortable. When I did try and see what I liked, mom would pull out the excuses.
"You can't wear that top, it's not your color." (Note: she never told me what my colors ever were, just what they weren't.) "You can't wear those colors, you'll look like a clown." (OH NO NOT THAT) "You can't wear that tank, it shows your arm flab." (?!?!?!) "I know you like that dress but why would someone like you wear it? You don't go out." (I WANNA WEAR IT SITTING A LOUNGE CHAIR READING A BOOK, MOTHER.)
It wounded me. Just. Holy crap. She told me these things as though it was some obvious, awful rule that I just didn't get. To hear her talk, you'd think that everyone else was already aware of my fashion sins and whispering about them, and (worst of all!!) it embarrassed her so much.
The alternatives to my choices were sooo depressing too. Khaki capris. Piles of denim, especially these weirdly stretchy uncomfortable bell bottoms that always got soaked in rain puddles? Cardigans. Nothing joyful.
(This is not to say that bell bottoms and cardigans and capris can't have their uses, and I am not questioning or judging anybody who likes these things, it was just miserable being shoved into them like a doll because This is What People Wear According to Mom.)
I was taught I should HATE plaid and paisley and polka dots, and to this day I have to shove an instinctive feeling of shame away when I look at my closet, because guess what, it turns out I have a looot of paisley AND I LOOK NICE IN IT. 8)
And just. Oh man. If I could tell tiny!Aud about how I get to match (or contrast) different colors with the blue dye in my hair? Or how I have a closet full of long skirts and headscarves and pretty shirts? Or the joy of finding jewelry that POPS? I bet she would be so happy. I never imagined myself looking like me when I was little, I always imagined myself looking sort of like mom.
Anyway, the whole point of all this blathering is that it took me an absurdly long time to figure out that clothes were FUN because the only person who should be making those kinds of decisions about them is meee. Once I figured that out, it was like a whole new world opened up.
And that goes the same for you. Go wear that Thing you like with joy. Embrace your favorite colors and patterns. Wear a biker jacket, wear a mini skirt with those long socks you like, wear that one shirt that is Incredibly Gender. WEAR ALL THREE AT ONCE.
Wear what's YOU because it's YOU.
<3
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arandomperson5647 · 6 months
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Encanto info from Jared Bush's Q&As
This is a little place where you can find (hopefully) a lot of info Jared has said in his Q&As. This is if you wanna check smth and don't wanna go on a hunt to confirm it since it's been so long. Idk if I got everything, I highly doubt I did, so if you have a piece of info I don't have and have a link to it, I can edit it on. Ngl I'm also kinda doing this for myself cuz I was curious to know everything he's told us. I'll mostly summarize the answer so it isn't longer than it needs to be, but I'll also copy+paste if I'm too lazy.
The info here kinda varies from interesting, to obvious stuff, to potentially pointless but really any of it can be used to do whatever.
Some of the answers he provided aren't concrete solid ("I think __ would happen", "I always thought ___", etc), so take this all with a grain of salt. I'll try to phrase the uncertain ones differently so you know they're not 100% (probably, possibly, might, etc). If the answer he gives is completely up to interpretation, then I won't include it. Some might be repeated cuz I don't feel like looking back to see if he answered the same question twice.
Just to warn you guys before you click "keep reading", this is a LONG post, so if you don't want it fill up your page, don't click it unless you really wanna read everything.
Antonio's Birthday Q&A #2 (5/21/23)
Canon universe:
Dolores never truly believed Bruno was still around. She heard stuff, but everyone told her he was gone, so she thought she was imagining things. "I knew he never left" was her way of saying "I shouldn't have doubted myself."
Antonio was a shy kid and animals are were easier for him to make friends with.
The potteries in Bruno's room were because it was fairly public for people who want visions, so they're probably a nod to that.
When Pedro went to the attackers when he died, he was planning to reason with them.
Luisa's associated with donkeys because they’re beasts of burden and that’s how everyone treated her.
Mirabel has her embroidery because she loves her family, but potentially also because she subconsciously want to make sure the villagers know despite having no gift she is every bit a Madrigal.
Isabela might potentially secretly like Pepa's chaos.
Julieta's really good at hiding her feelings about the pressure of being the town's healer, but she's also a naturally strong person.
There's a reason why Bruno's single but Jared didn't tell us.
Bruno's favorite food is Ajiaco, but potentially also big butt ants.
Julieta probably noticed Mirabel wasn't in the pic at Antonio's ceremony immediately after it was taken, but Mirabel had already left by then.
For a while, Bruno's limit for future seeing was until the fall of Castia, but now it's limitless.
Alma didn't necessarily approve of Agustín at first because he wasn't overly spectacular or confident.
Mirabel and Camilo got along well when they were young, but after Mirabel's ceremony, Camilo felt more pressure to perform and show off.
Even before his gift, Bruno probably worried and wondered about the future, which is what caused his gift.
The Madrigals mostly assumed Bruno had somehow left the Encanto after his disappearance.
The birth of the miracle happened near the turn of the 20th century, and Antonio's ceremony was 50 years later.
The 5th birthdays for the Madrigals is the big one. The others are "regular".
Camilo often annoys Isabela for fun and also because he's a bit envious of her. They're kinda opposite, perfect vs a clown.
The post-movie relationship between Mirabel and Isabela is probably mischevious.
Bruno probably already was breaking from pressure when Isabela was only in single digits.
Alma was loving to all her grandchildren, but sometimes it felt conditional due to her expectations. She wasn't self-aware enough to realize.
Félix can play the tiple, but not shown in the film.
Agustín and Félix probably wore their respective colors before marrying their respective wives. Their colors are also a nod to regionality.
Alma might've seen cracks before Mirabel saw them at Antonio's ceremony (not at the moment tho), giving her a reason to actually believe Mirabel and pray to Pedro.
Based off the book "Mystery in the Rainforest", Dolores and Mariano are engaged and planning a wedding soon.
There is a school in the Encanto, but since it's closed off and was formed in the beginning of the 20th century, new info would cease.
Pedro might've been the one to know sewing and embroidery. He taught it to Alma, who taught Julieta and Mirabel. She probably taught others but Mirabel did it the most.
Bruno's door might've started glowing again during his vision in Antonio's room because Mirabel is making him feel included in the family (and therefore Casita) again.
The Madrigals do have friends groups, just not shown.
Camilo's gift can be tiring. Like an actor playing their part.
Mirabel probably would've had a negative or even traumatic impact from the fall of Castia, mostly due to a near death experience.
The Madrigals have never tested their gifts beyond the Encanto, so it's still a mystery on what happens.
Antonio probably can talk to animals from different countries, not just Colombia.
Camilo sometimes tries to impress everyone with his gift.
Mirabel's birthday became "stressful" ever since her 5th.
Isabela would probably help Antonio decorate his room with crazy plants.
Behind the scenes:
5/21 is Afro-Colombian Day, which is why that's Antonio's bday.
There used to be a deleted scene of Mirabel getting grounded by Casita.
The Guzmans originally had the same number of family members as the Madrigals, and each member was like a doppelgänger of each gifted Madrigal child, except Mirabel, who was represented in the Guzman family by a goat.
There used to be a scene where Camilo's gift goes haywire at night or smth (can't figure out the full pic for this one).
Writers considered early on that Mirabel would want to leave, but they decided that from a character and cultural perspective, leaving her family would have been the absolute worst thing she could imagine.
It's never been established how long the ceremony doors appear before the ceremony, but 9 months has been considered.
Early versions would show that Alma had strict parents. It may or may not be true now, but it would make sense.
Mirabel used to have a gap in her teeth to show her quirkiness, but was removed because they wanted to show it in other ways.
Encanto Disney+ Hollywood Bowl Q&A (12/28/22)
Cannon universe:
Emotions can sometimes affect Bruno's visions.
Camilo often helped take care of babies even before Antonio's birth. He was just naturally good with them.
The stairs in Bruno's room probably grew as he became more distanced, so they probably lessened when Casita came back.
Luisa's favorite sister is probably Mirabel.
Camilo would probably sometimes be happy that Isabela found her true self, while also a bit jealous. It depends on the moment.
The Madrigals' reaction to someone entering the Encanto would probably be chaotic.
As a way to protect them, Alma was always a little strict on her family.
Julieta and Agustín often worried how Mirabel was doing, especially for Antonio's ceremony.
Alma tried to show she loved Mirabel in her own way after her ceremony and before the movie.
Camilo's experience being the only boy in the house for a while was...interesting. Not the easiest.
Pepa and Dolores' gifts have caused some difficulties between the two.
Especially post-movie, Bruno, Agustín and Félix would be a ridiculous trio.
The candle is now gone, but a new miracle took its place.
Félix and Mirabel have a good relationship, especially post-movie.
Isabela's 5th birthday was the first gift ceremony for the grandchildren.
Bruno was probably superstitious before moving in the walls.
Before the house fell, Alma probably wouldn't like Dolores marrying Mariano. After, she'd accept it.
The other Madrigals might have hidden potential in their gifts, much like Isabela did.
The townspeople mostly either put the Madrigals on a high pedestal or see them as equals.
Isa probably had at least one flower she'd intentionally give Mirabel allergies with.
Bruno was probably a bit popular at one point.
Adopted Madrigal kids that were 6+ would probably still get a gift.
Mirabel's near-sighted.
Camilo's probably gotten in trouble for his disguises at times.
Bruno's mostly a rat guy because he's around them the most.
Pepa has a sweet tooth but doesn't let her self have too much due to her weather.
Isabela can grow trees and crops.
There's no definite reason why Isa was the favorite grandchild, but being the eldest didn't help.
When Alma said "the magic is strong, and so are the drinks", she was really trying to get everyone back to the party.
The gifts can tire out the Madrigals if used a lot, sometimes physical pain can occur.
Alma might have siblings, but it's not confirmed.
Behind the scenes:
There used to be a scene of Mirabel getting grounded. Idk if it's the same scene as the previous one mentioned, but the context of the question might suggest otherwise. ("What would've happened to Mirabel if she was found after the dinner?")
There were versions in the end credits of everyone reuniting with Bruno.
There is potential for a Madrigal with OCD, autism, etc, but not yet confirmed.
Triplet's Birthday Q&A (8/17/23)
Cannon universe:
Bruno and the grandkids now watch telenovelas together.
Julieta's favorite food is probably ajiaco.
Mirabel's first word would potentially be "sita" because she loved Casita but couldn't say the full word.
Dolores' room has a lot of soundproofing.
The reason Mirabel seems to interact with Castia the most out of the Madrigals is because she was mostly an outsider, with only Casita to talk to.
Encanto is a hidden place, so simply finding it is near impossible.
There are respected town elders in Encanto, but Alma is considered the founder.
Pedro said something to Alma before he died, potentially in Spanish, but it's not confirmed what.
In terms of personality, Mirabel is the closest to Pedro.
For adoptive kids, Casita may be able to anticipate the arrival of someone new even before the family is consciously aware of it, giving them a new door.
Bruno's a fan of chocolate.
Mirabel loves every color. She has no known favorite.
Julieta got married first between her and Pepa.
Bruno's rats aren't sentient like humans, so Bruno would have to train them to do whatever.
It's possible another Madrigal felt resentment towards Bruno after he left.
Julieta's gift possibly only works with a combo of cooking and giving, but not confirmed.
Bruno learned how to use his gift through practice and invented customs. It was complicated.
Julieta probably needs to know the person's injury before healing it.
The majority of the Madrigals' dominate hands are right. Julieta and Antonio are left handed. Luisa is ambidextrous. It's unsure, but Mirabel is potentially left handed.
Mirabel's favorite food is arepa con queso.
Antonio's favorite snack is nailed rice.
Agustín and Félix have jobs in the town, but not confirmed what.
In a book, it was mentioned that Bruno was the golden child of the family. He probably fell from that position in his late teens.
Agustín's favorite meal from Julieta is chocolate santafereño.
Gifts can possibly be repeated, but not in the same generation.
The refugees/townspeople had brought everything from home they used to start farming when the Encanto formed.
Isabela and Mariano still have a good relationship after the movie. Neither were too wild about the engagement.
The bedrooms can change if their owner wants them to.
The gift ceremonies will now be different without a candle.
Madrigals still do the traditional quinceañera.
The Encanto doesn't have electricity.
Bruno has left the walls a few times for a break.
Isabela will probably keep switching up her outfit now that she can.
Luisa has always felt protective of Mirabel.
Behind the scenes:
Casita used to have shown that it has only 1 bathroom, which was located in the back right corner under Bruno's tower.
There was a deleted scene where Julieta yelled at Alma in front of the entire town after Mirabel went missing.
Julieta is the one singing w/ Mirabel during the "constellations glow/the seasons change in turn" lyric.
There used to be a version of Bruno using water with his vision.
The line said by Mirabel, "Even in our darkest moments there's light where you least expect it" was cut after Lin Manuel Miranda wrote Dos Oruguitas and the emotional thrust of Mirabel’s words needed to evolve to encompass what she’d just learned.
There was a Waiting on a Miracle reprise that was cut because they felt they didn't need it.
The concept of a new door appearing was considered to start with the doorknob.
No one intervened during Alma and Mirabel's argument because the writers felt that it was Mirabel's moment to shine.
VERY early on, Bruno (then known as Oscar) was Mirabel's estranged cousin.
Indestructibility was a gift they wanted to use. It was actually Pepa's original gift.
Dolores' Birthday Q&A (8/31/22)
Cannon universe:
People in Isabela's position wouldn't really have the chance to have authentic relationships because they're hiding their true self. This could potentially apply to Isa herself.
Before Mirabel's ceremony, her family was excited for her. After, the family’s ability to see Mirabel clearly was too obscured by their unhealthy dynamics but were probably unaware of that until Mirabel brought it to light.
Bruno's oversized clothing was by personal preference, potentially because of his awkward nature.
Before Isabela showed up in Bruno's vision, another person was there, who is possibly a young Alma. While not confirmed, it is implied in Jared's answer.
Félix and Agustín already had gifts, just not in a way that others could see.
Isabela lets herself break the rules, so while not confirmed, it's possible she could recreate mythical plants.
The town probably functions like a combination of where everyone came from.
The triplets used to have little meetings in Bruno's room when they were little.
Behind the scenes:
There used to be a scene where Bruno revealed he had a secret elevator in his room.
Agustín's Birthday Q&A (6/19/22)
Cannon universe:
Part of what fuels the miracle is unconditional love. When Mirabel and Isa showed that during What Else can I Do?, it affected the magic.
Julieta often gives people the food they like rather than something random.
For a long time, Isabela was the favorite grandchild for Alma. Before her ceremony, Mirabel was. After Casita's rebuild, many dynamics changed.
Agustín was born in the Encanto, but his family was from a city, so he was raised with the city-vibe.
Luisa's favorite food is bandeja paisa.
Every gift can be affected by emotions in some way.
Casita probably helped Bruno hide, but not confirmed.
If Mirabel and Bruno decided to leave the Encanto after Casita fell, the entire family would've fallen apart.
The only people in the Encanto were the ones who traveled with Alma. They all got there at the same time, no one got in or out.
Behind the scenes:
There used to be an exit for Bruno's wall room behind the family tree, but it wasn't used.
Antonio's Birthday Q&A (5/21/22)
Cannon universe:
Mirabel's canonically 5'2.
Mirabel has good relationships with Pepa and Félix. Félix loves everyone and likes hanging out with pretty much anybody. Pepa is a good tia, she’s just very emotional, but for most of the movie (and her life before) felt she had to bottle her emotions which only made them worse.
Bruno probably doesn't need the sand for visions, but as time went on he added his own superstitions.
The color of the magic in the end changed. It wasn't the color of the candle anymore, but the colors of Mirabel. What that means? No one knows.
Bruno "felt" his vision cave collapsing and investigated. That's how he knew it was destroyed.
Camilo couldn't really hold a form forever because of how tiring it could be.
Mirabel did have a quinceañera.
Casita has a mind of its own with its own emotions. Sometimes it could play pranks on the Madrigals or be too upset to move anything.
Behind the scenes:
Earlier versions had a negative dynamic between Mirabel and Camilo.
The gifts are based off family archetypes. Antonio is a shy kid but opens up to animals.
Random Q&A (3/19/22)
Cannon universe:
The main reason for Mirabel and Isa's falling out was because they couldn’t see the difficulties the other was experiencing, because they were fixated on their own struggles. They were probably closer when they were younger.
Despite being shy, Antonio does have friends in the town.
Due to the triplets' bday being the same day as Pedro's death, it's a mixed day.
Pepa can try to stop natural disasters, but doesn't usually succeed.
Mirabel would sometimes have sleepovers with her sisters when they were younger. There was a deleted scene showing it.
The pink cloud scene in Surface Pressure represents the stuff Luisa wanted to do without the pressure.
Behind the scenes:
Tbh there wasn't any answers that could qualify as behind the scenes sooo... 🤷
Stuff that didn't come from Q&As but is still good info
Madrigal Birthdays (I'm not doing a link for each, just take my word for it lol):
Félix: November 11 (11/11)
Julieta, Pepa, Bruno: October 17 (10/17)
Agustín: June 19 (6/19)
Isabela: August 7 (8/7)
Dolores: August 31 (8/31)
Luisa: November 14 (11/14)
Camilo: December 28 (12/28)
Mirabel: March 6 (3/6)
Antonio: May 21 (5/21)
Madrigal ages:
Alma: 75
Julieta, Pepa, Bruno: 50
Isabela: 21
Dolores: 21
Luisa: 19
Camilo: 15
Mirabel: 15
Antonio: 5
I don't believe the husbands' ages are confirmed, but Félix is confirmed to be a little older than the triplets, while Agustín is a little younger than the triplets.
Julieta is the oldest of the triplets, Pepa in the middle, and Bruno is the baby.
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anzadosara · 3 months
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I remember when I finished bsd season 3, I went to a site and scrolled through the chapters that weren't animated yet; there I saw Nikolai and read his dialogs.
I think it was three or four years ago, I was familiar with his impressions; like 'the insane serial killer clown' and all; but when I read what he said it really came to me as a surprise how much I understood him.
and that claim still stands; I really identify with him the most. I'm sure he's a very hard character to understand to many of the people that follow the series; like 'who would want to kill the person they think of as their best friend?!', but I get him, despite how ill that may sound.
Nikolai's more sane than any of us, although we might think of him as the most insane. He is forged with feelings, he is forged with a body. Nikolai doesn't think, he feels. He feels his chest ache, he feels his head spin, and thinks to himself 'then if I'm free of my body, I won't feel anything'.
He knows that's not true, he knows better than anyone else; but chooses not to believe in it.
Nikolai knows what he is, and he knows he was given no opportunity to choose it, and this pains him; so he denies it.
He runs away from himself, runs away from his feelings; and oh he tries. He tries to tell people this, he tries to make them understand, to ask for help. He walks around talking in excitedly gibberish philosophy, and in the end, they call him insane and leave.
When they don't understand, when no one understands; he starts killing. He kills to prove to them what he said is true, to show them what they're not willing to use their minds to understand.
He was stuck in this vortex, until Fyodor showed up and made his pain double, no, multiplied.
Fyodor tells him exactly what he wanted to hear so desperately.
"You stand up against god in order to lose sight of yourself."
There, a new feeling bloomed; something he had never felt. We call it love, we call it obsession. Nikolai was terrified, so he made himself a solution: omit the cause, make the pain stop.
again, he knew killing Fyodor wasn't the way out; but chose to believe it was. He was terrified, and I'm sure any interaction he ever had with Fyodor pained him. I say this because I've been there myself, exactly where he was.
now something unexpected has happened, Fyodor's dead.
I doubt Nikolai really ever saw it in himself to kill Fyodor with his own hands, he couldn't, he loved him. He probably just planned on playing around carelessly just like he did, until someday fate itself, god himself, decides for him; and so he did, Fyodor's gone.
Or maybe there was a tiny glimpse of hope, in the bottom of his heart, that god would give him a chance in the end to be with Fyodor. He knew Fyodor didn't care about him, he knew it was all one sided, but he hoped anyway; maybe that was what kept him from performing his plan.
Now it's over, he is left with a void that cleaves his flesh and bone open. I wonder if he'll resist it, I wonder if he can last.
I wonder if he'll suicide :)
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system-of-a-feather · 2 months
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Honestly, one of the large reasons I'm pro-endo is because I genuinely and honestly think that one of the best things for DID is normalizing experiences of consistent inconsistencies and have drastically different parts of yourself that can at times display drastically different which is NOT a disorder specific thing - and regardless of what terms we use to describe ourselves whether thats system, parts, headmates, singlets, facets, aspects, complex multifaceted person yada yada - whatever it is that endogenics experience is also an expression of self/selves that shares that "consistently inconsistent" and "drastically different parts of yourself that can at times display drastically different" that people with DID and other CDDs have.
I think that everyone - trauma or not - should have the right and ability to be as consistently inconsistent as they feel is natural to them, and if that goes out to having different names, genders, aesthetics, sense of self, whatever thats cool by me.
And genuinely, I think it does help (though anyone credited endogenics for all of the positive changes in the CDD communities is being a clown and erasing the work from individuals with CDD themselves) normalize some of the more stigmatizing aspects of living with DID.
I would much rather be surrounded with a bunch of people who don't bat an eye at having parts that go by different names and identities and have different likes and dislikes because "yeah i know people who have that and its not a big deal" than someone who goes "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS TO BE LIKE THAT" cause no? You don't have to have a severe mental illness to express yourselves as you naturally would? Yeah is it a kinda weird expression? Sure. But "weird" is literally only defined by the "normal" person and the idea of a "normal" person can 1) be changed and 2) is often used for more harm than good.
Do I think there are some large issues and problematic behavior that needs to be talked about in the overall community? Sure, probably - I can't say for sure cause I don't involve myself much in the endo/endo adjacent communities, but yeah probably. Do I think there are discussions that have to be made about terms and ways to prevent misinformation about CDDs in those spaces? Yeah of course. Do I think there is a need to talk about means of respecting the inherent extreme PTSD response and therefore disordered and clinical nature of DID without making it something that is a 'lesser' or 'broken' form of what endos experience? Absolutely.
But I really think the idea of denying that people - without trauma - could experience themselves in drastically different ways, experience themselves in a multifaceted form that identifies independently, and use labels that make sense to them, I really think you are denying yourself a lot of what you - as your heal - can choose to be like.
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ricciardoswife · 1 year
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Podcast
Warnings: none
Summary: y/n talks life and all things motherhood in her best friends podcast
Materlist
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Hello and welcome back to the simple life podcast my name is y/f/n and today we have y/n ricciardo with us. Firstly for those of you who don't know y/n has been my closest friend since highschool but also when i first started this podcast in 2020 if you have been listening since then the one person I've always been asked to have on is y/n and I finally managed to get her to come on y/f/n says laughing "you make it sound like I was avoiding coming on" y/n replied laughing. "Okay okay in all seriousness she's been itching to get on but she's never been in Perth long enough since covid the get the time but now she has plenty of time" y/ns friend replied back seriously
"So how have you been y/n" "I'm doing amazing lifes great at the moment it's slowed right down and we're just enjoying each moment as it comes I honestly feel like in the last couple of months we've been able to stop and take in the moment more. Also being back in perth has had its perks no doubt I love this place with everything I got"
"People will get mad if I don't ask this early on so how's daniel and baby Olivia doing" "Their both doing amazing olivias six months old and she's just loving life since we've been back in perth we take morning walks down to the beach as a family and her and daniel just love playing in the sand together. I love watching it because she's at the age where she's more in tune with what's going on and just seeing her and daniel interact is amazing"
"She's six months already it feels like just yesterday I was flying out to Monaco because you had gone into labour. Did she enjoy Christmas whats every day life like with a six month old " "Christmas in general was great we got to spend it with the whole family which we haven't been able to do since covid, Olivia was in her element opening her presents and I think she enjoyed it alot because her cousins were there so she had someone to play with. Yeh six months can you believe it myself and daniel are trying to soak everything in because she's growing to fast but I also like this stage because she's more aware of her surroundings too. Also she's got the biggest smile for everyone and this huge belly laugh that only daniel can seem to get her to do she's definitely her father's daughter" y/n says laughing
"On the topic of labor how was that" "it was tough don't get me wrong but I had daniel by my side every second which I was so grateful for and he's someone who can make me laugh even when I don't want to so looking back on it I was laughing through all of labor and delivery thanks to him I definitely couldn't have done it without him."
"How's your business going" "yeh it's going amazing we do hold little pop up shops every now and then and people love that too. There's a new collection coming out soon which I haven't told people about so I'm sure they will be excited by that"
"Any plans on giving Olivia a little brother or sister" "look we've both said it we would love more than one child but at the moment we so happy with life and she's only six months so maybe further down the line we'll try for another"
"I'll be hated if I don't ask this how did you and daniel meet its been what 18 years this year" " yeh 18 years, you know this story all to well because me and you talked to much in class I got moved next to the class clown who was also incredibly good looking. After weeks of him annoying me I finally gave in and went to get lunch with him. I never looked back since that day"
"When you were that young did you expect the two of you to still be together so many years later" y/n starts to laugh "definitely not I was a huge overthinker and I fell in love eith him quite early on but I knew Daniels plans to be an f1 driver and I had plans to go to college but we both knew wel over each other so we gave it a go and don't get me wrong long distance was really hard but it was so worthwhile. I don't regret any of it. I'm so thankful for everything I have in life especially daniel and olivia their both the light of my life and Daniels always been there for me and has helped me through so much"
"What's your take on life" "I like to just live in the moment cherish everything I have. I try not to worry because I know there's a solution to everything once I look for it"
"Quick fire round"
"Favourite flavour of ice cream"
"Mint chocolate chip"
"Farm life or city life"
"Farm life it's so much quieter"
"Mornings or nights"
"Morning person"
"Dogs or cats"
"Dogs"
"Favourite travel destination"
Iceland or Austin. Austin brings alot of fun but Iceland was where daniel proposed so its always gonna hold a special place in my heart"
"Thank you so much for coming on today y/n it's been a pleasure having you" " thank you for listening to me babble I hope everyone enjoys"
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Liked by danielricciardo, yourfriendsinstagram, michaelitaliano and 45,333 more
Y/nricciardo I had the pleasure of speaking on @yourfriendsinstagram podcast about life and motherhood so please go check it out I promise its a good one
Dannyricfan Olivia sounds like the cutest child ever
Yourfriendsinstagram thanks so much for coming on
Y/nfann I love y/n so much
Dr3fann Daniels life with olivia and y/n sounds amazing
Dannyfann3 Only daniel can make olivia belly laugh 🥺🥺
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Sorry I've been away for so long but I hope oyu guys enjoy and again as always send in your asks if you have any 🥰
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cairavende · 6 months
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Worm Arc 9 thoughts:
Not enough of my daughter. Where is my baby girl? Though I do enjoy getting different PoVs. It'll work for a little bit.
Weld is neat. Didn't feel great about him at first but he grew on me. His scene with Vista made me love him. He's a good kid. (He should probably have learned Aegis, Gallant, and Browbeat's names before talking to the team the first time though)
On the note of that scene - THEY HAD A THERAPIST THIS ENTIRE TIME? The Wards had a therapist available to them and no one was having them see said therapist after 3 of their teammates died? Piggot is so bad at this.
Me reading Flechette's chapter with the aim of making her gay as I have done with everyone else: "Oh wow this is a really easy one!"
I wanted to see more of Parian sooo badly after I first saw her and I'm so fucking glad this is how I see her! Flechette and Parian are wonderful and I hope they get gay married and retire together.
Me saying that probably highly increases the chance that one of them dies in the future.
I'm very glad Flechette gave up on Shadow Stalker. I like Flechette and she shouldn't have to deal with that asshole.
I feel so bad for Clockblocker. He's just a kid and his dad is dying and that sucks. I wanna bake him some cookies or something.
The professor of that class was so clearly identifiable as "one of those professors". All "up until now you haven't had to think, but in Parahumans 103 you'll need to think and I'm not gonna baby you yada yada". It's still just a 100 level course dude, geeze. Get off your high horse.
Clockblocker and Vista are siblings and I love their dynamic.
Despite me feeling for these kids some, the second the Travelers started clowning on them I was enjoying the shit out of myself.
Fucking Trickster is just so much damn fun. His powers are cool and he really lives up to his name. I love him.
Glory Girl getting rocketed off into the sky by Ballistic had me in tears from laughter.
Kid Win has ADHD. I was sure Kid Win had ADHD before I even started on the Kid Win chapter where he says he has ADHD. Someone get this kid some Adderall. And some therapy for all that self doubt and imposter syndrome.
Kid Win also didn't even hesitate to illegally spy on Chariots personal computer by hacking into the wi-fi, so that doesn't give me great confidence in the Wards following rules. Or any heroes. I'm sure that won't ever come up again though.
These Slaughter House Nine guys I'm sure won't be a big deal. They won't do horrible things to hundreds of people. Gonna be taken care of by heroes off screen during the next arc. No worries at all!
Vista joined the team when she was 10? The superhero team that has to deal with death on a semi-regular basis and terrifying violence all the time. That team. She joined it when she was TEN?! Shitty system you guys have here!
Saved the best for last - SHADOW STALKER GETTING FUCKING MEMED ON BY MY WONDERFUL DAUGHTER! (And my daughters friends)
God I wasn't sure about her chapter at first. She is so mean and I didn't necessarily want to spend a long time in her head watching her be mean. But then my daughter showed up in a swarm of bugs and fucked up a bunch of Nazis and I knew everything was going to be ok.
The instant Shadow Stalker started to follow Skitter I knew she was gonna get fucking wrecked. I don't know why I knew, maybe I just know my daughter well enough. But no matter the reason I was so happy to watch it happen. Wasn't worried for Skitter at any moment cause I knew she was gonna bitch slap this asshole.
Just. Damn I fucking LOVE watching my daughter just be a goddess of bugs and go to town.
I could keep going about Shadow Stalker getting absolutely destroyed for who knows how long, so I'll just have to stop myself.
And we see a new person with the Undersiders, did Aisha get her powers? I'm so happy for her! I can't wait to see what they are.
Imp is a great name and it's kinda fucking bonkers it wasn't taken by somebody else already.
Did I mention Shadow Stalker getting clowned?
Cause she did.
Just completely baited and then my wonderful baby girl even got to tase her. I'm so happy for her. Sometimes a little violence is the answer.
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heartnosekid · 2 months
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well, friends. i’m sure a good lot of you have seen this post. i was denied today. i have to contact a lawyer and i don't even know how to begin advocating for myself outside of simply contacting the firm an ex-friend of mine used to obtain disability.
if you would rather not read the whole vent, i completely understand. but if you would still like to provide answers or support to me, here are my main issues.
i need advice from others who have been denied disability and have gone through a lawyer to obtain it. i need advice on what to do about getting started with victim advocacy. that's about it, i reckon. i love you all. my dm's are open. you will be blocked if you clown.
and yes, i realize my stim blog is not the place to talk about this. i understand, but this is my largest audience and i feel i would be a fool to not post this somewhere it may be actually received.
tw for mental health talk / long vent under the cut, particularly of the despairing kind, and also mentions of CSA / CSAM, psychosis, and my general disabilities. if this post needs more trigger tags, please let me know and i'll add them.
my whole life i have been treated as if i am not struggling because i can do the bare minimum to keep myself alive. i can survive, but never thrive, and even surviving now has become difficult. i can't feed myself regularly, my guardians do that for me. i can't stand for longer than a few minutes at a time without extreme duress and pain, which makes cleaning, showering, and going out super difficult and beyond draining. i can understand abstract concepts and certain ideas and am emotionally intelligent, but i struggle heavily with understanding money or how government works, particularly when it comes to laws and loopholes. i don't know when i'm "being had", as it were, and others have pointed this out to me throughout my adulthood. it feels as though this entire disability journey has been me "being had". they gave me something to cling on to, the possibility i may be able to receive real help, and it seems as though they basically knew the whole time they were going to deny me again. for the fourth time. i know that is unrealistic but, it does feel that way.
i wrote several full length books when i was a child / young teenager, and had two published. i won't share the titles because i have outgrown what i wrote and find them childish and frankly embarrassing, but everyone upon learning that i have written and had novels published, immediately jumps to the conclusion that i am some kind of self-sufficient, incredibly intelligent and capable person. i have never once been able to effectively take care of myself. without my guardians, i wouldn't be able to manage money, insurance, bills, cars, groceries, among other things. i don't even halfway understand how insurance on anything even works despite having been shown how it works.
i can see something, be "taught" to the best of someone's ability, and i will still not be able to learn. this has been a constant issue throughout my life, and the american public school system has continually helped these issues perpetuate. all schooling has done is teach me how to parrot back concepts and ideas, remember them for a limited amount of time before losing them to the void, and not how to fundamentally understand and learn them or utilize them in daily life. even higher education was like this, and i was not able to thrive throughout my experience with college despite making mostly okay grades (i cheated and lied a lot, okay. i'm not proud of it but i felt i had to get through or i would be severely punished). i had to a sign an agreement that i personally still do not fully understand to "obtain" my associate's degree, and i do not know why despite the fact it was explained to me, in detail. the information has not registered, and i now no longer have anyone that was involved in said agreement to explain it to me. everyone i say this to is like, "what? that doesn't make any sense." and i'm like. yeah. it doesn't, and i have zero ability to explain it to them in a way that makes sense.
i mention my associate's degree because i am sure in some form or fashion it was used against me in the disability process, since i was "able to complete higher education". also it should be noted i did an early college program. also probably has been used against me. also cheated through most of it.
people have always considered my kind of autism to be hyper competent, since it appeared that way when i was a child, despite showing several signs that i was struggling with a math-centric learning disability, called dyscalculia. i have since deteriorated to the point of barely having the knowledge a young adult should have, about how life works financially and honestly in general.
i have extreme fear about what may happen to me without proper assistance. my guardians will be able to take care of me for some time, but after that? that feels like a black hole to me. it doesn't exist nor will it while i am under-assisted, and this black hole fills me with utter despair. i try not to let it permeate my daily life, so as to not dwell in a future that doesn't exist yet and has the possibility for change. but god. it fills me with literal existential dread, and it is becoming so much more difficult to ignore the older i get.
a lot of factors have been used against me my entire life to deny me assistance, and these reasons being yet another factor has really dredged up a lot of shit from my past.
this is besides the point, but i also learned recently that CSAM was made and distributed of me when i was a child and wow. that has hit me in ways i cannot even describe. part of me is like, why was i not allowed to know after the fact, even when i became an adult? i was directly involved. why did no one tell me my abuser was convicted for counts of spreading CSAM, and that they lied directly to the court system about their inappropriate actions with me? i was disenfranchised in more ways than one by more than one person on allowance of my abuser, and i am just now hearing about it. i don't know how to deal and i don't know how to get started with victim advocacy in my area.
but at the same time, whilst being treated as severely more competent than i am, i have also been infantilized relentlessly, by nearly everyone around me. how does this make any sense. i feel incredibly stupid and uninformed and at the same time privy to things about my disabilities others are not, while not being able to effectively communicate it. i feel i am screaming and begging for help, nearly at my wits end with a lot of things, and all of it is reading as "owie booboo" to anyone who could do anything to help. i feel i am falling through the cracks, and i fear having to crawl back up through them. i fear i won't make the trek. i fear i will lose motivation and let myself rot. it feels like no one in a position of power has taken a true effort to really help me and i cannot help or advocate for myself. i am very scared.
on top of all of that stuff, i am withdrawing pretty heavily from cymbalta, experiencing heightened panic attacks every day, PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures), more episodes of psychosis and hallucinating than i'm used to, all of my mental and physical issues are out of control, and now this disability stuff. i also won't be able to see a psychiatrist for...maybe a week or so more, so no bridge meds till then.
these last couple weeks have just really kicked me down. thank you for reading if you got this far. i appreciate you more than you know and i have no idea where i would be without y'all and this blog. i love you all so very much.
-ish
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shortpplfedup · 3 months
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2023 Year In Review: Quick Hits
It has been...a year. I struggled a lot this year, lots going on in my real life and ending on a mixed bag, but there was a lot that kept me lifted and plenty of it was in and around QL. I legit don't have the energy for a long and intense write up, so some quick hits.
1. The People
So many of y'all, you know who you are, but I want to call out the loyal pod listeners, the whole clown squad (no tags, Fight Club rules) and extra-specially @the-conversation-pod team @ginnymoonbeam @lurkingshan and especially @bengiyo. You don't even know friend, but there's days you legit kept me going.
2. The Shows
There's so much I genuinely enjoyed this year, across the spectrum, and you'll get to hear more on that when we publish this year's VIIB Awards and Year In Review eps around the last week in January, but my personal top 5 this year in no specific order:
Our Sky 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale Of Thousand Stars
Step By Step
What Did You Eat Yesterday 2
My School President
Moonlight Chicken
3. The Characters
I've said before I process a lot of my emotions through media. Here are the characters that resonated most this year:
Uncle Jim (Moonlight Chicken)
Ichijou Souta (Naked Dining)
Kaido Amane (If It's With You)
Cher (A Boss and A Babe)
Kawi (Be My Favourite)
4. The Moments
Most people don't know but I live in Rewind City, on 0.25x Speed Street. Here are some of the moments I watched on a loop this year.
P'Jeng and Nong Pat's first time, Step By Step (neck smelling drives me insane)
Chinzhilla performing 'Just Being Friendly' on the Hot Wave stage, My School President
Mon topping Sam, GAP The Series
Jim sniff kissing the fuck outta Wen and rocking his entire world, Moonlight Chicken
The chocolate kiss, Utsukushii Kare 2
Every time Ritsu pleasured Masumi without taking his eyes off his face, The End Of The World With You
Phupha finally making it right and giving Tian the mosquito net moment he should have given him all those years ago, OS 2 x 1000 Stars
Cher takes off Gun's shirt and just looks at him, A Boss and A Babe
King, Uea and the goddamn birthday cake, Bed Friend
Sailom and Namnuea's wedding, Wedding Plan Special
Hantae carrying Baram to the bedroom, Sing My Crush
The Big Damn Kiss, I Feel You Linger In The Air
Yamato and Kakeru intertwining fingers as Kakeru tells Yamato to keep liking him, I Cannot Reach You
Mhok and Day getting a little closer than necessary on SkyTrain, Last Twilight
5. The Messages
This year more than ever, I found myself gravitating toward shows centred around ideas of compassion, acceptance, bittersweetness and 'a soft epilogue'. I'm well out of the first flush of youth, and while it can be heartwarming to watch the younguns experience it all for the first time, lived experience makes romance DIFFERENT. There's something about having tried and failed and finding it in you to try again that just hits. Something about knowing yourself and feeling something you thought might be dead in you come alive again. Last love for me, every time.
Happy Holidays folks. Onto the next one.
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Being a Hunter and Mentor
to Gon and Killua
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*it's was the most generic hxh gif I could find 😅
Hunter x Hunter characters (probably a large variety of them) x gn! Reader
Warnings: light Swearing, Hisoka
A/N: I'm currently on a HxH fixation because I've binged the entire series 😃 I wanted to try my hand at some headcannons because I have zero self control ✌🏻 back to the regularly scheduled programming Thursday!
Honestly YN, I'm not sure which job is scarier
Being a Hunter or dealing with everyone else who is also a Hunter 😐
Because like, it's a lot
Like I'm exhausted just watching the anime I can only imagine how you feel
Let's just say you passed the Hunter exam on your first try 💅🏼
Honestly ✨️MATERIAL GWORL✨️
You've been a pro hunter for about 5 years now
Love that for you
It's a lucrative business and you absolutely love your job
You meet all sorts of interesting people and get to do some amazing things
One of those interesting people just happens to be Ging Freecss 🙃
At first, he seems like a nice guy and I'm sure he is
But then he ruins it 😐
"YN when my son comes looking for you, I want you to make his life miserable. Teach him but make him miserable"- Ging
You 👉🏻👁👄👁 pardon
First off all, this man's has a son ✋🏻
Not only that but he wants you to make his child's life miserable?
"Wow dad of the year much?"- you say
"Never claimed that YN, just please do this for me. I owe you one"- Ging says before he disappears just like he did from Gon's life
OH BURNNN 🔥
I'm so sorry Gon 😭
You can't tell me he wouldn't be all "ITS OK MY DAD IS THE COOLEST :D"
NE WAYS you continue on your life's path until you "accidently" bump into a less than friendly white haired boy
"Watch out!"- he yells
"Excuse me?"- You 😃 🔪
"Killua apologize! We are so sorry!"- a black haired boy says looking at you
Boy does he look familiar 🙃
"Quite the temper you got on you there kid. No worries, it would take more than a child to knock me over"- you
"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME??"- Killua, giving Bakugo level anger issues 💥
"I mean we are children technically. I'm Gon by the way"- Gon says extending his hand
Finally the prophecy has come full circle 🔵
"Ahh yes, Ging's son. Nice to meet you, I'm YN"- you say
Gon 👉🏻😐😳🤩 you know my dad!
"I do! In fact, you're dad told me that when I meet you, I'm suppose to make your life miserable" you add
Gon 👉🏻😃 whet-
"But since your dad is kind of a jerk, how about this? I'll show you a few things and send you on your way"- you say
Gon 👉🏻🤩 yes please!
Killua 👉🏻😐🙄 whatever
*intermission*
Dear YN it's me, the person writing this headcannon set, just making sure you are ok because like do you know what you are getting yourself into??
Well I guess we all have to learn the hard way sometimes 🤷
*intermission over*
You begin your journey with Killua and Gon
Surprisingly, everything is going smoothly
🎶 don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious 🎶- me singing to myself before I ruin your life 😅
You see, at first, everything WAS fine
You meet Kurapika and Leorio
"Wow Gon, that's awesome that YN is training you!"- Leorio says
"Yeah and that you're getting closer to meeting your dad finally"- Kurapika adds
You were training the boys in their specialized Nen abilities
Helping them to strengthen them as well as teaching them more about the world of hunting
You were walking down the streets if YorkNew City when you sensed a strange presence 🤨
"Dont be alarmed but someone's watching us. Just walk normally and don't look suspicious"- you say as you walk with Gon and Killua down the street, turning into a side alley
"Alright show yourself"- you say, gearing up for a battle
"Oh no it looks like I've been spotted"- a creepy clown looking man says emerging from the shadows
You 👉🏻😳🤨
"Who are you? Sorry buddy I don't think the circus is in town right now"- you
Oh good one YN 😜
The creepy clown man just laughs
"That's Hisoka YN, he's a hunter too"- Gon says
"Oh I've heard of you before"- you say, squinting your eyes at Hisoka
"All good things I hope" he says smiling at you
"Honestly no but I judge people on my own interactions not the opinions of others"- you add
"How noble of you YN"- Hisoka says 🤡 🔪
Hisoka totally knows who you are and let's just say he's weary
See I forgot to mention that you are not only a skilled hunter but in incredible Nen user as well
A specialist 💅🏼
Your ability is known around the Hunter world and you are one tough cookie
Your training for Gon and Killua is much like how you learned to train
"So... we just run..."- Killua questions
"Run yes but also while producing aura. Now go!"- You shout
"But YN, aren't we going to run out of energy quickly"- Gon asks
"Sure you will"- you shrug and set your things down
Killua 👉🏻🤨 so what's the point?
"The point is you do what I say"- you add
Please Killua is ready to fight you YN 😭
However you aren't as tough on the boys as Ging had wanted
You never were one to do as others asked YN 🙄
So you not only taught the boys but you nurtured them as well
Kindness goes a long way, even in the world of Hunters 🥰
Unfortunately for you, kindness doesn't extend to most of the underground of YorkNew City
Namely a certain group 👀
Or shall is say Troupe...
Look at me rhyming 😏
That's right because it's just Gon and Killua's luck that they would walk right into the Troupe's hands
Honestly 🤦 have you taught them nothing YN?
"Well I guess I should probably go and rescue them?"- You think as you head in the direction of the Troupe's hideout
You didn't PLAN for this to happen but you can't say you're disappointed
What fun training am I right??? 👍🏻
Thankfully the whole gangs here when you enter the Troupe's hideout
"Alright give me my students back"- you say as everyone watches you waltz in like you own the place
The troupe 👉🏻😐😲
Chrollo 👉🏻 😏 interesting
Gon and Killua 👉🏻😬😬
"How- how did you find this place?"- Phinks asks
"Oh its really not that hard, I put trackers on Gon and Killua so I don't lose them. I'm always losing things"- you say shrugging
Same YN, BIG SAME
"Want me to torture them?"- Feitan asks
Chrollo puts his hand up before you interject
"Don't bother, I'm only here to get these two"- you say walking up to them, studying the nen thread binding them
"Well this is unfortunate. I'm going to need someone to remove this nen thread"- you say
"You can try-" Machi says before she watches her Nen thread fall to the floor
Gone and Killua just stand there 🧍‍♂️ 👁👄👁
"Impressive YN"- Chrollo finally says
"A Nen ability like that is superior"- Illumi adds emerging out from the shadows
"Chrollo Luciler and Illumi Zoldyck, how nice to see you again"- you say standing up and peering at the two men
"YN it's always a pleasure"- Chrollo adds as Illumi nodds
"Well I'd love to stay and catch up but we need to get these two kiddos to bed"- you say pushing Killua and Gon to the door
"It's like 2pm YN!"- Killua growls
"Do you want to get killed? No? Then shut it!"- You whisper yell at the boys
"I'd love to fight you YN"- Hisoka says emerging from behind a large crate
Well would you look at the time ⌚️
"I'd love too BUT unfortunately I have plans so let's do a rain check"- you say, practically hauling Killua and Gon under your arms and out the door
I AM SPEED 💨
"Why don't we go after them boss?"- Franklin questions
"Now is not the time. Not with YN there"- Chrollo says smiling as you quickly leave the warehouse
"Seriously can you two please not"- you say as you finally make it back to your hotel
"YN you were awesome! Can you teach me more about your Nen??"- Gon says 🤩
Please the golden retriever energy ✋🏻
Killua just huffs 😤
You smile, knowing these boys are both going to be amazing Hunters 🥰
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aerkame · 7 months
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I will no longer write for other AUs for Welcome Home (please read in full)
TW: Mentions of NSFW/pedos
I know some people only followed me because of a fic or two I might have started writing on for another Welcome Home AU, but recently I have started to notice the increasing toxicity of the fandom overall. Yeah, I've been other fandoms I know there is toxicity and I know there's a lot of nice people in this fandom, but I have NEVER seen it this bad. Out of all the fandoms/fanbases that I have been in, I have never seen such a huge problem regarding pedos, NSFW art/writing being shared and looked at by minors despite the creator's wishes, general toxic behavior, and a large amount of mentally unwell people working their way into groups of children or safe spaces. I ended up having to delete quite a few NSFW art pieces on twitter because I found minors had seen it and some guy decided to make a comment on my OC Lilith that I was not comfortable with.
I also do not feel alright having to restrict myself on what I write or draw because a single person might be "triggered" or "offended" by it. I know I put warnings when they are needed, I should not have to feel like I'm walking on eggshells in this fandom. I do not need anonymous asks telling me how I should and shouldn't write or what I can and can't say.
Because of how bad it's been and seeing more and more creators leave the fandom, I have decided to no longer engage in other AUs or creators unless it's from a follower (I know you guys are fine), friend, or person I know I've talked with before, OR if it's Clown himself. A lot of people forget that Welcome Home isn't what people keep writing it as. Welcome Home isn't even close to being done, we're just riding off the AUs right now. It really rubs me the wrong way that all I ever see on AO3 now with fanfictions are smut fics mainly and some pretty disturbing stuff.
There is so much, too much, s3xualization in this fandom and the romanticizing of serious and dangerous themes/topics. A lot of times believe or not, when I draw buff characters with no shirts, it really is just anatomy practice. I do not understand some of the comments I get sometimes in my inbox. Yes it's fine to tease a bit, but my goodness some of the comments I have seen before are concerning. I never intend on s3xualizing the characters and yet I always get anon asks going a bit out there with s3xualized comments. It's why I haven't really drawn that stuff in a while. I can't tell if people really do s3xualize that stuff or if they're seeing it as anatomy practice with a bit of tease like I do.
I have been bottling A LOT of things up recently and it's hindered my ability to really write or draw how I want. I'm always scrapping ideas and giving up halfway through.
It's always "Is this something that people are going to s3xualize?" "Is this something that might offend someone in x category?' "Will people like this new character?" "Am I good enough for this topic?". It's not healthy and I know that it affects my creativity and mentality, I won't be restricting myself anymore though. I will write/draw what I want, just please heed my warnings when I put them there and don't ignore my boundaries or the boundaries of others.
Now, regarding my own two AUs (I dropped the Dream one because I have something special planned for TFP), The Finfolk AU and Alive AU. I WILL continue writing/drawing for them. They are my own AUs with my own characters added in them. A lot of people that interact with me are followers and I know you guys would never disrespect my OCs or invade boundaries and I love you so much for that. Of course my rule on requests remain the same. NO NSFW for the normal Welcome Home, but NSFW is allowed for Finfolk AU requests.
Unfortunately, all of this does mean I will not continue the fic I was writing for @clownsuu Mob AU. I'm sorry, I just really do not feel like writing for an AU outside of what I know in terms of the person who makes it. I am not sure how to explain it other than I don't feel alright with it unless it's like an AU from someone I know or at least talked to before? Just at least a person I know on some personal level. I don't want to explore the fandom right now, it is a mess with the people in it...do not take this the wrong way, I DO NOT hate anyone outside of the people I know, I just don't feel comfortable in the fandom at the moment and I will not leave you guys behind either. So in short, I plan to just stay in my own lane so to speak and do what I can for the ones who follow me for what I do.
I will however finish the Villain fanfiction as it's not exactly anyone's AU? Not sure how to explain that, it was a series of asks for it. And obviously I will make a full long fanfictions for the Alive and Finfolk AU.
I know I said I don't want to vent on here, but it's getting hard for me to ignore. Everytime I type or pick up a pencil to make something on here it doesn't feel right.
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