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cannedapricot · 1 year

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the deal. || ldh

in which you never wanted to ask your stupid neighbor for help in chasing your dream man - but desperate times call for desperate measures - even if that meant giving lee donghyuck the satisfaction of parking his car in your spot.

word count: 3.5k

genre, warnings: fluff at the end, smidge of angst, slice of life, neighbor!au, high school!au, one sided enemies to lovers, mistaking admiration for love, very romcom movie there's a kiss in the rain scene somewhere in here, mark lee is in the same grade as the 00s for plot purposes, underage drinking, profanities

bgm: hits different by taylor swift, can i call you tonight? by dayglow, disaster by conan gray, i like me better by lauv, kiss goodnight by i dont know how but they found me

a/n: i read better than the movies and the whole time i was thinking "you know who this trope would look good on? hyuck." and thus this was birthed. there's a another neighbor!au in my drafts but the brainrot has taken over i'm afraid.

A proud grin, the tinkling of his keys, an annoying strut. These were all the qualities Lee Donghyuck sported in this very moment as he climbs out of his car. Perfectly parallel parked in the spot outside your house.

If only you were rich. You'd run your stupid neighbor over in a heartbeat then pay the bail to get out of jail. Instead, you wear a scowl reserved especially for the boy, click your tongue, and park a good five minute walk away.

Technically, the parking spot was between your house and the Lees next door. But technically, the spot was 60% on your side, and 40% on theirs. So technically, shouldn't that spot be yours? Why was your shit head of a neighbor adamantly trying to feud with you?

The five minute walk, lovingly dubbed the "walk of shame" by both you and your sworn enemy, would be a lovely three minute walk home - if not for the Kims on the corner who loved starting conversations with whoever passed by. On a good day, you would get away with two minutes of conversation ("Oh sorry Mrs. Kim, I have an assignment I just must get to."). Other days? You weren't so lucky.

"Four minutes? I think that might be a new record." Donghyuck gloats, leaning against his car.

"You were timing me?" You glare at his casual demeanor, wondering how he could possibly be so insufferable.

"Well, I have to know what I'm up against."

You snort, passing by the boy waving his keys around like a trophy, making sure your middle finger was up and in sight.

"Jealousy is a disease, babe." He sings as you slam the door shut behind you.

He really was insufferable.

You should've known.

When you agreed to go to Liu Yangyang's party on the condition that someone drive you, you would've thought he would send someone like Jaemin or Jeno - the duo that always seemed to be the assigned sober drivers. Looking back, you were naïve.

You should've known he'd send your neighbor.

Thus, leads you to the present. Lee Donghyuck in your kitchen, chatting up your mother while you hurriedly try to find your jacket before said mother gets any more charmed by the kid next door.

Truth be told, you were close to not going to the party at all. But then you caught wind that he'd be there and it'd be silly not to grab hold of any chance you could have to impress him.

Donghyuck watches you move around out of the corner of his eye and when you started to move towards the door, he knew you were ready. But he'd spend extra long bidding your mom farewell, just so you'd wait a few minutes longer. He always liked keeping you waiting.

"I never took you for a house partier." Donghyuck comments when the two of you enter his car. "Stop checking yourself out in the mirror, you look the same as always."

You flip the sun visor back up with a scoff. What's wrong with making sure your hair was laying the way you wanted it?

"I never thought you'd agree to drive me to a house party."

"What can I say? I love giving back to the community."

It was a mystery to you how Donghyuck was so beloved around both the town and school. He was sarcastic, petty, and most importantly, constantly went against you. Perhaps everyone was blinded by his attractiveness? He did have a pretty face.

"I get that my face is attractive, but you don't have to look so hard. I think you're staring holes into my lovely cheek."

Correction, he had a pretty face when his mouth was shut.

It was loud, you could feel the bass pumping through your body. Drunk teenagers littered the floor of Yangyang's suburban house, bouncing to the beat and having the time of their lives. Swerving through the crowd of bodies, you picked up on bits of gossip you were sure you weren't supposed to hear. But by the end of the night, you were sure you would've forgotten about whatever scandal Shotaro from biology got into anyway.

Somehow still together, you and your neighbor find the host mixing unidentifiable liquids together in a red solo cup on the kitchen counter.

"Yang, is that poison or alcohol?"

"How dare you, it's called "a good time.""

He offers you the cup, which you turn down. You know how drunk Yangyang likes to get at his parties. Therefore, you know that one sip of whatever was in that cup could probably send you to ER. And you refused to go to ER without at least getting one glance of your dream man.

A quick scan of the room told you that he wasn't here, at least, not within your radius.

"No alcohol for me tonight. I have to drive this one back."

You raised an eyebrow as Donghyuck declines Yangyang's "special blend".

"How responsible." You tease.

"Only because you're here. I don't want you dying at my hands." He counters, leaning back and meeting your gaze, smirk on his lips. "How would I ever face your mother again?"

"Yo, Haechan, dude, you finally made it." A familiar voice sounds.

Enter, Mark Lee. Star athlete, every teacher's favorite student, adorably awkward, and your crush of two months. You swore he had this glow around him that made everything he does so endearing, even when he accidentally sent a basketball flying to your head once.

"Oh, hey Y/N. Didn't know you were coming as well."

"Yeah! I came with Donghyuck! Well, not with him but he was my ride here and will be my ride home so-"

You really had to do something about your nervous rambling in front of Mark.

Mark stayed for a small conversation with your little group before someone hurled on Yangyang's bathroom tiles, not making it to the toilet in time. The host (grumbling about how he just cleaned it yesterday) went to sort it out, your crush in tow.

You stare fondly at his back disappearing into the crowd before you feel a hot breath on your neck.

"No way. You like Mark Lee."

The car ride home was painful for you. Despite your attempts to bargain with him the whole party so he would shut up, the boy behind the wheel spends the whole ten minute drive teasing you like an elementary schooler instead. The song about kissing in a tree involved.

"What is it about him that you like?" Donghyuck asks, an amused glint in his eyes.

"Why? So you can hold it against me for the rest of my life?"

"Wow, I'm offended. Who do you take me for? I would never."

You raise an unbelieving eyebrow at him, only to be met by his side profile in the moonlight. The silver light beams against his features and you only just realize the constellation of stars on his cheek. The light at the intersection flashes red and the car smooths to a stop, Donghyuck turns to look at you, a small smile on his lips.

Shit, isn't this kind of intimate?

"Fuck off." You cough out, swiveling your head to look out the window instead. "Eyes on the road, Lee."

"I'm a Lee, but not the Lee you want." He exclaims, following it with an overly dramatic sob.

Keeping a steady stare out the window, you try to calm your reeling mind. Eyes on the prize, Y/N.

The prize being Mark Lee, of course.

Speaking of which.

"Donghyuck, you're friends with Mark right?"

"Depends. Are you going to ask me to help you get with him?"

You sit up in your seat and make your best possible attempt at puppy dog eyes, "please? I wouldn't ask if I didn't have a choice."

It was true, begging Donghyuck was the last thing you ever wanted to do. But you weren't getting anywhere by yourself and they were friends so surely that could help your case? At least he could tell you what type of person Mark liked? Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Your neighbor goes silent, presumably thinking about this suggestion. "What would I get in return though?"

Of course he wasn't just going to help you for nothing. So you rack your brains for something you'd be willing to exchange.

The car turns into your familiar neighborhood, passing Mrs Kim's house. And as the car pulls into the parking spot in front of your house, you spill out, "I'll give you the parking spot."

Donghyuck's eyebrows go up at this suggestion and his signature smirk makes it's way back onto his face. He leans his arm against the back of your seat and you instinctively lean back, fighting the urge to wipe that stupid grin off him.

"You're willing to take the "walk of shame" everyday for him?"

You click your tongue, "the parking space. Take it or leave it."

He leans back, mouth still curved up. The distance lets you release a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"You make a compelling argument."

"Well?"

"Deal."

You give him a nod, moving to exit the car and crawl back into the comfortable sheets of your bed, but Donghyuck's hand on your arm stops you. In confusion, you look back at him.

"I'm not fake dating you though."

"Hyuck, this isn't "To All the Boys I've Loved Before". I would rather die than fake date you."

The corners of his lips quirk up into a smile - not a smirk - at his nickname. "Hyuck?"

"I'm going home."

True to his word, for the next couple of weeks Donghyuck actively played a part in nudging you and Mark together. However, as much as he tried to create chances for you and your crush to be alone, your habit of nervous rambling when making conversation didn't help at all. It's not your fault Mark has the prettiest eyes you've ever seen. Though, somewhere in the back of your mind lingers a mischievous pair that glimmered the same way stars twinkled that night he drove you home.

Ever since making the "Making Mark Lee Y/N's Boyfriend" pact with your neighbor, you've been spending a lot more time together than you've ever had in the past. Admittingly, you've been enjoying it.

When did you last laugh as hard as you did when he attempted to step over the fence separating your houses? ("I can do it, my legs are long enough. Watch.") The boy ended up stuck with one leg half over and the other dangling off and because he looked ridiculous, you ended up on the soft grass of your backyard, tears in the corners of your eyes as you laughed.

When was the last time you felt comfortable enough with a person to share your deepest insecurities with each other in the dead of the night? Texting him nothing but a sad emoji as the clock hits 3am, receiving a response almost immediately - "Can I call you?". Talking about your ambitions, dreams, and fears until the sun rose above the horizon and you both realized you had school in an hour.

That didn't mean you liked him or anything though, right?

You liked Mark.

Or so you thought.

Maybe?

Fuck. How dare Donghyuck confuse you like this.

Sometimes, you wonder how things turn out. How the smallest choices can lead you down a whole new path entirely. And how they all led to Lee Donghyuck currently being sprawled on his stomach on your bed, legs swinging in the air.

Right. You had a date with the other Lee. The one you allegedly had a crush on. Well, it wasn't a date per se. It was more of a one on one friendly hangout? Donghyuck had gotten movie tickets for both him and Mark - then ditched the day before and said you would go in his place. It was kind of genius.

"Okay, would Mark like this color better than the blue?" You ask, clothes strewn across the floor. A good chunk of your day had been spent digging through your closet looking for clothes you think Mark would like. Your neighbor couldn't care less about your crisis. He barely spared a glance up at you before he returned to whatever he was looking at on his phone.

"Looks good."

"Donghyuck, I need you to keep up your half of the deal."

The boy finally gives you his attention. Pulling himself up so that he's sitting on the edge on your bed, staring straight at you.

"Shouldn't you want him to like you as you are? There's no point doing all this-" He gestures to the mess, "-just to impress him. I think you'd look nice even if you chose to wear your pajamas out."

"But he doesn't like me. Not yet at least. That's why I have you to help me."

"...Right."

The atmosphere suddenly becomes stuffy. You wonder if you said the wrong thing because suddenly, the boy next door is leaving. It's not surprising given that the both of you spent half a day going through your wardrobe and he probably had things to do. But, you just can't shake the uneasy feeling.

"Hey, are we good? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, we're good. Good luck." Donghyuck says at your door, a smile unlike any of the previous ones you've seen gracing his face. It seemed forced.

A faint pitter patter of rain hitting the window panes sounds through the quiet room.

You hope he made it home without getting wet.

"Man, I didn't know you liked Spiderman too."

"Mmhm."

You made it to the theatres with Mark. You enjoyed watching the movie with Mark. You were getting driven home by Mark. You had a great time with your crush. So why was your mind still on a certain situation and a certain someone from before.

"My other friends all watched it on a day I got called into work so I was surprised when Haechan was willing to re-watch it with me - he's usually not that nice, you know?"

The edges of your mouth lift a little at the dig at Donghyuck. In front, the windshield wipers squeak a little, trying their best to rid the glass of rain droplets. The radio plays an old song in the background that Mark hums softly to, thumbs tapping in time on the wheel while waiting for the lights to turn green. It was cozy, but could never measure up to how intimate you felt in the car with Donghyuck.

"Then he dips last minute. Honestly, I shouldn't have been surprised. I was more surprised that you were coming instead though - I thought you would've wanted to watch it with Haechan."

Your brows furrow. "Why?"

"Oh - I thought you liked him."

The world around you stopped. Though the light turned green and the car was definitely moving now, you felt your entire body freeze.

"How did you come to that conclusion?"

Mark's confusion showed on his face, his emotions always did. That was one of the things you liked about him. Or so, you thought.

"Well, for starters, you're much more comfortable around him. I don't know if that's just because you always tense up when I'm around. I'm sorry if I've done anything to make you uncomfortable by the way, it was never my intention."

Mark Lee, your supposed crush, thought you were uncomfortable around him. You lean your head against the window of his car, it was nice and cool. Perfect as you let yourself ponder.

You always were unnecessarily nervous around him - but wasn't that normal? You liked him. You liked his smile, how he was able to win the favors of everyone around him so easily, how he was always reliable, how good he was at sports- oh.

It was never romantic.

You didn't know anything about Mark. You never even had a proper conversation with him. What he liked to do in his spare time, what his plan was for the future, what stupid habit he has, what he sounds like over the phone at 3am. You had no idea.

But you knew what Donghyuck liked to do in his spare time, what he wanted to do in the future, what his stupid habit was, what he sounded like over the phone at 3am.

Fuck.

And it all came rushing to you all at once.

The prize was always something shiny, blazing, and brilliant. It was something you wanted but would put on a shelf to admire. Mark Lee was your prize. Someone you admired. He was never someone you imagined having debates with for the rest of your life. He was never someone you imagined spending rainy days indoors together with.

Perhaps, after all this time, the prize wasn't what you were after. Perhaps, what you really wanted was to spend time with-

"No way."

"Hm?"

"I like Lee Donghyuck."

Your admiration for Mark was a luminous, fleeting feeling that you mistook for love. Love was never about having to dress like a different person to impress them. Love was laughing together at the smallest things, showing up in two week old pajamas and still thinking they're the most beautiful being you've laid eyes on, and sometimes, love was fighting over a parking spot outside your house.

Mark grins. "Great. He's been in love with you since third grade."

"What?'

"Why do you think he's never dated before? All this time, he's been waiting for you to realize."

"I'm glad we got closer today," Mark mentions, pulling onto your street, "you seem a lot more comfortable now."

Yeah, because you no longer thought Mark was your dream man. A weight was taken off your shoulders now and you didn't feel the need to keep up an act around him anymore.

"Thanks for today."

"Hey dude, no worries. Just let me know if you need any help wooing Haechan alright? I love helping couples get together."

"...Didn't you try before with two other couples?"

"...Yeah... They didn't turn out how I thought they would."

The two of you share a laugh before you clamber out of his vehicle and wave him goodbye from your porch. The rain had started pouring down from the grey skies but your fingers hesitate at your door.

Fuck it.

Instead of walking into your warm and dry house, you decide to brave the rain and run over to your neighbor's, splashing through the puddles without care. It soaked the clothes you spent forever deciding on and ruined your meticulously done hair, but urgent times call for urgent measures.

Two knocks and the door swings open, revealing the boy next door behind. His eyes widen at the sight of you taking heaving breaths on his doorstep, hair and clothes complete wet and still getting pelted on by the rain.

"Did he hurt you?"

The urge to laugh bubbles through you. He was always putting you first. All this time, he was helping you chase another man. He was ready to give up on his chance with you if that meant you had a chance of being happy with someone else. Even now, after you'd hurt him, he was still worried about you.

"Lee Donghyuck, I'm in love with you."

For a while, everything's silent. Even the rain fell mute on your ears. All you could see was your rival's jaw open in shock and his Adams apple bobbing up and down trying to find the words to say. It was quite a satisfying view.

Then you start rambling as panic settles in. The need to apologize for hurting him, how you actually felt about Mark, how you found out about your feelings. Old habits die hard.

Except, not even a full sentence into your unplanned speech, Donghyuck steps out of his house, into the rain, and cuts you off with his warm, soft lips on yours. You stumble back, not expecting the sudden weight on you, and the two of you fall back onto the wet, cold grass on his front yard.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that."

His face was as close to yours as physically possible, eyes gazing lovingly over your features, wanting to soak every second of this moment in.

"Let me guess, since third grade?"

"I knew Mark couldn't be trusted."

Laughter claims you both before you pull him in by the collar for another kiss. There were grass stains on your clothes, it was cold and muddy, and the two of you will definitely end up with a cold the next day, but somehow, in that moment, you felt as though the world was yours.

"I kept my end of the deal."

"What do you mean?"

"You ended up getting a boyfriend with the name "Lee". I think that means I get the parking spot."

You smile.

"I'd happily do the walk of shame for you."

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idyllic-affections · 1 year

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what if kaveh adopted a child?

summary. kaveh adopts a random child.

trigger & content warnings. implied past trauma.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. comfort, found family. kaveh & child!reader. 0.6k words. they/them pronouns used for reader.

author's thoughts. hehe kaveh <3 this was written before the fontaine release, so i dont know how villainous focalors may or may not be but i implied her to be a lil bit villain-like. anyway i probably wont expand upon this one, this brainrot is just a silly little thought i had

kaveh is a man with a heart much too big for his chest.

alhaitham can't really say he's surprised when kaveh tries to sneak in an orphaned, seemingly nonverbal child barely any older than six or seven. they're clinging to the blonde like a lifeline, face buried in his neck and little hands clutching the fabric of his shirt. given how frail they look...

"quit staring. they came from fontaine," kaveh scoffed, one of his hands absently toying with the tips of their knotted hair, "if you must know."

there's a little bit of surprise on alhaitham's face at that—a child that small ran all the way from fontaine to sumeru city? did they communicate that to kaveh, or did he just assume based on their attire?—but it washes away quickly as he turns back to his book. kaveh almost dares to think he'll get off easily at his roommate's brief silence. he should've known better. just as he starts to walk away... "you can't keep them."

what alhaitham doesn't know is that they avoided so, so many others in sumeru city but approached kaveh because they felt safer approaching him rather than anyone else.

it annoys him beyond belief that the scribe fails to understand how intuitive children are (he's far too petty to admit that maybe it's because alhaitham doesn't know what happened, that he wasn't there to witness such a sweet little one approaching him while flinching away from others). they approached kaveh because, in their mind, he felt safer than other people.

there's no way in hell he's abandoning them.

"it's not your choice to make."

"it's my house."

"what do you suggest i do, then?!" he snaps, quickly regaining his composure when the little one in his arms trembles. a sense of guilt weighs on his chest; the poor thing must be exhausted, hungry, and possibly even sick or injured. they don't need any more stress. as infuriating as alhaitham can be... the blonde is more concerned with the child. kaveh's voice lowers significantly as he continues, "i'm not going to just leave them on the streets in a foreign nation."

"oh, i don't know," alhaitham muses, "maybe head to fontaine and find their parents?"

"gone."

both of the roommates fall silent at the little, meek voice. they peek upwards at kaveh.

a sense of calmness washes over them at the gentle, sympathetic expression on his face. he... looks like he could cry for them, actually. they don't have the capacity to completely understand the extent of the architect's empathy quite yet, and so, instead of trying to process why he looks so utterly bothered, they settle on laying their head back on his shoulder. he makes a very nice pillow.

"they're, um, gone," they repeat again, a little louder so the objectively scarier man could hear them with clarity. despite their sleepiness, they do their best to speak clearly and steadily. "l— lady focalors took them."

"...take them to gandharva ville."

kaveh doesn't reply to that, merely walking past his roommate and heading towards the bathroom to run a warm bath for them.

he knows he should. he's busy and won't be able to provide such a fragile thing with the care and attention they need to grow properly, not to mention his looming debt. he also knows that tighnari and collei and all the other forest rangers would take very good care of them until he rids himself of debt or until they're old enough to care for themselves. he knows, but... he just doesn't want to get rid of them. it pains kaveh to even think about doing something like that.

...

archons... he sincerely hopes that he can get rid of his debt and do it fast.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

#aphelion brainrots 🌸#: [ adoptive dad kaveh! 🌸 ]#favoniuslibrary #platonic genshin x reader #platonic genshin impact x reader #platonic genshin impact #kaveh x reader #kaveh x you #genshin x reader #genshin child reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin x child reader

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anton-luvr · 6 months

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hi!!! this isn't a request and idk if this counts as a soft thought but i'm currently in anton brainrot hours so i give: losing you in a convenience store and finding you talking to another man, watching your conversation from afar curiously, but then you laugh at something the man said and he starts to feel a little jealous >:(

from your perspective, you took your eyes off of your giant boyfriend for like five seconds to look for milk and suddenly he's just. gone. so you go to the first person you see, asking if they'd seen which way your directionally challenged bf walked off to, but they're just like ".... uhm. is he tall? because i think i see his head." and in the reflection of the freezer doors you see the top of anton's hair peeking out from behind an aisle, except you can also see his eyes and eyebrows and he just looks like >:

but then you turn and look at him directly and anton just🧍🏼‍♂️

he awkwardly shifts from his spot and offers you a sheepish smile upon realizing that you were actually laughing at him spying (very terribly) on you. even if it's obvious you forgot the other man's face the second your eyes landed on anton, your boyfriend's still standing there like ☹️, a little unsure, making small grabby hands at you. you have to go over to him and take his face in your hands as you gently scold him not to go off unannounced because:( you missed him:( but there's still a small pout on his lips that you gently kiss away, wrapping your arms around him and reassuring him that you'd happily climb into his hoodie and walk around like that if it makes him feel better. you even joke about clipping his keys to your belt so that you can stay attached at the hip and he snorts at that, giving in and nudging his nose into the side of your neck. with your reassurance that you won't stray from his side again (it was his fault in the first place but he's sulky and you know he won't shut up if you point that out), the two of you resume your grocery shopping.

except he disappears AGAIN and not even 10 minutes later he's tying a bright red balloon to you "so i don't lose you!" you have no idea where he got it from (did he buy it? did he steal it from a kid? you'll never know) and you begrudgingly entertain him by smiling politely at the other customers giving you confusing looks - it's worth seeing your boyfriend walk around with his head high, a toothy grin, and slightly red ears - but it's only after you two get home that you see the huge "RETURN TO ANTON LEE" scribbled all over it in bold sharpie.

you smack the back of his head.

no, he doesn't apologize.

(this is so long i am so sorry)

(also hi can i be 🍄 anon 🫶🏽)

THIS IS SO ?!@?@#?@#?!@?!@?!! anon i love your mind you are a sexy genius oh my god…. im gonna be thinking about this for WEEKS… you should write fics omg this is so cute im going to lose it and bang my head against the wall

and yes ofc u can!!! welcome 🍄 anon <3 also dont be sorry wtf thank u for blessing me with this 😮‍💨

#anton-luvr asks!#riize soft hours ; open #🍄 anon!#riize #riize fluff #riize fics #riize anton #anton riize #riize imagines #riize drabbles

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yuri-for-businesswomen · 4 months

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I losing my mind https://www.tumblr.com/lesbianchemicalplant/726381536709132288/extremely-unsettling-how-some-people-have-actively

existing in public = having sex in public apparently? no you dont have a right to have sex in public if you have nowhere else to go? i mean ive never called the cops on anyone and i am myself not quite „innocent“ in that regard but this attitude is so odd. my neighbor keeps having really loud sex and it makes me part of something i didnt agree to, i dont watch porn so i certainly dont want to be in live attendance to other people fucking. but people in an apartment or a motel room are not even in public so i dont really see how any of this applies there. being bothered by being made part of a sexual situation you didnt agree to does not make you dangerous or violent what the fuck it just makes people understandably uncomfortable.

yeah calling the cops on prostitutes is something people do and it sucks but also i completely understand people dont want to live next to brothels or in the red light district because its not just people having sex its women being abused right next door and people understandably dont want to be made part of that. and also dont want to walk home and stumble over people having sex or worse, women being sexually exploited in the alley or in a car parked outside their house.

what really took me out is the reply though. no you shouldnt have sex with people who did not consent around and there might be consequences if you do? what is up with these obvious exhibitionists using sex positivity language (consent) and leftist ideas (cops are dangerous) to defend their fetish? if you dont have a private space to have sex, dont have sex. its not a human right, its not a necessity, you can just not have sex, especially if you dont have a private space. yes also if youre gay or homeless.

the only one i agree to obviously is women whose nipples are showing. but i feel like thats kind of thrown in there considering the rest mentioned. and i dont even think men should pee in public. they never wash their hands too. at least try to go somewhere nobody sees you but most men dont give a fuck they will stop walking right in front of you and whip their dick out like its normal. so i certainly dont think people who have sex in public should complain about consequences (like paying a fine, complaints and maybe even having the cops called on you).

another thing that is not even mentioned is that especially in public you dont know if someone is being assaulted? like if i hear something in a bathroom stall or see something in the park or an alley i might be afraid someone is being assaulted right in front of me. because its very difficult to determine as a witness.

this whole post can be summed up as shut up and let me be inconsiderate. porn brainrot guised under concern for marginalised people.

and to those of you who didnt guess it, of course, of course op is a trans identified man calling himself a lesbian. i knew this whole „we just want to exist“ sounded familiar. make of that what you will

#shit talking #ask #street prostitution is the worst ‘branch’ because its the most dangerous most marginalised and most exploited

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midnxght-sweet-time · 11 months

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Beta Riddle fic??????? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Im on my knees pls tell us more 👉👈

Yes Im working on a Beta Riddle fic-

I swear I have scour the whole entirety of social media and have only found TWO fics of Beta Riddle and about five fanarts at best. IM DESPERATELY CRAVING FOR SOME BETA RIDDLE EVEN IF HIS NOT CANON- I WANT HIM AS LIKE A SIDE CHARAC OR SMTHG T^T

On that note, i have decided the best way is to just feed myself. Dont get me wrong I love the strawberry ant boi we have now but like-

The concept of Riddle? Being spoiled and bratty???

Can no one see how unhinge he couldve been? How even more satisfying it will be to defeat him when he OB?

Sadly my fic wont include any OB (unless I think of an idea to shove it in) but I'll give a brief— I always wondered how we would have to sympathize with Riddle even if he is a spoiled brat. Cuz keep in mind the whole goal of Twst is to litterally tame all these rowdy hormonial teens with i s s u e s.

Beta Riddle out of all them— if we replace him with canon Riddle into the canon universe, seems like the most well off dorm leader compare to the rest. Until when you realize, sometimes even the most brattiest person, the one who has been given alot since childhood can be neglected.

Aksjaksjaksk ALLOW ME TO BRAINROT RANT— I see Beta Riddle as touch starved- (as he should be lmao cuz twst is a 'non otome game' right ?) He was given everything as a child. He had a choice to not study, he got all the most expensive luxuries, all the toys, got a tart for his birthday, etc etc. What every child dream off- hell I wont be surprise beta Riddle's mom lets him eat ice cream before dinner.

But the one thing Riddle has never been given all throughout his life, was genuine care.

Cheesy ik- but heres what I hced/imagined:

Ever since young, beta Riddle is just as isolated as canon Riddle. Only the reason his so isolated is because his homeschooled by a hired teacher. His mother is always away busy with work so she never had much time for him. She spoils him with toys and gifts he wants to keep him happy but never bothered making time to give him what he needs. I imagined beta Riddle as a child used to be as hardworking at canon Riddle but overtime when he realized his efforts were only glossed over by his mom, he slowly starts to despise studying. Its like Leona's case where, he knows his mom wont even celebrate with him no matter how many A's he filled up his exams.

Might as well stop trying and seek attention elsewhere which is why when he came to NRC, the first time he ever get a chance to be in a crowd or what was considered public. He probs took the role as dorm leader of Heartslabyul because the old leader was a sticker for rules which is why it was so easy to grab that position when you can just cheat. Besides.. it doesnt seem the dorm members care much for these rules. Just break them all and call it a day.

Yes he has a chance to be with Trey and Chen'ya but they feel more like servants to him then friends. Especially Trey. But what can they do? They cant tell if Riddle cares for them enough to listen to them. And besides, Chen'ya probably gets a kick in making Riddle mad and flustered while Trey is just the 'I dont get paid enough for this shit—' babysitter. We already know Trey didnt bother stepping up to Riddle and smack some sense into him til he OB, tf is my baker boi gonna do with this bratty boi? Just let the man bake his tarts and be a malewife. All that problem solving goes to the one darling Riddle falls for and is desperately seeking their attention even if it were an act of defiance or looks of disgust >;3

This fic will take me a couple of weeks or more to complete cuz I only have the planning on board but how I will execute this writing will be slightly difficult.

#yandere riddle rosehearts #twisted wonderland riddle #twst riddle #riddle rosehearts #riddle x reader #riddle twisted wonderland #riddle twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted imagines #twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanfic #beta riddle #beta riddle rosehearts #twst beta riddle

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ivanzplaid · 2 years

Note

Standard date with candy man? Tony Todd my beloved

OMG of course, so happy to see you🙏🙏 thank you for fulfilling my candyman brainrot rn hes just so amazing, hes a classy man, he loves to treat you witha nice dinner and nice background music fr

requests are open, masterlist is up!

Candyman x Gn Reader! ( Hcs & Short Oneshot! )

Warnings: Fluff!!

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Headcanons

cannot get it out of my head, he loves more 'classical' 50's & 60's music, def a frank sinatra & dean martin enjoyer, he loves the classic romance & tone of their music, so when you two are on a date, rest assured that 'Days of Wine & Roses' or 'The Way You Look Tonight' will be heard

hes a sophisticated man, he will gladly treat you and set something up, a nice candle lit dinner or a walk in the park where a picnic is set up, he wants to pamper you with love

however, if youd like to set up the date, hes more than happy to see what you have planned, the fact that you would surprise him with something so sweet makes his heart flutter for you

HES 6'5??

this man towers over everybody, so besides the fact hes candyman, nobody will be bothering you two, which he prefers

the intimacy that comes with his dates are nothing short of breath taking, he is the most romantic yet respectful man youd ever meet

he will caress your hands and stare longingly into your eyes, he sees nothing but beauty within you, something hes wished to see in himself

he admires how attentive & loving to him you are, it makes him cherish the small moments you two share & assures him that you truly do think the best of him

struggles with thoughts of doubt, what if youre just scared of what he'll do to you? what if you dont really love him? words of reassurance work wonders, but thats why date nights are so sacred for him

he gladly follows the mood that you set down, if youd like it to be a quieter date where you two just know what to do, hes all for it, but if youre in the mood to talk and not stop, hes right next to you on that

firm believer that he can cook, mother taught him when he was young just for the reason to please his future s/o

if you want to help cook hes ecstatic, that could be a date for you two in general, he loves to tease you lovingly while you two prepare dinner

if lovey-dovey was a person itd be him

rubs circles on your face with his hand, loves a warm embrace, will happily wrap you up in his coat while you two rest on the couch after the date, he loves to be with you as long as he can, big quality time lover

is huge on petnames, thinks its a greatway to express the love you have for eachother & just thinks theyre cute

youre his love, darling, dear, honey(bee), dearest, handsome, any classic names he will 100% use

giving gifts at the date is his thing!! rings, jewelry, coats, flowers, cards, he does it all

"My honeybee, nothing makes the world shine brighter than you, I will forever be grateful."

a CHARMER

absolute boyfriend material, is a protective lover who will stay by your side, and lets people know to not try anything <33

A gentle hand rested in the crook of your back, being led gently throughout your house, a warm embrace to combat the coolness of the home. Silence took over the night that you shared with Daniel, a comforting presence whom showed you nothing but love for the past months. His hand stayed with you as you stepped foot into the dimly lit room, three candles ignited, illuminating a table, set with tablecloth & two plates with a homecooked meal, made especially for you.

"It's been forever since we'd been able to share this home together my love, why not take ahold of the moment we live in now?"

His voice was smooth like honey, easily serenading you as his hand took yours, pulling your chair out for you before taking his. The candles glimmered a low light, but it was just enough to see his soft eyes welcoming yours. The moments shared together were always treasured in his mind, you both knew he could be away days at a time, at work with his killings & reputation, but for the days where its you and him, he wanted to make your life as wonderful as his is, to make you know how his heart beats faster with you, how his worries or doubts evaporate when you lean into his chest.

The flames flickering brought him back to reality, where he found you gladly eating the hot meal he generously made, a smile forming as your eyes were brought to him. While the room was still, feelings sifted through the air, creating the perfect atmosphere for a chilled night.

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i need to brush up on my candyman movies, most likely going to rewatch them tonight, but i have three other requests for him rn!! tysm yall, cannot wait because hes amazing

requests are open, masterlist is up!!

#candyman 1992 #candyman #slasher x you #x slasher #slasher x reader #slasher #oneshot #hcs #slasher hcs #tony todd #daniel robitaille #candyman x reader #daniel robitaille x reader

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peachdues · 5 months

Note

for the fanfic ask game:

1. my favorite fic of yours is probably phantasmagoria (with sanemi’s “bundle of joy” and rengoku’s “tell me to stop” being very close second and third places). i loved the complexity of the characters, the unreliable narration, how there was no “black and white” so to speak, everyone in the story in some way or another wasn’t completely good or completely horrible (except d*uma ofc), everyone fucked up somewhat along the way (some more than others lmao); however i am also super excited as well for the great war and vow between man and star, and ofc the completion of netherwood lolol, and have no doubt you’ll crush those fics too!!

3. best character you’ve written for: honestly, i’m just gonna straight up say i love how you write ALL your characters. however (and i’ve talked about this to you before) i have never loved how someone writes kyojuro more than how you write him. i am not the biggest kyo girlie (gasp i know) BUT the way you write him??? god i’d marry your version of kyo in an instant. you make him so much more than just the over-enthusiastic characteristics that he possesses, and i love that about your writing of him.

of course, i loveeee how you write sanemi and giyuu as well (your sanemi is what turned me from thinking “oh this guy is kinda cute” to being a victim of sanemi brainrot), and ofc your characterization of giyuu is so on-point and ugh (can you tell that i love your writing LOL)

8. what i like the most about your writing: it’s so difficult to pick just a single thing lmao (i love your descriptions, your dialogue, your storytelling/plot delivery, everything really) but i think what i like most is your creativity. you think of the most interesting premises (take vow between man and star, i still don’t know how you thought up the storyline for that, and yet it’s one of my favorite premises that i’ve seen come out of that beautiful brain of yours; same with phantasmagoria, i loved how you wrote the story and the dynamics between characters and how you took into consideration how certain plot points would cause internal changes within the reader and sanemi, the foreshadowing, the narration, everything really.) your creativity is astounding to me, and i love every single idea you think up and share with us<3

9. fics i’m excited for you updating/posting include the great war, man and star, coalescence, and ofc netherwood lolol. i love the concepts behind each one (and have loved the snippets you’ve sent me in our dms hehehe).

10. i know this is gonna sound crazy but u made me love sanekana so much more with your mirror, mirror snippets! i love those two so much haha

13. lolol i have definitely talked about how amazing your writing is with my other moots. we will be talking about fanfic and i swear i’ll say smth where i bring you up and how amazing your writing is and then will proceed to discuss details about it if the other person has also read whatever fic i’ve decided to bring up/just talk about your writing in general and how beautiful it is

14. a fanfic i didn’t think i’d like as much as i did was again, phantasmagoria. i think at first the idea of it being so centered around drug use was a lil bit of a turn off for me at first, BUT i’m so glad i read it because the way you incorporated those sensitive topics into your fic was incredible, and, with the reasons i mentioned above, is my favorite fic of yours (and is one of the few fics that have ever made me actually cry, and i’ve been around tumblr and ao3 for a while LMAO) so i’m glad i decided to read it because again i think you nailed the entire fic and, as angsty as it is, i still truly enjoyed reading it<3

(this is from an ask game and I’m so sorry I’m not answering until now)

DONT KNOW WHY THIS WENT TO MY DRAFTS GHOST BBY IM SO SORRY

I just —-

I love you. So much.

I like, genuinely don’t know how to respond to this (and I’ve REALLY tried), but I’m just so grateful for you. Thank for for letting me spam your DMs with random snippets and giving me feedback, and thank you for helping me aboard the Levi and Nanami trains.

I’ll get back to the Giyuu fics after Netherwood is done, so be prepared for me to spam you even more 😭 thank you for being such a wonderful, amazing moot and I absolutely fucking adore your writing??? Our mutual Sanemi brain rot gives me life

#I just #sobs #GHOST!!!!!#I love u

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kiwibirdlafayette · 6 months

Text

hello my sillies!! since there was a bit of interest in more ab the nonsense that is my take on godswap mianite AU i went and dug up some of the brainrot I wrote last year but never shared outside of a private discord server + new stuff that I've recently came up with :D Enjoy! ❤️

- Jordan was born to parents who are priests of Mianite and raised in the temple- and ultimately was meant to be Mia's champion, and was trained as such for the majority of his life. However, being around mianite for most of his life made him cynical of the god and his principles, and went he got older, he left to seek out the god's brother, pledging himself to Dianite and wanting to bring about chaos. Amused and flattered by the man's near blind loyalty, Dia makes Jordan his champion

- His primary weapon is a firework crossbow gifted to him by Dianite himself (has piercing 8, mending, quick charge and unbreaking V (and flame on it, for use with arrows)) Plays off the sparkly and the fact that this man is a goddamn amazing sharpshooter no matter what universe he's in

- Mianite instead finds his champion in Tom Syndicate, the formerly deceased son of lighthouse keepers in the realm- and is brought back to life by the god (Mia never explains why specifically Tom was chosen, is described to people as just a "godly omnipotence" kinda thing)

- Shortly after Jordan, Tom, and the priests (aka FyreUK, with Wag and Matt under Dia, K.Tom under Mia) arrive and start making a mess of the realm with their shenanigans, a pirate ship captained by a 4th priest named BruteAlmighty "Phil" and two people- a parrot shapeshifter by the name of Sonja OmgitsVoidparrot and Tucker Jeriicho (normal human... allegedly)

- Sonja and Tucker both grew up in Ianarea, and with Phil's arrival from the End, have been searching across the realm for their missing goddess, and their messages led them to the Spawn Island (which I wish was canonically named istg) where supposedly a ruins containing information is hiding (Jordan and Tom both claim they know where this is. they dont)

- When Sonja was younger she was named Ianite's champion at a ceremony in Ianarea and was gifted her shapeshifting abilities as a way to hide from forces of evil and get into places more secretly

- Idk how canonically Nadeshot/The Modesteps enter the realm in character but basically at some point a flying ship appears and from it drops Captain Engine Failure and Skipper Coppereyes, more Dianitees (probably there to mess with Jordan) because Dianite having the most members is hilarious to me

(I got an ask about EF so I'll elaborate on her dynamic with everyone in a separate post >:] But bottom line put two chaos makers and an explosives enthusiast (Copper) in the same room it never ends well xD)

- I'm still thinking on this but with FyreUK, their priestlyness was given to them as a group due to the presence of the shadows from the get-go. When the Darkness began encroaching, the gods all sought out their respective priests and gifted them with powers to protect their respective domains (Dianite took in two- one to look over his temple in the nether, one to keep in the overworld because. chaos agenda- that one's Wag) and guide their champions when they found them

- Wag takes Dec's place by this logic i guess, he lives by the nether portal and will be anyone's personal tour guide because he likes doin it. and yes he absolutely uses any excuse to mess with people to mess with people he can be a menace a lot if he wants to

- Also Dec is a Wizard, I haven't developed him yet (he also has no design dont worry about it) but yes. Mans took on Athar himself he's just built different

- Syndisparklez and Foxxsize agenda always love me a good enemies to friends to lovers kinda shit. most of it is Capsize/EF flirting horribly with Sonja (and her not sure how to reciprocate but wants to) and Tom and Jordan with their usual "i fucking hate you i wish you were dead (read: i want to kiss you so bad)"

#mianite #mianite godswap #i think that's all i got for now. if i think of other stuff I'll add on :D #but yeah. go rb the art it makes more sense if you see the art #mianite au #ive given up on SkOD atm so i can finally let my brain rattle these shitheads around a little #i have an idea of the general plot already but i just dont feel like. writing it out LMAO #beyond that the plot is spurred by Tucker Sonj and Phil's arrival #then theres shadows stuff but. still workin at that

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saabton-stormtrooper · 2 months

Text

IDK how tumblr works, but here is some Mace stuff bcause I've got brainrot, idk sorry

CW: fluff ig, not proofread, bad spelling. Pronouns used 4 you: you/your, probs violence, MLM, horrendous spelling, maybe smut??? Mace is not in his mask btw, Amab reader, I was horny as shit, I'm trans and this hives gender👍

Mace and you sat on the couch. Watching a shitty, boring reality show on the TV. The air hung thick with tension, the couch feeling too small for the two of you. He was practically in your lap, for gods sake. Your breathing calmed his nerves after the stressfull mission, both of you practically asleep.

Mace always thought he was straight. Why wouldnt he be? Hed never had intrest in men. But you... You were different. You sent sparks down his spine and made him feel things he'd rather leave alone. And it only got worse the closer you were.

Mace's voice cut the silence like a knife. "Hey, man. I gotta tell ya' something." His eyes stared at you, peirceing and feirce as usual. He wasnt known for being soft after all.

"I dont know how imma say it." He started, frowning under his mask. "But i think i like you. But you tell anyone and youre done for, yeah?"

You nodded in response, smiling slightly. "'Course." You replied. His arm snaked around your shoulders, pulling you closer until your lips connected in a passionate kiss. Desire burnt bright in both your chests, making you shift as you felt yourself chub up in your pants.

He dragged you to the bedroom of the safehouse, both of you tripping over yourselves as you fell to the bed. He was on you like a feral animal, stripping your clothes off as you did his.

"Fuckin' hell, you look better than I thought.." Mace mumbled, kissing your neck as you both grinded against each other. A damp spot formed on front of his boxers already, as you both removed them. He lay back on the bed, eyebrows raised as you grabbed some lube.

Pouring some lube on your fingers you started to work yourself open for him, him watching with an impatient look. "So... How does this work? I ain't the best on this stuff." He admitted, shifting as you clambered to his lap. "Just... Like how you'd do it with a lady?" He continued.

"Just wait, it'll be good." You assured him. He nodded he was ready, and you took your time sinking down on him. He was long and thick—prep could only do so much. The burn raced up your spine as he lay there, grabbing your hips in a tight grip as he groaned. You could swear there was a bump from him as you took time to adjust to his massive size.

As you started moving, bouncing on his cock, he threw his head back with a deep and guttural groan. "Oh, fuck!" He exclaimed, meeting you halfway with each thrust.

It didn't take long for you to cum, painting stripes of white across his mahogany stomach and chest. Mere seconds later he came inside you, painting your walls white as you collapsed in a sweaty, lustful and tired pile.

"You're... Wow, that..." Mace said, sighing and yawning as he started to drift off. You were both content.

"I'll admit, you did good for your first time with a man." You said, kissing his neck as you both drifted off to sleep, him still buried deep in you.

a/n: this is my first fic PLEASE GIVE ME TIPS

#cod mace #mlm nsft #mlm #Mace mlm #Mace x male reader #Mace x reader #cod #cod x make reader #First fic

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fantasmafanta · 11 months

Text

chipspeech rambles so i dont explode

hi this is prolly gonna be a long post that makes no sense srry i just need to brainrot dump. but most important thing if ur not weird and you like chipspeech PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dm me here so i can give you my discord or instagram where i am actually active more ahhhhhh.

ok anyway blue robots woohoo. these little bastards have been stuck in my brain for like a month now and its just gotten worse. the cool thing about chipspeech is it like doesnt entirely go with the rest of the vocal synth/vocaloid fanbase but rather than being its own seperate things its like this neat little extension of it in like multiple ways. it not only is just a really cool software that tried a lot of new cool things that we dont really see with like vocaloid and synthv and stuff but it also kinda shows the history of how we got to the point of modern vocal synth software in a cool way! even if you dont dive into it like i have you still get the basic “oh well voder was made in like 1939 and it had to be operated by hand how cool” and like through chipspeech you kinda get to see the evolution of how we got to where we are now and i think that thats really neat.

but then if youre a nerd like me you get to have a ton of fun diving into all of the history and cool old tech stuff. liking chipspeech has made me find a new interest in old computers/tech/software/videogames do i fully understand how they work? hell no! do i love looking at them and having them explained to me by some dude on youtube? hell yeah!! and like its just so cool to go in and research the machines/softwares that inspired the chipspeech bots because even though its difficult sometimes you get to see these advances made and how each one differs from each other in how it was made, how it was operated, its function, etc. and thats SO. FREAKING. AWESOME. like dude have you seen the video of one of the tests for the votrax?? (the one that bert gotrax is based on) if you havent basically it was made so that people with disabilities so they couldnt talk could have conversations over the phone. they tested it by trying to order a pizza using only the software. it took like 3 tries before someone took them seriously and they got the pizza. and the moment they were like “yeah deliver that to the msu computer center” i got so excited cuz that just felt so badass!! like put yourself in their shoes, its 1974, you’re testing your new speech program, and it finally worked. a room full of people, a camera, a news broadcast (iirc), theyre all watching you struggle to order this pizza and then you finally do it and get to tell them to deliver it at the lab you just proved your intelligence to and fehjvddsujfs i cant explain my thinking but DUDE its just so cooooooolllllll!!!!!!!

but like yeah i need to rant cuz in one of my lovely friend’s words i need to “GET THESE QUEERS OUT OF MY BRAIN!!” (a silly thing my irl said) also like i love the way the voices sound. like yeah sometimes i have no clue what theyre saying but thats not the point of chipspeech!! like vosim has such a nice buzzy voice and like dee no matter their range just sounds so.... great. i dont even know how to describe it it just makes my brain sooooo happy. like sam to most people would be like static weird... idk man but i loooove the staticky sounds theyre just so neat. but its so hard to find nice chipspeech covers/songs. luckily im starting to find how to discover chipspeech stuff but its still so difficult :(

and like fanart and general fan content toooooo how do i find it?? i think the answer is i dont but that makes me sad. cuz the twitters are no longer active and its never been very popular so it doesnt seem like we get much. and literally the only discord server for chipspeech is run by... not-so-great (from what ive seen/heard) people in the fanbase. even if the main accusations arent true it still seems to be a safe space for proshippers which makes me feel icky sooo. help.

anyway im not re-reading through this so like sorry its so long and makes no sense i just need to get chipspeech thoughts out. if you like it PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!! im losing my mind ahhh

#chipspeech #fantasmarants

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brayneworms · 10 months

Note

hi! i stumbled on one of your works and i had to drag my ass to your askbox immediately to let you know it was the best thing i've read in a while. listen, i skim through writing normally but i was there reading and rereading every word. i ate that up. god bless. god bless fr.

it was the fic about xiao's scars. first of all a million kudos to you for the characterization, because that's something i rarely see done well especially when it comes to ns/fw. my favorite part was definitely the intimacy - i'm not that good with words so idk how to put it, but seriously, the intimacy was so satisfying. a lot of suggestive content goes straight to the point and forgets about the emotional value (which ig contributes to poor characterization) but i loved the way you took your time to explore all his feelings and reactions. like THAT'S what i wanna read, man. it scratched an itch. it all felt so tender and loving. my heart!!!

also i cried on the inside a little when i realized it was over. i'm craving a novel over here. then a trilogy. then the shitty movie adaptations. so i'll be checking out your other works!! i get the feeling i'll stick around since you write for a few more of my interests :3

HI HELLO SORRY THIS IS . SEVERAL DAYS LATE.

thisis so fucking kind thank you SO much i dont even know what to say. i totally know what you mean abt a lot of nsfw fics sort of skipping character building and plot which is totally fine , its just... not something i can get into ? i find it really difficult to enjoy smut thats just pwp i guess. i like to give my readers a personality and some quirks or flaws, give them some pre-established relationship with the character in question . its just what i find preferable :3 characterisation is probably my biggest source of stress when it comes to writing so im SO thankful for ur comments about taht !!! xiao is my special little dude and im so glad you think i represented him well .

THAKN YOU SO MUCH . im a very slow worker because i have a couple longfics on my ao3 that have my attention , this blog was more made to get brainrot out ( hence the username lol ) but rest assured im working on some stuff for this blog !!! it's mostly genshin at the moment too so . hopefully there will be something for u !! i hope ur having a wonderful day my angel <3

#braynechats

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astranne · 2 years

Note

Dropping this now to get rid of the fuzzyness in my chest.

Blind!albedo let's go. I 100% think Albedo would blind himself in an chemistry accident and have to rely on his knowledge of his surroundings. He most definitely tries to figure out to how to get his vision back he ultimately gives up because, after awhile he knew he would have to adjust to this new life.

Or maybe Albedo's eyes slowly degrading, maybe his memories too, maybe hes losing his sight and he cant remember faces anymore, he doesnt remember Jean's scrunched face when Albedo wakes up at his desk, he doesnt remember Kaeya's sympathic eyes when Albedo is pouring his fifth cup of coffee that day, he doesnt remember Lisa's unwavering scary gaze anymore when he returns a book just a few minutes before the deadline. Maybe he's forgetting Klee and he's scared to forget her and hes doing everything he can to get his memories and vision back to he doesnt forget the few family and friends he can.

Maybe he goes out and forgets where he is, Dragonspine does look similar (i get lost so much), maybe he now needs someone to guide him to remind him of what hes doing, maybe he forgets his origins what truly was and made to be. Maybe he slips up on it, forgetting its suppose to be a secret.

Blind!Albedo running his fingers along the wall with a fast pace and everyone moving out the way because he will push you out the way u forgivingly.

Him with a cane? Oh my god he most definitely hits People ankles with it, especially people being disrespectful to any of his friends (Sucrose especially).

ALBEDO WITH A GUIDE DOG? I dont know if theres any big dogs in Mond other than the huskies that are spotted around town (hoyo let me pet them) but a big slobbery mess of a mastiff dog guiding Albedo around is too cute to me. Klee decorating the guide harness with stickers or etching letters into the leather covering the hard plastics for Albedo to run his fingers over to where they get worn but Klee always etches them again.

Before i continue this, pls note that blind is a very wide spectrum 🫶

Albedo with thick glasses hello?? I think him waking up and forgetting he just cant see clearly anymore so he goes to his lab squinting and Sucrose and Timaeus has to literally carry an extra pair around.

Blind!albedo getting his eyes injured in a scuffle or perhaps one of his eyes got punched a bit too hard.

Maybe he was created with faulty eyes, his eyes are not as good as they are suppose to be, eyes on humans are such delicate things afterall and probably the most vulnerable. He doesnt tell anyone why he bumps into things or why he squints or why he hates changing him room around because he can't remember where everything is.

-🪶

you came here and delivered this absolutely beauty of a masterpiece, i can’t-

ngl i was prepared for another xiao brainrot but this… is even better holy shit, thank you so much for sending this in (and i'm very sorry this took me so long again hhh-)

BLIND!ALBEDO YES PLEASE?? okay so he's blind now, but you bet he will use his geo vision to 'see'. he pretends not to, so he can fool some people (aka assholes and unsuspecting strangers seeing a blind man and be like 'i'm so sorry this happened to you, do you need help' and albedo proceeds to beat them up without breaking a sweat)

he still has a cane and guide dog tho. the cane is kinda a fashion statement, gifted to him by lisa and he really likes hitting peoples ankles and shins with it.

the guide dog is definitely a bernhardiner dog. a big slobbery mess and a mountain dog, a perfect companion for him. said dog will be the most spoiled dog in whole mondstadt, if not teyvat. he also always eats the fish klee brings back from fish blasting, even tho most times the fish is... a bit more than burnt. klee is his favourite person, besides albedo. dunno what his name would be... but we can worry about that later.

also, the different ideas about how albedo became blind or is blind? is so brilliant so i'm adding a few things and kinda sorting it in groups

chemistry accident. and while he knows the biology of humans very well, he doesn't have the knowledge to fix himself. after all, he isn't quite human and his master never taught him how to fix his eyes. either he's 100% blind on both eyes or only on one eye (and wearing an eye patch like kaeya xD)

slowly losing his sight. this is such an awesome, but also sad idea. just him slowly but surely losing his sight and also his memories of the people around him. oh he knows that jean is blond and has a beautiful smile, but he just can't remember how it looked like. He knows klee is small and cute, his favorite person of all, but he can't remember how her face looks like when she laughs. he can't remember kaeya's grin and lisa's chuckle, every time something amusing happens.

eye injury. his sight is pretty weak after a fight against the fatui, it doesn't get worse, but it also doesn't get better. he can't read now without glasses and detailed examination of his experiments is a bit more difficult now, since before the accident, his eyes were top notch, super sharp and generally making his life easier when he experiments.

'born' blindness. he isn't exactly blind, one eye sees better than the other, but he still needs glasses to read. his general coordination and awareness of space around him is a bit fucked up, since his creator did create working eyes, but something just... went wrong. maybe his brain can't work well with the pictures and information produced with his eyes, maybe there's something wrong with his eyes. he doesn't dare to change anything, in fear of damaging his eyes even more, this is why he has thick glasses.

in general, blind!albedo would be probably using his geo vision even more, and probably be one of the few mortals, who unlocked all potential of his vision. he can see with his vision, and paired with the elemental sight, he's still an foe you wouldn't want to cross.

(kinda reminds me of toph, from avatar, and ngl albedo figuring out something similar as earthbending would be freaking awesome. after all, fighting with a sword while being blind is a bit difficult, isn't it?)

#✨ star dust #⭐️ 🪶.star #genshin impact #genshin albedo #albedo #albedo kreideprinz #albedo headcanons #albedo hcs #albedo imagines #blind!albedo #🌚 knowing moon

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dayurno · 2 years

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okay so listen. about my taylor angst kandreil au. this isn't posted anywhere? i literally only write this for my friend and then we scream about each other's writing in our whatsapp chat. also, and that might be the more pressing issue, it's entirely in german cause, you know, i am german. i only started writing in english when i started writing smut cause ew, can't do that in german, but taylor came before that so. there's that. i am sorry, i would definitely let you read it!!

ALSO thank you SOSOSOSOSO much for those new years day snippets i am going to COMBUST????? this is. so them i wanna SCREAM AND DESTROY SOMETHING preferably myself

on reputation kandrew: i just wrote an entire thing about king of my heart kandrew cause

your love is a secret i'm hoping dreaming dying to keep???

the end of all the endings, my broken bones are mending???

i totally agree on your dress agenda, i have been listening to it nonstop these past few days and this is SO kandrew. may i offer you call it what you want kandrew as well? because:

my castle crumbled over night, i brought a knife to a gunfight, they took the crown but it's alright

loves me like i'm brand new

he built a fire just to keep me warm

all the jokers dressing up as kings, they fade to nothing when i look at him

OKAY this ask got way too long already, so i am stopping now, but i think you get what i mean. my kandrew brainrot is bad, and i adore it.

(one last thing.

my reputation's never been worse so you must like me for me)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, time to learn german i guess ........... even though i am fundamentally against european languages on every aspect. "dont you speak portuguese" yes, BRAZILIAN portuguese, do not compete where u cant compare!

REPUTATION IS SOOOOOOSOOOSOOOO KANDREW ESP PRE-CANON ive been playing with the idea of a pre-canon long fic for a while now and i was just thinking abt how much reputation would Fit. i feel like it has such a slow romantic pace and has all that tension of liking someone a Lot but not it just being a very chaotic moment all around............ call it what you want specifically imo is just. LIKE IT DESCRIBES KEVINS FALL FROM GRACE SO WELL.. my castle crumbled overnight / i brought a knife to a gun fight / they took the crown but its alright? AND LIKE. AND!!! and i dont know maybe i just got issues but i have a thing about kevin praising andrew. i feel like he is a person whos as quick to scold as he is to praise (seen in: everything he does with neil) but with andrew specifically, when kevin thinks hes done good, andrew will know bc kevin isnt shy about it! so when she says shit like "my baby's fit like a daydream" its like. I DONT KNOWWW HONESTLY but something just clicks in my brain at the thought of kevin feeling that way abt andrew

also i know i know i know..... I want to wear his initial / On a chain round my neck, chain round my neck is not the most healthy thing to say about a man but. i think something i hold dearest to me is the idea that under deals and promises, after all is said and done, what andrew most wants is that the people he puts so much effort into choose to stay with him Willingly u know? not because of coercion or fear or necessity but because they really want to stay w him. and i feel like, for kandrew specifically............... isnt that the biggest thing? kevin being his because he really really really wants to be, and not bc he needs to be. (nicki minaj voice) i got issues yeah bitch i got issues

anyway hehe ahem. my apologies for the just as wordy reply

#kandrew #asks #i could write an essay abt this i fear im insane

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mattel-is-nobody · 5 months

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Time to brainrot about something I guess since I'm being kept up with a migraine.

Now you probably wouldn't think it from looking at me, but I am actually very, very much deeply obsessed with linguistics. To an unhealthy degree, some might say. And one of my favorite linguistic concepts is "This is a stupidly hilarious pun in Language A, but it makes no sense in Language B" The prime example of this is an old Sumerian/Babylonian joke that at this point has had several thousand video essays written about it. You know the one: "A dog walks into a tavern. 'I can't see anything!' he says. 'I'll open this one.'"

And who could forget the Greek Philosopher Chrysippus? In one of the accounts of his death, it is said that he got a bit too drunk at a party and, upon witnessing a donkey eating figs, he said "someone should get that donkey some pure wine to wash down the figs!". He then fucking died of laughter at his own joke. Beause apparently that was the funniest shit he'd ever seen.

Now neither of those make sense in any living language or modern culture, but the fact that it was written down at all means it made enough people laugh for it to be worth recording. And it's fun to look at living languages and see what makes the native speakers laugh but still utterly baffles everyone else. Even better, digital archeaologists in a thousand years are going to have a field day with this post if they ever stumble upon it, so here are a few of my favorite untranslatable puns: Hungarian: A man is pulled over by the police. The officer asks, "Are you drunk?". The man replies, "No, sir, Ivett is my wife"

Japanese: Why dont Hawaiians go to the dentist? Good teeth.

Finnish: "A bar and a screwdriver". That's the entire joke, by the way. Set up and punchline, apparently both right there, and in the original Finnish it's only two words. Apparently it's a reference to something? I'm just going to assume this is a thing you say and people laugh, much like "omae wa, mou shinderu"

Spanish: What fruit is the most patient? It's a pear. So fun fact, my Aunt is from Mexico, and I decided to tell her this joke in the original Spanish (which as a consequence of having a Mexican aunt, I speak pretty well). And I shit you not that as soon as the words "es pera" left my mouth, she let out the longest, heaviest, most world-weary sigh I have ever heard in my 20 years of life, before returning to the tamales she was making. I guess she now knows that my pun game has transcended to include her native language, and in that moment she was preparing herself for the ensuing decades of Spanish wordplay

Another from Japanese because they are gods of wordplay: "7-Up, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, they're all types of what?" "Soda?" "That's right!"

Chinese: "Who is Mi's mother?" "Hua, because peanuts". I took Chinese in high-school and I can verify that this is the shittiest pun I've ever seen, but the reddit user who posted it says "I am yet to find a single Chinese/Taiwanese person who does not find it hilarious"

Aussie English (which I'm including both for English rep and because Aussie slang is so markedly different that Brits and Americans are still unlikely to get it): "What's the difference between fat and cholesterol? You can't crack a cholesterol".

Danish: One sign says to another, "Are you married?" The other replies, "No, I'm divorced"

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: French: "He wished to be Caesar, but he died as Pompey" -- George Clémenceau, commenting on the death of President Felix Faure (I refuse to explain this one or give any further context, go look it up)

Oh and side note. Obviously, no world leader can speak every language, so interpreters are a necessity for negotiation. And of course, world leaders and diplomats are going to try the lighten the mood occaisionally with humor. But for negotiations between most countries, that's hard to do, because there are very few puns with much cross-linguistic utility. Sure, you have that one joke about where cats go when they die that works in English and most Romance languages, but for some more serious negotiations, the number of puns that would make sense in both languages is pretty close to zero, and may very well BE zero. So the question arises, how do interpreters deal with that? Of course there are a lot of possible methods, not all of which are good or even remotely efficient. You could just translate the pun word for word, but as evidenced by the fact that that's literally what I did above, it's not gonna work that well. Explaining the joke also isn't gonna fly, because as we all know, the second you explain a joke is the seond it becomes Not Funny Anymore. The method I've found that I think works best is just to say "They have said a pun that doesn't translate well to English. Laugh now." Which is funny not just because it works, but because it works amazingly. That person on the other end of the table (who we are assuming doesn't speak a lick of English) has no clue what the interpreter is saying, and so must assume their joke was translated faithfully. Sure, their interpreter might know depending on how the whole thing is set up, but considering the vetting process you have to go through to be an interpreter for the POTUS , I highly doubt anyone is going to risk national security over a joke being left untranslated. Both leaders have a laugh, everything ends on good terms, and we avoid nuclear annihilation for another few weeks.

#linguistics #language #puns #terrible puns #bad puns #rambles

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